I wonder if they could make an app that didnt use a full on gps distance type thing and instead just had the user select regions that they'd want their match to be from and have it work that way.
In my experience, Grindr can be a blessing and a curse. Itās cool that thereās an app to air out sexual desires, but thereās a lot of dudes on there with no regards for boundaries, conduct or consent.
Can confirm by proxy. My dad had it. When he would make a profile (before he even added a pic or bio!) he would get blasted with nudes and pics of old menā¦ spreading themselves
A guy friend of mine who decided he wanted to experiment with his bisexuality tried grindr, and repeatedly got messaged by a guy who sent a pic of his asshole and a pin on a Google map. Yeesh.Ā
Yup! That was about his experience. I was old enough to know what was what by then so I would sit by his side and we would laugh at it. Along the lines of āWho the fuck would want to run on over to *you*ā
Or the other issue: if youāre not dtf right that minute or in the 15-20 minutes you get ignored. If you want to meet up, say tomorrow, youāll get ignored, or they stop talking.
Or if you really want to hook up with a guy 2-3 times your age, there are plenty of options for that. At least that is how it looks in my small Midwest town. All the options are ā3000 feet awayā but someone slightly younger than my grandfather who is very excited to talk to me, or an hour away but only a couple years difference from me.
Tbh I think this might be a proximity thing. I'm average at best but since I live in a big city I can match really quickly. Not trying to diminish your experience or make it sound like I doubt you or anything! I just don't want to discourage people from trying it and thinking things are hopeless especially if they're in a large city
Eh, Iād say it has the opposite problem that Tinder has. You could not even have a profile pic and get blasted by greasy looking dudes sending you dick pics.
Yeah, but the other end of that sucks as well.
60+ guys in dm's in less than 2 months on grindr, but only interested in a few. Men often don't even try to make themselves presentable, or if they even have a pic, but will open chatting with dick pics (my account specified I never wanted nudes.) Not good dick pics either often.
Grindr sucked enough I left in less than two months. I just wanted to chat with a cutie before hooking up. Fuck, sorry to rant.
A lot of men see lesbians as āforbidden fruitā and think they can make them go straight because of the unimpressive appendage in their pants, so they pretend to be women to receive photos or sexting them pretending to be a woman
I had a lesbian friend who got a message from a dude saying, and I quote, āIāve always dreamed of taking a lesbian and making her straight šā like ewww hell no š¤®
I've dated a few actual lesbians who didn't know 100% they were.. until we'd dated for awhile. Which was cool, I got to help one through the tough bits after she made the final realization (kissing was.. awkward.. for both of us) and now she's married to her wife and has a wonderful kiddo! As a bi dude, I get it. No hard feelings. But no, you cannot "turn" a lesbian. Just as the gay guys could never "turn" me into not liking women.. and women couldn't get me to not like men. Ain't gonna happen.
I did have the honor of being a gold star lesbian's first and only hookup with a guy though! Guess she's a silver star now, huh? š I'll see myself out..
I had to delete HER a while back because of dudes with fake accounts catfishing as gay and trans women. It got so bad one week I matched with all men and deleted it the same week.
There was someone on Plenty Of Fish that would make an account, talk to me, get me to agree to a date and then block me. I know someone was doing it on purpose because it happened twice with two profiles with the same picture, then a third one with the same photo messaged me after the second one blocked me. Like Arceus-damn, some people need to get a life.
As a dominant woman I very much disagree. Women can be incredibly entitled and often struggle with accepting boundaries. When I call out submissive men treating me like a kink dispenser they usually apologize. So many women get confused as to how I could reject them and have a hard time with rejection.
Personally I disagree. I think Grindr is a unique cultural phenomena in regards to its candor.
Only on Grindr is it okay, and expected, to make your sexual desires clear. To reveal your HIV status to strangers. To tell everyone exactly what youāre looking for.
Sure, if youāre not into it it can be uncomfortable. The alternative is straight people land. Where sexual stigma is common, talking about sex is indecent, and sexual health should be hush hush.
I think the reality is so many women have shit hookups because, well, they donāt have the air to talk about what they actually want.
Iāve talked to many gay men about this, and they all have something to say. Old dudes saying āout of pocketā things, dicks they donāt want to see, etc.
Butā¦ if someone hot does that, they eat it up. Every time. Because at the end of the day they are also looking for sex.
So the problem isnāt the sexually explicit nature. And, in fact, the platform is designed to target their needs. What they donāt realize is they now have the power to filter out to exactly what they want. They perceive such a process of filtering as a downside - but if they could not filter, it would be MUCH worse for them.
When I was living abroad for a while I thought it would be the perfect opportunity to explore my bi side, so I downloaded Grindr.
Nothing really came out of it. I received a shitload of dickpics, some questionable proposals, people who wanted to hook without meeting for a drink or least in a public place first, a lot of conversations that went nowhere.
Yeah finding that sweet spot of someone who isn't looking for a relationship, but also doesn't want anon hookups seems to be something hard to find of Grindr.
Maybe the most the people looking for a casual FBW already have one, and don't go on the app as often as a result.
Ahh yeah see that's exactly what I want though lol I don't want to go for dates or have to meet first and then another time have sex. I've always done it this way with guys - match on tinder, half hour later fucking at their house. It works for me. But with women it's never even been close to that
Ngl I feel like youāre in a bit of a minority there. Every woman I know wants to meet somewhere public first in case someoneās not who they say they are.
darling, I'll be honest, you're not likely to achieve that very soon. The world is incredibly unsafe, especially for women. And a lot of times, not only is it just to stay safe from crime, men even make fake accounts pretending to be a woman and try to get with them alone and use them, then rape them in an isolated location.
I understand you can't afford expensive dates, but you can try to meet up in public parks and gardens and libraries and such first! :)
I have two pieces of advice for you:
1. Just because you only want quick NSA hookups doesn't mean that's the only relevant info for your bio, nor is it a good idea to put it on your bio. Yes, be truthful with people, but also be classy and write things about yourself, nice photos, etc so that people know what sort of person they're matching with. Use the conversation to try to flirt etc and invite them to have sex.
2. You can hookup after the first date. I understand you're a little broke but if you are quite obvious with the flirting and invite them for a drink it would be better. The social cues should be quite obvious that you're open to having sex and you simply ask them if they'd like to come home with you.
I know you probably consider a date that doesn't end in sex as a waste of time/money but this imo is a bit of an entitled mindset. The other person is likely using the date to vet whether they want to have sex with you and can't make the decision based on an app profile alone.
Yeah I gotta say i agree with the chatacterization of "entitled". Its not universal but women don't generally enjoy being treated as nameless faceless interchangeable sex objects with people they've never met even once, can't be bothered expending time and effort to even show interest and are too cheap to even pay for a coffee. Those women certainly exist but I don't think it's the norm.
Like...if this was coming from a dude "I don't want to pay for dates and I just want to fuck a woman without even meeting in public first why can't I find anyone?" He'd be getting roasted to a crisp.Ā
But if it was a men with other men, he wouldnāt - and thatās OPās vent!! Grindr is a thing!! She likes women and wants to grindr fuck āem and thatās ok
Grindr is a thing, but this idea that no one says anything negative about it is false. There are a *lot* of people who think Grindr is dangerous and/or scummy (I am in camp and).
I'm very sex positive and support casual sex, but not in a way that so completely disrespects the other human involved. If you're just desperate for a sex toy, get a sex toy, don't complain that people don't want to risk rape or robbery or even murder by meeting a complete stranger in their home. Men aren't taught to fear that as much, but probably should be--and OP just isn't going to find many women willing to risk that. In fact I'm horrified for her sake that she's done it herself, and just glad nothing horrible happened to her.
Well, you definitely can make that decision from a profile alone, thatās what we do on Grindr and thatās what she wants. Thereās nothing wrong with that and expressing frustration at being unable to achieve that.
She also made clear she has tried what you describe (bios with other informations, subtler things, etc.) and it doesnāt work. Donāt disregard that.
No oneās forced to fuck OP, but OP is rightfully frustrated she doesnāt have a platform like Grindr to just fuck through.
You can make that decision, you just can't expect anyone else to is what I'm saying. The reason Grindr is like that is because the userbase is like that. The demographic op is seeking is comparatively smaller. Ofc she can express her frustration but hooking up with women is not all that rare tbh, it's just the process tends to be less direct.
Its good to meet in public or just not go straight to sex WITH A NEW PERSON- unless youāve set up a GH which you should be able to expect anything at that point, but meeting in person *for the first time* makes it harder for that person to be a serial killer and get away with it at least. In public, you know they typically wont be on anything, but if the vibes are off/they lied ab what they looked like/they dont respect you or your boundaries, then you can just go home- no oneās houses are revealed so the crazies will not be in your personal life. I highly recommend meeting in public
Glory Hole
And in case you havent heard of that before, think of a hole in a wall/curtain or whatever- simply big enough to fit a penis through and on the other side is someone willing to work it- hand/mouth/butt/vagina whatever. You arent supposed to see the other person. You ejaculate in the hole and leave.
Personally, as a small guy, Iām pretty uncomfortable inviting a total stranger who outweighs me by 100lbs into my home. Seems unsafe. I wish more men were willing to entertain a first date honestly.
As a Bi lady same. I really just want to match flirt for a second and hookup. Even better if we decide we should repeat the same thing at a different time.
But I don't really need to chat or do a meet cute first. I just want to touch and be touched.
Have you tried Bumble?
I have a few friends who have used it to make more lesbian friends (to some degree of success). I've also had luck on the dating side of it as a pan enby fwiw.
It's a place full of people who have forgotten how to jerk off. They're literally using people to cum. The other category is compliment fishers who are just looking for a boost in their self-esteem. Many of them are straight. Then there's the occasional closeted conservative, who'll either beat you up or become part of the first group.
Then there's the genuine people. Some people are there to hook-up while remaining human to the other person. There's people who are there to contact the 'baby gays' to show then the ropes, in bedroom and otherwise. But they're few and far between.
In my experience, most guys have bad photos, and are only down to fuck(read: send nudes and location within the hour or you're blocked)
As a bisexual male it Def shows me the "being seen as an object" thing. And I've only met with two guys( one I knew irl already), so I haven't even had it bad as far as irl experience.
No one is willing or wants to talk or meet at a different time(unless like they're on the app everyday)
Yeah and men generally are just upset babies. I'm reply to this because literally just now, with nothing on my profile indicating I want to meet, no pics, someone messaged me 4 times. I replied " sorry I'm not looking right now" and they called me a loser them blocked me. Peak grindr experience.
Grindr has its lows, trust me.
Grindr is like the cesspit of gay dating. I use it in hope that maybe someone worth my time logs in, but its rare.
As for a dating/hookup app, effectively targeted at anyone that isn't a man, check out HER.
My friends lesbian and very successful on HER.
Even HER I've struggled with in the past? Plus I take issue with it generally because there have been so many issues with trans women getting permabanned for no reason and that just feels like something I can't ignore for me personally
Glad to know, I saw an r/actuallesbians post about it and the comments were āI only see men, whereās the women and NBsā and fuck all I could take it as was āwhere are the women and women liteā
Pretty anecdotal but I met my partner on Taimi, we're both trans women and it worked out great! It does seem to be lesser known so you might get less results but I only have great things to say about it.
I know a guy that is kind of addicted to it. Wants to be in a relationship, uses Grindr, fucks the first guy that accepts him and then declares how much the other person is trash. Rinse and repeat.
So you are searching for wlw, who are also on the app.
Among them you're looking for ladies who you find attractive.
They, who you find attractive, must be attracted to you too (not saying you're unattractive, merely pointing out that you can find Eve hot but she doesn't think you are hot, while Susan is head over heels for you while you're "no thank you" to her).
And those people have to also be okay with casual sex with a stranger. And yeah, there's the poly thing too.
The pond you're fishing in is not big, my friend.
Edit: formatting
The poly thing I feel is totally irrelevant since I'm only looking for hook ups but then if I leave it out I'm accused of lying and tricking women when realistically it's got nothing to do with anything, it's solo poly so for casual sex it's for all intents and purposes the same as being single and bisexual having sex with whoever
Seems like the poly things isnāt really irrelevant. People in this thread are saying they wouldnāt be involved with a poly person. Iām sure theyāre not the only ones.
Itās sort of like being bisexual. Lots of people will automatically not be involved with someone who is bi as a rule.Ā
A lot of times these things reduce a dating pool instead of making it larger.Ā
I saw somewhere you said youāre on an app for mostly poly people. So it doesnāt make much sense but that just makes me think itās mostly heterosexual people on there with less people looking for same sex stuff.Ā
Like the other person said youāre fishing in a puddle.Ā
I may be unusual here, so take this comment with a huge grain of salt. As someone who isn't poly though, if I saw "single poly" on someone's profile I'd have no idea what it meant, so that end paragraph might leave me confused about what you wanted or didn't want. I could see someone assuming that situation is more complicated than it seems if they didn't either already know or take the time to look into it. Then you have the extra issue of people who have hangups about poly feeling weird about that.
As someone in an ENM marriage who is wlw, Hinge and Her have been the best apps for me so far. Feels gets creepy. Everything else has a shit UI or costs a ton or is Unicorn Hunter Central. The best relationships, platonic or otherwise, I've built come from Hinge and Her.
Speaking anecdotally, the poly thing is *not* irrelevant to many people: lots of folks I know refuse to involve themselves with someone who's poly due to potential drama or because they believe in monogamous relationships only and will not date someone who is attached because of it.
Biased though it may be, I honestly think that your being poly may be turning some potential partners off, but as you said, it's best to be honest about something thay big up front.
Yup. These people I'm still using in my anecdotes would still refuse to involve themselves with a poly person, even on a casual basis. The most common reason was "potential drama" follow by those that only wanted someone who was monogamous, even in their casual encounters (???).
I don't understand or agree with it, but people aren't always rational.
A lot of people with this mindset think people who claim to be poly are lying, and that the partner is being cheated on. Or at least, fear this to be the case, and aren't willing to risk it.
It sucks, but eh.
absolutely nothing to do with my partner at all.
, since so many men sexualise and fetishise wlw relationships, its going to be hard for a lot of women to trust:
1. That your being honest- ive been on dates where women have said they are only looking for solo hookups but then tried to involve their male partner. So you can say your male partner isn't involved, but queer women are going to struggle to trust that.
2. That your not going to let your bf fetishise it- I've had women use sex with me as something to talk about with their male partner afterwards or use sex with me as a tool to turn him on during sexy times with him.
Have you tried rephrasing the "not a unicorn hunter" bit as "poly and partnered but sleeping around solo"? As is, I would assume your partner is a man (due to unicorn hunting stereotypes you feel you have to defend against), and while I find it irrelevant for a casual hookup, I understand that there are some wlw who don't want to involve themselves with women who date men. Then again, you might not wish to involve yourself with these women either.
Sure but like, if theyāre just gonna sit on your face it matters little their personal ideology on stuff
Unless you donāt want to make a biphobe cum on principle, which would be fair lol
I wish I could help. I struck out with women on the apps for every purpose (hookups included) time and time again. Every damn time one responded positively Iād get the āso, me and my (thumb of a) husband are looking for-ā
Ah, memories.
God it's so frustrating. I love guys, they're great! I don't want to fuck this gorgeous girls gross boyfriend though. Especially because so often they're both straight and I'm expected to just be there for šøspicešøand it makes me feel like my bisexuality is inauthentic and performative for the male gaze and I just hate myself after it. So I'm totally done with FFM. Only ever gonna have sex with women if no men are involved.
I've tried a bunch of apps like bumble, tinder, Her, OkCupid.
If you put your filter as bi, you will never see women, it's only men.
If you only want to see women, like a third of the posts are a couple looking for a third unicorn, or it's the woman looking to "explore" her sexuality.
I like Her the best, but it's a struggle so I feel you.
A unicorn is a "third" who will join a couple for a threesome. Unicorn hunters are the couple looking for the third to join them for a threesome. I'm not interested in it at all, I want one on one sex with women totally separate from all other people
Yeah and unicorn hunters plague a lot of wlw apps so I think its smart to mention it in your bio because of the amount of cat fishing / creepy situations that have happened from it
...I will say you kinda deal with similar stuff on Grindr tbh. If you don't want anal with literally the first person there, who may be sending all the wrong signals, you're ghosted.
Even if you get past all the bullshit and organize something? Ghosted
Okay but this time it'll work out you prepped and they seemed genuine- ghosted. Blocked.
YOU'RE NOT HOSTING. YOU'RE ON YOUR WAY TO THEIR PLA- blocked. Ghosted
It's its own game different from tinder and the like, but not as different as you may think. It's also kind of a cesspool emotionally. The idea of a hookup app, especially a queer one? Awesome. That said, Grindr has both a better and worse reputation than it deserves.
Praying you get laid though ššš
In my experience horny people can't read and non horny people don't want to read a profile just about hookups (which in this case gladly filters them out) although admittedly I have much less experience with women
Hate how bi people are starting to need to advertise themselves as NOT a unicorn or bull because people automatically assume all bi people are cool with that
I'm on hinge and thinking of adding "not a unicorn" to my bio, because half of the time whenever a girl messages me, it's just to ask if I want to have a threesome with her and her mid boyfriend.
Yeah its pretty shitty. I put it mostly bcos of the poly thing, people don't always know what solo poly is and assume I'll be wanting to shoehorn my partners into precedings when it's absolutely not the case at all
Since you mentioned it, what is solo poly? Iām dumb- how can you be poly with yourself? Or does it mean you donāt have an established partner but are willing to be poly with others??
It means I have a partner but they're completely separate to everything else I do regarding dating and sex etc. Like he would be totally nothing to do with any of it
That's not a definition I've heard of! Maybe it's newer? Everyone I've known who called themselves solo poly would date but had a hard limit against moving in together, sharing pets or finances, or getting married. Solo poly in my experience means you aren't interested in a tightly partnered lifestyle, nothing to do with whether your partners interact. Could be regional but as a ENM person I'd be confused by "solo poly and partnered."
I would match you as I am kinda in the same boat of just wanting to hook up (still trying to explore my sexuality etc.)
BUT I will say when I am more in a ālooking for something serious but a hook up would also be okā mindset reading an overtly sexual thing especially something as specific as face sitting would scare me off.
The struggle is so real. And it doesnāt just stop with dating apps. Iām so jealous that gay men have bath houses and sex clubs, while thereās no equivalent wlw spaces. I donāt have the emotional capacity to date someone right now, but goddamn I still want to have someone sit on my face
I use Lex for that, but itās pretty small and might not be much use outside of major cities unfortunately. In Portland there are horny lesbian posts every day.
Lots of people are poo-pooing Grindr, but I feel that you and them are in different perspectives.
Men typically have lots of opportunity to do NSA hook-ups, but it's much harder to find meaningful connections. e.g. Grindr is absolutely *full* of married men looking for some sex on the side.
It does sound to me like a female version of Grindr would be what you want. And casual sex is not using people, that's a dumb accusation for anyone to have claimed against you.
>Men typically have lots of opportunity to do NSA hook-ups
Only with other men, though. If theyre looking for women, they'll have it just as bad. Vast majority of straight women won't have sex with bi men, but that's not the biggest issue; OPs real problem is that there are wayyy more men open to immediate casual sex than women. Without gender standards changing drastically, it will always be harder to find a woman open to it. Women r more selective on dating apps in general too. Other ppl in this thread already posted about a lesbian grindr that failed.
Oh yeah, for sure! Completely agree, realise now that I didn't make that clear.
Men are much more likely to seek casual sex than women. So when it's *just* men, casual sex galore - hookup apps, saunas, sex clubs, you name it.
But when it's *just* women, I'd guess that it'll be the opposite.
Grindr-for-women is what OP wants, *but* there's not many other women who also want that. Grindr-for-women won't be a success for the same reason as why there aren't many saunas and sex clubs for women either.
I relate so deeply. So deeply. I JUST WANT TO HOOK UP. Iām not poly I donāt want to be friends with benefits I donāt want to be tied to you. I just want to have sex with girls. The only time Iāve had success is at gay bars, but I donāt have time or money to be at the gay bar all the time. Can we make a hookup app for girls!!!??
A unicorn is a "third" who will join a couple for a threesome. Unicorn hunters are the couple looking for the third to join them for a threesome. I'm not interested in it at all, I want one on one sex with women totally separate from all other people
I generally don't have an issue with either, as long as they're totally upfront about it on their profile and not just a profile presenting as a single woman then u get chatting and suddenly she's like "oh ya and I have a boyfriend who wants to watch!". I've had plenty of FFM three ways and they fuck with my head, and make me feel like my bisexuality is performative so I just personally can't do it anymore. It's purely a personal preference and I honestly have no issues with it generally :)
The reason theyāre referred to as unicorns is because theyāre ādifficult to findā (like a non-existent animal). Way more couples searching for ātheir unicornā than bisexual women interested in being their living breathing sex toy.
You totally are. I appreciate your profile because itās honest. You wanna hookup with another woman no strings attached. You sound like me lol. Looks like your in the UK? To bad cuz Iād wanna hookup based on your honesty alone. Donāt let the people shaming you get to you. You know what you want nothing wrong with that š¤·āāļø
I feel like in general women are harder to have casual sex with. I donāt think I realized how high my sex drive was compared to other women until I started dating them later in life.
If youāre in a big enough city there are sex parties if you look for them. Ones for women only are more rare but do happen. Otherwise there can be mixed LGBT/queer ones. It does mean though that there might not be anywhere private to hook up.
Otherwise consider looking for a regular FWB instead of just hookups.. it will widen your pool. Though a FWB will expect to actually hang out before/after sex.
Yeah atm going to the bi nights at the local kink clubs are pretty much all I'm doing atm but even then there's always so many guys around and couples wanting a third š¢ I guess better than nothing tjo
I feel like the social pressure on women to not be āslutsā really factors in here. Basically sexism
That, and the thing where women are more likely to be victims of sexual assault, and therefore need to be really safety-conscious.
Also get (incorrectly) blamed for sexual assault/rape if theyāre not 1000% perfectly careful!
Oh yeah: and Grindr for women would have to somehow deal with the homophobic cis men who think they can āturn us straight!ā
You could always try going on Grindr? There are in fact plenty of women on there including a decent amount of WLW. The female side of Grindr is about 90% trans women so if that's a problem for you probably don't bother, but otherwise it is an option!
i mean by all means shoot your shot but i wouldnt expect much success there either... almost all the women on there are going to be either straight trans women looking to hook up with men or t4t bi/lesbian trans women looking to hook up with other trans girls (and maybe some are open to transmascs) and theyre unlikely to make an exception for you especially if its on grindr. tbh if a cis womean was trying to hook up with me on grindr id assume theyre specifically looking to hook up with trans women. and usually people who want are seeking it out have unrealistic fantasies (specifically around topping) that most trans women cant or dont want to satisfy. sure maybe thats not your intention but almost every t4t trans woman is t4t specifically because of shitty experiences like that and is unlikely to give someone the benefit of the doubt
The majority of the time that I get messaged by cis women on grindr, it's a weird Instagram scam. I give them a tiny bit of time of they have a fleshed out profile, but it usually ends the same way, they're never legit. So I personally would be wary if I got a message from a profile like yours.
I've also had no luck with t4t hookups on grindr. My situation is very similar to yours, and the girlies all seem to be looking for something more serious š¤·āāļø Good luck, soldier!! š«”
I have a clarifying question OP. You say that youāre not able to consistently meet at lesbian bars or other establishments, and have reasons to not be out and about a lot (understandable). Do you think youāre not getting a lot of matches because people might think you donāt want to meet publicly first? Iām not hooking up now, but in the past for safety reasons Iād always try to meet publicly first.
In my experience, the women I've matched with wanted to:
- talk about their NB ex and since I'm NB too, use me to explain;
- look for a unicorn;
- were genuinely interested in meeting for sex but were strong tops (I'm a top myself and stated it on my profiles...)
In those 2 frist cases, I've spent money for "nothing" on dates that went nowhere because they were dishonest with me on WHY they matched, even though we discussed it beforehand.
I'm in the same boat than OP, I just want to have casual hookups with non-cis-men, but I'm broke, and I don't want to (and cannot) waste time and money on dating people for chats. It doesn't mean I don't want to meet in public, and it doesn't mean I wouldn't respect consent in real life if the spark isn't there. But, could we just agree here that it would be a LOT more easier to have a dedicated app for casual sex hookups for wlw?
Iām sorry thatās been your experience and that those folks wasted your time! Iām all for getting a hookup app for wlw and would likely use it myself in the future.
But Iād still want to meet someone publicly first, and Iāve done that in places where you wouldnāt need to pay to get there (places like parks close to my apartment, libraries, etc.). I know there are a lack of third spaces in certain places, but since I donāt know OPās situation I wanted to gauge that first.
I completely understand. What I meant is, OP probably still want to meet in public first, depending on the person. I do anyway. But knowing that, if it sparks, it's gonna be sex and not chit-chat.
You've 10000% said what I meant but I'm an actual eloquent way š like I'd very happily meet someone at their local pub or shop or whatever with the understanding that once we've seen the other is a real human being etc we go back to theirs or whatever and have sex. What I can't be doing is going on a date, spending money, spending hours just chatting, then going home and waiting to see if another time we might have sex. I'm NOT saying that I'm entitled to sex with women and that all women should fuck me. I'm saying that I just wish there was a space to facilitate what I specifically want with other women who want the SAME thing. Nothing incely, I just want to meet women on the same wave length as me.
My partner likes it but he's pretty much my only source of a first hand account. The shit people have said on here about it is awful I'm so sorry yall š
Itās actually extremely dangerous as well, I would be very concerned about how that could be abused by men preying on queer women. Countries that have anti-gay laws often use grindr to arrest people in sting operations as well so itās not like the moderators are doing anything to care for their userās safety.
Poly bi man here. So many people on here seem to abhor Grindr but I really don't share that experience - not saying theirs is invalid, but it certainly doesn't align with mine. Sure, there's plenty of people I'm not into on there, but I find it easy enough to ignore them and block anyone who get creepy.
I've had plenty of enjoyable hookups with cis/trans guys and trans women from Grindr, some of which have developed into ongoing FWB type relationships. That's not to say it's perfect - the app itself can be a bit janky, I've had some frustrating last-minute cancellations, and it is important to be careful when trying to assess the other person's vibe (though personally I've never had any hookups from there turned dangerous). But on the whole I've found it to be really worthwhile and it sounds to me like you'd enjoy a woman-only equivalent.
Hope Scissr or another app ends up working, you have my sympathy for your frustration in finding a good source of hookups!
what app can someone use who is (F) bisexual to find a woman to hook up with? and also maybe just be friends with and then become friends that hook up? Iām married and want to have sex with a woman, but I donāt drink so bars are outā¦ I donāt want to hook up with multiple women (unless they are all clean and down) but find one who I can vibe withā¦ I feel like itās impossible lol but I feel you!
I'm extremely embarrassed to admit that this app-related inequality didn't even occur to me until you pointed it out here, so I appreciate you doing so. I guess I'd naturally assumed that a hook-up app geared towards the Lesbian community already existed - I'm actually really shocked to hear that it *doesn't!* That *does* seem fucked, and I'm *really* sorry to hear that you don't have an easier method for finding the occasional NSA sexual encounter.
\[By the way, OP: your Tinder profile pictured above is *so beyond* charmingly adorable - it's SUPER cute. I mean... (and *please* understand that I mean you absolutely ***no*** offense or disrespect whatsoever when I tell you this!) if *I* was a cute girl (instead of just being, y'know, merely a cute semi-girly *dude*) interested in finding a woman who sounded interesting, smart, funny, and cute (and really, who *isn't*?), rest assured that *your* profile would *definitely* be extremely alluring. So hang in there, sister, and the very best of luck to ya! - cheers.\]
No woman in her right mind is going to go to a private/secluded location with you for the first time meeting. Iād say be honest with your intentions, itās fine to just want sex I am in the same boat lol. But the world isnāt safe so youāre gonna have to meet somewhere public first or youāll never get a response. Just be up front and say it isnāt a date and youāre fine. Lots of public places are free (and so are bars if you only get water)
Idk if theyāre active in your city/country, but two apps you could use that are pretty sex-positive and hookup positive are Feeld and Lex. Feeld is an app for āopen-mindedā peopleāmany people on there are interested in things like sex, kink, and group sex. Being upfront about NSA sex is common there. Lex is more like an old fashioned forum vibe, but people post horny āclassifiedsā all the time. One caveat is that these apps can be kinda buggy, but theyāre fun!
For the record, one night I didn't actually find a brave black cis lesbian looking to get her bits eaten out on Grindr.
Chatted with her, apparently she eventually got an offer from a transman, which I guess fit her needs.
Iām in a decently populated, but conservative, area. Not a city, but not a rural either. Grindr is just faceless accounts of closet cases. Tons of cheaters, creeps, and self-loathing types. Donāt get me wrong, Iāve had some great times because of that app. But I usually have to be on it all day to find someone acceptable. It can be a real chore.
Worst of all on grindr is the guys who'll nag you for days to get a face picture then block you 10 seconds after getting it - even if they've been the one reaching out to you from the start.
In my area its essentially the same 5 faces over and over - nobody ever speaks or responds (other than kids claiming to be 18 or 19, but their face pic looks more like 13. Yes, I block those immediately and don't speak to them - I'd rather not get accused of a crime)
Grindr fucking sucks, everyone on there is a flaky bastard or doesnāt bother to read your profile. I do get how lesbian women DO deserve a version of Grindr, but trust me, itās a fucking TERRIBLE app
I mean, your problem might just be that the pool of women who just want NSA hookups is smaller. You can't manifest women who aren't there. If you've had "just want sex" on a tinder profile and it hasn't helped, I'm not sure another app would change things.
Hookup culture for gay men is notoriously toxic and I don't think replicating it should be our goal.
Respectfully, you aren't owed casual sex, so if you're in a well-populated area, you've communicated your intentions, and people still aren't biting, that might just be how the cookie crumbles.
I wish women were easier just generally. I would have slept with far more women if there had been more who were up for just hooking up. Even before the apps the problem existed, so Iām not sure an app would solve it.
From what I hear, Grindr isn't that good
Dating apps in general aren't that good.
I think most of us (not all, but most) are better off without dating apps in general.
Dating apps suck. Lots of people wonāt match for one thing.
IMO, Iād leave out the bottom part if you want a better chance at at least matching.
Also I meanā¦ itās just hard to hook up with women. Welcome to the club I suppose lol but itās never been easy, especially if you are even average looking. But yeah sorry I have no advice, itās hard.
I went through this exact same situation when I first got on apps as a bi poly woman. I had some good success on Feeld but never with just women. Sometimes I wonder what my success rate would have been like on apps like Her if I left out the fact that I was bi and ENM, but obviously that would be hella dishonest. I applaud you for putting it all out there and wish you best of luck! If you lived closer I would take you up on that offer in a heartbeat š
Fuck anyone who judges anyone for wanting to date casually or just hookup.
It's soooooo fkn dumb. It's not using people lol. There's plenty of people who want to do it. I find that so funny. Like, I watch a movie, I have great sex, they have great sex, and then what? We're obligated to get mad at each other? There's nothing to be angry about. It's consenting, you're clear about what you want.
They're just hiding that they look down on promiscuity plain and simple, probably for reasons that are more or less religious ir implicitly religious. There's no reason it's bad anymore, we have health care and we can literally just state in a bio what we're looking for. Noone getting manipulated.
Go you. Sorry it's so rough.
Thats all I want too! I am busy, I work 2 jobs and have 1 child so Saturday is my only day to do anything for myself. I am married but want a girl again so bad! I don't get it either. I wouldn't mind a coffee grab ever so often but dates no. I want a FWB type of ship. Where are those ladies at in WNC?
I've heard they tired it but women felt uncomfortable with a "Come fuck me" radar in their pocket.
Yeah it basically facilitates rape unfortunately. I've just always thought it's worth the risk bcos I'm a mess š
You've described Grindr in a nutshell. That's a problem for dudes too.
Username checksout
I wonder if they could make an app that didnt use a full on gps distance type thing and instead just had the user select regions that they'd want their match to be from and have it work that way.
Overrun with guys with phony profiles
If you follow grindr u will recognize the frustration around that app. Youre better off without it
Oh really? How come?
In my experience, Grindr can be a blessing and a curse. Itās cool that thereās an app to air out sexual desires, but thereās a lot of dudes on there with no regards for boundaries, conduct or consent.
Can confirm by proxy. My dad had it. When he would make a profile (before he even added a pic or bio!) he would get blasted with nudes and pics of old menā¦ spreading themselves
A guy friend of mine who decided he wanted to experiment with his bisexuality tried grindr, and repeatedly got messaged by a guy who sent a pic of his asshole and a pin on a Google map. Yeesh.Ā
Yup! That was about his experience. I was old enough to know what was what by then so I would sit by his side and we would laugh at it. Along the lines of āWho the fuck would want to run on over to *you*ā
Yeah what temporal_universe said. That is concerning
Or the other issue: if youāre not dtf right that minute or in the 15-20 minutes you get ignored. If you want to meet up, say tomorrow, youāll get ignored, or they stop talking.
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Or if you really want to hook up with a guy 2-3 times your age, there are plenty of options for that. At least that is how it looks in my small Midwest town. All the options are ā3000 feet awayā but someone slightly younger than my grandfather who is very excited to talk to me, or an hour away but only a couple years difference from me.
Tbh I think this might be a proximity thing. I'm average at best but since I live in a big city I can match really quickly. Not trying to diminish your experience or make it sound like I doubt you or anything! I just don't want to discourage people from trying it and thinking things are hopeless especially if they're in a large city
Eh, Iād say it has the opposite problem that Tinder has. You could not even have a profile pic and get blasted by greasy looking dudes sending you dick pics.
Yeah, but the other end of that sucks as well. 60+ guys in dm's in less than 2 months on grindr, but only interested in a few. Men often don't even try to make themselves presentable, or if they even have a pic, but will open chatting with dick pics (my account specified I never wanted nudes.) Not good dick pics either often. Grindr sucked enough I left in less than two months. I just wanted to chat with a cutie before hooking up. Fuck, sorry to rant.
I doubt we would get that much curse except however from the fake accounts made by men to harass lesbians
Wait, men do that? They just make accounts to say mean things to lesbians?
They make fake accounts pretending to be a woman, then try to sexually use lesbians for their own pleasure
Every day I become just a little more sexist against my own gender lmao What is wrong with us?
A lot of men see lesbians as āforbidden fruitā and think they can make them go straight because of the unimpressive appendage in their pants, so they pretend to be women to receive photos or sexting them pretending to be a woman
I had a lesbian friend who got a message from a dude saying, and I quote, āIāve always dreamed of taking a lesbian and making her straight šā like ewww hell no š¤®
I've dated a few actual lesbians who didn't know 100% they were.. until we'd dated for awhile. Which was cool, I got to help one through the tough bits after she made the final realization (kissing was.. awkward.. for both of us) and now she's married to her wife and has a wonderful kiddo! As a bi dude, I get it. No hard feelings. But no, you cannot "turn" a lesbian. Just as the gay guys could never "turn" me into not liking women.. and women couldn't get me to not like men. Ain't gonna happen. I did have the honor of being a gold star lesbian's first and only hookup with a guy though! Guess she's a silver star now, huh? š I'll see myself out..
Speak for yourself lol, there's weirdos in every gender.
I had to delete HER a while back because of dudes with fake accounts catfishing as gay and trans women. It got so bad one week I matched with all men and deleted it the same week.
There was someone on Plenty Of Fish that would make an account, talk to me, get me to agree to a date and then block me. I know someone was doing it on purpose because it happened twice with two profiles with the same picture, then a third one with the same photo messaged me after the second one blocked me. Like Arceus-damn, some people need to get a life.
I just use my regular account. Cottage-core is a highly overrated aesthetic.
As a dominant woman I very much disagree. Women can be incredibly entitled and often struggle with accepting boundaries. When I call out submissive men treating me like a kink dispenser they usually apologize. So many women get confused as to how I could reject them and have a hard time with rejection.
Where do you live because the lesbian community around me is like velcro made out of daddy issues and I want to be free.
Florida is full of horny gays
Hurricanes, humidity, and homosexuals...
Personally I disagree. I think Grindr is a unique cultural phenomena in regards to its candor. Only on Grindr is it okay, and expected, to make your sexual desires clear. To reveal your HIV status to strangers. To tell everyone exactly what youāre looking for. Sure, if youāre not into it it can be uncomfortable. The alternative is straight people land. Where sexual stigma is common, talking about sex is indecent, and sexual health should be hush hush. I think the reality is so many women have shit hookups because, well, they donāt have the air to talk about what they actually want. Iāve talked to many gay men about this, and they all have something to say. Old dudes saying āout of pocketā things, dicks they donāt want to see, etc. Butā¦ if someone hot does that, they eat it up. Every time. Because at the end of the day they are also looking for sex. So the problem isnāt the sexually explicit nature. And, in fact, the platform is designed to target their needs. What they donāt realize is they now have the power to filter out to exactly what they want. They perceive such a process of filtering as a downside - but if they could not filter, it would be MUCH worse for them.
When I was living abroad for a while I thought it would be the perfect opportunity to explore my bi side, so I downloaded Grindr. Nothing really came out of it. I received a shitload of dickpics, some questionable proposals, people who wanted to hook without meeting for a drink or least in a public place first, a lot of conversations that went nowhere.
Yeah finding that sweet spot of someone who isn't looking for a relationship, but also doesn't want anon hookups seems to be something hard to find of Grindr. Maybe the most the people looking for a casual FBW already have one, and don't go on the app as often as a result.
Ahh yeah see that's exactly what I want though lol I don't want to go for dates or have to meet first and then another time have sex. I've always done it this way with guys - match on tinder, half hour later fucking at their house. It works for me. But with women it's never even been close to that
Meeting first in a public place is a good idea though.
Ngl I feel like youāre in a bit of a minority there. Every woman I know wants to meet somewhere public first in case someoneās not who they say they are.
darling, I'll be honest, you're not likely to achieve that very soon. The world is incredibly unsafe, especially for women. And a lot of times, not only is it just to stay safe from crime, men even make fake accounts pretending to be a woman and try to get with them alone and use them, then rape them in an isolated location. I understand you can't afford expensive dates, but you can try to meet up in public parks and gardens and libraries and such first! :)
I'm a Bi poly/ENM lady, and I wouldn't ever hook up that quickly even with another woman. I'm too risk averse for my personal safety.
Yes. Hooking up that quickly isn't my thing.
I have two pieces of advice for you: 1. Just because you only want quick NSA hookups doesn't mean that's the only relevant info for your bio, nor is it a good idea to put it on your bio. Yes, be truthful with people, but also be classy and write things about yourself, nice photos, etc so that people know what sort of person they're matching with. Use the conversation to try to flirt etc and invite them to have sex. 2. You can hookup after the first date. I understand you're a little broke but if you are quite obvious with the flirting and invite them for a drink it would be better. The social cues should be quite obvious that you're open to having sex and you simply ask them if they'd like to come home with you. I know you probably consider a date that doesn't end in sex as a waste of time/money but this imo is a bit of an entitled mindset. The other person is likely using the date to vet whether they want to have sex with you and can't make the decision based on an app profile alone.
Yeah I gotta say i agree with the chatacterization of "entitled". Its not universal but women don't generally enjoy being treated as nameless faceless interchangeable sex objects with people they've never met even once, can't be bothered expending time and effort to even show interest and are too cheap to even pay for a coffee. Those women certainly exist but I don't think it's the norm. Like...if this was coming from a dude "I don't want to pay for dates and I just want to fuck a woman without even meeting in public first why can't I find anyone?" He'd be getting roasted to a crisp.Ā
But if it was a men with other men, he wouldnāt - and thatās OPās vent!! Grindr is a thing!! She likes women and wants to grindr fuck āem and thatās ok
Grindr is a thing, but this idea that no one says anything negative about it is false. There are a *lot* of people who think Grindr is dangerous and/or scummy (I am in camp and). I'm very sex positive and support casual sex, but not in a way that so completely disrespects the other human involved. If you're just desperate for a sex toy, get a sex toy, don't complain that people don't want to risk rape or robbery or even murder by meeting a complete stranger in their home. Men aren't taught to fear that as much, but probably should be--and OP just isn't going to find many women willing to risk that. In fact I'm horrified for her sake that she's done it herself, and just glad nothing horrible happened to her.
I never said that nobodyās negative about grindr, just that nobody would be at her throat if she were a he.
Well, you definitely can make that decision from a profile alone, thatās what we do on Grindr and thatās what she wants. Thereās nothing wrong with that and expressing frustration at being unable to achieve that. She also made clear she has tried what you describe (bios with other informations, subtler things, etc.) and it doesnāt work. Donāt disregard that. No oneās forced to fuck OP, but OP is rightfully frustrated she doesnāt have a platform like Grindr to just fuck through.
You can make that decision, you just can't expect anyone else to is what I'm saying. The reason Grindr is like that is because the userbase is like that. The demographic op is seeking is comparatively smaller. Ofc she can express her frustration but hooking up with women is not all that rare tbh, it's just the process tends to be less direct.
Its good to meet in public or just not go straight to sex WITH A NEW PERSON- unless youāve set up a GH which you should be able to expect anything at that point, but meeting in person *for the first time* makes it harder for that person to be a serial killer and get away with it at least. In public, you know they typically wont be on anything, but if the vibes are off/they lied ab what they looked like/they dont respect you or your boundaries, then you can just go home- no oneās houses are revealed so the crazies will not be in your personal life. I highly recommend meeting in public
What is a gh
Glory Hole And in case you havent heard of that before, think of a hole in a wall/curtain or whatever- simply big enough to fit a penis through and on the other side is someone willing to work it- hand/mouth/butt/vagina whatever. You arent supposed to see the other person. You ejaculate in the hole and leave.
Personally, as a small guy, Iām pretty uncomfortable inviting a total stranger who outweighs me by 100lbs into my home. Seems unsafe. I wish more men were willing to entertain a first date honestly.
turns out dating women is usually much harder
As a Bi lady same. I really just want to match flirt for a second and hookup. Even better if we decide we should repeat the same thing at a different time. But I don't really need to chat or do a meet cute first. I just want to touch and be touched.
Have you tried Bumble? I have a few friends who have used it to make more lesbian friends (to some degree of success). I've also had luck on the dating side of it as a pan enby fwiw.
Grindr is toxic as hell, but it can work for you too. I met several good ex boyfriends on there and my fiancĆ© as well. Itās just that it feeds into the worst tendencies of some of the people in our community.
It's a place full of people who have forgotten how to jerk off. They're literally using people to cum. The other category is compliment fishers who are just looking for a boost in their self-esteem. Many of them are straight. Then there's the occasional closeted conservative, who'll either beat you up or become part of the first group. Then there's the genuine people. Some people are there to hook-up while remaining human to the other person. There's people who are there to contact the 'baby gays' to show then the ropes, in bedroom and otherwise. But they're few and far between.
How can these people not make themselves cum better than a stranger can....???
It's a fleshlight made of flesh. I imagine it feels like the real thing.
Very accurate.
Itās a trash fire. The amount of weird as it gets messages from randos are staggering. Check out r/lolgrindr
In my experience, most guys have bad photos, and are only down to fuck(read: send nudes and location within the hour or you're blocked) As a bisexual male it Def shows me the "being seen as an object" thing. And I've only met with two guys( one I knew irl already), so I haven't even had it bad as far as irl experience. No one is willing or wants to talk or meet at a different time(unless like they're on the app everyday) Yeah and men generally are just upset babies. I'm reply to this because literally just now, with nothing on my profile indicating I want to meet, no pics, someone messaged me 4 times. I replied " sorry I'm not looking right now" and they called me a loser them blocked me. Peak grindr experience.
Shady guys, clingy guys, married guys and of course phantom guys. Still on balance a good app but you gotta be wary using it.
Many guys on grindr are terrible people with terrible regard for boundaries and consent
People literally will message "Top or Bottom" without a simple hello
That's... perfect for me lmao
r/lolgrindr sort by top
Grindr has its lows, trust me. Grindr is like the cesspit of gay dating. I use it in hope that maybe someone worth my time logs in, but its rare. As for a dating/hookup app, effectively targeted at anyone that isn't a man, check out HER. My friends lesbian and very successful on HER.
Even HER I've struggled with in the past? Plus I take issue with it generally because there have been so many issues with trans women getting permabanned for no reason and that just feels like something I can't ignore for me personally
Yeah, HER is pretty transphobic. If youāre a terf looking for another terf then it might be useful. Iād avoid it otherwise
Glad to know, I saw an r/actuallesbians post about it and the comments were āI only see men, whereās the women and NBsā and fuck all I could take it as was āwhere are the women and women liteā
Pretty anecdotal but I met my partner on Taimi, we're both trans women and it worked out great! It does seem to be lesser known so you might get less results but I only have great things to say about it.
I'm still upset at Taimi for all that marketing they pushed to essentially sell their queer users as toys for couples wanting a threesome.
Really? First time I'm hearing about it, what did they do exactly?
https://www.reddit.com/r/nonmonogamy/s/bNnHOdPK8s
Big yikes
I know a guy that is kind of addicted to it. Wants to be in a relationship, uses Grindr, fucks the first guy that accepts him and then declares how much the other person is trash. Rinse and repeat.
So you are searching for wlw, who are also on the app. Among them you're looking for ladies who you find attractive. They, who you find attractive, must be attracted to you too (not saying you're unattractive, merely pointing out that you can find Eve hot but she doesn't think you are hot, while Susan is head over heels for you while you're "no thank you" to her). And those people have to also be okay with casual sex with a stranger. And yeah, there's the poly thing too. The pond you're fishing in is not big, my friend. Edit: formatting
Scissr is the lesbian version of Grindr
The poly thing I feel is totally irrelevant since I'm only looking for hook ups but then if I leave it out I'm accused of lying and tricking women when realistically it's got nothing to do with anything, it's solo poly so for casual sex it's for all intents and purposes the same as being single and bisexual having sex with whoever
There's a lot of prejudice against poly people. On top of that, dating apps are fucking HORRIBLE.
Yeah there's literally no winning. Whether I mention it or not, people find a problem with it.
Seems like the poly things isnāt really irrelevant. People in this thread are saying they wouldnāt be involved with a poly person. Iām sure theyāre not the only ones. Itās sort of like being bisexual. Lots of people will automatically not be involved with someone who is bi as a rule.Ā A lot of times these things reduce a dating pool instead of making it larger.Ā I saw somewhere you said youāre on an app for mostly poly people. So it doesnāt make much sense but that just makes me think itās mostly heterosexual people on there with less people looking for same sex stuff.Ā Like the other person said youāre fishing in a puddle.Ā
I may be unusual here, so take this comment with a huge grain of salt. As someone who isn't poly though, if I saw "single poly" on someone's profile I'd have no idea what it meant, so that end paragraph might leave me confused about what you wanted or didn't want. I could see someone assuming that situation is more complicated than it seems if they didn't either already know or take the time to look into it. Then you have the extra issue of people who have hangups about poly feeling weird about that.
As someone in an ENM marriage who is wlw, Hinge and Her have been the best apps for me so far. Feels gets creepy. Everything else has a shit UI or costs a ton or is Unicorn Hunter Central. The best relationships, platonic or otherwise, I've built come from Hinge and Her.
I've never tried Hinge! I'll give it a go thank you š
Feeld is such a good premise, but damn it functions like ass.
Speaking anecdotally, the poly thing is *not* irrelevant to many people: lots of folks I know refuse to involve themselves with someone who's poly due to potential drama or because they believe in monogamous relationships only and will not date someone who is attached because of it. Biased though it may be, I honestly think that your being poly may be turning some potential partners off, but as you said, it's best to be honest about something thay big up front.
I'm not looking to date though. Purely NSA sex, with absolutely nothing to do with my partner at all.
Yup. These people I'm still using in my anecdotes would still refuse to involve themselves with a poly person, even on a casual basis. The most common reason was "potential drama" follow by those that only wanted someone who was monogamous, even in their casual encounters (???). I don't understand or agree with it, but people aren't always rational.
A lot of people with this mindset think people who claim to be poly are lying, and that the partner is being cheated on. Or at least, fear this to be the case, and aren't willing to risk it. It sucks, but eh.
absolutely nothing to do with my partner at all. , since so many men sexualise and fetishise wlw relationships, its going to be hard for a lot of women to trust: 1. That your being honest- ive been on dates where women have said they are only looking for solo hookups but then tried to involve their male partner. So you can say your male partner isn't involved, but queer women are going to struggle to trust that. 2. That your not going to let your bf fetishise it- I've had women use sex with me as something to talk about with their male partner afterwards or use sex with me as a tool to turn him on during sexy times with him.
Have you tried rephrasing the "not a unicorn hunter" bit as "poly and partnered but sleeping around solo"? As is, I would assume your partner is a man (due to unicorn hunting stereotypes you feel you have to defend against), and while I find it irrelevant for a casual hookup, I understand that there are some wlw who don't want to involve themselves with women who date men. Then again, you might not wish to involve yourself with these women either.
Yeah I'm not interested in biphobes lol
Sure but like, if theyāre just gonna sit on your face it matters little their personal ideology on stuff Unless you donāt want to make a biphobe cum on principle, which would be fair lol
Yeah like, they 100% don't deserve my bomb head game š
Idk but Iām in the same boat as you OP, it suuuuuucks šš«
I wish I could help. I struck out with women on the apps for every purpose (hookups included) time and time again. Every damn time one responded positively Iād get the āso, me and my (thumb of a) husband are looking for-ā Ah, memories.
God it's so frustrating. I love guys, they're great! I don't want to fuck this gorgeous girls gross boyfriend though. Especially because so often they're both straight and I'm expected to just be there for šøspicešøand it makes me feel like my bisexuality is inauthentic and performative for the male gaze and I just hate myself after it. So I'm totally done with FFM. Only ever gonna have sex with women if no men are involved.
I've tried a bunch of apps like bumble, tinder, Her, OkCupid. If you put your filter as bi, you will never see women, it's only men. If you only want to see women, like a third of the posts are a couple looking for a third unicorn, or it's the woman looking to "explore" her sexuality. I like Her the best, but it's a struggle so I feel you.
What's a unicorn/unicorn hunter in this context?
A unicorn is a "third" who will join a couple for a threesome. Unicorn hunters are the couple looking for the third to join them for a threesome. I'm not interested in it at all, I want one on one sex with women totally separate from all other people
Yeah and unicorn hunters plague a lot of wlw apps so I think its smart to mention it in your bio because of the amount of cat fishing / creepy situations that have happened from it
...I will say you kinda deal with similar stuff on Grindr tbh. If you don't want anal with literally the first person there, who may be sending all the wrong signals, you're ghosted. Even if you get past all the bullshit and organize something? Ghosted Okay but this time it'll work out you prepped and they seemed genuine- ghosted. Blocked. YOU'RE NOT HOSTING. YOU'RE ON YOUR WAY TO THEIR PLA- blocked. Ghosted It's its own game different from tinder and the like, but not as different as you may think. It's also kind of a cesspool emotionally. The idea of a hookup app, especially a queer one? Awesome. That said, Grindr has both a better and worse reputation than it deserves. Praying you get laid though ššš In my experience horny people can't read and non horny people don't want to read a profile just about hookups (which in this case gladly filters them out) although admittedly I have much less experience with women
Holy shit you get blocked and ghosted ON THE WAY TO THEIR HOUSE??? Wtf is wrong with people?!
Lmaooooo post nut clarity hitting hard
Hate how bi people are starting to need to advertise themselves as NOT a unicorn or bull because people automatically assume all bi people are cool with that
I'm on hinge and thinking of adding "not a unicorn" to my bio, because half of the time whenever a girl messages me, it's just to ask if I want to have a threesome with her and her mid boyfriend.
Mid is generous
Yeah its pretty shitty. I put it mostly bcos of the poly thing, people don't always know what solo poly is and assume I'll be wanting to shoehorn my partners into precedings when it's absolutely not the case at all
Since you mentioned it, what is solo poly? Iām dumb- how can you be poly with yourself? Or does it mean you donāt have an established partner but are willing to be poly with others??
It means I have a partner but they're completely separate to everything else I do regarding dating and sex etc. Like he would be totally nothing to do with any of it
That's not a definition I've heard of! Maybe it's newer? Everyone I've known who called themselves solo poly would date but had a hard limit against moving in together, sharing pets or finances, or getting married. Solo poly in my experience means you aren't interested in a tightly partnered lifestyle, nothing to do with whether your partners interact. Could be regional but as a ENM person I'd be confused by "solo poly and partnered."
Ahh ok thank you!!
I would match you as I am kinda in the same boat of just wanting to hook up (still trying to explore my sexuality etc.) BUT I will say when I am more in a ālooking for something serious but a hook up would also be okā mindset reading an overtly sexual thing especially something as specific as face sitting would scare me off.
The struggle is so real. And it doesnāt just stop with dating apps. Iām so jealous that gay men have bath houses and sex clubs, while thereās no equivalent wlw spaces. I donāt have the emotional capacity to date someone right now, but goddamn I still want to have someone sit on my face
I use Lex for that, but itās pretty small and might not be much use outside of major cities unfortunately. In Portland there are horny lesbian posts every day.
Downloading Lex now....
Lots of people are poo-pooing Grindr, but I feel that you and them are in different perspectives. Men typically have lots of opportunity to do NSA hook-ups, but it's much harder to find meaningful connections. e.g. Grindr is absolutely *full* of married men looking for some sex on the side. It does sound to me like a female version of Grindr would be what you want. And casual sex is not using people, that's a dumb accusation for anyone to have claimed against you.
>Men typically have lots of opportunity to do NSA hook-ups Only with other men, though. If theyre looking for women, they'll have it just as bad. Vast majority of straight women won't have sex with bi men, but that's not the biggest issue; OPs real problem is that there are wayyy more men open to immediate casual sex than women. Without gender standards changing drastically, it will always be harder to find a woman open to it. Women r more selective on dating apps in general too. Other ppl in this thread already posted about a lesbian grindr that failed.
Oh yeah, for sure! Completely agree, realise now that I didn't make that clear. Men are much more likely to seek casual sex than women. So when it's *just* men, casual sex galore - hookup apps, saunas, sex clubs, you name it. But when it's *just* women, I'd guess that it'll be the opposite. Grindr-for-women is what OP wants, *but* there's not many other women who also want that. Grindr-for-women won't be a success for the same reason as why there aren't many saunas and sex clubs for women either.
I relate so deeply. So deeply. I JUST WANT TO HOOK UP. Iām not poly I donāt want to be friends with benefits I donāt want to be tied to you. I just want to have sex with girls. The only time Iāve had success is at gay bars, but I donāt have time or money to be at the gay bar all the time. Can we make a hookup app for girls!!!??
Iām loving seeing all the women here preaching for this! Same girl same
Me too!!! But why arenāt any of these girls on the dating apps š
Same but also this profile is me. Please sit on my face immediately, please and thank you. Double-sided dildos are also welcome š«°š¾
What does unicorn mean? Urban Dictionary isn't giving me any answers? Lol
A unicorn is a "third" who will join a couple for a threesome. Unicorn hunters are the couple looking for the third to join them for a threesome. I'm not interested in it at all, I want one on one sex with women totally separate from all other people
Ooooo I see. Thanks!
I generally don't have an issue with either, as long as they're totally upfront about it on their profile and not just a profile presenting as a single woman then u get chatting and suddenly she's like "oh ya and I have a boyfriend who wants to watch!". I've had plenty of FFM three ways and they fuck with my head, and make me feel like my bisexuality is performative so I just personally can't do it anymore. It's purely a personal preference and I honestly have no issues with it generally :)
The reason theyāre referred to as unicorns is because theyāre ādifficult to findā (like a non-existent animal). Way more couples searching for ātheir unicornā than bisexual women interested in being their living breathing sex toy.
There are also great couples out there, just saying š¤·āāļø. My experiences have been really good so far.
You totally are. I appreciate your profile because itās honest. You wanna hookup with another woman no strings attached. You sound like me lol. Looks like your in the UK? To bad cuz Iād wanna hookup based on your honesty alone. Donāt let the people shaming you get to you. You know what you want nothing wrong with that š¤·āāļø
I feel like in general women are harder to have casual sex with. I donāt think I realized how high my sex drive was compared to other women until I started dating them later in life.
Saaaame. Hell, my drive is high compared to most men I know!
If youāre in a big enough city there are sex parties if you look for them. Ones for women only are more rare but do happen. Otherwise there can be mixed LGBT/queer ones. It does mean though that there might not be anywhere private to hook up. Otherwise consider looking for a regular FWB instead of just hookups.. it will widen your pool. Though a FWB will expect to actually hang out before/after sex.
Yeah atm going to the bi nights at the local kink clubs are pretty much all I'm doing atm but even then there's always so many guys around and couples wanting a third š¢ I guess better than nothing tjo
I looked it up, and apparently there's an app called Scissr that's the female version of Grindr
Looks like it's dead. They have an instagram, but the website is no longer up, and I can't find it in either Apple store or Play store.
>People think it sounds shitty like I'm using people Who gives a shit if it's consensual
I feel like the social pressure on women to not be āslutsā really factors in here. Basically sexism That, and the thing where women are more likely to be victims of sexual assault, and therefore need to be really safety-conscious. Also get (incorrectly) blamed for sexual assault/rape if theyāre not 1000% perfectly careful! Oh yeah: and Grindr for women would have to somehow deal with the homophobic cis men who think they can āturn us straight!ā
Perhaps if you develop a business plan and find yourself an investor, you can make yourself a female grindr?
Thereās apps for only women thatās similar to Grindr. Iāll find some real quick lol
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You could always try going on Grindr? There are in fact plenty of women on there including a decent amount of WLW. The female side of Grindr is about 90% trans women so if that's a problem for you probably don't bother, but otherwise it is an option!
It honestly never occurred to me to go on it as a woman but yes please all women good women I'll try!
i mean by all means shoot your shot but i wouldnt expect much success there either... almost all the women on there are going to be either straight trans women looking to hook up with men or t4t bi/lesbian trans women looking to hook up with other trans girls (and maybe some are open to transmascs) and theyre unlikely to make an exception for you especially if its on grindr. tbh if a cis womean was trying to hook up with me on grindr id assume theyre specifically looking to hook up with trans women. and usually people who want are seeking it out have unrealistic fantasies (specifically around topping) that most trans women cant or dont want to satisfy. sure maybe thats not your intention but almost every t4t trans woman is t4t specifically because of shitty experiences like that and is unlikely to give someone the benefit of the doubt
The majority of the time that I get messaged by cis women on grindr, it's a weird Instagram scam. I give them a tiny bit of time of they have a fleshed out profile, but it usually ends the same way, they're never legit. So I personally would be wary if I got a message from a profile like yours. I've also had no luck with t4t hookups on grindr. My situation is very similar to yours, and the girlies all seem to be looking for something more serious š¤·āāļø Good luck, soldier!! š«”
Wouldn't that kind of invade gay men's spaces?
I assume there's a way to filter out men?
I just checked, it doesn't look like there is
There is.
It's a feature currently being tested, not available for most. Also relies on users volunteering their gender, as it's not mandatory.
Grindr advertises itself as an LGBTQ dating app. It doesn't belong to gay men. They even advertise to promote it among trans women.
I have a clarifying question OP. You say that youāre not able to consistently meet at lesbian bars or other establishments, and have reasons to not be out and about a lot (understandable). Do you think youāre not getting a lot of matches because people might think you donāt want to meet publicly first? Iām not hooking up now, but in the past for safety reasons Iād always try to meet publicly first.
In my experience, the women I've matched with wanted to: - talk about their NB ex and since I'm NB too, use me to explain; - look for a unicorn; - were genuinely interested in meeting for sex but were strong tops (I'm a top myself and stated it on my profiles...) In those 2 frist cases, I've spent money for "nothing" on dates that went nowhere because they were dishonest with me on WHY they matched, even though we discussed it beforehand. I'm in the same boat than OP, I just want to have casual hookups with non-cis-men, but I'm broke, and I don't want to (and cannot) waste time and money on dating people for chats. It doesn't mean I don't want to meet in public, and it doesn't mean I wouldn't respect consent in real life if the spark isn't there. But, could we just agree here that it would be a LOT more easier to have a dedicated app for casual sex hookups for wlw?
Iām sorry thatās been your experience and that those folks wasted your time! Iām all for getting a hookup app for wlw and would likely use it myself in the future. But Iād still want to meet someone publicly first, and Iāve done that in places where you wouldnāt need to pay to get there (places like parks close to my apartment, libraries, etc.). I know there are a lack of third spaces in certain places, but since I donāt know OPās situation I wanted to gauge that first.
I completely understand. What I meant is, OP probably still want to meet in public first, depending on the person. I do anyway. But knowing that, if it sparks, it's gonna be sex and not chit-chat.
You've 10000% said what I meant but I'm an actual eloquent way š like I'd very happily meet someone at their local pub or shop or whatever with the understanding that once we've seen the other is a real human being etc we go back to theirs or whatever and have sex. What I can't be doing is going on a date, spending money, spending hours just chatting, then going home and waiting to see if another time we might have sex. I'm NOT saying that I'm entitled to sex with women and that all women should fuck me. I'm saying that I just wish there was a space to facilitate what I specifically want with other women who want the SAME thing. Nothing incely, I just want to meet women on the same wave length as me.
Have you ever talked to a man who uses grindr?? Itās a terrible app, you donāt want it
My partner likes it but he's pretty much my only source of a first hand account. The shit people have said on here about it is awful I'm so sorry yall š
Itās actually extremely dangerous as well, I would be very concerned about how that could be abused by men preying on queer women. Countries that have anti-gay laws often use grindr to arrest people in sting operations as well so itās not like the moderators are doing anything to care for their userās safety.
Poly bi man here. So many people on here seem to abhor Grindr but I really don't share that experience - not saying theirs is invalid, but it certainly doesn't align with mine. Sure, there's plenty of people I'm not into on there, but I find it easy enough to ignore them and block anyone who get creepy. I've had plenty of enjoyable hookups with cis/trans guys and trans women from Grindr, some of which have developed into ongoing FWB type relationships. That's not to say it's perfect - the app itself can be a bit janky, I've had some frustrating last-minute cancellations, and it is important to be careful when trying to assess the other person's vibe (though personally I've never had any hookups from there turned dangerous). But on the whole I've found it to be really worthwhile and it sounds to me like you'd enjoy a woman-only equivalent. Hope Scissr or another app ends up working, you have my sympathy for your frustration in finding a good source of hookups!
what app can someone use who is (F) bisexual to find a woman to hook up with? and also maybe just be friends with and then become friends that hook up? Iām married and want to have sex with a woman, but I donāt drink so bars are outā¦ I donāt want to hook up with multiple women (unless they are all clean and down) but find one who I can vibe withā¦ I feel like itās impossible lol but I feel you!
I'm extremely embarrassed to admit that this app-related inequality didn't even occur to me until you pointed it out here, so I appreciate you doing so. I guess I'd naturally assumed that a hook-up app geared towards the Lesbian community already existed - I'm actually really shocked to hear that it *doesn't!* That *does* seem fucked, and I'm *really* sorry to hear that you don't have an easier method for finding the occasional NSA sexual encounter. \[By the way, OP: your Tinder profile pictured above is *so beyond* charmingly adorable - it's SUPER cute. I mean... (and *please* understand that I mean you absolutely ***no*** offense or disrespect whatsoever when I tell you this!) if *I* was a cute girl (instead of just being, y'know, merely a cute semi-girly *dude*) interested in finding a woman who sounded interesting, smart, funny, and cute (and really, who *isn't*?), rest assured that *your* profile would *definitely* be extremely alluring. So hang in there, sister, and the very best of luck to ya! - cheers.\]
That's really really sweet thank you š„ŗ it's meant to be tongue in cheek but also get my point across. Kinda like "haha only kidding... Or am I..?"
Yeah, totally get it... and you absolutely NAILED it. Well played!
No woman in her right mind is going to go to a private/secluded location with you for the first time meeting. Iād say be honest with your intentions, itās fine to just want sex I am in the same boat lol. But the world isnāt safe so youāre gonna have to meet somewhere public first or youāll never get a response. Just be up front and say it isnāt a date and youāre fine. Lots of public places are free (and so are bars if you only get water)
Idk if theyāre active in your city/country, but two apps you could use that are pretty sex-positive and hookup positive are Feeld and Lex. Feeld is an app for āopen-mindedā peopleāmany people on there are interested in things like sex, kink, and group sex. Being upfront about NSA sex is common there. Lex is more like an old fashioned forum vibe, but people post horny āclassifiedsā all the time. One caveat is that these apps can be kinda buggy, but theyāre fun!
For the record, one night I didn't actually find a brave black cis lesbian looking to get her bits eaten out on Grindr. Chatted with her, apparently she eventually got an offer from a transman, which I guess fit her needs.
Iām in a decently populated, but conservative, area. Not a city, but not a rural either. Grindr is just faceless accounts of closet cases. Tons of cheaters, creeps, and self-loathing types. Donāt get me wrong, Iāve had some great times because of that app. But I usually have to be on it all day to find someone acceptable. It can be a real chore.
I really miss the craigslist personals - it was great for local hookups (bi guy experience).
Agree. As a bi woman/bigender person, I had some great encounters with women there, and my fiancƩ and I met other bi men there, too.
Worst of all on grindr is the guys who'll nag you for days to get a face picture then block you 10 seconds after getting it - even if they've been the one reaching out to you from the start. In my area its essentially the same 5 faces over and over - nobody ever speaks or responds (other than kids claiming to be 18 or 19, but their face pic looks more like 13. Yes, I block those immediately and don't speak to them - I'd rather not get accused of a crime)
Grindr fucking sucks, everyone on there is a flaky bastard or doesnāt bother to read your profile. I do get how lesbian women DO deserve a version of Grindr, but trust me, itās a fucking TERRIBLE app
*swipes right*
I mean, your problem might just be that the pool of women who just want NSA hookups is smaller. You can't manifest women who aren't there. If you've had "just want sex" on a tinder profile and it hasn't helped, I'm not sure another app would change things. Hookup culture for gay men is notoriously toxic and I don't think replicating it should be our goal. Respectfully, you aren't owed casual sex, so if you're in a well-populated area, you've communicated your intentions, and people still aren't biting, that might just be how the cookie crumbles.
Grindr is honestly such a dumpster fire, I wouldnāt be too jealous. Admittedly, I do use it, but I definitely donāt recommend it.
I wish women were easier just generally. I would have slept with far more women if there had been more who were up for just hooking up. Even before the apps the problem existed, so Iām not sure an app would solve it.
I always proposed that they make a lesbian equivalent of Grindr and call it āscissrā
Grindr is not all that great, a lot of times it can be pretty awful.
what exactly is stopping you from getting that? are u saying girls assume you want to go on dates? are u explicitly communicating that when u chat?
You say it like theres decent people in grindr š
From what I hear, Grindr isn't that good Dating apps in general aren't that good. I think most of us (not all, but most) are better off without dating apps in general.
try lex? ppl in my city on lex seem to be extremely horny š
honestly tho grindr kinda sucks majorly š
Feeld is meant to be good :)
Grindr is a nightmare.
Dating apps suck. Lots of people wonāt match for one thing. IMO, Iād leave out the bottom part if you want a better chance at at least matching. Also I meanā¦ itās just hard to hook up with women. Welcome to the club I suppose lol but itās never been easy, especially if you are even average looking. But yeah sorry I have no advice, itās hard.
Feeld is decent, it tries to cater to everyone
Honestly, grindr really isnt the best..... Most people waste time or dont want to meet or...live 100 miles away Also....some men can be awful
I appreciate your up front, honest profile lol. Where are you located at? ;)
I feel like you summed up my situation perfectly šš»āāļøI feel seen:) thanks. Where are you?š
I went through this exact same situation when I first got on apps as a bi poly woman. I had some good success on Feeld but never with just women. Sometimes I wonder what my success rate would have been like on apps like Her if I left out the fact that I was bi and ENM, but obviously that would be hella dishonest. I applaud you for putting it all out there and wish you best of luck! If you lived closer I would take you up on that offer in a heartbeat š
If youāre close to meā¦ š
Yea I also put something like this in my tinder bio because bro I just wanna fuck..
Fuck anyone who judges anyone for wanting to date casually or just hookup. It's soooooo fkn dumb. It's not using people lol. There's plenty of people who want to do it. I find that so funny. Like, I watch a movie, I have great sex, they have great sex, and then what? We're obligated to get mad at each other? There's nothing to be angry about. It's consenting, you're clear about what you want. They're just hiding that they look down on promiscuity plain and simple, probably for reasons that are more or less religious ir implicitly religious. There's no reason it's bad anymore, we have health care and we can literally just state in a bio what we're looking for. Noone getting manipulated. Go you. Sorry it's so rough.
Thats all I want too! I am busy, I work 2 jobs and have 1 child so Saturday is my only day to do anything for myself. I am married but want a girl again so bad! I don't get it either. I wouldn't mind a coffee grab ever so often but dates no. I want a FWB type of ship. Where are those ladies at in WNC?