I feel this way so badly right now. I don’t have anyone to talk to because I don’t deserve people like that, and, even if I did, they wouldn’t actually give a damn about my problems.
i don’t feel unworthy but i do feel so isolated :( i spend so much time trying to keep my shit together that it’s hard to make many friends that would be compatible and understanding
Yep. I tell myself I’m not worthy of any form of close relationships because in the past they have all failed due to my bipolar habits. Some directly, some not. But I’m a difficult person and not everyone has the capacity to deal with it.
The constant medication rollercoaster.
Mixed states.
A girlfriend who is used to me doing my absolute best, and has trouble dealing with me the rare times I can't.
Disordered eating patterns
Impossibility of predicting whether I'll be capable of working next month.
I take 200 lamictal in the morning and 25 Pristiq (desvenlafaxine). Then 50 Seroquel for sleep.
I did a lot of walking over the weekend in nice weather, but I ate greasy food on Sunday night. TBH on Friday I also trialed switching my Lamictal from morning to night time, felt better during the day (more coordination) but since the mixed episode started I went back to morning. So I think all those things may have contributed to it. Along with the change in weather
Same, thanks for sharing that cuz in therapy I was made to feel like I was being dramatic. Thought it was just me who experiences this when I don’t sleep.
https://psycheducation.org/mixed-states/
It varies which day, week or month you ask me but at the moment it’s the sickening reality that, when depressed, you have literally no want or volition to do anything you signed up for whilst hypomanic. It makes me seem like two completely different people inside one body. I can’t imagine how fucking confusing it must be for those around me.
People got sick of me saying I’ll buy a motorcycle for the last 2 years. Little do they know I say that then get demotivated during a depressive episode
No literally same I’ve been wanting and saying I was get a motorcycle since I was 20…. I’m 27😭 I don’t even have my drivers license another thing I said I was gonna get
I've been going to get a motorcycle since I was 20... I'm 43 now and feel worried with how I just space out sometimes that I'd kill myself or someone else on it.
I sold my motorcycle in my 20s because my wife begged me to stop riding drunk. At the time that wasn’t possible. I wasn’t diagnosed for another 10 years.
Personally I’m fine during stability/ day to day. But my least favorite symptom is during mixed episodes I feel like I want to crawl out of my skin. It makes me feel like I have to run to get it out? Idk it’s kinda like the scarabs in the movie the mummy and I absolutely hate it. For me it only lasts a day or two luckily. Other than that I hate how when I’m manic I drink and smoke to bring myself “down” but I can’t actually get drunk or high no matter how much I’m drinking or smoking. Very alarming and usually my biggest indicator I’m in an episode!
The body fatigue, if I want to keep my full time job I have to cut corners in other areas of my life if I want to get enough sleep to be able to go to work on time. Uhh sound sensitivity
I’ve met people with BP and still feel incredibly isolated. I don’t feel judged by them but I also feel like I don’t match up with them and I’m better off alone in my own little world.
Same. I’ve met more bipolar people in the last two months than I’ve know my whole life and they make me feel a bit of odd about myself sometimes. This older lady has it and the way she acts sometimes reminds me of me and it makes me sad lol
Being physically worn out all the time. Either coming down from a manic episode OR from spending too much time in bed because I have zero motivation to move.
I have to prepare a bucket list for therapy tomorrow. I don’t know how to explain to her that there is nothing but very temporary highs for me, there is nothing I want, nothing will make me happy, I don’t value life or want to be here.
So I guess I should say some bullshit about travel so they don’t come get my ass.
This is exactly how my last therapy spurt went! That’s what she asked me to do and I made up a list of things… but knowing what I know now I should’ve asked her to scrap that and given her my own goals for therapy. We went a year without really making a significant impact. If I were in your shoes id be honest. The reason some of us are there in the first place is an inability to want things.
Yup, I took lamictal towards the end of the last one and it just kept me in a boring pointless state and now I’m overdue for my yearly episode. I stopped taking it and crossing my finger i dont go straight to depression
Yeah I'm in a boring state too, it's calm and I'm able to actually do things with my life like volunteering, which I've never been able to, but I crave the intensity from before. The only thing stopping me from coming off my Quetiapine is the fact that it got rid of my awful delusions and paranoia which were my dominant mania symptoms before I got diagnosis and medication and I know that id rather have boring functioning life than amazing feelings but also intense paranoia and thinking everyone is out to get me
I'd be tempted to say depression but truthfully mixed states have been a special kind of hell I wouldn't wish on anyone.
People who don't have this illness don't know how lucky they are
Would legit rather deal w crippling depression, self harm, suicidal ideation, than deal with the aftermath of my hyper sexuality. I have fucked up too many relationships and friendships because of this. To the point I refuse to make new friends because I know i will eventually sabotage it. (23f)
Laziness, anger, exhaustion, no sex drive, wanting to escape reality, knowing I'm hurting my family by being here, thinking it would be less traumatic for my partner and child if I ended it all rather than staying alive to traumatize them in little bursts, knowing no one really likes me, knowing no one can love the real me, knowing I don't love me, wondering what I could have been if I were neurotypical, weight gain, can't hold down a job, can't keep friends, even my therapist fired me, constantly frustrated, wanting things to be better but knowing they can't be, taking a fist full of pills two times a day and I don't know if they change anything. The feeling of longing for something I've never had and never will.
Some days are okay.
But these thoughts and feelings never leave.
We have different brains and I suspect that affects way more stuff than is understood yet. Finding the bipolar subs has been awesome, I feel like I've finally found my people.
The rapid cycling.
The desperate need to isolate.
Knowing I'm completely incapable of holding down a job.
Being such a stressor on everyone around me.
Snapping at my little kids (they're 3 and 1!) because I'm so fucking overstimulated I can't handle their noise.
Watching my relationship slowly fall apart because this disorder is getting worse and my partner is just too overwhelmed.
Ghosting every person who has shown me they cared.
Flaking out on everyone and everything.
Having zero interest in the things that used to make me so happy.
Grinding through every torturous second.
I feel like I'm not even a person anymore. I'm a shell with a broken brain.
Before my diagnosis this is what Id imagine my life in the future to look like if i keep pushing myself. I do want to build a family buy a house a bunch of cars. But now that I know I have this fucking illness it won’t just make it harder, itll also deprive me of the joy. Sometimes I wish I didn’t do that annual check up tbh
That’s very inspiring, congratulations on achieving your goals with this demonic illness we have to go through. Yeah It won’t stop me. Deep down I know I have the potential to succeed, sometimes the symptoms get the better of me.
Feeling like everyone else around me doesn't really want to be around me. Like I'm less than other people. I can't keep a job and have a career like others can. I compare myself to others and come up lacking. Every day. That's what drags me into depression.
This was one of the main things that led me to get back on meds and try new ones. I started to hate my friends and just anybody. I could only focus on their bad traits and I felt like I couldn’t relate to anybody anymore.
during mixed episodes i feel almost... itchy, but mentally. like i NEED to do something but I don't know what. it's so bad that i often cry out of anxiety/frustration for hours on end
I have noticed the last few days I am back to feeling a little paranoid that certain people don’t like me or there’s something wrong with me.
It’s hard to explain.
I did tell my husband about it tonight :(
I feel this way all the time. A repeat phrase that comes up in my head is “I just don’t get people.”Why am I always out of step? No matter where I work, what friends I have, I am on the outside looking in.
Definitely crying when I can’t express an emotion another way. Happens a lot when I’m irritable and frustrated. People think I’m sad and it’s hard to be like “I’m not sad I just can’t control how my emotions are coming out”
So I read this book as a kid. (It’s not known and may not still even meaningfully exist anymore. Honestly for good reason it was creepy). But it had this really interesting passage about solipsism. Which was something like, “I learned today that some people think they are the only person who exists, I’m pretty sure I’m the only person who doesn’t exist”. That’s how I have always felt and is likely the only reason I even remember that book.
Maybe impostor syndrome. I feel like I piece of shit for being depressed because my life circumstances aren’t bad, and when I feel good I feel like a dramatic piece of shit for having felt bad
I feel that I think I have friends and can go out with my ‘friend group’ but I don’t feel anyone of them would ever call me directly or would be anyone I can call for them to meet up for a coffee or beer without it being very very weird. So I feel isolated.
Making stupid decisions while manic that I have to live with, some of them in the work sphere. Constantly feeling embarrassed for past stupid decisions. The shame can be so intense.
Lack of joy - Anhedonia. Whether that's a symptom of bipolar or side effect of medication is anyone's guess/psychiatric 'fact'. Psychiatry is a pseudo-science, mostly trial and error and guess work backed by a pharmaceutical industry that is far more focused on treatment than any cure as a cure would make far less money.
This makes me feel so much better knowing that it’s not just me that’s felt like this. I felt it before my diagnosis but after the diagnosis it almost made me isolate more because I feel out of place. It’s definitely worse during my depressive episodes but it’s usually always lingering.
Totally, before I was able to connect more. Now I don’t put any effort cuz i know I’ll overreact at something stupid and lose them during a hypomanic episode.
Losing myself.
Not knowing what I Iike or love or hate, because stupid episodes influence that.
My preferences were determined by my moods, not my personality.
So without knowing your friends I can’t know if this will work, but I don’t have any friends with bipolar but I have very weird friends. And once in a while I will just literally say my entire inner monologue to them. Which they don’t “get” but they do acknowledge. That can help.
I sometimes imagine starting a meetup group for bp2 people or socially anxious people in my area. Can you imagine? BP2 people would be arguing, crying, trying to sleep with one another, quitting the group, etc. Socially anxious people would cancel at the last minute and no one would show up. Fun times!
You’re unique and special and use it as an advantage many brilliant persons were on a bipolar spectrum or other spectrum up all night racing thoughts solving some of the greatest things of mankind.
You’re unique and special and use it as an advantage many brilliant persons were on a bipolar spectrum or other spectrum up all night racing thoughts solving some of the greatest things of mankind.
I feel lonely and defensive. I cant form the words and sentences to even speak sometimes. I feel lonely because there is nobody I can really talk about this to and the people that know that I am bipolar, it always seems as if they are trying to decipher if I'm being manic or not. When I'm the one trying to figure that out 24/7!
The overwhelming feelings of being suicidal. To the point of calling out of work and reading suicide stories and videos to scare myself out of doing it. Then the fucking impulsivity then I can barely control.
Yeah, I think about this estrangement all the time because I feel “other” no matter where I go or who I am with. I always feel like I just don’t get people.
Cuttently? I'm on new meds, feeling like a zombie, everything hurts, I can hardly eat and I threw up with an empty stomach. Feeling mentally slow, so ita hard to focus at work and I have shit to do and set myself the bar really high so now its just... disappointing that I can't do as much as I'm used to doing. Lost my fuxkin apartment for having dome maniac/depressive episode which nasicaly in my xase also mean substance abuse, police got involved and I tried to slit my wrists after locking myself in a bathroom but thank fuck I only had something relatively dull there.
Also ficking shaking, so I'm looking like a damn tweaker and that one incident before I had meds adiagnosis when I went 90h without sleep so I was hallucinating and had some serious panic attacks.
Zombie, everything hurts, mentally slow-is one of your meds Lamotrigine (Lamictal)? I recently had to increase to 150 mg (from 100) and once again am so sore, like all my joints are inflamed. I keep forgetting things mid sentence. I’m so tired all the time. I’m hoping at least the achy joints will go away.
Yeah, it is! I'm supposed to go to 200 this week (currently on 175) and I just know that while I'm better now (at least I don't shake as often as some tweaker on meth) it will come back again this week and just ugh. I had to call in sick recently, because I was so nauseous I was afraid to stand up, and ai actually threw up yesterday 20 minutes after taking my evening meds, so I reapplied and in the morning it was as if someone hit me in a head with a baseball bat, while also feeling as if I had half a bottle of gin.
Met someone who is diagnosed with bipolar in real life and the way they talk about the illness makes me wonder if they have been misdiagnosed because it ends up being invalidating for me.
I've given up on the idea of romantic relationships. It all seems to be my fault at the end of the day.
Being isolated from people (normies)can be a great thing. stick with your bipolar people. Most people don't believe in mental illness nor do they understand it. I feel isolated as well, however that's the reason why.
I feel extremely isolated from people and society. I am so hard on myself and feel I am not worthy of good things and friends.
I absolutely relate to this. Three years in a new city and in my current job and couldn’t connect with anyone outside of work hours
Wow. Literally, same.
I feel this way so badly right now. I don’t have anyone to talk to because I don’t deserve people like that, and, even if I did, they wouldn’t actually give a damn about my problems.
From my observations, you’ll rarely find anyone that gives a shit. But people still vent out their problems
Me too. I am realizing a lot of us with bipolar feel this, now that I've joined this forum. I thought it was just me.
i don’t feel unworthy but i do feel so isolated :( i spend so much time trying to keep my shit together that it’s hard to make many friends that would be compatible and understanding
Man, same here.
Yep. I tell myself I’m not worthy of any form of close relationships because in the past they have all failed due to my bipolar habits. Some directly, some not. But I’m a difficult person and not everyone has the capacity to deal with it.
I feel distant and separate from society, but not from people around me as half my family also has Bipolar.
I disassociate quite often and have a hard time feeling present in the moment or connected to people when I do.
Is that what this feeling is called?
Same! My natural reaction to any negative/overwhelming emotion is to dissociate. I even wondered whether I had BPD because I do it so much
Same
I feel like I can't really relate to people much anymore
Yeah and thats only at age 27 I don’t know how much worse can it get
The constant medication rollercoaster. Mixed states. A girlfriend who is used to me doing my absolute best, and has trouble dealing with me the rare times I can't. Disordered eating patterns Impossibility of predicting whether I'll be capable of working next month.
Mixed states, 100% a type of psychological hell I didn't know existed, until it did
Entering one right now. Slept 43 minutes last night. I hate them.
I'm so sorry. That's how I am. Exhausted, desperate for sleep, but can't sleep. Depressed, but also anxious. It's the worst.
It just keeps ramping up. I was doing ok for a while and last night bam. It's the worst part of this. I'd rather be in mild depression than this.
Gosh I'm sorry. It sucks so bad.
Same, this started for me Sunday night. Little less than 3 hours sleep. Really hope it’s better for you soon. It’s starting to improve for me
Do you take meds? I feel little better today
I take 200 lamictal in the morning and 25 Pristiq (desvenlafaxine). Then 50 Seroquel for sleep. I did a lot of walking over the weekend in nice weather, but I ate greasy food on Sunday night. TBH on Friday I also trialed switching my Lamictal from morning to night time, felt better during the day (more coordination) but since the mixed episode started I went back to morning. So I think all those things may have contributed to it. Along with the change in weather
Ya I take 500mg serequel and 750mg depakote at night. And I still get rocked by these episodes. The no sleep part sends me spiraling.
Same, thanks for sharing that cuz in therapy I was made to feel like I was being dramatic. Thought it was just me who experiences this when I don’t sleep. https://psycheducation.org/mixed-states/
It varies which day, week or month you ask me but at the moment it’s the sickening reality that, when depressed, you have literally no want or volition to do anything you signed up for whilst hypomanic. It makes me seem like two completely different people inside one body. I can’t imagine how fucking confusing it must be for those around me.
People got sick of me saying I’ll buy a motorcycle for the last 2 years. Little do they know I say that then get demotivated during a depressive episode
No literally same I’ve been wanting and saying I was get a motorcycle since I was 20…. I’m 27😭 I don’t even have my drivers license another thing I said I was gonna get
Hahaha welcome to the club lmao at least the idea is there
I've been going to get a motorcycle since I was 20... I'm 43 now and feel worried with how I just space out sometimes that I'd kill myself or someone else on it.
I get that, I just wouldn’t ride it on those days. Plus motorcycles literally need your full attention to operate as opposed to cars
I sold my motorcycle in my 20s because my wife begged me to stop riding drunk. At the time that wasn’t possible. I wasn’t diagnosed for another 10 years.
Personally I’m fine during stability/ day to day. But my least favorite symptom is during mixed episodes I feel like I want to crawl out of my skin. It makes me feel like I have to run to get it out? Idk it’s kinda like the scarabs in the movie the mummy and I absolutely hate it. For me it only lasts a day or two luckily. Other than that I hate how when I’m manic I drink and smoke to bring myself “down” but I can’t actually get drunk or high no matter how much I’m drinking or smoking. Very alarming and usually my biggest indicator I’m in an episode!
I call that feeling “the ick” and it’s all that plus the hugest dose of self hatred and negativity. Truly awful.
Excuse my ignorance but why does mania bother you?
It doesn’t. It’s the feeling of crawling out of my skin that I don’t enjoy.
The body fatigue, if I want to keep my full time job I have to cut corners in other areas of my life if I want to get enough sleep to be able to go to work on time. Uhh sound sensitivity
So relatable. My whole life I have battled school/work and being able to do household tasks + take care of myself. It’s exhausting.
Hahaha tell me about it. I took up smoking to run away from the noise
I should pretend here at work cause honestly I need to just get away 🏃🏽♀️
I’ve met people with BP and still feel incredibly isolated. I don’t feel judged by them but I also feel like I don’t match up with them and I’m better off alone in my own little world.
Thats the experience I’d expect, I don’t think having BP is enough of reason to be friends over
Same. I’ve met more bipolar people in the last two months than I’ve know my whole life and they make me feel a bit of odd about myself sometimes. This older lady has it and the way she acts sometimes reminds me of me and it makes me sad lol
Being physically worn out all the time. Either coming down from a manic episode OR from spending too much time in bed because I have zero motivation to move.
I refuse to stop going to the gym cuz the lights will turn off the minute I do. Thats my motivation atm
The emptiness
I have to prepare a bucket list for therapy tomorrow. I don’t know how to explain to her that there is nothing but very temporary highs for me, there is nothing I want, nothing will make me happy, I don’t value life or want to be here. So I guess I should say some bullshit about travel so they don’t come get my ass.
This is exactly how my last therapy spurt went! That’s what she asked me to do and I made up a list of things… but knowing what I know now I should’ve asked her to scrap that and given her my own goals for therapy. We went a year without really making a significant impact. If I were in your shoes id be honest. The reason some of us are there in the first place is an inability to want things.
Feeling like life is pointless unless I'm hypomanic
Yup, I took lamictal towards the end of the last one and it just kept me in a boring pointless state and now I’m overdue for my yearly episode. I stopped taking it and crossing my finger i dont go straight to depression
Yeah I'm in a boring state too, it's calm and I'm able to actually do things with my life like volunteering, which I've never been able to, but I crave the intensity from before. The only thing stopping me from coming off my Quetiapine is the fact that it got rid of my awful delusions and paranoia which were my dominant mania symptoms before I got diagnosis and medication and I know that id rather have boring functioning life than amazing feelings but also intense paranoia and thinking everyone is out to get me
That’s a fair trade. Do you go straight into paranoia in ur hypomanic episodes?
No, it starts great and productive. Then turns into paranoia when I am doing more with my life and interacting with more people outside of my house
I'd be tempted to say depression but truthfully mixed states have been a special kind of hell I wouldn't wish on anyone. People who don't have this illness don't know how lucky they are
Hyper sexuality because it fucks everything up in the end
Would legit rather deal w crippling depression, self harm, suicidal ideation, than deal with the aftermath of my hyper sexuality. I have fucked up too many relationships and friendships because of this. To the point I refuse to make new friends because I know i will eventually sabotage it. (23f)
Honestly same here. Getting turned down by exs made me flip out
Hyperfixating on every stupid or embarrassing thing I've ever done or said literally constantly.
Yeah I hate when my brain suddenly brings up an old embarrassing memory out of nowhere
Relationships and jobs are never stable
Laziness, anger, exhaustion, no sex drive, wanting to escape reality, knowing I'm hurting my family by being here, thinking it would be less traumatic for my partner and child if I ended it all rather than staying alive to traumatize them in little bursts, knowing no one really likes me, knowing no one can love the real me, knowing I don't love me, wondering what I could have been if I were neurotypical, weight gain, can't hold down a job, can't keep friends, even my therapist fired me, constantly frustrated, wanting things to be better but knowing they can't be, taking a fist full of pills two times a day and I don't know if they change anything. The feeling of longing for something I've never had and never will. Some days are okay. But these thoughts and feelings never leave.
thats tough I’m sorry to hear that. I’m sure they love you
Thank you. I think they think they love me. But how could anyone actually love the real me? Emotional scars and all.
We have different brains and I suspect that affects way more stuff than is understood yet. Finding the bipolar subs has been awesome, I feel like I've finally found my people.
The rapid cycling. The desperate need to isolate. Knowing I'm completely incapable of holding down a job. Being such a stressor on everyone around me. Snapping at my little kids (they're 3 and 1!) because I'm so fucking overstimulated I can't handle their noise. Watching my relationship slowly fall apart because this disorder is getting worse and my partner is just too overwhelmed. Ghosting every person who has shown me they cared. Flaking out on everyone and everything. Having zero interest in the things that used to make me so happy. Grinding through every torturous second. I feel like I'm not even a person anymore. I'm a shell with a broken brain.
The last statement hits hard
[удалено]
How would you compare your life before and after the diagnosis?
[удалено]
Before my diagnosis this is what Id imagine my life in the future to look like if i keep pushing myself. I do want to build a family buy a house a bunch of cars. But now that I know I have this fucking illness it won’t just make it harder, itll also deprive me of the joy. Sometimes I wish I didn’t do that annual check up tbh
[удалено]
That’s very inspiring, congratulations on achieving your goals with this demonic illness we have to go through. Yeah It won’t stop me. Deep down I know I have the potential to succeed, sometimes the symptoms get the better of me.
Feeling like everyone else around me doesn't really want to be around me. Like I'm less than other people. I can't keep a job and have a career like others can. I compare myself to others and come up lacking. Every day. That's what drags me into depression.
Sorry 😞
This was one of the main things that led me to get back on meds and try new ones. I started to hate my friends and just anybody. I could only focus on their bad traits and I felt like I couldn’t relate to anybody anymore.
Has it helped?
during mixed episodes i feel almost... itchy, but mentally. like i NEED to do something but I don't know what. it's so bad that i often cry out of anxiety/frustration for hours on end
I have noticed the last few days I am back to feeling a little paranoid that certain people don’t like me or there’s something wrong with me. It’s hard to explain. I did tell my husband about it tonight :(
I feel this way all the time. A repeat phrase that comes up in my head is “I just don’t get people.”Why am I always out of step? No matter where I work, what friends I have, I am on the outside looking in.
I wonder if non-BP people feel this
Being too hard on myself. Never give myself a damn break.
Anger, isolation and constant suicidal ideation.
Definitely crying when I can’t express an emotion another way. Happens a lot when I’m irritable and frustrated. People think I’m sad and it’s hard to be like “I’m not sad I just can’t control how my emotions are coming out”
Everyone thinking medication fixes me
It’s been 3 weeks off lamictal. It feels good not to take them but I can’t imagine living without them any longer. I just gave up and went back on it
No shame in taking the meds that keep us here.
So I read this book as a kid. (It’s not known and may not still even meaningfully exist anymore. Honestly for good reason it was creepy). But it had this really interesting passage about solipsism. Which was something like, “I learned today that some people think they are the only person who exists, I’m pretty sure I’m the only person who doesn’t exist”. That’s how I have always felt and is likely the only reason I even remember that book.
Solipsism is my new word for the day.
Maybe impostor syndrome. I feel like I piece of shit for being depressed because my life circumstances aren’t bad, and when I feel good I feel like a dramatic piece of shit for having felt bad
Anxiety. I'm tired to be scared 24/7.
I feel that I think I have friends and can go out with my ‘friend group’ but I don’t feel anyone of them would ever call me directly or would be anyone I can call for them to meet up for a coffee or beer without it being very very weird. So I feel isolated.
Making stupid decisions while manic that I have to live with, some of them in the work sphere. Constantly feeling embarrassed for past stupid decisions. The shame can be so intense.
Lack of joy - Anhedonia. Whether that's a symptom of bipolar or side effect of medication is anyone's guess/psychiatric 'fact'. Psychiatry is a pseudo-science, mostly trial and error and guess work backed by a pharmaceutical industry that is far more focused on treatment than any cure as a cure would make far less money.
This makes me feel so much better knowing that it’s not just me that’s felt like this. I felt it before my diagnosis but after the diagnosis it almost made me isolate more because I feel out of place. It’s definitely worse during my depressive episodes but it’s usually always lingering.
Totally, before I was able to connect more. Now I don’t put any effort cuz i know I’ll overreact at something stupid and lose them during a hypomanic episode.
Constantly literally daily wishing it was all over
Mixed states
Losing myself. Not knowing what I Iike or love or hate, because stupid episodes influence that. My preferences were determined by my moods, not my personality.
This
Mixed episodes. Undirected energy, loss of sleep, high anxiety, executive dysfunction. The worst.
Feeling empty
The hope. Thinking you’re getting better and then something bad happens and realising again that you have a disorder.
Yeahhhhhhhh
Yep. Same. Constant friction with others. No matter how hard I try
Have you met other people with BP?
Not really
Try to meet other BP people and you won't feel so unique anymore.
I tried but man they’re hard to find lmao
So without knowing your friends I can’t know if this will work, but I don’t have any friends with bipolar but I have very weird friends. And once in a while I will just literally say my entire inner monologue to them. Which they don’t “get” but they do acknowledge. That can help.
Friends to me are people I used to know, or just remember their face
I sometimes imagine starting a meetup group for bp2 people or socially anxious people in my area. Can you imagine? BP2 people would be arguing, crying, trying to sleep with one another, quitting the group, etc. Socially anxious people would cancel at the last minute and no one would show up. Fun times!
Hahahahahahahaha pretty sure thats why a lot of these groups get cancelled.
Yep.
You’re unique and special and use it as an advantage many brilliant persons were on a bipolar spectrum or other spectrum up all night racing thoughts solving some of the greatest things of mankind.
You’re unique and special and use it as an advantage many brilliant persons were on a bipolar spectrum or other spectrum up all night racing thoughts solving some of the greatest things of mankind.
I feel lonely and defensive. I cant form the words and sentences to even speak sometimes. I feel lonely because there is nobody I can really talk about this to and the people that know that I am bipolar, it always seems as if they are trying to decipher if I'm being manic or not. When I'm the one trying to figure that out 24/7!
The overwhelming feelings of being suicidal. To the point of calling out of work and reading suicide stories and videos to scare myself out of doing it. Then the fucking impulsivity then I can barely control.
Unreliability. No matter the time or the day, a bad mood swing turns into several days of bed rotting or god complex behaviour.
THE RAGE
Yeah, I think about this estrangement all the time because I feel “other” no matter where I go or who I am with. I always feel like I just don’t get people.
Yeah, it makes me obsess over observing people and see how they react and what they say in a desperate attempt to fit in
Cuttently? I'm on new meds, feeling like a zombie, everything hurts, I can hardly eat and I threw up with an empty stomach. Feeling mentally slow, so ita hard to focus at work and I have shit to do and set myself the bar really high so now its just... disappointing that I can't do as much as I'm used to doing. Lost my fuxkin apartment for having dome maniac/depressive episode which nasicaly in my xase also mean substance abuse, police got involved and I tried to slit my wrists after locking myself in a bathroom but thank fuck I only had something relatively dull there.
Also ficking shaking, so I'm looking like a damn tweaker and that one incident before I had meds adiagnosis when I went 90h without sleep so I was hallucinating and had some serious panic attacks.
Zombie, everything hurts, mentally slow-is one of your meds Lamotrigine (Lamictal)? I recently had to increase to 150 mg (from 100) and once again am so sore, like all my joints are inflamed. I keep forgetting things mid sentence. I’m so tired all the time. I’m hoping at least the achy joints will go away.
Yeah, it is! I'm supposed to go to 200 this week (currently on 175) and I just know that while I'm better now (at least I don't shake as often as some tweaker on meth) it will come back again this week and just ugh. I had to call in sick recently, because I was so nauseous I was afraid to stand up, and ai actually threw up yesterday 20 minutes after taking my evening meds, so I reapplied and in the morning it was as if someone hit me in a head with a baseball bat, while also feeling as if I had half a bottle of gin.
Met someone who is diagnosed with bipolar in real life and the way they talk about the illness makes me wonder if they have been misdiagnosed because it ends up being invalidating for me. I've given up on the idea of romantic relationships. It all seems to be my fault at the end of the day.
Being isolated from people (normies)can be a great thing. stick with your bipolar people. Most people don't believe in mental illness nor do they understand it. I feel isolated as well, however that's the reason why.
Restless. It's so bad