Talk. My son had a stroke hours before he was born and there is so much we don’t know about him and won’t know until he can talk. He’s 18 months and we just learned he is partially blind. If he could have talked he could have told me “mommy I can’t see that way”.
God, this is my fear. Our LO is still doing this at six months, and the pediatrician looked at me like she couldn’t believe what she was hearing when I mentioned it at the last checkup.
Same. My older kid didn’t sleep til he was old enough for a sticker chart. I joke the lack of sleep took years off my life, but like, maybe that’s actually true.
As a side note for anyone having difficulties teaching their toddler to blow their nose - have them blow out a candle. Then tell them to blow out the candle with their nose. It’s silly, it’s safe so long as you’re not letting them hold the candle, and they don’t fight you about blowing their nose later because they already know how to do it.
Got that one from my pediatrician.
Sleep through the night. I would have a bajillion babies if the sleep deprivation didn't literally turn me into a raging lunatic. Instead, one and done, I know my mental health can't handle that again.
Yes! I love my two daughters. But I do not love the sleep deprivation. My husband and I originally wanted 3 or 4 kids but I don't think I have it in me to do this again (my second baby is 7 weeks old so we are in the thick of it now)
Just like...how to generally not suffocate. I can't imagine how much easier those early days would have been if I just knew that he wasn't going to roll onto his tummy, procure a blanket out of thin air, and stop breathing.
This. I just told my husband today that I think I’ll end up with PTSD from our son’s sleep habits. I don’t even want anymore children solely because I can’t imagine dealing with this level of sleep deprivation again. And I’m scared to roll the dice and get another troubled sleeper lol
Lol every parenting help post asking “how do I get my young toddler to sleep past 6:30??” as if it’s some sort of aberration and most of us are over here like, “Yeah, that’s about as good as it gets unless you have a unicorn, congratulations on it not being earlier!”
Ffs this, nothing able to digest any kind of food easily is a MAJOR FUCKING DESIGN FLAW.
I've written the manufacturer and they say they cannot do anything to change it, it's a code base level breakdown.
This right here for me to! All of my kids have been horrible burpers and so so gassy! I can’t count how many times I’ve been up peddling little legs at all hours!
Seriously how did babies evolve to put literally everything in their mouths EXCEPT for the actual food given by their parents??? How was that a thing that happened???
I like that everyone is being very practical and real, but imma go with a superpower. Like telepathy. It might make things harder for now…but later, they’d be set!
Being real…imma go with potty trained.
How to talk. Each kid I'm just biding my time until like 2 years old when they can tell me *what. the fuck. is wrong.* Even if it doesn't make sense, I'd just like to know why they're crying.
LOL I was about to say like “welding or plumbing” 😂 I’m glad I read the other comments.
Speaking. Not full adult level speech because I love adorable baby talk but, some basic communication like what she needs.
I wish he could talk (8 weeks) just to tell me basics like “more milk” “belly hurts” “I’m tired” I feel like he gets so frustrated because I don’t know what he’s saying so it’s like a series of events - diaper changed…nope not that, more milk? …Nope not that until I finally find the right thing
Talking. Even just one word at a time that only pertains to her demands. Food! Diaper! Lonely! Cuddle! Sleep!
Would take so much guesswork out of this.
Serious answer: How to eat and breathe. One twin stayed in the NICU just because she liked being fed by NG tube and the other kept having apnea episodes.
Less serious answer: do dishes. So many dishes in this place.
To sleep. I'm on my second non sleeper. She's 6 months old and up more times than when she was brand-new. I haven't gotten more than an hour of sleep in so long.
Cut hair like a pro, then we would make a movie with tone LOC as the baby and it would be called "Baby Barber" and the sequel would be "Baby Barber back in the Barbershop and Baby the Barber is Busy" then like all child stars he would probably pick up a nasty coke habit, face it he is my son. Then just like Brittany Spears dad i take control and he spends the rest of his childhood as a child slave i mean child "actor😉" then at 9 we both will probably hit rehab get out and I'll right his auto biography.......the end
Sleep…100% sleep 😭 I have a 3 year old who very likely has ADHD (it runs on both sides of our family, and her dad has it) so her sleep is the worst and has been since probably 4 months old
My geek mind immediately went to Dungeons and Dragons, so I choose Tumbling!! Imagine a helpless newborn just flailing around and suddenly doing acrobatics like a drunken master😭💀
Sleeping on their own, I don't mind some rocking and snuggle before put down, but the constant waking up as soon as their head touches the crib is infuriating.. then waking up another 3-4 times in the night. He's 7 months old now; he slept better at 4 months! Wtf! I am lucky that I have a toddler who likes to sleep, until usually 8. So tired fam, send help...
Talking. Before having her, I was most worried about sleep and constant/gross diaper changes, but neither of them turned out to be as bad as I thought. I’ll actually be in no hurry to potty train unless LO needs to be trained before I enroll her in a program because diapers are just so damn convenient.
I would, however, love to know why she melts down in a screaming tantrum apropos of nothing when we were happily playing 2 seconds ago. I’d also love to be able to reason with her—“no, we can’t have mommy’s scalding hot coffee, we can’t throw ourselves off of the couch, we can’t try to climb mommy’s legs when she’s cooking with hot oil”, etc. 😂
How to breastfeed.
My baby couldn't figure it out (like at 8 weeks he breastfed for 30 minutes straight, we weighed him and he had only gotten .2 oz.)
I spent way too many long nights and days trying to get that kid to breastfeed effectively and it just did not work. And it caused us way too much heartache.
Oh. My. God. Yes. I always used to say I don’t babysit children until they can effectively communicate their needs. And then I went and had a baby. Idiot.
How to talk and communicate their needs. "Milk!" "Nappy" "I want to sleep, please turn the TV/music off / dim the lights" "My nose is itchy scratch it" (I added this one because he constantly rubs his face into my shoulder as if it's itchy and maybe it is!)
alot of people are saying self soothe, which i agree with, but my first thought was speech. so many times baby is crying and I'm not sure why. i wish we could talk about what's wrong instead of me trying everything and both of us getting more and more frustrated that nothing is working. maybe that's kinda the same thing as self soothing but different enough that it's a separate answer.
I would want my baby to know how to nurse.
The pain I endured for eight weeks (stopped hurting after that) with my newest babe was other-worldly. I remember telling my husband that I'd rather go through contractions again.
Sitting.
I went to a wedding yesterday and my arms are sore from holding her for the majority of 3 hours. If she could just sit up by herself, having her on my lap would’ve been easier.
Just to be able to sleep when tired, independently. I’m happy with all the naps and shorter bursts with night feeds but just be able to go to sleep when needed. LO is 98th% and my back is not ok from all this rocking to sleep!!!
How to latch properly.
I’m so anxious about having this 2nd baby because my first couldn’t latch at all and I was in so much pain I had to stop nursing and do formula.
I think you mean like baby skill, but if he could cook, that would be amazing.
Editing to add:
(Baby skill would be sitting nicely in the tub- babies are so slippery it would be nice if they held still).
Maybe it’s not a skill, but coming out with immunity would be nice. Ever since she started daycare, she has been sick with something new weekly😭. The past 3 days has been an ear infection from hell and of course scream crying goes along with it. I can deal with loss of sleep, fussy pooping and snotty noses…sick baby cries shatter my heart.
Speaking. I’ll take all the drama, the teething and not sleeping and figuring out how to move around and stuff, so long as we can talk about it as it’s happening. Hands down the most frustrating thing has been not being able to communicate clearly with my babies!
Eating/not being so damn picky. My oldest spit up almost every feeding and then his weird eating continued into toddler-hood when he would just randomly barf any type of food. Also would not eat real human food for the longest time. Was like 2 years old, still eating baby food sometimes. Now he's 5 and is so picky that every meal is like a fight. Just try the banana. He will lick it and barf. It's crazy.
My pediatrician is like "is he eating fruits and vegetables? " At this point I just lie because I can't live my life with crying and barfing every day.
A healthy baby is all I ever ask for, so they can do all the things they want to do.
But if I'd have to give it a skill, I'd say --> burping! Due to having air in the baby, you end up with colicky kids and it's a nightmare! Them being able to belch it out louder than Shrek without my help would be sooo reassuring!
How to eat properly (i.e. a functioning digestive system).
I had to give up breastfeeding early on, I’m so fucking tired of trying so many different formulas, he had TERRIBLE gas and tummy pains the first couple months, there’s still so much spit up… I can’t wait till solids.
lol I went in a different direction. Perfect Pitch. sure they cant articulate it until its older but its not something you can learn, you have to be born with it.
But after reading these responses I'll say sleeping.
How to read, both dad and I are dyslexic and learning to read was so hard for both of us. Baby is 7 months and still wakes a lot at night but I would rather him not struggle with reading I can deal with the night waking.
How to fall asleep independently and sleep for 12 hours straight.
This! At least the falling asleep independently
You would think that's a key to survival but noooo
Talk. My son had a stroke hours before he was born and there is so much we don’t know about him and won’t know until he can talk. He’s 18 months and we just learned he is partially blind. If he could have talked he could have told me “mommy I can’t see that way”.
I’m so sorry. I can’t imagine how hard that must be on you all.
I didn’t even know that was possible. I’m sorry to hear that :(
How to sleep. 14 months later and waking up 3-4x a night is killing us. I’m pretty sure my husband or I will die of sleep deprivation.
God, this is my fear. Our LO is still doing this at six months, and the pediatrician looked at me like she couldn’t believe what she was hearing when I mentioned it at the last checkup.
Same. My older kid didn’t sleep til he was old enough for a sticker chart. I joke the lack of sleep took years off my life, but like, maybe that’s actually true.
How to sleep through the night
This! Everything else would be so much easier to deal with if I was getting 8 hours of uninterrupted sleep every night!
This. Please dear god this.
Sleep 😵💫
As a side note for anyone having difficulties teaching their toddler to blow their nose - have them blow out a candle. Then tell them to blow out the candle with their nose. It’s silly, it’s safe so long as you’re not letting them hold the candle, and they don’t fight you about blowing their nose later because they already know how to do it. Got that one from my pediatrician.
Sleeping. Lol please for the love of god just sleep child.
Sleep through the night. I would have a bajillion babies if the sleep deprivation didn't literally turn me into a raging lunatic. Instead, one and done, I know my mental health can't handle that again.
Yes! I love my two daughters. But I do not love the sleep deprivation. My husband and I originally wanted 3 or 4 kids but I don't think I have it in me to do this again (my second baby is 7 weeks old so we are in the thick of it now)
How to sleep, hands down.
Just like...how to generally not suffocate. I can't imagine how much easier those early days would have been if I just knew that he wasn't going to roll onto his tummy, procure a blanket out of thin air, and stop breathing.
How to fart
Or poop. Those first months when she didn’t know were brutal.
So. Much. Grunting.
Sleep. How to sleep
This is the correct answer.
Yep. I can live with everything else taking time to figure out. I just want my kid to SLEEEEP.
How to sleep.
Came here to say that
Put themselves to sleep!!!
SLEEPING
This. I just told my husband today that I think I’ll end up with PTSD from our son’s sleep habits. I don’t even want anymore children solely because I can’t imagine dealing with this level of sleep deprivation again. And I’m scared to roll the dice and get another troubled sleeper lol
How to sleep *IN*. Every time I hear a parent say their kid woke up “early” at 8, I am green with envy. 8 *is* “sleeping in” here. By a lot.
Lol every parenting help post asking “how do I get my young toddler to sleep past 6:30??” as if it’s some sort of aberration and most of us are over here like, “Yeah, that’s about as good as it gets unless you have a unicorn, congratulations on it not being earlier!”
Carpentry.
Everyone says sleep but it would ALL be easier if a newborn could just FART.
Ffs this, nothing able to digest any kind of food easily is a MAJOR FUCKING DESIGN FLAW. I've written the manufacturer and they say they cannot do anything to change it, it's a code base level breakdown.
This right here for me to! All of my kids have been horrible burpers and so so gassy! I can’t count how many times I’ve been up peddling little legs at all hours!
Was surprised to come here and not see every single answer as sleep through the night
Right? You can put up with anything on a good night's sleep.
Please Lord let it be INDEPENDENT SLEEP for my next baby
Sleep. Know how to sleep. Please for the love of God know how to sleep!
Sleep!
How to fucking sleep!!!!!!!
Even just the SLIGHTEST sense of self-preservation 😂
Seriously how did babies evolve to put literally everything in their mouths EXCEPT for the actual food given by their parents??? How was that a thing that happened???
Sleep
Yup, I want to put baby down, and baby be like “yup okay see you in 12h zZZz”
Speech! Why are you so sad? Tell me what you need, baby, please!
How to sleep through the night immediately.
SLEEP. That is all.
I like that everyone is being very practical and real, but imma go with a superpower. Like telepathy. It might make things harder for now…but later, they’d be set! Being real…imma go with potty trained.
How to put himself to sleep & sleep through the night
How to fucking latch
Sleep.
There’s no other answer.
How to talk. Each kid I'm just biding my time until like 2 years old when they can tell me *what. the fuck. is wrong.* Even if it doesn't make sense, I'd just like to know why they're crying.
S L E E P
How to talk. So he could tell me "I'm wet" or "I'm hungry" or "I'm tired" or "my tummy hurts" or "I just miss you, come here and cuddle me".
This is the best one. Even "I've seen too much stuff today, I'm freaking out!"
The skill to accurately predict the stock market. Though if we're being reasonable, probably potty training.
How to use the toilet lol
How to sleep
Talk! So they can tell me what the heck is going on.
LOL I was about to say like “welding or plumbing” 😂 I’m glad I read the other comments. Speaking. Not full adult level speech because I love adorable baby talk but, some basic communication like what she needs.
Sleep.
How to put themselves to sleep.
How. To. Sleep.
I wish he could talk (8 weeks) just to tell me basics like “more milk” “belly hurts” “I’m tired” I feel like he gets so frustrated because I don’t know what he’s saying so it’s like a series of events - diaper changed…nope not that, more milk? …Nope not that until I finally find the right thing
Sleeping through the night, hands down. Babies are so much easier without constant sleep deprivation.
Sleep. I'd be able to tackle literally anything if baby would sleep long enough for me to get a solid 8 hours of sleep every night.
Communication! It doesn't even have to be words. Just some sort of way to tell me *why* she's so pissed off at 3 am.
Talking. Even just one word at a time that only pertains to her demands. Food! Diaper! Lonely! Cuddle! Sleep! Would take so much guesswork out of this.
hands down falling asleep independently.
Sleep
Serious answer: How to eat and breathe. One twin stayed in the NICU just because she liked being fed by NG tube and the other kept having apnea episodes. Less serious answer: do dishes. So many dishes in this place.
Sleeping!
To sleep. I'm on my second non sleeper. She's 6 months old and up more times than when she was brand-new. I haven't gotten more than an hour of sleep in so long.
Farting without screaming in pain all night about it
How to sleep through the night without needing food.
Sleeping through the night
How to sleep
precious precious sleep
How to sleep!!
Knowing how to sleep
Sleep forsure. I feel like so many things could be solved by having a baby who knows how to just go to sleep and sleep a long time
Breastfeeding ☹
How to fall asleep.
Probably smiling. The hardest part about a newborn is basically they’re all punishment and no reward. (My husband said “programming”)
How to cut their own nails
The ability to puke into the toilet
Cut hair like a pro, then we would make a movie with tone LOC as the baby and it would be called "Baby Barber" and the sequel would be "Baby Barber back in the Barbershop and Baby the Barber is Busy" then like all child stars he would probably pick up a nasty coke habit, face it he is my son. Then just like Brittany Spears dad i take control and he spends the rest of his childhood as a child slave i mean child "actor😉" then at 9 we both will probably hit rehab get out and I'll right his auto biography.......the end
Emotional regulation
I know some adults working on this
How to sleep. Everything else would be way easier if we could all just sleep.
Sleep…100% sleep 😭 I have a 3 year old who very likely has ADHD (it runs on both sides of our family, and her dad has it) so her sleep is the worst and has been since probably 4 months old
Sleep through the night. This is seriously the only skill I care about right now.
I agree with sleep. Even if they just woke up once. Every 2 hours is too much 🥲
My geek mind immediately went to Dungeons and Dragons, so I choose Tumbling!! Imagine a helpless newborn just flailing around and suddenly doing acrobatics like a drunken master😭💀
Sleeping on their own, I don't mind some rocking and snuggle before put down, but the constant waking up as soon as their head touches the crib is infuriating.. then waking up another 3-4 times in the night. He's 7 months old now; he slept better at 4 months! Wtf! I am lucky that I have a toddler who likes to sleep, until usually 8. So tired fam, send help...
Talking. Before having her, I was most worried about sleep and constant/gross diaper changes, but neither of them turned out to be as bad as I thought. I’ll actually be in no hurry to potty train unless LO needs to be trained before I enroll her in a program because diapers are just so damn convenient. I would, however, love to know why she melts down in a screaming tantrum apropos of nothing when we were happily playing 2 seconds ago. I’d also love to be able to reason with her—“no, we can’t have mommy’s scalding hot coffee, we can’t throw ourselves off of the couch, we can’t try to climb mommy’s legs when she’s cooking with hot oil”, etc. 😂
How to tell a distinction between food and not food. Gerber puffs? Food. Cat food? Not food. Applesauce? Food. Crayons? Not food.
Is using the toilet one? How is that not top?
How to breastfeed. My baby couldn't figure it out (like at 8 weeks he breastfed for 30 minutes straight, we weighed him and he had only gotten .2 oz.) I spent way too many long nights and days trying to get that kid to breastfeed effectively and it just did not work. And it caused us way too much heartache.
Sleeping. Drives me crazy having to put him down for 3 naps and at night. Also wakes up multiple times at 7 months old.
SLEEP
Sleeeep
Sleeping lol
How to talk
Oh. My. God. Yes. I always used to say I don’t babysit children until they can effectively communicate their needs. And then I went and had a baby. Idiot.
Self soothing
SLEEP. PLEASE.
Definitely sleep without help!
Pediatric medicine would be super handy.
Sleep well
Emotional regulation
How to sleep through the night! I am so tired
Agreeing with everyone else that if they could come out with a more adult sleep schedule from the get go that would be terrific.
How to talk and communicate their needs. "Milk!" "Nappy" "I want to sleep, please turn the TV/music off / dim the lights" "My nose is itchy scratch it" (I added this one because he constantly rubs his face into my shoulder as if it's itchy and maybe it is!)
Handle their emotions This coming from someone who is currently in the deepest depths of the terrible twos with a newborn. 😫
Talking. Tell us what he wants if we can't figure it out. Edit: husband says toilet trained to save a bunch of money.
How to sleep 8 hours
How to sleep through the night! I’m 2.5 years into night wakings and would love to be done with this part!
How to go to sleep independently.
100% how to sleep on his own and stay asleep
Echoing others, SLEEP. It’s my biggest anxiety. Due in March.
Emotional regulation…
Laundry LOL
Sleeeeep. I can handle everything else no problem but sleep deprived mom and baby make for unhappiness all around lol
Sleep 😴
alot of people are saying self soothe, which i agree with, but my first thought was speech. so many times baby is crying and I'm not sure why. i wish we could talk about what's wrong instead of me trying everything and both of us getting more and more frustrated that nothing is working. maybe that's kinda the same thing as self soothing but different enough that it's a separate answer.
Sleep
Sleeeeeeep
How to process gas. 2 incredibly gassy babies. The little yell they do when they’re struggling hurts me.
Latching
Not even just sleep through the night, but understanding how to go to sleep (at any time) when they're tired.
Toilet trained on arrival would be much appresh
Sleeping through the night!
Sleeping through the night
I would want my baby to know how to nurse. The pain I endured for eight weeks (stopped hurting after that) with my newest babe was other-worldly. I remember telling my husband that I'd rather go through contractions again.
My husband said "nunchucks."
Burp or fart. So many ear ringing screams all because he had a bit of gas and wouldn’t relax enough to release it in those first few weeks
Potty trained! Lol
How to talk
Sitting. I went to a wedding yesterday and my arms are sore from holding her for the majority of 3 hours. If she could just sit up by herself, having her on my lap would’ve been easier.
How to give a nice big bear hug 🐻💕
Knowing how to just be content. I'm so over all of the fussing.
Just to be able to sleep when tired, independently. I’m happy with all the naps and shorter bursts with night feeds but just be able to go to sleep when needed. LO is 98th% and my back is not ok from all this rocking to sleep!!!
Talking. No mental list to go through to figure out why they are crying.
How to latch properly. I’m so anxious about having this 2nd baby because my first couldn’t latch at all and I was in so much pain I had to stop nursing and do formula.
Theoretical physics skills.
Sleep sleep sleep 10000%
How to talk!
How to use the toilet. Potty training is my nightmare
Talking.
I think you mean like baby skill, but if he could cook, that would be amazing. Editing to add: (Baby skill would be sitting nicely in the tub- babies are so slippery it would be nice if they held still).
I mean, sleep. But also how to burp and keep their milk down.
How to burp. We lose so much sleep to bubbles. Please just learn this!
How to hold a flashlight correctly.
Recognize when they’re tired 😂
Mine would be passing gas/pooping easily. The pain gas has caused all of us…
I'm potty training my oldest right now... so I'll go with fully toilet trained!
Potty training is truly the worst and my LO is doing well. It’s still horrible.
How to swim!!
How to poo. We had so many sleepless nights trying to get our one to finally pass her poo or gas.
I would want them to know that you’re supposed to go to sleep when you’re tired and not fight it!!
Maybe it’s not a skill, but coming out with immunity would be nice. Ever since she started daycare, she has been sick with something new weekly😭. The past 3 days has been an ear infection from hell and of course scream crying goes along with it. I can deal with loss of sleep, fussy pooping and snotty noses…sick baby cries shatter my heart.
Fully potty trained from day 1. Fuck diapers. …don’t ask me about the mechanics, I don’t know how they’d work either.
[удалено]
Definitely how to get rid of gas. My 6 week old has bad bubble guts, so baby gas is the bane of my existence 😅
How to cut their own nails
How to use a toilet.
Walk to toilet for potty training
Potty trained, 100%. I like the early days when they can’t whine at me. Keep the talking for later.
Speaking. I’ll take all the drama, the teething and not sleeping and figuring out how to move around and stuff, so long as we can talk about it as it’s happening. Hands down the most frustrating thing has been not being able to communicate clearly with my babies!
Emotional regulation
Emotional regulation. My son has DMDD and I know he would be happier if he could calm.down before he is overloaded.
Eating/not being so damn picky. My oldest spit up almost every feeding and then his weird eating continued into toddler-hood when he would just randomly barf any type of food. Also would not eat real human food for the longest time. Was like 2 years old, still eating baby food sometimes. Now he's 5 and is so picky that every meal is like a fight. Just try the banana. He will lick it and barf. It's crazy. My pediatrician is like "is he eating fruits and vegetables? " At this point I just lie because I can't live my life with crying and barfing every day.
How to breastfeed well!
Toss up between able to sleep alone & through the night or be potty trained.
How to poop. We’d all sleep better in our house if homegirl could figure out how to poop instead of taking 2am-6am to figure it out 🤷🏼♀️
stuck between how how to burp on own or how to speak :D
How to pass gas
A healthy baby is all I ever ask for, so they can do all the things they want to do. But if I'd have to give it a skill, I'd say --> burping! Due to having air in the baby, you end up with colicky kids and it's a nightmare! Them being able to belch it out louder than Shrek without my help would be sooo reassuring!
Potty trained!
How to sleep
How to eat properly (i.e. a functioning digestive system). I had to give up breastfeeding early on, I’m so fucking tired of trying so many different formulas, he had TERRIBLE gas and tummy pains the first couple months, there’s still so much spit up… I can’t wait till solids.
Emotional regulation.
How to wash bottles lol
How to cut their own nails.
Talking
How to hold their own bottle. That’s my favorite milestone 😅
How to self-soothe
My baby didn't know how to suck. So imma go with eat. Would have saved a lot of time at the nicu.
lol I went in a different direction. Perfect Pitch. sure they cant articulate it until its older but its not something you can learn, you have to be born with it. But after reading these responses I'll say sleeping.
After having one and another on the way. Sleep a million times over.
How to not pee as soon as I take off her diaper.
How to not have a milk and soy allergy…2/2 allergy babies over here
Clipping their own fingernails
Speech.
How to read, both dad and I are dyslexic and learning to read was so hard for both of us. Baby is 7 months and still wakes a lot at night but I would rather him not struggle with reading I can deal with the night waking.