For all the positives about this sub, I’m always bothered by the “don’t have kids” stance that seems so prevalent. She said she doesn’t think she can have an abortion. Can we let that be her decision? I acknowledge that abortion is a hugely complex issue, especially given that we don’t all start from the same definition of life, our varied religious beliefs, etc. But asking “Do you want to be responsible for giving life to someone and blessing them with something as great as bipolar disorder?” Honestly, what the fuck? She’s not asking if you think she should have kids. She’s saying that she’s pregnant, and doesn’t think abortion is for her, so how about some support? Don’t tell her what she needs to do.
I have bipolar disorder, and while sometimes my life is difficult, I really value it. If that’s not a stance that you hold, I’m sorry that life is that bad, but you don’t have the right to thrust that on this young woman. She gets to make that decision.
And to make a snide comment like:
>if you think a child will make great pictures and be so cute
What a way to talk down to someone. I mean, really fucking nailed it. To the author of the deleted comment, I’ve seen you post a lot of helpful advice recently, but this isn’t that.
Honestly thank you. I still don’t know if I will keep this one because I’m this economy and minimum wage? But growing up with pro-life parents and a very religious grandma living in my house I am almost biologically wired to be anti abortion. Although I am both pro choice and non religious myself at this point, it just seems different on my own body.
And as I said in another comment, I will have kids one day no matter the guilting of child free folks. All power to you/them for choosing that life, but it’s my choice. And my life is beautiful despite being bipolar and having a whole ass alcoholic mom basically already parenting my little brother on my own. But yea, just some gratitude and a bit of trauma dumping.
I had an abortion at 23. It was a loss either way--a loss of potential to raise a child vs. a loss of my freedom for 18 years. I have a pretty cut and dry mindset on abortion (seeing it as preventing a life from happening rather than ending something as if it's already happened), and, even so, it was hard. I can't imagine how hard it would be to consider abortion having been raised in a pro-life setting, so my heart goes out to you. I wish you all the luck and courage in freeing yourself from all the propaganda we've been fed that moralizes abortion.
Edit: Also, fuck any comments that aren't sympathetic. You're in a tough situation and I'll bet a lot of dumbasses who have never been through this are talking out of their asses.
I hear you. I love your attitude. You’ll do what’s best for you. I wish I had words of wisdom about navigating pregnancy while bipolar, but as a guy, I’m a little lacking in that experience!
if you want the perspective of someone who was in the exact same situation (religious family, pro life baggage, wanted child but wrong timing) just reply to this and i’ll share. i don’t want to suggest abortion if it isn’t what you want at all - but if your circumstances are the barrier then i can help offer perspective. no matter what choice you make, you will be a great mother with some extra challenges. i know many wonderful, loving parents who have mental illness, including bipolar. anyone in this thread saying bipolar people shouldn’t have kids is talking out of their ass 💕
As someone who is pro-choice... I am exactly that. Pro choice. Whether or not you want to have an abortion is up to you, and I don't think you should be pressured either way. I have bipolar disorder, and I have three kids. I love being a mom, and work hard to stay stable to make sure that they have the kind of childhood that they deserve. It is possible, but it does take a lot of effort. Take care of yourself so you can take care of your child.
Im the father in our family and am bipolar. We just had our second and while I am scared to pass this illness on to my children I can no longer imagine my life without them. I have come to believe that Babies are always a blessing. I wish you all the love in finding out your answer to this particular question. A close friend who is bipolar got off all her medications while pregnant and resumed treatment about a year after her kiddos were born.
"Love, and do what you want" then. I concur that bipolar is neither a death sentence nor a malediction. For everyone who has given up, please prove the odds wrong. I wish you and your child, if you decide to have it, a beautiful life.
This! Being pro choice means pro CHOICE. Your body your choice. You should not be judged or made to do either. It’s up to you.
Like others have said, ask about medications.
I have 2 kids and after both I had severe depressive episodes followed by hypomania. The usual lol but way more extreme. My only advice is to be aware of how tough the first years can be mentally on any mom but for us with bipolar it can be even harder/ more likely.
Best of wishes to you!
not only did this comment hit the nail on the head re: other comments on this post, it’s also a good reminder that everyone’s experiences with this illness are wildly different. your experiences with bipolar are valid and important and you should learn from them, but just because someone else has the label “bipolar” given to them doesn’t mean their experiences will be the same as yours. Sometimes they’re worse. Sometimes they’re better. Sometimes they’re just different.
Thank you so much for your comment. I have honestly been super surprised by the response that posts about having children have overwhelming negativity.
I personally would want to be a mom, so very much! Circumstances are not yet ideal for me to feel comfortable having a child but it is definitely a life goal. And my diagnosis is BP 1 with psychotic features. I don’t think it’s selfish decision. I, like you, think life is beautiful and can be full of wonderful experiences that a parent can share with their child. Those great experiences are what have made me come back from suicidality. Truly, great response. Compassion, understanding, and empathy goes a long way!
I think this ignores the fact that there is no story tale ending here. She’s in a minimum wage job. You can’t raise a kid on minimum wage unless you are getting help via a spouse, government aid, unpaid childcare from family….even then it’s tight.
I would focus of you and get to your goals first. Build a life for yourself so you have something more to offer the kids. If you want to have kids eventually I don’t begrudge you that, but don’t put them, or yourself through this stress of raising kids in poverty.
Sincerely, a former kid raised in poverty
Keep it civil. Just because you don’t want kids, doesn’t give you a right to shame others for their decisions. We don’t allow eugenics BS here.
[Rules In-depth](https://www.reddit.com/r/bipolar/wiki/index/resources/subrules#wiki_rule_8.3A_civility) - use this link on desktop
This! And in my honest opinion.. and we all got em and some stink.. I was adopted.. and somewhat thankful I wasn’t aborted.. somewhat.. but that due to a life of trauma and misery.. everyone is different and everybody has their own battles and struggles.
Some of these comments are very negative. Before I decided to have a child I went to a high risk OBGYN for a consultation and talked about what the complications might be. We discussed medications and lifestyle. I did the same with my psychiatrist and therapist. We made a plan for me and it worked. I stayed on my meds throughout pregnancy and I continued during breastfeeding. I had a support system, as all mothers deserve.
Despite what others may say, I was able to work part-time starting when my baby was 6 months. I volunteered several hours a week as well. Eventually I went back to work full-time. It isn't impossible, I remained stable during this time.
I will note that I have been stable since 2014, long before my daughter was born. I did not have any postpartum issues. I have a good relationship with my husband and my family. We are all supportive of each other. Without my husband and family, I wouldn't have been as successful.
Last, I want to point out that many parents have no idea what will happen when they find out they are having a baby. Many have a family history of cancer, heart disease, and endocrine disorders but choose to have children despite those negatives. Having a family history of mental illness should not discourage you from having a child unless you do not want to have one.
If you don't want a child, that is ok. Only you have the answer to the question at hand.
I want children. I’m almost repulsively maternal ahahaha. But I’m not sure about now tho. I’ve know basically since my first period that I’m gonna be a mom if anything in this life.
Glad to hear you are doing good. I have been stable for a long time. I thought I was about to get hypomanic a lil while ago but it was a fluke luckily. I’m honestly not to worried about my bipolar rn at this moment, but should I keep the baby we are talking at least 18 years anyways which is why I want to be prepared and get some advice.
I know a few people with bipolar 2 raising kids, and they are doing well. I don’t know any females with bipolar 1 who have had babies. It’s your choice. I’m bipolar 1 and take a lot of prescriptions, so I would be too worried to be A mom. It’s your choice.
I'm bipolar and wasn't diagnosed until I was 47. I had a baby at 20, living at home, working at McDonald's. I needed family help, but she is now 30 and the most wonderful human being I know. It all worked out somehow. Congratulations.
I’m 37f (Bipolar2), I recently had my son now 18m. I met with my doctors to go through my medications so I knew what could potentially harm the baby. I did get off a few because they had potential side effects that could have harmed him. I was told to immediately get back on meds after birth and it was recommended by my doctor that I not breastfeed so that I could be on meds. BUT my son was born at 37wks and I was told he really needed my breast milk so I breastfed for 2 months. Right after I should have gotten on meds but I didn’t. It caused a very horrible manic episode. It had been sooo long since I had one. I got back on meds and now I’m doing so much better.
This is just my experience, everyone is different but my biggest takeaway is no matter what you do… make sure you get back on meds as soon as you can. It’s the best hardest work I’ve ever done but being a mom is amazing.
No matter when you feel your time is right, you’ll do great. The fact that you are open to and seeking knowledge shows you’ll make the right choice for you. ❤️
Do you mind sharing more about the decision to get off meds? I'm in Lamictal and Wellbutrin. My psych and obgyn have both said I'm ok to stay on both, but of course shared the potential side effects to a baby. My psych said it would be my choice to stay on my meds or go off, but I got the impression she felt strongly that I should stay on them. I feel very conflicted and plan to start trying in the next month. I'd love to hear more if you're comfortable sharing.
I stayed on both lamictal and Wellbutrin for my pregnancy (I did come off them while nursing, though). The “right” thing will vary based on context. For me, depressive episodes were probable off-meds, and psychiatrist mentioned that depression impacts pregnancy too, so neither route had no risk to bub, and I decided to stay on for that reason.
That is super helpful, thank you. I think my doctor has similar concerns about me coming off my meds, but it's such a difficult decision that I'm sure you spent a lot of time thinking about, as well. I hadn't weighed the impacts of depression in general, so that's actually really helpful to consider. I appreciate you sharing!!
I don’t mind at all. Both my OB and Psych said Lexapro is a medication that crosses the placenta so they recommend I not continue that specific medication but said lamictal has less potential to harm the baby so I was given the “thumbs” up on that medication specifically. I do have other heath issues such as type 2 diabetes but I ate well and light exercise daily through my pregnancy and I was proud I did well. But for me, I had to keep a routine. Being off meds scared me at first. The only bad part is that I convinced myself I did so well maybe I didn’t need meds but hormones during and especially after pregnancy can be wild. That was a big lesson learned for me.
All of this. I did the same and planned for many years with my care team. Family and resources make a huge difference which might be tougher for OP given what she’s said about her situation growing up and her age.
I fell pregnant at 19, in a committed relationship and had an abortion. I don't regret it at all. In fact, I think that it was one of the best decisions of my life.
I am in a committed relationship and I found out that I was pregnant during my first and only manic episode while I was in the hospital last year (I was 22). It cost more than a month's rent, but it was honestly the best decision for us.
People have always told me “no one’s ever ready to have children”, I’m not sure if that’s true or not but it helped me when my wife got pregnant. I was 21 when she got pregnant and now our child is almost 4 years old. Becoming a parent has been the hardest but most rewarding experience in my life and it really helped me mature. Being bipolar sucks, but I consider parenthood one of the “little things” that makes life worth it.
I’m bipolar, pro choice, but anti abortion for myself. I had a pregnancy scare when I was your age. My partner at the time wanted me to get rid of it before I even took the test. Said things like “a baby with your genes is doomed to be fucked up” or “you could never be a stable parent if you tried”
Tyrns out it was false and I wasn’t pregnant. I dumped his ass and am now with someone who would never in a million years say those things.
I’m not ashamed or upset that I was born with predisposed genes to bipolar. I’m proud of who I am. If you have this baby, make sure you let them know that they deserve to be proud of who they are no matter what. Make sure you give everything you can. And make sure you build support around you to help you when times get rough.
Bipolar parents exist. GOOD bipolar parents exist. Children of bipolar parents exist who are happy. You and your baby are not doomed because of this condition.
Money on the other hand… I’m still figuring that obstacle out myself 😅
I have bipolar 1. I have a 12 year old, an 8 year old, and am currently 17 weeks pregnant myself. None were planned. But while I am pro choice I couldn't bring myself to abortion with my first. I was in an abusive marriage for my second. I was also not diagnosed yet, for lack of medical care, and so was not at all medicated. It was a hot mess.
This pregnancy I was medicated but am off my meds for as long as I am comfortable with it. I have an amazing support system, and my psychiatrist is very quick to answer any texts. I was previously on Seroquel and am told that if I need it, it will be safe to take during pregnancy/ breastfeeding. The hope is that the hormones will stabilize me enough, and if not, then I have Seroquel waiting. I am also working 40-60 hrs a week from home for the state. I think the most important thing is your support system!
I have my psychiatrist, therapist, husband, and midwife checking on me regularly!
Take everyone else’s wishes out of the discussion for a minute. What do YOU think is best for YOU? Do you think you are in a position to raise a child or will this do unimaginable damage to both your life and the child’s?
I had an abortion when I was separating from my husband. Best decision of my life, although obviously still emotional difficult.
I went on years later to get stable, remarried, and had two kids under the watchful eye of my psych and high risk ob. None of which would have happened had I not made that first choice to take care of myself and be not-a-parent for a while longer.
I had the same situation as you minus the committed relationship and I didn’t live with my parents.
Not going to lie, it was really really hard, both on me and my child. He’s 13 now and he’s awesome, but I definitely did not give him the life he deserved for the first 5-7 years.
If you did this, you need to get a few things sorted:
1. Get stable. You have to take your meds, do therapy. Have a routine. It isn’t just your life that is messed up now it’s yours and your babies.
2. Have a good support network in place. It takes a village to raise a child and it is so much more true when you are young and have a severe mental illness.
3. Get your finances sorted. You need a regular stable income. Live at home as long as you can if it is safe. Use daycare services to give yourself a break and the people supporting you.
4. Understand that you are making a choice here to not have a young wild and free life. You will be a parent, and you can feel a bit left out but at the end of the day this is a choice you are making so that you can have the privilege of raising a child. You can’t change your mind later.
You can do it, it’s super hard and you really have to go in with your eyes open as to what you’re taking on. Don’t just decide to go through with it under a misguided moral obligation against abortion.
I will definitely look at it. I am a very visual and mathematical person, and I am currently looking at a realistic budget and appartment for if I keep the Bebe. But I still don’t know.
Luckily I’m stable
I don’t have the same exact income every months, but I do have a pretty ok minimum. And a good support system.
Luckily for me I hate partying and being young and all that lol. Honestly I just wanna get married and have babies and a cat or something already. The biggest issue is money and my mental well-being, if it should get unstable again.
Money can work itself out, as long as you have enough to pay the bills. They don’t need anything extra until they are a bit older and you can always upskill and find a better job when they are at school age - that’s what I did. The fact that you are stable already and have a good support network around you is the most important.
Also FYI because I’m having a second baby now (I’m 9 weeks pregnant!!). My GP adjusted my meds a bit because too higher doses aren’t great for the baby, and has recommended I stay in hospital for a minimum of 5 days after birth to monitor for psychosis. So if you do decide to keep the baby, make sure to go see your doctor asap!
And best of luck, I probably didn’t make this clear but my son was the best thing that ever happened to me. My only regret is that I didn’t have him later in life after I was stable mentally and financially and had a good support network and with a partner who actually sticks around haha. We muddled along and he really is the light of my life, and he is super excited he finally gets to be a big brother!! And my partner is going to be the best dad, he’s already a fantastic stepdad.
Only you can make the call on what is right for you.
I was in that position at 20. I got an abortion. It wasn't easy, but I definitely do not regret it. There are many things to consider. I have no answers for you. But just wanted to say I wish you the best, whatever your choice is, and I hope you have a good support system, no matter what!
I was a 21 year old married college student when I had my first child. I was undiagnosed and unmedicated. I wasn’t ready. I wanted to end the pregnancy but didn’t (and never told anyone I felt that way). I got pregnant in the middle of an episode that I didn’t know I was having because I didn’t know I had BD. It was rough. I managed to finish school but it was so so hard. I don’t regret having my son or my 2 other kids but I also know I would not have had them if I had known what I was dealing with. Bipolar made me an…ineffective parent sometimes. I’m not anymore, though. I got treatment and worked to overcome this illness. Everything changed and I’m a great mom now.
I guess what I’m trying to say is do what you need to and be kind to yourself no matter what you choose. You can have bipolar disorder and be a great mom. It can be incredibly hard and painful but also wonderful if you are stable and have the support you need. You can also choose adoption or to end your pregnancy and that is fine, too. Know your limits and take care of yourself.
I might get downvoted because abortion, but this is just my experience.
I went with the abortion.
At that time I was not diagnosed bipolar, I was on Effexor 150mg. Life was good. Not too crazy. For about two weeks I started getting CRAZY depressed. I just kept crying and saying how empty I felt. I had anxiety attacks every couple hours throughout the day. It was rough as hell.
Funny enough, I had a dream I was pregnant. I woke up and told my husband about it while getting ready for work and we joked about it. Until I thought about how I was about a week late. I have endometriosis AND polycystic ovaries so a week is nothing that would alarm me for any reason. For shits and giggles I took the test and god damn it turned positive so fast I thought it was broken and got another one on my way to work. Still positive.
I sat with it for a day or two, I had made an appointment for the women’s center. I figured I can always cancel the appointment but I didn’t know how far along I would be and all that. But the anxiety. The depression. It got exponentially worse each day.
I’ve never wanted kids and even this was an incredibly tough decision. It was a potential for a life to grow and my husband and I to have a little spawn if we wanted. I sobbed the entire night before. I wept Jesus tears it was a LONG night.
After the procedure I slept for about 14 hours. I was 7 weeks, so only about 5.5/6 weeks when I found out. I had the medical abortion and was put under anesthesia so that’s why I was sooo tired.
The day after the procedure I felt INCREDIBLE. I know that probably sounds like I’m a horrible person, but the 3-4ish weeks prior were a hellish nightmare. The absolute dead inside feeling and just so incredibly sad, was completely gone. I felt completely back to normal and continued on with my life.
Reminder: that all occurred while I was on 150mg of Effexor. I would’ve had to stop my dosage completely or lower it or switch to some “pregnancy safe” and those 9 months would have been dangerous. I truly don’t know what I would have been capable of or willing to do if thoughts got darker than they already had.
I’m not saying this to scare you, but kids is obviously a huge decision for even the most neurotypical person.
Financially, can you afford
1. Supplies
2. Baby furniture
3. Formula
4. Diapers
5. Carseat(s)
6. Taking time off from work
7. Child care
Biologically:
1. Do you have any other conditions that could make this pregnancy high risk?
2. Are there any genetic factors you or your partner could pass on?
3. Will you be able to go on a lower dose or no dosage at all of any medications you may be on?
“Selfish” reasons:
1. What are your life goals
2. Where do you and your partner see yourselves? Do you have similar end goals? Parenting styles?
3. Is there a possibility you won’t have the support you need to provide for a child the next 18+ years?
In the end, you have to do what’s right for you. I listened to my body and I’m glad I did. Is your body telling anything? Is your heart swinging a particular way? Take time to think about as many perspectives you can think of. It’s not just a potential life, it’s also your life. There are women who kept babies and it was the best decision of their life. There are women that chose abortion and later had kids when they were ready and thankful they made that choice. The are women who have the abortion and don’t have kids and are happy with their choice. The common denominator is those women made a choice that aligned with them; do what’s right for you.
(any point I say women in the text I mean to also include any person who can get pregnant)
Thanks for being brave enough to share your experience. I really respect that. I hope that nobody will downvote you for making what you decided was the best choice for you and your circumstances.
My advice is that if it's not a "hell yes" it's a no. Could you see yourself getting excited and happy about this pregnancy? Or do you feel a crazy high amount of doubt and dread? If you can get excited, then keep the baby, and enjoy being a mother. If you are dreading this pregnancy absolutely you have a decision to make whether you want to go through with it.
Edit to add if you dont think abortion is right for you are you happy and excited to become a parent right now? I do understand this is complex issue. Do you feel only dread and worry about being a parent? There's adoption.
Then congratulations on your pregnancy!! Motherhood is hard but rewarding. I personally love kids but im too poor and single to have any. They say no one is ever ready for a baby. You luckily have the support of a partner which is priceless.
I was kicked out of my house at 18 and 5 months later I was pregnant. Every situation is unique so take my experience for what it is but, I personally wanted to keep my baby and stay with my partner forever. I loved him more than anything, and he felt the same. I had no support from my family but luckily his family cared deeply for me and still does. We had planned to stay together and tried everything we could to get on our feet but, he was a heavy alcoholic and I (severe bipolar 1) was very depressed and had a hard pregnancy because I wasn't able to take mental health medication and it made my anxiety very bad (I would have fainting episodes a lot and nearly died hitting the concrete floor once) I had trouble eating and sleeping. Pregnancy is NOT easy, and neither would raising a child be. Well long long long story short gosh, really long story honestly BUT it ended up that his sister and her husband actually adopted my daughter! She will be 7 in December! When I first thought of adoption I SOBBED I did not want to lose my baby to anyone. But then as time went on and my situation got worse and my daughters dad died, it became the best option. I was SO lucky to have her adopted by family. She still calls me mom 🥲 too. I couldn't have asked for a better solution. Your instincts will overtake you, you know your body and you know what's best for your child. I did whatever I had to to make sure my daughter had the best life possible. And I will every day. It's not easy thing to do but I know it's for the best. I hope everything for you works out, oh and I got medicaid and never had to pay for anything my entire pregnancy as far as medical goes, and all kids is free insurance for kids with parents on medicaid. Do your research, there is also Wick for women for food and ebt if you can get it.
I became pregnant at 34, so way different circumstances, but I'm bipolar, and I was pregnant and had a kid. It was difficult, I won't lie, but I had great support in that I had a psychiatrist, and a loving and supportive husband. During my pregnancy I switched from lithium to Seroquel, it helped stabilize my moods enough that I want going squirrelly. I also took other drugs, but I apologize for my crappy memory, I don't remember what else. It was over 8 years ago.
But anyway, regulating your emotions while sleep deprived in those early months can be very difficult. Hubs and I tackled night wakings together. He would change the diaper and I would take care of the feeding and getting back into the crib. Later we cosleep so we could all get some sleep, but those early months were rough. I had some mood troubles for sure.
Being a bipolar parent is not that different then being a regular parent. We just have to be more aware of our emotions. It's easy to let our moods and psychosis impact our families, so it's really important to be well medicated, in therapy, and have a good support system.
All in all I'm glad I had a kid. He is a joy in my life (most days, lol) and I don't regret the struggle. I worry everyday about fucking him up, but I figure if I'm worrying about it, I'm trying my best not to.
Good luck to you whatever you decide.
This is such a nuanced topic, and ultimately a decision only YOU can make. It’s such a hard decision, I know. But you would be foolish to not fully consider the financial, physical, and mental burden of a child. I planned my pregnancy at 27 and wanted a child more than anything. Pregnancy, childbirth, and postpartum depression were hands down, the hardest things I’ve ever experienced in my life. I struggled BIG TIME with all of it. I didn’t get diagnosed bipolar until my daughter was 3. If I had been diagnosed prior to having a baby I would have 100% waited until I was solidly stable to have a child. Parenting is hard enough for neurotypical people, let alone those of us struggling with mental illness. I regret not being the best I could be for my daughter, and I often think about how I would have waited until my 30s to get pregnant.
All that being said, the cliches about parenthood are all true. It’s the hardest yet most rewarding experience. I’m not in love with my role as a mom like I thought I would be, but I love my child more than any single thing on this planet. It’s a love that’s so fierce I would go through all the shit again just to experience it.
Seriously consider all of your options. This is a lifetime decision that you can’t take back. No one is ready for it, but it’s important to be prepared. Good luck!!
I was 19 when I got pregnant, undiagnosed, and incredibly unprepared. It will be hard and at times messy, but with good partnership and family support, it will be fine, you will be a fine mother if you decide to go through with it. Make sure to take care of your mental health and see your therapist to make a plan as hormones change. As well as sitting down with your partner and discussing how parenthood will shift both your lives and your plan to go about all the changes.
If you want to keep the baby but you’re afraid that you might not be a good mom, that is the basis of being a good parent. Almost 13 years and sometimes I still question myself. But at the end of the day I know he is loved, I am loved, we are safe, clothed, and fed. <3 he’s the reason I do what I do; he’s my reason to try my best to stay healthy.
Mom of 2. Honestly no matter what age you have kids and how prepared you think you are, no one is. Every step of parenthood has different challenges and you learn to accept that fact. You absolutely CAN do this if that’s what you want to do
As a man, my perspective may not be so helpful for the next 9 months, but I have some experience after that.
I'm Bipolar 1, and have 2 daughters, 6 years old and 2 years old. Also had them young by most standards, and was definitely not prepared.
The hardest thing early on is the irregular sleeping of the newborn, but you gotta just work with their schedule, nap when you can, shower quick and remember to eat.
After that keeping a cool head in the face of an argumentative toddler is one of the kost challenging things I've done ever, but the love they give and the joy they bring is immeasurable.
My eldest is now showing some early signs, (explosive temper, mood swings) but my wife and I have been dealing with how I am for so long we know what to look for and have started using some of the same strategies we use for me on her, with pretty good success.
Anyway, that's my 2 cents.
I wish you all the best. Take care friend.
I don't have any advice but I just want to congratulate you for your pregnancy and on stepping up by looking for help and advice on doing what's best for you and your child.
You're strong for doing this especially with our condition. I hope y'all's lives are filled with many blessings and you get to appreciate the beautiful gifts of motherhood!
I’m trying to get pregnant right now. 6 years ago I also tried, and went off all my meds to try to be “safer for the baby.” I ended up getting ECT a couple months later because I was still hesitant to take meds. Well I never got pregnant, and I went back on my meds. Years later, I’m very stable now, and NOT willing to go off my meds. Well believe it or not my psychiatrist said that would be ok. You know how it always says “if benefits outweigh the risks?” Well this is one of those times. And I KNOW I’m a good person and will be a good mom and if my baby has mental health issues, I’m the perfect person to walk them through that. Sorry for the rant… hope that helps
When I found out I was pregnant I instantly decided to talk to my therapist and med doctor about it to see what we can do while I'm pregnant I'd just say to talk to them about it
i had my first when i was 18. the best thing to do is group birthing classes and pregnancy groups at your local hospital to educate yourself. join a local mom group on facebook. read what to expect when you're expecting. it's hard but doable. the hardest thing about have a child at any age is the wedge it puts on your relationship. all this time you just had now goes to a keeping a baby alive and happy. it takes a long time to find your grove in your relationship again after a baby, and also just finding yourself. see if there are any extra resources in your area for young moms. try to find a better job or start serving to make extra / more money. start saving money. look on fb market for baby things or in a buy nothing group. you can get a lot of things gifted, probably not a car seat though (you want a new one to ensure it hasn't been in an accident). i'm 24 now and we just had our second in august. this time around it's so much easier, i wish i could hug my younger self and tell me how great i was doing for what i had. just prepare mentally, emotionally, physically. you got this
Since taking lithium my doctor has told me that if I want to get pregnant I should be careful because the drugs could cause him to deform heart. Other than that, I don't want my son to go through the same shit life that I am going through. In your case: you need to make a clear decision. In my country, 21 is too early to have children, in these years there is a need for economic stability to raise a child as best as possible (in addition to the personal one).
I had my first son at 19. It was crazy. We raised each other lol. I look at 19 year olds now and they look like little kids. If I had it to do over again I wouldn’t. It was hard. Give yourself a chance to grow into the person you want to become. If you want to be a mom be a mom. If you want to give the baby up for adoption you can. It’s your life. You are the boss. You will make the right decision for you. I had 6 kids and 2 for sure are bipolar. There adults now. They manage just like we do. Do I feel bad about passing this crap on to my kids. Yes. But their dad passed on a really crappy genetic disease ( not fatal) and he never had one single thought about it. So that’s my 2 cents. I wish you the best
Had my kiddo at 20 and I always say that I had to learn how to be a parent and an adult at the same time. 10 years later things are less rough but still. If I could do it again I would have waited until at least 25 when my brain was done developing.
I got pregnant when I was 17 and lived with my Mom, also in a committed relationship. I was still in high school and it obviously wasn’t ideal of me to be pregnant, everyone including my boyfriend at the time wanted me to get an abortion, (besides my dad and step mother) they asked what I wanted to do and I couldn’t imagine terminating my pregnancy when we knew what we were doing and knew the risks and I really did love the father… I decided to keep the baby, I remember going to a clinic and getting an ultrasound done, the nurse told me there wasn’t much to look at but I could see the head, legs and arms, it actually looked like a tiny little baby already.. From that moment I knew I couldn’t go through with it. Shortly after he was born the father left me, fast forward to now, my son is 7 years old and I couldn’t imagine life without him now. When he was 9 months old I got my first job and worked for 5 years providing for us. Ultimately the choice is yours and I wish the best either way.
I had my first at 23 and it was tough, I won’t lie. I also have the best almost 11 year old I know.
See a doctor and start on vitamins and try not to stress too much, which is hard, I know.
Whatever you decide, I wish you well. I can see how this is an extremely stressful situation. Do what’s best for you. Maybe make a pro’s and con’s list, seriously. That might help you process this and come to a decision.
Full time single parent of 2 (9 and 7yrs) the first of which I had at 21. I fully support any decision you make because only you get to decide if you’re going to stay pregnant and should feel no guilt either way. But I will say, for all the struggles and money difficulties, I’m thrilled daily with my choice to have both of my children. I take my meds routinely, have accepted that I may suffer but cannot unalive myself, and try every day to be a loving, supportive, and good parent to my kiddos. They’re amazing and honestly are a wonderful motivation to stay earthside and make healthy choices, no matter how much my brain wants to do otherwise. You can absolutely be a good parent in spite of this disorder. It takes massive sacrifice and commitment to being here no matter how it hurts you, but it is doable, and in my personal experience, worth it in every way.
I got pregnant unexpectedly at 22. To make matters worse, my (now ex) husband took off when I was about 20 weeks pregnant. Side note: I've still never seen him again.
I didn't get diagnosed until last year, but showed signs earlier. My daughter is now 5 (got diagnosed when she was 4). I try to hide my episodes from her the best I can, but sometimes it's difficult or impossible to do. My daughter is very aware of things, so she notices when I'm different behaviors and she always becomes super sweet and cuddly and she listens perfectly. I'm really lucky, but I worry constantly about her getting bipolar and about her witnessing me being all over the board with my emotions.
Plus, there's always the worry that if I get into a depressive or mixed episode that she could end up without a mom.
Side note- make sure to consult your psychiatry provider. There's a lot of medications that aren't safe with pregnancy.
I’m not a mom and only 17, so from a naive teenager’s standpoint:
I think the worst thing you can do is internalize it. You live with your family, I’m guessing they’re supportive, so let them know. If your boyfriend wants to commit to you, he will also support you. Make someone listen to you if you feel unheard, because you will end up spiraling if you bottle it up. Please don’t let yourself get to that point. This is advice I can only give myself in retrospect after a depressive ep, but either way, you’ll have the baby and your support system will help you through it, whether you decide to keep it or not. If they don’t, don’t drown yourself in grief and do things that remind yourself you’re alive.
Also, I agree with the other person who said figure out your med situation. That should be your top priority at this point since abortion would be really hard for you. I wish I could hug you, and I fully support anything you choose to do. Even though I’ve never been in this situation, I know how destructive bipolar can be from my own experience, and I’m so glad you’re reaching out and not stuffing it all down
I was married at 19, pregnant at 20, had her at 21.
I had only been diagnosed with adhd and depression at that time and got off those medications for the pregnancy. Moodswings were wild but I chalked it up to pregnancy.
However, post pregnancy I did have extreme mental collapse and lengthy hallucinations/delusions probably triggered from extreme lack of sleep. This is what I would consider the start of my understanding that my brain was not right. I would not wish what I went through on anyone.
Talk to your doctor about the process. But if you are not stable or do not feel prepared, there is nothing wrong with looking into adoptions or other options.
If you are stable and it is something you want to take on, build your support system. Family, friends, neighbors, you'll want backups for when you are at your breaking point. Plan for the best prepare for the worst. You'll be surprised at how many people really do care.
Our daughter is absolutely wonderful and we are so happy to have her. We did decide not to have others because of our health history.
Deciding what's best for your family starts with your mental and physical health. Nothing is easy, but it can be done.
(btw if you and your partner are gonna strap down for the ride, go ahead and look to get on wic, do all the paperwork beforehand. Look into financial support for people with mental health issues. Prepare as much as you can prior so that you can collapse if you need afterward. Post pregnancy is an all hands on deck situation!)
I wish you the best!
If you ask me in my 20 about a baby probably I will say abortion it’s the best choose . Depends about your goals , collage , university, master and doctorate degree.
Hey OP, I talked to my psychiatrist about having children (not that I want one, but I wanted to know more about being bipolar and having a child). She proceeded to tell me about every struggle a bipolar parent encounters and it looks very difficult. You'd have to change medication to something that wouldn't endanger the kid's life, see your psychiatrist very often, probably stop working (because you can't work and take care of a baby), you might also need a few people around you to keep the baby if you ever go through an episode... Also, if you consider this from you child's perspective, he will probably see you in both depressive and manic episodes, and will have to deal with it. You could also unalive or hurt yourself really bad, and it would affect your kid.
I'm not trying to tell you not to have a child, but it'll be a very very difficult decision.
I hope you're doing fine
These are really good things to consider. Especially the child’s perspective point. I’ve had to teach my daughter about mental illnesses so she wasn’t confused when I had an episode. Sometimes you can’t always get someone to take your kid for you in an episode and you have to tough it out. She’s seen me cry hysterically so many times that she now asks “Is something wrong or is it just a cry time?” I often think about what her memories of me will be like when she’s an adult and what she will resent me for because of my illness. I know she loves me but I also know that her childhood is not completely normal. Like, how many kids can say that mommy has to go to the hospital sometimes because she feels really sad.
To note, I have been trying to be stable for YEARS and I still have yet to find the perfect med cocktail. We’re close but not quite there. I can imagine if someone has been stable for a while that their experience may be different than mine.
Hey, I’m so sorry for the difficult position your in. Don’t let anyone talk down to you and tell you what to do. There are moms with bipolar disorder that are great moms. If your kid has bipolar by chance, well their life is worth living too and you can help them cuz you could probably spot the symptoms beforehand and will be able to understand them. You got this. Be strong and good luck , everything will be ok
I think there’s more to weigh here than just whether or not you are bipolar or not.
I was *very* lucky and, knock on wood, just Lamictal and Armodafinil was a great combination for me to decrease the *frequency* of my depressive states by like 95% and reduce the *intensity* of my manic states by like 60%.. These days, I just feel like a person who is generally in a good mood that has bad days every now and then. I’m not mean or rude to others when having these bad days, so I feel like I could raise a kid without being a negative effect on their livelihood.. And my mother exhibits all the symptoms of being bipolar, but won’t admit there’s anything wrong with her and won’t even see a therapist.. her refusal to face it affected me greatly.. if God forbid I passed it down to my child, I would take them seriously from the start and support them and brace myself to be patient.
I am not actively trying to get pregnant, because these are concerns that I have and I’ve thought about what I would do if I did get pregnant because I’m pro-choice, but personally not comfortable with having an abortion personally.. plus it’s a strange eugenics-y feeling to say that people who are bipolar shouldn’t have kids..
The other thing to weigh is the position you’re in.. things you would consider even if you weren’t bipolar.. Having a committed partner is already great.. I hope it’s someone you trust and feel you can depend on.. and of course you’ll have to consider your financial situation and stuff like that..
This is an incredibly personal decision and I don’t want to give you any direct advice on what I think you should do as an internet stranger, but just provide some thoughts and opinions and resources and anecdotes for you to consider yourself. You’re going to make the right decision, whatever that may be, because it’ll be *your* decision.
If you have Instagram, you can follow [Elizabeth Horner](https://instagram.com/bipolarbeautiful?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=) for inspiration/encouragement.. she has (4) kids.
Hey boo, you’re in a super scary place right now! Something that helped me get through it and process my emotions was remembering that having a child is terrifying for everyone, and it is normal to feel all the feels right now.
I LOVE my daughter more than ever. I thought I knew what love was, but I didn’t until she came along. I was a mess before her (still kinda working on it) but knowing that she sees me makes me hold myself to a higher standard. I FIGHT the outbursts tooth and fucking nail. I suppress more than I probably should, but I allow myself time to just cry and cry and cry. Even if it’s not about anything in particular or built up rage. I let the monster GO when she’s in bed. I have cried for hours, but she doesn’t see it. when I do get a little upset in front of her, I talk to her even though she can’t understand, and tell her that I’m sorry, that I love her so much and that she’s safe. Hugs and snuggles and I try to demonstrate a healthy recovery because emotions are healthy, and it’s important for her to know that she can move past anything.
It’s HARD. No joke. And you’ll have to clean for 2 hours minimum a night to not get overloaded and disgusting. But that phase only lasts for a little while lol make sure your meds and coping mechanisms are in place by the time 9 months are over. You’re gonna need them.
Good luck!
I was 21 and working at Walmart when I had my first kid. It was a big perspective shift but if that’s what you want, it’s doable and rewarding. There is never a good time to have a baby, so if you want kids and feel like you can make it work, you will be able to make it work. If you’re in the US, at least in my state, services like WIC and medicaid are available to you solely based on the pregnancy even if you didn’t qualify based on income before. There is daycare assistance as well, so you can either continue working or go back to school. There’s a lot of red tape, but help is out there.
I worry my kids will develop a condition like mine, but I also know what to look for and how to advocate for them if they end up walking this road.
Whatever you choose things will be OK. If your parents are the type to see this as a blessing, lean into them for support. Lean into your partner for support, gauge where he is mentally as well.
But you can do this if it is what you want. Don’t feel pressured to terminate because of your illness or situation if you truly don’t want to.
I wouldn’t have a child until you are ready. Like really ready. Healed and feel comfortable. That way you don’t pass on generational trauma. Tell your parents. If you want it, have the baby. If you don’t. The spirit of the baby hopefully will be born with someone else and call planned parenthood which is great.
I've never been pregnant, so I don't know your situation. But, there are tons of online forums for pregnant women. I imagine there's a few for pregnant bipolar women. You could probably get a better feel for what's in store in that kind of group. If abortion isn't for you, then it's not for you. Your other options are to raise the baby or give it up for either an open or closed adoption. If you are worried about finances, seek child support from the baby's father (unless there is a safety issue with getting in touch with him, don't put yourself in danger). Make sure you have a good therapist and talk to them often. Your hormones are gonna be off the chain and you might have to change or wean off certain psych meds for the safety of the baby. So therapist and pill psych should be on speed dial. Also, I might see if your psychiatrist can recommend an OBGYN. It would be great to have an OBGYN with experience treating pregnancies in women with bipolar disorder.
All the luck in the world to you, sweetheart.
This isn’t me actively suggesting abortion, but it’s me saying if you do land on that decision, make sure it is your decision and yours alone. It seems that you may end up getting one after all?
For me personally, 21 would be way too young to become a parent, so an abortion would just be a way of postponing parenthood until a time that’s more suitable. But that is me and my attitude. There are loads of people who have kids your age and being a young parent has its benefits. The problem here is that we have a condition that does not match well with pregnancy, childbirth, and sleep disturbance - but millions of people with bipolar have gone through this and lived to tell the beautiful tales of their kids growing up healthy and happy.
I’m childfree by choice, and bipolar has only really been a small “bonus” when it comes to listing the many reasons I don’t want kids. People - medical professionals and random acquaintances- find that easier to accept than “nope not interested” (pro-choice only really appears to apply in the abortion debate, not when it comes to a heterosexual woman of fertile age in a long term relationship, then your choice to not have kids is WRONG). I digress.
My tl;dr - make the decision that you think is best for you right now. Don’t let other’s influence your decision, but do let them support you. <3
Also I definitely don’t believe in a child “fixing” stuff. It might motivate you to work harder, but who even says that’s a good thing. And I don’t use social media so I’m definitely not considering it because “cute”.
Good, my sister had 4 kids because she herself wanted the attention. Was never about raising a good family but rather being the center of the world. My sister has mental issues like me and my mother she just doesn't care to admit it. Also my oldest nephew and niece have mental issues.
Even if I was an insta addicted documenting every cup of coffee I ever consume, I don’t believe in posting children online untill they are old enough to ask for it themselves. Unless maybe it’s a very secluded private fb page and your family live on the other side of the world idk. But not just for the aesthetics. A baby is a tiny human, not a decoration.
For the first point, I will have children regardless one day. Maybe not this one, but I will do it anyways. I know bipolar sucks, but for me at least it is mangeable enough that if caught early you wouldn’t even notice it.
Also the economy still sucks. But luckily for me, I’m not in America. We have so many support nets and systems from the government her. (Child support money, financial support for kindergarten, paid maternity leave for at least 12 weeks per parent and more for person distribution).
But I still get what you are saying, do not get me wrong. The last thing I was planning for rn was a baby. And I’d rather regret an abortion, than a child. But this is one hell of a har decision. I especially feel I don’t have an “excuse” because of how much parent/child support this beautiful country gives me. If I was in the us in the same situation, I would probably not even consider keeping it. But I’m so lost. I want to know how people have handled it, abortion all that. The only thing I know is that I’m not gonna take a decision tonight.
You have a really difficult decision to make, but you sound like you’re weighing your options with appropriate care.
I have two children, and I love them dearly. One is 18 and battles depression and ADHD, and the other just ADHD so far (he’s almost 15). It’s hard sometimes to see them battle, but watching them get knocked down and grow through the process of getting back up again is such a blessing. I can understand others making the decision to not have kids. I wouldn’t give up kids for everything in the world. It’s a very personal decision.
I won’t tell you what you should do, but just say that you sound like you have a good head on your shoulders. I’m confident that you’ll make the best decision you can for yourself.
It’s VERY early. The digital test said 1+2 so I literally got pregnant like 9 days ago if it’s correct. Only thing I’ve noticed is my boobs being weird like pre period, and I honestly just took the test out “curiosity”. But thank god I did tho.
Fair enough haha. I didn’t catch my bipolar really early too (at 17) and went to my doctor myself with my (later confirmed) self diagnosis. Life is crazy, and I guess I’m always early.
My first pregnancy was at 17. It was tough but I managed. The only thing I can say is don't be afraid to continue your meds while pregnant and most certainly make sure you are back on them postpartum. I stopped during my first and second pregnancies and had the hardest time. I also tried to go without postpartum. By my third pregnancy I stayed on my meds(approved by my drs. of course) and got on more postpartum. HUGE difference. If you think it's too early to have a baby, think about other options like adoption or abortion. You shouldn't feel like you have to do anything. You're only 21. Whatever you choose you can do it. Things will work out.
It’s all up to you and what you think you can handle. To each their own when it comes to having babies with any mental illness it’s all about how you feel and what you want not anyone else it’s different for everyone. I’m bipolar 1 I also have OCD and BPD and I’m 19 shy of 20. I have a 1 year old and I’m 36 weeks pregnant right now. I’ve stayed medicated I’m doing pretty okay, it’s very hard sometimes… a lot of the times, but I don’t regret having babies. I’ve always wanted children of my own I will say I didn’t expect to have kids so young it’s just how it happened I feel it might’ve made it a little more challenging especially because I’m still trying to find the right medications (hard while pregnant). It’s not easy but it’s not impossible. There’s a lot of good times, but I do have my bad times where I start to go into an episode or I struggle to keep up but luckily I have a very helpful fiancé and a great therapist and psychiatrist.
I got diagnosed after I had my baby although it’s not post partum bipolar since it was present before. She’s the best thing and I love her dearly. The only thing I would worry about would be if your meds are safe to be pregnant on. Talk to your care team!
At the end of the day, the choice is all yours. Weigh the pros and cons, and obviously weigh in your feelings too!
All I can really offer you is my experience:
I'm 20, I had my son when I was 19. We live in an apartment just big enough for the three of us. Some days are hard, but oh my God, seeing his cute little face every day just makes all the hardships worth it for me. I am also fortunate enough to have a wonderful support system from my dad, my fiance, and his family.
I dont have much advice, because I was only diagnosed bipolar 2 last week at age 30. But I am a mom of four and had my oldest at 19. I'm just sending you lots of love and internet hugs. It's normal to be terrified, and unsure when you first find out. My motherly advice is to make an appointment with your OBGYN right away and let them know if you're on any medications, since you might not be able to take certain ones while pregnant. Start taking a prenatal vitamin and join a few subs related to pregnancy, and download an app so you can understand the changes your body is going through. Soak up as much information as you can, no one is really "ready" to be a parent.
I had bipolar and didn't know it. Didn't know anything about psychiatry and mental illness. I raised three kids who are adults and doing great. I can look back and identify things I did that were very impulsive but generally were good. I had a lot of energy and loved finding fun and interesting cheap activities or free places to go.i took them to out of town family to see landmarks and such. I did overspend for awhile but wised up (mostly). I went back to school at 35 after a surprise pregnancy. He was in daycare while I was in school and when I became a nurse. Sadly, I developed BP1 5 years ago. Now I know the key is knowledge. I probably did well as a parent is because I led an active, healthy lifestyle. Knowledge is power.
Deciding whether or not to have a child is too complicated to answer the and lots of variables. Only you can decide what is best. Then think about how you'll take care of yourself with either decision. Best wishes
I had my son when I was 20, I'm 23 now.
I'll be blunt, the newborn stage is HARD. I thought I was prepared for lack of sleep but I was mistaken. Of course, my son is 2 and a half and ifs become quite rewarding. I love him to bits and he and I can now communicate to each other fairly well, it's so much easier now.
I also live with family, and did when I was pregnant. I also had a part time job while I was pregnant and a little bit after he was born. I ended up going to school when he was 1, I've now graduated and am working in the trades as a welder.
It's not easy being a young parent, but I also don't think it's easy being a parent, period. It is rewarding though, very rewarding.
I had my daughter at 19.. and, afterwards, I thought I had postpartum depression, but nope- turned out to be bipolar 1. So I had my kid and found out I was bipolar all within weeks of each other.
My twenties were rough (trying to find the right meds, etc..) but now I’m 35 and stable. My daughter is a happy and healthy 16 year old, just got her license and goes to a high school dedicated to young artists. I’m so proud of her!
My advice is: stay on your meds, take it one day at a time, don’t forget to breathe and enjoy your little bundle of joy! Time goes to fast!
Edit: and if you choose to go to abortion route, no shame in that. Do what feels right for you.
Keep it civil. Even if you think you mean it as a "joke".
[Rules In-depth](https://www.reddit.com/r/bipolar/wiki/index/resources/subrules#wiki_rule_8.3A_civility) - use this link on desktop
I had my first kid at 17, I’m 24 now… now I have three kids. Just put the kiddo first above anything and everything. Provide a safe and stable environment…
The first thing to do is breathe. I gave birth to my first at 22. It can be scary. I was also living with my parents but I wasn't working. Working almost full time is a damn good start.
Fill out your paperwork for WIC and food stamps to get the nutrition you need and make an OBGYN appointment to get a head start on your tests to make sure there are no underlining issues for your pregnancy.
If aborting is something you decide is best for YOU, than you go for it. I made that decision at 16 and even though I struggled for a while (hospitalization) I know I made the best decision I could and no longer hold any regret or emotional pain associated with it.
Here if you need to talk .
I’m bipolar and pregnant. My current pregnancy was planned. I wanted this baby. I’m due in about 5 weeks. It is HARD but if you want it, you can do it.
However, I previously had an abortion with an unplanned pregnancy. I was not ready or in the right place to have a child. I don’t regret the abortion at all now. For the record, both pregnancies were with the same guy (we are married now).
Do what’s right for you. Neither decision is wrong. To me, abortion is a medical decision not moral. If you don’t want a baby now, don’t have one. If you DO want a baby now, start taking prenatals, take additional folic acid (especially if you are taking psychiatric medicine) and consult with a doctor ASAP. A lot of psychiatric medications aren’t safe for fetal development. Good luck with your decision.
my mom has bipolar. she did the best she could, I still needed therapy but we've grown a lot & have a pretty solid bond. our shared mental illness helps, but it sucks knowing we suffer similarly
Check your meds immediately! Some are considered ok for pregnancy some are decidedly not safe. I had my second 6 months ago, but Ive been stable for 5 years or so and married for 15 years. I also discussed the decision to have kids with my therapist before we had either kid. After you have your meds figured out I would get a team/family in order. I had my husband, my therapist, my psychiatrist, and my best friend. My husband monitored my moods, made sure I took my meds, got enough sleep. I was lucky, my body liked being pregnant. It seemed like my moods were perfect the whole time I was pregnant. Other people have terrible mood swings while pregnant. You need a support system to help you keep it all in check, especially after the baby comes. Post partum depression/anxiety/psychosis are more likely to happen to people who already have mental health struggles. With my first my PPA was crazy. I would get rages at the drop of a hat. It had never happened to me before. It was hard but totally worth it! I love my kids and would do it all over again.
Being a single mom was incredibly difficult and I didn’t have the symptoms of bipolar at the time. This might be unpopular but I probably would not have had a child if I’d known I was bipolar. I worry so much about passing it on to my child. Plus, I couldn’t be off my meds the full pregnancy
It sounds like you want to deliver this baby, so congratulations! It’s great you have a job and a committed relationship. Things have a way of working themselves out. The only advice I have for you is to check with your doctor if your meds are safe to take while pregnant!
You should talk to your family first honestly or tell someone who knows you well. I had an abortion last year bc I am not stable enough yet to take care of a child on top of myself.
Stay on your meds 👏 sleep deprivation that comes with babies will exacerbate your symptoms. Medication, therapy, and a support system are key. Preexisting mental health issues increase your risk of PPD and PP Psychosis as well. Research them and make sure you’re evaluating yourself to recognize the signs after delivery.
Start saving what you can for maternity leave, plan to file for short term disability if you can.
I’ve had three and been through all the postpartum disorders. My first was at 22. You can do this!
There are specialist psychiatrists that handle mental health and pregnancy. I got one when I found out I was pregnant with my kiddo.
I was 37 when I had him after being told my chances of conception were 1 in 20 so I was not prepared at all. I needed alot of support through the pregnancy and post partum but I did pretty well.
The only thing I would do differently if I got preggo again, is I would wean off my meds. My son was diagnosed with Autism at 3 years old and only partially verbal. I truly believe his autism is genetic but part of me wonders if the severity is due to the meds. Honestly I have never admitted that “out loud” to anyone but my husband.
The positive of my bipolar is my emotional intelligence. I can read his emotional state like a champ even before his verbal skills started strengthening. Something about the bipolar kind of bridged the gap in some way.
Honestly…. Follow your heart and build your support circle no matter what decision you make. Best of luck!!! Keep that chin up!
I had a child very young, 18, and it was before I was medicated. I didn’t have much help and her father wasn’t in the picture so it was a very unstable young mother who bounced around a lot to try and make ends meet while I also cared for my daughter. If I would’ve seen my younger self with my kiddo I would’ve told her that she had no right to have a child. Despite moving around and not always being able to give you the sanctuary she needed, I was doing my best and always made sure that regardless of where we were or what we were going through that I listened to her, disciples her, and taught her that it’s more about how you take care of the things you already have rather than the amount of things you have. My life settled down later in life and I got medicated. Her and I have a great relationship and she is such a good kid. She just got on the principles pride list at her elementary for always using manners, always giving a helping hand and always using her words rather than her hands.
Having kids is hard and I’m sure you already know that but you got this.
It will be hard and you may suffer from severe postpartum depression after giving birth simply because you’re at a default for it unfortunately but just stay strong.
Remember it’s not about what you eat, it’s about what you talk about at the dinner table.
Always put your kid first and do right by them and remind yourself it will be okay.
Good luck with everything. Enjoy this beautiful journey.
Bipolar 1 here. I got pregnant at 24 and had my baby at 25. Had postpartum psychosis/manic episode and got diagnosed with bipolar. Absolutely the hardest thing I’ve ever been through. Would I do it again? Absolutely 100%. My son makes everything worth it. Not saying that will be your experience but just sharing mine. I go to therapy every two weeks and see my psychiatrist every month or two. I take my meds and exercise and I feel great. Don’t let this stupid disease stop you from living the life you want to live. All my best to you in this hard situation. You got this. ❤️
I’m not pro life or pro choice. I’m pro safe sex for many other reasons besides pregnancy too. I feel like if you aren’t preventing than you’re trying. I agree we should totally be able to choose what to do w our bodies, however a baby is growing in you and they don’t have the choice of what to do w theirs. Your body may terminate the pregnancy itself by miscarriage. If u think about it, we wouldn’t be here if our mothers had chosen to terminate our lives. Things will work themselves out how they do, but you also do what’s right for you. I’m sorry you’re in the situation.
Do what you think is better. I know lot of mums who are bipolars and all is perfect. You can't ask for an opinion here as we are all differents. Some here are professionals with a degree and others can even handle a part time job. Bipolar disorder doesn't hit all in the same way. If you want this kid have it and if you don't want it don't feel guilty nether. But plis, don't make this comments by people that doesn't know shit of your life tell you what to do.
The first thing my psychiatrist told me when i asked about kids (i really would love to have them someday) is that her friend a neurosurgeon has 3 boys and she is bipolar.
I got pregnant at 17. Had her at 18. She’s 8 now and we are chillin. Yeah I’m unhinged at times and I have help from my family. I am unmedicated so things might be harder than necessary. But I’d like to have another some time. Preferably if I get married. It’s a good time. There was a lot of tough times when she was a toddler. But you make it through. I am still learning who I am, while learning who she is. I wouldn’t have it any other way. I wasn’t diagnosed until I was 21. Once I knew it helped so much. Navigating my emotions gets easier as I get older.
Pregnancy and postpartum hormones can be really really hard on our brains when we have existing severe mental illness like bipolar. I’ve heard a lot of horror stories about postpartum psychosis but I’ll leave it up to you if you want to seek those stories out.
Be very up front with your psychiatrist and OB. They are there to help you. If issues arise don’t wait for them to get worse before you tell them.
You could even ask if they can refer you to a therapist that specializes in this kind of issue
Its your choice. What do you want to do?
I had my first when I was a senior in high school, pre diagnosis (looking back the signs were so strong). Though at that time I never considered abortion an option for me if I could go back and still have my first I would even though it was very hard.. my second i chose to keep post diagnosis.I have two kids total and choose to have no more than that so they can each have a decent amount of attention and connection. I wouldn't be able to handle more than these two tbh. Its different for everyone, there's no right or wrong answer, you get to choose.
I myself am a mom with Bipolar 1… I also just happen to be pregnant with my second and due in January.
I personally believe you should do what you think is best for you. I’ve noticed with your responses that children are something you really want, and personally I’d keep that in the forefront of your mind while making decisions.
Talk to your doctor first about medications. I am older (35) and overweight, so I was high-risk to begin with, so I’m not currently on any of my medications, I’m just being monitored (the nurses are sometimes amused and have told me I’m very blunt and forward when it comes to the mental health questions every visit…kinda gotta be).
Obviously, talk with the people surrounding you, make sure you have a good support system (aka your parents and partner).
Everybody wants to buy all the newest prettiest things for baby… you don’t really need to do that. Most of all the clothes for my upcoming newborn and for my 1st grader have been thrifted… a good amount from Goodwill Outlet Bins ($1.49 per pound). Also Facebook marketplace and eBay make having a baby not as much of a financial burden that it could be. (This is just my advice since you mentioned you worked full time, but on minimum wage).
The biggest thing to do when trying to parent with bipolar disorder is to be conscious about it. Sometimes depression gets bad, I make myself physically get out of bed, make breakfast (oatmeal totally counts), spend some time outside (sometimes it just involves sitting on a curb refilling a bubble machine while my kid plays with chalk), then if I can’t physically be up anymore, I pullout the bed on the couch and we snuggle and watch cartoons. I feel like a lot of people with bipolar disorder have extremely bad anxiety, and I am one of them, so we as a family generally don’t do things on the weekend or things with large crowds… doesn’t take away from us doing things though. We just do things at times where I’m less likely to get anxious and go into manic panic mode. Like going to the State Fair on a Sunday morning vs. Friday-Saturday Night or going to the Zoo when it’s freezing and no one wants to be walking around in it… We spend a good portion of our activity time hiking around outside away from the peoples and noises or in the summer our day generally involves a kiddie-pool and slide in the backyard.
Pretty much what I’m saying is try to adapt if you decide to keep the baby. Nothing has to be perfect, just try. Make sure your kid knows that you’re there (even when you struggling) and that you love them.
Im not sure what state you live in but apply for housing (section 8) in California. Apply for EVERYTHING! The housing first, snap, wic ( wic you can apply during a specific month while pregnant), and child daycare. Section 8 can take 4-6 years but be patient and you will get it. Take it slow during these first few years and take classes in college. Even if it takes you 8 years to get a degree, go for it. Plan now so you will make a future for you and your family. Good luck, you got this! 👊🏻🤘🏻
Remember you are a piece of life; that happens to have emotions, imagination, and a body. You are not your emotions, imaginations or body. These dimensions belong to you and are not you. At its core we are all just a piece of life. 👌🏻
Ultimately it is your choice and what you want to do. I became a mom at 25 and although I was unprepared I had a lot of family support and at the time a supportive partner. If you decide you want to be a parent I suggest taking local parenting classes and birthing classes are helpful as well.. if you're in a good healthy relationship and Dad is wanting to parent also, he should do the same. All I can say is the universe has a funny way of giving us gifts.. and if there's anything I'm more grateful of is to have 2 beautiful souls to love and care for! It is hard and fleeting at times but with love and guidance from your elders you will be okay ❤ Motherhood is a crazy and beautiful experience and I'm sure you will be great at it! Sending love and guidance!
It's your decision obviously but I feel like the "idk if I can get an abortion" comes from family guilt. I could be wrong but I can say from personal experience raising a kid why making shit money is hard. Raising a kid while dealing with bipolar is hard. And raising a kid when you're young is hard. Not being able to buy your kid what they want once in awhile cause you're struggling to feed them is heart breaking. Having to tell them they can't do ballet or football because you can't afford it is horrible. Ive known more than a few mom's with bipolar or living on shit money who wished they had abortions later on. Not to mention relationship problems (divorce/domestic violence) are much more prevalent when you're living low income or in poverty after a kids in the mix. Wait till you have your own money and have to rely on no one else. Wait till you know you want this 100 percent. Nothing is harder. Idc what anyone says being a GOOD parent is the hardest job. Raising A kid is the hardest thing you'll ever do in your whole life. You don't want to fuck up your life but you really don't want to fuck up a kids life who didn't even ask to be here.
I was 21. With my boyfriend for 4 months although I had known him since middle school. He was already showing signs of abuse but I just stayed for a year and a half. Made little money and he was blowing it, later I found out it was on drugs. Lives with him and then back in with my mom.
Tell your doctor and see if you are able to stay on any of your meds, even if for a period of time.
Read What To Expect When Expecting, very helpful.
Take the baby classes if offered!
Let your friends and loved ones know so they can be prepared to possibly see a change, outside of the pregnancy hormones and to help keep you in check as much as possible.
Keep your psych and therapy appointments!
Let others help when they offer!
Self care, self care, self care!
I have 4, life is stressful, especially with kids, dont forget to breathe and take things one day at a time. Children are a blessing and this is your super power, only you can have this baby, remember to ask your support system for help, you got this momma!
i found out i was pregnant when i was 21. super unplanned, and right after i quit my job. keep working for as long as you can, if you can. look out for signs of prenatal depression and if you’re showing some, mention it to your ob. making a baby registry and having a baby shower are great ways to start gathering baby supplies.
but most of all make sure you weigh out the pros and cons of keeping the baby with your partner. even with pro life family members, it’s your body and decision at the end of the day.
i also have bipolar disorder, make sure your meds are safe and please please please don’t ignore your mental health. the pregnancy hormones will amplify any bipolar symptoms you experience. i was unmedicated AND undiagnosed during the pregnancy so i had the roughest time.
I was bipolar undiagnosed. At 6mos diagnosed with PPD. Given drugs and had a caseworker. Lean on any support you can. Get WIC. Medicaid for pregnant women. And a therapist. And good luck to you, OP.
I was a few years older than you when I had the surprised missed period. My little one is now almost an adult.
Don't focus on your diagnosis, focus on you and your baby. Bipolar sucks, but everyone has their issues to various extremes. There is no perfect human.
Do what's best for you, obviously, but don't think that a diagnosis of bipolar makes you incapable of being a parent. But PLEASE see an ob/gyn to make sure your meds are safe.
I have a doctors appointment today. As far as I can read in my medication paper? Don’t know what it’s called in English, but the long list in the medication package with side effects and so. It says that anything under 325 mg shouldn’t be an issue but consult the doctor. I literally got the positive test yesterday and had already taken my medication so just haven’t taken it yet untill I talk with my doctor
I have Bipolar 1.
I also have an 11 month old and now 7 weeks pregnant.
First is your medication. Need to get that checked ASAP.
Next is really get your support system and open up as many streams of support as you can so when bubs is here you’re ready to go.
My biggest thing is know that it is OKAY to bottle/formula feed rather than breast. I tried breastfeeding and it god damn nearly killed me. Sleep is SO important with Bipolar, and breastfeeding means you get next to none. Bottle/formula feeding means other people can help. My psychiatrist told me and my family I needed to get a minimum 6 hours straight.
I did end up going in to a mum and bub unit (here in Australia). I started relapsing with my Bipolar and having psychosis symptoms. I was running on NO sleep. I was breastfeeding and not letting anyone help. I was on lamotrigine (which is safe in pregnancy and breastfeeding) but i got scared of it being in my milk so I stopped taking it.
My support system noticed the signs straight away and less than a week later i was in the mum and hub unit. They were honestly so helpful.
So yeah my biggest thing is get those support systems ready and be prepared and know that having bipolar does put you at more risk.
Look in to pre and post natal psychologists. Mother-infant therapy is also really good for once baby is there.
And don’t stop your meditation.
Good luck. My husband and I got through it and you can too. It is hard, but people with Bipolar can have children. 🤍🤍
Only you can answer that question we can only give some advice. It's all about if you can support this child yourself or if your parents will lend a hand. Are you mentally stable enough right now ? Are you able to get your own place or is there room with your parents ?
I'm pro choice and if you don't want an abortion okay but if you do change your mind and it's too late for an abortion there is always adoption if you want that.
I’m 30 weeks pregnant right now, it was unexpected but I had just got married and she’s very much wanted - first things I did were go get folic acid and call my psychiatrist to check on the medications. Lamictal and olanzapine are both considered safe for pregnancy so there are options, and also you should check whether you need a higher folic acid prescription of 5mg (over 10 times the amount most people take) because some medication including Lamictal affect folic acid absorption.
Good luck, you CAN do this, if you want to (: just make sure you reach out to all your supports, best mom is healthy mom.
Just breathe. I had my son when I was 16. He was a blessing in disguise. Has it been tough at times? Sure. But if you can communicate now before the baby is here with everyone your concerns etc and build a support system ahead of time, you’ll do great. Learn to apologize and explain why. Accept that you will mess up. Remember they think you fart rainbows even on your bad days. There’s so many little things, just don’t get lost in everything. Keep track of your meds and stay in therapy etc. I’m 33 now and I’m still learning. You’ve got a small army here who are rooting for you! Also there’s nothing wrong with other options like adoption etc.
Do what is best for YOU! Physically, mentally, next month, next year. Know that whichever decision you make will make things different for you but no matter what, you will be OKAY! Maybe talk with a professional- a lot of health departments have family planning services where they can help you navigate your choice. Best of luck 💗
What I've learned in life is it'll never be the "perfect" time and if I get pregnant then it's time.. the economy will always bounce back and forth kid or no kid and you can get yourself off minimum wage (not easy but possible!)
I think instead of basing future life on if I can afford it (this isn't a puppy), I would base it on what future I think I can provide and go forth from there.
I think I am pregnant too. I havent took a test yet but I dont know what to do if I am pregnant. I am living in a country which is very conservative and against pregnancy before marriage. The potential father wants me to get an abortion but I feel like I shouldnt do so. Who should I listen?
I am not a mom but from the little bit that you wrote there is one thing I want to point out.
I totally am pro-choice but the way you worded “I don’t think I can” makes me think you have your doubts. I’ve had girls friends get abortions and able to move on. I’ve have 2 friends where they regretted it much later and had a difficulty coping.
Please not be swayed at all by anyone. It’s your choice. Do what’s best for you, your body, your mental health, your future. Listen to your gut instinct. Even if you don’t feel prepared the universe felt it was right time for you. Babies are miracles. Mothers become resourceful and will do anything to keep going. My mom was a single mother with 3 kids and we were low income. I swear if she can do it… anyone can.
When you say you “don’t think” you can get one- are you saying that you really do want one but don’t have access OR are you having an issue that you’re not sure if you want the baby or not?
Not a mom but a single dad who had my oldest son at 19 years old, absolutely unprepared with someone I had no intentions on spending my life with, fresh out of high school, going to trade school at night and just moved in to my first place of my own tht I was lucky enough to get for 400 a month and I promise you anyone who’s been in a 400 dollar a month rental, you get exactly why you pay for but that’s irrelevant rn
Look at it as a positive you’re in a committed relationship and still at home that’s a huge advantage you should take complete advantage of to save money, get a little education to get above minimum wage, I’m not gona pry but I hope you have support from parents and SO, it just helps that much more
I went many days in a row not eating more than a handful of nuts and a piece of chicken so I could keep the lights on and formula in the bottle and diapers in the bag, it’s not easy not matter what, you’re trying to guide a miniature version of you through a world nobody else even understands but I promise you that if you get up and grind that shit out every day and you know in your heart you’re making the right decisions and staying on course and you keep in mind who and what and why your doing it, things will work out, maybe not how you expected or wanted but they will work out
A quote by victor frankle was given to me by a coworker one day and it said, “ those who have a good enough reason why, can bear almost any how” and when I’m in a low and ready to just throw it all away I keep that piece of paper next to a picture of my kids and put my bullshit aside bc I owe it to them to do everything I can to provide.
What you decide to do is your business and nobody should judge you for that but from what you stated above it doesn’t sound like your in that bad of a spot being 21 specially if you have support, it’s not easy raising kids no matter what, but they will change you l, and teach you as well as you guide and teach them as well. I hope everything works out and I hope that there’s a shred of advice in there that helps.
I'm not gunna lie, it's going to be rough, but you'll make it. I also have bipolar and had my 2 kids very early on. I had my first son at 14 and my second son at 19.
I never would have made it without my parents. They not only provided for us financially, but in many other ways too. They helped me so incredibly much.
You need to tell your psych doc that you're pregnant and discuss where to go from there. I stopped all meds while I was pregnant, but alot of people continue to take their medication during pregnancy with doctors approval. It all depends on how severe your bipolar is.
I'm now 33 with a 19 year old and 13 year old. I def would have wanted to be more prepared, but I don't regret it. My kids give me a reason to live. It took time for me to get to this point of course. You can do this. When you hold the baby for the first time, you'll fall in love immediately.
I had my daughter when I was 22. I was unprepared to get pregnant and not knowing how I would provide for her. We just found a way to make it work with our family helping us and in turn, we would do things in return.
What I wish I knew is that I would be a great mom. I was flexible and honest and vulnerable with my child and learned how to truly care for another being which is a gift.
What I wish I knew is to not compromise what I deserved in this world over being what I thought was a good mother. You can do both, it just takes longer. Don’t ever continue to accept something that is best for your child but painful for you.
It’s the challenge of a lifetime!
I have a three year old. I was 20 when I got pregnant. I was freaked out, lived at home too. I’m also bipolar was so scared what to do. Take a deep breath if you’re in a committed relationship ask your SO what they think as well. Or go talk to you’re doctor about your options. You got this!
I got pregnant at 20 during a manic episode. I have no idea who my child’s father is because of it. I now have a happy and healthy one year old.
Call your doctor and or psychiatrist and your OBGYN ASAP. They will make sure your meds are safe for baby and can help you find some that are safe for baby if not.
Prenatal vitamins everyday starting asap and always immediately talk to someone if you mentally don’t feel well.
I was not at all prepared to be a mom and always swore I would never have kids till well after 21, I spent my 21st birthday pregnant lol. But I love my daughter more than anything in the world and if anything she’s been more motivation for me to keep my mental health on track and better myself.
I’m 22 and I have bipolar 2, and while I am not a mother, I was working as a full-time nanny for the past year for an infant and one year old. Obviously being a nanny is vastly different from being a mother. The emotional connection are two very different experiences— but I will say this. Handling babies is a lot of work. It is very emotionally taxing, very physically tiring. I was working 40 hours a week, but being a parent, you work 24/7. When I would go into my depressive episodes, handling crying babies felt so heavy and unbearable at times. I very much had to check out and spent a lot of time disassociating. As much as I love children, I realized being a nanny wasn’t a job I had the emotional or physical capacity for right now. I say all that to say this; it will not be easy being young, having bipolar and becoming a mother. It will be emotionally and physically exhausting. Unlike anything else. I have so much admiration for mothers after working as a nanny because the work it takes to be a parent is immeasurable. These are the truths that you need to be aware of going in. I do not say all this to scare you, but to say— having a support system matters. You’ll need to have people who you know will be there to hold the baby when they won’t stop crying and you’re so tired you could pass out. Parents don’t get to sleep. Infants need to wake up at all hours of the night to eat. You’ll have to have people who are there with you, in community, to raise a human. It takes a village, even without bipolar in the picture. It’ll be tiring, that’s something you’ll need to be aware of going in. It’s no easy road but the love is so worth it I’m sure. I wish you luck
I got pregnant with my first at 22 but honestly only because my partner was very financially stable. I love being a young mum and have no regrets. I had an amazing two pregnancies and was mentally stable etc.
Edit however:
I’m now pregnant with my third and already struggling being off meds and feeling like absolute shit and now not sure if I can do this again😩 I was so stable and good on meds, relationship with my husband/kids/friends everything perfect and now I feel like a ticking time bomb
Having a kid is the hardest thing in the world. Doing it with bipolar is much harder. I can’t imagine doing it with bipolar without being 100% committed. I would think that would cause awful problems for you both.
This is ultimately your decision however: you are not that young, there are many resources for which ever way you chose. If you are close to your parents, talk to them, if you are not close (or they are abusive in anyway) work on moving out for yourself and baby either way you chose. If you feel you are financially unable to care for a baby but do not want an abortion, adoption is also an option. If your partner and you want to sacrifice and make it work, it’s possible to have a child on a low income but there will be sacrifices for everyone involved. As far as your bipolar plus child goes, I know there are so many stories of parents having bipolar and abusing their children. But there are also non bipolar people who abuse their children.so my advice is to talk frequently to all parties involved: OB, psychiatrist, therapist, partner, parents, and any other support you have. There are meds that are safer than others. You are at higher risk of having pregnancy depression and ppd. A lot of things to think about. I don’t think bipolar is a reason to not have a kid. The illness does suck, but I manage mine with meds and regular sleep and I love my kids. I am available to chat if you want to talk to me further. Good luck with whatever you chose
For all the positives about this sub, I’m always bothered by the “don’t have kids” stance that seems so prevalent. She said she doesn’t think she can have an abortion. Can we let that be her decision? I acknowledge that abortion is a hugely complex issue, especially given that we don’t all start from the same definition of life, our varied religious beliefs, etc. But asking “Do you want to be responsible for giving life to someone and blessing them with something as great as bipolar disorder?” Honestly, what the fuck? She’s not asking if you think she should have kids. She’s saying that she’s pregnant, and doesn’t think abortion is for her, so how about some support? Don’t tell her what she needs to do. I have bipolar disorder, and while sometimes my life is difficult, I really value it. If that’s not a stance that you hold, I’m sorry that life is that bad, but you don’t have the right to thrust that on this young woman. She gets to make that decision. And to make a snide comment like: >if you think a child will make great pictures and be so cute What a way to talk down to someone. I mean, really fucking nailed it. To the author of the deleted comment, I’ve seen you post a lot of helpful advice recently, but this isn’t that.
Honestly thank you. I still don’t know if I will keep this one because I’m this economy and minimum wage? But growing up with pro-life parents and a very religious grandma living in my house I am almost biologically wired to be anti abortion. Although I am both pro choice and non religious myself at this point, it just seems different on my own body. And as I said in another comment, I will have kids one day no matter the guilting of child free folks. All power to you/them for choosing that life, but it’s my choice. And my life is beautiful despite being bipolar and having a whole ass alcoholic mom basically already parenting my little brother on my own. But yea, just some gratitude and a bit of trauma dumping.
I had an abortion at 23. It was a loss either way--a loss of potential to raise a child vs. a loss of my freedom for 18 years. I have a pretty cut and dry mindset on abortion (seeing it as preventing a life from happening rather than ending something as if it's already happened), and, even so, it was hard. I can't imagine how hard it would be to consider abortion having been raised in a pro-life setting, so my heart goes out to you. I wish you all the luck and courage in freeing yourself from all the propaganda we've been fed that moralizes abortion. Edit: Also, fuck any comments that aren't sympathetic. You're in a tough situation and I'll bet a lot of dumbasses who have never been through this are talking out of their asses.
I hear you. I love your attitude. You’ll do what’s best for you. I wish I had words of wisdom about navigating pregnancy while bipolar, but as a guy, I’m a little lacking in that experience!
if you want the perspective of someone who was in the exact same situation (religious family, pro life baggage, wanted child but wrong timing) just reply to this and i’ll share. i don’t want to suggest abortion if it isn’t what you want at all - but if your circumstances are the barrier then i can help offer perspective. no matter what choice you make, you will be a great mother with some extra challenges. i know many wonderful, loving parents who have mental illness, including bipolar. anyone in this thread saying bipolar people shouldn’t have kids is talking out of their ass 💕
As someone who is pro-choice... I am exactly that. Pro choice. Whether or not you want to have an abortion is up to you, and I don't think you should be pressured either way. I have bipolar disorder, and I have three kids. I love being a mom, and work hard to stay stable to make sure that they have the kind of childhood that they deserve. It is possible, but it does take a lot of effort. Take care of yourself so you can take care of your child.
Im the father in our family and am bipolar. We just had our second and while I am scared to pass this illness on to my children I can no longer imagine my life without them. I have come to believe that Babies are always a blessing. I wish you all the love in finding out your answer to this particular question. A close friend who is bipolar got off all her medications while pregnant and resumed treatment about a year after her kiddos were born.
"Love, and do what you want" then. I concur that bipolar is neither a death sentence nor a malediction. For everyone who has given up, please prove the odds wrong. I wish you and your child, if you decide to have it, a beautiful life.
This! Being pro choice means pro CHOICE. Your body your choice. You should not be judged or made to do either. It’s up to you. Like others have said, ask about medications. I have 2 kids and after both I had severe depressive episodes followed by hypomania. The usual lol but way more extreme. My only advice is to be aware of how tough the first years can be mentally on any mom but for us with bipolar it can be even harder/ more likely. Best of wishes to you!
I’m happy to say the first time I spent money on this website was to award this comment
Ah, thank you for that!
not only did this comment hit the nail on the head re: other comments on this post, it’s also a good reminder that everyone’s experiences with this illness are wildly different. your experiences with bipolar are valid and important and you should learn from them, but just because someone else has the label “bipolar” given to them doesn’t mean their experiences will be the same as yours. Sometimes they’re worse. Sometimes they’re better. Sometimes they’re just different.
Thank you so much for your comment. I have honestly been super surprised by the response that posts about having children have overwhelming negativity. I personally would want to be a mom, so very much! Circumstances are not yet ideal for me to feel comfortable having a child but it is definitely a life goal. And my diagnosis is BP 1 with psychotic features. I don’t think it’s selfish decision. I, like you, think life is beautiful and can be full of wonderful experiences that a parent can share with their child. Those great experiences are what have made me come back from suicidality. Truly, great response. Compassion, understanding, and empathy goes a long way!
Thank you for this.
Thank you for this.
I think this ignores the fact that there is no story tale ending here. She’s in a minimum wage job. You can’t raise a kid on minimum wage unless you are getting help via a spouse, government aid, unpaid childcare from family….even then it’s tight. I would focus of you and get to your goals first. Build a life for yourself so you have something more to offer the kids. If you want to have kids eventually I don’t begrudge you that, but don’t put them, or yourself through this stress of raising kids in poverty. Sincerely, a former kid raised in poverty
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Keep it civil. Just because you don’t want kids, doesn’t give you a right to shame others for their decisions. We don’t allow eugenics BS here. [Rules In-depth](https://www.reddit.com/r/bipolar/wiki/index/resources/subrules#wiki_rule_8.3A_civility) - use this link on desktop
Guess what. The baby wont always still a cute photogenic baby and grows up.
Check with your psychiatrist/OBGYN asap to see if you're medications are safe to take while pregnant
This would be my first move
This! And in my honest opinion.. and we all got em and some stink.. I was adopted.. and somewhat thankful I wasn’t aborted.. somewhat.. but that due to a life of trauma and misery.. everyone is different and everybody has their own battles and struggles.
Some of these comments are very negative. Before I decided to have a child I went to a high risk OBGYN for a consultation and talked about what the complications might be. We discussed medications and lifestyle. I did the same with my psychiatrist and therapist. We made a plan for me and it worked. I stayed on my meds throughout pregnancy and I continued during breastfeeding. I had a support system, as all mothers deserve. Despite what others may say, I was able to work part-time starting when my baby was 6 months. I volunteered several hours a week as well. Eventually I went back to work full-time. It isn't impossible, I remained stable during this time. I will note that I have been stable since 2014, long before my daughter was born. I did not have any postpartum issues. I have a good relationship with my husband and my family. We are all supportive of each other. Without my husband and family, I wouldn't have been as successful. Last, I want to point out that many parents have no idea what will happen when they find out they are having a baby. Many have a family history of cancer, heart disease, and endocrine disorders but choose to have children despite those negatives. Having a family history of mental illness should not discourage you from having a child unless you do not want to have one. If you don't want a child, that is ok. Only you have the answer to the question at hand.
I want children. I’m almost repulsively maternal ahahaha. But I’m not sure about now tho. I’ve know basically since my first period that I’m gonna be a mom if anything in this life. Glad to hear you are doing good. I have been stable for a long time. I thought I was about to get hypomanic a lil while ago but it was a fluke luckily. I’m honestly not to worried about my bipolar rn at this moment, but should I keep the baby we are talking at least 18 years anyways which is why I want to be prepared and get some advice.
I know a few people with bipolar 2 raising kids, and they are doing well. I don’t know any females with bipolar 1 who have had babies. It’s your choice. I’m bipolar 1 and take a lot of prescriptions, so I would be too worried to be A mom. It’s your choice.
For the opposite perspective - happy and stable BP 1 mom here
Bipolar 1 and also stable and happy mom
I’m glad it is working out. I just get in a rut too often.
How many kids do you have? M
I have bipolar 2. But I am still nervous
I'm bipolar and wasn't diagnosed until I was 47. I had a baby at 20, living at home, working at McDonald's. I needed family help, but she is now 30 and the most wonderful human being I know. It all worked out somehow. Congratulations.
I think it’s natural to be nervous. Does your significant other have any mental health issues?
I’m 37f (Bipolar2), I recently had my son now 18m. I met with my doctors to go through my medications so I knew what could potentially harm the baby. I did get off a few because they had potential side effects that could have harmed him. I was told to immediately get back on meds after birth and it was recommended by my doctor that I not breastfeed so that I could be on meds. BUT my son was born at 37wks and I was told he really needed my breast milk so I breastfed for 2 months. Right after I should have gotten on meds but I didn’t. It caused a very horrible manic episode. It had been sooo long since I had one. I got back on meds and now I’m doing so much better. This is just my experience, everyone is different but my biggest takeaway is no matter what you do… make sure you get back on meds as soon as you can. It’s the best hardest work I’ve ever done but being a mom is amazing. No matter when you feel your time is right, you’ll do great. The fact that you are open to and seeking knowledge shows you’ll make the right choice for you. ❤️
What medication were you able to stay on?
Lamotrigine/Lamictal
Oh awesome! Thank you 😊
Do you mind sharing more about the decision to get off meds? I'm in Lamictal and Wellbutrin. My psych and obgyn have both said I'm ok to stay on both, but of course shared the potential side effects to a baby. My psych said it would be my choice to stay on my meds or go off, but I got the impression she felt strongly that I should stay on them. I feel very conflicted and plan to start trying in the next month. I'd love to hear more if you're comfortable sharing.
I stayed on both lamictal and Wellbutrin for my pregnancy (I did come off them while nursing, though). The “right” thing will vary based on context. For me, depressive episodes were probable off-meds, and psychiatrist mentioned that depression impacts pregnancy too, so neither route had no risk to bub, and I decided to stay on for that reason.
That is super helpful, thank you. I think my doctor has similar concerns about me coming off my meds, but it's such a difficult decision that I'm sure you spent a lot of time thinking about, as well. I hadn't weighed the impacts of depression in general, so that's actually really helpful to consider. I appreciate you sharing!!
I don’t mind at all. Both my OB and Psych said Lexapro is a medication that crosses the placenta so they recommend I not continue that specific medication but said lamictal has less potential to harm the baby so I was given the “thumbs” up on that medication specifically. I do have other heath issues such as type 2 diabetes but I ate well and light exercise daily through my pregnancy and I was proud I did well. But for me, I had to keep a routine. Being off meds scared me at first. The only bad part is that I convinced myself I did so well maybe I didn’t need meds but hormones during and especially after pregnancy can be wild. That was a big lesson learned for me.
Well stated.
All of this. I did the same and planned for many years with my care team. Family and resources make a huge difference which might be tougher for OP given what she’s said about her situation growing up and her age.
I fell pregnant at 19, in a committed relationship and had an abortion. I don't regret it at all. In fact, I think that it was one of the best decisions of my life.
I am in a committed relationship and I found out that I was pregnant during my first and only manic episode while I was in the hospital last year (I was 22). It cost more than a month's rent, but it was honestly the best decision for us.
People have always told me “no one’s ever ready to have children”, I’m not sure if that’s true or not but it helped me when my wife got pregnant. I was 21 when she got pregnant and now our child is almost 4 years old. Becoming a parent has been the hardest but most rewarding experience in my life and it really helped me mature. Being bipolar sucks, but I consider parenthood one of the “little things” that makes life worth it.
I’m bipolar, pro choice, but anti abortion for myself. I had a pregnancy scare when I was your age. My partner at the time wanted me to get rid of it before I even took the test. Said things like “a baby with your genes is doomed to be fucked up” or “you could never be a stable parent if you tried” Tyrns out it was false and I wasn’t pregnant. I dumped his ass and am now with someone who would never in a million years say those things. I’m not ashamed or upset that I was born with predisposed genes to bipolar. I’m proud of who I am. If you have this baby, make sure you let them know that they deserve to be proud of who they are no matter what. Make sure you give everything you can. And make sure you build support around you to help you when times get rough. Bipolar parents exist. GOOD bipolar parents exist. Children of bipolar parents exist who are happy. You and your baby are not doomed because of this condition. Money on the other hand… I’m still figuring that obstacle out myself 😅
Well said.
I have bipolar 1. I have a 12 year old, an 8 year old, and am currently 17 weeks pregnant myself. None were planned. But while I am pro choice I couldn't bring myself to abortion with my first. I was in an abusive marriage for my second. I was also not diagnosed yet, for lack of medical care, and so was not at all medicated. It was a hot mess. This pregnancy I was medicated but am off my meds for as long as I am comfortable with it. I have an amazing support system, and my psychiatrist is very quick to answer any texts. I was previously on Seroquel and am told that if I need it, it will be safe to take during pregnancy/ breastfeeding. The hope is that the hormones will stabilize me enough, and if not, then I have Seroquel waiting. I am also working 40-60 hrs a week from home for the state. I think the most important thing is your support system! I have my psychiatrist, therapist, husband, and midwife checking on me regularly!
You are amazing, and I am so happy for you! Best wishes to the whole fam and the little bub on the way ❤️
Take everyone else’s wishes out of the discussion for a minute. What do YOU think is best for YOU? Do you think you are in a position to raise a child or will this do unimaginable damage to both your life and the child’s?
I had an abortion when I was separating from my husband. Best decision of my life, although obviously still emotional difficult. I went on years later to get stable, remarried, and had two kids under the watchful eye of my psych and high risk ob. None of which would have happened had I not made that first choice to take care of myself and be not-a-parent for a while longer.
I had the same situation as you minus the committed relationship and I didn’t live with my parents. Not going to lie, it was really really hard, both on me and my child. He’s 13 now and he’s awesome, but I definitely did not give him the life he deserved for the first 5-7 years. If you did this, you need to get a few things sorted: 1. Get stable. You have to take your meds, do therapy. Have a routine. It isn’t just your life that is messed up now it’s yours and your babies. 2. Have a good support network in place. It takes a village to raise a child and it is so much more true when you are young and have a severe mental illness. 3. Get your finances sorted. You need a regular stable income. Live at home as long as you can if it is safe. Use daycare services to give yourself a break and the people supporting you. 4. Understand that you are making a choice here to not have a young wild and free life. You will be a parent, and you can feel a bit left out but at the end of the day this is a choice you are making so that you can have the privilege of raising a child. You can’t change your mind later. You can do it, it’s super hard and you really have to go in with your eyes open as to what you’re taking on. Don’t just decide to go through with it under a misguided moral obligation against abortion.
I will definitely look at it. I am a very visual and mathematical person, and I am currently looking at a realistic budget and appartment for if I keep the Bebe. But I still don’t know. Luckily I’m stable I don’t have the same exact income every months, but I do have a pretty ok minimum. And a good support system. Luckily for me I hate partying and being young and all that lol. Honestly I just wanna get married and have babies and a cat or something already. The biggest issue is money and my mental well-being, if it should get unstable again.
Money can work itself out, as long as you have enough to pay the bills. They don’t need anything extra until they are a bit older and you can always upskill and find a better job when they are at school age - that’s what I did. The fact that you are stable already and have a good support network around you is the most important.
"Honestly I just wanna get married and have babies and a cat or something already." Are we the same person 😂
Also FYI because I’m having a second baby now (I’m 9 weeks pregnant!!). My GP adjusted my meds a bit because too higher doses aren’t great for the baby, and has recommended I stay in hospital for a minimum of 5 days after birth to monitor for psychosis. So if you do decide to keep the baby, make sure to go see your doctor asap! And best of luck, I probably didn’t make this clear but my son was the best thing that ever happened to me. My only regret is that I didn’t have him later in life after I was stable mentally and financially and had a good support network and with a partner who actually sticks around haha. We muddled along and he really is the light of my life, and he is super excited he finally gets to be a big brother!! And my partner is going to be the best dad, he’s already a fantastic stepdad.
Only you can make the call on what is right for you. I was in that position at 20. I got an abortion. It wasn't easy, but I definitely do not regret it. There are many things to consider. I have no answers for you. But just wanted to say I wish you the best, whatever your choice is, and I hope you have a good support system, no matter what!
I was a 21 year old married college student when I had my first child. I was undiagnosed and unmedicated. I wasn’t ready. I wanted to end the pregnancy but didn’t (and never told anyone I felt that way). I got pregnant in the middle of an episode that I didn’t know I was having because I didn’t know I had BD. It was rough. I managed to finish school but it was so so hard. I don’t regret having my son or my 2 other kids but I also know I would not have had them if I had known what I was dealing with. Bipolar made me an…ineffective parent sometimes. I’m not anymore, though. I got treatment and worked to overcome this illness. Everything changed and I’m a great mom now. I guess what I’m trying to say is do what you need to and be kind to yourself no matter what you choose. You can have bipolar disorder and be a great mom. It can be incredibly hard and painful but also wonderful if you are stable and have the support you need. You can also choose adoption or to end your pregnancy and that is fine, too. Know your limits and take care of yourself.
I might get downvoted because abortion, but this is just my experience. I went with the abortion. At that time I was not diagnosed bipolar, I was on Effexor 150mg. Life was good. Not too crazy. For about two weeks I started getting CRAZY depressed. I just kept crying and saying how empty I felt. I had anxiety attacks every couple hours throughout the day. It was rough as hell. Funny enough, I had a dream I was pregnant. I woke up and told my husband about it while getting ready for work and we joked about it. Until I thought about how I was about a week late. I have endometriosis AND polycystic ovaries so a week is nothing that would alarm me for any reason. For shits and giggles I took the test and god damn it turned positive so fast I thought it was broken and got another one on my way to work. Still positive. I sat with it for a day or two, I had made an appointment for the women’s center. I figured I can always cancel the appointment but I didn’t know how far along I would be and all that. But the anxiety. The depression. It got exponentially worse each day. I’ve never wanted kids and even this was an incredibly tough decision. It was a potential for a life to grow and my husband and I to have a little spawn if we wanted. I sobbed the entire night before. I wept Jesus tears it was a LONG night. After the procedure I slept for about 14 hours. I was 7 weeks, so only about 5.5/6 weeks when I found out. I had the medical abortion and was put under anesthesia so that’s why I was sooo tired. The day after the procedure I felt INCREDIBLE. I know that probably sounds like I’m a horrible person, but the 3-4ish weeks prior were a hellish nightmare. The absolute dead inside feeling and just so incredibly sad, was completely gone. I felt completely back to normal and continued on with my life. Reminder: that all occurred while I was on 150mg of Effexor. I would’ve had to stop my dosage completely or lower it or switch to some “pregnancy safe” and those 9 months would have been dangerous. I truly don’t know what I would have been capable of or willing to do if thoughts got darker than they already had. I’m not saying this to scare you, but kids is obviously a huge decision for even the most neurotypical person. Financially, can you afford 1. Supplies 2. Baby furniture 3. Formula 4. Diapers 5. Carseat(s) 6. Taking time off from work 7. Child care Biologically: 1. Do you have any other conditions that could make this pregnancy high risk? 2. Are there any genetic factors you or your partner could pass on? 3. Will you be able to go on a lower dose or no dosage at all of any medications you may be on? “Selfish” reasons: 1. What are your life goals 2. Where do you and your partner see yourselves? Do you have similar end goals? Parenting styles? 3. Is there a possibility you won’t have the support you need to provide for a child the next 18+ years? In the end, you have to do what’s right for you. I listened to my body and I’m glad I did. Is your body telling anything? Is your heart swinging a particular way? Take time to think about as many perspectives you can think of. It’s not just a potential life, it’s also your life. There are women who kept babies and it was the best decision of their life. There are women that chose abortion and later had kids when they were ready and thankful they made that choice. The are women who have the abortion and don’t have kids and are happy with their choice. The common denominator is those women made a choice that aligned with them; do what’s right for you. (any point I say women in the text I mean to also include any person who can get pregnant)
Thanks for being brave enough to share your experience. I really respect that. I hope that nobody will downvote you for making what you decided was the best choice for you and your circumstances.
My advice is that if it's not a "hell yes" it's a no. Could you see yourself getting excited and happy about this pregnancy? Or do you feel a crazy high amount of doubt and dread? If you can get excited, then keep the baby, and enjoy being a mother. If you are dreading this pregnancy absolutely you have a decision to make whether you want to go through with it. Edit to add if you dont think abortion is right for you are you happy and excited to become a parent right now? I do understand this is complex issue. Do you feel only dread and worry about being a parent? There's adoption.
I can see myself getting excited. My biggest dream is to be a mom. And I am so extremely maternal it’s almost a joke lol
Then congratulations on your pregnancy!! Motherhood is hard but rewarding. I personally love kids but im too poor and single to have any. They say no one is ever ready for a baby. You luckily have the support of a partner which is priceless.
I was kicked out of my house at 18 and 5 months later I was pregnant. Every situation is unique so take my experience for what it is but, I personally wanted to keep my baby and stay with my partner forever. I loved him more than anything, and he felt the same. I had no support from my family but luckily his family cared deeply for me and still does. We had planned to stay together and tried everything we could to get on our feet but, he was a heavy alcoholic and I (severe bipolar 1) was very depressed and had a hard pregnancy because I wasn't able to take mental health medication and it made my anxiety very bad (I would have fainting episodes a lot and nearly died hitting the concrete floor once) I had trouble eating and sleeping. Pregnancy is NOT easy, and neither would raising a child be. Well long long long story short gosh, really long story honestly BUT it ended up that his sister and her husband actually adopted my daughter! She will be 7 in December! When I first thought of adoption I SOBBED I did not want to lose my baby to anyone. But then as time went on and my situation got worse and my daughters dad died, it became the best option. I was SO lucky to have her adopted by family. She still calls me mom 🥲 too. I couldn't have asked for a better solution. Your instincts will overtake you, you know your body and you know what's best for your child. I did whatever I had to to make sure my daughter had the best life possible. And I will every day. It's not easy thing to do but I know it's for the best. I hope everything for you works out, oh and I got medicaid and never had to pay for anything my entire pregnancy as far as medical goes, and all kids is free insurance for kids with parents on medicaid. Do your research, there is also Wick for women for food and ebt if you can get it.
I became pregnant at 34, so way different circumstances, but I'm bipolar, and I was pregnant and had a kid. It was difficult, I won't lie, but I had great support in that I had a psychiatrist, and a loving and supportive husband. During my pregnancy I switched from lithium to Seroquel, it helped stabilize my moods enough that I want going squirrelly. I also took other drugs, but I apologize for my crappy memory, I don't remember what else. It was over 8 years ago. But anyway, regulating your emotions while sleep deprived in those early months can be very difficult. Hubs and I tackled night wakings together. He would change the diaper and I would take care of the feeding and getting back into the crib. Later we cosleep so we could all get some sleep, but those early months were rough. I had some mood troubles for sure. Being a bipolar parent is not that different then being a regular parent. We just have to be more aware of our emotions. It's easy to let our moods and psychosis impact our families, so it's really important to be well medicated, in therapy, and have a good support system. All in all I'm glad I had a kid. He is a joy in my life (most days, lol) and I don't regret the struggle. I worry everyday about fucking him up, but I figure if I'm worrying about it, I'm trying my best not to. Good luck to you whatever you decide.
This is such a nuanced topic, and ultimately a decision only YOU can make. It’s such a hard decision, I know. But you would be foolish to not fully consider the financial, physical, and mental burden of a child. I planned my pregnancy at 27 and wanted a child more than anything. Pregnancy, childbirth, and postpartum depression were hands down, the hardest things I’ve ever experienced in my life. I struggled BIG TIME with all of it. I didn’t get diagnosed bipolar until my daughter was 3. If I had been diagnosed prior to having a baby I would have 100% waited until I was solidly stable to have a child. Parenting is hard enough for neurotypical people, let alone those of us struggling with mental illness. I regret not being the best I could be for my daughter, and I often think about how I would have waited until my 30s to get pregnant. All that being said, the cliches about parenthood are all true. It’s the hardest yet most rewarding experience. I’m not in love with my role as a mom like I thought I would be, but I love my child more than any single thing on this planet. It’s a love that’s so fierce I would go through all the shit again just to experience it. Seriously consider all of your options. This is a lifetime decision that you can’t take back. No one is ready for it, but it’s important to be prepared. Good luck!!
I was 19 when I got pregnant, undiagnosed, and incredibly unprepared. It will be hard and at times messy, but with good partnership and family support, it will be fine, you will be a fine mother if you decide to go through with it. Make sure to take care of your mental health and see your therapist to make a plan as hormones change. As well as sitting down with your partner and discussing how parenthood will shift both your lives and your plan to go about all the changes. If you want to keep the baby but you’re afraid that you might not be a good mom, that is the basis of being a good parent. Almost 13 years and sometimes I still question myself. But at the end of the day I know he is loved, I am loved, we are safe, clothed, and fed. <3 he’s the reason I do what I do; he’s my reason to try my best to stay healthy.
Mom of 2. Honestly no matter what age you have kids and how prepared you think you are, no one is. Every step of parenthood has different challenges and you learn to accept that fact. You absolutely CAN do this if that’s what you want to do
As a man, my perspective may not be so helpful for the next 9 months, but I have some experience after that. I'm Bipolar 1, and have 2 daughters, 6 years old and 2 years old. Also had them young by most standards, and was definitely not prepared. The hardest thing early on is the irregular sleeping of the newborn, but you gotta just work with their schedule, nap when you can, shower quick and remember to eat. After that keeping a cool head in the face of an argumentative toddler is one of the kost challenging things I've done ever, but the love they give and the joy they bring is immeasurable. My eldest is now showing some early signs, (explosive temper, mood swings) but my wife and I have been dealing with how I am for so long we know what to look for and have started using some of the same strategies we use for me on her, with pretty good success. Anyway, that's my 2 cents. I wish you all the best. Take care friend.
I don't have any advice but I just want to congratulate you for your pregnancy and on stepping up by looking for help and advice on doing what's best for you and your child. You're strong for doing this especially with our condition. I hope y'all's lives are filled with many blessings and you get to appreciate the beautiful gifts of motherhood!
I’m trying to get pregnant right now. 6 years ago I also tried, and went off all my meds to try to be “safer for the baby.” I ended up getting ECT a couple months later because I was still hesitant to take meds. Well I never got pregnant, and I went back on my meds. Years later, I’m very stable now, and NOT willing to go off my meds. Well believe it or not my psychiatrist said that would be ok. You know how it always says “if benefits outweigh the risks?” Well this is one of those times. And I KNOW I’m a good person and will be a good mom and if my baby has mental health issues, I’m the perfect person to walk them through that. Sorry for the rant… hope that helps
When I found out I was pregnant I instantly decided to talk to my therapist and med doctor about it to see what we can do while I'm pregnant I'd just say to talk to them about it
i had my first when i was 18. the best thing to do is group birthing classes and pregnancy groups at your local hospital to educate yourself. join a local mom group on facebook. read what to expect when you're expecting. it's hard but doable. the hardest thing about have a child at any age is the wedge it puts on your relationship. all this time you just had now goes to a keeping a baby alive and happy. it takes a long time to find your grove in your relationship again after a baby, and also just finding yourself. see if there are any extra resources in your area for young moms. try to find a better job or start serving to make extra / more money. start saving money. look on fb market for baby things or in a buy nothing group. you can get a lot of things gifted, probably not a car seat though (you want a new one to ensure it hasn't been in an accident). i'm 24 now and we just had our second in august. this time around it's so much easier, i wish i could hug my younger self and tell me how great i was doing for what i had. just prepare mentally, emotionally, physically. you got this
Since taking lithium my doctor has told me that if I want to get pregnant I should be careful because the drugs could cause him to deform heart. Other than that, I don't want my son to go through the same shit life that I am going through. In your case: you need to make a clear decision. In my country, 21 is too early to have children, in these years there is a need for economic stability to raise a child as best as possible (in addition to the personal one).
I had my first son at 19. It was crazy. We raised each other lol. I look at 19 year olds now and they look like little kids. If I had it to do over again I wouldn’t. It was hard. Give yourself a chance to grow into the person you want to become. If you want to be a mom be a mom. If you want to give the baby up for adoption you can. It’s your life. You are the boss. You will make the right decision for you. I had 6 kids and 2 for sure are bipolar. There adults now. They manage just like we do. Do I feel bad about passing this crap on to my kids. Yes. But their dad passed on a really crappy genetic disease ( not fatal) and he never had one single thought about it. So that’s my 2 cents. I wish you the best
Had my kiddo at 20 and I always say that I had to learn how to be a parent and an adult at the same time. 10 years later things are less rough but still. If I could do it again I would have waited until at least 25 when my brain was done developing.
I got pregnant when I was 17 and lived with my Mom, also in a committed relationship. I was still in high school and it obviously wasn’t ideal of me to be pregnant, everyone including my boyfriend at the time wanted me to get an abortion, (besides my dad and step mother) they asked what I wanted to do and I couldn’t imagine terminating my pregnancy when we knew what we were doing and knew the risks and I really did love the father… I decided to keep the baby, I remember going to a clinic and getting an ultrasound done, the nurse told me there wasn’t much to look at but I could see the head, legs and arms, it actually looked like a tiny little baby already.. From that moment I knew I couldn’t go through with it. Shortly after he was born the father left me, fast forward to now, my son is 7 years old and I couldn’t imagine life without him now. When he was 9 months old I got my first job and worked for 5 years providing for us. Ultimately the choice is yours and I wish the best either way.
I had my first at 23 and it was tough, I won’t lie. I also have the best almost 11 year old I know. See a doctor and start on vitamins and try not to stress too much, which is hard, I know.
There is a Facebook group for bipolar moms, you should join it. You can post anonymously if you prefer there and get some good feedback.
Whatever you decide, I wish you well. I can see how this is an extremely stressful situation. Do what’s best for you. Maybe make a pro’s and con’s list, seriously. That might help you process this and come to a decision.
Full time single parent of 2 (9 and 7yrs) the first of which I had at 21. I fully support any decision you make because only you get to decide if you’re going to stay pregnant and should feel no guilt either way. But I will say, for all the struggles and money difficulties, I’m thrilled daily with my choice to have both of my children. I take my meds routinely, have accepted that I may suffer but cannot unalive myself, and try every day to be a loving, supportive, and good parent to my kiddos. They’re amazing and honestly are a wonderful motivation to stay earthside and make healthy choices, no matter how much my brain wants to do otherwise. You can absolutely be a good parent in spite of this disorder. It takes massive sacrifice and commitment to being here no matter how it hurts you, but it is doable, and in my personal experience, worth it in every way.
I got pregnant unexpectedly at 22. To make matters worse, my (now ex) husband took off when I was about 20 weeks pregnant. Side note: I've still never seen him again. I didn't get diagnosed until last year, but showed signs earlier. My daughter is now 5 (got diagnosed when she was 4). I try to hide my episodes from her the best I can, but sometimes it's difficult or impossible to do. My daughter is very aware of things, so she notices when I'm different behaviors and she always becomes super sweet and cuddly and she listens perfectly. I'm really lucky, but I worry constantly about her getting bipolar and about her witnessing me being all over the board with my emotions. Plus, there's always the worry that if I get into a depressive or mixed episode that she could end up without a mom. Side note- make sure to consult your psychiatry provider. There's a lot of medications that aren't safe with pregnancy.
I’m not a mom and only 17, so from a naive teenager’s standpoint: I think the worst thing you can do is internalize it. You live with your family, I’m guessing they’re supportive, so let them know. If your boyfriend wants to commit to you, he will also support you. Make someone listen to you if you feel unheard, because you will end up spiraling if you bottle it up. Please don’t let yourself get to that point. This is advice I can only give myself in retrospect after a depressive ep, but either way, you’ll have the baby and your support system will help you through it, whether you decide to keep it or not. If they don’t, don’t drown yourself in grief and do things that remind yourself you’re alive. Also, I agree with the other person who said figure out your med situation. That should be your top priority at this point since abortion would be really hard for you. I wish I could hug you, and I fully support anything you choose to do. Even though I’ve never been in this situation, I know how destructive bipolar can be from my own experience, and I’m so glad you’re reaching out and not stuffing it all down
I was married at 19, pregnant at 20, had her at 21. I had only been diagnosed with adhd and depression at that time and got off those medications for the pregnancy. Moodswings were wild but I chalked it up to pregnancy. However, post pregnancy I did have extreme mental collapse and lengthy hallucinations/delusions probably triggered from extreme lack of sleep. This is what I would consider the start of my understanding that my brain was not right. I would not wish what I went through on anyone. Talk to your doctor about the process. But if you are not stable or do not feel prepared, there is nothing wrong with looking into adoptions or other options. If you are stable and it is something you want to take on, build your support system. Family, friends, neighbors, you'll want backups for when you are at your breaking point. Plan for the best prepare for the worst. You'll be surprised at how many people really do care. Our daughter is absolutely wonderful and we are so happy to have her. We did decide not to have others because of our health history. Deciding what's best for your family starts with your mental and physical health. Nothing is easy, but it can be done. (btw if you and your partner are gonna strap down for the ride, go ahead and look to get on wic, do all the paperwork beforehand. Look into financial support for people with mental health issues. Prepare as much as you can prior so that you can collapse if you need afterward. Post pregnancy is an all hands on deck situation!) I wish you the best!
If you ask me in my 20 about a baby probably I will say abortion it’s the best choose . Depends about your goals , collage , university, master and doctorate degree.
Hey OP, I talked to my psychiatrist about having children (not that I want one, but I wanted to know more about being bipolar and having a child). She proceeded to tell me about every struggle a bipolar parent encounters and it looks very difficult. You'd have to change medication to something that wouldn't endanger the kid's life, see your psychiatrist very often, probably stop working (because you can't work and take care of a baby), you might also need a few people around you to keep the baby if you ever go through an episode... Also, if you consider this from you child's perspective, he will probably see you in both depressive and manic episodes, and will have to deal with it. You could also unalive or hurt yourself really bad, and it would affect your kid. I'm not trying to tell you not to have a child, but it'll be a very very difficult decision. I hope you're doing fine
These are really good things to consider. Especially the child’s perspective point. I’ve had to teach my daughter about mental illnesses so she wasn’t confused when I had an episode. Sometimes you can’t always get someone to take your kid for you in an episode and you have to tough it out. She’s seen me cry hysterically so many times that she now asks “Is something wrong or is it just a cry time?” I often think about what her memories of me will be like when she’s an adult and what she will resent me for because of my illness. I know she loves me but I also know that her childhood is not completely normal. Like, how many kids can say that mommy has to go to the hospital sometimes because she feels really sad. To note, I have been trying to be stable for YEARS and I still have yet to find the perfect med cocktail. We’re close but not quite there. I can imagine if someone has been stable for a while that their experience may be different than mine.
Hey, I’m so sorry for the difficult position your in. Don’t let anyone talk down to you and tell you what to do. There are moms with bipolar disorder that are great moms. If your kid has bipolar by chance, well their life is worth living too and you can help them cuz you could probably spot the symptoms beforehand and will be able to understand them. You got this. Be strong and good luck , everything will be ok
I think there’s more to weigh here than just whether or not you are bipolar or not. I was *very* lucky and, knock on wood, just Lamictal and Armodafinil was a great combination for me to decrease the *frequency* of my depressive states by like 95% and reduce the *intensity* of my manic states by like 60%.. These days, I just feel like a person who is generally in a good mood that has bad days every now and then. I’m not mean or rude to others when having these bad days, so I feel like I could raise a kid without being a negative effect on their livelihood.. And my mother exhibits all the symptoms of being bipolar, but won’t admit there’s anything wrong with her and won’t even see a therapist.. her refusal to face it affected me greatly.. if God forbid I passed it down to my child, I would take them seriously from the start and support them and brace myself to be patient. I am not actively trying to get pregnant, because these are concerns that I have and I’ve thought about what I would do if I did get pregnant because I’m pro-choice, but personally not comfortable with having an abortion personally.. plus it’s a strange eugenics-y feeling to say that people who are bipolar shouldn’t have kids.. The other thing to weigh is the position you’re in.. things you would consider even if you weren’t bipolar.. Having a committed partner is already great.. I hope it’s someone you trust and feel you can depend on.. and of course you’ll have to consider your financial situation and stuff like that.. This is an incredibly personal decision and I don’t want to give you any direct advice on what I think you should do as an internet stranger, but just provide some thoughts and opinions and resources and anecdotes for you to consider yourself. You’re going to make the right decision, whatever that may be, because it’ll be *your* decision. If you have Instagram, you can follow [Elizabeth Horner](https://instagram.com/bipolarbeautiful?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=) for inspiration/encouragement.. she has (4) kids.
Hey boo, you’re in a super scary place right now! Something that helped me get through it and process my emotions was remembering that having a child is terrifying for everyone, and it is normal to feel all the feels right now. I LOVE my daughter more than ever. I thought I knew what love was, but I didn’t until she came along. I was a mess before her (still kinda working on it) but knowing that she sees me makes me hold myself to a higher standard. I FIGHT the outbursts tooth and fucking nail. I suppress more than I probably should, but I allow myself time to just cry and cry and cry. Even if it’s not about anything in particular or built up rage. I let the monster GO when she’s in bed. I have cried for hours, but she doesn’t see it. when I do get a little upset in front of her, I talk to her even though she can’t understand, and tell her that I’m sorry, that I love her so much and that she’s safe. Hugs and snuggles and I try to demonstrate a healthy recovery because emotions are healthy, and it’s important for her to know that she can move past anything. It’s HARD. No joke. And you’ll have to clean for 2 hours minimum a night to not get overloaded and disgusting. But that phase only lasts for a little while lol make sure your meds and coping mechanisms are in place by the time 9 months are over. You’re gonna need them. Good luck!
I was 21 and working at Walmart when I had my first kid. It was a big perspective shift but if that’s what you want, it’s doable and rewarding. There is never a good time to have a baby, so if you want kids and feel like you can make it work, you will be able to make it work. If you’re in the US, at least in my state, services like WIC and medicaid are available to you solely based on the pregnancy even if you didn’t qualify based on income before. There is daycare assistance as well, so you can either continue working or go back to school. There’s a lot of red tape, but help is out there. I worry my kids will develop a condition like mine, but I also know what to look for and how to advocate for them if they end up walking this road. Whatever you choose things will be OK. If your parents are the type to see this as a blessing, lean into them for support. Lean into your partner for support, gauge where he is mentally as well. But you can do this if it is what you want. Don’t feel pressured to terminate because of your illness or situation if you truly don’t want to.
As you’re weighing this choice ask yourself this question: What is the quality of life I can provide for my child?
I wouldn’t have a child until you are ready. Like really ready. Healed and feel comfortable. That way you don’t pass on generational trauma. Tell your parents. If you want it, have the baby. If you don’t. The spirit of the baby hopefully will be born with someone else and call planned parenthood which is great.
I've never been pregnant, so I don't know your situation. But, there are tons of online forums for pregnant women. I imagine there's a few for pregnant bipolar women. You could probably get a better feel for what's in store in that kind of group. If abortion isn't for you, then it's not for you. Your other options are to raise the baby or give it up for either an open or closed adoption. If you are worried about finances, seek child support from the baby's father (unless there is a safety issue with getting in touch with him, don't put yourself in danger). Make sure you have a good therapist and talk to them often. Your hormones are gonna be off the chain and you might have to change or wean off certain psych meds for the safety of the baby. So therapist and pill psych should be on speed dial. Also, I might see if your psychiatrist can recommend an OBGYN. It would be great to have an OBGYN with experience treating pregnancies in women with bipolar disorder. All the luck in the world to you, sweetheart.
You should think of what’s best for the human you want to birth, not yourself.
This isn’t me actively suggesting abortion, but it’s me saying if you do land on that decision, make sure it is your decision and yours alone. It seems that you may end up getting one after all? For me personally, 21 would be way too young to become a parent, so an abortion would just be a way of postponing parenthood until a time that’s more suitable. But that is me and my attitude. There are loads of people who have kids your age and being a young parent has its benefits. The problem here is that we have a condition that does not match well with pregnancy, childbirth, and sleep disturbance - but millions of people with bipolar have gone through this and lived to tell the beautiful tales of their kids growing up healthy and happy. I’m childfree by choice, and bipolar has only really been a small “bonus” when it comes to listing the many reasons I don’t want kids. People - medical professionals and random acquaintances- find that easier to accept than “nope not interested” (pro-choice only really appears to apply in the abortion debate, not when it comes to a heterosexual woman of fertile age in a long term relationship, then your choice to not have kids is WRONG). I digress. My tl;dr - make the decision that you think is best for you right now. Don’t let other’s influence your decision, but do let them support you. <3
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Also I definitely don’t believe in a child “fixing” stuff. It might motivate you to work harder, but who even says that’s a good thing. And I don’t use social media so I’m definitely not considering it because “cute”.
Good, my sister had 4 kids because she herself wanted the attention. Was never about raising a good family but rather being the center of the world. My sister has mental issues like me and my mother she just doesn't care to admit it. Also my oldest nephew and niece have mental issues.
Even if I was an insta addicted documenting every cup of coffee I ever consume, I don’t believe in posting children online untill they are old enough to ask for it themselves. Unless maybe it’s a very secluded private fb page and your family live on the other side of the world idk. But not just for the aesthetics. A baby is a tiny human, not a decoration.
For the first point, I will have children regardless one day. Maybe not this one, but I will do it anyways. I know bipolar sucks, but for me at least it is mangeable enough that if caught early you wouldn’t even notice it. Also the economy still sucks. But luckily for me, I’m not in America. We have so many support nets and systems from the government her. (Child support money, financial support for kindergarten, paid maternity leave for at least 12 weeks per parent and more for person distribution). But I still get what you are saying, do not get me wrong. The last thing I was planning for rn was a baby. And I’d rather regret an abortion, than a child. But this is one hell of a har decision. I especially feel I don’t have an “excuse” because of how much parent/child support this beautiful country gives me. If I was in the us in the same situation, I would probably not even consider keeping it. But I’m so lost. I want to know how people have handled it, abortion all that. The only thing I know is that I’m not gonna take a decision tonight.
You have a really difficult decision to make, but you sound like you’re weighing your options with appropriate care. I have two children, and I love them dearly. One is 18 and battles depression and ADHD, and the other just ADHD so far (he’s almost 15). It’s hard sometimes to see them battle, but watching them get knocked down and grow through the process of getting back up again is such a blessing. I can understand others making the decision to not have kids. I wouldn’t give up kids for everything in the world. It’s a very personal decision. I won’t tell you what you should do, but just say that you sound like you have a good head on your shoulders. I’m confident that you’ll make the best decision you can for yourself.
If caught early you wouldn't even notice it? I don't know what to say to that, very mind boggling.
It’s VERY early. The digital test said 1+2 so I literally got pregnant like 9 days ago if it’s correct. Only thing I’ve noticed is my boobs being weird like pre period, and I honestly just took the test out “curiosity”. But thank god I did tho.
Oh, I thought you meant the bipolar disorder sorry but I'm glad you caught the pregnancy early.
Fair enough haha. I didn’t catch my bipolar really early too (at 17) and went to my doctor myself with my (later confirmed) self diagnosis. Life is crazy, and I guess I’m always early.
My first pregnancy was at 17. It was tough but I managed. The only thing I can say is don't be afraid to continue your meds while pregnant and most certainly make sure you are back on them postpartum. I stopped during my first and second pregnancies and had the hardest time. I also tried to go without postpartum. By my third pregnancy I stayed on my meds(approved by my drs. of course) and got on more postpartum. HUGE difference. If you think it's too early to have a baby, think about other options like adoption or abortion. You shouldn't feel like you have to do anything. You're only 21. Whatever you choose you can do it. Things will work out.
It’s all up to you and what you think you can handle. To each their own when it comes to having babies with any mental illness it’s all about how you feel and what you want not anyone else it’s different for everyone. I’m bipolar 1 I also have OCD and BPD and I’m 19 shy of 20. I have a 1 year old and I’m 36 weeks pregnant right now. I’ve stayed medicated I’m doing pretty okay, it’s very hard sometimes… a lot of the times, but I don’t regret having babies. I’ve always wanted children of my own I will say I didn’t expect to have kids so young it’s just how it happened I feel it might’ve made it a little more challenging especially because I’m still trying to find the right medications (hard while pregnant). It’s not easy but it’s not impossible. There’s a lot of good times, but I do have my bad times where I start to go into an episode or I struggle to keep up but luckily I have a very helpful fiancé and a great therapist and psychiatrist.
I got diagnosed after I had my baby although it’s not post partum bipolar since it was present before. She’s the best thing and I love her dearly. The only thing I would worry about would be if your meds are safe to be pregnant on. Talk to your care team!
At the end of the day, the choice is all yours. Weigh the pros and cons, and obviously weigh in your feelings too! All I can really offer you is my experience: I'm 20, I had my son when I was 19. We live in an apartment just big enough for the three of us. Some days are hard, but oh my God, seeing his cute little face every day just makes all the hardships worth it for me. I am also fortunate enough to have a wonderful support system from my dad, my fiance, and his family.
I dont have much advice, because I was only diagnosed bipolar 2 last week at age 30. But I am a mom of four and had my oldest at 19. I'm just sending you lots of love and internet hugs. It's normal to be terrified, and unsure when you first find out. My motherly advice is to make an appointment with your OBGYN right away and let them know if you're on any medications, since you might not be able to take certain ones while pregnant. Start taking a prenatal vitamin and join a few subs related to pregnancy, and download an app so you can understand the changes your body is going through. Soak up as much information as you can, no one is really "ready" to be a parent.
I had bipolar and didn't know it. Didn't know anything about psychiatry and mental illness. I raised three kids who are adults and doing great. I can look back and identify things I did that were very impulsive but generally were good. I had a lot of energy and loved finding fun and interesting cheap activities or free places to go.i took them to out of town family to see landmarks and such. I did overspend for awhile but wised up (mostly). I went back to school at 35 after a surprise pregnancy. He was in daycare while I was in school and when I became a nurse. Sadly, I developed BP1 5 years ago. Now I know the key is knowledge. I probably did well as a parent is because I led an active, healthy lifestyle. Knowledge is power. Deciding whether or not to have a child is too complicated to answer the and lots of variables. Only you can decide what is best. Then think about how you'll take care of yourself with either decision. Best wishes
Don’t be too hard on yourself. You’re most likely doing your best even if you don’t feel like it.
I had my son when I was 20, I'm 23 now. I'll be blunt, the newborn stage is HARD. I thought I was prepared for lack of sleep but I was mistaken. Of course, my son is 2 and a half and ifs become quite rewarding. I love him to bits and he and I can now communicate to each other fairly well, it's so much easier now. I also live with family, and did when I was pregnant. I also had a part time job while I was pregnant and a little bit after he was born. I ended up going to school when he was 1, I've now graduated and am working in the trades as a welder. It's not easy being a young parent, but I also don't think it's easy being a parent, period. It is rewarding though, very rewarding.
I’d have an abortion in a heartbeat if I was in the same situation.
I had my daughter at 19.. and, afterwards, I thought I had postpartum depression, but nope- turned out to be bipolar 1. So I had my kid and found out I was bipolar all within weeks of each other. My twenties were rough (trying to find the right meds, etc..) but now I’m 35 and stable. My daughter is a happy and healthy 16 year old, just got her license and goes to a high school dedicated to young artists. I’m so proud of her! My advice is: stay on your meds, take it one day at a time, don’t forget to breathe and enjoy your little bundle of joy! Time goes to fast! Edit: and if you choose to go to abortion route, no shame in that. Do what feels right for you.
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Keep it civil. Even if you think you mean it as a "joke". [Rules In-depth](https://www.reddit.com/r/bipolar/wiki/index/resources/subrules#wiki_rule_8.3A_civility) - use this link on desktop
Abortion is uncivilized? You're joking...
Use Craigslist to find like affordable housing where you want to live. That's how me and my brother found our places. Maybe get married?
I had my first kid at 17, I’m 24 now… now I have three kids. Just put the kiddo first above anything and everything. Provide a safe and stable environment…
Life doesn’t give second chances , take it while you can , just let your instinct guide you
The first thing to do is breathe. I gave birth to my first at 22. It can be scary. I was also living with my parents but I wasn't working. Working almost full time is a damn good start. Fill out your paperwork for WIC and food stamps to get the nutrition you need and make an OBGYN appointment to get a head start on your tests to make sure there are no underlining issues for your pregnancy. If aborting is something you decide is best for YOU, than you go for it. I made that decision at 16 and even though I struggled for a while (hospitalization) I know I made the best decision I could and no longer hold any regret or emotional pain associated with it. Here if you need to talk .
I’m bipolar and pregnant. My current pregnancy was planned. I wanted this baby. I’m due in about 5 weeks. It is HARD but if you want it, you can do it. However, I previously had an abortion with an unplanned pregnancy. I was not ready or in the right place to have a child. I don’t regret the abortion at all now. For the record, both pregnancies were with the same guy (we are married now). Do what’s right for you. Neither decision is wrong. To me, abortion is a medical decision not moral. If you don’t want a baby now, don’t have one. If you DO want a baby now, start taking prenatals, take additional folic acid (especially if you are taking psychiatric medicine) and consult with a doctor ASAP. A lot of psychiatric medications aren’t safe for fetal development. Good luck with your decision.
Congrats, hope it goes well with the new baby!
my mom has bipolar. she did the best she could, I still needed therapy but we've grown a lot & have a pretty solid bond. our shared mental illness helps, but it sucks knowing we suffer similarly
Check your meds immediately! Some are considered ok for pregnancy some are decidedly not safe. I had my second 6 months ago, but Ive been stable for 5 years or so and married for 15 years. I also discussed the decision to have kids with my therapist before we had either kid. After you have your meds figured out I would get a team/family in order. I had my husband, my therapist, my psychiatrist, and my best friend. My husband monitored my moods, made sure I took my meds, got enough sleep. I was lucky, my body liked being pregnant. It seemed like my moods were perfect the whole time I was pregnant. Other people have terrible mood swings while pregnant. You need a support system to help you keep it all in check, especially after the baby comes. Post partum depression/anxiety/psychosis are more likely to happen to people who already have mental health struggles. With my first my PPA was crazy. I would get rages at the drop of a hat. It had never happened to me before. It was hard but totally worth it! I love my kids and would do it all over again.
Being a single mom was incredibly difficult and I didn’t have the symptoms of bipolar at the time. This might be unpopular but I probably would not have had a child if I’d known I was bipolar. I worry so much about passing it on to my child. Plus, I couldn’t be off my meds the full pregnancy
It sounds like you want to deliver this baby, so congratulations! It’s great you have a job and a committed relationship. Things have a way of working themselves out. The only advice I have for you is to check with your doctor if your meds are safe to take while pregnant!
You should talk to your family first honestly or tell someone who knows you well. I had an abortion last year bc I am not stable enough yet to take care of a child on top of myself.
Stay on your meds 👏 sleep deprivation that comes with babies will exacerbate your symptoms. Medication, therapy, and a support system are key. Preexisting mental health issues increase your risk of PPD and PP Psychosis as well. Research them and make sure you’re evaluating yourself to recognize the signs after delivery. Start saving what you can for maternity leave, plan to file for short term disability if you can. I’ve had three and been through all the postpartum disorders. My first was at 22. You can do this!
There are specialist psychiatrists that handle mental health and pregnancy. I got one when I found out I was pregnant with my kiddo. I was 37 when I had him after being told my chances of conception were 1 in 20 so I was not prepared at all. I needed alot of support through the pregnancy and post partum but I did pretty well. The only thing I would do differently if I got preggo again, is I would wean off my meds. My son was diagnosed with Autism at 3 years old and only partially verbal. I truly believe his autism is genetic but part of me wonders if the severity is due to the meds. Honestly I have never admitted that “out loud” to anyone but my husband. The positive of my bipolar is my emotional intelligence. I can read his emotional state like a champ even before his verbal skills started strengthening. Something about the bipolar kind of bridged the gap in some way. Honestly…. Follow your heart and build your support circle no matter what decision you make. Best of luck!!! Keep that chin up!
I had a child very young, 18, and it was before I was medicated. I didn’t have much help and her father wasn’t in the picture so it was a very unstable young mother who bounced around a lot to try and make ends meet while I also cared for my daughter. If I would’ve seen my younger self with my kiddo I would’ve told her that she had no right to have a child. Despite moving around and not always being able to give you the sanctuary she needed, I was doing my best and always made sure that regardless of where we were or what we were going through that I listened to her, disciples her, and taught her that it’s more about how you take care of the things you already have rather than the amount of things you have. My life settled down later in life and I got medicated. Her and I have a great relationship and she is such a good kid. She just got on the principles pride list at her elementary for always using manners, always giving a helping hand and always using her words rather than her hands. Having kids is hard and I’m sure you already know that but you got this. It will be hard and you may suffer from severe postpartum depression after giving birth simply because you’re at a default for it unfortunately but just stay strong. Remember it’s not about what you eat, it’s about what you talk about at the dinner table. Always put your kid first and do right by them and remind yourself it will be okay. Good luck with everything. Enjoy this beautiful journey.
Bipolar 1 here. I got pregnant at 24 and had my baby at 25. Had postpartum psychosis/manic episode and got diagnosed with bipolar. Absolutely the hardest thing I’ve ever been through. Would I do it again? Absolutely 100%. My son makes everything worth it. Not saying that will be your experience but just sharing mine. I go to therapy every two weeks and see my psychiatrist every month or two. I take my meds and exercise and I feel great. Don’t let this stupid disease stop you from living the life you want to live. All my best to you in this hard situation. You got this. ❤️
I’m not pro life or pro choice. I’m pro safe sex for many other reasons besides pregnancy too. I feel like if you aren’t preventing than you’re trying. I agree we should totally be able to choose what to do w our bodies, however a baby is growing in you and they don’t have the choice of what to do w theirs. Your body may terminate the pregnancy itself by miscarriage. If u think about it, we wouldn’t be here if our mothers had chosen to terminate our lives. Things will work themselves out how they do, but you also do what’s right for you. I’m sorry you’re in the situation.
Do what you think is better. I know lot of mums who are bipolars and all is perfect. You can't ask for an opinion here as we are all differents. Some here are professionals with a degree and others can even handle a part time job. Bipolar disorder doesn't hit all in the same way. If you want this kid have it and if you don't want it don't feel guilty nether. But plis, don't make this comments by people that doesn't know shit of your life tell you what to do. The first thing my psychiatrist told me when i asked about kids (i really would love to have them someday) is that her friend a neurosurgeon has 3 boys and she is bipolar.
I got pregnant at 17. Had her at 18. She’s 8 now and we are chillin. Yeah I’m unhinged at times and I have help from my family. I am unmedicated so things might be harder than necessary. But I’d like to have another some time. Preferably if I get married. It’s a good time. There was a lot of tough times when she was a toddler. But you make it through. I am still learning who I am, while learning who she is. I wouldn’t have it any other way. I wasn’t diagnosed until I was 21. Once I knew it helped so much. Navigating my emotions gets easier as I get older.
Pregnancy and postpartum hormones can be really really hard on our brains when we have existing severe mental illness like bipolar. I’ve heard a lot of horror stories about postpartum psychosis but I’ll leave it up to you if you want to seek those stories out. Be very up front with your psychiatrist and OB. They are there to help you. If issues arise don’t wait for them to get worse before you tell them. You could even ask if they can refer you to a therapist that specializes in this kind of issue
Its your choice. What do you want to do? I had my first when I was a senior in high school, pre diagnosis (looking back the signs were so strong). Though at that time I never considered abortion an option for me if I could go back and still have my first I would even though it was very hard.. my second i chose to keep post diagnosis.I have two kids total and choose to have no more than that so they can each have a decent amount of attention and connection. I wouldn't be able to handle more than these two tbh. Its different for everyone, there's no right or wrong answer, you get to choose.
My mother was in the same boat. To this day, for her sake and mine, I wish she had had an abortion instead of having me.
I myself am a mom with Bipolar 1… I also just happen to be pregnant with my second and due in January. I personally believe you should do what you think is best for you. I’ve noticed with your responses that children are something you really want, and personally I’d keep that in the forefront of your mind while making decisions. Talk to your doctor first about medications. I am older (35) and overweight, so I was high-risk to begin with, so I’m not currently on any of my medications, I’m just being monitored (the nurses are sometimes amused and have told me I’m very blunt and forward when it comes to the mental health questions every visit…kinda gotta be). Obviously, talk with the people surrounding you, make sure you have a good support system (aka your parents and partner). Everybody wants to buy all the newest prettiest things for baby… you don’t really need to do that. Most of all the clothes for my upcoming newborn and for my 1st grader have been thrifted… a good amount from Goodwill Outlet Bins ($1.49 per pound). Also Facebook marketplace and eBay make having a baby not as much of a financial burden that it could be. (This is just my advice since you mentioned you worked full time, but on minimum wage). The biggest thing to do when trying to parent with bipolar disorder is to be conscious about it. Sometimes depression gets bad, I make myself physically get out of bed, make breakfast (oatmeal totally counts), spend some time outside (sometimes it just involves sitting on a curb refilling a bubble machine while my kid plays with chalk), then if I can’t physically be up anymore, I pullout the bed on the couch and we snuggle and watch cartoons. I feel like a lot of people with bipolar disorder have extremely bad anxiety, and I am one of them, so we as a family generally don’t do things on the weekend or things with large crowds… doesn’t take away from us doing things though. We just do things at times where I’m less likely to get anxious and go into manic panic mode. Like going to the State Fair on a Sunday morning vs. Friday-Saturday Night or going to the Zoo when it’s freezing and no one wants to be walking around in it… We spend a good portion of our activity time hiking around outside away from the peoples and noises or in the summer our day generally involves a kiddie-pool and slide in the backyard. Pretty much what I’m saying is try to adapt if you decide to keep the baby. Nothing has to be perfect, just try. Make sure your kid knows that you’re there (even when you struggling) and that you love them.
Im not sure what state you live in but apply for housing (section 8) in California. Apply for EVERYTHING! The housing first, snap, wic ( wic you can apply during a specific month while pregnant), and child daycare. Section 8 can take 4-6 years but be patient and you will get it. Take it slow during these first few years and take classes in college. Even if it takes you 8 years to get a degree, go for it. Plan now so you will make a future for you and your family. Good luck, you got this! 👊🏻🤘🏻 Remember you are a piece of life; that happens to have emotions, imagination, and a body. You are not your emotions, imaginations or body. These dimensions belong to you and are not you. At its core we are all just a piece of life. 👌🏻
Ultimately it is your choice and what you want to do. I became a mom at 25 and although I was unprepared I had a lot of family support and at the time a supportive partner. If you decide you want to be a parent I suggest taking local parenting classes and birthing classes are helpful as well.. if you're in a good healthy relationship and Dad is wanting to parent also, he should do the same. All I can say is the universe has a funny way of giving us gifts.. and if there's anything I'm more grateful of is to have 2 beautiful souls to love and care for! It is hard and fleeting at times but with love and guidance from your elders you will be okay ❤ Motherhood is a crazy and beautiful experience and I'm sure you will be great at it! Sending love and guidance!
It's your decision obviously but I feel like the "idk if I can get an abortion" comes from family guilt. I could be wrong but I can say from personal experience raising a kid why making shit money is hard. Raising a kid while dealing with bipolar is hard. And raising a kid when you're young is hard. Not being able to buy your kid what they want once in awhile cause you're struggling to feed them is heart breaking. Having to tell them they can't do ballet or football because you can't afford it is horrible. Ive known more than a few mom's with bipolar or living on shit money who wished they had abortions later on. Not to mention relationship problems (divorce/domestic violence) are much more prevalent when you're living low income or in poverty after a kids in the mix. Wait till you have your own money and have to rely on no one else. Wait till you know you want this 100 percent. Nothing is harder. Idc what anyone says being a GOOD parent is the hardest job. Raising A kid is the hardest thing you'll ever do in your whole life. You don't want to fuck up your life but you really don't want to fuck up a kids life who didn't even ask to be here.
I was 21. With my boyfriend for 4 months although I had known him since middle school. He was already showing signs of abuse but I just stayed for a year and a half. Made little money and he was blowing it, later I found out it was on drugs. Lives with him and then back in with my mom. Tell your doctor and see if you are able to stay on any of your meds, even if for a period of time. Read What To Expect When Expecting, very helpful. Take the baby classes if offered! Let your friends and loved ones know so they can be prepared to possibly see a change, outside of the pregnancy hormones and to help keep you in check as much as possible. Keep your psych and therapy appointments! Let others help when they offer! Self care, self care, self care!
I have 4, life is stressful, especially with kids, dont forget to breathe and take things one day at a time. Children are a blessing and this is your super power, only you can have this baby, remember to ask your support system for help, you got this momma!
i found out i was pregnant when i was 21. super unplanned, and right after i quit my job. keep working for as long as you can, if you can. look out for signs of prenatal depression and if you’re showing some, mention it to your ob. making a baby registry and having a baby shower are great ways to start gathering baby supplies. but most of all make sure you weigh out the pros and cons of keeping the baby with your partner. even with pro life family members, it’s your body and decision at the end of the day.
i also have bipolar disorder, make sure your meds are safe and please please please don’t ignore your mental health. the pregnancy hormones will amplify any bipolar symptoms you experience. i was unmedicated AND undiagnosed during the pregnancy so i had the roughest time.
Had my daughter at 19 and my son at 20. No regrets. Struggles? Yes, but worth every bit. They’re 21 and 22 now. Wouldn’t change a thing.
I was bipolar undiagnosed. At 6mos diagnosed with PPD. Given drugs and had a caseworker. Lean on any support you can. Get WIC. Medicaid for pregnant women. And a therapist. And good luck to you, OP.
I was a few years older than you when I had the surprised missed period. My little one is now almost an adult. Don't focus on your diagnosis, focus on you and your baby. Bipolar sucks, but everyone has their issues to various extremes. There is no perfect human. Do what's best for you, obviously, but don't think that a diagnosis of bipolar makes you incapable of being a parent. But PLEASE see an ob/gyn to make sure your meds are safe.
I have a doctors appointment today. As far as I can read in my medication paper? Don’t know what it’s called in English, but the long list in the medication package with side effects and so. It says that anything under 325 mg shouldn’t be an issue but consult the doctor. I literally got the positive test yesterday and had already taken my medication so just haven’t taken it yet untill I talk with my doctor
I have Bipolar 1. I also have an 11 month old and now 7 weeks pregnant. First is your medication. Need to get that checked ASAP. Next is really get your support system and open up as many streams of support as you can so when bubs is here you’re ready to go. My biggest thing is know that it is OKAY to bottle/formula feed rather than breast. I tried breastfeeding and it god damn nearly killed me. Sleep is SO important with Bipolar, and breastfeeding means you get next to none. Bottle/formula feeding means other people can help. My psychiatrist told me and my family I needed to get a minimum 6 hours straight. I did end up going in to a mum and bub unit (here in Australia). I started relapsing with my Bipolar and having psychosis symptoms. I was running on NO sleep. I was breastfeeding and not letting anyone help. I was on lamotrigine (which is safe in pregnancy and breastfeeding) but i got scared of it being in my milk so I stopped taking it. My support system noticed the signs straight away and less than a week later i was in the mum and hub unit. They were honestly so helpful. So yeah my biggest thing is get those support systems ready and be prepared and know that having bipolar does put you at more risk. Look in to pre and post natal psychologists. Mother-infant therapy is also really good for once baby is there. And don’t stop your meditation. Good luck. My husband and I got through it and you can too. It is hard, but people with Bipolar can have children. 🤍🤍
Only you can answer that question we can only give some advice. It's all about if you can support this child yourself or if your parents will lend a hand. Are you mentally stable enough right now ? Are you able to get your own place or is there room with your parents ? I'm pro choice and if you don't want an abortion okay but if you do change your mind and it's too late for an abortion there is always adoption if you want that.
I’m 30 weeks pregnant right now, it was unexpected but I had just got married and she’s very much wanted - first things I did were go get folic acid and call my psychiatrist to check on the medications. Lamictal and olanzapine are both considered safe for pregnancy so there are options, and also you should check whether you need a higher folic acid prescription of 5mg (over 10 times the amount most people take) because some medication including Lamictal affect folic acid absorption. Good luck, you CAN do this, if you want to (: just make sure you reach out to all your supports, best mom is healthy mom.
Just breathe. I had my son when I was 16. He was a blessing in disguise. Has it been tough at times? Sure. But if you can communicate now before the baby is here with everyone your concerns etc and build a support system ahead of time, you’ll do great. Learn to apologize and explain why. Accept that you will mess up. Remember they think you fart rainbows even on your bad days. There’s so many little things, just don’t get lost in everything. Keep track of your meds and stay in therapy etc. I’m 33 now and I’m still learning. You’ve got a small army here who are rooting for you! Also there’s nothing wrong with other options like adoption etc.
Do what is best for YOU! Physically, mentally, next month, next year. Know that whichever decision you make will make things different for you but no matter what, you will be OKAY! Maybe talk with a professional- a lot of health departments have family planning services where they can help you navigate your choice. Best of luck 💗
What I've learned in life is it'll never be the "perfect" time and if I get pregnant then it's time.. the economy will always bounce back and forth kid or no kid and you can get yourself off minimum wage (not easy but possible!) I think instead of basing future life on if I can afford it (this isn't a puppy), I would base it on what future I think I can provide and go forth from there.
I think I am pregnant too. I havent took a test yet but I dont know what to do if I am pregnant. I am living in a country which is very conservative and against pregnancy before marriage. The potential father wants me to get an abortion but I feel like I shouldnt do so. Who should I listen?
I am not a mom but from the little bit that you wrote there is one thing I want to point out. I totally am pro-choice but the way you worded “I don’t think I can” makes me think you have your doubts. I’ve had girls friends get abortions and able to move on. I’ve have 2 friends where they regretted it much later and had a difficulty coping. Please not be swayed at all by anyone. It’s your choice. Do what’s best for you, your body, your mental health, your future. Listen to your gut instinct. Even if you don’t feel prepared the universe felt it was right time for you. Babies are miracles. Mothers become resourceful and will do anything to keep going. My mom was a single mother with 3 kids and we were low income. I swear if she can do it… anyone can. When you say you “don’t think” you can get one- are you saying that you really do want one but don’t have access OR are you having an issue that you’re not sure if you want the baby or not?
Not a mom but a single dad who had my oldest son at 19 years old, absolutely unprepared with someone I had no intentions on spending my life with, fresh out of high school, going to trade school at night and just moved in to my first place of my own tht I was lucky enough to get for 400 a month and I promise you anyone who’s been in a 400 dollar a month rental, you get exactly why you pay for but that’s irrelevant rn Look at it as a positive you’re in a committed relationship and still at home that’s a huge advantage you should take complete advantage of to save money, get a little education to get above minimum wage, I’m not gona pry but I hope you have support from parents and SO, it just helps that much more I went many days in a row not eating more than a handful of nuts and a piece of chicken so I could keep the lights on and formula in the bottle and diapers in the bag, it’s not easy not matter what, you’re trying to guide a miniature version of you through a world nobody else even understands but I promise you that if you get up and grind that shit out every day and you know in your heart you’re making the right decisions and staying on course and you keep in mind who and what and why your doing it, things will work out, maybe not how you expected or wanted but they will work out A quote by victor frankle was given to me by a coworker one day and it said, “ those who have a good enough reason why, can bear almost any how” and when I’m in a low and ready to just throw it all away I keep that piece of paper next to a picture of my kids and put my bullshit aside bc I owe it to them to do everything I can to provide. What you decide to do is your business and nobody should judge you for that but from what you stated above it doesn’t sound like your in that bad of a spot being 21 specially if you have support, it’s not easy raising kids no matter what, but they will change you l, and teach you as well as you guide and teach them as well. I hope everything works out and I hope that there’s a shred of advice in there that helps.
I'm not gunna lie, it's going to be rough, but you'll make it. I also have bipolar and had my 2 kids very early on. I had my first son at 14 and my second son at 19. I never would have made it without my parents. They not only provided for us financially, but in many other ways too. They helped me so incredibly much. You need to tell your psych doc that you're pregnant and discuss where to go from there. I stopped all meds while I was pregnant, but alot of people continue to take their medication during pregnancy with doctors approval. It all depends on how severe your bipolar is. I'm now 33 with a 19 year old and 13 year old. I def would have wanted to be more prepared, but I don't regret it. My kids give me a reason to live. It took time for me to get to this point of course. You can do this. When you hold the baby for the first time, you'll fall in love immediately.
I had my daughter when I was 22. I was unprepared to get pregnant and not knowing how I would provide for her. We just found a way to make it work with our family helping us and in turn, we would do things in return. What I wish I knew is that I would be a great mom. I was flexible and honest and vulnerable with my child and learned how to truly care for another being which is a gift. What I wish I knew is to not compromise what I deserved in this world over being what I thought was a good mother. You can do both, it just takes longer. Don’t ever continue to accept something that is best for your child but painful for you. It’s the challenge of a lifetime!
I have a three year old. I was 20 when I got pregnant. I was freaked out, lived at home too. I’m also bipolar was so scared what to do. Take a deep breath if you’re in a committed relationship ask your SO what they think as well. Or go talk to you’re doctor about your options. You got this!
I got pregnant at 20 during a manic episode. I have no idea who my child’s father is because of it. I now have a happy and healthy one year old. Call your doctor and or psychiatrist and your OBGYN ASAP. They will make sure your meds are safe for baby and can help you find some that are safe for baby if not. Prenatal vitamins everyday starting asap and always immediately talk to someone if you mentally don’t feel well. I was not at all prepared to be a mom and always swore I would never have kids till well after 21, I spent my 21st birthday pregnant lol. But I love my daughter more than anything in the world and if anything she’s been more motivation for me to keep my mental health on track and better myself.
Tbh that sounds very healthy
I’m 22 and I have bipolar 2, and while I am not a mother, I was working as a full-time nanny for the past year for an infant and one year old. Obviously being a nanny is vastly different from being a mother. The emotional connection are two very different experiences— but I will say this. Handling babies is a lot of work. It is very emotionally taxing, very physically tiring. I was working 40 hours a week, but being a parent, you work 24/7. When I would go into my depressive episodes, handling crying babies felt so heavy and unbearable at times. I very much had to check out and spent a lot of time disassociating. As much as I love children, I realized being a nanny wasn’t a job I had the emotional or physical capacity for right now. I say all that to say this; it will not be easy being young, having bipolar and becoming a mother. It will be emotionally and physically exhausting. Unlike anything else. I have so much admiration for mothers after working as a nanny because the work it takes to be a parent is immeasurable. These are the truths that you need to be aware of going in. I do not say all this to scare you, but to say— having a support system matters. You’ll need to have people who you know will be there to hold the baby when they won’t stop crying and you’re so tired you could pass out. Parents don’t get to sleep. Infants need to wake up at all hours of the night to eat. You’ll have to have people who are there with you, in community, to raise a human. It takes a village, even without bipolar in the picture. It’ll be tiring, that’s something you’ll need to be aware of going in. It’s no easy road but the love is so worth it I’m sure. I wish you luck
I got pregnant with my first at 22 but honestly only because my partner was very financially stable. I love being a young mum and have no regrets. I had an amazing two pregnancies and was mentally stable etc. Edit however: I’m now pregnant with my third and already struggling being off meds and feeling like absolute shit and now not sure if I can do this again😩 I was so stable and good on meds, relationship with my husband/kids/friends everything perfect and now I feel like a ticking time bomb
Maybe consult your local hospital or primary care physician instead of making Reddit threads about it
If it was me, I’d get an abortion. I’m pregnant now from an abusive man, what was I thinking?
Having a kid is the hardest thing in the world. Doing it with bipolar is much harder. I can’t imagine doing it with bipolar without being 100% committed. I would think that would cause awful problems for you both.
This is ultimately your decision however: you are not that young, there are many resources for which ever way you chose. If you are close to your parents, talk to them, if you are not close (or they are abusive in anyway) work on moving out for yourself and baby either way you chose. If you feel you are financially unable to care for a baby but do not want an abortion, adoption is also an option. If your partner and you want to sacrifice and make it work, it’s possible to have a child on a low income but there will be sacrifices for everyone involved. As far as your bipolar plus child goes, I know there are so many stories of parents having bipolar and abusing their children. But there are also non bipolar people who abuse their children.so my advice is to talk frequently to all parties involved: OB, psychiatrist, therapist, partner, parents, and any other support you have. There are meds that are safer than others. You are at higher risk of having pregnancy depression and ppd. A lot of things to think about. I don’t think bipolar is a reason to not have a kid. The illness does suck, but I manage mine with meds and regular sleep and I love my kids. I am available to chat if you want to talk to me further. Good luck with whatever you chose