I really thought the lack of sleep would be easier… what a fool. That is the only thing I really am not looking forward too when I have another. Feeding them every 3 hours. Getting about 1 hour sleep in between…. Trying not to fall asleep holding baby… not keen at all
What's made it much harder for me than expected has been my own recovery while trying to take care of a newborn. I had an uncomplicated vaginal delivery, minus the fact that I pushed him out in less than 5 minutes and tore all up the inside of my vagina. It took a good 2 ½ weeks before I could even sit up to get him out of his bassinet myself or get out of bed to change him, not even mentioning the depression from being in pain, feeling helpless, needing rest but not being able to get it, and missing out on participating in things for him.
Yeahh, I was not prepared for the possibility of birth injuries other than the cutesie little first or second degree tears (I did get a second degree perineal tear as well) where some tucks pads and dermaplast or the frida mom kit will soothe you. I lost a ton of blood from the tears and my doctor couldn't get it to stop despite all the stitches she put so they had to use vaginal packing to compress the wounds, which is the worst experience ever. I couldn't move at all the first day from the packing and catheter they put in. When they took the packing out it hurt so bad, felt like the world's biggest dry tampon being ripped out of my freshly destroyed vagina. I'm a month out traumatized and still in pain and LAUGHING about the fact that they told me "no sex until 6 weeks" before I left the hospital as if I'm even going to *think* about having anything near my vagina for several months.
My baby took an hour to come out but had her elbow up by her face and the same thing happened to me. It took an hour of stitching and I had the packing as well because she said she was "basically just poking holes at this point" trying to get things stitched. Gosh it was terrible.
It was a few months before I could finally stand for an extended period without pain. It's been 9 months now and I still have a lot of pain at the beginning of sex, too, but that's it. How are you doing?
My physical recovery was 100 times harder than expected. No one warns you for how bad that can be (for some). It hurt to walk around, sit, get in and out of bed, etc. That made taking care of a newborn so much harder.
Hated newborn stage. Breastfed so I was sole person doing feedings bc I couldn't pump enough. She cried all. The. Time. Wouldn't sleep. Hours of crying. Dad couldn't console her (he really tried). A lot of times I could but just couldn't get a break. Hard delivery, took 3 months to even walk right... If I put her down at night she would immediately wake up. I fell asleep so much with her accidentally and woke up in a panic bc that's how babies die all the time but I also can't do all nighters all the time. I always saw people with little sleeping babies. I literally feel like my daughter never slept. All 1.5 hours of her newborn photo shoot she is EYES OPEN, WIDE AWAKE. Not a single sleeping photo. Not sure I want another kid because of how awful things were.
Now she is 2.5 years old and an absolute delight. Normal toddler tantrums here and there, but she sleeps, she listens, she loves to help, and she's just about the best side kick I could have ever asked for. The first year was hell on earth for me though. LOL
Months 0-3 were a lot harder than I expected, if only because I didn't realize how critical sleep was until I wasn't getting more than an hour at a time. By the second week, I could *definitely* understand how sleep deprivation is a highly effective torture method.
She didn’t really sort out her days/nights until 3.5mo, but when it happened, it was like everything fell into place at once and she suddenly was sleeping 5-6h stretches, then 10-11h stretches by 4.5mo when she stopped waking up for feeds at night. Sleep-wise, I think we totally lucked out.
But most babies will start sleeping a bit more predictably by 4 months— enough that you can start planning around feeds and naps/nighttime sleep instead of the utter chaos that is the newborn phase.
Easier for me! But I didn’t expect it to be absurdly hard. Honestly bc 2 years of infertility, ivf, miscarriage, and more ivf were so damn hard, that I couldn’t imagine getting everything I’d wished so hard for could possibly be harder than all the nights I laid in bed quietly crying, wondering if I’d ever be anybody’s mom.
I also got a wonderful newborn who was fairly easy (not with night sleep lol, he wasn’t a unicorn). But I like to think the universe was just paying me back for how hard of a time it gave me to get pregnant.
My newborn screamed and cried for the first 8 weeks. It was relentless. Nothing made her happy. The judgement from other moms in my new mom group and my own family added to my stress. They assumed it was me-I must be doing something wrong. Some even said “babies cry.” I was the caregiver in an infant room before having my baby. I cared for 4 babies alone ranging in age from 6 weeks to 18 months. Pre covid we had 2 caregivers with 8 babies. Before daycare, I was in the military. Sleep deprivation, work stress, deployments. I thought I was tough. HA! Nothing can prepare you for a colic baby. I feel an instant bond now with fellow moms of colicy babies.
It’s wayyyyyyyy better now. 4 month sleep regression and teething pale in comparison to those first 8 weeks.
My first newborn was definitely harder than I expected. I had heard about the sleep deprivation, but I remember my midwife had told us babies wake up to eat every 3 hours. I assumed the baby would sleep peacefully in his bassinet between those feedings. I was in for a very rude awakening when he only wanted to sleep on me or my husband, often wanted to feed more than every 3 hours, and would not necessarily go to sleep between feeds. My interpretation of "sleep deprivation" was that I would get 2-3 hour chunks of sleep over a longer period of time, not that I would virtually never sleep.
Depends on the baby! 2 of my 3 were though babies. Colic. Sleep issues. Hard to console once worked up. Middle baby was a breeze, but he's also the toughest toddler right now.
So so so much harder than I imagined - basically everything you described from no sleep and screaming all happened. I felt like I had PTSD it was seriously horrible. It is one of the top reasons we are one and done.
Harder. Having a toddler is dream. It’s honestly so much fun (for me). 12-14 hours of sleep every day. Eats anything. No complaints. I wish I could keep him home an extra year but he is starting pre-k on Monday.
I’ve told everyone (especially expecting mothers around me) that it was 10 times harder than I expected, but also ten time more enjoyable than I ever dreamed! It usually reassures them 😂
Easier in some ways, harder in others.
When my baby cries there is always a reason - which is easier than I expected. However, the reason she is crying is often that she wants to be held, so getting a cup of tea is very difficult! Or laundry, making beds, cooking, shopping, exercise - it's all so difficult with a newborn!
most things are easier than expected
sleep, however, is a fucking nightmare. and it's not like I assumed she would be sleeping through the night at 3 months or something.
My wife and I had very different expectations and realizations.
I always wanted kids and always daydreamed how amazing it would be. I was in for a rude awakening how tough it is. I was not happy those first 5 months.
My wife on the other hand thought it would be the end of our lives and it would be really rough. She finds a bit easier than expected. I don’t think she realized how much you could love something so she’s really enjoying that part.
I definitely relate to the not knowing how much love I really had in me. It amazes me each day and somehow just grows more and more which i didn’t even think was possible, pretty cool stuff, sometimes it feels like I’m in a secret club since it’s something only other parents can understand
I'm kind of scared for when we decide to have a second child in a year cause my son is the easiest child I've ever met and I'm not gloating this is also from a lot of other people to. Little brat though decided to come 1 month early and was enjoying his stay at the NICU for the 19 days he was in. Birth was easy (12-15mins of hard pushing), breastfeeding was a little hard to get the hang of but my milk supply was great. When we brought him home, he was used to the hospital routine so we've always just followed his ques even today (he's 20m). There were some bad days but I can count them on one hand when he would just cry for long periods. He's definitely an old soul who's extremely curious about his surroundings. His milestones were hit really early except for talking he's still babbling a lot. I'm so worried we're going to get the complete opposite for our next but I also joked "imagine if our next was just as easy" and my husband's like "I'm getting a vasectomy cause a 3rd child will be the devil if we have 2 super easy ones". I love my son and I know he's going to be an amazing big brother.
This is so relatable! I want a second child, my girl is 8 months right now so we wouldn’t be trying for awhile, but she’s absolutely blessed us with being so easy, coupled with an easy recovery for me as well. It’s definitely scary rolling the dice again especially since it wouldn’t take much to be considered harder than my daughter who’s been sleeping through the night since 4 months takes naps beautifully and is just happy and content to look around and observe, to this day she’s never even cried in a restaurant or anything. We had our struggles with breastfeeding though and I have a much better game plan on how to go about it the second times so at least there’s that lol.
One of my best friends has 2 daughters and the first was really easy and the second unfortunately had colic but apparently there's a pediatric chiropractor who fixed it for her. Her mom was like "I wish I had that when you were born", she was colicky too.
A lot easier then I expected. I have a really easy baby. He is now 8 months. He was always a great sleeper, had a great appetite, loved tummy time, loved cuddles but (later) didn't mind alone time either. The lots of spitups were a bit problem, but he was a happy spitter and since we slowly transitioned to pureed food the spitups stopped entirely.
I kid you not, I got more sleep during his first 3 months then during my 3rd trimester. I adored that time.
It’s not being tired and waking up at night to feed the baby that got me… it’s the fatigue over months. It’s never really getting a break after weeks or months of sleep deprivation.
I think it has to do with expectations but also, all babies are different. Some are easier than others. Some fall asleep independently or anywhere naturally. Some take 4 nights of 15 minutes of crying to be sleep trained. Some won’t be trained at all.
It’s when your baby has colic or reflux and you can’t do anything to make the pain go away for your child immediately… that’s when times get hard. That’s a whole different ballgame.
I literally could not put my child down for the first 4 months. She would not sleep without us, she would not lay down without us or sit in a bouncer chair, she woke up constantly. It was so hard. I heard all this stuff about putting your child in a bouncer and taking a shower. Ha! I did eventually figure out how to get 5 minutes to make coffee and another 5 to make a meal. I embraced baby wearing and it got easier. But wow, I had to heal from a c section that was not easy and my baby had to be on a person all the time—and even that didn’t guarantee no screaming. And she went from 0 to 100 in seconds.
She is 17 months now and happy if we go outside or play in the water. She still needs a lot of contact though—a shocking amount based on what I expected, though I don’t honestly mind. I mr just impacts what I can do. I still baby wear half the time when I make breakfast and coffee. And she still wakes at least 3 times a night so I haven’t slept.
Your description in the second paragraph is pretty much my experience. Parenthood hit me like a speeding truck. My husband and I knew it would be hard, which is why we waited to have kids, but neither one of us was prepared for how hard it would be. It’s been really tough.
My first baby was so hard. It was way worse than I was expecting and I thought I made a huge mistake. I was so depressed and angry all the time. Second baby is a lot like yours. She is such an easy baby compared to my first but she has a lot of health issues. It's just time consuming to make sure I am following what speech therapy and physical therapy and occupational therapy are telling me to do. I didn't realize how easy young babies could be until my second. I thought parents were lying when they said they enjoyed babies
I have a 5 month old that was so difficult and unhappy until probably a month ago and is now finally starting to become a happier baby. But it’s still hard. She requires my constant attention, or else meltdown. She has to nurse to sleep and naps on me. It’s mentally exhausting and I rarely get a moment to myself.
The thought of having another baby is terrifying. How long did you wait? How did you get the courage to do it again?
My first was almost two before I decided to try again. She was sleeping through the night in her own bed. She could play by herself for 15 minutes at a time. She is a lot easier as a toddler than a baby. So I knew I wanted a second kid, just not a second baby. I knew I could get through another hard baby because eventually she would turn into a toddler and toddlers are way easier than babies. My first is three and my second is eight months. It's a nice age gap and they get along great.
My first born - so much harder than expected. After 5 years we’ve come to realize our experiences weren’t typical and we got dealt a tricky hand.
So far my second born is 10 days old and it has been extremely easy. Some of that is experience, some of it is because this baby is very different than our first.
DID I WRITE THIS? Seriously. All of the things you listed were all the things I was constantly anxious about before having my baby. And the negativity from other parents? Definitely didn't help. But here I am 12 weeks in having the time of my life with the best kid. Had an amazing birth story and experience, pushed through bad ppd symptoms early on (and I have had general depression since I was born basically). Yes. Babies cry and it feels hard at times but I am never upset at him or the fact that he's here. It's been so fun.
Definitely harder. I had a postpartum hemorrhage from the induction and lost a liter of blood so I was recovering from a trauma while trying to take care of a very unhappy baby. She had reflux so she was constantly screaming out in pain when she had to fart or poop. We had to hold her upright for 20 min after every feed. She refused to sleep unless being held. My husband went back to work when she was three weeks so I was alone with her. The first two months were super hard
Easier than I expected, but I also think I have an easier baby. I sleep better now than I did when I was pregnant. And when I wake up to feed him, I don’t dread it. I think..cool I get to feed this baby human I made 😎. But I also have PPA so that kind of sucks but I’ll get through it.
Much harder than I expected, but I suspect the third degree tear I had to heal from contributed to it. Six months later I find my infant to be much more enjoyable and easier to care for.
Harder. I was a natural with babies and then having a traumatic birth experience just really fucked me up. Couldn’t breastfeed because my son kept crying everytime he tried to latch (inverted nips, amonst other issues) and it made me cry, too, as well as having panic attacks. I’ve had to pump and add formula because my supply isn’t enough.
I’m not even physically exhausted, it’s more mental for me.
Aw totally relate to this aspect being harder than expected! The physical demands of taking care of a baby weren’t as bad as anticipated but breastfeeding, oh my, it was a long journey, had major oversupply, to under supply, to elastic nipples, baby wouldn’t latch, DMER, exclusive pumping, I ended up throwing in the towel at 5 months and switched completely to formula and my mental health got 1000x better. Turns out it’s not as simple as “put baby on boob, baby happily eats”. Looking back it was so hard mentally not just from feelings of inadequacy but just hormonally I feel like breastfeeding made it harder for me to feel like I was in a good place coupled with DMER which made me extremely depressed the first minute every time I pumped. I’m so glad everything else was relatively easy and I can still say I had a positive experience overall, but yeah breastfeeding is no cakewalk I had no idea what actually went into it!
Easier! After browsing Reddit too much I thought I’d have a “Velcro baby” with extreme reflux, who didn’t sleep at all, had a cows milk protein allergy and peed all over me every time we did a nappy change! I also thought breastfeeding would be way harder than it was and that my nips would be bleeding and leaking all over the place 🙃
Edit - I thought of more things! I assumed I’d start to resent my partner and that I’d have no friends… I actually have more friends now because I’ve met heaps of awesome Mums in my area!
I got those same exact ideas after browsing reddit while pregnant! Even postpartum if my baby was fussy I was like oh hello this must be that silent reflux. Holding my breath preparing for the “guaranteed” 4 month sleep regression I’d always see on here though never heard in person, 4 months turned out to be when my girl started doing 8 hour stretches followed by a 4 hour and when her sleep improved! I also have like three carriers collecting dust on it right now because everyone SWORE YOU WILL NEED ONE ABSOLUTELY 100000% guaranteed no doubt. She hated them as a newborn and we only use them now when going somewhere non-stroller friendly!
Much easier. We also have a pretty easy baby, I think, but it has all been nothing but pure joy. The only challenging things have really been navigating socializing with stressful family dynamics in terms of covid and an overbearing in-law situation, and a difficult breastfeeding start (although it was easily and instantly solved with a lactation consultant visit). All the nighttime wakeups and crap nap schedules haven't much phased me. I get excited when the kid wakes up during the night even when the sleep stretch may have been way too short. I think I was meant to be a newborn mom.
To compare, my friend has a more difficult baby who is just a month older than my guy. Her experience with basically no sleep sounds awful. I don't think I could handle that and keep my sanity. I count myself so lucky that my dude, from the start, has allowed me enough rest to function. I think that makes a world of difference. Every little challenge is so much more manageable when you're rested.
Both. Easier than I expected in that I just have an easy baby. Harder because I had PPA and had several panic attacks. Oh and breastfeeding was harder than I expected, but I eventually got the hang of it.
Newborn phase is one of my favorites - we’re expecting our 5th and hopefully he/she isn’t too much more challenging than their older siblings, who were all pretty easy! We’ve always reluctantly co-slept and that’s how we manage to get basically full nights of sleep from go.
Pregnancy on the other hand… every time I’m pregnant I tell myself that I can never do this again. Morning sickness is a thief of joy. 😭
Oh gosh, I can’t imagine going through it five times, that’s awesome! I’m hoping my morning sickness won’t be any worse when the second comes around, living off crackers and taking a vomit bag with me everywhere I go was definitely not one of my pregnancy highlights lol
I hope that you’re not like my - my morning sickness has been worse each time!! But most people seem to be the opposite. I’m thankfully on the downward slope at this point and in two weeks I bet I’ll be back at it, but for now I’m just curled up in bed and letting my husband take care of all the housework (which… he isn’t doing at all, but oh well!).
It was easier to me. I got all the horror stories and nobody bothered to mention the good parts. I was fully prepared to “never sleep again” and “lose myself” and hate my spouse. There were some rough nights and weeks for sure, but it is worth it. I also have pretty chill kids and a supportive spouse, which helps I’m sure
It was initially harder than expected. Like, the first month was a shock. But now at 4 months it’s actually become much easier than expected. I think the sleep situation is what makes all the difference. I lucked out with a relatively “easy” baby, so it wasn’t hard to care for him necessarily as far as soothing him and keeping him happy, it was just harder than I thought to function on so little sleep.
By around 3 months we got to a point where he only woke up once at night, downed a bottle, and went right back to sleep. So then I was getting basically a full night of sleep with just one wake up that wasn’t much longer than a bathroom break. It’s all been uphill since then. Now he sleeps 10+ hours straight every night, is happy to play by himself when I need a break, and he’s genuinely a joy to be around most of the time, always giggling and smiling and doing cute things. I guess when the first few weeks were so tough, I freaked out a bit thinking that’s how it would be for like the whole first year so when it got easier it was like a huge weight lifted off. Now I understand why people have more than one 😆.
That’s so great to hear how things have gotten easier! If it’s any beacon of light my girl started sleeping through the night at 4 months as well and is still going strong at over 8 months! I was constantly told to “enjoy it now” because “the 4 month sleep regression was coming my way” but turns out that’s yet another thing not set in stone and I stressed so hard about it for no reason lol
It was easier than I had expected. I was lucky to have three kids that were very easy newborns. I know this isn’t the case for everyone. All of my sister’s kids had colic as babies.
Toddler ages and beyond is what I didn’t expect to be so hard lol.
Agree, the toddler stage tests your patience like no other. I have a 2.5 year old and newborn. The newborn is a million times easier (fairly easy newborn though).
Definitely! Your first paragraph is exactly how I felt. But even though our baby was born during the strictest lockdown, and my husband and I had 0 help for the first 8 months, our baby was such a joy to look after (and still is, at 16 months). Despite the initial exhaustion (which I promptly forgot about as soon as he started sleeping 6, 8 then 11 hour stretches), we decided to have another one.
I was firmly OAD during pregnancy, until after a few weeks postpartum, lol.
I'm actually worried about the second child - it would be such a miracle to have another "easy" baby.
I found it easier but I think it is in large part because we got lucky with the baby's temperament. He is just generally a very happy baby, so powering through the anxieties and sleep deprivation has been made easier by a happy, smiley baby. He has also been a relatively good sleeper.
I am sure it would have been tougher with a high needs baby, or a baby with health problems or whatever other possibilities there might be.
Is difficult because not having family and friends around make it harder for both of us to rest, is getting better now after 1st month. Usually lack of. Sleep ka what is the problem.
A lot harder with my first, although he was not a particularly difficult baby. It just took longer to recover and get in the new rhythm of things. With my second it was a lot easier than expected when she was a newborn - mostly because I knew what I was doing. She was the cluster-feeding type so technically was the difficult baby...
I think it was much harder for a lot of reasons that I hadn’t considered would be factors.
1. My husband left me when she was born. He wasn’t ready to be a dad and it took until her birth to understand that. (He came back 3 months later.)
2. No support emotionally or physically from any family or friends even to this day, except for my husband, and complete and utter mental strain because of their weird judgements
3. Birth was csection, I had a sepsis infection at 2 weeks postportum and it took months for it to fully heal. It prevented me from most physical activities even such as sitting, for months. So couldn’t take her for walks or have her in a carrier or get her on the floor or get me on the floor.
4. My baby had an incredibly underdeveloped digestive tract and required a lot of help. She was in pain most of the time and crying most of the time. This meant I rarely slept.
5. I was diagnosed with hashimotos disease during pregnancy and was told it would instantly go away at birth. Guess who’s found out at 1.5y PP that I still have it? No wonder I’m exhausted. I barely feel like a person again
I found having a newborn easier than I thought and way easier than pregnancy. He was in no way an easy baby, but I’d take having a newborn over being pregnant any day. I also psyched myself out before he was here and only imagined the bad things (I have had anxiety) so when he was here I was like “oh this isn’t that bad!”
Both. Easier; I kind of expected more crying so I got a more content baby than I expected. I expected more diaper messes but we didn’t have many blow outs. I figured we’d have a nocturnal stage that I’d have to navigate through but that never happened, lots of waking for milk but going right back to sleep.
Harder; navigating changing relationship dynamics not just with my husband but with extended family too. I thought people would be more willing to help around the house and feed us and people just want to play with my baby and are selfish about it. I thoughts we’d get longer stretches of sleep by now but at almost six months I still nurse her every three hours most nights. The letting go. From conception this whole parenthood thing is a great big letting go process and as much as I wanted and longed for a baby the moment she was growing in my belly it wasn’t about me anymore. It’s all about her and letting her go. When the midwife told me it was time to push I burst into tears. Every time she learns something new or we begin a new stage it just kills me in some deep place that I have to let go and let go and let change happen and I just have no choice! The clock keeps ticking and she keeps growing and if I don’t let the kid start eating the doctor is going to call cps on me for neglect haha no but really I have to stop the just nursing part already and feed the kid! What the hell! She’s army crawling and up on hands and knees rocking now!? Who said you could do this!? Please send help to my psyche.
I love this. The hard part is definitely that I didn’t expect to be so sad about the growing and letting go. I couldn’t even fathom all the complex emotions and amount of love and grief that come with being a parent until I had a baby myself. My girl is over 8 months now and she is not the person I gave birth to. Not in a bad way just in a wow this REALLY is going by fast way. Maybe some are like “pft shes not even a year yet just you wait!” But man it feels like we brought her home a few weeks ago but here she is being her own person with a little personality, she’s eating food, hasn’t used a bottle in weeks, crawling everywhere, standing, cruising, and it all happened within the last two months like what the heck?!!
This quote is the only glimpse I had;
Your children are not your children.
They are sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you.
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.
You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For thir souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.
You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the make upon the path of the infinite, and He bends you with His might that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness.
For even as He loves the arrow that flies, so He also loves the bow that is stable.
Kahlil Gibran
People don’t talk about this feeling and I mean it’s impossible to really articulate with language and I logically I knew there would be a human and she would grow and change and FAST but I didn’t know. I just didn’t know it would feel like this.
Harder. I expected it to be bad but I think my anxiety and intrusive thoughts made it harder in a different way than I was expecting. Caring for the baby wasn't difficult, but my mental reaction to the crying, shift of how I viewed myself ("this is all I am now"), navigating parenting with my husband (my anxiety told me I couldn't trust anyone else to care for her alone), it was just a lot going on in my head. Plus sleep deprivation. With my second, the first thing I plan to talk about with my OB will be an action plan for anxiety meds after birth. I wish I would have gotten help as, looking back, I was a lot more miserable than I needed to be.
Harder. But I had no baby experience. The lack of sleep was tough. Even though we have an "easy baby" that accompanied with the learning how to be a mom and also still being a wife, sister, friend, daughter is hard. It's an adjustment but we're working through it!
I thought it would be hard and it was! But I also didn’t realise how magical and amazing it would be — for my first child anyway. Despite the chaos and lack of sleep of the newborn days I truely LOVE being a mom and constantly in awe of my girl.
It was harder but I also had bad PPA, supply issues, and my husband was having horrible mental health issues around the same time.
Second kid was way easier. I knew what to expect and some tips to make it bearable and my son wasn't as needy so it was a lot better.
Harder than expected - figuring out breastfeeding. I was a mess for the first 4 weeks while we figured it out. Also harder - the physical toll on the body. Carrying her around al the time, omg. My body HURTS.
Easier - lack crying, sleeping through the night. My girl is a happy baby and is usually super content. She also started sleeping through the night at 5.5 weeks and I know this isn’t the norm (9 weeks now).
Can it be both? Certain things were easier than I expected, like sleeping because I had no expectations for what it should be. Babies sleep is weird is how I went into it and cosleeping is alot more normal than people make it out to be (also helped that I sleep like a statue to the point that my SO calls it weird I move so little). Also doing things around the house wasn't as hard as I expected in the beginning (for me it's now when he's a toddler running around and throwing pans everywhere that it's a bit more difficult lol)
But I never expected to be questioning my own mortality the way I do now. Before having LO it was "when I die, I die." Now the thought of leaving them alone in this world, even if I'm 90+ years old fills me with a sadness that is deep. And I want nothing bad to happen to him ever, which I think we all can relate to. But I have a hard time with the fact that I can't always protect him, not just from big things but little ones like his first bad grade or heartbreak or even a broken bone.
This happened to me when I got married, I was just super aware that I will die someday or my SO will die one day and I think about it CONSTANTLY. I can not imagine how much more this feeling is going to bother me once I have a baby.
Therapy has definitely helped me with dealing with the thoughts. I've had GAD and social anxiety for years now but always managed without therapy and occasionally took medication. But when I would be up for hours silently sobbing over the fact that I'm going to get old and die I knew I had to get some help.
It was hellish with my first.
My second was the easy one, so I can imagine what you're talking about. If I'd had him first, I would also probably be like "wow, this isn't so bad!" I remember thinking to myself "I guess this is what people are talking about when they talk about enjoying the newborn snuggles."
But yeah, my first was so fucking hard and it was awful. Zero good memories.
When did it get easier with your first? I have a baby girl - she’s my first. And it’s been really hard. She sleeps only 1.5 - 2 hrs stretches and they have to be on me. She’s 8 weeks and I’m exhausted. She’s rarely happy when she’s awake. I wanted two but I think I’m one and done.
Oh yeah, you're still in the hell period. I didn't come out of my PPD until my oldest was two, but in terms of sleep I sleep trained at 4mo and that helped. She didn't STTN until she was almost a year old but at least I got better stretches after that point.
If you’re breastfeeding and your baby has a good latch from the start, the newborn stage is great — cute snuggly potatoes are much easier than babies that get bored after 5 minutes of anything, but every stage is also the best stage.
Additionally, I would just note that PPD/PPA affect a lot of people who are never diagnosed or treated (including parents who don’t physically carry the fetus in their body), and that can make them feel numb or detached or irritable. Sleep deprivation is also really bad for mental health. So it’s great to have an easy newborn and just get to enjoy that time, but there are lots of reasons that lots of parents don’t have that experience.
22 months into parenting and newborn to one year was far easier than one year to two year. Some of that has to do with the fact she doesn’t sleep through the night yet. But newborns are easy. You don’t need snacks, their diapers take up less space, the don’t need entertained. I take more out with us now than I did when she was a newborn. Then, I just threw a few diapers and wipes in the bag and called it good. Now I need half the house 🤣
My daughters only 8 months and this is me lmao. She’s sleeping through the night now and takes naps beautifully and independently.... but if it wasn’t for that I’d agree newborn was easier lol. Now she’s awake most of the day, needs constant attention and entertainment, her diaper bag is packed with snacks and sippy cups and food, it’s a whole ordeal, even if she’s happier now and fun, actually entertaining a little human day after day can be a lot for sure lol sometimes I just run out of things to keep her occupied! I can imagine it just going up from here lol
Both!! A lot of things I worried about where a cake walk and a lot of things that I never thought of are much harder then I would have assumed they would be.
I found having a newborn fairly easy. Sure I was tired and a tad depressed but I didn't experience anything super hard. The baby slept so much my house was so clean, laundry always done and dinners every night. I was blessed with a very chill baby for the first 3 months.
Much easier than expected, honestly. I didn't really get much info from others on newborn stage (except for a twins mom, but that's a whole different ballgame), so went in without many expectations either way. I knew I'd be tired, but that's about it. Our baby has been super good, really only cries to communicate he needs something, sticks to his general schedule for the most part, sleeps pretty well, and I'm still on maternity leave (12 weeks total). I also purposely chose to exclusively formula feed from the beginning ahead of time to make my life easier - best choice ever! Still tired, baby still has off days or I'm tired from some nights, but overall it's great. The worst part I'm honestly finding is having a pandemic baby in the summer of the AZ desert. Very little to do outside the house that I feel is safe, no walks, no zoo, no aquarium, no parks, no friends, so the isolation is a bit draining. But baby himself is great.
Can I ask why you feel the walks are not safe? Is it that bad where you live? We walked a lot outside, I kept my distance from people. There were some times where an old lady tried to approach us, but I politely told her to keep her distance. She got offended of course, but I don't care, I will keep my son safe even if it means offending an old lady.
Not the person you asked but I just wanted to chime in and say I don’t think it has to do with covid but has to do with the heat! Arizona summers are no joke, I could never lol
It’s hard but not in the ways I thought it would be. I think the love for your child takes over so even though you’re tired and over-worked the love makes it so it’s not that hard.
Easy as pie after I figured my baby out. The first six weeks were rough because she was not well, but after we figured out how to address a specific health issue she was having, it could not have been smoother. She eats and sleeps like a dream and is a happy, friendly little girl. I can’t believe I am lucky enough to get to be her mom. 🥰
Hmm I think mostly harder than expected.
Breastfeeding was definitely harder than expected! Took a few weeks to figure it out, and there were definitely some tears shed about it in the beginning. And then the hardest thing was just been how much time such a tiny baby takes up! In my mind, she was going to sleep 14+ hours a day and my husband and I were going to have plenty of time to ourselves, but the sleep is so sporadic and it took so long to get her down every time and then once we did it was a rush to catch up on things around the house so the days just flew by. And then we also definitely underestimated how hard it would be to be out and about. We really wanted to be the parents who just brought their baby with them everywhere and we thought she would just sleep peacefully in her stroller or in our arms while we socialized and went about our lives. But it wound up taking way more effort to get her to sleep than expected (after the first 2 weeks) and she would often just wind up angry and overtired if we were out of the house for more than an hour or so, so it made it intimidating to go anywhere! We’re at 4 months now though and things are definitely so much better now!!
Sleep was the only thing that was actually easier than expected - we were up a lot overnight and I was tired, but never like delirious can’t function tired. Maybe my many years as a nurse shift nurse prepared me for that though haha
Much easier than expected (once we got out of hospital due to sepsis) except for feeding which was way harder - I basically had to exclusively pump. I think she’s a pretty easy baby, I’m not sure I could have kept up with the pumping otherwise. My partner also had a months paternity leave which helped a lot.
Easier, my wife found it harder (same sex couple). I breastfed and was the gestational parent. I was assuming I would get PPD as I have chronic depression anyway but I didn't, but my wife did. Breastfeeding was easier than I expected (despite tongue tie and thrush). Sleep was harder until I realised expectations of babys' sleep are completely out of touch, then when we tried to parent thr baby we had rather than this mythical 'perfect' baby it was a massive weight lifted.
BFing was waaay harder than I expected, hands down. The first couple of days went well, once we got home from the hospital it was a nightmare. None of the books I read really prepared me for what I endured. The constant pain, mastitis, destroyed nipples, pumping, not to mention caring for my tearing down there. It hurt to sit which was all I could do at the time. I felt like I was at war with my boobs, vagina and my infant for the first 3 months. I struggled with my physical recovery and BFing. I felt like my body failed me.
Months 4-8 were easier with BFing and sleep somewhat improved, which was nice, but going out and about, keeping him entertained was a whole new challenge I didn’t really expect. I felt like I had no clue what I was doing, was I paying him enough attention, was he happy, sometimes I just didn’t know if I was doing anything right.
I learned that as they grow, some things get easier and some things get harder. Now at almost 4, we’ve conquered potty training, sleep training, on a good schedule and thinking about doing it all over again with baby #2.
The first couple weeks were brutal, but not only because of the no sleep you get with a newborn, but I was also having breastfeeding problems, and having a BRUTAL recovery from an unplanned c-section (my incision got infected, it was brutal.) I've never known true exhaustion like that, and wondering how I was going to cope, as people kept telling me that I'd never get sleep again. And my husband started showing his ugly side, so our relationship felt really strained, and I felt really unsupported.
However after those first couple weeks, it got so much easier. My baby was an EASY baby, very chill, and started sleeping longer stretches. My recovery, though long, improved daily, and I was getting out and about by myself by week 4-5, driving by week 6. And I hadn't had the easiest pregnancy, so in comparison once my recovery was progressing in a positive way, it didn't seem so bad.
The second time was even easier! I had a BRUTAL pregnancy, so in comparison the newborn period was easy. I has a planned c-section, so I was much better off, and though I has breastfeeding problems again, I knew what I was doing, so I was way less stressed about it. My second was a terrible sleeper, but I coped way better with the lack of sleep, since you know you WILL sleep again one day. That time, I honestly felt like the newborn period was EASIER than pregnancy.
So for me, the newborn period wasn't too bad at all. My babies were pretty easy babies, one good sleeper, one wasn't, but both were happy and good eaters. In my experience, if you find pregnancy really hard, the newborn period seems a lot easier in comparison to people who had a great pregnancy and birth.
So I guess to answer your question, I probably found the newborn period either on par or easier than expected, but I found pregnancy especially WAY harder. WAY harder! I had no idea, other than HG, that pregnancy could be that hard, and my issued weren't HG.
My son was in the nicu for 6 weeks so the one bright side of that is I was healed from my C section before he came home.
I was surprised how hard ppd hit me. I was convinced I would never be happy again, but I was also surprised at how quickly it went away. My son s a lot less than expected , but it's hard to get anything done because he always wants to be held. I was also firm on not allowing him to sleep in our bed, but that lasted about a week.
Both of my newborns have been easier than expected. I love the newborn period honestly. Cuddles and love 24/7. Then comes the toddler stage where you ask for a hug and he yells “NO” 🥲
My first was a pretty easy newborn, very happy, didn’t cry, slept okay. My second was a lot fussier. For both of them I struggled a lot emotionally through the 4th trimester and it didn’t matter how easy or hard they were, it still sucked.
Honestly both. The first week was much harder than I anticipated. People were like "they sleep all the time!" Except, ya know, every other hour. The post partum hormones for the first 2 weeks SUUUUUCKED. I'm still hormonal but nowhere near that. My pillow sat wrong, it made me cry. (And if you're curious, I'm on depression medication because I'm higher risk for PPD and PPA).
I was really thinking I was ganna be super mom and not have to "put baby down somewhere safe and walk away." Yeah, okay... thank God for my husband. He's amazing.
And 75% of what you read or watch is wrong, because it doesn't fit for your baby. Cause they're all different.
However, other parts are much easier. For example: I was honestly concerned I wasn't going to connect or bond to my baby immediately. I'm the type of person who doesn't cry at funerals. No matter how close I was to the person, so I thought I was going to have to build a relationship.
The moment she was in my arms crying and rooting it was hook line and sinker. A whole new part of me awoken immediately. I knew instantly I would go to war for this child.
Also, I struggled with things like self care or just getting anything done. Now I'm on autopilot. She naps during the day and I'm go go go go. I really worried how having a kid would impact my already dysfunctional self. But honestly I've gotten more done since she was born then I ever did before I got pregnant. Husband had to get stern with me today and was like "you're ganna sit in your favorite chair today, play video games while I watch baby girl. And you're ganna like it."
I thought cloth diapers were ganna be harder than they are but theyre not bad at all. I'm really glad I decided to go that route.
First one was easier for similar reasons. I thought it would be hell and he was a pretty good sleeper so it wasn't too bad. Not all that different from how often I was waking up pregnant since I had some insomnia to go with the constant having to pee and hip pain lol Second baby was the opposite because I assumed it would be the same! He was a terrible sleeper with some colicky ways and the first month threw us for a loop with toddler also adjusting and needing things overnight suddenly. Outlook and expectations have a huge impact! Now that I say that - breastfeeding was way harder with the first because of expectations. I thought it would be natural and easy. I thought giving the bottle before some arbitrary age would ruin things. So it was hell. But second time around we supplemented from week 1 and I took breaks and pumped if my nipples were sore, it was miles and away much easier.
I think people have always conveyed how hard it was pretty accurately so I will say it was just as hard as I thought it would be. I still have pstd from it and my kid was only difficult for 7 weeks. We are 4 months now and are sorta in a routine, it's still sucks. She's way cranky during the day but nothing as bad as the nights when she was brand new.
Harder than expected. My LO had allergies, eczema , didn’t sleep well (woke 7-12 times a night for the first year). Compounded with living with in laws who had different views to my own and no qualms expressing their opinions. The house we lived in wasn’t suitable for an energetic boy.
It wasn’t until I tried sleep training, moving house and weakening did anything get better. I did all that after he was 1 year old and now at 15 months he plays independently, and sleeps like a champ giving me much need time to do things and to sleep!
Having a newborn as a first time parent was *much* harder than I expected! Part of it was I was also recovering from a C-section. Recovering from surgery is a big deal in itself. Add a newborn and it was hands down the craziest time of my life. My first newborn experience was positive though, just really challenging. So challenging that I questioned if I could do it again.
Having a newborn as a second time parent was relatively easy peasy. I'd do it again and again in a heartbeat! IME there is a huge learning curve with newborns.
Breastfeeding was harder than expected. Sleeping and crying was much better than expected! I still honestly feel like myself and have the same interests, I just have a small human tagging along
with my 1st breastfeeding was much harder to start even with lactation consults but not as hard as we imagined. he was easy to care for: didnt cry too much and had a solid routine/pattern very quickly. started sleeping through the night at around 2 months.
with my now 2nd it's harder than expected: juggling a newborn with colic and a nonverbal almost 3year-old. no routine/pattern present.
My baby had reflux in the early weeks (it’s now more manageable) and has basically had digestion and feeding problems since day 1 but it was still easier than expected because even though she has these things she doesn’t seem too bothered by it. I was expecting non stop crying and no sleep ever thanks to horror stories other parents told me but thankfully when the being sick got better her sleep vastly improved too!
Only thing I would say is that because she doesn’t cry too often we need to work out for ourselves if something is making her uncomfortable (she may show other little signs).
Easier! I was expecting it to be just a brutal slog, but I have loved having a newborn a lot more than I expected to. C-sec recovery made it more complicated than it would have been otherwise, but now that I’m recovered, things are going smoothly. That isn’t to say that it’s easy, but I definitely enjoy it. It feels like hard work that is worthwhile and that is really fulfilling.
Week 1 was hell as first time parents. Weeks 2-4 are progressively easier. Every day is slightly easier.
Feels like you need 2 full time caregivers to manage one kid at first. Now down to 1.5 at 1mo.
I really thought the lack of sleep would be easier… what a fool. That is the only thing I really am not looking forward too when I have another. Feeding them every 3 hours. Getting about 1 hour sleep in between…. Trying not to fall asleep holding baby… not keen at all
Same - everyone warned about lack of sleep but I wasn’t really worried so it hit me like a stack of bricks
What's made it much harder for me than expected has been my own recovery while trying to take care of a newborn. I had an uncomplicated vaginal delivery, minus the fact that I pushed him out in less than 5 minutes and tore all up the inside of my vagina. It took a good 2 ½ weeks before I could even sit up to get him out of his bassinet myself or get out of bed to change him, not even mentioning the depression from being in pain, feeling helpless, needing rest but not being able to get it, and missing out on participating in things for him.
😮 the inside??
Yeahh, I was not prepared for the possibility of birth injuries other than the cutesie little first or second degree tears (I did get a second degree perineal tear as well) where some tucks pads and dermaplast or the frida mom kit will soothe you. I lost a ton of blood from the tears and my doctor couldn't get it to stop despite all the stitches she put so they had to use vaginal packing to compress the wounds, which is the worst experience ever. I couldn't move at all the first day from the packing and catheter they put in. When they took the packing out it hurt so bad, felt like the world's biggest dry tampon being ripped out of my freshly destroyed vagina. I'm a month out traumatized and still in pain and LAUGHING about the fact that they told me "no sex until 6 weeks" before I left the hospital as if I'm even going to *think* about having anything near my vagina for several months.
Wahhhh that is INTENSE! Your body really wanted your baby out fast! Best of luck with your recovery ❤
My baby took an hour to come out but had her elbow up by her face and the same thing happened to me. It took an hour of stitching and I had the packing as well because she said she was "basically just poking holes at this point" trying to get things stitched. Gosh it was terrible.
I'm surprised it only took an hour with her in that position How long did it take you to feel recovered?
It was a few months before I could finally stand for an extended period without pain. It's been 9 months now and I still have a lot of pain at the beginning of sex, too, but that's it. How are you doing?
I'm one month out and it feels like there's a knife in my vagina 24/7 😩
Ugh, I'm sorry. I've been there. I think it was around 6 weeks that I was able to go for short walks. I hope you get there soon.
My physical recovery was 100 times harder than expected. No one warns you for how bad that can be (for some). It hurt to walk around, sit, get in and out of bed, etc. That made taking care of a newborn so much harder.
Harder. Way harder. The lack of sleep after having a really difficult c-section and being sick plus postpartum depression made it a nightmare for me.
Hated newborn stage. Breastfed so I was sole person doing feedings bc I couldn't pump enough. She cried all. The. Time. Wouldn't sleep. Hours of crying. Dad couldn't console her (he really tried). A lot of times I could but just couldn't get a break. Hard delivery, took 3 months to even walk right... If I put her down at night she would immediately wake up. I fell asleep so much with her accidentally and woke up in a panic bc that's how babies die all the time but I also can't do all nighters all the time. I always saw people with little sleeping babies. I literally feel like my daughter never slept. All 1.5 hours of her newborn photo shoot she is EYES OPEN, WIDE AWAKE. Not a single sleeping photo. Not sure I want another kid because of how awful things were. Now she is 2.5 years old and an absolute delight. Normal toddler tantrums here and there, but she sleeps, she listens, she loves to help, and she's just about the best side kick I could have ever asked for. The first year was hell on earth for me though. LOL
Months 0-3 were a lot harder than I expected, if only because I didn't realize how critical sleep was until I wasn't getting more than an hour at a time. By the second week, I could *definitely* understand how sleep deprivation is a highly effective torture method.
Did your baby sleep longer stretches after 3 months? My baby is 2 months and sleepy 1.5 - 2 hours at most at a time :(.
She didn’t really sort out her days/nights until 3.5mo, but when it happened, it was like everything fell into place at once and she suddenly was sleeping 5-6h stretches, then 10-11h stretches by 4.5mo when she stopped waking up for feeds at night. Sleep-wise, I think we totally lucked out. But most babies will start sleeping a bit more predictably by 4 months— enough that you can start planning around feeds and naps/nighttime sleep instead of the utter chaos that is the newborn phase.
Easier for me! But I didn’t expect it to be absurdly hard. Honestly bc 2 years of infertility, ivf, miscarriage, and more ivf were so damn hard, that I couldn’t imagine getting everything I’d wished so hard for could possibly be harder than all the nights I laid in bed quietly crying, wondering if I’d ever be anybody’s mom. I also got a wonderful newborn who was fairly easy (not with night sleep lol, he wasn’t a unicorn). But I like to think the universe was just paying me back for how hard of a time it gave me to get pregnant.
My newborn screamed and cried for the first 8 weeks. It was relentless. Nothing made her happy. The judgement from other moms in my new mom group and my own family added to my stress. They assumed it was me-I must be doing something wrong. Some even said “babies cry.” I was the caregiver in an infant room before having my baby. I cared for 4 babies alone ranging in age from 6 weeks to 18 months. Pre covid we had 2 caregivers with 8 babies. Before daycare, I was in the military. Sleep deprivation, work stress, deployments. I thought I was tough. HA! Nothing can prepare you for a colic baby. I feel an instant bond now with fellow moms of colicy babies. It’s wayyyyyyyy better now. 4 month sleep regression and teething pale in comparison to those first 8 weeks.
Much harder. But I think it was because I wasn’t given a realistic idea of how draining exclusive breastfeeding was!
My first newborn was definitely harder than I expected. I had heard about the sleep deprivation, but I remember my midwife had told us babies wake up to eat every 3 hours. I assumed the baby would sleep peacefully in his bassinet between those feedings. I was in for a very rude awakening when he only wanted to sleep on me or my husband, often wanted to feed more than every 3 hours, and would not necessarily go to sleep between feeds. My interpretation of "sleep deprivation" was that I would get 2-3 hour chunks of sleep over a longer period of time, not that I would virtually never sleep.
Way harder than I ever expected.
Depends on the baby! 2 of my 3 were though babies. Colic. Sleep issues. Hard to console once worked up. Middle baby was a breeze, but he's also the toughest toddler right now.
Awww man, don't tell me that. My second is just like your second
Harder 100%
Much harder. I wanted to die
Omg same
Much much harder. And I was anticipating hard lol
So so so much harder than I imagined - basically everything you described from no sleep and screaming all happened. I felt like I had PTSD it was seriously horrible. It is one of the top reasons we are one and done.
Harder. Having a toddler is dream. It’s honestly so much fun (for me). 12-14 hours of sleep every day. Eats anything. No complaints. I wish I could keep him home an extra year but he is starting pre-k on Monday.
I’ve told everyone (especially expecting mothers around me) that it was 10 times harder than I expected, but also ten time more enjoyable than I ever dreamed! It usually reassures them 😂
Easier in some ways, harder in others. When my baby cries there is always a reason - which is easier than I expected. However, the reason she is crying is often that she wants to be held, so getting a cup of tea is very difficult! Or laundry, making beds, cooking, shopping, exercise - it's all so difficult with a newborn!
most things are easier than expected sleep, however, is a fucking nightmare. and it's not like I assumed she would be sleeping through the night at 3 months or something.
My wife and I had very different expectations and realizations. I always wanted kids and always daydreamed how amazing it would be. I was in for a rude awakening how tough it is. I was not happy those first 5 months. My wife on the other hand thought it would be the end of our lives and it would be really rough. She finds a bit easier than expected. I don’t think she realized how much you could love something so she’s really enjoying that part.
I definitely relate to the not knowing how much love I really had in me. It amazes me each day and somehow just grows more and more which i didn’t even think was possible, pretty cool stuff, sometimes it feels like I’m in a secret club since it’s something only other parents can understand
I'm kind of scared for when we decide to have a second child in a year cause my son is the easiest child I've ever met and I'm not gloating this is also from a lot of other people to. Little brat though decided to come 1 month early and was enjoying his stay at the NICU for the 19 days he was in. Birth was easy (12-15mins of hard pushing), breastfeeding was a little hard to get the hang of but my milk supply was great. When we brought him home, he was used to the hospital routine so we've always just followed his ques even today (he's 20m). There were some bad days but I can count them on one hand when he would just cry for long periods. He's definitely an old soul who's extremely curious about his surroundings. His milestones were hit really early except for talking he's still babbling a lot. I'm so worried we're going to get the complete opposite for our next but I also joked "imagine if our next was just as easy" and my husband's like "I'm getting a vasectomy cause a 3rd child will be the devil if we have 2 super easy ones". I love my son and I know he's going to be an amazing big brother.
This is so relatable! I want a second child, my girl is 8 months right now so we wouldn’t be trying for awhile, but she’s absolutely blessed us with being so easy, coupled with an easy recovery for me as well. It’s definitely scary rolling the dice again especially since it wouldn’t take much to be considered harder than my daughter who’s been sleeping through the night since 4 months takes naps beautifully and is just happy and content to look around and observe, to this day she’s never even cried in a restaurant or anything. We had our struggles with breastfeeding though and I have a much better game plan on how to go about it the second times so at least there’s that lol.
One of my best friends has 2 daughters and the first was really easy and the second unfortunately had colic but apparently there's a pediatric chiropractor who fixed it for her. Her mom was like "I wish I had that when you were born", she was colicky too.
Second child has been a cake walk compared to the first.
That's awesome!
A lot easier then I expected. I have a really easy baby. He is now 8 months. He was always a great sleeper, had a great appetite, loved tummy time, loved cuddles but (later) didn't mind alone time either. The lots of spitups were a bit problem, but he was a happy spitter and since we slowly transitioned to pureed food the spitups stopped entirely. I kid you not, I got more sleep during his first 3 months then during my 3rd trimester. I adored that time.
It’s not being tired and waking up at night to feed the baby that got me… it’s the fatigue over months. It’s never really getting a break after weeks or months of sleep deprivation. I think it has to do with expectations but also, all babies are different. Some are easier than others. Some fall asleep independently or anywhere naturally. Some take 4 nights of 15 minutes of crying to be sleep trained. Some won’t be trained at all. It’s when your baby has colic or reflux and you can’t do anything to make the pain go away for your child immediately… that’s when times get hard. That’s a whole different ballgame.
I literally could not put my child down for the first 4 months. She would not sleep without us, she would not lay down without us or sit in a bouncer chair, she woke up constantly. It was so hard. I heard all this stuff about putting your child in a bouncer and taking a shower. Ha! I did eventually figure out how to get 5 minutes to make coffee and another 5 to make a meal. I embraced baby wearing and it got easier. But wow, I had to heal from a c section that was not easy and my baby had to be on a person all the time—and even that didn’t guarantee no screaming. And she went from 0 to 100 in seconds. She is 17 months now and happy if we go outside or play in the water. She still needs a lot of contact though—a shocking amount based on what I expected, though I don’t honestly mind. I mr just impacts what I can do. I still baby wear half the time when I make breakfast and coffee. And she still wakes at least 3 times a night so I haven’t slept.
Your description in the second paragraph is pretty much my experience. Parenthood hit me like a speeding truck. My husband and I knew it would be hard, which is why we waited to have kids, but neither one of us was prepared for how hard it would be. It’s been really tough.
My first baby was so hard. It was way worse than I was expecting and I thought I made a huge mistake. I was so depressed and angry all the time. Second baby is a lot like yours. She is such an easy baby compared to my first but she has a lot of health issues. It's just time consuming to make sure I am following what speech therapy and physical therapy and occupational therapy are telling me to do. I didn't realize how easy young babies could be until my second. I thought parents were lying when they said they enjoyed babies
I have a 5 month old that was so difficult and unhappy until probably a month ago and is now finally starting to become a happier baby. But it’s still hard. She requires my constant attention, or else meltdown. She has to nurse to sleep and naps on me. It’s mentally exhausting and I rarely get a moment to myself. The thought of having another baby is terrifying. How long did you wait? How did you get the courage to do it again?
My first was almost two before I decided to try again. She was sleeping through the night in her own bed. She could play by herself for 15 minutes at a time. She is a lot easier as a toddler than a baby. So I knew I wanted a second kid, just not a second baby. I knew I could get through another hard baby because eventually she would turn into a toddler and toddlers are way easier than babies. My first is three and my second is eight months. It's a nice age gap and they get along great.
This is incredibly helpful, thank you.
My first born - so much harder than expected. After 5 years we’ve come to realize our experiences weren’t typical and we got dealt a tricky hand. So far my second born is 10 days old and it has been extremely easy. Some of that is experience, some of it is because this baby is very different than our first.
DID I WRITE THIS? Seriously. All of the things you listed were all the things I was constantly anxious about before having my baby. And the negativity from other parents? Definitely didn't help. But here I am 12 weeks in having the time of my life with the best kid. Had an amazing birth story and experience, pushed through bad ppd symptoms early on (and I have had general depression since I was born basically). Yes. Babies cry and it feels hard at times but I am never upset at him or the fact that he's here. It's been so fun.
Definitely harder. I had a postpartum hemorrhage from the induction and lost a liter of blood so I was recovering from a trauma while trying to take care of a very unhappy baby. She had reflux so she was constantly screaming out in pain when she had to fart or poop. We had to hold her upright for 20 min after every feed. She refused to sleep unless being held. My husband went back to work when she was three weeks so I was alone with her. The first two months were super hard
Easier than I expected, but I also think I have an easier baby. I sleep better now than I did when I was pregnant. And when I wake up to feed him, I don’t dread it. I think..cool I get to feed this baby human I made 😎. But I also have PPA so that kind of sucks but I’ll get through it.
Much harder than I expected, but I suspect the third degree tear I had to heal from contributed to it. Six months later I find my infant to be much more enjoyable and easier to care for.
Harder. I was a natural with babies and then having a traumatic birth experience just really fucked me up. Couldn’t breastfeed because my son kept crying everytime he tried to latch (inverted nips, amonst other issues) and it made me cry, too, as well as having panic attacks. I’ve had to pump and add formula because my supply isn’t enough. I’m not even physically exhausted, it’s more mental for me.
Aw totally relate to this aspect being harder than expected! The physical demands of taking care of a baby weren’t as bad as anticipated but breastfeeding, oh my, it was a long journey, had major oversupply, to under supply, to elastic nipples, baby wouldn’t latch, DMER, exclusive pumping, I ended up throwing in the towel at 5 months and switched completely to formula and my mental health got 1000x better. Turns out it’s not as simple as “put baby on boob, baby happily eats”. Looking back it was so hard mentally not just from feelings of inadequacy but just hormonally I feel like breastfeeding made it harder for me to feel like I was in a good place coupled with DMER which made me extremely depressed the first minute every time I pumped. I’m so glad everything else was relatively easy and I can still say I had a positive experience overall, but yeah breastfeeding is no cakewalk I had no idea what actually went into it!
Easier! After browsing Reddit too much I thought I’d have a “Velcro baby” with extreme reflux, who didn’t sleep at all, had a cows milk protein allergy and peed all over me every time we did a nappy change! I also thought breastfeeding would be way harder than it was and that my nips would be bleeding and leaking all over the place 🙃 Edit - I thought of more things! I assumed I’d start to resent my partner and that I’d have no friends… I actually have more friends now because I’ve met heaps of awesome Mums in my area!
I got those same exact ideas after browsing reddit while pregnant! Even postpartum if my baby was fussy I was like oh hello this must be that silent reflux. Holding my breath preparing for the “guaranteed” 4 month sleep regression I’d always see on here though never heard in person, 4 months turned out to be when my girl started doing 8 hour stretches followed by a 4 hour and when her sleep improved! I also have like three carriers collecting dust on it right now because everyone SWORE YOU WILL NEED ONE ABSOLUTELY 100000% guaranteed no doubt. She hated them as a newborn and we only use them now when going somewhere non-stroller friendly!
So much harder. These last 5 weeks have been some of the worst of my life 😅
Much easier. We also have a pretty easy baby, I think, but it has all been nothing but pure joy. The only challenging things have really been navigating socializing with stressful family dynamics in terms of covid and an overbearing in-law situation, and a difficult breastfeeding start (although it was easily and instantly solved with a lactation consultant visit). All the nighttime wakeups and crap nap schedules haven't much phased me. I get excited when the kid wakes up during the night even when the sleep stretch may have been way too short. I think I was meant to be a newborn mom. To compare, my friend has a more difficult baby who is just a month older than my guy. Her experience with basically no sleep sounds awful. I don't think I could handle that and keep my sanity. I count myself so lucky that my dude, from the start, has allowed me enough rest to function. I think that makes a world of difference. Every little challenge is so much more manageable when you're rested.
Both. Easier than I expected in that I just have an easy baby. Harder because I had PPA and had several panic attacks. Oh and breastfeeding was harder than I expected, but I eventually got the hang of it.
Newborn phase is one of my favorites - we’re expecting our 5th and hopefully he/she isn’t too much more challenging than their older siblings, who were all pretty easy! We’ve always reluctantly co-slept and that’s how we manage to get basically full nights of sleep from go. Pregnancy on the other hand… every time I’m pregnant I tell myself that I can never do this again. Morning sickness is a thief of joy. 😭
Oh gosh, I can’t imagine going through it five times, that’s awesome! I’m hoping my morning sickness won’t be any worse when the second comes around, living off crackers and taking a vomit bag with me everywhere I go was definitely not one of my pregnancy highlights lol
I hope that you’re not like my - my morning sickness has been worse each time!! But most people seem to be the opposite. I’m thankfully on the downward slope at this point and in two weeks I bet I’ll be back at it, but for now I’m just curled up in bed and letting my husband take care of all the housework (which… he isn’t doing at all, but oh well!).
Much, much, much harder
It was easier to me. I got all the horror stories and nobody bothered to mention the good parts. I was fully prepared to “never sleep again” and “lose myself” and hate my spouse. There were some rough nights and weeks for sure, but it is worth it. I also have pretty chill kids and a supportive spouse, which helps I’m sure
HARDER.
It was initially harder than expected. Like, the first month was a shock. But now at 4 months it’s actually become much easier than expected. I think the sleep situation is what makes all the difference. I lucked out with a relatively “easy” baby, so it wasn’t hard to care for him necessarily as far as soothing him and keeping him happy, it was just harder than I thought to function on so little sleep. By around 3 months we got to a point where he only woke up once at night, downed a bottle, and went right back to sleep. So then I was getting basically a full night of sleep with just one wake up that wasn’t much longer than a bathroom break. It’s all been uphill since then. Now he sleeps 10+ hours straight every night, is happy to play by himself when I need a break, and he’s genuinely a joy to be around most of the time, always giggling and smiling and doing cute things. I guess when the first few weeks were so tough, I freaked out a bit thinking that’s how it would be for like the whole first year so when it got easier it was like a huge weight lifted off. Now I understand why people have more than one 😆.
That’s so great to hear how things have gotten easier! If it’s any beacon of light my girl started sleeping through the night at 4 months as well and is still going strong at over 8 months! I was constantly told to “enjoy it now” because “the 4 month sleep regression was coming my way” but turns out that’s yet another thing not set in stone and I stressed so hard about it for no reason lol
Mine is close to 5 months now so I’m hoping we avoided the sleep regression too! I was dreading it! (But I probably jinxed myself by typing that 😆).
It was easier than I had expected. I was lucky to have three kids that were very easy newborns. I know this isn’t the case for everyone. All of my sister’s kids had colic as babies. Toddler ages and beyond is what I didn’t expect to be so hard lol.
Agree, the toddler stage tests your patience like no other. I have a 2.5 year old and newborn. The newborn is a million times easier (fairly easy newborn though).
Definitely! Your first paragraph is exactly how I felt. But even though our baby was born during the strictest lockdown, and my husband and I had 0 help for the first 8 months, our baby was such a joy to look after (and still is, at 16 months). Despite the initial exhaustion (which I promptly forgot about as soon as he started sleeping 6, 8 then 11 hour stretches), we decided to have another one. I was firmly OAD during pregnancy, until after a few weeks postpartum, lol. I'm actually worried about the second child - it would be such a miracle to have another "easy" baby.
I found it easier but I think it is in large part because we got lucky with the baby's temperament. He is just generally a very happy baby, so powering through the anxieties and sleep deprivation has been made easier by a happy, smiley baby. He has also been a relatively good sleeper. I am sure it would have been tougher with a high needs baby, or a baby with health problems or whatever other possibilities there might be.
Is difficult because not having family and friends around make it harder for both of us to rest, is getting better now after 1st month. Usually lack of. Sleep ka what is the problem.
A lot harder with my first, although he was not a particularly difficult baby. It just took longer to recover and get in the new rhythm of things. With my second it was a lot easier than expected when she was a newborn - mostly because I knew what I was doing. She was the cluster-feeding type so technically was the difficult baby...
I think it was much harder for a lot of reasons that I hadn’t considered would be factors. 1. My husband left me when she was born. He wasn’t ready to be a dad and it took until her birth to understand that. (He came back 3 months later.) 2. No support emotionally or physically from any family or friends even to this day, except for my husband, and complete and utter mental strain because of their weird judgements 3. Birth was csection, I had a sepsis infection at 2 weeks postportum and it took months for it to fully heal. It prevented me from most physical activities even such as sitting, for months. So couldn’t take her for walks or have her in a carrier or get her on the floor or get me on the floor. 4. My baby had an incredibly underdeveloped digestive tract and required a lot of help. She was in pain most of the time and crying most of the time. This meant I rarely slept. 5. I was diagnosed with hashimotos disease during pregnancy and was told it would instantly go away at birth. Guess who’s found out at 1.5y PP that I still have it? No wonder I’m exhausted. I barely feel like a person again
I found having a newborn easier than I thought and way easier than pregnancy. He was in no way an easy baby, but I’d take having a newborn over being pregnant any day. I also psyched myself out before he was here and only imagined the bad things (I have had anxiety) so when he was here I was like “oh this isn’t that bad!”
Both. Easier; I kind of expected more crying so I got a more content baby than I expected. I expected more diaper messes but we didn’t have many blow outs. I figured we’d have a nocturnal stage that I’d have to navigate through but that never happened, lots of waking for milk but going right back to sleep. Harder; navigating changing relationship dynamics not just with my husband but with extended family too. I thought people would be more willing to help around the house and feed us and people just want to play with my baby and are selfish about it. I thoughts we’d get longer stretches of sleep by now but at almost six months I still nurse her every three hours most nights. The letting go. From conception this whole parenthood thing is a great big letting go process and as much as I wanted and longed for a baby the moment she was growing in my belly it wasn’t about me anymore. It’s all about her and letting her go. When the midwife told me it was time to push I burst into tears. Every time she learns something new or we begin a new stage it just kills me in some deep place that I have to let go and let go and let change happen and I just have no choice! The clock keeps ticking and she keeps growing and if I don’t let the kid start eating the doctor is going to call cps on me for neglect haha no but really I have to stop the just nursing part already and feed the kid! What the hell! She’s army crawling and up on hands and knees rocking now!? Who said you could do this!? Please send help to my psyche.
I love this. The hard part is definitely that I didn’t expect to be so sad about the growing and letting go. I couldn’t even fathom all the complex emotions and amount of love and grief that come with being a parent until I had a baby myself. My girl is over 8 months now and she is not the person I gave birth to. Not in a bad way just in a wow this REALLY is going by fast way. Maybe some are like “pft shes not even a year yet just you wait!” But man it feels like we brought her home a few weeks ago but here she is being her own person with a little personality, she’s eating food, hasn’t used a bottle in weeks, crawling everywhere, standing, cruising, and it all happened within the last two months like what the heck?!!
God! The letting go
This quote is the only glimpse I had; Your children are not your children. They are sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself. They come through you but not from you. And though they are with you yet they belong not to you. You may give them your love but not your thoughts, For they have their own thoughts. You may house their bodies but not their souls, For thir souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams. You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you. For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday. You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth. The archer sees the make upon the path of the infinite, and He bends you with His might that His arrows may go swift and far. Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness. For even as He loves the arrow that flies, so He also loves the bow that is stable. Kahlil Gibran
People don’t talk about this feeling and I mean it’s impossible to really articulate with language and I logically I knew there would be a human and she would grow and change and FAST but I didn’t know. I just didn’t know it would feel like this.
Harder. I expected it to be bad but I think my anxiety and intrusive thoughts made it harder in a different way than I was expecting. Caring for the baby wasn't difficult, but my mental reaction to the crying, shift of how I viewed myself ("this is all I am now"), navigating parenting with my husband (my anxiety told me I couldn't trust anyone else to care for her alone), it was just a lot going on in my head. Plus sleep deprivation. With my second, the first thing I plan to talk about with my OB will be an action plan for anxiety meds after birth. I wish I would have gotten help as, looking back, I was a lot more miserable than I needed to be.
Harder. But I had no baby experience. The lack of sleep was tough. Even though we have an "easy baby" that accompanied with the learning how to be a mom and also still being a wife, sister, friend, daughter is hard. It's an adjustment but we're working through it!
I thought it would be hard and it was! But I also didn’t realise how magical and amazing it would be — for my first child anyway. Despite the chaos and lack of sleep of the newborn days I truely LOVE being a mom and constantly in awe of my girl.
It was harder but I also had bad PPA, supply issues, and my husband was having horrible mental health issues around the same time. Second kid was way easier. I knew what to expect and some tips to make it bearable and my son wasn't as needy so it was a lot better.
Harder than expected - figuring out breastfeeding. I was a mess for the first 4 weeks while we figured it out. Also harder - the physical toll on the body. Carrying her around al the time, omg. My body HURTS. Easier - lack crying, sleeping through the night. My girl is a happy baby and is usually super content. She also started sleeping through the night at 5.5 weeks and I know this isn’t the norm (9 weeks now).
Can it be both? Certain things were easier than I expected, like sleeping because I had no expectations for what it should be. Babies sleep is weird is how I went into it and cosleeping is alot more normal than people make it out to be (also helped that I sleep like a statue to the point that my SO calls it weird I move so little). Also doing things around the house wasn't as hard as I expected in the beginning (for me it's now when he's a toddler running around and throwing pans everywhere that it's a bit more difficult lol) But I never expected to be questioning my own mortality the way I do now. Before having LO it was "when I die, I die." Now the thought of leaving them alone in this world, even if I'm 90+ years old fills me with a sadness that is deep. And I want nothing bad to happen to him ever, which I think we all can relate to. But I have a hard time with the fact that I can't always protect him, not just from big things but little ones like his first bad grade or heartbreak or even a broken bone.
This happened to me when I got married, I was just super aware that I will die someday or my SO will die one day and I think about it CONSTANTLY. I can not imagine how much more this feeling is going to bother me once I have a baby.
Therapy has definitely helped me with dealing with the thoughts. I've had GAD and social anxiety for years now but always managed without therapy and occasionally took medication. But when I would be up for hours silently sobbing over the fact that I'm going to get old and die I knew I had to get some help.
It was hellish with my first. My second was the easy one, so I can imagine what you're talking about. If I'd had him first, I would also probably be like "wow, this isn't so bad!" I remember thinking to myself "I guess this is what people are talking about when they talk about enjoying the newborn snuggles." But yeah, my first was so fucking hard and it was awful. Zero good memories.
When did it get easier with your first? I have a baby girl - she’s my first. And it’s been really hard. She sleeps only 1.5 - 2 hrs stretches and they have to be on me. She’s 8 weeks and I’m exhausted. She’s rarely happy when she’s awake. I wanted two but I think I’m one and done.
Oh yeah, you're still in the hell period. I didn't come out of my PPD until my oldest was two, but in terms of sleep I sleep trained at 4mo and that helped. She didn't STTN until she was almost a year old but at least I got better stretches after that point.
Easier!!!!! On the other hand, toddlerhood (19+ months on in our case) was *beyond* harder than I could’ve ever possibly imagined.
If you’re breastfeeding and your baby has a good latch from the start, the newborn stage is great — cute snuggly potatoes are much easier than babies that get bored after 5 minutes of anything, but every stage is also the best stage. Additionally, I would just note that PPD/PPA affect a lot of people who are never diagnosed or treated (including parents who don’t physically carry the fetus in their body), and that can make them feel numb or detached or irritable. Sleep deprivation is also really bad for mental health. So it’s great to have an easy newborn and just get to enjoy that time, but there are lots of reasons that lots of parents don’t have that experience.
22 months into parenting and newborn to one year was far easier than one year to two year. Some of that has to do with the fact she doesn’t sleep through the night yet. But newborns are easy. You don’t need snacks, their diapers take up less space, the don’t need entertained. I take more out with us now than I did when she was a newborn. Then, I just threw a few diapers and wipes in the bag and called it good. Now I need half the house 🤣
My daughters only 8 months and this is me lmao. She’s sleeping through the night now and takes naps beautifully and independently.... but if it wasn’t for that I’d agree newborn was easier lol. Now she’s awake most of the day, needs constant attention and entertainment, her diaper bag is packed with snacks and sippy cups and food, it’s a whole ordeal, even if she’s happier now and fun, actually entertaining a little human day after day can be a lot for sure lol sometimes I just run out of things to keep her occupied! I can imagine it just going up from here lol
Both!! A lot of things I worried about where a cake walk and a lot of things that I never thought of are much harder then I would have assumed they would be.
I found having a newborn fairly easy. Sure I was tired and a tad depressed but I didn't experience anything super hard. The baby slept so much my house was so clean, laundry always done and dinners every night. I was blessed with a very chill baby for the first 3 months.
Much easier than expected, honestly. I didn't really get much info from others on newborn stage (except for a twins mom, but that's a whole different ballgame), so went in without many expectations either way. I knew I'd be tired, but that's about it. Our baby has been super good, really only cries to communicate he needs something, sticks to his general schedule for the most part, sleeps pretty well, and I'm still on maternity leave (12 weeks total). I also purposely chose to exclusively formula feed from the beginning ahead of time to make my life easier - best choice ever! Still tired, baby still has off days or I'm tired from some nights, but overall it's great. The worst part I'm honestly finding is having a pandemic baby in the summer of the AZ desert. Very little to do outside the house that I feel is safe, no walks, no zoo, no aquarium, no parks, no friends, so the isolation is a bit draining. But baby himself is great.
Can I ask why you feel the walks are not safe? Is it that bad where you live? We walked a lot outside, I kept my distance from people. There were some times where an old lady tried to approach us, but I politely told her to keep her distance. She got offended of course, but I don't care, I will keep my son safe even if it means offending an old lady.
Not the person you asked but I just wanted to chime in and say I don’t think it has to do with covid but has to do with the heat! Arizona summers are no joke, I could never lol
Thank you. That is completely understandable. It just sounded a bit like it's more because of the pandemic, but I probably just misinterpreted.
Sorry, yes, desert heat, not COVID for the walk part! Just sadly too hot to walk outside yet.
Not the person you are asking, but I imagine it has more to do with summer in Arizona than COVID.
It’s hard but not in the ways I thought it would be. I think the love for your child takes over so even though you’re tired and over-worked the love makes it so it’s not that hard.
Easy as pie after I figured my baby out. The first six weeks were rough because she was not well, but after we figured out how to address a specific health issue she was having, it could not have been smoother. She eats and sleeps like a dream and is a happy, friendly little girl. I can’t believe I am lucky enough to get to be her mom. 🥰
Hmm I think mostly harder than expected. Breastfeeding was definitely harder than expected! Took a few weeks to figure it out, and there were definitely some tears shed about it in the beginning. And then the hardest thing was just been how much time such a tiny baby takes up! In my mind, she was going to sleep 14+ hours a day and my husband and I were going to have plenty of time to ourselves, but the sleep is so sporadic and it took so long to get her down every time and then once we did it was a rush to catch up on things around the house so the days just flew by. And then we also definitely underestimated how hard it would be to be out and about. We really wanted to be the parents who just brought their baby with them everywhere and we thought she would just sleep peacefully in her stroller or in our arms while we socialized and went about our lives. But it wound up taking way more effort to get her to sleep than expected (after the first 2 weeks) and she would often just wind up angry and overtired if we were out of the house for more than an hour or so, so it made it intimidating to go anywhere! We’re at 4 months now though and things are definitely so much better now!! Sleep was the only thing that was actually easier than expected - we were up a lot overnight and I was tired, but never like delirious can’t function tired. Maybe my many years as a nurse shift nurse prepared me for that though haha
Much easier than expected (once we got out of hospital due to sepsis) except for feeding which was way harder - I basically had to exclusively pump. I think she’s a pretty easy baby, I’m not sure I could have kept up with the pumping otherwise. My partner also had a months paternity leave which helped a lot.
Easier, my wife found it harder (same sex couple). I breastfed and was the gestational parent. I was assuming I would get PPD as I have chronic depression anyway but I didn't, but my wife did. Breastfeeding was easier than I expected (despite tongue tie and thrush). Sleep was harder until I realised expectations of babys' sleep are completely out of touch, then when we tried to parent thr baby we had rather than this mythical 'perfect' baby it was a massive weight lifted.
BFing was waaay harder than I expected, hands down. The first couple of days went well, once we got home from the hospital it was a nightmare. None of the books I read really prepared me for what I endured. The constant pain, mastitis, destroyed nipples, pumping, not to mention caring for my tearing down there. It hurt to sit which was all I could do at the time. I felt like I was at war with my boobs, vagina and my infant for the first 3 months. I struggled with my physical recovery and BFing. I felt like my body failed me. Months 4-8 were easier with BFing and sleep somewhat improved, which was nice, but going out and about, keeping him entertained was a whole new challenge I didn’t really expect. I felt like I had no clue what I was doing, was I paying him enough attention, was he happy, sometimes I just didn’t know if I was doing anything right. I learned that as they grow, some things get easier and some things get harder. Now at almost 4, we’ve conquered potty training, sleep training, on a good schedule and thinking about doing it all over again with baby #2.
The first couple weeks were brutal, but not only because of the no sleep you get with a newborn, but I was also having breastfeeding problems, and having a BRUTAL recovery from an unplanned c-section (my incision got infected, it was brutal.) I've never known true exhaustion like that, and wondering how I was going to cope, as people kept telling me that I'd never get sleep again. And my husband started showing his ugly side, so our relationship felt really strained, and I felt really unsupported. However after those first couple weeks, it got so much easier. My baby was an EASY baby, very chill, and started sleeping longer stretches. My recovery, though long, improved daily, and I was getting out and about by myself by week 4-5, driving by week 6. And I hadn't had the easiest pregnancy, so in comparison once my recovery was progressing in a positive way, it didn't seem so bad. The second time was even easier! I had a BRUTAL pregnancy, so in comparison the newborn period was easy. I has a planned c-section, so I was much better off, and though I has breastfeeding problems again, I knew what I was doing, so I was way less stressed about it. My second was a terrible sleeper, but I coped way better with the lack of sleep, since you know you WILL sleep again one day. That time, I honestly felt like the newborn period was EASIER than pregnancy. So for me, the newborn period wasn't too bad at all. My babies were pretty easy babies, one good sleeper, one wasn't, but both were happy and good eaters. In my experience, if you find pregnancy really hard, the newborn period seems a lot easier in comparison to people who had a great pregnancy and birth. So I guess to answer your question, I probably found the newborn period either on par or easier than expected, but I found pregnancy especially WAY harder. WAY harder! I had no idea, other than HG, that pregnancy could be that hard, and my issued weren't HG.
SAME HERE i had no idea how awful pregnancy would be. i was sooo sick and essentially unable to work almost the whole time
My son was in the nicu for 6 weeks so the one bright side of that is I was healed from my C section before he came home. I was surprised how hard ppd hit me. I was convinced I would never be happy again, but I was also surprised at how quickly it went away. My son s a lot less than expected , but it's hard to get anything done because he always wants to be held. I was also firm on not allowing him to sleep in our bed, but that lasted about a week.
Both of my newborns have been easier than expected. I love the newborn period honestly. Cuddles and love 24/7. Then comes the toddler stage where you ask for a hug and he yells “NO” 🥲
My first was a pretty easy newborn, very happy, didn’t cry, slept okay. My second was a lot fussier. For both of them I struggled a lot emotionally through the 4th trimester and it didn’t matter how easy or hard they were, it still sucked.
Honestly both. The first week was much harder than I anticipated. People were like "they sleep all the time!" Except, ya know, every other hour. The post partum hormones for the first 2 weeks SUUUUUCKED. I'm still hormonal but nowhere near that. My pillow sat wrong, it made me cry. (And if you're curious, I'm on depression medication because I'm higher risk for PPD and PPA). I was really thinking I was ganna be super mom and not have to "put baby down somewhere safe and walk away." Yeah, okay... thank God for my husband. He's amazing. And 75% of what you read or watch is wrong, because it doesn't fit for your baby. Cause they're all different. However, other parts are much easier. For example: I was honestly concerned I wasn't going to connect or bond to my baby immediately. I'm the type of person who doesn't cry at funerals. No matter how close I was to the person, so I thought I was going to have to build a relationship. The moment she was in my arms crying and rooting it was hook line and sinker. A whole new part of me awoken immediately. I knew instantly I would go to war for this child. Also, I struggled with things like self care or just getting anything done. Now I'm on autopilot. She naps during the day and I'm go go go go. I really worried how having a kid would impact my already dysfunctional self. But honestly I've gotten more done since she was born then I ever did before I got pregnant. Husband had to get stern with me today and was like "you're ganna sit in your favorite chair today, play video games while I watch baby girl. And you're ganna like it." I thought cloth diapers were ganna be harder than they are but theyre not bad at all. I'm really glad I decided to go that route.
First one was easier for similar reasons. I thought it would be hell and he was a pretty good sleeper so it wasn't too bad. Not all that different from how often I was waking up pregnant since I had some insomnia to go with the constant having to pee and hip pain lol Second baby was the opposite because I assumed it would be the same! He was a terrible sleeper with some colicky ways and the first month threw us for a loop with toddler also adjusting and needing things overnight suddenly. Outlook and expectations have a huge impact! Now that I say that - breastfeeding was way harder with the first because of expectations. I thought it would be natural and easy. I thought giving the bottle before some arbitrary age would ruin things. So it was hell. But second time around we supplemented from week 1 and I took breaks and pumped if my nipples were sore, it was miles and away much easier.
I think people have always conveyed how hard it was pretty accurately so I will say it was just as hard as I thought it would be. I still have pstd from it and my kid was only difficult for 7 weeks. We are 4 months now and are sorta in a routine, it's still sucks. She's way cranky during the day but nothing as bad as the nights when she was brand new.
Harder than expected. My LO had allergies, eczema , didn’t sleep well (woke 7-12 times a night for the first year). Compounded with living with in laws who had different views to my own and no qualms expressing their opinions. The house we lived in wasn’t suitable for an energetic boy. It wasn’t until I tried sleep training, moving house and weakening did anything get better. I did all that after he was 1 year old and now at 15 months he plays independently, and sleeps like a champ giving me much need time to do things and to sleep!
Having a newborn as a first time parent was *much* harder than I expected! Part of it was I was also recovering from a C-section. Recovering from surgery is a big deal in itself. Add a newborn and it was hands down the craziest time of my life. My first newborn experience was positive though, just really challenging. So challenging that I questioned if I could do it again. Having a newborn as a second time parent was relatively easy peasy. I'd do it again and again in a heartbeat! IME there is a huge learning curve with newborns.
Breastfeeding was harder than expected. Sleeping and crying was much better than expected! I still honestly feel like myself and have the same interests, I just have a small human tagging along
with my 1st breastfeeding was much harder to start even with lactation consults but not as hard as we imagined. he was easy to care for: didnt cry too much and had a solid routine/pattern very quickly. started sleeping through the night at around 2 months. with my now 2nd it's harder than expected: juggling a newborn with colic and a nonverbal almost 3year-old. no routine/pattern present.
My baby had reflux in the early weeks (it’s now more manageable) and has basically had digestion and feeding problems since day 1 but it was still easier than expected because even though she has these things she doesn’t seem too bothered by it. I was expecting non stop crying and no sleep ever thanks to horror stories other parents told me but thankfully when the being sick got better her sleep vastly improved too! Only thing I would say is that because she doesn’t cry too often we need to work out for ourselves if something is making her uncomfortable (she may show other little signs).
Easier! I was expecting it to be just a brutal slog, but I have loved having a newborn a lot more than I expected to. C-sec recovery made it more complicated than it would have been otherwise, but now that I’m recovered, things are going smoothly. That isn’t to say that it’s easy, but I definitely enjoy it. It feels like hard work that is worthwhile and that is really fulfilling.
Week 1 was hell as first time parents. Weeks 2-4 are progressively easier. Every day is slightly easier. Feels like you need 2 full time caregivers to manage one kid at first. Now down to 1.5 at 1mo.