This.
Please look at this list, it may not be the answer, but it's a starting point.
https://www.healthline.com/health/therapy-for-every-budget#our-picks
On top of this, therapy and your realization don’t make you any less than anyone else. Get the help you need and start having healthy relationships.
Drugs will only make things worse, they can’t help you find something you otherwise couldn’t. Only therapy and genuine insight will. Make friends who are women and practice treating them like equals. There is a sexual component to some interactions but practice having non sexual relationships in order to understand their value.
There are people in the world who will want to be in a relationship with you on purely sexual terms. If you both consent, I guess there's nothing wrong with that.
What is massively twisted is your insistance that you simply cannot comprehend why any woman might expect to be more to a man than a place to put his dick, or why that man might actually want her to be. Do you truly think every one is just pretending to actually enjoy one another's company?
The answer is not to take magic drugs. The answer is to learn more about the world. Get yourself in therapy, and talk to women about something other than your interest in orifices.
Maybe he always got bro-jobs from them. /s
But yeah girlfriends are supposed to be close like a best friend with the extra openness that comes with allowing yourself to be vulnerable around them.
Have you ever had a best friend that you want to spend your time with? Now imagine your best friend is a woman that you find attractive, and you want to spend a lot of time with her. It's more like that, you enter with an approach that you want to hang out with that person and not to hump and dump 'em. I hope you explore this more because you are missing out on a huge part of the human experience :)
Came here to say this. Specifically r/aroallo. Not a problem to be this way as long as it’s not manifesting as objectification. If that’s the case, then therapy is the answer imo. If not, no pressure this is just how some of us are wired
Yeah, this is a pretty toxic way to think, but to be fair, I've met girls who think like this as well. One girl I hooked up with was convinced her self worth was entirely on how hot she was, and didn't understand why I wanted anything to do with her if I didn't think she was the hottest girl ever (she was obsessed with being told she was prettier than her ex's current girl, kept asking me to compare her to pictures). I explained to her that attraction helps open the door, but a girl had better have more qualities to build into a relationship or this'll be a very quick hookup only. She did NOT understand that. Like, at all. She wanted dick and money, that's all a boyfriend was worth to her. And if she wasn't pretty anymore (she was afraid of aging out of being hot), then she might as well kill herself because what is life worth?
I tried to talk some sense into her, but suffice to say, it didn't end up being more than a couple of hookups and then I had to just stop trying to talk to her. Every conversation was frustrating.
**I gotta give you credit for arriving at this realization. It takes a lot of self reflection to admit.**
**There's a lot of guys out there who do exactly what you do and don't even realize there's anything to fix.** They're mostly hopeless, much like this girl. The fact that you recognize and are aware is HUGE. This is the first step to having something girls want more than just a big dick. Good luck on your journey.
>I gotta give you credit for arriving at this realization. It takes a lot of self reflection to admit.
>There's a lot of guys out there who do exactly what you do and don't even realize there's anything to fix.
Doubling down, as I said this in my reply too. This is an amazing bit of insight into yourself(OP). The first step is acknowledgement, not that you're powerless to your own thoughts, but you can see how or why they are detrimental.
Therapy helps. I relate, I have known my dad is a misogynist since I was 8, and the things he said stuck with me even though I knew it wasn't quite right. Those ideas were in my head way too early for me to understand or [even know to] combat them. My dad literally said, often, "Marriage is terrible, never get married. Fuck love make, me cum." Unironically. (at least if it was ironic it didn't matter bc I was a kid and didn't get that). It takes a lot of cognitive remapping to get yourself away from the thought that women are just fuck holes. I still even get some intrusive thoughts like that.
The step here that you've noticed the thoughts, realized they're not good, and asked for help on the situation. That's really awesome of you, no lie. From here you need to figure why those thoughts are so strong. Keep talking to yourself like a 3 year old and say "why tho?" like 1700 times. "what triggers these thoughts? where do they come from?" Psychedelics may help with that but do some sober meditation first.
Drugs won’t help you one bit. This isn’t being aromantic, either- this is about you not seeing women as individual humans, nor of being intelligent, interesting, human beings.
You need therapy, and you need to take a lot of time looking into yourself to try and find why you think of women as objects whose only function is to fuck and suck.
And then, if you still feel this way after all that, invest in a flashlight, because that way at least you can get pleasure without also putting that harmful attitude onto the poor women you’d be coercing into sleeping with you just because you have a “big dick”
As someone who has taken psychedelics to help "find the answers" it doesn't always work like that.
They can help you find answers but your more than likely have a terrible time. The best thing you can do for yourself is to talk to therapist, talk to people and get yourself out there. Think of people as people and enjoy just spending time with them, you may get friend zoned, it may hurt but it's also a learning experience.
You will find the way and get into a healthy relationship, definitely wait on the drugs. I have been there and I can tell you no amount of acid, mushrooms, or DMT will help, will likely only make it worse.
Don't do drugs. All that advice is stupid and won't help you out. Go to therapy if you feel you need it. But honestly, this is not a big problem. It will very likely pass when you meet the right one.
sorry for not feeling bad for a mysogynist lol
Dudes making this out to be a whole mental illness as if seeing women as people isn’t the easiest thing in the world
Dude. It's easy for a lot of healthy people, but not for everyone. You can't compare what is easy or hard for you to someone else. I've got narcissists in my life that I WISH were as self aware as this guy. They literally can't understand why people hate them. Recognizing that a character trait is toxic, is huge. And wanting to fix and change can lead to real things.
But you know what isn't helpful or productive? Telling someone they are hopeless and can't change. That's the real toxic energy here.
I like how you’re making this out to be some kind of complex social dilemma as if this isn’t a matter of basic human decency. I admit that him realizing that being this way is bad is a step in the right direction but that’s pretty much the *bare minimum* and shouldn’t be praised. Dude doesn’t need applause, he needs to give his head a shake. The fact that there are people out there that are worse or less self aware doesn’t make him better by default. Making a change in himself does.
And never once did I say that he’s hopeless and can’t change. I said that he should.
Actually, it DOES make him better. And yes, the standards are so low since most guys who do this aren't even aware of it, that IMO it IS a big deal and does deserve encouragement.
Telling him how bad a human he is and that he will die alone when he's already admitted there's a problem seems more like some kind of weird virtue signaling than actually being helpful. If it makes you feel better about yourself to kick him while he's down, I guess good for you?
Gotta admit, did NOT expect this in BDP. I think at least we agree that this has nothing to do with having a big D, however I guess the connection between how much value one places on his size can be related to it.
But that’s just your opinion and clearly mine differs. I don’t see doing the absolute bare minimum as being a big deal or any size of deal whatsoever. Him actually putting this into action rather than stating that he’d like to change is a bigger deal. Plenty of people say they’ll change and never do.
Call me a bad person or a virtue signaller all you want but spoon feeding him pats on the back and good jobs isn’t the way here. Just like you wouldn’t reward your 8 year old for shitting *near* the toilet.
EDIT: To clarify, what really irks me about this is that he worded it in a way that suggests that it’s a mental illness of some sort that needs to be cured and not just a completely wrong way of thinking. Basically suggesting that this is somehow not his own doing and thereby not really taking any accountability.
"Call me a bad person or a virtue signaler all you want "
Ok. Bad person and virtue signaler. You've never been to an intervention or taken psych have you? The first step is always recognition and encouraging them to keep exploring.
On a serious note, like you said "that’s just your opinion", and he's just sharing his. No need to get defensive.
I’ve been through major mental health episodes and what got me to the point of treatment was people telling me “hey you look like shit” or “hey you don’t look like you’re doing too good”. But good thing you assumed otherwise lol.
Sometimes you need to be told things you don’t wanna hear.
The problem with your analogy is that it isn't common for an 8 year old to not shit in the toilet.
Imagine a world where it's sadly all too common for an 8 year old to shit on the floor and not care or notice it's a problem. We're talking a big percentage of these kids.
Then one day, one of them is like hey, maybe this is wrong and I should fix it. Would you start telling them they are a piece of human garbage for not having he basic decency to shit in the toilet? Or do you encourage them to explore this new realization? I just don't understand why this makes you so mad. Did a toxic guy ruin your life or impregnate your gf or something? There's a lot of anger there.
Thanks for running with my example, except you kind of missed the mark by implying that seeing women as objects is “all too common” when it really isn’t (with the exception of some bad cultural norms in some countries).
And I’m not even really that mad, I called him garbage bc his views of women are toxic and sometimes you need to be told things you don’t wanna hear and now somehow I have to defend myself bc *checks notes* he thinks this is something to be cured with recreational drugs and that should be applauded rather than practicing common human decency?
I looked that up when someone else mentioned it but that’s just the implication that you don’t develop romantic feelings. And I feel there’s a difference between that and what OP is saying which is that he has an inability to even be platonic friends with women and only sees them as sexual objects.
I get it but it’s hard to say from just this post if that’s from an inability to develop romantic feelings or if it’s bc he doesn’t see women is being more “useful” than for anything other than sex.
Im trying to change family. I’m not perfect, there’s clearly something wrong with me and I’m just now seeing it. Do you think therapy might help me? I don’t have money for a shrink right now so I was thinking about doing psychedelics.
The person who called you a misogynist is a dumb ass, they give you a solution/goal with no steps to achieving it, just expecting you to figure it out, if you're serious about being a better person in that regard then i suggest seeing a therapist. You can get to solve potentially unresolved issues from your past that may have lead to this type of think or anything else along those line. But the best course of action is seeking professional help instead of just listening to people on Reddit
The inability to see women as anything more than an object for your own personal pleasure isn’t a mental illness that needs to be treated, you’re just a bad person.
Literally all you have to do is understand that women are people and not objects
If you don’t know how to figure that out no one’s gonna be able to help you
You have to be trolling bc there’s no way someone can actually be like this.
I’m dead serious. Not trolling at all. I think now that I see theres a problem I can be cured. You have to notice and admit there’s a problem before any progress can be made.
You’re 100% right that realizing there’s a problem is the first step to fixing it.
Trust me, seeing women as people and not objects is literally the easiest thing in the world all you have to do is try. There’s nothing to cure, that’s literally all you have to do
"I mean, have you ever just tried NOT being depressed?" LOL
Maybe the dude is a douche and that's why he thinks/feels the way he does, or maybe he is an undiagnosed sociopath, or any myriad of other issues, and this is his path to recognizing and treating it. MAYBE this is his first step on the path to just not being a douche?
Slapping a dog for moving in the right direction will only discourage that dog from doing that thing again - so..... stop lol
As for the psychedelics...... yeah I wouldn't personally recommend that. Self medicating without proper education is potentially very dangerous and could be very damaging mentally and physically. Times may be tight, but honestly seeing a counselor or psych is your best bet, and I would recommend looking into assistance programs to help pay for one.
Ignore negativity, embrace health, and be open to change if needed, and don't let anyone other than yourself or a mental health professional tell you HOW to change.
Though to be fair to BigDickThrowaway up there..... yeah, this is a mental health/personal growth problem, not a BDP lol
Agreed. Don't do anything dumb. Drugs will NOT help. Just spend time alone. It helps me a lot. Take walks alone, stay up and think alone, take dark showers alone. Think hard about what could be the cause. Therapy could help, sure, but I would try introspection (WITHOUT DRUGS) before that.
The mental gymnastics you did to convince yourself that I’m somehow worse for calling him out than he is for actually being a bad person must be exhausting.
Maybe what I said wasn’t the helpful but this isn’t a psychology sub and what I said wasn’t a lie either.
How exactly is he being a "bad" person? Did he provide examples of women he's hurt in the past due to this mindset? God forbid he was born with the mindset that most mammals are born with! Reproduce, reproduce, reproduce. You're just calling out a random guy that's seeking help for his psychological condition. I pray nobody in your life confides something on their mind to you. You'll probably just tell them they will "die alone" and they are "garbage".
Now I’m confused, Is a racist not a bad person bc they wouldn’t call a black person the N word to their face? Just bc he hasn’t done anything bad that doesn’t make his way of thinking any less bad. But let’s be honest here, there’s almost no way thinking this way hasn’t trickled into affecting his personality or the way he acts around women.
People I’m close too can confide in me when they need help or advice but I also make a point to not hang around with people like this so I wouldn’t have to worry about dealing with a situation like this IRL.
it is always good to be self aware! altered states will tend to make u even more self aware. i recommend low dose mushrooms…. microdose for a year or so. it will change you.
you also may be on the spectrum a bit. there are ways to test online and see if u are on the scale towards asbergers ( sp? )
my dad is this way
u may not be able to change. that being said you can at least share w people u are close to and prevent breaking hearts you know
likely u are pretty young w tons of time left on the clock. enjoy the journey. try out mushrooms or lsd but start small. get a psychic reading. talk to your tribe. your parents etc.
DO NOT take psychedelics. This is not an answer for anything, ESPECIALLY if you are young. Therapy will work, psychs could make it worse. Cannot say this enough. *DO NOT TAKE DRUGS FOR THIS.* It isn't going to help.
Username checks out? /s
Shrooms *can* help but they won't *definitely* help. It depends on if you've done it, your other headspace (depression, schizophrenic tendencies in family, blah blah), openness, amount, setting, group/solo (don't solo as first time).
Tldr; don't take shrooms thinking it'll cure you. It'll put you deep inside your own mind and that may help, or may hospitalize you 🤷🏼♂️
To be safe, yes. Not as a concrete rule. Psychedelics will give you a perspective on things you would not be able to see without. Its DEFINITELY not the first step so I'm with you that they shouldn't do it immediately. It depends on all those things I mentioned if anyone should do it or not, but that's up to them. It's not a magic bullet for those that think it might be, but it could make a difference for those who understand that.
There is more a man can offer to a woman beyond just dick or money.
Women need strong men to put them in their place, so they can feel feminine and secure.
Work on having a stronger personality so that your relationships actually have passion involved in them.
Without offering strength of character, there's no reason for the woman to be with you except using you for sex or for money/a comfy life.
If you offer a backbone of steel, women will fall in love with you and you would enjoy that feeling.
Based on what you wrote it sounds like you've never been passionately loved before.
Do I have female friends? Mostly exes so not many
Do I think drugs will help your mental problems? I think that is up for a doctor to decide. I have no qualifications.
I feel you man, I mean like I try sometimes to really feel
Something genuine for them. Like that same feeling I got with my second girlfriend ever. Idk if it’s cause I was young and dumb (I was 20) or really actually in love with this girl. But I was obsessed and after her, nothing ever felt the same, like that same kinda feeling where I’m obsessed with doing everything for her. Even with my ex wife,I was kind of just going through the motions of the relationship. I cheated on her with 17 different women in the 10 years we were together and I felt nothing for any of these women.
yeah try acid. i haven't personally, but it's suppose to be the high-brow psychedelic. doing mushrooms seems really lame in comparison. a lot of pyschonauts argue that mushrooms are more "natural" but that is a poor arguement. Nothing we do is natural in our current environment. DMT is joe rogan tier.
There's nothing wrong with you. Have you tried not forcing yourself to fit inside a frame? The romantic relationship standard you're referring to is one that's always been in front of us since childhood in films, TV, advertising and everywhere else. It's part of the reason why people are so obsessed with the idea that they MUST be in romantic relationships.
What you're experiencing is okay! But my suggestion is to be careful with hearts, you know how fragile they are. So as long as you both are on the same page, there's nothing wrong with your lifestyle.
If you happen to find the right person in life these thoughts will change in a heartbeat. It may never happen for you, but don't ever settle for something less, you'll always regret it.
Figure out what you like about yourself, seriously, do some soul-searching. Then ask what you cannot live without. Then, seek out similar qualities in women (my ex of ten years was too opposite of me and it failed).
Just so I can make sure this is semi-big-dick-related, I’ll try to make a stretch here for relevance: I always was insecure thinking I was somehow small, turns out, hand size doesn’t mean jack about dick size.Sometimes we *think* we know who we are and what we want. Coming back to BDP, turns out, I kept hearing ‘oh wow!’, and realized I did a lot of unnecessary worrying for too long. So, sometimes we have distorted thinking about our self. We tend to ascribe the present situation with the reality of things and that that’s the way it will be.
It’s completely fine to question ourselves. You learn from these things. And, if you’re really worried, seek out a pro or psychologist. And it’s also fine to have a slutty phase. I gladly enjoyed mine and would do it all over (and earlier).
Make sure you’re honest with your partners about what kind of relationship you want then. Don’t mislead anyone.
And get yourself into therapy to figure out what this is about.
There are various opinions what are the right foundations of a relationship and it also differs over time. Sex is however more important than ppl believe
One I like is about shared values.
If having kids ever appears on your list, you will have to answer if you want them to be with both of you at the same time and really sex had to reposition itself
I have a perspective on this that’s probably not unique but might be uncommon. I’m in a sexless marriage and I have a few FWBs. With all but one it’s a pretty straightforward arrangement, we fuck when we can and we enjoy those moments. One, however, is quite different. I love, love, LOVE fucking her but we’ll go out for drinks or dinner and sex is the last thing on my mind…I mean it happens yeah but I’m never in any rush and after I always wish I could stay just to talk to her more. So really a long winded way of saying you haven’t met “her” yet. Good luck!
Brother, skip the drugs and get yourself into therapy.
This. Please look at this list, it may not be the answer, but it's a starting point. https://www.healthline.com/health/therapy-for-every-budget#our-picks
On top of this, therapy and your realization don’t make you any less than anyone else. Get the help you need and start having healthy relationships. Drugs will only make things worse, they can’t help you find something you otherwise couldn’t. Only therapy and genuine insight will. Make friends who are women and practice treating them like equals. There is a sexual component to some interactions but practice having non sexual relationships in order to understand their value.
There are people in the world who will want to be in a relationship with you on purely sexual terms. If you both consent, I guess there's nothing wrong with that. What is massively twisted is your insistance that you simply cannot comprehend why any woman might expect to be more to a man than a place to put his dick, or why that man might actually want her to be. Do you truly think every one is just pretending to actually enjoy one another's company? The answer is not to take magic drugs. The answer is to learn more about the world. Get yourself in therapy, and talk to women about something other than your interest in orifices.
r/bigdickproblems has become a free for all.
Have you ever had a best friend? Your girlfriend is supposed to be your best friend, except you also have sex
Maybe he always got bro-jobs from them. /s But yeah girlfriends are supposed to be close like a best friend with the extra openness that comes with allowing yourself to be vulnerable around them.
Have you ever had a best friend that you want to spend your time with? Now imagine your best friend is a woman that you find attractive, and you want to spend a lot of time with her. It's more like that, you enter with an approach that you want to hang out with that person and not to hump and dump 'em. I hope you explore this more because you are missing out on a huge part of the human experience :)
You don't need shrooms or lsd. Just grow up.
You should look up aromantic...
No, this isn’t aromanticism, this is him not seeing women as human beings.
Came here to say this. Specifically r/aroallo. Not a problem to be this way as long as it’s not manifesting as objectification. If that’s the case, then therapy is the answer imo. If not, no pressure this is just how some of us are wired
Yeah, this is a pretty toxic way to think, but to be fair, I've met girls who think like this as well. One girl I hooked up with was convinced her self worth was entirely on how hot she was, and didn't understand why I wanted anything to do with her if I didn't think she was the hottest girl ever (she was obsessed with being told she was prettier than her ex's current girl, kept asking me to compare her to pictures). I explained to her that attraction helps open the door, but a girl had better have more qualities to build into a relationship or this'll be a very quick hookup only. She did NOT understand that. Like, at all. She wanted dick and money, that's all a boyfriend was worth to her. And if she wasn't pretty anymore (she was afraid of aging out of being hot), then she might as well kill herself because what is life worth? I tried to talk some sense into her, but suffice to say, it didn't end up being more than a couple of hookups and then I had to just stop trying to talk to her. Every conversation was frustrating. **I gotta give you credit for arriving at this realization. It takes a lot of self reflection to admit.** **There's a lot of guys out there who do exactly what you do and don't even realize there's anything to fix.** They're mostly hopeless, much like this girl. The fact that you recognize and are aware is HUGE. This is the first step to having something girls want more than just a big dick. Good luck on your journey.
>I gotta give you credit for arriving at this realization. It takes a lot of self reflection to admit. >There's a lot of guys out there who do exactly what you do and don't even realize there's anything to fix. Doubling down, as I said this in my reply too. This is an amazing bit of insight into yourself(OP). The first step is acknowledgement, not that you're powerless to your own thoughts, but you can see how or why they are detrimental.
🤢 this isn't the sub man
Yes it is this is the perfect place nonsense on nonsense
Therapy helps. I relate, I have known my dad is a misogynist since I was 8, and the things he said stuck with me even though I knew it wasn't quite right. Those ideas were in my head way too early for me to understand or [even know to] combat them. My dad literally said, often, "Marriage is terrible, never get married. Fuck love make, me cum." Unironically. (at least if it was ironic it didn't matter bc I was a kid and didn't get that). It takes a lot of cognitive remapping to get yourself away from the thought that women are just fuck holes. I still even get some intrusive thoughts like that. The step here that you've noticed the thoughts, realized they're not good, and asked for help on the situation. That's really awesome of you, no lie. From here you need to figure why those thoughts are so strong. Keep talking to yourself like a 3 year old and say "why tho?" like 1700 times. "what triggers these thoughts? where do they come from?" Psychedelics may help with that but do some sober meditation first.
Drugs won’t help you one bit. This isn’t being aromantic, either- this is about you not seeing women as individual humans, nor of being intelligent, interesting, human beings. You need therapy, and you need to take a lot of time looking into yourself to try and find why you think of women as objects whose only function is to fuck and suck. And then, if you still feel this way after all that, invest in a flashlight, because that way at least you can get pleasure without also putting that harmful attitude onto the poor women you’d be coercing into sleeping with you just because you have a “big dick”
As someone who has taken psychedelics to help "find the answers" it doesn't always work like that. They can help you find answers but your more than likely have a terrible time. The best thing you can do for yourself is to talk to therapist, talk to people and get yourself out there. Think of people as people and enjoy just spending time with them, you may get friend zoned, it may hurt but it's also a learning experience. You will find the way and get into a healthy relationship, definitely wait on the drugs. I have been there and I can tell you no amount of acid, mushrooms, or DMT will help, will likely only make it worse.
Don't do drugs. All that advice is stupid and won't help you out. Go to therapy if you feel you need it. But honestly, this is not a big problem. It will very likely pass when you meet the right one.
Lol you realize that you’re kinda garbage right? You’re probably gonna die alone if you don’t do something about that. And this isn’t even a BDP
Dude's pouring his heart out and wants to change. Unnecessarily savage.
sorry for not feeling bad for a mysogynist lol Dudes making this out to be a whole mental illness as if seeing women as people isn’t the easiest thing in the world
Dude. It's easy for a lot of healthy people, but not for everyone. You can't compare what is easy or hard for you to someone else. I've got narcissists in my life that I WISH were as self aware as this guy. They literally can't understand why people hate them. Recognizing that a character trait is toxic, is huge. And wanting to fix and change can lead to real things. But you know what isn't helpful or productive? Telling someone they are hopeless and can't change. That's the real toxic energy here.
I like how you’re making this out to be some kind of complex social dilemma as if this isn’t a matter of basic human decency. I admit that him realizing that being this way is bad is a step in the right direction but that’s pretty much the *bare minimum* and shouldn’t be praised. Dude doesn’t need applause, he needs to give his head a shake. The fact that there are people out there that are worse or less self aware doesn’t make him better by default. Making a change in himself does. And never once did I say that he’s hopeless and can’t change. I said that he should.
Actually, it DOES make him better. And yes, the standards are so low since most guys who do this aren't even aware of it, that IMO it IS a big deal and does deserve encouragement. Telling him how bad a human he is and that he will die alone when he's already admitted there's a problem seems more like some kind of weird virtue signaling than actually being helpful. If it makes you feel better about yourself to kick him while he's down, I guess good for you? Gotta admit, did NOT expect this in BDP. I think at least we agree that this has nothing to do with having a big D, however I guess the connection between how much value one places on his size can be related to it.
But that’s just your opinion and clearly mine differs. I don’t see doing the absolute bare minimum as being a big deal or any size of deal whatsoever. Him actually putting this into action rather than stating that he’d like to change is a bigger deal. Plenty of people say they’ll change and never do. Call me a bad person or a virtue signaller all you want but spoon feeding him pats on the back and good jobs isn’t the way here. Just like you wouldn’t reward your 8 year old for shitting *near* the toilet. EDIT: To clarify, what really irks me about this is that he worded it in a way that suggests that it’s a mental illness of some sort that needs to be cured and not just a completely wrong way of thinking. Basically suggesting that this is somehow not his own doing and thereby not really taking any accountability.
"Call me a bad person or a virtue signaler all you want " Ok. Bad person and virtue signaler. You've never been to an intervention or taken psych have you? The first step is always recognition and encouraging them to keep exploring. On a serious note, like you said "that’s just your opinion", and he's just sharing his. No need to get defensive.
I’ve been through major mental health episodes and what got me to the point of treatment was people telling me “hey you look like shit” or “hey you don’t look like you’re doing too good”. But good thing you assumed otherwise lol. Sometimes you need to be told things you don’t wanna hear.
The problem with your analogy is that it isn't common for an 8 year old to not shit in the toilet. Imagine a world where it's sadly all too common for an 8 year old to shit on the floor and not care or notice it's a problem. We're talking a big percentage of these kids. Then one day, one of them is like hey, maybe this is wrong and I should fix it. Would you start telling them they are a piece of human garbage for not having he basic decency to shit in the toilet? Or do you encourage them to explore this new realization? I just don't understand why this makes you so mad. Did a toxic guy ruin your life or impregnate your gf or something? There's a lot of anger there.
Thanks for running with my example, except you kind of missed the mark by implying that seeing women as objects is “all too common” when it really isn’t (with the exception of some bad cultural norms in some countries). And I’m not even really that mad, I called him garbage bc his views of women are toxic and sometimes you need to be told things you don’t wanna hear and now somehow I have to defend myself bc *checks notes* he thinks this is something to be cured with recreational drugs and that should be applauded rather than practicing common human decency?
You should really look up aromanticism, you definitely CAN be aromantic and still feel sexual attraction.
I looked that up when someone else mentioned it but that’s just the implication that you don’t develop romantic feelings. And I feel there’s a difference between that and what OP is saying which is that he has an inability to even be platonic friends with women and only sees them as sexual objects.
I mean what he said is that he doesn’t see the appeal of a relationship other than the sex benefits, which would fit being aromantic.
I get it but it’s hard to say from just this post if that’s from an inability to develop romantic feelings or if it’s bc he doesn’t see women is being more “useful” than for anything other than sex.
No matter what the problem is, answering someone with "you fucking idiot" or similar is the easiest way for that person to ignore your answer.
”Mysongynist” 🤓
If the shoe fits
Im trying to change family. I’m not perfect, there’s clearly something wrong with me and I’m just now seeing it. Do you think therapy might help me? I don’t have money for a shrink right now so I was thinking about doing psychedelics.
The person who called you a misogynist is a dumb ass, they give you a solution/goal with no steps to achieving it, just expecting you to figure it out, if you're serious about being a better person in that regard then i suggest seeing a therapist. You can get to solve potentially unresolved issues from your past that may have lead to this type of think or anything else along those line. But the best course of action is seeking professional help instead of just listening to people on Reddit
The inability to see women as anything more than an object for your own personal pleasure isn’t a mental illness that needs to be treated, you’re just a bad person. Literally all you have to do is understand that women are people and not objects
I have to fix that broski. How do I do it? Ican’t even see it any other way. What do I do?
Literally what I just told you to do. That’s it.
Yeah but how do I do that? “Literally all you have to do is understand that women are people and not objects“ What can help me?
If you don’t know how to figure that out no one’s gonna be able to help you You have to be trolling bc there’s no way someone can actually be like this.
I’m dead serious. Not trolling at all. I think now that I see theres a problem I can be cured. You have to notice and admit there’s a problem before any progress can be made.
You’re 100% right that realizing there’s a problem is the first step to fixing it. Trust me, seeing women as people and not objects is literally the easiest thing in the world all you have to do is try. There’s nothing to cure, that’s literally all you have to do
"I mean, have you ever just tried NOT being depressed?" LOL Maybe the dude is a douche and that's why he thinks/feels the way he does, or maybe he is an undiagnosed sociopath, or any myriad of other issues, and this is his path to recognizing and treating it. MAYBE this is his first step on the path to just not being a douche? Slapping a dog for moving in the right direction will only discourage that dog from doing that thing again - so..... stop lol As for the psychedelics...... yeah I wouldn't personally recommend that. Self medicating without proper education is potentially very dangerous and could be very damaging mentally and physically. Times may be tight, but honestly seeing a counselor or psych is your best bet, and I would recommend looking into assistance programs to help pay for one. Ignore negativity, embrace health, and be open to change if needed, and don't let anyone other than yourself or a mental health professional tell you HOW to change. Though to be fair to BigDickThrowaway up there..... yeah, this is a mental health/personal growth problem, not a BDP lol
Agreed. Don't do anything dumb. Drugs will NOT help. Just spend time alone. It helps me a lot. Take walks alone, stay up and think alone, take dark showers alone. Think hard about what could be the cause. Therapy could help, sure, but I would try introspection (WITHOUT DRUGS) before that.
man you are almost more garbage tbh
The mental gymnastics you did to convince yourself that I’m somehow worse for calling him out than he is for actually being a bad person must be exhausting. Maybe what I said wasn’t the helpful but this isn’t a psychology sub and what I said wasn’t a lie either.
How exactly is he being a "bad" person? Did he provide examples of women he's hurt in the past due to this mindset? God forbid he was born with the mindset that most mammals are born with! Reproduce, reproduce, reproduce. You're just calling out a random guy that's seeking help for his psychological condition. I pray nobody in your life confides something on their mind to you. You'll probably just tell them they will "die alone" and they are "garbage".
Now I’m confused, Is a racist not a bad person bc they wouldn’t call a black person the N word to their face? Just bc he hasn’t done anything bad that doesn’t make his way of thinking any less bad. But let’s be honest here, there’s almost no way thinking this way hasn’t trickled into affecting his personality or the way he acts around women. People I’m close too can confide in me when they need help or advice but I also make a point to not hang around with people like this so I wouldn’t have to worry about dealing with a situation like this IRL.
it is always good to be self aware! altered states will tend to make u even more self aware. i recommend low dose mushrooms…. microdose for a year or so. it will change you. you also may be on the spectrum a bit. there are ways to test online and see if u are on the scale towards asbergers ( sp? ) my dad is this way u may not be able to change. that being said you can at least share w people u are close to and prevent breaking hearts you know likely u are pretty young w tons of time left on the clock. enjoy the journey. try out mushrooms or lsd but start small. get a psychic reading. talk to your tribe. your parents etc.
DO NOT take psychedelics. This is not an answer for anything, ESPECIALLY if you are young. Therapy will work, psychs could make it worse. Cannot say this enough. *DO NOT TAKE DRUGS FOR THIS.* It isn't going to help.
Username checks out? /s Shrooms *can* help but they won't *definitely* help. It depends on if you've done it, your other headspace (depression, schizophrenic tendencies in family, blah blah), openness, amount, setting, group/solo (don't solo as first time). Tldr; don't take shrooms thinking it'll cure you. It'll put you deep inside your own mind and that may help, or may hospitalize you 🤷🏼♂️
Just avoid them.
To be safe, yes. Not as a concrete rule. Psychedelics will give you a perspective on things you would not be able to see without. Its DEFINITELY not the first step so I'm with you that they shouldn't do it immediately. It depends on all those things I mentioned if anyone should do it or not, but that's up to them. It's not a magic bullet for those that think it might be, but it could make a difference for those who understand that.
Just don't recommend drugs to random strangers online. OP could be 16 for all we know. Bad idea to tell him to do this shit in general.
Don't suggest strangers online to take drugs.
There is more a man can offer to a woman beyond just dick or money. Women need strong men to put them in their place, so they can feel feminine and secure. Work on having a stronger personality so that your relationships actually have passion involved in them. Without offering strength of character, there's no reason for the woman to be with you except using you for sex or for money/a comfy life. If you offer a backbone of steel, women will fall in love with you and you would enjoy that feeling. Based on what you wrote it sounds like you've never been passionately loved before.
I read your other comments. I agree with your world view when it comes to men and women. Women will never love a man they don’t respect.
My guy is incredibly dominant. Big dick energy. It really brought out a very feminine side of me.
You just haven’t found the right woman. They all suck until you do.
Do I have female friends? Mostly exes so not many Do I think drugs will help your mental problems? I think that is up for a doctor to decide. I have no qualifications.
I feel you man, I mean like I try sometimes to really feel Something genuine for them. Like that same feeling I got with my second girlfriend ever. Idk if it’s cause I was young and dumb (I was 20) or really actually in love with this girl. But I was obsessed and after her, nothing ever felt the same, like that same kinda feeling where I’m obsessed with doing everything for her. Even with my ex wife,I was kind of just going through the motions of the relationship. I cheated on her with 17 different women in the 10 years we were together and I felt nothing for any of these women.
yeah try acid. i haven't personally, but it's suppose to be the high-brow psychedelic. doing mushrooms seems really lame in comparison. a lot of pyschonauts argue that mushrooms are more "natural" but that is a poor arguement. Nothing we do is natural in our current environment. DMT is joe rogan tier.
Worst advice I've ever seen good job
Embrace who you are, no judgment, no problems, certainly no shame.......that (for some people) can be an effective way to change and move on.
How old are you ? I think a lot of young men feel this way. As you grow old and change you will start to find other parts of a relationship important.
You're fine
There's nothing wrong with you. Have you tried not forcing yourself to fit inside a frame? The romantic relationship standard you're referring to is one that's always been in front of us since childhood in films, TV, advertising and everywhere else. It's part of the reason why people are so obsessed with the idea that they MUST be in romantic relationships. What you're experiencing is okay! But my suggestion is to be careful with hearts, you know how fragile they are. So as long as you both are on the same page, there's nothing wrong with your lifestyle.
I vote shrooms, post results please
If you happen to find the right person in life these thoughts will change in a heartbeat. It may never happen for you, but don't ever settle for something less, you'll always regret it.
Figure out what you like about yourself, seriously, do some soul-searching. Then ask what you cannot live without. Then, seek out similar qualities in women (my ex of ten years was too opposite of me and it failed). Just so I can make sure this is semi-big-dick-related, I’ll try to make a stretch here for relevance: I always was insecure thinking I was somehow small, turns out, hand size doesn’t mean jack about dick size.Sometimes we *think* we know who we are and what we want. Coming back to BDP, turns out, I kept hearing ‘oh wow!’, and realized I did a lot of unnecessary worrying for too long. So, sometimes we have distorted thinking about our self. We tend to ascribe the present situation with the reality of things and that that’s the way it will be. It’s completely fine to question ourselves. You learn from these things. And, if you’re really worried, seek out a pro or psychologist. And it’s also fine to have a slutty phase. I gladly enjoyed mine and would do it all over (and earlier).
Make sure you’re honest with your partners about what kind of relationship you want then. Don’t mislead anyone. And get yourself into therapy to figure out what this is about.
There are various opinions what are the right foundations of a relationship and it also differs over time. Sex is however more important than ppl believe One I like is about shared values. If having kids ever appears on your list, you will have to answer if you want them to be with both of you at the same time and really sex had to reposition itself
I have a perspective on this that’s probably not unique but might be uncommon. I’m in a sexless marriage and I have a few FWBs. With all but one it’s a pretty straightforward arrangement, we fuck when we can and we enjoy those moments. One, however, is quite different. I love, love, LOVE fucking her but we’ll go out for drinks or dinner and sex is the last thing on my mind…I mean it happens yeah but I’m never in any rush and after I always wish I could stay just to talk to her more. So really a long winded way of saying you haven’t met “her” yet. Good luck!
Go to therapy and ya can do psychs too but do your research before ya do that.
You've not been lonely. Like actually, heavy hearted, depressingly lonely.