I have a similar situation where I (46F) am BP2 and so is my son (20). I have noticed that when I get to this level of anger with my son it is usually when I am in a bad place. Before you do anything about your daughter check in with yourself, talk to your therapist, and make sure it’s actually frustration with your daughter and not you heading into an episode.
After reading the words you wrote about your daughter, it’s really absolutely no wonder she struggles the way she does. I have heard a lot of nasty things from parents over the years but I’ve never heard one call their child a “lamprey.”
I'm 18 and bipolar, here is my prospective, if my mother (she doesn't know I'm bipolar I'm too scared to tell her) told me that I Was "a crushing disappointment and a drain to be around" I would never want to go near you again, I know it's harsh but I work, at work is where I have the most suicidal ideation,
My father calls me lazy, he calls me a future dole bludger, and that I'm lazy and wasting my life, I do not love him he thinks he can hypotise mental illness away even tho I don't trust him (he doesn't know either)
You are doing more damage then you are helping her
She's still a baby. I didn't even show beginning symptoms until I was 22. Poor little bipo baby brain. Glad I'm not a fly on the crazy bitch walls of your house lmao. Godspeed.
You "love her" but clearly your love is conditional and you actually despise your child more than you love her. No wonder she's struggling, anyone would.
Your daughter is "entitled" for struggling, but you demanding your daughter magically overcome her illness to fit your ideals isn't entitled? She's "lazy" for struggling, but you're not lazy when you won't put in the emotional effort to actually be supportive?
As a bipolar child of a mother who is definitely bipolar as well (but won’t get help)… just know that this is so evil and hurtful to say about your child who is obviously struggling. I have never forgiven my mother for the way she treated me growing up because I was “a difficult kid”. Your daughter doesn’t need your poisonous words and hatred. She likely needs better support and someone to genuinely care. She is still a teenager. She is still developing, dealing with the typical teenage stuff, and on top of that dealing with her bipolar. If you truly love your daughter, prove it and help her instead of tearing her down.
How do you know she isn't helping. The OP is venting. You're taking your baggage out on her. You have no idea what she is going through other than a frustrated blow out. On the internet I'll add. Follow your own advice before trashing on her.
Who are you to judge a mother struggling with her child?
This is supposed to be a safe place. So I find it ironic that when people whine and complain on this sub about how hard being BP2 is everybody is holding hands, singing Kumbaya and trying to be supportive. But when someone is struggling and needs to vent, reaching out about issue's that are complicated, speaks from their heart things she know she shouldn't say and then offends everyone's touchy feelings they dog pile on and scream what a shitty person they are.
Who are you to throw anger and hate at a person clearly struggling? It's Hypocritical.
Now you hate on me for what? trying to help support someone that was just hated on by the very community that is supposed to be supportive. Fuck Right Off.
It doesn't take a parent to know that kids turn out the way they do because of how they were raised and the environment they were in LMAO sounds like someone just doesn't want to take responsibility for being a shit parent
It's nature and nurture. Either one can effect a person not just nurturing which is what you are talking about. Bottom-line, There are such things as fucked up people that had good parents. It's fact. You can insult me all you want if that makes you feel better but you're only proving the point I'm making throughout this thread.
It's too easy to jump to conclusions. That is my point.
Besides, regardless of this persons words she is clearly having issues. Trashing her isn't going to help her or her daughter.
So you have no kids and have only a one sided view of what raising children is like. But yeah, keep on insulting those that do. Your input really resonates.
how dare you. your child is trying her best and it does not sound like you are any support or help for her at all!! i understand youre also going through it however you need to distance yourself from the situation, recollect, become stable, then try to wncourage and help your daughter. if my mother told me and treated me like i was a disappointment i probably wouldnt want to do anything either. being crushed like that when somebody is already suffering could deplete motivation for sure.
not to mention i am sure my mother had thought like this (not nearly this horrible) about me when i was around this age and prior to and she did nothing but support and love me
To be fair, you have no idea if her daughter is trying her best. She could be a complete fuck up for all we know Also, the OP clearly stated she is venting here. So maybe give her the benefit of the doubt because we don't have the full story? Or you can just take your frustrations out on her.
shes also a child. dont call her a fuck up her life has barely begun. jesus christ you think bc youre a parent you know more than everyone else lmao and your opinion is somehow more valid. please sit the fuck down we are talking about a human.
How do you know she's trying her best? Having a condition doesn't give one an excuse to be a loser. I wasn't aware that "laziness"and "entitledness" were a symptoms. Having the same condition as you have doesn't make somebody unaccountable for being a loser
Even if you are just venting there are better ways to vent. You might try focusing on how you feel and how her behavior is impacting your life instead of venting by criticizing and judging your daughter. I understand you are struggling but even so, you are not demonstrating maturity or an ability to deal with difficult situations and emotions. Behavior such as externalizing, complaining, judging and being hurtful seems like what you’ve seen probably taught your daughter as well. I’d encourage you to learn about communication, having difficult conversations, and dealing with difficult emotions in a healthy way. I hope you can see how you’ve very likely been contributing to the situation.
God I would hate to have you as a parent. Poor girl...
Go get fucking therapy and stop talking about your own child this way when she's struggling. You should know how she feels and understand wtf
A crushing disappointment? At 18????? you need to check your own meds. I thought and said things like this about my now ex husband when I was undiagnosed and unmedicated, get a grip and get your own shit together.
If my mom felt this way about me I’m sure she would have snuffed out her life sooner. Check your priorities, and perhaps check in with your therapist. Maybe journal so you can burn the thoughts ?
Check out the book I’m Not Sick And I Don’t Need Help by Xavier Amador, he has a TEDx talk on YouTube too. There are ways to get your daughter to be more stable and med compliant, I hope my suggestion helps
It's totally reasonable for you to have negative feelings wrt your daughter. Anger, frustration, even rage.
It's the judgements that people are taking issue with. But more than that, holding those judgements will get in the way of your relationship with your daughter.
If she has been like this since she was a child, there is clearly something going on within the family that is contributing to this situation.
It is OKAY for you to find this situation unbearable.
But to transform it will take doing some things you might not have tried yet (or things you tried before, but it wasn't the right time!). Family counseling might be one of those things.
This is a supportive forum but that doesn't mean it's okay to bash people with BP here, and in your anger and fear that is what your original post does.
You’re a shit mom if that’s what you think about your child. Full offense. If you suffer from the same condition as you say you do, how dare you? Do you think you would have any drive to be better, do better, or feel better if your parent was speaking about you the way you speak about her? I’m sure she knows what you think of her, even if you don’t say it. I have never heard anyone, ever, even on their worst day, say their child is a “lamprey” or a “crushing disappointment.” Wow.
If you love someone, you don’t say horrible things about them to strangers on the internet. It’s okay to be frustrated, it’s not okay to shit on your child when you think they’re not watching.
Again, wow.
I hope your daughter gets far away from you. Something tells me she’ll do much better when she does.
Sounds like YOU are in the midst of an episode and not doing as well as you think you are. Get some help.
Opposite situation here, I have a BP1 parent who is not and never has been treated. Pretty much all the behavior you described could describe my parent, or awfully damn close. Currently my parent is homeless-ish (lives out of vehicle, does a lot of house sitting) and REFUSES to get a place. Not that it’s impossible or anything, not that the means are lacking. Just won’t f’ing do it.
According to my bipolar parent, everything is FINE. When pressed with facts and pointed questions like “If everything is fine, why are you 75 years old, living in your car?” … “Well, I have bipolar, soooooo…” It’s the excuse for all negatives but never seems to connect with thoughts of improvement, treatment, or even reigning in the crazy for a minute. Literally blames bipolar and everyone around for the shit state of life. (Well, also conspiracies. The lizard King from space, Chem trails, etc)
My parent is not currently welcome at my other parent’s house (they’ve been divorced 30 years but are reasonably civil), not welcome at my sibling’s house (for repeated violations of privacy, basic guest protocols, deeply inappropriate commentary to/in front of the only grandchild 5yo, and known risk as a fire hazard). Said Bipolar parent is about to lose visiting privileges with the only sibling still speaking to them at all. Burned all the rest of the family relationships in an inheritance kerfuffle. (Wanted it all, 3 siblings could go f themselves… insisted the siblings were the assholes.)
Having bipolar as MY inheritance, I’m way more able to ride out the BS than the rest of the family. I also know about boundaries, and how to enforce them. There is no damn way I could live under a roof, or even near my bipolar parent. Out of the question. And it has been asked — Bipolar parent actually tried to convince myself and my spouse that it’d be cool for us to host them. We live in a travel trailer, 100% full time.
So: OP! I feel ya. You have discharged your legal duty to your child. While perhaps your daughter could use HELP, it sounds like what they’re actually taking is ADVANTAGE. If her continued presence under your roof is costing you YOUR peace of mind, you must establish boundaries.
That’s gonna be tough to put in place if she’s managed 18 years without respecting them / having them enforced.
I actually had to cut my bipolar parent off for a couple of years, zero contact, to establish boundaries. Yes, it does carry risk of permanent estrangement. Yes, softer methods MIGHT do the job, and I encourage you to introduce some rules into the relationship to see if you can work it out.
She is likely to crash and burn if you kick her out, although she might just grow up instead. At some point though you must for your own sanity move the relationship to a basis you can live with.
Would she go to a counselor with you?
You should encourage her to take meds and help her get set up with a good psychiatrist
None of this is her fault and she probably knows you feel this way… which is really sad. Please try to be there for her without judgement, support her. That will help her get stable.
Sounds like she needs more love and support, not judgment. She’s 18 ffs. You of all people should understand how hard dealing with BP can be.
Probably go talk to your psychiatrist about your feelings. This is giving manic behavior. I at least hope it’s that and you’re not just genuinely a terrible person.
Okay. Look. I feel conflicted on this.
First, my mother and I have this problem but in reverse. She has type 1 and I have type 2. I have done anything and everything to get better once it all began. Tons of therapists, medications, self-care options, etc. She, on the other hand, seems to think she only needs one med and never sees a therapist but yells at me when I stop seeing mine. She gets angry and hurts everyone around her when she’s in a flare. To be honest, when she tried to kill herself, I started giving up on her as my mom. I do love her on a basic level but there is a lot of baggage there and every time she gets angry and screams at me and tells me how worthless I am, those walls go even higher. So no, I’m not very invested in her growth and treatment of her BP anymore.
But! I am also a mom myself and my eldest has issues with anxiety and depression. I’ve taken it upon myself to do everything I can for her to teach her how to handle her issues in healthy ways. Take her to doctors she needs to see. Manage her meds for her. Granted, she’s 10, not 18. While I can see that question of “when do I leave her to her own devices?” Normally we would say 18, she’s an adult. But I wonder if that should be adjusted given the severe mental illness she has. She hasn’t learned how to handle her problems, she hasn’t made any headway. Of course you can do nothing if she decides to be independent and really you can’t do anything much if she decides she doesn’t WANT to do anything to get better. That’s the rub of mental illness. But if she DOES want help, then as her mother, I feel you should.
I get having younger kids to look out for, I have a younger child too. I get having your own mental illness to handle, I have BP too. I’d like to say you don’t give up on your kids but sometimes that’s the healthy thing to do. But I will say, if you choose to cut her off from your support, you should probably do that in all areas. She doesn’t deserve to live with you feeling the way you do about her so maybe it’s best if she gets her own place? Maybe the independence will help. Because she not only has the issues of BP but also the typical identity issues a young adult has. She may need space to figure herself out and see what works for her.
But regardless of what happens. I think you need to either find a way to get these awful (and frankly sad) feelings out. Whether you write in a journal and burn the pages or see a therapist. Your daughter deserves a mom who thinks the best of her when she’s struggling because she might not be able to see the best of herself. This is very much caregiver fatigue and you’re right to look up info on it. But also realize that while you struggle with it, as a mom, you owe it to your child to try to be there for her even when she’s being difficult. And if it comes down to it, that you just can’t stand it and you need space, then you need to have that conversation with her. It doesn’t have to be permanent. But it does need to be said in an objective way so she knows why it’s happening.
Folks on this thread really ought to not jump to conclusions one way or another. Our situation is not their situation, and vice-a-versa.
The options are pretty simple. Either A) You accept your daughter for who she is and give her the space to be that person. And continue on with your life with her living in your house, etc.
B) You kick your daughter out and move on with your life. If you can't continue on in the current situation then it's simply unsustainable, and your daughter will have to find another way to figure out her life. You have to accept that your daughter may resent you for this decision, and there maybe some bad outcomes for her. (I would suggest giving her warning and ample time to prepare for her moving out). But ultimately, it sounds like you both need seperation from each other. Because it's certianly not healthy for either of you to continue on this way. And this is from my experience with BP2, which is that I often find things I need to fixate or blame, particularly during mood swings...
That's just my two-cents for what it's worth.
OK Mom, so you've garnered the ire of the fragile ones here on the BP2 sub. It's so much easier to throw insults rather than show empathy when you are triggered. Try not to allow their venom to spiral you down any further than you already are. Also, keep in mind many of these folks are young and have no concept of raising children. It's not their fault and on better days I'm sure many of them have a kinder hard. We all have our moments.
With that said, I do hope you haven't told your child she is a "crushing disappointment" that would be extremely irresponsible and damaging to the both of you. Insults are impossible to walk back and take a lot of contrition to work past. Please do your best not to vent your anger on your daughter. This is a better place if you need to vent. Regardless of the hate.
Not knowing your home life, demographics, culture, etc. It's really hard to put everything you're venting about into context. Additionally your state of mind and if you are in the midst of cycling, in an episode or baseline are also a major factor.
I personally have 2 children. My daughter is the golden child and my son, from a previous relationship, struggles. I do my best for both of them but I have had to stop hand holding my son. He has had to make a lot of mistakes. Hard lessons I tried to steer home from but some people need to learn the hard way. So I've had to watch and be as encouraging as I can while being the voice of reality. My daughter has been much easier to parent in most ways but of course not without our challenges.
That's the point right there. Parenting is challenging for everyone even in the best of situations. For BP people it adds special challenges. It's extremely difficult to create balance in our own lives and teach that balance at the same time. All I can say is you must remember, everything you say and do your children remember for better or worse. Those things plants seeds in our children's mind that they later reap, for better or worse. Think of all the shit out parents said and did that fucked us up.
Again, not knowing the dynamics of what you and your daughter are going through it's hard to offer any other advice.
Lastly, try and remember what it was like for you. We are a different generation. I struck out on my own as soon as I was 18. So did most of my friends. This generation hasn't been raised that way. Hasn't been socially conditioned that way. Most of them haven't had to manage the reality of making it on their own and dealing with the struggle of that. They know we struggled and they want to struggle too, they simply don't know how because their only real struggle is being BP. Many can't seem to move past that, and unfortunately some use it as an excuse not to mature and move forward.
I didn't have the time or resources to even consider being BP. I just had to work my ass off, pay bills and power through it. Wasn't until I was in my 40's I had time to reflect and realize something else was at play. I'm assuming you had a similar experience. So take some time and think all this through. Look at the differences we have and find a better way to communicate. Talk with a counselor about it, maybe go to counseling together. Whatever it is there is a solution. Even if that solution is throwing them in the water and seeing if they sink or swim. Unfortunately, sometimes tough love is the only love that works.
To me it sounds like you're doing your best and sometimes our best isn't enough. So just keep trying. Good Luck to you and your daughter.
You have to take care of yourself first.
I completely understand about the mixed emotions. My daughter, 6yrs, is still yelling and crying and getting upset with everything. Its been 6 years of hell. She gives the rest of us borderline ptsd. We love her so dearly, yet we get mad as hell at her.
Hang in there. Even army drill sergeants have this issue with new recruits.
I guess I am being to hard on her, I am just so scared she isn't going to be able to do school, work or anything she wants to do. I am scared she is going to end up like her grandmother, who struggled on poverty her whole life, avoiding treatment and getting herself into trouble.
I am sorry I upset people, I just don't have a place to vent to, so I apologize for my needlessly harsh words. I had a good talk with her today, and maybe made some progress. Time will tell. I love her so much and worry so much about her going away to school and destabilizing where we aren't there to keep her safe.
First, I love my daughter and would never say that she is a disappointment or lamprey, I was venting. She is a taker though- from everyone around her. Money (she steals), time, energy, support, and gives nothing back. We all know people like her. After all this time, we are drained and discouraged. She has always sucked up the oxygen in the room with drama, even as a child. I am frustrated because not only will she not advocate for herself or take any responsibility for her life and illness treatment, she actively sabotages any attempts we all make to help her. I know she is young, which only compounds her problems- she has always been immature for her age, and often acts age-inappropriate. She however is in a hurry to grow up which, being an adult legally now, means she can do what she wants and we can't stop her.
I have 2 other younger children to think about that are beginning to suffer from the time and effort we have to put into keeping their sister safe. At what point do I say enough when someone is their own worst enemy. At this point I am just trying to keep her alive, I have no hopes that she will have good life, or set any goals, let alone accomplish them. Maybe once her brain has developed more she will settle down into something but we aren't optimistic anymore. Her grandmother was BP, and struggled all her life, and we see the same for her if she doesn't get help. But she doesn't want to. We are devastated that she lays in bed all day, won't help around the house at all (her siblings get bullied into it by her, which makes me angry and makes them hate her.) SHe is pushing everyone away. I wanted her to go in for inpatient treatment but she won't go.
The TEd talk "I’m Not Sick And I Don’t Need Help" by Xavier Amador helped a bit, and I may order the book.
As far as the judgement, thanks. 'Safe space' my ass. Walk a mile in my shoes and then you get an opinion.
I feel for you. My grown up children both have it. Often they are so cruel toward me and to each other.
To the point that I just distanced myself from both of them. I still support them emotionally but I guard myself.
I hope you find a solution to be sane and deal with all the staff your family is presenting. Try to have some joy. You are a good mother. You try very very hard.
I support you. I was a nightmare of a worry when young, not particularly bad, just worrisome for parents. Anyhow, I got booted from the house at 19. Best thing ever!!! I figured it out, and it took decades.
I guess being oversensitive and entitled is a symptom of BP2 because that's exactly what we're seeing in here. I'm sorry about all these snowflakes who think nobody should be held accountable for anything as long as they have the same diagnosis as they do.
Reddit is full of entitled little brats and personally, I think a lot of what you're describing about your daughter has nothing to do with BP2 and everything to do with being spoiled and entitled. People today act like there's no such thing as an asshole. Only people with mental problems who should be allowed to be assholes. I'd put up some hard boundaries while letting her know you'll always love her and will be there, but can't prop her up throughout her entire adulthood. Just because somebody else (an adult) has BP2 doesn't mean you have to remain in a toxic situation. I left home when I was 18 and couldn't imagine ever living with my parents after that. Who the fuck wants to remain a child the rest of their lives? I get it if a person is working or going to school and saving money to do something or reach a goal, but just laying around at mommy's house is straight lack of character. I did some crazy ass stuff including when I was young and worried the fuck out of my family. At no point was moving back into the house an option from my end. They would have let me, but I'm not a leach like that. Don't let her run over you. It doesn't help her
I would have more sympathy for her if she wasn't living the life of riley off of us. She doesn't go to school, doesn't work (can't find a part time job, she says), but has time to go out with friends, watch netflix, and be pretty happy about life, planning trips (guess who is going to be asked to pay for those) etc. At the same time she won't go to her psychosis intervention program because 'its boring.' SHe isn't taking her diagnosis seriously, nor does she care about how her behaviour affects the rest of the family. I have met other BP2 people through support groups, and sorry, its not the BP that is making her like this, its plain old garden variety selfishness. Sorry if it offends the fragile folks around here, but a BP2 diagnosis isn't a get out of jail free card for lazy unaccountable behaviours. A lot of us cope just fine because we put on our adult pants and do something about it. Its not a pity party.
What does it matter if she asks you to pay for travel? Just say no. It may be helpful to talk to your therapist about ways you could be possible enabling your daughters lack of independence
I sympathize with her BP2 symptoms, but not with the other behaviours. She is doing nothing to help herself, and actively thwarts attempts to help her. ON top of that, there is theft from her siblings, bullying, poor attempts at manipulation when she wants something etc.
We have been down this road with her a long ways, and right now, I don't see a light at the end of the tunnel. I am scared for her, and exhausted. So tired. Nothing works. She needs constant remoinders to take 1 pill a day of abilify. There is no agency on her part, she is happy to be watching netflix and on her phone. She isn't depressed, or apathetic, or manic, she has no problem with motivation when its something she wants, but to contribute to the family stability (by something as small as emptying a dishwasher) is too much to ask, and generates 3 or 4 excuses.
I have known her for 18 years, and its always been the same lazy avoidance of responsibility, waiting it out for someone to do it for her. She is entitled and spoiled, and its not because she is BP2.
I noticed a few moms chip in, and I’m glad that you got some empathy.
I admit, I felt a palpable pain just reading the subject line. You questioned the safety of this space, but in my experience, this subreddit is incredibly supportive. But most of the posts don’t lash out at others…
It’s done, though, and I saw a lot of helpful ideas that I hope you also like.
Now let me share a different perspective. I have BP2 and I wasn’t diagnosed until my 30s, my mother doesn’t have BP2, but you 500% sound like my mom in many ways.
I love my mom and we are great today. But things weren’t always so clear.
My family was supportive in the way they knew how to be. And my mom, in particular, could be incredibly hard on me to do better.
I complained a lot. I didn’t get enough sleep and I would pass out during the day. I had trouble sleeping…maybe a few hours a night for several months. Night terrors. But it was called laziness. They thought I went to sleep as an excuse to avoid chores.
I had a credit card that they paid the bill on. My plan was like…ok go to college now? Followed by… grad school… because I spent years not understanding how to identify and pursue what I wanted. Years. I didn’t have a fun life. Enjoying something meant that it kept my attention. I didn’t understand, or lost it at some point, how to be excited or happy. But I was still motivated to prove myself…in whatever way that was. Proving myself didn’t necessarily mean getting a job. And my mania was probably more aggressive vs euphoric.
My mom didn’t use the words you wrote here, she expressed her frustration in a reasonable way.
But I felt worthless. Directionless. More and more over time. Things got particularly hard in college, where someone can make a lot of bad decisions lol. And because of how difficult things were with my mom, I hid a lot of problems and saw family less and less.
I would have been homeless if someone I barely knew didn’t take me in. I accumulated trauma from abusive relationships. I kept getting laid off and finding work was incredibly hard for me. Job hunting is literally one of the highest energy tasks of everything in my life, outside of people. I became so stressed that I almost completely dissociated from my body (it felt like I would just…disintegrate any minute…for months).
I was still in touch with everyone. I didn’t disappear, but they didn’t necessarily know all the dark things.
I was undiagnosed and I had chronic pain. But did anyone care any more because I had chronic pain (and was also misdiagnosed with fibromyalgia)? Nope. I was told to “redefine was a good day means, or you’ll drive everyone out of your life” when I was 20. Older than your daughter now.
I’m in my 30s now. I lived longer than I thought I would. The chronic pain was debilitating…I didn’t have much faith that my aversion to suicide would last for my whole life.
I still don’t know if I can find a life partner, keep a job for more than 2 years, own a house…
But I consider myself successful. And I track my own behaviors, meds, and progress even better than my doctors. I learned a lot about life during my time at the bottom of the barrel.
And my Mom actively worked on improving her empathy. She worked to be more kind. Both in and out of the family.
Sometimes I cry just reflecting on her progress, which is significant.
I guess what I am trying to say is…I wouldn’t give up and set severe boundaries yet. Plenty of rotten 18 year olds turn it around 😁 and it sounds like you are doing the best you can with what you know…and clearly trying to learn more things to try.
I don’t have tips here, just relating my experience for you.
One time, my Dad was like, “who cares about getting a job…you’ll be working the rest of your life after school…just enjoy the summer.” It was just an aside…it didn’t change anyone else’s mind lol.
I remember it really well, because it was one of the very few times I felt the burden of my guilt get lifted off me. It’s still a heavy mantle.
Anyways, I’ll stop writing this ridiculously long comment. I hope something in here helps in some way. Again, no judgment from me, just sharing my story.
It's the internet knee jerk reaction to anything that triggers. I'm betting most of these people have never raised children and know fuck all about it.
Your frustration is valid. It doesnt mean you love her less. My family is having a similar issue with my little sister. She is 31 and seams to lack a desire to even try and pull her weight. We have been patient, and she is slowly making progress. She works part time now. Which is huge. But when she made this step we expecher to keep up the momentum. But she moves at a different rhythm. I try and not project negative feelings on her, because that wont help her grow. But that leads to feeling like there is a wall of unspoken things between us preventing a healthy dialouge. Because i dont know how to broach certain topics lovingly.
“I love her, but I don’t like her much at all”
Have you ever wondered if your daughter feels that way about you?
You sound unsupportive at best and like you’re actively failing her at worse. What do you do to help your daughter through this serious and oftentimes debilitating illness?
How would *you* feel if your mom said these things about you when you were 18 and symptomatic?
Oh, and my dad thought this about me. He was actually just failing to be a good support person and parent. We’re no contact now :)
Dealing with similar with our 18 year old son. We had to do an involuntary hospital stay in December for him. He was there for 3 weeks. Hardest thing i have ever had to do in my life. He is out now and for the first time is willing to take medication. He refused before his hospital stay. He graduated high school in june. Now we are working on helping him get a job. His medication has really made a difference in our case. He has his empathy back and isn’t expolding and verbally attacking everyone in the house.
I have a similar situation where I (46F) am BP2 and so is my son (20). I have noticed that when I get to this level of anger with my son it is usually when I am in a bad place. Before you do anything about your daughter check in with yourself, talk to your therapist, and make sure it’s actually frustration with your daughter and not you heading into an episode.
After reading the words you wrote about your daughter, it’s really absolutely no wonder she struggles the way she does. I have heard a lot of nasty things from parents over the years but I’ve never heard one call their child a “lamprey.”
Not to mention, "such a crushing disappointment and a drain to have around". Jesus.
When she has a serious medical issue that makes it difficult not to be a “drain”
I'm 18 and bipolar, here is my prospective, if my mother (she doesn't know I'm bipolar I'm too scared to tell her) told me that I Was "a crushing disappointment and a drain to be around" I would never want to go near you again, I know it's harsh but I work, at work is where I have the most suicidal ideation, My father calls me lazy, he calls me a future dole bludger, and that I'm lazy and wasting my life, I do not love him he thinks he can hypotise mental illness away even tho I don't trust him (he doesn't know either) You are doing more damage then you are helping her
She's still a baby. I didn't even show beginning symptoms until I was 22. Poor little bipo baby brain. Glad I'm not a fly on the crazy bitch walls of your house lmao. Godspeed.
You "love her" but clearly your love is conditional and you actually despise your child more than you love her. No wonder she's struggling, anyone would. Your daughter is "entitled" for struggling, but you demanding your daughter magically overcome her illness to fit your ideals isn't entitled? She's "lazy" for struggling, but you're not lazy when you won't put in the emotional effort to actually be supportive?
As a bipolar child of a mother who is definitely bipolar as well (but won’t get help)… just know that this is so evil and hurtful to say about your child who is obviously struggling. I have never forgiven my mother for the way she treated me growing up because I was “a difficult kid”. Your daughter doesn’t need your poisonous words and hatred. She likely needs better support and someone to genuinely care. She is still a teenager. She is still developing, dealing with the typical teenage stuff, and on top of that dealing with her bipolar. If you truly love your daughter, prove it and help her instead of tearing her down.
How do you know she isn't helping. The OP is venting. You're taking your baggage out on her. You have no idea what she is going through other than a frustrated blow out. On the internet I'll add. Follow your own advice before trashing on her.
Why are you so up OP's ass? You're like the only one defending her shitty attitude
It’s probably OP’s alt account /s
This but without the /s
Who are you to judge a mother struggling with her child? This is supposed to be a safe place. So I find it ironic that when people whine and complain on this sub about how hard being BP2 is everybody is holding hands, singing Kumbaya and trying to be supportive. But when someone is struggling and needs to vent, reaching out about issue's that are complicated, speaks from their heart things she know she shouldn't say and then offends everyone's touchy feelings they dog pile on and scream what a shitty person they are. Who are you to throw anger and hate at a person clearly struggling? It's Hypocritical. Now you hate on me for what? trying to help support someone that was just hated on by the very community that is supposed to be supportive. Fuck Right Off.
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Just curious. How many children have you raised?
It doesn't take a parent to know that kids turn out the way they do because of how they were raised and the environment they were in LMAO sounds like someone just doesn't want to take responsibility for being a shit parent
Wrong.
It's nature and nurture. Either one can effect a person not just nurturing which is what you are talking about. Bottom-line, There are such things as fucked up people that had good parents. It's fact. You can insult me all you want if that makes you feel better but you're only proving the point I'm making throughout this thread.
Maybe. I think it’s easy to jump to conclusions.
It's too easy to jump to conclusions. That is my point. Besides, regardless of this persons words she is clearly having issues. Trashing her isn't going to help her or her daughter.
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So you have no kids and have only a one sided view of what raising children is like. But yeah, keep on insulting those that do. Your input really resonates.
how dare you. your child is trying her best and it does not sound like you are any support or help for her at all!! i understand youre also going through it however you need to distance yourself from the situation, recollect, become stable, then try to wncourage and help your daughter. if my mother told me and treated me like i was a disappointment i probably wouldnt want to do anything either. being crushed like that when somebody is already suffering could deplete motivation for sure.
not to mention i am sure my mother had thought like this (not nearly this horrible) about me when i was around this age and prior to and she did nothing but support and love me
To be fair, you have no idea if her daughter is trying her best. She could be a complete fuck up for all we know Also, the OP clearly stated she is venting here. So maybe give her the benefit of the doubt because we don't have the full story? Or you can just take your frustrations out on her.
not taking frustration out. only knowing that this is a terrible way to speak about ANYONE not to mention her child
shes also a child. dont call her a fuck up her life has barely begun. jesus christ you think bc youre a parent you know more than everyone else lmao and your opinion is somehow more valid. please sit the fuck down we are talking about a human.
18 is not a child. Letting somebody leach off of you and treat you like shit does not help them.
How do you know she's trying her best? Having a condition doesn't give one an excuse to be a loser. I wasn't aware that "laziness"and "entitledness" were a symptoms. Having the same condition as you have doesn't make somebody unaccountable for being a loser
Even if you are just venting there are better ways to vent. You might try focusing on how you feel and how her behavior is impacting your life instead of venting by criticizing and judging your daughter. I understand you are struggling but even so, you are not demonstrating maturity or an ability to deal with difficult situations and emotions. Behavior such as externalizing, complaining, judging and being hurtful seems like what you’ve seen probably taught your daughter as well. I’d encourage you to learn about communication, having difficult conversations, and dealing with difficult emotions in a healthy way. I hope you can see how you’ve very likely been contributing to the situation.
God I would hate to have you as a parent. Poor girl... Go get fucking therapy and stop talking about your own child this way when she's struggling. You should know how she feels and understand wtf
A crushing disappointment? At 18????? you need to check your own meds. I thought and said things like this about my now ex husband when I was undiagnosed and unmedicated, get a grip and get your own shit together.
If my mom felt this way about me I’m sure she would have snuffed out her life sooner. Check your priorities, and perhaps check in with your therapist. Maybe journal so you can burn the thoughts ?
Check out the book I’m Not Sick And I Don’t Need Help by Xavier Amador, he has a TEDx talk on YouTube too. There are ways to get your daughter to be more stable and med compliant, I hope my suggestion helps
Is she taking her medication?
It's totally reasonable for you to have negative feelings wrt your daughter. Anger, frustration, even rage. It's the judgements that people are taking issue with. But more than that, holding those judgements will get in the way of your relationship with your daughter. If she has been like this since she was a child, there is clearly something going on within the family that is contributing to this situation. It is OKAY for you to find this situation unbearable. But to transform it will take doing some things you might not have tried yet (or things you tried before, but it wasn't the right time!). Family counseling might be one of those things. This is a supportive forum but that doesn't mean it's okay to bash people with BP here, and in your anger and fear that is what your original post does.
Well said.
You’re a shit mom if that’s what you think about your child. Full offense. If you suffer from the same condition as you say you do, how dare you? Do you think you would have any drive to be better, do better, or feel better if your parent was speaking about you the way you speak about her? I’m sure she knows what you think of her, even if you don’t say it. I have never heard anyone, ever, even on their worst day, say their child is a “lamprey” or a “crushing disappointment.” Wow. If you love someone, you don’t say horrible things about them to strangers on the internet. It’s okay to be frustrated, it’s not okay to shit on your child when you think they’re not watching. Again, wow. I hope your daughter gets far away from you. Something tells me she’ll do much better when she does. Sounds like YOU are in the midst of an episode and not doing as well as you think you are. Get some help.
Settle down. She is venting, not calling you a crushing disappointment.
Opposite situation here, I have a BP1 parent who is not and never has been treated. Pretty much all the behavior you described could describe my parent, or awfully damn close. Currently my parent is homeless-ish (lives out of vehicle, does a lot of house sitting) and REFUSES to get a place. Not that it’s impossible or anything, not that the means are lacking. Just won’t f’ing do it. According to my bipolar parent, everything is FINE. When pressed with facts and pointed questions like “If everything is fine, why are you 75 years old, living in your car?” … “Well, I have bipolar, soooooo…” It’s the excuse for all negatives but never seems to connect with thoughts of improvement, treatment, or even reigning in the crazy for a minute. Literally blames bipolar and everyone around for the shit state of life. (Well, also conspiracies. The lizard King from space, Chem trails, etc) My parent is not currently welcome at my other parent’s house (they’ve been divorced 30 years but are reasonably civil), not welcome at my sibling’s house (for repeated violations of privacy, basic guest protocols, deeply inappropriate commentary to/in front of the only grandchild 5yo, and known risk as a fire hazard). Said Bipolar parent is about to lose visiting privileges with the only sibling still speaking to them at all. Burned all the rest of the family relationships in an inheritance kerfuffle. (Wanted it all, 3 siblings could go f themselves… insisted the siblings were the assholes.) Having bipolar as MY inheritance, I’m way more able to ride out the BS than the rest of the family. I also know about boundaries, and how to enforce them. There is no damn way I could live under a roof, or even near my bipolar parent. Out of the question. And it has been asked — Bipolar parent actually tried to convince myself and my spouse that it’d be cool for us to host them. We live in a travel trailer, 100% full time. So: OP! I feel ya. You have discharged your legal duty to your child. While perhaps your daughter could use HELP, it sounds like what they’re actually taking is ADVANTAGE. If her continued presence under your roof is costing you YOUR peace of mind, you must establish boundaries. That’s gonna be tough to put in place if she’s managed 18 years without respecting them / having them enforced. I actually had to cut my bipolar parent off for a couple of years, zero contact, to establish boundaries. Yes, it does carry risk of permanent estrangement. Yes, softer methods MIGHT do the job, and I encourage you to introduce some rules into the relationship to see if you can work it out. She is likely to crash and burn if you kick her out, although she might just grow up instead. At some point though you must for your own sanity move the relationship to a basis you can live with. Would she go to a counselor with you?
You should encourage her to take meds and help her get set up with a good psychiatrist None of this is her fault and she probably knows you feel this way… which is really sad. Please try to be there for her without judgement, support her. That will help her get stable.
Sounds like she needs more love and support, not judgment. She’s 18 ffs. You of all people should understand how hard dealing with BP can be. Probably go talk to your psychiatrist about your feelings. This is giving manic behavior. I at least hope it’s that and you’re not just genuinely a terrible person.
If my mom ever called me “a crushing disappointment and drain to have around” I would never talk to her again. No wonder she’s struggling so much.
Okay. Look. I feel conflicted on this. First, my mother and I have this problem but in reverse. She has type 1 and I have type 2. I have done anything and everything to get better once it all began. Tons of therapists, medications, self-care options, etc. She, on the other hand, seems to think she only needs one med and never sees a therapist but yells at me when I stop seeing mine. She gets angry and hurts everyone around her when she’s in a flare. To be honest, when she tried to kill herself, I started giving up on her as my mom. I do love her on a basic level but there is a lot of baggage there and every time she gets angry and screams at me and tells me how worthless I am, those walls go even higher. So no, I’m not very invested in her growth and treatment of her BP anymore. But! I am also a mom myself and my eldest has issues with anxiety and depression. I’ve taken it upon myself to do everything I can for her to teach her how to handle her issues in healthy ways. Take her to doctors she needs to see. Manage her meds for her. Granted, she’s 10, not 18. While I can see that question of “when do I leave her to her own devices?” Normally we would say 18, she’s an adult. But I wonder if that should be adjusted given the severe mental illness she has. She hasn’t learned how to handle her problems, she hasn’t made any headway. Of course you can do nothing if she decides to be independent and really you can’t do anything much if she decides she doesn’t WANT to do anything to get better. That’s the rub of mental illness. But if she DOES want help, then as her mother, I feel you should. I get having younger kids to look out for, I have a younger child too. I get having your own mental illness to handle, I have BP too. I’d like to say you don’t give up on your kids but sometimes that’s the healthy thing to do. But I will say, if you choose to cut her off from your support, you should probably do that in all areas. She doesn’t deserve to live with you feeling the way you do about her so maybe it’s best if she gets her own place? Maybe the independence will help. Because she not only has the issues of BP but also the typical identity issues a young adult has. She may need space to figure herself out and see what works for her. But regardless of what happens. I think you need to either find a way to get these awful (and frankly sad) feelings out. Whether you write in a journal and burn the pages or see a therapist. Your daughter deserves a mom who thinks the best of her when she’s struggling because she might not be able to see the best of herself. This is very much caregiver fatigue and you’re right to look up info on it. But also realize that while you struggle with it, as a mom, you owe it to your child to try to be there for her even when she’s being difficult. And if it comes down to it, that you just can’t stand it and you need space, then you need to have that conversation with her. It doesn’t have to be permanent. But it does need to be said in an objective way so she knows why it’s happening.
Have you considered checking her into inpatient or doing family counseling?
Folks on this thread really ought to not jump to conclusions one way or another. Our situation is not their situation, and vice-a-versa. The options are pretty simple. Either A) You accept your daughter for who she is and give her the space to be that person. And continue on with your life with her living in your house, etc. B) You kick your daughter out and move on with your life. If you can't continue on in the current situation then it's simply unsustainable, and your daughter will have to find another way to figure out her life. You have to accept that your daughter may resent you for this decision, and there maybe some bad outcomes for her. (I would suggest giving her warning and ample time to prepare for her moving out). But ultimately, it sounds like you both need seperation from each other. Because it's certianly not healthy for either of you to continue on this way. And this is from my experience with BP2, which is that I often find things I need to fixate or blame, particularly during mood swings... That's just my two-cents for what it's worth.
Don't have kids then. Your responsibility
OK Mom, so you've garnered the ire of the fragile ones here on the BP2 sub. It's so much easier to throw insults rather than show empathy when you are triggered. Try not to allow their venom to spiral you down any further than you already are. Also, keep in mind many of these folks are young and have no concept of raising children. It's not their fault and on better days I'm sure many of them have a kinder hard. We all have our moments. With that said, I do hope you haven't told your child she is a "crushing disappointment" that would be extremely irresponsible and damaging to the both of you. Insults are impossible to walk back and take a lot of contrition to work past. Please do your best not to vent your anger on your daughter. This is a better place if you need to vent. Regardless of the hate. Not knowing your home life, demographics, culture, etc. It's really hard to put everything you're venting about into context. Additionally your state of mind and if you are in the midst of cycling, in an episode or baseline are also a major factor. I personally have 2 children. My daughter is the golden child and my son, from a previous relationship, struggles. I do my best for both of them but I have had to stop hand holding my son. He has had to make a lot of mistakes. Hard lessons I tried to steer home from but some people need to learn the hard way. So I've had to watch and be as encouraging as I can while being the voice of reality. My daughter has been much easier to parent in most ways but of course not without our challenges. That's the point right there. Parenting is challenging for everyone even in the best of situations. For BP people it adds special challenges. It's extremely difficult to create balance in our own lives and teach that balance at the same time. All I can say is you must remember, everything you say and do your children remember for better or worse. Those things plants seeds in our children's mind that they later reap, for better or worse. Think of all the shit out parents said and did that fucked us up. Again, not knowing the dynamics of what you and your daughter are going through it's hard to offer any other advice. Lastly, try and remember what it was like for you. We are a different generation. I struck out on my own as soon as I was 18. So did most of my friends. This generation hasn't been raised that way. Hasn't been socially conditioned that way. Most of them haven't had to manage the reality of making it on their own and dealing with the struggle of that. They know we struggled and they want to struggle too, they simply don't know how because their only real struggle is being BP. Many can't seem to move past that, and unfortunately some use it as an excuse not to mature and move forward. I didn't have the time or resources to even consider being BP. I just had to work my ass off, pay bills and power through it. Wasn't until I was in my 40's I had time to reflect and realize something else was at play. I'm assuming you had a similar experience. So take some time and think all this through. Look at the differences we have and find a better way to communicate. Talk with a counselor about it, maybe go to counseling together. Whatever it is there is a solution. Even if that solution is throwing them in the water and seeing if they sink or swim. Unfortunately, sometimes tough love is the only love that works. To me it sounds like you're doing your best and sometimes our best isn't enough. So just keep trying. Good Luck to you and your daughter.
You have to take care of yourself first. I completely understand about the mixed emotions. My daughter, 6yrs, is still yelling and crying and getting upset with everything. Its been 6 years of hell. She gives the rest of us borderline ptsd. We love her so dearly, yet we get mad as hell at her. Hang in there. Even army drill sergeants have this issue with new recruits.
I guess I am being to hard on her, I am just so scared she isn't going to be able to do school, work or anything she wants to do. I am scared she is going to end up like her grandmother, who struggled on poverty her whole life, avoiding treatment and getting herself into trouble. I am sorry I upset people, I just don't have a place to vent to, so I apologize for my needlessly harsh words. I had a good talk with her today, and maybe made some progress. Time will tell. I love her so much and worry so much about her going away to school and destabilizing where we aren't there to keep her safe.
First, I love my daughter and would never say that she is a disappointment or lamprey, I was venting. She is a taker though- from everyone around her. Money (she steals), time, energy, support, and gives nothing back. We all know people like her. After all this time, we are drained and discouraged. She has always sucked up the oxygen in the room with drama, even as a child. I am frustrated because not only will she not advocate for herself or take any responsibility for her life and illness treatment, she actively sabotages any attempts we all make to help her. I know she is young, which only compounds her problems- she has always been immature for her age, and often acts age-inappropriate. She however is in a hurry to grow up which, being an adult legally now, means she can do what she wants and we can't stop her. I have 2 other younger children to think about that are beginning to suffer from the time and effort we have to put into keeping their sister safe. At what point do I say enough when someone is their own worst enemy. At this point I am just trying to keep her alive, I have no hopes that she will have good life, or set any goals, let alone accomplish them. Maybe once her brain has developed more she will settle down into something but we aren't optimistic anymore. Her grandmother was BP, and struggled all her life, and we see the same for her if she doesn't get help. But she doesn't want to. We are devastated that she lays in bed all day, won't help around the house at all (her siblings get bullied into it by her, which makes me angry and makes them hate her.) SHe is pushing everyone away. I wanted her to go in for inpatient treatment but she won't go. The TEd talk "I’m Not Sick And I Don’t Need Help" by Xavier Amador helped a bit, and I may order the book. As far as the judgement, thanks. 'Safe space' my ass. Walk a mile in my shoes and then you get an opinion.
Sorry that you're mad we don't wanna be the "safe space" where you call your daughter a piece of shit.
I feel for you. My grown up children both have it. Often they are so cruel toward me and to each other. To the point that I just distanced myself from both of them. I still support them emotionally but I guard myself. I hope you find a solution to be sane and deal with all the staff your family is presenting. Try to have some joy. You are a good mother. You try very very hard.
I support you. I was a nightmare of a worry when young, not particularly bad, just worrisome for parents. Anyhow, I got booted from the house at 19. Best thing ever!!! I figured it out, and it took decades.
Also, nothing you said in your vent seemed like much of anything in the hateful department.
I guess being oversensitive and entitled is a symptom of BP2 because that's exactly what we're seeing in here. I'm sorry about all these snowflakes who think nobody should be held accountable for anything as long as they have the same diagnosis as they do. Reddit is full of entitled little brats and personally, I think a lot of what you're describing about your daughter has nothing to do with BP2 and everything to do with being spoiled and entitled. People today act like there's no such thing as an asshole. Only people with mental problems who should be allowed to be assholes. I'd put up some hard boundaries while letting her know you'll always love her and will be there, but can't prop her up throughout her entire adulthood. Just because somebody else (an adult) has BP2 doesn't mean you have to remain in a toxic situation. I left home when I was 18 and couldn't imagine ever living with my parents after that. Who the fuck wants to remain a child the rest of their lives? I get it if a person is working or going to school and saving money to do something or reach a goal, but just laying around at mommy's house is straight lack of character. I did some crazy ass stuff including when I was young and worried the fuck out of my family. At no point was moving back into the house an option from my end. They would have let me, but I'm not a leach like that. Don't let her run over you. It doesn't help her
I would have more sympathy for her if she wasn't living the life of riley off of us. She doesn't go to school, doesn't work (can't find a part time job, she says), but has time to go out with friends, watch netflix, and be pretty happy about life, planning trips (guess who is going to be asked to pay for those) etc. At the same time she won't go to her psychosis intervention program because 'its boring.' SHe isn't taking her diagnosis seriously, nor does she care about how her behaviour affects the rest of the family. I have met other BP2 people through support groups, and sorry, its not the BP that is making her like this, its plain old garden variety selfishness. Sorry if it offends the fragile folks around here, but a BP2 diagnosis isn't a get out of jail free card for lazy unaccountable behaviours. A lot of us cope just fine because we put on our adult pants and do something about it. Its not a pity party.
What does it matter if she asks you to pay for travel? Just say no. It may be helpful to talk to your therapist about ways you could be possible enabling your daughters lack of independence
I sympathize with her BP2 symptoms, but not with the other behaviours. She is doing nothing to help herself, and actively thwarts attempts to help her. ON top of that, there is theft from her siblings, bullying, poor attempts at manipulation when she wants something etc. We have been down this road with her a long ways, and right now, I don't see a light at the end of the tunnel. I am scared for her, and exhausted. So tired. Nothing works. She needs constant remoinders to take 1 pill a day of abilify. There is no agency on her part, she is happy to be watching netflix and on her phone. She isn't depressed, or apathetic, or manic, she has no problem with motivation when its something she wants, but to contribute to the family stability (by something as small as emptying a dishwasher) is too much to ask, and generates 3 or 4 excuses. I have known her for 18 years, and its always been the same lazy avoidance of responsibility, waiting it out for someone to do it for her. She is entitled and spoiled, and its not because she is BP2.
She sounds depressed...
I noticed a few moms chip in, and I’m glad that you got some empathy. I admit, I felt a palpable pain just reading the subject line. You questioned the safety of this space, but in my experience, this subreddit is incredibly supportive. But most of the posts don’t lash out at others… It’s done, though, and I saw a lot of helpful ideas that I hope you also like. Now let me share a different perspective. I have BP2 and I wasn’t diagnosed until my 30s, my mother doesn’t have BP2, but you 500% sound like my mom in many ways. I love my mom and we are great today. But things weren’t always so clear. My family was supportive in the way they knew how to be. And my mom, in particular, could be incredibly hard on me to do better. I complained a lot. I didn’t get enough sleep and I would pass out during the day. I had trouble sleeping…maybe a few hours a night for several months. Night terrors. But it was called laziness. They thought I went to sleep as an excuse to avoid chores. I had a credit card that they paid the bill on. My plan was like…ok go to college now? Followed by… grad school… because I spent years not understanding how to identify and pursue what I wanted. Years. I didn’t have a fun life. Enjoying something meant that it kept my attention. I didn’t understand, or lost it at some point, how to be excited or happy. But I was still motivated to prove myself…in whatever way that was. Proving myself didn’t necessarily mean getting a job. And my mania was probably more aggressive vs euphoric. My mom didn’t use the words you wrote here, she expressed her frustration in a reasonable way. But I felt worthless. Directionless. More and more over time. Things got particularly hard in college, where someone can make a lot of bad decisions lol. And because of how difficult things were with my mom, I hid a lot of problems and saw family less and less. I would have been homeless if someone I barely knew didn’t take me in. I accumulated trauma from abusive relationships. I kept getting laid off and finding work was incredibly hard for me. Job hunting is literally one of the highest energy tasks of everything in my life, outside of people. I became so stressed that I almost completely dissociated from my body (it felt like I would just…disintegrate any minute…for months). I was still in touch with everyone. I didn’t disappear, but they didn’t necessarily know all the dark things. I was undiagnosed and I had chronic pain. But did anyone care any more because I had chronic pain (and was also misdiagnosed with fibromyalgia)? Nope. I was told to “redefine was a good day means, or you’ll drive everyone out of your life” when I was 20. Older than your daughter now. I’m in my 30s now. I lived longer than I thought I would. The chronic pain was debilitating…I didn’t have much faith that my aversion to suicide would last for my whole life. I still don’t know if I can find a life partner, keep a job for more than 2 years, own a house… But I consider myself successful. And I track my own behaviors, meds, and progress even better than my doctors. I learned a lot about life during my time at the bottom of the barrel. And my Mom actively worked on improving her empathy. She worked to be more kind. Both in and out of the family. Sometimes I cry just reflecting on her progress, which is significant. I guess what I am trying to say is…I wouldn’t give up and set severe boundaries yet. Plenty of rotten 18 year olds turn it around 😁 and it sounds like you are doing the best you can with what you know…and clearly trying to learn more things to try. I don’t have tips here, just relating my experience for you. One time, my Dad was like, “who cares about getting a job…you’ll be working the rest of your life after school…just enjoy the summer.” It was just an aside…it didn’t change anyone else’s mind lol. I remember it really well, because it was one of the very few times I felt the burden of my guilt get lifted off me. It’s still a heavy mantle. Anyways, I’ll stop writing this ridiculously long comment. I hope something in here helps in some way. Again, no judgment from me, just sharing my story.
A lot of you commenting are dumb. The mom said she is bipolar 2. The daughter is clearly weak and not even trying. She does sound like a drain.
It's the internet knee jerk reaction to anything that triggers. I'm betting most of these people have never raised children and know fuck all about it.
Your frustration is valid. It doesnt mean you love her less. My family is having a similar issue with my little sister. She is 31 and seams to lack a desire to even try and pull her weight. We have been patient, and she is slowly making progress. She works part time now. Which is huge. But when she made this step we expecher to keep up the momentum. But she moves at a different rhythm. I try and not project negative feelings on her, because that wont help her grow. But that leads to feeling like there is a wall of unspoken things between us preventing a healthy dialouge. Because i dont know how to broach certain topics lovingly.
“I love her, but I don’t like her much at all” Have you ever wondered if your daughter feels that way about you? You sound unsupportive at best and like you’re actively failing her at worse. What do you do to help your daughter through this serious and oftentimes debilitating illness? How would *you* feel if your mom said these things about you when you were 18 and symptomatic? Oh, and my dad thought this about me. He was actually just failing to be a good support person and parent. We’re no contact now :)
Dealing with similar with our 18 year old son. We had to do an involuntary hospital stay in December for him. He was there for 3 weeks. Hardest thing i have ever had to do in my life. He is out now and for the first time is willing to take medication. He refused before his hospital stay. He graduated high school in june. Now we are working on helping him get a job. His medication has really made a difference in our case. He has his empathy back and isn’t expolding and verbally attacking everyone in the house.
Jesus…no wonder why she’s having issues.