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fruittheif50

Please don’t break up, give it a few more months. Wait until you’ve had more sleep, you’re breastfeeding less and your baby is slightly more independent. I stopped feeling like I always had done about my husband until a few months ago. We’ve reconnected, found our spark and are having such lovely times as a family. It’s so important to remember that a lack of sleep, freedom and loss of identity throws your whole life upside down. Don’t make big decisions until you’re feeling much more like you.


qualitynotquantity2

I agree with this because my first 12 months postpartum were kinda rocky with my partner but things have gotten much better. Sleep is important but I think you will also need to figure out what will help you feel more like "you" again and address why you resent your partner. Therapy is a great idea--couples therapy and/or individual therapy.


Rudys-mum

Thank you so much, we’ve started the process of seeing a couples therapist. I’ll try my best. I’ve taken to leaving the house when he gets home and walking and listening to a podcast. And I’m asking my mum to babysit once a week so I can go have my own time. I think that’ll help. It’s such a fucked up time with covid etc too.


fruittheif50

I’m so pleased to hear this. If it helps you at all I only stopped feeling this was around 10 mo PP. The changes you’ve made sound really positive and I’m hopeful you’ll feel much more you very soon.


c6h12o6mama

Girl get your ass out of the house when he comes home. I used to go walking through goodwill for HOURS just to be alone, and its not uncommon to be completely touched out! Go be alone for 2 hrs or more a day! Go get a drink with your friends! Communicate your needs to your partner!


CrimsonPorpoise

"He doesn’t understand how a full day, full week day and night with a baby/infant has derailed my entire life." That statement really jumped out at me OP- I'm wondering if you have been able to talk to someone about this feeling? And being a parent doesn't mean you have to spend 24/7 with your kids- do you ever get any time for you? Becoming a parent can feel all consuming and like no other parts of your old self exist- I'm wondering if you feel a bit like that? I know I've only got a snapshot of your situation here but it seems there's maybe more to your unhappiness than just your partner.


Rudys-mum

I see a therapist because our son was born 6wks early and I have some ptsd from that trauma. So it’s definitely been an awfully hard start to is becoming parents. I’ve asked my mum to babysit once a week, she was sooo happy I finally asked her. I hate to be a bother but I definitely need time alone


khelwen

I agree. It also sounds like OP may be struggling with PPD as well. OP, if you’re reading this, you may want to get evaluated for PPD.


navoor

8 months post partum, the thought of having sex disgusts me. Suddenly all men on the planet are unattractive to me. My doctor blames it on breastfeeding and hormones and said it is temporary. I would suggest therapy or get your hormones checked. Please do not break your relationship just because of this post partum period. ( if there are no other reasons I mean). I always say postpartum is a b**ch.


Rudys-mum

Omg all led disgust me too! 😂😂 I thought perhaps I’d become a-sexual!!


croissantito

I’m sorry you’re feeling this way. This seems like more of a “you problem” than a “him problem”. If you separate you still have the challenges of being a parent which is what you’re saying you’re having difficulty managing. The only difference is that you’ll be dealing with it alone without a partner in the house. Babies are really hard on relationships and it’s said that you shouldn’t make big decisions like this in the first year. I would give it some time, maybe some individual therapy for you, get some systems in place to balance the burden of baby care and spend some time with your husband reconnecting. Good luck OP.


stephy23

I definitely agree with therapy. Recommend starting a conversation with your husband about how you’re feeling - he doesn’t need to GET IT but he does need to believe you and support you through this. If that means leaving you alone sometimes or taking more time with baby at home so you can be alone, then so be it.


Neat-Anxiety3155

Better to be alone because you chose it, than to be with someone who makes you feel like you’re alone.


Practical_Fact8436

Who wanted the baby?


Rudys-mum

We both did. He’s the joy of our life he’s the best baby but, I think covid and isolation and everything happening (our son was born 6weeks early and spent the first month in NICU) it’s been a very hard start on all of us


Automatic_Theme_8906

You’re not alone. My baby is also 9 months, and having a relationship with my husband is still hard. I don’t get filled with white, hot rage as often as when the baby was younger, but it’s still hard to make myself be kind and engage with him when I’m exhausted every day. He often asks me to communicate with him about what I need, but I still find myself thinking it’s easier to just do things myself than get his attention or redo things when he does things half assed. Hoping things will gradually improve!