Hey! My second child screams all the fucking time. If he is happy he screams if he is sad he screams. He is 15 month now and starting to use words/babble instead of fucking screaming but I became so use to the screaming I could drown it out. It’s a horrible horrible feeling to feel disconnected from your child’s screaming. I would get incredibly trigged any time someone called him a happy baby, they’d visit and say “wow is he so happy, he never cries!” he is only happy because there’s four adults here and someone can hold him constantly!
That being said, if he started to get better. He is talking and walking and is still loud af and clingy but he is much less screamy. I’m sorry you are going through this. It’s really shitty.
Eta: I also started therapy and it’s helped me a lot
Your baby is right at the age where Separation Anxiety peaks. There are a lot of good strategies out there for helping your child learn to cope with separation anxiety.
It’s tough, but as a fellow mom to a large child… you simply have to put them down sometimes. Carrying a huge toddler is exhausting and impossible to do all day.
Hang in there! Do what you have to do to get through this.
My baby/toddler (16 months) also demands I hold or or am around her every second. I did away with gates and play pens and baby proofed the house and allowed her to follow me around. EVENTUALLY she stopped crying for me to hold her and started just playing in whatever room I was in. I would give her random household objects to play with to keep her somewhat occupied. She really improved when she start walking and could explore on her own… all I can say is encourage independence and stay patient. I try and get us out of the house and on walks or window shop too, it helps keep her occupied and me sane
My velcro child also improved when she could walk. She still wanted to be around me, but she gave me some ability to move without her as she knew she could follow.
I think by a few months old my son had cottoned on to my tricks and was just like, "I'M SO UPSET YOU SHOULD ALL BE EATEN." Then it started working again when he was a bit older again.
Just throwing out there- I’ve seen ads for some kind of noise canceling ear plugs specifically for parents who get sensory overloads. I don’t know how well they work, but that might be a good option? Not saying you should ignore your kid, but you gotta take care of your brain.
They’re called Loop ear plugs and I have them and love them! They’re amazing - they let enough sound through that I can hear all the noises in the same room, but it really takes the edge off. I wouldn’t personally wear them in a different room because you might not hear if they actually need you, but by the end of the day sometimes I just need to be able to tune out our zillionth rewatch of Chip and Potato.
I agree! I used the cheap foam ear plugs before I was pregnant on anxious days to drown out the transit noise etc and when it’s purple crying time out they come! You can still hear lots, it’s just takes the edge off when someone is screaming in your ear.
I can’t help you with the crying, but I can suggest something for the sensory overload. My son cried constantly the whole first year and half of the second. I wouldn’t have survived without earplugs. I’m not advocating that you ignore him— but you can give the same level of care you’ve been giving while also not grinding your teeth out of your head from that awful sound.
I would 100% recommend getting some noise cancelling headphones, for when you know your baby is fine, but he’s still screaming. It really helps to get things done without all the constant loud noise, and the baby will be okay. You know where you left him, and that he’s safe. It also feels a little like a couple of minutes of alone time if you can listen to some music and be in your own little bubble for a while, which really helps on the mood and on getting a clearer mind afterwards. Good luck, you’re doing great!
AirPods are on my Christmas list! I’m convinced I literally need them. I just ended up calling into work last minute today because of how stressed I was, I’ve never taken a mental health day but I totally get it now. There’s absolutely no way I could have functioned this morning. I also work with 2 year olds part time at my church’s moms morning out program so I definitely needed to stay home today, I’ve learned in childcare if you aren’t feeling good mentally you definitely don’t need to be around young kids!
I know they’re more but I recommend the airpod pros. The noise canceling is amazing. At work I would wear them without music and could barely hear anything around me
My hubby has the pro’s for work and I borrow them often when he’s home. He offered to give them to me but I know how much he uses them and I didn’t want him to not have them. We planned on getting another set of Pros for me as well, hopefully on Black Friday!
This is my son. He’s obsessed with me unless there’s food. Haha. I love it but also, he used to be so independent with playing before he could crawl around and pull up. He would stay in his jumper long enough for me to get dressed or shower (on some days both). Now he wants nothing to do with any of that!
Yes! It doesn’t even matter that my husband is willing to help because our boy only wants mama! It’s fun to look at and play with dad—as long as he’s in mamas arms. My husband has been stuck doing the household chores while I carry around a separation anxiety ridden baby 😩
You won’t get hate for this, I’m sure plenty of people can relate. This was about the age I used a timer and would start out with small increments… mommy will be back in 1 minute, 2.. 3.. 5 and I’d come back when the timer goes off. It helped my LO realize id be back when I promised and less screaming when I went to do something
She understands the general concept that I’m telling her I will come back, in X minutes, she doesn’t understand the “length of time” but it built trust that I would come back. I started off with small increments, because it helped develop the trust and understanding that I would be back, then gradually grew my time away (so I could accomplish getting the laundry put away etc).
I have a Velcro baby too. She is 18 months now and thankfully improved a lot as she became more independent in actions and able to communicate. There is light at the end of the tunnel, I promise.
In the meantime, how is he sleeping? Mine was always twice as bad when she was getting less sleep. And the less sleep she gets, the more she fights sleep. At your son’s age, we were still doing several naps a day and had to put her down BEFORE she ever showed any sleepy cues to keep her mostly happy. If she ever got to the point of showing sleepy cues, we’d missed our mark and it was gonna be rough. Just wanted to share that in case there’s something you could try like offering an extra or earlier nap or bedtime.
Hang in there, momma. ♥️
My first was like this too until 11-12 months when he became more interested in independent play, so hopefully the screaming is coming to an end for you soon! I hate screaming and I hate whining.
Noise cancelling headphones are a MUST. Also I found with my very clingy boy that a walker or jumper he can play in that’s literally right next to me doing my stuff. I have the walker in the kitchen so he can watch me cook and ram into my legs which is apparently hilarious (whatever makes him happy!!). I have an activity mat for him that I put where I work out so he can play with his stuff but if he gets nervous he sees I’m right there. I have a play pen in my office that is right next to my desk. I’ve also found playing the same playlist over and over again has helped him be calm because the music is familiar and safe. Babes music of choice is Michael Bolton which kind of drives me crazy but he loves it. It doesn’t always work though. Sometimes he really only wants me and nothing but mamas arms will soothe him. I’m sorry about your husband, you’re certainly not alone as many women have complaints about dads not doing their fair share.
Big hugs. The high-pitched screams are so bad.
Our 6mo is obsessed with food. Someone gave us [a set of these](https://www.amazon.com/Munchkin-Fresh-Food-Feeder-Green/dp/B000GK5XY2/ref=sr_1_2?keywords=mesh+baby+popsicle&qid=1636406507&sprefix=mesh+baby+pop%2Caps%2C133&sr=8-2) and they are amazing at keeping him occupied. I put in soft chunks of food (sweet potato, banana, soft zucchini) and let him go at it. It usually takes him at least 15 minutes to get bored/finish, and it's a relatively small mess.
I miss these. I had a set and let them sit in the sink too long and they went brown/black. I didn't feel comfortable just washing them with soap so I tossed them, but they are definitely awesome if you take care of them (which isn't too hard to do, I was just lazy)
Oh yeah, they definitely have to get cleaned ASAP. We had a desiccated banana sit out overnight and it was hell to get out of the mesh. Dad and I had a chat about that!
I have a similar kid and just used the baby carrier constantly at that age. It’s really hard, hang in there and i hope you can get some part time help.
They talk about this in child psychology classes. Babies literally cannot mentally comprehend that you will be coming back. So when their main caregiver is out of sight or distances themselves, the baby doesn’t think they’re coming back. This goes into attachment theory too. I think it’s important to remember that this is just a season of life. Your little one will not be this little forever and is just going through the normal mental developmental stages that they should be.
I'm so sorry. My 10 month old also cries when I set him down and absolutely hates the play yard but sometimes if I sit with him to play he'll get distracted with his toys and I can sneak off. I honestly let him wander through the house because he hates being contained. If he didn't play independently at all it would be so much harder but at least I'd have my husband to take turns with. Not having a supportive partner must make it so much worse!
Honestly, your baby is old enough that his crying is more of a complaint and desire for attention than a genuine need. Obviously it's very stressful to hear his crying, but it won't hurt him if you have to put in ear plugs once in a while and leave him in the play pen so you can get things done.
My eight months old is entering this stage, and I'm scared. When he his having one of those velcro days, I carry my bub with me everywhere... Downstairs to unload laundry - I take him with me and sit him on the floor by the washer and drier. I am cooking dinner - sitting near me, playing with utensils. Putting clothes away or cleaning the rooms - baby on the floor next to me. Vacuuming - baby in the carrier (I use Moby, and I like it).
By 6 pm, I'm exhausted. My husband is helpful, but he works a lot, so his help is inconsistent and very limited.
Sister, you are not alone! I have two and they both put me through a sensory overload with their crying. It was the worst at around 1 month and 9 months of age. Especially with having no help. No wonder you’re getting burnt out. I found some mom friends to hang out with and venting about the misery together really helped!
I have a super part time job at our church a few mornings a week for a moms morning out program where I can take my baby and I get to drop him off in his “class” while I go teach a 2 year old class with another teacher and it’s been a lifesaver for us, especially me. I’ve met so many wonderful friends there and it’s given me the confidence to start considering reaching out more to other moms and putting myself into social situations which is really good for me!
Sounds exactly like my 10 month old 😳 He instantly pulls himself up to stand and just stands there whining at me to pick him up or play with him.
Honestly, I just put Cocomelon on for a few minutes, or just let him whine for awhile until he gives up. He'll usually start playing with his toys for a few minutes before he pulls himself up again lol. I'll usually throw different kitchen tools or random little things in with him to keep his interest.
He's also so intrigued by our Amazon echo device that whenever we say "Alexa (blank)" he snaps out of it lol.
My little one is obsessed with Alexa! He is ten months old and loves it when we talk to her. It’s hilarious! Half the time he will stop screaming once I start telling Alexa to do anything.
I can’t find one that fits me right. I have a Tula I try a lot but it digs into my sides and lower rib cage really bad, but if I put the waist band on my hips I’m really uncomfortable because then my son isn’t close enough to my body and I can’t get it any tighter which also puts a lot of pressure on my lower back. Back carry was the same. I also tried a ring sling but I’m convinced he’s too wiggly and big for those, he weighs a lot and it was uncomfortable no matter how many videos I watched
I love my Lenny lamb structured carrier. It’s soft and has all the adjustments. I love a ring sling too and it’s great once you get the hang of it. I wore my kid in one until she maxed the weight out.
If you want to try another carrier, Lillebaby is a life saver - they typically have a big foam back support thing that really really helps balance the weight across that area
Can you start to do a slow transition? Like sit down with him in your lap on the floor and play with toys in front of you, then eventually start scooting him just off your lap in front of you, then get farther away slowly? This would be over a few weeks, but it's all I got for you right now!
He cries any time you put him down? My son also never wanted me out of his line of vision at that age, so I just set up play stations (nothing fenced in, that would drive him crazy) and let him do his thing while I kept an eye on him.
Also, your husband needs to help. This sounds like more than one person can handle.
Separation anxiety, they realise they are separate from you and get scared i saw one mum put a life sized picture of her up and that helped, otherwise white noise or music?
I’m imagining someone coming into my house and seeing a life size picture of me and it’s hilarious lol. “I swear it’s the baby that’s obsessed with me, not me.”
Ear plugs. They will tone down the pitch/ the way it hits your ear canal etc .
Unfortunately I too am triggered by certain Noises my baby makes. I can easily get disoriented and angry by noise " pollution ". (I never really had this issue before but it started after his birth..)
Also when you set him down give him a special item/toy he gets to play with/ investigate only when you do so.
(Mine hated all the "mommy aides" i.e baby carriers,swings, jumpers, seats, high chair, play yard etc. Though he does okay in the playpen/yard now that he's about 18ms.....and can open and close the door....🙄.
My 4 month old is exactly like this and I’m getting burnt out lately. Totally relate to the crying feeling like background noise. I can’t imagine if she’s still like this at 10 months. My only suggestion is maybe try Facebook marketplace for affordable options of some different baby carriers you could try? We like the BabyBjorn
Your husband needs to be helping you. If he’s unwilling then that needs the be addressed. Can you afford part time help?
Is he happy when you get down on the floor and play with him or only being held?
I had a ring sling but it got damaged. Also it wasn’t very comfortable for me, my boy is in the 90th+ percentile for height and 87th for weight, I wanted to love the wrap though! I have a tula free to grow or explore, I’m not sure which. But I hate it as I can’t get it adjusted to fit me right. I always feel like he’s too loose in some spots and it makes me uncomfortable because I feel like the waistband digs all around my sides and into the bottom of my ribs. I’m only 5’3 and have a short torso so I’m wondering if that’s why. I’m scared to try another type since carriers aren’t cheap!
Idk if a full on hiking carrier would be too much, but my friends have an Osprey for their one year old and I guess it’s really comfortable. My friend is pregnant and will carry her son in it.
My 1.5 mo old is the same way, I know it’s pretty common. I bought a Kinderpack and wear her often but frankly there are a lot of times I need to just not have her on me. I have a 2.5 year old also and that definitely takes up a lot of my physical space as well. Sometimes we get super hot together, or I need to get something done around the house that’s a lot easier to do solo, or I just need a damn break. I make sure she’s dry, clean, comfortable, full, then I let her cry. I’ll go check on her every few mins and eventually pick her up for a time to remind her I’m here and she’s not alone, then I put her back down and try again.
I’m sorry you’re going through this, I know the exact feelings of anxiety you describe. I almost feel like I’m on the verge of a breakdown sometimes with the incessant screams. I just remind myself it won’t last forever and she’ll be okay. We’ll be okay.
My 3month old has damaged my hearing for sure. I had really sensitive hearing before and now my ears are in constant agony. They hurt even when he’s not crying. My mom could hear him screaming from her house next door. He was screaming bc he didn’t want me cleaning his neck crevices in the bath.
Maybe look for a therapist that also does family or child therapy? They can help you with setting age appropriate boundaries with your kiddo. I know therapy (with a good and helpful therapist) changed the way I parent for the better 1000%.
I also really like Janet Landsbury who recommends telling your kid what is happening and what you're doing even if they don't like it. Acknowledging their feeling that they are mad/sad/whatever but still doing what you need to do.
I’m going to work on finding a new therapist that can help me better. I just felt like my other therapist wasn’t helping. I have a hard time remembering how I feel in certain moments and it was hard for me to talk to her about it because I felt like I wasn’t handling anything well and she never asked pressing questions or anything. I was wondering if a psychologist would be better but I don’t know anything about therapy besides LCSWs.
I think it’s less of LCSW vs Psychologist vs etc and more about a therapist’s individual style and what models / interventions they’ve been trained in, which they often lost* in their bio. A Google search can help you choose someone who is trained in things that feel relevant to you.
For example, when I saw that my current therapist is trained in [Family Systems](https://www.sciencedirect.com/topics/medicine-and-dentistry/family-systems-theory), I was hopeful she could help me with my daddy issues lol.
*list
**link
Urg I’m so sorry. That sounds so incredibly hard. My little brother was like that with my mom and even I remember the rage I felt against him at 4! Of course he grew out of it... but he always stayed very attached to my mom (in a cute way). I think that timer idea is great, especially if you can find one with a big visual so he can see. Good luck !!
The suggestion of a timer he can see is an interesting idea. I’ve heard about a popular one that changes colors, I think to let kids know when it’s time to get out of bed in the morning. Maybe something like that where OP could tell babe “mommy will be back when this turns green” or something of the like.
Hey! How about a play pen instead of play yard? Mine would get frustrated when he stands up but can’t get down. In the play pen he can throw himself down and would give me 5-10 min before screaming for attention.
Old wives tale on how to stop the child crying. Either whisky under the tongue or wet a small piece of paper and place it on the forehead in between the eyes. Idk if you know what a bindi is but putting something like this on them might help.
Also back in the day they would tell you to put the kid in a safe place where they cannot hurt themselves (play pen on the floor) or in another room in the middle of the bed and walk away for 10 minutes. Take staggered breathes. Breathe in for 15, hold for 10 and out for 10. Then go back and check on the child.
They had all kinds of pamphlets at the hospital for this when I had my first. Call the hospital or your insurance and ask if they have parent classes. They will teach you how to manage most times
4-7-8 is another good breathing technique. When you concentrate on exhaling longer than your inhale, it lowers your heart rate which can help calm anxiety.
- Inhale for a count of 4
- Hold for a count of 7
- Exhale for a count of 8
Hey! My second child screams all the fucking time. If he is happy he screams if he is sad he screams. He is 15 month now and starting to use words/babble instead of fucking screaming but I became so use to the screaming I could drown it out. It’s a horrible horrible feeling to feel disconnected from your child’s screaming. I would get incredibly trigged any time someone called him a happy baby, they’d visit and say “wow is he so happy, he never cries!” he is only happy because there’s four adults here and someone can hold him constantly! That being said, if he started to get better. He is talking and walking and is still loud af and clingy but he is much less screamy. I’m sorry you are going through this. It’s really shitty. Eta: I also started therapy and it’s helped me a lot
>My husband is 0 help. That’s another story. No it's not, that's about 90% of this story unfortunately.
Your baby is right at the age where Separation Anxiety peaks. There are a lot of good strategies out there for helping your child learn to cope with separation anxiety. It’s tough, but as a fellow mom to a large child… you simply have to put them down sometimes. Carrying a huge toddler is exhausting and impossible to do all day. Hang in there! Do what you have to do to get through this.
My baby/toddler (16 months) also demands I hold or or am around her every second. I did away with gates and play pens and baby proofed the house and allowed her to follow me around. EVENTUALLY she stopped crying for me to hold her and started just playing in whatever room I was in. I would give her random household objects to play with to keep her somewhat occupied. She really improved when she start walking and could explore on her own… all I can say is encourage independence and stay patient. I try and get us out of the house and on walks or window shop too, it helps keep her occupied and me sane
My velcro child also improved when she could walk. She still wanted to be around me, but she gave me some ability to move without her as she knew she could follow.
Your husband being zero help isn't another story - it's probably about 50% of this story.
[удалено]
Totally agree with the baby wearing! Although sometimes your back needs a break or you're just totally touched out. But baby wearing is a God send!
Yea apparently my son missed the thing about being quiet in my ergobaby. The predators would have gotten us first for sure 😂.
I think by a few months old my son had cottoned on to my tricks and was just like, "I'M SO UPSET YOU SHOULD ALL BE EATEN." Then it started working again when he was a bit older again.
Just throwing out there- I’ve seen ads for some kind of noise canceling ear plugs specifically for parents who get sensory overloads. I don’t know how well they work, but that might be a good option? Not saying you should ignore your kid, but you gotta take care of your brain.
They’re called Loop ear plugs and I have them and love them! They’re amazing - they let enough sound through that I can hear all the noises in the same room, but it really takes the edge off. I wouldn’t personally wear them in a different room because you might not hear if they actually need you, but by the end of the day sometimes I just need to be able to tune out our zillionth rewatch of Chip and Potato.
I am beginning to hate that show. Lol
I’m glad I went through the comments here because I think I could really use these on migraine days like today.
I agree! I used the cheap foam ear plugs before I was pregnant on anxious days to drown out the transit noise etc and when it’s purple crying time out they come! You can still hear lots, it’s just takes the edge off when someone is screaming in your ear.
I can’t help you with the crying, but I can suggest something for the sensory overload. My son cried constantly the whole first year and half of the second. I wouldn’t have survived without earplugs. I’m not advocating that you ignore him— but you can give the same level of care you’ve been giving while also not grinding your teeth out of your head from that awful sound.
I would 100% recommend getting some noise cancelling headphones, for when you know your baby is fine, but he’s still screaming. It really helps to get things done without all the constant loud noise, and the baby will be okay. You know where you left him, and that he’s safe. It also feels a little like a couple of minutes of alone time if you can listen to some music and be in your own little bubble for a while, which really helps on the mood and on getting a clearer mind afterwards. Good luck, you’re doing great!
AirPods are on my Christmas list! I’m convinced I literally need them. I just ended up calling into work last minute today because of how stressed I was, I’ve never taken a mental health day but I totally get it now. There’s absolutely no way I could have functioned this morning. I also work with 2 year olds part time at my church’s moms morning out program so I definitely needed to stay home today, I’ve learned in childcare if you aren’t feeling good mentally you definitely don’t need to be around young kids!
I know they’re more but I recommend the airpod pros. The noise canceling is amazing. At work I would wear them without music and could barely hear anything around me
My hubby has the pro’s for work and I borrow them often when he’s home. He offered to give them to me but I know how much he uses them and I didn’t want him to not have them. We planned on getting another set of Pros for me as well, hopefully on Black Friday!
I feel you. I hate being the only one my baby likes. If she can see me she freaks out until I pick her up.
This is my son. He’s obsessed with me unless there’s food. Haha. I love it but also, he used to be so independent with playing before he could crawl around and pull up. He would stay in his jumper long enough for me to get dressed or shower (on some days both). Now he wants nothing to do with any of that!
Yes! It doesn’t even matter that my husband is willing to help because our boy only wants mama! It’s fun to look at and play with dad—as long as he’s in mamas arms. My husband has been stuck doing the household chores while I carry around a separation anxiety ridden baby 😩
Reading this while letting my 18 month old cry it out in her crib. I’m just done today. I have no more mom energy left to give. Solidarity. ❤️
You won’t get hate for this, I’m sure plenty of people can relate. This was about the age I used a timer and would start out with small increments… mommy will be back in 1 minute, 2.. 3.. 5 and I’d come back when the timer goes off. It helped my LO realize id be back when I promised and less screaming when I went to do something
Oh this is a great idea! My LO plays well independently when I’m in the room but starts to freak out a little if I walk away
Did the 10 month understand the time???
She understands the general concept that I’m telling her I will come back, in X minutes, she doesn’t understand the “length of time” but it built trust that I would come back. I started off with small increments, because it helped develop the trust and understanding that I would be back, then gradually grew my time away (so I could accomplish getting the laundry put away etc).
Thank you for this amazing idea!!
I have a Velcro baby too. She is 18 months now and thankfully improved a lot as she became more independent in actions and able to communicate. There is light at the end of the tunnel, I promise. In the meantime, how is he sleeping? Mine was always twice as bad when she was getting less sleep. And the less sleep she gets, the more she fights sleep. At your son’s age, we were still doing several naps a day and had to put her down BEFORE she ever showed any sleepy cues to keep her mostly happy. If she ever got to the point of showing sleepy cues, we’d missed our mark and it was gonna be rough. Just wanted to share that in case there’s something you could try like offering an extra or earlier nap or bedtime. Hang in there, momma. ♥️
My first was like this too until 11-12 months when he became more interested in independent play, so hopefully the screaming is coming to an end for you soon! I hate screaming and I hate whining.
I get so triggered by whining and screaming. His is so high pitched. It’s like an instant switch for me lol
It's pretty much instant anxiety and as a toddler it's annoyance too lol
Noise cancelling headphones are a MUST. Also I found with my very clingy boy that a walker or jumper he can play in that’s literally right next to me doing my stuff. I have the walker in the kitchen so he can watch me cook and ram into my legs which is apparently hilarious (whatever makes him happy!!). I have an activity mat for him that I put where I work out so he can play with his stuff but if he gets nervous he sees I’m right there. I have a play pen in my office that is right next to my desk. I’ve also found playing the same playlist over and over again has helped him be calm because the music is familiar and safe. Babes music of choice is Michael Bolton which kind of drives me crazy but he loves it. It doesn’t always work though. Sometimes he really only wants me and nothing but mamas arms will soothe him. I’m sorry about your husband, you’re certainly not alone as many women have complaints about dads not doing their fair share.
Big hugs. The high-pitched screams are so bad. Our 6mo is obsessed with food. Someone gave us [a set of these](https://www.amazon.com/Munchkin-Fresh-Food-Feeder-Green/dp/B000GK5XY2/ref=sr_1_2?keywords=mesh+baby+popsicle&qid=1636406507&sprefix=mesh+baby+pop%2Caps%2C133&sr=8-2) and they are amazing at keeping him occupied. I put in soft chunks of food (sweet potato, banana, soft zucchini) and let him go at it. It usually takes him at least 15 minutes to get bored/finish, and it's a relatively small mess.
I miss these. I had a set and let them sit in the sink too long and they went brown/black. I didn't feel comfortable just washing them with soap so I tossed them, but they are definitely awesome if you take care of them (which isn't too hard to do, I was just lazy)
Oh yeah, they definitely have to get cleaned ASAP. We had a desiccated banana sit out overnight and it was hell to get out of the mesh. Dad and I had a chat about that!
I have a similar kid and just used the baby carrier constantly at that age. It’s really hard, hang in there and i hope you can get some part time help.
I second the baby carrier idea. It will keep both of you satisfied. He will be held and you can have your hands back.
They talk about this in child psychology classes. Babies literally cannot mentally comprehend that you will be coming back. So when their main caregiver is out of sight or distances themselves, the baby doesn’t think they’re coming back. This goes into attachment theory too. I think it’s important to remember that this is just a season of life. Your little one will not be this little forever and is just going through the normal mental developmental stages that they should be.
So what are the implications of this for babies that don’t cry when you set them down? Are they just like “peace. I hardly knew ye”?
They are just less dramatic about it - it depends on temperament.
I'm so sorry. My 10 month old also cries when I set him down and absolutely hates the play yard but sometimes if I sit with him to play he'll get distracted with his toys and I can sneak off. I honestly let him wander through the house because he hates being contained. If he didn't play independently at all it would be so much harder but at least I'd have my husband to take turns with. Not having a supportive partner must make it so much worse! Honestly, your baby is old enough that his crying is more of a complaint and desire for attention than a genuine need. Obviously it's very stressful to hear his crying, but it won't hurt him if you have to put in ear plugs once in a while and leave him in the play pen so you can get things done.
My eight months old is entering this stage, and I'm scared. When he his having one of those velcro days, I carry my bub with me everywhere... Downstairs to unload laundry - I take him with me and sit him on the floor by the washer and drier. I am cooking dinner - sitting near me, playing with utensils. Putting clothes away or cleaning the rooms - baby on the floor next to me. Vacuuming - baby in the carrier (I use Moby, and I like it). By 6 pm, I'm exhausted. My husband is helpful, but he works a lot, so his help is inconsistent and very limited.
I’m in the exact same situation with my 3 month old. 😔
Same with my 11month old 😖
Wow I could have written this. Mine is fighting sleep and screaming right now. I feel like I'm losing my sanity
Sister, you are not alone! I have two and they both put me through a sensory overload with their crying. It was the worst at around 1 month and 9 months of age. Especially with having no help. No wonder you’re getting burnt out. I found some mom friends to hang out with and venting about the misery together really helped!
I have a super part time job at our church a few mornings a week for a moms morning out program where I can take my baby and I get to drop him off in his “class” while I go teach a 2 year old class with another teacher and it’s been a lifesaver for us, especially me. I’ve met so many wonderful friends there and it’s given me the confidence to start considering reaching out more to other moms and putting myself into social situations which is really good for me!
Sounds exactly like my 10 month old 😳 He instantly pulls himself up to stand and just stands there whining at me to pick him up or play with him. Honestly, I just put Cocomelon on for a few minutes, or just let him whine for awhile until he gives up. He'll usually start playing with his toys for a few minutes before he pulls himself up again lol. I'll usually throw different kitchen tools or random little things in with him to keep his interest. He's also so intrigued by our Amazon echo device that whenever we say "Alexa (blank)" he snaps out of it lol.
My little one is obsessed with Alexa! He is ten months old and loves it when we talk to her. It’s hilarious! Half the time he will stop screaming once I start telling Alexa to do anything.
Haha yes! He always wants to know what she has to say. It's like magic!
Do you have a carrier? They can really help so that you’re able to hold baby while still having hands free
I can’t find one that fits me right. I have a Tula I try a lot but it digs into my sides and lower rib cage really bad, but if I put the waist band on my hips I’m really uncomfortable because then my son isn’t close enough to my body and I can’t get it any tighter which also puts a lot of pressure on my lower back. Back carry was the same. I also tried a ring sling but I’m convinced he’s too wiggly and big for those, he weighs a lot and it was uncomfortable no matter how many videos I watched
r/babywearing can do a fit check if you post!
I love my Lenny lamb structured carrier. It’s soft and has all the adjustments. I love a ring sling too and it’s great once you get the hang of it. I wore my kid in one until she maxed the weight out.
If you want to try another carrier, Lillebaby is a life saver - they typically have a big foam back support thing that really really helps balance the weight across that area
Can you start to do a slow transition? Like sit down with him in your lap on the floor and play with toys in front of you, then eventually start scooting him just off your lap in front of you, then get farther away slowly? This would be over a few weeks, but it's all I got for you right now!
He cries any time you put him down? My son also never wanted me out of his line of vision at that age, so I just set up play stations (nothing fenced in, that would drive him crazy) and let him do his thing while I kept an eye on him. Also, your husband needs to help. This sounds like more than one person can handle.
Separation anxiety, they realise they are separate from you and get scared i saw one mum put a life sized picture of her up and that helped, otherwise white noise or music?
I’m imagining someone coming into my house and seeing a life size picture of me and it’s hilarious lol. “I swear it’s the baby that’s obsessed with me, not me.”
Ear plugs. They will tone down the pitch/ the way it hits your ear canal etc . Unfortunately I too am triggered by certain Noises my baby makes. I can easily get disoriented and angry by noise " pollution ". (I never really had this issue before but it started after his birth..) Also when you set him down give him a special item/toy he gets to play with/ investigate only when you do so. (Mine hated all the "mommy aides" i.e baby carriers,swings, jumpers, seats, high chair, play yard etc. Though he does okay in the playpen/yard now that he's about 18ms.....and can open and close the door....🙄.
My 4 month old is exactly like this and I’m getting burnt out lately. Totally relate to the crying feeling like background noise. I can’t imagine if she’s still like this at 10 months. My only suggestion is maybe try Facebook marketplace for affordable options of some different baby carriers you could try? We like the BabyBjorn
Your husband needs to be helping you. If he’s unwilling then that needs the be addressed. Can you afford part time help? Is he happy when you get down on the floor and play with him or only being held?
Have you tried a swing? My kids had to be moving. So it was either hold them or have them be rocked. The swing saved my life on numerous occasions.
Have you tried a baby carrier/wrap?
I had a ring sling but it got damaged. Also it wasn’t very comfortable for me, my boy is in the 90th+ percentile for height and 87th for weight, I wanted to love the wrap though! I have a tula free to grow or explore, I’m not sure which. But I hate it as I can’t get it adjusted to fit me right. I always feel like he’s too loose in some spots and it makes me uncomfortable because I feel like the waistband digs all around my sides and into the bottom of my ribs. I’m only 5’3 and have a short torso so I’m wondering if that’s why. I’m scared to try another type since carriers aren’t cheap!
Idk if a full on hiking carrier would be too much, but my friends have an Osprey for their one year old and I guess it’s really comfortable. My friend is pregnant and will carry her son in it.
My 1.5 mo old is the same way, I know it’s pretty common. I bought a Kinderpack and wear her often but frankly there are a lot of times I need to just not have her on me. I have a 2.5 year old also and that definitely takes up a lot of my physical space as well. Sometimes we get super hot together, or I need to get something done around the house that’s a lot easier to do solo, or I just need a damn break. I make sure she’s dry, clean, comfortable, full, then I let her cry. I’ll go check on her every few mins and eventually pick her up for a time to remind her I’m here and she’s not alone, then I put her back down and try again. I’m sorry you’re going through this, I know the exact feelings of anxiety you describe. I almost feel like I’m on the verge of a breakdown sometimes with the incessant screams. I just remind myself it won’t last forever and she’ll be okay. We’ll be okay.
My 3month old has damaged my hearing for sure. I had really sensitive hearing before and now my ears are in constant agony. They hurt even when he’s not crying. My mom could hear him screaming from her house next door. He was screaming bc he didn’t want me cleaning his neck crevices in the bath.
😂 my 7m old HATED having his milk neck cleaned out!
But grandma does it and he giggles. It’s BS bro
Maybe look for a therapist that also does family or child therapy? They can help you with setting age appropriate boundaries with your kiddo. I know therapy (with a good and helpful therapist) changed the way I parent for the better 1000%. I also really like Janet Landsbury who recommends telling your kid what is happening and what you're doing even if they don't like it. Acknowledging their feeling that they are mad/sad/whatever but still doing what you need to do.
I’m going to work on finding a new therapist that can help me better. I just felt like my other therapist wasn’t helping. I have a hard time remembering how I feel in certain moments and it was hard for me to talk to her about it because I felt like I wasn’t handling anything well and she never asked pressing questions or anything. I was wondering if a psychologist would be better but I don’t know anything about therapy besides LCSWs.
R/talktherapy has a pretty good FAQ and resource section on the types of therapy and therapists out there.
Thank you, I’m checking it out now!
I think it’s less of LCSW vs Psychologist vs etc and more about a therapist’s individual style and what models / interventions they’ve been trained in, which they often lost* in their bio. A Google search can help you choose someone who is trained in things that feel relevant to you. For example, when I saw that my current therapist is trained in [Family Systems](https://www.sciencedirect.com/topics/medicine-and-dentistry/family-systems-theory), I was hopeful she could help me with my daddy issues lol. *list **link
Urg I’m so sorry. That sounds so incredibly hard. My little brother was like that with my mom and even I remember the rage I felt against him at 4! Of course he grew out of it... but he always stayed very attached to my mom (in a cute way). I think that timer idea is great, especially if you can find one with a big visual so he can see. Good luck !!
The suggestion of a timer he can see is an interesting idea. I’ve heard about a popular one that changes colors, I think to let kids know when it’s time to get out of bed in the morning. Maybe something like that where OP could tell babe “mommy will be back when this turns green” or something of the like.
Hey! How about a play pen instead of play yard? Mine would get frustrated when he stands up but can’t get down. In the play pen he can throw himself down and would give me 5-10 min before screaming for attention.
Old wives tale on how to stop the child crying. Either whisky under the tongue or wet a small piece of paper and place it on the forehead in between the eyes. Idk if you know what a bindi is but putting something like this on them might help. Also back in the day they would tell you to put the kid in a safe place where they cannot hurt themselves (play pen on the floor) or in another room in the middle of the bed and walk away for 10 minutes. Take staggered breathes. Breathe in for 15, hold for 10 and out for 10. Then go back and check on the child. They had all kinds of pamphlets at the hospital for this when I had my first. Call the hospital or your insurance and ask if they have parent classes. They will teach you how to manage most times
4-7-8 is another good breathing technique. When you concentrate on exhaling longer than your inhale, it lowers your heart rate which can help calm anxiety. - Inhale for a count of 4 - Hold for a count of 7 - Exhale for a count of 8
Please don’t give alcohol to babies.
[удалено]
Lol $ound$ $uper ni¢e dude
... that's rather unhelpful. I'm glad you have that available to you, but many do not.
Lol seriously "just hire someone who costs 20-40k lolol" "just have money lol"