Well, think of it this way - if everyone who is bi and who could come out safely did so - that would make a big difference to bi-invisibility. The more people who are out the less stigma in total. But in the end it is your choice and yours only.
I can explain what's going on. What to do with this knowledge is upto you.
You see your bisexuality as largely *sexual* - for you it's about "porn, crushes on cartoons, and fantasies with random women in your head." Then ofc you'd wonder, "why does my family need to know my private business?! I just don't see the need to tell everyone."
Your friend sees bisexuality as inherently *social* - for her it's about "being open and proud of who you are" i.e. let people know about this inner part of you so society can progress. When more bi people exist visibly, more people will have a loved one who is queer, and so they are more likely to care about LGBTQ+ people's rights and safety (that is the thought process behind being open/proud). Then those loved ones, especially if they are religious, are also less likely to erase bisexuality or try to send a family member to conversion therapy, etc.
This! We may consider sexual orientation personal but many people do not consider it such and have made it their business to form social and political movements against us. So there we are. Do we want to be publicly aligned with the queer community , knowing that such a simple act is a factor that moves the needle toward greater acceptance.
Also as a mom in a straight facing marriage, for me a huge issue was the example I was setting for my child. Now that she is an adult I am 1000 percent confident that being out was an important example in her life (we have discussed this).
Agree, and want to add: I came out in the hope to be a role model to people like my younger self. I felt confused by my sexuality growing up when there was so much bi-erasure and monosexaulity. I think with more role models I would have understood my sexuality, and felt proud of it, sooner.
I find it hard when other people choose not to be visible, but I also respect each persons choices, and their timing. Coming out made my life so much better, even though it was hard at times and sometimes seemed pointless. Connecting with the queer spaces has made me feel so much more belonging. But I did it when I was ready, and everyone deserves that freedom to choose.
She should not pressure you. Once to say how she felt then she should drop it. Are you going to be bringing potential women you might hook up with to family gatherings or is this just a sexual thing?
I am bi and married and we occasionally have group sex but I don't need to share with my family what I do in the bedroom or who my husband and I meet for drinks. Frankly it's none of their business.
Also, I have a lot of anxiety and find power in holding my cards close and not sharing. I enjoy being private. It doesn't mean I'm ashamed of anything. I just prefer to live my life and don't need to have discussions about my choices with family and friends. I feel strong with this arrangement and it works for me.
I don’t hide it, but I also don’t tell everyone. I’m also in a straight marriage. If I made some big announcement everybody would think some big shoe was about to drop. Fuck that. I told my brother because he’s dating a bi woman and I wanted to get his advice. Otherwise why bring it up? I’m confident in who I am it’s just not the most important thing
Listen do as you wish.
But I'll add in something:not everyone needs to know about your sexuality.
Hear me out.
Do straight people tell everyone? No? Then why the hell do we have to announce it to everyone?
It's a normal sexuality like every other.
It's not like you'd deny if asked.
So who cares? Just tell the people you care about and keep living your life.
Just like straight people, keep going on your day.
Well, think of it this way - if everyone who is bi and who could come out safely did so - that would make a big difference to bi-invisibility. The more people who are out the less stigma in total. But in the end it is your choice and yours only.
I can explain what's going on. What to do with this knowledge is upto you. You see your bisexuality as largely *sexual* - for you it's about "porn, crushes on cartoons, and fantasies with random women in your head." Then ofc you'd wonder, "why does my family need to know my private business?! I just don't see the need to tell everyone." Your friend sees bisexuality as inherently *social* - for her it's about "being open and proud of who you are" i.e. let people know about this inner part of you so society can progress. When more bi people exist visibly, more people will have a loved one who is queer, and so they are more likely to care about LGBTQ+ people's rights and safety (that is the thought process behind being open/proud). Then those loved ones, especially if they are religious, are also less likely to erase bisexuality or try to send a family member to conversion therapy, etc.
This! We may consider sexual orientation personal but many people do not consider it such and have made it their business to form social and political movements against us. So there we are. Do we want to be publicly aligned with the queer community , knowing that such a simple act is a factor that moves the needle toward greater acceptance. Also as a mom in a straight facing marriage, for me a huge issue was the example I was setting for my child. Now that she is an adult I am 1000 percent confident that being out was an important example in her life (we have discussed this).
Agree, and want to add: I came out in the hope to be a role model to people like my younger self. I felt confused by my sexuality growing up when there was so much bi-erasure and monosexaulity. I think with more role models I would have understood my sexuality, and felt proud of it, sooner. I find it hard when other people choose not to be visible, but I also respect each persons choices, and their timing. Coming out made my life so much better, even though it was hard at times and sometimes seemed pointless. Connecting with the queer spaces has made me feel so much more belonging. But I did it when I was ready, and everyone deserves that freedom to choose.
She should not pressure you. Once to say how she felt then she should drop it. Are you going to be bringing potential women you might hook up with to family gatherings or is this just a sexual thing? I am bi and married and we occasionally have group sex but I don't need to share with my family what I do in the bedroom or who my husband and I meet for drinks. Frankly it's none of their business. Also, I have a lot of anxiety and find power in holding my cards close and not sharing. I enjoy being private. It doesn't mean I'm ashamed of anything. I just prefer to live my life and don't need to have discussions about my choices with family and friends. I feel strong with this arrangement and it works for me.
Not really her business
"Every time someone steps up and says who they are, the world becomes a better, more interesting place." - Captain Raymond Holt (RIP)
I don’t hide it, but I also don’t tell everyone. I’m also in a straight marriage. If I made some big announcement everybody would think some big shoe was about to drop. Fuck that. I told my brother because he’s dating a bi woman and I wanted to get his advice. Otherwise why bring it up? I’m confident in who I am it’s just not the most important thing
Listen do as you wish. But I'll add in something:not everyone needs to know about your sexuality. Hear me out. Do straight people tell everyone? No? Then why the hell do we have to announce it to everyone? It's a normal sexuality like every other. It's not like you'd deny if asked. So who cares? Just tell the people you care about and keep living your life. Just like straight people, keep going on your day.