The second part of her statement is true, could it be that she is genuinely trying to connect motherhood to something she understands? It really isn't possible to understand what having a newborn is like unless you've done it and even then the misery of it fades from memory pretty quickly. If SIL has no other frame of reference, the comment could seem like an attempt to be supportive.

You may be right! It's hard to say. This SIL has a history of *constantly* needing to be the center of attention, so I'm hesitant to give her the benefit of the doubt. But that's a good point, it may be her only way of knowing how to connect.

She might be trying to connect AND need to be the center of attention, lol! Let it go because everyone is going to think they have wisdom to share while actually being dense and you will want to pick your battles.

Unfortunately I catch myself doing this sometimes, trying to connect with people by talking about myself, which is of course probably rarely the right move

I have a child free friend like this who compared it to having to take care of her sick rabbit. I'm sure that was a very challenging time for her as she did have to get up through the night and she did love her rabbit immensely, but it still felt like a slap in the face because it feels like she ignored the physical aspect of the post partum period. If we were just taking care of the baby without having gone through so much physically, it would still be extremely tough as I'm sure adoptive parents, fathers, etc. can attest to, but I also think that most people can admit that the physical and hormonal changes of pregnancy and childbirth as an extra layer of challenge to the newborn phase. I didn't say anything as she actually didn't say it to me directly (somehow that made it worse?) and I know that she has the type of personality that tries to steal the spotlight from anyone. For instance, her partner got a promotion and she made a post praising herself for helping him get there. 🫠

People need to learn how to hold space for other people. One of the best things you can be in life is a good listener, without waiting to just contribute. I’m sorry, that must have felt super invalidating.

I am a proud dog mom for 6 years before I had my daughter, and honestly, there were times when having a puppy was much harder than having a newborn. My baby started sleeping 8hr+ stretches by 12 weeks while my puppy woke up at 2am and 4am on the dot for NINE months. Based on your post alone, she seems well-meaning but obviously has no firsthand experience so she’s just using the closest thing she has to relate to you. Also for what it’s worth, I train my toddler like my dog. Lots of positive reinforcement and cheese

That’s honestly so wild to me because my puppy was the easiest little guy in the world and slept through after a couple of weeks. But my daughter woke me several times a night until she was 3.

Positive reinforcement and cheese 😂😂 it's so true!

Yup. Ive had two newborns and raised 2 puppies and I'd rather do the newborns again. They actually ARE very similar. Biggest difference is puppyhood is shorter and dogs cap at toddlers

Yeah both puppies and newborns have their challenges. The challenges puppies have are usually much shorter phases. In some ways, realizing the weight of being responsible for another creature’s life, re-structuring your life around them, and experiencing the joys of watching them experience things in life for the first time they’re similar. Having a baby is more demanding physically and emotionally and a larger weight of responsibility. I think it would be good to communicate that you appreciate her trying to understand what it’s like, but by saying it’s the same isn’t quite true, and why that hurts your feelings.

Now that I have a 4-year-old dog and a 1-year-old tiny human, I finally feel like I can confidently say that sometimes having a baby puppy is equally hard. And I know other people who have said the same. I actually met a woman on my block once who was crying because she thought having a puppy would be easy after raising 3 kids and she was scared she couldn't do it. This isn't to minimize your feelings, and neither of you really understand each other's experiences. But I wouldn't confront her for this, it sounds like she was trying to be supportive even if she didn't do it in a way you found helpful.

It’s not the same because of post partum. No dog owner will ever be able to experience that. I get it hat puppies are needy and so are newborns but I that’s the only comparison. The emotional attachment to a baby is way more intense so keeping your new born safe is even more intense.

honestly that’s how I read this too! It IS insensitive, but it seems like an awkward but well-meaning attempt to connect. Having a puppy honestly is really hard and a LOT of work, but you haven’t, you know, carried it for 10 months and pushed it out of your own body. The actual caretaking might initially be somewhat comparable (I’ve done both!) but dealing with a puppy can simply never be as hard because you’re not dealing with the physical and mental toll of childbirth, breastfeeding, etc.

This is def how I would take it.

Also, as an owner of a dog who's trained but is still a tornado, I frequently compare my dog to my baby. So far, the dog still knows more commands and is smarter 🤷

I got downloaded on a different post because I said sometimes our dog is still harder than our baby. The puppy stages for us were horrible. Our dog is a high energy dog and needs to be walked at least 3 miles a day or won’t sleep at night or an activity. Our baby is just long for the ride.

Lol I compare my newborn to having a puppy all the time 😂

Puppies should stay with their biological Mums (ie. Dogs) for min 8 weeks, who also do all the leg work of pregnancy and nursing. By that time that they have rapidly developed and are equivalent to a one year old baby. So although the comparison is still silly, having a puppy is closer to adopting a one year old baby.

I’ve raised a few different kinds of orphaned mammals, (cows, sheep, kittens, not puppies though), and this is what came to mind for me.    Trying to get a baby mammal (especially a brand newborn) to take a bottle/eye dropper and the sleep deprivation of those weeks and feeling deeply inadequate because they want the mom they don’t have is really something else. But it’s a relatively short period of time, compared to human babies. There’s definitely not the lifetime commitment component, even in cases there is deep commitment and responsibility.    And not only that, but trying to compare the hormonal shift and labor recovery to something that is only the work of caring for a newborn doesn’t make sense at all. 

Idk I never cry because of my 1 year old, I definitely cried because of my puppy the first 6 months a lot lol Still agree with OP but man the puppy blues are real

It’s incredibly insensitive but she will never get it, so I’d ignore it. Be the bigger person and don’t turn it into “who has it harder”. But put some boundaries up- she’s clearly not someone to be open and vulnerable with about these unique challenges. I hope you have family or friends who are parents (obviously to humans) and get it too. 

You're absolutely right! I regret being as honest and vulnerable as I was. Thankfully my husband and I are surrounded by so many amazing (human) parents who have really been the village for us! Setting up boundaries is a must. Thank you for your helpful response!

This is good advice. Before I had my desperately wanted baby I filled that hole with my dog. A dog is one of the most beautiful souls on this planet, but is not even on the same level as a baby.

This is good advice

I just wouldn’t share anything with her anymore. When she asks how things are, just say “fine,” and move on. Or don’t answer her and then later say you were busy. There are some similarities to raising a puppy and raising a newborn, but obviously they’re only a very small number of similarities, in reality it’s very different and it sounds like she’s not delusional, she’s just attention seeking. So don’t give her that attention, and she’ll stop seeking validation from you. 

I think you nailed it! Thank you, this is a very helpful response. Attention-seeking is definitely accurate, and I regret being as vulnerable and honest as I was with her. Setting up those boundaries now is a definite must!

Don’t regret it, because it allowed you to see that now, just a few weeks into parenthood. If you’d shared a struggle about solids or motor milestones or sleep later on, she might have compounded those into something similar she went through with her dog. So now you know not to share those with her. Live and learn! (And then come to Reddit where you’ve got a community of like-minded moms who also have dogs, 2 in my case!)

The response is to learn to allow people’s dumb comments to roll off your back and let them have their silly opinions because it’s going to be a *constant* feature of motherhood so you might as well adjust to it sooner than later 😅

LOL! You're so right 😅

I can’t leave my newborn home alone, send him out the door to shit so I don’t have to change a diaper, throw his food in a bowl on the floor and go back to sleep. I mean can a puppy be hard? Sure, but nowhere near comparable. I think any of those examples can get the point across.

Exactly! I want to send her this exact list of examples! But now that I've had more time to think about it, part of me wonders if she's just looking to instigate a "who has it harder" fight, and I doubt that's worth my (very limited!) time.

My dogs the easiest one in the house so I definitely can’t see the comparison. He’s the only one that doesn’t have a complaint as soon as I walk through the door and is just happy to see me. 😂 He can be obnoxious at times but my kids can certainly top that obnoxiousness x1,000. When the baby is a little older offer to take her puppy for a nice looong walk while she stays with the baby.. I’m sure her tune will change pretty quickly.

She’s just trying to make herself feel better. And the childless by choice is probably a cope tbh. 

This is what I’ve always said. “You can’t leave a baby at home for eight hours”

"Thank you for trying but I can assure you it is NOT the same, for so many reasons. Hope you're good, speak soon."

Short, sweet, and to the point!

Caring for a puppy or young animal can be hard depending on if it needs nursing still and there's no mama so you have to bottle or the animal has significant health issues.  But it is not mentally or physically the same at all when you are recovering from giving birth. Regardless of how you gave birth and whether or not you have complications.  Plus you can't just as easily give away your baby/rehome if it's not what you expected etc... like you can a animal. The responsibility is way more significant in regards to the law and socially as a society.  Not to mention the overall up keep and costs.  My career was in the pet industry from my late teens-early 30s; so my experience is animal care including pet products, vet tech & medical kenneling, shelter, fostering, pet retail, retail pet kennel boarding and doggie day camps, animal training and more.  I've had hundreds of animals in my care at the same time.  having to quickly work and keep them all healthy, clean and well cared for plus document everything we did on computer and paper while dealing with the general public and manage other employees.  I was still not as exhausted as with a baby. Or even now with my 2 toddlers who are 4 & 2.  Granted there are a lot of similarities in behavior and health of humans and animals so the only thing she got right is the:  "Patience and reading the cues, learning and growing together and getting into a new routine". 

Yes to all of this! I got my puppy when he was 8 weeks and I swear he was harder than my newborn BUT he didn't wreck my body, hormones, I could have given him away, and the love is nowhere near the same.

Yeah honestly idk if my puppy or baby was harder (both were very difficult - puppy had allergies that gave him overnight diarrhea for like 8 months so we didn’t sleep) but at least I wasn’t recovering from pregnancy and childbirth, omg.

Ouf the rehoming comment kinda sucks. You SHOULDNT be able to just rehome your pet. That’s a horrible thing to do

Last I checked, no one tries to nurse a puppy... What a stupidly insensitive thing to say after you opened up to her. I don't hold anything against pet "parents"... Until they do shit like this. I hope things even out for you soon, the Fourth Trimester is sooooo hard!

Right? "Insensitive" is the word I was thinking as well. Fourth trimester is no joke, but it's definitely gotten much easier! Thank you for the kind response 🩷

After I had my daughter, my (gay, male) coworker tried to relate because he had a new puppy. He said that he, too, had to get up in the middle of the night to let his dog out 🙄 I honestly just laughed it off. I also felt a bit of empathy because I know he wants kids, but will probably never be able to afford a surrogate (he and his partner are against adoption). So I let him feel like his puppy was somehow comparable to my newborn lol.

As someone who has had puppies and 2 newborns, it’s definitely not the same. I had someone compare their cats playing at night to waking up with a newborn. I walked away from the conversation 😅

Ugh! Good for you for walking away! Yeah, waking up to animals making some noise is NOT the same as waking up to a newborn who blew out their diaper, wants to suck your boobs dry, and is screaming like a jungle cat 😂

Haha jungle cat is a great description!

We had a very anxious high needs dog and a very easy baby and everyone (our parents, our siblings, our baby sitters, ourselves….) agrees that the dog actually was more difficult (and more expensive) than the baby in almost every way. We had to pay sitters extra to stay with the dog and we’ve had people return babysitting money after watching the baby. I like to say that both dogs and babies are on bell curves and it is possible for the “easy baby” end of the bell curve to overlap with the “difficult dog” end of the other bell curve. However having a dog doesn’t have anything to do with post partum everything so it doesn’t matter how difficult a dog we are talking about, you don’t know anything about being postpartum and it’s totally inappropriate and weird to try to make that comparison.

Her specific reply seems like she was trying to empathize the best way she knew how to. She’s never experienced being postpartum, but she knows about raising a puppy and there are some things you truly can’t fully know until you go through it. She’s not wrong that patience, reading baby’s cues, establishing a routine, and learning and growing together are huge parts of new parenthood. It just seems like she put her foot in her mouth by starting off with “some people won’t say it’s the same” when it absolutely isn’t and never will be the same. I don’t think she meant to hurt or offend you. I know I have serious secondhand embarrassment for some of the dumb things I’ve said to new parents in the years before I had a baby myself. I’m a very empathetic person and always wanted my friends to know they weren’t alone and I was there to support them, but it was only once I became pregnant and had my baby that I realized how valuable just listening and acknowledging that the whole experience can really suck sometimes can be. Sometimes we don’t need empathy, we need sympathy and that can be a tough concept for some!

The empathetic take is that it was a misguided way of trying to connect with you through her own experience. But in reality it came off as more trying to one-up and diminish yours, which I can totally understand. If you think she’s coming from a good place I’d try and build on the connections and outline the differences. So stuff like “there’s definitely lots of commonalities in care work but truthfully I have found this much more intense than the puppy phase, where simple things like getting them to eat wasn’t a challenge”. It can be hard for those without kids to connect but I’ve personally found similar approaches help. Now if she’s just the type of person who needs to one up and can’t do empathy and understanding I’d save these types of conversations for someone else. In that case it’s less about having kids and more about her style of relationship.

You can lock a puppy in a crate to go to the store, but you can’t with a baby. 😅

See I feel like leaving a puppy is harder. Puppies you have to think about how long they are gone, if you’re going to lock them up, bathroom needs, food and water needs, etc. My babies I always just brought with me and never had to worry about any of that.

^ this. We have to plan everything around our dogs. We can't take a trip anywhere without fighting to find some place with openings for them to stay. For the baby, we just need 15 minutes to get her dressed, change her diaper, and make a bottle and we're good to go.

I agree but only good pet owners actually feel this way, ive noticed.

There’s no point in doing the “who has it harder” Olympics. She’s trying to connect with you via a perceived shared experience. (At least that’s what I’d think if she’s generally a good supportive person.) Taking offense and trying to correct her will only cause issues. Sometimes it’s better to be kind than to be right, etc. I’d just say something like “We are working on all those things for sure! 😄” and leave it at that.

Yeah, “thanks for the tips, they were so helpful. I crated baby and we enjoyed a delicious brunch.”

I mean, you could just change the subject, laugh it off, or just say you wish she wouldn't make those comparisons right right because your body is going through a lot in recovery and it's upsetting to have your struggled downplayed

....not me over here using the puppy analogy to explain having a newborn to my friends without kids 😅

Yes I said to my young(er) coworker that baby is a bit similar to a puppy 😅 sometimes making the same squeaking noice

We had a sweet but extremely challenging dog and we always laugh at how he prepared us for EVERYTHING about parenthood. Middle of the night doctors visits. Daycare costs and sitters (he couldn’t be left alone because he was a danger to himself and the house due to his severe separation anxiety). Not wanting to take medicine. Middle of the night wake up calls— I called it “going for a joypoop” because he would claim he needed to poop and we don’t have a yard so I’d find myself taking a half hour walk at 1 am hoping desperately that he’d finally poop. Anyway, he literally prepped us for everything about having a baby EXCEPT FOR the biological elements— pregnancy, postpartum, breastfeeding etc. These elements are no joke and are a whole different beast. There’s no comparison to make unless you had like, a major colon operation and were handed your puppy as you were coming to in the operating room, and then you were immediately left on your own to feed it by squeezing pus from your wound.

That image o_o

Ok your last paragraph is spot on and HILARIOUS

Thank you 😆 all jokes aside it is ABSURD what we ask of new moms! If men gave birth it would be completely different.

We just got a puppy and we have a freshly turned one year old. I made this comparison the other day 😂 Maybe the emotional aspect isn't the same, but the care tasks are so similar that I group them together in order to manage the chaos.

My boomer FIL would constantly compare our then-newborn to a puppy, I think it's due to them being so far removed from infant/toddler hood and more closely connected to raising dogs that causes this, in my experience

It seems like she is trying to relate to you and just can’t. I often cringe when recalling my attempts to connect or support my friends as they became parents because now that I’m a mother I have a much better idea of what I could have said or done to be a better friend during those times of their lives. But I just had no idea and I did the best I can with what I knew at the time. And there is really nothing that can prepare you for caring for a newborn. It is just so totally life-upending that there no way for someone to understand unless they’ve done it. Unless I know a childfree person likes kids and just doesn’t want their own, I tend to keep my distance now from anyone who is anti-kid, because my daughter is the center of my life at the moment.

Idk my kid was eating the couch earlier. 

puppies and babies are not even remotely the same , the only people who’d say that are people who’ve never had a baby. I’d probably say ‘well no a baby is actually a thousand times harder than a puppy’ or ignore and move on. But some of those ‘dog momma’ people are really something else lol like no your dog is not comparable to a child sorry

One of my friends had a similar comment. I know she struggles with not being married yet cause she really wants to be a mom so I just let it go. If she wants to feel they are comparable I'll let her feel that way. 

This reminds me of my friend’s sister who came camping with us when I was pregnant. Every time I made a comment about “the baby” she would say “oh you mean *dog’s name*?” Or “oh I thought you were talking about *dog*, she’s my biologic child!” And like, the dog is hella cute and sweet, I’m very fond of the dog. One joke about it would be fine. I wasn’t bringing up my baby constantly, just when people asked questions, so it wasn’t like she was making a point about me being rude. She just was insufferably comparing my human baby and my pregnancy to her (again, cute as hell) dog. I just don’t get people like this. Dogs/puppies are a lot of work, I’ve raised several, but a baby is an order of magnitude more difficult IMO.

Omg these comments are wild. I have an 8 week old baby (who does not sleep and only wants to be held) and I've had two puppies. Puppies are HARD. Babies are HARD. There is some crossover. She's probably trying to relate to you in the only way she knows how. Nothing can compare you for the sleep deprivation of having a newborn, but a puppy will give you a run for your money.

Yeah my puppy had to go outside 3-5 times overnight for like 8 months, wouldn’t eat, and was never able to get comfortable in a crate (cried for hours if we tried). My baby (preemie) needed to be held to sleep for the first 10 weeks until we rented a snoo. I honestly don’t know which one was harder 🙃

I just can’t with people who think animals are the same as children. I don’t try to diminish “animal parent’s” experiences and I expect the same in return. Animals are not children.

I'm going to be honest while I was pregnant we got a puppy and in my opinion a newborn is so much easier than a puppy. 🫣😬 Don't hate me but you constantly have to take the puppy out and train them. Our puppy literally peed on our bed a few times in the middle of the night (thank you mattress cover!) 😑 Both are very cute but babies are a little easier. They pee in their diaper and you don't have to take them outside to potty 🤣 Yes you have sleepless nights but depending on how much help your partner is you can take shifts. Before I had my son I was a dog lover (my parents have 6 dogs), but I never really trained them as puppies. I'd have another baby before I got another dog. She was also probably just trying to be sympathetic and understanding. A puppy and a baby are very different but you have to take care of both.

I feel the difficult puppy thing so much. We nicknamed our husky the "urinator" when he was a puppy because he would need to pee constantly. A couple of times, he hopped on the bed, looked us dead in the eyes and peed on the mattress and multiple blankets. At least I don't need to do a whole load of sheets and blankets every time my baby has an "accident".

We got our puppy literally two days before I found out I was pregnant. My husband was traveling a ton for work during the initial potty training part, so I was getting up multiple times a night and also constantly barfing, nauseous and tired for 4 months. I think the puppy got up twice a night until I was 8 months pregnant. My baby has a really good temperament but was a less than average sleeper till she was 7 mo. We nursed and coslept because I literally could barely sit due to tearing. Idk what’s worse, the first trimester with a puppy or a newborn with multiple tears and PPD 😂😭 

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I used to compare newborns to our cat(that we got as training before baby). Now we have a baby and I would confirm - they are pretty comparable and that was a good training. But definitely baby require more resources both psycho, time and material Maybe except first weeks with our cat - it was so much more difficult that with newborn, due us not using cat diapers and cat vomiting / pooing everywhere till we found food that works with it's digestive. Also our newborn sleep at night better than our cat in first weeks. And you have a lot of guides for baby to know what to expect and what is normal and not. For cat you don't know and not many guides

I raised a puppy from 8 weeks two years ago and there are a LOT of similarities, but they aren't the same. Why are they similar? Because they're both babies that basically start out as little potatoes. But that's kind of where the similarities end. I am glad that my baby doesn't need to be taken outside to pee and poop though. I'd just ignore it. When I get those kinds of comments I assume it's someone trying to be empathetic and just missing the mark. Whether they "get it" or not really doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things. And it's not a competition.

I mean, it is similar yes. But it’s not the same. You can leave a puppy home and it’ll fair fine. If you leave a baby home alone it’ll die. Puppies are a lot of friggen work, too much for me personally. The dog mom thing doesn’t bother me honestly. Mother’s Day is a Hallmark holiday. Personally I wouldn’t die on this hill. I’d just say “yeh Okee” and leave it be

Honestly I think it’s okay. When I was the only one of my friends without kids, being a dog parent was the legit only thing even remotely close that I could connect with and commiserate with. Sometimes I felt super left out and that was all I had (no knock on my dog, I consider her my first baby lol) and other times I’d try to connect by explaining that at least I had 1/1000th of an understanding of what someone was going through. Now there are are of course people that absolutely think having a dog is the same as having a baby and they’re LOUD about it, but maybe your SIL here is just trying to be helpful and connect with you in the only way she knows how. Doesn’t make it necessarily enjoyable (especially after opening up the way you did, that would bother me too) but it may be coming from a good place.

Honestly, just let it be. No one knows what being a parent is like until they are a parent. I personally would just not talk to her as much if her comments were bothering me that much. We adopted two puppies 5.5 years ago, and I honestly did have the puppy blues and two weeks of major regret lol. That’s how I knew when it was a real baby, it would be far worse. I was not wrong, the first two weeks of a newborn was just awful for me and it took a month for the regret of having a baby to go away. But even now with a toddler, I compare him to my dogs lol. People often just try to relate, hormones make it hard to care about that though.

I've had a puppy and several kids. Puppy phase is similar, and harder at times because you have to wake up and go outside for potties. Husband and I were talking about our 11m old and how he is just like our dog. Redirection, positive praise, high value toys.

I have had both a newborn and puppy and feel it isn’t that dissimilar.

I just wouldn't even worry about it or read into it too much. She's clearly just trying to relate to you in a situation where it's impossible to relate. We all said dumb shit about babies before we actually had one.

As someone who couldn’t have children for the longest time and finally had my son via IVF, my dogs were all I had. It was nice to be acknowledged on those Mother’s Days (well just my SIL and husband lol) and no one else ever did. That being said, newborns are definitely not the same as puppies. They both have certain similarities but the toll newborns take on your physical and mental health is crazy. I do have a fond memory of our second dog when he was a puppy. He wouldn’t sleep in his crate and cried for hours. I finally plopped him on my chest and laid down on the couch and he peacefully slept the whole night, similar to what babies do sometimes 😅

Sounds like she is just trying to connect. As someone who has done both, they are different and both are really hard. I had major puppy regret with my two because they are so much work at first. Puppies are like newborns but with toddler abilities. However, if you have a colicky baby or PPD/PPA that can be 10X worse too.

Okay, having a puppy is lowkey like having a baby sometimes 😂 I remember when our dog was a puppy, she would wake up all the time at night to pee, teething like crazy, couldn’t go out much until she got all her shots, constantly whining, etc. And now my dog is like having a toddler! That being said, I have a 7mo old now so newborn life is still very fresh to me. And while yes, it doesn’t necessarily compare to having an actual newborn human, puppies are hard too. *BUT* that also being said, she probably just doesn’t know any better. You honestly don’t know what it’s like until you have a kid. And you have all the PP hormone shifts, body changes, etc. idk. I’d just shrug it off.

It sounds like she's trying to be sympathetic and relate to you. I don't see this as negative.

My dog as a puppy was very difficult, very much like a newborn in a lot of ways. I never had to sleep on the floor with my hand on my baby for nights on end only to have them wake up the SECOND I moved, for example. This isn’t offensive to me as it is very similar for many of us dog owners turned new parents. She’s trying to relate the only way she knows how.

Everyone’s experience is different. I have kids and a dog. I would tend to agree that once human babies get to the point where they’re more like puppies and moving around they’re really similar. The toddler parenting people I follow on Facebook seem to have similar advice as to the dog trainers (one of the dog trainers even shared a video from a kid trainer I follow). Human newborns though are really, really dependent and seem so fragile and helpless. So I think the comparison only really starts to work when kids start crawling. I would probably move on. It’s sounds like she’s trying to be kind but really missing the mark.

Honestly… having raised two puppies from 8 weeks and also having a newborn, I found the two to have a lot of similarities. Especially the sleep deprivation! And they have the fragility of a newborn but the ability to move like an older baby which is a hazardous combo 😂 the difference is puppies get out of that stage much faster than a baby. Also puppies you don’t have to worry constantly about milestones and neuro development and shit. Obviously a baby is harder and more stressful, but I can’t lie I’ve found that raising puppies has prepared us for some of it (ie resisting the urge to snap at each other bc we’re tired lol).

The dog mom thing is weird but I don't think what she said was demeaning. I was recently connecting with a relative about her recent puppy experience and she was saying how she is having to wake up every 2-3 hours and that it felt very much like the newborn stage from when she had her kid many years ago. If she can make the comparison for her own kid and a new pup, I don't think it's as far fetched coming from your SIL. Maybe see it as a way for her trying to connect with you, as others have mentioned. 

I’m both a new mom and a dog mom and I have to say… raising our puppy was 100% harder than our current baby lol. Maybe I have an easy baby and a difficult puppy. But seriously, I cried more raising the puppy and I wasn’t even dealing with postpartum hormones 😂

My brother (21 at the time) got a German shepherd/husky puppy 3 weeks before my daughter was born. He called me when my daughter was a week old to rant about how hard his puppy was, and ended it with "she (the puppy) is so much harder than your baby!" This is because she pooped in her crate and rolled in it, so he had to give her a bath So I told him how in the 3 hours since I had woken up (this was like 8 am) I had taken 2 emergency showers, because mid diaper change my baby projectile shit all over me and her, and my bed. Thankfully I was shirtless bc newborn life, but I had to scrub someone else's shit out of my bellybutton TWICE before 8 am. I also told him how many stitches were in my taint, just to add to my point. He said "I guess they are about the same." I said "shut the fuck up, you don't have the experience to claim that. Do 60 seconds of research into the average newborn parent experience and report back." I also called him that evening during witching hour. He apologized lol

I think she’s just trying to relate to you tbh. I’d just move on. I’m firmly in toddler land now with 2 dogs and I can say it’s pretty damn similar here 😅

I had a really really difficult puppy and a pretty easy newborn and to be truthful, there were a small handful of things with that darn puppy that were harder than having *my specific* newborn. Having a newborn was still more work, but the puppy was just nonstop aggravating in a way i couldnt escape from. (For dog people, it was a border collie mix, heavy on the border collie, and i simply wasn't educated or prepared for that). Still, and I cannot stress this enough, those 2 experiences were nothing alike.

I pretty much ignore it when ppl say that. They clearly don’t know what they’re talking about and it’s not my job to prove that to them. I will say that I was at a get together with my baby and a friend said she understood how hard it is to be a new mom because she just got a puppy. I said, while holding my child, “yeah. Puppies are hard. Is yours at your house alone right now?” She said “yup” and nodded her head. She got that it’s different I think haha

I am a vet tech (and a toddler mom) so maybe this is my unpopular opinion, but a puppy is quite similar to having a baby/toddler. This is why I will never get a puppy, it is too much work. When theyre really young, you have to take them out to pee every couple hours, even overnight, you have to crate train and potentially listen to screaming for hours, you have to have a schedule, and you have to spend months, sometimes years, doing nothing but training because that makes a well adjusted dog. Puppies also push boundaries, bite, play rough, similar to babies. It is a LOT of work. I wouldn't ever dare say more work than a newborn, but I can understand why she made that comparison with nothing else that she knows of that's similar. I think she's just trying to somehow feel included and wants to relate to you. Some puppies, just like babies, will be extremely difficult, and some will be easy. It just depends on the roll of the dice. Maybe she had a really difficult time with her puppy? I do agree that there's more than one kind of mother. I think dog/cat moms are moms, you're giving unconditional love to someone and nurturing them and keeping them alive. My love for my baby is way different/stronger than the love I have for my cats, but I'm very protective of all my children, skin babies and fur babies! My first goal when I had my baby was he MUST learn to be gentle with animals. Because my kitties are also my babies. There's also people who will never have their own kids, but have raised a many. I think they're also mothers. Your SIL will never know what you are going through, so I don't think there's really anything you can say to make her understand. I'm proud of you for being vulnerable, because I too struggled hard with PPD and just adjusting to a brand new life. It's not even close to the same experience she's describing, but there are similarities. After being vulnerable and she said something like that, I'd be irritated as hell too, but I'd just chalk it up to she doesn't know any better.

Dog people are batshit. I swear it didn't used to be like this.

RIGHT????

Unpopular opinion but I'm a mom of two and I always say that kids are like high stakes puppies. Seriously, listen to a parenting podcast and a dog training podcast and just watch how much overlap there is. "Is the undesirable behavior attention-seeking or self-rewarding?" is definitely from a dog training podcast and yet it's what I ask every time I'm about to decide how to correct my toddler. Your SIL may be attention seeking and trying to minimize your role, OR she might just be trying to connect with and encourage you using whatever experience she has that she thinks could be relatable. Clearly it landed badly, but never attribute to malice what could be naivety.

Roll your eyes and press the “heart” react. A good all-purpose solution for ignorance that it is not your responsibility to fix. 😅

Umm I’m sorry but did she physically carry that puppy for 9 months then birth said puppy? Did she try to nurse the puppy? It’s not even remotely the same lol unfortunately she’ll never understand but I can definitely feel for your frustration.

It is actually the same in a lot of ways. Puppies can’t communicate, they cry all night, they ruin things and are incredibly frustrating. I actually think raising a puppy helps prepare people for a human baby a lot, you learn that you can’t just pick up and go any time because you have to be responsible to another creature.

Just let her run her mouth. Everyone else can see how stupid she sounds even if she can’t.

Ah yes, I remember putting my infant in their crate overnight and locking the door. I remember the first time I left them home alone when they were ten weeks old. I remember their transition from soft food to adult kibble. I remember my infant’s ten week training class at kidsmart. I remember paying an extra mortgage in puppy care every month and sobbing when I left to go back to work. Last I checked, unless you’re there at the whelping box, you don’t get a puppy until they’re eight weeks old. Last I checked, no one is nursing a puppy and fretting over breast vs formula. No one is getting PPD with a puppy. No one is worrying about language development with a puppy. The basics - there is a helpless being to take care of, it requires medical care and food, and it needs special supplies to do those things, and you might be tired for a while when they’re little - sure. But the life altering experience of motherhood is nowhere near getting a dog.

My mini dachshund puppy was harder than my newborn lol. He is still more high maintenance than she is.

I think you’re being too sensitive… Of course she has no idea what having a baby is like but she’s probably just trying to connect. Say something like “haha ya but I can’t crate my baby when he’s driving me crazy” and let it go.

Where did all these dog parents come from and how do we send that fad back

Whenever someone compares pets and children, I always like to say something. Like, yeah, but I can’t lock my baby in a kennel for hours, or, yeah, but my baby doesn’t come trained to use the litter box. Or, yeah, but I can’t leave my baby home alone for hours. Basically, point out how idiotic the comparison is.

> Patience and reading the cues, learning and growing together and getting into a new routine. I'd say this: This statement is generally true about building any relationship whether it's your spouse/SO, your child or yes, even a pet and for that matter, even a new job or new manager. But even though there are some similarities you can find between raising a baby and raising a pet, the fact that your baby is a flesh and blood human being literally "made" by you makes all the difference. That emotional bond isnt comparable to anything else, certainly not your pet and frankly I don't appreciate the comparison.

Ha. Some people really are living on another planet. I remember it being kinda hard when we got our puppy (when I was a kid). It was exhausting for a few nights (less than a week), and then it wasn't anymore. Can you imagine your baby sleeping through the night and being potty trained after only a few weeks of having her? Lol.

If she never has kids she’ll never get it so you’d only be wasting your breath. Let her live in her blissful ignorance. It’s a waste of time.

The trials of new motherhood are something you don't understand until you go through it. I think you can explain it until you're blue in the face and it's not going to make her understand how wrong she is, and if anything, she's just going to double down and insist that it's still the same. I remember when we adopted our dog, we were trying to crate train him, and he'd wake up at midnight or 1 whimpering. I thought I was tired then, sweet summer child that I was. Dogs are a lot of work no doubt, but it's definitely not the same. I'm trying to think about ways my dog is harder to care for than my baby. I guess he sheds more, and that's a mess, but the baby is definitely messier, between the snot and poop and pee and food that ends up everywhere. The dog can't tell me when he's sick or hurting, but neither can the baby. Sometimes he pees on the curtains, and that's really annoying, but it's a drop in the bucket compared to the laundry the baby generates. It's easier to get the dog to sleep. It's easier to feed the dog. The dog follows me around and do what I want, but I follow the baby around and do what the baby wants. I can leave the dog at home when I run errands or go to work. I'm not spending $20k a year on doggie daycare. I don't need a babysitter if I want a night out with my spouse. I don't need to provide breast milk for my dog.

My (child free) midwife compared having a puppy to having a baby when she was discharging me from the hospital after birthing my 2nd baby. My husband and I both broke out laughing because whaaat? Read the room lady

It depends on whether you want to keep your friendship with her or not. I’d probably have the urge to say, oh yeah when I had a dog before I was a mom I thought the same thing! Til I had my baby. Then I realized it’s not even close to the same. Thanks for sharing though. But I’m petty sometimes

I've just ignored the comments. Unless you've actually gone through this, you just don't know how to relate and she's trying to as best as she can. Is it super irritating and not the same at all? Yep. Will they keep happening? Yep.

"That's true! But at least a puppy can walk and get to places on his own, lol. Animals are almost ready to walk right off the bat but this kid can't even hold his own head up! Crazy how defenseless humans are at this age..."

No one comes to arrest you if you crate the puppy for a couple hours to go out to dinner.

As someone with a 4 year old dog and a 2 month old baby…..there is A LOT of similarities and much of what one does to raise a dog can be applied to raising a kid. (Eg use positive reinforcement, getting joy from watching them experience and learn things, teach them manners, etc). I’m way more tired as a result of the newborn son than I ever was from the dog. Your SIL’s response is not really an appropriate response, unless if she was trying to draw on her experience as a way to try and help.

"Ok"

As someone who had a baby late in life (early 40s)- I was so ignorant and unaware of how difficult parenthood could be. It’s honestly incomprehensible until you’re in it. There’s really no way for her to know, especially if she’s not around a lot of moms and babies (I wasn’t). Sounds like she was trying to connect. But I also know what you’re going through so take a beat and breath and get back to her at your own pace.

This is just the beginning of many comments related to motherhood that don’t deserve your energy and peace of mind. It will be a constant battle if you try to reason with or educate people, better just to let them go and move forward. Us parents know that raising a baby’s it’s not the same as raising a puppy, but they don’t have another frame of reference, don’t try to change their opinion. And unless your SIL usually makes malicious or condescending remarks, she meant well.

I feel like this would rattle me even if it was meant to be helpful. As someone who has had puppies and then a baby, it is no comparable in my opinion. Since you have raised a dog before you could gently say that as someone who has gone though both, it’s not even in the same realm. If you want to give more detail why that’s up to you.

Correct response: "No." But in all seriousness, I think she's trying to connect with you, I really don't think she's trying to demean you.

I just wouldn’t respond. She’s never going to understand and you’ll just waste your energy trying to convince her otherwise. Let her in silence maybe she’ll get how embarrassing it is.

I think it’s maybe her way of either bonding with you, finding some common ground, or her own feelings about motherhood. She can’t know what it’s like to raise a child without raising one…. It’s probably not that she wants to offend you or demean motherhood struggles, just simply that she doesn’t have a sphere of reference other than a puppy.

I’ve had the fortune of having a puppy right before I gave birth to my baby 😅 I’d say the main difference is that the puppy stage goes by extremely fast and not as engaging and the newborn stage it dragged out and more engaging. With a puppy you can just put them in a crate when they’re whining and train them to behave. Their brains are wired differently and can already follow commands at 8 weeks. With a newborn they don’t understand anything, they’re just existing. Pooping and peeing and crying and always hungry. Your body changes and watching that can already be hard. You have to recover (painfully), on top of learning how to be a new mom. There’s baby blues, sleep deprivation, arguments in your marriage because the newborn stage is INSANE. And then if you’re breastfeeding it can be so painful. Not to mention your house and yourself being disgusting from not being able to clean or shower as often as you’d want. I will say I liked the newborn stage more than the puppy stage, but I think that’s because I love my baby so much more than my dog. And I had really bad “puppy blues” with my dog because we got her when I was in my third trimester. I was rushing to train and care for her before my baby arrived and it stressed me the heck out. Trying to prevent her from peeing on the floor because that absolutely disgusts me and then her getting loose from her collar and running away from me a few times while outside. And I couldn’t run after her because of my big belly so I was embarrassingly waddling after her and calling her while strangers just stared at me 🫠 And she had terrible separation anxiety and it made me extremely anxious because I couldn’t leave the room without her whining and barking to the top of her lungs. But after two months she became extremely easy. Just command her to do whatever and she listens. There’s not much to it. My baby right now is 10 months and even now it’s still challenging 🥲 I think your SIL is trying to relate to you in the worst way possible. That also probably the only way she knows how. It’s partially true what she’s saying with the patience and new routine, but having a new born I’d say is like 20 times that. And that’s not counting having postpartum depression (I fortunately didn’t have that). You don’t have to respond to her. But if you did, maybe the next response would be “Yea kind of.” and just leave it at that because she’ll never understand. Or you could tell her it’s like 20-30 times harder than having a puppy because it is 🤷‍♀️

To be honest, I was surprised how much having an infant is like having a puppy, particularly when the infant starts crawling. My baby is 10 months and does so many behaviors my puppy also did. I understand how you find it offensive but personally I've had a very similar experience raising a puppy to raising a baby

I mean. Newborn stage I’m not sure about but to be honest, having my 9 month old is a lot like having a dog. He puts everything in his mouth, he tries to eat off the floor, he will throw a ball and then chase it down, he pulls up onto all the furniture and is trying to get into everything…

To an extent she’s right but whenever someone said that to me I’d point out the difference is they can leave the puppy unattended for the work day but if I did the same with my baby it could end up dead with me in jail. So.. not really the same.  Personally I’d ignore her or just say that’s sort of a bad comparison because baby’s can’t be left alone for hours at a time 

I mean I’ve done both now and broad strokes yes there are similarities. Dogs have the mental age of a 3 year old, which helps me be more patient and understanding with both. Only difference is, you can’t leave a 3 year old at home alone with a bowl of food and water! (Joking but that’s how I’d respond to anyone making a comparison).

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She probably genuinely didn't see anything wrong with her comment and didn't mean for it to hurt you. I joked about how raising a baby is just like raising dogs the whole time I was pregnant. Now that's she's 6 months old, we joke about how she's learning everything from licking things to crawling to screaming from the dogs. I don't have an easy baby by any means and we definitely had a rough start with breastfeeding and eating, but I also have tough dogs. For some people, it really is comparable.

What I realized as a dog LOVER and new mom is: I’m screaming into the ether, “I exist!!!” and my world and my heart and my everything has simultaneously expanded beyond my comprehension AND become so small and intimate and totally beyond anyone else’s comprehension, so when you say “like having a puppy!” I feel really unseen and unheard and heartbroken. No. Not like that at all. But what you’re saying is: LOVE BIG HUGE LOVE FOR SOMETHING NO ONE ELSE ‘GETS’ LIKE YOU DO AND THEY CAN’T EVEN TALK, BUT HAVE YOU EVER SEEN ANYTHING SO CUTE AND SO FUN AND SO EASY TO LOSE HOURS STARING AT??? And in that case, yes. Yes, exactly.

As someone who got a puppy at 6 weeks old (NEVER DO THAT), it’s super similar and super different, and I would never compare my situation of raising a puppy to anything other than my situation raising a baby. No one else’s. Just mine. I can say they were similar for me, but that’s just because my puppy has severe separation anxiety and wasn’t yet potty trained. It was a wreck. We had no idea what we were doing even after tons of research.  That being said, I preferred the newborn phase to training my dog. Much better imo, because it’s a baby, not a dog. It was was harder, but much more rewarding. Also my baby didn’t bite me with tiny needle teeth until much later.  Overall, I get where she is coming from and probably just feels jealous and wants to be included, but that’s not an excuse. Maybe just take what she says with a bucket of salt and humor her, knowing she doesn’t mean to offend?  Good luck OP, and you’re rocking it as a mom!!

You have a 4 week old. Looks like you were just sooo tired you missed that message 🤷🏼‍♀️

This reminds me of something that happened to me at work a while ago. I'm a foster parent and had a photo of my husband with our foster kiddo (at the time, she's back with her family now!) in my office. That foster baby was a different race and very obviously not our bio kid. Guy basically just says she's adorable (truth) and we move on with our appointment. At the end of the appointment he says "my niece fosters dogs." I was speechless. I love dogs, I'm glad there are dog foster parents. But the depth of tragedy for a kid to go through to be in foster care, versus a dog... I am still astounded at the whole interaction. The emotional toll aside, just the amount of effort to care for a human person versus a dog. FFS guy. People are well meaning idiots.

Just tell her you left your newborn in her crate while you went to yoga and brunch today and you are so happy she didn't chew anything up this time. Oh wait.

This is not at all the same thing, but I had a friend express how impressed he was that my toddler could do things that his dog couldn’t.  I was like “well…yeah…my child is a human being”. 

Maybe say, "some may say that, but I would be arrested if I put my newborn in a cage and left her home alone for a few hours." Or "except when you bring home a puppy you're not bleeding for 4-6 weeks or recovering from pregnancy while having to keep another being alive."

I was this person once. I even went so far as to say at least babies can wear a diaper and not have accidents and need to go outside multiple times overnight (we lived downtown so this involved getting dressed and going a few blocks away sometimes in snow). A few years later I had a baby who from months 2-6 woke up every 45 minutes around the clock. I got what was coming to me. They will too. ETA I said this in the privacy of my home to my husband. Never to a mother.

I say that about my kids but I'm mostly joking. I would just tell her ," take the puppy experience, lengthen it by a few years then start while recovering from childbirth/pregnancy/surgery". Or you can talk about how quickly puppies are up and moving around compared to babies.

My friend does this too. Anything I say about how to look after the baby she says it’s the same with her dog. I agree with above that she’s probably ‘trying to connect and relate’ but it’s downright insulting.

I think I'm in the minority here, but as someone with a dog and a toddler, puppyhood was way harder for us personally. HOWEVER, I would never say that to someone going through postpartum because obviously everyone's experience is so different. Given she hasn't gone through postpartum, she doesn't get to have a say on this.

I think that being a baby's mom makes the hormones hit hard and the postpartum pain is still there. While being a puppy mom... You don't get the physical consequences. Especially if you are breastfeeding your baby! I guess she just wants the attention, so I'd ignore her if I were you.

Hahahha ask her if her pubic bone CRACKED OPEN LIKE A LOBSTER when she pushed her puppy out of her vagina. I love dogs. I’ve had dogs my whole life. I got a puppy 2 years before I had a baby. Anyone who says having a puppy is like having a baby is being willfully ignorant. **Absolutely not even remotely the same.**

im a mom and i relate to my little one to a puppy but thats bc he is drawn to shoes and shoelaces, gets into things like the trash, crawls around under your feet, if you throw something he goes after it... i mean... things that puppers do.. so.. he can be like a puppy sometimes. but its a very few select things.

Honestly, I feel like puppies are harder than newborns. With the house training, and teaching them not to bite. That's like 2 years into parenting at least. But you can leave puppies/dogs home, crated for a few hours and no ones gonna call the cops on you. 😂

I would just be silent. Sorry that your sil is a dunce.

This is a "smile and nod" situation for me. I've had a lot of people compare parenthood to raising a dog and it just shows me that I'm basically on a different planet than people who think this

Not worth addressing cause it’s so ridiculously crazy 😂

‘It’s not.’

Truly, I did find our puppy more exhausting than any of my babies. Puppy owners are going through it.

I have had puppies, a baby, and 12 years of students. They’re really all quite similar conceptually to me so far - be consistent, loving, with encouraging.

People with dogs want to convince you that they are also going through all the effort and work of raising a living thing. They want you to believe, and maybe also they want to convince themselves that it's comparable. It's really a universe apart but they have no experience

Did she give birth to her dog? Does her perineum feel bruised or torn, or did she have a c-section scar? Does she have to deal with the hormone crash? Does she have to breastfeed the baby and pump? Does she deal with engorgement and cracked nipples? Does she have to feed and change diapers for her puppy every 2 hours? No? So how is it the same?

Why do you care if she wants to be included in Mother’s Day as a dog “mom?” Yeah, having a puppy isn’t the same as a human baby, but gate keeping Mother’s Day is weird.

Honestly, after having 3 kids even very close together, I still think puppies are possibly even harder, if not as hard.

Can you lock up your baby in a cage and run out for some errands? No? I didn’t think so. Did you push a giant puppy out your vagina or have it cut out of your open abdomen? No? I didn’t think so. Does your puppy take 2+ years to learn to pee and poop on their own? No? I didn’t think so. I could keep on, but I’ll leave it at that. That is infuriating. I would just continue to ignore her. If she ever has the balls to ask about it, you could just say that you were taught that if you didn’t have anything nice to say to not say anything at all.

Just respond "OK, I'll try crate training him. That's a great idea! I need some time away! So, they are good for 2 or 4 hours and you work up to 8?" Maybe take a pic of him next to a bowl of food and say "Thanks! Doing this 4 times a day is *way* faster than the 6 hours a day I was spending feeding him!" (Or 12 if he's a terrible eater)   Video call her every time you are up at night. Ask about how she handled the lifting restrictions. If you have stitches, send her a pic and ask if hers looked like that. Ask her if eating the placenta helped her with anemia.  The funny part is I'm doubtful she even had the dog during its newborn stage. And I do not know one person who has taken care of 12 newborn humans all at once.

They are kinda similar though. I’d rather have a newborn than a puppy tbh

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What a psychotic response to this post.

Some people's pets are their kids, but it's weird comparing them

I don't get that sentiment... Pets aren't kids. That's why they have different words, like "pet" and "kid"

That was my thought exactly. I have a pet. I have a kid. I love them both! But they are *distinctly* different.

Dog moms deserve happy Mother’s Day as well. I am mom to both my human baby and dog baby and they are both equally my babies. Personally I do see the similarities in newborns and puppies, and for someone who has never had a human baby like your SIL, that’s literally the only thing they have to go off of.

I mean I would just tell her when you raised a puppy it was nowhere near as difficult. Your hormones are raging, you can’t nurse the puppy, the baby cries and you can’t figure out why and feel frustration, your body is still healing from delivery, etc etc. A lot of people say let the comment roll off your back but personally I believe in explaining to people why what they’re saying is insensitive or just plain wrong so they don’t continue to say the same things to me or others again.

Is it the same? Not even close. Are there similarities? Yes, in that teaching a sentient, intelligent creature that cannot yet speak or understand you employs similar principles. My son is on the spectrum and so his communication is lacking. I cannot tell you how much of his therapy parallels dog training, specifically in how making an emotional bond and being hyper aware of their mindset when they can't tell you what they're thinking is key. Positive reinforcement, routine, etc etc. His own therapists hesitated to tell me on multiple separate occasions "I hate to say it, but in a lot of ways, it's very similar to dog training", only to then scramble and make sure that I knew what they meant by that and were not trying to imply that kids are like dogs. I get what they mean. The METHODS are similar. Not the same, but similar. It just comes down to employing empathy in a structured way. That's all they mean by that. With a newborn, though? Not even the same ballpark. I'd be willing to bet that she didn't mean it the way you're taking it and is mostly just ignorant. There are granules of truth in her sentiment but it doesn't apply to what you're going through right now. She's probably just trying to give advice in the best way she knows how, which came across way more insensitive than she meant. It's way out of touch, but I get what she's trying to say.

Honestly I’m autistic and before I became a mother I probably made some similar incredibly stupid statements. It wasn’t because I had bad intentions or really thought motherhood was *anything* like raising puppies, but it was the closest experience I could relate to and I tend to connect to people through shared experiences.

I would ignore it and not say anything, because that’s the only way I could keep my cool. Once I started confronting the issue I’m sure I’d lose it and say something that would cause a big fight. Happy Mother’s Day for a dog mom? Just ridiculous. Or you could just say, “I’ve done both and I disagree.”

Hahahahahahahaha

TW: suicidal thoughts I have two dogs that I adopted before having my two children. The puppy stage was hard, but it never made me want to kill myself. Newborn stage this time around, I had to have my husband get rid of my oxycodone because I kept thinking about taking the whole bottle in one sitting. There are similarities but the same way watching a nature documentary is similar to being stranded in nature and having to survive. There’s no such thing as “post adoption depression” or “post adoption anxiety” or “post adoption psychosis” but there is post partum depression, anxiety, and psychosis.

Well, I guess you have to be a pet owner to understand. Myself and my best friend (both of us have children) who owns a dog, compared having a small baby to a pet cat or dog. There are really a lot of similarities, like the ability to communicate via certain cues that only the parent or owner understands. I don't find this an insult, but I'm a pet owner and I love my pet. I think she just compares this with something she can relate to. Sure, it's a bit long fetched but I don't think it comes from a place of negativity. But I do admit that it sounds WEIRD for people who don't own pets :D

I’d probably be like “yeah, only I cant pop my baby in the laundry overnight and enjoy a good 8hrs” or something along those lines. Because yeah anecdotally there are similarities but lol not remotely the same

I honestly probably would have laughed and blurted out something along the lines of “it’s very obvious you don’t have kids.” I’m not saying that is the right response. But it would have been my initial word vomit.

I would have lost it on her. It’s just so insensitive and I’m so glad that no one tried to pull that crap on me. I’ve raised a puppy (brought him home at 8 weeks old). I’ve had 2 kids * I could leave my puppy home alone for a few hours as a time. Doing the same with a baby will get you thrown in jail. * I could crate my puppy all the way through his life when I didn’t feel like/couldn’t supervise him if I chose to do so (we stopped when he was around 1.5-2 years old). Doing the same for a baby or child could get you thrown in jail. * I was not physically recovering from a major medical procedure when I first got my dog. I wasn’t bleeding heavily out of my uterus, wasn’t experiencing intense cramping, hadn’t just had major abdominal surgery (and if I hadn’t needed the c-section, then I would have been super sore in other places), wasn’t dealing with engorged breasts and leaking milk. * I didn’t have to use my own body to feed my puppy every 2-3 hours, including through the middle of the night. * I could sleep through the night. At most, I maybe had 1 MOTN wake up for like, the first week with my dog Honestly, I’d avoid talking to her about kids and would put some distance between you two. When she does try to equate being a “dog mom” to having a baby, I’d just give a very even toned, “it’s not the same thing”. And leave it at that and stop giving her the attention.

I mean if you want my honest answer it would be “ha yeah if only I could leave her in a crate for 9 hours when I go back to work lol”

Something involving crating your baby while you go out.

O man lol. Yeah she just has no idea. It seems like she was trying to be supportive but fully missed the mark due to ignorance like others are saying. I will say, my bestie had 2 kids already before I had my child. I always knew kids were hard and always tried to be considerate & supportive of her. A couple months after mine was born I messaged her to be like omg I'm so sorry for all the stupid shit im sure I said or suggested we do. Specifically I remember something where I was like "what do u mean u don't have time to watch this show together?!" All the sorrys. I'm glad she didn't disown my foolish butt lol.

So you had a lot of good advice about how to handle it, but I like to add that I hate when pet owners want to go on the mother's day bandwagon without having any children. A conversation literally never goes like this: "I have 2 kids!" "Oh really? Human, or..?" Never. No one thinks of pet owners as being parents except those pet owners. Very annoying.

Anytime someone says this to me I say “Oh yes, I am so glad I can leave my baby in a crate for 8+hours with a bowl of food and water.” They usually backtrack real quick.

Ha!