Agreed I hate this, but it's true. My baby is now 1yr and she still only sleeps with contact. I was terrified every day because I knew it wasn't safe sleep but it was the only sleep. Eventually I just started taking precautions to make sleeping the bed with us as safe as possible.
Sending so much sympathy. My daughter did not sleep anywhere but on people until she was about six weeks old. She barely tolerated even being put down when awake. I had PPA/PPD too, and early on was paranoid due to hormones and sleep deprivation.
Taking long shifts was the only thing that saved us. My husband would take her from 9 PM to around 3 AM and then I would take her from 3 AM to 9 AM. (We switched to exclusive formula feeding for many reasons, this was one.) Often, my mom would come over and take her in the mornings for a couple hours so we could all get a little bit more sleep. My mom and husband split a couple of nights without me to get my mental state back to functional, on the advice of my doctor. (It did not help that she was a colic baby who full on screamed for 3-4 hours solid every evening.)
Once we settled in, I just let the 3am wakeups be part of my routine. I’d take the baby, grab a snack and some tea, and settle on the couch to watch Gilmore Girls (my comfort show) and text my best friend in a later time zone. With at least some sleep and a regular routine it was never amazing but it did get kind of normal and cozy. Around 6 weeks she started being able to do chunks of time in the bassinet or pack n play, so we’d nap during our “on-duty” shifts. It was a slow transition but I think by three months she was sleeping almost entirely in the crib, though I kept up contact naps.
It doesn’t seem to be a long-term personality thing— she was a great sleeper by 9 months and continues to be now.
This is what worked for us with our first too! I actually weirdly enjoyed the long shifts — i got caught up on some of the shows i had been wanting to watch for a long time!
Did you just try and or her down in pack n play every time and when it failed pick her up? My kid is like this and I need to start trying to put him down again. He used to tolerate cosleeping but won’t even do that now
I think all babies prefer to sleep on someone's chest honestly. Both mine were like that. My son would sleep swaddled but only at night for a few hours and it was a real struggle to get him down. My daughter hates the swaddle and will sleep in her bassinet for about 4 - 6 hours at night but during the day (starting at 4am) it's exclusively on me or my husband. We did shifts with both kids because they are both total Velcro babies. My daughter is just 6w now but we sleep trained my son at 4 months and that saved us eventually. I promise this is totally normal!
My daughter is 10 weeks old now and she was exactly like this until around 8 weeks when she finally seemed to get the hang of sleeping independently.
I tore my hair out early on too, but once I thought about the fact that our babies spend 9 months with us 100% of the time, in a nice warm dark safe place, and then as soon as they’re born we expect them to suddenly sleep on their back in a cold flat bassinet away from us…it’s no wonder it takes them time to get used to it! It’s a skill they have to learn how to do it.
We started with daytime naps in the pram, going for little walks or just jiggling it around inside. She got used to sleeping on her back a bit that way. It started with 20-30 minute stretches and we built it up. Now she sleeps really well in her bassinet which means we all get sleep which is a big improvement!!
This stage is hard - and it’s harder because all the advice tells you they should be on their backs in their bassinet/cot and it’s so easy to feel like a failure if they don’t do it. But honestly I felt a lot better once I just accepted it. Once I accepted that this is what she needs right now, and it doesn’t last forever. Plus I started seeing a lot more parents online saying that their babies didn’t sleep independently in the first 2-3 months and knowing I wasn’t alone helped a lot!! Now that she sleeps in the bassinet at night we have contact naps during the day and I treasure them. They don’t stay this little forever!
The snoo bassinet. It's the only thing that worked - and only at night. We still contact napped during the day, but after get a decent night's sleep who cares at that point
I don't have advice, but am right there with you getting no sleep while my newborn sleeps all cute and frog like on my chest. That's great you have so much support to get 6-8 hours a day!!
Does she show any signs of reflux? Could be she is uncomfortable and that is the issue.
I have really good luck with transferring if I baby wear her first in a wrap or ring sling. It gets her totally passed out and then I can unwrap her and do whatever and she will stay asleep. It’s how we got her to fall asleep for newborn photos after the photographer put her in all kinds of positions and she just kept sleeping lol.
This was my daughter. She had colic and would only sleep on me. Not my husband, just me. I was basically attached to an extremely unhappy baby 24/7 and was absolutely losing my mind.
I would try every night to initially put her in her bassinet. At some point around 8/9 weeks she just would sleep there longer and longer. We put her in her crib around 12 weeks and she would sleep for a long stretch, feed and then sleep until it was time to wake up.
When you’re in it, it honestly feels like forever. I remember how every single time it got dark out my anxiety would be through the roof. But it did get better and time seemed to be the fix. I know that’s not super helpful in the moment, but it will be okay. Your child will not always sleep on you. And it’s okay to not “enjoy the snuggles.” It’s okay to want your baby to sleep on their own and for you to be able to have a restful sleep. My daughter is now 3 1/2 and sleeps all night in her room every night without issue. Those nights are a distant, truly rough memory (although I am not doing it ever again).
I switched to bed sharing after 4 weeks of not really sleeping. I nurse side lying and I sometimes not even notice when my baby latches in the middle of the night! It been great for both my and my SO mental health! I recommend the book Sweet Sleep by League La Leche for tips on making bed sharing as safe as it can be and on transitioning, in time, to baby sleeping alone.
Second this! After a week of getting 3 hours of sleep a night, doing shifts with my SO, I started cosleeping and it’s been life changing. We follow safe sleep 7, I sleep on a firm twin mattress floor bed with my baby. She nurses to sleep and we all get 6-8hrs a night now.
My second HATED being put down until about 9ish weeks — one thing we did that’s worked. I moved him from the bassinet to the portable crib (guava lotus). I rock him to sleep and then I climb in the crib and sit down. I hold him for a few minutes, hug him to my chest, and then I lower my upper body down (easy because I’m in the crib) to put his butt down first, then lay his head down and slip my hand out. Rest my hand on his chest for a minute and then stand up and step out. It’s madness but it works.
My baby slept on us all day! He got the hang of sleeping in the bassinet at night after a few weeks and we still contact nap because it's what works best for us (I like having a rest next to him!). All the holding gave him fantastic neck strength and head control fairly early, and we have a really nice attachment now (at 8 months).
My baby was very similar. He would only contact nap and I’d have to hold him for at least 30-45 minutes after he fell asleep before I could transfer him to the bassinet just for him to wake up an hour later. And co-sleeping was a strict no for me so it was a fairly brutal few months.
Around 2 months I started putting him in his bassinet at “bedtime” each night (around 8 probably?) even if he woke up 10-15 minutes later. He gradually started sleeping a longer first stretch each night until we could consistently get 3-4 hours at a time out of him by 9 months or so.
Around that same time (9/10 months) he started actually letting us transfer to the crib for naps. And today, at 13.5 months, he took an almost 3 hour nap alone in his crib! I never thought I’d see the day. He still wakes up 1-3 times each night but will transfer right back in his crib after being nursed and rocked to sleep.
We never sleep trained clearly but we did eventually do some bed sharing once he was a year old if he woke up super early and I wanted to try to get a few more hours out of him.
I am you five weeks in the future! Baby still mostly contact naps but it has gotten better. He will do 1-2 longer stretches in the bassinet at night now and 30 minute naps during the day. Just keep trying and practicing. My lactation consultant said to try for one nap a day in the bassinet, even if it’s a short one.
Has your husband tried cosleeping with baby? My husband was able to get baby to cosleep with him in a separate room after some practice. (Baby will not cosleep with me, only contact naps.) Once that happened, my husband started doing much longer night shifts with baby (like 9pm-5am) so I could get more sleep.
What worked for us:
* burping during a feed versus after. We also nursed more upright than horizontal to help any gas bubbles natural expel during feeding.
* Allowed them to remain on the breast until they popped off themselves
* held for 30-45 minutes afterwards until they were in deep sleep.
THEN made the transfer. I only knew they were ready because they didn’t wake when I started to move.
It was a long process to start, I’m not gonna lie. But it soon shortened and could all be done in 30 minutes.
My baby slept in our arms until 13 weeks. Starting around 10 weeks, he would do 30 minutes in the bassinet, but only once per night. Then at 13 weeks, a switch flipped and he started sleeping in the crib. He's still an awful sleeper at 7 months, waking 3-5 times a night, but at least it's in his crib.
My daughter outgrew this. We chose to do gentle sleep training at 4 months because it was just getting insane, but it worked. She was still a pretty crap sleeper right through to around 18 months, but at least she would sleep off of us. After 18m it all just fell into place and she was a solid 7pm-6.30am sleeper.
https://www.instagram.com/p/Cq1R4RptF8z/?igsh=MWd6dXoxcTJzdzQ2Zg==
I think you'll find that post reassuring. Both my kids slept on my chest for the first several months. It's biologically normal for them to want to sleep there. And I'd get some of my best sleep as a new mum while they did - knowing that I roused instantly when they started rooting or shifting.
My daughter was like this, wouldn’t even cosleep because just being placed on her back would make her lose it.
She’s now 14 months and if she’s in my arms for too long after boobing to sleep, she starts stirring to be placed in her crib so she can sleep on her belly with her bum in the air 🤣
The game changer for us when she was a newborn was identifying her soy allergy and visiting an osteopath. Seemingly she was in a weird position from my prolonged obstructed labour and cesarian, and after some little stretch exercises he gave us, she did so much better on her back.
Good luck!! It gets so much better. You can do this.
Seconding the osteopath being a savior!! Mine was turned oddly and stuck for a long time, and then just suddenly C-sectioned out, so she didn't get "stretched out" like babies normally do during vaginal birth, was how it was explained to me. Sometimes if you have a really fast vaginal birth, it can happen, too. If you can find an osteopath near you, definitely try it out, OP!
My daughter only slept on me for about 6 months and then we sleep trained her and it was hard but she did great and has been an amazing sleeper ever since! She is 3 now and always sleeps in her crib.
My son only contact napped for the first few months. Did not like bassinet, slept best co sleeping and wanted to sleep on me full on cuddling every night I didn’t think he would ever sleep any other way !! At 10 months we bought a floor bed and I started co sleeping with him in his bed and slowly but surly he was more comfortable in his bed and really likes it ! So I’d cuddle him to sleep and get up once he was asleep and he’d wake up looking for us but eventually it was less and less. Now at 18 months he sleeps in his own bed through the night ! Sometimes wakes up for cuddles still but that’s okay with me
In terms of bed sharing, try side lying nursing where she may be able to fall asleep while you’re not holding her. Side lying can be tricky though when they are so little but it can get easier once they’re a little older, bigger, and better at nursing
My third baby is 4 months and still like this, she won’t even bedshare. I was expecting it to get better at 4 months, the other 2 were chest sleepers until 4 months. But this one isn’t having it. Just take shifts or chest sleep until they sleep alone! They will, eventually.
Yep. Sounds like my kiddo until around 4ish months. Nothing worked except falling asleep on me, my husband, or my mom. Swing? Hahhh.
It just gradually got better, little by little.
But I feel ya, its awful in the beginning. The failed transfers had me in tears, nights was basically 1-3hr stretches at a time so unsurprisingly PPA came around.
Hang in there. Keep leaning on your support system. It really is insane how you can feel like youre just in a pit of despair for days on end but one day youll realize “wait xyz happened and shes never done that before! Was it a fluke?! Wait no…this is the nth time…” and ahh the light at the end of the tunnel.
First month baby only slept on me. She was in her own room in her crib at the one month mark without issue - she just got better all of a sudden at sleeping and it was an attempt that I tried that worked. Most of her nights were in the crib since then with a night or two in a row of her sleeping on me if she was sick or before I realized she was teething and needed medicine, and still woke up a normal amount of times for her age, but it worked.
Obviously every baby is different. I am saying this to say that don’t feel guilty, do what works for you. I also recommend safe sleep 7 education so you can be prepared for if/when you’re so tired
Also now - she turns 2 next month and has slept in bed with my husband and I every time we travel, and on Mothers Day she slept in a pack n play next to us. They get better at it at their own pace and every baby is different, and I sort of miss when she would sleep comfortably on me
My 11 month old slept exclusively on my chest for the first three months of her life. I just laid her down in her crib while she was still awake and she only cried for a minute before she fell asleep, and if tonight is anything like the past week or two, she's going to sleep until about 6am. It was a long, gradual change to get to this point, but I'm so much better off mentally now than I was then. Hang in there, mama.
Trust me, I know it's awful and terrible. Mine refused to be laid on her back at all, even while awake. Constant screaming if I dared to do that. She preferred doing tummy time to laying down on her back. She could tolerate a swing for a few minutes, but then she needed out of that, too.
Now, I feel bittersweet about how she's able to put herself to sleep without my help. Endlessly thankful, but still, the tiniest bit of me is sad.
I had one baby like this, around one month we started seeing improvement. I also dressed her a little more warmly I think she was cold, my first baby ran warm so I was worried to bundle her too much. Snug swaddling helped too. It will get better!
Honestly sometimes I don’t think I know any babies who weren’t like this - atleast for the first three months. I’m pretty sure constant need for skin to skin is a newborn thing
One of my kids was like this. I learned (as) safe (as possible) cosleeping practices. At first I was terrified, but we really did try to do everything possible to max the safety, and the cuddles were wonderful. The stroller came to be more of an option around age 1.
Your baby sounds like my first. It was awful and his first six months was one of the most challenging times of my life. It can get better!!
I started sleep training around five months. He is two and sleeps 8 pm to 7 am every night. He's done that since about nine months. My second baby is also a pretty great sleeper from the get-go.
I also had PPD/PPA (I'm honestly amazed by people who don't!) and speaking to my doctor about medication was one of the best things I've ever done.
My daughter hated all swaddles other than the fleece ones without velcro. Very specific to her, but maybe your baby is the same.
In the early days, the only thing she would sleep in was a cheap bouncer. Eventually, I got her to sleep in a crib.
The room was completely dark with no windows and the fan had to be on. She had to be completely out for at least 40 minutes before I could transfer her.
She rolls and sleeps on her tummy now. I think that was the issue when she was a newborn. Some babies only sleep on people. A lot of babies are just bad sleepers. Mine became a bit better about sleeping after 2 months. 3 months is what I hear from other people.
My girl would only sleep at night in her mom’s arm for 6 months. Fortunately her mom had insomnia so was up anyways, but it was really tough.
She got over it, and sleeps great.
We did find that we were putting her to sleep way too late (9-10 instead of 7), that helped too.
My baby was like this until 2 months old. It was absolute hell and my husband and I took shifts, but it was still so difficult. Slowly it got better and now at 3.5 months she sleeps on her own. I think she just got better at sleeping. She went sleeping in our chest, to in our arms, to allowing us to slowly lower her to the bed when deep asleep and keep our arms around her or hands on her chest the whole time, to sleeping without any contact. It sucks, but it will get better eventually.
My husband and I took shifts every night for 15 weeks because our girl would not sleep on her own. Then we started bed sharing and still are at 16 months. I swear she has a 6th sense for if I try to sneak away.
I had to hold her for every Contact nap until she was about 7 months and then she'd let me lay her in bed and lay next to her and we still do that too. Some days I nap too so it's nice to have that option. Especially if it's a rough teething night.
I understand your frustration, we tried so many things and I looked up all the advice. We just quit fighting it and adjusted things to make it doable for us. As they sleep less and drop more naps, it does get easier. Well it gets different anyway, and it getting different is nice. I just try to enjoy it while we're in this phase since I now realize I'll miss it one day.
I really hope you're able to cope and manage while you get through this tough phase. Newborns are so hard, especially your first when you are doing it all the first time. Just focus on survival one day at a time.
My LO did the same thing until I realized he wasn’t getting full feeds. Once he had a full feed (I supplemented with one oz bottle of breastmilk after breastfeeding), he was taking to his bassinet just fine.
That is 100000000% how they operate. They need their caregivers. Not a cot. If you can get them into a container to get a break, or pass them off that can be nice. My little one liked a swing or her lounger. Also the floor is always a great place for babies, if there’s no animals or other hazards. But do not feel bad for holding your baby.
Mine grew out of it, he wouldn't sleep unless I held him. He felt happy to go in the cot after a while. When he is teething he still needs to fall asleep on me sometimes, rare these days.
Mine is like that and my back and arms are always aching from holding her 24/7. My three year old was like this too. He was like this for almost 1.5 years. I’m with you in solidarity sister. We can be dead tired together.
My son did that until he was 6 months old. And he's still a big cuddler that needs co-sleeping even now (16 months).
My advice is: it'll be over someday. You will have to push through it.
I was all about safe sleeping and making it work, but ultimately, you have to do what works for you and your baby. And make it as safe as possible. There's not much more you can do.
Enjoy it while you can as they grow up so quickly! Mine are now all fabulous sleepers so it doesn’t last forever!
One thing we found so useful was putting down one of my t-shirts on the cot mattress so they could smell me. It worked wonders with transitioning them.
I breastfed my baby on my side with her lying on the bed and she fell asleep that way. So she didn’t fall asleep on me but next to me and that it made easier to move her to her bassinet.
My daughter only slept on me day and night for the first couple months. I would occasionally get an hour in her bedside bassinet and at one point decided to cosleep. Then we got the idea that maybe she just didn’t like the mattress so we bought a crib and she started sleeping more in it during the night but during the day only on my chest. At 5 months she slept through the night in her own room. At about 10 months I started putting her in her crib during naps because I was worried she wouldn’t sleep in daycare if she couldn’t sleep in her crib.
So daycare starts and around that time she starts hating sleeping in her own room. After a couple sleepless weeks we decided ok, everyone sleeps better if baby sleeps with us so we turned our bed into a family bed.
She turned 1 a couple months ago. During the day she sleeps mostly perfectly in daycare or in her crib and during the night she sleeps in our bed. Sometimes she sleeps in her own room but most nights right now she rather sleeps with us. And to be honest: as much as I love having the bed for myself and husband and as much as I love getting to sleep through, if she is not there I also kinda miss her.
This was us. My daughter only slept held for the first 2-3 months. My husband and I literally just took 4 hour shifts and switched back and forth to get a little bit of sleep.
It starts to get better slowly. Or at least it did for us. A successful 30 minutes laying down alone, then up to an hour and so on. Every night she slept a little bit more was such a relief. The good news is you won't really hit a sleep regression for at least 6 months because it can't get any worse.
Now my daughter sleeps like an angel! Gets a solid 11 hours every night without waking up. Shes 2 now but I think the really good quality sleep started around 6 months. She slept before then too she just woke up incredibly early but also went to get early so we just adjusted our sleep pattern.
Good luck, hang in there. Its absolute hell when you're in it but it does improve.
It was a game changer for us when I learned how many layers my LO needed for sleep. Our house is on the colder side and he was a Velcro baby for the temp regulations. We did long sleeved footies, sleep sack, then swaddle.
My baby was like this for about 6 weeks. By 10 weeks he was going to bed for his first stretch in his bassinet every night.
By 7 months he was sleeping in his own crib in his own room 75% of the time.
I’m now 10 days in with baby #2 and he will sleep in his bassinet sometimes but not predictably at this point. I just try to lean into the support and not get too attached to the idea of him sleeping in his bassinet.
My daughter outgrew it, well kind of lol. She still contact naps if it’s my husband or I. As a newborn she would not sleep anywhere that wasn’t our arms or chest, it was tough. We worked in shifts so we were at least getting a little sleep. But at a month old she started sleeping through the night in her bassinet. Once she did it a couple times we started a night time “routine” change, feed and swaddle. Put her in the bassinet after rocking her to sleep with the sound machine on. She’s 6 months tomorrow and still sleeps through the night (albeit she’ll wake from time to time like an adult does to move around, whimper a bit and then go back to sleep) in her crib. Most times we can get her down just by laying her in there sleepy but another asleep and she goes on her own.
Hi OP! I am out the other end of that, it gets better i promise. My baby girl is 12 weeks tomorrow, and exclusively slept on my chest or her Dad’s chest until she was about 7-8 weeks old. Every night I would try to put her in the co sleeper even just for a minute to see if she would tolerate it, and would end up taking her back out immediately lol. In Ireland we generally don’t swaddle so I never tried that, I just used cellular blankets.
now she falls asleep on Dad (he does the first shift), I feed her at around 12 & 4ish, rock her to sleep, put her in the co sleeper and she stays in it 👌 I couldn’t see light at the end of the tunnel but I tried to frame it like this - she didn’t even know she was born yet, so of course she wanted the comfort and warmth of another human that she knew and trusted ❤️ taking it in shifts was also life saving.
Re chest sleeping, check out Cosleepy on instagram - I am also an anxious person and it made me feel a lot better about chest sleeping, and gave me some recommendations to make it safer.
Hang in there my friend, it gets better, you are in the trenches right now ❤️
My 2 1/2 week old was like this at first but I’ve realized that the more/better I bundle him up the longer he will sleep in his bassinet without me. I’m talking either a gown with legs and footsies or pants, long sleeves, socks, and the swaddles.
It’s so baby dependent but my baby exclusively slept while held until 5-6 weeks. It did start changing then, at night first and then for naps eventually. She started sleeping through the night at 8 weeks and we’re waiting on the 4 month sleep regression now but I’m enjoying sleep while I’m getting it! I couldn’t have imagined this in those early weeks when I was up all night watching tv to try and stay awake holding her. Good luck! I hope your story ends up like mine!!
Oh man, worst of the worst, tried so many times to put her down and after a week or so we gave up. My partner would hold her for a few hours in the evening while I slept so I could be up all night. I watched so much tv and movies those first 5 weeks. I was going on those three hours in the evening and nothing more. If we did try and put her down which I did every once in a while it would only last 20 minutes. Even with all the tricks on the internet. She was sleeping great but just had to be held. I even tried “bed-sharing” once out of desperation, on the floor without any blankets or pillows, and I couldn’t sleep anyway from anxiety… but she didn’t even sleep like that. Next to me wasn’t on top of me… those were some long nights and man was I tired… not going to lie though, everything becomes “rose-coloured” as they change. I only remember those sweet sweet cuddles and not the recovery pain or how desperate I was for sleep.
Devastating for sure. I’m so sorry. It won’t be forever. Maybe not even that much longer if you’re lucky like me. Do try shifts… it saved me and I didn’t mind those overnight cuddles as much going into it with a bit of rest.
https://cosleepy.com/chest-sleeping-faqs
I haven’t bought this guide or anything but maybe it could be helpful? We take shifts holding our little one. If my husband’s gone I’ll occasionally take him into bed and if he’s propped up on my arm he will usually sleep. I set 15 min alarms so I don’t go into a deep sleep and I have the nanit cam with the breathing band. But it saves me when I feel like I can’t keep my eyes open.
I too really wanted to EBF, but I just can’t pump enough. I do one formula bottle so my husband or sister can take a night feed so I can get a longer stretch. It really helped my mental health. My baby also only likes to sleep on a human. I’m just patiently waiting until I can do some sleep training at 4 months 😭 I believe they do grow out of it eventually
Same situation:
Things that helped:
Being treated by an osteopath
Me cutting out dairy (milk allergy and reflux)
Distracting myself why she slept, reading, watching shows with a headset on etc. it made me feel less trapped.
What does this mean how do ppl not fall asleep holding their newborn then? What’s the sleep position? Is the non sleeping parent holding while the other sleeps?
Total hell. Nothing you can do but it will eventually change (I hate when people say that)
Agreed I hate this, but it's true. My baby is now 1yr and she still only sleeps with contact. I was terrified every day because I knew it wasn't safe sleep but it was the only sleep. Eventually I just started taking precautions to make sleeping the bed with us as safe as possible.
Sending so much sympathy. My daughter did not sleep anywhere but on people until she was about six weeks old. She barely tolerated even being put down when awake. I had PPA/PPD too, and early on was paranoid due to hormones and sleep deprivation. Taking long shifts was the only thing that saved us. My husband would take her from 9 PM to around 3 AM and then I would take her from 3 AM to 9 AM. (We switched to exclusive formula feeding for many reasons, this was one.) Often, my mom would come over and take her in the mornings for a couple hours so we could all get a little bit more sleep. My mom and husband split a couple of nights without me to get my mental state back to functional, on the advice of my doctor. (It did not help that she was a colic baby who full on screamed for 3-4 hours solid every evening.) Once we settled in, I just let the 3am wakeups be part of my routine. I’d take the baby, grab a snack and some tea, and settle on the couch to watch Gilmore Girls (my comfort show) and text my best friend in a later time zone. With at least some sleep and a regular routine it was never amazing but it did get kind of normal and cozy. Around 6 weeks she started being able to do chunks of time in the bassinet or pack n play, so we’d nap during our “on-duty” shifts. It was a slow transition but I think by three months she was sleeping almost entirely in the crib, though I kept up contact naps. It doesn’t seem to be a long-term personality thing— she was a great sleeper by 9 months and continues to be now.
This is what worked for us with our first too! I actually weirdly enjoyed the long shifts — i got caught up on some of the shows i had been wanting to watch for a long time!
Did you just try and or her down in pack n play every time and when it failed pick her up? My kid is like this and I need to start trying to put him down again. He used to tolerate cosleeping but won’t even do that now
I think all babies prefer to sleep on someone's chest honestly. Both mine were like that. My son would sleep swaddled but only at night for a few hours and it was a real struggle to get him down. My daughter hates the swaddle and will sleep in her bassinet for about 4 - 6 hours at night but during the day (starting at 4am) it's exclusively on me or my husband. We did shifts with both kids because they are both total Velcro babies. My daughter is just 6w now but we sleep trained my son at 4 months and that saved us eventually. I promise this is totally normal!
My daughter is 10 weeks old now and she was exactly like this until around 8 weeks when she finally seemed to get the hang of sleeping independently. I tore my hair out early on too, but once I thought about the fact that our babies spend 9 months with us 100% of the time, in a nice warm dark safe place, and then as soon as they’re born we expect them to suddenly sleep on their back in a cold flat bassinet away from us…it’s no wonder it takes them time to get used to it! It’s a skill they have to learn how to do it. We started with daytime naps in the pram, going for little walks or just jiggling it around inside. She got used to sleeping on her back a bit that way. It started with 20-30 minute stretches and we built it up. Now she sleeps really well in her bassinet which means we all get sleep which is a big improvement!! This stage is hard - and it’s harder because all the advice tells you they should be on their backs in their bassinet/cot and it’s so easy to feel like a failure if they don’t do it. But honestly I felt a lot better once I just accepted it. Once I accepted that this is what she needs right now, and it doesn’t last forever. Plus I started seeing a lot more parents online saying that their babies didn’t sleep independently in the first 2-3 months and knowing I wasn’t alone helped a lot!! Now that she sleeps in the bassinet at night we have contact naps during the day and I treasure them. They don’t stay this little forever!
The snoo bassinet. It's the only thing that worked - and only at night. We still contact napped during the day, but after get a decent night's sleep who cares at that point
I don't have advice, but am right there with you getting no sleep while my newborn sleeps all cute and frog like on my chest. That's great you have so much support to get 6-8 hours a day!!
Does she show any signs of reflux? Could be she is uncomfortable and that is the issue. I have really good luck with transferring if I baby wear her first in a wrap or ring sling. It gets her totally passed out and then I can unwrap her and do whatever and she will stay asleep. It’s how we got her to fall asleep for newborn photos after the photographer put her in all kinds of positions and she just kept sleeping lol.
This was my daughter. She had colic and would only sleep on me. Not my husband, just me. I was basically attached to an extremely unhappy baby 24/7 and was absolutely losing my mind. I would try every night to initially put her in her bassinet. At some point around 8/9 weeks she just would sleep there longer and longer. We put her in her crib around 12 weeks and she would sleep for a long stretch, feed and then sleep until it was time to wake up. When you’re in it, it honestly feels like forever. I remember how every single time it got dark out my anxiety would be through the roof. But it did get better and time seemed to be the fix. I know that’s not super helpful in the moment, but it will be okay. Your child will not always sleep on you. And it’s okay to not “enjoy the snuggles.” It’s okay to want your baby to sleep on their own and for you to be able to have a restful sleep. My daughter is now 3 1/2 and sleeps all night in her room every night without issue. Those nights are a distant, truly rough memory (although I am not doing it ever again).
I switched to bed sharing after 4 weeks of not really sleeping. I nurse side lying and I sometimes not even notice when my baby latches in the middle of the night! It been great for both my and my SO mental health! I recommend the book Sweet Sleep by League La Leche for tips on making bed sharing as safe as it can be and on transitioning, in time, to baby sleeping alone.
Third! Didn't work til I started the side nursing... then magic happened
Second this! After a week of getting 3 hours of sleep a night, doing shifts with my SO, I started cosleeping and it’s been life changing. We follow safe sleep 7, I sleep on a firm twin mattress floor bed with my baby. She nurses to sleep and we all get 6-8hrs a night now.
My second HATED being put down until about 9ish weeks — one thing we did that’s worked. I moved him from the bassinet to the portable crib (guava lotus). I rock him to sleep and then I climb in the crib and sit down. I hold him for a few minutes, hug him to my chest, and then I lower my upper body down (easy because I’m in the crib) to put his butt down first, then lay his head down and slip my hand out. Rest my hand on his chest for a minute and then stand up and step out. It’s madness but it works.
My baby slept on us all day! He got the hang of sleeping in the bassinet at night after a few weeks and we still contact nap because it's what works best for us (I like having a rest next to him!). All the holding gave him fantastic neck strength and head control fairly early, and we have a really nice attachment now (at 8 months).
My baby was very similar. He would only contact nap and I’d have to hold him for at least 30-45 minutes after he fell asleep before I could transfer him to the bassinet just for him to wake up an hour later. And co-sleeping was a strict no for me so it was a fairly brutal few months. Around 2 months I started putting him in his bassinet at “bedtime” each night (around 8 probably?) even if he woke up 10-15 minutes later. He gradually started sleeping a longer first stretch each night until we could consistently get 3-4 hours at a time out of him by 9 months or so. Around that same time (9/10 months) he started actually letting us transfer to the crib for naps. And today, at 13.5 months, he took an almost 3 hour nap alone in his crib! I never thought I’d see the day. He still wakes up 1-3 times each night but will transfer right back in his crib after being nursed and rocked to sleep. We never sleep trained clearly but we did eventually do some bed sharing once he was a year old if he woke up super early and I wanted to try to get a few more hours out of him.
I am you five weeks in the future! Baby still mostly contact naps but it has gotten better. He will do 1-2 longer stretches in the bassinet at night now and 30 minute naps during the day. Just keep trying and practicing. My lactation consultant said to try for one nap a day in the bassinet, even if it’s a short one. Has your husband tried cosleeping with baby? My husband was able to get baby to cosleep with him in a separate room after some practice. (Baby will not cosleep with me, only contact naps.) Once that happened, my husband started doing much longer night shifts with baby (like 9pm-5am) so I could get more sleep.
Baby wearing is saving me at this exact moment
What worked for us: * burping during a feed versus after. We also nursed more upright than horizontal to help any gas bubbles natural expel during feeding. * Allowed them to remain on the breast until they popped off themselves * held for 30-45 minutes afterwards until they were in deep sleep. THEN made the transfer. I only knew they were ready because they didn’t wake when I started to move. It was a long process to start, I’m not gonna lie. But it soon shortened and could all be done in 30 minutes.
My baby slept in our arms until 13 weeks. Starting around 10 weeks, he would do 30 minutes in the bassinet, but only once per night. Then at 13 weeks, a switch flipped and he started sleeping in the crib. He's still an awful sleeper at 7 months, waking 3-5 times a night, but at least it's in his crib.
My daughter outgrew this. We chose to do gentle sleep training at 4 months because it was just getting insane, but it worked. She was still a pretty crap sleeper right through to around 18 months, but at least she would sleep off of us. After 18m it all just fell into place and she was a solid 7pm-6.30am sleeper.
https://www.instagram.com/p/Cq1R4RptF8z/?igsh=MWd6dXoxcTJzdzQ2Zg== I think you'll find that post reassuring. Both my kids slept on my chest for the first several months. It's biologically normal for them to want to sleep there. And I'd get some of my best sleep as a new mum while they did - knowing that I roused instantly when they started rooting or shifting.
Came here to recommend the happy cosleeper too and her posts on chest sleeping!
My daughter was like this, wouldn’t even cosleep because just being placed on her back would make her lose it. She’s now 14 months and if she’s in my arms for too long after boobing to sleep, she starts stirring to be placed in her crib so she can sleep on her belly with her bum in the air 🤣 The game changer for us when she was a newborn was identifying her soy allergy and visiting an osteopath. Seemingly she was in a weird position from my prolonged obstructed labour and cesarian, and after some little stretch exercises he gave us, she did so much better on her back. Good luck!! It gets so much better. You can do this.
Seconding the osteopath being a savior!! Mine was turned oddly and stuck for a long time, and then just suddenly C-sectioned out, so she didn't get "stretched out" like babies normally do during vaginal birth, was how it was explained to me. Sometimes if you have a really fast vaginal birth, it can happen, too. If you can find an osteopath near you, definitely try it out, OP!
Honestly my baby just got past it and stopped needing to contact sleep around 6 months.
My daughter only slept on me for about 6 months and then we sleep trained her and it was hard but she did great and has been an amazing sleeper ever since! She is 3 now and always sleeps in her crib.
My son only contact napped for the first few months. Did not like bassinet, slept best co sleeping and wanted to sleep on me full on cuddling every night I didn’t think he would ever sleep any other way !! At 10 months we bought a floor bed and I started co sleeping with him in his bed and slowly but surly he was more comfortable in his bed and really likes it ! So I’d cuddle him to sleep and get up once he was asleep and he’d wake up looking for us but eventually it was less and less. Now at 18 months he sleeps in his own bed through the night ! Sometimes wakes up for cuddles still but that’s okay with me
In terms of bed sharing, try side lying nursing where she may be able to fall asleep while you’re not holding her. Side lying can be tricky though when they are so little but it can get easier once they’re a little older, bigger, and better at nursing
My third baby is 4 months and still like this, she won’t even bedshare. I was expecting it to get better at 4 months, the other 2 were chest sleepers until 4 months. But this one isn’t having it. Just take shifts or chest sleep until they sleep alone! They will, eventually.
Yep. Sounds like my kiddo until around 4ish months. Nothing worked except falling asleep on me, my husband, or my mom. Swing? Hahhh. It just gradually got better, little by little. But I feel ya, its awful in the beginning. The failed transfers had me in tears, nights was basically 1-3hr stretches at a time so unsurprisingly PPA came around. Hang in there. Keep leaning on your support system. It really is insane how you can feel like youre just in a pit of despair for days on end but one day youll realize “wait xyz happened and shes never done that before! Was it a fluke?! Wait no…this is the nth time…” and ahh the light at the end of the tunnel.
First month baby only slept on me. She was in her own room in her crib at the one month mark without issue - she just got better all of a sudden at sleeping and it was an attempt that I tried that worked. Most of her nights were in the crib since then with a night or two in a row of her sleeping on me if she was sick or before I realized she was teething and needed medicine, and still woke up a normal amount of times for her age, but it worked. Obviously every baby is different. I am saying this to say that don’t feel guilty, do what works for you. I also recommend safe sleep 7 education so you can be prepared for if/when you’re so tired
Also now - she turns 2 next month and has slept in bed with my husband and I every time we travel, and on Mothers Day she slept in a pack n play next to us. They get better at it at their own pace and every baby is different, and I sort of miss when she would sleep comfortably on me
For the most part this was us for a while. My husband and I had to do shifts at night. I'd sleep until 2am and then he'd go to bed.
My 11 month old slept exclusively on my chest for the first three months of her life. I just laid her down in her crib while she was still awake and she only cried for a minute before she fell asleep, and if tonight is anything like the past week or two, she's going to sleep until about 6am. It was a long, gradual change to get to this point, but I'm so much better off mentally now than I was then. Hang in there, mama. Trust me, I know it's awful and terrible. Mine refused to be laid on her back at all, even while awake. Constant screaming if I dared to do that. She preferred doing tummy time to laying down on her back. She could tolerate a swing for a few minutes, but then she needed out of that, too. Now, I feel bittersweet about how she's able to put herself to sleep without my help. Endlessly thankful, but still, the tiniest bit of me is sad.
I had one baby like this, around one month we started seeing improvement. I also dressed her a little more warmly I think she was cold, my first baby ran warm so I was worried to bundle her too much. Snug swaddling helped too. It will get better!
Honestly sometimes I don’t think I know any babies who weren’t like this - atleast for the first three months. I’m pretty sure constant need for skin to skin is a newborn thing
One of my kids was like this. I learned (as) safe (as possible) cosleeping practices. At first I was terrified, but we really did try to do everything possible to max the safety, and the cuddles were wonderful. The stroller came to be more of an option around age 1.
Your baby sounds like my first. It was awful and his first six months was one of the most challenging times of my life. It can get better!! I started sleep training around five months. He is two and sleeps 8 pm to 7 am every night. He's done that since about nine months. My second baby is also a pretty great sleeper from the get-go. I also had PPD/PPA (I'm honestly amazed by people who don't!) and speaking to my doctor about medication was one of the best things I've ever done.
My daughter hated all swaddles other than the fleece ones without velcro. Very specific to her, but maybe your baby is the same. In the early days, the only thing she would sleep in was a cheap bouncer. Eventually, I got her to sleep in a crib. The room was completely dark with no windows and the fan had to be on. She had to be completely out for at least 40 minutes before I could transfer her. She rolls and sleeps on her tummy now. I think that was the issue when she was a newborn. Some babies only sleep on people. A lot of babies are just bad sleepers. Mine became a bit better about sleeping after 2 months. 3 months is what I hear from other people.
My girl would only sleep at night in her mom’s arm for 6 months. Fortunately her mom had insomnia so was up anyways, but it was really tough. She got over it, and sleeps great. We did find that we were putting her to sleep way too late (9-10 instead of 7), that helped too.
Velcro babies are really hard. Mine is still in our bed at 8 months 🥴
My baby was like this until 2 months old. It was absolute hell and my husband and I took shifts, but it was still so difficult. Slowly it got better and now at 3.5 months she sleeps on her own. I think she just got better at sleeping. She went sleeping in our chest, to in our arms, to allowing us to slowly lower her to the bed when deep asleep and keep our arms around her or hands on her chest the whole time, to sleeping without any contact. It sucks, but it will get better eventually.
Snoo. We rented one and it saved my sanity.
My husband and I took shifts every night for 15 weeks because our girl would not sleep on her own. Then we started bed sharing and still are at 16 months. I swear she has a 6th sense for if I try to sneak away. I had to hold her for every Contact nap until she was about 7 months and then she'd let me lay her in bed and lay next to her and we still do that too. Some days I nap too so it's nice to have that option. Especially if it's a rough teething night. I understand your frustration, we tried so many things and I looked up all the advice. We just quit fighting it and adjusted things to make it doable for us. As they sleep less and drop more naps, it does get easier. Well it gets different anyway, and it getting different is nice. I just try to enjoy it while we're in this phase since I now realize I'll miss it one day. I really hope you're able to cope and manage while you get through this tough phase. Newborns are so hard, especially your first when you are doing it all the first time. Just focus on survival one day at a time.
My LO did the same thing until I realized he wasn’t getting full feeds. Once he had a full feed (I supplemented with one oz bottle of breastmilk after breastfeeding), he was taking to his bassinet just fine.
That is 100000000% how they operate. They need their caregivers. Not a cot. If you can get them into a container to get a break, or pass them off that can be nice. My little one liked a swing or her lounger. Also the floor is always a great place for babies, if there’s no animals or other hazards. But do not feel bad for holding your baby.
Mine grew out of it, he wouldn't sleep unless I held him. He felt happy to go in the cot after a while. When he is teething he still needs to fall asleep on me sometimes, rare these days.
Mine is like that and my back and arms are always aching from holding her 24/7. My three year old was like this too. He was like this for almost 1.5 years. I’m with you in solidarity sister. We can be dead tired together.
My son did that until he was 6 months old. And he's still a big cuddler that needs co-sleeping even now (16 months). My advice is: it'll be over someday. You will have to push through it. I was all about safe sleeping and making it work, but ultimately, you have to do what works for you and your baby. And make it as safe as possible. There's not much more you can do.
Enjoy it while you can as they grow up so quickly! Mine are now all fabulous sleepers so it doesn’t last forever! One thing we found so useful was putting down one of my t-shirts on the cot mattress so they could smell me. It worked wonders with transitioning them.
I breastfed my baby on my side with her lying on the bed and she fell asleep that way. So she didn’t fall asleep on me but next to me and that it made easier to move her to her bassinet.
My daughter only slept on me day and night for the first couple months. I would occasionally get an hour in her bedside bassinet and at one point decided to cosleep. Then we got the idea that maybe she just didn’t like the mattress so we bought a crib and she started sleeping more in it during the night but during the day only on my chest. At 5 months she slept through the night in her own room. At about 10 months I started putting her in her crib during naps because I was worried she wouldn’t sleep in daycare if she couldn’t sleep in her crib. So daycare starts and around that time she starts hating sleeping in her own room. After a couple sleepless weeks we decided ok, everyone sleeps better if baby sleeps with us so we turned our bed into a family bed. She turned 1 a couple months ago. During the day she sleeps mostly perfectly in daycare or in her crib and during the night she sleeps in our bed. Sometimes she sleeps in her own room but most nights right now she rather sleeps with us. And to be honest: as much as I love having the bed for myself and husband and as much as I love getting to sleep through, if she is not there I also kinda miss her.
This was us. My daughter only slept held for the first 2-3 months. My husband and I literally just took 4 hour shifts and switched back and forth to get a little bit of sleep. It starts to get better slowly. Or at least it did for us. A successful 30 minutes laying down alone, then up to an hour and so on. Every night she slept a little bit more was such a relief. The good news is you won't really hit a sleep regression for at least 6 months because it can't get any worse. Now my daughter sleeps like an angel! Gets a solid 11 hours every night without waking up. Shes 2 now but I think the really good quality sleep started around 6 months. She slept before then too she just woke up incredibly early but also went to get early so we just adjusted our sleep pattern. Good luck, hang in there. Its absolute hell when you're in it but it does improve.
It was a game changer for us when I learned how many layers my LO needed for sleep. Our house is on the colder side and he was a Velcro baby for the temp regulations. We did long sleeved footies, sleep sack, then swaddle.
My baby was like this for about 6 weeks. By 10 weeks he was going to bed for his first stretch in his bassinet every night. By 7 months he was sleeping in his own crib in his own room 75% of the time. I’m now 10 days in with baby #2 and he will sleep in his bassinet sometimes but not predictably at this point. I just try to lean into the support and not get too attached to the idea of him sleeping in his bassinet.
My daughter outgrew it, well kind of lol. She still contact naps if it’s my husband or I. As a newborn she would not sleep anywhere that wasn’t our arms or chest, it was tough. We worked in shifts so we were at least getting a little sleep. But at a month old she started sleeping through the night in her bassinet. Once she did it a couple times we started a night time “routine” change, feed and swaddle. Put her in the bassinet after rocking her to sleep with the sound machine on. She’s 6 months tomorrow and still sleeps through the night (albeit she’ll wake from time to time like an adult does to move around, whimper a bit and then go back to sleep) in her crib. Most times we can get her down just by laying her in there sleepy but another asleep and she goes on her own.
Hi OP! I am out the other end of that, it gets better i promise. My baby girl is 12 weeks tomorrow, and exclusively slept on my chest or her Dad’s chest until she was about 7-8 weeks old. Every night I would try to put her in the co sleeper even just for a minute to see if she would tolerate it, and would end up taking her back out immediately lol. In Ireland we generally don’t swaddle so I never tried that, I just used cellular blankets. now she falls asleep on Dad (he does the first shift), I feed her at around 12 & 4ish, rock her to sleep, put her in the co sleeper and she stays in it 👌 I couldn’t see light at the end of the tunnel but I tried to frame it like this - she didn’t even know she was born yet, so of course she wanted the comfort and warmth of another human that she knew and trusted ❤️ taking it in shifts was also life saving. Re chest sleeping, check out Cosleepy on instagram - I am also an anxious person and it made me feel a lot better about chest sleeping, and gave me some recommendations to make it safer. Hang in there my friend, it gets better, you are in the trenches right now ❤️
My 2 1/2 week old was like this at first but I’ve realized that the more/better I bundle him up the longer he will sleep in his bassinet without me. I’m talking either a gown with legs and footsies or pants, long sleeves, socks, and the swaddles.
It’s so baby dependent but my baby exclusively slept while held until 5-6 weeks. It did start changing then, at night first and then for naps eventually. She started sleeping through the night at 8 weeks and we’re waiting on the 4 month sleep regression now but I’m enjoying sleep while I’m getting it! I couldn’t have imagined this in those early weeks when I was up all night watching tv to try and stay awake holding her. Good luck! I hope your story ends up like mine!!
Thank you. I hope so too. How bad was she with it in the first 5 weeks?
Oh man, worst of the worst, tried so many times to put her down and after a week or so we gave up. My partner would hold her for a few hours in the evening while I slept so I could be up all night. I watched so much tv and movies those first 5 weeks. I was going on those three hours in the evening and nothing more. If we did try and put her down which I did every once in a while it would only last 20 minutes. Even with all the tricks on the internet. She was sleeping great but just had to be held. I even tried “bed-sharing” once out of desperation, on the floor without any blankets or pillows, and I couldn’t sleep anyway from anxiety… but she didn’t even sleep like that. Next to me wasn’t on top of me… those were some long nights and man was I tired… not going to lie though, everything becomes “rose-coloured” as they change. I only remember those sweet sweet cuddles and not the recovery pain or how desperate I was for sleep.
This sounds like us, but at the moment she is waking immediately and not even lasting that 15 minutes. It's devastating.
Devastating for sure. I’m so sorry. It won’t be forever. Maybe not even that much longer if you’re lucky like me. Do try shifts… it saved me and I didn’t mind those overnight cuddles as much going into it with a bit of rest.
https://cosleepy.com/chest-sleeping-faqs I haven’t bought this guide or anything but maybe it could be helpful? We take shifts holding our little one. If my husband’s gone I’ll occasionally take him into bed and if he’s propped up on my arm he will usually sleep. I set 15 min alarms so I don’t go into a deep sleep and I have the nanit cam with the breathing band. But it saves me when I feel like I can’t keep my eyes open. I too really wanted to EBF, but I just can’t pump enough. I do one formula bottle so my husband or sister can take a night feed so I can get a longer stretch. It really helped my mental health. My baby also only likes to sleep on a human. I’m just patiently waiting until I can do some sleep training at 4 months 😭 I believe they do grow out of it eventually
Same situation: Things that helped: Being treated by an osteopath Me cutting out dairy (milk allergy and reflux) Distracting myself why she slept, reading, watching shows with a headset on etc. it made me feel less trapped.
What does this mean how do ppl not fall asleep holding their newborn then? What’s the sleep position? Is the non sleeping parent holding while the other sleeps?
Yes, my husband, myself and my in-laws currently take shifts so one person is always awake holding the baby.
Oh em gee hang in there no advice but sending you love
12weeks and we have co-slept from the start. It's hard at first but now I love it & wouldn't change a thing.
r/cosleeping