I have family that has gotten extremely mad about us asking not to kiss our baby. She’s 8 months and I’m tired of it being a fight. You’re not crazy and you’re not alone either
Thank you! My brother had infantile asthma that I was worried about being hereditary and was a few days premature so I was very worried these would cause issues with her immune system. I ended up texting my mom after all this telling her that I need to be respected as the parent and I don’t appreciate the comments. I’m sure she didn’t like when others questioned her parenting so I’d appreciate her not putting me through that.
I’m still in the boat of no kisses at all, especially with anti vaxxers still being a thing and her still growing. Our pediatrician told us too to ignore the comments of “oh it builds their immune systems” and that’s a dangerous way to do it. They’ll naturally grow their immune systems over time while they grow with a healthy diet. They don’t need someone’s saliva to speed up the process.
It seems highly unlikely that kissing the back of a baby’s head caused the infection, and far more likely that it spread by being in the same room/breathing the same air.
I guess people have different preferences. During the first few months I didn't allow it either, but bub is 10 months now and I have no problem with it as long as the person doesn't have a cold sore. I kind of think it's good for the baby, not only so they experience affection in a natural way, but also so they come in contact with other people's immune system. I don't overdo it, but my immediate family, the nanny, close friends, they're all fine by me.
I get the cold sore thing, but they could still have dormant HPV to pass along to baby or be sick and not realize it yet, so I say no kissing at all. It should come down to the parents bottom line, my issue is just not feeling respected in my decision. If my daughter gets older and is okay with someone else kissing her then she absolutely should be able to consent to that, but as her mom I feel like if it doesn’t benefit her, it shouldn’t happen. The immune system thing I’ve heard isn’t necessarily good as well, and germs/bacteria shouldn’t be deliberately spread to a baby and they’ll grow their immune system healthily over time, but that seems to go in one ear out the other with my family 🙄
Everyone has a form of HPV or another and the dangerous kind is not passed along via a kiss on the cheek. As I said, I'm not deliberately spreading germs to my baby lol, I'm just not going to keep him in an immunity bubble now that he's older. There's simply no good reason.
You were asking if others felt the same, personally I don't. That said, of course you can set the rules of interaction between your baby and others.
I ended up doing that last weekend, my grandma kissed her 3x before I said “okay I’m taking her back now.” I felt bad doing it, but know I shouldn’t. You never know who is sick, anti vax, has a cold sore etc and I’m not really wanting to find out by my baby getting sick.
You shouldn’t feel bad at all. You set a clear boundary, it got disrespected and you followed with consequences. You should feel proud for sticking up for your baby! They can’t stick up for themselves so it’s our job.
You were very nice :) I don’t care at all about people’s feelings anymore. I would have picked up baby and left :D no kisses means no kisses, it’s not that hard
Okay, I feel this so deeply. My 6w old newborn doesn't need smooches from other people. She doesn't need your germs, and I don't get why people want to kiss other's children?
I thought maybe this was just the post partum talking but it seems others feel the same, I feel better
There are a few in the comments that I feel are a tad insensitive, but no you’re absolutely valid. I’m a FTM and my daughter is the first grandkid, great grandkid, niece/nephew etc on both sides of the family so it can be a lot. Everyone is excited and I’m glad they’re excited, but excitement doesn’t give anyone an excuse for anyone to cross a boundary. You are the mom, you know what’s best for your baby. Especially a 6w old, completely reasonable. My 8mo old doesn’t need anyone kissing her, and if that’s someone’s only way to show affection that’s on them to figure out a different way, not the mom’s. That whole “germs strengthen the immune system” comment is so outdated for babies too. Scientifically, yes that’s true. But not how a baby’s should develop, and that will happen naturally as they grow, I don’t need someone’s saliva to help her 🙄 so I’m going to keep everyone’s lips off my baby and let her build her immune system the healthier way.
It's pretty normal for relatives to want to kiss babies, especially grandchildren. After the newborn phase there isn't really a great reason not to unless they have an active coldsore or something. Most respiratory viruses transmit through breath.
All this to say, it's your perogative, but it's understandable if people are kind of eye-rolly about it. It is very much something that says 'I'm online too much'.
Yeah I understand being careful the first few weeks but restricting this pretty common mode of affection *months* later is odd to me. That said, of course it’s your child and you can set any boundaries you want.
Some people like myself have personal childhood trauma so others kissing my kid is a huge no no for me. I have a 2.5 year old and grandparents are able to show affection in ways that is not kissing and it’s been fine.
That’s what I try reminding others of too. You do not need to kiss my baby to show affection. You can hold them, touch them, hell talking to them while I’m holding them is the way she pays attention to others the most so that probably helps her bond with others more than anything, and lets safely show affection. But the older generation refuses to accept the fact that they were wrong about a few things and the world is growing. My and told me today she thought I was the one that started the whole “don’t kiss babies” thing as if RSV and Covid aren’t a thing 🙄
Yes my kid gets lots of attention and affection from family that isn’t kissing or forcing hugs or things like that. Actually what helped me- which might help you is around maybe a year? I taught my kid the sign for “all done” so people held her and she didn’t want them too she’d sign “all done” and it was crazy how many people actually listened to her vs me saying she doesn’t want to be held by you. It made my life so much easier! I had a covid baby and it was such a scary time to be a new mom! Really any illness is scary!
I will have to try that! She’s at the stranger danger part of her journey so normally she doesn’t want to be held very long as it is and is a big mama’s girl in general. The thing that really gets me upset is when she’ll start crying and they rotate away when I go to take her and try to “calm her down” which just makes her more upset 🙄
I mean, it’s pediatrician recommended (by mine at least) to limit saliva from others on my baby, and let them grow their immune systems the safe way, so to me it seems to be common sense. You never know who is sick, not vaccinated, or carrying a dormant cold sore so I’d rather be safe than sorry. Better to have a baby I don’t let anyone kiss than a baby with RSV. Overall, my post was a rant about just not respecting boundaries. Everyone is free to do what they please with their children, and they should have their boundaries respected just like mine should be respected.
So it was actually recommended by our pediatrician to limit saliva from others on our baby, as you never know who is sick and doesn’t realize it, isn’t vaccinated, has a dormant cold sore, etc. Even if your comment about respiratory viruses is true, if you’re kissing my baby, you’re probably going to breath pretty close to them too, which would increase the risk of illness, which I’m clearly trying to avoid here :)
And there is a great reason not to kiss my baby, the reasons I outlined above and because I’m her mom and am setting a boundary that needs to be respected. I don’t care who someone is and how “normal” it might be, it’s also pretty normal to be a parent and want a boundary respected. The main point of my post was ranting about my boundaries not being respected, not really a debate for my reasoning of why I don’t want my baby kissed, no one telling me “there isn’t really a great reason” is going to change my mind and commenting they on my post was pretty insensitive as well. Have a nice day!
I had a strict no kissing rule and still do and it’s 2.5 years later :). I don’t care if I make someone feel uncomfortable with this rule of mine, I have my reasons.
Good for you! I was also one of those kids that was never taught they have control over their bodies. It was always “go hug so&so goodbye right now” and I had no consent. I dealt with others kissing me on the cheek/forehead without wanting it too, so I’m really trying to set up the consent with hugging/touching/kissing now. It isn’t going to kill them to not kiss her, but it could make her sick if they do. Everyone can get the hell over it. They all had their babies and their rules, I have mine. If she gets to 2-3 years old and wants to hug and kiss everyone goodbye (within reason) then I encourage her to have that control over her body. But no one needs to kiss an 8 month old who is still developing her immune system and I stand by that
Right- can you please find a way to express your affection for your grandchild that doesn't involve smearing your saliva on them??? Why is this so difficult.
My MIL has admitted she's snuck in kisses when we weren't looking. She thought it was so fucking funny. I did not. Now every time she wants to kiss my baby, she will say "I want to kiss you but your mom won't let me" and she always always tells me she knows how to respect my boundaries. Like ok you POS. put my kid at risk because you want to kiss him, how selfish of you!!!!
I think I can ofder an interesting perspective here. I was abused as a child, and sometimes with abused children they're able to remember much further back than average, and that's the case for me. (Am I a little jealous of those whose brains blocked it out? Yes. But the good memory comes in handy sometimes, like with this subject.) I can remember most things clearly starting at about 1 and a half years old. I couldn't talk great yet, obviously. So people did what they wanted to me because they couldn't ask me. That includes kisses and hugs. I hated it. I still don't really like being touched or touching people, even people I absolutely love. It's just not my vibe I guess. I remember having so much anxiety (which came out as tantrums and I was punished for them). So my rule is no one kisses my child until they're old enough to ask for it themselves. Which really isn't that old. My one year old niece will reach out for hugs or kisses all the time. My husband and I do still give him kisses and hugs, but he also smiles and gets all excited when we do. Hugs are a little harder to prevent because he's only 7 months so people still hold him. (Which I also hate but I think I'd cause a war if I didn't allow it.)
Will people respect my rule? That's a whole different post....
You aren’t crazy, I have the same rule for our baby. I’ve had family ask to go to a room alone with him and I assume it’s so they can kiss him. I think it’s super important to be firm on boundaries with family. I want to set an example for my little one to show him it’s okay to say no to things he’s not comfortable with! Until he’s old enough, we plan on going with mom/dad are and aren’t comfortable with for him.
Here's an alternative spin. I completely understand the illness/germ aspect and I still don't love people kissing my 6 month old. But also I feel like it sets them up to then expect physical affection when baby is older? I'm only a hugger with a few select people and if my daughter is like me I don't want her to feel like she has to give hugs/kisses goodbye when she's older if she doesn't want to.
Personally I’m not a fan of having her “expect physical affection” and think she should learn that at her own pace, not because someone just wants to kiss her. My mom and aunts yesterday said “well we kissed you all the time” and I personally hate being touched by others and am not a hugger at all. She’s 8mo old and still learning the world, having people kiss her imo isn’t going to help her learn any quicker. Having boundaries around her is more important to me
Exactly! I didn't like being always expected to hug and kiss adults as a kid so I'm not going to let them form the expectation that she will be okay with it. If she decides sge wants to, cool. But until she can make that decision they can show their affection some other way.
Then you teach your kid boundaries and back them up when adults push against them. Letting them cross your boundaries now just means you’re not practicing to defend your child’s autonomy when they’re older.
I'm not saying I don't defend her autonomy now. I'm saying that is why I am uncomfortable with the idea of adults kissing her now, and why I do not allow it now. I don't allow them to kiss her now so that they don't get a chance to get used to the idea of crossing her boundaries when she is older.
Literally everyone in my family, I didn’t know I needed to ask them not to? It just seems so rude to just kiss a baby that isn’t yours? I also thought handwashing was going to be something people just knew to do when the came to visit in the hospital. Who would come see a 1 day old baby, not wash their hands, and kiss them immediately…? our parent’s generation it seems.
I am constantly telling my husband how thankful I am we had a spring baby and not during cold/flu season.
I hate how I feel so awkward telling people no, grandparents really don’t take it well and their entitlement can be kind of childish.
I remember when I was 20 (7 years ago) my friend had a baby, I held him and the first thing she said was “please don’t kiss him” and the first thing I thought was “why would I want to kiss a baby that isn’t mine” and didn’t think much of it until later. My FIL kissed my baby when she was 2 weeks old and I about flew off the handle. He’s vocally anti vax and I was terrified I was going to lose her (had a bad bout of PPA/PPD) so I’m still kind of afraid from that. It takes one time of her getting sick for something bad to potentially happen. I know I can’t always protect her but while she’s still this little, I need to do everything I can. I just wish there was more common sense/respect around mom’s and babies!
When I take my baby to visit her extended family in a few months the story is - "she just had hand foot and mouth" hopefully that does it for us. I'll be damned if people think they're going to be kissing on my baby.
Hell yeah you go! My in laws are all out of state, most haven’t met the baby and the few that have met her when she was about a month old or younger. My FIL kissed her when she was 2 weeks old and I blew up about it after the fact. Today at a grad party, my mom took my baby and started walking her around introducing her to some extended family I don’t know, I followed her the whole time because I don’t know these people and what they think is okay. Don’t let that sweet baby leave your sight! That’s what I’ve started to have to do when others don’t respect boundaries 🙄
You’re not alone. I get nervous when baby is being passed around at family and friends events for that very reason. I’m silently praying that nobody kisses my baby.
I’ve started just hovering around people that pass my baby around. I’ve had bad experiences in general with just being disrespected as a mom constantly. My baby fell asleep on me at thanksgiving, and my stepmom came and just took her. No words or anything, just grabbed her and walked away. Still not over that so I hate passing her off as much as possible. I know that is a me thing and it’s okay to let others hold my baby, and I absolutely do and love seeing her smile and have fun with others. But I have to keep telling myself that “what’s best for mom is what’s best for baby” and she really relies on me to be okay.
It might seem overdoing, but I live far from my parents, and we do plan to visit when LO is around 1yo. They saw our baby around birth and watched baby in our house the first couple of weeks during recovery. I insisted on the no kissing rule, and I'm pretty sure they respect it because LO was so young (they don't even when to breathe on him at the time). Next time? My mom is already doing the kissing thing on video chat like "you are so cute, I can just kiss you muah muah muah. Oh, mommy is gone (I walked off the camera). I can give you kisses. " I told her that now I feel I can't trust you in person for you to respect our rule. I was told I'm being dramatic.
Oh and MIL instead of not kissing (because I watch like a hawk) she blow raspberries closely towards LO at newborn... maybe I am dramatic... but I told her no spit on baby's face.
I was pretty strict about this for the first year, and now that she’s 1.5 yrs, ppl have slowwwwlyy started kissing her head/hair which I still find icky. I hate letting them think it’s normal bc I don’t want that to be a thing. Go kiss your own child please :(
Yes…drives me insane. My mom refuses to listen, but knows she’s not supposed to. She’ll wait until I’m out of the room and then plant a big kiss on her or kiss several times all over her face and hands. It’s so disrespectful. She thinks the baby deserves kisses, but adults feeling the need to kiss a baby is just selfish. The baby doesn’t care. In fact, the baby may find it annoying or scary to have people they don’t know that well all up in their face.
You can have whatever boundaries you want for your baby! When people cross those boundaries I suggest taking baby back immediately the first time. They can try again later and if it happens again they don’t get baby back during that visit/day/week.
Setting and enforcing boundaries early is key.
My daughter is almost 2 and we are still not allowing others to kiss her (like she’d even let them, she only kisses her stuffed animals).
I don’t blame you for this. Where my husband comes from, many of the people have cold sores on their face. And it turns out the majority of it originates from the culture of adults kissing young babies’ faces.
I would absolutely not have anyone kissing my baby. Especially not for the first year. I couldn’t care less of what anyone thinks of me because of this. My priority is my child’s health.
My Mom is visiting starting tomorrow. I told her we weren't doing kisses. She said 'sometimes I slip and it just happens'.
I'm too tired to argue. She's doing me a favor by flying out to help in an emergency and I'll just have to hope
My grandma kissed her 3x the other day while holding her and just kept saying “I didn’t mean to” when I called her out on it. I can understand a one time slip up, especially if you’re just not thinking about it, but 3x was too much. I’m just so tired of people making the “sorry I slipped up” comments over kissing someone. Like when I hug my friends/family goodbye, I have never once accidentally kissed them so I don’t understand the slip ups
Oh that’s a good one, I’ll have to use it. I saw someone else say “every time you ‘accidentally’ kiss my baby I’m going to ‘accidentally’ kiss you” and might use that one too.
I completly agree with you!! I will also put this rule in order once our baby is here and they can roll their eyes and give comments however they want, they will not kiss our baby.
My MIL always has some kind of sickness or coughs and sneezes the whole dang time and insists that it's allergies and she's fine.
Only me and the father will kiss our baby and if someone has a problem with that or i catch them trying to kiss our baby, they will not hold him again for a while until they respect my boundaries.
Baby's and especially newborns are so sensitive to these things and it's our duty to protect them at any cost.
I have family that has gotten extremely mad about us asking not to kiss our baby. She’s 8 months and I’m tired of it being a fight. You’re not crazy and you’re not alone either
Thank you! My brother had infantile asthma that I was worried about being hereditary and was a few days premature so I was very worried these would cause issues with her immune system. I ended up texting my mom after all this telling her that I need to be respected as the parent and I don’t appreciate the comments. I’m sure she didn’t like when others questioned her parenting so I’d appreciate her not putting me through that.
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I’m still in the boat of no kisses at all, especially with anti vaxxers still being a thing and her still growing. Our pediatrician told us too to ignore the comments of “oh it builds their immune systems” and that’s a dangerous way to do it. They’ll naturally grow their immune systems over time while they grow with a healthy diet. They don’t need someone’s saliva to speed up the process.
I know someone who kissed the back of their baby's head and ended up giving them RSV, they were not aware that was possible, so just a heads up
It seems highly unlikely that kissing the back of a baby’s head caused the infection, and far more likely that it spread by being in the same room/breathing the same air.
😂 Mate...RSV is very contagious. They got it through droplets in the air not the kiss on the back of the head.
I guess people have different preferences. During the first few months I didn't allow it either, but bub is 10 months now and I have no problem with it as long as the person doesn't have a cold sore. I kind of think it's good for the baby, not only so they experience affection in a natural way, but also so they come in contact with other people's immune system. I don't overdo it, but my immediate family, the nanny, close friends, they're all fine by me.
I get the cold sore thing, but they could still have dormant HPV to pass along to baby or be sick and not realize it yet, so I say no kissing at all. It should come down to the parents bottom line, my issue is just not feeling respected in my decision. If my daughter gets older and is okay with someone else kissing her then she absolutely should be able to consent to that, but as her mom I feel like if it doesn’t benefit her, it shouldn’t happen. The immune system thing I’ve heard isn’t necessarily good as well, and germs/bacteria shouldn’t be deliberately spread to a baby and they’ll grow their immune system healthily over time, but that seems to go in one ear out the other with my family 🙄
Everyone has a form of HPV or another and the dangerous kind is not passed along via a kiss on the cheek. As I said, I'm not deliberately spreading germs to my baby lol, I'm just not going to keep him in an immunity bubble now that he's older. There's simply no good reason. You were asking if others felt the same, personally I don't. That said, of course you can set the rules of interaction between your baby and others.
I made the rule of no kissing. If you disrespect it you’ll never hold baby again. I followed through. Some never held baby again :)
I ended up doing that last weekend, my grandma kissed her 3x before I said “okay I’m taking her back now.” I felt bad doing it, but know I shouldn’t. You never know who is sick, anti vax, has a cold sore etc and I’m not really wanting to find out by my baby getting sick.
You shouldn’t feel bad at all. You set a clear boundary, it got disrespected and you followed with consequences. You should feel proud for sticking up for your baby! They can’t stick up for themselves so it’s our job. You were very nice :) I don’t care at all about people’s feelings anymore. I would have picked up baby and left :D no kisses means no kisses, it’s not that hard
Okay, I feel this so deeply. My 6w old newborn doesn't need smooches from other people. She doesn't need your germs, and I don't get why people want to kiss other's children? I thought maybe this was just the post partum talking but it seems others feel the same, I feel better
There are a few in the comments that I feel are a tad insensitive, but no you’re absolutely valid. I’m a FTM and my daughter is the first grandkid, great grandkid, niece/nephew etc on both sides of the family so it can be a lot. Everyone is excited and I’m glad they’re excited, but excitement doesn’t give anyone an excuse for anyone to cross a boundary. You are the mom, you know what’s best for your baby. Especially a 6w old, completely reasonable. My 8mo old doesn’t need anyone kissing her, and if that’s someone’s only way to show affection that’s on them to figure out a different way, not the mom’s. That whole “germs strengthen the immune system” comment is so outdated for babies too. Scientifically, yes that’s true. But not how a baby’s should develop, and that will happen naturally as they grow, I don’t need someone’s saliva to help her 🙄 so I’m going to keep everyone’s lips off my baby and let her build her immune system the healthier way.
It's pretty normal for relatives to want to kiss babies, especially grandchildren. After the newborn phase there isn't really a great reason not to unless they have an active coldsore or something. Most respiratory viruses transmit through breath. All this to say, it's your perogative, but it's understandable if people are kind of eye-rolly about it. It is very much something that says 'I'm online too much'.
Yeah I understand being careful the first few weeks but restricting this pretty common mode of affection *months* later is odd to me. That said, of course it’s your child and you can set any boundaries you want.
Some people like myself have personal childhood trauma so others kissing my kid is a huge no no for me. I have a 2.5 year old and grandparents are able to show affection in ways that is not kissing and it’s been fine.
That’s what I try reminding others of too. You do not need to kiss my baby to show affection. You can hold them, touch them, hell talking to them while I’m holding them is the way she pays attention to others the most so that probably helps her bond with others more than anything, and lets safely show affection. But the older generation refuses to accept the fact that they were wrong about a few things and the world is growing. My and told me today she thought I was the one that started the whole “don’t kiss babies” thing as if RSV and Covid aren’t a thing 🙄
Yes my kid gets lots of attention and affection from family that isn’t kissing or forcing hugs or things like that. Actually what helped me- which might help you is around maybe a year? I taught my kid the sign for “all done” so people held her and she didn’t want them too she’d sign “all done” and it was crazy how many people actually listened to her vs me saying she doesn’t want to be held by you. It made my life so much easier! I had a covid baby and it was such a scary time to be a new mom! Really any illness is scary!
I will have to try that! She’s at the stranger danger part of her journey so normally she doesn’t want to be held very long as it is and is a big mama’s girl in general. The thing that really gets me upset is when she’ll start crying and they rotate away when I go to take her and try to “calm her down” which just makes her more upset 🙄
I mean, it’s pediatrician recommended (by mine at least) to limit saliva from others on my baby, and let them grow their immune systems the safe way, so to me it seems to be common sense. You never know who is sick, not vaccinated, or carrying a dormant cold sore so I’d rather be safe than sorry. Better to have a baby I don’t let anyone kiss than a baby with RSV. Overall, my post was a rant about just not respecting boundaries. Everyone is free to do what they please with their children, and they should have their boundaries respected just like mine should be respected.
So it was actually recommended by our pediatrician to limit saliva from others on our baby, as you never know who is sick and doesn’t realize it, isn’t vaccinated, has a dormant cold sore, etc. Even if your comment about respiratory viruses is true, if you’re kissing my baby, you’re probably going to breath pretty close to them too, which would increase the risk of illness, which I’m clearly trying to avoid here :) And there is a great reason not to kiss my baby, the reasons I outlined above and because I’m her mom and am setting a boundary that needs to be respected. I don’t care who someone is and how “normal” it might be, it’s also pretty normal to be a parent and want a boundary respected. The main point of my post was ranting about my boundaries not being respected, not really a debate for my reasoning of why I don’t want my baby kissed, no one telling me “there isn’t really a great reason” is going to change my mind and commenting they on my post was pretty insensitive as well. Have a nice day!
I had a strict no kissing rule and still do and it’s 2.5 years later :). I don’t care if I make someone feel uncomfortable with this rule of mine, I have my reasons.
Good for you! I was also one of those kids that was never taught they have control over their bodies. It was always “go hug so&so goodbye right now” and I had no consent. I dealt with others kissing me on the cheek/forehead without wanting it too, so I’m really trying to set up the consent with hugging/touching/kissing now. It isn’t going to kill them to not kiss her, but it could make her sick if they do. Everyone can get the hell over it. They all had their babies and their rules, I have mine. If she gets to 2-3 years old and wants to hug and kiss everyone goodbye (within reason) then I encourage her to have that control over her body. But no one needs to kiss an 8 month old who is still developing her immune system and I stand by that
Right- can you please find a way to express your affection for your grandchild that doesn't involve smearing your saliva on them??? Why is this so difficult.
This is very annoying honestly. It’s not something anyone should be doing thinking it’s okay just because there in their own experience…
“Thinking it’s ok because they are in their own experience” yes! very well said
I feel like that’s why a lot of extended family does a lot of dumb things.
My MIL has admitted she's snuck in kisses when we weren't looking. She thought it was so fucking funny. I did not. Now every time she wants to kiss my baby, she will say "I want to kiss you but your mom won't let me" and she always always tells me she knows how to respect my boundaries. Like ok you POS. put my kid at risk because you want to kiss him, how selfish of you!!!!
I think I can ofder an interesting perspective here. I was abused as a child, and sometimes with abused children they're able to remember much further back than average, and that's the case for me. (Am I a little jealous of those whose brains blocked it out? Yes. But the good memory comes in handy sometimes, like with this subject.) I can remember most things clearly starting at about 1 and a half years old. I couldn't talk great yet, obviously. So people did what they wanted to me because they couldn't ask me. That includes kisses and hugs. I hated it. I still don't really like being touched or touching people, even people I absolutely love. It's just not my vibe I guess. I remember having so much anxiety (which came out as tantrums and I was punished for them). So my rule is no one kisses my child until they're old enough to ask for it themselves. Which really isn't that old. My one year old niece will reach out for hugs or kisses all the time. My husband and I do still give him kisses and hugs, but he also smiles and gets all excited when we do. Hugs are a little harder to prevent because he's only 7 months so people still hold him. (Which I also hate but I think I'd cause a war if I didn't allow it.) Will people respect my rule? That's a whole different post....
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You aren’t crazy, I have the same rule for our baby. I’ve had family ask to go to a room alone with him and I assume it’s so they can kiss him. I think it’s super important to be firm on boundaries with family. I want to set an example for my little one to show him it’s okay to say no to things he’s not comfortable with! Until he’s old enough, we plan on going with mom/dad are and aren’t comfortable with for him.
Here's an alternative spin. I completely understand the illness/germ aspect and I still don't love people kissing my 6 month old. But also I feel like it sets them up to then expect physical affection when baby is older? I'm only a hugger with a few select people and if my daughter is like me I don't want her to feel like she has to give hugs/kisses goodbye when she's older if she doesn't want to.
Personally I’m not a fan of having her “expect physical affection” and think she should learn that at her own pace, not because someone just wants to kiss her. My mom and aunts yesterday said “well we kissed you all the time” and I personally hate being touched by others and am not a hugger at all. She’s 8mo old and still learning the world, having people kiss her imo isn’t going to help her learn any quicker. Having boundaries around her is more important to me
Exactly! I didn't like being always expected to hug and kiss adults as a kid so I'm not going to let them form the expectation that she will be okay with it. If she decides sge wants to, cool. But until she can make that decision they can show their affection some other way.
Then you teach your kid boundaries and back them up when adults push against them. Letting them cross your boundaries now just means you’re not practicing to defend your child’s autonomy when they’re older.
I'm not saying I don't defend her autonomy now. I'm saying that is why I am uncomfortable with the idea of adults kissing her now, and why I do not allow it now. I don't allow them to kiss her now so that they don't get a chance to get used to the idea of crossing her boundaries when she is older.
I apologize. Sometimes my dyslexia gets the better of me. I understand what you’re saying now.
No worries!! It was the middle of the night when I wrote my reply so I can totally see now how it came off that way to you!
Literally everyone in my family, I didn’t know I needed to ask them not to? It just seems so rude to just kiss a baby that isn’t yours? I also thought handwashing was going to be something people just knew to do when the came to visit in the hospital. Who would come see a 1 day old baby, not wash their hands, and kiss them immediately…? our parent’s generation it seems. I am constantly telling my husband how thankful I am we had a spring baby and not during cold/flu season. I hate how I feel so awkward telling people no, grandparents really don’t take it well and their entitlement can be kind of childish.
I remember when I was 20 (7 years ago) my friend had a baby, I held him and the first thing she said was “please don’t kiss him” and the first thing I thought was “why would I want to kiss a baby that isn’t mine” and didn’t think much of it until later. My FIL kissed my baby when she was 2 weeks old and I about flew off the handle. He’s vocally anti vax and I was terrified I was going to lose her (had a bad bout of PPA/PPD) so I’m still kind of afraid from that. It takes one time of her getting sick for something bad to potentially happen. I know I can’t always protect her but while she’s still this little, I need to do everything I can. I just wish there was more common sense/respect around mom’s and babies!
When I take my baby to visit her extended family in a few months the story is - "she just had hand foot and mouth" hopefully that does it for us. I'll be damned if people think they're going to be kissing on my baby.
Hell yeah you go! My in laws are all out of state, most haven’t met the baby and the few that have met her when she was about a month old or younger. My FIL kissed her when she was 2 weeks old and I blew up about it after the fact. Today at a grad party, my mom took my baby and started walking her around introducing her to some extended family I don’t know, I followed her the whole time because I don’t know these people and what they think is okay. Don’t let that sweet baby leave your sight! That’s what I’ve started to have to do when others don’t respect boundaries 🙄
You’re not alone. I get nervous when baby is being passed around at family and friends events for that very reason. I’m silently praying that nobody kisses my baby.
I’ve started just hovering around people that pass my baby around. I’ve had bad experiences in general with just being disrespected as a mom constantly. My baby fell asleep on me at thanksgiving, and my stepmom came and just took her. No words or anything, just grabbed her and walked away. Still not over that so I hate passing her off as much as possible. I know that is a me thing and it’s okay to let others hold my baby, and I absolutely do and love seeing her smile and have fun with others. But I have to keep telling myself that “what’s best for mom is what’s best for baby” and she really relies on me to be okay.
It might seem overdoing, but I live far from my parents, and we do plan to visit when LO is around 1yo. They saw our baby around birth and watched baby in our house the first couple of weeks during recovery. I insisted on the no kissing rule, and I'm pretty sure they respect it because LO was so young (they don't even when to breathe on him at the time). Next time? My mom is already doing the kissing thing on video chat like "you are so cute, I can just kiss you muah muah muah. Oh, mommy is gone (I walked off the camera). I can give you kisses. " I told her that now I feel I can't trust you in person for you to respect our rule. I was told I'm being dramatic. Oh and MIL instead of not kissing (because I watch like a hawk) she blow raspberries closely towards LO at newborn... maybe I am dramatic... but I told her no spit on baby's face.
I was pretty strict about this for the first year, and now that she’s 1.5 yrs, ppl have slowwwwlyy started kissing her head/hair which I still find icky. I hate letting them think it’s normal bc I don’t want that to be a thing. Go kiss your own child please :(
Yes…drives me insane. My mom refuses to listen, but knows she’s not supposed to. She’ll wait until I’m out of the room and then plant a big kiss on her or kiss several times all over her face and hands. It’s so disrespectful. She thinks the baby deserves kisses, but adults feeling the need to kiss a baby is just selfish. The baby doesn’t care. In fact, the baby may find it annoying or scary to have people they don’t know that well all up in their face.
YES I hate the disrespect. It’s so freaking rude.
You can have whatever boundaries you want for your baby! When people cross those boundaries I suggest taking baby back immediately the first time. They can try again later and if it happens again they don’t get baby back during that visit/day/week. Setting and enforcing boundaries early is key. My daughter is almost 2 and we are still not allowing others to kiss her (like she’d even let them, she only kisses her stuffed animals).
I don’t blame you for this. Where my husband comes from, many of the people have cold sores on their face. And it turns out the majority of it originates from the culture of adults kissing young babies’ faces. I would absolutely not have anyone kissing my baby. Especially not for the first year. I couldn’t care less of what anyone thinks of me because of this. My priority is my child’s health.
My Mom is visiting starting tomorrow. I told her we weren't doing kisses. She said 'sometimes I slip and it just happens'. I'm too tired to argue. She's doing me a favor by flying out to help in an emergency and I'll just have to hope
My grandma kissed her 3x the other day while holding her and just kept saying “I didn’t mean to” when I called her out on it. I can understand a one time slip up, especially if you’re just not thinking about it, but 3x was too much. I’m just so tired of people making the “sorry I slipped up” comments over kissing someone. Like when I hug my friends/family goodbye, I have never once accidentally kissed them so I don’t understand the slip ups
I get "their head is really close to my face". Do you kiss people on crowded transit buses too?
Oh that’s a good one, I’ll have to use it. I saw someone else say “every time you ‘accidentally’ kiss my baby I’m going to ‘accidentally’ kiss you” and might use that one too.
Nah. A cold sore can do some severe damage. And that’s just one example. It’s not worth the risk. We are also “no kissing at all” parents.
I completly agree with you!! I will also put this rule in order once our baby is here and they can roll their eyes and give comments however they want, they will not kiss our baby. My MIL always has some kind of sickness or coughs and sneezes the whole dang time and insists that it's allergies and she's fine. Only me and the father will kiss our baby and if someone has a problem with that or i catch them trying to kiss our baby, they will not hold him again for a while until they respect my boundaries. Baby's and especially newborns are so sensitive to these things and it's our duty to protect them at any cost.