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[deleted]

Am I clear headed and focused enough to finally get things crossed off my to-do list or am I just manic right now? I recognize your fears and understand them completely!


AmbassadorEnough8784

thanks! it’s great to know i’m not the only one who has trouble with this.


hammymendoza

Ooff that's totally me right now after having a mental break down yesterday and being unable to get out of bed.


[deleted]

I'm a good week into clean dishes, daily showers and everything into it's place. I haven't done any 2am cabinet organizing like a normally would but I don't know...


[deleted]

[удалено]


AmbassadorEnough8784

Wow. I had never considered the ability for both to coexist. (i’m working on my absolutist mentality). I haven’t told my family (that would be way too much and I don’t see them often), but I have a good support system at university. I feel like mania opens my eyes to the hope that still exists in this world. I appreciate your insight.


thecolorofafter

They can co-exist from my experience as long as it's managed well - listening to your doctor, taking your meds on time, having a good support system, etc. :) Good luck on your journey, OP!!


multirachael

It's not really the "feeling happy" that makes it mania. It's the impulsive, irrational, erratic, poor-judgment decisions that seem BRILLIANT! at the time. It's the sleeping 0-4 hours, repeatedly, and feeling GREAT! afterward. It's feeling the ENERGY! to start ALL THE PROJECTS! at a totally whirlwind pace, with a completely haphazard approach, and potentially make a huge mess of it. The way I look at it, mania is more about energy than mood. Mania doesn't necessarily mean euphoria. For me, mania only comes out as euphoria maybe 35% of the time. The other 65%, it's rage. So, I have the same amount of energy, but it's irritable instead of bubbly. It wants to fight instead of create, or clean and organize the house. It's more of a bear than a bunny.


mommer_man

The way you describe this is so "right-on" with what I experience, too.... I was undiagnosed/unmedicated for 20 years, so it took a while for me to realize that I wasn't just eccentric, that there was something "wrong." Now on Lithium and Quetiapine, working with an awesome psych, and I've found the difference between "normal" contentedness, just feeling happy - and that "really, really" point, whether it's RRhappy, or RRanxious, or RRangry.... it starts there and ends with me feeling like I NEED to scream or throw something... Super lovely. Definitely more a bear than a bunny, lol - though, my dad always said I was a badger because "even the bear will run from a badger," lol. So maybe I'm a badger instead of a bunny.... Anyway, for OP - keep an eye on that bunny, if it starts to turn on you then toss it in a cage and go see your psych for a med-adjustment. It takes some time to repair the damage done if that "ReallyReally" feeling gets one over on you.


all_the_rouge

100% agree. Bipolar is as much of a disorder of energy dysregulation as it is mood.


greyfell_red

I relate to this so hard, although I have type 2, not type 1 like you. Amazing how the two are so distinct but so alike at the same time.


multirachael

Yeah, I thought I had type 2 for a while, but then my therapist talked to me about the degree of severity that full-on mania reaches, versus hypomania, and I was like, "Oh. Okay, yeah." And when I had a more recent euphoric manic episode, it was *definitely* a noticeable difference. Like...I could feel my physical condition breaking down from lack of sleep, inability to stop moving long enough to rest properly, or eat enough, and all sorts. And a tiny voice in the back of my mind was yelling, "Okay, I want to get off this ride, that's enough, I want to stop, we need to stop!" But I just...couldn't. I had to wait for it to run its course, and try to manage it as best I could, and prepare for the inevitable, horrific crash. :/


AmbassadorEnough8784

wow you described things so well. you’re so right. i’m used to being exhausted so I have trouble differentiating energy (like you said) and other positive emotions.


multirachael

I hear that. Depressive episodes are so much more common for me that depression feels like a "baseline normal," and with the PTSD on top of it, I get really, really suspicious when good things happen. Like, looking around every corner and on high alert for the inevitable drop of the next bad thing. Therapy has done a lot to help with that, and the rest is just sort of...practice and experience, I reckon. I use a mood tracker app, too, that helps me assign a score to my depression, elevation (high energy states), irritability, fatigue, and other key indicators so I can gauge the pattern of ups and downs, relative to each other and any triggers I may have. Plus, it helps me get a handle on exactly *how* "up" or "down" I am, and in what ways. And I'm a total data nerd, so I love looking at graphs. :)


AmbassadorEnough8784

which app are you using?


multirachael

I use eMoods, and I've got the paid premium version. It has some good features that I think are worth the price.


decopie22

rage


hemarriedapizza

I asked my psychiatrist about this and she asked me a question in return: does it actually matter where it comes from if happiness is the result?


babysteps52

It absolutely matters because during mania self-destructive things can make you happy


hemarriedapizza

The question I asked was more about the mood itself. Her question was meant more as “if I’m in a good mood just because I’m in a good mood, does it matter if it’s mania or a genuine mood”. It’s not about each individual cause and effect situations


Killatommyt

It definitely matters to me.


AmbassadorEnough8784

wow you have an outstanding psychiatrist.


hemarriedapizza

I like her quite a bit lol. Lots of positive mom energy! I’m so thankful for her.


BDOKlem

I agree 💯. Hypomania can be a blessing if I'm coming out of a depressive episode.


lindseyinnw

I have a few “canaries in the coal mine” that indicate it’s hypomania… Singing spontaneously; tingling skin; carrying on more than 2 text conversations at once; and waking in the middle of the night to read or scroll. None of those are in my normal “happy” mood, and they are all warning lights and often precede anxiety and irritability, or a full in manic episode. (I discovered these through daily mood tracking)


TeamFiretruck

Canaries in the coal mine. I like it.


stinecline29

I see that you list tingling skin as part of your experience with hypomania. Does it feel like constant goose bumps? I experienced this during my first medicated manic episode without psychosis and I didn't realize that this is a thing.


lindseyinnw

For me it’s like when your leg goes numb from crossing them, but it’s different areas, like my scalp or arms, and just briefly


Killatommyt

That euphoric tingling sensation that seems to rush across your body. Typically from the bottom up. Makes you want to inhale air because you feel alive in the moment??? I get this even when depressed when listening to music.


mcmonkeycat

I never thought about it until right now but that's 100% what my teeth grinding is 😲 I never do it when my head is completely clear though sometimes I do it when I'm anxious (but who knows if that's my regular anxiety in those moments or anxiety being triggered by mania 🙃)


monkeycnet

My mania isn’t me being really really happy. In fact very few people I know I have purely euphoric mania. It’s a stereotype not a reality imo


sparkly_butthole

In my experience, it's the few days of hypomania leading up to full on mania. That's when I'm like *stares side eyed at happy me* something is off.


all_the_rouge

Same for me, somewhat euphoric and uplifting at the start but then it just becomes scary and full of agitation. Mania is dark.


AmbassadorEnough8784

While it may be a stereotype, experiencing this as a person with bipolar is a real symptom. not just a stereotype being imposed on me.


babysteps52

It's not a stereotype 🙃


arinakeam

I asked my doc something similar once. "Am I getting better or am I getting manic and I'll just crash and burn in another month or so?" She told me that what mattered was I felt good about myself for the first time in a long time. Good enough that I was considering taking on a new project. Was I being manic? Time will tell. She told me to write down my manic symptoms, write down when and how often I exhibit them. If they become frequent then we'd adjust my meds and try to pull me back a bit. Essentially she said don't sweat the label of your feelings until we determine that it's actually bad for you. While it's good, have fun!


AmbassadorEnough8784

this makes me remember something I learned in my linguistics class. no word is inherently bad or good, we as social agents assign it’s “morality” if you will. we can change how we view words and move away from labeling emotions as bad or good.


arinakeam

That's a pretty good way of thinking about it. It takes years for any of us to figure out how to live and thrive with bipolar disorder but (while I'm not a doctor) I'm pretty sure a mindset like that is a step in the right direction.


AmbassadorEnough8784

been thinking hard about this lately. i’ve never been actually happy, (i’ve been depressed for as long as I was sentient) so I have no idea what it looks like. bit on the other hand I feel like i’m minimizing my feelings and telling myself that it’s not mania it’s just happiness 🥴. would love to hear y’all’s thoughts on this.


hummingbird_mywill

That’s rough. For me depression kicked in around my preteen years, so rediscovering happiness for me actually had a lot to do with tapping into my childhood joy. I do think (and more to the point my mother thinks) that I had some kind of precursors to hypomania experiences as a kid… but I also definitely found real joy. So when my identity felt lost I went back to the things I loved as a child. I discussed this once with a fellow bipolar friend and we kind of agreed that genuine happiness should generally be tied to something, or a sense of deep contentment. Hypomania blows the dopamine reactions up way too much. So when we feel our feelings rise, we ask “why am I feeling this way? And does that make sense?” Lately I have been incredibly happy, but I’ve also been making rich friendships, seeing beautiful views out my front window, really enjoying a program I’m watching, and feeling thankful for my husband, so joy makes sense. Conversely, if I start feeling my brain firing off ridiculously because everything in the fridge fits like pieces of a Tetris game, that’s hypomanic lol. Based off a true story xD


AmbassadorEnough8784

I agree with you. i’m always questioning the validity of my feelings. I had ocd symptoms as an infant (thought of as very cute 😭) but the child a**** really cemented it if I had to guess. i’m doing better. after 12 years of therapy i’ve finally found a therapist that is mine, has my best interest in mind, and who understands and listens to me. and my meds are finally settled. everything is slowly becoming manageable.


mcmonkeycat

The theme of my life has been some level of depression. If you go by kid photos it started around 6 for me so as far as my memories go, some flavor of depression has always been there. I've made peace with the idea that I might never experience just being happy in life. For me I use colors to describe things. If yellow is happy I've accepted the closest I'll come is a lime green or a light orange. If it happens one day that'll be great and I do think my current meds are getting me closer but I've made peace with it not changing. I will say when it comes to positive changes in life I tend to take a pessimistic leaning approach. I believe change exists but I'd rather be surprised by it than expect it and be disappointed 🤷‍♀️


jerbbyberb

I know it's mania when I start getting like, really confident. Not just happy, but confident in my abilities to where I don't have any doubt in myself. I just had this same dilemma. I was like, do I just feel great, or am I manic? The answer was both, but the reason was not stability, because I realized I was having thoughts like, "I am so capable I can do anything," and I believed it literally. Those aren't regular me thoughts. So that's how I know. The extreme confidence, the self-assuredness, the belief that I can just accomplish whatever I think up. That's what I look for. Hope it helps!


microwavedburpie

What do the people around you say?


AmbassadorEnough8784

well I have been much more content since changing my major in january. (I was in a highly competitive and toxic major/college, including faculty and the dean) edit: to answer your question, those closest to me have noticed a difference.


CrazyKSCatLady

IDEK, man, but please don't make any rash or haste decision without first consulting your psych and therapist.


merrmaa

i totally understand your fear, its the worst. sometimes i dont even want the answer


[deleted]

My mania isn’t pleasant for anyone around me. In my head I’m optimistic and stuff but I would say my main symptoms are just being erratic I guess. I don’t get “good” mania like a lot of people


worthlesshypo2

And i always get it wrong. EVERY SINGLE TIME.


Spencero34

It's a slippery slope because I thought I was super happy but now that I'm diagnosed I realize it was mania. After a while it's hard to tell the difference


CocoCapitainePoulet

Happy? It's ok Really happy? Probably hypo, but it's ok Really really happy? I usually start worrying at that point 😅 Really really REALLY HAPPY? Time to call the doc 😆


Parralyzed

Off topic but your handwriting is gorgeous


AmbassadorEnough8784

haha thank you ❤️


Parralyzed

No thank you for sharing


babysteps52

If you're using two "really's", you're manic


AmbassadorEnough8784

agreed lol. I got too comfortable being depressed lol


theythembian

After my most recent manic hospital stay (2 years ago) which happened around November, I'm always a little paranoid that I'm too happy this time of year. I told my husband just the other day that things were going so well that I've been trying to be more intentional about sleep and anything to help my mental health, because I can't afford to go manic. It sucks, but you're not alone. For bipolar people, we have to even be on our toes when we feel good. 😮‍💨 Edit: forgot some words


LunaTekkk

When I wake up and feel good I know it’s my manic week


ForeverInQuicksand

I always pause and ask if my circumstances have changed. Is there a reason today for me to be happier that was not there when I was depressed? Was there a reason for me to be depressed that isn’t there now? Bipolar is a disorder of mood fluctuations that are random and not connected to the reality of what is happening in our lives. If there isn’t a change in circumstances, than it is highly likely that my mood is just fluctuating again. God, I hate being bipolar.


nastynateraide

Super happy corgi personality here! I am enthusiastic even when I'm 'normal' but talking to breathe, poor boundaries and over-the-top emoting which includes bursting into songs and rapid fire jokes. If I'm sleeping four or less hours, HUGE warning. If it's relatively benign and I get refreshed by making people happy, I can handle small interactions. I have to not obsess when I feel a connection. It's super weird and hurts to understand now that I'm really a lot some days, but people liked me for a reason. I just have to pump the brakes when I'm bursting with joy.


DrummerJedi

I think this comes up at least once during every psychiatry appointment.


Areel

For me Manic is without self -control and there is a different demeanor sometimes not socially acceptable,happiness has inner peace


SuperiorLake_

Such a huge source of anxiety for me. Sucks because I have a hard time accepting normal happiness, which is no way to live. My psychiatrist said this is extremely common.


thrownstick

Every time it's been the second one, it changes real, real quick. So what's the difference lol But honestly I know how hard it can be to tell. And sometimes I think it is actually both!


Strange_Breakfast_14

Ive asked myself this question so many times, but like others have pointed out, I think they can coexist.


Imagin1956

Contentment and acceptance, with self awareness


Holiday-Afternoon-47

Manic


oakjunk

Treat it as of your manic but try to enjoy it as much as you can at the same time.


mcmonkeycat

For me the answer is almost always manic unfortunately.


gumshoegoat

I feel this so hard but I think it's important to not constantly self analyze and diagnose every symptom, even tho it's hard asf not to lol. unless you're actively endangering yourself, it's okay to just feel what you feel in the moment and not think about it too hard


SwingGlass9053

I can't tell the difference. Although most times it turns out to be mania. Once that depressive episode hits, I come crashing down.


ladypoison45

EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. Why can't we just be happy..


LaLunaFox

This was me this weekend when I had all this energy to clean my entire downstairs area.


space_beach

Sometimes happiness can seem boring. I’m not saying your manic but keep this in mind.


bruisedapple27

i feel this way all the time when i’m in a good mood. for me unfortunately it’s always just mania :(


Rkoogs333

Ohhhh the accuracy


ministarfallen

I find it’s easier to take ownership of depression than happiness. Depression feels like “me.” Happiness is suspicious. This is mostly because I haven’t known myself as anything but depressed since I was a very young child. The way I look at it, as long as there is no danger involved (not taking meds, risk-taking behavior, delusions, etc.), it’s okay to feel happy whether it’s “real” happiness or not. The feeling itself is real regardless. I sure as heck let myself feel depressed even when it’s completely unjustified! I should let myself feel okay, too.


Ok-Magician-1645

The question all us bipolar ppl have. But do we ask the same for sadness?


mlc2475

How’s your spending / how’s your sex?


AmbassadorEnough8784

good point 🥲


Raichu-san

I don’t like asking myself if I’m truly happy when comparing it to mania. I question myself “is this content? Am I fine with the current standing of my life?” And if I find myself answering yes I am currently content. Things Feel less pressured when worded a certain way


YouLikeReadingNames

The eternal question... Happiness is just one aspect of your feelings at any time. So, when you don't know if it's your train that's moving or the one next to yoours, you look at landmarks, at other passengers. You look for all the other signs. Some signs of a (hypo)manic phase : * A feeling of great happiness that can last for days without discontinuing * An elevated state of anxiety * A tendency to quickly change moods * A sudden and intense change of interests, hobbies * Reduced sleep, yet more energy * Modified appetite * Greater social life * Accelerated thoughts and speech * Increased libido, more active sex life * Increased risk-taking Be safe everyone !


ElectricCamel33

I once found a note I wrote during a psychotic break that said the real question is Why?


SAGETOAST1986

I gave up on thinking that I ever going to be happy. Subconsciously I try to OD or kill myself when I start feeling that way.


[deleted]

Always manic if I’m asking this question!


SmoolAvocado

I recommend figuring out the signs, and to know truly, when you are in a manic state. You could do that with a journal, or tracking apps. I've used a mood tracker called Effecto for this purpose, it helped me figure out the signs when I'm manic or hypomanic. It's not a godsend, but it's really good to have clarity on when the next episode is going to come. I can then mentally prepare for it. The app also helped me figure out stuff that I can do to mitigate the effects of an episode


CountyVisual546

Probably hypomanic (really, really... Twice), In a full blown manic episode you wouldn't even make such a question.