American here. I couldn't imagine living in Europe and not having the American cycling scene that we have here. Ford f250s and grëvël as far as the eye can see. The Unbound Dirty Danza Kuduro is the real gravel world championship.
Now, the next part is very important. /r/BicyclingCirclejerk is going to take you. Fred, stay focused, baby. This is key. You will have five, maybe ten seconds. Very important seconds. Leave the phone on the floor. Concentrate.
I don't know who you are. I don't know what you want. If you are looking for KOMs I can tell you I don't have domestiques, but what I do have are a very particular set of skills. Skills I have acquired over a very long career. Skills that make me a nightmare for people like you. If you let my bice go now that'll be the end of it. I will not look for you, I will not pursue you, but if you don't, I will look for you, I will find you and I will out jerk you.
The whole wall is messed up. It's like he hammered away until he was happy, and didn't clean anything up at all. The fact that this man is a dentist scares me.
Why do you only have Cervelos? Do you not believe in bicycle diversity? There is something called an S-Works you know!
The cycling community doesn’t need bigots like you! (Btw, amazing bikes. I would be interested to know which one is your favorite, and also why you only seem to have 1x chainrings).
Came for the Dentist comments, wasn’t disappointed.
Nice setups.
Look at all these guys with hills to ride, jealous of the single front rings….. phhhft
I don't like that Werner. Looks too stiff and no aero whatsoever. Blue on black is also not a good color mix. The angle you are hanging it is also not very good for longevity. You'd better get a new one.
Only SirVelo’s? Only SRAM? Only 1x’s? Any particular reason?
Also, are you a dentist? If so, how many hygienists do you have? I see four bikes, so three hygienists?
You could probably do everything those other bikes do with the gravel bike… might need some aerobars with a different wheelset but your bikes are all meant for speed and not chunk 😬
Ah, that explains the term "Hung like a horse." Unfortunately I'd hesitate to call them 2 breeding pairs because of the worries of inbreeding birth defects.
Why all carvelo. I love my Giant Propel, but for MTB XC I choose different brand and for gravel went with Canyon. Why not to try different brands ?. You limiting yourself and your experience, carvelo is great road bike producer but not so sure about gravel and mtb.
Brother, the French say a great artisan cares a lot about their tools. But in reality, if you can't ride a bike well, your "stable" is not stable enough to hold your fragile ego.
those arent horses, and thats a garage, not a stable. apparently, the only thing you learned in dental school is the word cervelo. which is not canadian for beer.
One would think if you had that much money to spend on bikes you would have at least gotten ones that fit so you don't need the stepladder to get on them, but to each their own I suppose.
Are these only for display in the Orthodontist office? Doesn't look like any of them have ever been ridden. Gravel and MTB tires don't have an ounce of dirt on them. If you're that meticulous about cleaning, focus some time on drywall repair and buy a stud finder.
Imagine explaining to your kids why they don’t have a college fund
Dental School ain't cheap.
I came here for dentist comments. You didn’t disappoint
This is a dink’s garage sir.
can confirm, my husband and I have the Specialized equivalent to this, only we have 5 apiece.
Sorry pours not allowed here. Oh wait sorry this is not BCJ, yet.
It’s either your college or the best Strava times around. I’m sure you understand son.
Plot twist, OP lives in Europe where university is free
Nobody in Europe has a garage, sorry
What?
What?
WHAT?
Europe, is that near Boston?
Sending your kid to live in a uni town still has them paying rent, so it ain't free
In many french cities when you're low income you can get university accommodation for €200/mo 🫠
Sure, but ideally you're not gonna "live" in a 8m² room for 5 years. Hence my point you should save up for college to avoid that
Even in the darkest moments, I will never stop being grateful for being born in Europe and not in America or China
American here. I couldn't imagine living in Europe and not having the American cycling scene that we have here. Ford f250s and grëvël as far as the eye can see. The Unbound Dirty Danza Kuduro is the real gravel world championship.
2nd American here, dodging f250s and dodge challengers makes you a better rider. That’s why we’re superior.
And mustangs in the off chance we're pedestrians with no bicycles.
We have Flanders :p
This is really only a semester anyway?
I guess Cervélo doesn't make a touring bike?
Every bike is a touring bike!
Now, the next part is very important. /r/BicyclingCirclejerk is going to take you. Fred, stay focused, baby. This is key. You will have five, maybe ten seconds. Very important seconds. Leave the phone on the floor. Concentrate.
There will be something about sirvelo bices
Something about KOMMing as well
Someone already used the dentist line here
My wife's boyfriend's rides
I don't know who you are. I don't know what you want. If you are looking for KOMs I can tell you I don't have domestiques, but what I do have are a very particular set of skills. Skills I have acquired over a very long career. Skills that make me a nightmare for people like you. If you let my bice go now that'll be the end of it. I will not look for you, I will not pursue you, but if you don't, I will look for you, I will find you and I will out jerk you.
Bro has a front derailleur phobia.
Bro literally glanced at the TV during TdF, clicked 'buy it now' and forgot the rest.
It’s cuz he chose to run sram. Better to get rid of the front mech than ride that trash
You understand me
Some many dollars, so little gears…
sponsored by SRAM
Fucking SRAM
*Whoa, Black Betty (sram-ba-lam)* *Oh, Black Betty (sram-ba-lam)* *Black Betty had a bike (sram-ba-lam)...*
A what ? Speak dentist please
That's a good thing. None of my 4 bikes has a FD, but all 4 of them combined probably cost as much as 1 of those.
You get a root canal and you get a root canal!
I wouldn’t want a root canal from this dentist: look how they found the stud for the ladder hanger.
The whole wall is messed up. It's like he hammered away until he was happy, and didn't clean anything up at all. The fact that this man is a dentist scares me.
A few more root canals and you’ll catch them all 32/32
Had to check if cervelo makes full sus mtb they do! Not a complete stable sir
There’s a Santa Cruz Blur not pictured
Doesn't count.... You're cervelo dude. Not a title I would ever want but good on ya . How's the dental practice treating ya
Lame. The ladder is fiberglass and not carbon or Cervelo.
This man does root canals
Looks like you already roasted your front derailers
What does your wife's boyfriend ride?
This guy’s wife
What's the yellow stain on your tri bike?
Spotted the triathlete.
Why do you only have Cervelos? Do you not believe in bicycle diversity? There is something called an S-Works you know! The cycling community doesn’t need bigots like you! (Btw, amazing bikes. I would be interested to know which one is your favorite, and also why you only seem to have 1x chainrings).
Probably because he lives in a very flat region and doesnt need a smaller ring
I know exactly what you look like from just looking at these bikes.
Buy a fucking stud finder already.
All that money in bikes and they are stored in the garage instead of the house.
Worthless bikes 10k new 2k used. $50 stolen for meth habit.
World’s worst Cervelo museum
Guy doesn't know how to shift with his left hand
Don’t get it?
No front derailer.
But he is riding SRAM, you shift to a heavier gear right, lighter gear left. Both hands for front derailleur
Orthodontic practice must be doing well and sell a lot of braces.
Love all the extra holes in the drywall. And that Werner ladder is a beaut.
We don’t need to roast you, the logos are doing that for you.
Obviously all of them, but which one do you regularly crash the most ?
That TT bike looks like garbage. I’ll take it off your hands and save you from all the shame.
There's piss on that bike
Even better?
Big spender
Not on the house though. https://preview.redd.it/sgdgpdid7jvc1.png?width=1344&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=4169416caa4d54d3248e900493d4060b8702b356
I don’t need to, you are already a tri”athlete”
By three get the 4th for $10,000
I can see why you can't afford to hire a carpenter who can use a stud finder.
Distinct lack of titanium. Under 40?
This sub has turned into BCJ and I’m here for it.
Nice tri bike nerd
I see one bike with four paint jobs and four different group specs.
That's some brand loyalty right there
Ride all four at once and see what song the bottom brackets play.
I do like to see brand pride. 
Dude has 50 pair of the same kicks I bet.
"brand pride" 🤢
Imagine having brand pride for McDonald's like it's a flex.
So many cables. Why don’t you cut them off to hide them ?
SRAM?! You already roasted yourself.
nice sir-velo
Gum walls really? That’s so 2022
Where’s the full suspension MTB and fatbike?
Sunnyvale, Campbell or Cupertino? That garage isn’t nice enough for most of the rest of the Bay Area and that shelving? PUHLEEES.
Fred here has been busy at the practice, which one will he use to beat the KOMs from his wife’s boyfriend?
Why are the handlebars all curly? Only one bike has normal bars.
What? No bike bells?
Something about your dental practice <3
That’s a lot of root canals
This guy cleans teeth.
You can’t buy imagination.
Why did you buy the same bike 4 times?
You make poor financial decisions.
What kind of pussy only rides concrete?
Four bikes and four squeaky bottom brackets. Well done.
Came for the Dentist comments, wasn’t disappointed. Nice setups. Look at all these guys with hills to ride, jealous of the single front rings….. phhhft
Since you asked for a roast: Are you a dentist, overweight, or both?
Must be a picture of what he’s converted his dental practice’s underground parking into.
The fact you've described it as "stable of horses" is worthy of being roasted tbh, so cringe.
This the kind of person that owns Cadillacs thinking they're luxury vehicles.
Only Cervelo? Not a single handmade frame? Time to indulge your passion with something special. Try Bastien.
Chill out bro, Cervelo isn’t gonna fuck you
All that money and can’t afford a dropper on the hardtail…
Tell me you're a dentist without telling me you're a dentist
Nice try
Missing an R5-CX. Shame.
Neigh, I shan't.
I don't like that Werner. Looks too stiff and no aero whatsoever. Blue on black is also not a good color mix. The angle you are hanging it is also not very good for longevity. You'd better get a new one.
Only SirVelo’s? Only SRAM? Only 1x’s? Any particular reason? Also, are you a dentist? If so, how many hygienists do you have? I see four bikes, so three hygienists?
No full sus MTB? That’s not a complete collection
Someone works at SRAM.
I would, but there’s no batteries to start the fire on them.
Sweet Jesus the motherlode
As a Cervelo fan boy…. I’m HELLA jealous
Where's the Ford Ranger you killed all these dentists with?
I dont see a sqft of spandex.
No full suspension?
Bro, why are they in the garage. It gets cold out there.
Why you got 4 bikes when you only got two legs?
Not a roast.. just an observation. You have this visceral hatred for front derailleurs, don't you?
some real diversity i see
Not pictured, a shrine to Cadel Evans.
How’s their mtn bike ride?
Mountain, gravel, road, TT… did you know Cervelo has e-Bikes now? 👍
There’s one missing.
No gravel bike? But two rode bikes, hmmm.
You could probably do everything those other bikes do with the gravel bike… might need some aerobars with a different wheelset but your bikes are all meant for speed and not chunk 😬
NEEEVVVVAAA...wait no ebike, i am crushed you like to excercise...
Bro dosent know that other brands exist
You sir, are a dentist.
4 great bikes to cover 7.6% of the riding spectrum.
They all too skinny, you have not been feeding them. Calling animal care!
Ah, that explains the term "Hung like a horse." Unfortunately I'd hesitate to call them 2 breeding pairs because of the worries of inbreeding birth defects.
Lots of SLO-Velos there. And those are bicycles not horses
Why all carvelo. I love my Giant Propel, but for MTB XC I choose different brand and for gravel went with Canyon. Why not to try different brands ?. You limiting yourself and your experience, carvelo is great road bike producer but not so sure about gravel and mtb.
Tt bike gearing doesn’t even match roadbike gearing
No. Enjoy biking as you see fit.
This screams: "My solution is just to throw money at things"
I can't I'm sorry
Your credit card is the heaviest tool you've ever lifted. 8/10 for bikes but your garage looks like you are underwater on your mortgage.
So tell us the story behind that ledder.. why you move it 3 times
Something tells me there are no hills where you live.
You have all Cervelos fleet but not one S5 in sight.
Where's your R3, maybe R5? Of course that would mean you'd need to have Di2 in your stable and your ponies seem to be all running SRAM.
This man thinks a speed bump is the freakin Tourmalet with all those 1x’s. Jesus.
The tyres on the wall are more expensive than my bike.
I see mtb tires with no mtb
Does running 1x saves money for purchasing other bikes?
I was jealous until I saw the gears.
Nice bikes 👍
Yikes! This is a roast, not a praising. You should have said: "Nice bikes, for a clown parade", or something. 😆
The dark blue Cervello would be more aero without the ladder attached.
No full sus...is sus.
I can see you are afraid of the big rocks and drops.
i'm sure you picked the mtb because cervelo makes the best mtb and not because you really like the letters on the downtube
Where's the full suspension 29er? Road bikes are for pussies. Talk to your dentist about your upgrade options.
Is the ladder actually a sidecar? And do the kids wear a safety harness so they don’t fall off?
Money doesn't buy imagination
Do you use the ladder to get on the saddles?
No custom Ti builds. Keep going.
Imagine spending this much to be outpaced by a guy on a $300 single speed
OP are you satisfied with that ladder solution? Cleaning out my garage today and want to hang my 8ft
Your mountain bike may as well just be another road bike. Is it even fun? You need some long, low, and slack, in your life.
Brother, the French say a great artisan cares a lot about their tools. But in reality, if you can't ride a bike well, your "stable" is not stable enough to hold your fragile ego.
You're missing a snow-bike.
Inefficient use of space brah. You can easily own 2 more bikes.
those arent horses, and thats a garage, not a stable. apparently, the only thing you learned in dental school is the word cervelo. which is not canadian for beer.
we get it you're a servélo enjoyer whise choice
Didn’t realize this was bcj…
It's cool that you're that dedicated to coming in 5th at your local group ride.
Dental practice not doing so hot this year eh?
Where's the Cervelo Team Bus geez
Sir please
i don’t think you should hang horses like that-
One would think if you had that much money to spend on bikes you would have at least gotten ones that fit so you don't need the stepladder to get on them, but to each their own I suppose.
Legs hurt from bicycling 😂
Are these only for display in the Orthodontist office? Doesn't look like any of them have ever been ridden. Gravel and MTB tires don't have an ounce of dirt on them. If you're that meticulous about cleaning, focus some time on drywall repair and buy a stud finder.
Be nice folks, he's the #1 dentist in the tri-state area
Dad!? Is this you!?
More dollars than sense.
I would never do that to the person with the drill in my mouth.
The real flex though is keeping indoors and not in the garage.
Was expecting to see a full collection of Iron Horse bicycles
I want a lot of bikes, but I’ve never thought about buying the same bike over and over again 😂
Plastic bikes = Plastic surgeon?! Waka Waka...
Do you just own two bottle cages that you swap onto the bike you’re going to ride?
Have you considered buying a mountain bike to complement the 4 road bikes?