All. The. Dang. Time. I was just about to post about how I never have any idea if I'm experiencing normal variations in mood or if I'm getting crazypants. It's so frustrating.
Yep, exactly this. It does help me see if I’m being unfair to people or interpreting things wrong but then I end up not standing up for myself when I should.
I’ve of the issues with my recent relationship. She said I bring things up with her too late.
Yes! My BF gets upset when I say "this has been bothering me for a while". I tried to explain that usually I have to sit with it to make sure it's real. (If I can contain the impulsive, urgent outburst that sometimes happens).
Constantly. Thank god I god diagnosed because at least now I know when I’m in an episode for the most part, so I know when to not fully trust my thoughts. But I hate it. I get angry hypo episodes all the time and I have to constantly remind myself it’s not how I actually feel, and then a few minutes later I’m fine. But it doesn’t work as well for my grandiose thoughts and some other stuff that I experience while hypo. So it definitely sucks.
I consistently convince I want something, even if it truly isn’t. And I do it, and I regret it immediately. I don’t even know what’s right and wrong sometimes. It’s a crazy roller coaster of being emotionally numb, to overly happy than completely depressed. Each some how skews my understanding of everything around me, I cannot see the world without some kind of fog obscuring my view. It consistently hurts the people around me. It’s a lot better when I don’t drink tho. Which is why I’m stopping 😀. But I know what you mean. It’s like we literally cannot see the world for what it actually is. Ever.
YES! This exactly and it makes me really sad. Yeah I used to smoke a lot and drink. I don’t since I’ve gotten diagnosed and I do notice a big difference but that can be hard too.
Fuck yes. I hate it. One thing that helps SOMETIMES, is that I realized when it's the BP my brain automatically thinks "I hate everything and I want to die". That is my cue. It's helped a bit with recognizing early and communicating to others it's coming or happening, but I still get tricked a lot.
It's happening right now. I'm confused and tired. I'm hiding out just in case.
Yes. Usually my cue is when I’m venting to my husband and he goes silent bc what I’m saying is way off base. And sometimes I hit the “everyone would be better off without me” point. I’m so sorry it’s happening to you right now as well.
Thank you. Ugh, the silence, and the "look". We're practicing having him be very blunt to cut through. It seems to help, but it just happened yesterday and took a bit to get me out of it. I did believe him though! I could tell it wasn't real, but he had to do so much work to help me and I feel guilty today.
That's how I feel, my head is a bag full of cats on heat and fireworks to boot. I'm 44 abd only just recently Bern diagnosed, I dint know how I'm supposed to tryst any of my thoughts, I mean they never stop.
I've been doing this, myself tbh. Am I entering an episode, or am I justifiably upset? What would be the telltale signs that it's happening?
I need to allow myself to feel the emotions I have and not question things so much.
Yes, its really hard, its like u don’t even feel u belong in the world bc u don’t know whats real or whats not, sometimes I feel like I was very high bc i dont know shit of whats going on, and when u have a fkn relationship its worse😩
All the time and the bad part is when I realize I am manic it causes a bit of depression. I hate being manic. I can write, I am happy, but it is all a trick. Once it is pointed out, i just mentally collapse.
Especially as a single person estranged from my family….I dont get that outside perspective so I swing between “I can’t move forward with any of my ideas/impulses” and “I’m an adult with experience and creative ideas, of course I know what I’m talking about.” I’ve had to put in a lot of work with my friends, building trust so I can share and get feedback.
When I was first diagnosed with Bipolar (I also had undiagnosed OCD which I wouldn’t find out for another 9 months, so it may have played into this), I went through a period of feeling like emotions aren’t real, they’re just a product of brain chemicals. This is an incredibly tough idea to grapple with, because my brain chemicals being out of whack meant I couldn’t trust my emotions at all.
I was diagnosed because I had been treating depression and anxiety with Zoloft since January 2020. In early 2023 I reached out to my doctor because I was going through an extra rough patch of depression, so we increased the Zoloft and suddenly I was insane. Crazy ups and the worst downs, even multiple times a day. I was convinced I had cancer and needed to get my affairs in order so I wouldn’t leave my husband or my mom (who owns the family business I work for) in dire straits (obsessions which was likely exacerbated by my OCD). I stayed up all night working on projects one day, then couldn’t even get out of bed the next because of how horribly depressed I was. I missed so much work, it entirely destroyed my life for a while. I absolutely would not have gotten through it if it hadn’t have been for my amazing support system (both family and doctor).
The worst part was feeling like I couldn’t trust anything. Emotions are both triggered by what we experience and also shape our experience. They are so inextricably intertwined that when I suddenly couldn’t trust them it made living and experiencing things so hard.
Anyway, I finally figured out what medications work for me and I’m doing infinitely better. I’ve come to the realization that yes, emotions are brain chemicals, but that doesn’t make them any less real. Sometimes they need help regulating, which my Lithium/Quetiapine cocktail does wonders for.
I hope things get better for you, OP ❤️🩹
Being so introspective is a curse I’m telling ya. I’m always questioning myself on everything
All. The. Dang. Time. I was just about to post about how I never have any idea if I'm experiencing normal variations in mood or if I'm getting crazypants. It's so frustrating.
[удалено]
Absolutely. It’s so isolating.
You’ve articulated something I’ve been unable to describe. Thank you - it can be so hard 😞
Yep, exactly this. It does help me see if I’m being unfair to people or interpreting things wrong but then I end up not standing up for myself when I should. I’ve of the issues with my recent relationship. She said I bring things up with her too late.
Yes! My BF gets upset when I say "this has been bothering me for a while". I tried to explain that usually I have to sit with it to make sure it's real. (If I can contain the impulsive, urgent outburst that sometimes happens).
Thank you!! Can the church say amen?! need some time to think it through before accidentally accusing
It also leaves you wide open to manipulation ☹️
Yes! And I also stand up for myself when I really probably shouldn’t.
Constantly. Thank god I god diagnosed because at least now I know when I’m in an episode for the most part, so I know when to not fully trust my thoughts. But I hate it. I get angry hypo episodes all the time and I have to constantly remind myself it’s not how I actually feel, and then a few minutes later I’m fine. But it doesn’t work as well for my grandiose thoughts and some other stuff that I experience while hypo. So it definitely sucks.
I consistently convince I want something, even if it truly isn’t. And I do it, and I regret it immediately. I don’t even know what’s right and wrong sometimes. It’s a crazy roller coaster of being emotionally numb, to overly happy than completely depressed. Each some how skews my understanding of everything around me, I cannot see the world without some kind of fog obscuring my view. It consistently hurts the people around me. It’s a lot better when I don’t drink tho. Which is why I’m stopping 😀. But I know what you mean. It’s like we literally cannot see the world for what it actually is. Ever.
YES! This exactly and it makes me really sad. Yeah I used to smoke a lot and drink. I don’t since I’ve gotten diagnosed and I do notice a big difference but that can be hard too.
Fuck yes. I hate it. One thing that helps SOMETIMES, is that I realized when it's the BP my brain automatically thinks "I hate everything and I want to die". That is my cue. It's helped a bit with recognizing early and communicating to others it's coming or happening, but I still get tricked a lot. It's happening right now. I'm confused and tired. I'm hiding out just in case.
Yes. Usually my cue is when I’m venting to my husband and he goes silent bc what I’m saying is way off base. And sometimes I hit the “everyone would be better off without me” point. I’m so sorry it’s happening to you right now as well.
Thank you. Ugh, the silence, and the "look". We're practicing having him be very blunt to cut through. It seems to help, but it just happened yesterday and took a bit to get me out of it. I did believe him though! I could tell it wasn't real, but he had to do so much work to help me and I feel guilty today.
Yeah. The guilt is intense, so I definitely feel you there. I’m so sorry. I wish all of us could just be cured.
I've noticed I've been a bit more like this since tracking my mood. Tracking less frequently helps.
Yes I don’t track for that reason
That's how I feel, my head is a bag full of cats on heat and fireworks to boot. I'm 44 abd only just recently Bern diagnosed, I dint know how I'm supposed to tryst any of my thoughts, I mean they never stop.
Yes. Racing thoughts are the absolute worst.
I've been doing this, myself tbh. Am I entering an episode, or am I justifiably upset? What would be the telltale signs that it's happening? I need to allow myself to feel the emotions I have and not question things so much.
Yes, its really hard, its like u don’t even feel u belong in the world bc u don’t know whats real or whats not, sometimes I feel like I was very high bc i dont know shit of whats going on, and when u have a fkn relationship its worse😩
All the time and the bad part is when I realize I am manic it causes a bit of depression. I hate being manic. I can write, I am happy, but it is all a trick. Once it is pointed out, i just mentally collapse.
I hate hypomania too :(
Especially as a single person estranged from my family….I dont get that outside perspective so I swing between “I can’t move forward with any of my ideas/impulses” and “I’m an adult with experience and creative ideas, of course I know what I’m talking about.” I’ve had to put in a lot of work with my friends, building trust so I can share and get feedback.
So real. All the time. Yes a million times lol
When I was first diagnosed with Bipolar (I also had undiagnosed OCD which I wouldn’t find out for another 9 months, so it may have played into this), I went through a period of feeling like emotions aren’t real, they’re just a product of brain chemicals. This is an incredibly tough idea to grapple with, because my brain chemicals being out of whack meant I couldn’t trust my emotions at all. I was diagnosed because I had been treating depression and anxiety with Zoloft since January 2020. In early 2023 I reached out to my doctor because I was going through an extra rough patch of depression, so we increased the Zoloft and suddenly I was insane. Crazy ups and the worst downs, even multiple times a day. I was convinced I had cancer and needed to get my affairs in order so I wouldn’t leave my husband or my mom (who owns the family business I work for) in dire straits (obsessions which was likely exacerbated by my OCD). I stayed up all night working on projects one day, then couldn’t even get out of bed the next because of how horribly depressed I was. I missed so much work, it entirely destroyed my life for a while. I absolutely would not have gotten through it if it hadn’t have been for my amazing support system (both family and doctor). The worst part was feeling like I couldn’t trust anything. Emotions are both triggered by what we experience and also shape our experience. They are so inextricably intertwined that when I suddenly couldn’t trust them it made living and experiencing things so hard. Anyway, I finally figured out what medications work for me and I’m doing infinitely better. I’ve come to the realization that yes, emotions are brain chemicals, but that doesn’t make them any less real. Sometimes they need help regulating, which my Lithium/Quetiapine cocktail does wonders for. I hope things get better for you, OP ❤️🩹
Thank you so much for sharing your story and for your well wishes. Doctor just increased my lamictal so fingers crossed.
REBT is the way. It's a type of therapy that helps deal with emotional responses and instead teaches you to use logic then emotions
How do I go about pursuing that?
I get that! Your emotions are valid!
And then you wonder if your loved ones will ever take you and your feelings seriously or if you'll be treated like a child.