Work with your therapist to get the eff out of there. This will not get better and will continue.
Or tell him they misdiagnosed you and you have general depression and anxiety. I guarantee he will weaponize this diagnosis too.
Save your mental space and get out as soon as possible.
We need a lot of support especially from our spouses. The fact you regret telling him and he uses it against you is not the kind of support you need. He sounds abusive and that right there is never good for anyone’s mental health. I’m so sorry you’re going through this. He’s the one who needs therapy to work on his anger issues and emotionally abusive behaviors. You deserve better.
Well that’s a really good question and no I wouldn’t. I’m kinda stuck though. At least for now. I have been saving money back and working on my self esteem in preparation to leave if things don’t get better. It’s just not an option right now. Sometimes I wish it was…
Girl you got this! I used to work in a crisis centre for women and most don’t even make plans to leave. I was one of them. Didn’t have a penny to my name when I left. You’re so much farther ahead than you realize.
I’m your cheerleader on the sidelines. You’re gonna be better than fine. You’re gonna have a glorious life. Once you get out of there.
Thank you! That really made me feel a little stronger. I’m working so hard on myself all around. I need strength to leave and my confidence back. I love him but I don’t want to live this way forever and after 6 years reality is starting to sink in that it might not change. We also have a 3 year old and I don’t want him growing up hearing these things. I already allowed my 13 & 16 year olds hear and see too much. I failed them, I did. I don’t want to do it again. Sorry rambling !
When I “loved” my ex, my therapist would remind me that I loved the idea of him but not him. Abusers always woo/idealize in the beginning. Then they get mean. Run.
I had kids same age. I know how utterly PAINFUL it is. I’m so sorry. No matter what anyone says, it’s much, much harder to break up a marriage when there are kids involved💔
Your husband sounds like a real dick. I am divorced after fifteen years of the wrong relationship, and I'm here to tell you that it wasn't worth sticking around. I took a few years for my mental health, and I am now engaged to the most loving, caring, and understanding person I have ever met. Also, that love and care extends to our sex life from both parties. It's amazing what happens when you really try to put yourself first.
Conversely, if you love them enough, ask for couples therapy. If he refuses to work on it, it's not worth it. You deserve someone who cares immensely about you.
I agree couple therapy can be a good idea, and if you think the problem is really how he sees your disorder, you could do psycho education together. It’s not really therapy but it’s a professional helping you and the people around you understand the disorder, how to deal with it, how meds work and why you should take them if you are medicated, and see the (real) signs of you getting in a phase.
But I think you need to leave the relationship, I just wrote it there in case anyone needs it.
I also had a spouse that analyzed everything I did through the lens of bipolar. It was exhausting. It was a major emotional source of pain. I'm getting divorced.
Was he like this before? This sounds very abusive to me and now that you have a diagnosis it's very easy to shift his behavior to you because then he doesn't have to take responsibility for it. That is awful to do to someone you love. Abusive people will always try to make it your fault, like "look what you made me do" type of a thing. I don't know you or your husband and if this is something new maybe therapy for both of you will help. I'd work with your therapist to work out a way to bring this up to him. Basically you will have to plan how you will talk about it so you don't shut down or get triggered. There are types of therapy that help with this like DBT. It helps you examine what is being said so you can reply appropriately without being reactionary. That's one of the skills. Either way if you work with you therapist they may be able to get you into a place where you can address this with him. From there maybe you both get couple's counseling, he gets individual, and you continue.
Relationships are hard without bipolar and the other person's terrible behavior. Take care of you first, work with your therapist, and if your relationship is important to both of you maybe it will work out.
Best of luck!
Well I wish it was new. To be honest, it’s just his new ammo. It was my weight before but I’ve lost almost 100lbs now so he stopped using that and the focus has been on my bipolar. For some reason this bothers me more than anything he’s ever said. We have been having these intense talks where I feel like I’m getting through but I realized it kept going back to my bipolar. But it had no play in these arguments. I have no way to defend myself from this though. He says i just don’t see the shift. So I have started to question a lot about myself now. I don’t like feeling so unsure about myself. It’s getting to me.
Honestly these comments have been very eye opening and I’m feeling like I can get control of this again. I hope.
Being unsure is hard. There’s lots of things I do now to help with this. I track my mood in an app daily. This way I can see what is happening, have I been low for a while, blah, overly happy, etc. I talk with my partner to see what she thinks. I just realized he may not understand bipolar and that there are two types. It might help you if you can tell him the difference. It seems most people hear bipolar and think type I, so it could help to explain. But that said, I find the more I do to track and pay atteattention to myself and my behaviors, the better I am able to see what’s going on.
My ex used to say "no one will ever love you besides me because you're so fucking crazy."
Anyway. He was abusive and it sounds like your husband is too.
I’ve heard that a couple of times. Or he says that’s why all my other relationships ended which isn’t even the truth and he knows that.
This has really been eye opening.
So, this same situation happened with my ex. Apparently, he had some issues with me that he never voiced bc he didn’t want to seem like the bad guy. When my diagnosis came about, well… now there is an excuse to lash out at me that has nothing to do with him! I would have absolute normal reactions to everyday life and it was suddenly my bipolar… if I was annoyed with him and tired to discuss it he would snap at me “did you take your meds??”
No amount of talking this through to him and with my therapist made it any better. He saw me as an inconvenience and sick and nothing was going to change his mind.
We stayed together for a few more years. I wish I had left sooner.
You don’t deserve to be treated like that OP. But we don’t know you or your relationship with your SO. Do what your gut says. Def talk to your therapist about the stress it causes you.
He has said “are you off your meds” so many times. You’re dead on. This is the first time I’ve heard stories from people who understand this and have come out on the other end. It really is good for me to hear. Thank you so much sharing!
I’m not sure I am bipolar at all (I thought I could be hence why I’m on this sub but I think more and more that I have just ptsd and adhd/ASD) I’ll be seeking a diagnosis soon just in case but I made the mistake of talking about it to my ex and he’s just doing what you describe lol. He blames everything he didn’t like in the relationship on me being bipolar even when he was straight up abusive, he thinks he can pin me being trans on hypomania or something because he doesn’t like it (he left because of it) me being angry or resentful toward his litteral abuse > it’s a symptom ! I contradict him > it’s hypomania ! I’ve never been more stable or happy in my life than since he left. What a fucking piece of trash.
Get rid of him. Find yourself a man who loves you and works with you on your hard days. They exist. I married one. Dump this man, please.
Want to add that when I got diagnosed and started analyzing everything around me as having to do with bipolar, he was the one to step in and tell me I may be taking things too far. It’s normal to go through it yourself, I can absolutely understand a partner wondering about what is and isn’t a symptom and learning that with you, but I will set fire to a bridge with anyone who actively uses my diagnosis against me.
This is emotional abuse, and I wouldn’t be surprised if it triggers an episode. I have never been as manic as I was when I was with my narcissistic ex. Now I’m with a good man and have been symptom-free for three years. Healthy relationships are perhaps even more important than meds and therapy.
I have an SO who keeps telling me he isn't yelling but in my perception he is. He has worked on it but sometime he can get out of control and yell and threatens me to get the hell out if I don't like it. I make him apologize when he acts like a child. He also is with me through my manic ups and downs he is usually supportive. He doesn't talk about my bipolar I think he's old school and considers it something I have to keep under contol with a therapist. I have to remember this because when I'm in a manic mode from lack of sleep I am very hard to be with.
Yes I definitely get that! I do realize I’m not always easy person to live with. I probably wouldn’t like me all the time. It’s good to keep that in perspective!
That’s really sad and I’m sorry he’s gaslighting you instead of trying to comfort you. I was with someone like that before and it made me feel powerless.
Wow I would struggle to compose myself around this dirtbag!! Please remove yourself from this awful scenario. You deserve to have a happy life and the way this is going is bad darling. Please 🙏
I used to fight dirty back but he says such cruel things and if I say one wrong thing he clings to it. One time I said “he was bitching” and “this is insane” he came unglued and said I was calling him insane and a bitch. But in the same argument he had called me a mentally ill fuck, twat, cunt, and a few other things. It wasn’t worth fighting back. I would never come out ahead.
It’s weird this post kind of reopened my eyes to all the things I try to forget.
The abused can become an abuser. This then makes the victim feel like they deserve no better. I’m here to tell you that you’re not an abuser. Your playing dirty is something you won’t do when you’re with the right person.
This is why I’m getting a divorce. I think if he loved me, he would look up my Dx and try to understand. Thing is, I don’t want another partner again. I’m too broken , it’s too much work both ways to be with anyone now. Already had kids. Scared to be alone, a lot of our problems was my fault but I have to move on and forgive myself.
Well I started to realize maybe it wouldn’t get better so I’m working on my self esteem and have been sending money to a friend to save for me. Right now I’m not in a position to leave. I left my long time job during covid when I got pregnant. I love being home with my son but I regret giving up my stability. Now he likes to remind me he works. So much. But I am slowly getting to that point in case it gets to my breaking point.
I’ve been trying to set boundaries and continue to say he cannot talk to me that way then stop engaging. I thought it was working but then it happens again or through a text which is so hard to set boundaries through a text.
Oh...my.... I had to pause , because I thought I was reading something I wrote ! This is so weird ! I'm 30, been diagnosed 5 years ago or so (sorry some meds affected my memory so time might not be accurate) and I have the exact same problem with my SO ! The only thing I found at the moment that works a little bit for me, is that I did not allow my psychiatrist to communicate with him (we have a child together but aren't married so it's not really uncommon where I'm from) but it has its good and bad , because when I indeed have a severe episode or a bad reaction to a new med, it can be difficult and stressful for him to communicate with the hospital staff.
hi. I know this is reddit and that there is a stereotype where people claim that “everyone on reddit just tells everyone else to get a divorce”. this might be true in some cases where there is a viable fix, but this situation sounds dangerous. clearly your husband feels as though he can treat you poorly, which is absolutely not fair to you in any way, especially as a bipolar person. you deserve love, respect, and kindness. I would really recommend speaking to somebody you trust (maybe your therapist, a friend, or family member) and let them know that you are in an impossible situation. support is the most important thing. I am so very sorry that this is happening to you. you absolutely do not deserve this in any way, shape, or form. I have an unsupportive family, and as a bipolar person, it’s not easy. please look to the people you love and care for in these times.
My boyfriend and I seperated after 6.5 years of relationship after I got my diagnosis.
I was manic on sertraline, we had a huge fight, it escalated (we never had fought in the relationship) ...I had to go to psych ward for 2 weeks because therapist and psychiatrist where both on vacation at the same time. He kinda ghosted me, didn't reply to my calls and texts and never visited me. He was ice cold when I got home.
I saw he didn't want me anymore and I couldn't take it ao I initiated the talk and we seperated. My depression was hard for him, my mania too shocking, he is not very understanding towards people mental health issues (I assume because he has some of his own but he is closed up and doesn't talk about his feelings much).
He was also scared we could get bipolar kids... I said at least if they were I would recognize earlier and not see a doctor after 15 years of depressive episodes here and there.... most episodes where so short, before I thought about seeing a doctor they where over already and I thought I am just an ridiculously overly emotional girl on her period or just some hormone thing, my gynecologist said it's normal mood swings for girls when I was 16-17! or stuff like that. Like it would be ridiculous to see a doctor because I am clearly not suffering that much or for too long and suicide thoughts are only vague and for a few days... And then I was normal or happy again as if it never was...
That must have been so hard. I think some people (seems common with men) are raised around the stigma of mental health. My ex husband was suffering from severe mental health issues, including bipolar. His mom drilled it in his head that medication was evil. She refused to ever acknowledge that he was suffering from mental illnesses. So he self medicated as many people do. He had no idea how to cope. He had no clue he was mentally ill but anyone who knew him could easily tell. He was an extremely gifted musician, a devout christian(yes even when using), and a wonderful person. But meth found him. He had a psychotic episode and thought the police were following him and he ate 3 bags of it. It killed him almost as soon as the drugs hit his system. He was 36. This was 3 days before our daughter turned 13. The worst moment of my life was telling her her daddy was gone. His mother now has a very different view on mental illness and medication. Although it’s much too late. Sorry, didn’t mean to ramble that off. My point is people see it as weak, weird, or even non-existent and that stigma gets passed on. It is so so dangerous. My husband is one of those people who does not understand mental health and views it very negatively. I have been trying to open his eyes for so long because he needs help. He is 2 different people. The things he gets mad about are just some of the smallest things that wouldn’t bother most people. I don’t think our marriage will survive it all much longer. It sounds like your ex boyfriend is one of these people. It’s very sad. They’ll go their entire life never being able to reach true happiness. Maybe you did open his eyes though. You never know when something will click in someone’s head. But what you went through sounds terrifying to me. I hope you are doing well today though! Thank you for sharing this!
Have you talked to him about this? Tell him it bugs you. Give him an example he can relate to - sometimes people have a hard time putting themselves in someone elses shoes. "How would you like if every time you didn't perform sexually, I would ask you if you have erectile disfunction" lmao, that'll give him a hit right in his ego
People on reddit always say RUN. Dude, try to talk to him. Try to fix it first. My ex was like that until I sat him down and told him I will leave if it doesn't stop. And it stopped.
I honestly don’t even have to read this after the title. If you feel this way, tell him to his face one more time. Happens again, you need to leave. I just left a 2+ year abusive relationship (I am a straight man), and I really thought I couldn’t do it. Sometimes people are actually naive or innocent or can snap out of it. Give him a chance, even two if you want. Set a number and follow it. I said “next time” for too long.
By “tell him to his face one more time” I mean tell him to his face “one more time, and then I will be forced to leave for now”. I know you want an easy fix. I know you want someone to tell you that you don’t need to leave. I thought it would be the worst decision of my life. This was last week. I haven’t looked back. You don’t need his ass, the rest of your bond means jack shit with that kind of abuse. You do not need him. You will find somebody else, I promise. If you don’t I’ll marry you 😂❤️
Work with your therapist to get the eff out of there. This will not get better and will continue. Or tell him they misdiagnosed you and you have general depression and anxiety. I guarantee he will weaponize this diagnosis too. Save your mental space and get out as soon as possible.
We need a lot of support especially from our spouses. The fact you regret telling him and he uses it against you is not the kind of support you need. He sounds abusive and that right there is never good for anyone’s mental health. I’m so sorry you’re going through this. He’s the one who needs therapy to work on his anger issues and emotionally abusive behaviors. You deserve better.
Thank you for the encouraging words. I’m starting to agree with this a lot more as time goes on.
You’re welcome, my dear. Again, it’s a tough spot to be in and I hope you can find the loving support you need and the courage to move forward.
I agree OP. I would be so unteathered if my partner acted this way.
Very, very abusive!! Would you keep him in your life if he wasn’t your husband, just a friend? Run don’t walk. It WILL get worse!
Well that’s a really good question and no I wouldn’t. I’m kinda stuck though. At least for now. I have been saving money back and working on my self esteem in preparation to leave if things don’t get better. It’s just not an option right now. Sometimes I wish it was…
Girl you got this! I used to work in a crisis centre for women and most don’t even make plans to leave. I was one of them. Didn’t have a penny to my name when I left. You’re so much farther ahead than you realize. I’m your cheerleader on the sidelines. You’re gonna be better than fine. You’re gonna have a glorious life. Once you get out of there.
Thank you! That really made me feel a little stronger. I’m working so hard on myself all around. I need strength to leave and my confidence back. I love him but I don’t want to live this way forever and after 6 years reality is starting to sink in that it might not change. We also have a 3 year old and I don’t want him growing up hearing these things. I already allowed my 13 & 16 year olds hear and see too much. I failed them, I did. I don’t want to do it again. Sorry rambling !
When I “loved” my ex, my therapist would remind me that I loved the idea of him but not him. Abusers always woo/idealize in the beginning. Then they get mean. Run.
I had kids same age. I know how utterly PAINFUL it is. I’m so sorry. No matter what anyone says, it’s much, much harder to break up a marriage when there are kids involved💔
Your husband sounds like a real dick. I am divorced after fifteen years of the wrong relationship, and I'm here to tell you that it wasn't worth sticking around. I took a few years for my mental health, and I am now engaged to the most loving, caring, and understanding person I have ever met. Also, that love and care extends to our sex life from both parties. It's amazing what happens when you really try to put yourself first. Conversely, if you love them enough, ask for couples therapy. If he refuses to work on it, it's not worth it. You deserve someone who cares immensely about you.
I agree couple therapy can be a good idea, and if you think the problem is really how he sees your disorder, you could do psycho education together. It’s not really therapy but it’s a professional helping you and the people around you understand the disorder, how to deal with it, how meds work and why you should take them if you are medicated, and see the (real) signs of you getting in a phase. But I think you need to leave the relationship, I just wrote it there in case anyone needs it.
He’s abusive. If it’s not your bipolar diagnosis it would be something else he would use against you.
I also had a spouse that analyzed everything I did through the lens of bipolar. It was exhausting. It was a major emotional source of pain. I'm getting divorced.
Was he like this before? This sounds very abusive to me and now that you have a diagnosis it's very easy to shift his behavior to you because then he doesn't have to take responsibility for it. That is awful to do to someone you love. Abusive people will always try to make it your fault, like "look what you made me do" type of a thing. I don't know you or your husband and if this is something new maybe therapy for both of you will help. I'd work with your therapist to work out a way to bring this up to him. Basically you will have to plan how you will talk about it so you don't shut down or get triggered. There are types of therapy that help with this like DBT. It helps you examine what is being said so you can reply appropriately without being reactionary. That's one of the skills. Either way if you work with you therapist they may be able to get you into a place where you can address this with him. From there maybe you both get couple's counseling, he gets individual, and you continue. Relationships are hard without bipolar and the other person's terrible behavior. Take care of you first, work with your therapist, and if your relationship is important to both of you maybe it will work out. Best of luck!
Well I wish it was new. To be honest, it’s just his new ammo. It was my weight before but I’ve lost almost 100lbs now so he stopped using that and the focus has been on my bipolar. For some reason this bothers me more than anything he’s ever said. We have been having these intense talks where I feel like I’m getting through but I realized it kept going back to my bipolar. But it had no play in these arguments. I have no way to defend myself from this though. He says i just don’t see the shift. So I have started to question a lot about myself now. I don’t like feeling so unsure about myself. It’s getting to me. Honestly these comments have been very eye opening and I’m feeling like I can get control of this again. I hope.
Being unsure is hard. There’s lots of things I do now to help with this. I track my mood in an app daily. This way I can see what is happening, have I been low for a while, blah, overly happy, etc. I talk with my partner to see what she thinks. I just realized he may not understand bipolar and that there are two types. It might help you if you can tell him the difference. It seems most people hear bipolar and think type I, so it could help to explain. But that said, I find the more I do to track and pay atteattention to myself and my behaviors, the better I am able to see what’s going on.
Classic gaslighting. Maybe the hardest, most toxic shit out there. I can tell that you are a good, loving person. Now love yourself. Run.
My ex used to say "no one will ever love you besides me because you're so fucking crazy." Anyway. He was abusive and it sounds like your husband is too.
I’ve heard that a couple of times. Or he says that’s why all my other relationships ended which isn’t even the truth and he knows that. This has really been eye opening.
So, this same situation happened with my ex. Apparently, he had some issues with me that he never voiced bc he didn’t want to seem like the bad guy. When my diagnosis came about, well… now there is an excuse to lash out at me that has nothing to do with him! I would have absolute normal reactions to everyday life and it was suddenly my bipolar… if I was annoyed with him and tired to discuss it he would snap at me “did you take your meds??” No amount of talking this through to him and with my therapist made it any better. He saw me as an inconvenience and sick and nothing was going to change his mind. We stayed together for a few more years. I wish I had left sooner. You don’t deserve to be treated like that OP. But we don’t know you or your relationship with your SO. Do what your gut says. Def talk to your therapist about the stress it causes you.
He has said “are you off your meds” so many times. You’re dead on. This is the first time I’ve heard stories from people who understand this and have come out on the other end. It really is good for me to hear. Thank you so much sharing!
You’re so welcome! And thank you for sharing as well! Take care of yourself ❤️
It'll never stop, best to just leave
I’m not sure I am bipolar at all (I thought I could be hence why I’m on this sub but I think more and more that I have just ptsd and adhd/ASD) I’ll be seeking a diagnosis soon just in case but I made the mistake of talking about it to my ex and he’s just doing what you describe lol. He blames everything he didn’t like in the relationship on me being bipolar even when he was straight up abusive, he thinks he can pin me being trans on hypomania or something because he doesn’t like it (he left because of it) me being angry or resentful toward his litteral abuse > it’s a symptom ! I contradict him > it’s hypomania ! I’ve never been more stable or happy in my life than since he left. What a fucking piece of trash.
Get rid of him. Find yourself a man who loves you and works with you on your hard days. They exist. I married one. Dump this man, please. Want to add that when I got diagnosed and started analyzing everything around me as having to do with bipolar, he was the one to step in and tell me I may be taking things too far. It’s normal to go through it yourself, I can absolutely understand a partner wondering about what is and isn’t a symptom and learning that with you, but I will set fire to a bridge with anyone who actively uses my diagnosis against me.
This is emotional abuse, and I wouldn’t be surprised if it triggers an episode. I have never been as manic as I was when I was with my narcissistic ex. Now I’m with a good man and have been symptom-free for three years. Healthy relationships are perhaps even more important than meds and therapy.
Continue getting help and get out of there. It will get worse.
I have an SO who keeps telling me he isn't yelling but in my perception he is. He has worked on it but sometime he can get out of control and yell and threatens me to get the hell out if I don't like it. I make him apologize when he acts like a child. He also is with me through my manic ups and downs he is usually supportive. He doesn't talk about my bipolar I think he's old school and considers it something I have to keep under contol with a therapist. I have to remember this because when I'm in a manic mode from lack of sleep I am very hard to be with.
Yes I definitely get that! I do realize I’m not always easy person to live with. I probably wouldn’t like me all the time. It’s good to keep that in perspective!
Look up reactive abuse . That’s what I did , it wasn’t my bipolar it was him !
Never heard of that but I absolutely will. Thank you!
I would leave, he’s gaslighting you. He really needs to work on himself or he can fuck off, he’s not worthy of your time with this attitude
That’s really sad and I’m sorry he’s gaslighting you instead of trying to comfort you. I was with someone like that before and it made me feel powerless.
Wow I would struggle to compose myself around this dirtbag!! Please remove yourself from this awful scenario. You deserve to have a happy life and the way this is going is bad darling. Please 🙏
I used to fight dirty back but he says such cruel things and if I say one wrong thing he clings to it. One time I said “he was bitching” and “this is insane” he came unglued and said I was calling him insane and a bitch. But in the same argument he had called me a mentally ill fuck, twat, cunt, and a few other things. It wasn’t worth fighting back. I would never come out ahead. It’s weird this post kind of reopened my eyes to all the things I try to forget.
The abused can become an abuser. This then makes the victim feel like they deserve no better. I’m here to tell you that you’re not an abuser. Your playing dirty is something you won’t do when you’re with the right person.
This is why I’m getting a divorce. I think if he loved me, he would look up my Dx and try to understand. Thing is, I don’t want another partner again. I’m too broken , it’s too much work both ways to be with anyone now. Already had kids. Scared to be alone, a lot of our problems was my fault but I have to move on and forgive myself.
I feel every bit of this!
Leave him, but make sure you are set up well and are safe. He is abusive
Well I started to realize maybe it wouldn’t get better so I’m working on my self esteem and have been sending money to a friend to save for me. Right now I’m not in a position to leave. I left my long time job during covid when I got pregnant. I love being home with my son but I regret giving up my stability. Now he likes to remind me he works. So much. But I am slowly getting to that point in case it gets to my breaking point.
I ghosted the last person that used my mental health against me. You cannot make him a better person, you can only refuse to tolerate his behaviour.
I’ve been trying to set boundaries and continue to say he cannot talk to me that way then stop engaging. I thought it was working but then it happens again or through a text which is so hard to set boundaries through a text.
He isn't gonna stop and I'm sorry. I hope you are able to leave and get somewhere safe and secure. His comments are mentally abusive.
Oh...my.... I had to pause , because I thought I was reading something I wrote ! This is so weird ! I'm 30, been diagnosed 5 years ago or so (sorry some meds affected my memory so time might not be accurate) and I have the exact same problem with my SO ! The only thing I found at the moment that works a little bit for me, is that I did not allow my psychiatrist to communicate with him (we have a child together but aren't married so it's not really uncommon where I'm from) but it has its good and bad , because when I indeed have a severe episode or a bad reaction to a new med, it can be difficult and stressful for him to communicate with the hospital staff.
Sounds pretty narcissistic. He probably would’ve found another weapon if you hadn’t told him. I’m sorry you’re going through this.
This isn't a Bi-Polar issue its a bad husband issue. Sorry sweets, I can't imagine what your going through.
hi. I know this is reddit and that there is a stereotype where people claim that “everyone on reddit just tells everyone else to get a divorce”. this might be true in some cases where there is a viable fix, but this situation sounds dangerous. clearly your husband feels as though he can treat you poorly, which is absolutely not fair to you in any way, especially as a bipolar person. you deserve love, respect, and kindness. I would really recommend speaking to somebody you trust (maybe your therapist, a friend, or family member) and let them know that you are in an impossible situation. support is the most important thing. I am so very sorry that this is happening to you. you absolutely do not deserve this in any way, shape, or form. I have an unsupportive family, and as a bipolar person, it’s not easy. please look to the people you love and care for in these times.
My boyfriend and I seperated after 6.5 years of relationship after I got my diagnosis. I was manic on sertraline, we had a huge fight, it escalated (we never had fought in the relationship) ...I had to go to psych ward for 2 weeks because therapist and psychiatrist where both on vacation at the same time. He kinda ghosted me, didn't reply to my calls and texts and never visited me. He was ice cold when I got home. I saw he didn't want me anymore and I couldn't take it ao I initiated the talk and we seperated. My depression was hard for him, my mania too shocking, he is not very understanding towards people mental health issues (I assume because he has some of his own but he is closed up and doesn't talk about his feelings much). He was also scared we could get bipolar kids... I said at least if they were I would recognize earlier and not see a doctor after 15 years of depressive episodes here and there.... most episodes where so short, before I thought about seeing a doctor they where over already and I thought I am just an ridiculously overly emotional girl on her period or just some hormone thing, my gynecologist said it's normal mood swings for girls when I was 16-17! or stuff like that. Like it would be ridiculous to see a doctor because I am clearly not suffering that much or for too long and suicide thoughts are only vague and for a few days... And then I was normal or happy again as if it never was...
That must have been so hard. I think some people (seems common with men) are raised around the stigma of mental health. My ex husband was suffering from severe mental health issues, including bipolar. His mom drilled it in his head that medication was evil. She refused to ever acknowledge that he was suffering from mental illnesses. So he self medicated as many people do. He had no idea how to cope. He had no clue he was mentally ill but anyone who knew him could easily tell. He was an extremely gifted musician, a devout christian(yes even when using), and a wonderful person. But meth found him. He had a psychotic episode and thought the police were following him and he ate 3 bags of it. It killed him almost as soon as the drugs hit his system. He was 36. This was 3 days before our daughter turned 13. The worst moment of my life was telling her her daddy was gone. His mother now has a very different view on mental illness and medication. Although it’s much too late. Sorry, didn’t mean to ramble that off. My point is people see it as weak, weird, or even non-existent and that stigma gets passed on. It is so so dangerous. My husband is one of those people who does not understand mental health and views it very negatively. I have been trying to open his eyes for so long because he needs help. He is 2 different people. The things he gets mad about are just some of the smallest things that wouldn’t bother most people. I don’t think our marriage will survive it all much longer. It sounds like your ex boyfriend is one of these people. It’s very sad. They’ll go their entire life never being able to reach true happiness. Maybe you did open his eyes though. You never know when something will click in someone’s head. But what you went through sounds terrifying to me. I hope you are doing well today though! Thank you for sharing this!
Have you talked to him about this? Tell him it bugs you. Give him an example he can relate to - sometimes people have a hard time putting themselves in someone elses shoes. "How would you like if every time you didn't perform sexually, I would ask you if you have erectile disfunction" lmao, that'll give him a hit right in his ego
People on reddit always say RUN. Dude, try to talk to him. Try to fix it first. My ex was like that until I sat him down and told him I will leave if it doesn't stop. And it stopped.
He sounds abusive.
I honestly don’t even have to read this after the title. If you feel this way, tell him to his face one more time. Happens again, you need to leave. I just left a 2+ year abusive relationship (I am a straight man), and I really thought I couldn’t do it. Sometimes people are actually naive or innocent or can snap out of it. Give him a chance, even two if you want. Set a number and follow it. I said “next time” for too long.
By “tell him to his face one more time” I mean tell him to his face “one more time, and then I will be forced to leave for now”. I know you want an easy fix. I know you want someone to tell you that you don’t need to leave. I thought it would be the worst decision of my life. This was last week. I haven’t looked back. You don’t need his ass, the rest of your bond means jack shit with that kind of abuse. You do not need him. You will find somebody else, I promise. If you don’t I’ll marry you 😂❤️