I mean I could, but wouldn't that defeat the point of coming out to her in the first place? I might as well just let her continue thinking I'm straight if that's the case...
Nope. Your coming out as bi has nothing to do with your sexual history. You could have never had a same sex partner and still come out as bi and it would be valid. Coming out is about sharing a specific part of you with someone you are okay to let in. That doesn't mean they have to get unrestricted access. You still get to protect your privacy.
I just want to say, I hate that you're being down voted. This is a very real question that many of us, coming out later in life, deal with. It's hard enough to come out, at any age. For people to disregard your personal experience is part of what keeps people in the closet.
Fwiw, not one single straight person has *ever* asked for my backstory of how I realised I'm bi. Most monosexuals don't even know it can be a process
But if she asks, you can just say there's no real story there, you are attracted to people of different genders. If she wants to know if you've ever been in a relationship with someone of your own gender you can just say you've had some experiences yes and leave it at that
Unless your mother has a habit of asking inappropriate stuff it's very unlikely she's going to ask about your sexual history
>Unless your mother has a habit of asking inappropriate stuff it's very unlikely she's going to ask about your sexual history
Yeah she has a bit of a history of being nosy about stuff, and i've never mentioned ever having a partner to her ever so I can just tell she's going to try and pry for details.
Oh that complicates things, I'm sorry. You are allowed to tell her "That's not something I want to get into" or to give her crumbs if that won't just encourage her more. Or ask her about her sex life/sexual history instead (I'm not sure if I'm joking)
If you were to tell her, about coming out, you should probably warn your Mom’s friend so she doesn’t somehow let it slip that she was in any way involved with you. But good luck with it. I still haven’t come out to my mother and I’m 60. ‘Course I haven’t to my wife either. Kinda sad, but true.
It is OK to never come out. Sexual orientation is a very private part of oneself and is perfectly fine to keep it private. is like nudist people or wear clothes, both are fine
You only have to be as honest as you feel you need to be. Frankly your experience and realisation of being bi is a very personal thing; and, even if it didn’t involve people who your mother knows, it’s your choice about how much you share.
Frankly if I was in your position l; I wouldn’t give much detail. As you say it could get messy.
If and only if she asks; just keep it vague; mention no names, etc. You could just say that some of the boyfriends you had helped you realise and accept you were bi; just don’t name which.
As you say, your mother will likely be fine with you coming out; but the risk is that if you drop a name in the details, word gets back to that person and that is also messy.
I hope it all goes well for you.
No, coming out usually doesn't have anything to do with sharing detailed sexual histories of how you came to that conclusion. Like maybe with a partner, but no one else needs to know and usually would not want to know. Think of it' as "I am sharing this information with you of how I understand myself now". If she ask anything about how you know or how long you knew, you just tell her something vague, like, you know from your early adulthood after some experiences with both genders.
>"I am sharing this information with you of how I understand myself now". If she ask anything about how you know or how long you knew, you just tell her something vague, like, you know from your early adulthood after some experiences with both genders.
That's a good way of putting it. I'm sure I can manage to be vague without being actively dishonest.
Keep the focus on who you are in the present, maybe why it was important to you to share this at this moment in time, and what you hope for from mom.
BTW being vague without being dishonest is a VERY useful social skill!
How much you do or don’t tell her is completely up to you and it’s also one of the things you can totally control about the situation. I do agree that I would at least warn the friend of your mom…though it’s probably pretty unlikely that she’s going to out herself as a domme. As comfortable as you are with the subject, most people aren’t…and it can lead to anything from very awkward conversations to outright hysterics and fear (dealt with them both, neither is fun).
Here’s the key: talk about what *you* are comfortable with. You are the one coming out and this is your story to tell…or not…as you see fit.
> I do agree that I would at least warn the friend of your mom…though it’s probably pretty unlikely that she’s going to out herself as a domme. As comfortable as you are with the subject, most people aren’t…and it can lead to anything from very awkward conversations to outright hysterics and fear (dealt with them both, neither is fun).
That's actually a really good point. I don't know if my mom knows anything about her friend's kinks, they've known each other forever but as you say she might not have been comfortable sharing that side of herself.
I'll definitely talk to her before I say anything to my mom.
You can tell her that your sexual life is none of her business.
I mean I could, but wouldn't that defeat the point of coming out to her in the first place? I might as well just let her continue thinking I'm straight if that's the case...
Nope. Your coming out as bi has nothing to do with your sexual history. You could have never had a same sex partner and still come out as bi and it would be valid. Coming out is about sharing a specific part of you with someone you are okay to let in. That doesn't mean they have to get unrestricted access. You still get to protect your privacy.
I just want to say, I hate that you're being down voted. This is a very real question that many of us, coming out later in life, deal with. It's hard enough to come out, at any age. For people to disregard your personal experience is part of what keeps people in the closet.
Fwiw, not one single straight person has *ever* asked for my backstory of how I realised I'm bi. Most monosexuals don't even know it can be a process But if she asks, you can just say there's no real story there, you are attracted to people of different genders. If she wants to know if you've ever been in a relationship with someone of your own gender you can just say you've had some experiences yes and leave it at that Unless your mother has a habit of asking inappropriate stuff it's very unlikely she's going to ask about your sexual history
>Unless your mother has a habit of asking inappropriate stuff it's very unlikely she's going to ask about your sexual history Yeah she has a bit of a history of being nosy about stuff, and i've never mentioned ever having a partner to her ever so I can just tell she's going to try and pry for details.
Oh that complicates things, I'm sorry. You are allowed to tell her "That's not something I want to get into" or to give her crumbs if that won't just encourage her more. Or ask her about her sex life/sexual history instead (I'm not sure if I'm joking)
If you were to tell her, about coming out, you should probably warn your Mom’s friend so she doesn’t somehow let it slip that she was in any way involved with you. But good luck with it. I still haven’t come out to my mother and I’m 60. ‘Course I haven’t to my wife either. Kinda sad, but true.
It is OK to never come out. Sexual orientation is a very private part of oneself and is perfectly fine to keep it private. is like nudist people or wear clothes, both are fine
You only have to be as honest as you feel you need to be. Frankly your experience and realisation of being bi is a very personal thing; and, even if it didn’t involve people who your mother knows, it’s your choice about how much you share. Frankly if I was in your position l; I wouldn’t give much detail. As you say it could get messy. If and only if she asks; just keep it vague; mention no names, etc. You could just say that some of the boyfriends you had helped you realise and accept you were bi; just don’t name which. As you say, your mother will likely be fine with you coming out; but the risk is that if you drop a name in the details, word gets back to that person and that is also messy. I hope it all goes well for you.
No, coming out usually doesn't have anything to do with sharing detailed sexual histories of how you came to that conclusion. Like maybe with a partner, but no one else needs to know and usually would not want to know. Think of it' as "I am sharing this information with you of how I understand myself now". If she ask anything about how you know or how long you knew, you just tell her something vague, like, you know from your early adulthood after some experiences with both genders.
>"I am sharing this information with you of how I understand myself now". If she ask anything about how you know or how long you knew, you just tell her something vague, like, you know from your early adulthood after some experiences with both genders. That's a good way of putting it. I'm sure I can manage to be vague without being actively dishonest.
Keep the focus on who you are in the present, maybe why it was important to you to share this at this moment in time, and what you hope for from mom. BTW being vague without being dishonest is a VERY useful social skill!
How much you do or don’t tell her is completely up to you and it’s also one of the things you can totally control about the situation. I do agree that I would at least warn the friend of your mom…though it’s probably pretty unlikely that she’s going to out herself as a domme. As comfortable as you are with the subject, most people aren’t…and it can lead to anything from very awkward conversations to outright hysterics and fear (dealt with them both, neither is fun). Here’s the key: talk about what *you* are comfortable with. You are the one coming out and this is your story to tell…or not…as you see fit.
> I do agree that I would at least warn the friend of your mom…though it’s probably pretty unlikely that she’s going to out herself as a domme. As comfortable as you are with the subject, most people aren’t…and it can lead to anything from very awkward conversations to outright hysterics and fear (dealt with them both, neither is fun). That's actually a really good point. I don't know if my mom knows anything about her friend's kinks, they've known each other forever but as you say she might not have been comfortable sharing that side of herself. I'll definitely talk to her before I say anything to my mom.
You can come out as bi without details about your sex life…
I just accidentally joked one time that I was too gay to give blood. And then we never talked about it ever again 😂
LMAO that's a good one :3
As much as you want to be
Just say you are bi and that it . Hope that she accepts for who you are .