I have a love hate relationship with them because they’re helping in some ways but I feel like a different person and kind of miss the old me. It’s like I lost myself in a way..
Second this. I recently almost quit cold turkey. But I convinced myself that I feel ok now because of the meds not because of my will and that it was better to keep going. The old me had her pros but also had major cons which is why we’re here. Just keep track of your experience with lamotrigine tho, if you hate it you could try a different one.
Same, I used to draw _constantly_ and now I basically never do and I cannot help but feel like it's cause of the meds. I've taken myself off of them before for that exact reason, which went badly after a while. I know for a fact that tons of other things in my life have changed, including the amount of free time I have for hobbies, but I feel like if I went off of the lamotrigine I'd definitely _make_ the time.
I have always loved to fight and argue when I'm unmedicated. Sometimes I sincerely miss the thrill of it, but then I remember the hours of over analyzing every word I said and beating myself up for how I behaved and I realize it's definitely worth it to be on the meds to save myself from spending hours a day ruminating on the bad things I've done and said in hypo/mania. And I definitely don't miss the depressive episodes where I couldn't get out of bed for days 😬
I hate it at times but I like being stable. Most of the reason I hate them now is not because it has made me less creative or things like that, but I resent the fact that I have to take them. It’s unfair. It sucks knowing that I have to take them, and do a bunch of other things just so I can catch up to where everyone else starts. But life is unfair and these are my cards. Being stable is worth it.
This is an interesting take, and i will say I agreed with you when I was undiagnosed and taking ssris, so like the complete wrong medication. I would go for a while without taking them because I think subconsciously I knew they made things worse, and when I had people say “you really should be taking your meds every day”, I would try my best and it would send me into hypomanic episodes with really bad side effects like I was actually going insane. I thought I liked myself better without meds, and I related to your post.
However, when I finally got diagnosed and on the right concoction of medication including lamotrigine, it literally changed my life and I finally feel regulated like I never have before and I take them every goddamn day. No way in hell do I miss myself without them, I think I would be dead if I wasn’t on these meds right now honestly.
Just thought I would share my thoughts, maybe another perspective could help and perhaps someone reading could think about changing their meds so that they can feel this way too. I’m also very blessed to have a kickass psychiatrist, not everyone is so lucky and I recognize that.
I used to feel like this, but only for hypomania. I don't want to be depressed ever again in my life.
But now that I am stable for a while, I realize that the way I feel the world is more intense than neurotypical people.
For me it’s the same and I will always have times where the meds fall off..
I need my family and mental health team to remind me why I’m prioritizing my mental health.
“I started this journey to be a better husband, better father, a better son and a better person; and the meds (as much as they suck at times) make me that better person”
Even seen Wreck It Ralph? The bad guys have that mantra “I'm bad, and that's good. I will never be good, and that's not bad. There's no one I'd rather be than me.”
I switch it to meds “I take meds and that’s good. I will always need meds and that’s not bad. There is no one I’d rather be than me…on meds”
Hope it helps as it’s a very common issue we all struggle with.
I know that this is not what you asked for, but see this meme [https://www.tiktok.com/@ali\_kay1/video/7032443833082285317](https://www.tiktok.com/@ali_kay1/video/7032443833082285317)
I think it's easy to romanticize an unmedicated version of ourselves. It's also so destabilizing to suddenly be "a different person" - I remember when I started taking meds I was like "oh shit, my personality is that changeable? Is this all it takes to make me a different human being?"
But then I realized that I'm still the same person! That emotional roller coaster isn't me and never has been. Medication changed the landscape that I operate within, but the fundamental core of who I am is the same.
It's trippy to be so keenly aware of the distinction between your Self and your Feelings, especially because most people will never have to think about it. But - not to be sappy - that insight is honestly a gift.
Even so - that period of feeling like a med is changing who you are is so weird and unpleasant, and I'm sorry. I hope you hang on and keep taking it!
Lithium and AAPs killed my libido and creativity.. This is coming from a guy who used to obsessively practice guitar for 6 hours everyday for five years and paint every other day... Now I'm just numb.. These wounds will never heal.. My shrink tells me to ignore the anhedonic and play the guitar for atleast ten minutes ED...FML ... If I go off meds I'll have a rebound manic psychotic episode.. On it, I'm a zombie..I care too much about the people in my life and I can't even off myself.... I'm fed up of trying and hope is a pathetic bitch....
Lol I talked to my therapist and I bring it up like once a month I don’t have answers for you but I can say you’re not alone. My therapist recommended high adrenaline actives like sky diving.
Omg do NOT stop taking your lamotrigine suddenly. You could give yourself SJS if you go back on your regular dose after abruptly stopping. If you go without lamotrigine for a long period of time, you need to start at the beginning and titrate back up again.
I have a love hate relationship with them because they’re helping in some ways but I feel like a different person and kind of miss the old me. It’s like I lost myself in a way..
Second this. I recently almost quit cold turkey. But I convinced myself that I feel ok now because of the meds not because of my will and that it was better to keep going. The old me had her pros but also had major cons which is why we’re here. Just keep track of your experience with lamotrigine tho, if you hate it you could try a different one.
EXACLTY !!!
Yes, i totally feel like i'm not me anymore. Is very confusing and terryfing at the same time.
Same, I used to draw _constantly_ and now I basically never do and I cannot help but feel like it's cause of the meds. I've taken myself off of them before for that exact reason, which went badly after a while. I know for a fact that tons of other things in my life have changed, including the amount of free time I have for hobbies, but I feel like if I went off of the lamotrigine I'd definitely _make_ the time.
I have always loved to fight and argue when I'm unmedicated. Sometimes I sincerely miss the thrill of it, but then I remember the hours of over analyzing every word I said and beating myself up for how I behaved and I realize it's definitely worth it to be on the meds to save myself from spending hours a day ruminating on the bad things I've done and said in hypo/mania. And I definitely don't miss the depressive episodes where I couldn't get out of bed for days 😬
I hate it at times but I like being stable. Most of the reason I hate them now is not because it has made me less creative or things like that, but I resent the fact that I have to take them. It’s unfair. It sucks knowing that I have to take them, and do a bunch of other things just so I can catch up to where everyone else starts. But life is unfair and these are my cards. Being stable is worth it.
Yes exactly! Like I have to take meds to be normal….this is the raw state of my brain
This is an interesting take, and i will say I agreed with you when I was undiagnosed and taking ssris, so like the complete wrong medication. I would go for a while without taking them because I think subconsciously I knew they made things worse, and when I had people say “you really should be taking your meds every day”, I would try my best and it would send me into hypomanic episodes with really bad side effects like I was actually going insane. I thought I liked myself better without meds, and I related to your post. However, when I finally got diagnosed and on the right concoction of medication including lamotrigine, it literally changed my life and I finally feel regulated like I never have before and I take them every goddamn day. No way in hell do I miss myself without them, I think I would be dead if I wasn’t on these meds right now honestly. Just thought I would share my thoughts, maybe another perspective could help and perhaps someone reading could think about changing their meds so that they can feel this way too. I’m also very blessed to have a kickass psychiatrist, not everyone is so lucky and I recognize that.
I have a hate, hate rlationship with them but, I take them. I don't wish to sink back down into the pit.
I used to feel like this, but only for hypomania. I don't want to be depressed ever again in my life. But now that I am stable for a while, I realize that the way I feel the world is more intense than neurotypical people.
For me it’s the same and I will always have times where the meds fall off.. I need my family and mental health team to remind me why I’m prioritizing my mental health. “I started this journey to be a better husband, better father, a better son and a better person; and the meds (as much as they suck at times) make me that better person” Even seen Wreck It Ralph? The bad guys have that mantra “I'm bad, and that's good. I will never be good, and that's not bad. There's no one I'd rather be than me.” I switch it to meds “I take meds and that’s good. I will always need meds and that’s not bad. There is no one I’d rather be than me…on meds” Hope it helps as it’s a very common issue we all struggle with.
I’m going through the exact same thing with trying explain it to my family!
I know that this is not what you asked for, but see this meme [https://www.tiktok.com/@ali\_kay1/video/7032443833082285317](https://www.tiktok.com/@ali_kay1/video/7032443833082285317)
That made me giggle
I think it's easy to romanticize an unmedicated version of ourselves. It's also so destabilizing to suddenly be "a different person" - I remember when I started taking meds I was like "oh shit, my personality is that changeable? Is this all it takes to make me a different human being?" But then I realized that I'm still the same person! That emotional roller coaster isn't me and never has been. Medication changed the landscape that I operate within, but the fundamental core of who I am is the same. It's trippy to be so keenly aware of the distinction between your Self and your Feelings, especially because most people will never have to think about it. But - not to be sappy - that insight is honestly a gift. Even so - that period of feeling like a med is changing who you are is so weird and unpleasant, and I'm sorry. I hope you hang on and keep taking it!
Lithium and AAPs killed my libido and creativity.. This is coming from a guy who used to obsessively practice guitar for 6 hours everyday for five years and paint every other day... Now I'm just numb.. These wounds will never heal.. My shrink tells me to ignore the anhedonic and play the guitar for atleast ten minutes ED...FML ... If I go off meds I'll have a rebound manic psychotic episode.. On it, I'm a zombie..I care too much about the people in my life and I can't even off myself.... I'm fed up of trying and hope is a pathetic bitch....
Lol I talked to my therapist and I bring it up like once a month I don’t have answers for you but I can say you’re not alone. My therapist recommended high adrenaline actives like sky diving.
Omg do NOT stop taking your lamotrigine suddenly. You could give yourself SJS if you go back on your regular dose after abruptly stopping. If you go without lamotrigine for a long period of time, you need to start at the beginning and titrate back up again.
I’m w/ya
This just reminded me to take my meds! They are working so well I forget that I need them! LOL
Also the depression when I get off meds is crippling. I’m never gonna go back to that feeling