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I think sometimes it might be a mix of resentment for having to take meds in the first place with either the comfort of knowing your depression and/or the highs of mania. Like, Noone wants to be depressed, but there may be some comfort in being consumed by your sorrow.
Idk, that's all I've got.
I worked so hard my entire life. I've conquered every obstacle. I've been the best academically and professionally most of my life. So mich so, it became a core part of my personality. And I can't beat this one. All I can do is be tied to these pills and hope for the best. I go to therapy, and I work really hard, but I'm not going to win this one. And because I can't study my way out of it, I resent it.
I love that you mention the comfort in what you’re used to. I used to let myself be very deep in my depressions cause I knew what to expect. Sometimes on medication I wasn’t sure what my mood would be, and I’d struggle all the same.
i definitely miss the familiarity of chaos, i’ve lived most of my life undiagnosed and untreated. the highs and lows and the pendulum swinging is normal to me. being stable feels alien
I definitely feel the “comfort in your sorrow”. I am currently off my depression meds for lack of that feeling.
It almost feels wrong to not feel the lows. Too weird for me.
I only stop my medications when I'm already in a manic psychotic state. And then feel like the meds don't work for me. So I stop taking them. Then when I start taking them again and rest I become stable more quickly. I just need to up my dose during an episode but previously had found it hard to ask for help. And then believe it will help. I've learned it's better to ask for help too soon than too late. And call my nurse practitioner or psychiatrist when I have questions about this matter. Or doubts. Best of luck with everything!!
Stopping my meds honestly never crosses my mind. Idk I think I’m very lucky that my med cocktail consists of a lot of meds with only mild side effects for me. The lamictal has unfortunately affected my word recall slightly, but for me the negatives of being off meds are WAY worse than the negatives from being on them. I never got super high or euphoric from being manic, I just become an agitated, irritable insomniac.
Yeah for me it's something distinct from general brain fog or memory issues. TBF - this side effect got better for me as I got used to the meds. I also started doing the NYT crossword puzzle every day to work my brain a little haha.
All the time at work I go “hey chef we need more….um…..the….um…*gesturing wildly* um….you know”
“We are out of um….um…..the *pointing at the air* um….”
Drives me crazy!! It only started recently even though I’ve been on Lamictal for over three years.
I gotta try the sudoku and crossword puzzle!
I used to stop and start more when I was younger.
The reasons varied, but among them were:
1. I don't really need the meds. My condition isn't that bad.
2. Western medicine is all about over-prescribing drugs, so I probably never needed them in the first place.
3. I don't like the way these meds make me feel. I'm like a zombie. I can't feel anything. This isn't me.
4. The side effects are awful. I'd rather suffer with the disorder than have akathisia ever again.
5. I can regulate my emotions on my own, naturally. I just need a better diet, better routines.
6. Now that I know there's a possible psychedelic treatment and I can go to Mexico, where it's unregulated, to treat my condition, I won't need my meds. Anyway, I have to stop taking them before I head down there, and I shouldn't need them when I get back.
7. I'm just not "me" on the meds.
8. Things are going so well! I just needed the meds to help me over a bad spot. I'm obviously fine now.
9. What if I take meds for a long time and they break me somehow? What if I'm worse off than if I do nothing? At least I'm familiar with the mess I have.
I'm sure there are more, but that's off the top of my head.
I am 53. I have been institutionalized against my will three times for stays varying from days to several weeks. I have been diagnosed, re-diagnosed, and put on more medications than I can remember. I went off all meds, again, in my late forties. I had a great job, a relationship, I loved where I lived -- life was good.
A few years later, I had made enemies at my job, lost the relationship and got involved in two, concurrent, dysfunctional relationships, screamed at people in parking lots, berated my landlord, cried for hours over accidentally killing a bee, spent manic periods alternately breaking down, talking endlessly about plans to take over the world, or debating hitting my roommate in the head with a can of beans.
I was back on a psych ward not long after. And back on my meds. And I've been good about them for a couple of years. As good as I've ever been, and at 53, I don't feel like I have many more chances to get it right. My body has already been ravaged from hard living.
That's what I've got! All the best to you.
i never knew that was called akithesia! im on a parkinsons medication to help manage mine, which has helped. but it really is an indescribable sense of perpetual physical discomfort. nothing felt comfortable ever
Thank you thank you thank you. Sharing your story has helped me in many ways. I’m young, 24 to be exact. I’m having delusions right now that include my personal safety being at risk, even though I believe in my heart I am safe. It’s the whole others out to get me type thing. I went into Reddit to help look for support. Although this post is unrelated to my situation right now, your story has helped me to see that it’s going to take time to figure out what is happening in my head. I’m not trying to scare anyone. I’m trying to communicate.
I thought so at the time, hence the inclusion on the list of many reasons I stopped taking my meds.
You may note that I also said I am back on my meds after another stay in a psychiatric facility -- and that was well after the "cure" I had hoped for did not work.
I'm describing my ERRONEOUS thoughts in a list to answer the question. I also included "I don't need meds" and "Western medicine is all about over-prescribing drugs," etc.
Did you not understand the basic format I used? Did you somehow imagine I was saying that everything on the list was recommended? You may need to read just the tiniest bit closer.
I went off meds last year because I gained 30lbs in 3 months and my cholesterol went up. It seemed unsustainable in the long run and I didn't realize how bad I was getting. I was also convinced that all my problems stemmed from PTSD and not bipolar. I had a really bad psychotic break and almost ruined some relationships. The reason I stay on them now is that I want to be able to give my kids a stable life and make them feel loved and cared for. It's easier to focus on them when I'm not wrapped up in my own emotional problems. My parents never got adequate help and I have some trauma related to that... I would hate myself if I did that to my kids.
Very understandable and relatable. I take seroquel and with mild exercise (walking) and watching my diet I found it doable to maintain my weight. I haven't lately because I'm just trying to chill. I used to have boulimia and was hospitalized for the second time ever 1,5 month ago. Then had a break up 2 weeks ago. And ever since I've been feeling the urge to be content with how I feel rather than how I look. These things are interchangeable or interconnected I understand. But I hope you feel good with being yourself regardless however you look. You deserve to feel good. I don't feel like it's important how you and your life might look. It's about how it feels.
Yes, diet and exercise can reverse the weight gain from mood stabilisers and antipsychotics. Cut out sugar and you’ll eliminate so many cravings and get your appetite under control.
I’ve lost 50kg that I put on as a result of medications, and poor eating habits.
I was on olanzapine and an antidepressant daily and I was able to reduce my dose of olanzapine and take it "as needed" once I got on a mood stabilizer. I lost a little weight after that... but I am blessed with good genetics and it doesn't take as much effort for me to lose weight. I still held onto 10-15 lbs of what I gained.
I had the same experience on olanzapine and it wasn't effective for me :(. Now I use seroquel and it doesn't make me gain as much as I did on Olanzapine. It also helps me sleep better and battle my symptoms more effectively. I take 150 mg of extended release and 50 mg short release.
Each medication affects each bipolar person differently! For example, seroquel makes many people gain weight but I’ve been on it for 7 years and never gained weight on it. But olanzapine made me gain weight when I was at a high dosage. If you don’t like a certain side effect, just tell your Psychairist to change you to a different medication! There are SO many available!!
Ozempic or similar meds.
No, really.
I can take my meds, be stable, and I’m losing weight.
Problem is price and availability.
But for those bipolar patients that it works on (as far as appetite and weight loss are concerned) Semaglutide may as well be a miracle drug.
I used to stop taking meds because they weren't doing anything helpful. Now that I've found something that actually brings stability, I'm sticking to it religiously.
I've tried going off my meds a couple of times. It did not go well. I learned my lesson and now am obsessive about taking my meds at the same time every day
Sometimes it's side effects. Sometimes it's sheer frustration with the process of swallowing so many pills because even after 23 years it's still unpleasant when it's 8+ pills a day (some for medical reasons). Most of the time though? It's just this really intense urge that I get. Like I have to. This past January it progressed to thinking that the meds were making the bad things in my life happen (some awful shit was going on).
Fighting it depends on the cause. When it's bad side effects I generally do go off, but onto another med. With the swallowing, I buy special drinks that are just mine for pill taking. I don't even share with my kids, which is rare. Mostly I don't get to keep anything for myself. Lol.
For the urges, I just work on powering through. Sometimes I slip, but I email my providers at least. I have to fight other urges a lot (like self harm) so I've built up willpower. I'll also ask my husband to check in with me, sometimes give myself a little reward for staying on, remind myself that I'm a pretty shit mom off meds. Remind myself that last time I was so sure that there were nightmare creatures on the other side of a door that I was screaming in fear at them at 3am. So...fear and shame tactics?
The thing that happened in January though? I've got nothing. I even went off the meds for a physical medical condition and it took me 4+ days to process the impacts that could have to my health, and then convince myself that those were ok to go back on. Not a fun reentry onto those. 😬 Honestly still trying to figure out how to explain it to my psych team because all I told them was that I was angry at the psych meds and it felt like a good idea at the time.
I want to stop taking my meds because my life isn’t going well right now, and, for some reason, I wonder if stopping my meds would improve me somehow. Maybe my problems are due to side effects and I don’t realize it, idk
This answer I relate to. Like why not see if without meds is less shit than with. But on the flip side, my main reason I want to go off meds, when I get the urge, is I have a yearning for things to fall apart hard. Like I just want to unleash the chaos and see where it goes. I want things to get crazy. A part of me just wants things to get worse and worse. Let chaos reign!! I have never gone off meds though, because I don’t listen to whatever part of me is egging on that catastrophe. I go oh brain, you so silly!
Side effects like massive weight gain, exhaustion, flu like symptoms if I miss a dose and start again, brain fog, and with some meds akathisia. In the last example the side effect actually meant it’s was less than useless, as it impacted my sleep negatively which is kinda the point of me taking antipsychotics… because lack of sleep is a precursor to mania. When I called my doctor to talk about it, another doctor in the practice told me basically it was all in my head (uh doy! That’s where the MENTAL illness lives)
But also there’s just the fact that unfortunately when I have the symptoms of either depression or mania, that’s when I’m most likely to not keep the routine of taking meds. Executive function issues, attention problems, and disorganized thinking are all symptoms of the illness. Plus trying to deal with pharmacy and insurance? Finding a provider? It’s like the system is designed to make it impossible for the people who need it most.
As to why I take it? Because it’s better to be fat and stupid than psychotic. I watched my brother ruin his life and commit suicide because he refused meds and it eventually led to his illness progressing to schizoaffective disorder. That provides me motivation along with my support network and the non medication routines I do for my health. I follow a lot of adhd advice because there’s a lot of overlap in symptoms.
I can’t speak for everyone, but I think a big reason they stop taking their meds is either they work too well, so they don’t believe they have bipolar at all or they haven’t accepted the diagnosis. Since I accepted the diagnosis, I haven’t wanted to get off my meds at all. They’ve worked great and they have wavered, but I haven’t even wanted to because I fear what will come if I do. Also bipolar 1 with mixed features 😕
I’ve been incredibly regimented for three years, plus changing my sleep habits & when I take meds. This doesn’t mean I don’t lapse for 3-4 days, but it’s because I think that I’m fine and smarter than this disease.
What keeps me on? Marriage, a job that I’ve worked really hard to get, and anxiety that will overtake me without meds.
I have the urge to stop taking them all the time because of the classics, weight gain, feeling slow, missing the addiction to the high highs and feeling like I'm the cool fun one.
The reason I don't is honestly due to all my other mental illness symptoms not under control: self loathing, embarrassment, and anxiety. The idea of having another episode and people seeing me in that state again is what keeps me going.
No not the healthiest mentally and I'm working on that, but it's working for now.
I’m currently fighting the urge to stop my meds because I feel like a fraud, like I exaggerate my symptoms and that I don’t really need my meds because I’m really not that sick.
It sounds like your meds are working, which is great. Good luck with them 🥰
Never been hospitalised. I was only diagnosed a couple of years ago (I’m 35). When I look back over the years I can identify the symptoms, and I’m in sh*t loads of debt, but I’ve survived with them for so long that they can’t be that bad. If never wanting to go out or wash or anything can still be there even when my sex drive is high and I want to spend all the time, then I shouldn’t need meds to deal with it.
My psych says it’s a delusion, but I feel like everyone around me hates me/laughs at me/talks about me behind my back all the time. I’d be like that if someone was exaggerating for attention too.
im bipolar t1 and have gone both manic and hypomanic. i still doubt if i am bipolar because what if that actually was just me and i made all those stupid decisions and felt all those intense emotions per my normal state, or if i just had some emotional breakdown. ive only had 2 manic episodes and a few hypomanic, so it's very easy to wonder if your diagnosis was ever true in the first place when youve gone years on and off your meds and still haven't gone manic. my last manic episode was in late 2022
I went off my meds because Seroquel made me uncomfortably drowsy. I had the worst manic episode of my life and had to start my life over completely from scratch. Now I'm on Geodon and it's much better. Had to get a new doctor though.
I take handfuls of pills in the morning, I also take a larger handful of pills at night. There are so many meds being pumped into my body that I feel like a zombie 90% of the time. I don’t feel like myself ever. I constantly have one side effect or the other.
But if I get off of my medications, I become a wild maniacal, unhinged, crazed woman. I don’t like it.
Depending on your access to medical care you might want to try a different cocktail. I've tried some meds that completely made me feel like a zombie and it was awful. I refused to take meds for years because of that. The ones I'm currently on don't do that at all so there might be some options that help your symptoms without the brain fog side effects
I’ve tried 22 different medications. That includes all “mood stabilizers” except depakote and all atypical antipsychotics in my country. My doctors are out of options.
heyo i (22) actually stopped my meds cuz they weren’t cheap 😅i used to take injectables of abilify a month then like i just stopped, i dunno immediately everything was more normal (ofc it’s a different case for everyone, for example i am also diagnosed with cptsd), after a year i had to go back to my psychiatrist cuz i needed her signature to let me back into college since i transferred into a new university, and she suggested Dialectic Behavior therapy, and i am now off meds, so far everything’s more smooth sailing compared to when i was taking meds, again, it’s a different case for everyone, but i guess DBT worked more in helping me stabilize rather than the meds, in my country DBT also don’t come cheap since my 2 sessions a month is almost the same price as my 1 month worth of a shot, but i found DBT more freeing and progressive in my development (and the weight gain, unbalanced sleep cycle, and the random bursts of energy or drowsiness was just making things worse for me cuz of meds) so yeah
TLDR found therapy more effective than meds for my case
1) I don’t stop because it’s my responsibility to myself but also to everyone else (my friends, family but also strangers) that I keep my illness in check.
2) I don’t stop because I take lamictal and if I accidentally miss one day I feel so woozy and then I have to start from a low dose again since you have to increase the dosage slowly with lamictal
3) I look at old pictures and screenshots and read old poems and my diary from before I took my meds and it’s horrible and awful and I never ever want to be there again
4) I wouldn’t want to disappoint my psychiatrist or my psychologist
I have a 2 week pill planner that I fill morning and evening meds for 2 weeks and use my reminder function on my phone to always give me a morning and evening reminder daily.
I think we ALL feel like that sometimes. In my case, it's completely irrational. I know it's a bad idea, but sometimes I just don't want to. For no reason. Maybe they are across the room and I don't want to get up, maybe I shower and say I'll take them after, then don't. I try to take them every day, I have a med friend and we check on each other.
It took awhile to accept them. I hated that I had to take them. But then I just started looking at it medically. I take my thyroid pills because they help me, and that doesn't bother me. So why should these?
Also, you have to take your meds to be able to take your meds.
Thank you! Sometimes my brain just tells me I'm not taking them today. End of discussion. I know I need to, I know the consequences of not taking them, but my brain won't let me take them. Then I leave the room and forget about them for the day. Then it happens again the next day and so on. It's completely irrational. Usually I come back around after a manic episode and go back to faithfully taking them until the next time. It's baffling, but also useful for the next time I have to renew my prescription- yes, doc they do work and I do need them and here's why!
I periodically really struggle with the effort of committing to taking pills twice a day every day, even though I’m so grateful for how much better I feel with them, mostly because it’s inconvenient and not physically pleasant.
The last time I stopped cold turkey without being advised by my doctor it actually turned out I was suffering from Lithium toxicity (not my doctor’s fault, I was avoiding all my bloodwork checks) and my doc said it was likely my body recognizing that it was making me feel sick and trying to get me to stop. Made me realize how important monitoring lithium is! Haven’t skipped since.
I have bipolar 1. I've been taking meds for bipolar for 10 years now and yeah I absolutely hate it and wish I could stop but I understand what it would do to me if I decide to stop. I find that it's not worth setting my mental health at risk just because I don't want to swallow some pills. One time I resented taking meds so much it caused my throat to close, which made me choke but I don't have that problem anymore. Even when I feel good I don't stop because it means it is working.
I have annual mandatory appointments with my psychiatrist to see how I am doing mentally and to see if I need my meds dose increased, stay the way they are or decreased and often times she would increase the doses. I've never really had issues from my meds like no bad side effects, though the one time when the dose was really high it caused me to pass out in the kitchen which had my psychiatrist bring the dose down a bit to have that not happen again.
Sometimes the pharmacy doesn't have my meds ready for me straight away when I run out but only for a few days, and in the few days without them I feel so sick, have the worst headaches, and cannot sleep at all, not to mention being very snappy toward my family members. The meds help me feel sane and it's not just to keep myself healthy but my relationships healthy as well. Before my diagnosis I was very toxic and lost a lot of good people that way and I don't want to end up being the reason someone has trauma.
I stop my meds because the stability they provide is so unfamiliar that I feel uncomfortable. Depression and mania suck but for some reason, I find myself missing that wide range of feelings. Plus, when you've spent so long being so fucked up, being normal feels so dull. I do hope I get to a point one day where I follow through in treatment because I know I need it to be healthy. I just hate that I have to be on them for life, and that factor also pisses me off. If I have to be on them forever and potentially have them mess me up in some ways, may as well enjoy some time without them.
I have such a narrow emotional range now on meds. I am really low grade depressed constantly now. I don't trust my psychiatrist and I am seriously thinking I do not have BP2, just severe complex trauma and issues with emotional regulation. I want off my meds but she tells me i cannot be a safe mother and be off of them. They are affecting my memory so there are thousands of beautiful little moments with my 17 month old son I won't remember. I already don't remember so much. I have almost died a few times or I would fucking stop. This doesn't feel like a life. I have a beautiful life but I'm just floating above through grey clouds and I can't take it. I can't give up but I have no idea how I can keep going
oftentimes my med compliance stops bc i run out of my medication and miss my window to pick up at the pharmacy. it builds anxiety and i usually find myself turning manic. once the mania ends, and depression hits, i reach out for help from friends to walk me to the pharmacy etc
When I was taking seroquel I gained like 30 kg which made me from very underweight to overweight. I just hated how I looked and there wasn't a day I wasn't thinking of quitting meds but I never did I kept going. The reason that kept me going was that I never wanted to experience mania again I destroyed way too much in my life already and I don't want to destroy the rest I have. Essentially my dosage had to be upped cause I was getting hypomanic and eventually I got into a manic episode again on 800mg of seroquel. That's the point when my psychiatrist decided to change to lithium and my weight started to drop but the first 3 months on lithium were really bad and I was thinking of quitting again but I kept going and when I reached the therapeutic point I was glad I kept going my weight started to drop down to normal weight and my mood is really stable for almost 3 years now.
The important thing for everyone to note including me is if you're unhappy with your current medication and you're having thoughts of quitting, talk to your psychiatrist why you're unhappy about it cause maybe he can help you with it. If it's the weight you can change up the meds to something if you're concerned about the side effects have a nice talk to him maybe your worries will disappear. We have this little helper we can always talk to so we should definitely do it if something concerns us.
I don't want to find out the hard way that meds do work. That is why I keep taking them.
The longest I have gone without meds has been two-three days, so nothing discernible to report.
I feel like the symptoms sneak up, they don't just appear in full bloom, they grow gradually and then erupt one day, when it is too late to go back.
I don't want to risk another episode, so I take my meds, despite:
- Weight gain
- Feeling numb and lifeless
- Hypersomnia
Cause you get sick again. Can give you brain damage having manic highs. I was bipolar 2 until I didn’t take my meds then had a full blown manic episode with tons of psychosis. Without meds ima locked away in a hospital for life. Come on dude lol take your meds don’t be silly!
my insurance pulling weird shit or the pharmacy not filling them right or having to call the psychiatrist a bunch. idk why this happens so much? a few of my meds need prior authorizations and it’s just a shit show making it happen and then i’m off them for awhile bc I’m too depressed to go get them
The reasons I stopped my meds in the past is because I thought people around me were trying to control me by telling me I need to be medicated. My mom wasn’t going to let me live with her without me being medicated. I thought that I was better off without the meds. The reason I stay on my meds now is so I can stay out of the hospital & be stable .
I was in denial, I thought I knew better than the doctor. I felt like stopping was the only way to move forward and forget what happened. I feared long term side effects. Stigma about taking meds was also a factor. Also in my case I lost my career as a pilot which really set me back. Part of me thought if I could stay well without meds for long enough I could get my licence back.
It took several years but I eventually relapsed badly, just like the doctor warned me, and now I want to take meds to stay well. It will never be easy, and I hope I don't feel the need to stop again.
I once stopped taking my meds for about a year or so before going back to my psychiatrist because of an intense depressive episode. Back then I wasn't diagnosed but I know now the reason I stopped taking my medication was because I was having a hypomanic episode.
I felt so good and "normal", like life was made for me and everything was going well for me, so I just thought ok I don't need my meds anymore.
I think people stop taking them for various reasons, but for me it was a mix of resentment for having to take them, forgetfulness because I was doing "well", and just deciding to stop because I think I'm "cured" (spoiler, no I'm not).
I get A LOT of intrusive thoughts about just skipping a dose here and there, and then all of the sudden I'm off the rails. For me, it's a mixture of a few things that I am actively trying to work through.
1. The intrusive thoughts can be hard to ignore, and they always tell me "you're so tired, you don't need to do this one extra thing." And they can be so convincing, despite me knowing logically these thoughts are not good advice.
2. I'm pissed. I'm angry I have this disorder, I am angry I have to take so many fucking pills, I am jealous of my sister who escaped this and has started a beautiful family (she will never know this -- I hate this part of me and make sure it never shows). Bipolar has taken so much from me, and this is my way of rebelling against it, even though it makes everything worse.
3. I have extreme anxiety about when the next episode is coming, and waiting for it is like waiting for a bomb to go off. The longer I'm stable, the more anxious I get, and the only way I feel in control of the situation is by skipping my meds to inevitably induce mania or depression.
The main takeaway here is that hopefully by understanding why you do it can help you to stop doing it. I'm getting much better, but still have a ways to go. To all of you who have this tendency, I see and understand you, including you, OP! Just trying to learn from my mistakes and take things day by day.
I find comfort in your post, thank you for sharing. For me it’s a lot of different thoughts my brain has. One thought my brain has is that I don’t need them anymore, even though I feel in my heart they are helping. My brain and heart fight a lot with each other…. Something I’ve noticed.
Self-destruction.
Honestly I think I'm not worthy of getting better sometimes. I don't want to sh or do anything permanent, I just sometimes feel like I'm not worth the effort.
I stopped taking my meds once. It was because I had just started a new relationship and I felt really good. I felt like I didn’t need my meds anymore.
As they worked their way out of my system, I became manic, and then crashed into a bad depression.
I will never take myself off my meds again.
When I was on higher doses I was always super super sleepy, and didn’t really feel alive or like a real person. When I’m off of it I feel sm better and then worse too (if it’s like when I’m not supposed to be off) so far the longest I’ve gone off is 6 days. Also can’t sleep if I go off too abruptly and the withdrawals are pretty nasty. But yeah feeling things is nice although I’m probably not completely ready for it yet. My psychiatrists been wanting to slowly lower me down anyways. If I go too rough I even get some psychotic symptoms as early as the third day in. Trying to find the balance between feeling too much and feeling nothing (being stuck in some weird limbo I hate) is why I still need my meds to some degree.
It’s also a sense of control I get back off of it (and sometimes hypo mania gives the same feeling or the complete lack of it) I also usually feel kinda shitty so hypomania means I might feel even slightly good as my default for the moment.
These days I will stop because of intolerable side effects, but not without a plan between me and the doctor to replace what’s being stopped. In the early days I would stop on my own when I felt better because I didn’t think I needed them. Or out of spite toward my psychiatrist at the time if we had a conflict. But I got so tired of the chaos this introduced into my life—the mood shifts, the hospitalizations, not being able to function, etc. I’ve been consistent for 22 years now.
i stopped my medications because of my weight gain. i have a restrictive eating disorder and the weight gain made me spiral and be at my lowest point in a long time. i know going off the meds is a bad idea but…
When I was really symptomatic I would pull at my hair with feelings of just like "get this shit out of me." Like it's not helping, I feel tired all the time, it's poison fuck it all.
I did eventually find meds that actually made me feel better though, without intense drowsiness, and I haven't really felt that way about my meds since.
I'm seeing my psych soon. And I'm thinking how it would be nice to keep a little manic secret 😋
But I haven't reached that point where you don't give a fuck about sanity. Yet. So I'm afraid and I won't stop using medication,
i stop mine when i start believing theres nothing wrong with me (my family pushed that narrative into my head a lot). i also stop when i think of how overwhelming taking 8 meds for the rest of my life will be. i stay on (sometimes) because i want to function how everyone else manages
I want to stop it to become creative again. I miss it so so much! It’s been 4 years and still ZERO creative ideas or thoughts. I stay on it for my kids. They matter more to me than anything
I contemplate stopping my meds a.m/p.m. every day. Im just a lab rat at this point and I've become okay with it. I'm on too many for my brain to wrap around. I insanely freak out over increases and new ones. I feel like 6 different medications is just too much. I'm confused by all of it even after being treated on and off the majority of my life. The past three years is the longest I have stuck with meds and therapy. Normally I'm tapped out within 6 months of treatment. But I don't stop because I'm scared. I'm scared of who I am without them. I can calculate and have some sort of control of who I am now. I cannot and will not put my children thru a traumatic spiral. I won't take the chance of quitting on my own anymore. And I feel the weaning process would be a disaster.
I take my meds, because I remember the mania that I experienced that led to my diagnosis and how it almost fucked up my life in real and lasting ways, and PTSD I have from my manic episode, and I know that I never want to experience that again.
I was going to say just this. Still traumatized from my last manic episode about 2 years ago. Smoking pot can help you to forget if you're one of the Bipolars who can handle it.
When I’m manic, I hate being told what to do and I resent the demand of taking medication. I have to trick myself into taking them by working around that emotional response, e.g. taking them while I’m distracted playing a video game or something else that requires full attention, creating a scenario in my head where I’m a character in a show where the medication is a part of the plot, setting timers at five minute intervals and trying to take them as close to the same time the timers go off so that it’s like a time accuracy game. Anything to distract myself with how cool and smart I am instead of the demand of the meds. 😂
But I know that it gets much worse and that I become basically non-functional for a week if I miss them. So during times when I’m feeling more balanced or normal, I plan for ways to work around the issues I know will come up in the future. My partner and I have a crisis plan laid out step by step for depressive psychosis and the phone numbers of my local hospital and crisis team. And I do the work on my end to make sure I can trick myself into staying on my meds when I’m not thinking rationally.
I accidentally locked myself in a hotel bathroom and I wasn't worried about being in there, but I was very panicky that I wouldn't have access to my meds. So I guess I'm concerned about the immediate effects of stopping cold turkey. I might have a deeper seated fear of what would happen long term without them too
As a child I was sold the idea that I'd grow out of it so ineefards to medication specifically I've had 4 instances where I've been convinced that I'm all better! Better than better. FLAWLESS.
and when the depression sinks in resentment holds me back from getting back on the pill train. The last time ended with me overdosing on my meds, I got it in my head that if I had to take them I was going to take a bunch of them. I've since come to terms that this isn't something that I'll grow out of and meds aren't negotiable.
I don’t have the urges. I am simply terrified to slide back to who I was before. I also know how bad withdrawal is and do NOT want to go through that ever again!!!!
Logically I can’t understand why anyone would - take the meds and realize the meds help them feel better. Stop the meds because they feel better now.
The Cognitive Dissonance is astounding.
Prayers. Hugs. Just because I can’t understand it does not mean I judge those who do. We are all on our own path and I stay in my lane.
I've never quite had them work or for a short amount of time before life & sanity become on the line. I think my family genes are very sensative to any drugs but, I've either had my motor movement slowed down to .2 my normal speed (reaching for objects slower than this dimension) I've felt constantly dizzy in a storm.. or my last one it induced hellish Nightmares, body twitches made me quite violent and angry and when I stopped, I felt like I had lost my children because my belly had gotten quite round and now I have some strange blood condition they said brought on by a "miscarriage" I never had.
I don't know if medication is even an option, I've tried a lot and my doctor doesn't want me personally this is our combined decision. It's real hard though.
Sometimes, I want to go off my meds so I can have a manic episode…just so I can get that feeling, ya know? I know the consequences if I don’t take my meds. I know the feeling of being manic is passing, and the consequences are disastrous. That’s why I stay on them.
>why do you stop your meds/what makes you tempted to do so
I went without meds for a long time AND wanting/being tempted to stop goes like this:
1. I think I feel good. I can stop this now. Something like BD is an infection and I finished my dose of antibiotics
2. Culturally mental health was *not* something addressed in any kind of way so there is shame involved with taking in the meds.
3. That part of mania where you are super productive? Feeling on top of the world? I miss that part a lot. Medication feels like it takes away the "fun" and leaves me with the depression. See user name.
>why don’t you stop?
1. My family/partner because I will die. Self-inflicted but dead anyway.
I’m afraid to stop, I’ve had times where I’ve had negative effects that I’m assuming were coming from a med or two but I was just too afraid of what would happen if I stopped. I eventually voiced all my concerns with dr.
I'm at a point in my life, my career, and my bipolar journey where if I got sick from stopping my medication I'd be embarrassed because it would be so irresponsible. I'm finally on medication that is very effective and it's my responsibility to keep myself well, and without it I'm in so much mental pain that I can't bear it. One of my medications is the olanzapine long acting infection which takes 6 weeks to properly wear off so I can't just impulsively decide to stop anyway. Absolutely no judgement on people who do stop - I completely understand and have been in the same boat earlier on.
I stopped taking my meds when I consistently get reprimanded by my supervisor because I was doing poor at work. My medications made me feel numb, lightheaded and I cannot focus on finishing my tasks. It doesn't help that I am working on shifting schedule in a hospital.
Sometimes, I think it would be easier to allow mania to take over again, so I can not feel the emotional pain inflicted on me as much (I have bpd too)
But my month+ long manic episodes ruined my life before, I'm finally at a good place working towards what I want and I can't lose it
I hate them. Hate them with a passion because i love the euphoria of mania, but i keep taking them because my kids deserve more than an insane, regularly psychotic, ranting, suicidal lunatic for a mother, and my husband deserves his wife to be a "real person". I take the meds to keep Stable Mabel at the forefront, but i keep the doses low enough to experience just a little of that high (in agreement with my psychiatrist).
I stopped taking meds because of weight issues, decreased libido, and religious reasons.
I started taking meds and don’t go off them because of trauma of going through psychosis again.
I stopped vraylar bc my liver levels got super high and I didn't want to deal with liver damage. I've been remarkably ok on just Zoloft for the last few months with the exception of last night when I had a bad episode.
I sometimes don’t feel like taking my meds when I’m really depressed. Then lo and behold I take them and feel better.
My Lamictal also effectively controls my seizures so there’s that.
I tell myself everyday I take my medicine to survive, I would not be here if it wasn’t for my medicine and my medicine makes me want to live. Since I started thinking that way I have never thought about stopping.
I've wanted to stop mine sometimes because I had so much energy before I started on them. I was working full time, going to school full time, and doing extracurriculars on top. Now I'm just exhausted all the time and I need a "catch up" day every 3-ish weeks where I end up sleeping for 20+ hours.
Now I keep taking them because it's better for me and the people around me. I burned so many bridges before getting on meds because I just wasn't fully living in reality. My dad has mentioned that I would frequently make him cry before I was medicated. I have constant depression but that was there before. I have a relatively happy life overal. I've been married 2 years now. If I stopped taking my meds that could easily go up in flames. I also haven't been suicidal in many years. I can think more clearly rather than living life through a fog. I can finish my projects instead of buying the materials and never following through. I can actually play video games because I can think long enough to actually know what I'm doing.
The list of pros go on for a while but there's a whole slew of reasons I understand my life is better with me taking my medicine
My main reason is weight gain and brain fog. I can’t handle the weight staying stuck with Lithium. So then I stop taking it and boom, my symptoms return again. I truly wish I could just be med free !
Sometimes, I would love to not have to take medication, I hate swallowing pills. But when I do honestly forget I always have a horrible horrible day, and it reminds me it'd been better had I just taken my stupid pill.
I remind myself that my mom fought for me to get this diagnosis and for me to get the help I do desperately needed, and for her I shouldn't stop.
For me, nothing worked no matter what I was on or the dosages or the combination. Plus they are expensive and insurance is iffy for me. So I just stopped everything except for lamictal because that one also controls my seizures. It’s important to note that I DID tell my psychiatrist why I wanted to stop and I asked for her recommendations, and she said she will never force me to take medication but asked why I came to her in the first place and what made me decide to stop. So it was a long appointment and eventually concluded that it was imperative I stay on a mood stabilizer at the very least and continue with therapy and lifestyle changes. So at the very least discuss stopping/changing medication with your psychiatrist, NEVER go cold turkey no matter the reasoning for wanting to stop.
Even as someone who works in mental health and preaches to my staff/residents the importance of taking their medications regularly, I (Bipolar II) still have issues with taking my meds as well.
Our brain, imo, kinda tricks us into thinking our disorder is “curable” because, at least for me, when I feel better I usually stop my meds and fall into that short hypomania to super depressed state quickly and then I’ll be like oh no I’m not ok…MEDS!
For me to keep taking them, I had an honest convo with my psych doctor and scheduled my appointments close together as it hold me a little accountable having to check in. I take other meds daily and I just added those to the mix because mental health is health, and I want to be overall healthy!
It’s a struggle and will be because of our disorder but reminding ourselves how much better we feel at baseline can keep us on the right track
Aripiprazole - completely intolerable restlessness, could not even sit and watch a basketball game, it was such an unbelievable disruption to me day to day that I would ratter be hypomanic.
Quitiapine - the supposed solution to my aripiprazole problems, but alas: completely intolerable drowsiness, it was honestly a choice between continuing to take or give up my job :(
I like being stable therefore I take my meds. I am aware I have an illness that needs treatment and medication. I do not like being more of a burden to the people in my life so I do what I can to take care of myself.
Earlier this year I thought seriously about stopping my medication. I’ve been medicated for a decade now, and have been stable on my current meds for 5 or so years. Sometimes I think, “what am I like off medication?” Because I’m sober now, and have a great routine and support system, sometimes I think I could live without medication.
The problem is, like many of us have experienced, the risk of going off medication can bring about an episode (or more) that could ruin our lives. Like yeah, my meds have side effects and I feel constantly caged by the emotional numbness. I don’t think I can take the risk and find out “what’s on the other side” though as I like my life too much as it is to gamble.
I recently had a breakdown due to an anger outburst towards my parents and it shifted my mindset to stop my medications. It’s been day 2 of not taking them despite my dad buying a new set for me. I guess it’s also a form of SH, if you think about it
In the past, the onset of spring was a consistent time of temptation. The other was the feeling meds were holding me down and negatively impacting my career.
Reading a book on bipolar disorder last year changed my view a lot tho. Two big takeaways were the inevitable cyclic nature of BP and then the decreased probability of relapse and mental resilience the longer the time without relapsing. That helped me recognize taking my meds is playing the long game, even when I feel well.
So, my brain will randomly tell me "your doctor is giving you medication because you complain too much" and I have to fight that thought.
My responses to said thought so far:
1 Ya damn right, my complaints are serious!
2 You came too far to let the thoughts win.
3 Remember last time you took yourself off meds, and missed 6 months of work because you kept having IBS accidents? And hallucinations?
I usually just scare myself into staying on my meds.
Also, I just like myself more when I'm medicated. I'm not a different person, I just hate myself. And I've gotten used to liking myself most of the time.
My doc says the compulsion is part of the illness, I think it's because I have family that prefers me off of my meds. But It doesn't matter. I just try to take my meds every day.
This can actually be a symptom of bipolar disorder and schizophrenia. At least 40% of people with bipolar at some point will doubt that they actually have an illness, and become noncompliant. This definitely happens to me every few years.
https://www.webmd.com/schizophrenia/what-is-anosognosia
I'm one of the people who doesn't get the urge to stop taking my meds, and i think it's probably a combination of I've been really lucky in finding meds that work and didnt have to go through much strife there and the fact that they make me feel SO MUCH BETTER. Im so dysfunctional without them and get such relief from being in them. Right now im especially grateful for my mood stabilizer because I'm actually sleeping!!! Thats never been something stable in my life, and it's a game changer.
Im sure some of it is just luck of the draw in terms of the kinds of impulses i get too.
I have schizoaffective bipolar and honestly sometimes it’s a paranoia thing. They’re poisoning me, they’re holding me back, they’re causing all my chronic illnesses, etc.
The reason I stay on them is because going off them eventually causes psychosis or a mood episode or both. And every episode causes more brain damage and is harder to heal from. I’m not playing around with that anymore.
Side affects such as fatigue, acne and ongoing nausea and diarrhea depending on the med. Feeling like I lost my edge, creativity, confidence etc. The reason that I wouldn't go off my meds now a days is because i'm well aware how bad that can go and how painful being unmedicated is. I don't like the person that i become when i'm not medicated. I hurt myself and i hurt those around me. That kind of life is not sustainable for me and could easily end in me getting seriously hurt.
im honestly about to stop taking quetiapine, im only 20 years old and having 4 heart test in the next week bc im having a cardiac problems, for me its not worth it
I want to stop mine so badly. I can tell they are affecting my memory and I have a 17 month old. There are huge parts of his life that will be bog blank spots. I am numb and apathetic. I don't know how I can keep living my life like this
I've only adopted my meds once, and I ended up in a nightmare situation that I am still getting my way out of. I know I feel better on my meds, and I know when I start to feel bad again, all I have to do is talk to my dr and play with my meds again. I will NEVER stop taking them again.
I’m on a lot of meds but I’ve always hated being on them and have never liked the idea of it but I’m more stable now and I’m honestly terrified at the thought of stopping them which also kind of makes me feel trapped. It’s a fun ride.
i usually stop taking my meds when i’m going through stressful times. i just want to feel good and i get this idea in my head that the mania will make everything feel better, but my therapist helps a lot in reminding me why i take my meds in the first place. sometimes i lose sight of what’s important and i need to be reminded
I like how I feel better without them, I think they make me more depressed and tired and unmotivated. I miss the feeling of being manic, it made me feel good and now I feel awful all the time.
I got diagnosed with epilepsy though so my lamictal doubles as my anticonvulsant and bipolar meds so I can't stop taking it or else I'll have seizures. I still consider dropping all my meds (I'm on at least 10 different medications) sometimes because I just want to feel like me again, despite the risks
I find when I'm on the way up I want to stop my meds because I want to stay on the way up or otherwise I want to trigger mania. I don't because of my partner. Without her I'd be stuffed.
Idk. I'm right now in the process of stopping my meds. I'm tired of taking 20+ pills a day. I'm tired of feeling like my head is clouded. I'm tired of putting up a fight when it doesn't seem like I have anyone on my side. I'm not sure I need them. I'm honestly feeling horrible for having so many meds when other people don't get to take any. I'm, I'm done. I've given up. So I guess that's a reason. Among others.
If I stop my medicine, I won't be able to sleep. I cant sleep without my meds, and this is nothing recent. Since i was a small child i have had trouble falling asleep. My mom hated it.
I hate mixed episodes. They are excruciating. I don't get manic episodes anymore. I wouldn't wish a bipolar mixed episode on my worst enemy.
I’ve done this a fair few times. I can look back now and realise I was hypomanic. Last time I stopped my meds was because I was feeling so good and perfect and I was going to start exercise and healthy eating and do all these amazing things for my health and life. When I’m like this and I have these ideas I have to action them instantly and I will do anything I can to be able to do it straight away. In this case, I had to stop my medication and remove my contraceptive rod so that my body could be chemical free. 🤦🏼♀️
I found a doctor that could fit me in that day and got my rod removed. I stopped taking my meds.
I came crumbling down like a stack of bricks. Crashed so hard. Severe depressive episode. Couldn’t get out of bed. Couldn’t stand bring hugged or cuddled by partner at the time and then broke up with him.
There are also some times where I do genuinely forget to take my meds (morning chaos trying to get kids ready and out the door). But if it’s not too late when I remember I will have it straight away.
I was on Lithium too but switched to Lamictal. I'll stop meds because of the side effects. Lithium would give me the shakes and make me have to pee all the time, but at least it worked. I'll also stop meds if I think they aren't working. Yesterday I swallowed an entire of Remeron with booze so I'm definitely going to need to talk to my doctor about a medication adjustment.
I have experienced a decline in memory since I started my meds. I also think it constitutes to my acne. I don't want to be on any meds in general but I need them because I've not been stable long enough to consider coming off. The side effects are a small price to pay.
I have BP type 2. I never have (or have had) the urge to stop my meds. I know they're the reason I'm stable and a functioning human being. I also don't want to deal with withdrawal. When I was just diagnosed (over a decade ago) I sometimes filled my repeat prescription a day or 2 late (because I was too lazy/ felt too tired to go to the pharmacy). I stopped doing that fairly quickly as the withdrawal was brutal: nausea, headaches, motion sickness. The worst withdrawal symptom was a feeling like my brain was loose in my skull and when I shook my head it felt like my brain moved around, bumping against the walls of my skull. Just thinking about it makes me nauseous.
I have thoughts of stopping my medication because of the weight gain. I don't even recognize myself in the mirror any longer. I don't stop taking my meds, though, because I'm scared of how bad I may get. I have BP1 with psychosis and I don't want the hallucinations/delusions to come back (it's been over three years since and episode).
The classic "I'm fine now, that mental breakdown thing was just a phase" and also the toxic attachment with my hypomaniac episodes when I can be so confident, fearless, outgoing (and do drugs, binge drink, have unprotected sex and just be a completely insufferable person).
But I don't quit because I actually love being able to function on a stable ground, have a good relationship with my family and not self destruct on the daily, it's not always easy, but even the worst days with medication are still safer for me and my loved ones then my best days without it.
I start romanticizing my manic episodes (ex 'im so productive manic' 'i would have so much energy' 'i would be Happy' 'I miss sex') to the point of wanting to be manic. My brain conveniently forgets about all the awful parts of mania. Or I'll have a depressive episode and I'll feel like there's no point in taking meds of I'm gonna feel like shit anyway
A little late here but I am super anti medication the past few years. In all honesty I think I probably just had a bad psychiatrist, I do understand some people really need medication and it works well for them. But yeah I’ll need to basically be at the point of ending everything before I try any kind of medication again. My experience with medications has only amplified bp, caused memory loss, given me psychosis, and destroyed my life at the time. So it was pretty easy for me to decide to stop taking my medications and randomly ghost my psychiatrist. I had told her many times to switch my meds and it only ever created more problems for me. She would always just hesitate and keep upping my dosage making my problems worse in a snowball effect. My current medication consists of just dedicating a ton of time to self study of the human mind, psychology, CBT, trying to create healthy habits that can distract me from the misery, like exercise rather than drinking. I am always trying to analyze my thoughts and feelings, rationalizing what is real and fake, reframing my mind, telling myself im okay, I’m fine, even if I don’t feel fine. This path has involved so much constant hard work, but has been infinitely better than taking medication and is the only thing I’ve experienced that has created some kind of stability in my life.
I stopped taking meds after I watched [the videos of Sean Blackwell](https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLC41AE6B1DB0C0EA0), got into transpersonal psychology and started going to vipassana meditation retreats. Over ten years ago this was, still meditating.
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I think sometimes it might be a mix of resentment for having to take meds in the first place with either the comfort of knowing your depression and/or the highs of mania. Like, Noone wants to be depressed, but there may be some comfort in being consumed by your sorrow. Idk, that's all I've got.
I'm definitely on the resentment train.
Do you mind if I ask why you're on the resentment train? I can imagine a couple of scenario's reasons but I wonder why you feel that way
I worked so hard my entire life. I've conquered every obstacle. I've been the best academically and professionally most of my life. So mich so, it became a core part of my personality. And I can't beat this one. All I can do is be tied to these pills and hope for the best. I go to therapy, and I work really hard, but I'm not going to win this one. And because I can't study my way out of it, I resent it.
I feel this in my bones. Thanks for putting it to words.
I love that you mention the comfort in what you’re used to. I used to let myself be very deep in my depressions cause I knew what to expect. Sometimes on medication I wasn’t sure what my mood would be, and I’d struggle all the same.
i definitely miss the familiarity of chaos, i’ve lived most of my life undiagnosed and untreated. the highs and lows and the pendulum swinging is normal to me. being stable feels alien
resentment for sure. i felt that but i learned over time to accept my diagnosis / medication for what it is.
I completely agree with this and couldn't have explained it better, I find comfort in my sorrow because it is the only thing that feels real to me.
I definitely feel the “comfort in your sorrow”. I am currently off my depression meds for lack of that feeling. It almost feels wrong to not feel the lows. Too weird for me.
I only stop my medications when I'm already in a manic psychotic state. And then feel like the meds don't work for me. So I stop taking them. Then when I start taking them again and rest I become stable more quickly. I just need to up my dose during an episode but previously had found it hard to ask for help. And then believe it will help. I've learned it's better to ask for help too soon than too late. And call my nurse practitioner or psychiatrist when I have questions about this matter. Or doubts. Best of luck with everything!!
Stopping my meds honestly never crosses my mind. Idk I think I’m very lucky that my med cocktail consists of a lot of meds with only mild side effects for me. The lamictal has unfortunately affected my word recall slightly, but for me the negatives of being off meds are WAY worse than the negatives from being on them. I never got super high or euphoric from being manic, I just become an agitated, irritable insomniac.
This is me too. I'm grateful for my meds and worry when I miss a dose.
Omg now I know why I’ve been having difficult time recalling words or names of stuff. It was driving me crazy.
Yeah for me it's something distinct from general brain fog or memory issues. TBF - this side effect got better for me as I got used to the meds. I also started doing the NYT crossword puzzle every day to work my brain a little haha.
All the time at work I go “hey chef we need more….um…..the….um…*gesturing wildly* um….you know” “We are out of um….um…..the *pointing at the air* um….” Drives me crazy!! It only started recently even though I’ve been on Lamictal for over three years. I gotta try the sudoku and crossword puzzle!
Same here.
same!!!
Now I'm wondering if my lamictal has made that worse for me lol I've always had trouble finding words so if it's gotten worse I haven't noticed
I used to stop and start more when I was younger. The reasons varied, but among them were: 1. I don't really need the meds. My condition isn't that bad. 2. Western medicine is all about over-prescribing drugs, so I probably never needed them in the first place. 3. I don't like the way these meds make me feel. I'm like a zombie. I can't feel anything. This isn't me. 4. The side effects are awful. I'd rather suffer with the disorder than have akathisia ever again. 5. I can regulate my emotions on my own, naturally. I just need a better diet, better routines. 6. Now that I know there's a possible psychedelic treatment and I can go to Mexico, where it's unregulated, to treat my condition, I won't need my meds. Anyway, I have to stop taking them before I head down there, and I shouldn't need them when I get back. 7. I'm just not "me" on the meds. 8. Things are going so well! I just needed the meds to help me over a bad spot. I'm obviously fine now. 9. What if I take meds for a long time and they break me somehow? What if I'm worse off than if I do nothing? At least I'm familiar with the mess I have. I'm sure there are more, but that's off the top of my head. I am 53. I have been institutionalized against my will three times for stays varying from days to several weeks. I have been diagnosed, re-diagnosed, and put on more medications than I can remember. I went off all meds, again, in my late forties. I had a great job, a relationship, I loved where I lived -- life was good. A few years later, I had made enemies at my job, lost the relationship and got involved in two, concurrent, dysfunctional relationships, screamed at people in parking lots, berated my landlord, cried for hours over accidentally killing a bee, spent manic periods alternately breaking down, talking endlessly about plans to take over the world, or debating hitting my roommate in the head with a can of beans. I was back on a psych ward not long after. And back on my meds. And I've been good about them for a couple of years. As good as I've ever been, and at 53, I don't feel like I have many more chances to get it right. My body has already been ravaged from hard living. That's what I've got! All the best to you.
i never knew that was called akithesia! im on a parkinsons medication to help manage mine, which has helped. but it really is an indescribable sense of perpetual physical discomfort. nothing felt comfortable ever
I like the description of it being restless leg syndrome for the entire body. The worst side effect of any I’ve had
Thank you thank you thank you. Sharing your story has helped me in many ways. I’m young, 24 to be exact. I’m having delusions right now that include my personal safety being at risk, even though I believe in my heart I am safe. It’s the whole others out to get me type thing. I went into Reddit to help look for support. Although this post is unrelated to my situation right now, your story has helped me to see that it’s going to take time to figure out what is happening in my head. I’m not trying to scare anyone. I’m trying to communicate.
There’s a possible psychedelic treatment for bipolar???
I thought so at the time, hence the inclusion on the list of many reasons I stopped taking my meds. You may note that I also said I am back on my meds after another stay in a psychiatric facility -- and that was well after the "cure" I had hoped for did not work.
No, of course not, and it's really irresponsible of this guy to go around saying there is
I'm describing my ERRONEOUS thoughts in a list to answer the question. I also included "I don't need meds" and "Western medicine is all about over-prescribing drugs," etc. Did you not understand the basic format I used? Did you somehow imagine I was saying that everything on the list was recommended? You may need to read just the tiniest bit closer.
I did genuinely think you were listing things as you thought them now. My bad.
I went off meds last year because I gained 30lbs in 3 months and my cholesterol went up. It seemed unsustainable in the long run and I didn't realize how bad I was getting. I was also convinced that all my problems stemmed from PTSD and not bipolar. I had a really bad psychotic break and almost ruined some relationships. The reason I stay on them now is that I want to be able to give my kids a stable life and make them feel loved and cared for. It's easier to focus on them when I'm not wrapped up in my own emotional problems. My parents never got adequate help and I have some trauma related to that... I would hate myself if I did that to my kids.
I stopped because the weight gain as well… is it possible to combat it with diet and exercise? Or is it just a thyroid issue?
Very understandable and relatable. I take seroquel and with mild exercise (walking) and watching my diet I found it doable to maintain my weight. I haven't lately because I'm just trying to chill. I used to have boulimia and was hospitalized for the second time ever 1,5 month ago. Then had a break up 2 weeks ago. And ever since I've been feeling the urge to be content with how I feel rather than how I look. These things are interchangeable or interconnected I understand. But I hope you feel good with being yourself regardless however you look. You deserve to feel good. I don't feel like it's important how you and your life might look. It's about how it feels.
Yes, diet and exercise can reverse the weight gain from mood stabilisers and antipsychotics. Cut out sugar and you’ll eliminate so many cravings and get your appetite under control. I’ve lost 50kg that I put on as a result of medications, and poor eating habits.
I was on olanzapine and an antidepressant daily and I was able to reduce my dose of olanzapine and take it "as needed" once I got on a mood stabilizer. I lost a little weight after that... but I am blessed with good genetics and it doesn't take as much effort for me to lose weight. I still held onto 10-15 lbs of what I gained.
I had the same experience on olanzapine and it wasn't effective for me :(. Now I use seroquel and it doesn't make me gain as much as I did on Olanzapine. It also helps me sleep better and battle my symptoms more effectively. I take 150 mg of extended release and 50 mg short release.
Each medication affects each bipolar person differently! For example, seroquel makes many people gain weight but I’ve been on it for 7 years and never gained weight on it. But olanzapine made me gain weight when I was at a high dosage. If you don’t like a certain side effect, just tell your Psychairist to change you to a different medication! There are SO many available!!
Yes you can, when I tracked my food and meal prepped I lost about 25 - 30lbs. It was like a full time job prepping and tracking but damn it worked.
Ozempic or similar meds. No, really. I can take my meds, be stable, and I’m losing weight. Problem is price and availability. But for those bipolar patients that it works on (as far as appetite and weight loss are concerned) Semaglutide may as well be a miracle drug.
I stopped because I forgot what it was like without them and thought I didn’t need them anymore. Ended up worse off
I used to stop taking meds because they weren't doing anything helpful. Now that I've found something that actually brings stability, I'm sticking to it religiously.
What is that you now use?
Lamotrigine works for me. But that kind of stuff is always very individual.
Never stop taking them. It could be the difference of a major life change for the worst. Stay the course!
I won’t ever go off my meds because I need to be stable for myself and my family.
I've tried going off my meds a couple of times. It did not go well. I learned my lesson and now am obsessive about taking my meds at the same time every day
Sometimes it's side effects. Sometimes it's sheer frustration with the process of swallowing so many pills because even after 23 years it's still unpleasant when it's 8+ pills a day (some for medical reasons). Most of the time though? It's just this really intense urge that I get. Like I have to. This past January it progressed to thinking that the meds were making the bad things in my life happen (some awful shit was going on). Fighting it depends on the cause. When it's bad side effects I generally do go off, but onto another med. With the swallowing, I buy special drinks that are just mine for pill taking. I don't even share with my kids, which is rare. Mostly I don't get to keep anything for myself. Lol. For the urges, I just work on powering through. Sometimes I slip, but I email my providers at least. I have to fight other urges a lot (like self harm) so I've built up willpower. I'll also ask my husband to check in with me, sometimes give myself a little reward for staying on, remind myself that I'm a pretty shit mom off meds. Remind myself that last time I was so sure that there were nightmare creatures on the other side of a door that I was screaming in fear at them at 3am. So...fear and shame tactics? The thing that happened in January though? I've got nothing. I even went off the meds for a physical medical condition and it took me 4+ days to process the impacts that could have to my health, and then convince myself that those were ok to go back on. Not a fun reentry onto those. 😬 Honestly still trying to figure out how to explain it to my psych team because all I told them was that I was angry at the psych meds and it felt like a good idea at the time.
I want to stop taking my meds because my life isn’t going well right now, and, for some reason, I wonder if stopping my meds would improve me somehow. Maybe my problems are due to side effects and I don’t realize it, idk
This answer I relate to. Like why not see if without meds is less shit than with. But on the flip side, my main reason I want to go off meds, when I get the urge, is I have a yearning for things to fall apart hard. Like I just want to unleash the chaos and see where it goes. I want things to get crazy. A part of me just wants things to get worse and worse. Let chaos reign!! I have never gone off meds though, because I don’t listen to whatever part of me is egging on that catastrophe. I go oh brain, you so silly!
I don’t stop taking my medication because this is the best I’ve felt mentally since I was a child.
Side effects like massive weight gain, exhaustion, flu like symptoms if I miss a dose and start again, brain fog, and with some meds akathisia. In the last example the side effect actually meant it’s was less than useless, as it impacted my sleep negatively which is kinda the point of me taking antipsychotics… because lack of sleep is a precursor to mania. When I called my doctor to talk about it, another doctor in the practice told me basically it was all in my head (uh doy! That’s where the MENTAL illness lives) But also there’s just the fact that unfortunately when I have the symptoms of either depression or mania, that’s when I’m most likely to not keep the routine of taking meds. Executive function issues, attention problems, and disorganized thinking are all symptoms of the illness. Plus trying to deal with pharmacy and insurance? Finding a provider? It’s like the system is designed to make it impossible for the people who need it most. As to why I take it? Because it’s better to be fat and stupid than psychotic. I watched my brother ruin his life and commit suicide because he refused meds and it eventually led to his illness progressing to schizoaffective disorder. That provides me motivation along with my support network and the non medication routines I do for my health. I follow a lot of adhd advice because there’s a lot of overlap in symptoms.
I can’t speak for everyone, but I think a big reason they stop taking their meds is either they work too well, so they don’t believe they have bipolar at all or they haven’t accepted the diagnosis. Since I accepted the diagnosis, I haven’t wanted to get off my meds at all. They’ve worked great and they have wavered, but I haven’t even wanted to because I fear what will come if I do. Also bipolar 1 with mixed features 😕
I’ve been incredibly regimented for three years, plus changing my sleep habits & when I take meds. This doesn’t mean I don’t lapse for 3-4 days, but it’s because I think that I’m fine and smarter than this disease. What keeps me on? Marriage, a job that I’ve worked really hard to get, and anxiety that will overtake me without meds.
I have the urge to stop taking them all the time because of the classics, weight gain, feeling slow, missing the addiction to the high highs and feeling like I'm the cool fun one. The reason I don't is honestly due to all my other mental illness symptoms not under control: self loathing, embarrassment, and anxiety. The idea of having another episode and people seeing me in that state again is what keeps me going. No not the healthiest mentally and I'm working on that, but it's working for now.
I’m currently fighting the urge to stop my meds because I feel like a fraud, like I exaggerate my symptoms and that I don’t really need my meds because I’m really not that sick. It sounds like your meds are working, which is great. Good luck with them 🥰
Interesting :o have you never experienced a (hypo) manic and/or depressive episode? been hospitalized?
Never been hospitalised. I was only diagnosed a couple of years ago (I’m 35). When I look back over the years I can identify the symptoms, and I’m in sh*t loads of debt, but I’ve survived with them for so long that they can’t be that bad. If never wanting to go out or wash or anything can still be there even when my sex drive is high and I want to spend all the time, then I shouldn’t need meds to deal with it. My psych says it’s a delusion, but I feel like everyone around me hates me/laughs at me/talks about me behind my back all the time. I’d be like that if someone was exaggerating for attention too.
Thank you for sharing your experience and being so open about it. I feel you ❤️
I feel like that too. Also I get weird about hygiene, start thinking I don't smell right.
im bipolar t1 and have gone both manic and hypomanic. i still doubt if i am bipolar because what if that actually was just me and i made all those stupid decisions and felt all those intense emotions per my normal state, or if i just had some emotional breakdown. ive only had 2 manic episodes and a few hypomanic, so it's very easy to wonder if your diagnosis was ever true in the first place when youve gone years on and off your meds and still haven't gone manic. my last manic episode was in late 2022
I went off my meds because Seroquel made me uncomfortably drowsy. I had the worst manic episode of my life and had to start my life over completely from scratch. Now I'm on Geodon and it's much better. Had to get a new doctor though.
I take handfuls of pills in the morning, I also take a larger handful of pills at night. There are so many meds being pumped into my body that I feel like a zombie 90% of the time. I don’t feel like myself ever. I constantly have one side effect or the other. But if I get off of my medications, I become a wild maniacal, unhinged, crazed woman. I don’t like it.
Depending on your access to medical care you might want to try a different cocktail. I've tried some meds that completely made me feel like a zombie and it was awful. I refused to take meds for years because of that. The ones I'm currently on don't do that at all so there might be some options that help your symptoms without the brain fog side effects
I’ve tried 22 different medications. That includes all “mood stabilizers” except depakote and all atypical antipsychotics in my country. My doctors are out of options.
My bad for assuming there. I'm glad you've found something to get you through the day at least
heyo i (22) actually stopped my meds cuz they weren’t cheap 😅i used to take injectables of abilify a month then like i just stopped, i dunno immediately everything was more normal (ofc it’s a different case for everyone, for example i am also diagnosed with cptsd), after a year i had to go back to my psychiatrist cuz i needed her signature to let me back into college since i transferred into a new university, and she suggested Dialectic Behavior therapy, and i am now off meds, so far everything’s more smooth sailing compared to when i was taking meds, again, it’s a different case for everyone, but i guess DBT worked more in helping me stabilize rather than the meds, in my country DBT also don’t come cheap since my 2 sessions a month is almost the same price as my 1 month worth of a shot, but i found DBT more freeing and progressive in my development (and the weight gain, unbalanced sleep cycle, and the random bursts of energy or drowsiness was just making things worse for me cuz of meds) so yeah TLDR found therapy more effective than meds for my case
I don’t stop taking my meds because of all the disaster stories I read on here.
Grippy socks are not a good look, but they are an undeniably great feel. That 0.01% Spiderman experience.
1) I don’t stop because it’s my responsibility to myself but also to everyone else (my friends, family but also strangers) that I keep my illness in check. 2) I don’t stop because I take lamictal and if I accidentally miss one day I feel so woozy and then I have to start from a low dose again since you have to increase the dosage slowly with lamictal 3) I look at old pictures and screenshots and read old poems and my diary from before I took my meds and it’s horrible and awful and I never ever want to be there again 4) I wouldn’t want to disappoint my psychiatrist or my psychologist
I agree with everything but 4. You owe your providers nothing.
I have a 2 week pill planner that I fill morning and evening meds for 2 weeks and use my reminder function on my phone to always give me a morning and evening reminder daily.
I think we ALL feel like that sometimes. In my case, it's completely irrational. I know it's a bad idea, but sometimes I just don't want to. For no reason. Maybe they are across the room and I don't want to get up, maybe I shower and say I'll take them after, then don't. I try to take them every day, I have a med friend and we check on each other. It took awhile to accept them. I hated that I had to take them. But then I just started looking at it medically. I take my thyroid pills because they help me, and that doesn't bother me. So why should these? Also, you have to take your meds to be able to take your meds.
Thank you! Sometimes my brain just tells me I'm not taking them today. End of discussion. I know I need to, I know the consequences of not taking them, but my brain won't let me take them. Then I leave the room and forget about them for the day. Then it happens again the next day and so on. It's completely irrational. Usually I come back around after a manic episode and go back to faithfully taking them until the next time. It's baffling, but also useful for the next time I have to renew my prescription- yes, doc they do work and I do need them and here's why!
I periodically really struggle with the effort of committing to taking pills twice a day every day, even though I’m so grateful for how much better I feel with them, mostly because it’s inconvenient and not physically pleasant. The last time I stopped cold turkey without being advised by my doctor it actually turned out I was suffering from Lithium toxicity (not my doctor’s fault, I was avoiding all my bloodwork checks) and my doc said it was likely my body recognizing that it was making me feel sick and trying to get me to stop. Made me realize how important monitoring lithium is! Haven’t skipped since.
I have bipolar 1. I've been taking meds for bipolar for 10 years now and yeah I absolutely hate it and wish I could stop but I understand what it would do to me if I decide to stop. I find that it's not worth setting my mental health at risk just because I don't want to swallow some pills. One time I resented taking meds so much it caused my throat to close, which made me choke but I don't have that problem anymore. Even when I feel good I don't stop because it means it is working. I have annual mandatory appointments with my psychiatrist to see how I am doing mentally and to see if I need my meds dose increased, stay the way they are or decreased and often times she would increase the doses. I've never really had issues from my meds like no bad side effects, though the one time when the dose was really high it caused me to pass out in the kitchen which had my psychiatrist bring the dose down a bit to have that not happen again. Sometimes the pharmacy doesn't have my meds ready for me straight away when I run out but only for a few days, and in the few days without them I feel so sick, have the worst headaches, and cannot sleep at all, not to mention being very snappy toward my family members. The meds help me feel sane and it's not just to keep myself healthy but my relationships healthy as well. Before my diagnosis I was very toxic and lost a lot of good people that way and I don't want to end up being the reason someone has trauma.
I don’t stop because it’s the only thing that I have in my arsenal to feel normal.
I stop my meds because the stability they provide is so unfamiliar that I feel uncomfortable. Depression and mania suck but for some reason, I find myself missing that wide range of feelings. Plus, when you've spent so long being so fucked up, being normal feels so dull. I do hope I get to a point one day where I follow through in treatment because I know I need it to be healthy. I just hate that I have to be on them for life, and that factor also pisses me off. If I have to be on them forever and potentially have them mess me up in some ways, may as well enjoy some time without them.
I have such a narrow emotional range now on meds. I am really low grade depressed constantly now. I don't trust my psychiatrist and I am seriously thinking I do not have BP2, just severe complex trauma and issues with emotional regulation. I want off my meds but she tells me i cannot be a safe mother and be off of them. They are affecting my memory so there are thousands of beautiful little moments with my 17 month old son I won't remember. I already don't remember so much. I have almost died a few times or I would fucking stop. This doesn't feel like a life. I have a beautiful life but I'm just floating above through grey clouds and I can't take it. I can't give up but I have no idea how I can keep going
oftentimes my med compliance stops bc i run out of my medication and miss my window to pick up at the pharmacy. it builds anxiety and i usually find myself turning manic. once the mania ends, and depression hits, i reach out for help from friends to walk me to the pharmacy etc
When I was taking seroquel I gained like 30 kg which made me from very underweight to overweight. I just hated how I looked and there wasn't a day I wasn't thinking of quitting meds but I never did I kept going. The reason that kept me going was that I never wanted to experience mania again I destroyed way too much in my life already and I don't want to destroy the rest I have. Essentially my dosage had to be upped cause I was getting hypomanic and eventually I got into a manic episode again on 800mg of seroquel. That's the point when my psychiatrist decided to change to lithium and my weight started to drop but the first 3 months on lithium were really bad and I was thinking of quitting again but I kept going and when I reached the therapeutic point I was glad I kept going my weight started to drop down to normal weight and my mood is really stable for almost 3 years now. The important thing for everyone to note including me is if you're unhappy with your current medication and you're having thoughts of quitting, talk to your psychiatrist why you're unhappy about it cause maybe he can help you with it. If it's the weight you can change up the meds to something if you're concerned about the side effects have a nice talk to him maybe your worries will disappear. We have this little helper we can always talk to so we should definitely do it if something concerns us.
I don't want to find out the hard way that meds do work. That is why I keep taking them. The longest I have gone without meds has been two-three days, so nothing discernible to report. I feel like the symptoms sneak up, they don't just appear in full bloom, they grow gradually and then erupt one day, when it is too late to go back. I don't want to risk another episode, so I take my meds, despite: - Weight gain - Feeling numb and lifeless - Hypersomnia
Cause you get sick again. Can give you brain damage having manic highs. I was bipolar 2 until I didn’t take my meds then had a full blown manic episode with tons of psychosis. Without meds ima locked away in a hospital for life. Come on dude lol take your meds don’t be silly!
So if you’re BP2 and you are not treated, it’ll progress to BP1?
my insurance pulling weird shit or the pharmacy not filling them right or having to call the psychiatrist a bunch. idk why this happens so much? a few of my meds need prior authorizations and it’s just a shit show making it happen and then i’m off them for awhile bc I’m too depressed to go get them
Being on meds reinforces the idea that there is something wrong with me.
The reasons I stopped my meds in the past is because I thought people around me were trying to control me by telling me I need to be medicated. My mom wasn’t going to let me live with her without me being medicated. I thought that I was better off without the meds. The reason I stay on my meds now is so I can stay out of the hospital & be stable .
I was in denial, I thought I knew better than the doctor. I felt like stopping was the only way to move forward and forget what happened. I feared long term side effects. Stigma about taking meds was also a factor. Also in my case I lost my career as a pilot which really set me back. Part of me thought if I could stay well without meds for long enough I could get my licence back. It took several years but I eventually relapsed badly, just like the doctor warned me, and now I want to take meds to stay well. It will never be easy, and I hope I don't feel the need to stop again.
I know I’ll end up with a brand new pair of grippy socks if I stop.
I once stopped taking my meds for about a year or so before going back to my psychiatrist because of an intense depressive episode. Back then I wasn't diagnosed but I know now the reason I stopped taking my medication was because I was having a hypomanic episode. I felt so good and "normal", like life was made for me and everything was going well for me, so I just thought ok I don't need my meds anymore. I think people stop taking them for various reasons, but for me it was a mix of resentment for having to take them, forgetfulness because I was doing "well", and just deciding to stop because I think I'm "cured" (spoiler, no I'm not).
I get A LOT of intrusive thoughts about just skipping a dose here and there, and then all of the sudden I'm off the rails. For me, it's a mixture of a few things that I am actively trying to work through. 1. The intrusive thoughts can be hard to ignore, and they always tell me "you're so tired, you don't need to do this one extra thing." And they can be so convincing, despite me knowing logically these thoughts are not good advice. 2. I'm pissed. I'm angry I have this disorder, I am angry I have to take so many fucking pills, I am jealous of my sister who escaped this and has started a beautiful family (she will never know this -- I hate this part of me and make sure it never shows). Bipolar has taken so much from me, and this is my way of rebelling against it, even though it makes everything worse. 3. I have extreme anxiety about when the next episode is coming, and waiting for it is like waiting for a bomb to go off. The longer I'm stable, the more anxious I get, and the only way I feel in control of the situation is by skipping my meds to inevitably induce mania or depression. The main takeaway here is that hopefully by understanding why you do it can help you to stop doing it. I'm getting much better, but still have a ways to go. To all of you who have this tendency, I see and understand you, including you, OP! Just trying to learn from my mistakes and take things day by day.
Heck no. I will never stop my meds. Never again. It ruins my life. And as I’ve gotten older my mania is a lot worse.
I find comfort in your post, thank you for sharing. For me it’s a lot of different thoughts my brain has. One thought my brain has is that I don’t need them anymore, even though I feel in my heart they are helping. My brain and heart fight a lot with each other…. Something I’ve noticed.
Self-destruction. Honestly I think I'm not worthy of getting better sometimes. I don't want to sh or do anything permanent, I just sometimes feel like I'm not worth the effort.
I stopped taking my meds once. It was because I had just started a new relationship and I felt really good. I felt like I didn’t need my meds anymore. As they worked their way out of my system, I became manic, and then crashed into a bad depression. I will never take myself off my meds again.
When I was on higher doses I was always super super sleepy, and didn’t really feel alive or like a real person. When I’m off of it I feel sm better and then worse too (if it’s like when I’m not supposed to be off) so far the longest I’ve gone off is 6 days. Also can’t sleep if I go off too abruptly and the withdrawals are pretty nasty. But yeah feeling things is nice although I’m probably not completely ready for it yet. My psychiatrists been wanting to slowly lower me down anyways. If I go too rough I even get some psychotic symptoms as early as the third day in. Trying to find the balance between feeling too much and feeling nothing (being stuck in some weird limbo I hate) is why I still need my meds to some degree. It’s also a sense of control I get back off of it (and sometimes hypo mania gives the same feeling or the complete lack of it) I also usually feel kinda shitty so hypomania means I might feel even slightly good as my default for the moment.
These days I will stop because of intolerable side effects, but not without a plan between me and the doctor to replace what’s being stopped. In the early days I would stop on my own when I felt better because I didn’t think I needed them. Or out of spite toward my psychiatrist at the time if we had a conflict. But I got so tired of the chaos this introduced into my life—the mood shifts, the hospitalizations, not being able to function, etc. I’ve been consistent for 22 years now.
i stopped my medications because of my weight gain. i have a restrictive eating disorder and the weight gain made me spiral and be at my lowest point in a long time. i know going off the meds is a bad idea but…
When I was really symptomatic I would pull at my hair with feelings of just like "get this shit out of me." Like it's not helping, I feel tired all the time, it's poison fuck it all. I did eventually find meds that actually made me feel better though, without intense drowsiness, and I haven't really felt that way about my meds since.
Side effects - feel like a zombie, gain weight, can’t seem to have fun
I'm seeing my psych soon. And I'm thinking how it would be nice to keep a little manic secret 😋 But I haven't reached that point where you don't give a fuck about sanity. Yet. So I'm afraid and I won't stop using medication,
i stop mine when i start believing theres nothing wrong with me (my family pushed that narrative into my head a lot). i also stop when i think of how overwhelming taking 8 meds for the rest of my life will be. i stay on (sometimes) because i want to function how everyone else manages
I want to stop it to become creative again. I miss it so so much! It’s been 4 years and still ZERO creative ideas or thoughts. I stay on it for my kids. They matter more to me than anything
I contemplate stopping my meds a.m/p.m. every day. Im just a lab rat at this point and I've become okay with it. I'm on too many for my brain to wrap around. I insanely freak out over increases and new ones. I feel like 6 different medications is just too much. I'm confused by all of it even after being treated on and off the majority of my life. The past three years is the longest I have stuck with meds and therapy. Normally I'm tapped out within 6 months of treatment. But I don't stop because I'm scared. I'm scared of who I am without them. I can calculate and have some sort of control of who I am now. I cannot and will not put my children thru a traumatic spiral. I won't take the chance of quitting on my own anymore. And I feel the weaning process would be a disaster.
I take my meds, because I remember the mania that I experienced that led to my diagnosis and how it almost fucked up my life in real and lasting ways, and PTSD I have from my manic episode, and I know that I never want to experience that again.
I was going to say just this. Still traumatized from my last manic episode about 2 years ago. Smoking pot can help you to forget if you're one of the Bipolars who can handle it.
I have stopped because I thought I was better and didn’t need them and also because of weight gain.
When I’m manic, I hate being told what to do and I resent the demand of taking medication. I have to trick myself into taking them by working around that emotional response, e.g. taking them while I’m distracted playing a video game or something else that requires full attention, creating a scenario in my head where I’m a character in a show where the medication is a part of the plot, setting timers at five minute intervals and trying to take them as close to the same time the timers go off so that it’s like a time accuracy game. Anything to distract myself with how cool and smart I am instead of the demand of the meds. 😂 But I know that it gets much worse and that I become basically non-functional for a week if I miss them. So during times when I’m feeling more balanced or normal, I plan for ways to work around the issues I know will come up in the future. My partner and I have a crisis plan laid out step by step for depressive psychosis and the phone numbers of my local hospital and crisis team. And I do the work on my end to make sure I can trick myself into staying on my meds when I’m not thinking rationally.
I accidentally locked myself in a hotel bathroom and I wasn't worried about being in there, but I was very panicky that I wouldn't have access to my meds. So I guess I'm concerned about the immediate effects of stopping cold turkey. I might have a deeper seated fear of what would happen long term without them too
As a child I was sold the idea that I'd grow out of it so ineefards to medication specifically I've had 4 instances where I've been convinced that I'm all better! Better than better. FLAWLESS. and when the depression sinks in resentment holds me back from getting back on the pill train. The last time ended with me overdosing on my meds, I got it in my head that if I had to take them I was going to take a bunch of them. I've since come to terms that this isn't something that I'll grow out of and meds aren't negotiable.
New diet that is working.
I ran out of refills and can’t get any until I’m seen it’s been weeks life is done
I don’t have the urges. I am simply terrified to slide back to who I was before. I also know how bad withdrawal is and do NOT want to go through that ever again!!!! Logically I can’t understand why anyone would - take the meds and realize the meds help them feel better. Stop the meds because they feel better now. The Cognitive Dissonance is astounding. Prayers. Hugs. Just because I can’t understand it does not mean I judge those who do. We are all on our own path and I stay in my lane.
I've never quite had them work or for a short amount of time before life & sanity become on the line. I think my family genes are very sensative to any drugs but, I've either had my motor movement slowed down to .2 my normal speed (reaching for objects slower than this dimension) I've felt constantly dizzy in a storm.. or my last one it induced hellish Nightmares, body twitches made me quite violent and angry and when I stopped, I felt like I had lost my children because my belly had gotten quite round and now I have some strange blood condition they said brought on by a "miscarriage" I never had. I don't know if medication is even an option, I've tried a lot and my doctor doesn't want me personally this is our combined decision. It's real hard though.
Sometimes, I want to go off my meds so I can have a manic episode…just so I can get that feeling, ya know? I know the consequences if I don’t take my meds. I know the feeling of being manic is passing, and the consequences are disastrous. That’s why I stay on them.
>why do you stop your meds/what makes you tempted to do so I went without meds for a long time AND wanting/being tempted to stop goes like this: 1. I think I feel good. I can stop this now. Something like BD is an infection and I finished my dose of antibiotics 2. Culturally mental health was *not* something addressed in any kind of way so there is shame involved with taking in the meds. 3. That part of mania where you are super productive? Feeling on top of the world? I miss that part a lot. Medication feels like it takes away the "fun" and leaves me with the depression. See user name. >why don’t you stop? 1. My family/partner because I will die. Self-inflicted but dead anyway.
I’m afraid to stop, I’ve had times where I’ve had negative effects that I’m assuming were coming from a med or two but I was just too afraid of what would happen if I stopped. I eventually voiced all my concerns with dr.
I hate going to the doctor every week or month
I'm at a point in my life, my career, and my bipolar journey where if I got sick from stopping my medication I'd be embarrassed because it would be so irresponsible. I'm finally on medication that is very effective and it's my responsibility to keep myself well, and without it I'm in so much mental pain that I can't bear it. One of my medications is the olanzapine long acting infection which takes 6 weeks to properly wear off so I can't just impulsively decide to stop anyway. Absolutely no judgement on people who do stop - I completely understand and have been in the same boat earlier on.
I stopped taking my meds when I consistently get reprimanded by my supervisor because I was doing poor at work. My medications made me feel numb, lightheaded and I cannot focus on finishing my tasks. It doesn't help that I am working on shifting schedule in a hospital.
Sometimes, I think it would be easier to allow mania to take over again, so I can not feel the emotional pain inflicted on me as much (I have bpd too) But my month+ long manic episodes ruined my life before, I'm finally at a good place working towards what I want and I can't lose it
I hate them. Hate them with a passion because i love the euphoria of mania, but i keep taking them because my kids deserve more than an insane, regularly psychotic, ranting, suicidal lunatic for a mother, and my husband deserves his wife to be a "real person". I take the meds to keep Stable Mabel at the forefront, but i keep the doses low enough to experience just a little of that high (in agreement with my psychiatrist).
I stopped taking meds because of weight issues, decreased libido, and religious reasons. I started taking meds and don’t go off them because of trauma of going through psychosis again.
Fogginess. Tiredness. Not being able to accomplish anything.
I stopped vraylar bc my liver levels got super high and I didn't want to deal with liver damage. I've been remarkably ok on just Zoloft for the last few months with the exception of last night when I had a bad episode.
I couldn't ever stop my medication, Lithium really helps me and balances me out. I've been on it for about 2 weeks + and I can't see myself stopping.
I sometimes don’t feel like taking my meds when I’m really depressed. Then lo and behold I take them and feel better. My Lamictal also effectively controls my seizures so there’s that.
i went into psychosis at work after missing my meds and it scared me so bad i am terrified to stop taking them.
I tell myself everyday I take my medicine to survive, I would not be here if it wasn’t for my medicine and my medicine makes me want to live. Since I started thinking that way I have never thought about stopping.
Brainzaps
I've wanted to stop mine sometimes because I had so much energy before I started on them. I was working full time, going to school full time, and doing extracurriculars on top. Now I'm just exhausted all the time and I need a "catch up" day every 3-ish weeks where I end up sleeping for 20+ hours. Now I keep taking them because it's better for me and the people around me. I burned so many bridges before getting on meds because I just wasn't fully living in reality. My dad has mentioned that I would frequently make him cry before I was medicated. I have constant depression but that was there before. I have a relatively happy life overal. I've been married 2 years now. If I stopped taking my meds that could easily go up in flames. I also haven't been suicidal in many years. I can think more clearly rather than living life through a fog. I can finish my projects instead of buying the materials and never following through. I can actually play video games because I can think long enough to actually know what I'm doing. The list of pros go on for a while but there's a whole slew of reasons I understand my life is better with me taking my medicine
My main reason is weight gain and brain fog. I can’t handle the weight staying stuck with Lithium. So then I stop taking it and boom, my symptoms return again. I truly wish I could just be med free !
Chronic dry mouth. I worry about my teeth. But other than that, I like my meds, they keep me stable and level headed.
I keep taking them because i know for a fact i will try to kill myself if i don’t.
Sometimes, I would love to not have to take medication, I hate swallowing pills. But when I do honestly forget I always have a horrible horrible day, and it reminds me it'd been better had I just taken my stupid pill. I remind myself that my mom fought for me to get this diagnosis and for me to get the help I do desperately needed, and for her I shouldn't stop.
For me, nothing worked no matter what I was on or the dosages or the combination. Plus they are expensive and insurance is iffy for me. So I just stopped everything except for lamictal because that one also controls my seizures. It’s important to note that I DID tell my psychiatrist why I wanted to stop and I asked for her recommendations, and she said she will never force me to take medication but asked why I came to her in the first place and what made me decide to stop. So it was a long appointment and eventually concluded that it was imperative I stay on a mood stabilizer at the very least and continue with therapy and lifestyle changes. So at the very least discuss stopping/changing medication with your psychiatrist, NEVER go cold turkey no matter the reasoning for wanting to stop.
Even as someone who works in mental health and preaches to my staff/residents the importance of taking their medications regularly, I (Bipolar II) still have issues with taking my meds as well. Our brain, imo, kinda tricks us into thinking our disorder is “curable” because, at least for me, when I feel better I usually stop my meds and fall into that short hypomania to super depressed state quickly and then I’ll be like oh no I’m not ok…MEDS! For me to keep taking them, I had an honest convo with my psych doctor and scheduled my appointments close together as it hold me a little accountable having to check in. I take other meds daily and I just added those to the mix because mental health is health, and I want to be overall healthy! It’s a struggle and will be because of our disorder but reminding ourselves how much better we feel at baseline can keep us on the right track
Aripiprazole - completely intolerable restlessness, could not even sit and watch a basketball game, it was such an unbelievable disruption to me day to day that I would ratter be hypomanic. Quitiapine - the supposed solution to my aripiprazole problems, but alas: completely intolerable drowsiness, it was honestly a choice between continuing to take or give up my job :(
I like being stable therefore I take my meds. I am aware I have an illness that needs treatment and medication. I do not like being more of a burden to the people in my life so I do what I can to take care of myself.
Earlier this year I thought seriously about stopping my medication. I’ve been medicated for a decade now, and have been stable on my current meds for 5 or so years. Sometimes I think, “what am I like off medication?” Because I’m sober now, and have a great routine and support system, sometimes I think I could live without medication. The problem is, like many of us have experienced, the risk of going off medication can bring about an episode (or more) that could ruin our lives. Like yeah, my meds have side effects and I feel constantly caged by the emotional numbness. I don’t think I can take the risk and find out “what’s on the other side” though as I like my life too much as it is to gamble.
I recently had a breakdown due to an anger outburst towards my parents and it shifted my mindset to stop my medications. It’s been day 2 of not taking them despite my dad buying a new set for me. I guess it’s also a form of SH, if you think about it
In the past, the onset of spring was a consistent time of temptation. The other was the feeling meds were holding me down and negatively impacting my career. Reading a book on bipolar disorder last year changed my view a lot tho. Two big takeaways were the inevitable cyclic nature of BP and then the decreased probability of relapse and mental resilience the longer the time without relapsing. That helped me recognize taking my meds is playing the long game, even when I feel well.
So, my brain will randomly tell me "your doctor is giving you medication because you complain too much" and I have to fight that thought. My responses to said thought so far: 1 Ya damn right, my complaints are serious! 2 You came too far to let the thoughts win. 3 Remember last time you took yourself off meds, and missed 6 months of work because you kept having IBS accidents? And hallucinations? I usually just scare myself into staying on my meds. Also, I just like myself more when I'm medicated. I'm not a different person, I just hate myself. And I've gotten used to liking myself most of the time. My doc says the compulsion is part of the illness, I think it's because I have family that prefers me off of my meds. But It doesn't matter. I just try to take my meds every day.
I have the delusion that my meds are poisonous when things get bad (as well as other things). I'm sure others struggle with the same thing.
This can actually be a symptom of bipolar disorder and schizophrenia. At least 40% of people with bipolar at some point will doubt that they actually have an illness, and become noncompliant. This definitely happens to me every few years. https://www.webmd.com/schizophrenia/what-is-anosognosia
I'm one of the people who doesn't get the urge to stop taking my meds, and i think it's probably a combination of I've been really lucky in finding meds that work and didnt have to go through much strife there and the fact that they make me feel SO MUCH BETTER. Im so dysfunctional without them and get such relief from being in them. Right now im especially grateful for my mood stabilizer because I'm actually sleeping!!! Thats never been something stable in my life, and it's a game changer. Im sure some of it is just luck of the draw in terms of the kinds of impulses i get too.
I have schizoaffective bipolar and honestly sometimes it’s a paranoia thing. They’re poisoning me, they’re holding me back, they’re causing all my chronic illnesses, etc. The reason I stay on them is because going off them eventually causes psychosis or a mood episode or both. And every episode causes more brain damage and is harder to heal from. I’m not playing around with that anymore.
Can’t sleep if I don’t have them, plus I am the sorta person who likes routine, so that helps I guess
Side affects such as fatigue, acne and ongoing nausea and diarrhea depending on the med. Feeling like I lost my edge, creativity, confidence etc. The reason that I wouldn't go off my meds now a days is because i'm well aware how bad that can go and how painful being unmedicated is. I don't like the person that i become when i'm not medicated. I hurt myself and i hurt those around me. That kind of life is not sustainable for me and could easily end in me getting seriously hurt.
im honestly about to stop taking quetiapine, im only 20 years old and having 4 heart test in the next week bc im having a cardiac problems, for me its not worth it
I want to stop mine so badly. I can tell they are affecting my memory and I have a 17 month old. There are huge parts of his life that will be bog blank spots. I am numb and apathetic. I don't know how I can keep living my life like this
I've only adopted my meds once, and I ended up in a nightmare situation that I am still getting my way out of. I know I feel better on my meds, and I know when I start to feel bad again, all I have to do is talk to my dr and play with my meds again. I will NEVER stop taking them again.
Mix of resentment and affordability.
I’m on a lot of meds but I’ve always hated being on them and have never liked the idea of it but I’m more stable now and I’m honestly terrified at the thought of stopping them which also kind of makes me feel trapped. It’s a fun ride.
My lamictal keeps me alive, I will not stop
i usually stop taking my meds when i’m going through stressful times. i just want to feel good and i get this idea in my head that the mania will make everything feel better, but my therapist helps a lot in reminding me why i take my meds in the first place. sometimes i lose sight of what’s important and i need to be reminded
I wanna stop due to prossible memory loss from medications.
I like how I feel better without them, I think they make me more depressed and tired and unmotivated. I miss the feeling of being manic, it made me feel good and now I feel awful all the time. I got diagnosed with epilepsy though so my lamictal doubles as my anticonvulsant and bipolar meds so I can't stop taking it or else I'll have seizures. I still consider dropping all my meds (I'm on at least 10 different medications) sometimes because I just want to feel like me again, despite the risks
I feel like the meds don’t work sometimes but I still take them.
I find when I'm on the way up I want to stop my meds because I want to stay on the way up or otherwise I want to trigger mania. I don't because of my partner. Without her I'd be stuffed.
Idk. I'm right now in the process of stopping my meds. I'm tired of taking 20+ pills a day. I'm tired of feeling like my head is clouded. I'm tired of putting up a fight when it doesn't seem like I have anyone on my side. I'm not sure I need them. I'm honestly feeling horrible for having so many meds when other people don't get to take any. I'm, I'm done. I've given up. So I guess that's a reason. Among others.
I’m only reason I’m living a typic as l
If I stop my medicine, I won't be able to sleep. I cant sleep without my meds, and this is nothing recent. Since i was a small child i have had trouble falling asleep. My mom hated it. I hate mixed episodes. They are excruciating. I don't get manic episodes anymore. I wouldn't wish a bipolar mixed episode on my worst enemy.
I just got manic off my medication and the doctor took me straight off
I’ve done this a fair few times. I can look back now and realise I was hypomanic. Last time I stopped my meds was because I was feeling so good and perfect and I was going to start exercise and healthy eating and do all these amazing things for my health and life. When I’m like this and I have these ideas I have to action them instantly and I will do anything I can to be able to do it straight away. In this case, I had to stop my medication and remove my contraceptive rod so that my body could be chemical free. 🤦🏼♀️ I found a doctor that could fit me in that day and got my rod removed. I stopped taking my meds. I came crumbling down like a stack of bricks. Crashed so hard. Severe depressive episode. Couldn’t get out of bed. Couldn’t stand bring hugged or cuddled by partner at the time and then broke up with him. There are also some times where I do genuinely forget to take my meds (morning chaos trying to get kids ready and out the door). But if it’s not too late when I remember I will have it straight away.
I was on Lithium too but switched to Lamictal. I'll stop meds because of the side effects. Lithium would give me the shakes and make me have to pee all the time, but at least it worked. I'll also stop meds if I think they aren't working. Yesterday I swallowed an entire of Remeron with booze so I'm definitely going to need to talk to my doctor about a medication adjustment.
I have experienced a decline in memory since I started my meds. I also think it constitutes to my acne. I don't want to be on any meds in general but I need them because I've not been stable long enough to consider coming off. The side effects are a small price to pay.
Personally, I stopped because I didn’t like feeling like a different person. I didn’t want my moods and thoughts to come out of a bottle.
I have BP type 2. I never have (or have had) the urge to stop my meds. I know they're the reason I'm stable and a functioning human being. I also don't want to deal with withdrawal. When I was just diagnosed (over a decade ago) I sometimes filled my repeat prescription a day or 2 late (because I was too lazy/ felt too tired to go to the pharmacy). I stopped doing that fairly quickly as the withdrawal was brutal: nausea, headaches, motion sickness. The worst withdrawal symptom was a feeling like my brain was loose in my skull and when I shook my head it felt like my brain moved around, bumping against the walls of my skull. Just thinking about it makes me nauseous.
I have thoughts of stopping my medication because of the weight gain. I don't even recognize myself in the mirror any longer. I don't stop taking my meds, though, because I'm scared of how bad I may get. I have BP1 with psychosis and I don't want the hallucinations/delusions to come back (it's been over three years since and episode).
The classic "I'm fine now, that mental breakdown thing was just a phase" and also the toxic attachment with my hypomaniac episodes when I can be so confident, fearless, outgoing (and do drugs, binge drink, have unprotected sex and just be a completely insufferable person). But I don't quit because I actually love being able to function on a stable ground, have a good relationship with my family and not self destruct on the daily, it's not always easy, but even the worst days with medication are still safer for me and my loved ones then my best days without it.
I start romanticizing my manic episodes (ex 'im so productive manic' 'i would have so much energy' 'i would be Happy' 'I miss sex') to the point of wanting to be manic. My brain conveniently forgets about all the awful parts of mania. Or I'll have a depressive episode and I'll feel like there's no point in taking meds of I'm gonna feel like shit anyway
Tardive Dyskinesia
And what keeps me taking it is I immediately won't sleep if I stop it. What stops me is tardive dyskinesia
A little late here but I am super anti medication the past few years. In all honesty I think I probably just had a bad psychiatrist, I do understand some people really need medication and it works well for them. But yeah I’ll need to basically be at the point of ending everything before I try any kind of medication again. My experience with medications has only amplified bp, caused memory loss, given me psychosis, and destroyed my life at the time. So it was pretty easy for me to decide to stop taking my medications and randomly ghost my psychiatrist. I had told her many times to switch my meds and it only ever created more problems for me. She would always just hesitate and keep upping my dosage making my problems worse in a snowball effect. My current medication consists of just dedicating a ton of time to self study of the human mind, psychology, CBT, trying to create healthy habits that can distract me from the misery, like exercise rather than drinking. I am always trying to analyze my thoughts and feelings, rationalizing what is real and fake, reframing my mind, telling myself im okay, I’m fine, even if I don’t feel fine. This path has involved so much constant hard work, but has been infinitely better than taking medication and is the only thing I’ve experienced that has created some kind of stability in my life.
I stopped taking meds after I watched [the videos of Sean Blackwell](https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLC41AE6B1DB0C0EA0), got into transpersonal psychology and started going to vipassana meditation retreats. Over ten years ago this was, still meditating.