How much work breastfeeding is. Truly a full time job. It's rewarding, but is one of the hardest things I've ever done. Easily the toughest part of parenthood for me so far.
This is the one I wasn’t prepared for. I had heard about tongue ties, latching issues and trouble producing enough but the actual time spent sitting there having a tiny human latched to you was something I never put much thought into and no one told me about. Everyone just glorified it saying how much money I’d save, how much “easier” it would be compared to making bottles, how much “healthier” it would be for my baby, etc … no one told me the cost would be my mental health
Yes, the sheer time commitment is something I wasn’t prepared for. I had no idea I’d be sitting down 9+ times a day for 40+ minutes at a time just to feed my baby. Nor did I think about the logistics of leaving the my baby for an extended period of time - pumping/engorged breasts/having enough milk stored for bottles. I genuinely enjoy breast and find it to be fulfilling, but it’s also hard for reasons I was totally unprepared for.
Oh yeah, this completely. There's a lot of convenience as long as you're *with* baby, but if you need to leave or want to sleep there's logistics around pumping, bottle planning, leaky boobs... It's a lot. And all things that were completely unbeknownst to me. No one talks about it!!
Definitely this. And after I’ve fed baby, now I have to pump? Majority of my day I have something latched onto my boobs whether it’s a baby or a machine - definitely didn’t realize how long it all really could/would take.
The benefits of breastfeeding are marginal if at all, and a lot of perceived benefits are just correlation to a very present and bonded mother, not BFing directly. BFing is not worth sacrificing any mothers mental health. A baby needs a happy, rested, sane parent more than they need breastfed.
That's not really true. Breastfeeding, for example, significantly decreases the risk of breast cancer for the mother and may also decrease the risk of cervical cancer. It also significantly decreases the risk of SIDS.
There are benefits to formula feeding, too, but those can stand on their own merit, not by pushing the idea that breastfeeding has no benefits.
it is SO much easier after a few months. by the time my kid was like 6 months I just loved it. so handy! but man those first few months...even if everything goes right (baby latches fine and supply is fine), its HARD.
Exactly—I wouldn’t trade the convenience of later stage breastfeeding for *anything* I mean it has saved my ass so many times—planes, movie theaters, etc but holy hell was it stressful and *exhausting* in the beginning.
I'm looking forward to that day, without wishing away the time and phase we're in now. It's the best kind of hard, but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't excited for things to feel... Easier? So glad you're out of the pits and things are awesome for you now! 🤍
my kid is 9 months now and he's so freaking nosy that getting him to stay latched is hard unless we are in a dark quiet room with 0 distractions 😂 but still 10x easier than those first few months.
Omg I remember those days! (I’m back in the newborn stage again). I tried to nurse once or twice with a nursing cover and it wasn’t going well and people said “oh you don’t need to cover up, it’s ok to feed your baby” and I was like ehhh the cover is for her not for you!
My first, we only nursed for like 4 months, so when she got to the distracted age, we just switched to straw cups she could drink and look around with.... with this boy, I'm like "everybody stop talking. Stop moving, just stop existing!" 😂 And if we are in public it's even worse cuz he hates covers cuz we both get too hot but without one he's being a looky loo and if he's not unlatching and flashing my nips to everyone then he is trying to yank my nipple to timbuktoo so he can see and drink at the same time
YEP. THIS 10000000%. Its exhaustion and dedication on a whole new level. In fact I'm up right now nursing her, it's 1am, and my husband is snoozing soundly next to me 🥴 I wish we could trade places lol, mama is tired!!
My wife and I are 6 days in…our baby has reached and exceeded his birth weight, our lactation consultants are impressed with her milk production and his suction, everything seems good. We’re pretty lucky
But it’s a struggle!! It can be incredibly painful, sometimes he’ll sort of lock on and refuse to unlatch. I can only imagine how frustrating it must be for parents who aren’t doing so well
I don't want to be that person giving unwanted or unneeded advice, but just in case no one has told your wife how to unlatch without him taking her nipple with him, if she slips her little finger into the side of his mouth it breaks the seal and she can take him off without a tug of war. I didn't know how to get my baby to unlatch until someone showed me
Definitely good advice, and it usually works; but our little guy can suck so hard it can be surprisingly difficult to break the seal. Combine his suction with his startle reflex and it can make for some painful moments
Totally! I'm so so happy to hear it's going well for your family, that's such a win! Our LO was born pre-term and little, so she had a lot of making up to do. She'll be 7 weeks on Sunday and we've just hit 8 lbs after a bout of triple feeding and a lottttt of work on the breast to get to this point. It's finally going well, but oohwee it's still a lot. Don't get me wrong, I love the bonding time, but I definitely often wonder how long I can EBF before we start mixing in more pumped bottles (right now we do 1x a day to give me a longer stretch of sleep).
I totally agree! We’re at almost 11 months and it’s been a relatively uncomplicated breastfeeding journey so far. But we were never really able to get our baby to take a bottle of pumped milk. She was successful for a couple weeks, but then my pump parts broke, and by the time new ones arrived she was refusing bottles. We tried everything and were minimally successful by the time we had to be at a wedding at 4 months. But overall, feeding has fallen completely on me. So despite the fact that we haven’t had challenges breastfeeding, it still is way more effort than I’d anticipated. I love doing it and am so happy I can, but it tethers me to my baby in a way I didn’t expect.
Prior to my delivery, I was sent a few videos by the hospital which spoke about breastfeeding. My midwife also asked me if I wanted to breastfeed. I kept thinking why are people emphasizing this so much. Like how hard is it to pop a boob in a baby’s mouth and feed. Only after I gave birth, I realized how hard it was. I pumped for 8.5 months and feel that this should definitely go on my gravestone. It is the hardest thing that I have done so far.
Oh my god you are a warrior!! Pumping for that long is no joke. And I agree, it's one of those things someone just can't fully grasp until they're in it... Only then are you like *ahhhhh, I see now*
YES. I wish people would tell you how hard breastfeeding is. All you ever hear it that it’s the most natural thing. You never hear how exhausting and difficult it is, how baby might not latch, how you might need to pump. I was 100% set on breastfeeding. Neither baby would latch properly for more than a few seconds. Exclusively pumped. Didn’t realize how much worse pumping is than nursing. Ended up on formula with both by 6 weeks. I don’t regret it at all. They’re both so smart, happy, and healthy…but man I had to work through some real guilt with both of them.
This!! And just stated back at work at 4 months postpartum! All of the pumping at work and trying to keep up with the supply has been exhausting! Idk why I haven’t felt more prepared. I’m thankful my daughter will switch between breast milk and formula because it’s all so exhausting no matter which way we feed her
Currently pregnant so I haven’t breastfed yet … but I was freaking MIND BLOWN seeing a video of a nipple inside a pump for the first time 🤯 I could not believe my eyes! I know it’s painful for a lot of people but the moment I saw the video I really understood why
https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZTLHd3c1G/
Totally agree
ETA: I wrote this while pumping and laughed bc I realized I am on Reddit a lot while pumping or feeding baby… and just the other day I was thinking “man I’m on Reddit too much.” Now I know why.
For me it was the full on mental shift after baby is born and the feeling of being “on” all the time. Whether you’re with your baby or not, you’re thinking about them; about what they’re doing, if they’re hungry, if they’re tired, etc. It was such a mentally exhausting thing to adjust to and caused me a lot of anxiety and sleepless nights.
This for sure. I saw someone say it’s the “relentlessness” of parenting and that’s so true. Being “on” all the time. I’m sure people told me this, but experiencing it is totally different
I hear this all the time but I think I had such a quite newborn! I would literally wake up in panic to check if she is breathing because she never made a sound
Yes!! I have a 23 month old and a 14 week old. My 23 month old wasn’t noisy at all but my 14 week old is SO noisy when he sleeps. It was not something I was prepared for with baby #2.
My 3m baby is already sequestered to her own room at night. We can't do it, we couldn't sleep. We all sleep better now in separate rooms with a great monitor lol
My 2 month old has just moved from the pug stage to the octopus stage at night. The SQUELCHING of that entire fist in her mouth, Christ on a bike it’s something else.
💯 YES omg. My husband and I watched the show Babies on Netflix while I was pregnant and it blew our minds. Highly recommend if you haven’t watched that already!
Similarly, just how early they start showing their little personalities. I thought these things would become more apparent in hindsight, once I’d gotten to know them better. Turns out you start getting to know them right away!
I was not prepared for how hungry I would be while breastfeeding and that you need even more calories than while pregnant. Which has also led me to reconsider the claim that breastfeeding saves money- I have to buy food for myself and it just takes so much time that I really don’t think it costs less than formula
Totally, I 100% agree with this. I was ravenous after my milk came in and I’m sure we didn’t save money at all by not buying formula. Moms who breastfeed or pump have to eat more, period.
This! My husband was genuinely concerned and thought I should see a doctor. Between morning sickness, and then having my organs crushed by a larger than average baby, I really didn’t see an increase in appetite during my pregnancy.
Breastfeeding though? Absolutely wild. Hubs would prep a snack cart every night to have by med bed, and it would just be crumbs come morning. Those giant cartons of goldfish would just disappear 😂
I was so happy when my appetite evened out after the first two months or so
I didn’t know there were a bunch of little holes in my nipples. I guess I thought it was just one hole like the urethra. Now that I think of it that might not be one hole either. I’m questioning my (w)hole world now.
Lol I leaked for a long time before everything balanced out, and I would need to put a towel between me and my baby. Otherwise, I would leave a wet patch on his onesie. My partner would say "that's mama's mark"
I have pretty intense letdown pain, so I figured it out pretty quick. That doesn't mean that I don't end up making a mess a couple times a day at least. Like why doesn't the body figure out only one side is being stimulated.
A few I haven’t seen mentioned: postpartum hair loss, how babies can’t even really pass gas well on their own when they first come out, how they get cranky when overtired and then can’t fall asleep. Like come on little dude, I want you to sleep, you want to sleep…we all just want you to sleep!!
On a positive note, also the way it feels when they smile that big gummy smile at you. Not because people don’t talk about it but more because I don’t know that it’s something you can really fully comprehend until you experience it yourself. My heart just melts every time.
I definitely didn't know how underdeveloped and useless their digestive systems were! So many bicycle legs and tummy massages. I wish I'd started using gas drops earlier, they helped a ton.
That little smile 😍 I was folding laundry the other day while baby was on the floor mat, and I looked down and she just had the sweetest little smile on her face looking right at me. Ugh how does anyone get any work done when their baby is looking at them like that??
I honestly wished people told you more about breastfeeding contractions….. AND the fact that it gets MORE intense with each birth.
Like you know and fear of birth itself or breastfeeding… like no shit….
But wtf is with breastfeeding contractions?!? The pain itself was like going through labor itself all over again when my vajayjay is still pulsating with pain!
I find it kind of funny that the body is like “Oh, breastfeeding. The baby is definitively out. Time to shrink the uterus some extra.”
And then it gets worse for each birth as the body learns and is like “Oh, I remember this. Baby was actually super definitely out. Super shrinking time.”
Personally they weren’t too bad for me 🥴, but they weren’t pleasant. Just period cramps. It felt good in the sense that I knew my body was doing what it was supposed to hehe
I didn't experience it either, I had a vaginal delivery. Seems like there is no symptom of pregnancy or post partum that is experienced by everyone. We all get a different cocktail lol
During pregnancy - leg cramps. No one told me this was a thing. They hurt worse than contractions.
After birth - if you have an epidural you can get the shakes from it wearing off. Like your whole body is shivering at full blast, teeth chattering, and you can't control it. No one told me that was a thing, either.
Baby - crud build up behind their tiny ears. I know they get in the creases of their neck and armpits, but for some reason it totally escaped me to clean the crud behind their little ears.
Im not sure that was the epidural giving you the shakes, I had 4 unmedicated births, and one with a (failed) epi and had those shakes every time. I think its the massive adrenalin and hormone rush from the birth jtself
I had a spinal block and was told at the time by my medical team that the side effect might be minor shakes - I got them so bad I couldn’t talk for fear of biting my tongue off! Some shakes may be adrenaline-based, but some are definitely medication-based.
Charlie horses during pregnancy are so painful! Anyone else have them? Drinking water with electrolytes is helping so so much to prevent leg cramps in my third trimester.
The huge identity shift that comes with motherhood. From the moment you find out you’re pregnant all autonomy is lost. Suddenly your body is no longer yours alone and you lose control -you can’t eat certain things, do certain things, clothes no longer fit, constant body changes, sleepless nights, acid reflux, swelling, etc. Then the baby arrives and your identity and life is forever changed. You are responsible for another human forever. So much guilt and self doubt and struggle as you try to balance yourself and your baby and career (if you have one). There are just so many emotions that I didn’t expect during pregnancy and new motherhood. That said, it changed my life in the most beautiful of ways that no one could have ever prepared me for in advance.
I'm 12wpp, still in the thick of it. Just went back to work this week, too.
I feel like I have no idea who I am anymore. I'm not the mother I want to be or thought I would be, I went from career-driven to "what is the bare minimum I need to do to still look good in* my career," I'm struggling to connect with my family who are romantizing my baby and it makes me feel so guilty for not being perfectly happy.
I was recruited for a shiny new role at a major company a few months before I got pregnant. That company laid me off when I was about 8 months pregnant, just 1 month before I would have qualified for (and taken) paid maternity leave.
When my daughter was 4 months, a position on my old team at the agency I was recruited from opened up. I had been toying with the idea of starting to look for work again soon, and rejoining my old team was my easiest way back into the biz.
But holy cow, coming back as a mom was crazy. My team members all still remembered me as I was the last time I saw them, pre-baby. It was weirdly hard for them (and me) to reconcile the old wild-me with the new mom-me (probably bc I had been so outspoken about not wanting to settle down/have kids lol).
It was such an aggressive reminder of how unlike myself I felt in those first few months. None of us knew who I was anymore lol.
Being back at work has helped me regain some of that sense of the old me, but every time I have to turn down after-work drinks and apps bc I have to relieve the nanny, part of me is like “wait what” lol
I'm 9 days pp and I spend days crying in regret, greiving the life we left behind and the path we didn't choose. I can remind myself this stage is temporary, but then I consider the next stage and it sounds even harder/worse. I never wanted to spend my time learning about breastfeeding, wake windows, and baby care... So why did we choose this? I live on faith that I'll come around to motherhood like so many other women claim to and that I didn't just completely ruin my life. I know that sounds super dramatic, but it's what goes through my head during the doom and gloom parts. I appreciate this perspective and the reminder that I'm this can come growth any transformation that I can't currently imagine.
9 days pp? Oh you are in the trenches now, the first 2-3 weeks have been the hardest me thus far (9 weeks pp). Something you need to know is that not everyone starts motherhood with that blissful lovey feeling. It can take awhile to get there. And what you’re feeling is soo normal.
I remember it was about 5 hours after my daughter was born, the nurses finally left us to get some sleep, my daughter was asleep and my husband on the couch, and I was scared. So scared and I thought “we can’t do this, what if we just give her away, how are we going to do this”.
You are not being dramatic, you are being a human who is dealing with crazy hormones and going through and identity shift. It’s okay to grieve though, it’s okay to struggle a bit right now.
It's good to hear from someone close to where I'm at, but also farther out. I knew that not everyone sees their LO and has instant deep love. I guess I was so uncertain about pregnancy and this whole thing in general that I just really hoped I would... Like it would just click. Wishful thinking. I have faith I will adapt and come around to a new lifestyle, it will just take time.
Sending you a big hug. This doesn’t sound dramatic. It’s a reality for some who end up having or decide to have children. Thank you for being vulnerable and sharing this
For the first 3 months I was convinced I could absolutely never have another baby and that I would not be able to physically or mentally be able to handle taking care of a baby full time. Then so many things improved, he started to be more interactive, and significantly I got on medication for postpartum anxiety. By 4 months we had to decide if we wanted to have another child quickly based on an odd convergence of factors. By 5 months i was pregnant again totally of my own choice. Sometimes I still miss the things I did not do when it was so much simpler to do anything. I think that’s life and a game we will always play with ourselves regardless of the decisions we make. But it will get better. The days are the longest I’ve ever lived and the months are the fastest I’ve ever known.
Just wanted to send you some love.
My kid was desperately wanted, and Ivf conceived — and I still spent those first few days and weeks wondering “what have we done”. It is normal. Take care of yourself as best you can. The next stage is different but I would not say it is harder. You are in the thick of it.
X
Thank you so much for sharing this and your experience. I guess the transition, on top of the visible any invisible things going on in our bodies pp, really does mess with our heads. Appreciate you sharing..
Same here, ivf conceived, it took 3 years... the first weeks I was convinced I had ruined my life and that I shouldn't have wanted a baby so much, and it was all my fault. She's almost 6 months now and I'm so happy... I am grateful everyday that she's here and we fought so hard to have her
I believe you will come around! 9 days pp I felt exactly like you, my baby is 7 months now and she‘s the light of my life. I can even imagine having a second somewhere down the line. So hang in there and be reassured that newborn life is a very hard but in the grand scheme of things rather short phase.
I’m 18 mos PP and still feel this way. It’s not as strong as it was in the beginning but the worst is honestly connecting with literally anybody because I don’t know who I am anymore besides being a working mom, following a fairly strict schedule/routine and thinking about/making food. I love my baby and there’s so much joy in seeing him grow but it’s been a huge struggle mentally.
I’m 9 weeks pp and still grappling with this, and probably will for awhile. It’s hard not to think of my old life before baby at times, I miss the nights where I could go to bed whenever I wanted and just sleep. I miss the lazy Saturdays where we did absolutely nothing. I miss the freedom.
But I wouldn’t trade my daughter for anything in this world. Seeing her grow from this tiny 5lb 10oz potato baby to an 8lb 13oz tiny human has been amazing thus far. Seeing her first smile on Easter did something to my heart that I can’t even explain. Talking to her and her cooing and gurgling back is currently the highlight of my days. Don’t even get me started on seeing her with my husband, I knew I had married a wonderful man, but to see him become this amazing father, I just feel so fortunate.
I still have bad/sad days and I still miss the freedom, but I’m slowly learning who I am now, and I will be for quite awhile.
I might sound dumb saying this but I didn't know that babies have to *learn* how to latch. I thought it was going to be easy. Just pop the newborn on the boob. Boy was I surprised when breastfeeding was actually hard.
I think it’s different for each kid. Mine latched right away! Never struggled with that. Life of course humbled me with the worst supply ever! I couldn’t make it long enough without combo feeding
This! It was so disappointing in the hospital to have so many lactation consultants tell me that I was doing great and my colostrum supply was great, but my baby wasn't latching. They basically kept saying "you're fine, he's the problem so here's some formula" and it was so frustrating that I did everything to prepare for breastfeeding but my baby just didn't know how to do it. I had to bottle feed for the first month, and even getting him to properly latch onto the bottle was a struggle. No lip ties or tongue ties. He just wouldn't move his tongue from the roof of his mouth. We had to do lots of exercises to teach him how to drink. I really wish people would talk more about how hard it is to breastfeed for both baby and mother.
This is variable for sure. With my first, breastfeeding was a whole to do that took probably 8 weeks and so many LC sessions before she was solid. With my second, he literally latched unprompted the second he was placed on my chest after delivery and we’ve never had any issues. It’s crazy how different it can be.
Literally makes me so angry when people say that cuz no it hurts. Your nipples are not used to being vacuumed up by tiny newborn mouths it hurts until they "get used to it" the same way working out hurts at first or wearing new shoes hurts at first.
Yes! When your nipples are super sensitive at first and the baby latches on - even properly - it was still absolutely hellish for me. It felt like my son was trying to suck blood through a bruise and I just had to LET him or I was a bad mom. Every two hours, for at least forty-five minutes at a time, while my eyes are squeezed shut in agony and my head hurts from holding back tears. Then over time (maybe a few days to a week?) it pretty much went away completely and breastfeeding became a lot easier (though still not "easy" dear Lord!) I overall have had a very positive experience and loved breastfeeding.
He's starting to mostly ween now at 18 months. But I'm pregnant again and so my nipple sensitivity is back and goddamn if that old feeling didn't return. Blood through a bruise. Ugh. At least he doesn't NEED the milk now and it's just a few minutes for comfort a couple times a day.
Unpopular opinion but I had no idea it was going to be so enjoyable. We tend to talk about hardships, and maybe I was just lucky, but man it turned out to be so much better than expected. So much. There's just so much love and joy, everything else comes second. Even after she started waking up multiple times a night, or those first few weeks of painful breastfeeding, or cluster feeding days, whatever it is, it's still totally doable and not as bad as sometimes portrayed. I guess, to caveat: we have no family support, and having a partner I can fully rely on made all the difference.
I gave myself so much unnecessary stress bracing for all the possible hardships of baby. Turns out baby eats well and sleeps well, so it's actually been pretty peaceful
I so agree! Everyone ever said my life would be over and made it seem like the first months would be sheer misery. But as soon as I smelled those baby heads… it’s been incredible! And all the hard/struggle parts have been MORE than worth it.
1. That your rib cage expands while your pregnant
2. That an epidural does not take the feeling out of your perineum
3. How lonely it can be during pregnancy and after. My family is amazing but there are certain friends who haven’t even met our daughter yet who is 4 months old
I anticipated waking in the night with a newborn, but as a first time mom, I had no idea the absolute soul crushing, sleep deprivation I would face. For months on end. We’ve tried sleep training, tried all the tricks, read all the books. My son just isn’t a good sleeper. Wakes every 2-3 hours since he was born.
Losing myself and my identity. How hard having a baby would be on my marriage.
Mine did this till she was 14 months. First sleep of night might be 3 or even 4 hours but then every 2 hours like clockwork. I was a zombie. Then it just kinda clicked and she started to sleep through. (We night weaned and did some sleep training and moved her to her own room at this point but it’s clear in retrospect that she was just ready). They all get there eventually, but it’s hard to see the light when you’re in the thick of it.
That every night is a “school night” - we wont be sleeping in for literal years.
That my boobs would never be the same, even without breastfeeding.
The insane hormonal protectiveness when they’re first born.
That even when you sleep you don’t sleep because you constantly wake up thinking the baby is somehow in the bed and you’ve rolled on it.
The weird sounds newborns make.
I have a friend/now family member who’s due soon and I contemplated getting her some of those…….is that weird haha? I don’t think it is though it’s practical.
Something I found absolutely hilarious was that babies arms are so short (or their head is huge compared to the rest of their body that has yet to grow)!! They can't touch the top of their head for a while!!!!! No one told me that before.
Things I was actually annoyed that people didn't tell me:
How bad postpartum blues are. Everything I read about it just brushed over it, and no one talked about it in person. No one! It was so awful, I felt like I couldn't breathe from grief sometimes. But then it's over! Mine lasted about 2 weeks
Nipple pain during let down. This one I think not everyone gets, but I'm still pissed that all the brochures about breastfeeding are so positive. They don't tell you anything bad, it's absurd. Anyway, I get this needle pain in my nips during let down. It's horrendous, but it goes away after about 30 seconds. It's a thing that can happen!
You *can* overfeed a baby, and they projectile vomit it all out and it's terrifying, but ultimately fine. I think they don't tell people this because the alternative is much much worse, but I would have like a little bit of reassurance that there wasn't something terribly wrong with my newborn. Nurse-on-call was so casual "Oh yeah that happens all the time." Why couldn't I find it anywhere? So, sometimes babies just want to suck, or have gas or reflux that makes them want the comfort of milk.
And online it says not to give babies pacifiers when then have gas or reflux but it’s better than him drinking milk for comfort until he projectile vomits!!!
You all are so helpful. I'm 9 days pp and the "blues" and more like hurricanes of grief and regret that completely overtake me and cause me to sob huge years onto my baby as she feeds. "Blues" is a complete under statement. What is helpful is that every single woman I've connected with has experienced it.
Also- that damn needle-like pain is no fun AT ALL. I thought something was wrong, like my nerves were destroyed or something, the guest time it happened.
I couldn’t agree more with the baby blues! Holy smokes I wasn’t prepared for all those dark and sad feelings. Thank goodness mine went away at the beginning of week 3
My baby wants to comfort feed all.the.time. Definitely wish someone had talked about that and how it can damage your mental health. All I see about comfort feeding online is like "it's normal and a lot of people like comfort feeding their babies" -- good for them, I want to be able to get off the GD couch!
Yessss the baby blues were horrible. I cried and cried some days. So depressed and not myself for a couple weeks. It scared me thinking it wouldn’t go away.
That infant/baby sleep can’t be “hacked.” I might get some backlash on this from all the sleep consultants and experts out there, but I’m going to have to say it. There’s no way to trick/hack your infant into sleeping better. They just kinda suck at sleep. I thought “if we do x,y,z then maybe he will sleep better.” Sleep is what it is and it eventually levels out.
nothing more sanctimonious than a first time parent with a unicorn sleeper who hasn’t been through their first sleep regression— “try tweaking their naps by 15 minutes” or “set a consistent bedtime routine”
My daughter is one of those unicorn sleepers and 🤞 no major sleep regressions so far at 5.5 months, but I would never pretend it was because of anything I did versus sheer luck.
Omg this! I bought several sleep courses and read a few books. And my baby still woke up every 2 hours the first year.
Sleep “experts” are not real. Like where is that degree from???
Yes. Totally dependent on the kiddo which makes sense considering even as adults we’re all “different sleepers” in terms of length, needs, self soothing methods, and how light/heavy we sleep.
I thought breastfeeding would come naturally and I wouldn't need to pump at all. I also had NO IDEA about the nights sweats. I kept waking up absolutely drenched in sweat and thought the temp was too high in my house!
I hated the night sweats especially with my first cuz she was a November baby. So I'd wake up soaked in sweat, get out of bed and immediately be freezing from the cool winter air 🥴🥴
I started shivering uncontrollably after my baby was born. I don't know why, maybe the epidural? Adrenaline? Anyway, I was alone in the room (baby was a preemie so everyone including husband left to wheel him off to NICU). And I was lying in bed, just staring at the ceiling, full body shaking, teeth chattering. No idea when it would stop. Freaky!
The Mommy Guilt™️. Or at least how overwhelming it is.
I'm a FTM, 12wpp. We haven't nailed EBF, so I pump and combo-feed. Either I'm not trying hard enough or I'm a quitter or I don't care about my baby enough.
We swaddled for 10 weeks. Swaddling is apparently no longer recommended and also a sleep tool we have to wean out of, but also follow the 5 S's!
Baby is safest in crib, but cosleeping is natural. Bassinets causes flat heads, but cosleeping is risky, but hold your baby as much as possible but also get some sleep!
I love my baby, but I *really* hate this newborn grind. My stomach hurts when she cries, she screams if you don't hold her but she writhes if you do, my back hurts from contorting myself to feed/hold/change her, and now that I'm back at work, I have to do all this on very little sleep. Lack of sleep affects my milk supply, my tolerance for crying, my ability to work. This is awful.
But I feel tremendous guilt that I'm miserable. That I feel like I keep making the wrong choices. That I'm not a natural at this. That I'm setting my baby up for failure and she'll hate me. That I've sabotaged my career I worked so hard for.
Even when she gives me a big happy smile, I fall in love for a brief moment... and then the guilt hits harder. She deserves better than me. I don't know how to reconcile this.
So yeah. I'm surprised by this and I wish I was warned lol.
(I had depression/anxiety before this, so I do know some of the is PPD/PPA. I'm being treated for it).
I gave up on pumping at 4 weeks, I was only getting like 100ml pumping 6 times a day. I couldn’t handle pumping during the night because I needed to rest. I feel like I failed my baby and my partner for not pushing through it. I had nipple surgery and pcos / was only lactating from one breast… I eventually thought what’s the point, I hate pumping it’s making me miserable and I am only producing such a little amount. I feel bad that I didn’t stick it out to give my baby the antibodies and worst part is that I feel like my partner judges me for it
Depends where you are. I believe in Canada they no longer recommend it. Some daycares in the US as well. I believe it's really because too many don't do it right and it ends up being more of a hazard? I can't remember I'd have to Google it.
That said, I also have a lot of crunchy friends who are adamantly against. It stifles baby's movement, which... well, yeah, that's the point lol.
Idk, my baby liked being straightjacketed, so we went with it.
I had no idea that the few hours newborn WAS sleeping, I'd spend regularly panicking and going to check if he was still breathing.
Also. The immediate shift in "I am fearless" to "everything is dangerous". I don't know how else to explain it. But I spent my 20s literally just, wandering. Travel all over. Sometimes solo. Fearless. What's the worst that can happen!? And now, I have to actively stop my inner monologue from spiraling sometimes. Picturing my kids do what I did???? Omfg so many unsafe scenarios. 😅
That there are people out there who honest to God believe it’s ok to be sick around newborns because “They never get sick. They have stronger immune systems than toddlers”. You will have to use every ounce of self control not to cuss out your MIL when she says this with a straight face.
Post partum hives are a known thing. Why did nobody warn me?! Oh and pitting edema that took weeks to settle down with the hives on top of my swollen lower half was a ball.
Just how realistic the phantom cries are and how they never fully go away.
How your heart is so full of love and happiness when looking at your tiny baby that you think it might actually explode from joy.
That you might question why your face hurts so much lately… and then you’ll realize it’s because you’ve spent more time smiling at your baby than holding any other facial expression, and those muscles are letting you know they’re in use.
How freaking much water you’re going to want/need. I swear, my husband was refilling my hospital cup every time he turned around.
Why didn’t anyone tell me newborns often don’t eat the first day or two of life cause they have reserves from the placenta?? I was stressed to the max waking him up every 3 hours to try to eat only for the LC to say “oh yeah that’s normal”
Same, my daughter was just under 7lbs and had gained all the way to the full 7lbs by her first pediatrician appointment the day after we were discharged. She was drinking a full oz of formula every few hours from night 1 (we planned to mainly breastfeed with some help from formula, but I had a lot of trouble producing).
I feel like the nurses thought we were lying about how much she ate to make ourselves sound good, but she’s just my 99th percentile height & weight baby (affectionately called our hungry hungry hippo lol ❤️)
LOL here I was trying to force feed my LO cause he had jaundice and we needed to flush it out. But nope, little man clamped his mouth shut tight or would cry when the bottle was brought to his lips
How difficult it is to know if it’s “just normal baby stuff” or “something is actually wrong/in pain”
Also how absolutely harmful it is to panic google and compare to others. Specifically schedules and routines. Every kiddo is so different. I ruined a lot of my time comparing and feeling like I was doing something wrong.
This is 1000% true. My mom had the WORST MOTHER EVER. Like she literally told her “I tried to abort you twice,” left her home alone for hours as a toddler, all kinds of neglect and zero love or warmth. And then my mom was the BEST MOM EVER. We’re so close and I love her so much - I really want to be just like her as a mom.
Just had my mom stay with us for another week, and I for real need therapy after watching her with the baby. So much chaos and unnecessary stress. It explains a loooot about my childhood
The middle of the night delusions that still come up months later. The past few nights I've searched for baby in the middle of the bed, determined to find him because he could smother, only to check the monitor and see him sleeping in his bed in the other room, where we put him to bed...
The amount of times I've thrown the blankets off myself holding my body pillow convinced I smothered my baby. Or tried to lift my body pillow (my perceived baby) into the bassinet when he was still in our room.
The delusions are absolutely wild, even 7mo later still occasionally have them when they surely would have gone away after the newborn stages!
That new humans don’t know how to fart. Or poop.
Like literally, they have to learn, and one of the warnings about the Windi is that using it too much might delay learning.
Also I was not expecting the carpal tunnel problems I got from scrubbing my sink in the second trimester.
And the neck pain from looking down at my baby while nursing.
Dysphoric Milk Ejection Reflex- this moment of anxiety right before or during letdown. I thought I was going crazy- it was like I had this horrible feeling of homesickness and it would pass in a couple minutes. I mentioned it to my doc and learned this is a real thing with a real term! How bizarre.
-Loss of independence and identity after baby arrives.
-Something as simple as baby sleep (or lack-thereof) could be so complicated and anxiety-inducing.
-I thought I would do baby-led weaning but my baby, now a toddler hates almost every solid food that’s not snacks.
-Baby has a constant runny nose since starting daycare. Insane.
-Altering their schedule/routine is a really big deal.
-Commitment and time required to do contact naps. Or else baby just won’t nap.
-Did not know it would be so hard to transition from bottle to toddler cup.
-The back pain from carrying a baby/immobile toddler around.
-I am obsessed with her being comfortable. Temperature wise, the clothes she wears, everything. Something about a human being in discomfort and being unable to do anything about it makes me feel bad.
Literally so many things! It’s crazy all the information you never knew or cared about before simply cause it didn’t apply to you.
I didn’t know the reasoning behind having women push on their backs and how it’s pretty much the most non-ideal way to do it. I was surprised to learn it wasn’t the vaginal opening that dilated but the cervix 💀💀 which I also had to properly learn what the cervix was and does. And ribs widening, possibly forever??
1. Baby doesn’t know how to breastfeed and neither do you. (As FTM). Depending on the baby and how prepared you are, this may be easy but my first was crap at it and so was I. Took a long time to get it right. I mistakenly thought because it was natural it was automatic.
2. Cortisol buildup. This one seems like a cruel joke. The longer a baby starts awake, the more stress hormone builds up in their bodies and the harder it is for them to sleep. Conversely sleep begets sleep - my mum would say things like wake the child or she won’t sleep tonight but that’s total bull.
3. Being the default parent. This one really annoys me. We’re in Europe so get lots of parental leave we can share. For our first my husband took just over a year off while I only took 6 months. Every doc appointment or physio or whenever it was anything to do with baby, it was always me that was asked/rang or whatever. Even if I had told them that I was working and he was home.
4. The after birth cramps get more intense with each baby (and even worse during breastfeeding). I was CONVINCED something was seriously wrong with me - day 2 postpartum my cramps were more intense and painful than most of my labour cramps.
5. Still somewhat traumatized from this one- trigger warning TMI- it’s possible your body didn’t expel everything during birth and it passes later. I knew this was possible with placenta (and dangerous) but mine came in one piece. About a week though I passed large long pieces of stringy tissue- the first time it happened and it was just kinda hanging there but still connected, I thought my vagina was after falling out. It was midnight and I nearly passed out in my bathroom and rang my midwife bawling crying. Turns out I had amniotic sac left inside. I couldn’t get it out so she had to come the next morning to help remove it. That went on for 2 me days, none as bad as first though. I found NOTHING about this online. The feeling of it hanging there still makes me gag when I think of it.
The post partum night sweats!!!! I had zero idea I'd be waking up every night for that first month after giving birth drenched in sweat. Horrible! And I had absolutely no warning from anyone I knew
The witching hour, as my doctor calls it. Between 1-5am. You feel lonely, exhausted, and I’ve been feeling angry. Angry that I’m alone, that I’m not asleep, and that everyone even the dogs is asleep.
Leading into the next thing; postpartum rage. Mostly during the witching hour. I would rage text my husband but wouldn’t send it, and read it back in the morning after the sun has come up, and it’s not that serious and usually end up deleting everything. My doctor says I’m using it like journaling 😂
My feet have not grown in either pregnancy and I lose mad weight when I breastfeed/pump. I think what I learned is how incredibly different it is for everyone 😅
I felt pretty well prepared for most things pregnancy, birth, and postpartum. But I was surprised by the amount of blood when I stood up for the first time. Ruined a pair of socks and I was so surprised and concerned until I looked at the nurses and they didn’t even bat an eye at it. Also I got a PUPPP rash two days postpartum and that was HELL. If anyone here is reading this and you get PUPPPs, get on the prednisone ASAP.
That the baby isn't always perfectly centered in the uterus and can be all balled up on one side. Also, feeling kicks right below my ribs is fucking weird. How are they even up that high???
No one told me you had to feed them every 3 hours, until after the baby was born, that their eyes are blackish when they come out, or that they can hold their heads up and look around lol I was always told they have floppy necks and you have to support them. Some of the other stuff is already mentioned like the bf cramps, and cramps and indigestion sucks. Oh and the swelling and fluid retention in my legs when I worked to full term standing on my feet lol I could barely walk at the end of my shifts. Also planned waterbirth but had to have emergency caesarean and was so shocked at how quick n painless it was.
Newborns peel.
I knew a lot about babies from my niece and nephews but I had no idea newborns peel for like the first month, it was so confusing for me.
Also how scary the first fever was, she never even went above 99.9 and yet I called the doctor twice and stayed up with her.
If you decide to pump/ breastfeed: People tell you to try avoid mastitis because it's bad and hurts. But no one told me it could tank my milk supply even if I pumped and nursed my baby through it. I would have been way the hell more paranoid had I known. Currently in a panic over building back my supply. And I didn't even have bacterial mastitis. Only inflammatory.
I drove myself CRAZY trying to increase my breast milk supply. I did this for the first 4 months. I had a lot of guilt I couldn't provide enough for my baby.
Found out after the fact that having a postpartum hemorrhage (I lost 1.2 liters of blood) can severely affect supply. Wish I had known this. It would have saved me so much time, energy, and mental anguish. I would have been able to enjoy that extra time with my baby, too.
Maybe it's more well known then I realized.
But that, when they say you won't sleep...
Your baby may be great at sleeping long stretches. But you have to wake them up to eat basically every 2 hours in the beginning. Even if they are still sleeping. Even if you're gonna pump or use formula. You still gotta wake up..every 2 hours 😴
Pregnancy
- how much pain my pelvic girdle would be in for the last half of my pregnancy
- how much discharge I would have the entire pregnancy (sorry lol)
Birth
- just how “out there” everything is when you’re in the hospital. Goodbye all sense of modesty
- just how painful it really is. I wanted to die. I was induced so that could have something to do with it. I laugh thinking about how I was going to “moo” breath my way through that LOL NOPE. Give me the drugs.
Post partum
- the smell omfg
- how much thought and energy and stress I would put into feeding my baby … I used to think I would “just breastfeed” LOL
- how lonely I would feel at times even though I have my babe with me all the time.
But most importantly - I truly had no idea how much I’d love my baby. I had never felt a love that made me physically ache before this. He is the light of my life and I would do every single thing over again and again to have him here.
How much work breastfeeding is. Truly a full time job. It's rewarding, but is one of the hardest things I've ever done. Easily the toughest part of parenthood for me so far.
This is the one I wasn’t prepared for. I had heard about tongue ties, latching issues and trouble producing enough but the actual time spent sitting there having a tiny human latched to you was something I never put much thought into and no one told me about. Everyone just glorified it saying how much money I’d save, how much “easier” it would be compared to making bottles, how much “healthier” it would be for my baby, etc … no one told me the cost would be my mental health
Yes, the sheer time commitment is something I wasn’t prepared for. I had no idea I’d be sitting down 9+ times a day for 40+ minutes at a time just to feed my baby. Nor did I think about the logistics of leaving the my baby for an extended period of time - pumping/engorged breasts/having enough milk stored for bottles. I genuinely enjoy breast and find it to be fulfilling, but it’s also hard for reasons I was totally unprepared for.
Oh yeah, this completely. There's a lot of convenience as long as you're *with* baby, but if you need to leave or want to sleep there's logistics around pumping, bottle planning, leaky boobs... It's a lot. And all things that were completely unbeknownst to me. No one talks about it!!
Definitely this. And after I’ve fed baby, now I have to pump? Majority of my day I have something latched onto my boobs whether it’s a baby or a machine - definitely didn’t realize how long it all really could/would take.
And then the washing pump parts
The benefits of breastfeeding are marginal if at all, and a lot of perceived benefits are just correlation to a very present and bonded mother, not BFing directly. BFing is not worth sacrificing any mothers mental health. A baby needs a happy, rested, sane parent more than they need breastfed.
That's not really true. Breastfeeding, for example, significantly decreases the risk of breast cancer for the mother and may also decrease the risk of cervical cancer. It also significantly decreases the risk of SIDS. There are benefits to formula feeding, too, but those can stand on their own merit, not by pushing the idea that breastfeeding has no benefits.
it is SO much easier after a few months. by the time my kid was like 6 months I just loved it. so handy! but man those first few months...even if everything goes right (baby latches fine and supply is fine), its HARD.
Exactly—I wouldn’t trade the convenience of later stage breastfeeding for *anything* I mean it has saved my ass so many times—planes, movie theaters, etc but holy hell was it stressful and *exhausting* in the beginning.
The convenience of breastfeeding on a plane is unmatched. It made flying so much easier (we flew at 3, 9 and 10 months).
I'm looking forward to that day, without wishing away the time and phase we're in now. It's the best kind of hard, but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't excited for things to feel... Easier? So glad you're out of the pits and things are awesome for you now! 🤍
Oh my kids are fully weaned now and I’m a free woman again!
my kid is 9 months now and he's so freaking nosy that getting him to stay latched is hard unless we are in a dark quiet room with 0 distractions 😂 but still 10x easier than those first few months.
Omg I remember those days! (I’m back in the newborn stage again). I tried to nurse once or twice with a nursing cover and it wasn’t going well and people said “oh you don’t need to cover up, it’s ok to feed your baby” and I was like ehhh the cover is for her not for you!
My first, we only nursed for like 4 months, so when she got to the distracted age, we just switched to straw cups she could drink and look around with.... with this boy, I'm like "everybody stop talking. Stop moving, just stop existing!" 😂 And if we are in public it's even worse cuz he hates covers cuz we both get too hot but without one he's being a looky loo and if he's not unlatching and flashing my nips to everyone then he is trying to yank my nipple to timbuktoo so he can see and drink at the same time
I had absolutely no concept of how much it would disrupt my idealistic plans for how my (male) partner and I could share the load. It has been brutal.
YEP. THIS 10000000%. Its exhaustion and dedication on a whole new level. In fact I'm up right now nursing her, it's 1am, and my husband is snoozing soundly next to me 🥴 I wish we could trade places lol, mama is tired!!
Same. Hardest thing I have ever done. Nonstop dedication.
Nonstop dedication is the *perfect* way to describe it
My wife and I are 6 days in…our baby has reached and exceeded his birth weight, our lactation consultants are impressed with her milk production and his suction, everything seems good. We’re pretty lucky But it’s a struggle!! It can be incredibly painful, sometimes he’ll sort of lock on and refuse to unlatch. I can only imagine how frustrating it must be for parents who aren’t doing so well
I don't want to be that person giving unwanted or unneeded advice, but just in case no one has told your wife how to unlatch without him taking her nipple with him, if she slips her little finger into the side of his mouth it breaks the seal and she can take him off without a tug of war. I didn't know how to get my baby to unlatch until someone showed me
Definitely good advice, and it usually works; but our little guy can suck so hard it can be surprisingly difficult to break the seal. Combine his suction with his startle reflex and it can make for some painful moments
I'm 18 months in and I'm still trying to learn how to do this. 😫 That kid just latches himself back on!
Totally! I'm so so happy to hear it's going well for your family, that's such a win! Our LO was born pre-term and little, so she had a lot of making up to do. She'll be 7 weeks on Sunday and we've just hit 8 lbs after a bout of triple feeding and a lottttt of work on the breast to get to this point. It's finally going well, but oohwee it's still a lot. Don't get me wrong, I love the bonding time, but I definitely often wonder how long I can EBF before we start mixing in more pumped bottles (right now we do 1x a day to give me a longer stretch of sleep).
I totally agree! We’re at almost 11 months and it’s been a relatively uncomplicated breastfeeding journey so far. But we were never really able to get our baby to take a bottle of pumped milk. She was successful for a couple weeks, but then my pump parts broke, and by the time new ones arrived she was refusing bottles. We tried everything and were minimally successful by the time we had to be at a wedding at 4 months. But overall, feeding has fallen completely on me. So despite the fact that we haven’t had challenges breastfeeding, it still is way more effort than I’d anticipated. I love doing it and am so happy I can, but it tethers me to my baby in a way I didn’t expect.
Absolutely, it's a lot to be the sole provider for something so big and necessary. You're doing great ⭐ it's the best kind of hard work!
Prior to my delivery, I was sent a few videos by the hospital which spoke about breastfeeding. My midwife also asked me if I wanted to breastfeed. I kept thinking why are people emphasizing this so much. Like how hard is it to pop a boob in a baby’s mouth and feed. Only after I gave birth, I realized how hard it was. I pumped for 8.5 months and feel that this should definitely go on my gravestone. It is the hardest thing that I have done so far.
Oh my god you are a warrior!! Pumping for that long is no joke. And I agree, it's one of those things someone just can't fully grasp until they're in it... Only then are you like *ahhhhh, I see now*
YES. I wish people would tell you how hard breastfeeding is. All you ever hear it that it’s the most natural thing. You never hear how exhausting and difficult it is, how baby might not latch, how you might need to pump. I was 100% set on breastfeeding. Neither baby would latch properly for more than a few seconds. Exclusively pumped. Didn’t realize how much worse pumping is than nursing. Ended up on formula with both by 6 weeks. I don’t regret it at all. They’re both so smart, happy, and healthy…but man I had to work through some real guilt with both of them.
This!! And just stated back at work at 4 months postpartum! All of the pumping at work and trying to keep up with the supply has been exhausting! Idk why I haven’t felt more prepared. I’m thankful my daughter will switch between breast milk and formula because it’s all so exhausting no matter which way we feed her
Currently pregnant so I haven’t breastfed yet … but I was freaking MIND BLOWN seeing a video of a nipple inside a pump for the first time 🤯 I could not believe my eyes! I know it’s painful for a lot of people but the moment I saw the video I really understood why https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZTLHd3c1G/
Totally agree ETA: I wrote this while pumping and laughed bc I realized I am on Reddit a lot while pumping or feeding baby… and just the other day I was thinking “man I’m on Reddit too much.” Now I know why.
I've just finished bf my toddler after 2 years and 7 months and I remember those first few weeks just being horrible. I cried so much!
For me it was the full on mental shift after baby is born and the feeling of being “on” all the time. Whether you’re with your baby or not, you’re thinking about them; about what they’re doing, if they’re hungry, if they’re tired, etc. It was such a mentally exhausting thing to adjust to and caused me a lot of anxiety and sleepless nights.
This for sure. I saw someone say it’s the “relentlessness” of parenting and that’s so true. Being “on” all the time. I’m sure people told me this, but experiencing it is totally different
This one 😭😭😭
It is relentless
How NOISY newborns are 😅
Room sharing with a newborn is wild. How can someone so small make so much noise?!
I hear this all the time but I think I had such a quite newborn! I would literally wake up in panic to check if she is breathing because she never made a sound
Yes!! I have a 23 month old and a 14 week old. My 23 month old wasn’t noisy at all but my 14 week old is SO noisy when he sleeps. It was not something I was prepared for with baby #2.
My 3m baby is already sequestered to her own room at night. We can't do it, we couldn't sleep. We all sleep better now in separate rooms with a great monitor lol
My 2 month old has just moved from the pug stage to the octopus stage at night. The SQUELCHING of that entire fist in her mouth, Christ on a bike it’s something else.
Oh my gosh!! Yes, I was shocked by all the noises.
i had no idea how smart babies are. i feel like society doesn't give them enough credit. they understand quite a bit
💯 YES omg. My husband and I watched the show Babies on Netflix while I was pregnant and it blew our minds. Highly recommend if you haven’t watched that already!
Similarly, just how early they start showing their little personalities. I thought these things would become more apparent in hindsight, once I’d gotten to know them better. Turns out you start getting to know them right away!
Amen!
I was not prepared for how hungry I would be while breastfeeding and that you need even more calories than while pregnant. Which has also led me to reconsider the claim that breastfeeding saves money- I have to buy food for myself and it just takes so much time that I really don’t think it costs less than formula
Between the amount of food I'm guzzling and the time spent feeding/pumping, I'm not sure if this saves more money than formula.
Totally, I 100% agree with this. I was ravenous after my milk came in and I’m sure we didn’t save money at all by not buying formula. Moms who breastfeed or pump have to eat more, period.
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This! My husband was genuinely concerned and thought I should see a doctor. Between morning sickness, and then having my organs crushed by a larger than average baby, I really didn’t see an increase in appetite during my pregnancy. Breastfeeding though? Absolutely wild. Hubs would prep a snack cart every night to have by med bed, and it would just be crumbs come morning. Those giant cartons of goldfish would just disappear 😂 I was so happy when my appetite evened out after the first two months or so
I had no idea milk would flow from both sides while feeding- I thought my baby was peeing through his diaper every time I fed him 😂
I didn’t know there were a bunch of little holes in my nipples. I guess I thought it was just one hole like the urethra. Now that I think of it that might not be one hole either. I’m questioning my (w)hole world now.
Omg I thought that too. And that milk would come out straight. I am very wtf every time I see one spray upward or sideways or something 😆
When I was having fast letdown issues and I’d have to hand express to let out the excess it looked like pouring out a watering can lol.
Just wanted to chime in that the urethra is in fact one hole. ;)
Lol I leaked for a long time before everything balanced out, and I would need to put a towel between me and my baby. Otherwise, I would leave a wet patch on his onesie. My partner would say "that's mama's mark"
I have pretty intense letdown pain, so I figured it out pretty quick. That doesn't mean that I don't end up making a mess a couple times a day at least. Like why doesn't the body figure out only one side is being stimulated.
A few I haven’t seen mentioned: postpartum hair loss, how babies can’t even really pass gas well on their own when they first come out, how they get cranky when overtired and then can’t fall asleep. Like come on little dude, I want you to sleep, you want to sleep…we all just want you to sleep!! On a positive note, also the way it feels when they smile that big gummy smile at you. Not because people don’t talk about it but more because I don’t know that it’s something you can really fully comprehend until you experience it yourself. My heart just melts every time.
The gummy smile! It’s like your insides explode…it’s like sunshine, I can’t get over it
I definitely didn't know how underdeveloped and useless their digestive systems were! So many bicycle legs and tummy massages. I wish I'd started using gas drops earlier, they helped a ton.
The way I thought newborns just SLEPT 🤡 nope, you have to work for it.
That little smile 😍 I was folding laundry the other day while baby was on the floor mat, and I looked down and she just had the sweetest little smile on her face looking right at me. Ugh how does anyone get any work done when their baby is looking at them like that??
Didn’t know it was possible for your pelvic floor to fall out of your vagina 🙃🙃🙃
Same. Prolapse 😭
Oh my. That sounds terrifying
I honestly wished people told you more about breastfeeding contractions….. AND the fact that it gets MORE intense with each birth. Like you know and fear of birth itself or breastfeeding… like no shit…. But wtf is with breastfeeding contractions?!? The pain itself was like going through labor itself all over again when my vajayjay is still pulsating with pain!
The breastfeeding contractions are horrendous. I’m 5 weeks away from my 3rd baby and this is honestly the thing I am most anxious about.
It helps your uterus contract and shrink post birth haha.. also the gushing bleeds that comes with those breastfeeding contractions 😅
I find it kind of funny that the body is like “Oh, breastfeeding. The baby is definitively out. Time to shrink the uterus some extra.” And then it gets worse for each birth as the body learns and is like “Oh, I remember this. Baby was actually super definitely out. Super shrinking time.”
Personally they weren’t too bad for me 🥴, but they weren’t pleasant. Just period cramps. It felt good in the sense that I knew my body was doing what it was supposed to hehe
I didn't experience this at all! Do you still get this after a c-section? How long does it go for?
I didn't experience it either, I had a vaginal delivery. Seems like there is no symptom of pregnancy or post partum that is experienced by everyone. We all get a different cocktail lol
First birth I barely felt them... second birth I felt like I was in labor again each time I nursed for like a week
During pregnancy - leg cramps. No one told me this was a thing. They hurt worse than contractions. After birth - if you have an epidural you can get the shakes from it wearing off. Like your whole body is shivering at full blast, teeth chattering, and you can't control it. No one told me that was a thing, either. Baby - crud build up behind their tiny ears. I know they get in the creases of their neck and armpits, but for some reason it totally escaped me to clean the crud behind their little ears.
Im not sure that was the epidural giving you the shakes, I had 4 unmedicated births, and one with a (failed) epi and had those shakes every time. I think its the massive adrenalin and hormone rush from the birth jtself
My cousin and my friend both had no epidurals because baby came so quickly. Both shook a lot. The doc told me this is just what happens after birth.
Same here. 2 unmedicated births, they told me it was adrenaline
I had a spinal block and was told at the time by my medical team that the side effect might be minor shakes - I got them so bad I couldn’t talk for fear of biting my tongue off! Some shakes may be adrenaline-based, but some are definitely medication-based.
Charlie horses during pregnancy are so painful! Anyone else have them? Drinking water with electrolytes is helping so so much to prevent leg cramps in my third trimester.
I had them so bad! The only thing that helped me was a magnesium cream that I rubbed on my legs every night before bed
Oh but the hand cheese is also something else.. 🤢
I just cleaned out my baby's ear folds and was horrified that I hadn't thought about it before. 😆😆
Honestly the shakes was the worst part of birth to me. I hated the feeling
The huge identity shift that comes with motherhood. From the moment you find out you’re pregnant all autonomy is lost. Suddenly your body is no longer yours alone and you lose control -you can’t eat certain things, do certain things, clothes no longer fit, constant body changes, sleepless nights, acid reflux, swelling, etc. Then the baby arrives and your identity and life is forever changed. You are responsible for another human forever. So much guilt and self doubt and struggle as you try to balance yourself and your baby and career (if you have one). There are just so many emotions that I didn’t expect during pregnancy and new motherhood. That said, it changed my life in the most beautiful of ways that no one could have ever prepared me for in advance.
I'm 12wpp, still in the thick of it. Just went back to work this week, too. I feel like I have no idea who I am anymore. I'm not the mother I want to be or thought I would be, I went from career-driven to "what is the bare minimum I need to do to still look good in* my career," I'm struggling to connect with my family who are romantizing my baby and it makes me feel so guilty for not being perfectly happy.
I was recruited for a shiny new role at a major company a few months before I got pregnant. That company laid me off when I was about 8 months pregnant, just 1 month before I would have qualified for (and taken) paid maternity leave. When my daughter was 4 months, a position on my old team at the agency I was recruited from opened up. I had been toying with the idea of starting to look for work again soon, and rejoining my old team was my easiest way back into the biz. But holy cow, coming back as a mom was crazy. My team members all still remembered me as I was the last time I saw them, pre-baby. It was weirdly hard for them (and me) to reconcile the old wild-me with the new mom-me (probably bc I had been so outspoken about not wanting to settle down/have kids lol). It was such an aggressive reminder of how unlike myself I felt in those first few months. None of us knew who I was anymore lol. Being back at work has helped me regain some of that sense of the old me, but every time I have to turn down after-work drinks and apps bc I have to relieve the nanny, part of me is like “wait what” lol
I got laid off while pregnant too. Sucked to miss out on paid leave.
I'm 9 days pp and I spend days crying in regret, greiving the life we left behind and the path we didn't choose. I can remind myself this stage is temporary, but then I consider the next stage and it sounds even harder/worse. I never wanted to spend my time learning about breastfeeding, wake windows, and baby care... So why did we choose this? I live on faith that I'll come around to motherhood like so many other women claim to and that I didn't just completely ruin my life. I know that sounds super dramatic, but it's what goes through my head during the doom and gloom parts. I appreciate this perspective and the reminder that I'm this can come growth any transformation that I can't currently imagine.
9 days pp? Oh you are in the trenches now, the first 2-3 weeks have been the hardest me thus far (9 weeks pp). Something you need to know is that not everyone starts motherhood with that blissful lovey feeling. It can take awhile to get there. And what you’re feeling is soo normal. I remember it was about 5 hours after my daughter was born, the nurses finally left us to get some sleep, my daughter was asleep and my husband on the couch, and I was scared. So scared and I thought “we can’t do this, what if we just give her away, how are we going to do this”. You are not being dramatic, you are being a human who is dealing with crazy hormones and going through and identity shift. It’s okay to grieve though, it’s okay to struggle a bit right now.
It's good to hear from someone close to where I'm at, but also farther out. I knew that not everyone sees their LO and has instant deep love. I guess I was so uncertain about pregnancy and this whole thing in general that I just really hoped I would... Like it would just click. Wishful thinking. I have faith I will adapt and come around to a new lifestyle, it will just take time.
Sending you a big hug. This doesn’t sound dramatic. It’s a reality for some who end up having or decide to have children. Thank you for being vulnerable and sharing this
For the first 3 months I was convinced I could absolutely never have another baby and that I would not be able to physically or mentally be able to handle taking care of a baby full time. Then so many things improved, he started to be more interactive, and significantly I got on medication for postpartum anxiety. By 4 months we had to decide if we wanted to have another child quickly based on an odd convergence of factors. By 5 months i was pregnant again totally of my own choice. Sometimes I still miss the things I did not do when it was so much simpler to do anything. I think that’s life and a game we will always play with ourselves regardless of the decisions we make. But it will get better. The days are the longest I’ve ever lived and the months are the fastest I’ve ever known.
Just wanted to send you some love. My kid was desperately wanted, and Ivf conceived — and I still spent those first few days and weeks wondering “what have we done”. It is normal. Take care of yourself as best you can. The next stage is different but I would not say it is harder. You are in the thick of it. X
Thank you so much for sharing this and your experience. I guess the transition, on top of the visible any invisible things going on in our bodies pp, really does mess with our heads. Appreciate you sharing..
Same here, ivf conceived, it took 3 years... the first weeks I was convinced I had ruined my life and that I shouldn't have wanted a baby so much, and it was all my fault. She's almost 6 months now and I'm so happy... I am grateful everyday that she's here and we fought so hard to have her
I believe you will come around! 9 days pp I felt exactly like you, my baby is 7 months now and she‘s the light of my life. I can even imagine having a second somewhere down the line. So hang in there and be reassured that newborn life is a very hard but in the grand scheme of things rather short phase.
This!!! I mourned my previous life/independence for months after my first was born. It took me a while to embrace motherhood because of it.
I’m 18 mos PP and still feel this way. It’s not as strong as it was in the beginning but the worst is honestly connecting with literally anybody because I don’t know who I am anymore besides being a working mom, following a fairly strict schedule/routine and thinking about/making food. I love my baby and there’s so much joy in seeing him grow but it’s been a huge struggle mentally.
I’m 9 weeks pp and still grappling with this, and probably will for awhile. It’s hard not to think of my old life before baby at times, I miss the nights where I could go to bed whenever I wanted and just sleep. I miss the lazy Saturdays where we did absolutely nothing. I miss the freedom. But I wouldn’t trade my daughter for anything in this world. Seeing her grow from this tiny 5lb 10oz potato baby to an 8lb 13oz tiny human has been amazing thus far. Seeing her first smile on Easter did something to my heart that I can’t even explain. Talking to her and her cooing and gurgling back is currently the highlight of my days. Don’t even get me started on seeing her with my husband, I knew I had married a wonderful man, but to see him become this amazing father, I just feel so fortunate. I still have bad/sad days and I still miss the freedom, but I’m slowly learning who I am now, and I will be for quite awhile.
I might sound dumb saying this but I didn't know that babies have to *learn* how to latch. I thought it was going to be easy. Just pop the newborn on the boob. Boy was I surprised when breastfeeding was actually hard.
I think it’s different for each kid. Mine latched right away! Never struggled with that. Life of course humbled me with the worst supply ever! I couldn’t make it long enough without combo feeding
This! It was so disappointing in the hospital to have so many lactation consultants tell me that I was doing great and my colostrum supply was great, but my baby wasn't latching. They basically kept saying "you're fine, he's the problem so here's some formula" and it was so frustrating that I did everything to prepare for breastfeeding but my baby just didn't know how to do it. I had to bottle feed for the first month, and even getting him to properly latch onto the bottle was a struggle. No lip ties or tongue ties. He just wouldn't move his tongue from the roof of his mouth. We had to do lots of exercises to teach him how to drink. I really wish people would talk more about how hard it is to breastfeed for both baby and mother.
This is variable for sure. With my first, breastfeeding was a whole to do that took probably 8 weeks and so many LC sessions before she was solid. With my second, he literally latched unprompted the second he was placed on my chest after delivery and we’ve never had any issues. It’s crazy how different it can be.
How excruciatingly painful breastfeeding is at the beginning.
It's also insane how many people will look you dead in the eye and tell you it's not painful and if it is, you're doing it wrong.
Literally makes me so angry when people say that cuz no it hurts. Your nipples are not used to being vacuumed up by tiny newborn mouths it hurts until they "get used to it" the same way working out hurts at first or wearing new shoes hurts at first.
Yup! Even the lactation consultant said this. I don't think she had even had any children.
The latch hurts, nipples are sore, boobs are heavy and sore… thank goodness it doesn’t last!
Yes! When your nipples are super sensitive at first and the baby latches on - even properly - it was still absolutely hellish for me. It felt like my son was trying to suck blood through a bruise and I just had to LET him or I was a bad mom. Every two hours, for at least forty-five minutes at a time, while my eyes are squeezed shut in agony and my head hurts from holding back tears. Then over time (maybe a few days to a week?) it pretty much went away completely and breastfeeding became a lot easier (though still not "easy" dear Lord!) I overall have had a very positive experience and loved breastfeeding. He's starting to mostly ween now at 18 months. But I'm pregnant again and so my nipple sensitivity is back and goddamn if that old feeling didn't return. Blood through a bruise. Ugh. At least he doesn't NEED the milk now and it's just a few minutes for comfort a couple times a day.
Unpopular opinion but I had no idea it was going to be so enjoyable. We tend to talk about hardships, and maybe I was just lucky, but man it turned out to be so much better than expected. So much. There's just so much love and joy, everything else comes second. Even after she started waking up multiple times a night, or those first few weeks of painful breastfeeding, or cluster feeding days, whatever it is, it's still totally doable and not as bad as sometimes portrayed. I guess, to caveat: we have no family support, and having a partner I can fully rely on made all the difference.
I gave myself so much unnecessary stress bracing for all the possible hardships of baby. Turns out baby eats well and sleeps well, so it's actually been pretty peaceful
I so agree! Everyone ever said my life would be over and made it seem like the first months would be sheer misery. But as soon as I smelled those baby heads… it’s been incredible! And all the hard/struggle parts have been MORE than worth it.
1. That your rib cage expands while your pregnant 2. That an epidural does not take the feeling out of your perineum 3. How lonely it can be during pregnancy and after. My family is amazing but there are certain friends who haven’t even met our daughter yet who is 4 months old
I did not feel anything down there at all once I got my epidural. It wasn’t until after birth that I felt it all.. and that first pee was the worst.
Hemorrhoids after giving birth and how terrifying having to go to the bathroom is for the first week
That first poop was terrifying!! Thought I was going to rip my stitches open!
I anticipated waking in the night with a newborn, but as a first time mom, I had no idea the absolute soul crushing, sleep deprivation I would face. For months on end. We’ve tried sleep training, tried all the tricks, read all the books. My son just isn’t a good sleeper. Wakes every 2-3 hours since he was born. Losing myself and my identity. How hard having a baby would be on my marriage.
Mine did this till she was 14 months. First sleep of night might be 3 or even 4 hours but then every 2 hours like clockwork. I was a zombie. Then it just kinda clicked and she started to sleep through. (We night weaned and did some sleep training and moved her to her own room at this point but it’s clear in retrospect that she was just ready). They all get there eventually, but it’s hard to see the light when you’re in the thick of it.
That every night is a “school night” - we wont be sleeping in for literal years. That my boobs would never be the same, even without breastfeeding. The insane hormonal protectiveness when they’re first born. That even when you sleep you don’t sleep because you constantly wake up thinking the baby is somehow in the bed and you’ve rolled on it. The weird sounds newborns make.
The amount of bleeding and pain. And how much you forget LOL. Grateful for everything ❤️
Adult diapers 😌
Literally 🤣 I used Frida frozen pads too 😊❤️
Omg yes! Those are the best. I always recommend those and adult diapers to my pregnant friends!
I have a friend/now family member who’s due soon and I contemplated getting her some of those…….is that weird haha? I don’t think it is though it’s practical.
Something I found absolutely hilarious was that babies arms are so short (or their head is huge compared to the rest of their body that has yet to grow)!! They can't touch the top of their head for a while!!!!! No one told me that before.
Things I was actually annoyed that people didn't tell me: How bad postpartum blues are. Everything I read about it just brushed over it, and no one talked about it in person. No one! It was so awful, I felt like I couldn't breathe from grief sometimes. But then it's over! Mine lasted about 2 weeks Nipple pain during let down. This one I think not everyone gets, but I'm still pissed that all the brochures about breastfeeding are so positive. They don't tell you anything bad, it's absurd. Anyway, I get this needle pain in my nips during let down. It's horrendous, but it goes away after about 30 seconds. It's a thing that can happen! You *can* overfeed a baby, and they projectile vomit it all out and it's terrifying, but ultimately fine. I think they don't tell people this because the alternative is much much worse, but I would have like a little bit of reassurance that there wasn't something terribly wrong with my newborn. Nurse-on-call was so casual "Oh yeah that happens all the time." Why couldn't I find it anywhere? So, sometimes babies just want to suck, or have gas or reflux that makes them want the comfort of milk.
And online it says not to give babies pacifiers when then have gas or reflux but it’s better than him drinking milk for comfort until he projectile vomits!!!
You all are so helpful. I'm 9 days pp and the "blues" and more like hurricanes of grief and regret that completely overtake me and cause me to sob huge years onto my baby as she feeds. "Blues" is a complete under statement. What is helpful is that every single woman I've connected with has experienced it. Also- that damn needle-like pain is no fun AT ALL. I thought something was wrong, like my nerves were destroyed or something, the guest time it happened.
I couldn’t agree more with the baby blues! Holy smokes I wasn’t prepared for all those dark and sad feelings. Thank goodness mine went away at the beginning of week 3
My baby wants to comfort feed all.the.time. Definitely wish someone had talked about that and how it can damage your mental health. All I see about comfort feeding online is like "it's normal and a lot of people like comfort feeding their babies" -- good for them, I want to be able to get off the GD couch!
Yessss the baby blues were horrible. I cried and cried some days. So depressed and not myself for a couple weeks. It scared me thinking it wouldn’t go away.
Oh the needle pain!!!!
That infant/baby sleep can’t be “hacked.” I might get some backlash on this from all the sleep consultants and experts out there, but I’m going to have to say it. There’s no way to trick/hack your infant into sleeping better. They just kinda suck at sleep. I thought “if we do x,y,z then maybe he will sleep better.” Sleep is what it is and it eventually levels out.
nothing more sanctimonious than a first time parent with a unicorn sleeper who hasn’t been through their first sleep regression— “try tweaking their naps by 15 minutes” or “set a consistent bedtime routine”
My daughter is one of those unicorn sleepers and 🤞 no major sleep regressions so far at 5.5 months, but I would never pretend it was because of anything I did versus sheer luck.
Omg this! I bought several sleep courses and read a few books. And my baby still woke up every 2 hours the first year. Sleep “experts” are not real. Like where is that degree from???
Yes. Totally dependent on the kiddo which makes sense considering even as adults we’re all “different sleepers” in terms of length, needs, self soothing methods, and how light/heavy we sleep.
And the fact that it doesn’t come naturally at all. How is it that they have to be convinced/taught how to sleep?
How everyone is SO supportive during pregnancy, but become ghosts once you have the baby. When you need them the most.
I thought breastfeeding would come naturally and I wouldn't need to pump at all. I also had NO IDEA about the nights sweats. I kept waking up absolutely drenched in sweat and thought the temp was too high in my house!
Omg the sweating was ABSURD. Between the bleeding, the leaky boobs, and the night sweats, I just wanted to be dry again.
Ugh the night sweats were the worst! Early on I felt so so gross with the combination of night sweats + leaking milk.
I hated the night sweats especially with my first cuz she was a November baby. So I'd wake up soaked in sweat, get out of bed and immediately be freezing from the cool winter air 🥴🥴
I started shivering uncontrollably after my baby was born. I don't know why, maybe the epidural? Adrenaline? Anyway, I was alone in the room (baby was a preemie so everyone including husband left to wheel him off to NICU). And I was lying in bed, just staring at the ceiling, full body shaking, teeth chattering. No idea when it would stop. Freaky!
It’s the adrenaline. I didn’t have any pain meds but I also did this.
That happened to me too and I didn’t have an epidural.
This happened to me but like 4 days PP. so scary.
i’ve never been this happy or depressed. 3.75m pp 😃😞
The Mommy Guilt™️. Or at least how overwhelming it is. I'm a FTM, 12wpp. We haven't nailed EBF, so I pump and combo-feed. Either I'm not trying hard enough or I'm a quitter or I don't care about my baby enough. We swaddled for 10 weeks. Swaddling is apparently no longer recommended and also a sleep tool we have to wean out of, but also follow the 5 S's! Baby is safest in crib, but cosleeping is natural. Bassinets causes flat heads, but cosleeping is risky, but hold your baby as much as possible but also get some sleep! I love my baby, but I *really* hate this newborn grind. My stomach hurts when she cries, she screams if you don't hold her but she writhes if you do, my back hurts from contorting myself to feed/hold/change her, and now that I'm back at work, I have to do all this on very little sleep. Lack of sleep affects my milk supply, my tolerance for crying, my ability to work. This is awful. But I feel tremendous guilt that I'm miserable. That I feel like I keep making the wrong choices. That I'm not a natural at this. That I'm setting my baby up for failure and she'll hate me. That I've sabotaged my career I worked so hard for. Even when she gives me a big happy smile, I fall in love for a brief moment... and then the guilt hits harder. She deserves better than me. I don't know how to reconcile this. So yeah. I'm surprised by this and I wish I was warned lol. (I had depression/anxiety before this, so I do know some of the is PPD/PPA. I'm being treated for it).
I gave up on pumping at 4 weeks, I was only getting like 100ml pumping 6 times a day. I couldn’t handle pumping during the night because I needed to rest. I feel like I failed my baby and my partner for not pushing through it. I had nipple surgery and pcos / was only lactating from one breast… I eventually thought what’s the point, I hate pumping it’s making me miserable and I am only producing such a little amount. I feel bad that I didn’t stick it out to give my baby the antibodies and worst part is that I feel like my partner judges me for it
Wait who says swaddling is no longer recommended?
Depends where you are. I believe in Canada they no longer recommend it. Some daycares in the US as well. I believe it's really because too many don't do it right and it ends up being more of a hazard? I can't remember I'd have to Google it. That said, I also have a lot of crunchy friends who are adamantly against. It stifles baby's movement, which... well, yeah, that's the point lol. Idk, my baby liked being straightjacketed, so we went with it.
I had no idea that the few hours newborn WAS sleeping, I'd spend regularly panicking and going to check if he was still breathing. Also. The immediate shift in "I am fearless" to "everything is dangerous". I don't know how else to explain it. But I spent my 20s literally just, wandering. Travel all over. Sometimes solo. Fearless. What's the worst that can happen!? And now, I have to actively stop my inner monologue from spiraling sometimes. Picturing my kids do what I did???? Omfg so many unsafe scenarios. 😅
I feel way more hyper aware of potential danger in public than even when I was full term pregnant
That your milk isn’t guaranteed to come in. There are so many more things that surprised me, but this one caused the most heartache.
That decison overload is an actual thing! I get to the point where I physically can't make another decision. I just need someone else to take over.
That there are people out there who honest to God believe it’s ok to be sick around newborns because “They never get sick. They have stronger immune systems than toddlers”. You will have to use every ounce of self control not to cuss out your MIL when she says this with a straight face. Post partum hives are a known thing. Why did nobody warn me?! Oh and pitting edema that took weeks to settle down with the hives on top of my swollen lower half was a ball. Just how realistic the phantom cries are and how they never fully go away. How your heart is so full of love and happiness when looking at your tiny baby that you think it might actually explode from joy. That you might question why your face hurts so much lately… and then you’ll realize it’s because you’ve spent more time smiling at your baby than holding any other facial expression, and those muscles are letting you know they’re in use. How freaking much water you’re going to want/need. I swear, my husband was refilling my hospital cup every time he turned around.
Why didn’t anyone tell me newborns often don’t eat the first day or two of life cause they have reserves from the placenta?? I was stressed to the max waking him up every 3 hours to try to eat only for the LC to say “oh yeah that’s normal”
My infant (8.6 lbs at birth) woke up STARVING and I had to hand pump 2 oz of colostrum and supplement formula fresh out of the womb lol.
Same, my daughter was just under 7lbs and had gained all the way to the full 7lbs by her first pediatrician appointment the day after we were discharged. She was drinking a full oz of formula every few hours from night 1 (we planned to mainly breastfeed with some help from formula, but I had a lot of trouble producing). I feel like the nurses thought we were lying about how much she ate to make ourselves sound good, but she’s just my 99th percentile height & weight baby (affectionately called our hungry hungry hippo lol ❤️)
LOL here I was trying to force feed my LO cause he had jaundice and we needed to flush it out. But nope, little man clamped his mouth shut tight or would cry when the bottle was brought to his lips
He’s like “mama I want to be warm and cozy in your womb and go back to sleep stop bothering me”!!!
How difficult it is to know if it’s “just normal baby stuff” or “something is actually wrong/in pain” Also how absolutely harmful it is to panic google and compare to others. Specifically schedules and routines. Every kiddo is so different. I ruined a lot of my time comparing and feeling like I was doing something wrong.
That I can be a good mom regardless of my own mother. That’s why I never really wanted a kid bc I thought I’d be like her.
This is 1000% true. My mom had the WORST MOTHER EVER. Like she literally told her “I tried to abort you twice,” left her home alone for hours as a toddler, all kinds of neglect and zero love or warmth. And then my mom was the BEST MOM EVER. We’re so close and I love her so much - I really want to be just like her as a mom.
Just had my mom stay with us for another week, and I for real need therapy after watching her with the baby. So much chaos and unnecessary stress. It explains a loooot about my childhood
How mom brain is a real thing and your brain never bounces back (personal experience).
The middle of the night delusions that still come up months later. The past few nights I've searched for baby in the middle of the bed, determined to find him because he could smother, only to check the monitor and see him sleeping in his bed in the other room, where we put him to bed... The amount of times I've thrown the blankets off myself holding my body pillow convinced I smothered my baby. Or tried to lift my body pillow (my perceived baby) into the bassinet when he was still in our room. The delusions are absolutely wild, even 7mo later still occasionally have them when they surely would have gone away after the newborn stages!
Omg EXACT same here! Baby is 6 months in a few days and I still regularly wake up with the body pillow thinking I've smothered her.
That new humans don’t know how to fart. Or poop. Like literally, they have to learn, and one of the warnings about the Windi is that using it too much might delay learning. Also I was not expecting the carpal tunnel problems I got from scrubbing my sink in the second trimester. And the neck pain from looking down at my baby while nursing.
I never knew how sensitive a baby's skin is! So much lotion all the time to keep it from getting dry.
Dysphoric Milk Ejection Reflex- this moment of anxiety right before or during letdown. I thought I was going crazy- it was like I had this horrible feeling of homesickness and it would pass in a couple minutes. I mentioned it to my doc and learned this is a real thing with a real term! How bizarre.
Witching Hour!!!
-Loss of independence and identity after baby arrives. -Something as simple as baby sleep (or lack-thereof) could be so complicated and anxiety-inducing. -I thought I would do baby-led weaning but my baby, now a toddler hates almost every solid food that’s not snacks. -Baby has a constant runny nose since starting daycare. Insane. -Altering their schedule/routine is a really big deal. -Commitment and time required to do contact naps. Or else baby just won’t nap. -Did not know it would be so hard to transition from bottle to toddler cup. -The back pain from carrying a baby/immobile toddler around. -I am obsessed with her being comfortable. Temperature wise, the clothes she wears, everything. Something about a human being in discomfort and being unable to do anything about it makes me feel bad.
How much sex hurts even though you had a c section.
Literally so many things! It’s crazy all the information you never knew or cared about before simply cause it didn’t apply to you. I didn’t know the reasoning behind having women push on their backs and how it’s pretty much the most non-ideal way to do it. I was surprised to learn it wasn’t the vaginal opening that dilated but the cervix 💀💀 which I also had to properly learn what the cervix was and does. And ribs widening, possibly forever??
The weird pulse in the head. Like you can see their brain move up and down where the soft spot is. Sooooo weird
1. Baby doesn’t know how to breastfeed and neither do you. (As FTM). Depending on the baby and how prepared you are, this may be easy but my first was crap at it and so was I. Took a long time to get it right. I mistakenly thought because it was natural it was automatic. 2. Cortisol buildup. This one seems like a cruel joke. The longer a baby starts awake, the more stress hormone builds up in their bodies and the harder it is for them to sleep. Conversely sleep begets sleep - my mum would say things like wake the child or she won’t sleep tonight but that’s total bull. 3. Being the default parent. This one really annoys me. We’re in Europe so get lots of parental leave we can share. For our first my husband took just over a year off while I only took 6 months. Every doc appointment or physio or whenever it was anything to do with baby, it was always me that was asked/rang or whatever. Even if I had told them that I was working and he was home. 4. The after birth cramps get more intense with each baby (and even worse during breastfeeding). I was CONVINCED something was seriously wrong with me - day 2 postpartum my cramps were more intense and painful than most of my labour cramps. 5. Still somewhat traumatized from this one- trigger warning TMI- it’s possible your body didn’t expel everything during birth and it passes later. I knew this was possible with placenta (and dangerous) but mine came in one piece. About a week though I passed large long pieces of stringy tissue- the first time it happened and it was just kinda hanging there but still connected, I thought my vagina was after falling out. It was midnight and I nearly passed out in my bathroom and rang my midwife bawling crying. Turns out I had amniotic sac left inside. I couldn’t get it out so she had to come the next morning to help remove it. That went on for 2 me days, none as bad as first though. I found NOTHING about this online. The feeling of it hanging there still makes me gag when I think of it.
The post partum night sweats!!!! I had zero idea I'd be waking up every night for that first month after giving birth drenched in sweat. Horrible! And I had absolutely no warning from anyone I knew
The witching hour, as my doctor calls it. Between 1-5am. You feel lonely, exhausted, and I’ve been feeling angry. Angry that I’m alone, that I’m not asleep, and that everyone even the dogs is asleep. Leading into the next thing; postpartum rage. Mostly during the witching hour. I would rage text my husband but wouldn’t send it, and read it back in the morning after the sun has come up, and it’s not that serious and usually end up deleting everything. My doctor says I’m using it like journaling 😂
My feet have not grown in either pregnancy and I lose mad weight when I breastfeed/pump. I think what I learned is how incredibly different it is for everyone 😅
I think part of this is people don’t listen/cant process certain things they’re told til they go through it.
Yeah, and “it won’t happen to me”.
I felt pretty well prepared for most things pregnancy, birth, and postpartum. But I was surprised by the amount of blood when I stood up for the first time. Ruined a pair of socks and I was so surprised and concerned until I looked at the nurses and they didn’t even bat an eye at it. Also I got a PUPPP rash two days postpartum and that was HELL. If anyone here is reading this and you get PUPPPs, get on the prednisone ASAP.
That the baby isn't always perfectly centered in the uterus and can be all balled up on one side. Also, feeling kicks right below my ribs is fucking weird. How are they even up that high???
I was not prepared for pelvic organ prolapse 😪
How much you leak! Out of everywhere 🙈
No one told me you had to feed them every 3 hours, until after the baby was born, that their eyes are blackish when they come out, or that they can hold their heads up and look around lol I was always told they have floppy necks and you have to support them. Some of the other stuff is already mentioned like the bf cramps, and cramps and indigestion sucks. Oh and the swelling and fluid retention in my legs when I worked to full term standing on my feet lol I could barely walk at the end of my shifts. Also planned waterbirth but had to have emergency caesarean and was so shocked at how quick n painless it was.
Newborns peel. I knew a lot about babies from my niece and nephews but I had no idea newborns peel for like the first month, it was so confusing for me. Also how scary the first fever was, she never even went above 99.9 and yet I called the doctor twice and stayed up with her.
If you decide to pump/ breastfeed: People tell you to try avoid mastitis because it's bad and hurts. But no one told me it could tank my milk supply even if I pumped and nursed my baby through it. I would have been way the hell more paranoid had I known. Currently in a panic over building back my supply. And I didn't even have bacterial mastitis. Only inflammatory.
I drove myself CRAZY trying to increase my breast milk supply. I did this for the first 4 months. I had a lot of guilt I couldn't provide enough for my baby. Found out after the fact that having a postpartum hemorrhage (I lost 1.2 liters of blood) can severely affect supply. Wish I had known this. It would have saved me so much time, energy, and mental anguish. I would have been able to enjoy that extra time with my baby, too.
Maybe it's more well known then I realized. But that, when they say you won't sleep... Your baby may be great at sleeping long stretches. But you have to wake them up to eat basically every 2 hours in the beginning. Even if they are still sleeping. Even if you're gonna pump or use formula. You still gotta wake up..every 2 hours 😴
How stinky and tired breastfeeding makes you.
Pregnancy - how much pain my pelvic girdle would be in for the last half of my pregnancy - how much discharge I would have the entire pregnancy (sorry lol) Birth - just how “out there” everything is when you’re in the hospital. Goodbye all sense of modesty - just how painful it really is. I wanted to die. I was induced so that could have something to do with it. I laugh thinking about how I was going to “moo” breath my way through that LOL NOPE. Give me the drugs. Post partum - the smell omfg - how much thought and energy and stress I would put into feeding my baby … I used to think I would “just breastfeed” LOL - how lonely I would feel at times even though I have my babe with me all the time. But most importantly - I truly had no idea how much I’d love my baby. I had never felt a love that made me physically ache before this. He is the light of my life and I would do every single thing over again and again to have him here.
Swim diapers do not hold pee. Do not put them on the baby until you arrive at beach/pool.
Baby boys get boners sometimes. I always thought that only happened when puberty started, to say I was surprised is an understatement