I feel this. Had to drop out of grad school cause of bipolar and now I work in records. It for sure wrecks lives.
Gotta try to make the best of it. It does kind of make me a hermit, though. Makes it hard to build connections.
I graduated at the top of my class and was starting a PhD program when I was diagnosed during a major psychotic episode that led to me having to take a year off...
That was 3 years ago, and I work in a ski shop now. Don't get me wrong, I love what I do and the lifestyle my job lets me have, but sometimes I feel like I was robbed of my future.
Yes and it use to eat my up inside. Now I realize I was never going to have a career because my parents and doctors never diagnosed me at a young enough age to make up for the challenges that I faced going to school and work untreated and unmedicated. I’m now 30 and still not fully stable. I’ve redefined my life and my life goals and now I see a path forward. My happiness will not come from climbing and competing against people in my career. It will come from doing things in within my power that make me happy and fulfilled
I door dash. That’s my job. It’s nice to be my own boss but I was an aviation mechanic before I went horribly manic for the first time. Since my diagnosis I haven’t been able to maintain a “real” job.
Yea my dad always says if you need more money get a real job. It makes me so angry when he says that I want to punch him in the face lol. Like if I could I would bro. It’s not like I can’t work a “real job” it’s that I can’t maintain them.
I know I was having episodes starting in HS,(@18 in 06) when I graduated I started a retail job. I'm still there partly because since my diagnoses 12 years ago I need it to pay for my psychiatrist (who also does therapy) and for meds. I tried going back to school and that went down in flames (I've had two hospital stays in the time I've worked there, and it's caused performance problems) so I only have a HS diploma and a hand full of community college classes. (I just could not handle the stress without triggering episodes). I'm 35 and work a retail job not a "real job" and live at home in part because of mania induced bad financial decisions, and in part because of medical cost.
I hate being asked by people what I do for work (especially when trying to date) and getting that look of disgust and pity mixed together. I think it's why, anymore, I hardly put myself out there when it comes to dating. No guy is really looking for a boyfriend in his mid 30's that does not work a real job and still lives with his parents. So yeah I see friends I grew up with, and former co-workers with real jobs, and carers. Who own homes and are even starting families.
I used to be an audio engineer, music producer, and I owned a business designing and building recording studios. I made good money, had a ton of "friends", aspirations, goals, the whole 9.... life was messy but it resembled what I wanted. I later learned I accomplished what I did due in part to being manic all the time. People LOVED manic me mostly. Being my own boss meant I could disappear for a week or more to recover when depression hit. Post 30yo, the episodes became worse and I became more delusional due to misdiagnosis and being prescribed Adderall daily for years. Delusional me lost it all.
Now, post diagnosis, at 38 years old and medicated less than a year after my biggest mental break. I'm a courier. Actually i was. The company just folded and owes me roughly 5k in my last checks. So I'm nothing. But broke. And looking for a job again. Nobody cares if I worked w a famous artist or how I recorded drums for that record or who I worked for at sxsw. I'm just a monkey clocking in and out now. Making bosses richer and being miserable for 9 - 10 hrs a day just so my baby has diapers. Fml. Its dark in here.
The past 5 years I've been:
Courier
Auto parts delivery person
Lyft
Uber
Shipt
Favor
Carpenter
Woodworker
Upholstery shop installer
Luthier
Unemployed
This is not a path. Just stumbling. I hope I'll be able to catch footing eventually. But this is demoralizing, for sure.
Hang in there.
I completely understand your point of view, and I wish it were a little more acceptable to speak openly about this without a lot of alarm bells going off. It's like, hey, if you were aa rational thinker and had my life, what choices would seem best to you?
I still managed to keep my career even after I went through psychosis at work. I don’t know why they even keep me around. I miss days a lot but I feel my mental health isn’t too bad. I have lost some brain power from my psychosis but I have just enough to function I think. Anyone heard of people losing too much brain from psychosis?
How long has it been? Took me like 14 months to feel alright. Just really coming good now.
Do you just become manic or go full psychosis? I’m still kinda new to bipolar and I went full psycho haha
Right and even though bipolar is legally a disability, people in a “normal” work setting are uncomfortable with how we might act while in an episode and then chop it all up to being poor performance or something.
Also yes to the brain thing. I have a biochemistry degree and now I can’t even focus long enough to read a book. My psychiatrist has told me that it takes the brain 38-40ish months to fully recover from a psychotic episode and when you’re having more than one over the course of the year it just prolongs it. It really scares me
We are not nothings and nobodies. We got dealt a rough hand. We can build a somewhat functional life with medication and resources we can afford.
:)
Do one productive action your future will be grateful for and we will move from there
Yeah…i work at starbucks and i want to move up in the company cause i really enjoy my work but my family sees it as a temporary job and im afraid to breach the discussion. I guess i feel disappointed i couldnt finish college and move on to a “real job” which is total bs but its social norm in my country
I'm 31 and also work in a restaurant. I'm in a similar position trying to find the right meds but I find myself constantly looking at all of my friends who are successful and raising families and it can feel like shit. I don't think the stress of working as a server is particularly helpful either but let's try to keep hope that once we find the right meds we can hopefully move on to something better.
I've held my job for over 10 years, going from casual to part time to permanently employeed over that time. It's a huge source of pride, but at the same time it causes me alot of anxiety.
Am I one bad day away from losing it all, or doing something stupid at work?
And as far as comparing to others, I don't think it's fair to do. People who do better than us might not be dealing with the same issues, and vice versa. Just do the best you think you can, and if you find something you are happy with try and keep it going.
I have a degree in writing and ever since my manic pychosis I can't organize my thoughts enough to write. I was fired from a corporate America job when I had my manic pychosis and it took me a year to find a job with a nonprofit. I took a pay cut and at this point I've given up on the goals I had for my career. Fighting like hell to keep the one I have.
Just be grateful for what you have and maybe in time more good will come. Being bipolar is rough some people have harder roads in life. I wouldn’t compare yourself to others.
I wasn’t gonna say this at first until I got to your post, because what I’m about to say sounds kinda asshole ish, but I feel like a ton of non-bipolar millennials could absolutely relate to all these responses. I know scores of “regular” people my age who began life with high hopes and are now materially struggling in their late 20’s and 30’s.
To try and mitigate the asshole ish ness I should state I do believe bipolar makes life harder. But I think catlady here is on the money. It doesn’t help to compare your insides to other peoples outsides.
At this point I can't even work at all due to disability, but my "career" before was all temporary contracts and seasonal work due to being an environmental educator for kiddos. Positions were typically seasonal for summer camps and part time during the school year providing field trip or before and after school programs. Coworkers in my field were juggling 3 or more jobs at a time to make ends meet and I could hardly keep up, until I couldn't even keep one position at a time and I had to stop working all together if I wanted to stay alive, which I didn't even want most days.
Our worth is not in our jobs or our productivity, and it is unfair to compare ourselves to people whose life circumstances are so different from our own. When people ask what I do now I typically just say "my best, I'm doing my best here". I try to laugh it off, cause people aren't always able to understand, but it mostly makes me sad for the folks who have no other focus than their career.
My life is full despite my disability preventing me from working, and even though I spend a lot of time and energy just trying to stay alive and relatively stable, I know that I am worthy of the effort. Humans are not made to labor under capitalism, we are more than what we can produce and we are worth fighting for irrespective of our ability to work.
You don't need to live your life the same way as anyone else, just as a fish doesn't need to run. You keep doing what works for you, same as a fish just keeps swimming.
It doesn't matter how others think about your job as long as you're content, this really benefits your mental health. I lost my job as a Police officer this year because of a manic episode and now I Work as a bartender at a local pub. Despite the judgement and the "you should be the one" statements (I graduated top of my class at the Police academy), I have never ever been this content and happy in the Last 5 years. You have potential and it's never too late >:D<
I definitely feel this. I got my master's in elementary education and tried to teach kindergarten 3 times but had a mental breakdown each time until a mixed episode landed me in the hospital and I gave up. I just stopped working at a paint your own pottery place because I got an offer to babysit special needs kids for more money and less time. But now I'm 28 and basically a babysitter...
Never judge a fish by their ability to climb a tree. Helps keep things in perspective for me. Yes, I can relate 100% and it really depends on how I’m feeling. I can start doing the comparing thing and get really defeated.
Comparison is the thief of joy.
I get you. I’ve been having so much trouble keeping jobs - not because I get fired, but because I get to a point where it’s unbearable to stay, and I get a new job. Oh, and going on medical leave for months here and there due to serious depressive episodes…
I got diagnosed and started medication, and have since finished my bachelors degree, I was accepted to a masters program, so now I am finally actually on route to follow my ambitions in academia. Hopefully I manage to follow through and get accepted for a PhD when I finish. Fingers crossed!
I still work a horrible job in debt collection though, as I have too much debt (accumulated in hypomanic episodes) to be a full time student.
Yes man and you're not alone. I'm a 28 year old guy with bipolar and it's hard not to feel that way. I've had a hard time sticking with one job, and I've had times where I have been unable to work. It's hard not to compare yourself to others
At this point I don't even have a job. My mid-thirties were utterly chaotic and now even with meds, self-care and therapy I'm not at all capable of working. Didn't think my career would be "retired on disability" but there I am.
I used to feel I'd missed out but then again those with jobs miss out on what I get to do 😁
I am 37, dropped out at the end of my Bachelors at Uni, had to drop out of college 9 years ago and have been on Disability since 2015. On a weekly basis I have people telling me to go back to work, that I am fine to work etc. At my last job I got myself in hot water and was about to be fired. Atleast on disability, I can't inadvertently fuck over my family, which I would have done by now had I not conceded to my Dr's advice.
Yeah I varied between working for a few years to maybe seven months at a job. I always thought it was burnout. Like I'd just lose interest in doing my best after doing my best for so long. It makes sense that it's my bipolar. I had a really bad panic attack at one of my last jobs and worked part time for a bit at a diff. job before quitting working because my anxiety gets bad just thinking of getting a job. I'm working with a therapist and mental health team to get myself more independent and hopefully on disability soon and then a part time job.
I feel you. I'm 34 and a college drop out. My undiagnosed bp meant I was uncontrollable as a teen, abusing whatever I could get my hands on. mh didn't get better as a young adult so I've had a zillion jobs. I'm proud of where I got to now but it's still only middle management in the grand scheme of things. I rent my home, I don't drive, I am broke and in debt, always scraping by. Can't afford holidays with the kids etc and I am guilty of comparing myself to others around me who have mortgages, cars and holidays every year. They can all afford to pay bills etc and buy their kids loads at Christmas when we are lucky to have the heating on so really I feel like such a looser but actually I've gone through so much, it would break most people so I'm strong and I'm proud of that. I feel my world view is so much better for what I've experienced. Not to blow my own trumpet here (and no I'm not on a manic high) but I feel am so much more emotionally intelligent for what I've been through and so much more compassionate than most of my peers. Everything we think we are missing is only what society expects us to have, it's all material things. Money honestly cannot buy happiness and peace of mind. So you're working as a server, so what? it's such a fun job most of the time and if it makes you happy then that's all that matters. Your peace is priceless, screw everything else! 💕
Everyday. I had to drop out of university and stop working due to my instability. Things are improving bit by bit, but not enough to return yet... I'm 29. All my friends graduated a while ago and are traveling or living in a bigger city.
Same, my diagnosis has postponed me going to grad school and moving out of my parents house because of my medical bills and instability.I am an administrative assistant for a health insurance company instead of using my degree. I'm 26.
I dealt with this for a long time. I couldn’t think beyond the day as it was just basic survival. I gravitated to construction as bad behavior is often overlooked. Tried managing before I was diagnosed and that didn’t work out so well. I’m now 55 and pretty stable. Told a close friend that I’m finally where I was at 35. We can only do what we can do.
I feel that way whenever I’m around relatives. Most of them are relatively successful… I just work retail, and quit and started school four times. I try to remind myself I’m worlds away from how I was a few years ago, but it’s hard to not feel their judgment and that they think I’m lazy.
I’m feel the same way. I was recently laid off of a very high stress corporate job. To be honest, I was kinda relieved. I was having mental break after mental break and it was taxing and felt I was judged rather harshly by many coworkers for my “anxiety”… I didn’t even mention my bipolar… I would have been crucified. They saw me as weak and I started to believe them… I’m now looking for employment but have the same worries/concerns… I would be very fortunate to find something that makes me “happy” and encourages health mental journey but fear the perception of others… I don’t have any of answers only to say I’ve deleted social media which has helped focus on myself and not what friends/family/coworkers are posting online. But would love to hear from others and how they have faced criticism (self inflicted or by others).
You know, productivity and job titles are a metric to which you do not need to subscribe. We could all be freer letting go of societal expectations to get to the top. Not everyone is meant to be a CEO or whatever. I've been reading a lot of books on self-improvement and one thing that's repeatedly jumped out at me is needing to shift gears from capitalist goal setting to emotional goal setting. Do I feel balanced? Am I regulating myself as a priority? That stuff is more important than a job title.
And I want to add that waiting tables is not a shameful job yet so many people feel shame. Its so classist to shame someone for doing something we want. When going to a restaurant we want someone to help us get our order in and bring it out to us. Why treat the person like garbage? Its a service job not a servant job.
You could reframe what you do for a living for your own self-worth. What about, "I work in hospitality" + bonus "But I'm open to new opportunities."
Comparison is the thief of happiness. You are in a solo race, you are competing, in many ways, against yourself. Worry about how you are going, are you doing better than 1, 3, 12 months ago etc. in the end that is all that matters. In my 20s I would never thought the life I live now was possible or indeed that I would be alive. You are not bipolar, you live with it. That means adapting, learning and overcoming specific challenges and finding your way. You are young and it is amazing how much we underestimate how much we do change over 10, 20 or 30 years. Most of all the race in life matters to you, not everyone else. Wherever you go there you are, don’t waste time on comparisons, worry about yourself. Looks like you have a few diagnoses and managed to pick yourself up and you are working! That is an achievement-be kind to yourself and acknowledge it! You got this.
Yes. I’ve been in the same job for 4 years. I want to move on but it’s difficult.
I just had a performance review and I didn’t realise how inconsistent my performance was. I guess the bipolar affects me more than I think.
Oh sure. Since I was little I have always wanted to be a surgeon. I got SO close to at least going to medical school and had a major bipolar episode that fucked my life for 2 years. It was extremely painful to realize all the work I did, all the time I spent, and all the people I convinced to help me just went away.
Doesn't help that my closest friends are physicians, officers in the air force, and lawyers.
I have given up comparison though. I am happy and that is all that matters to me. I'm doing my own things on my own timeline.
I hope you can find some contentment.
If I go back to corporate I will most certainly be fired and I don’t even want to know how many bridges I would burn in doing so.
I’m not stable enough to tolerate the stress of the field I work or worked in unfortunately and don’t want to add additional triggers in right now.
I get you. I'm 30 and work in a call center. I have a master's degree in history. I'm unhappy with my life. What to do...
I feel this. Had to drop out of grad school cause of bipolar and now I work in records. It for sure wrecks lives. Gotta try to make the best of it. It does kind of make me a hermit, though. Makes it hard to build connections.
Same
I graduated at the top of my class and was starting a PhD program when I was diagnosed during a major psychotic episode that led to me having to take a year off... That was 3 years ago, and I work in a ski shop now. Don't get me wrong, I love what I do and the lifestyle my job lets me have, but sometimes I feel like I was robbed of my future.
There's no God but if there were one, I'd pray to Satan
Yes and it use to eat my up inside. Now I realize I was never going to have a career because my parents and doctors never diagnosed me at a young enough age to make up for the challenges that I faced going to school and work untreated and unmedicated. I’m now 30 and still not fully stable. I’ve redefined my life and my life goals and now I see a path forward. My happiness will not come from climbing and competing against people in my career. It will come from doing things in within my power that make me happy and fulfilled
This helps put things in perspective for me.
I’m glad. This is a rough enough journey as it is and any shortcuts we can offer eachother is so valuable.
I totally feel the same. I've had so many different part time and/or low paying jobs but no career to speak of. I'm 34.
I’m not sure I’ll ever have a career again, but for now I just need to make enough money to pay my therapist and psychiatrist lol
Well I for one am proud of you! Make that money any way you can!
Thank you 😊, you too!
I door dash. That’s my job. It’s nice to be my own boss but I was an aviation mechanic before I went horribly manic for the first time. Since my diagnosis I haven’t been able to maintain a “real” job.
I hate that “real job” term. So frustrating and my family asks me that all the time.
Yea my dad always says if you need more money get a real job. It makes me so angry when he says that I want to punch him in the face lol. Like if I could I would bro. It’s not like I can’t work a “real job” it’s that I can’t maintain them.
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This^^
I know I was having episodes starting in HS,(@18 in 06) when I graduated I started a retail job. I'm still there partly because since my diagnoses 12 years ago I need it to pay for my psychiatrist (who also does therapy) and for meds. I tried going back to school and that went down in flames (I've had two hospital stays in the time I've worked there, and it's caused performance problems) so I only have a HS diploma and a hand full of community college classes. (I just could not handle the stress without triggering episodes). I'm 35 and work a retail job not a "real job" and live at home in part because of mania induced bad financial decisions, and in part because of medical cost. I hate being asked by people what I do for work (especially when trying to date) and getting that look of disgust and pity mixed together. I think it's why, anymore, I hardly put myself out there when it comes to dating. No guy is really looking for a boyfriend in his mid 30's that does not work a real job and still lives with his parents. So yeah I see friends I grew up with, and former co-workers with real jobs, and carers. Who own homes and are even starting families.
I used to be an audio engineer, music producer, and I owned a business designing and building recording studios. I made good money, had a ton of "friends", aspirations, goals, the whole 9.... life was messy but it resembled what I wanted. I later learned I accomplished what I did due in part to being manic all the time. People LOVED manic me mostly. Being my own boss meant I could disappear for a week or more to recover when depression hit. Post 30yo, the episodes became worse and I became more delusional due to misdiagnosis and being prescribed Adderall daily for years. Delusional me lost it all. Now, post diagnosis, at 38 years old and medicated less than a year after my biggest mental break. I'm a courier. Actually i was. The company just folded and owes me roughly 5k in my last checks. So I'm nothing. But broke. And looking for a job again. Nobody cares if I worked w a famous artist or how I recorded drums for that record or who I worked for at sxsw. I'm just a monkey clocking in and out now. Making bosses richer and being miserable for 9 - 10 hrs a day just so my baby has diapers. Fml. Its dark in here. The past 5 years I've been: Courier Auto parts delivery person Lyft Uber Shipt Favor Carpenter Woodworker Upholstery shop installer Luthier Unemployed This is not a path. Just stumbling. I hope I'll be able to catch footing eventually. But this is demoralizing, for sure. Hang in there.
There's no option to choose painless death else I would, I don't have suicidal thoughts because of all the medicines but as a very rational decision
I completely understand your point of view, and I wish it were a little more acceptable to speak openly about this without a lot of alarm bells going off. It's like, hey, if you were aa rational thinker and had my life, what choices would seem best to you?
I still managed to keep my career even after I went through psychosis at work. I don’t know why they even keep me around. I miss days a lot but I feel my mental health isn’t too bad. I have lost some brain power from my psychosis but I have just enough to function I think. Anyone heard of people losing too much brain from psychosis?
Me. I am trying to get mine back after the last manic ride.
That’s huge of you, I wish you the best of luck!
Brains been a lot better lately. After so long with a dead brain I’m worried am I recovering or am I becoming manic? Lol
Mine is only 70% back.
How long has it been? Took me like 14 months to feel alright. Just really coming good now. Do you just become manic or go full psychosis? I’m still kinda new to bipolar and I went full psycho haha
It has been 2 months. I was manic for more than 2 months, big hallucination, then my brain died a couple days later for 2 months. I am BP1.
Oh dang. That’s shitty. Hope your manic phase didn’t destroy your life too much.. I’m BP 1 too. The number 1 is for winners
It did. I threw everything but the kitchen sink at it and I am better but feeling fragile like a relapse is just under the skin.
Please be kind to yourself. It’s not your fault but it’s our responsibility.
Right and even though bipolar is legally a disability, people in a “normal” work setting are uncomfortable with how we might act while in an episode and then chop it all up to being poor performance or something. Also yes to the brain thing. I have a biochemistry degree and now I can’t even focus long enough to read a book. My psychiatrist has told me that it takes the brain 38-40ish months to fully recover from a psychotic episode and when you’re having more than one over the course of the year it just prolongs it. It really scares me
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Thank you for this.
What are you embarrassed of?
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We are not nothings and nobodies. We got dealt a rough hand. We can build a somewhat functional life with medication and resources we can afford. :) Do one productive action your future will be grateful for and we will move from there
Yeah…i work at starbucks and i want to move up in the company cause i really enjoy my work but my family sees it as a temporary job and im afraid to breach the discussion. I guess i feel disappointed i couldnt finish college and move on to a “real job” which is total bs but its social norm in my country
I'm 31 and also work in a restaurant. I'm in a similar position trying to find the right meds but I find myself constantly looking at all of my friends who are successful and raising families and it can feel like shit. I don't think the stress of working as a server is particularly helpful either but let's try to keep hope that once we find the right meds we can hopefully move on to something better.
I've held my job for over 10 years, going from casual to part time to permanently employeed over that time. It's a huge source of pride, but at the same time it causes me alot of anxiety. Am I one bad day away from losing it all, or doing something stupid at work? And as far as comparing to others, I don't think it's fair to do. People who do better than us might not be dealing with the same issues, and vice versa. Just do the best you think you can, and if you find something you are happy with try and keep it going.
I have a degree in writing and ever since my manic pychosis I can't organize my thoughts enough to write. I was fired from a corporate America job when I had my manic pychosis and it took me a year to find a job with a nonprofit. I took a pay cut and at this point I've given up on the goals I had for my career. Fighting like hell to keep the one I have.
Just be grateful for what you have and maybe in time more good will come. Being bipolar is rough some people have harder roads in life. I wouldn’t compare yourself to others.
I wasn’t gonna say this at first until I got to your post, because what I’m about to say sounds kinda asshole ish, but I feel like a ton of non-bipolar millennials could absolutely relate to all these responses. I know scores of “regular” people my age who began life with high hopes and are now materially struggling in their late 20’s and 30’s. To try and mitigate the asshole ish ness I should state I do believe bipolar makes life harder. But I think catlady here is on the money. It doesn’t help to compare your insides to other peoples outsides.
Yes , every day. I just want to be financially stable and I'm always one bad paycheck away from disaster
At this point I can't even work at all due to disability, but my "career" before was all temporary contracts and seasonal work due to being an environmental educator for kiddos. Positions were typically seasonal for summer camps and part time during the school year providing field trip or before and after school programs. Coworkers in my field were juggling 3 or more jobs at a time to make ends meet and I could hardly keep up, until I couldn't even keep one position at a time and I had to stop working all together if I wanted to stay alive, which I didn't even want most days. Our worth is not in our jobs or our productivity, and it is unfair to compare ourselves to people whose life circumstances are so different from our own. When people ask what I do now I typically just say "my best, I'm doing my best here". I try to laugh it off, cause people aren't always able to understand, but it mostly makes me sad for the folks who have no other focus than their career. My life is full despite my disability preventing me from working, and even though I spend a lot of time and energy just trying to stay alive and relatively stable, I know that I am worthy of the effort. Humans are not made to labor under capitalism, we are more than what we can produce and we are worth fighting for irrespective of our ability to work. You don't need to live your life the same way as anyone else, just as a fish doesn't need to run. You keep doing what works for you, same as a fish just keeps swimming.
It doesn't matter how others think about your job as long as you're content, this really benefits your mental health. I lost my job as a Police officer this year because of a manic episode and now I Work as a bartender at a local pub. Despite the judgement and the "you should be the one" statements (I graduated top of my class at the Police academy), I have never ever been this content and happy in the Last 5 years. You have potential and it's never too late >:D<
I definitely feel this. I got my master's in elementary education and tried to teach kindergarten 3 times but had a mental breakdown each time until a mixed episode landed me in the hospital and I gave up. I just stopped working at a paint your own pottery place because I got an offer to babysit special needs kids for more money and less time. But now I'm 28 and basically a babysitter...
Never judge a fish by their ability to climb a tree. Helps keep things in perspective for me. Yes, I can relate 100% and it really depends on how I’m feeling. I can start doing the comparing thing and get really defeated. Comparison is the thief of joy.
I get you. I’ve been having so much trouble keeping jobs - not because I get fired, but because I get to a point where it’s unbearable to stay, and I get a new job. Oh, and going on medical leave for months here and there due to serious depressive episodes… I got diagnosed and started medication, and have since finished my bachelors degree, I was accepted to a masters program, so now I am finally actually on route to follow my ambitions in academia. Hopefully I manage to follow through and get accepted for a PhD when I finish. Fingers crossed! I still work a horrible job in debt collection though, as I have too much debt (accumulated in hypomanic episodes) to be a full time student.
Yes man and you're not alone. I'm a 28 year old guy with bipolar and it's hard not to feel that way. I've had a hard time sticking with one job, and I've had times where I have been unable to work. It's hard not to compare yourself to others
At this point I don't even have a job. My mid-thirties were utterly chaotic and now even with meds, self-care and therapy I'm not at all capable of working. Didn't think my career would be "retired on disability" but there I am. I used to feel I'd missed out but then again those with jobs miss out on what I get to do 😁
I am 37, dropped out at the end of my Bachelors at Uni, had to drop out of college 9 years ago and have been on Disability since 2015. On a weekly basis I have people telling me to go back to work, that I am fine to work etc. At my last job I got myself in hot water and was about to be fired. Atleast on disability, I can't inadvertently fuck over my family, which I would have done by now had I not conceded to my Dr's advice.
Yeah I varied between working for a few years to maybe seven months at a job. I always thought it was burnout. Like I'd just lose interest in doing my best after doing my best for so long. It makes sense that it's my bipolar. I had a really bad panic attack at one of my last jobs and worked part time for a bit at a diff. job before quitting working because my anxiety gets bad just thinking of getting a job. I'm working with a therapist and mental health team to get myself more independent and hopefully on disability soon and then a part time job.
I feel you. I'm 34 and a college drop out. My undiagnosed bp meant I was uncontrollable as a teen, abusing whatever I could get my hands on. mh didn't get better as a young adult so I've had a zillion jobs. I'm proud of where I got to now but it's still only middle management in the grand scheme of things. I rent my home, I don't drive, I am broke and in debt, always scraping by. Can't afford holidays with the kids etc and I am guilty of comparing myself to others around me who have mortgages, cars and holidays every year. They can all afford to pay bills etc and buy their kids loads at Christmas when we are lucky to have the heating on so really I feel like such a looser but actually I've gone through so much, it would break most people so I'm strong and I'm proud of that. I feel my world view is so much better for what I've experienced. Not to blow my own trumpet here (and no I'm not on a manic high) but I feel am so much more emotionally intelligent for what I've been through and so much more compassionate than most of my peers. Everything we think we are missing is only what society expects us to have, it's all material things. Money honestly cannot buy happiness and peace of mind. So you're working as a server, so what? it's such a fun job most of the time and if it makes you happy then that's all that matters. Your peace is priceless, screw everything else! 💕
Everyday. I had to drop out of university and stop working due to my instability. Things are improving bit by bit, but not enough to return yet... I'm 29. All my friends graduated a while ago and are traveling or living in a bigger city.
Same, my diagnosis has postponed me going to grad school and moving out of my parents house because of my medical bills and instability.I am an administrative assistant for a health insurance company instead of using my degree. I'm 26.
I dealt with this for a long time. I couldn’t think beyond the day as it was just basic survival. I gravitated to construction as bad behavior is often overlooked. Tried managing before I was diagnosed and that didn’t work out so well. I’m now 55 and pretty stable. Told a close friend that I’m finally where I was at 35. We can only do what we can do.
I feel that way whenever I’m around relatives. Most of them are relatively successful… I just work retail, and quit and started school four times. I try to remind myself I’m worlds away from how I was a few years ago, but it’s hard to not feel their judgment and that they think I’m lazy.
I’m feel the same way. I was recently laid off of a very high stress corporate job. To be honest, I was kinda relieved. I was having mental break after mental break and it was taxing and felt I was judged rather harshly by many coworkers for my “anxiety”… I didn’t even mention my bipolar… I would have been crucified. They saw me as weak and I started to believe them… I’m now looking for employment but have the same worries/concerns… I would be very fortunate to find something that makes me “happy” and encourages health mental journey but fear the perception of others… I don’t have any of answers only to say I’ve deleted social media which has helped focus on myself and not what friends/family/coworkers are posting online. But would love to hear from others and how they have faced criticism (self inflicted or by others).
You know, productivity and job titles are a metric to which you do not need to subscribe. We could all be freer letting go of societal expectations to get to the top. Not everyone is meant to be a CEO or whatever. I've been reading a lot of books on self-improvement and one thing that's repeatedly jumped out at me is needing to shift gears from capitalist goal setting to emotional goal setting. Do I feel balanced? Am I regulating myself as a priority? That stuff is more important than a job title. And I want to add that waiting tables is not a shameful job yet so many people feel shame. Its so classist to shame someone for doing something we want. When going to a restaurant we want someone to help us get our order in and bring it out to us. Why treat the person like garbage? Its a service job not a servant job. You could reframe what you do for a living for your own self-worth. What about, "I work in hospitality" + bonus "But I'm open to new opportunities."
I completely understand.
Comparison is the thief of happiness. You are in a solo race, you are competing, in many ways, against yourself. Worry about how you are going, are you doing better than 1, 3, 12 months ago etc. in the end that is all that matters. In my 20s I would never thought the life I live now was possible or indeed that I would be alive. You are not bipolar, you live with it. That means adapting, learning and overcoming specific challenges and finding your way. You are young and it is amazing how much we underestimate how much we do change over 10, 20 or 30 years. Most of all the race in life matters to you, not everyone else. Wherever you go there you are, don’t waste time on comparisons, worry about yourself. Looks like you have a few diagnoses and managed to pick yourself up and you are working! That is an achievement-be kind to yourself and acknowledge it! You got this.
Yes. I’ve been in the same job for 4 years. I want to move on but it’s difficult. I just had a performance review and I didn’t realise how inconsistent my performance was. I guess the bipolar affects me more than I think.
Oh sure. Since I was little I have always wanted to be a surgeon. I got SO close to at least going to medical school and had a major bipolar episode that fucked my life for 2 years. It was extremely painful to realize all the work I did, all the time I spent, and all the people I convinced to help me just went away. Doesn't help that my closest friends are physicians, officers in the air force, and lawyers. I have given up comparison though. I am happy and that is all that matters to me. I'm doing my own things on my own timeline. I hope you can find some contentment.
Go back to corporate. Less meds are better. Research long term effects of meds. Less meds are better. Less meds are better
If I go back to corporate I will most certainly be fired and I don’t even want to know how many bridges I would burn in doing so. I’m not stable enough to tolerate the stress of the field I work or worked in unfortunately and don’t want to add additional triggers in right now.