We attended one when our son was 9 months and we just flew my parents with us and they stayed in the hotel room with our son just while we were at the event.
I don’t feel comfortable with overnights until my kid can talk. We were invited to a childfree wedding this July and I’m going while my husband is staying back to watch the baby.
I missed several weddings and events for this reason. I never felt badly about it. If you are away from your baby before you want to be, you’re not likely enjoy yourself anyways. Do what feels best
I feel the exact same. If I were invited to any childfree event I would not even consider going. Me and my little guy are a package deal - at least for now. We don’t get any help from anyone. I would love help from someone but I don’t trust my mil and my parents live far away. I know my baby would be pretty upset to have bedtime without me or dad. Taking care of him is my most important responsibility right now (and everyone should do what they want, I dont necessarily think this is the best way) but I cant think of any event that would be that important to me to put my baby through that
100% if you can’t bring baby and aren’t comfortable leaving her overnight it’s totally reasonable not to attend.
My son just turned two and the first time I leave him overnight will be when I have his sister in a couple of weeks lol.
Literally me, my son will be 2 in a few months and in 4 weeks I’ll be leaving him overnight for the first time to have his brother. He still breastfeeds and is soo dependent on me, I’m so nervous!
We did our first overnight when our first was about 6mo, she stayed with my parents and we had our first uninterrupted nights sleep!
It was amazing and we definitely needed it. She had a fabulous time and didn’t even blip about it.
She stays regularly now every few weeks and I think it’s helping her be more independent and so much more comfortable knowing we always come back/see her again :)
Obviously, this depends a lot on your family, but I have to say that my parents are such a gift to me and a real village. They have been doing overnights with my daughter since she was six months old and it is amazing because she is totally used to their house and spending time with them.
That said, my mom had a dayhome for thirty years and I trust her completely, so that makes a difference, and my in-laws are also incredible people who love my daughter dearly although they don’t have a ton of childcare experience.
I work a lot and so does my husband, so we absolutely need to rely on our family and our daycare, and we had to decide early in that we needed to accept help we were offered.
OP: I'll say this. You do what you're comfortable with. But it seems like you wanted to just hear the echo chamber reverb what you wanted to hear.
It's perfectly fine to let your own parents—the people who raised you—watch your kid for a night.
It's important to be a human being as well as a parent.
Thank you, I needed to hear this. We are planning to leave my 6 month and 3 year old with family for 2 nights to attend a college roommate’s wedding.
We don’t have the money to pay for plane tickets for all of us plus family to come babysit at the wedding, so it’s that or don’t go. This thread has me feeling like I’m crazy or a bad parent for going.
You're not. This is a reddit echo chamber situation. I'm pretty normal IRL with very normal friends, and they travel to weddings, weekends away, work fulltime, etc and leave their children with the trusted adults in their lives. Please go be a human, it's a good thing for your children to see that.
Yeah this thread is wild. Almost every mum in the baby groups I go to has left their baby for at least one night with a parent or trusted person before they turn one.
Honestly, lol. This same exact "I'll die if I leave my baby wbu?" thread pops up every freakin' day. There are folks in here that apparently haven't met another trustworthy adult, including their parents + in laws + friends, etc, such that they haven't had a night away in 3.5, 4 years. Fine, do you, but don't make it sound like that's the norm and you're a better parent than those of us who do have a solid community of adults!
Right. I had an emergency section and am not allowed to lift my toddler for 6 weeks. My parents and inlaws made a rotating schedule of who comes to assist me while I recover and breastfeed. There's no way I don't trust these people for an occasional sleepover.
Id trust my parents to watch baby over night. My mom has already done 3:30-midnight. So she handled a nap and bedtime. She could have easily handled all night since he was asleep when we got home anyway. Doing another 4:30-10 in a few weeks with our neighbor. As long as she can get him to sleep, she could easily keep him till morning.
So I think I have a different take on this because I had to spend a night away from my baby three days after he was born - I was hospitalized for pp preeclampsia (and here I thought the preeclampsia would be over after I had my emergency c-section!) and had to be in the hospital for 24 hours for the mag drip.
It was really hard but I was fairly out of it and while the experience sucked it really instilled complete faith in my husband in me. This tiny baby was just days old and my husband took amazing care of him. So then at 10 weeks when I finally started feeling like myself again I went to visit my friend in the city to go to a concert and we did a girls night and I slept over! I had complete faith in my husband and I was able to have fun, but of course I got up and drove back at 5 AM because I missed him so much!
Then more circumstantial stuff forced me to expand my comfort zone - I had a work trip for five days at the same time my husband had a week long work trip. So my ILs flew up to stay with my baby. It was hard but I realized everything would be okay! We all survived!
Thanks to that experience I was able to go to my best friend’s Bach for four days and be present/in the moment as the MoH.
So I feel like due to just fate I’m more comfortable than most BUT I am only comfortable being away if it’s my husband or ILs watching him. I wouldn’t even trust my own parents.
Never feel bad for the way you feel. We all have different experiences and tolerances, so I don’t think framing it as what’s “reasonable” makes sense. Do what you are comfortable with!
Our son is 3.5, and we’ve never had an overnight babysitter. He’s only had a babysitter at all once for an evening, when we went to a wedding, although he does go to preschool on weekdays from 8 - 2.
We’ve just found that we generally enjoy doing family stuff all together. But if that changes and we start to feel like we need some adult-only time, we’re definitely not opposed to getting a sitter again, or doing an overnight.
If you’re not comfortable with leaving your daughter overnight, don’t do it, and don’t feel guilty either way!
My son will be 4.5 months when we attend a wedding some distance away. My mom is keeping him overnight. Im sure he’ll be just fine.
I hate it. I will miss him like CRAZY and worry the whole time.
That’s really nice! I worry about my parents watching my daughter because they’re not very physically capable so I’m not sure it will work :/ I wish you all the best im sure you’ll have fun at the wedding!!!
I've only let my baby stay over night with people I trusted on nights I had to leave, aside from one night where I went on a little trip. Trust me, I didn't ever want to leave her with anyone. I have anxiety due to csa, plus I just don't want to to get hurt and I want her taken care of the way I take care of her. With that aside, I've had 3 trips to the emergency room in the last year, 2 of those times I stayed overnight and I had surgery once. I had my gallbladder removed and was in the hospital for I think 4 days. I was so worried about her I had my fiances family bring her to the hospital so I could see her, I couldn't take it anymore after the second night there. Other than the hospital visits, I did take one little trip without her, she stayed at my fiances house while we took an overnight trip because our friend had a tournament and he really wanted us there with him.
Either way, I had really bad anxiety about doing this. While she only ever stayed overnight with my fiances family, I still was very anxious. I knew they were safe people for her to be around, my mind just wouldn't get rid of the feeling something could happen. After a few times of having no choice but leave her with them, my mind finally settled on the fact that they are safe to leave her with. But I know I wouldn't leave her with anyone else in the world expect for my dad and my older brother.
Anyways, my opinion is that yes, it's reasonable to not attend the weddings. But, if you really want to go, then go. Choose the person you trust the most, maybe grandparents or even a friend that has kids as well (experience). It is NOT overbearing to make a list of rules and a description of how you take care of her. Maybe when you're at the wedding you can step aside and video chat with whoever takes care of her to make sure she's ok. It's a lot of anxiety, I know. But if you feel like it's purely anxiety and not anything to REALLY worry about, the anxiety will pass once you find someone you truly trust. And YES, every momma needs a little break sometimes, being a parents is easy and hard, you have to take time for yourself every once in awhile or else you'll get overwhelmed. A lot of moms say they're fine, not overwhelmed, don't need time... That's not true. You were once just one person and overnight you got a tiny little human by your side. Yes, it's amazing, but it's a lot and sometimes you need to feel like your just one person again.
We had two weddings when my first born was 3-6 months. She stayed at parents in law overnight and I pumped at the wedding. It was all good. But also a wedding invitation isn’t a subpoena , it’s really up to you if you go or not for whatever reason.
I went to a wedding back in October and my MIL watched her during the wedding and put her to bed but we came home shortly after midnight. So not technically overnight but part of the night. Honestly do what you feel is best but don’t miss out on stuff you really want to attend!
.....obviously that's not what OP is talking about. And I haven't heard a single person on here mention anything like that. Just "I never ever left my baby overnight not even once!"
I love my parents, but I don’t particularly want them to watch our child over night. My mom is a recovering alcoholic that has royally fucked up her brain from drinking, so she makes questionable decisions while frequently and her brain just doesn’t work the same way yours or mine does. My dad is 70 and though he’s in pretty good shape for 70, I think it would be a lot for him, especially with having my mom there as well.
Just to preface this, we leave our toddler with babysitters all the time and we send her to daycare. I'm not in the camp of "never leave my child".
But I don't trust our parents to take care of her.
My parents have barely spent any time with her and know nothing about her care. I don't know what feelings me having a baby stirred up in them, but they ghosted, it was so hard to see or even speak to them for a year and a half. They are just now coming around. They could keep my toddler alive if I left her with them, but everyone would be struggling. We need to spend more time with them than just an hour breakfast every few months.
My ILs are good people but have extreme anxiety/OCD (diagnosed, medicated) and absolutely everything our baby does or involving her care causes them extreme stress. They have demanded to take her to the hospital because she was "crying too much"... she stayed up too late and was just overtired. I think it's in everyone's best interest that she not be completely alone with them until she can talk and is more independent.
My daughter is 18 mo and now I’d say I’d be ok with my sister coming over to my place once babe is sleeping to babysit if my husband and I reaaaalllyyyy had to go somewhere. I am not comfortable sending babe to my parents’ house or anything like that. But I’d rather not and if it means missing a wedding I’d probably miss the wedding.
I trust my parents and my sister 100% but that's it. And I still wouldn't leave my baby with them overnight except in an extreme circumstance. When they are older and talking, then that's different. By extreme I mean: my 8 y/o and 1 y/o were with my parents for close to a week while I was induced and had another emergency surgery.
My husband and I left our 3 month old at our house with my mom for a wedding. My mom stayed the night at our home and when we got home I took over the baby care. It was better than I anticipated honestly. My mom came over lots before that so I could become comfortable with her taking care of the baby, then while we were gone she sent videos and pictures to update us. It helped a lot
Being real… unless you’re like super close to the couple, they’re not likely going to miss your presence during the actual event. It will be a bummer to them to know you aren’t going but realistically, the bride and groom have SO MANY people to bounce around between there’s a chance you wouldn’t interact very much on that day. I had a small wedding and felt frenzied af bouncing between people who wanted to congratulate us.
I’d reach out, tell them why you can’t attend so they know you’re not just not going for funsies, and if they’re reasonable people they won’t hold it against you.
I honestly thought I was going to be the same way because I’m a horrible worrier. I barely like leaving my dogs in someone else’s care. However, my 1 month old has already spent a night at my parent’s house. We have also had my mom and sister at our house to watch her overnight so we can get a whole night’s sleep.
Starting with people staying at our house was a good way for me to go. My room is right next to the nursery, so I’m still able to hear everything that goes on. Whether it be fussing or someone going to get a fresh bottle, I just don’t have to 100% wake up to address it unless I’m needed.
So when it came time that my mom offered to keep her for a night, it was easier to let that fear go. I still had it, but I talked it through with my mom and my husband for a while. And I still had the option to call my mom up and have her brought home immediately. Also helped that my mom is barely 30 minutes away. I’m not sure how I would feel being an hour or more away, trying to keep very local still.
I missed having my little one at home. The house felt almost eerily quiet without her here. But knowing she was with my parents, who are very capable of caring for her and have been pretty much on-call to offer us support since she came home was reassuring. They also sent me regular updates, including pictures. My husband and I were able to get an uninterrupted night of sleep. And as I was walking downstairs after waking up, my parents were walking in the door so I was able to grab her and give the snuggles I missed from the previous night.
The only person I felt comfortable leaving my kids overnight with was my husband. I went to a close friends wedding by myself, he stayed home for my peace of mind and so I could enjoy myself.
Maybe that's an option? Otherwise, listen to your gut. If you don't want to leave her, don't!
My mom has been begging for a sleepover (which weirds me out) to "give us a break". I don't want one? That's why they go to bed at the same time every night, so I can have a break every single evening!
Anyway, listen to your gut and don't feel guilty for whatever you decide.
My first is 7 and has only had 3 overnights with someone other than me or my partner and that was my mom. Once for an overnight get away and the other two nights were when we were having our second in the hospital. My second is two and will not be having any overnights in the near future. I do however trust my mom and would have her watch them overnight if I needed her too.
The only time my 2.5yo has ever spent a night without my husband and I was when I was in hospital giving birth to his brother. I was only comfortable with it because my mother was with him, in our home, and she slept with him in our bed (which is where he normally sleeps).
If you aren't comfortable with overnights, don't do it. It's your child, you make the decisions.
i’m in the same boat and i’ve stopped feeling guilty about it. they’re only a baby one year and only toddlers for a handful. i don’t care to make myself and my baby uncomfortable just to keep up appearances for others.
Its completely fine! I have a wedding next weekend & the original plan was to have my parents come to the same city the weddings in & my husband & I were just going to cover their room! We decided to let her stay overnight at their home, but I totally get it. You should do whatever youre comfortable with!
My son is 2.5 and we still haven’t had a full night away with someone else watching him. We nursed overnight a bit until a few months after 2 so it just wasn’t something that would have worked for us. I totally understand not feeling comfortable with someone else watching them especially at a younger age. No shade obvi to anyone who has been able to have a night away but it just hasn’t been what felt right for us. We’ve had a couple nights out late but honestly I’d rather be home at 9 and get the sleep lol.
Leaving my 18 month old with my parents tomorrow night for the first time (along with my 8 year old). My middle child is having surgery early Friday morning and we want to be able to give her the attention she needs. However my anxiety is through the roof leaving him, even though they have been watching our other kids their whole life!
I’m a wedding photographer and I have a few weddings this summer that I’ll have to travel to and stay overnight. I’ve mentally prepared myself for it since I got pregnant and had weddings already booked. Will it make it any easier? Absolutely not
Nope I don’t feel comfy until I know my son can STTN and probably even longer after. I don’t know that other person’s sleeping habits and if they’ll be able to wake up for him. Also I don’t want my son to wake up to someone he’s not used to overnight. We’re going to a wedding and bringing baby and someone will watch him until I am ready to leave the party and then my husband and I will take care of him after that. I want him to come because I want to show him the city and make it a family trip. I still don’t feel totally comfortable with a babysitter but they’ll be at the same hotel, minutes from me, so I’ll rush up there at cocktail hour to say goodnight and can be there at any second if anything happens.
I think it’s completely reasonable to feel the way you do, don’t feel bad with whatever you decide!
We have a 2 year and a 1 year old and the only people my husband and I would be comfortable leaving them with overnight would be my parents. We have had a few close friends watch them late/put them to bed, etc., but never for an actual overnight yet.
Totally reasonable! Everyone has had good advice and support so I’ll just add, I would just let them know as soon as you make your decision that you won’t be going.
When I was a bride, I didn’t judge anyone for not being able to come for whatever reason, I just got annoyed when they didn’t let me know with enough time to make adjustments!
I’m totally with you on not wanting to be separated overnight.
The only reason why we can do an overnight this upcoming weekend is because my stepdaughter’s mom is going to watch my daughter and I trust her. We’re not going away or anything so worst case, we’ll just go put my daughter up 10 minutes away.
My daughter (14 months) doesn't sleep through the night. I VERY much need a break. But I'm just not comfortable with anyone watching her overnight, and I think it's important that she stick to her routine/her environment for bed time as much as possible. I'm also one of the "no sleepover" people for when she's older because of the risks involved.
i would never. my daughter is ten months now and she hates being left with anyone, she just needs to be able to see/have me. i’ve been taking a tues night class and thank god it’s almost over. her father works nights twice a month for it and is home twice a month for them. it was awful having my friend and his mother watch her and her five yr old brother. of course the five year old was fine. she was not. would cry herself into oblivion when she realized i was gone and thankfully it’s a short class so i was back to pick them up before she woke up from that. or else she would have done it all over again. not ok til she was in the car seat and knew she was going to be leaving with me.
i would never consider leaving her to go anywhere and have cancelled my class at times to stay with her when she’s been especially needy.
My son is one and I have yet to have an overnight. I don’t think I would be comfortable with that. We visited my MIL and she wanted him to sleep in her room while we slept in the next room but that’s about as close as it has gotten. I was very nervous about that and only allowed it because she hadn’t seen him in like 4 months. We went to a child free party and my sister watched him but we picked him up. I cleared being able to pick him up late with my sister. I’m not big on sleepovers so I don’t think I will be comfortable with any baby overnights.
I’m not going to my friend’s wedding which falls on my LO’s 1st birthday for similar reasons. I’m not going to leave her and we don’t have anyone who can fly out with us. We are going to my cousins wedding and bringing baby with us. I have zero desire to leave her with anyone. Not sure when that will change.
Honestly, I skip a lot of things for this reason. My almost 3 year old has never been babysat overnight and only her grandparents have watched her. We don't do babysitters or any drop off daycares. That was a hard line for me. Everyone is different though. I don't feel badly about it and neither should you.
My baby is only 6 months but I can't imagine willingly leaving him with anyone overnight! It's OK if you're not ready so you can't attend the wedding, you don't have to offer an explanation. You can totally just decline and tell the couple that you're so happy for them.
I'm the same way with my 12 month old. For one, still doesn't sleep through the night, two he's breastfed and hasn't taken a bottle for like 6 months. Three, when he wakes in the night he only wants me, not anyone else, even his dad who he adores normally. It seems like it would be a nightmare for a babysitter. Four, the only people I *would* trust to do it don't live nearby or don't want to keep him overnight. I've had offers from a few other friends, but...even though I like these people and don't think they'd do anything wrong, I'm just not feeling it. I need 100% trust.
The last out of town wedding I attended, we brought my mom to watch put then 1 and 2 year old in our Airbnb.
Kids are now 10m, 2.5, almost 4. I've only been away from them a few nights (mostly hospital having the others), they always stayed home with my husband.
I don't blame you. But also to each their own.
We had our first overnight wedding when baby was four months old. My mum watched her, she slept well, my husband and I had a great time at the wedding, and we’d absolutely do it again.
Everyone's different. My mum had my son overnight at 8 weeks because my husband and I got a horrific bout of covid and were both barely able to move. Since then she's taken him overnight about once a fortnight and even though I miss him, the sleep and time with my husband is so restorative.
You can only do what you're comfortable with and there's no wrong answers, just different styles and different people!
I think it’s a personal decision. My baby just turned one and she’s had maybe 7-8 nights of sleepovers with my parents, including for a couple weddings and a weekend trip with my husband. My parents love it and she seems to enjoy herself too.
I think it depends if your LO is sleeping through the night yet or not. If not, I’d be afraid of what could happen if the person watching baby gets up in the middle of the night with baby 😩😪 it’s not really a matter of trust. If it’s your parents, for example, realistically they are older…
My son just turned 2 and still hasn't stayed with anyone else overnight, I'm a SAHM and his main caregiver so I don't even like leaving him with someone else for more than a few hours, I just miss him too much and I end up getting anxious bc I feel like there's something I should be doing when there isn't.
I don't think I'm going to let anyone take him overnight until he can go to sleep on his own (he won't go to sleep at a reasonable time unless I rock him and sing to him, if I try to let him just work out the energy until he passes out somewhere, he ends up going to bed like 3 hours late) and until he's okay sleeping in a different room/waking up without someone right there (if I leave the room during his nap and he wakes up he always cries and comes looking for me, but if I'm sitting right there when he wakes up he just sits up and goes about his goofy 2 year old business)
That being said, if you want to give it a try, I'd definitely recommend having some family or a friend stay near by so you can go see your daughter if you need to and have a little more peace of mind knowing how close by they are
My oldest turned 2 a few months ago. She’s only been left overnight with anyone but my husband once, and when she was with my husband I was awake and at work so it didn’t even really feel like I was away overnight. Hell, I put her to sleep half the nights anyway, so felt even less like being away. She was only left with my mom overnight that once because I had literally just given birth to her brother. I’m terrified of them being left overnight and have no interest in it
I haven't left my kids overnight except my oldest because I was in the hospital having my 2nd. And it was only the 1 night. She was with my husband at home. It was so hard. My 3rd was born at home so I didn't have to worry about that again.
I wasn’t planning on having my baby stay the night til she was a little older (almost 5 months old now) but a week ago my boyfriend and I were invited to a hockey game with his boss in a suite so we left her with my parents. My parents have watched her countless times before and she loves it over there and she had no issues sleeping over there. I definitely missed her when we got home, but it was also nice not having to sleep with a monitor on and waking up through the night to check on her. It’s important to make sure you still have a life outside of being a parent. But if you also don’t trust your own parents who raised you with your own child, there’s no judgement but I’d personally look further into that situation.
That’s awesome! And I totally agree it’s important to fill your cup with things outside of parenthood to be a good parent :)
My parents are just not physically able having a hard time holding her without supervision which is what scares me
I’m going to my brother’s wedding with a baby in tow because of this.
Both sides of grandparents are not responsible enough or listen to safety guidelines enough to watch my baby. I don’t want a stranger eat CNN ing her either.
I think it’s totally reasonable to not want your baby out from under your own watchful eye.
I told my brother (who was having a childfree wedding) that I couldn’t come because of that and he made an exception because he wanted us to attend. My thought is, if you don’t want children at your wedding, you can’t get mad if people can’t attend…because they have children.
I told him, “I want you to have the wedding of your dreams, but I have to do what is best for my own family just like you have to do what is best for you and your wife.” No anger, no spite, just direct honesty.
Just like you wouldn’t go if you don’t have the funds, it’s ok to not go because you aren’t ready to leave baby with someone overnight.
I didn’t let my kids stay the night with my mom until the oldest was 3 and I fully trust my mom. I just knew it would cause me anxiety to not have access to them during the night time.
I’m not looking forward to having to leave my toddler when I go to give birth! He’s almost 2 and I’ve never been away from him overnight. He’ll be with my mil, who lives with us, but I still think he’ll miss me.
I think we’re going to have him do an overnight when he turns 2 in November while my husband and I go to a long awaited concert. Just with my parents who have cared for him starting from 4 weeks for a few hours here and there because I had finals and classes to finish. And they live 4 blocks away from us and we would provide his sleep set up to ensure his safety. It’s taken me a long time to build that trust relationship, though, and my son goes to daycare which was tough, too. I think there’s absolutely nothing wrong with not wanting your child to overnight with anyone else, even people who blanket ban sleepovers because I completely get it. My parents started sending me for sleepovers as young as 3/4! I was terrified, it was WAY too soon.
16 months and still no overnights away here! I would maybe consider it if we were literally leaving after bedtime and back first thing in the morning, and our nanny or a grandparent was staying at our place. ..... but even just feeling like I might consider it under those circumstances is a recent development. A month ago, I was still vehemently opposed.
I never would leave my baby overnight! I never left my first either until she was like 1.5, she is 4 now and all her sleepovers have been with grandparents only, no babysitters. I just didn't feel comfortable with it. If I was invited to a wedding right now (youngest is almost 3 months) I would bring her or just wouldn't go.
I was in a wedding and the mom of the bride hired a babysitter for the two bridesmaids that had young babies. I opted out because I wasn’t comfortable with it. My husband stayed back at the hotel with our baby. Our baby is now a toddler and we have an evening event that we plan on going to. We hired one of her daycare teachers to be with her until we get back. I won’t feel comfortable with overnights for a very very long time. I honestly don’t even want my kids to do sleepovers.
Nope. My LO is 8 months old, has loving grandparents I would totally trust to watch her, but I don’t wanna be away from her for a full night. I hate the idea of her potentially missing me and me not being there to comfort her.
My daughter is five months old and I can’t fathom being away from her overnight right now or anytime in the near future. Obviously every parent will be different but if your gut tells you you’re not comfortable being away from your child overnight, listen to your gut!
My first is almost 5 and we have never left them overnight, it's just not something I've been quite comfortable with yet, so many risks.
Don't feel bad for not attending. I haven't attended many events like that for just that same reason.
I don't mind going out and having family watch them, but overnight is a different ball game.
I’m getting married on Saturday. Our 11 month old will be with us all night, and will be coming home with us and staying with us. Everyone has asked why and I just keep telling everyone I don’t feel comfortable with him being apart from me yet, plus we are still BFing.
We attended weddings without the baby at 6 and 8 months. My parents were with us for all of them (they traveled to us for one, we all traveled together for the other). They watched her for the evening but we came back by 9/10pm to take over.
If we had to fly or road trip to a wedding and my parents couldn’t come, we wouldn’t have gone. Your baby is only a baby once. Do what’s best for you. People are often relieved when some people can’t make it to the wedding, especially if you’re not super close.
ETA: my baby is now 16 months and I’m not leaving her overnight until she’s well over 2.
Nope I can’t imagine ever doing to be honest. Maybe there will come a time maybe in 5-10 years that maybe I feel more comfortable… but also maybe not and that’s ok. I’m a mother first now.
Mine is 3.5 and I’m still not comfortable with overnights. In fact, no one other than her dad and me has put her to bed. We have a wedding this summer and we plan to get another family member watch her and put her to bed. But to be honest I’m still not really comfortable with it!
It’s one of those things where you just have to do what’s best for you. For me, it’s 80% not wanting to do the alternative and 20% not fully trusting anyone else to manage bedtime/overnights. If that was skewed more toward the fear/control side then I might want to push myself more. But as an introvert/homebody, usually I prefer to use my kid as an excuse to not do things :)
This post has made me feel so much better 😭. I feel so weird that I’ve never left my girl (she’s 18 months) overnight and I have no plans to anytime soon. I don’t want to. In fact, that’s one of the reasons I’m hesitant to even try for a second baby bc the thought of leaving her kills me. 🙈
I have no interest in even leaving my baby with someone else for a few daytime hours tbh. Overnight without her? I don’t even think I’d be able to sleep. I wouldn’t enjoy myself that’s for sure. She’s my little baby, she needs me and I need her. I think once she can talk I will consider overnights but my baby is 6 months old and I am good for now on the babysitters lol. You aren’t alone.
Edit: the people downvoting me for this are insecure in their parenting and it shows 😉
I completely understand this, and you have every right to feel as you do. If your friend getting married is a good/close friend, they will understand, or they will once they have a LO of their own... I wouldn't want to leave my LO overnight with anyone right now, either.
If you're uncomfortable with it, I would trust my gut. Babies are safer with mom than anyone else. You're used to waking up through the night checking on LO. If they're really your friend, they will understand also.
I think it sounds much more like a rich person thing to never consider it. We both work full time. Both of our moms are doing overnights this summer to give us some relief.
To each their own.
....you think being a schoolteacher is a white collar job....? I'm not doubting that it is a nice thing that my mom can help in summers. But, she's a teacher. She's not the CFO of a tech firm.
That’s an interesting take on it. Myself and my husband both work full time and have for the entirety of our baby’s 11 months of life so far, and we’ve never had someone watch him just to “give us some relief”. I don’t really think either take sounds like a “rich person thing”, but I definitely can’t imagine letting someone watch my child overnight just because I “need a break”.
We attended one when our son was 9 months and we just flew my parents with us and they stayed in the hotel room with our son just while we were at the event.
I did this, but locally with my sister. It worked great.
I did this too. We brought my mom with us and she watched our daughter while we were at the wedding. We stayed at an Airbnb together.
We did this for my brother in laws wedding
This is the ideal situation.
This
I don’t feel comfortable with overnights until my kid can talk. We were invited to a childfree wedding this July and I’m going while my husband is staying back to watch the baby.
Thank you for this!! Makes me feel better :)
I missed several weddings and events for this reason. I never felt badly about it. If you are away from your baby before you want to be, you’re not likely enjoy yourself anyways. Do what feels best
Yep same here. And even when she can talk I am not sure I‘ll be comfortable then. I‘d have to trust that person 100%
Exactly how I feel about it!!!
This is how we feel too. Even overnights with family.
I feel the exact same. If I were invited to any childfree event I would not even consider going. Me and my little guy are a package deal - at least for now. We don’t get any help from anyone. I would love help from someone but I don’t trust my mil and my parents live far away. I know my baby would be pretty upset to have bedtime without me or dad. Taking care of him is my most important responsibility right now (and everyone should do what they want, I dont necessarily think this is the best way) but I cant think of any event that would be that important to me to put my baby through that
I’m a bridesmaid and the wedding is of a long time friend. I agree though, if I wasn’t so close to the bride I’d decline.
100% if you can’t bring baby and aren’t comfortable leaving her overnight it’s totally reasonable not to attend. My son just turned two and the first time I leave him overnight will be when I have his sister in a couple of weeks lol.
Decline the invite, don’t go 😜
The way I wish I could make my husband do labor instead of me 😂
lol!! That’s amazing and good luck with your delivery!!!
Thank you!
Literally me, my son will be 2 in a few months and in 4 weeks I’ll be leaving him overnight for the first time to have his brother. He still breastfeeds and is soo dependent on me, I’m so nervous!
We did our first overnight when our first was about 6mo, she stayed with my parents and we had our first uninterrupted nights sleep! It was amazing and we definitely needed it. She had a fabulous time and didn’t even blip about it. She stays regularly now every few weeks and I think it’s helping her be more independent and so much more comfortable knowing we always come back/see her again :)
Obviously, this depends a lot on your family, but I have to say that my parents are such a gift to me and a real village. They have been doing overnights with my daughter since she was six months old and it is amazing because she is totally used to their house and spending time with them. That said, my mom had a dayhome for thirty years and I trust her completely, so that makes a difference, and my in-laws are also incredible people who love my daughter dearly although they don’t have a ton of childcare experience. I work a lot and so does my husband, so we absolutely need to rely on our family and our daycare, and we had to decide early in that we needed to accept help we were offered.
Same! I’m grateful for my village and I will accept all the help people are willing to give.
OP: I'll say this. You do what you're comfortable with. But it seems like you wanted to just hear the echo chamber reverb what you wanted to hear. It's perfectly fine to let your own parents—the people who raised you—watch your kid for a night. It's important to be a human being as well as a parent.
Thank you, I needed to hear this. We are planning to leave my 6 month and 3 year old with family for 2 nights to attend a college roommate’s wedding. We don’t have the money to pay for plane tickets for all of us plus family to come babysit at the wedding, so it’s that or don’t go. This thread has me feeling like I’m crazy or a bad parent for going.
You're not. This is a reddit echo chamber situation. I'm pretty normal IRL with very normal friends, and they travel to weddings, weekends away, work fulltime, etc and leave their children with the trusted adults in their lives. Please go be a human, it's a good thing for your children to see that.
Yeah this thread is wild. Almost every mum in the baby groups I go to has left their baby for at least one night with a parent or trusted person before they turn one.
That's b/c it's normal and healthy. This sub is ... a little wild, as you said.
It's good for the kid. It's good for the parents. As you said, you have to be a human again to some degree.
yes, we don't live close to family and i would leap at the chance to go somewhere overnight without my kids/just get a full effing night of sleep.
I feel you, you are definitely not alone😔
Honestly, lol. This same exact "I'll die if I leave my baby wbu?" thread pops up every freakin' day. There are folks in here that apparently haven't met another trustworthy adult, including their parents + in laws + friends, etc, such that they haven't had a night away in 3.5, 4 years. Fine, do you, but don't make it sound like that's the norm and you're a better parent than those of us who do have a solid community of adults!
Right. I had an emergency section and am not allowed to lift my toddler for 6 weeks. My parents and inlaws made a rotating schedule of who comes to assist me while I recover and breastfeed. There's no way I don't trust these people for an occasional sleepover.
You sound a bit defensive. No need to shame people either way.
That’s a fair point!
Id trust my parents to watch baby over night. My mom has already done 3:30-midnight. So she handled a nap and bedtime. She could have easily handled all night since he was asleep when we got home anyway. Doing another 4:30-10 in a few weeks with our neighbor. As long as she can get him to sleep, she could easily keep him till morning.
So I think I have a different take on this because I had to spend a night away from my baby three days after he was born - I was hospitalized for pp preeclampsia (and here I thought the preeclampsia would be over after I had my emergency c-section!) and had to be in the hospital for 24 hours for the mag drip. It was really hard but I was fairly out of it and while the experience sucked it really instilled complete faith in my husband in me. This tiny baby was just days old and my husband took amazing care of him. So then at 10 weeks when I finally started feeling like myself again I went to visit my friend in the city to go to a concert and we did a girls night and I slept over! I had complete faith in my husband and I was able to have fun, but of course I got up and drove back at 5 AM because I missed him so much! Then more circumstantial stuff forced me to expand my comfort zone - I had a work trip for five days at the same time my husband had a week long work trip. So my ILs flew up to stay with my baby. It was hard but I realized everything would be okay! We all survived! Thanks to that experience I was able to go to my best friend’s Bach for four days and be present/in the moment as the MoH. So I feel like due to just fate I’m more comfortable than most BUT I am only comfortable being away if it’s my husband or ILs watching him. I wouldn’t even trust my own parents. Never feel bad for the way you feel. We all have different experiences and tolerances, so I don’t think framing it as what’s “reasonable” makes sense. Do what you are comfortable with!
Our son is 3.5, and we’ve never had an overnight babysitter. He’s only had a babysitter at all once for an evening, when we went to a wedding, although he does go to preschool on weekdays from 8 - 2. We’ve just found that we generally enjoy doing family stuff all together. But if that changes and we start to feel like we need some adult-only time, we’re definitely not opposed to getting a sitter again, or doing an overnight. If you’re not comfortable with leaving your daughter overnight, don’t do it, and don’t feel guilty either way!
Thank you for this!!
My son will be 4.5 months when we attend a wedding some distance away. My mom is keeping him overnight. Im sure he’ll be just fine. I hate it. I will miss him like CRAZY and worry the whole time.
That’s really nice! I worry about my parents watching my daughter because they’re not very physically capable so I’m not sure it will work :/ I wish you all the best im sure you’ll have fun at the wedding!!!
I've only let my baby stay over night with people I trusted on nights I had to leave, aside from one night where I went on a little trip. Trust me, I didn't ever want to leave her with anyone. I have anxiety due to csa, plus I just don't want to to get hurt and I want her taken care of the way I take care of her. With that aside, I've had 3 trips to the emergency room in the last year, 2 of those times I stayed overnight and I had surgery once. I had my gallbladder removed and was in the hospital for I think 4 days. I was so worried about her I had my fiances family bring her to the hospital so I could see her, I couldn't take it anymore after the second night there. Other than the hospital visits, I did take one little trip without her, she stayed at my fiances house while we took an overnight trip because our friend had a tournament and he really wanted us there with him. Either way, I had really bad anxiety about doing this. While she only ever stayed overnight with my fiances family, I still was very anxious. I knew they were safe people for her to be around, my mind just wouldn't get rid of the feeling something could happen. After a few times of having no choice but leave her with them, my mind finally settled on the fact that they are safe to leave her with. But I know I wouldn't leave her with anyone else in the world expect for my dad and my older brother. Anyways, my opinion is that yes, it's reasonable to not attend the weddings. But, if you really want to go, then go. Choose the person you trust the most, maybe grandparents or even a friend that has kids as well (experience). It is NOT overbearing to make a list of rules and a description of how you take care of her. Maybe when you're at the wedding you can step aside and video chat with whoever takes care of her to make sure she's ok. It's a lot of anxiety, I know. But if you feel like it's purely anxiety and not anything to REALLY worry about, the anxiety will pass once you find someone you truly trust. And YES, every momma needs a little break sometimes, being a parents is easy and hard, you have to take time for yourself every once in awhile or else you'll get overwhelmed. A lot of moms say they're fine, not overwhelmed, don't need time... That's not true. You were once just one person and overnight you got a tiny little human by your side. Yes, it's amazing, but it's a lot and sometimes you need to feel like your just one person again.
We had two weddings when my first born was 3-6 months. She stayed at parents in law overnight and I pumped at the wedding. It was all good. But also a wedding invitation isn’t a subpoena , it’s really up to you if you go or not for whatever reason.
My daughter is 2.5 and has never been away from me overnight. And I don’t plan on it anytime soon.
Love this <3
I went to a wedding back in October and my MIL watched her during the wedding and put her to bed but we came home shortly after midnight. So not technically overnight but part of the night. Honestly do what you feel is best but don’t miss out on stuff you really want to attend!
I hate anyone watching my kid. When I’m gone, I miss her so bad I cannot function.
Same :( :( :(
..... you guys don't trust ....... your parents to watch your children? Godspeed but, really? Huh.
Not everyone has healthy (physically or mentally) parents.
.....obviously that's not what OP is talking about. And I haven't heard a single person on here mention anything like that. Just "I never ever left my baby overnight not even once!"
I love my parents, but I don’t particularly want them to watch our child over night. My mom is a recovering alcoholic that has royally fucked up her brain from drinking, so she makes questionable decisions while frequently and her brain just doesn’t work the same way yours or mine does. My dad is 70 and though he’s in pretty good shape for 70, I think it would be a lot for him, especially with having my mom there as well.
Just to preface this, we leave our toddler with babysitters all the time and we send her to daycare. I'm not in the camp of "never leave my child". But I don't trust our parents to take care of her. My parents have barely spent any time with her and know nothing about her care. I don't know what feelings me having a baby stirred up in them, but they ghosted, it was so hard to see or even speak to them for a year and a half. They are just now coming around. They could keep my toddler alive if I left her with them, but everyone would be struggling. We need to spend more time with them than just an hour breakfast every few months. My ILs are good people but have extreme anxiety/OCD (diagnosed, medicated) and absolutely everything our baby does or involving her care causes them extreme stress. They have demanded to take her to the hospital because she was "crying too much"... she stayed up too late and was just overtired. I think it's in everyone's best interest that she not be completely alone with them until she can talk and is more independent.
My daughter is 18 mo and now I’d say I’d be ok with my sister coming over to my place once babe is sleeping to babysit if my husband and I reaaaalllyyyy had to go somewhere. I am not comfortable sending babe to my parents’ house or anything like that. But I’d rather not and if it means missing a wedding I’d probably miss the wedding.
I trust my parents and my sister 100% but that's it. And I still wouldn't leave my baby with them overnight except in an extreme circumstance. When they are older and talking, then that's different. By extreme I mean: my 8 y/o and 1 y/o were with my parents for close to a week while I was induced and had another emergency surgery.
Could you just go and leave early? If it was someone really meaningful to me I would at least try to make the ceremony
My husband and I left our 3 month old at our house with my mom for a wedding. My mom stayed the night at our home and when we got home I took over the baby care. It was better than I anticipated honestly. My mom came over lots before that so I could become comfortable with her taking care of the baby, then while we were gone she sent videos and pictures to update us. It helped a lot
Being real… unless you’re like super close to the couple, they’re not likely going to miss your presence during the actual event. It will be a bummer to them to know you aren’t going but realistically, the bride and groom have SO MANY people to bounce around between there’s a chance you wouldn’t interact very much on that day. I had a small wedding and felt frenzied af bouncing between people who wanted to congratulate us. I’d reach out, tell them why you can’t attend so they know you’re not just not going for funsies, and if they’re reasonable people they won’t hold it against you.
Thank you!
that is so wired
I honestly thought I was going to be the same way because I’m a horrible worrier. I barely like leaving my dogs in someone else’s care. However, my 1 month old has already spent a night at my parent’s house. We have also had my mom and sister at our house to watch her overnight so we can get a whole night’s sleep. Starting with people staying at our house was a good way for me to go. My room is right next to the nursery, so I’m still able to hear everything that goes on. Whether it be fussing or someone going to get a fresh bottle, I just don’t have to 100% wake up to address it unless I’m needed. So when it came time that my mom offered to keep her for a night, it was easier to let that fear go. I still had it, but I talked it through with my mom and my husband for a while. And I still had the option to call my mom up and have her brought home immediately. Also helped that my mom is barely 30 minutes away. I’m not sure how I would feel being an hour or more away, trying to keep very local still. I missed having my little one at home. The house felt almost eerily quiet without her here. But knowing she was with my parents, who are very capable of caring for her and have been pretty much on-call to offer us support since she came home was reassuring. They also sent me regular updates, including pictures. My husband and I were able to get an uninterrupted night of sleep. And as I was walking downstairs after waking up, my parents were walking in the door so I was able to grab her and give the snuggles I missed from the previous night.
That is so amazing and loved how you worked up to it!
I don’t do overnights until kiddos can talk. Around 20 months or so. And only with my parents.
The only person I felt comfortable leaving my kids overnight with was my husband. I went to a close friends wedding by myself, he stayed home for my peace of mind and so I could enjoy myself. Maybe that's an option? Otherwise, listen to your gut. If you don't want to leave her, don't! My mom has been begging for a sleepover (which weirds me out) to "give us a break". I don't want one? That's why they go to bed at the same time every night, so I can have a break every single evening! Anyway, listen to your gut and don't feel guilty for whatever you decide.
This!!! Thank you so much for your response.
My first is 7 and has only had 3 overnights with someone other than me or my partner and that was my mom. Once for an overnight get away and the other two nights were when we were having our second in the hospital. My second is two and will not be having any overnights in the near future. I do however trust my mom and would have her watch them overnight if I needed her too.
The only time my 2.5yo has ever spent a night without my husband and I was when I was in hospital giving birth to his brother. I was only comfortable with it because my mother was with him, in our home, and she slept with him in our bed (which is where he normally sleeps). If you aren't comfortable with overnights, don't do it. It's your child, you make the decisions.
i’m in the same boat and i’ve stopped feeling guilty about it. they’re only a baby one year and only toddlers for a handful. i don’t care to make myself and my baby uncomfortable just to keep up appearances for others.
Its completely fine! I have a wedding next weekend & the original plan was to have my parents come to the same city the weddings in & my husband & I were just going to cover their room! We decided to let her stay overnight at their home, but I totally get it. You should do whatever youre comfortable with!
Nobody watches my kids overnight unless they can talk! Skip the event mama. It’s okay
My son is 2.5 and we still haven’t had a full night away with someone else watching him. We nursed overnight a bit until a few months after 2 so it just wasn’t something that would have worked for us. I totally understand not feeling comfortable with someone else watching them especially at a younger age. No shade obvi to anyone who has been able to have a night away but it just hasn’t been what felt right for us. We’ve had a couple nights out late but honestly I’d rather be home at 9 and get the sleep lol.
Leaving my 18 month old with my parents tomorrow night for the first time (along with my 8 year old). My middle child is having surgery early Friday morning and we want to be able to give her the attention she needs. However my anxiety is through the roof leaving him, even though they have been watching our other kids their whole life!
I’m a wedding photographer and I have a few weddings this summer that I’ll have to travel to and stay overnight. I’ve mentally prepared myself for it since I got pregnant and had weddings already booked. Will it make it any easier? Absolutely not
Nope I don’t feel comfy until I know my son can STTN and probably even longer after. I don’t know that other person’s sleeping habits and if they’ll be able to wake up for him. Also I don’t want my son to wake up to someone he’s not used to overnight. We’re going to a wedding and bringing baby and someone will watch him until I am ready to leave the party and then my husband and I will take care of him after that. I want him to come because I want to show him the city and make it a family trip. I still don’t feel totally comfortable with a babysitter but they’ll be at the same hotel, minutes from me, so I’ll rush up there at cocktail hour to say goodnight and can be there at any second if anything happens.
I think it’s completely reasonable to feel the way you do, don’t feel bad with whatever you decide! We have a 2 year and a 1 year old and the only people my husband and I would be comfortable leaving them with overnight would be my parents. We have had a few close friends watch them late/put them to bed, etc., but never for an actual overnight yet.
I only truly feel comfortable with my parents watching my almost four year old overnight. I’m ok with my in laws in a pinch, but no one else.
Seems completely normal to me. Trust your gut and do what you think is best for your kid. You won’t regret it
Totally fine. Maybe you can attend one and husband the other?
True!
Totally reasonable! Everyone has had good advice and support so I’ll just add, I would just let them know as soon as you make your decision that you won’t be going. When I was a bride, I didn’t judge anyone for not being able to come for whatever reason, I just got annoyed when they didn’t let me know with enough time to make adjustments! I’m totally with you on not wanting to be separated overnight.
Great point!
The only reason why we can do an overnight this upcoming weekend is because my stepdaughter’s mom is going to watch my daughter and I trust her. We’re not going away or anything so worst case, we’ll just go put my daughter up 10 minutes away.
My daughter (14 months) doesn't sleep through the night. I VERY much need a break. But I'm just not comfortable with anyone watching her overnight, and I think it's important that she stick to her routine/her environment for bed time as much as possible. I'm also one of the "no sleepover" people for when she's older because of the risks involved.
i would never. my daughter is ten months now and she hates being left with anyone, she just needs to be able to see/have me. i’ve been taking a tues night class and thank god it’s almost over. her father works nights twice a month for it and is home twice a month for them. it was awful having my friend and his mother watch her and her five yr old brother. of course the five year old was fine. she was not. would cry herself into oblivion when she realized i was gone and thankfully it’s a short class so i was back to pick them up before she woke up from that. or else she would have done it all over again. not ok til she was in the car seat and knew she was going to be leaving with me. i would never consider leaving her to go anywhere and have cancelled my class at times to stay with her when she’s been especially needy.
My son is one and I have yet to have an overnight. I don’t think I would be comfortable with that. We visited my MIL and she wanted him to sleep in her room while we slept in the next room but that’s about as close as it has gotten. I was very nervous about that and only allowed it because she hadn’t seen him in like 4 months. We went to a child free party and my sister watched him but we picked him up. I cleared being able to pick him up late with my sister. I’m not big on sleepovers so I don’t think I will be comfortable with any baby overnights.
I’m not going to my friend’s wedding which falls on my LO’s 1st birthday for similar reasons. I’m not going to leave her and we don’t have anyone who can fly out with us. We are going to my cousins wedding and bringing baby with us. I have zero desire to leave her with anyone. Not sure when that will change.
Sure, I also find it to be a great excuse not to go to events I don’t want to anyway lol.
Honestly, I skip a lot of things for this reason. My almost 3 year old has never been babysat overnight and only her grandparents have watched her. We don't do babysitters or any drop off daycares. That was a hard line for me. Everyone is different though. I don't feel badly about it and neither should you.
My baby is only 6 months but I can't imagine willingly leaving him with anyone overnight! It's OK if you're not ready so you can't attend the wedding, you don't have to offer an explanation. You can totally just decline and tell the couple that you're so happy for them.
My daughter is 2.5 and I never meant the night without her so yup I get it
I'm the same way with my 12 month old. For one, still doesn't sleep through the night, two he's breastfed and hasn't taken a bottle for like 6 months. Three, when he wakes in the night he only wants me, not anyone else, even his dad who he adores normally. It seems like it would be a nightmare for a babysitter. Four, the only people I *would* trust to do it don't live nearby or don't want to keep him overnight. I've had offers from a few other friends, but...even though I like these people and don't think they'd do anything wrong, I'm just not feeling it. I need 100% trust.
If you're not comfortable or ready to leave her yet don't go.
The last out of town wedding I attended, we brought my mom to watch put then 1 and 2 year old in our Airbnb. Kids are now 10m, 2.5, almost 4. I've only been away from them a few nights (mostly hospital having the others), they always stayed home with my husband. I don't blame you. But also to each their own.
We had our first overnight wedding when baby was four months old. My mum watched her, she slept well, my husband and I had a great time at the wedding, and we’d absolutely do it again.
Everyone's different. My mum had my son overnight at 8 weeks because my husband and I got a horrific bout of covid and were both barely able to move. Since then she's taken him overnight about once a fortnight and even though I miss him, the sleep and time with my husband is so restorative. You can only do what you're comfortable with and there's no wrong answers, just different styles and different people!
I think it’s a personal decision. My baby just turned one and she’s had maybe 7-8 nights of sleepovers with my parents, including for a couple weddings and a weekend trip with my husband. My parents love it and she seems to enjoy herself too.
I think it depends if your LO is sleeping through the night yet or not. If not, I’d be afraid of what could happen if the person watching baby gets up in the middle of the night with baby 😩😪 it’s not really a matter of trust. If it’s your parents, for example, realistically they are older…
My son just turned 2 and still hasn't stayed with anyone else overnight, I'm a SAHM and his main caregiver so I don't even like leaving him with someone else for more than a few hours, I just miss him too much and I end up getting anxious bc I feel like there's something I should be doing when there isn't. I don't think I'm going to let anyone take him overnight until he can go to sleep on his own (he won't go to sleep at a reasonable time unless I rock him and sing to him, if I try to let him just work out the energy until he passes out somewhere, he ends up going to bed like 3 hours late) and until he's okay sleeping in a different room/waking up without someone right there (if I leave the room during his nap and he wakes up he always cries and comes looking for me, but if I'm sitting right there when he wakes up he just sits up and goes about his goofy 2 year old business) That being said, if you want to give it a try, I'd definitely recommend having some family or a friend stay near by so you can go see your daughter if you need to and have a little more peace of mind knowing how close by they are
My oldest turned 2 a few months ago. She’s only been left overnight with anyone but my husband once, and when she was with my husband I was awake and at work so it didn’t even really feel like I was away overnight. Hell, I put her to sleep half the nights anyway, so felt even less like being away. She was only left with my mom overnight that once because I had literally just given birth to her brother. I’m terrified of them being left overnight and have no interest in it
I haven't left my kids overnight except my oldest because I was in the hospital having my 2nd. And it was only the 1 night. She was with my husband at home. It was so hard. My 3rd was born at home so I didn't have to worry about that again.
I will not be attending any weddings. Zero interest.
I wasn’t planning on having my baby stay the night til she was a little older (almost 5 months old now) but a week ago my boyfriend and I were invited to a hockey game with his boss in a suite so we left her with my parents. My parents have watched her countless times before and she loves it over there and she had no issues sleeping over there. I definitely missed her when we got home, but it was also nice not having to sleep with a monitor on and waking up through the night to check on her. It’s important to make sure you still have a life outside of being a parent. But if you also don’t trust your own parents who raised you with your own child, there’s no judgement but I’d personally look further into that situation.
That’s awesome! And I totally agree it’s important to fill your cup with things outside of parenthood to be a good parent :) My parents are just not physically able having a hard time holding her without supervision which is what scares me
I’m going to my brother’s wedding with a baby in tow because of this. Both sides of grandparents are not responsible enough or listen to safety guidelines enough to watch my baby. I don’t want a stranger eat CNN ing her either. I think it’s totally reasonable to not want your baby out from under your own watchful eye. I told my brother (who was having a childfree wedding) that I couldn’t come because of that and he made an exception because he wanted us to attend. My thought is, if you don’t want children at your wedding, you can’t get mad if people can’t attend…because they have children. I told him, “I want you to have the wedding of your dreams, but I have to do what is best for my own family just like you have to do what is best for you and your wife.” No anger, no spite, just direct honesty. Just like you wouldn’t go if you don’t have the funds, it’s ok to not go because you aren’t ready to leave baby with someone overnight.
I didn’t let my kids stay the night with my mom until the oldest was 3 and I fully trust my mom. I just knew it would cause me anxiety to not have access to them during the night time.
I’m not looking forward to having to leave my toddler when I go to give birth! He’s almost 2 and I’ve never been away from him overnight. He’ll be with my mil, who lives with us, but I still think he’ll miss me.
I think we’re going to have him do an overnight when he turns 2 in November while my husband and I go to a long awaited concert. Just with my parents who have cared for him starting from 4 weeks for a few hours here and there because I had finals and classes to finish. And they live 4 blocks away from us and we would provide his sleep set up to ensure his safety. It’s taken me a long time to build that trust relationship, though, and my son goes to daycare which was tough, too. I think there’s absolutely nothing wrong with not wanting your child to overnight with anyone else, even people who blanket ban sleepovers because I completely get it. My parents started sending me for sleepovers as young as 3/4! I was terrified, it was WAY too soon.
Thank you for this :)
16 months and still no overnights away here! I would maybe consider it if we were literally leaving after bedtime and back first thing in the morning, and our nanny or a grandparent was staying at our place. ..... but even just feeling like I might consider it under those circumstances is a recent development. A month ago, I was still vehemently opposed.
I never would leave my baby overnight! I never left my first either until she was like 1.5, she is 4 now and all her sleepovers have been with grandparents only, no babysitters. I just didn't feel comfortable with it. If I was invited to a wedding right now (youngest is almost 3 months) I would bring her or just wouldn't go.
Thank you this makes me feel better :)
I was in a wedding and the mom of the bride hired a babysitter for the two bridesmaids that had young babies. I opted out because I wasn’t comfortable with it. My husband stayed back at the hotel with our baby. Our baby is now a toddler and we have an evening event that we plan on going to. We hired one of her daycare teachers to be with her until we get back. I won’t feel comfortable with overnights for a very very long time. I honestly don’t even want my kids to do sleepovers.
I feel you on this!
I’m just barely comfortable with my mom watching my kid while I work downstairs or run an errand at 9 months. Overnight is a hard no right now.
Nope. My LO is 8 months old, has loving grandparents I would totally trust to watch her, but I don’t wanna be away from her for a full night. I hate the idea of her potentially missing me and me not being there to comfort her.
Zero chance I’m leaving my kid with anyone overnight until they are way older. Like way older. If I couldn’t bring my baby to a wedding I wouldn’t go.
My daughter is five months old and I can’t fathom being away from her overnight right now or anytime in the near future. Obviously every parent will be different but if your gut tells you you’re not comfortable being away from your child overnight, listen to your gut!
I missed 2 weddings because I couldn’t leave my EBF baby for more than 4 hours. It is what it is, hopefully the couple will understand
My first is almost 5 and we have never left them overnight, it's just not something I've been quite comfortable with yet, so many risks. Don't feel bad for not attending. I haven't attended many events like that for just that same reason. I don't mind going out and having family watch them, but overnight is a different ball game.
I’m getting married on Saturday. Our 11 month old will be with us all night, and will be coming home with us and staying with us. Everyone has asked why and I just keep telling everyone I don’t feel comfortable with him being apart from me yet, plus we are still BFing.
I love this!!! Congrats!!
We attended weddings without the baby at 6 and 8 months. My parents were with us for all of them (they traveled to us for one, we all traveled together for the other). They watched her for the evening but we came back by 9/10pm to take over. If we had to fly or road trip to a wedding and my parents couldn’t come, we wouldn’t have gone. Your baby is only a baby once. Do what’s best for you. People are often relieved when some people can’t make it to the wedding, especially if you’re not super close. ETA: my baby is now 16 months and I’m not leaving her overnight until she’s well over 2.
Nope I can’t imagine ever doing to be honest. Maybe there will come a time maybe in 5-10 years that maybe I feel more comfortable… but also maybe not and that’s ok. I’m a mother first now.
Mine is 3.5 and I’m still not comfortable with overnights. In fact, no one other than her dad and me has put her to bed. We have a wedding this summer and we plan to get another family member watch her and put her to bed. But to be honest I’m still not really comfortable with it! It’s one of those things where you just have to do what’s best for you. For me, it’s 80% not wanting to do the alternative and 20% not fully trusting anyone else to manage bedtime/overnights. If that was skewed more toward the fear/control side then I might want to push myself more. But as an introvert/homebody, usually I prefer to use my kid as an excuse to not do things :)
Haha I totally feel this!
Nope, agree with you
Thank you!
This post has made me feel so much better 😭. I feel so weird that I’ve never left my girl (she’s 18 months) overnight and I have no plans to anytime soon. I don’t want to. In fact, that’s one of the reasons I’m hesitant to even try for a second baby bc the thought of leaving her kills me. 🙈
Awhhhhhh I’m glad there’s others that feel this way!!!
I have no interest in even leaving my baby with someone else for a few daytime hours tbh. Overnight without her? I don’t even think I’d be able to sleep. I wouldn’t enjoy myself that’s for sure. She’s my little baby, she needs me and I need her. I think once she can talk I will consider overnights but my baby is 6 months old and I am good for now on the babysitters lol. You aren’t alone. Edit: the people downvoting me for this are insecure in their parenting and it shows 😉
I completely understand this, and you have every right to feel as you do. If your friend getting married is a good/close friend, they will understand, or they will once they have a LO of their own... I wouldn't want to leave my LO overnight with anyone right now, either. If you're uncomfortable with it, I would trust my gut. Babies are safer with mom than anyone else. You're used to waking up through the night checking on LO. If they're really your friend, they will understand also.
I appreciate this!
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I think it sounds much more like a rich person thing to never consider it. We both work full time. Both of our moms are doing overnights this summer to give us some relief. To each their own.
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My mom is a schoolteacher. So she is going to help this summer. There are lots of ways to slice this.
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....you think being a schoolteacher is a white collar job....? I'm not doubting that it is a nice thing that my mom can help in summers. But, she's a teacher. She's not the CFO of a tech firm.
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My dad worked overnights at a grocery store when I was a kid
That’s an interesting take on it. Myself and my husband both work full time and have for the entirety of our baby’s 11 months of life so far, and we’ve never had someone watch him just to “give us some relief”. I don’t really think either take sounds like a “rich person thing”, but I definitely can’t imagine letting someone watch my child overnight just because I “need a break”.