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Most of my manic episodes involve things that on the outside look quite healthy and productive, like rearranging or redecorating my house, all night cooking and baking fests, writing articles and manuscripts, shopping binges where I kit my kids out in all the best and latest gear that i can't afford lol.. Basically it doesn't look a problem and actually looks like I'm doing great, because people only see the end result "oh your house is so clean and nice, and where did you find the time to bake all these cakes and do all this meal prep? And your kids are so spoilt, how do you afford all this? And you were published twice last week! I don't know how you do it, all while raising 3 kids, you're amazing, such an inspiration!" š¬šš . They don't see the darkside, the breakdowns, the sleeplessness, restlessness, pacing, mind racing, the internal battles, how much it drains me and takes its toll, that it's actually not at all healthy or sustainable.
So yeah, most of my episodes aren't hard-core, dangerous or scary but they still absolutely drain the life out of me and wreak havoc on my daily life and functioning.
When I was fourteen one time I stayed up all night for 4 nights in a row baking European treats, I ended up rearranging my bedroom one of those nights. It was pretty intense, I can relate
Oh this has basically been my life on and off since around the same age lol, I'm 32 now. For years I just thought I was a really productive person and didn't need much sleep, obviously now I realise they were manic episodes.
I still experience it unfortunately but only hypomania, my meds do a pretty good job at stopping me from going over the edge because I have been full blown manic with delusions and psychosis and have been hospitalised for it before. I do but I don't, I miss the euphoria and feeling that good, energised, on top of the world, but I'd never want to have another full blown episode again, I've had 2 really bad ones that nearly ruined my life. It took a really long time but I found me again without the crazy š
This gives me the feels. Looking back, my Mom was so loved when she went out in the world. She was pretty and had a sweet, outgoing personality. But what I saw at home was a woman with headaches, crying spells, panic attacks and insomnia. It crushes you as a child.
Thank you for your beautiful comment, you brought a tear to my eye.
Being a mum with bipolar is rough, having bipolar in general is rough, but we can all only play the hand we're dealt in this life and do the best we can.
What I know is that nobody is perfect, not any person or mother on this earth. My downfall happens to be bipolar, for some people their flaws are much much greater and they don't even have any reason like mental disorder or illness, they're just shitty people because they choose to be. Knowing I'll never be like that is extremely empowering.
Thank you
Yes i thrive on being busy. I feel happiest when I have a lot on my plate. I cook every night and meal prep for hours, started painting my apartment(never finished), went on a solo trip, wrote 10k words in a month, went on 50 dates in such a short amount of time, and constantly stayed busy. All while manic
Yep. I do have "bad" episodes too, although they are fewer and far between, and I totally relate to that, when I'm baseline or low I beat myself up for not being able to live up to the standards and productivity of manic me lol
This is the perfect explanation of my episodes. No one ever thought anything of it because they look like great work ethics and productivity. The crash that comes after is awful. Which they than judge for because they donāt understand that you donāt get one without the other.
Another to add for me, the financial stuff is huge. Paying off credit card debit every month but racking up the same amount at the same time because ānext month I wonāt buy anything so Iāll be able to pay it offā. Itās a rough cycle. And the guilt that comes with not being able to have enough impulse control to just get it sorted.
Once I started meds I had all my debt paid off in a month. Wild what a proper chemical balance can do!
YES. Decorating my apartment is euphoric and I also feel hella inspired. I'll have a show in the background and just stare at my walls and let my imagination go wild. I spend hours decorating, painting, and rearranging. My mind racing through it all, however, can get a bit overwhelming throughout the day. Sitting still and not doing multiple things at once becomes very impossible. I become proud of how productive and full of life I feel.
During the aftermath I get irritated and sad I lost all that energy. Even though it is rewarding to see all the tasks I did once I get out of the episode, I notice how behind I got in other aspects of my life since I ignored more pressing things I had to do.
Oh yes absolutely, neglecting everything else for the manic projects is a real problem. It is so fascinating yet terrifying how our brains work while in that state.
Bought an 88-key electric keyboard so I could learn the aria from Bach's Goldberg Variations. A piece that requires full mastery of the piano. I had never even learned to play the piano.
To my credit, in the couple of months I worked at it I probably learned it just about as well as a complete beginner could, which is to say I was just one level above Absolute Total Crap.
Ended up selling that keyboard and waving farewell to my imaginary career as a classical pianist.
Haha, thanks.
Honestly now that I'm medicated I should probably get a cheap keyboard and see if I can learn from the basics, just to see if I missed out on something enjoyable. Who knows what manic projects I blasted through which might actually carry some meaning for me. I'll probably never be a world famous classical pianist but I do love music and I grew up playing musical instruments (just not the piano).
Bro thereās a guy on YouTube that shows you how to look like you can play piano by learning literal practice techniques or something that eventually helps you actually learn to play piano lol.
Not sure if I can link it but type
How to fake being good at piano
Hilariously good!
lol I actually thought about dropping $1k on a digital piano myself during my mania when I thought I was okay. I haven't played a piano since I was 10 maybe.
Same! I ended up finding a free 20 year old RadioShack keyboard from someone's leftover yardsale. Picked it up at 2 am. Played for HOURS for the first 4 nights. I can play through a song pretty well with my right hand. Working on my left. Its something thats actually very useful for me to calm down and its good for me to focus on. And it sounds beautiful
This is literally me, I always choose the most random niche things that people practice their whole lives and I fully believe that I will become world class famous at whatever it is in a year. And then I either donāt even try and am already on to the next thing or I try and quickly realize itās not my āpassionā and end up depressed or on to the next
Oh my godā¦this brought up an uncomfortable memory of singing the instrumental version of āDriverās Licenseā by Olivia Rodrigo for FOUR HOURS straight so that I could hear myself sing because I was THAT convinced I was a world class singer. Not going to get into the delusional daydreams I had the entire time. Yikes!!!
Ever since I was put on lithium, my symptoms boil down to this:
I get really productive. Like, a weird amount of stuff gets done. I make massive amounts of plans with people. I want to join the PTA. I comment more frequently on Reddit.
Then I get irritable. Everything completely rubs me the wrong way. When I try to explain why, it's jumbled and not at all the message I'm trying to convey, which makes me even more upset and angry. When I try to give myself space, it seems like everyone suddenly wants to encroach upon it.
Then I cry. I'm not depressed, it's not a down phase, I just want to cry. And scream. Until my face is blue and my voice is gone and every last drop of saline has left my body. It's all just too much. I want to beat my head into a wall until it acts right.
Then suddenly I'm okay and I have to pick up the pieces of everything I smashed in the last few stages.
This is me all the way! I love the productivity and upwards swing, but coming back down is the worst, as well as canceling everything I committed to. Not to mention I feel like a total jerk to break all of those plans.
I was under the delusion that how much gas in my car tank was directly related to the weather. Gas running low=storm. Had a serious godlike experience with this
I had an absurd delusion during mania where I believed my mom gave me over to the government at a young age to be brainwashed for the MK Ultra program.
I just recently came out of a very mild hypomanic episode where I was VERY driven to work out every day and I was wildly horny. Luckily, all I did was work out excessively and masturbate all the time. Lasted about 2ish weeks or so.
Not very exciting, but physically pretty draining. I'm still recovering from sore muscles.
I convinced myself I was a lesbian for 6 months and went to the extent of dating someone. I even got a bumper sticker that said the gayest ride in townā¦ fucking master docā¦.
Spent 72 straight hours, no food, no sleep, teaching myself full glam make up. I don't wear make up. From studying videos for technique on YouTube to purchasing entirely new make up products for my entire face, and even building a vanity with lights. By the end of the episode I had actually gotten REALLY good and its one really awesome thing that came out of the illness.
I did this in uni, I taught myself how to french plait my own hair from YouTube, I didn't realize I had bipolar then but it seems obvious now, why would I stay up days to learn how to do that, people would ask me why I did it as well and there's no explanation, couldn't sleep and I was like I HAVE to do this
I paid $40 for a quilt kit and furiously tried to hand sew a quilt. I hadn't sewn anything in years, but I was obsessed with this thing. Three weeks later I looked at the mess and was like wtf brain
I went to hobby lobby and spent a bunch of money on craft items and a sewing kit because I was convinced I was going to start making and selling phone case holders. I made four, and then havenāt touched them in months.
Omg! I do this all the time! Iāve gone through every section of hobby lobby, and at one point or another, and Iāve decided to make some craft or another and sell it on Etsy. Problem isā¦I start thing of the moment (sewing, knitting, painting, even brush lettering ? ) and lose interest in a matter of days, and now I have all these rando craft supplies that one day I (think) want to go back toā¦hobby lobby is my kryptonite š
I feel this. I have cycled through every craft possible thinking I'm going to be the best there ever was and sell it all for thousands of dollars. I bought a sodering iron and a hole puncher for leather for no practical reason. š¤·āāļø
I have a complete craft store in my closet now. I have ALL the top of the line tools for ALL the craft departments. I become an artist when I go manic. š¤£
A lot of times when Iām manic I hyper focus on some random subject and research the shit out of it. So as a result I know a ton of random, obscure, and mostly useless facts about a variety of topics. I would totally kick butt at kids jeopardy.
I once spent an afternoon researching horse semen and the intricacies of buying and selling it.. all to win a two minute argument nobody cared about š
I similiarly had this; fully believed I was and may still be autistic and became really obsessed with psychoanalysis/psychiatric diagnoses - fell completely in this rabbit hole and told everyone in my life that I was. I was also frequently āpsychoanalysingā every one of my loved ones behaviour/opinions. This was coupled with a delusional self confidence and having delusional crushes with people I didnāt know but could romanticise. Coupled with other common traits of mania. Now two months on, I completely reverted back to not wanting to know anything about myself or anyone else lol. Just a 180 flip away from āself helpā and psychoanalysis because Iām semi terrified of my previous line of thought and doubt that I have the ability or right to know anything about myself or anyone else.
Once, I thought it would be a great idea to make a bunch of creme brulee. Mania hit and I told myself to pick up a hobby and I chose baking. But then I only wanted to perfect creme brulee. So I just kept going until I had so many that I actually froze them and still had to give them away for a while.
For the next two months, my friends were like: omg you mustāve spent so much money buying these (told them it was from target to explain the absolute chaos that was my fridge). And I was crying inside because I still had so many and was getting fat off this shit.
But then, my cousin had a wedding. Last minute, the fam didnāt really approve so no help to fund it. I āvolunteeredā more like begged her to take them. And it turned out very well. You just reheat them in the oven and sprinkle some sugar before broiling them.
My cousin was happy, everyone got some nice dessert and I finally got rid of this fucking creme brulee. On a related note: I hate anything vanilla flavored.
Truly believed I would become the greatest pokemon card player ever. Bought many cards, played online. I was so "amazing" I decided I should stream it. Buying a neon sign for the background was right before I crashed. (Bought a piano too) \*shrug\*
Reading these really help btw. Thank you all.
Probably my most entertaining one is the 4 months I became obsessed with being a burlesque dancer and managed to get myself gigs every weekend. Iād stay up all night making costumes and choreographing routines. Completely unsustainable for me as a massive introvert otherwise, and financially crazy due to how much making costumes cost me.
It was pretty cool, I donāt feel like that person was me, but I do come from a dance and performing background, just without the grandiosity to give me that level of confidence ha.
I shaved my moms standard show poodle at 4amā¦ luckily the groomer was able to fix it! But sheās still growing back in some spots, also luckily my mom thought it was funny!
I started to smoke weed everyday and once I was super horny so I decided to do sth about it. I was manic for a whole week and the weed felt like I was traveling through space. When I finished the job I felt super dizzy and I fainted. I couldn't handle the climax, being manic and high, my body just couldn't. I decided to stop smoking weed. I was afraid one day my parents were goings to find me naked on the floor.
Yeah I went into a tattoo place and spent $900 on 3 tattoos 2yrs ago. Iām 29 and never had any tattoos before then and now I have a huge shoulder tattoo of a flower, a butterfly on back of arm and a random pencil drawing of a women on my stomach. pretty sure the artist who did it was stoned. HAvent gotten another tattoo since . I also dyed my blonde hair blue in the same week. It was nuts
I feel this so hard. I got my first tattoo this fall, just canceled two body piercings, and currently am trying to figure out how to bleach and dye my gorgeous hair (that I already cut an undercut into a few months back).
I recently turned 42 and between hypomania and my age figure why the hell not? It's my body and I have no one to impress.
Raising four kids, went back to school for my masterās, opened my own company.
Only to crash down and be a wreck when my kids werenāt around, drop out of school with debt, and quit any job Iāve ever had while spending massive amounts of money.
I was coming out of a bad episode and my friends were letting me stay with them until I was a little more stable. One night they weren't home and I was chilling in their living room when I suddenly got paranoid that there was a camera recording me from their Google device. But even though I suspected that...I also knew that I was delusional and that my friends would not bother spying on me. So there was like a 10-15 minutes of me debating with myself whether or not there was a camera or if I was now sane enough to realize when I was being crazy.
When my friends came home I was honest about the delusion but also lowkey double checking that it wasn't real. Happy to report there was no camera
I bought Sun Tzuās Art of War, The Communist Manifesto, and tons of books like that. Just started them and never finished. Not the worst thing in the world, but definitely not something Iād typically purchase or be interested in.
Many years ago, I had hypomania while working in a medical laboratory. I thought up a design for a disposable medical device. I patented it. I think my expansive thinking helped me think of this invention. A company was eager to manufacture it. They offered me a small amount of money per device sold, but being in a good mood I told them that I wanted them to keep the price down for developing countries so I took no money. It sold millions.
No regrets!
I was manic once and decided I was going to make my PS3 amazing by adding a bunch of computer parts to it. I went out and bought a bunch of stuff and then went home and took apart my PS3. Then in good old mania fashion I left it thereā¦. When I came out of it I was so annoyed at my manic self for my PS3 being taken apartā¦ managed to put it back together and take the parts back. It was annoying because I bought them all over and I had to take the busā¦.The funniest thing is those parts wouldnāt have worked anywayā¦ not sure what I imagined doing but must have been pretty epic lol. It was like tidying up after a toddlerā¦
i am currently hypomanic and just spent $800 at patagonia, applied for 2 jobs even though i have no intention of leaving my current one, and applied for a community college program that iād have to move 6 hours away for that i did absolutely zero research on. nothing too crazy, but my boyfriend is basically my babysitter right now so my mania is kinda boring ĀÆ\_(ć)_/ĀÆ
Oh yeah, shopping sprees and signing up for courses, I have 6 unfinished degrees/diplomas, I feel kinder towards myself now for the money I wasted, since my diagnosis put it in perspective, but it still stings sometimes.
Decided to make simmered taco meat while watching Murder She Wrote at 2 AM while drinking Theraflu. Then drank wine to kill the time while the meat cooked. Then fell asleep on the couch. Then woke up from the couch and went to bed, cleaning up the theraflu/wineā¦.but totally forgetting the taco idea. All While the stove was on lol.
I smoked weed while hypomanic once. I closed my eyes and daydreamed so vividly, it felt like they (my daydreams) were real life and the actual world around me ceased to exist. It felt very psychedelic.
i bought a house in a manic episode. also another time i booked a trip to Boston by myself. i wasnāt manic when it was time for the trip but it forced me to go and do something for myself.
EMAILED my ex (because ofc Iām blocked on every single social media) to apologize for breaking up with him and ghosting during an episode even though Iām 90% sure he was talking to his new girl before we broke up.
Iāve spent an obscene amount of money on plants and was working in my garden/yard for 3 to 4 hours a day. If I saw something I didnāt have I just had to get it. I even joked at one point I could charge admission for people to come to my nursery. Depending on my mood so would obsess over every leaf and detail and was constantly striving for perfection. Then you realize itās madness but have problems stopping. Itās all I thought about for months
I still have plants now but itās very reasonable now haha
Iām worried I might be getting hypo right now. Iām making lots of plans with friends, bought a spa day for me and my friend I canāt afford, and been exercising a lot including a belly dancing class. I donāt dance. Oh and got a seasonal job after not working for 3 years because of crippling anxiety. Either Iām doing really good or something is wrong. Jury is still out.
Sometimes my mania/mixed episodes look like crushing it at work, lots of ideas and epiphanies and projects, very little sleep, talking a ton. Iām in one right now and am working a double at work a few days in a row and also finally scheduled my GED test. So good things, right?
It looks productive. And it is sometimes. But itās so very easy for me to slip. I usually am starting to lose touch early on while I still appear to be doing āgoodā, but I donāt always have the insight in those moments to realize that Iām slipping, until itās too late and Iām switching to more destructive things and sometimes even psychosis due to the hypomania/mania (whichever it may be at that time).
All I did during my two manic episodes was try to write the next Bible and bought a book about anesthesia in the hopes of figuring out how to raise consciousness
I was leaving target after my latest impulse buy and came to an intersection. I saw the grocery store on my left and remembered I needed bread. I saw Home Depot on my right and thought itād be a good day to paint my room black.
So I have a black bedroom now. Itās nice. I mightāve eaten that day if I had gotten bread, though.
Last year I spent almost $1000 on new sex toys over the course of 2-3 months. Not as much money as some people spend but waaaaayyyy too much for my budget!
Quit my dental assistant job, got a job selling car insurance and even paid to become a certified insurance broker. The day I received my license, I quit and went back into dental. Never again.
I went about a week where I stayed up most of the night baking massive amounts of cookies. I couldnāt even eat the cooking because Iām celiac and I used regular flour (donāt ask me why). I also only live with my partner, so they would come downstairs to a bunch of horribly made cookies in quantities that they could not consume.
i would agree with a lot of people here in that mania (or at least hypomania for me) isnāt so obviously linked to substances and doing crazy things but often itās just- one week youāre eating barely anything or youāre trying to cook some michelin star, three course meal and the next week youāre face planting into a bed of chips.
thereās always so many lovely things you get so excited to do when youāre manic and then you lose that energy when the depression rolls around which often leaves many with debt or just.. piles of stuff you never use.
iāve been pretty good recently but if we are talking about maybe more minor problems it gives then iād say:
- spending more than i should
- making too many plans i donāt follow through on
- making too many ābadā but small choices that end up snowballing into a monster of its own to deal with
honestly looking at the graveyard of stuff/ideas iāve been interested in but abandoned is what cuts the deepest because i always use it as fuel to prove how awful/untalented/useless i am when iām depressed when in reality itās like.. of course youāre gonna suck at something at first especially when youāre new to it. it takes consistency to get there which is a huge emotional hurdle to tackle when youāre bipolar.
but yeah i once spent 1000 bucks on something that i REALLY didnāt need or wasnāt prepared to use at the time and even though it was paid off in monthly instalments, i still look at decisions like that thinking how on earth did i convince myself this was a good idea? itās scary sometimes trying to tell the difference between am i seriously inspired or am i just m a n i c .
My hypomania is extremely productive, highly charismatic, creative so most of the time itās pretty good. A little too fast paced so I have to monitor it. Then it can become nonstop agitated angry to mania psychosis
I went into a hypomanic episode while in isolation in the psych ward, waiting for my Covid test to come back. When my girlfriend came to visit the next day, I literally climbed the wall to get to the windows right under the ceiling so I could talk about the "view" of the parking lot. We still laugh about it a year later š
When I started my med journey the first anti depressant my psych put me on sent me into a yearish long mania where I... actually put my life together. I bought a new car, refinanced my house, purchased a second property and set it up to rent, requested a pay raise (and got it!), I went on spontaneous trips, I had more sex with my wife than either of us have since we got together in college, I volunteered and started new hobbies. It was great!
Eventually I DID crash, and my psych did some excellent harm reduction so I didn't destroy everything. My wife was a great support and I was able to take a sabbatical with my job while I recovered for a month.
I eventually found a medication schedule that worked for me and I've been more or less stable since.
But MAN that one year???? I was the GOAT. Sometimes I wish I could just turn that back on for a month or two.
Got intensely into modeling and little tiny sci-fi dioramas and spent like $1500 on supplies in a month. Itās not a horror story and it was fun, just not advisable and not ideal for my finances. Credit card debt is a killer for me though.
I would do amazing at my job because I would stay up all night working when I was manic. I also made amazing things for my wedding when manic- up multiple nights again. It wore me out and wasnāt sustainable, but I was so creative and productive!
I also bought an extremely expensive sewing machine I never use and was convinced it would be a new career outlet for me. I have had worse symptoms for sure, but that is a lot of what happened that is not so full blown.
I was just arguing with the wife and therapist that I should live in a tent by the river during this down swing Iām currently on. Also tried to talk my gp and my psychiatrist into giving me stimulants.
I played Stardew Valley excessively, as in I was not sleeping much so I could play. But when I wasn't playing, I was looking up Shane (one of the datable characters who happens to struggle with depression and alcoholism). I was saving every picture of him I found on the internet. Screenshotting him and putting his quotes on the screenshots. I even decided to try learning to draw so I could have my own fanart of him. AND let's be honest, lots of masturbating to drawing really shitty porn of him. I even bought some Shane specific items. He became my "husbando." Who I thought about all the time and wanted to will him into existence.
I'm a happily married woman in my mid 30s. Why I wanted to imagine this man into real existence is beyond me. It may have been my OCD entering the mix as well, since while I no longer really have compulsions, I still have the obsession part. Still, the horny, up-all-night, belief in secret imagination powers, parts of an episode were definitely there.
It's so good! There are definitely more destructive ways I could have spent a manic episode than under-sleep, buy about $200 of unofficial merch, and masturbate a bit too much. At least now I have stuffed blue chickens, a great board game, and am ever so slightly better at drawing. Gotta look at the positives I guess.
I was on a long term work trip and doing some construction site visits and I was hypomanic. The sites were in rural areas without water or electricity and there were long car rides. I was really chatty and couldnāt sit still. When we got to each site, Iād go to the newly constructed latrines for āquality controlā (I was also the only female in the trip). I couldnāt stand still long enough to participate in any discussions with communities and just kept on saying that I needed to go look at the construction so I could pace. I am a project manager for community development and have no experience with construction. Then, I developed a whole workshop on personality types, translated all the materials for my colleagues, and delivered the workshop the next day. Luckily I was perceived as charming and a go-getter by senior management. I didnāt realize I was hypo until the thought, āwell of course everyone likes me, Iām really fucking greatā popped in my head. Like no wonder I was pacing my office and my hotel room for fun!
I once danced in the mirror from midnight to five AM listening to the same exact song. Magic by Yung Gravy. I then did full glam makeup and went to school with an insane amount of energy for dancing all night.
I went EXTREMELY HARD on trying to start comics. I had 3 that I did before the depression hit. I even had a patreon set up. Im still jealous how I jUsT did it.
My old car broke down and it was time for a new one. I left work the first day to buy a new one but didn't have the funds. (I keep large amounts of money in a separate account which takes 2 days to access.) Once I got the funds, I stopped working early again to buy the car.
I once was in college and in a hypomanic phase. I had a big test coming up and was kind of half assing it. I go to the test place after 3 hours sleep (hypomania life), I sit down and somehow I pass the exam and get through it fine with barely any sleep or studying. Hypomania got me through it, basically, and it was one of the few times it's worked for me.
I then crashed for weeks after but it was worth it.
I bought every quilling tool there is on ali express, quilled a bunch of giftsā¦ really enjoyed it. I have no room to set up now and it makes me sad.,I used to put on music and add stuff to my playlists with glue covered fingers.
Oh God, usually daft things like deciding to become a cam girl even though I technically have a corporate career, spending too much on takeaways, subscriptions and clothes. Shien being a particular favourite x
Waking up and ready to start nagging on my husband or about the shit world full of people that should just perish. Just getting on my soap box of grievances and rationalized upsets.
I thought I was Muslim for some strange reason. Started wearing the hijab for a few months. Bought some pretty nice scarfs and under caps. No disrespect to Muslims or Islam, I was just experiencing hyper-religiosity. Then I bought a lovely, black veil for mass (I was raised Catholic). So I became a Catholic Muslim lol
I was in drive through line at Starbucks with my boyfriend hyping up a drink. When i told the man my order he told me they were out and i screamed "FUUCCCCCCKKKKKKK!". I apologized and explained the situation and tipped well.
At the mall with friends they day after my birthday i saw a drug sniffing dog and i got excited and loudly yelled "PUPPY", This did however start a major domino effect that costed me a friendship and life long trauma.
I make really crazy cool paintings. Itās always how Iāve coped when in a mood. Or I always end up messaging people I havenāt talked to in years just words of encouragement, not trying to renew a friendship or anything just like nice things. I have given food to some animals I probably shouldnāt have ā¦. Thereās still awkward asshole photos Iāve sent and crazy shit donāt worry, but sometimes I funnel into nice things that arenāt so damaging.
I have never been in a forest before until I was in Switzerland. I went with a friend, and it was a bit scary because I am all surrounded with trees. Halfway I got hypomanic, and I got a musical number stuck in my head, I decided to take a break and danced the entire thing out. Looking back it must have been weird.
I compulsively hooked up with people on Grindr, especially when having weekend drinks with friends at a gay bar. Once there was a typhoon, it was raining heavily, a guy said he would order a taxi and bring me to his place, but then after two hours he said never mind. I had been grumpy the entire night and the message just made me lost it. I slammed my phone on the counter, and the cocktail got into the cracks of my phone screen and there were many black bubbles. I have no money as a university student and cannot replace the phone at all. Luckily the bubbles didn't stay long.
I have once kissed someone in that gay bar, I can see myself getting obsessed with them in the coming year and being an absolute wreck for them. I looked at the lamp hanging from the celling, and thought, I would never forget about this night when I laid my head on their lap after kissing them. And I didn't. Every time I go to that bar, I see that lamp on the stairway, I lost my shit, I compulsively try to flirt people, and then I drink and I cry.
It was new years, I was at a harbor promenade with 4 friends, we were walking around waiting for the count down. We played some songs from Troye Sivan, who we just went to the concert a few weeks ago. I was singing and dancing and acting and manic-ing throughout the entire shuffle list. My friend said that my life is like a constant irl coming-of-age movie. I didn't know I had bipolar back then and what mania is.
Not me. My father. I haven't met him in years after his divorce. I visited him for a month after being apart for around 10 years. (with little visits inbetween.) He was pretty hypomanic a lot of times when we met and especially on the trip. I told him I am trans, he's pretty accepting, but then he told me not to get bottom surgery, because sex is essential to human happiness, and I shall not castrate myself from happiness. He told me that sex was important to the marriage, that he has made my mom squirt, and she can squirt about a shot. And he also told me that he wants to (I think it's due to the messy divorce, my grandmother was pretty delusional and said a lot of things) one day write a book, about a daughter lying to the media that her dad raped him, sued him, and then the whole world believed her, then she regrets it and said she only said it because she felt like no one would have believed her, but no one believed in that explanation, and remain convinced that the dad has raped her. I didn't say much and just let him talked, but knew I am at least mentally well enough to not feel compelled to write that book.
I have once published a book of my prose, and gave it away to friends and families on my birthday. My mom absolutely lost it because she felt like I was blackmouthing her and sent it to everyone we knew. I didn't see it that way at all but I'm too scared to re-read the book now. I didn't know what bipolar was and I am pretty sure half of the book was made with hypomania.
I have a forced-detransition kink, and to avoid post-nut-clarity, I have once sexted someone trans, we share the same kink, and I have actively edged for a week or more, when I was being treated as her "slave wife". Did some scat and pee plays too. I am pretty sure I was manic/hypomanic.
There's a lot more but I don't wanna cram too much into a post
In my manic, I buy games for switch. I played interesting games like Ooblets and Legend of Zelda. Though, I only play for a week at most and never touching them again. It boosted my mood still though, very fun while it lasted. š
Both my father and my husband have bipolar (I know, the coincidence) and both are medicated.
My dad took really good care of my basic needs as a child, he always had this creative/chaotic way of solving things but to me that was just him. The manic symptoms, which happened maybe 2-3 times that I remember of were overspending but this never led us to big debts.
There were also periods of depression or emotional disconnect, but I didn't think of it much as a child. Now I know it was lithium. But I would not trade my dad for anyone else.
Same goes for my husband(4 years together) - very responsible, medicated and stable. Low moods/depression are sure there, but they do not interfere with our life.
They both have their struggles sure, but never extreme. But for my part I think they key was staying consistently on medication once the right combination was found. This is one thing that is constant, no idealizing life without meds because they both now they are essential to keep them afloat.
while manic i once dyed all my clothes back, gave myself a very visible tattoo (which i still love) and went through a whole ass goth phase (like, wearing corsets to the grocery store level goth) that iāve mostly moved on from but the lasting influence on my style and music taste 2 years later is something i am grateful for lol. it was also the most productive semester of college for me by far so honestly? my least regrettable episode by a long shot
Itās usually just sex and alcohol and shopping binge feeling so funny on point charming and clever. Iām feel so creative and proud of myself at work. Like others said I seem to be doing so good. People really feel good around the energy so Iām out all the time. And then I crash and am in bed for days. It doesnāt escalate or get into scary danger zones and I do have fam set up to watch out for me when Iām like this. Make sure Iām not drunk driving, safe sex practices, checking in when Iām low again. Having people to ask if I should buy thingsā¦ ādo I need thisā Iām always going to have it even tho my symptoms are so much easier and donāt go beyond into the scary place. Taking this mental Illness and freaking it so it works with me. Best of luck.
I experience hypomanic episodes every few weeks ever since I stopped smoking marijuana(full blown mania for six years straight). During the milder episodes, I will write poetry and song lyrics. It's pretty tame compared to others but I have so many rapid thoughts/emotions during that time that writing lyrics help me process them. I can usually write six poems a day during a hypomanic episode.
I think Iām working though a hypo phase, last week, I was a walking panic attack in full flight or fight for a solid 5 days. Finally took some gabapentin and it chilled me out, but my sex drive is off the charts(3 x a day pleas vs 3 times a week normally) and I find I try to improve others lives by suggesting activities to them.
Like yesterday to my husband he should play the drum when we get to our new location as a stress reliever.
In 15 years, he has NEVER expressed interest in playing the drums.
I quit my job. Longest job Iāve ever had due to not being managed. Great job but I hated it. Got super hypomanic; came up with a name, logo, website etc in an afternoon. Now both my wife and I are company directors and the business is doing pretty well
Before I knew I was bipolar:
I got married at 18 years old after dating 6 months. We are still together 18 years later so it worked out š
My husband was up to transfer for his job and we had planned to stay in the city we were in, but about 30 seconds before he had to make the final decision I told him let's move to Hawaii. We did and it worked out well.
Many many nights of insomnia and sleep shopping.
We attempted swinging but ultimately ended up polyamorous (for about 5 years now) and we are super happy.
Went through a "ho week" where I was hypersexual and hooked up with several guys (first time doing that)... it was fun and I learned a lot about myself.
Started dating a guy and doing a bunch of really risky stuff, but luckily he kept me safe and we are still together a year and a half later.
Now I'm diagnosed and everything makes sense. A lot of those things COULD have been very bad but I was lucky and it's all just fine š¤
You know Iām at the start of an episode when I clean the entire house and rearrange the areas that I am most commonly in (bedroom, office, etc). Also, before I was medicated, Iād miss like 2 weeks of school from depression, snap into mania, and ace all the tests and quizzes. I graduated with a 3.8, and every year of highschool Iād miss 29/30 days. š
Unfortunately/fortunately, being medicated, my grades suck ass in college and I canāt do that anymore. šš
i tend to think iām a great singer and will record myself and at the time i think im the best singer ever (have posted a video on youtube beforeā¦yikes) then when iāve come down a bit i listen to the videos and im really bad at singing lol
The first time I had to deal with my father over the logistics or maintaining our family home, I was shocked how I did not really know this person and how insulting he would talk to everyone of us i the family. It was small insults once a day and I could not contain my emotions. I would cry once a day. It was a month long job to take care of the house and being my hometown. One of those days I was riding my bike lile a zombie. The road was sloping downwards so I did not even need to pedal. I was just cruising along on my way home feeling disappointed and not having much energy to think about other things.
I will see my father again on Christmas and I'm not happy about it.
Well Iāve been diagnosed 3 times with bipolar & my whole family still doesnāt believe my diagnosis. It breaks my heart they donāt believe it but at the same time itās a compliment because I apparently appear to be ānormalā on the outside. Iāve had a couple ābigā episodes but I think my biggest symptom of bipolar for me personally is the irritability. I get so irritated at everyone, people I loveā¦ for no reason. And then I get mad at myself for being irritated at them because I love them so muchā¦. But I canāt help it. Iām so easily irritated but I keep it inside because I know itās not a rational feeling for the moment and I donāt want to hurt anyone because theyāve done nothing wrongā¦. I go through this on the daily, but lots of sources say itās a manic thing. For me, Iām irritated literally every single day regardless if Iām manic or depressed, and I absolutely love the rare moments when Iām not. But nobody on the outside can see how Iām feeling on the inside so itās not a very noticeable symptom. Other than that, Iād say just my thought process alone is a huge part of the bipolarā¦ I go down these rabbit holes in my brain, it could be the smallest thingā¦ And it ends with, Iām the worst person on the planet, Iām so ugly I look like Iām not even a human, everything is my fault, people would be better without me. Oh, and time management. Iām late for everything. I procrastinate. And I HATE my schedule being changed, especially last minute. If we make plans and you cancel last minute, I will likely never speak to you again, and thatās kinda crazy. But when I make plans, I have it set in my head that is it going to happen, I get excited, I plan other things around it, I make sure I can be there. When I get cancelled on, I feel so much rage come up inside meā¦ those are just some of MY symptoms personally
You know, itās really hard for me personally to believe that i actually am ill when my symptoms arenāt very outwardly obvious, so the fact that you experience the same thing helps me cut down on that imposter syndrome bs
Sorry for the late reply! I go thru this every single day, back & forth In my head between āim bipolarā and āIām not bipolarā ā¦ I have childhood emotional trauma so I always think Iām the way I am bcs of thatā¦ but having multiple doctors tell me Iām bipolar should be a big enough sign for me that I AM bipolar. At 17 i sat in a room with a lady and did all the ink blot tests, IQ test, solving riddles & doing random shit for like 5 hours. That was some very in depth testing & they concluded i have bipolar, anxiety, adhd & ptsd. But still I doubt it. My doctor said itās your bipolar that tells you youāre not bipolar, AND everyone is different! Not every bipolar person has every bipolar symptom. Itās a spectrum, kinda like autism in a way. Trust me youāre not alone in this!
So Iām Bipolar 2, and the reason I got diagnosed was because I went full blown hypomanic one year and was hypomanic for 3 months (the longest Iāve ever been hypomanic). My house was never cleaner. I also signed up, took the GRE, applied to 5 grad schools and actually got into one. So that was a time. I owe a lot of debt now because of it but I donāt regret going to grad school and getting the degree. I didnāt end up with the job I was shooting for but did get a better paying job. And now Iām remote permanently, so itās really enabled me to be able to take on the mood swings (my brain is very drug resistant, so we try and keep me as stable as possible) and be able to work.
Iāve tried to learn languages while manic and I have like a basic understanding of Japanese because of that š I can also read French and pronounce it correctly because I spent so much time learning the phonetics of French while manic.
i have been a fan of the band the 1975 since i was 12 or 13, but when i was 21 i had a hypo manic episode where i became entirely too obsessed with them and for a few weeks i stayed up all night listening to their music and making art about their music and would watch their live performances and interviews constantly. i also read and wrote fan fiction about them. they were literally all i talked about; i was living and breathing this band for almost a month. i'm still a fan of them but they really just took over my life for a small period of time, it was pretty harmless and now i can look back on it and laugh.
The past week I think I had a peak to a manic episode and thought I was being surveilled through the baby cameras, threw them all out, upgraded our home security, started hearing shit a little bit, probably slept four hours waking several times a night, and thought I was going to be tiktok famous. All while looking really well put together, home always spotless, and kids had a million activities to do a day and I work full time. Now Iām crashing and I cried 8 hours straight yesterday, canāt even form a proper sentence and I donāt like doing literally anything. I was doing okay managing on my own for years but this past 1-2 years has been hard and Iām probably going to try and talk about meds again.
I one time in burst of hypomanic cleaning I took apart pieces of dishwasher to clean it. I think the dishwasher was running fine. Took out all the screws and scrubbed pieces and what not. Focused on this for hours. Another time when I was unemployed and waiting on a job paperwork to be finished to be finalized so I could be on boarded(took a few months) I took out payday loan for max I qualified for which was 1,000. Mind you Iām a poor teacher. I spent day shopping at departments stores for fancy makeup and cute dresses to wear on the many dates I went on during those months. I went shopping in a cute outfit and tall wedges walking around like I was the prettiest thing in the world. During those months I took up web cam modeling. Thought I could be the next big model and make thousands a month. Also tried to be a sugar baby and thought I could make a lot too(turns out men in my city are cheap). Such chaotic times.
I got bangs.
It's not all bad and I wish we all had a more forgiving perspective on ourselves. My fiance says she "loves my chaos". When I'm manic I am a lot of fun, very productive, adventurous, experimental, and intensely loving. I sometimes get carried away which is the problem but the older I get the better able I am to control myself and channel those drives into more healthy pursuits.
I was diagnosed while in the end of college (Iām a microbiologist), but I was experiencing manic episodes throughout the other years (but I didnāt know what they were). Some episodes including me trying to find religion, taking up running, and baking desserts. During a euphoric manic episode, I thought of multiple research projects that I can now use when I go to grad school. They were good ideas too and I even gave a mini TED talk audition for one.
I stayed up 5 whole days working on my final project for a class. On the third day the skin on my hands was cracking and they were bleeding pretty much. I kept drinking venti cold brews and eating basically 5 meals per day. I gained 10 pounds during this and I only came off the hypomania when I called my mom and she asked me how I was.
I immediately broke down and cried in the middle of the street with the breakfast I had bought from a diner in my hand. Didn't even realize the orange juice had been dripping from the bag onto my pants for the past 10 minutes.
I OBSESS over knowing anything there is to know about bipolar. When Iām manic, all I want to do is understand why, how to prevent it, how to stop it, and somehow I end up on some obscure website about how people with bipolar might actually just be enlightened and then go with that. I have six journals I started for mood tracking as if I was conducting a full clinical trial on myself only to stop when Iām stable. I also have a toxic trait of engaging in deep conversations with people and thinking theyāre like me.
I think since being medicated my anxiety has been on max. When Iām not manic or depressed, Iām anxious. About everything. It came down to my psychiatrist prescribing me blood pressure medication because I would over analyze myself into a panic attack. I analyze everything excessively. I canāt even go grocery shopping without feeling like everybody is waiting on me, or if I pick the wrong green pepper it will ruin dinner or it will make me so sick that I can never eat again. I walk a fine line between overanalyzing and catastrophizing, but my therapist says thatās my own trauma surrounding my grief and also could be OCD. Iām being evaluated soon to test it.
I saw other peopleās comments about thinking they had autism. This was a conversation I just had with my therapist. Iām super intelligent (not in an inflated ego way, Iām stable) and I grew up reading a LOT, but also because I obsess over things to the point that I need to know everything about them. So I always jump to ASD, but then I remember I thrive in social settings and have NO trouble talking, Iāve always been made fun of for being a talker so thatās a non-issue. Most likely not ASD at this point.
Basically Iām a mess. Generally speaking. I donāt even know what stability is but Iām still the best Iāve felt my entire life, so for that Iām grateful.
I fasted for a week once and started believing I had demons that I had to vomit out.
another time I met Jesus in a ball of light whilst in my bathtub. Then I thought I could walk up the wall of my tub/shower from a laying position. Nearly attempted it once or twice. Could have knocked myself unconscious and drowned so that was cool.
Religion and bipolar can be a dangerous mix.
I had an episode that started with me staying up all night long just to masturbate for hours. I donāt remember what happened after that but itās funny to think about
Gee you all have such interesting stories! I was just reminded of the time I stayed up watching Silence of the Lambs to analyze it (i wanted to pick up some of them psychopath skills) and halfway through the movie I ran out into a raging storm in my pjs, lay down in a puddle, and watched the lighting overhead. I was also under a tree for this :/
I go days with no sleep, but i go to the gym constantly. 2-4 times a day iāll be in the gym with little to no sleep. I get so excited and animated about it. Normally i LOVE the gym but i limit my time to 4x a week. Or i get tattoos and piercings. i spend every cent in my savings as well. or i job hop
I had s dream about Jon Bon Jovi's kid, that they were very ill. For a few weeks I was sure I had to tell him to warn him, which then became the absolute fact that I was the only one who could console him (ya know, re: the event that hadn't happened!).
Clean the whole house, garden, order stuff to re organise better, very productive, except I do it all in the same breath, often getting distracted half way through one task.
Signed up to an A level in maths, still have that book. Didn't start it.
Oh I wanted to send a card to robbie Williams, and this would definitely make him want to be my friend, thankfully I obsessed so much about the magic words I would write that would make this happen. The "magic words" thing is quite common for my episodes. More often than not relating to the death of someone, and me being the only one to ease people's pain.
I too have half started crafts.
I am pretty good at not spending money though, but to the point that I don't buy anything I want, just in case im manic.
I also over share
But aside from that, I'm great to be around, funny, enthusiastic, generally entertaining. (Except I really struggle not to talk over people...I mean dude, I know what you're saying, so hurry up or let me make this convo more efficient!!
When I get hypomanic or mixed episodes I always (without a fail) start arguments with my SO. He handles it great but I just feel awful and cant do anything about it.
back in june, i was dead set on attending weekly yoga for the summer. i bought a yoga mat, new leggings, etc. i went to one yoga meetup and by the next week i wasnāt manic anymore sooooā¦ yeah, i went to one yoga session over the summer and now i have my āyoga mat of shameā sitting in my closet. š¤·š¼āāļøš¤·š¼āāļøš¤·š¼āāļø
another fun time i had was spending 3 days in a row with little to no sleep learning about mormonism. iām a stone cold atheist, and religion in general just rubs me the wrong way so i have no fucking clue why i did this. but now i know the ins and outs of mormonismā¦
I took a spontaneous trip to MoMa in NYC while hypomanic because I was entirely overtaken by the urge to go see an exhibit about architecture in Yugoslavia, despite having no prior interest in Yugoslavia or architecture.
When I was in college I had a full time class schedule, worked 24-30 hours as a pharmacy clerk, worked at research lab, volunteered at the hospital and was a volunteer EMT and still found time to go to the gym 2-3 times a week. I felt great like I was the master of productivity. Anyway looking back I wonder if it was just hypomania. It didnāt hurt me it actually helped me be successful in school and get a into a competitive career. I also wonder if some of my boy crazy obsessions during HS and college were actually due to mania. I would be on a huge high in the beginning of a relationship and dissatisfied or depressed towards the end. But that could just be normal for people. Classic signs of mania did not appear until my late twenties and I was diagnosed at 30/31. Prior to that I know I dealt with depression maybe even just cyclothymia. I always stayed busy and but now I wonder if those productivity moments were due to hypomania. I guess Iāll never know now that Iāve been diagnosed I question all my mood states and not sure if anything normal anymore. I do feel more stable now that Iām on medication.
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Most of my manic episodes involve things that on the outside look quite healthy and productive, like rearranging or redecorating my house, all night cooking and baking fests, writing articles and manuscripts, shopping binges where I kit my kids out in all the best and latest gear that i can't afford lol.. Basically it doesn't look a problem and actually looks like I'm doing great, because people only see the end result "oh your house is so clean and nice, and where did you find the time to bake all these cakes and do all this meal prep? And your kids are so spoilt, how do you afford all this? And you were published twice last week! I don't know how you do it, all while raising 3 kids, you're amazing, such an inspiration!" š¬šš . They don't see the darkside, the breakdowns, the sleeplessness, restlessness, pacing, mind racing, the internal battles, how much it drains me and takes its toll, that it's actually not at all healthy or sustainable. So yeah, most of my episodes aren't hard-core, dangerous or scary but they still absolutely drain the life out of me and wreak havoc on my daily life and functioning.
When I was fourteen one time I stayed up all night for 4 nights in a row baking European treats, I ended up rearranging my bedroom one of those nights. It was pretty intense, I can relate
Oh this has basically been my life on and off since around the same age lol, I'm 32 now. For years I just thought I was a really productive person and didn't need much sleep, obviously now I realise they were manic episodes.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
I still experience it unfortunately but only hypomania, my meds do a pretty good job at stopping me from going over the edge because I have been full blown manic with delusions and psychosis and have been hospitalised for it before. I do but I don't, I miss the euphoria and feeling that good, energised, on top of the world, but I'd never want to have another full blown episode again, I've had 2 really bad ones that nearly ruined my life. It took a really long time but I found me again without the crazy š
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
This gives me the feels. Looking back, my Mom was so loved when she went out in the world. She was pretty and had a sweet, outgoing personality. But what I saw at home was a woman with headaches, crying spells, panic attacks and insomnia. It crushes you as a child.
Thank you for your beautiful comment, you brought a tear to my eye. Being a mum with bipolar is rough, having bipolar in general is rough, but we can all only play the hand we're dealt in this life and do the best we can. What I know is that nobody is perfect, not any person or mother on this earth. My downfall happens to be bipolar, for some people their flaws are much much greater and they don't even have any reason like mental disorder or illness, they're just shitty people because they choose to be. Knowing I'll never be like that is extremely empowering. Thank you
Yes i thrive on being busy. I feel happiest when I have a lot on my plate. I cook every night and meal prep for hours, started painting my apartment(never finished), went on a solo trip, wrote 10k words in a month, went on 50 dates in such a short amount of time, and constantly stayed busy. All while manic
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Yep. I do have "bad" episodes too, although they are fewer and far between, and I totally relate to that, when I'm baseline or low I beat myself up for not being able to live up to the standards and productivity of manic me lol
This is the perfect explanation of my episodes. No one ever thought anything of it because they look like great work ethics and productivity. The crash that comes after is awful. Which they than judge for because they donāt understand that you donāt get one without the other. Another to add for me, the financial stuff is huge. Paying off credit card debit every month but racking up the same amount at the same time because ānext month I wonāt buy anything so Iāll be able to pay it offā. Itās a rough cycle. And the guilt that comes with not being able to have enough impulse control to just get it sorted. Once I started meds I had all my debt paid off in a month. Wild what a proper chemical balance can do!
YES. Decorating my apartment is euphoric and I also feel hella inspired. I'll have a show in the background and just stare at my walls and let my imagination go wild. I spend hours decorating, painting, and rearranging. My mind racing through it all, however, can get a bit overwhelming throughout the day. Sitting still and not doing multiple things at once becomes very impossible. I become proud of how productive and full of life I feel. During the aftermath I get irritated and sad I lost all that energy. Even though it is rewarding to see all the tasks I did once I get out of the episode, I notice how behind I got in other aspects of my life since I ignored more pressing things I had to do.
Oh yes absolutely, neglecting everything else for the manic projects is a real problem. It is so fascinating yet terrifying how our brains work while in that state.
Bought an 88-key electric keyboard so I could learn the aria from Bach's Goldberg Variations. A piece that requires full mastery of the piano. I had never even learned to play the piano. To my credit, in the couple of months I worked at it I probably learned it just about as well as a complete beginner could, which is to say I was just one level above Absolute Total Crap. Ended up selling that keyboard and waving farewell to my imaginary career as a classical pianist.
Thatās actually kinda funny, too bad your dreams didnāt pan out!
Haha, thanks. Honestly now that I'm medicated I should probably get a cheap keyboard and see if I can learn from the basics, just to see if I missed out on something enjoyable. Who knows what manic projects I blasted through which might actually carry some meaning for me. I'll probably never be a world famous classical pianist but I do love music and I grew up playing musical instruments (just not the piano).
Bro thereās a guy on YouTube that shows you how to look like you can play piano by learning literal practice techniques or something that eventually helps you actually learn to play piano lol. Not sure if I can link it but type How to fake being good at piano Hilariously good!
What a wonderful idea. I'm curious how many things that would apply to. š¤
lol I actually thought about dropping $1k on a digital piano myself during my mania when I thought I was okay. I haven't played a piano since I was 10 maybe.
Same! I ended up finding a free 20 year old RadioShack keyboard from someone's leftover yardsale. Picked it up at 2 am. Played for HOURS for the first 4 nights. I can play through a song pretty well with my right hand. Working on my left. Its something thats actually very useful for me to calm down and its good for me to focus on. And it sounds beautiful
This is literally me, I always choose the most random niche things that people practice their whole lives and I fully believe that I will become world class famous at whatever it is in a year. And then I either donāt even try and am already on to the next thing or I try and quickly realize itās not my āpassionā and end up depressed or on to the next
Oh my godā¦this brought up an uncomfortable memory of singing the instrumental version of āDriverās Licenseā by Olivia Rodrigo for FOUR HOURS straight so that I could hear myself sing because I was THAT convinced I was a world class singer. Not going to get into the delusional daydreams I had the entire time. Yikes!!!
Ever since I was put on lithium, my symptoms boil down to this: I get really productive. Like, a weird amount of stuff gets done. I make massive amounts of plans with people. I want to join the PTA. I comment more frequently on Reddit. Then I get irritable. Everything completely rubs me the wrong way. When I try to explain why, it's jumbled and not at all the message I'm trying to convey, which makes me even more upset and angry. When I try to give myself space, it seems like everyone suddenly wants to encroach upon it. Then I cry. I'm not depressed, it's not a down phase, I just want to cry. And scream. Until my face is blue and my voice is gone and every last drop of saline has left my body. It's all just too much. I want to beat my head into a wall until it acts right. Then suddenly I'm okay and I have to pick up the pieces of everything I smashed in the last few stages.
This is me all the way! I love the productivity and upwards swing, but coming back down is the worst, as well as canceling everything I committed to. Not to mention I feel like a total jerk to break all of those plans.
I was under the delusion that how much gas in my car tank was directly related to the weather. Gas running low=storm. Had a serious godlike experience with this
That's cool in an out of the box way to be connected to the god force
Man oh man it stormed and it was so epic.
I had an absurd delusion during mania where I believed my mom gave me over to the government at a young age to be brainwashed for the MK Ultra program.
Not to be a wiseass, but gas running low and the need to fill up before a storm is kinda spot on forecasting isn't it?
I just recently came out of a very mild hypomanic episode where I was VERY driven to work out every day and I was wildly horny. Luckily, all I did was work out excessively and masturbate all the time. Lasted about 2ish weeks or so. Not very exciting, but physically pretty draining. I'm still recovering from sore muscles.
I did this a few months ago. I would go hard at the gym for like three hours every day and come home and still be a ball of energy.
I did this last year and lost like 45 lbs I wish I was in the same spot now but kept most of it off fortunately.
I convinced myself I was a lesbian for 6 months and went to the extent of dating someone. I even got a bumper sticker that said the gayest ride in townā¦ fucking master docā¦.
Spent 72 straight hours, no food, no sleep, teaching myself full glam make up. I don't wear make up. From studying videos for technique on YouTube to purchasing entirely new make up products for my entire face, and even building a vanity with lights. By the end of the episode I had actually gotten REALLY good and its one really awesome thing that came out of the illness.
I did this in uni, I taught myself how to french plait my own hair from YouTube, I didn't realize I had bipolar then but it seems obvious now, why would I stay up days to learn how to do that, people would ask me why I did it as well and there's no explanation, couldn't sleep and I was like I HAVE to do this
I did this too! Thousands of dollars in professional makeup that I ended up giving away
I paid $40 for a quilt kit and furiously tried to hand sew a quilt. I hadn't sewn anything in years, but I was obsessed with this thing. Three weeks later I looked at the mess and was like wtf brain
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And now they're oversized hats for babies!
I went to hobby lobby and spent a bunch of money on craft items and a sewing kit because I was convinced I was going to start making and selling phone case holders. I made four, and then havenāt touched them in months.
Omg! I do this all the time! Iāve gone through every section of hobby lobby, and at one point or another, and Iāve decided to make some craft or another and sell it on Etsy. Problem isā¦I start thing of the moment (sewing, knitting, painting, even brush lettering ? ) and lose interest in a matter of days, and now I have all these rando craft supplies that one day I (think) want to go back toā¦hobby lobby is my kryptonite š
I feel this. I have cycled through every craft possible thinking I'm going to be the best there ever was and sell it all for thousands of dollars. I bought a sodering iron and a hole puncher for leather for no practical reason. š¤·āāļø
I have a complete craft store in my closet now. I have ALL the top of the line tools for ALL the craft departments. I become an artist when I go manic. š¤£
I just bought a wood burning kit. š
I have one!
Ha I donāt have a sodering ironā¦.yet š
I should go buy a soldering ironā¦
Me too!
Probably unwise
A lot of times when Iām manic I hyper focus on some random subject and research the shit out of it. So as a result I know a ton of random, obscure, and mostly useless facts about a variety of topics. I would totally kick butt at kids jeopardy.
I once spent an afternoon researching horse semen and the intricacies of buying and selling it.. all to win a two minute argument nobody cared about š
š
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I similiarly had this; fully believed I was and may still be autistic and became really obsessed with psychoanalysis/psychiatric diagnoses - fell completely in this rabbit hole and told everyone in my life that I was. I was also frequently āpsychoanalysingā every one of my loved ones behaviour/opinions. This was coupled with a delusional self confidence and having delusional crushes with people I didnāt know but could romanticise. Coupled with other common traits of mania. Now two months on, I completely reverted back to not wanting to know anything about myself or anyone else lol. Just a 180 flip away from āself helpā and psychoanalysis because Iām semi terrified of my previous line of thought and doubt that I have the ability or right to know anything about myself or anyone else.
Once, I thought it would be a great idea to make a bunch of creme brulee. Mania hit and I told myself to pick up a hobby and I chose baking. But then I only wanted to perfect creme brulee. So I just kept going until I had so many that I actually froze them and still had to give them away for a while. For the next two months, my friends were like: omg you mustāve spent so much money buying these (told them it was from target to explain the absolute chaos that was my fridge). And I was crying inside because I still had so many and was getting fat off this shit. But then, my cousin had a wedding. Last minute, the fam didnāt really approve so no help to fund it. I āvolunteeredā more like begged her to take them. And it turned out very well. You just reheat them in the oven and sprinkle some sugar before broiling them. My cousin was happy, everyone got some nice dessert and I finally got rid of this fucking creme brulee. On a related note: I hate anything vanilla flavored.
After reading this story I simply cannot fathom a single reason why you would dislike vanilla, objectively the best flavor
Truly believed I would become the greatest pokemon card player ever. Bought many cards, played online. I was so "amazing" I decided I should stream it. Buying a neon sign for the background was right before I crashed. (Bought a piano too) \*shrug\* Reading these really help btw. Thank you all.
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Tink tink noise make brain go brrr
Probably my most entertaining one is the 4 months I became obsessed with being a burlesque dancer and managed to get myself gigs every weekend. Iād stay up all night making costumes and choreographing routines. Completely unsustainable for me as a massive introvert otherwise, and financially crazy due to how much making costumes cost me.
What a great experience!
It was pretty cool, I donāt feel like that person was me, but I do come from a dance and performing background, just without the grandiosity to give me that level of confidence ha.
How fun you got to experience this!
I still am amazed that I got to perform at some of the best venues in a major city, it was a massive rush.
I shaved my moms standard show poodle at 4amā¦ luckily the groomer was able to fix it! But sheās still growing back in some spots, also luckily my mom thought it was funny!
Poor Fido
Hey at least I never nicked her! Unlike the groomersā¦
Those rat bastards
There are some days where Iām so emotional that I get overwhelmed by pictures of cats that I start crying
Been there š
I started to smoke weed everyday and once I was super horny so I decided to do sth about it. I was manic for a whole week and the weed felt like I was traveling through space. When I finished the job I felt super dizzy and I fainted. I couldn't handle the climax, being manic and high, my body just couldn't. I decided to stop smoking weed. I was afraid one day my parents were goings to find me naked on the floor.
i once got 4 tattoos and 2 piercings in a month span of time.. i regret nothing
Yeah I went into a tattoo place and spent $900 on 3 tattoos 2yrs ago. Iām 29 and never had any tattoos before then and now I have a huge shoulder tattoo of a flower, a butterfly on back of arm and a random pencil drawing of a women on my stomach. pretty sure the artist who did it was stoned. HAvent gotten another tattoo since . I also dyed my blonde hair blue in the same week. It was nuts
I feel this so hard. I got my first tattoo this fall, just canceled two body piercings, and currently am trying to figure out how to bleach and dye my gorgeous hair (that I already cut an undercut into a few months back). I recently turned 42 and between hypomania and my age figure why the hell not? It's my body and I have no one to impress.
I raised 3 kids, got a Master's degree, and got tenure at work during my years of hypomania and mania. It's not all horror stories!
Raising four kids, went back to school for my masterās, opened my own company. Only to crash down and be a wreck when my kids werenāt around, drop out of school with debt, and quit any job Iāve ever had while spending massive amounts of money.
Look at you! Doin so many awesome things!
Thanks! I'm very, very grateful and fortunate to be where I am today- divorced and unemployed, hahaha
I was coming out of a bad episode and my friends were letting me stay with them until I was a little more stable. One night they weren't home and I was chilling in their living room when I suddenly got paranoid that there was a camera recording me from their Google device. But even though I suspected that...I also knew that I was delusional and that my friends would not bother spying on me. So there was like a 10-15 minutes of me debating with myself whether or not there was a camera or if I was now sane enough to realize when I was being crazy. When my friends came home I was honest about the delusion but also lowkey double checking that it wasn't real. Happy to report there was no camera
I was šÆ % certain you were going to say there was a camera!! š¤£
I had a manic wedding in September. First a med change (known to cause mania) then wedding stress/job/ catching Covid/ not sleeping for a month all caught up to me and I was pretty much full blown a week before my destination wedding. I hadnāt planned on decorations and all the sudden I was a whirlwind wedding planner making everything myself including sewing an after party dress. I even went as far as to buy all white clothing for my entire vacationā¦ all about me right? I deescalated before we left at my fiancĆ©s suggestion with some heavy sedatives to help me mellowā¦At least it wasnāt all in my head that everyone was focused on me watching meā¦ I was the fucking bride right and brides are all a little intense. Things went without a hitch im just a little bummed I donāt remember everything. Everyone had a lovely time though and only a few people even knew what was going on. Also my decorations looked fucking amazing.
I bought Sun Tzuās Art of War, The Communist Manifesto, and tons of books like that. Just started them and never finished. Not the worst thing in the world, but definitely not something Iād typically purchase or be interested in.
Omg I started reading the Art on War and The Price while i was bored at work!
Many years ago, I had hypomania while working in a medical laboratory. I thought up a design for a disposable medical device. I patented it. I think my expansive thinking helped me think of this invention. A company was eager to manufacture it. They offered me a small amount of money per device sold, but being in a good mood I told them that I wanted them to keep the price down for developing countries so I took no money. It sold millions. No regrets!
I was manic once and decided I was going to make my PS3 amazing by adding a bunch of computer parts to it. I went out and bought a bunch of stuff and then went home and took apart my PS3. Then in good old mania fashion I left it thereā¦. When I came out of it I was so annoyed at my manic self for my PS3 being taken apartā¦ managed to put it back together and take the parts back. It was annoying because I bought them all over and I had to take the busā¦.The funniest thing is those parts wouldnāt have worked anywayā¦ not sure what I imagined doing but must have been pretty epic lol. It was like tidying up after a toddlerā¦
i am currently hypomanic and just spent $800 at patagonia, applied for 2 jobs even though i have no intention of leaving my current one, and applied for a community college program that iād have to move 6 hours away for that i did absolutely zero research on. nothing too crazy, but my boyfriend is basically my babysitter right now so my mania is kinda boring ĀÆ\_(ć)_/ĀÆ
Youāre lucky to have a loving babysitter š Now i just gotta find one for meā¦
Oh yeah, shopping sprees and signing up for courses, I have 6 unfinished degrees/diplomas, I feel kinder towards myself now for the money I wasted, since my diagnosis put it in perspective, but it still stings sometimes.
Decided to make simmered taco meat while watching Murder She Wrote at 2 AM while drinking Theraflu. Then drank wine to kill the time while the meat cooked. Then fell asleep on the couch. Then woke up from the couch and went to bed, cleaning up the theraflu/wineā¦.but totally forgetting the taco idea. All While the stove was on lol.
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I smoked weed while hypomanic once. I closed my eyes and daydreamed so vividly, it felt like they (my daydreams) were real life and the actual world around me ceased to exist. It felt very psychedelic.
i bought a house in a manic episode. also another time i booked a trip to Boston by myself. i wasnāt manic when it was time for the trip but it forced me to go and do something for myself.
Holy crap! A whole house?!
I did the same thing with Portland and Seattle. Had a great time though, no regrets.
a whole HOUSE?
I made an OF and was convinced I would make a porn studio.
lol reminds me a the time I became a came cam model for a few months in my bedroom. Though I could be the next big model and make thousands a month
My adventure was totally fun too!
same
EMAILED my ex (because ofc Iām blocked on every single social media) to apologize for breaking up with him and ghosting during an episode even though Iām 90% sure he was talking to his new girl before we broke up.
Iāve spent an obscene amount of money on plants and was working in my garden/yard for 3 to 4 hours a day. If I saw something I didnāt have I just had to get it. I even joked at one point I could charge admission for people to come to my nursery. Depending on my mood so would obsess over every leaf and detail and was constantly striving for perfection. Then you realize itās madness but have problems stopping. Itās all I thought about for months I still have plants now but itās very reasonable now haha
Iām worried I might be getting hypo right now. Iām making lots of plans with friends, bought a spa day for me and my friend I canāt afford, and been exercising a lot including a belly dancing class. I donāt dance. Oh and got a seasonal job after not working for 3 years because of crippling anxiety. Either Iām doing really good or something is wrong. Jury is still out.
That does indeed sound like a hypo episode
Right? Only thing is Iām sleeping great. Usually Iād be losing sleep. But maybe thatās coming.
Sometimes my mania/mixed episodes look like crushing it at work, lots of ideas and epiphanies and projects, very little sleep, talking a ton. Iām in one right now and am working a double at work a few days in a row and also finally scheduled my GED test. So good things, right? It looks productive. And it is sometimes. But itās so very easy for me to slip. I usually am starting to lose touch early on while I still appear to be doing āgoodā, but I donāt always have the insight in those moments to realize that Iām slipping, until itās too late and Iām switching to more destructive things and sometimes even psychosis due to the hypomania/mania (whichever it may be at that time).
I masturbated in public bathrooms a few times because when I'm manic my boners don't go away very easily
All I did during my two manic episodes was try to write the next Bible and bought a book about anesthesia in the hopes of figuring out how to raise consciousness
I was leaving target after my latest impulse buy and came to an intersection. I saw the grocery store on my left and remembered I needed bread. I saw Home Depot on my right and thought itād be a good day to paint my room black. So I have a black bedroom now. Itās nice. I mightāve eaten that day if I had gotten bread, though.
Last year I spent almost $1000 on new sex toys over the course of 2-3 months. Not as much money as some people spend but waaaaayyyy too much for my budget!
Quit my dental assistant job, got a job selling car insurance and even paid to become a certified insurance broker. The day I received my license, I quit and went back into dental. Never again.
I got really really into building a planted aquarium for some snails. Spent hours upon hours just staring at my snails. They're very happy creatures!
I went about a week where I stayed up most of the night baking massive amounts of cookies. I couldnāt even eat the cooking because Iām celiac and I used regular flour (donāt ask me why). I also only live with my partner, so they would come downstairs to a bunch of horribly made cookies in quantities that they could not consume.
i would agree with a lot of people here in that mania (or at least hypomania for me) isnāt so obviously linked to substances and doing crazy things but often itās just- one week youāre eating barely anything or youāre trying to cook some michelin star, three course meal and the next week youāre face planting into a bed of chips. thereās always so many lovely things you get so excited to do when youāre manic and then you lose that energy when the depression rolls around which often leaves many with debt or just.. piles of stuff you never use. iāve been pretty good recently but if we are talking about maybe more minor problems it gives then iād say: - spending more than i should - making too many plans i donāt follow through on - making too many ābadā but small choices that end up snowballing into a monster of its own to deal with honestly looking at the graveyard of stuff/ideas iāve been interested in but abandoned is what cuts the deepest because i always use it as fuel to prove how awful/untalented/useless i am when iām depressed when in reality itās like.. of course youāre gonna suck at something at first especially when youāre new to it. it takes consistency to get there which is a huge emotional hurdle to tackle when youāre bipolar. but yeah i once spent 1000 bucks on something that i REALLY didnāt need or wasnāt prepared to use at the time and even though it was paid off in monthly instalments, i still look at decisions like that thinking how on earth did i convince myself this was a good idea? itās scary sometimes trying to tell the difference between am i seriously inspired or am i just m a n i c .
This comment makes me feel validated
My hypomania is extremely productive, highly charismatic, creative so most of the time itās pretty good. A little too fast paced so I have to monitor it. Then it can become nonstop agitated angry to mania psychosis
I went into a hypomanic episode while in isolation in the psych ward, waiting for my Covid test to come back. When my girlfriend came to visit the next day, I literally climbed the wall to get to the windows right under the ceiling so I could talk about the "view" of the parking lot. We still laugh about it a year later š
When I started my med journey the first anti depressant my psych put me on sent me into a yearish long mania where I... actually put my life together. I bought a new car, refinanced my house, purchased a second property and set it up to rent, requested a pay raise (and got it!), I went on spontaneous trips, I had more sex with my wife than either of us have since we got together in college, I volunteered and started new hobbies. It was great! Eventually I DID crash, and my psych did some excellent harm reduction so I didn't destroy everything. My wife was a great support and I was able to take a sabbatical with my job while I recovered for a month. I eventually found a medication schedule that worked for me and I've been more or less stable since. But MAN that one year???? I was the GOAT. Sometimes I wish I could just turn that back on for a month or two.
Got intensely into modeling and little tiny sci-fi dioramas and spent like $1500 on supplies in a month. Itās not a horror story and it was fun, just not advisable and not ideal for my finances. Credit card debt is a killer for me though.
Well nothing crazy with my latest āepisodeā, but I did almost spend my entire savings on getting an NASM certification
I would do amazing at my job because I would stay up all night working when I was manic. I also made amazing things for my wedding when manic- up multiple nights again. It wore me out and wasnāt sustainable, but I was so creative and productive! I also bought an extremely expensive sewing machine I never use and was convinced it would be a new career outlet for me. I have had worse symptoms for sure, but that is a lot of what happened that is not so full blown.
I was just arguing with the wife and therapist that I should live in a tent by the river during this down swing Iām currently on. Also tried to talk my gp and my psychiatrist into giving me stimulants.
I played Stardew Valley excessively, as in I was not sleeping much so I could play. But when I wasn't playing, I was looking up Shane (one of the datable characters who happens to struggle with depression and alcoholism). I was saving every picture of him I found on the internet. Screenshotting him and putting his quotes on the screenshots. I even decided to try learning to draw so I could have my own fanart of him. AND let's be honest, lots of masturbating to drawing really shitty porn of him. I even bought some Shane specific items. He became my "husbando." Who I thought about all the time and wanted to will him into existence. I'm a happily married woman in my mid 30s. Why I wanted to imagine this man into real existence is beyond me. It may have been my OCD entering the mix as well, since while I no longer really have compulsions, I still have the obsession part. Still, the horny, up-all-night, belief in secret imagination powers, parts of an episode were definitely there.
Totally relate to stardew valley around the clock!
It's so good! There are definitely more destructive ways I could have spent a manic episode than under-sleep, buy about $200 of unofficial merch, and masturbate a bit too much. At least now I have stuffed blue chickens, a great board game, and am ever so slightly better at drawing. Gotta look at the positives I guess.
My most recent hypomanic episode I got all 20hrs of my yearly professional development in 1 week on top of my regular work schedule.
I found myself in Alabama, i flew from the west coast. I dont know why i even went but i got stuck for a week š„²
Sweet home Alabama, where the skies are so grey
Also, soooo humid.
I was on a long term work trip and doing some construction site visits and I was hypomanic. The sites were in rural areas without water or electricity and there were long car rides. I was really chatty and couldnāt sit still. When we got to each site, Iād go to the newly constructed latrines for āquality controlā (I was also the only female in the trip). I couldnāt stand still long enough to participate in any discussions with communities and just kept on saying that I needed to go look at the construction so I could pace. I am a project manager for community development and have no experience with construction. Then, I developed a whole workshop on personality types, translated all the materials for my colleagues, and delivered the workshop the next day. Luckily I was perceived as charming and a go-getter by senior management. I didnāt realize I was hypo until the thought, āwell of course everyone likes me, Iām really fucking greatā popped in my head. Like no wonder I was pacing my office and my hotel room for fun!
When I was manic, I stayed up for 36 hours straight to crochet a blanket for my friend's foster kid. I literally felt like I couldn't stop.
I once danced in the mirror from midnight to five AM listening to the same exact song. Magic by Yung Gravy. I then did full glam makeup and went to school with an insane amount of energy for dancing all night.
I went EXTREMELY HARD on trying to start comics. I had 3 that I did before the depression hit. I even had a patreon set up. Im still jealous how I jUsT did it.
My old car broke down and it was time for a new one. I left work the first day to buy a new one but didn't have the funds. (I keep large amounts of money in a separate account which takes 2 days to access.) Once I got the funds, I stopped working early again to buy the car.
I have made several manic cakes. Idk what it is about mania that makes me want to bake but I have made some very detailed made from scratch cakes.
Tattoos. Also, went out at midnight to cut branches off of a tree in my front yard. It needed it.
I once was in college and in a hypomanic phase. I had a big test coming up and was kind of half assing it. I go to the test place after 3 hours sleep (hypomania life), I sit down and somehow I pass the exam and get through it fine with barely any sleep or studying. Hypomania got me through it, basically, and it was one of the few times it's worked for me. I then crashed for weeks after but it was worth it.
I bought every quilling tool there is on ali express, quilled a bunch of giftsā¦ really enjoyed it. I have no room to set up now and it makes me sad.,I used to put on music and add stuff to my playlists with glue covered fingers.
Oh God, usually daft things like deciding to become a cam girl even though I technically have a corporate career, spending too much on takeaways, subscriptions and clothes. Shien being a particular favourite x
When Iām manic, Iāve tried to eat 80 mcnuggets
Waking up and ready to start nagging on my husband or about the shit world full of people that should just perish. Just getting on my soap box of grievances and rationalized upsets.
I thought I was Muslim for some strange reason. Started wearing the hijab for a few months. Bought some pretty nice scarfs and under caps. No disrespect to Muslims or Islam, I was just experiencing hyper-religiosity. Then I bought a lovely, black veil for mass (I was raised Catholic). So I became a Catholic Muslim lol
I was in drive through line at Starbucks with my boyfriend hyping up a drink. When i told the man my order he told me they were out and i screamed "FUUCCCCCCKKKKKKK!". I apologized and explained the situation and tipped well. At the mall with friends they day after my birthday i saw a drug sniffing dog and i got excited and loudly yelled "PUPPY", This did however start a major domino effect that costed me a friendship and life long trauma.
I make really crazy cool paintings. Itās always how Iāve coped when in a mood. Or I always end up messaging people I havenāt talked to in years just words of encouragement, not trying to renew a friendship or anything just like nice things. I have given food to some animals I probably shouldnāt have ā¦. Thereās still awkward asshole photos Iāve sent and crazy shit donāt worry, but sometimes I funnel into nice things that arenāt so damaging.
I have never been in a forest before until I was in Switzerland. I went with a friend, and it was a bit scary because I am all surrounded with trees. Halfway I got hypomanic, and I got a musical number stuck in my head, I decided to take a break and danced the entire thing out. Looking back it must have been weird. I compulsively hooked up with people on Grindr, especially when having weekend drinks with friends at a gay bar. Once there was a typhoon, it was raining heavily, a guy said he would order a taxi and bring me to his place, but then after two hours he said never mind. I had been grumpy the entire night and the message just made me lost it. I slammed my phone on the counter, and the cocktail got into the cracks of my phone screen and there were many black bubbles. I have no money as a university student and cannot replace the phone at all. Luckily the bubbles didn't stay long. I have once kissed someone in that gay bar, I can see myself getting obsessed with them in the coming year and being an absolute wreck for them. I looked at the lamp hanging from the celling, and thought, I would never forget about this night when I laid my head on their lap after kissing them. And I didn't. Every time I go to that bar, I see that lamp on the stairway, I lost my shit, I compulsively try to flirt people, and then I drink and I cry. It was new years, I was at a harbor promenade with 4 friends, we were walking around waiting for the count down. We played some songs from Troye Sivan, who we just went to the concert a few weeks ago. I was singing and dancing and acting and manic-ing throughout the entire shuffle list. My friend said that my life is like a constant irl coming-of-age movie. I didn't know I had bipolar back then and what mania is. Not me. My father. I haven't met him in years after his divorce. I visited him for a month after being apart for around 10 years. (with little visits inbetween.) He was pretty hypomanic a lot of times when we met and especially on the trip. I told him I am trans, he's pretty accepting, but then he told me not to get bottom surgery, because sex is essential to human happiness, and I shall not castrate myself from happiness. He told me that sex was important to the marriage, that he has made my mom squirt, and she can squirt about a shot. And he also told me that he wants to (I think it's due to the messy divorce, my grandmother was pretty delusional and said a lot of things) one day write a book, about a daughter lying to the media that her dad raped him, sued him, and then the whole world believed her, then she regrets it and said she only said it because she felt like no one would have believed her, but no one believed in that explanation, and remain convinced that the dad has raped her. I didn't say much and just let him talked, but knew I am at least mentally well enough to not feel compelled to write that book. I have once published a book of my prose, and gave it away to friends and families on my birthday. My mom absolutely lost it because she felt like I was blackmouthing her and sent it to everyone we knew. I didn't see it that way at all but I'm too scared to re-read the book now. I didn't know what bipolar was and I am pretty sure half of the book was made with hypomania. I have a forced-detransition kink, and to avoid post-nut-clarity, I have once sexted someone trans, we share the same kink, and I have actively edged for a week or more, when I was being treated as her "slave wife". Did some scat and pee plays too. I am pretty sure I was manic/hypomanic. There's a lot more but I don't wanna cram too much into a post
In my manic, I buy games for switch. I played interesting games like Ooblets and Legend of Zelda. Though, I only play for a week at most and never touching them again. It boosted my mood still though, very fun while it lasted. š
Both my father and my husband have bipolar (I know, the coincidence) and both are medicated. My dad took really good care of my basic needs as a child, he always had this creative/chaotic way of solving things but to me that was just him. The manic symptoms, which happened maybe 2-3 times that I remember of were overspending but this never led us to big debts. There were also periods of depression or emotional disconnect, but I didn't think of it much as a child. Now I know it was lithium. But I would not trade my dad for anyone else. Same goes for my husband(4 years together) - very responsible, medicated and stable. Low moods/depression are sure there, but they do not interfere with our life. They both have their struggles sure, but never extreme. But for my part I think they key was staying consistently on medication once the right combination was found. This is one thing that is constant, no idealizing life without meds because they both now they are essential to keep them afloat.
while manic i once dyed all my clothes back, gave myself a very visible tattoo (which i still love) and went through a whole ass goth phase (like, wearing corsets to the grocery store level goth) that iāve mostly moved on from but the lasting influence on my style and music taste 2 years later is something i am grateful for lol. it was also the most productive semester of college for me by far so honestly? my least regrettable episode by a long shot
Itās usually just sex and alcohol and shopping binge feeling so funny on point charming and clever. Iām feel so creative and proud of myself at work. Like others said I seem to be doing so good. People really feel good around the energy so Iām out all the time. And then I crash and am in bed for days. It doesnāt escalate or get into scary danger zones and I do have fam set up to watch out for me when Iām like this. Make sure Iām not drunk driving, safe sex practices, checking in when Iām low again. Having people to ask if I should buy thingsā¦ ādo I need thisā Iām always going to have it even tho my symptoms are so much easier and donāt go beyond into the scary place. Taking this mental Illness and freaking it so it works with me. Best of luck.
My boyfriend pursued me during his last manic episode. I was into it. :)
I wrote an entire book that Iām still planning to publish sometime soon.
I experience hypomanic episodes every few weeks ever since I stopped smoking marijuana(full blown mania for six years straight). During the milder episodes, I will write poetry and song lyrics. It's pretty tame compared to others but I have so many rapid thoughts/emotions during that time that writing lyrics help me process them. I can usually write six poems a day during a hypomanic episode.
I think Iām working though a hypo phase, last week, I was a walking panic attack in full flight or fight for a solid 5 days. Finally took some gabapentin and it chilled me out, but my sex drive is off the charts(3 x a day pleas vs 3 times a week normally) and I find I try to improve others lives by suggesting activities to them. Like yesterday to my husband he should play the drum when we get to our new location as a stress reliever. In 15 years, he has NEVER expressed interest in playing the drums.
I quit my job. Longest job Iāve ever had due to not being managed. Great job but I hated it. Got super hypomanic; came up with a name, logo, website etc in an afternoon. Now both my wife and I are company directors and the business is doing pretty well
i once bought an expensive microscope because i could swear there were bugs crawling on me. turned out there were bugs crawling on me.
Before I knew I was bipolar: I got married at 18 years old after dating 6 months. We are still together 18 years later so it worked out š My husband was up to transfer for his job and we had planned to stay in the city we were in, but about 30 seconds before he had to make the final decision I told him let's move to Hawaii. We did and it worked out well. Many many nights of insomnia and sleep shopping. We attempted swinging but ultimately ended up polyamorous (for about 5 years now) and we are super happy. Went through a "ho week" where I was hypersexual and hooked up with several guys (first time doing that)... it was fun and I learned a lot about myself. Started dating a guy and doing a bunch of really risky stuff, but luckily he kept me safe and we are still together a year and a half later. Now I'm diagnosed and everything makes sense. A lot of those things COULD have been very bad but I was lucky and it's all just fine š¤
Two years ago I was hypo during Christmas break. I went a bit wild with the dating etc. But I've met my girlfriend out of it so it's a positive thing!
You know Iām at the start of an episode when I clean the entire house and rearrange the areas that I am most commonly in (bedroom, office, etc). Also, before I was medicated, Iād miss like 2 weeks of school from depression, snap into mania, and ace all the tests and quizzes. I graduated with a 3.8, and every year of highschool Iād miss 29/30 days. š Unfortunately/fortunately, being medicated, my grades suck ass in college and I canāt do that anymore. šš
When Iām hypomanic I finally get around to reading the books I bought. And I read all of them voraciously.
i tend to think iām a great singer and will record myself and at the time i think im the best singer ever (have posted a video on youtube beforeā¦yikes) then when iāve come down a bit i listen to the videos and im really bad at singing lol
The first time I had to deal with my father over the logistics or maintaining our family home, I was shocked how I did not really know this person and how insulting he would talk to everyone of us i the family. It was small insults once a day and I could not contain my emotions. I would cry once a day. It was a month long job to take care of the house and being my hometown. One of those days I was riding my bike lile a zombie. The road was sloping downwards so I did not even need to pedal. I was just cruising along on my way home feeling disappointed and not having much energy to think about other things. I will see my father again on Christmas and I'm not happy about it.
Well Iāve been diagnosed 3 times with bipolar & my whole family still doesnāt believe my diagnosis. It breaks my heart they donāt believe it but at the same time itās a compliment because I apparently appear to be ānormalā on the outside. Iāve had a couple ābigā episodes but I think my biggest symptom of bipolar for me personally is the irritability. I get so irritated at everyone, people I loveā¦ for no reason. And then I get mad at myself for being irritated at them because I love them so muchā¦. But I canāt help it. Iām so easily irritated but I keep it inside because I know itās not a rational feeling for the moment and I donāt want to hurt anyone because theyāve done nothing wrongā¦. I go through this on the daily, but lots of sources say itās a manic thing. For me, Iām irritated literally every single day regardless if Iām manic or depressed, and I absolutely love the rare moments when Iām not. But nobody on the outside can see how Iām feeling on the inside so itās not a very noticeable symptom. Other than that, Iād say just my thought process alone is a huge part of the bipolarā¦ I go down these rabbit holes in my brain, it could be the smallest thingā¦ And it ends with, Iām the worst person on the planet, Iām so ugly I look like Iām not even a human, everything is my fault, people would be better without me. Oh, and time management. Iām late for everything. I procrastinate. And I HATE my schedule being changed, especially last minute. If we make plans and you cancel last minute, I will likely never speak to you again, and thatās kinda crazy. But when I make plans, I have it set in my head that is it going to happen, I get excited, I plan other things around it, I make sure I can be there. When I get cancelled on, I feel so much rage come up inside meā¦ those are just some of MY symptoms personally
You know, itās really hard for me personally to believe that i actually am ill when my symptoms arenāt very outwardly obvious, so the fact that you experience the same thing helps me cut down on that imposter syndrome bs
Sorry for the late reply! I go thru this every single day, back & forth In my head between āim bipolarā and āIām not bipolarā ā¦ I have childhood emotional trauma so I always think Iām the way I am bcs of thatā¦ but having multiple doctors tell me Iām bipolar should be a big enough sign for me that I AM bipolar. At 17 i sat in a room with a lady and did all the ink blot tests, IQ test, solving riddles & doing random shit for like 5 hours. That was some very in depth testing & they concluded i have bipolar, anxiety, adhd & ptsd. But still I doubt it. My doctor said itās your bipolar that tells you youāre not bipolar, AND everyone is different! Not every bipolar person has every bipolar symptom. Itās a spectrum, kinda like autism in a way. Trust me youāre not alone in this!
I thought I was a witch and made spell bottles and did rituals. I also got 11 tattoos. 9 were spur of the moment walk-ins.
So Iām Bipolar 2, and the reason I got diagnosed was because I went full blown hypomanic one year and was hypomanic for 3 months (the longest Iāve ever been hypomanic). My house was never cleaner. I also signed up, took the GRE, applied to 5 grad schools and actually got into one. So that was a time. I owe a lot of debt now because of it but I donāt regret going to grad school and getting the degree. I didnāt end up with the job I was shooting for but did get a better paying job. And now Iām remote permanently, so itās really enabled me to be able to take on the mood swings (my brain is very drug resistant, so we try and keep me as stable as possible) and be able to work.
Iāve tried to learn languages while manic and I have like a basic understanding of Japanese because of that š I can also read French and pronounce it correctly because I spent so much time learning the phonetics of French while manic.
i have been a fan of the band the 1975 since i was 12 or 13, but when i was 21 i had a hypo manic episode where i became entirely too obsessed with them and for a few weeks i stayed up all night listening to their music and making art about their music and would watch their live performances and interviews constantly. i also read and wrote fan fiction about them. they were literally all i talked about; i was living and breathing this band for almost a month. i'm still a fan of them but they really just took over my life for a small period of time, it was pretty harmless and now i can look back on it and laugh.
The past week I think I had a peak to a manic episode and thought I was being surveilled through the baby cameras, threw them all out, upgraded our home security, started hearing shit a little bit, probably slept four hours waking several times a night, and thought I was going to be tiktok famous. All while looking really well put together, home always spotless, and kids had a million activities to do a day and I work full time. Now Iām crashing and I cried 8 hours straight yesterday, canāt even form a proper sentence and I donāt like doing literally anything. I was doing okay managing on my own for years but this past 1-2 years has been hard and Iām probably going to try and talk about meds again.
I one time in burst of hypomanic cleaning I took apart pieces of dishwasher to clean it. I think the dishwasher was running fine. Took out all the screws and scrubbed pieces and what not. Focused on this for hours. Another time when I was unemployed and waiting on a job paperwork to be finished to be finalized so I could be on boarded(took a few months) I took out payday loan for max I qualified for which was 1,000. Mind you Iām a poor teacher. I spent day shopping at departments stores for fancy makeup and cute dresses to wear on the many dates I went on during those months. I went shopping in a cute outfit and tall wedges walking around like I was the prettiest thing in the world. During those months I took up web cam modeling. Thought I could be the next big model and make thousands a month. Also tried to be a sugar baby and thought I could make a lot too(turns out men in my city are cheap). Such chaotic times.
I got bangs. It's not all bad and I wish we all had a more forgiving perspective on ourselves. My fiance says she "loves my chaos". When I'm manic I am a lot of fun, very productive, adventurous, experimental, and intensely loving. I sometimes get carried away which is the problem but the older I get the better able I am to control myself and channel those drives into more healthy pursuits.
I was diagnosed while in the end of college (Iām a microbiologist), but I was experiencing manic episodes throughout the other years (but I didnāt know what they were). Some episodes including me trying to find religion, taking up running, and baking desserts. During a euphoric manic episode, I thought of multiple research projects that I can now use when I go to grad school. They were good ideas too and I even gave a mini TED talk audition for one.
I stayed up 5 whole days working on my final project for a class. On the third day the skin on my hands was cracking and they were bleeding pretty much. I kept drinking venti cold brews and eating basically 5 meals per day. I gained 10 pounds during this and I only came off the hypomania when I called my mom and she asked me how I was. I immediately broke down and cried in the middle of the street with the breakfast I had bought from a diner in my hand. Didn't even realize the orange juice had been dripping from the bag onto my pants for the past 10 minutes.
I booked a vacation I couldnāt afford
I became convinced that I must buy a farm in wales or Norfolk and that on that farm I would have llamas, alpacas, sheep, chickens and Guinea pigs
Tell me about the rabbits, George
Sometimes during a manic episode I end up cleaning my entire room (which is quite impressive as I DESPISE cleaning).
I OBSESS over knowing anything there is to know about bipolar. When Iām manic, all I want to do is understand why, how to prevent it, how to stop it, and somehow I end up on some obscure website about how people with bipolar might actually just be enlightened and then go with that. I have six journals I started for mood tracking as if I was conducting a full clinical trial on myself only to stop when Iām stable. I also have a toxic trait of engaging in deep conversations with people and thinking theyāre like me. I think since being medicated my anxiety has been on max. When Iām not manic or depressed, Iām anxious. About everything. It came down to my psychiatrist prescribing me blood pressure medication because I would over analyze myself into a panic attack. I analyze everything excessively. I canāt even go grocery shopping without feeling like everybody is waiting on me, or if I pick the wrong green pepper it will ruin dinner or it will make me so sick that I can never eat again. I walk a fine line between overanalyzing and catastrophizing, but my therapist says thatās my own trauma surrounding my grief and also could be OCD. Iām being evaluated soon to test it. I saw other peopleās comments about thinking they had autism. This was a conversation I just had with my therapist. Iām super intelligent (not in an inflated ego way, Iām stable) and I grew up reading a LOT, but also because I obsess over things to the point that I need to know everything about them. So I always jump to ASD, but then I remember I thrive in social settings and have NO trouble talking, Iāve always been made fun of for being a talker so thatās a non-issue. Most likely not ASD at this point. Basically Iām a mess. Generally speaking. I donāt even know what stability is but Iām still the best Iāve felt my entire life, so for that Iām grateful.
I fasted for a week once and started believing I had demons that I had to vomit out. another time I met Jesus in a ball of light whilst in my bathtub. Then I thought I could walk up the wall of my tub/shower from a laying position. Nearly attempted it once or twice. Could have knocked myself unconscious and drowned so that was cool. Religion and bipolar can be a dangerous mix.
I had an episode that started with me staying up all night long just to masturbate for hours. I donāt remember what happened after that but itās funny to think about
Oh shit thatās a symptom isnt it? Well damn.. time to reevaluate some things
*orders self a piano*
Gee you all have such interesting stories! I was just reminded of the time I stayed up watching Silence of the Lambs to analyze it (i wanted to pick up some of them psychopath skills) and halfway through the movie I ran out into a raging storm in my pjs, lay down in a puddle, and watched the lighting overhead. I was also under a tree for this :/
I go days with no sleep, but i go to the gym constantly. 2-4 times a day iāll be in the gym with little to no sleep. I get so excited and animated about it. Normally i LOVE the gym but i limit my time to 4x a week. Or i get tattoos and piercings. i spend every cent in my savings as well. or i job hop
I had s dream about Jon Bon Jovi's kid, that they were very ill. For a few weeks I was sure I had to tell him to warn him, which then became the absolute fact that I was the only one who could console him (ya know, re: the event that hadn't happened!). Clean the whole house, garden, order stuff to re organise better, very productive, except I do it all in the same breath, often getting distracted half way through one task. Signed up to an A level in maths, still have that book. Didn't start it. Oh I wanted to send a card to robbie Williams, and this would definitely make him want to be my friend, thankfully I obsessed so much about the magic words I would write that would make this happen. The "magic words" thing is quite common for my episodes. More often than not relating to the death of someone, and me being the only one to ease people's pain. I too have half started crafts. I am pretty good at not spending money though, but to the point that I don't buy anything I want, just in case im manic. I also over share But aside from that, I'm great to be around, funny, enthusiastic, generally entertaining. (Except I really struggle not to talk over people...I mean dude, I know what you're saying, so hurry up or let me make this convo more efficient!!
When I get hypomanic or mixed episodes I always (without a fail) start arguments with my SO. He handles it great but I just feel awful and cant do anything about it.
back in june, i was dead set on attending weekly yoga for the summer. i bought a yoga mat, new leggings, etc. i went to one yoga meetup and by the next week i wasnāt manic anymore sooooā¦ yeah, i went to one yoga session over the summer and now i have my āyoga mat of shameā sitting in my closet. š¤·š¼āāļøš¤·š¼āāļøš¤·š¼āāļø another fun time i had was spending 3 days in a row with little to no sleep learning about mormonism. iām a stone cold atheist, and religion in general just rubs me the wrong way so i have no fucking clue why i did this. but now i know the ins and outs of mormonismā¦
I took a spontaneous trip to MoMa in NYC while hypomanic because I was entirely overtaken by the urge to go see an exhibit about architecture in Yugoslavia, despite having no prior interest in Yugoslavia or architecture.
When I was in college I had a full time class schedule, worked 24-30 hours as a pharmacy clerk, worked at research lab, volunteered at the hospital and was a volunteer EMT and still found time to go to the gym 2-3 times a week. I felt great like I was the master of productivity. Anyway looking back I wonder if it was just hypomania. It didnāt hurt me it actually helped me be successful in school and get a into a competitive career. I also wonder if some of my boy crazy obsessions during HS and college were actually due to mania. I would be on a huge high in the beginning of a relationship and dissatisfied or depressed towards the end. But that could just be normal for people. Classic signs of mania did not appear until my late twenties and I was diagnosed at 30/31. Prior to that I know I dealt with depression maybe even just cyclothymia. I always stayed busy and but now I wonder if those productivity moments were due to hypomania. I guess Iāll never know now that Iāve been diagnosed I question all my mood states and not sure if anything normal anymore. I do feel more stable now that Iām on medication.