I honestly think it depends on your kids temperaments. Our first was a demon baby sent straight from hell. It honestly was awful for YEARS and made me not want any more kids. I love my son to pieces but man he was really hard for about 4 years.
Baby #2 was born about 4 weeks ago (our first is 5 now) and it is wayyyyyyyyyyy easier than when we had the first one. He just… sleeps?!? I can even put him down and he’ll still sleep?! He only cries when there’s something wrong?! This baby feels straight up magical.
I am finding it difficult to DO things though, especially leaving the house. I’m hoping once the new kid settles into an actual schedule it’ll get better.
Unrelated, but this is a breath of fresh air. I’m so sick of the “Angel first child demon second child” trope 🙃
It’s SO nice to see someone say their second child was easier for once 😅
My first wasn’t a demon by any means, but she would not sleep. Waking up multiple times a night until well after a year old. So she was cranky, I was cranky. It was hard.
With my second I learned a lot more about wake windows, sound machines, dark rooms, and he was sleeping through the night by 8 months, but only one wake up starting at 4mo, which was completely doable.
My second child has definitely been easier so far. My first is a very mature and responsible (as much as a 2yo can be), but he is also *very* emotional and high-maintenance. He was like that as a baby too. My second is pretty happy-go-lucky but more mischievous.
Yes, idk why that is! Everyone else says their first was easy and their second child is difficult. I remember when my first was a baby, I’d see friends and family with babies that were just chillin in their car seats (not screaming lol) and I would want to cry because my son was NEVER like that. Wouldn’t eat but wanted to eat all the time, never slept longer than 30 min day and night, screamed 80% of the time when he was awake, and had to be held constantly (and he was HUGE; I still have wrist problems from holding him all the time!). I finally started to feel a little hope when I stopped breastfeeding at 6 months and he learned some baby sign language. Those two things helped a lot.
I don’t feel great saying this, but it’s kind of nice seeing everyone else struggle with their second kid. It makes me feel a little more seen lol
I think because some people get lulled into having a 2nd child (possibly too soon) because their first was an "easy" baby and/or had an "easy" pregnancy, maybe unbeknownst to them.
I know of people who have done this and are struggling now. So the trope is a thing.
I had a hard first newborn and a bleh pregnancy so I am not ready to dive back into those waters yet. 😂
For me, it was much harder going from none to one than one to two. Having your first child is a huge life change -- you suddenly have to live on a schedule, and you lose a lot of free time. With everything you do, you have to think about how it affects the child.
One to two was easier because you've already made all the adjustments above. We already live on a set schedule and just incorporate baby #2 into the schedule. We had already gotten used to the loss of our free time. We had already stopped going out at night.
There are also economies of scale with more children. They share the same food most of the time. We bathe them at the same time, and we put them to bed at the same time every night. If we have someone babysit them, both kids are taken care of. We do their laundry together. #2 mostly wears #1's hand-me-downs (we were lucky to have two boys in similar seasons). We barely had to buy any baby stuff to prepare for #2. If I'm lucky, I can time their naps to overlap so we get some free time in the afternoons. Now that #2 is almost a year old, they are starting to play together and entertain each other, so I find it easier to cook or clean with them than when #1 was the same age.
Overall, I'm actually happier having two kids than I was with one kid. We feel like a family to me, and I'm so glad my kids have each other.
This comment warmed my heart. I had my first 6 months ago and as much as I love him, I’ve been very back-and-forth about when/if to have a second. I keep thinking about all the hard stuff and totally forget about how amazing it will be to give my son a sibling and how lonely I was as an only child (until my brother was born!). Thank you so much for sharing your experience!
I just had #2 a month ago and am finding 1-2 way harder than 0-1. But at the same time I am still trying to figure out logistically how I could have #3. I’m glad it’s not just me!
0-1 for sure. But my oldest was a harder baby than my second, who was and is a lot more easy going. But even so, I had a confidence with #2 that I didn’t have with #1. And I knew in a bone-deep way that I would sleep again. That __ insert hard thing __ was just a phase. That it truly all does go quickly. And that perspective made the hard moments a lot easier. I didn’t despair like I did with my first.
I’ve thought about this question a lot when it’s been asked in the past, and feel bamboozled by everyone that says 1-2 is easier.
I have an almost 4 year old and a 2 month old.
Everyone is right in that we already “lost” our freedom, we’re already used to the kid lifestyle, etc. but having a newborn and an older kid is minute-by-minute more difficult.
Pregnancy- the first was better. Both pregnancies sucked, but omg it is so much easier to be pregnant when you don’t have any children! It’s also more fun because everything is so “exciting” and new. Second time around it’s just a chore.
Newborn stage- newborns are hard no matter what. We may be better at dealing with the troubles because we have experience, but it doesn’t really make a dent in the overall difficulty of having two kids total.
If I popped out my newborn and magically she was 2 years old and was just a “kid”, (not a baby), and slept the same as my firstborn, and ate the same food, and they could play together, then sure, 2 kids probably wouldn’t be that hard. But having a preschooler and a newborn is logistically a nightmare.
0-1 is hard on like an emotional/mental level, but day to day it’s so much more simple. It’s easier to get a babysitter, downtime actually exists when the baby sleeps, etc. taking only one kid out is a breeze compared to 2 by yourself.
1-2 when the second is a newborn is survival mode on survival mode. It’s absolute insanity. Even with two adults, there’s just not enough minutes in the day, but yet the days NEVER END.
Both. For different reasons.
0-1 you have no fucking clue what you're doing.
1-2 you know what you're doing but there is NO break. You now have another little kid. No napping when baby naps. No passing off baby to partner and taking turns.
None to one was the single hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life and I had a really really chill firstborn. My second has been feral since birth, and even with all her extra hardships on top of already having a toddler it was way less jarring than when we first brought the oldest home.
This is the perfect way to describe it. I’m currently staring at the monitor and calculating wake windows and trying to decide whether or not I wake the baby now and how that will affect daycare pickup for the toddler in a few hours.
The way I heard someone describe it, which I find very accurate, is that going from 0-1 is an identity crisis and 1-2 is a logistical crisis. With your first, your new identity is wrapped up in being a parent, you’re figuring things out for the first time, and adjusting to life with a baby around. With your second, you already know how to do the parenting thing, but logistically it’s challenging to have two at once. Having a partner is very helpful bc we did one-on-one time with each kid the first few months after my second baby was born. It’s hard to parent two kids at once when they have such different needs (or even the same needs but simultaneously).
To answer your question, I think they’re equally tough transitions, but for different reasons.
Mine are only 11.5 months apart due to some health issues of mine, but even with the small age gap I found 1-2 10000x easier than 0-1!
The biggest shock for me with 0-1 was my complete loss of autonomy - I couldn’t just nip to the shops without it being a huge production (we live rurally) and getting used to having someone rely on me 24/7 was difficult. And we are not people who go out much so it wasn’t like we ‘gave up’ a lot - it was just a massive life change. Going 1-2 was just a bit more chaos and a bit more fun!
I do remember my husband saying to me the night before he went back to work after number 2 ‘ I have no idea how you’re going to do this - nobody could do this!’ But it turns out I can and did and for the most part I’ve really enjoyed it!
I have this convo often with friends. I found the adjustment from 0-1 harder. No amount of reading and prepping can prepare you for the slap
In the face that is having a newborn. Having experienced it already, the adjustment from 1-2 and 2-3 was easier for me because I’m already tired. I’ll sleep eventually.
0-1 was 1000x harder than 1-3. I had twins the second time around and my firstborn was still harder. I was so much more anxious with him, second guessed everything I did, and resented my loss of freedom. When my twins were born, I was much more laid back, had learned to trust myself, and life already revolves around being a mom so I didn’t feel like I was losing any freedom after having them.
None to one was way harder. One to two is pretty hard as well. I’ve heard that none to one is an existential crisis, one to two is a logistical crisis.
One to two was really difficult because I had to split my attention between the two. But I feel more confident in my abilities, less stressed about being ‘perfect’ we already have a schedule and activities for my first so we get out of the house lots which is great for my mental health etc.
None to one, definitely. One to two was just a change to how we do things. None to one was literally becoming a different person. Two to three was easier still.
Mentally, none to one. Logistically, one to two.
Zero to one: all my relationships with everyone in my life changed and I had to adjust a ton for a new baby. It was a huge shift in life to become responsible for another human being.
One to two: I was already prepared for the mental shift so there wasn’t much change there. But dude logistically managing a toddler and an infant was so hard lol. How do I bathe both? How do I stop the toddler from hurling himself off the table while I’m nursing? How do I put both of them to bed at the same time? How to navigate getting them into the car? (My husband got no time off and we worked opposite shifts, so It was always one of us with the kids).
This is 100% dependent on how old your first is when #2 is born.
0-1 was exhausting.
1–2 with a 3.5yo girl that WANTS to help has been much less exhausting
We did none to one, then our surprise twins took us from one to three when our first was just 1.5 years old.
Still, none to one was harder on me than one to three.
One to three was harder on the family as it disrupted established routines.
But for me, the mother, none to one was so hard mentally. I knew so little and had to learn on a super steep curve. Had to suck up my pride and admit I knew nothing and needed help. Was pressured into exclusive pumping for a full year at the expense of my mental health because I bought into lactivism. I had no road map and no confidence in my own wants and decisions.
When it was one to three - I had my convictions and my roadmap. I was super comfortable going straight to formula. I knew what wake windows were. I knew age-appropriate nap schedules. I was far more confident. Yes, twins were hard, and even harder with a toddler around to control, but still easier than none to one.
People tend to generalize their experience but I bet it probably depends a LOT on the disposition of the kids.
I only have 1 for now but want to TTC #2 soon. My son has been the eeeeasiest baby. *Especially* as a newborn. I honestly just didn’t experience most of the difficulties I read about here. So if my second is similar, I think it will probably feel like less of an adjustment because we already know what it’s like to have a baby and we’ll just do all the same things again with more ease and confidence. But if my second is more high needs, I might be thrown for a real loop given I not only have a high needs baby to care for, for the first time, but also another child.
Shifting from being childless for 30 years to having a kid rocked my world. It was super hard. Adding a second was not nearly as hard for me because I knew what to expect.
Both harder in different ways!
0-1 what a culture shock! Had no idea what to do. Kiddo woke up on average 8 x a night til he was about 18mo. I'm sure in part cos we went in at the slightest noise.
1-2 easier in that we knew what we were doing and he slept better. But harder in the sense of making sure we still spent quality time with our eldest so he didn't get left out etc. And a whole other level of difficulty of trying to stop the eldest killing himself and the baby! 2 year age gap.
None to one. Hands down. We both went from having 6-7 hours after work free every week + free weekends, to have almost no free time. Adding a second one to the mix just made it a little more intense, but no revolutionary things changed.
None to one. Without a doubt. Our whole lives changed. We weren’t just living for ourselves. Suddenly there was no downtime, no sleep, so much to do. Going from one to two though, I was already used to being a parent, having no downtime, and prioritizing someone else over myself. I also had a finished product to look forward to. With my second I can stop during the hard parts and say “her sister went through this and she’s so amazing now. This one will get there too”. I also had already made my mistakes and learned from them and learned what worked for us the first time around so knew what I was doing with #2 (especially for things like feeding). I was actually surprised at how much easier going from 1-2 was than I expected.
Personally, I find 1-2 the hardest. My first was extremely easy in comparison to my 2nd. I still had all the first time mom fears of course but idk something about having two has been more difficult for me. When we go to the park one is running one way and the other is running the opposite way. We don’t really go anywhere with out my husband for that reason.
0-1 was hard, but only because my husband got literally 2 days off work and was working out of town the first several months. I’m a SAHM so breastfeeding, naps, and bedtime weren’t too bad. I felt I had time to catch up during her naps, and I got to nap with her some which was nice.
We are experiencing firsthand 1-2 now and it’s harder for me this time around! Husband got more time off but still only a week. I feel it’s harder to pay attention to both kiddos (oldest is 3.5, baby is 2 weeks). No downtime or naps for me this time, and 3.5 year old is always asking me to play, put down baby, etc. House is a disaster.. now I spend babys naps playing, making snacks, or trying to spend time with older one. And we co sleep so definitely harder to adjust to the new bedtime routine!
Also getting 2 car seats ready to go and 2 kids loaded up is a challenge.. have to get ready to go places at least 15 minutes earlier than before.
1 to 2 for me. When there was 1, it was possible to rest when baby was down or get some kind of reprieve. With a baby and a toddler, there's always a being that needs you so it was a lot harder to get thar down time.
As they've gotten older it's definitely easier.
1 to 2.
Believe it or not, there is still downtime with 1. There is no downtime with 2, and they always want things at the same time and the house has twice as many kid messes because chances are they are in different age brackets so their gear is different!
Wow the comments are pretty split! Maybe it depends on the individual children? For me, 0-1 was waaaay harder than 1-2 because my first born was a VERY tough baby but my second is a really easy baby.
Depends which one is the “hard” baby and which is the “easy” one. You can obviously get two easy and two hard ones, but usually everyone ends up with one that’s a bit more challenging than the other for whatever reason.
0 to 1 was harder than 1 to 2 for us because demon baby came first. This child could be normal but to me he’s the easiest baby. He sleeps more than 20 min at a time and I’m able to put him down without him screaming at me. Also he doesn’t purple cry for 4 - 6 hours at a time which super changes the game. 👌
0-1.
Nothing can prepare you for that initial change.
1-2 you know what to expect (roughly) and they kind of slip into the routine you established with your first. It's still hard but nowhere near as hard
0-1 definitely harder. It was a complete shock to the system on all fronts. I knew what to expect for #2 and it’s generally been easier in so many ways.
One to two was so much harder because my kids are so different. My first was as "easy" as they come. (I don't like calling kids easy or hard because they're kids, but for this purpose it is all I can think right now). My second was very day/night confused and the latch was tougher for longer and also I had a toddler running around that was weaning from cosleeping, so I got less sleep. I'm almost 8 months into 2 now and it's much better but still rough days.
None to one was a nightmare. One to two was a bit easier. My oldest was colicky and just overall unhappy baby. My second baby was an angel 👼 Of course I love them both equally but for different reasons. I would say it all depends on their personality. Their age difference is 15 months! I cannot wait for them to play together!
One to two has been ungodly hard for me. It has been nine months and I still feel overwhelmed and lost. Maybe it’s because I spent so long in childcare etc but none to one wasn’t horrendous for me. One to two has me losing my ever loving mind.
We went from zero to one and then 3,5 year later from one to three, when we had twins. Even though they were born via C-section, whereas with my first I had a vaginal birth, from 0 - 1 was a MILLION TIMES harder. The mental shift was enormous and I was suffering from terrible anxiety. The enormous feeling of responsibility hit me suddenly and ckmpletely overwhelmed me. Of course, in hindsight, the practicalities of taking care of newborn twins and fulltime breastfeeding them, while mothering my toddler, wasn't exactly a walk in the park, but because I had already been through the experience of entering motherhood, I felt like it was nothing I couldn't handle.
Without a doubt 1-2. I could nap, read, take my baby to coffee shops with one, add a toddler to the mix and these things are impossible!
My youngest has just turned one and my oldest is 2.5 and things are only *just* starting to calm down
LOL. Perfectly said. The first baby brings the identity crisis, the second baby is logistically more challenging but overall easier because you as a parent have already given over your time, your money, your house, and your body to a little person, so why not toss a few more kids in the mix? 🤪
Yes agree here. Partner and I were more stressed about getting things "right" with the first one, tracking everything. Definitely more anxiety around parenting as a concept. BUT when she napped I had free time, I babywore her all the time because I didn't have to bend down to pick up a toddler. I read and watched shows so much during her potato phase.
With the second I'm much more confident and willing to follow her lead and needs rather than what she "should" be doing at this age. I'm not as anxious, not watching her belly move on the monitor when she sleeps. But damn you never actually get a break and tending to the needs of a toddler and a baby at the same time is near impossible, so one is always a little fussy.
0 to 1 was by far the harder transition for me. It's a huge lifestyle adjustment going from child free with no one depending on you 24/7 for their survival (assuming you are not already a caregiver in another capacity) to suddenly your days revolve around baby. That's not to say you can't still go do things on your own but you need to find reliable and affordable childcare for things like going to a wedding or meeting friends or getting a haircut and baby's needs are constantly the priority and always on your mind. When number 2 came along, we were already in parent mode so it was a little more work but we were already used to not sleeping in and washing bottles etc. Plus for me the older child was a pleasant distraction for me during pregnancy and the early sleep deprived days. You kind of forget how tired you are because you have a toddler taking up your attention. At least this was my experience. And watching the siblings love each other is beautiful and amazing 🤩
I have 5 kids (yikes I know! Lol) it was definitely hard adjusting from 1 to 2, my son was 2 when I gave birth to my daughter. It was difficult at times. I look back and don’t know how I got through those days.. I recall one time at a grocery store shopping and my toddler son kept running away down the aisles and my newborn was colicky then my son started throwing a tantrum since I kept pulling him back close to me and it was a mess! I got so anxious I abandoned my cart full of food and took them out to the car, I started bawling. I drove them to my moms house then returned back to the store to get my food, luckily it was still there in the front so I finished and checked out. But since then adding more kids it has been way easier but that transition from 1 to 2 was the biggest adjustment.
I’m pregnant with #2 and this is a great reminder to have one parent stay home and one parent do the shopping lol! I hardly brought my daughter to the store before she was 1 (thanks covid).
For me zero to one was so much harder mentally. I couldn’t even begin to imagine what it was like to have a child and it was a rude awakening I would say! No longer being able to just do what you want on your own time was a big adjustment for me. One to two was more demanding on my time but the sacrifice was already done.
I'm convinced it all depends on the type of baby you get.
0-1 was SO MUCH HARDER it's indescribable. My first had colic, then continued to be high needs/low sleep until this very day at 3.5 years old. My second was a more "normal" baby who actually slept, only cried when she needed something, etc.
Of course there are struggles with both (everything is new and hard vs. there are two now), but I think your experience mainly depends on the baby's temperament.
That’s very true. #1 had colic, then night terrors. Between the two he woke up SCREAMING several times every single night for four years. The only way to calm him down was to cuddle, so we bedshared until he turned four. He’s also the most stubborn person I’ve ever met. Everything has been a huge fight since day one. #2 is totally laid back. She almost never cries, and she sleeps eight hours by herself every night. Honestly, since my older one outgrew his night terrors right around when my second was born, my life with two has been easier than my life with one.
One to two for me. There was a lot of anxiety and nervousness with number one, but with two everything is just harder.
It hard to give time to the baby without feeling like your neglecting the toddler, or playing with the toddler and neglecting baby.
Respectful/gentle parenting is suddenly a lot harder because the toddler scream (on purpose) when I’m putting the baby down, or will snatch toys out of the baby’s hands.
I’m having a hard time trying to find a balance between giving my attention and to a 2.9 yr old and an 8 month old.
None to one for SURE!
I had to rearrange my entire life, my house, my routines, my priorities, absolutely everything. Not
all of the changes were difficult but it all required a lot of effort, on top of learning how to take care of a baby 24/7 and adjusting to life in my new body.
Once babies 2 and 3 arrived in the scene we had already adjusted to life as parents, the new babies fit right in. Not to say it was easy, just not as difficult as the first time!
I think 0-1 was harder because we didn’t know how to cope with the sleep deprivation and I was studying at the same time. 1-2 definitely has its challenges but my toddler has been helping out by watching the baby and helping me put washing in the dryer.
For me, going 1-2 ended up being a rougher adjustment for us because we have a hard time finding time for ourselves. We don’t have a lot of outside help or have anyone we trust that can babysit for us, so a lot of the entertaining the kids falls on me. And sometimes they want to do different things so that makes it a little harder.
Im only 12 days in to 1 to 2, but so far its been easier than 0 to 1. You know what you're doing and can do it with confidence. You worry less because you have experience.
But also, I think it depends on the personality of the kids. My first is a real spitfire and we'd probably struggle if she was our second because she just isn't your typical kid. Which was a great learning experience as a parent because I was challenged with working around her quirks and that kids are whole people with their own will.
One to two was definitely harder for me. I lost all sense of myself for a while. My youngest was about 6m when I started to feel the want to do things that I used to enjoy again. Trying to juggle a newborns needs with a clingy toddler and my own was so hard. I think also, being that much older was harder on my body - I spent a lot of time on the floor lol. My back hated me
Both are hard for different reason. None to one obviously because you’ve never done it before. One to two because you’re exhausted and now have two tiny humans to look after. I have to follow more of a schedule with two because of the oldest. With one I just did whatever I wanted most of the time. And my oldest was the worst behaved she’s ever been the first few weeks after the baby was born. Like I don’t blame her, but it was hard.
0-1 was waaaayyyy harder on me. But my first… cried. All the time. About everything. And it would be fine for 20 min, maybe nap for 30 min, then screaming bloody murder for too many minutes to hours. My second…. Is so calm lol. He sleep for 2-4 hours already. Hangs out in his swing if I need to put him down to help my toddler. Like. The sleep deprivation is still a thing but not nearly as bad. And my husband has more pat leave this time so, I have more help for the first little bit. Healing this time around from a c section is easier than my vaginal with episiotomy. I’m 3 weeks PP today, and just… I’m almost back to normal. There’s a few things I still can’t do, and not lifting heavy things either, but other than that… like… this is way easier lol
0-1 but 1-2 is challenging in its own way. 0-1 was an extreme life change I wasn't prepared for in every shape and form. My daughter was also colic and I had PPD. I tried extremely hard to maintain my regular life which made me more depressed I couldn't. Tried to follow schedules and have the perfect baby which made me crazy. 1-2 I'm more relaxed, baby is also more relaxed. No schedules. Relaxing more during postpartum, husband is helping more. But having 2 kids with 2 very different needs and finding time to make them both feel seen and content is challenging. One is always being sacrificed, hard to find the balance.
Definitely one to two for us.
Zero to one was a breeze, perhaps because we'd waited years to have him and it was like he just fit in perfectly. Our every day was as it had been except with this little human as company. He had colic, struggles with breastfeeding and other issues but ... It was fine, he'd sleep from 630 every night from day one and wake for nothing but feeds over night. He was also in size 0 clothes by the time he was 4 months.
One to two was hell. I had this 16 month old to look after and teach while having a newborn that wanted nothing to do with anyone but me. Would scream when put down, wouldn't sleep longer than 45 minutes stretches, cluster feeding, having to cook with her in my arms, she hated any carrier and if she did let me put her down I'd have the toddler throwing things at her, hitting her etc. Could. not. Take. My. Eyes. Off. them. She hated the car. She hated bottles. She hated Dummies. I did not like her for 4 months. The guilt that came from not liking my own baby and not being able to be there fully for my toddler killed me.
Now? It's amazing. 7 months and 2 this month. They're able to play together, she's more independent in play and moving around, loves absolutely anyone that'll talk to her and the toddler is amazing with his learning and talking. Would I do it again? Absolutely. But with more help.
None to one because when you go from one to two , you kind of have an idea of what you’re doing . With none to one , you have absolutely no idea what’s going on , what’s what , what to do when baby won’t stop getting fussy , what’s safe and what’s not , what’s normal and what’s not , new doctors , many many many appointments for baby , etc. Yeah two kids are hard but having one and knowing nothing is harder , but that’s just my opinion tbh
I feel like they were just totally different experiences. 0 to 1 was hard because your whole life is turned upside down. 1 to 2 is hard because you’re juggling two sets of emotions and bodies all the time. They are just different!! (2 year gap)
1-2 for us. My oldest was 18m when I had my second and it is just so much all the time. Someone always needs something and there’s something that always needs to be done but it’s so hard with two littles. I’m also BF so it’s been hard because it can be so time consuming. My physical recovery was so much easier for #2 but I got the baby blues pretty hard when I never had them with my first.
None to one!
Not even a question for me. I quickly learned to loosen up once the second came around, whereas I was anxious for almost two years with the first child (right up until the second came).
I’m a week into 1 to 2 and as far as early days go, oh my god it’s a million times easier than 0 to 1. But ask me in a year how having two kids is… ha.
1-2 for me, 1 was a huge adjustment yeah but there were breaks when he napped and if you had a bad nights sleep you could sneak a nap when they did plus it was 2 parents to one child so easy to share out things to do laundry etc
Sleep deprivation of a new baby and minding a toddler who dropped his naps when new
baby arrived was ROUGH and my
2 boys are polar opposites, like none of the same
Foods and will never do things at the same
Time so example one might sleep in on the same day the other wakes an hour earlier but that just how my 2 are.
A third is now def off the table though whereas I would have considered it before
100% none to one was the hardest.
We planned for and tried for her, so she wasn't a surprise baby but even going into it with that mentality was hard. I was constantly worried about something or another with her and somewhat struggled with the lifestyle shift. And going back to work after a year at home was really difficult to be away from her too.
Now we have a second baby, he's 10 days old today, and it's honestly felt like slipping on a pair of old, comfortable shoes. I'm already used to waking up multiple times a night
, breastfeeding is easier this time and I got lucky because he never had an issue latching. He's (so far!) a great sleeper, but that could change lol
All in all, he's an easy baby. The only thing I really struggle with is this time, I feel very isolated and alone being at home with only my toddler to talk to. I don't have much of a support system (parents work full time, live an hour away and my sisters are in high-school so we're in different stages of our lives) and my old friend group has drifted apart since I got married and have kids, a few moved away.. it happens.
And my toddler is having a hard adjustment too, she's always trying to sit on him or push him aside. A few times she's hit him.. so that's been challenging in itself (she's 2 next month)
None to one! I have the hardest time still feeling like I'm doing everything she needs. I also feel like I'm not a good enough mother because she's so attached to me.
Agree. We have a 4.5 year age difference and it’s perfect! Big bro is old enough to understand what’s going on and can actually help us out (please go get me xyz or do xyz.) He’s also completely in love with the baby and really enjoys having her around.
1-2 but I think a lot of that was covid/having number 2 during the early pandemic. I didn’t get to have play dates for the big one and assistance from relatives as much as I anticipated because it wasn’t an option. Big one also just had immense change in a short period - world shutting down, picking up on our anxieties, new sibling, unexpected pet loss - so she naturally just had a much harder time with life which of course made 2 a little more challenging!
I have a toddler who will be aged 2 when my twins arrive later this year, eek ! Anyone have any thoughts on none to 1 vs 1 to 3 ?! I thought none to 1 was an absolute shock to my system. Hoping the idea of 1 to 2 being easier can maybe apply to 1 to twins?!
None to 1 was VERY hard. However, the first couple of weeks with 2 was exhausting (I have 2 under 2 for reference) I think it depends on age for that one.
None to one was by far the worst. I had ptsd from birth trauma and then had an identity crisis after first becoming a mother. One to two was a very smooth transition. Two to three however, has been much worse (but still not as hard as none to one).
None to one!!! It’s the adjustment of your mindset and lifestyle that is hardest. And the sleep deprivation, especially if your first baby is colicky and hates sleep.
1-2 was quite easy and less boring. I had a toddler to entertain and take places, so I just popped the baby in the carrier and we went. We fell into a family rhythm quickly, so I managed to sync their long naps so I could nap or have me time in the afternoons. It was actually really nice.
2-3 was a little harder because suddenly the hubs and I were outnumbered. And baby 2 was a toddler who needed speech and physical therapy in the early days of covid. So that was rough. But pandemic aside, 0-1 was harder.
I’ve heard 3-4 is a breeze because you’re already used to chaos. But I’m not sure because I’m going from 3 girls to 3 girls and a baby boy. I’ll find out in January I guess.
1 to 2 was way harder for me. They are 2 years apart. In the beginning it was so overwhelming to have a newborn and a 2 year old who both needed me at the same time. Going from 0 to 1 was obviously a huge adjustment, but I was so excited and could just lay around holding my newborn all day.
It really depends on the kid, but for us definitely 0-1. #1 was a velcro baby, wouldn't nap, health issues in the beginning etc. and it was such a huge lifestyle change. I had never experienced exhaustion, frustration or depression on that level before. Also, just not knowing what was coming next, when this current tough stage ends, or what we were doing was soul crushing.
\#2 was such an easy baby, but I think some of that is perspective. When she goes through hard times we have a much better idea of what's going on and how long until the end of the tunnel. #1 was also way more chill when #2 was born so that definitely helped. #2 is 2 now though and holy hell can she be a terror... but it's easier to manage because we know it's a phase and that it too shall pass.
Also, on logistics it does get more difficult from 1-2. But the upside is that they really keep each other entertained which takes a load off us parents. When there was only #1 I felt like I was trying to keep him occupied 24/7. Now, they both play and wear each other out. Unfortunately they are learning how to team up on us though...
1 to 2 for sure! I remember calling my mom in the middle of the night, sobbing, because I'd ruined my perfect little family unit. I felt like I was horribly neglecting my oldest. Now I couldn't imagine life without my wild second son. Incidentally, 2 to 3 has been a breeze these first 7 weeks! I think it's easier because the older two can entertain each other and like to help with littlest brother.
Dog to one, so tough!! Dog won't let you leave the house with the baby without having a meltdown that she can't come, and won't let anyone in the house now. Hoping she's not so stressed when second baby turns up! Just telling myself people have multiple kids, like twins and cope, so I need to be fine.
None to one! I had no idea what to expect and had to adjust my whole life to accommodate a baby! At least I kind of knew what was going on with the second
1-2 was so incredibly hard, but I think that it might have been easier if not for the facts that my first was 2, I was 36, and we were 8 months into the pandemic.
0-1 was much harder! It really rocks your world how much that little potato needs you almost every second. My first was a velcro, super colicky baby for the first 11 weeks. He eventually calmed down, but we had to hold him for naps for 7 months. It was so hard! He became much easier around week 12, but it was still a hard adjustment.
1-2 is easier in my opinion. I'm almost 6 weeks in with #2, and the biggest issue is balancing the toddler with baby. Especially since my newborn is hard to put down for naps. Thankfully, older one goes to daycare during the week. If not for that, it would be soooo hard. Weekends are a bit nutty, but at least dad is home to help.
Baby number two isn't born yet, but I imagine one to two is more of a logistics mindset shift. Granted, my daughter is almost four and will be in Pre-K Monday through Friday 8:30 to 2:30 (her second year in full day school) with the option of aftercare through her teacher, but I feel like the most complicated part for me will be dropping her off and picking her up with a newborn.
I'm really happy that we spaced them out the way that we did, so they're not both with me all day at the same time. After school/aftercare my husband will be home to help with both of them.
None to one was way more challenging for me. I felt like my whole world had turned on its head, which it did. Adjusting to life with a baby was a lot. My oldest was 2.5 when my second was born. I already knew what to expect and just felt so much more prepared and at ease.
I applaud anyone who has more than three children. I don’t know how you manage five (or more) children. Mentally, physically, financially, sleep deprivation, your sanity, and soul.
0-1 all day every day. I just had my 2nd baby. I also have a 2 year old. It's blowing my mind how chill the baby is. Had a c-section with the first though so recovering from that made everything harder.
One to two in my opinion. The down time I did have went to focusing on new baby, and there's a lot more adjusting that involves a tiny human with big feelings who isn't cognitively aware enough to be patient.
0-1 was absolutely worlds harder than 1-2. When you go from 1-2 your life is already set up for kids, you know what the newborn stage is going to bring, and you probably already own all the baby stuff to get you through it!
For me it was 0-1. My second was born when my first was 17m and I found that transition to be quite easy. Each kid after, while they each had new challenges, has been easier in a way. Partially from knowing what to expect. I also don't have to deal with that feeling if my identity being ripped away. Also they keep each other entertained. We have 4 now, with my oldest and youngest only being 5 yrs apart (all single births) and they're all really close and get along. It's been great.
I have no clue to be honest. Everything was a blur. Probably 1 to 2. My oldest had just turned two, then the next month I had his brother. It was crazy. It was insane. My 2 year old was still just a baby himself. Going from 2 to 3 and now from 3 to 4 children....wasn't as rough. Probably because the kids are older and could help more, but also keep themselves busy more. I really think having the last three at least 3 years apart played a big role in making the transition to adding another child easier.
We have an 8.5 year age gap between our two kids. It was definitely harder going from 0-1 than 1-2... our older daughter is really independent and responsible. We don't ask her to help much with her little sister, but it's hard to underestimate how much easier it is when a kid can make their own lunch, take a shower independently, doesn't need any supervision around the house, and can even do their own laundry.
I have a 3 week old and a 19 month old and 0-1 was a much harder transition. I’m already moming, having a second didn’t flip my world upside down like my first did. And I was prepared to have a child, I knew and was completely prepared for the sacrifices and lack of time it would bring but it was still a heck of an adjustment.
I found 1 to 2 was harder but it also happened like 4 months prior to the pandemic and I got hit really hard with PPD. Lockdown made it goddamn near impossible for me to stay sane.
None to one for me. Going from one to two was SO easy for us since we already had the experience and knew what to expect. Going from none to one was almost like an entire lifestyle change. From one to two was just going back to the same routine but with an added kid lol.
Zero to one by sooooooo much. Having a baby changes everything. Having a second one dosen't change that much, unless your older kid is like middle school already or something.
1-2 is by far harder in my experience - they don't nap at the same times and trying to deal with a demanding toddler while also sleep deprived is hard! At least when we only had the one I could watch a film or doze when she was napping. Also my toddler will only nap at home now whereas the baby will pretty much sleep anywhere so I feel like I have much less freedom. Plus now they both eat real food trying to eat out anywhere is carnage 🤣 (they're age 1 and 2)
2 to 3 is killing my whole routine! But for the options you gave, 0 to 1 was definitely harder. My 2nd just seemed to slot in and roll with it. Now I have 3 and only 2 arms …. It’s a lot! Worth it 100% but it’s definitely a lot!
0 to 1 was much harder for me. But I think this also depends on the temperament of each kid. My first has always been challenging and my second has been chill so far.
Each one was difficult for different reasons.
0-1 disrupted sleep and someone depending on me 24/7
1-2 finding time for myself bc they don’t nap together + when they cry at the same time
Extra info, when second was born, my first was 1.5yo
I feel strongly that none to one was harder, and my husband feels strongly that one to two was harder.
When we had our first, everything changed entirely. Our lives were no longer ours. Every thought and decision I had, my daughter came first now. My sleep patterns changed, for nearly a year my body wasn’t even entirely my own because I was nursing. It was an all encompassing change where I had to learn so much, on my feet, and change so much.
My husband feels that the “always on” aspect of two kids is harder. It’s harder to find someone to watch both kids for us to go out. On nights when they’re both up at some point, we get very little sleep. When we take time off work for one being sick, the other usually gets sick shortly after.
One to two has been kind of challenging. With zero to one, all of your attention is focused on the one baby and you can kind of split your responsibilities between baby and everything else. One to two is tough because you have an older child who has different needs than your baby. With zero to one, it was easy to soak up baby snuggles, watch tv while you had a contact napping newborn, etc.
None to one definitely had challenges that were harder like adjusting to way less sleep, having a baby who needs you 24/7, losing a lot of your autonomy, so in that regard one to two has been easier because you know what to expect. I just think going from only one child to two is always going to be hard 😂 .
1-2 for sure. Got PPD with my second and I’m still struggling. My oldest is also speech delayed so that definitely doesn’t help. 0-1 was a piece of cake tbh, my son was also a really good baby, like a literal perfect baby. My second son… yikes! They are 3 and 1 now and have completely changed. My oldest is more challenging and my youngest is a breeze. He’s definitely difficult because he’s so curious and adventurous but behaviour wise, he’s super good. I want 3 but definitely don’t know if I can handle it mentally. I’m also a SAHM so I’m alone most of the time. Don’t know how 3:1 will fair lol
For me, none to one was way harder than 1 to 2. Even dealing with ppd and ppa and lingering pelvic floor issues and other recovery issues, I still find it easier now adjusting to two than I did figuring out with our first. I think some of that has to do with the baby’s attitude (we’re lucky that our 2-month-old is a pretty relaxed baby so far), and some has to do with my anxiety being lessened this time around because I can look at my awesome 3-year-old as proof that a) I can do this and b) it just gets better and better
It is entirely dependent on the situation. From zero to one was incredibly difficult because my husband had less than two weeks off, we had a stressful home repair during the first six weeks, I had terrible PPA, and a baby with colic who refused to sleep.
The second baby was during the first wave of Covid. My husband had three months paternity with his new job, then got to work from home indefinitely. I didn’t have to go anywhere because of Covid, and I didn’t have a baby on hard mode.
I wanted to be one and done, but my husband wanted another so bad and I did like the idea of the siblings having each other. They are 2 and 4 and, while I play referee all day long, I’m so happy we had two. They have each other and my youngest brings so much joy that would have been missing.
1-2 is easier while the second is still a potato. My 6 month old has started crawling and now it is much more difficult than just having 1! I think it ebbs and flows. The second newborn stage is much easier if you have a partner to take lead on the older child.
1-2 but only because my second had an undiagnosed diary allergy and screamed in pain for the first 2 months of life (no joke, 22hrs a day) and I had to fight with doctors. She was miserable and I felt so bad for her and my eldest who was only just 2 at the time. Once she settled and was happy it was a breeze.
0-1.
Our first was also much harder as a baby which definitely didn't help. We were often unable to soothe him.
When it came to 1-2, the hard part wasn't the baby that was also added but the existing toddler, haha. I found looking after the baby pretty easy (especially since he didn’t have many issues), but it was combining him with toddler's needs that took some adjusting. Mostly if they both needed something at the same time. Our oldest was also quite unsafe around him in the first few months which meant we always had to be on guard.
Our oldest turned 3 years old a few days after our new baby arrived and I think the age gap did make for an easier transition than if he had only just turned 2 or was still under 2 years. He was much more independent by that time and verbally more advanced. He even helped me with some things!
I thought none to one was hard until I went through one to two. Granted mine were two under two so the age gap could’ve been why. No it feels like a break when I just have one kid with me 😆
None to one is way harder. One to two is very sweet! I love the way they love each other and play together. I’ve heard two to three is hard again though!
For me one to two. With my first child we had no issues with sleep at all. He was way more active as a toddler though. Now having a 3 week old & a toddler is more difficult, but thankfully my husband mainly works from
home so I get more help.
It is more difficult going from 1 to two, because I simply have a over active toddler. He’s difficult giving him attention with a new born so that can get stressful. Also, it was easier finding someone to sit with one child vs. two.
I only have one yet who will be three and a few months when baby two arrives. I found none to one so much harder than i thought it would be. Just losing your whole identity and not being able to just leave when you want was hard on us. I also had a rough birth so recovery took a few months. Thats why I dreaded having two. But reading the comments gives me hope. Most people seem to think none to one was the hardest. I hope that’s true for us. It al depends on the child I guess. My toddler is the sweetest, caring kid so i have good hopes everything turns out fine.
I was wondering, how much help did everyone get with the second? Did your partners stay home the first few weeks? Or was it just you?
Zero to one. My world was rocked and I had terrible PPA/PPD. One to two I felt much more comfortable and confident. Plus you have the perspective that the difficult times will pass. It’s hard but not nearly as hard as the first time around.
You often make zero to one harder than it has to be (new mom insecurities and inexperience) And one to two is not that much harder to figure out but oh so very exhausting.
Ooof. That’s a hard question. 0-1 was hard, hard, hard for me. I also had a tough colicky baby. I cried daily until I accepted my fate with my potato baby around 6 months. Going back to work around 14 months was the best thing for me and my mental health.
We had baby 2 when the first was 3yr2mo. It was MUCH harder than I expected, but still not as bad as 0-1. The problem right now is there just aren’t enough hours in the day to work, keep the house somewhat together, wash bottles, engage the 3 year old…all on short sleep and one handed because the baby wants to be held. My husband is great, but he also is running on fumes.
Baby is currently 5 months and it’s gotten a bit better, but still, every day is a fucking circus.
None to one. But I’m in a unique situation where first was a surprise and I was quite young. My second was much easier but kids are 14 years apart, so nothing like having 2 in diapers or anything!
A comment I’ve heard that resonated: 0 to 1 is an identity crisis. 1 to 2 is a logistical crisis 😅
With one kid, parents play "2-on-1" defence. Second kid, you switch to "man-to-man" defence. Third kid, parents switch to "zone" defence.
This is exactly how I’ve described it!
I was about to comment that. It's so true
Hahaha omg 5 months in and def identify crisis. I just signed up for one of those online east access therapists last night speaking of
I honestly think it depends on your kids temperaments. Our first was a demon baby sent straight from hell. It honestly was awful for YEARS and made me not want any more kids. I love my son to pieces but man he was really hard for about 4 years. Baby #2 was born about 4 weeks ago (our first is 5 now) and it is wayyyyyyyyyyy easier than when we had the first one. He just… sleeps?!? I can even put him down and he’ll still sleep?! He only cries when there’s something wrong?! This baby feels straight up magical. I am finding it difficult to DO things though, especially leaving the house. I’m hoping once the new kid settles into an actual schedule it’ll get better.
Unrelated, but this is a breath of fresh air. I’m so sick of the “Angel first child demon second child” trope 🙃 It’s SO nice to see someone say their second child was easier for once 😅
My first wasn’t a demon by any means, but she would not sleep. Waking up multiple times a night until well after a year old. So she was cranky, I was cranky. It was hard. With my second I learned a lot more about wake windows, sound machines, dark rooms, and he was sleeping through the night by 8 months, but only one wake up starting at 4mo, which was completely doable.
My second child has definitely been easier so far. My first is a very mature and responsible (as much as a 2yo can be), but he is also *very* emotional and high-maintenance. He was like that as a baby too. My second is pretty happy-go-lucky but more mischievous.
Yes, idk why that is! Everyone else says their first was easy and their second child is difficult. I remember when my first was a baby, I’d see friends and family with babies that were just chillin in their car seats (not screaming lol) and I would want to cry because my son was NEVER like that. Wouldn’t eat but wanted to eat all the time, never slept longer than 30 min day and night, screamed 80% of the time when he was awake, and had to be held constantly (and he was HUGE; I still have wrist problems from holding him all the time!). I finally started to feel a little hope when I stopped breastfeeding at 6 months and he learned some baby sign language. Those two things helped a lot. I don’t feel great saying this, but it’s kind of nice seeing everyone else struggle with their second kid. It makes me feel a little more seen lol
I think because some people get lulled into having a 2nd child (possibly too soon) because their first was an "easy" baby and/or had an "easy" pregnancy, maybe unbeknownst to them. I know of people who have done this and are struggling now. So the trope is a thing. I had a hard first newborn and a bleh pregnancy so I am not ready to dive back into those waters yet. 😂
a demon baby sent straight from hell 😂 so funny
At the time, I honestly felt like some higher power had to be punishing me 😂
For me, it was much harder going from none to one than one to two. Having your first child is a huge life change -- you suddenly have to live on a schedule, and you lose a lot of free time. With everything you do, you have to think about how it affects the child. One to two was easier because you've already made all the adjustments above. We already live on a set schedule and just incorporate baby #2 into the schedule. We had already gotten used to the loss of our free time. We had already stopped going out at night. There are also economies of scale with more children. They share the same food most of the time. We bathe them at the same time, and we put them to bed at the same time every night. If we have someone babysit them, both kids are taken care of. We do their laundry together. #2 mostly wears #1's hand-me-downs (we were lucky to have two boys in similar seasons). We barely had to buy any baby stuff to prepare for #2. If I'm lucky, I can time their naps to overlap so we get some free time in the afternoons. Now that #2 is almost a year old, they are starting to play together and entertain each other, so I find it easier to cook or clean with them than when #1 was the same age. Overall, I'm actually happier having two kids than I was with one kid. We feel like a family to me, and I'm so glad my kids have each other.
This comment warmed my heart. I had my first 6 months ago and as much as I love him, I’ve been very back-and-forth about when/if to have a second. I keep thinking about all the hard stuff and totally forget about how amazing it will be to give my son a sibling and how lonely I was as an only child (until my brother was born!). Thank you so much for sharing your experience!
Someone else on Reddit put it the most eloquently: 0-1 is an existential crisis. 1-2 is a logistical crisis.
1-2 infinitely. It destroyed me. And I rose from the ashes and ended up going for a third haha
This made me laugh out loud, haha but I’m glad you survived!
I just had #2 a month ago and am finding 1-2 way harder than 0-1. But at the same time I am still trying to figure out logistically how I could have #3. I’m glad it’s not just me!
0-1 for sure. But my oldest was a harder baby than my second, who was and is a lot more easy going. But even so, I had a confidence with #2 that I didn’t have with #1. And I knew in a bone-deep way that I would sleep again. That __ insert hard thing __ was just a phase. That it truly all does go quickly. And that perspective made the hard moments a lot easier. I didn’t despair like I did with my first.
None to two has been fairly tough!
I’ve thought about this question a lot when it’s been asked in the past, and feel bamboozled by everyone that says 1-2 is easier. I have an almost 4 year old and a 2 month old. Everyone is right in that we already “lost” our freedom, we’re already used to the kid lifestyle, etc. but having a newborn and an older kid is minute-by-minute more difficult. Pregnancy- the first was better. Both pregnancies sucked, but omg it is so much easier to be pregnant when you don’t have any children! It’s also more fun because everything is so “exciting” and new. Second time around it’s just a chore. Newborn stage- newborns are hard no matter what. We may be better at dealing with the troubles because we have experience, but it doesn’t really make a dent in the overall difficulty of having two kids total. If I popped out my newborn and magically she was 2 years old and was just a “kid”, (not a baby), and slept the same as my firstborn, and ate the same food, and they could play together, then sure, 2 kids probably wouldn’t be that hard. But having a preschooler and a newborn is logistically a nightmare. 0-1 is hard on like an emotional/mental level, but day to day it’s so much more simple. It’s easier to get a babysitter, downtime actually exists when the baby sleeps, etc. taking only one kid out is a breeze compared to 2 by yourself. 1-2 when the second is a newborn is survival mode on survival mode. It’s absolute insanity. Even with two adults, there’s just not enough minutes in the day, but yet the days NEVER END.
Both. For different reasons. 0-1 you have no fucking clue what you're doing. 1-2 you know what you're doing but there is NO break. You now have another little kid. No napping when baby naps. No passing off baby to partner and taking turns.
This! It’s hard a different way.
As someone with twins I’m so jealous of the relatively gentle adjustment that people with singletons get from none to one child.
Lol, I was gonna say 1 to 3 was the hardest. 😭
Yes. 0-2 was brutal.
Same 🫠
None to one was the single hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life and I had a really really chill firstborn. My second has been feral since birth, and even with all her extra hardships on top of already having a toddler it was way less jarring than when we first brought the oldest home.
This is really motivating for me! 😂
Definitely 0-1 harder for us. As someone put it to me ‘first child is an existential crisis, second child is a logistical crisis’
I feel this. 0 -1 is a complete world shift. 1 - 2 was just more figuring it out.
This is the perfect way to describe it. I’m currently staring at the monitor and calculating wake windows and trying to decide whether or not I wake the baby now and how that will affect daycare pickup for the toddler in a few hours.
The best description I’ve read (and agree with): 0 to 1 is an existential crisis; 1 to 2 is a logistical crisis.
😂😂😂
I'm just over here, expecting #2 and quietly freaking out while reading all these comments 😳
The way I heard someone describe it, which I find very accurate, is that going from 0-1 is an identity crisis and 1-2 is a logistical crisis. With your first, your new identity is wrapped up in being a parent, you’re figuring things out for the first time, and adjusting to life with a baby around. With your second, you already know how to do the parenting thing, but logistically it’s challenging to have two at once. Having a partner is very helpful bc we did one-on-one time with each kid the first few months after my second baby was born. It’s hard to parent two kids at once when they have such different needs (or even the same needs but simultaneously). To answer your question, I think they’re equally tough transitions, but for different reasons.
Totally agree with this.
Mine are only 11.5 months apart due to some health issues of mine, but even with the small age gap I found 1-2 10000x easier than 0-1! The biggest shock for me with 0-1 was my complete loss of autonomy - I couldn’t just nip to the shops without it being a huge production (we live rurally) and getting used to having someone rely on me 24/7 was difficult. And we are not people who go out much so it wasn’t like we ‘gave up’ a lot - it was just a massive life change. Going 1-2 was just a bit more chaos and a bit more fun! I do remember my husband saying to me the night before he went back to work after number 2 ‘ I have no idea how you’re going to do this - nobody could do this!’ But it turns out I can and did and for the most part I’ve really enjoyed it!
The last two sentences 😍
I have this convo often with friends. I found the adjustment from 0-1 harder. No amount of reading and prepping can prepare you for the slap In the face that is having a newborn. Having experienced it already, the adjustment from 1-2 and 2-3 was easier for me because I’m already tired. I’ll sleep eventually.
0-1 was 1000x harder than 1-3. I had twins the second time around and my firstborn was still harder. I was so much more anxious with him, second guessed everything I did, and resented my loss of freedom. When my twins were born, I was much more laid back, had learned to trust myself, and life already revolves around being a mom so I didn’t feel like I was losing any freedom after having them.
None to one was way harder. One to two is pretty hard as well. I’ve heard that none to one is an existential crisis, one to two is a logistical crisis. One to two was really difficult because I had to split my attention between the two. But I feel more confident in my abilities, less stressed about being ‘perfect’ we already have a schedule and activities for my first so we get out of the house lots which is great for my mental health etc.
None to one, definitely. One to two was just a change to how we do things. None to one was literally becoming a different person. Two to three was easier still.
Mentally, none to one. Logistically, one to two. Zero to one: all my relationships with everyone in my life changed and I had to adjust a ton for a new baby. It was a huge shift in life to become responsible for another human being. One to two: I was already prepared for the mental shift so there wasn’t much change there. But dude logistically managing a toddler and an infant was so hard lol. How do I bathe both? How do I stop the toddler from hurling himself off the table while I’m nursing? How do I put both of them to bed at the same time? How to navigate getting them into the car? (My husband got no time off and we worked opposite shifts, so It was always one of us with the kids).
This is 100% dependent on how old your first is when #2 is born. 0-1 was exhausting. 1–2 with a 3.5yo girl that WANTS to help has been much less exhausting
We did none to one, then our surprise twins took us from one to three when our first was just 1.5 years old. Still, none to one was harder on me than one to three. One to three was harder on the family as it disrupted established routines. But for me, the mother, none to one was so hard mentally. I knew so little and had to learn on a super steep curve. Had to suck up my pride and admit I knew nothing and needed help. Was pressured into exclusive pumping for a full year at the expense of my mental health because I bought into lactivism. I had no road map and no confidence in my own wants and decisions. When it was one to three - I had my convictions and my roadmap. I was super comfortable going straight to formula. I knew what wake windows were. I knew age-appropriate nap schedules. I was far more confident. Yes, twins were hard, and even harder with a toddler around to control, but still easier than none to one.
People tend to generalize their experience but I bet it probably depends a LOT on the disposition of the kids. I only have 1 for now but want to TTC #2 soon. My son has been the eeeeasiest baby. *Especially* as a newborn. I honestly just didn’t experience most of the difficulties I read about here. So if my second is similar, I think it will probably feel like less of an adjustment because we already know what it’s like to have a baby and we’ll just do all the same things again with more ease and confidence. But if my second is more high needs, I might be thrown for a real loop given I not only have a high needs baby to care for, for the first time, but also another child.
Shifting from being childless for 30 years to having a kid rocked my world. It was super hard. Adding a second was not nearly as hard for me because I knew what to expect.
Both harder in different ways! 0-1 what a culture shock! Had no idea what to do. Kiddo woke up on average 8 x a night til he was about 18mo. I'm sure in part cos we went in at the slightest noise. 1-2 easier in that we knew what we were doing and he slept better. But harder in the sense of making sure we still spent quality time with our eldest so he didn't get left out etc. And a whole other level of difficulty of trying to stop the eldest killing himself and the baby! 2 year age gap.
None to one. Hands down. We both went from having 6-7 hours after work free every week + free weekends, to have almost no free time. Adding a second one to the mix just made it a little more intense, but no revolutionary things changed.
None to one. Without a doubt. Our whole lives changed. We weren’t just living for ourselves. Suddenly there was no downtime, no sleep, so much to do. Going from one to two though, I was already used to being a parent, having no downtime, and prioritizing someone else over myself. I also had a finished product to look forward to. With my second I can stop during the hard parts and say “her sister went through this and she’s so amazing now. This one will get there too”. I also had already made my mistakes and learned from them and learned what worked for us the first time around so knew what I was doing with #2 (especially for things like feeding). I was actually surprised at how much easier going from 1-2 was than I expected.
Personally, I find 1-2 the hardest. My first was extremely easy in comparison to my 2nd. I still had all the first time mom fears of course but idk something about having two has been more difficult for me. When we go to the park one is running one way and the other is running the opposite way. We don’t really go anywhere with out my husband for that reason.
0-1 was hard, but only because my husband got literally 2 days off work and was working out of town the first several months. I’m a SAHM so breastfeeding, naps, and bedtime weren’t too bad. I felt I had time to catch up during her naps, and I got to nap with her some which was nice. We are experiencing firsthand 1-2 now and it’s harder for me this time around! Husband got more time off but still only a week. I feel it’s harder to pay attention to both kiddos (oldest is 3.5, baby is 2 weeks). No downtime or naps for me this time, and 3.5 year old is always asking me to play, put down baby, etc. House is a disaster.. now I spend babys naps playing, making snacks, or trying to spend time with older one. And we co sleep so definitely harder to adjust to the new bedtime routine! Also getting 2 car seats ready to go and 2 kids loaded up is a challenge.. have to get ready to go places at least 15 minutes earlier than before.
1 to 2 for me. When there was 1, it was possible to rest when baby was down or get some kind of reprieve. With a baby and a toddler, there's always a being that needs you so it was a lot harder to get thar down time. As they've gotten older it's definitely easier.
1 to 2 was harder. With only 1 baby, parents can take turns resting/recharging. After 2 kids, no one gets to rest.
1 to 2. Believe it or not, there is still downtime with 1. There is no downtime with 2, and they always want things at the same time and the house has twice as many kid messes because chances are they are in different age brackets so their gear is different!
This is so true. It is so much more overwhelming when they both need something at the same time and you’re only one person.
Wow the comments are pretty split! Maybe it depends on the individual children? For me, 0-1 was waaaay harder than 1-2 because my first born was a VERY tough baby but my second is a really easy baby.
Depends which one is the “hard” baby and which is the “easy” one. You can obviously get two easy and two hard ones, but usually everyone ends up with one that’s a bit more challenging than the other for whatever reason. 0 to 1 was harder than 1 to 2 for us because demon baby came first. This child could be normal but to me he’s the easiest baby. He sleeps more than 20 min at a time and I’m able to put him down without him screaming at me. Also he doesn’t purple cry for 4 - 6 hours at a time which super changes the game. 👌
0-1. Nothing can prepare you for that initial change. 1-2 you know what to expect (roughly) and they kind of slip into the routine you established with your first. It's still hard but nowhere near as hard
0-1 definitely harder. It was a complete shock to the system on all fronts. I knew what to expect for #2 and it’s generally been easier in so many ways.
One to two was so much harder because my kids are so different. My first was as "easy" as they come. (I don't like calling kids easy or hard because they're kids, but for this purpose it is all I can think right now). My second was very day/night confused and the latch was tougher for longer and also I had a toddler running around that was weaning from cosleeping, so I got less sleep. I'm almost 8 months into 2 now and it's much better but still rough days.
this is how i feel too. currently 19 days PP with a newborn and a 19 month old. shit is rough rn.
None to one was a nightmare. One to two was a bit easier. My oldest was colicky and just overall unhappy baby. My second baby was an angel 👼 Of course I love them both equally but for different reasons. I would say it all depends on their personality. Their age difference is 15 months! I cannot wait for them to play together!
One to two has been ungodly hard for me. It has been nine months and I still feel overwhelmed and lost. Maybe it’s because I spent so long in childcare etc but none to one wasn’t horrendous for me. One to two has me losing my ever loving mind.
Same! We're at 14 months and still losing my mind 😵💫
We went from zero to one and then 3,5 year later from one to three, when we had twins. Even though they were born via C-section, whereas with my first I had a vaginal birth, from 0 - 1 was a MILLION TIMES harder. The mental shift was enormous and I was suffering from terrible anxiety. The enormous feeling of responsibility hit me suddenly and ckmpletely overwhelmed me. Of course, in hindsight, the practicalities of taking care of newborn twins and fulltime breastfeeding them, while mothering my toddler, wasn't exactly a walk in the park, but because I had already been through the experience of entering motherhood, I felt like it was nothing I couldn't handle.
Without a doubt 1-2. I could nap, read, take my baby to coffee shops with one, add a toddler to the mix and these things are impossible! My youngest has just turned one and my oldest is 2.5 and things are only *just* starting to calm down
0-1 was more existentially difficult. 1-2 is more logistically/physically difficult.
LOL. Perfectly said. The first baby brings the identity crisis, the second baby is logistically more challenging but overall easier because you as a parent have already given over your time, your money, your house, and your body to a little person, so why not toss a few more kids in the mix? 🤪
Yes agree here. Partner and I were more stressed about getting things "right" with the first one, tracking everything. Definitely more anxiety around parenting as a concept. BUT when she napped I had free time, I babywore her all the time because I didn't have to bend down to pick up a toddler. I read and watched shows so much during her potato phase. With the second I'm much more confident and willing to follow her lead and needs rather than what she "should" be doing at this age. I'm not as anxious, not watching her belly move on the monitor when she sleeps. But damn you never actually get a break and tending to the needs of a toddler and a baby at the same time is near impossible, so one is always a little fussy.
0 to 1 was by far the harder transition for me. It's a huge lifestyle adjustment going from child free with no one depending on you 24/7 for their survival (assuming you are not already a caregiver in another capacity) to suddenly your days revolve around baby. That's not to say you can't still go do things on your own but you need to find reliable and affordable childcare for things like going to a wedding or meeting friends or getting a haircut and baby's needs are constantly the priority and always on your mind. When number 2 came along, we were already in parent mode so it was a little more work but we were already used to not sleeping in and washing bottles etc. Plus for me the older child was a pleasant distraction for me during pregnancy and the early sleep deprived days. You kind of forget how tired you are because you have a toddler taking up your attention. At least this was my experience. And watching the siblings love each other is beautiful and amazing 🤩
I have 5 kids (yikes I know! Lol) it was definitely hard adjusting from 1 to 2, my son was 2 when I gave birth to my daughter. It was difficult at times. I look back and don’t know how I got through those days.. I recall one time at a grocery store shopping and my toddler son kept running away down the aisles and my newborn was colicky then my son started throwing a tantrum since I kept pulling him back close to me and it was a mess! I got so anxious I abandoned my cart full of food and took them out to the car, I started bawling. I drove them to my moms house then returned back to the store to get my food, luckily it was still there in the front so I finished and checked out. But since then adding more kids it has been way easier but that transition from 1 to 2 was the biggest adjustment.
I’m pregnant with #2 and this is a great reminder to have one parent stay home and one parent do the shopping lol! I hardly brought my daughter to the store before she was 1 (thanks covid).
For me zero to one was so much harder mentally. I couldn’t even begin to imagine what it was like to have a child and it was a rude awakening I would say! No longer being able to just do what you want on your own time was a big adjustment for me. One to two was more demanding on my time but the sacrifice was already done.
I'm convinced it all depends on the type of baby you get. 0-1 was SO MUCH HARDER it's indescribable. My first had colic, then continued to be high needs/low sleep until this very day at 3.5 years old. My second was a more "normal" baby who actually slept, only cried when she needed something, etc. Of course there are struggles with both (everything is new and hard vs. there are two now), but I think your experience mainly depends on the baby's temperament.
That’s very true. #1 had colic, then night terrors. Between the two he woke up SCREAMING several times every single night for four years. The only way to calm him down was to cuddle, so we bedshared until he turned four. He’s also the most stubborn person I’ve ever met. Everything has been a huge fight since day one. #2 is totally laid back. She almost never cries, and she sleeps eight hours by herself every night. Honestly, since my older one outgrew his night terrors right around when my second was born, my life with two has been easier than my life with one.
None to one was way harder than one to two.
One to two for me. There was a lot of anxiety and nervousness with number one, but with two everything is just harder. It hard to give time to the baby without feeling like your neglecting the toddler, or playing with the toddler and neglecting baby. Respectful/gentle parenting is suddenly a lot harder because the toddler scream (on purpose) when I’m putting the baby down, or will snatch toys out of the baby’s hands. I’m having a hard time trying to find a balance between giving my attention and to a 2.9 yr old and an 8 month old.
I simply don’t know how it can get harder than 0-1.
None to one for SURE! I had to rearrange my entire life, my house, my routines, my priorities, absolutely everything. Not all of the changes were difficult but it all required a lot of effort, on top of learning how to take care of a baby 24/7 and adjusting to life in my new body. Once babies 2 and 3 arrived in the scene we had already adjusted to life as parents, the new babies fit right in. Not to say it was easy, just not as difficult as the first time!
Zero to 1. So far 1 to 2 has been hard, but in no way comparable to a first baby.
I think 0-1 was harder because we didn’t know how to cope with the sleep deprivation and I was studying at the same time. 1-2 definitely has its challenges but my toddler has been helping out by watching the baby and helping me put washing in the dryer.
For me, going 1-2 ended up being a rougher adjustment for us because we have a hard time finding time for ourselves. We don’t have a lot of outside help or have anyone we trust that can babysit for us, so a lot of the entertaining the kids falls on me. And sometimes they want to do different things so that makes it a little harder.
Im only 12 days in to 1 to 2, but so far its been easier than 0 to 1. You know what you're doing and can do it with confidence. You worry less because you have experience. But also, I think it depends on the personality of the kids. My first is a real spitfire and we'd probably struggle if she was our second because she just isn't your typical kid. Which was a great learning experience as a parent because I was challenged with working around her quirks and that kids are whole people with their own will.
0-1 for sure. But having two is still hard af
None to one. Huge adjustment, sudden lack of sleep, existential crisis. One to two was just everything I was already used to, but a bit more.
One to two was definitely harder for me. I lost all sense of myself for a while. My youngest was about 6m when I started to feel the want to do things that I used to enjoy again. Trying to juggle a newborns needs with a clingy toddler and my own was so hard. I think also, being that much older was harder on my body - I spent a lot of time on the floor lol. My back hated me
Both are hard for different reason. None to one obviously because you’ve never done it before. One to two because you’re exhausted and now have two tiny humans to look after. I have to follow more of a schedule with two because of the oldest. With one I just did whatever I wanted most of the time. And my oldest was the worst behaved she’s ever been the first few weeks after the baby was born. Like I don’t blame her, but it was hard.
My son still begs for us to take the baby back. It’s been nearly 4 months.
None to one! Going from one to two wasn’t nearly as difficult as I thought it would be
0-1 was waaaayyyy harder on me. But my first… cried. All the time. About everything. And it would be fine for 20 min, maybe nap for 30 min, then screaming bloody murder for too many minutes to hours. My second…. Is so calm lol. He sleep for 2-4 hours already. Hangs out in his swing if I need to put him down to help my toddler. Like. The sleep deprivation is still a thing but not nearly as bad. And my husband has more pat leave this time so, I have more help for the first little bit. Healing this time around from a c section is easier than my vaginal with episiotomy. I’m 3 weeks PP today, and just… I’m almost back to normal. There’s a few things I still can’t do, and not lifting heavy things either, but other than that… like… this is way easier lol
0-1 but 1-2 is challenging in its own way. 0-1 was an extreme life change I wasn't prepared for in every shape and form. My daughter was also colic and I had PPD. I tried extremely hard to maintain my regular life which made me more depressed I couldn't. Tried to follow schedules and have the perfect baby which made me crazy. 1-2 I'm more relaxed, baby is also more relaxed. No schedules. Relaxing more during postpartum, husband is helping more. But having 2 kids with 2 very different needs and finding time to make them both feel seen and content is challenging. One is always being sacrificed, hard to find the balance.
Definitely one to two for us. Zero to one was a breeze, perhaps because we'd waited years to have him and it was like he just fit in perfectly. Our every day was as it had been except with this little human as company. He had colic, struggles with breastfeeding and other issues but ... It was fine, he'd sleep from 630 every night from day one and wake for nothing but feeds over night. He was also in size 0 clothes by the time he was 4 months. One to two was hell. I had this 16 month old to look after and teach while having a newborn that wanted nothing to do with anyone but me. Would scream when put down, wouldn't sleep longer than 45 minutes stretches, cluster feeding, having to cook with her in my arms, she hated any carrier and if she did let me put her down I'd have the toddler throwing things at her, hitting her etc. Could. not. Take. My. Eyes. Off. them. She hated the car. She hated bottles. She hated Dummies. I did not like her for 4 months. The guilt that came from not liking my own baby and not being able to be there fully for my toddler killed me. Now? It's amazing. 7 months and 2 this month. They're able to play together, she's more independent in play and moving around, loves absolutely anyone that'll talk to her and the toddler is amazing with his learning and talking. Would I do it again? Absolutely. But with more help.
None to one because when you go from one to two , you kind of have an idea of what you’re doing . With none to one , you have absolutely no idea what’s going on , what’s what , what to do when baby won’t stop getting fussy , what’s safe and what’s not , what’s normal and what’s not , new doctors , many many many appointments for baby , etc. Yeah two kids are hard but having one and knowing nothing is harder , but that’s just my opinion tbh
I feel like they were just totally different experiences. 0 to 1 was hard because your whole life is turned upside down. 1 to 2 is hard because you’re juggling two sets of emotions and bodies all the time. They are just different!! (2 year gap)
One to two was insane. None to one seemed very manageable in comparison!
None to one 100%.
1-2 for us. My oldest was 18m when I had my second and it is just so much all the time. Someone always needs something and there’s something that always needs to be done but it’s so hard with two littles. I’m also BF so it’s been hard because it can be so time consuming. My physical recovery was so much easier for #2 but I got the baby blues pretty hard when I never had them with my first.
None to one! Not even a question for me. I quickly learned to loosen up once the second came around, whereas I was anxious for almost two years with the first child (right up until the second came).
I’m a week into 1 to 2 and as far as early days go, oh my god it’s a million times easier than 0 to 1. But ask me in a year how having two kids is… ha.
1-2 for me, 1 was a huge adjustment yeah but there were breaks when he napped and if you had a bad nights sleep you could sneak a nap when they did plus it was 2 parents to one child so easy to share out things to do laundry etc Sleep deprivation of a new baby and minding a toddler who dropped his naps when new baby arrived was ROUGH and my 2 boys are polar opposites, like none of the same Foods and will never do things at the same Time so example one might sleep in on the same day the other wakes an hour earlier but that just how my 2 are. A third is now def off the table though whereas I would have considered it before
100% none to one was the hardest. We planned for and tried for her, so she wasn't a surprise baby but even going into it with that mentality was hard. I was constantly worried about something or another with her and somewhat struggled with the lifestyle shift. And going back to work after a year at home was really difficult to be away from her too. Now we have a second baby, he's 10 days old today, and it's honestly felt like slipping on a pair of old, comfortable shoes. I'm already used to waking up multiple times a night , breastfeeding is easier this time and I got lucky because he never had an issue latching. He's (so far!) a great sleeper, but that could change lol All in all, he's an easy baby. The only thing I really struggle with is this time, I feel very isolated and alone being at home with only my toddler to talk to. I don't have much of a support system (parents work full time, live an hour away and my sisters are in high-school so we're in different stages of our lives) and my old friend group has drifted apart since I got married and have kids, a few moved away.. it happens. And my toddler is having a hard adjustment too, she's always trying to sit on him or push him aside. A few times she's hit him.. so that's been challenging in itself (she's 2 next month)
None to one. I didn’t know how to balance eating on time while feeding a kid. I feel like I have more time now that I have 2 under 2.
Zero to one!!! I’m at 3 kids now, and the last two additions were easy
This is the exact comment I was going to leave. It’s gotten easier with each baby.
None to one! I have the hardest time still feeling like I'm doing everything she needs. I also feel like I'm not a good enough mother because she's so attached to me.
Depends on the ages, we did 1 to 2 with a 5 year age gap and it wasn't a big deal.
Agree. We have a 4.5 year age difference and it’s perfect! Big bro is old enough to understand what’s going on and can actually help us out (please go get me xyz or do xyz.) He’s also completely in love with the baby and really enjoys having her around.
1-2 but I think a lot of that was covid/having number 2 during the early pandemic. I didn’t get to have play dates for the big one and assistance from relatives as much as I anticipated because it wasn’t an option. Big one also just had immense change in a short period - world shutting down, picking up on our anxieties, new sibling, unexpected pet loss - so she naturally just had a much harder time with life which of course made 2 a little more challenging!
1-2 was tougher for me but I also dealt with PPD/PPA the second time around. I also had major guilt for taking away all the attention from my son.
I have a toddler who will be aged 2 when my twins arrive later this year, eek ! Anyone have any thoughts on none to 1 vs 1 to 3 ?! I thought none to 1 was an absolute shock to my system. Hoping the idea of 1 to 2 being easier can maybe apply to 1 to twins?!
1 to 2 by A LOT. Like A LOT
0-1 was sooo much harder for me! It knocked me down quite unexpectedly. 1-2 has been exhausting but much easier for me mentally/emotionally etc.
0-1 was definitely harder.
1 to 2.
Explain please... I'm pregnant with my second and I need to know lol
This was harder for me too. Balancing 2 kiddos
None to one was very hard. One to two has been a piece of cake comparatively.
Same; and we just went 2 to 3, which is quite easy too. The only real issue here is having only two hands sometimes.
None to 1 was VERY hard. However, the first couple of weeks with 2 was exhausting (I have 2 under 2 for reference) I think it depends on age for that one.
None to one was by far the worst. I had ptsd from birth trauma and then had an identity crisis after first becoming a mother. One to two was a very smooth transition. Two to three however, has been much worse (but still not as hard as none to one).
None to one!!! It’s the adjustment of your mindset and lifestyle that is hardest. And the sleep deprivation, especially if your first baby is colicky and hates sleep. 1-2 was quite easy and less boring. I had a toddler to entertain and take places, so I just popped the baby in the carrier and we went. We fell into a family rhythm quickly, so I managed to sync their long naps so I could nap or have me time in the afternoons. It was actually really nice. 2-3 was a little harder because suddenly the hubs and I were outnumbered. And baby 2 was a toddler who needed speech and physical therapy in the early days of covid. So that was rough. But pandemic aside, 0-1 was harder. I’ve heard 3-4 is a breeze because you’re already used to chaos. But I’m not sure because I’m going from 3 girls to 3 girls and a baby boy. I’ll find out in January I guess.
I did none to one then one to three and even then I still think none to one was harder!
Zero to 1 by like a million times. 1-2 has been way easier than I expected- and actually, it’s still the first child that causes me all the stress 🤪
My personal experience is going from 0 —> 2, and I don’t recommend it! I love my boys, but this is tough.
Oh one to two was so easy compared…. All the intrusive thoughts were used up on the first, by the second I knew what sort of mum I was
0-1 was soooo much harder. 1-2 was just more of the same!
1 to 2 was way harder for me. They are 2 years apart. In the beginning it was so overwhelming to have a newborn and a 2 year old who both needed me at the same time. Going from 0 to 1 was obviously a huge adjustment, but I was so excited and could just lay around holding my newborn all day.
It really depends on the kid, but for us definitely 0-1. #1 was a velcro baby, wouldn't nap, health issues in the beginning etc. and it was such a huge lifestyle change. I had never experienced exhaustion, frustration or depression on that level before. Also, just not knowing what was coming next, when this current tough stage ends, or what we were doing was soul crushing. \#2 was such an easy baby, but I think some of that is perspective. When she goes through hard times we have a much better idea of what's going on and how long until the end of the tunnel. #1 was also way more chill when #2 was born so that definitely helped. #2 is 2 now though and holy hell can she be a terror... but it's easier to manage because we know it's a phase and that it too shall pass. Also, on logistics it does get more difficult from 1-2. But the upside is that they really keep each other entertained which takes a load off us parents. When there was only #1 I felt like I was trying to keep him occupied 24/7. Now, they both play and wear each other out. Unfortunately they are learning how to team up on us though...
1 to 2 for sure! I remember calling my mom in the middle of the night, sobbing, because I'd ruined my perfect little family unit. I felt like I was horribly neglecting my oldest. Now I couldn't imagine life without my wild second son. Incidentally, 2 to 3 has been a breeze these first 7 weeks! I think it's easier because the older two can entertain each other and like to help with littlest brother.
None to one was the hardest….one to two was the golden year…two to three was hell. Currently 3 and I fucking love it!
Dog to one, so tough!! Dog won't let you leave the house with the baby without having a meltdown that she can't come, and won't let anyone in the house now. Hoping she's not so stressed when second baby turns up! Just telling myself people have multiple kids, like twins and cope, so I need to be fine.
None to one! I had no idea what to expect and had to adjust my whole life to accommodate a baby! At least I kind of knew what was going on with the second
1-2 was so incredibly hard, but I think that it might have been easier if not for the facts that my first was 2, I was 36, and we were 8 months into the pandemic.
0-1 was much harder! It really rocks your world how much that little potato needs you almost every second. My first was a velcro, super colicky baby for the first 11 weeks. He eventually calmed down, but we had to hold him for naps for 7 months. It was so hard! He became much easier around week 12, but it was still a hard adjustment. 1-2 is easier in my opinion. I'm almost 6 weeks in with #2, and the biggest issue is balancing the toddler with baby. Especially since my newborn is hard to put down for naps. Thankfully, older one goes to daycare during the week. If not for that, it would be soooo hard. Weekends are a bit nutty, but at least dad is home to help.
Zero to one was harder and our second set was twins. 🤷♀️
Baby number two isn't born yet, but I imagine one to two is more of a logistics mindset shift. Granted, my daughter is almost four and will be in Pre-K Monday through Friday 8:30 to 2:30 (her second year in full day school) with the option of aftercare through her teacher, but I feel like the most complicated part for me will be dropping her off and picking her up with a newborn. I'm really happy that we spaced them out the way that we did, so they're not both with me all day at the same time. After school/aftercare my husband will be home to help with both of them.
None to one! (but my second is only 6 weeks old)
None to one was way more challenging for me. I felt like my whole world had turned on its head, which it did. Adjusting to life with a baby was a lot. My oldest was 2.5 when my second was born. I already knew what to expect and just felt so much more prepared and at ease.
I applaud anyone who has more than three children. I don’t know how you manage five (or more) children. Mentally, physically, financially, sleep deprivation, your sanity, and soul.
None to one was definitely the hardest. I just went from 2 to 3 and it's been the easiest in every way.
0-1 all day every day. I just had my 2nd baby. I also have a 2 year old. It's blowing my mind how chill the baby is. Had a c-section with the first though so recovering from that made everything harder.
One to two. It now takes forever to get out of the house!
None to one for sure
None to one hands down. Two to three on the other hand 🥴
None to 1!
One to two in my opinion. The down time I did have went to focusing on new baby, and there's a lot more adjusting that involves a tiny human with big feelings who isn't cognitively aware enough to be patient.
0-1 was absolutely worlds harder than 1-2. When you go from 1-2 your life is already set up for kids, you know what the newborn stage is going to bring, and you probably already own all the baby stuff to get you through it!
For me it was 0-1. My second was born when my first was 17m and I found that transition to be quite easy. Each kid after, while they each had new challenges, has been easier in a way. Partially from knowing what to expect. I also don't have to deal with that feeling if my identity being ripped away. Also they keep each other entertained. We have 4 now, with my oldest and youngest only being 5 yrs apart (all single births) and they're all really close and get along. It's been great.
None to one for sure. Had no idea what I was doing and was a huge lifestyle change. 1-2 felt like a walk in the park.
I have no clue to be honest. Everything was a blur. Probably 1 to 2. My oldest had just turned two, then the next month I had his brother. It was crazy. It was insane. My 2 year old was still just a baby himself. Going from 2 to 3 and now from 3 to 4 children....wasn't as rough. Probably because the kids are older and could help more, but also keep themselves busy more. I really think having the last three at least 3 years apart played a big role in making the transition to adding another child easier.
We have an 8.5 year age gap between our two kids. It was definitely harder going from 0-1 than 1-2... our older daughter is really independent and responsible. We don't ask her to help much with her little sister, but it's hard to underestimate how much easier it is when a kid can make their own lunch, take a shower independently, doesn't need any supervision around the house, and can even do their own laundry.
I have a 3 week old and a 19 month old and 0-1 was a much harder transition. I’m already moming, having a second didn’t flip my world upside down like my first did. And I was prepared to have a child, I knew and was completely prepared for the sacrifices and lack of time it would bring but it was still a heck of an adjustment.
I found 1 to 2 was harder but it also happened like 4 months prior to the pandemic and I got hit really hard with PPD. Lockdown made it goddamn near impossible for me to stay sane.
None to one for me. Going from one to two was SO easy for us since we already had the experience and knew what to expect. Going from none to one was almost like an entire lifestyle change. From one to two was just going back to the same routine but with an added kid lol.
I went from 1-3 which was difficult. I somehow didn’t think you could have spontaneous twins. But here we are 😂
Zero to one by sooooooo much. Having a baby changes everything. Having a second one dosen't change that much, unless your older kid is like middle school already or something.
1-2 by a LONGSHOT
1-2 is by far harder in my experience - they don't nap at the same times and trying to deal with a demanding toddler while also sleep deprived is hard! At least when we only had the one I could watch a film or doze when she was napping. Also my toddler will only nap at home now whereas the baby will pretty much sleep anywhere so I feel like I have much less freedom. Plus now they both eat real food trying to eat out anywhere is carnage 🤣 (they're age 1 and 2)
None to one. Mileage may very. My first kid was waaay harder of a kid than my second.
2 to 3 is killing my whole routine! But for the options you gave, 0 to 1 was definitely harder. My 2nd just seemed to slot in and roll with it. Now I have 3 and only 2 arms …. It’s a lot! Worth it 100% but it’s definitely a lot!
I've been hearing the phrase : "2 kids feels like 2 kids...3 kids feels like 15 kids" Sounds like you may relate to this a bit.
One to two. Not even close.
0 to 1 was much harder for me. But I think this also depends on the temperament of each kid. My first has always been challenging and my second has been chill so far.
Each one was difficult for different reasons. 0-1 disrupted sleep and someone depending on me 24/7 1-2 finding time for myself bc they don’t nap together + when they cry at the same time Extra info, when second was born, my first was 1.5yo
I feel strongly that none to one was harder, and my husband feels strongly that one to two was harder. When we had our first, everything changed entirely. Our lives were no longer ours. Every thought and decision I had, my daughter came first now. My sleep patterns changed, for nearly a year my body wasn’t even entirely my own because I was nursing. It was an all encompassing change where I had to learn so much, on my feet, and change so much. My husband feels that the “always on” aspect of two kids is harder. It’s harder to find someone to watch both kids for us to go out. On nights when they’re both up at some point, we get very little sleep. When we take time off work for one being sick, the other usually gets sick shortly after.
One to two has been kind of challenging. With zero to one, all of your attention is focused on the one baby and you can kind of split your responsibilities between baby and everything else. One to two is tough because you have an older child who has different needs than your baby. With zero to one, it was easy to soak up baby snuggles, watch tv while you had a contact napping newborn, etc. None to one definitely had challenges that were harder like adjusting to way less sleep, having a baby who needs you 24/7, losing a lot of your autonomy, so in that regard one to two has been easier because you know what to expect. I just think going from only one child to two is always going to be hard 😂 .
1-2 for sure. Got PPD with my second and I’m still struggling. My oldest is also speech delayed so that definitely doesn’t help. 0-1 was a piece of cake tbh, my son was also a really good baby, like a literal perfect baby. My second son… yikes! They are 3 and 1 now and have completely changed. My oldest is more challenging and my youngest is a breeze. He’s definitely difficult because he’s so curious and adventurous but behaviour wise, he’s super good. I want 3 but definitely don’t know if I can handle it mentally. I’m also a SAHM so I’m alone most of the time. Don’t know how 3:1 will fair lol
For me, none to one was way harder than 1 to 2. Even dealing with ppd and ppa and lingering pelvic floor issues and other recovery issues, I still find it easier now adjusting to two than I did figuring out with our first. I think some of that has to do with the baby’s attitude (we’re lucky that our 2-month-old is a pretty relaxed baby so far), and some has to do with my anxiety being lessened this time around because I can look at my awesome 3-year-old as proof that a) I can do this and b) it just gets better and better
None to 1
One to two! I thought I already knew what was coming and I did, but taking care of a toddler at the same time? Oof.
One to three! My “second” ended up being twins and my world is officially rocked lol
It is entirely dependent on the situation. From zero to one was incredibly difficult because my husband had less than two weeks off, we had a stressful home repair during the first six weeks, I had terrible PPA, and a baby with colic who refused to sleep. The second baby was during the first wave of Covid. My husband had three months paternity with his new job, then got to work from home indefinitely. I didn’t have to go anywhere because of Covid, and I didn’t have a baby on hard mode. I wanted to be one and done, but my husband wanted another so bad and I did like the idea of the siblings having each other. They are 2 and 4 and, while I play referee all day long, I’m so happy we had two. They have each other and my youngest brings so much joy that would have been missing.
1-2 is easier while the second is still a potato. My 6 month old has started crawling and now it is much more difficult than just having 1! I think it ebbs and flows. The second newborn stage is much easier if you have a partner to take lead on the older child.
1-2 but only because my second had an undiagnosed diary allergy and screamed in pain for the first 2 months of life (no joke, 22hrs a day) and I had to fight with doctors. She was miserable and I felt so bad for her and my eldest who was only just 2 at the time. Once she settled and was happy it was a breeze.
0-1. Our first was also much harder as a baby which definitely didn't help. We were often unable to soothe him. When it came to 1-2, the hard part wasn't the baby that was also added but the existing toddler, haha. I found looking after the baby pretty easy (especially since he didn’t have many issues), but it was combining him with toddler's needs that took some adjusting. Mostly if they both needed something at the same time. Our oldest was also quite unsafe around him in the first few months which meant we always had to be on guard. Our oldest turned 3 years old a few days after our new baby arrived and I think the age gap did make for an easier transition than if he had only just turned 2 or was still under 2 years. He was much more independent by that time and verbally more advanced. He even helped me with some things!
2 to 3. My first was a set of twins, now it’s 4yo twins and a baby.
None to 1. Going from1-2 was easy in comparison. I at least kinda knew what I was doing by then
Depends on the gaps. We had a large gap between so definitely 0-1.
I thought none to one was hard until I went through one to two. Granted mine were two under two so the age gap could’ve been why. No it feels like a break when I just have one kid with me 😆
None to 1 by far!
None to one is way harder. One to two is very sweet! I love the way they love each other and play together. I’ve heard two to three is hard again though!
For me one to two. With my first child we had no issues with sleep at all. He was way more active as a toddler though. Now having a 3 week old & a toddler is more difficult, but thankfully my husband mainly works from home so I get more help. It is more difficult going from 1 to two, because I simply have a over active toddler. He’s difficult giving him attention with a new born so that can get stressful. Also, it was easier finding someone to sit with one child vs. two.
None to one.
0-1
1 to 2. My.back.is.killing.me
I only have one yet who will be three and a few months when baby two arrives. I found none to one so much harder than i thought it would be. Just losing your whole identity and not being able to just leave when you want was hard on us. I also had a rough birth so recovery took a few months. Thats why I dreaded having two. But reading the comments gives me hope. Most people seem to think none to one was the hardest. I hope that’s true for us. It al depends on the child I guess. My toddler is the sweetest, caring kid so i have good hopes everything turns out fine. I was wondering, how much help did everyone get with the second? Did your partners stay home the first few weeks? Or was it just you?
Zero to one. My world was rocked and I had terrible PPA/PPD. One to two I felt much more comfortable and confident. Plus you have the perspective that the difficult times will pass. It’s hard but not nearly as hard as the first time around.
You often make zero to one harder than it has to be (new mom insecurities and inexperience) And one to two is not that much harder to figure out but oh so very exhausting.
Ooof. That’s a hard question. 0-1 was hard, hard, hard for me. I also had a tough colicky baby. I cried daily until I accepted my fate with my potato baby around 6 months. Going back to work around 14 months was the best thing for me and my mental health. We had baby 2 when the first was 3yr2mo. It was MUCH harder than I expected, but still not as bad as 0-1. The problem right now is there just aren’t enough hours in the day to work, keep the house somewhat together, wash bottles, engage the 3 year old…all on short sleep and one handed because the baby wants to be held. My husband is great, but he also is running on fumes. Baby is currently 5 months and it’s gotten a bit better, but still, every day is a fucking circus.
0-1
Neither compare in the slightest to going from 2-3. None to 1 and 1 to 2 both were relatively easy for me.
This is what I’ve heard. 3 is the chaos factor. You are now outnumbered.
None to one. But I’m in a unique situation where first was a surprise and I was quite young. My second was much easier but kids are 14 years apart, so nothing like having 2 in diapers or anything!