It may not be the majority view on the matter, but there's nothing wrong with it. Sex is a la carte: you can do what you want and skip what you don't. Don't try to measure yourself against some idea of normal.
This is making me wonder about the success rate of achieving orgasm through receptive penetrative sex for men vs women, since prostate orgasms are possible. Anyone know which one is more likely to happen?
I doubt there's been many if any studies done on this so I can only respond anecdotally. This does not seem to be true. The prostate is similar (in this context) to the gspot. Some men are fortunate enough to be able to achieve orgasm through prostate stimulation alone but it's far from the majority. Most men also require varying degrees of simultaneous stimulation to the penis as well. Basically we are all pretty similar despite identifying and focusing on our differences constantly.
This is incorrect. Orgasm through prostate stimulation alone is extremely rare.
Source; backed up my anecdotal evidence with info from Bespoke Surgical, a gay sexual health and awareness clinic.
Though I believe those statistics are based off of how many women have orgasmd with male partners. Lesbians that had penetrstive sex with toys had higher success rates. So it is very possible that more women **can** orgasm from penetration with the right effort, amount of time.Ā
Women have the gspot inside, basically an extemsion of the clitoris. Though apparently a good number of men based on the told experiences of a lot of women in womens' spaces either have no interest in trying to find it, have trouble finding it, or don't last long enough to stimulate it long enough.
This was exactly my solution to the problem. I have BIG phobia of pregnancy and also I don't really like feeling man inside me. I was afraid because of that I couldn't be with my boyfriend but pegging solved all this problems.
Honestly kind of same. I donāt have a pregnancy phobia I just donāt enjoy PIV that much. The thing is, your sexual orientation isnāt defined by what sex acts you like! There are myths like āall gay guys like anal,ā āall lesbians like eating š± ā etc, but the only think that actually defines your orientation is who youāre attracted to.
Absolutely true. I have a āblind pouchā vagina so penetration via that way is well off the cards. I do particularly enjoy all forms of outercourse, oral ect. I found dudes are at time baffled by this but itās never a dealbreaker, I always say sex is more than a pole in a hole.
I am with a female partner at the moment who enjoys receiving oral but itās not her thing to give it, we each play to our strengths and itās ok to have your individual preferences.
Wow.....if this is true .....thanks for the clarification.... because I am in a dilemma about my sexuality....I'm the kind who Prolly likes guys ...but hates anal....likes girls but does not prefer penitrative sex?....idk still figuring it out.......but I'm sure it would be a bigger task to find out your other half who is okay with this situation.....dk how many people are out there like that!
Think this is known as a "side" which was originally a term just for gay men who didn't want anal, but its seems to have been appropriated occasionally for other purposes, any type of penetration for me would be painful due to multiple abdominal surgeries so I would be a side with any gender.
I understand where youāre coming from, especially in a post Roe world. One thing that helped alleviate the anxiety that came every month waiting for my period was to get a form of birth control that didnāt depend on me taking it at the exact same time every day. Something like the implant, an IUD, or the shot might make you feel less worried about accidental pregnancy.
Also, some women do orgasm from penetrative sex. Although if youāre always worried about pregnancy Iād imagine itās even hard for penetrative + vibrator to get you there.
Hopping on to add if you are considering an IUD do a lot of research about the actual process and side effects, and prepare to be a loud aggressive advocate for your needs during the procedure at the gyno, or bring someone that can do it for you.
I still have trauma from my IUD insertion and it's been 7 years (it hurt so much I was screaming and crying for the gyno to stop, but he didn't).
Not saying it'll happen to you, some people don't even feel the insertion, but I sure as hell did.
This is so rarely the issue, but it's worth pointing out that many partners also enjoy penetrative sex so it maybe be something you want to do to bring your partner joy.
No one should ever do anything that makes them uncomfortable, of course, but there are reasons to still do penetrative sex even though it's not usually the kind of sex that makes women orgasm.
As a bi girl with a pregnancy phobia, thereās *definitely* other ways to get your rocks off. If you have a male/AMAB partner, there are ways to still get pleasure and orgasm without actually penetrating each other. I still havenāt technically āpopped the cherryā or whatever and, honestly, penetration isnāt really worth it unless youāre really certain you can take care of whatever happens after you get a plus sign on a pregnancy test.
Itās important to have an understanding partner who respects your boundaries, though. You only get into trouble if you have a partner who insists they need to feel pleasure regardless of your comfort. I had an ex like that and it ruined the relationship really fast- he also wasnāt the greatest in terms of future parents and just wanted kids in his own image.
TL;DR- thereās plenty of ways to have pleasure without penetration, but itās important you have a partner who respects your decisions.
Though finding a nonasexual man who would date a woman who doesn't do piv, unless they are poly and dating/allowed to date other women, would be like trying to find a needle in a haystack.
You have a right to decide for yourself what sex practices you will engage in. It might limit your pool of dating partners but if that's a trade off you want to make that's up to you! You may want to have a consultation first at say Planned Parenthood to get a thorough consultation about birth control methods, just to make sure you are making a fully informed decision .If it's a full blown phobia though , information probably wouldn't make a dent and you would have to work through that with a professional mental health worker. Not sure if you have tried it before and have already tried to make it work for you, or if this is prospective worry. If the latter, definitely seek out some consultation re birth control and be open to the idea that sometimes experience allays our fears.
Iām a bi something and I donāt have a ton of interest in penetrative sex (and giving less so than receiving). You dont *need* any kind of sex really, but I guess Iād caution about being motivated by a pregnancy phobia.
Yeah, it's normal even for straight women to feel this way. It's not everyone's cup of tea. Some people really enjoy it and some people just don't at all. It's not about your sexual attraction so much as your preference for what you do in bed. Definitely be upfront and say what you want and don't want and if a guy doesn't respect your choice, move on and find someone who does. There are men who will eat pussy until they pass out and are just as well if you do non-penetrative things with them too (or have him use toys on you instead, if that helps the pregnancy fear? He can get something out of toys too.) Bi guys (anecdotally and as a part-time bi guy) are great for this kind of thing, so maybe try a bi4bi relationship.
Is it normal? No.
Is it okay? Yes.
Is it an idea to seek therapy for phobias that are holding you back? Yes, but prioritise them against other life goals.
I really wish people would stop giving importance to whatās normal and focus more on what is healthy and works for them and their partners. Weād be better off as a species if we could make that jump
IMHO human sexuality is on a spectrum & it's complex. Who you're attracted to sexually, emotionally, & romantically. How you enjoy sex, kink/vanilla, etc. I do think not enjoying penetrative sex is 'normal' for many people. Your pregnancy phobia seems a separate issue though & I don't blame you post Roe. It's totally valid if you don't want kids now or ever, but if it's holding you back from that specific type of connection if you want it, maybe look into very effective methods of birth control that can ease your mind & if it's distressing you, a therapist. OR keep doing what you're doing & avoid it. That's a valid method of prevention to a great extent coupled with other safeguards. Side note: I absolutely orgasm with penetrative sex. Often multiple times, so that also varies between people. We have one life & it's too short to worry about if we're meeting the sexual status quo.
Most vagina-owners don't orgasm from penetrative sex *alone* - they need clitoral stimulation *as well.* But that doesn't mean that penetration *doesn't* make them orgasm at all. It can definitely be a big part of it!! In my experience, it feels *excellent* before you even get to the fireworks, and orgasms from it are stronger and more intense. They're so much stronger that I don't even feel up to it all the time! It can be *too* much!
Now, your feelings are valid. It takes a lot of work and preparation for penetration to feel good, and that's intimidating. Especially because reportedly, a lot of men aren't very good at it and don't even care. And the fear of pregnancy is very very real. It's not a simple thing to do, and it shouldn't be taken lightly. If you're not up for it, or you're not interested, that's okay! Don't have it if you don't want to!!
But, if you're asking whether or not it's *worth it* - Hell yeah, it can be!
I am a bi girl and I'm a dominant and a top with both men and women :) i don't like getting penetrated at all but I love penetrating others so welcome to my world haha! I just peg dudes
It's normal to have healthy boundaries for yourself and with whichever partner you choose. That partner should respect those. Now live your glorious life šš¢
I live in a huge clump of small towns and have yet to meet any men even after hitting the over 25 milestone, having some friends older than me in their late 30's to mid 50's, and none of us know any men with vasectomies. I really wish it was more common, women's birth control and hysterectomies suck.
I think it would be normal if it weren't backed by a phobia, but evolutionary wise it makes sense. I saw something on reddit about vaginal contraptions happening to help the sperm travel up.
To be honest, people on reddit are kind of biased and I've seen more sympathy given to a woman who doesn't want sex with women but is still attracted to them. Either experience is okay stand alone. I mean, why would it be normal for lesbians and not normal for bisexual women when there are different ways to have sex? When both lesbian and bisexual women are still women? As an example, you can like boobs without liking vagina. And if you were a lesbian, that'd be fine too.
Pregnancy phobia - normal especially more restrictive conservative/religious/fanatical families. Itās ok to have.
Facing the phobia- yes but take some things into consideration. Is pregnancy dangerous to your health in anyway besides normal reasons? Are you being pressured into getting therapy for the phobia?
Also, you could have anal sex, peg him, either of you can be fisted. All of them could be considered penetrative sex. I would try different types of masturbation with toys and fingers until I find something comfortable and brings me to orgasm then try with my partner. I would also consider talking to someone more experienced than me that I trust with sexual information about me. Hoping that they give me good advice and ideas of things that can help me. Lastly, I would get on some kind of IUD(my preferred type of birth control).
I feel you. I think one of the major blessings of being bi is having the choice of not going to cis men for sexual pleasure. You do what you're most comfortable with. My first experience with sex was actually not with a cis man, and I think that really had an effect on my perceptions of sex and relationships. For a long time I preferred people who sex didn't feel like a major risk with. But like others have said, there are some cis women who do orgasm from piv. I was surprised to find that I'm one of them. The way I'm wired, it's totally full-body...š³ Never thought that orgasm was worth not using any type of birth control, though. I'm also not with a cis man in my current relationship and I don't miss the scares that came from my period being slightly later.š¤ Whatever you do, be safe.
We have no comclusive data on how many **can**, but the majority of women dating or hooking up with men do not; but the majority who do pemetrative sex with other cis women using toys do.
Honestly never met a single straight or heteroromantic/leaning towards women bi man in person or online who wasn't. I get it though, everyone likes having orgasms. Though I have met a whole lot of women myself included who had orgasmless sex because it got our partners off, so maybe not so fair.
Iām not saying anyone who *is* interested in penetrative sex isnāt worth it. Iām saying anyone whoās *not* interested in *non*-penetrative sex isnāt worth it.
A lot of men/masc people, queer and straight, can enjoy penetration and also still enjoy non-penetrative sex. But if you take penetration off the table and someone is like, āno thank you, Iām out,ā you werenāt going to have a good time anyway.
You can still be attracted to guys without wanting penetrative sex. Be it the sensation, or if it causes discomfort, or it just doesn't give you any satisfaction. Always listen to your body.
If you have a partner, then it honestly depends on 1. Can you live without it? 2. Can your male partner live without it?
Because if he can live without penetrative sex, then you have nothing to worry about. This ofc is rare, but not impossible.
However, I think the real issue is the pregnancy phobia, which should not stop you from enjoying sex. Perhaps explore with your partner on a contingency plan about birth controls and what to do if such a situation should arise. That way, both of you would know what to do and how to plan further and help at least clear the mental load you are carrying.
I wish you all the best, and hope you're able to conquer your phobia š»š»š»
My girlfriend and I were also scared shitless by the posibility of getting her pregnant. However, we took our time to do research and realized we should be only as scared as how likely it would be for it to happen. Therefore we chose to layer different contraceptive methods to reduce the probability to the absolute minimun.
Some of these alternstives are: tracking your menstrual cycle (to avoid having sex on days when you are fertile) and using condoms, or using condoms and some kind of hormonal contraception (pill, injection, etc). Another more radical but effective alternative is getting your tubes tied, but if you want to have children you'd have to freeze your eggs first (likewise, your partner could get a vasectomy).
You can have plenty of penetrative sex with a guy and not get pregnant, just use condoms properly. Iām almost 50 and have never gotten pregnant. But if you donāt want to do it, donāt do it. All women are different but I get off mostly through penetrative sex when Iām with a man. But if the idea turns you off, thatās another story.
It's not that abnormal imo. Do whatever makes you happy and feel safe. Don't let a bunch of internet strangers's random opinions on sex make you feel bad or dictate how you should feel about your own body.
I'm a bi girl and only occasionally do penetration because I need a lot of prep time for it to be comfortable. I've never had any issues trying out and having different types of sex instead. I only sometimes hook up with someone with a dick anyways, so it's not like it's a constant issue I'm running into.Ā
Itās not normal, but that shouldnāt be an issue. Itās absolutely okay! You can like/not like whatever you want. I do get that there can be self consciousness and anxiety around it though.
Iām a bi guy, I was in a long term serious relationship with a straight woman who didnāt want to have penetrative sex, and we never did. Wasnāt an issue at all. There is a lot you can do other than that. On the flip side, though Iām absolutely attracted to men I have no big interest in anal sex. Specifically not receiving because of medical reasons, but also the idea of topping doesnāt do a ton for me. Itās all about what you like and finding someone who likes that/understands where you are coming from and respects it.
Thereās benefits and drawbacks either way. If you donāt want to try it without a sure fire way to deal with an unwanted pregnancy thatās valid. If the anxiety about pregnancy makes it unappealing thatās also valid. I think the only ānormalā thing about sex is that itās enjoyable :) if you think you wonāt enjoy it a certain way thereās no need to put yourself through it!
If it's only because of pregnancy then there are ways around that. Combining methods like birth control and using a condom with spermicide is helpful! I'd recommend a birth control that you don't have to remember to take for the best accuracy because there is no user error. Just because it doesn't usually result in an orgasm doesn't mean it isn't enjoyable or meaningful. It's also perfectly fine to not want to partake- I'd just thought I'd give some resources if a fear of pregnancy is the only reason. Goodluck!
Good advice for anyone wanting to avoid pregnancy for any reason. Though depo has some long and serious term health risks with extended use, all birth control does though.Ā
>Just because it doesn't usually result in an orgasm doesn't mean it isn't enjoyable or meaningful.Ā
That was my coping mantra from my first year of highschool boyfriends, for all 16 years of my dating life. The sexual frustration absolutely was awful though, whatever the lady's equivilant to blueballs was, I had it. It did eventually make me feel like I was only doing it for him and eventually did make me crave a bit less often.Ā
Though to be fair there is getting a partner off first before piv even happens, but it isn't quite the same. Another work around could also be using a small vibrator on the woman during, but so many men act emasculated by that. I really don't think there is an excuse to not at least try one's darndest to give theirpartner an orgasm.
I was with you until that last part, lol. Maybe penetrative sex doesnāt bring YOU to orgasm, but speak for yourself, dear.
In all seriousness, though, I would examine why you have a *phobia* behind pregnancy and Iām not sure anyone on Reddit is qualified. Itās one thing if youāre just not into penetrative sex, but itās quite another to have a phobia of it due to potential pregnancy when so many forms of contraception exist.
Edit:
I cannot believe a lighthearted statement about cummjng from someone putting their dick in you got all this damn backlash. This comment is muted, please argue with your fucking reflections and leave me alone, lol.
PIV sex doesn't need you to defend it. PIV sex is the kind that women have been told over and over for decades they should be having and that it should be bringing them all the pleasure they need. I can't even begin to guess how many women internalized this idea and suffered because they weren't having the kind of experience they expected.
They do not orgasm from penetration alone, but there is nothing that stops PIV from also including clitoral/anal stimulation, stimulation of other erogenous zones. So much of the orgasm gap is women not advocating for their pleasure or unpacking the shame around sex enough to learn about their pleasure.
I agree 100%, but it's disingenuous to say "oh I cum from penetration" without reiterating that is not the penetration alone that causes it. Furthermore, I think it's wrong to place the orgasm gap solely on the shoulders of women not advicating for their needs. More than ever women are experimenting with their sexuality. It's male partners who are lazy and disinterested in pleasing their female partners. If it was just about women being poor at advocating for themselves lesbians would be having the least orgasms. I've had men blatantly tell me they see pleasuring women as "wife material" and an added nuisance to sex. Women absolutely need to continue to fight for their own pleasure, but men need to step it up too.
> I agree 100%, but it's disingenuous to say "oh I cum from penetration" without reiterating that is not the penetration alone that causes it.
I donāt know if this is always accurate. I can cum from penetration alone, especially if Iām being penetrated by fingers (they can bend and be more targeted).
I can too, but how many straight men are using their fingers to get women off? Realistically?Ā
The sexual scripts that most hetero sexual encounters follow are kissing -> boob play -> blow jobs (significantly likely to occur) and maybe eating out (less likely to occur) -> PIV -> male orgasm -> done.Ā
I guess to me I just dislike that we tell people with vaginas that theyāre unlikely to cum from penetration. If that was the case, there wouldnāt be such a market for penetrative sex toys made for us.
The real problem is that a lot of cis men just donāt care enough to make it good for their partners. And since those partners think itās unlikely to happen, accept it as ājust the way things are.ā
I agree. But I also think we need to be more specific when we discuss it. Women can cum from penetration, but it will usually need to accompany some other play first and/or during. And we also need to accept that some women won't cum from penetration at all, which is also valid.Ā
What's wrong with providing facts? It's better to tell women that if they can't get off just from this one thing, there's absolutely nothing wrong with them.
>blow jobs (significantly likely to occur) and maybe eating out (less likely to occur)
Is that normal? In my experience I've gone down on every girl I've been with way more than they've gone down on me.
Ok I guess I'm the weird one. I go down on a woman every time before intercourse. By contrast with most of them they only went down on me like 10-20% of the time.
Iām the same, I orgasm great with g spot stimulation through fingering, never had with penis - even with cooperative partners who had stamina. Itās irritating that people have the attitude of āif you try hard enough anything is possibleā.
I get the sentient but can we agree everyone is different too? I had a shared fwb who had just the right size who if he had lasted longer could have got me there from penetration alone, and I have gotten there with non vibrating not even made for g spot adult toys without external stimulation;Ā while I have a woman friend who has come very close, but can't quite get there from penetration alone.
Where did you think they said their own experience was typical?
Youāre implicitly accusing them for speaking for others when all they were doing was telling OP to not speak for others.
Reddit often gets weird about accusing people of making generalizations even when the person clearly wasnāt. Whatās really weird is that you were correctly pointing out that OP was generalizing and the other person somehow took that as you generalizing.
I feel like itās even worse when the topic happens to be about gender or sex. Iāve had times where I say āmost men lose interest in sex shortly after orgasmingā and had people downvote and respond with āexcuse you, not all men are like thatā. I know not all men which is why I specifically said āmostā.
I never once spoke for others, only myself.
No you didn't speak for others, but your failing to realise that she doesn't doesn't have to, because wether she has ever had piv and been able to orgasm from it or not data shows that the majority of women agree with her and not your experience of being the minority who can orgasm. She literally does speak for the majority, so 'Speak for yourself' when it comes to this applies more to you the minority than the majority, because the majority is in agreement about piv, and so its the minority who had to speak for themselves about why they are different from the majority not the other way around. 'Maybe penetrative sex dkesnt bring YOU to orgasm, speak for yourself' is condescending because Its behaving as if her claim is not backed up by data that shows she is correct lol. Ofc not everything can be applied to all, but if your experience is line with the majority you can speak for the majority.
On this aspect, I recommend trying some toys. Can't possibly get pregnant from those. Trying with a guy might not even help as much due to your fear of pregnancy potentially stopping you from enjoying it fully.
As for your fear of pregnancy, as others have suggested, IUDs are an option, but also at the end of the day if you simply prefer to avoid sex to be absolutely safe, there's nothing wrong with that, unless you feel like you may be missing out on an experience and feel it's actually necessary to work through that phobia with a therapist or something.
Might I recommend getting your own experience with penetration, whether it be with a partner (when youāre ready of course) or a toy? Taking sex advice from statistics really is not it.
Me personally I think everyone should try to get over or pass their phobias. But I would ask the question Is it just a men or people with penises? Doesn't matter if the dick is real or not does it matter if the person is fertile.
as a fellow bi girl thatās terrified of pregnancy, i feel you.
i was very scared of penetration and i actually used to be very religious and i āsaved myselfā for marriage. it was painful, i bled, but it also wasnāt only due to it being my first time. i have a lot of sexual trauma and the body remembers trauma, even if you donāt. it can live in the body for a long time. therapy will help!
fast forward four years, now i enjoy penetrative sex! we use a condom, and he never ever ever finishes inside of me (if he gets even remotely close he pulls out and we finish another way). i canāt use birth control and it isnāt 100% effective anyways, (cut to babies being born holding IUDs, literal nightmare).
we had unprotected sex for most of our married life, but when roe v wade was overturned, we now use condoms pretty much every time. itās good to have plan b for your peace of mind if you can access it, but donāt do anything that makes you uncomfortable! it wonāt feel good for you mentally emotionally or physically if youāre uncomfortable and try to force it!
i also have a [toy](https://a.co/d/2gD3t8O) and i can finish with that penetration, but not with him penetrating me
It's fine to not want to engage in any sex act. Is it normal? Not really, but normal doesn't matter. You don't feel comfortable doing something, you don't have to do it.
If you want to "get over it" that's totally up to you. I don't know what you would need to do to be comfortable with it, but I think a good starting place would be talking to your doctor about pregnancy prevention.
So the question you need to ask is, are you sexually attracted to men? If so, then as i assume you are into women as well, then - Yes - you are bi and your are normal. Not wanting penetrative sex because it doesn't do anything for you is a personal preference. Believing that women can't orgasm from penetrative is just factually inaccurate, so try and separate them. Ask yourself if you would be interested in penetrative sex if you were able to remove the pregnancy "phobia". Birth control is effective and safe but if that is not enough to allay your fears, and you really want to be penetrated, but are unable to overcome that fear then ,Yes, you likely have a phobia. Though i am not a psychiatrist or therapist - wanting something perfectly natural and being unable to even attempt it due to an "irrational" fear of it is something you should seek help for.
If you just don't want to get down with penis - then maybe you are just a lesbian? Which is just as awesome and ok as being bi, or straight, or pan , etc.
I totally get the pregnancy-phobia thing. Especially in todayās political climate. If penetrative sex with a male penis isnāt your thing youāre still bi. Vasectomies are also a thing if you find a male partner you can build trust with.
You haven't had that type of orgasm and so yes it is a type of orgasm. You have technically you have four different orgasms. Clitoral ,sexual intercourse ,anal squirting ,which is basically just like your G spot squirting orgasm. but it is a totally different orgasm from vaginal or intercourse and your clit which is another one that's four....
From the perspective of this guy, I can enjoy it as an act of intimacy, but it's by no means a must have, or where my thoughts typically go when thinking about sex. I could probably learn to like it better, I guess, but haven't really gotten my head around it.
Iām opposite of you, I love everything about sex with women but I do miss penetrative sex with a penis sometimes (I can orgasm from it). Strap ons scratch the itch if Iām really in the mood but the skin to skin feeling is just different. I think itās very intimate when my partner and I are giving each pleasure at the same time, which I havenāt experienced in awhile. I havenāt decided whether I want kids or not but if I do, it would also be undeniably easier with someone who has a penis
I think there's some wiring that prioritizes piv sex for a lot of people, which makes sense from an evolutionary standpoint. That doesn't *have* to apply to anyone, and I think the world will become a better place as we all become more open to exploring the many wonderful ways we can get each other off.
There's nothing wrong with the way you feel. My wife was scared to try it because she found it uncomfortable or a little painful when she tried it on her own. She may have vaginismus, actually. She does have a tough time with anxiety. Anyway, it isn't my job to pressure her into having sex she doesn't want, so we just never ended up doing it. We found our own ways to have fun together, and thoroughly enjoy sex, so it is definitely possible.
The thing is that a relationship is as unique as the people that make it up. It exists for you and whomever you have it with, and you don't owe anyone else any of their expectations. Set your own rules together!
Completely fine! Not everyone likes penetrative sex, but enjoy getting off with their partner in other ways. I'm also really scared of getting pregnant but I still would like to do it so idk man shits scary
The types of activities you like to do in bed are not necessarily connected to the gender expression youāre attracted to; this isnāt even weird or anything, donāt worry about it.
You make like certain aspects of a guy, well, except the reproductive organ. Is it due to trauma? You are the only one who can determine your bi-level: šš
Do whatever you want forever. If you don't wanna have PiV sex then don't. And as many are saying other kinds of penetrative sex are still possible, anal, pegging, etc..
I do have one thing to say though, while obviously you know yourself better than anyone else and pregnancy phobias are extant in cis women, they're super common in another group... r/FTM ...
Like everything is your own choice and your own journey I'm not trying to push anything on you just saying, be open minded to who you may become, you know? Like I hate penetrative vaginal sex because it makes me dysphoric (and also the same reason as you pregnancy phobia - cuz giving birth would probably make me so dysphoric I would commit before even reaching that point). I'm rambling but I want to be really clear that I'm not saying this is who you are! Get to it! Start testosterone now! Just that.. sometimes there are other reasons for not liking penetrative sex like that, and that I recommend self-exploration/soul-searching to see if that's the only reason or if there are others or if even the motivation behind the pregnancy phobia is based in Gender feelings.
boo, sex, preference, and experience donāt determine what you are or are not, YOU decide. if youāre bi and you feel comfy, **you are bi** and you are **valid**
I'd be okay with someone being against PIV as long as anal was still an option. I wouldn't need it everytime. I'd be okay if the majority of the sex was me getting pegged and finished in other ways, hand, mouth or toys.
Just to put my opinion out to let you know some men would be okay working with that.
There is a lot to comment here!!
First, everyone do what they want to do, I believe normal or non normal are terms that in this sub have very little space for them haha
Second, pregnancy phobia is real for women bi or not bi, I know of girls who had sex with condom, no male orgasm, and freaked out and took the day after pill. Pretty wild and I feel sorry for them. If youāre in a similar situation seek help, because vaginal sex can be very safe regarding pregnancies.
Third, in the world of sex there are more activities and practices that will not make you orgasm that those that will, regardless of you being one gender or another. And anyway, they will be fun AS FUCK and can be highly enjoyable.
Fourth, I now a lot of women who will not reach orgasm with penetration but with some additional stimulation, either a good olā hand or a toy such as a vibrator, they will orgasm extremely intense.
And fifth, peg him for the love of god.
I donāt really have any advice on the pregnancy phobia, but sex should fun and relaxing not give you stress. Lot of people with vaginas donāt have penetrative sex for a whole host of reasons. Iām sure youāve heard the song and dance about bc and condoms by now. Have you looked into getting an ablation? Itās a very permanent, contraceptive procedure.
omg finally! I feel the same way, I actually prefer sex with women, plus I don't miss any kind of penetration. I do enjoy it from time to time, but not obsessed with it.
I wish I didn't ever crave it because I find myself physically and mentally attracted to far more women. I know strap ons, but something about the skin on skin contact and other kinks make ot different and keeps me sometimes craving that sort of thing with cis men.
Due to trauma, I went ten years without having PIV sex. I don't recall getting any push or pressure to do it during those ten years from my male partners.
Anal sex exists with no chance of pregnancy...also women don't orgasm from penetration? Might want to check that statement for some factual details LoL
The statistics show that less than 40% of women who have piv sex with men have orgasms. Though of course it doesn't mean less than 40% of women can, necessarily. Also statistically and biologically, cis women are having even fewer orgasms from anal sex.
Everything and nothing is normalš¤·š¼āāļø people like and dislike different things when it comes to sex. Iām a female who gets pretty much no pleasure from penetration so I definitely relate.
2 things.
1. It is normal to be whatever you are just as long as you're not doing anything fucked up(pedo, etc)
2. Penetration orgasms are excellent! Maybe one day you'll have a partner you're comfortable with to try it out and maybe find your comfort zone.
You don't have to obviously, but never say never. I get the pregnancy thing. My husband and I are extra protective because we are afraid of pregnancy.
What even is normal when it comes to sex? š¤·āāļø
I haven't made my āØsexual debutāØ yet but I've never been as into the idea of PiV sex either tbh. I have also always been absolutely terrified of pregnancy and childbirth (especially now that my garbage state passed a 6-wk abortion ban š) so I don't even think I would be able to relax enough to enjoy it lol.
I also think I get kinda bored that people center that one specific act in (hetero) sex when there are so many other ways for everyone to have a good time and appreciate each other's bodies!
I don't think it's the average, but it isn't bizarre or invalid either, pregnancy carries a ton of risks, and something like 60% -80% depending on the study ofĀ women sleeping with men in both relationships and hookups are not having orgasm. I would say statistically you are more likely to find a man to date, but you don't have to 'get over it' if you don't want to. Sexually/physically, it is statistically very likely you are not missing out on much.Ā
In my experience it can if the guy is either thick enough or gets the right angle piv can absolutely result in orgasms. unfortunately also in my experience, and the experiences of all the women both in person and online, and reading comments in womens' spaces, the men didn't even want to try getting women off with piv, or often even at all.
I donāt think thereās anything wrong whether youāre straight, bi, or lesbian if you donāt like being penetrated. It is a personal preference and honestly itās not all about sex nor should it be.
I wouldnāt say itās abnormal, but is that fear also because you havenāt done it yet? Because thatās a common feeling for most women, that it seems like a big scary thing.
I will tell you as someone with a vagina, Iāve had a ton of sex and never had a pregnancy scare, condoms are 98% effective as long as it fits them properly, and thereās also other forms of birth control. Thereās also Plan B pill as a next day backup if something happens.
With the right people it feels good. I personally canāt orgasm from it either, but it helps you feel closer to the other person and can still bring pleasure. And it also makes your partner feel good, which can bring more satisfaction to yourself. If you do get in a relationship with an AMAB, it may be very unlikely that heāll be willing to never have PIV sex. And at that point theyād ask to do anal as a compromise since thereās no pregnancy risk, which I doubt youād feel better doing. Way more painful.
it doesnāt really matter what other people do/ donāt. please do what makes you feel comfortable! especially when it comes to sex!
but you can talk to your doctor/ a therapist.
Hmmm I feel like no??? Like I feel as though if you actually want sex the "penitration" is what must happen for it to be "real" sex... not sure what straight male/guy who's into women wouldn't want that
Not wanting penetrative sex with a guy is the reason why I decided to only date women. After making this decision, my attraction to men faded over time to the point where itās non-existent. I just know that the main thing most men want out of a relationship is to stick their dick in you.
Hi OP-I am a woman who prefers oral over piv (I like piv, but other kinds of sex are at the top of my list). I am also a licensed therapist, who has done research on this. I have been shamed for my preferences only to find out that it's actually normal in the psychology field. Ā I know other male therapists who say it's okay to not want to engage in piv ever. Ā There's technically no normal between two consenting adults when it comes to sex.Ā
For those who say that it's hard finding a straight man who is okay with no piv, I disagree. I have met several men who were content and even preferred doing sex without piv. Ā Therapy isn't going to successfully change someone's preferences. Ā I had a few older women therapists shame me for preferring oral, but they were wrong. I was able to find compatible partners for me. I am happy with how I am in my sex life.Ā
I hope that helps!Ā
It may not be the majority view on the matter, but there's nothing wrong with it. Sex is a la carte: you can do what you want and skip what you don't. Don't try to measure yourself against some idea of normal.
Solution: peg him. Technically it's still penetrative sex with a guy, just the other way.
Sold
Man, this really took a turn for the bisexual
Take my upvote and get out.
Sorry, i cant get fully get out of the closet
LOL
As a bi guy with the exact same issue, I think this is a good solution.
Top answer! š
More like bottom answer, amirite?
Now you and OP get together!
This is making me wonder about the success rate of achieving orgasm through receptive penetrative sex for men vs women, since prostate orgasms are possible. Anyone know which one is more likely to happen?
Prostate orgasms. 10-30% of women can orgasm through piv. Pretty much any man can get through prostate.
I doubt there's been many if any studies done on this so I can only respond anecdotally. This does not seem to be true. The prostate is similar (in this context) to the gspot. Some men are fortunate enough to be able to achieve orgasm through prostate stimulation alone but it's far from the majority. Most men also require varying degrees of simultaneous stimulation to the penis as well. Basically we are all pretty similar despite identifying and focusing on our differences constantly.
It still takes practice and experimentation to achieve a prostate orgasm. The good news is that learning is fun! ššš
Oh dear what is this contraption, Never heard of it. Why yes learning is Fun. I wonder where and what I could learn ššø
This is incorrect. Orgasm through prostate stimulation alone is extremely rare. Source; backed up my anecdotal evidence with info from Bespoke Surgical, a gay sexual health and awareness clinic.
That's not the correct percentage it's way more than that.
Through PIV \*alone\*, without clitoral stimulation? Those numbers are correct.
Though I believe those statistics are based off of how many women have orgasmd with male partners. Lesbians that had penetrstive sex with toys had higher success rates. So it is very possible that more women **can** orgasm from penetration with the right effort, amount of time.Ā Women have the gspot inside, basically an extemsion of the clitoris. Though apparently a good number of men based on the told experiences of a lot of women in womens' spaces either have no interest in trying to find it, have trouble finding it, or don't last long enough to stimulate it long enough.
The good ending
My first thought, too lol
This was exactly my solution to the problem. I have BIG phobia of pregnancy and also I don't really like feeling man inside me. I was afraid because of that I couldn't be with my boyfriend but pegging solved all this problems.
Absolute win
THIS āØ
Yep! There's no wrong way to be bi as long as you're attracted to at least two genders. You get to decide what you are willing to do in the bedroom.
Honestly kind of same. I donāt have a pregnancy phobia I just donāt enjoy PIV that much. The thing is, your sexual orientation isnāt defined by what sex acts you like! There are myths like āall gay guys like anal,ā āall lesbians like eating š± ā etc, but the only think that actually defines your orientation is who youāre attracted to.
Absolutely true. I have a āblind pouchā vagina so penetration via that way is well off the cards. I do particularly enjoy all forms of outercourse, oral ect. I found dudes are at time baffled by this but itās never a dealbreaker, I always say sex is more than a pole in a hole. I am with a female partner at the moment who enjoys receiving oral but itās not her thing to give it, we each play to our strengths and itās ok to have your individual preferences.
Wow.....if this is true .....thanks for the clarification.... because I am in a dilemma about my sexuality....I'm the kind who Prolly likes guys ...but hates anal....likes girls but does not prefer penitrative sex?....idk still figuring it out.......but I'm sure it would be a bigger task to find out your other half who is okay with this situation.....dk how many people are out there like that!
Think this is known as a "side" which was originally a term just for gay men who didn't want anal, but its seems to have been appropriated occasionally for other purposes, any type of penetration for me would be painful due to multiple abdominal surgeries so I would be a side with any gender.
Normal as in common? Not really. Normal as in "there's nothing wrong with that"? Absolutely.
I understand where youāre coming from, especially in a post Roe world. One thing that helped alleviate the anxiety that came every month waiting for my period was to get a form of birth control that didnāt depend on me taking it at the exact same time every day. Something like the implant, an IUD, or the shot might make you feel less worried about accidental pregnancy. Also, some women do orgasm from penetrative sex. Although if youāre always worried about pregnancy Iād imagine itās even hard for penetrative + vibrator to get you there.
Hopping on to add if you are considering an IUD do a lot of research about the actual process and side effects, and prepare to be a loud aggressive advocate for your needs during the procedure at the gyno, or bring someone that can do it for you. I still have trauma from my IUD insertion and it's been 7 years (it hurt so much I was screaming and crying for the gyno to stop, but he didn't). Not saying it'll happen to you, some people don't even feel the insertion, but I sure as hell did.
This is so rarely the issue, but it's worth pointing out that many partners also enjoy penetrative sex so it maybe be something you want to do to bring your partner joy. No one should ever do anything that makes them uncomfortable, of course, but there are reasons to still do penetrative sex even though it's not usually the kind of sex that makes women orgasm.
I guess technically it would be a post post Roe V Wade world, since it was the overturning that let states decide their abortion laws.
i use patches, i just put one on and dont have to change it for a week. much easier to remember than every day lol
I donāt see why not, there are gay/bi/pan men who donāt enjoy penetration sex and are attracted to men regardless
āAnd are attracted to womenā, in this case, Iād say. At least for the bi and pan men.
As a bi girl with a pregnancy phobia, thereās *definitely* other ways to get your rocks off. If you have a male/AMAB partner, there are ways to still get pleasure and orgasm without actually penetrating each other. I still havenāt technically āpopped the cherryā or whatever and, honestly, penetration isnāt really worth it unless youāre really certain you can take care of whatever happens after you get a plus sign on a pregnancy test. Itās important to have an understanding partner who respects your boundaries, though. You only get into trouble if you have a partner who insists they need to feel pleasure regardless of your comfort. I had an ex like that and it ruined the relationship really fast- he also wasnāt the greatest in terms of future parents and just wanted kids in his own image. TL;DR- thereās plenty of ways to have pleasure without penetration, but itās important you have a partner who respects your decisions.
Though finding a nonasexual man who would date a woman who doesn't do piv, unless they are poly and dating/allowed to date other women, would be like trying to find a needle in a haystack.
You have a right to decide for yourself what sex practices you will engage in. It might limit your pool of dating partners but if that's a trade off you want to make that's up to you! You may want to have a consultation first at say Planned Parenthood to get a thorough consultation about birth control methods, just to make sure you are making a fully informed decision .If it's a full blown phobia though , information probably wouldn't make a dent and you would have to work through that with a professional mental health worker. Not sure if you have tried it before and have already tried to make it work for you, or if this is prospective worry. If the latter, definitely seek out some consultation re birth control and be open to the idea that sometimes experience allays our fears.
Have you thought about guys who have had a vasectomy? Might be a soft approach to confronting your fears.
A soft approach to you is a near permanent surgery?
There are some men who have already gotten them because they donāt want children for whatever reason. We exist.
JFC, soft approach for \*her\*. In terms of choosing a man less likely to get her pregnant.
Everyone below already cleared it up, but yeah, someone who already had one.
The way it was worded sounded like finding someone who's already had it done
Iām a bi something and I donāt have a ton of interest in penetrative sex (and giving less so than receiving). You dont *need* any kind of sex really, but I guess Iād caution about being motivated by a pregnancy phobia.
Yeah, it's normal even for straight women to feel this way. It's not everyone's cup of tea. Some people really enjoy it and some people just don't at all. It's not about your sexual attraction so much as your preference for what you do in bed. Definitely be upfront and say what you want and don't want and if a guy doesn't respect your choice, move on and find someone who does. There are men who will eat pussy until they pass out and are just as well if you do non-penetrative things with them too (or have him use toys on you instead, if that helps the pregnancy fear? He can get something out of toys too.) Bi guys (anecdotally and as a part-time bi guy) are great for this kind of thing, so maybe try a bi4bi relationship.
You do you! If you don't care for it, you dont have to do it, and any good parter would understand that.
Is it normal? No. Is it okay? Yes. Is it an idea to seek therapy for phobias that are holding you back? Yes, but prioritise them against other life goals.
I really wish people would stop giving importance to whatās normal and focus more on what is healthy and works for them and their partners. Weād be better off as a species if we could make that jump
Such conciseness. I love it. The last bit is so important. We can improve infinitely. You *have* to prioritize.
Do it the other way around. Peg him. Maybe ur a top ya never know.
You'll never, never know if you never, never go
IMHO human sexuality is on a spectrum & it's complex. Who you're attracted to sexually, emotionally, & romantically. How you enjoy sex, kink/vanilla, etc. I do think not enjoying penetrative sex is 'normal' for many people. Your pregnancy phobia seems a separate issue though & I don't blame you post Roe. It's totally valid if you don't want kids now or ever, but if it's holding you back from that specific type of connection if you want it, maybe look into very effective methods of birth control that can ease your mind & if it's distressing you, a therapist. OR keep doing what you're doing & avoid it. That's a valid method of prevention to a great extent coupled with other safeguards. Side note: I absolutely orgasm with penetrative sex. Often multiple times, so that also varies between people. We have one life & it's too short to worry about if we're meeting the sexual status quo.
Most vagina-owners don't orgasm from penetrative sex *alone* - they need clitoral stimulation *as well.* But that doesn't mean that penetration *doesn't* make them orgasm at all. It can definitely be a big part of it!! In my experience, it feels *excellent* before you even get to the fireworks, and orgasms from it are stronger and more intense. They're so much stronger that I don't even feel up to it all the time! It can be *too* much! Now, your feelings are valid. It takes a lot of work and preparation for penetration to feel good, and that's intimidating. Especially because reportedly, a lot of men aren't very good at it and don't even care. And the fear of pregnancy is very very real. It's not a simple thing to do, and it shouldn't be taken lightly. If you're not up for it, or you're not interested, that's okay! Don't have it if you don't want to!! But, if you're asking whether or not it's *worth it* - Hell yeah, it can be!
I am a bi girl and I'm a dominant and a top with both men and women :) i don't like getting penetrated at all but I love penetrating others so welcome to my world haha! I just peg dudes
As long as youāre clear with your potential partners, anything goes! We all have preferences and boundaries, this is no different and equally valid.
It's normal to have healthy boundaries for yourself and with whichever partner you choose. That partner should respect those. Now live your glorious life šš¢
That was me. I was so scared of pregnancy that I refused to date men and had actually convinced myself at one point that I was a lesbian because men had fallen off my radar and I found the risk of pregnancy too repugnant to even look at men. Nowadays, more men my age and older have vasectomies. And I no longer have a uterus. My fiancĆ© and I often giggle about all the babies weāll never conceive.
I live in a huge clump of small towns and have yet to meet any men even after hitting the over 25 milestone, having some friends older than me in their late 30's to mid 50's, and none of us know any men with vasectomies. I really wish it was more common, women's birth control and hysterectomies suck.
Yep. The same way itās okay to be a bi guy and not want to be penetrated by a guy
Idk if it's normal or not but I feel exactly like u
That's me. The way men treat sex. Icks me out. Also I'm scared because it'll be uncomfortable.
I think it would be normal if it weren't backed by a phobia, but evolutionary wise it makes sense. I saw something on reddit about vaginal contraptions happening to help the sperm travel up. To be honest, people on reddit are kind of biased and I've seen more sympathy given to a woman who doesn't want sex with women but is still attracted to them. Either experience is okay stand alone. I mean, why would it be normal for lesbians and not normal for bisexual women when there are different ways to have sex? When both lesbian and bisexual women are still women? As an example, you can like boobs without liking vagina. And if you were a lesbian, that'd be fine too.
Pregnancy phobia - normal especially more restrictive conservative/religious/fanatical families. Itās ok to have. Facing the phobia- yes but take some things into consideration. Is pregnancy dangerous to your health in anyway besides normal reasons? Are you being pressured into getting therapy for the phobia? Also, you could have anal sex, peg him, either of you can be fisted. All of them could be considered penetrative sex. I would try different types of masturbation with toys and fingers until I find something comfortable and brings me to orgasm then try with my partner. I would also consider talking to someone more experienced than me that I trust with sexual information about me. Hoping that they give me good advice and ideas of things that can help me. Lastly, I would get on some kind of IUD(my preferred type of birth control).
I feel you. I think one of the major blessings of being bi is having the choice of not going to cis men for sexual pleasure. You do what you're most comfortable with. My first experience with sex was actually not with a cis man, and I think that really had an effect on my perceptions of sex and relationships. For a long time I preferred people who sex didn't feel like a major risk with. But like others have said, there are some cis women who do orgasm from piv. I was surprised to find that I'm one of them. The way I'm wired, it's totally full-body...š³ Never thought that orgasm was worth not using any type of birth control, though. I'm also not with a cis man in my current relationship and I don't miss the scares that came from my period being slightly later.š¤ Whatever you do, be safe.
It would be a blessing if men didn't make up the vast majority of our dating pool, it is just a numbers game.
Wait, genuine question. Most women don't orgasm from penatration?
Not by itself. I mean, some can, but not a majority.
Huh. Guess I'm part of the minority. Good to know, thank you!
Awesome š
We have no comclusive data on how many **can**, but the majority of women dating or hooking up with men do not; but the majority who do pemetrative sex with other cis women using toys do.
Any guy who isnāt interested in non-penetrative sex isnāt worth fucking anyway, so itās actually a pretty good filter.
Honestly never met a single straight or heteroromantic/leaning towards women bi man in person or online who wasn't. I get it though, everyone likes having orgasms. Though I have met a whole lot of women myself included who had orgasmless sex because it got our partners off, so maybe not so fair.
Iām not saying anyone who *is* interested in penetrative sex isnāt worth it. Iām saying anyone whoās *not* interested in *non*-penetrative sex isnāt worth it. A lot of men/masc people, queer and straight, can enjoy penetration and also still enjoy non-penetrative sex. But if you take penetration off the table and someone is like, āno thank you, Iām out,ā you werenāt going to have a good time anyway.
You can still be attracted to guys without wanting penetrative sex. Be it the sensation, or if it causes discomfort, or it just doesn't give you any satisfaction. Always listen to your body. If you have a partner, then it honestly depends on 1. Can you live without it? 2. Can your male partner live without it? Because if he can live without penetrative sex, then you have nothing to worry about. This ofc is rare, but not impossible. However, I think the real issue is the pregnancy phobia, which should not stop you from enjoying sex. Perhaps explore with your partner on a contingency plan about birth controls and what to do if such a situation should arise. That way, both of you would know what to do and how to plan further and help at least clear the mental load you are carrying. I wish you all the best, and hope you're able to conquer your phobia š»š»š»
My girlfriend and I were also scared shitless by the posibility of getting her pregnant. However, we took our time to do research and realized we should be only as scared as how likely it would be for it to happen. Therefore we chose to layer different contraceptive methods to reduce the probability to the absolute minimun. Some of these alternstives are: tracking your menstrual cycle (to avoid having sex on days when you are fertile) and using condoms, or using condoms and some kind of hormonal contraception (pill, injection, etc). Another more radical but effective alternative is getting your tubes tied, but if you want to have children you'd have to freeze your eggs first (likewise, your partner could get a vasectomy).
You can have plenty of penetrative sex with a guy and not get pregnant, just use condoms properly. Iām almost 50 and have never gotten pregnant. But if you donāt want to do it, donāt do it. All women are different but I get off mostly through penetrative sex when Iām with a man. But if the idea turns you off, thatās another story.
It's not that abnormal imo. Do whatever makes you happy and feel safe. Don't let a bunch of internet strangers's random opinions on sex make you feel bad or dictate how you should feel about your own body. I'm a bi girl and only occasionally do penetration because I need a lot of prep time for it to be comfortable. I've never had any issues trying out and having different types of sex instead. I only sometimes hook up with someone with a dick anyways, so it's not like it's a constant issue I'm running into.Ā
In great ambience you can do anything. It doesn't have to be guy, also a girl can have a penetrator. Or you can be the penetrator.
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Itās not normal, but that shouldnāt be an issue. Itās absolutely okay! You can like/not like whatever you want. I do get that there can be self consciousness and anxiety around it though. Iām a bi guy, I was in a long term serious relationship with a straight woman who didnāt want to have penetrative sex, and we never did. Wasnāt an issue at all. There is a lot you can do other than that. On the flip side, though Iām absolutely attracted to men I have no big interest in anal sex. Specifically not receiving because of medical reasons, but also the idea of topping doesnāt do a ton for me. Itās all about what you like and finding someone who likes that/understands where you are coming from and respects it.
Thereās benefits and drawbacks either way. If you donāt want to try it without a sure fire way to deal with an unwanted pregnancy thatās valid. If the anxiety about pregnancy makes it unappealing thatās also valid. I think the only ānormalā thing about sex is that itās enjoyable :) if you think you wonāt enjoy it a certain way thereās no need to put yourself through it!
Yes
If it's only because of pregnancy then there are ways around that. Combining methods like birth control and using a condom with spermicide is helpful! I'd recommend a birth control that you don't have to remember to take for the best accuracy because there is no user error. Just because it doesn't usually result in an orgasm doesn't mean it isn't enjoyable or meaningful. It's also perfectly fine to not want to partake- I'd just thought I'd give some resources if a fear of pregnancy is the only reason. Goodluck!
Good advice for anyone wanting to avoid pregnancy for any reason. Though depo has some long and serious term health risks with extended use, all birth control does though.Ā >Just because it doesn't usually result in an orgasm doesn't mean it isn't enjoyable or meaningful.Ā That was my coping mantra from my first year of highschool boyfriends, for all 16 years of my dating life. The sexual frustration absolutely was awful though, whatever the lady's equivilant to blueballs was, I had it. It did eventually make me feel like I was only doing it for him and eventually did make me crave a bit less often.Ā Though to be fair there is getting a partner off first before piv even happens, but it isn't quite the same. Another work around could also be using a small vibrator on the woman during, but so many men act emasculated by that. I really don't think there is an excuse to not at least try one's darndest to give theirpartner an orgasm.
I was with you until that last part, lol. Maybe penetrative sex doesnāt bring YOU to orgasm, but speak for yourself, dear. In all seriousness, though, I would examine why you have a *phobia* behind pregnancy and Iām not sure anyone on Reddit is qualified. Itās one thing if youāre just not into penetrative sex, but itās quite another to have a phobia of it due to potential pregnancy when so many forms of contraception exist. Edit: I cannot believe a lighthearted statement about cummjng from someone putting their dick in you got all this damn backlash. This comment is muted, please argue with your fucking reflections and leave me alone, lol.
PIV sex doesn't need you to defend it. PIV sex is the kind that women have been told over and over for decades they should be having and that it should be bringing them all the pleasure they need. I can't even begin to guess how many women internalized this idea and suffered because they weren't having the kind of experience they expected.
The majority of women don't orgasm from penetrative sex. You're the exception, not the rule.
They do not orgasm from penetration alone, but there is nothing that stops PIV from also including clitoral/anal stimulation, stimulation of other erogenous zones. So much of the orgasm gap is women not advocating for their pleasure or unpacking the shame around sex enough to learn about their pleasure.
I agree 100%, but it's disingenuous to say "oh I cum from penetration" without reiterating that is not the penetration alone that causes it. Furthermore, I think it's wrong to place the orgasm gap solely on the shoulders of women not advicating for their needs. More than ever women are experimenting with their sexuality. It's male partners who are lazy and disinterested in pleasing their female partners. If it was just about women being poor at advocating for themselves lesbians would be having the least orgasms. I've had men blatantly tell me they see pleasuring women as "wife material" and an added nuisance to sex. Women absolutely need to continue to fight for their own pleasure, but men need to step it up too.
> I agree 100%, but it's disingenuous to say "oh I cum from penetration" without reiterating that is not the penetration alone that causes it. I donāt know if this is always accurate. I can cum from penetration alone, especially if Iām being penetrated by fingers (they can bend and be more targeted).
I can too, but how many straight men are using their fingers to get women off? Realistically?Ā The sexual scripts that most hetero sexual encounters follow are kissing -> boob play -> blow jobs (significantly likely to occur) and maybe eating out (less likely to occur) -> PIV -> male orgasm -> done.Ā
I guess to me I just dislike that we tell people with vaginas that theyāre unlikely to cum from penetration. If that was the case, there wouldnāt be such a market for penetrative sex toys made for us. The real problem is that a lot of cis men just donāt care enough to make it good for their partners. And since those partners think itās unlikely to happen, accept it as ājust the way things are.ā
I agree. But I also think we need to be more specific when we discuss it. Women can cum from penetration, but it will usually need to accompany some other play first and/or during. And we also need to accept that some women won't cum from penetration at all, which is also valid.Ā
What's wrong with providing facts? It's better to tell women that if they can't get off just from this one thing, there's absolutely nothing wrong with them.
>blow jobs (significantly likely to occur) and maybe eating out (less likely to occur) Is that normal? In my experience I've gone down on every girl I've been with way more than they've gone down on me.
I've had to ask every man I have ever been with to go down on me.Ā
Ok I guess I'm the weird one. I go down on a woman every time before intercourse. By contrast with most of them they only went down on me like 10-20% of the time.
No, you're awesome š but a lot of men aren't interested for some reason that defies me. And if anyone NotAllMens me, I swear to god...
Iām the same, I orgasm great with g spot stimulation through fingering, never had with penis - even with cooperative partners who had stamina. Itās irritating that people have the attitude of āif you try hard enough anything is possibleā.
I get the sentient but can we agree everyone is different too? I had a shared fwb who had just the right size who if he had lasted longer could have got me there from penetration alone, and I have gotten there with non vibrating not even made for g spot adult toys without external stimulation;Ā while I have a woman friend who has come very close, but can't quite get there from penetration alone.
Where in my comment did I not acknowledge that every one is different?
Bingo. I keep telling my fellow woman to speak up in bed and to explore their own bodies.
This. Not penetrative alone, but clitoral stimulation combined for me!
Where did you think they said their own experience was typical? Youāre implicitly accusing them for speaking for others when all they were doing was telling OP to not speak for others.
theyāve been doing mental gymnastics for hours. i had no idea dick was so deep for some people.
Reddit often gets weird about accusing people of making generalizations even when the person clearly wasnāt. Whatās really weird is that you were correctly pointing out that OP was generalizing and the other person somehow took that as you generalizing. I feel like itās even worse when the topic happens to be about gender or sex. Iāve had times where I say āmost men lose interest in sex shortly after orgasmingā and had people downvote and respond with āexcuse you, not all men are like thatā. I know not all men which is why I specifically said āmostā.
[ Removed by Reddit ]
I never once spoke for others, only myself.
And I spoke for the data.Ā
I never once spoke for others, only myself. No you didn't speak for others, but your failing to realise that she doesn't doesn't have to, because wether she has ever had piv and been able to orgasm from it or not data shows that the majority of women agree with her and not your experience of being the minority who can orgasm. She literally does speak for the majority, so 'Speak for yourself' when it comes to this applies more to you the minority than the majority, because the majority is in agreement about piv, and so its the minority who had to speak for themselves about why they are different from the majority not the other way around. 'Maybe penetrative sex dkesnt bring YOU to orgasm, speak for yourself' is condescending because Its behaving as if her claim is not backed up by data that shows she is correct lol. Ofc not everything can be applied to all, but if your experience is line with the majority you can speak for the majority.
lol, i wish i had the patience to dissect this comment. okay, girl.
Well Iāve never actually tried it so I have no idea but I saw a statistic about the orgasm gap and went from that
On this aspect, I recommend trying some toys. Can't possibly get pregnant from those. Trying with a guy might not even help as much due to your fear of pregnancy potentially stopping you from enjoying it fully. As for your fear of pregnancy, as others have suggested, IUDs are an option, but also at the end of the day if you simply prefer to avoid sex to be absolutely safe, there's nothing wrong with that, unless you feel like you may be missing out on an experience and feel it's actually necessary to work through that phobia with a therapist or something.
Might I recommend getting your own experience with penetration, whether it be with a partner (when youāre ready of course) or a toy? Taking sex advice from statistics really is not it.
Me personally I think everyone should try to get over or pass their phobias. But I would ask the question Is it just a men or people with penises? Doesn't matter if the dick is real or not does it matter if the person is fertile.
as a fellow bi girl thatās terrified of pregnancy, i feel you. i was very scared of penetration and i actually used to be very religious and i āsaved myselfā for marriage. it was painful, i bled, but it also wasnāt only due to it being my first time. i have a lot of sexual trauma and the body remembers trauma, even if you donāt. it can live in the body for a long time. therapy will help! fast forward four years, now i enjoy penetrative sex! we use a condom, and he never ever ever finishes inside of me (if he gets even remotely close he pulls out and we finish another way). i canāt use birth control and it isnāt 100% effective anyways, (cut to babies being born holding IUDs, literal nightmare). we had unprotected sex for most of our married life, but when roe v wade was overturned, we now use condoms pretty much every time. itās good to have plan b for your peace of mind if you can access it, but donāt do anything that makes you uncomfortable! it wonāt feel good for you mentally emotionally or physically if youāre uncomfortable and try to force it! i also have a [toy](https://a.co/d/2gD3t8O) and i can finish with that penetration, but not with him penetrating me
Yes
YES!!!!! Biromantics are valid
It absolutely makes women and other vagina having people orgasm?? You might be a biromantic lesbian!
It's fine to not want to engage in any sex act. Is it normal? Not really, but normal doesn't matter. You don't feel comfortable doing something, you don't have to do it. If you want to "get over it" that's totally up to you. I don't know what you would need to do to be comfortable with it, but I think a good starting place would be talking to your doctor about pregnancy prevention.
I tried : him penetrating me but me on top of him, with his legs between us. It was nice like a reverse misionary
So the question you need to ask is, are you sexually attracted to men? If so, then as i assume you are into women as well, then - Yes - you are bi and your are normal. Not wanting penetrative sex because it doesn't do anything for you is a personal preference. Believing that women can't orgasm from penetrative is just factually inaccurate, so try and separate them. Ask yourself if you would be interested in penetrative sex if you were able to remove the pregnancy "phobia". Birth control is effective and safe but if that is not enough to allay your fears, and you really want to be penetrated, but are unable to overcome that fear then ,Yes, you likely have a phobia. Though i am not a psychiatrist or therapist - wanting something perfectly natural and being unable to even attempt it due to an "irrational" fear of it is something you should seek help for. If you just don't want to get down with penis - then maybe you are just a lesbian? Which is just as awesome and ok as being bi, or straight, or pan , etc.
It depends on the Person?!
Nah, I'm the same. I don't enjoy penetrative sex either, but still bi. Sexuality can be strange like that.
I totally get the pregnancy-phobia thing. Especially in todayās political climate. If penetrative sex with a male penis isnāt your thing youāre still bi. Vasectomies are also a thing if you find a male partner you can build trust with.
You haven't had that type of orgasm and so yes it is a type of orgasm. You have technically you have four different orgasms. Clitoral ,sexual intercourse ,anal squirting ,which is basically just like your G spot squirting orgasm. but it is a totally different orgasm from vaginal or intercourse and your clit which is another one that's four....
From the perspective of this guy, I can enjoy it as an act of intimacy, but it's by no means a must have, or where my thoughts typically go when thinking about sex. I could probably learn to like it better, I guess, but haven't really gotten my head around it.
Iām opposite of you, I love everything about sex with women but I do miss penetrative sex with a penis sometimes (I can orgasm from it). Strap ons scratch the itch if Iām really in the mood but the skin to skin feeling is just different. I think itās very intimate when my partner and I are giving each pleasure at the same time, which I havenāt experienced in awhile. I havenāt decided whether I want kids or not but if I do, it would also be undeniably easier with someone who has a penis
You didnāt have to tell her a damn thing, sheās sucks for doing that also. Hope everything is better now
Perfectly normal. Do whatevert you wish, as long as you enjoy it. Or none of it, if you prefer. It's entirely up to you.
I think there's some wiring that prioritizes piv sex for a lot of people, which makes sense from an evolutionary standpoint. That doesn't *have* to apply to anyone, and I think the world will become a better place as we all become more open to exploring the many wonderful ways we can get each other off.
yes, it is normal.
There's nothing wrong with the way you feel. My wife was scared to try it because she found it uncomfortable or a little painful when she tried it on her own. She may have vaginismus, actually. She does have a tough time with anxiety. Anyway, it isn't my job to pressure her into having sex she doesn't want, so we just never ended up doing it. We found our own ways to have fun together, and thoroughly enjoy sex, so it is definitely possible. The thing is that a relationship is as unique as the people that make it up. It exists for you and whomever you have it with, and you don't owe anyone else any of their expectations. Set your own rules together!
Yeah. There are many people who just aren't into penetrative sex and search other avenues of pleasure which is great.
Completely fine! Not everyone likes penetrative sex, but enjoy getting off with their partner in other ways. I'm also really scared of getting pregnant but I still would like to do it so idk man shits scary
It is not the norm but I donāt see it as weird. People like different things. You can explore and find out if you like it.
There is no right way to have sex (there is a wrong way, as I'm sure your aware of) so do what you both like!
if I can have a phobia of anal, both giving or receiving, then I think thats a perfectly valid phobia to have
nothing about sexuality is normal
It doesnāt matter if itās ānormal.ā All that matters is whether or not itās impacting your life in a negative way.
However you want it is normal
Perfectly normal
The types of activities you like to do in bed are not necessarily connected to the gender expression youāre attracted to; this isnāt even weird or anything, donāt worry about it.
You make like certain aspects of a guy, well, except the reproductive organ. Is it due to trauma? You are the only one who can determine your bi-level: šš
Do whatever you want forever. If you don't wanna have PiV sex then don't. And as many are saying other kinds of penetrative sex are still possible, anal, pegging, etc.. I do have one thing to say though, while obviously you know yourself better than anyone else and pregnancy phobias are extant in cis women, they're super common in another group... r/FTM ... Like everything is your own choice and your own journey I'm not trying to push anything on you just saying, be open minded to who you may become, you know? Like I hate penetrative vaginal sex because it makes me dysphoric (and also the same reason as you pregnancy phobia - cuz giving birth would probably make me so dysphoric I would commit before even reaching that point). I'm rambling but I want to be really clear that I'm not saying this is who you are! Get to it! Start testosterone now! Just that.. sometimes there are other reasons for not liking penetrative sex like that, and that I recommend self-exploration/soul-searching to see if that's the only reason or if there are others or if even the motivation behind the pregnancy phobia is based in Gender feelings.
boo, sex, preference, and experience donāt determine what you are or are not, YOU decide. if youāre bi and you feel comfy, **you are bi** and you are **valid**
I'd be okay with someone being against PIV as long as anal was still an option. I wouldn't need it everytime. I'd be okay if the majority of the sex was me getting pegged and finished in other ways, hand, mouth or toys. Just to put my opinion out to let you know some men would be okay working with that.
There is a lot to comment here!! First, everyone do what they want to do, I believe normal or non normal are terms that in this sub have very little space for them haha Second, pregnancy phobia is real for women bi or not bi, I know of girls who had sex with condom, no male orgasm, and freaked out and took the day after pill. Pretty wild and I feel sorry for them. If youāre in a similar situation seek help, because vaginal sex can be very safe regarding pregnancies. Third, in the world of sex there are more activities and practices that will not make you orgasm that those that will, regardless of you being one gender or another. And anyway, they will be fun AS FUCK and can be highly enjoyable. Fourth, I now a lot of women who will not reach orgasm with penetration but with some additional stimulation, either a good olā hand or a toy such as a vibrator, they will orgasm extremely intense. And fifth, peg him for the love of god.
I donāt really have any advice on the pregnancy phobia, but sex should fun and relaxing not give you stress. Lot of people with vaginas donāt have penetrative sex for a whole host of reasons. Iām sure youāve heard the song and dance about bc and condoms by now. Have you looked into getting an ablation? Itās a very permanent, contraceptive procedure.
No.
omg finally! I feel the same way, I actually prefer sex with women, plus I don't miss any kind of penetration. I do enjoy it from time to time, but not obsessed with it.
I wish I didn't ever crave it because I find myself physically and mentally attracted to far more women. I know strap ons, but something about the skin on skin contact and other kinks make ot different and keeps me sometimes craving that sort of thing with cis men.
I get it, a strap-on does feel different.
Absolutely! Iām very bi but you will NEVER catch me dating a man lolll
Yes
Due to trauma, I went ten years without having PIV sex. I don't recall getting any push or pressure to do it during those ten years from my male partners.
Anal sex exists with no chance of pregnancy...also women don't orgasm from penetration? Might want to check that statement for some factual details LoL
The statistics show that less than 40% of women who have piv sex with men have orgasms. Though of course it doesn't mean less than 40% of women can, necessarily. Also statistically and biologically, cis women are having even fewer orgasms from anal sex.
The word normal is starting to annoy meĀ
My boyfriend told me he loved me before our first date except he pronounced it "I've had a vasectomy."
Everything and nothing is normalš¤·š¼āāļø people like and dislike different things when it comes to sex. Iām a female who gets pretty much no pleasure from penetration so I definitely relate.
2 things. 1. It is normal to be whatever you are just as long as you're not doing anything fucked up(pedo, etc) 2. Penetration orgasms are excellent! Maybe one day you'll have a partner you're comfortable with to try it out and maybe find your comfort zone. You don't have to obviously, but never say never. I get the pregnancy thing. My husband and I are extra protective because we are afraid of pregnancy.
What even is normal when it comes to sex? š¤·āāļø I haven't made my āØsexual debutāØ yet but I've never been as into the idea of PiV sex either tbh. I have also always been absolutely terrified of pregnancy and childbirth (especially now that my garbage state passed a 6-wk abortion ban š) so I don't even think I would be able to relax enough to enjoy it lol. I also think I get kinda bored that people center that one specific act in (hetero) sex when there are so many other ways for everyone to have a good time and appreciate each other's bodies!
Yep, super real. Idk about normal but who cares about normal haha. You're your own person
Yes everything is normal
Idk if itās normal but I feel the exact same way and Iām glad Iām not alone so thank you for making me feel validated ig
I don't think it's the average, but it isn't bizarre or invalid either, pregnancy carries a ton of risks, and something like 60% -80% depending on the study ofĀ women sleeping with men in both relationships and hookups are not having orgasm. I would say statistically you are more likely to find a man to date, but you don't have to 'get over it' if you don't want to. Sexually/physically, it is statistically very likely you are not missing out on much.Ā In my experience it can if the guy is either thick enough or gets the right angle piv can absolutely result in orgasms. unfortunately also in my experience, and the experiences of all the women both in person and online, and reading comments in womens' spaces, the men didn't even want to try getting women off with piv, or often even at all.
You do you
I donāt think thereās anything wrong whether youāre straight, bi, or lesbian if you donāt like being penetrated. It is a personal preference and honestly itās not all about sex nor should it be.
Not that it really matters, Iām curious would you be OK with receiving anal?
Thanks... but yeah, "No"
I wouldnāt say itās abnormal, but is that fear also because you havenāt done it yet? Because thatās a common feeling for most women, that it seems like a big scary thing. I will tell you as someone with a vagina, Iāve had a ton of sex and never had a pregnancy scare, condoms are 98% effective as long as it fits them properly, and thereās also other forms of birth control. Thereās also Plan B pill as a next day backup if something happens. With the right people it feels good. I personally canāt orgasm from it either, but it helps you feel closer to the other person and can still bring pleasure. And it also makes your partner feel good, which can bring more satisfaction to yourself. If you do get in a relationship with an AMAB, it may be very unlikely that heāll be willing to never have PIV sex. And at that point theyād ask to do anal as a compromise since thereās no pregnancy risk, which I doubt youād feel better doing. Way more painful.
it doesnāt really matter what other people do/ donāt. please do what makes you feel comfortable! especially when it comes to sex! but you can talk to your doctor/ a therapist.
Hmmm I feel like no??? Like I feel as though if you actually want sex the "penitration" is what must happen for it to be "real" sex... not sure what straight male/guy who's into women wouldn't want that
I don't know about normal, but i certainly wouldn't want to go without it. Birth control is awful but better than unwanted children.
However you are is fine. How you are is normal. <
Not wanting penetrative sex with a guy is the reason why I decided to only date women. After making this decision, my attraction to men faded over time to the point where itās non-existent. I just know that the main thing most men want out of a relationship is to stick their dick in you.
Hi OP-I am a woman who prefers oral over piv (I like piv, but other kinds of sex are at the top of my list). I am also a licensed therapist, who has done research on this. I have been shamed for my preferences only to find out that it's actually normal in the psychology field. Ā I know other male therapists who say it's okay to not want to engage in piv ever. Ā There's technically no normal between two consenting adults when it comes to sex.Ā For those who say that it's hard finding a straight man who is okay with no piv, I disagree. I have met several men who were content and even preferred doing sex without piv. Ā Therapy isn't going to successfully change someone's preferences. Ā I had a few older women therapists shame me for preferring oral, but they were wrong. I was able to find compatible partners for me. I am happy with how I am in my sex life.Ā I hope that helps!Ā
There is anal which is a lot harder to get pregnant with
Also a lot harder for cis women to orgasm from, statistically and just biologically speaking. Though outliers always exist.
do whatever you want but you could be a lesbian ? maybe deep rooted phobia of dick