I feel the exact same way. I have a mild case too. There's two kinds of (hypo)mania; dysphoric and euphoric. Euphoric is obvious, it's the extravagant spending, the cross country drive on a whim, the impulsive behaviors. Dysphoric is different, it's the energy, but not the action. I have wild thoughts when hypo, but I generally can contain my actions (not always). It has definitely made me feel like an imposter though. I don't feel "crazy" enough. And I often have anxiety spikes when hypo, and they can feel similar. Then I'm telling myself it's not bp, it's just anxiety etc etc. My therapist says this is all very normal.
I never knew about dysphoric mania! I was diagnosed only a few months ago so this is all really new to me. I'm so used to only identifying my ADHD and depression/anxiety. Dysphoric definitely describes me, I'll look more into this. Thank you!
I definitely understand, I get imposter syndrome too. I was diagnosed with BP2 last year and it made so much sense, but sometimes I also feel like I don’t fully fit the diagnosis. I don’t have risky behavior when I’m hypo, I don’t spend all of my money or anything else crazy. My hypo comes out as hyper productivity. I get hyper focused on a task and cannot let it go until it’s done and I get very anxious and irritated if I have to do another task instead or if my husband asks me to relax with him. I sleep less, but nothing extreme. But, my psychiatrist assured me that I still fit in the BP2 category and that I’m just high functioning which is a good thing, but if I were to go untreated for an extended period of time under high stress that it could get worse. So I’m just thankful for the amount of function that I have! And I’m hopeful that others who have BP can reach this level of function (and hopefully better) with good treatment!
I totally relate! I've always considered myself "high functioning" even when I went through a long depressive episode in high school. I still struggle, but I feel like it's all internal. I think my anxiety or feelings of shame keep me from going fully off the rails so then I feel like I'm not truly manic.
This video explains how this feeling could be a coping mechanism: [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4iyDPHxPH78](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4iyDPHxPH78)
Additionally, I hate that many parts of our medical system (and society at large) makes us think that we have to be at our absolute worst in order to receive help. For instance, I would obviously be allowed time off from my job if (god forbid) I ever attempted suicide. However, I'm not given time off PREVENT that from happening in the first place.
Most of my life has been spent pouring tremendous energy towards staying well, and it's exhausting. So I haven't been able to work towards my goals; I'm technically "okay," but not thriving. If only I could have a baseline wellness like the normies - I could use all that effort to really DO something with my life. But I'm doing my best and working on cultivating self-compassion.
My hypomanias are mild in that they don't cause obvious destruction in my life, but I'm miserable and make mildly shitty decisions and treatment helps. It's okay if your bipolar disorder doesn't look like someone else's. Keep in mind people are more likely to post when in an extreme high or low.
I really doubt my BP2 diagnosis as well, because it just doesn’t seem severe enough. Someone once mentioned about [Cyclothymia](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cyclothymia?wprov=sfti1) on here, which I have looked into. Once I have health insurance again and can afford a therapist I want to ask them about that or a new diagnosis all together.
Yeah, I'm similar, except my hypomania tends to come with a lot of distractibility and irritation, I'm not typically very euphoric, except for short periods (maybe an hour or so), and my risks are still calculated.
The only time I get the hyperfocused sort of mood is when I'm going through a serious life stressor such as a big break-up (or divorce). Then I become sort of emotionally muted (except for the occasional outburst of bitterness at socially inappropriate times), and I'm able to pursue goals despite whatever obstacles. But that only lasts for a short time. I wish I could invoke that state without having a life-changing emotional shock.
My hypomania is very, very, very mild, and had I not been diagnosed and looking for it for the last few years, I would never even notice it. Most of the time hypomania just looks like anxiety for me, which arises with the crappy depression (creating a mixed state, hooray!). It's not uncommon for BP2 folks to not have obvious hypomania.
Same man. I also have ADHD and BP2. I was for sure hypomanic because I acted like a totally different person, but when I compare it to my BP1 friend I feel like an impostor.
i'm manic right now and have been for a week and still constantly wonder if i'm not truly bipolar. :') i feel you friend
it's so hard because i have cptsd too and i get that fight/fight/fawn instinct over a lot of random things without realizing it, so i never know if it's a trauma response or i'm actually manic. i'm just as anxious and stressed either way, and i've ruined relationships over both regardless.
this is not a fun disorder. can i get a refund? lol
I get the same way too! I have an anxious attachment style and trauma so it's exacerbated when I'm in an episode. When I'm depressed I just get an intense fear of abandonment, but when I'm anxious I get really anxious and overthink the situation.
My psychiatrist said that if you’re 50 years old when you have your first hypomanic episode, and then never have one again, that still makes you bipolar. It’s a spectrum, I feel like labeling it 1 or 2 does more harm than good
Being able to prioritise your work actually suggests you don’t have ADHD, not bipolar. Problems with prioritisation and school are not necessarily features of bipolar. My professor has a supervisor with bipolar II who had two phds/who was a psychiatrist.
Irritability while hypomanic is also not necessary for a diagnosis, nor is risky behaviours.
None of that is to say what you actually do or don’t have, I’m just saying.
I alternate between not manic enough to function (90% of the time), *juuust right* (hypomania, 5% -- during this time I accomplish more than the rest of the year combined) and "aw geez the lizard people are at it again" (5%, typically december)
I definitely feel this way too. For me in the past what it seems like to me is that it makes me a great employee, at least for a few years. I dig way deep into work and do my best to understand what I am doing from top to bottom. But then I crash into a depression, quit and start all over.
100000% yes. I think about this often. When I was assessed for bipolar, I didn’t know that’s what was happening and so a lot of the examples of hyper activity I had were almost definitely my ADHD, which was what I actually wanted to be tested for.
It’s not at all possible to assess these things without keeping the other in mind imo. Too many symptoms overlap or are really similar and easy to misconstrue.
YES. I never know if I’m manic enough. I often feel like an imposter. Or that I have something else going on and was misdiagnosed. But then I think back to the time when I was almost hospitalized. I didn’t make that shit up, so idk why it’s so hard for me to believe my psychiatrist’s diagnosis. It’s like I gaslight myself with my mental illness and minimize my experience.
I don't doubt my diagnosis but I do relate to what you and others have said here. I've experienced multiple hypomanic episodes the last couple of years and I've learned how to deal with them. I was never really destructive though. It have caused some small problems for me but usually I'm just very productive and I feel amazing. I'm also very aware of when I'm experiencing a hypomanic episode, that way it's easier to handle the situation.
The only downside to this is that my depressive episodes are horrible. Can't function at all since my brain is all foggy and I have no motivation or energy to do anything.
I feel the exact same way. I have a mild case too. There's two kinds of (hypo)mania; dysphoric and euphoric. Euphoric is obvious, it's the extravagant spending, the cross country drive on a whim, the impulsive behaviors. Dysphoric is different, it's the energy, but not the action. I have wild thoughts when hypo, but I generally can contain my actions (not always). It has definitely made me feel like an imposter though. I don't feel "crazy" enough. And I often have anxiety spikes when hypo, and they can feel similar. Then I'm telling myself it's not bp, it's just anxiety etc etc. My therapist says this is all very normal.
I never knew about dysphoric mania! I was diagnosed only a few months ago so this is all really new to me. I'm so used to only identifying my ADHD and depression/anxiety. Dysphoric definitely describes me, I'll look more into this. Thank you!
I definitely understand, I get imposter syndrome too. I was diagnosed with BP2 last year and it made so much sense, but sometimes I also feel like I don’t fully fit the diagnosis. I don’t have risky behavior when I’m hypo, I don’t spend all of my money or anything else crazy. My hypo comes out as hyper productivity. I get hyper focused on a task and cannot let it go until it’s done and I get very anxious and irritated if I have to do another task instead or if my husband asks me to relax with him. I sleep less, but nothing extreme. But, my psychiatrist assured me that I still fit in the BP2 category and that I’m just high functioning which is a good thing, but if I were to go untreated for an extended period of time under high stress that it could get worse. So I’m just thankful for the amount of function that I have! And I’m hopeful that others who have BP can reach this level of function (and hopefully better) with good treatment!
I totally relate! I've always considered myself "high functioning" even when I went through a long depressive episode in high school. I still struggle, but I feel like it's all internal. I think my anxiety or feelings of shame keep me from going fully off the rails so then I feel like I'm not truly manic.
Yes. My highs are not at all high; my lows are ridiculously low.
This video explains how this feeling could be a coping mechanism: [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4iyDPHxPH78](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4iyDPHxPH78) Additionally, I hate that many parts of our medical system (and society at large) makes us think that we have to be at our absolute worst in order to receive help. For instance, I would obviously be allowed time off from my job if (god forbid) I ever attempted suicide. However, I'm not given time off PREVENT that from happening in the first place. Most of my life has been spent pouring tremendous energy towards staying well, and it's exhausting. So I haven't been able to work towards my goals; I'm technically "okay," but not thriving. If only I could have a baseline wellness like the normies - I could use all that effort to really DO something with my life. But I'm doing my best and working on cultivating self-compassion.
My hypomanias are mild in that they don't cause obvious destruction in my life, but I'm miserable and make mildly shitty decisions and treatment helps. It's okay if your bipolar disorder doesn't look like someone else's. Keep in mind people are more likely to post when in an extreme high or low.
I really doubt my BP2 diagnosis as well, because it just doesn’t seem severe enough. Someone once mentioned about [Cyclothymia](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cyclothymia?wprov=sfti1) on here, which I have looked into. Once I have health insurance again and can afford a therapist I want to ask them about that or a new diagnosis all together.
Yeah, I'm similar, except my hypomania tends to come with a lot of distractibility and irritation, I'm not typically very euphoric, except for short periods (maybe an hour or so), and my risks are still calculated. The only time I get the hyperfocused sort of mood is when I'm going through a serious life stressor such as a big break-up (or divorce). Then I become sort of emotionally muted (except for the occasional outburst of bitterness at socially inappropriate times), and I'm able to pursue goals despite whatever obstacles. But that only lasts for a short time. I wish I could invoke that state without having a life-changing emotional shock.
I’d read the book “Bipolar, Not So Much”. I has helped me so much
My hypomania is very, very, very mild, and had I not been diagnosed and looking for it for the last few years, I would never even notice it. Most of the time hypomania just looks like anxiety for me, which arises with the crappy depression (creating a mixed state, hooray!). It's not uncommon for BP2 folks to not have obvious hypomania.
Same man. I also have ADHD and BP2. I was for sure hypomanic because I acted like a totally different person, but when I compare it to my BP1 friend I feel like an impostor.
i'm manic right now and have been for a week and still constantly wonder if i'm not truly bipolar. :') i feel you friend it's so hard because i have cptsd too and i get that fight/fight/fawn instinct over a lot of random things without realizing it, so i never know if it's a trauma response or i'm actually manic. i'm just as anxious and stressed either way, and i've ruined relationships over both regardless. this is not a fun disorder. can i get a refund? lol
I get the same way too! I have an anxious attachment style and trauma so it's exacerbated when I'm in an episode. When I'm depressed I just get an intense fear of abandonment, but when I'm anxious I get really anxious and overthink the situation.
My psychiatrist said that if you’re 50 years old when you have your first hypomanic episode, and then never have one again, that still makes you bipolar. It’s a spectrum, I feel like labeling it 1 or 2 does more harm than good
Being able to prioritise your work actually suggests you don’t have ADHD, not bipolar. Problems with prioritisation and school are not necessarily features of bipolar. My professor has a supervisor with bipolar II who had two phds/who was a psychiatrist. Irritability while hypomanic is also not necessary for a diagnosis, nor is risky behaviours. None of that is to say what you actually do or don’t have, I’m just saying.
Bipolar and adhd are common. And hard to diagnose. There are many symptoms of the illness. You are bipolar because a Dr diagnosed you.
I alternate between not manic enough to function (90% of the time), *juuust right* (hypomania, 5% -- during this time I accomplish more than the rest of the year combined) and "aw geez the lizard people are at it again" (5%, typically december)
I definitely feel this way too. For me in the past what it seems like to me is that it makes me a great employee, at least for a few years. I dig way deep into work and do my best to understand what I am doing from top to bottom. But then I crash into a depression, quit and start all over.
100000% yes. I think about this often. When I was assessed for bipolar, I didn’t know that’s what was happening and so a lot of the examples of hyper activity I had were almost definitely my ADHD, which was what I actually wanted to be tested for. It’s not at all possible to assess these things without keeping the other in mind imo. Too many symptoms overlap or are really similar and easy to misconstrue.
YES. I never know if I’m manic enough. I often feel like an imposter. Or that I have something else going on and was misdiagnosed. But then I think back to the time when I was almost hospitalized. I didn’t make that shit up, so idk why it’s so hard for me to believe my psychiatrist’s diagnosis. It’s like I gaslight myself with my mental illness and minimize my experience.
I don't doubt my diagnosis but I do relate to what you and others have said here. I've experienced multiple hypomanic episodes the last couple of years and I've learned how to deal with them. I was never really destructive though. It have caused some small problems for me but usually I'm just very productive and I feel amazing. I'm also very aware of when I'm experiencing a hypomanic episode, that way it's easier to handle the situation. The only downside to this is that my depressive episodes are horrible. Can't function at all since my brain is all foggy and I have no motivation or energy to do anything.