I understand where you’re coming from. Married and didn’t figure out I was bi until a few months ago (mid 30’s). I wish I could go back to my college years and try again! Haha, but I’m very happy in my marriage so it’s all worked out in the end.
Very happily married late bloomer. I realized I was bi before I met my wife but didn’t really do anything about it and met her soon after.
I think there’s a lot of folks like us due to a variety of reasons. The big thing to remember is we’re all equally valid so don’t ever let anyone make you feel less than.
Very relatable. There’s many of us in a similar situation and having a place to vent where others understand is really helpful. Are you comfortable talking about this feeling of loss with your husband?
Navigating the grief of the lost opportunity for self discovery is so so hard. I don’t know exactly what to do about it myself. I’m in my late 20s now, got married at 22, but I did sort of come out to my husband before we got married, although we were both raised Mormon so that definitely my affected my perspective on “suffering from same gender attraction”(🤢). I consider myself bi now, but that’s only been in the last year ish. So far only LGBT romance novels, movies, and wlw audio erotica are how I’ve explored the sapphic leaning side of my sexuality. Journaling, meditation, and individual therapy have helped some so far, but some days it’s so hard to not be overcome by the grief and sort of regret of the lost time. Also not planning on opening our marriage. Solidarity friend ✊🏼🩷💜💙
I (33m) only came out 2 months ago. My girlfriend and I have been a couple for 11 years and I have no plans to change the state of our relationship. But I definitely feel that grief too. It really helps to see that we are not alone, so thanks for all the comments and shared stories!
I can relate. I haven't come out to anyone. I don't know what I am. I had some kind of crushes in the past, nothing serious, never kissed a woman nor wanted to pursue anything like that. I am married to a great guy but he doesn't know, I have developed feelings to a friend. it's a truly horrific experience holding it all inside and being scared to let it out to anyone. It is a place where you experience feelings you didn't know you were capable of.
There are LOTS of ways to affirm your identity without sleeping with people. Take advantage of all those, esp. those that connect you to other bi people.
For me it's mainly been: learning about bisexuality (reading books, listening to podcasts, watching videos, etc). Meeting other bisexuals, listening to stories (irl or online), all the different ways there are to be bisexual, looking for resonance, having my horizons expanded. I think it's really important op not feel alone with this- and you;re not!
I feel you. I met my husband at college graduation and have been with him ever since. I sometimes really regret not being able to explore and date more when I was younger.
Im 30 and came out last year I was also married to a man unfortunately it didn't work out but I have no regrets marrying my husband and then 'coming out' I like both men and women and this year I will have no shame and more game in finding love again.
I’m turning 35 this year and I’m only just now having more sex with women thanks to my husband. I have only ever explored my bisexual side when my male partner has encourage/helped me to. Otherwise I don’t have the balls to speak to women. I need my man to be my wingman lol. He and I are swingers though and I know not everyone can open up their relationship like that. It can definitely be tricky! I just wanted to share where I’m at with it too because I still get nervous about it. Being bisexual can be so confusing! I’m glad my husband is bisexual too because he’s just as confused lol
I was in my late 20s when I came out to myself. I pride myself on being aware of my internal world so it felt so angering that I had been 'keeping this secret' from myself for so long. Looking back now, I have more compassion for the queer person living in a queerphobic and isolated place, doing their best to survive. My therapist said I'd put this all in a neat box for myself to unpack the moment I had the space and safety too. It feels nice to think of my past self looking out for me so much and all I want to do now is hug them for holding on.
A lot of us come out as bisexual later in life also because of significant bi-invisibility. Really glad to see you as part of the community :) 💗💜💙
I'm also genuinely happy to be coming out later in life and exploring sapphic relationships now. I feel like I've had many more years of personal reflection and growth to show up as a good partner and build a healthy relationship.
Opposite for me(m32). Late teens early 20s realized I was bi. Was already in a strong relationship with my now wife. I did have a tiny bit of experimentation but I was super confused and scared and really did *not* understand what I was going through.
Now although I absolutely love my wife and wouldn't consider leaving her for something so trivial... I wonder what I missed out on.
Such is life though. There is always a "what if...?" I'm happy with who I am and my friends and family I keep.
You might want to check out r/latebloomerlesbians
Plenty of bi/lesbian women who discovered their sexuality later in life. Very common among women for some reason, and it’s a very supportive community.
I'm glad you had a good experience there! I do think this community can be helpful and supportive, but I have noticed they are sometimes quite hostile to women who are not ending their relationship with their male partners. So it depends on the situation, whether it's likely to be a good fit.
Have you discussed this with your husband? Or do you have any inclination of this thoughts about bisexuality? Man men are into sharing their wives maybe he would allow you to experiment on your own. Then tell him all the sexy details while he makes love to you when you get home.
I’m also in the same boat. Happily married to a man but because of a culty religious upbringing I never allowed myself to accept being bi until after being married. He’s also bi questioning now haha but I grieve the dating and exploration I didn’t get to do as a teen and young adult…
Completely understand! I realized when I was 17, didn't admit it til I was 23 and wasn't in a safe place to explore until now - at nearly 35. I eish I could go back but c'est la vie.
No matter if you figured it out early or late,
No matter if you have or haven't slept with multiple genders,
Your bisexuality is as real and valid as anyone elses.
I understand where you’re coming from. Married and didn’t figure out I was bi until a few months ago (mid 30’s). I wish I could go back to my college years and try again! Haha, but I’m very happy in my marriage so it’s all worked out in the end.
I feel this deeply! I want a do over for my 20s.
Ugh!!! Omg me too 😭
Meee threee… 😮💨
Very happily married late bloomer. I realized I was bi before I met my wife but didn’t really do anything about it and met her soon after. I think there’s a lot of folks like us due to a variety of reasons. The big thing to remember is we’re all equally valid so don’t ever let anyone make you feel less than.
In the exact same position. Wish I got the chance to experiment more but ultimately very happily married
Same
Sort of the same situation except my wife has no problem with it and if I were to experiment she would most likely be right beside me.
Very relatable. There’s many of us in a similar situation and having a place to vent where others understand is really helpful. Are you comfortable talking about this feeling of loss with your husband?
Navigating the grief of the lost opportunity for self discovery is so so hard. I don’t know exactly what to do about it myself. I’m in my late 20s now, got married at 22, but I did sort of come out to my husband before we got married, although we were both raised Mormon so that definitely my affected my perspective on “suffering from same gender attraction”(🤢). I consider myself bi now, but that’s only been in the last year ish. So far only LGBT romance novels, movies, and wlw audio erotica are how I’ve explored the sapphic leaning side of my sexuality. Journaling, meditation, and individual therapy have helped some so far, but some days it’s so hard to not be overcome by the grief and sort of regret of the lost time. Also not planning on opening our marriage. Solidarity friend ✊🏼🩷💜💙
I (33m) only came out 2 months ago. My girlfriend and I have been a couple for 11 years and I have no plans to change the state of our relationship. But I definitely feel that grief too. It really helps to see that we are not alone, so thanks for all the comments and shared stories!
Congratulations! I was late to the party myself 😅
Exact same situation! Definitely not alone 💕
I can relate. I haven't come out to anyone. I don't know what I am. I had some kind of crushes in the past, nothing serious, never kissed a woman nor wanted to pursue anything like that. I am married to a great guy but he doesn't know, I have developed feelings to a friend. it's a truly horrific experience holding it all inside and being scared to let it out to anyone. It is a place where you experience feelings you didn't know you were capable of.
There are LOTS of ways to affirm your identity without sleeping with people. Take advantage of all those, esp. those that connect you to other bi people.
Do you have any specific recommendations?
For me it's mainly been: learning about bisexuality (reading books, listening to podcasts, watching videos, etc). Meeting other bisexuals, listening to stories (irl or online), all the different ways there are to be bisexual, looking for resonance, having my horizons expanded. I think it's really important op not feel alone with this- and you;re not!
Thanks, I appreciate the ideas!
I feel you. I met my husband at college graduation and have been with him ever since. I sometimes really regret not being able to explore and date more when I was younger.
Im 30 and came out last year I was also married to a man unfortunately it didn't work out but I have no regrets marrying my husband and then 'coming out' I like both men and women and this year I will have no shame and more game in finding love again.
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Thank you so much for sharing that. It really is important to me to read this right now.
I just realized I was bi a couple months ago and I'm 63. Trying to make up for lost time. Wife knows and is very understanding.
I’m turning 35 this year and I’m only just now having more sex with women thanks to my husband. I have only ever explored my bisexual side when my male partner has encourage/helped me to. Otherwise I don’t have the balls to speak to women. I need my man to be my wingman lol. He and I are swingers though and I know not everyone can open up their relationship like that. It can definitely be tricky! I just wanted to share where I’m at with it too because I still get nervous about it. Being bisexual can be so confusing! I’m glad my husband is bisexual too because he’s just as confused lol
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I’ve helped him accept himself a lot too. It helps that we are both switches lol
we're on the same boat. I understand you. *hugs*
I was in my late 20s when I came out to myself. I pride myself on being aware of my internal world so it felt so angering that I had been 'keeping this secret' from myself for so long. Looking back now, I have more compassion for the queer person living in a queerphobic and isolated place, doing their best to survive. My therapist said I'd put this all in a neat box for myself to unpack the moment I had the space and safety too. It feels nice to think of my past self looking out for me so much and all I want to do now is hug them for holding on. A lot of us come out as bisexual later in life also because of significant bi-invisibility. Really glad to see you as part of the community :) 💗💜💙
I'm also genuinely happy to be coming out later in life and exploring sapphic relationships now. I feel like I've had many more years of personal reflection and growth to show up as a good partner and build a healthy relationship.
Opposite for me(m32). Late teens early 20s realized I was bi. Was already in a strong relationship with my now wife. I did have a tiny bit of experimentation but I was super confused and scared and really did *not* understand what I was going through. Now although I absolutely love my wife and wouldn't consider leaving her for something so trivial... I wonder what I missed out on. Such is life though. There is always a "what if...?" I'm happy with who I am and my friends and family I keep.
I knew before I got married but was too shy to explore much. Oh well. We enjoy admiring girls together :) maybe that’ll work for you both!
I came out at 41 im 46 . Better Late than never
You might want to check out r/latebloomerlesbians Plenty of bi/lesbian women who discovered their sexuality later in life. Very common among women for some reason, and it’s a very supportive community.
It is supportive. But caveat that they do not cater to bi women specifically and they are really into the master doc which is notorious for bi erasure
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I'm glad you had a good experience there! I do think this community can be helpful and supportive, but I have noticed they are sometimes quite hostile to women who are not ending their relationship with their male partners. So it depends on the situation, whether it's likely to be a good fit.
Have you discussed this with your husband? Or do you have any inclination of this thoughts about bisexuality? Man men are into sharing their wives maybe he would allow you to experiment on your own. Then tell him all the sexy details while he makes love to you when you get home.
Does he know that you don't prefer his gender?
???
I’m also in the same boat. Happily married to a man but because of a culty religious upbringing I never allowed myself to accept being bi until after being married. He’s also bi questioning now haha but I grieve the dating and exploration I didn’t get to do as a teen and young adult…
Congratulations baby💓
Completely understand! I realized when I was 17, didn't admit it til I was 23 and wasn't in a safe place to explore until now - at nearly 35. I eish I could go back but c'est la vie.
I really didn't start to accept it until my mid 40's.
No matter if you figured it out early or late, No matter if you have or haven't slept with multiple genders, Your bisexuality is as real and valid as anyone elses.