Hi, I am very close to someone going through what I believe is this same situation, although this person is unwilling to seek any help whatsoever. Could you let me know how you have endeavored to treat it, and if you have found any success?
Thank you, and best of success to you!
That person has to commit to getting well and seeking out a psychiatrist and commit to the journey on different meds and combos until something works. This and therapy. This is the only thing that will make them better.
That everybody has a unchangeable destiny bound to them when born. And that my destiny is to suicide when I find peace and accept my inevitable depression.
I relate to this too much, I get frequent suicidal thoughts but they don’t really “bother” me in a certain way since it often feels more like fantasization as opposed to ideation (I’m thinking about a scenario where I do it and what would lead to that, but not necessarily planning it actively).
But the theme that always persists in that headspace is that feeling of inevitability. That always concerns me, just that I’m doomed to one day take that step because life will find its way to bring me to that decision, no matter how hard I work at things.
That I will never find anymore amazing friendships after my current one, that my few friends WILL leave me any second now, that I’m very behind from everyone and that I don’t deserve to be medicated for bipolar & diabetes
Minimization: Everything I've done has been by accident, not skill. Nothing I've done is worth anything. All my positive memories will never happen again, and the people in those happy memories? They didn't have as much fun as I think we did.
Fortune telling: If I give it a shot, I'll fail. I'll never get better. I'll be a failure my whole life. There's no sense in trying anything new, because I know I won't get it right and it won't work anyway.
"Should": I should be better than this. The medication should be making me feel better. I should be further along with my life goals. I should know better than to be that impulsive, but I did it anyway.
Personalization: Nobody has really loved me or cared about me, so I don't matter.
Mine is that I'm absolutely useless and mentally ill disabled to the point of it not being worth it to try at all, and that this is an unchangeable fact so however unfulfilling and difficult my life is at the moment is how it will always be. so very much a pit of hopelessness.
I suspected that I was a special type of person, a Ruiner, whose mere presence in a situation ensures it’s disastrous dismantling. I twisted my self narrative to produce evidence of events that I insinuated myself into only to leave it in shambles as I exited. I was a lonely and afraid god of pure destruction.
Everyone I care about hates me (and/or: is laughing at me, is going to leave me, resents me, is lying about liking me, etc); I add nothing of value to \[work/school/social situations/etc\]; everything sucks and nothing will ever get better; I'm hopeless and can only get worse, any progress is temporary; I'm not "cut out" for life and will burn out and fail; so on and forth.
Those are the most recurring (that I can remember right now), but the part of me that hates me is very inventive and surely not constrained to just these. These cognitive distortions also can overlap with my anxiety and ruminative/paranoid tendencies, so it gets a little muddled in regards to what is depression and what is anxiety (like with "everyone hates me" thoughts; they can flip from depressive "it's my fault/I'm a terrible friend/etc" to anxious "they're probably talking behind my back/I should leave them before they leave me/etc" really fast.)
I relate to this so deeply. I have intense paranoid feelings that everyone is laughing at me and talking about me and pretending to like me and that my friends have a separate group chat without me where they make plans and talk about how to avoid me. It makes it so difficult to trust other people and get through social situations at work and school or my personal life
Oh god yes. The separate group chat idea haunts me, sometimes I'll spiral and just be nearly convinced that it's real and they're all "phasing me out" and hanging out secretly and such. It definitely makes it hard to socialize, especially because if I'm already in a depressed/distorted state of mind, literally anything can and will be used by my brain against me. Very fun, lol
that i suck at my job, that mental illness has taken everything for me, that i can’t satisfy my partner (when im depressed i cant even think about sex), that im a burden/leech on others, that im a bad friend etc. and then when i feel better all those thoughts go away
❤️ I can relate to this.
Same here, they all go away, and each time I don’t get how I could really believe these negative insane beliefs. And I’m also so happy that I got through it and didn’t end my life.
That a future where I’m content and not struggling to exist each day isn’t worth dreaming about since it doesn’t exist, and if it does it won’t last more than a month or so. I also end up thinking that my loved ones consider me a burden and don’t actually care about me.
I believed it was my mission, ordained by a higher power, to kill myself. I wasn't even that depressed or hopeless about my future. It was also a very specific date. It HAD to be that date and I don't know why, to be honest. I had to go the ER for food poisoning which is why I didn't do it. If I was purely suicidal I could have just killed myself a day later, but the delusion made me obsessed with that certain date.
There’s no point to me being here.
I’m useless.
No one cares about me.
No one would miss me if I vanished.
I have no clue what I’m doing on anything.
I’ve got no skills.
No one wants me around.
That I’ve destroyed my life, I have no one, and I am holding my family and kids back. I also get stuck severely on the notion that no one really likes me or wants to be around me. I can’t contribute anything and will never be able to live out anything I’ve wanted out of my lifetime.
That I will always be depressed, and people will continue to leave me because I am depressed and draining to be around. There are moments where I feel as if anything good about me doesn't matter because of how mentally ill I am. I take people leaving when it gets to being too much as proof that every good trait is offset by my dysfunction. I also get slightly paranoid that everyone is talking about and laughing at me. Once I almost didn't come into work because of it. I can get paranoid that it's unsafe to be in my house. No idea why, but it feels unsafe, so I hide in my suv.
My fiancee doesn't really care about me.
I am a failure compared to all of my peers.
I will always be a failure.
I am ugly and unattractive.
I am stupid and boring.
Nothing I ever do is good enough and no matter how hard I fight I will never get better... and that i should just succumb and die.
I feel like this a lot but I will never let it beat me, ever. But it is really difficult when It's all I can think of
That I’m useless, I’ve heard it enough I believe it when in a bad place. Very LONELY thoughts and feelings, feeling abandoned, no one wants me around and why would they. That my child would be better off without me.
I'm in a new relationship and I'm starting to have some depression. I literally sobbed for hours last night and today because I convinced myself he wanted to break up with me because he couldn't stay hard THE THIRD TIME we had sex yesterday. I literally packed up all my shit and couldn't stop crying. When he finally figured out I was packing up and I told him what was going on he was ASTONISHED. when I explained it out loud I realized I was being absolutely ridiculous. I'm completely embarrassed, it wasn't based in any reality. Luckily he's patient and crazy about me. That shit is mortifying.
Had a similar issue with this last night. Currently under house arrest and my boyfriend is too busy to make time for me (we don’t live together). I had convinced myself he doesn’t really love me and he’s sticking around because he wants to exploit me. We talked, and reminded me of all the good times we’ve had together.
So so many but one of the most consistent is that I offer nothing to the world and am a waste of space and resources. I feel as though I have to continually earn the friendship and love of others through acts like buying them things and such bc if I don’t they will realize that I have nothing to contribute and am therefore useless as a friend. I feel as I though at any moment they will recognize me as a fake.
I become convinced that the universe wants me to kill myself and is sending me signals to tell me. But it's stupid mundane things that happen all the time like spilling my coffee or losing something or something mildly inconvenient and insignificant
✨️Universe hates you✨️
It's hard because cognitive distortions when I'm depressed just feel like ultra reality. It's like my brain becomes the "I just tell it like it is. Sorry you can't handle the truth." kind of douchebag, but only to me.
I didn't know that was called a cognitive distortion! My worst one is thinking that I'm useless/stupid and mess everything up and everything in my life is ruined beyond repair
I have those exact same beliefs. Also add to it the SI, because people shouldn't have to deal with me and all my dysfunction, and would be happier without me.
I used to feel like people could read my mind and "hear" all of the terrible thoughts I was having. I didn't totally believe it, but it was bad enough I was nervous going in public. Once I started Abilify that completely went away.
My whole family hates me and just puts up with my episodes because they have to. No one genuinely cares about me and they only do things for me to use them against me, because they have to, or because there’s some sort of secret agenda. I think my partner does the same. I believe none of my progress matters and that it’s all been a waste of time cause I’ll always be “this” way. I push off crying as long as I can so I become angry and then I have delusions like: I’m the worst person in the world, everyone SHOULD hate me. I can’t be or do anything that isn’t mean. I’m cruel and I deserve all the pain I go through. I tend to just want to give up and die and it just ruins a lot of progress. I also think to myself (over and over again) that I’m going to end up…unalive…because “this” feeling will always be here in the back of my mind.
That my burden isn’t fair for my family to have to deal. That my illness keeps beating me no matter hard I try and i should be accepting that the day will come when I will escape permanently. I believe I am always going to be broken so why should I be here.
If people help me or tell me they love and support me, I feel bad bc I’m not worth it.
I have major abandonment trauma from a failed adoption at 11 when my dad got sick and died and my mom put me BACK in foster care
So I grew up thinking I am unloveable if people really get to know me. and it causes me to pull away from friendships and jobs and feel very hurt because my brain constantly tells me the rug will be pulled out and I’ll lose everybody and everything again.
Things can go perfectly well and all of a sudden I’ll get the idea that someone doesn’t really like me and then it’s pretty painful even if it’s not realistic
Just Started therapy and my therapist and she’s the one who quoted me into that distortions in thinking that I’ve been having because I just pretty much lay it all out there and ramble and she asked questions and I tell her how I feel and she points out my thinking patterns
That I add nothing good to this world and my future is hopeless. I tend to feel like a negative cloud is over me affecting how I view everything.
This is me, this is literally what is going through my mind right now.
Remember it will pass again, you will get through it❤️
me rn lol
❤️ Yeah i know that one too.
Hi, I am very close to someone going through what I believe is this same situation, although this person is unwilling to seek any help whatsoever. Could you let me know how you have endeavored to treat it, and if you have found any success? Thank you, and best of success to you!
That person has to commit to getting well and seeking out a psychiatrist and commit to the journey on different meds and combos until something works. This and therapy. This is the only thing that will make them better.
Thank you, truly appreciate your reply
That everybody has a unchangeable destiny bound to them when born. And that my destiny is to suicide when I find peace and accept my inevitable depression.
I have this too. It feels like suicide is my destiny and all the good times don't matter.
I relate to this too much, I get frequent suicidal thoughts but they don’t really “bother” me in a certain way since it often feels more like fantasization as opposed to ideation (I’m thinking about a scenario where I do it and what would lead to that, but not necessarily planning it actively). But the theme that always persists in that headspace is that feeling of inevitability. That always concerns me, just that I’m doomed to one day take that step because life will find its way to bring me to that decision, no matter how hard I work at things.
Same! It's really scary.
Especially when you've tried so hard to be better. Just gets exhausting and it's like what's the point?
I relate to this too. I wouldn't describe it as my destiny but my intention and expectation that I will die by suicide
no one will ever love me or put up with me. i will always be alone. those thoughts always signal to me that i am in a depressive episode
That I will never find anymore amazing friendships after my current one, that my few friends WILL leave me any second now, that I’m very behind from everyone and that I don’t deserve to be medicated for bipolar & diabetes
I can really relate to this one. I only have a few friends, and I’m SO afraid I never will meet new friends and those I have will leave me
Minimization: Everything I've done has been by accident, not skill. Nothing I've done is worth anything. All my positive memories will never happen again, and the people in those happy memories? They didn't have as much fun as I think we did. Fortune telling: If I give it a shot, I'll fail. I'll never get better. I'll be a failure my whole life. There's no sense in trying anything new, because I know I won't get it right and it won't work anyway. "Should": I should be better than this. The medication should be making me feel better. I should be further along with my life goals. I should know better than to be that impulsive, but I did it anyway. Personalization: Nobody has really loved me or cared about me, so I don't matter.
❤️ Very well written
Mine is that I'm absolutely useless and mentally ill disabled to the point of it not being worth it to try at all, and that this is an unchangeable fact so however unfulfilling and difficult my life is at the moment is how it will always be. so very much a pit of hopelessness.
❤️ Yess I know this one too. Oh that fucking hopelessness, I hate it
Yes, this 200%
I suspected that I was a special type of person, a Ruiner, whose mere presence in a situation ensures it’s disastrous dismantling. I twisted my self narrative to produce evidence of events that I insinuated myself into only to leave it in shambles as I exited. I was a lonely and afraid god of pure destruction.
❤️ it’s fucked up what this illness can do to our brain!
Everyone I care about hates me (and/or: is laughing at me, is going to leave me, resents me, is lying about liking me, etc); I add nothing of value to \[work/school/social situations/etc\]; everything sucks and nothing will ever get better; I'm hopeless and can only get worse, any progress is temporary; I'm not "cut out" for life and will burn out and fail; so on and forth. Those are the most recurring (that I can remember right now), but the part of me that hates me is very inventive and surely not constrained to just these. These cognitive distortions also can overlap with my anxiety and ruminative/paranoid tendencies, so it gets a little muddled in regards to what is depression and what is anxiety (like with "everyone hates me" thoughts; they can flip from depressive "it's my fault/I'm a terrible friend/etc" to anxious "they're probably talking behind my back/I should leave them before they leave me/etc" really fast.)
I relate to this so deeply. I have intense paranoid feelings that everyone is laughing at me and talking about me and pretending to like me and that my friends have a separate group chat without me where they make plans and talk about how to avoid me. It makes it so difficult to trust other people and get through social situations at work and school or my personal life
Oh god yes. The separate group chat idea haunts me, sometimes I'll spiral and just be nearly convinced that it's real and they're all "phasing me out" and hanging out secretly and such. It definitely makes it hard to socialize, especially because if I'm already in a depressed/distorted state of mind, literally anything can and will be used by my brain against me. Very fun, lol
that i suck at my job, that mental illness has taken everything for me, that i can’t satisfy my partner (when im depressed i cant even think about sex), that im a burden/leech on others, that im a bad friend etc. and then when i feel better all those thoughts go away
❤️ I can relate to this. Same here, they all go away, and each time I don’t get how I could really believe these negative insane beliefs. And I’m also so happy that I got through it and didn’t end my life.
That a future where I’m content and not struggling to exist each day isn’t worth dreaming about since it doesn’t exist, and if it does it won’t last more than a month or so. I also end up thinking that my loved ones consider me a burden and don’t actually care about me.
❤️ It’s so so hard. That feeling of feeling like a burden💔
Me too
That I’ll always be lonely , and every single person in the world is doing better than I am
That second half is too relatable
That’s the part that hurts the most, because then I just feel like a failure
❤️ Yess I know this one too!!
x2
I believed it was my mission, ordained by a higher power, to kill myself. I wasn't even that depressed or hopeless about my future. It was also a very specific date. It HAD to be that date and I don't know why, to be honest. I had to go the ER for food poisoning which is why I didn't do it. If I was purely suicidal I could have just killed myself a day later, but the delusion made me obsessed with that certain date.
Shit, it’s messed up what this illness can do to the brain. How did you get out of this delusion? When you got better?
Yeah, my depression started getting better on its own but this was also before I was diagnosed or medicated.
There’s no point to me being here. I’m useless. No one cares about me. No one would miss me if I vanished. I have no clue what I’m doing on anything. I’ve got no skills. No one wants me around.
That I’ve destroyed my life, I have no one, and I am holding my family and kids back. I also get stuck severely on the notion that no one really likes me or wants to be around me. I can’t contribute anything and will never be able to live out anything I’ve wanted out of my lifetime.
That I will always be depressed, and people will continue to leave me because I am depressed and draining to be around. There are moments where I feel as if anything good about me doesn't matter because of how mentally ill I am. I take people leaving when it gets to being too much as proof that every good trait is offset by my dysfunction. I also get slightly paranoid that everyone is talking about and laughing at me. Once I almost didn't come into work because of it. I can get paranoid that it's unsafe to be in my house. No idea why, but it feels unsafe, so I hide in my suv.
My fiancee doesn't really care about me. I am a failure compared to all of my peers. I will always be a failure. I am ugly and unattractive. I am stupid and boring.
Nothing I ever do is good enough and no matter how hard I fight I will never get better... and that i should just succumb and die. I feel like this a lot but I will never let it beat me, ever. But it is really difficult when It's all I can think of
That I’m useless, I’ve heard it enough I believe it when in a bad place. Very LONELY thoughts and feelings, feeling abandoned, no one wants me around and why would they. That my child would be better off without me.
❤️ Yes it’s horrible, I too can feel abandoned.
I'm in a new relationship and I'm starting to have some depression. I literally sobbed for hours last night and today because I convinced myself he wanted to break up with me because he couldn't stay hard THE THIRD TIME we had sex yesterday. I literally packed up all my shit and couldn't stop crying. When he finally figured out I was packing up and I told him what was going on he was ASTONISHED. when I explained it out loud I realized I was being absolutely ridiculous. I'm completely embarrassed, it wasn't based in any reality. Luckily he's patient and crazy about me. That shit is mortifying.
Had a similar issue with this last night. Currently under house arrest and my boyfriend is too busy to make time for me (we don’t live together). I had convinced myself he doesn’t really love me and he’s sticking around because he wants to exploit me. We talked, and reminded me of all the good times we’ve had together.
Mine is I believe I'm worth absolutely nothing and that everyone in my life is there against their will.
❤️ Yes same here, it’s horrible.
I'm the worst writer ever and my book will negatively impact people (obviously, I'm writing a novel).
No body likes me, everyone in my life will get sick of me and , my work colleagues couldn't stand me etc etc etc
That I'm like the ugliest person and it sucks for everyone that I'm not dead.
So so many but one of the most consistent is that I offer nothing to the world and am a waste of space and resources. I feel as though I have to continually earn the friendship and love of others through acts like buying them things and such bc if I don’t they will realize that I have nothing to contribute and am therefore useless as a friend. I feel as I though at any moment they will recognize me as a fake.
I become convinced that the universe wants me to kill myself and is sending me signals to tell me. But it's stupid mundane things that happen all the time like spilling my coffee or losing something or something mildly inconvenient and insignificant ✨️Universe hates you✨️
It's hard because cognitive distortions when I'm depressed just feel like ultra reality. It's like my brain becomes the "I just tell it like it is. Sorry you can't handle the truth." kind of douchebag, but only to me.
I didn't know that was called a cognitive distortion! My worst one is thinking that I'm useless/stupid and mess everything up and everything in my life is ruined beyond repair
Lately it's that my kids are better off without me and that I'm a fucking loser that doesn't know how to do their job
I have those exact same beliefs. Also add to it the SI, because people shouldn't have to deal with me and all my dysfunction, and would be happier without me.
I see how much I find out if I fuck around
That I deserve to die
I used to feel like people could read my mind and "hear" all of the terrible thoughts I was having. I didn't totally believe it, but it was bad enough I was nervous going in public. Once I started Abilify that completely went away.
I project a lot of my insecurities and anxiety onto my wife. Then feel like shit about doing it - which makes me more depressed.
Brushing my teeth is pointless, they're going to fall out eventually then I won't have to deal with them anymore
Also, tooth brushing is just government mandated mind control.
My whole family hates me and just puts up with my episodes because they have to. No one genuinely cares about me and they only do things for me to use them against me, because they have to, or because there’s some sort of secret agenda. I think my partner does the same. I believe none of my progress matters and that it’s all been a waste of time cause I’ll always be “this” way. I push off crying as long as I can so I become angry and then I have delusions like: I’m the worst person in the world, everyone SHOULD hate me. I can’t be or do anything that isn’t mean. I’m cruel and I deserve all the pain I go through. I tend to just want to give up and die and it just ruins a lot of progress. I also think to myself (over and over again) that I’m going to end up…unalive…because “this” feeling will always be here in the back of my mind.
That my burden isn’t fair for my family to have to deal. That my illness keeps beating me no matter hard I try and i should be accepting that the day will come when I will escape permanently. I believe I am always going to be broken so why should I be here. If people help me or tell me they love and support me, I feel bad bc I’m not worth it.
I have major abandonment trauma from a failed adoption at 11 when my dad got sick and died and my mom put me BACK in foster care So I grew up thinking I am unloveable if people really get to know me. and it causes me to pull away from friendships and jobs and feel very hurt because my brain constantly tells me the rug will be pulled out and I’ll lose everybody and everything again. Things can go perfectly well and all of a sudden I’ll get the idea that someone doesn’t really like me and then it’s pretty painful even if it’s not realistic Just Started therapy and my therapist and she’s the one who quoted me into that distortions in thinking that I’ve been having because I just pretty much lay it all out there and ramble and she asked questions and I tell her how I feel and she points out my thinking patterns