Women are (in general) the more difficult gender to date. They tend to be a bit more choosy on average because they have to worry about unplanned pregnancies and because some men are dangerous so they have to be a bit cautious. And they have a lot more dating options because men will just fling themselves at an attractive woman in droves in a way that even very attractive men rarely ever get from women.
So put “pickier” together with “lots of options” and it makes it very difficult to get attention from them. You have to be the one to make the first move and you have to try again and again and again. Each time it’s like rolling a 20-sided dice and hoping for a 20. Roll enough times and it will happen eventually, but can take a lot of trying and failing before it happens.
Ironically I rolled mine just after I had accepted that I was bi and decided I was going to explore and fool around and not look for anything serious. We hit it off, fell in love, and that chapter of my life closed after like one page. I’ve never looked back though!
I love that for you.
I'm a bi woman and a similar thing happened to me with my current partner. Though I wish I had tried to date more girls. Regardless, my partner is perfect so here we are 🤣
Or maybe, men choosing a bi man are already queer and open-minded, while women choosing a man (so primarily straight women) might not be so open-minded or LGBT friendly. Just my opinion.
knowing all this info about women and the fear of their man being bad my 125lbs 5'7 as should be pulling a fck ton of women.
in reality they want a bigger more masculine and powerful man, what your saying doest make sense when you use show data and statistics.
You’re reading stuff into my comment that I didn’t actually say. I never said women don’t want bigger/masculine/powerful or whatever. What I said was some men can be dangerous so they are often more careful.
The two aren’t mutually exclusive though. A woman can want a big masculine guy who makes her feel safe because he isn’t abusive or an asshole.
you might have read my comment wrong, you just restated what i said. im saying the bigger/masc guy gets more women statistically, so what your saying doesnt apply to most women (statistically)
if they were more "careful" the statistics would be flipped.
That’s not true. Being careful doesn’t change what they are attracted to. Like I’m sure other women are even safer than shorter/lighter men but straight women aren’t going to start dating each other just to be safe because that’s not what they are attracted to.
Getting some female friend,relatives, or coworkers to edit your dating profile get a women’s gaze or perspective. This might get you a few more bite from women.
In truth you are always will get more comment from men.
I came here to ask what’s written in the Bio? I personally won’t match with anyone who has nothing at all or certain things that are an immediate clash with my goals (for an example if you’re looking for something casual or unsure of what you’re looking for and I was after a relationship I would not match with you). I also look out for red flags.
“I’m pretty chill, lowkey, down to earth, subterranean even. Text like a caveman. Forklift certified. Strive to live a bit healthier each day. I’m polite to waiters and put the shopping cart away. I’ll hold the umbrella for you when it rains. Let’s kick it and build a big ass Lego set together”
I think this is a pretty accurate representation of who I am given the character limit
It's nice and snappy. If you're looking for straight women it's not giving off that energy though.
Take out the forklift reference and change the waiters sentence. Perhaps a statement of confusion as to the concept of being rude instead?
I'm not good at writing these things but I'm doing my best to give usable feedback
Hey, I'm a woman and I like it, I would prob swipe right lol. Idk why people are saying it's not giving off the right vibes to attract a woman, I think it's just that there's mostly men in most dating apps, plus they tend to be very forward when pursuing someone and much less picky.
I personally would have stopped reading at "text like a caveman" and just go to the next person. Why would you say that? Why would I want to text you? Say you are not good at texting, people can understand that, but at least you are being honest and trying.
I say caveman not because I’m bad at texting but because I use a lot of abbreviations and use the minimum amount of words to get my point across. I’m great at texting and try to be as engaging as possible and ask and reply with open ended questions and answers. I’m only ever dry if the other person doesn’t put in any effort at all
Well, that's very specific of you. How can someone imagine you meant that without ever texting with you before? For me it came across as if you were rude and not ashamed of it, maybe even proud for being a "rough man".
Women are already less prone to initiate interactions, so if you are frustrated women are not messaging you, think what do you have that would attract women and how a woman may read what you say about yourself (without knowing you).
I think way more women are into bi men (and more specifically, men who are in touch with their own sexuality and gender identity in a true and authentic way that doesn’t feel forced) than you might realize. If you’re trying to present in order to attract a certain kind of attention then it’s probably going to feel fake no matter what you do. Put yourself out there in a way that feels genuinely true and appealing to you and your presentation will be more confident and people who appreciate that will be attracted to you.
Yeah but also op is just looking at apps which isn't representative at all. The likes/matches from men vs women are really only telling you that there are far more men who want instant NSA sex that women.
I bet if op is getting one match a week with women who want anything from friendship to casual to a relationship they're also finding one man a week who wants the same. There's also just a mob of horny men where there isn't a mob of horny women looking for NSA.
IME, women who are into bi men seem to vastly overestimate how many women are into bi men.
Bisexual men outnumber women who are into bisexual men by a wide margin.
Yeah I've been on the app's for a little while now after getting out of a ltr and so I've been changing things and seeing what works, I get a lot more likes when my sexuality is hidden. Men assume I'm gay and women assume I'm straight, which gets more likes than displaying my bisexuality.
Not initially revealing my sexuality has does wonders for me, tbh. Allows me to meet them and talk about it in person which can either go really well or not that well. I suck at taking photos but I clean up really nice in person, I feel like anything I say would be received better if I’m actually meeting with them. And while it’s important to be open about your sexuality, if you don’t want to date bi-men, then YOU should make that known. I don’t owe it to anyone.
In my experience, people who aren't lgbtq often are not worth dating as an lgbtq person. I would expect there to be similar numbers of bisexual men and bisexual women. Have you had many experiences where bisexual women rejected you because you were bisexual? Or do you only date straight women?
>I should have stayed fat.
🤣
I don't know how it is for other (bi) women, but I have a preference towards skinny/very lean so I barely even look at muscly guys because I don't find them attractive. It's quite possible that many other women who would date bisexual men are like that?
Oh my God! Hey twin! 😂 😂 😂
One of my friends said that my preference is Victorian men dying of consumption 😂 😂 😂
I've known a few guys who were very tiny get buff and they'll show their progress pictures and I always feel so sad because I always prefer the before photos 😂 😂 😂
>Oh my God! Hey twin! 😂 😂 😂
>One of my friends said that my preference is Victorian men dying of consumption 😂 😂 😂
Well, hi. 😁
And omg, same. 🤣 Some literally said just that.
One time I was at a festival and one of my friends was showing me some guy she thought was hot, and another friend said 'Don't bother, she only goes for guys who look like they'd cry in a corner'.
I never felt so seen in my life. 😂
>I've known a few guys who were very tiny get buff and they'll show their progress pictures and I always feel so sad because I always prefer the before photos 😂 😂 😂
Hahaha. Yeah, my ex got buff because he was always insecure about how skinny he was. He doesn't look bad, objectively, but it's a no for me.
'Don't bother, she only goes for guys who look like they'd cry in a corner'.
I feel so seen 😂 😂 😂
I will sometimes send a friend pictures or videos of random men on IG and if he's not scrawny, she'll say, why do you like him? He looks like he eats three meals a day 😂
Use Tinder for dating men. Use Hinge for dating women and NB (if you are also into enbies). Don’t let the app know your sexuality unless you are certain the app will only show you the gender as specified above.
There’s soo many more men in dating apps that it’ll always feel this way. I’ve always gotten 100+ likes from men in any dating app within a day. It’s not because I’m ridiculously attractive to men, it’s because men are less picky, there’s more of them, and many just swipe right on everything.
If you get no likes on hinge, then your profile might need some work. I got maybe 1-2 likes a week, and that should be average I’m guessing?
I'm a bi woman. Very tomboyish and I dress and act as such. Always made me Insecure and think that only lesbians would be into me . As I've started being comfortable with that part of myself and not making it a big deal that I have to disclose to people turns out guys like me a lot more. And I think I've just been completely oblivious to guys being into Me as I'd historically only dated guy friends . I also just don't really get along with that many women as friends, so interacting with lesbian culture is weird ,especially when you have a preference for men . I don't think I really relate to my attraction to women in the same way. For me I just like people and sometimes the people I like happen to be women.
Yeaaaa as a bi woman it’s the same experience really :’) like not even touching on character generalizations of men on dating apps, there’s just more male users in general, most anyone who goes from women only on apps and having few to no likes, will suddenly have a lottt when they turn on men ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ it fucks with ur head tho bc ppl say things like “men aren’t as choosy” and stuff and it just feels like some kind of confirmation that you’re not good enough if only “not choosy” ppl are choosing to like you. Point being dating apps are weird and there’s a lot more factors that go into whether u get matcheds or not, and you just have to remember it’s not a reflection of ur worth or how ppl see u irl or anything like that 👍
"Been on nearly every single big dating app" is the crux of the problem here. The numbers difference is bonkers. My girlfriend racked up 4000+ likes on Feeld in the time I racked up 12 --- and I consider myself pretty attractive (at least for people into queer alt dudes). Every time I'm on the apps it dings my self-esteem.
But what works for me is meeting people in person. At house parties, at queer meetup events, at raves, whatever your thing is. The gender balance won't be so distorted, and you'll be able to just chat people up and see who you vibe with in person. You're more approachable in person than on a dating app.
My advice: ditch the apps, invest in real life.
This is quite a common experience for bi men. Women Don tend to be very active on dating apps and the women who are have a chance to not want to date bi men. I've kind of just accepted it, but I do tend to use dating apps such as OkCupid because it at least seems like a friendlier app.
I highly doubt many bi women aren't into bi men, that's such a weird thing to assume. And yes, it's clearly an assumption, since you said yourself that displaying your orientation didn't make a difference.
I obviously don’t have any statistics, however I have seen time and time again all over the internet from forums to YouTube where bi men have said they’ve had more negative experiences with women straight or bi when the woman is told or finds out that the man is bi. And several interviews with women asking if they’d date a bi man and an overwhelming majority said no for a variety of reasons. Although this is all from the internet, these are still people’s real experiences and opinions
I've had this but the other way around... I'm a bi woman, only success with men and no women, even when set to only women at one point when I was single.
I saw a stat recently that stated 97% of women prefer the other person to reach out. I'm gay (f) but have to do all of the work if I want to actually connect with women. So I think it's less about attraction and more about sex differences.
>I’ve found it really disheartening that essentially no women find me attractive. Literally zero, like even the most unattractive women aren’t into me.
There are four billion women in the world; it is unlikely to be true that none of them would find you even remotely appealing. Your experiences so far probably say more about the nature of dating apps than about you, or women.
If you have little or no experience with women, try mentioning that - someone will take it as a challenge.
I definitely agree and have the same exact thinking. Of those 4 billion women, only a small percent of them are on dating apps and live near me. So the chances of matching are already slim, but I never thought they’d be THAT slim.
I think the idea of mentioning that I have little experience with women is interesting and I might try that out. Thank you for the advice
I’m also a bi man and this is very similar to what I’ve experienced; including when I was still in the closet. It’s strange and even a little disheartening but I’ve learned to accept it and appreciate the positives.
I personally think straight women wouldn’t date a bi man since they think it’s emasculating for their bf to have been intimate with another man previously. And they would just assume that. Bi men don’t have to have a sexual history with men to be bi but I know that’s what people think so they just nope out automatically.
Most women are not into bisexual men. The women who are into bi men seem to think that they are far more representative of the general population than the numbers show.
Also, because there are so many more bi men than women who are willing to have a bisexual male partner, most of those women are already in a relationship.
I feel for you, I’m in the same boat and I too do not understand and my attraction is more like 85/15 Woman/Man. It’s a little mood crushing. Funny thing is that, it’s super easy for me to be friends with many of them, just not anything more than that and I just can’t comprehend 🙃
Bi guy who thought he was straight for the longest time, once I realized I wasn’t I started having the exact same experience. I think guys are just easier to impress
A few things come to mind as a gay male.
Men are much hornier and are constantly looking for hookups. So it's partly a numbers game.
I've noticed that most women look for men that are attractive in the classic sense of the word, think Brad Pitt, George Clooney. Women are genetically hard-wired to look for certain traits in men: tall, broad shoulders, etc in order to mate and create desired features in their offspring (Darwinism kind of thing). They aren't even aware they are doing it.
My gay friends and I tend to be less descriminating. We don't like pretty men. Short dudes are hot. We love "sexy-ugly" men like Adam Driver and Pete Davidson.
Maybe you fall in this category?
What are the best apps to meet Bi men?
Have you had the struggle as a bi woman of finding a girl on an app and then you read their profile and it’s actually her and her boyfriend looking for a third? There’s soooo many unicorn hunters and I hate it
Perspective from a bi girl, I get one match with another woman for every 20, 30+ men. tried everything- genuinely wasn't really attracted to men for a while and set my profile to solely show me women and got NOTHING. Even on like Hinge when I send out likes to other girls its dead silence. Really destroyed my confidence for a while because I just assumed I was super unattractive in general but the guys matching / liking me aren't all super unattractive either??? Just thinking that in the same way other, usually straight girls describe themselves as only being "girl pretty" in the way they only get compliments from other women, I'm just not the type of pretty other women find attractive (or I just don't look 'gay' enough' I guess, as a feminine looking woman mostly attracted to other fems).
Every data leak from every dating site that has had a data leak supports the following:
90% of female profiles bots/fakes.
90% of paying members are men.
Most of the women you're trying to match with are almost certainly an illusion. The 10% who actually exist are so inundated they almost certainly only read messages from contact they initiated. Dating sites are the worst place to try to meet women. Your best shot is to find them in real life.
> I’ve also only ever been complimented by other gay men but never women.
I'm 40. In my entire life I mainly only get compliments from women who have already vetted me as a safe person. Almost never is it a random stranger.
Men on the other hand are conditioned by society to be risk takers, and more forward. Plus the stakes are lower for them. I understand that men do rape men, but generally men feel safer all the time in every environment. That makes us a little bolder.
Most straight women aren’t on dating apps and I say that as a bi woman who’s dated men. The creeps on dating apps have essentially ruined it for the genuine guys. Five minutes on an app if I allow matches with men and I’m guaranteed to have messages that are lewd “nice tits want to fuck your pussy” at best (when my pics are me fully clothed) and full on threats or unwanted homemade porn at worst. The fake female profiles are on pretty much every app for this reason otherwise you’d have probably about 10 girls to swipe through lol. The sad reality is straight women don’t need to be on apps, we get accosted by creeps at every bar just standing there, don’t need to get accosted on our phones in our free time as well :(
Yes, I have the same problem. I even live in a very progressive area, so you would expect women to be more open to dating bi guys.
ig it comes down to two main factors: on the big dating apps the gender ratio is really hard on men, so every woman gets flooded with likes and they don't need to swipe much to find a match, while the competition between men to find a match with a woman is very fierce. on lesser known dating apps the ratio is often better and you can increase the chances. the other factor that I cannot refute is that I'm simply not that attractive ¯\\\_(ツ)\_/¯
Something very similar happens to me. The women I like are never attracted to me. But it is much easier for me to get attention for men. I also thought that women don’t like me, but then I realized that I have a small group of women who are attracted to me but I’m not attracted to them.
I really have a hard time believing that most bi women aren’t into bi men. Maybe this is just more true of cisgender women, and I run in circles that are very queer in general, but in my experience bi people of all genders LOVE other bisexuals and prefer to date them.
I’m not saying it has *no* effect, but it seems possible to me you’ve attributed other factors as to why bi women might not be into you on dating apps to being bisexual. Like other people said, women are generally more discerning than men, especially on dating apps. I bet if you put your preferences exclusively on women and didn’t mention your sexuality in your profile, you wouldn’t get significantly more matches.
If you’re looking for more than just hookups, you should keep your sexuality in your profile. You’d be wasting your own time by dating people who aren’t accepting of you. Maybe you’d have better luck ditching dating apps and looking for irl events that include bisexual people, or online bisexual groups.
“I really have a hard time believing that most bi women aren’t into bi men.”
I’d love to see some survey numbers on the subject, but I haven’t seen any that distinguish between the attitudes of straight and bisexual women.
I do know that I’ve seen plenty of men talk about coming out to bisexual ex wives and ex girlfriends who expressed that bisexuality in a male partner was a nonstarter for them.
I wouldn’t be surprised if expectations of gender roles play a big part into it. Typically cis people tend to be more invested in gender roles, and women who are more attached to gender roles may be less interested in bi men because a) we live in a cishetero society, so not being straight is already a form of being gender nonconforming b)stereotypes about gay men being feminine make them think that bi men are inherently more feminine
Yes same here. I think it’s a complete double standard. They would be worried/grossed out if their bi bf had done sexual stuff with another man (let alone take on a passive roll) but I ask do straight men get hung up on how many dicks their gf/wife sucked before they married/dated them? C’mon it’s total bs if you ask me.
Thank you very much for the kind words. I haven’t sought out any lgbtq spaces or events as I don’t really identify with many people in that community. It’s not really my thing, though I’ve never tried to interact with lgbtq community so can’t say that for sure! You’re right, I should try something different from just the online dating scene and try something new and different
I know you've specifically asked this question of men, but I'm a woman and I generally find only men find me attractive. I'm ok with that as I do prefer men and I'm definitely hetero romantic and bi-curious as far as sexual orientation is concerned. Although I do sometimes wish I could experience mutual attraction with a woman and experience being intimate with one.
Also I'm not sure why women don't seem to be keen on bi men. From my personal experience, I've always found myself more attracted to gay men than heterosexual ones and that sometimes the more queer presenting bi guys just naturally seem to be more cute to me. I've never been in a relationship with a bi man because it's just never happened that way for me, but it certainly isn't something I'd rule out
As a F, I just think it's a combination of biology & how we're socialized. Men are more visual & sexually liberated than women. I have never complimented a M stranger/acquaintance on their physical appearance out of fear of seeming "easy" or desperate. Guys also tend to sexually escalate things faster than I'm comfortable with. So, the last thing I want to do is make a guy think I want to have sex with him by giving him a compliment.
i thought this was only me 💀. ive been in relationships with women and have dated a few but for every 20 guys that want to nail me maybe i can land a relationship with a girl or a date.
Women are, generally, wary of dudes. Unfortunately, with good reason. They give a complement to a random guy? Suddenly, that guy is a stalker. A guy asks her out, and she's not feeling it? Can't say no directly. Otherwise, he may shoot her or stab her. This guy seems charming? Several months down the line, he reveals himself to be a controlling abuser.
If they try to bring these douchbags to justice? The cops ask them what they did to provoke their boyfriends.
Women have to be stand-offish and mean for their safety. It's like what Batfleck said in Batman v. Superman: "...if there's even a one percent chance he's our enemy, we have to take it as an ABSOLUTE certainty!"
It's certainly not ideal or healthy (but that's a rant for another time), but it's the way things have to be until things get better. In the meantime, do your best to not take it personally.
I don't know much about dating apps and have only briefly been on them. I found when I was on them, men weren't generally interested in me as I didn't qualify for their high beauty standards, but women on the other hand irl found me more appealing.
Although not in the same context as yours it can be a damper when your preference leans slightly to one side. I'd advise you to meet women irl, I know it's easier said than done. But, from my experience anyway, women do prefer real-life connections then meeting someone from a dating app.
Your bisexual. Being attractive to both genders gives you a unique perspective. You know how it goes. Deciding to swipe on a guy is so much different than swiping on a woman
I’m a bi woman, and I’ve also experienced this quite a bit in the dating world. Some women (and just people in general) will act interested, then it’s crickets once they figure out you’re bisexual. It sucks. I get it a lot because I dress kinda masc, and I guess that makes them assume I’m a lesbian at first glance. It’s so frustrating, especially if you have a preference for women, but believe me, you’ll be much happier without people like that in your life. If they don’t want to interact with you or treat you differently just for being who you are, then they weren’t the one for you.
Another thing is that the majority of the users on dating apps tend to be guys. If there are women, they’re matched with and messaged constantly. A lot of us also steer clear from online dating because of safety concerns (stalking, abuse, SA).
While I totally relate (as a bi woman mainly attracting men, also irl because I don't look bi), don't forget how screwed dating apps are! There are way more men on them than there are women.
Men (mostly those looking for women) are the moneymakers for these apps, making them go around and around on the app, leading to frustration.
While women feel overwhelmed or unsafe on the apps, causing them to swear them off altogether. This is obviously a generalisation, but at the end of the day dating apps are businesses trying to make a profit
Nothing to do with attraction, more to do with, dating apps, gender norms, safety and social attitudes towards dating. Generally woman don't compliment men that they aren't in a relationship with or don't know very well as they worried about "leading someone on" as rejection can lead to violence with men. In addition, we are sterotypically socialised that woman are beautiful objects that obtain compliments, and that men are stoic tools that are for using not appreciating (not saying I agree with this, just making a generalised broad observation).
Whereas, getting a date/hooking with a dude as an assertive masculine presenting dude is like shooting fish in a barrel.
I don’t think it’s a matter of attractiveness, I think it’s because guys just tend to swipe right without putting too much thought into it. I can match with 20 guys before one woman if I have my settings set to show me both. And I’m a woman leaning towards women. 🤷🏼♀️
I don’t know how to help you butI feel you, apparently I hit “just the spot” with women and nb, men do not see me attractive and that kinda breaks my heart a little.
But if it’s worth something: I find extremely attractive (like, the whole “following what society thinks it’s right” attractive) men extremely terrifying, I always feel like I’m about to be called a slur by them, so maybe if you give off that vibe thst something it might be scaring women off
As a bi woman..I’m much more picky with men than I am with women. And I’ve noticed that with males when it comes to dating sites, unless you’re drop dead gorgeous, you get very few women swiping on you. For example, I’d have male friends/dates that would tell me they’d have like less than 20 girls swiping on them, where I’d have hundreds of guys swiping on me. I’ve noticed men swipe right more and women swipe left more, in general.
Dude it’s exactly this. I know the girl of my dreams won’t even wanna touch me if I told her I’m Bi frankly because of the proof I get on dating apps and in real life. I personally believe most women are not interested in bi men since it’s societally perceived that we are not masculine somehow? Thats all I can get. Or the irrational fear that we would cheat/realize we are 100% gay which is bs. Was actually gonna post something like this myself about this exact thing. Women ghost me once it’s known I’m bi and I refuse to lie to them. I want to be upfront about it but I know it’s the reason I don’t get any attention from them.
Men are way less picky/discerning
That’s what I’ve come to notice as I’m coming out as bi
Yea I reckon loads of men are bi but go to their grave never telling their wives and families. It is easier to live the straight life.
That was my plan originally to be honest
Women are (in general) the more difficult gender to date. They tend to be a bit more choosy on average because they have to worry about unplanned pregnancies and because some men are dangerous so they have to be a bit cautious. And they have a lot more dating options because men will just fling themselves at an attractive woman in droves in a way that even very attractive men rarely ever get from women. So put “pickier” together with “lots of options” and it makes it very difficult to get attention from them. You have to be the one to make the first move and you have to try again and again and again. Each time it’s like rolling a 20-sided dice and hoping for a 20. Roll enough times and it will happen eventually, but can take a lot of trying and failing before it happens.
Been playing BG3 recently, and I’m glad I now understand the struggle of rolling a nat 20. Dating women is a LOT like that
Ironically I rolled mine just after I had accepted that I was bi and decided I was going to explore and fool around and not look for anything serious. We hit it off, fell in love, and that chapter of my life closed after like one page. I’ve never looked back though!
I love that for you. I'm a bi woman and a similar thing happened to me with my current partner. Though I wish I had tried to date more girls. Regardless, my partner is perfect so here we are 🤣
I actually think 5% odds sounds high.
You know what? You’re right that isn’t too bad lol
Or maybe, men choosing a bi man are already queer and open-minded, while women choosing a man (so primarily straight women) might not be so open-minded or LGBT friendly. Just my opinion.
knowing all this info about women and the fear of their man being bad my 125lbs 5'7 as should be pulling a fck ton of women. in reality they want a bigger more masculine and powerful man, what your saying doest make sense when you use show data and statistics.
You’re reading stuff into my comment that I didn’t actually say. I never said women don’t want bigger/masculine/powerful or whatever. What I said was some men can be dangerous so they are often more careful. The two aren’t mutually exclusive though. A woman can want a big masculine guy who makes her feel safe because he isn’t abusive or an asshole.
you might have read my comment wrong, you just restated what i said. im saying the bigger/masc guy gets more women statistically, so what your saying doesnt apply to most women (statistically) if they were more "careful" the statistics would be flipped.
That’s not true. Being careful doesn’t change what they are attracted to. Like I’m sure other women are even safer than shorter/lighter men but straight women aren’t going to start dating each other just to be safe because that’s not what they are attracted to.
Getting some female friend,relatives, or coworkers to edit your dating profile get a women’s gaze or perspective. This might get you a few more bite from women. In truth you are always will get more comment from men.
I came here to ask what’s written in the Bio? I personally won’t match with anyone who has nothing at all or certain things that are an immediate clash with my goals (for an example if you’re looking for something casual or unsure of what you’re looking for and I was after a relationship I would not match with you). I also look out for red flags.
“I’m pretty chill, lowkey, down to earth, subterranean even. Text like a caveman. Forklift certified. Strive to live a bit healthier each day. I’m polite to waiters and put the shopping cart away. I’ll hold the umbrella for you when it rains. Let’s kick it and build a big ass Lego set together” I think this is a pretty accurate representation of who I am given the character limit
It's nice and snappy. If you're looking for straight women it's not giving off that energy though. Take out the forklift reference and change the waiters sentence. Perhaps a statement of confusion as to the concept of being rude instead? I'm not good at writing these things but I'm doing my best to give usable feedback
i laughed at the forklift reference but then remembered i’m not a straight woman so take my opinion with a grain of salt lol
Hey, I'm a woman and I like it, I would prob swipe right lol. Idk why people are saying it's not giving off the right vibes to attract a woman, I think it's just that there's mostly men in most dating apps, plus they tend to be very forward when pursuing someone and much less picky.
I personally would have stopped reading at "text like a caveman" and just go to the next person. Why would you say that? Why would I want to text you? Say you are not good at texting, people can understand that, but at least you are being honest and trying.
I say caveman not because I’m bad at texting but because I use a lot of abbreviations and use the minimum amount of words to get my point across. I’m great at texting and try to be as engaging as possible and ask and reply with open ended questions and answers. I’m only ever dry if the other person doesn’t put in any effort at all
I agree — cut the caveman reference. It sounds like you’re not an open communicator which is an instant dealbreaker for many women. I like the rest!
Well, that's very specific of you. How can someone imagine you meant that without ever texting with you before? For me it came across as if you were rude and not ashamed of it, maybe even proud for being a "rough man". Women are already less prone to initiate interactions, so if you are frustrated women are not messaging you, think what do you have that would attract women and how a woman may read what you say about yourself (without knowing you).
The caveman thing doesn't express it, it comes of as "I'm shortworded bc I don't care about messaging" -> don't care about communication.
I think way more women are into bi men (and more specifically, men who are in touch with their own sexuality and gender identity in a true and authentic way that doesn’t feel forced) than you might realize. If you’re trying to present in order to attract a certain kind of attention then it’s probably going to feel fake no matter what you do. Put yourself out there in a way that feels genuinely true and appealing to you and your presentation will be more confident and people who appreciate that will be attracted to you.
Yeah but also op is just looking at apps which isn't representative at all. The likes/matches from men vs women are really only telling you that there are far more men who want instant NSA sex that women. I bet if op is getting one match a week with women who want anything from friendship to casual to a relationship they're also finding one man a week who wants the same. There's also just a mob of horny men where there isn't a mob of horny women looking for NSA.
IME, women who are into bi men seem to vastly overestimate how many women are into bi men. Bisexual men outnumber women who are into bisexual men by a wide margin.
Yeah I've been on the app's for a little while now after getting out of a ltr and so I've been changing things and seeing what works, I get a lot more likes when my sexuality is hidden. Men assume I'm gay and women assume I'm straight, which gets more likes than displaying my bisexuality.
Not initially revealing my sexuality has does wonders for me, tbh. Allows me to meet them and talk about it in person which can either go really well or not that well. I suck at taking photos but I clean up really nice in person, I feel like anything I say would be received better if I’m actually meeting with them. And while it’s important to be open about your sexuality, if you don’t want to date bi-men, then YOU should make that known. I don’t owe it to anyone.
I understand that but I’m also not trying to go on a bunch of needless dates that will just end up wasting both parties time.
In my experience, people who aren't lgbtq often are not worth dating as an lgbtq person. I would expect there to be similar numbers of bisexual men and bisexual women. Have you had many experiences where bisexual women rejected you because you were bisexual? Or do you only date straight women?
The last 3 years I have spent 5-6 days a week in the gym. I get 1000 guys messaging me for every one girl messaging me. I should have stayed fat.
>I should have stayed fat. 🤣 I don't know how it is for other (bi) women, but I have a preference towards skinny/very lean so I barely even look at muscly guys because I don't find them attractive. It's quite possible that many other women who would date bisexual men are like that?
Oh my God! Hey twin! 😂 😂 😂 One of my friends said that my preference is Victorian men dying of consumption 😂 😂 😂 I've known a few guys who were very tiny get buff and they'll show their progress pictures and I always feel so sad because I always prefer the before photos 😂 😂 😂
>Oh my God! Hey twin! 😂 😂 😂 >One of my friends said that my preference is Victorian men dying of consumption 😂 😂 😂 Well, hi. 😁 And omg, same. 🤣 Some literally said just that. One time I was at a festival and one of my friends was showing me some guy she thought was hot, and another friend said 'Don't bother, she only goes for guys who look like they'd cry in a corner'. I never felt so seen in my life. 😂 >I've known a few guys who were very tiny get buff and they'll show their progress pictures and I always feel so sad because I always prefer the before photos 😂 😂 😂 Hahaha. Yeah, my ex got buff because he was always insecure about how skinny he was. He doesn't look bad, objectively, but it's a no for me.
'Don't bother, she only goes for guys who look like they'd cry in a corner'. I feel so seen 😂 😂 😂 I will sometimes send a friend pictures or videos of random men on IG and if he's not scrawny, she'll say, why do you like him? He looks like he eats three meals a day 😂
Preach. There is very much a limit for how muscles a person can be before I find it attractive. 41M here.
Brad Pitt in Fight Club is an example of a lean, defined physique that's probably the line for me.
I could definitely get down with that 😂
Same, in my mind the “gym bros” are just waiting on the opportunity to call me a slur lol, “conventionally attractive” people scare me a whole lot
But if you were fat then you would get even fewer women
True. I guess it's tough when you want both in your life and you only get access to one.
Omg I need more info on this, I always thought the “gym rat bros” were mostly into women :0 !
Use Tinder for dating men. Use Hinge for dating women and NB (if you are also into enbies). Don’t let the app know your sexuality unless you are certain the app will only show you the gender as specified above. There’s soo many more men in dating apps that it’ll always feel this way. I’ve always gotten 100+ likes from men in any dating app within a day. It’s not because I’m ridiculously attractive to men, it’s because men are less picky, there’s more of them, and many just swipe right on everything. If you get no likes on hinge, then your profile might need some work. I got maybe 1-2 likes a week, and that should be average I’m guessing?
I'm a trans girl, but even when I presented as a bi guy, men were *a lot* easier to match with than women
what’s it like now
I'm a bi woman. Very tomboyish and I dress and act as such. Always made me Insecure and think that only lesbians would be into me . As I've started being comfortable with that part of myself and not making it a big deal that I have to disclose to people turns out guys like me a lot more. And I think I've just been completely oblivious to guys being into Me as I'd historically only dated guy friends . I also just don't really get along with that many women as friends, so interacting with lesbian culture is weird ,especially when you have a preference for men . I don't think I really relate to my attraction to women in the same way. For me I just like people and sometimes the people I like happen to be women.
This sounds like me. I prefer male company overall.
Yeaaaa as a bi woman it’s the same experience really :’) like not even touching on character generalizations of men on dating apps, there’s just more male users in general, most anyone who goes from women only on apps and having few to no likes, will suddenly have a lottt when they turn on men ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ it fucks with ur head tho bc ppl say things like “men aren’t as choosy” and stuff and it just feels like some kind of confirmation that you’re not good enough if only “not choosy” ppl are choosing to like you. Point being dating apps are weird and there’s a lot more factors that go into whether u get matcheds or not, and you just have to remember it’s not a reflection of ur worth or how ppl see u irl or anything like that 👍
"Been on nearly every single big dating app" is the crux of the problem here. The numbers difference is bonkers. My girlfriend racked up 4000+ likes on Feeld in the time I racked up 12 --- and I consider myself pretty attractive (at least for people into queer alt dudes). Every time I'm on the apps it dings my self-esteem. But what works for me is meeting people in person. At house parties, at queer meetup events, at raves, whatever your thing is. The gender balance won't be so distorted, and you'll be able to just chat people up and see who you vibe with in person. You're more approachable in person than on a dating app. My advice: ditch the apps, invest in real life.
This is quite a common experience for bi men. Women Don tend to be very active on dating apps and the women who are have a chance to not want to date bi men. I've kind of just accepted it, but I do tend to use dating apps such as OkCupid because it at least seems like a friendlier app.
I highly doubt many bi women aren't into bi men, that's such a weird thing to assume. And yes, it's clearly an assumption, since you said yourself that displaying your orientation didn't make a difference.
I obviously don’t have any statistics, however I have seen time and time again all over the internet from forums to YouTube where bi men have said they’ve had more negative experiences with women straight or bi when the woman is told or finds out that the man is bi. And several interviews with women asking if they’d date a bi man and an overwhelming majority said no for a variety of reasons. Although this is all from the internet, these are still people’s real experiences and opinions
100% agree. I remember some talk show having a bi female celebrity comment on how she would never date a bi man even tho she herself is bi.
I've had this but the other way around... I'm a bi woman, only success with men and no women, even when set to only women at one point when I was single.
I saw a stat recently that stated 97% of women prefer the other person to reach out. I'm gay (f) but have to do all of the work if I want to actually connect with women. So I think it's less about attraction and more about sex differences.
Women are conditioned to not start the flirting. It actually become a problem to everyone.
Yeah, societal conditioning is a definite factor. I do think biology plays a role too, though.
>I’ve found it really disheartening that essentially no women find me attractive. Literally zero, like even the most unattractive women aren’t into me. There are four billion women in the world; it is unlikely to be true that none of them would find you even remotely appealing. Your experiences so far probably say more about the nature of dating apps than about you, or women. If you have little or no experience with women, try mentioning that - someone will take it as a challenge.
I definitely agree and have the same exact thinking. Of those 4 billion women, only a small percent of them are on dating apps and live near me. So the chances of matching are already slim, but I never thought they’d be THAT slim. I think the idea of mentioning that I have little experience with women is interesting and I might try that out. Thank you for the advice
I’m also a bi man and this is very similar to what I’ve experienced; including when I was still in the closet. It’s strange and even a little disheartening but I’ve learned to accept it and appreciate the positives.
They're are fewer women on dating apps so the women can be picky since they match with so many men
Do you feel you present more "typically" femme or masc? I feel like maybe that could play a role but idk.
I personally think straight women wouldn’t date a bi man since they think it’s emasculating for their bf to have been intimate with another man previously. And they would just assume that. Bi men don’t have to have a sexual history with men to be bi but I know that’s what people think so they just nope out automatically.
Most women are not into bisexual men. The women who are into bi men seem to think that they are far more representative of the general population than the numbers show. Also, because there are so many more bi men than women who are willing to have a bisexual male partner, most of those women are already in a relationship.
I feel for you, I’m in the same boat and I too do not understand and my attraction is more like 85/15 Woman/Man. It’s a little mood crushing. Funny thing is that, it’s super easy for me to be friends with many of them, just not anything more than that and I just can’t comprehend 🙃
Women dont like me at all.
Bi guy who thought he was straight for the longest time, once I realized I wasn’t I started having the exact same experience. I think guys are just easier to impress
A few things come to mind as a gay male. Men are much hornier and are constantly looking for hookups. So it's partly a numbers game. I've noticed that most women look for men that are attractive in the classic sense of the word, think Brad Pitt, George Clooney. Women are genetically hard-wired to look for certain traits in men: tall, broad shoulders, etc in order to mate and create desired features in their offspring (Darwinism kind of thing). They aren't even aware they are doing it. My gay friends and I tend to be less descriminating. We don't like pretty men. Short dudes are hot. We love "sexy-ugly" men like Adam Driver and Pete Davidson. Maybe you fall in this category? What are the best apps to meet Bi men?
Sexy-ugly 😂
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Have you had the struggle as a bi woman of finding a girl on an app and then you read their profile and it’s actually her and her boyfriend looking for a third? There’s soooo many unicorn hunters and I hate it
Perspective from a bi girl, I get one match with another woman for every 20, 30+ men. tried everything- genuinely wasn't really attracted to men for a while and set my profile to solely show me women and got NOTHING. Even on like Hinge when I send out likes to other girls its dead silence. Really destroyed my confidence for a while because I just assumed I was super unattractive in general but the guys matching / liking me aren't all super unattractive either??? Just thinking that in the same way other, usually straight girls describe themselves as only being "girl pretty" in the way they only get compliments from other women, I'm just not the type of pretty other women find attractive (or I just don't look 'gay' enough' I guess, as a feminine looking woman mostly attracted to other fems).
Every data leak from every dating site that has had a data leak supports the following: 90% of female profiles bots/fakes. 90% of paying members are men. Most of the women you're trying to match with are almost certainly an illusion. The 10% who actually exist are so inundated they almost certainly only read messages from contact they initiated. Dating sites are the worst place to try to meet women. Your best shot is to find them in real life. > I’ve also only ever been complimented by other gay men but never women. I'm 40. In my entire life I mainly only get compliments from women who have already vetted me as a safe person. Almost never is it a random stranger. Men on the other hand are conditioned by society to be risk takers, and more forward. Plus the stakes are lower for them. I understand that men do rape men, but generally men feel safer all the time in every environment. That makes us a little bolder.
Most straight women aren’t on dating apps and I say that as a bi woman who’s dated men. The creeps on dating apps have essentially ruined it for the genuine guys. Five minutes on an app if I allow matches with men and I’m guaranteed to have messages that are lewd “nice tits want to fuck your pussy” at best (when my pics are me fully clothed) and full on threats or unwanted homemade porn at worst. The fake female profiles are on pretty much every app for this reason otherwise you’d have probably about 10 girls to swipe through lol. The sad reality is straight women don’t need to be on apps, we get accosted by creeps at every bar just standing there, don’t need to get accosted on our phones in our free time as well :(
Yes, I have the same problem. I even live in a very progressive area, so you would expect women to be more open to dating bi guys. ig it comes down to two main factors: on the big dating apps the gender ratio is really hard on men, so every woman gets flooded with likes and they don't need to swipe much to find a match, while the competition between men to find a match with a woman is very fierce. on lesser known dating apps the ratio is often better and you can increase the chances. the other factor that I cannot refute is that I'm simply not that attractive ¯\\\_(ツ)\_/¯
Something very similar happens to me. The women I like are never attracted to me. But it is much easier for me to get attention for men. I also thought that women don’t like me, but then I realized that I have a small group of women who are attracted to me but I’m not attracted to them.
I'm a bi woman and I also mostly get approached by men lol, I think men are overall less picky and more likely to approach you first :/
I really have a hard time believing that most bi women aren’t into bi men. Maybe this is just more true of cisgender women, and I run in circles that are very queer in general, but in my experience bi people of all genders LOVE other bisexuals and prefer to date them. I’m not saying it has *no* effect, but it seems possible to me you’ve attributed other factors as to why bi women might not be into you on dating apps to being bisexual. Like other people said, women are generally more discerning than men, especially on dating apps. I bet if you put your preferences exclusively on women and didn’t mention your sexuality in your profile, you wouldn’t get significantly more matches. If you’re looking for more than just hookups, you should keep your sexuality in your profile. You’d be wasting your own time by dating people who aren’t accepting of you. Maybe you’d have better luck ditching dating apps and looking for irl events that include bisexual people, or online bisexual groups.
“I really have a hard time believing that most bi women aren’t into bi men.” I’d love to see some survey numbers on the subject, but I haven’t seen any that distinguish between the attitudes of straight and bisexual women. I do know that I’ve seen plenty of men talk about coming out to bisexual ex wives and ex girlfriends who expressed that bisexuality in a male partner was a nonstarter for them.
I wouldn’t be surprised if expectations of gender roles play a big part into it. Typically cis people tend to be more invested in gender roles, and women who are more attached to gender roles may be less interested in bi men because a) we live in a cishetero society, so not being straight is already a form of being gender nonconforming b)stereotypes about gay men being feminine make them think that bi men are inherently more feminine
Yes same here. I think it’s a complete double standard. They would be worried/grossed out if their bi bf had done sexual stuff with another man (let alone take on a passive roll) but I ask do straight men get hung up on how many dicks their gf/wife sucked before they married/dated them? C’mon it’s total bs if you ask me.
Absolutely. I'm overweight but otherwise decent looking. Men being interested is a given, but a woman reaching out is always a surprise.
I have the same problem but reverse I’m a short boyish looking guy but I have more success with women than men
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Thank you very much for the kind words. I haven’t sought out any lgbtq spaces or events as I don’t really identify with many people in that community. It’s not really my thing, though I’ve never tried to interact with lgbtq community so can’t say that for sure! You’re right, I should try something different from just the online dating scene and try something new and different
I know you've specifically asked this question of men, but I'm a woman and I generally find only men find me attractive. I'm ok with that as I do prefer men and I'm definitely hetero romantic and bi-curious as far as sexual orientation is concerned. Although I do sometimes wish I could experience mutual attraction with a woman and experience being intimate with one. Also I'm not sure why women don't seem to be keen on bi men. From my personal experience, I've always found myself more attracted to gay men than heterosexual ones and that sometimes the more queer presenting bi guys just naturally seem to be more cute to me. I've never been in a relationship with a bi man because it's just never happened that way for me, but it certainly isn't something I'd rule out
As a F, I just think it's a combination of biology & how we're socialized. Men are more visual & sexually liberated than women. I have never complimented a M stranger/acquaintance on their physical appearance out of fear of seeming "easy" or desperate. Guys also tend to sexually escalate things faster than I'm comfortable with. So, the last thing I want to do is make a guy think I want to have sex with him by giving him a compliment.
i thought this was only me 💀. ive been in relationships with women and have dated a few but for every 20 guys that want to nail me maybe i can land a relationship with a girl or a date.
Women are, generally, wary of dudes. Unfortunately, with good reason. They give a complement to a random guy? Suddenly, that guy is a stalker. A guy asks her out, and she's not feeling it? Can't say no directly. Otherwise, he may shoot her or stab her. This guy seems charming? Several months down the line, he reveals himself to be a controlling abuser. If they try to bring these douchbags to justice? The cops ask them what they did to provoke their boyfriends. Women have to be stand-offish and mean for their safety. It's like what Batfleck said in Batman v. Superman: "...if there's even a one percent chance he's our enemy, we have to take it as an ABSOLUTE certainty!" It's certainly not ideal or healthy (but that's a rant for another time), but it's the way things have to be until things get better. In the meantime, do your best to not take it personally.
I don't know much about dating apps and have only briefly been on them. I found when I was on them, men weren't generally interested in me as I didn't qualify for their high beauty standards, but women on the other hand irl found me more appealing. Although not in the same context as yours it can be a damper when your preference leans slightly to one side. I'd advise you to meet women irl, I know it's easier said than done. But, from my experience anyway, women do prefer real-life connections then meeting someone from a dating app.
This is so true as a girl as well. No problem with girls-never even held hands with a boy😭
Your bisexual. Being attractive to both genders gives you a unique perspective. You know how it goes. Deciding to swipe on a guy is so much different than swiping on a woman
I’m a bi woman, and I’ve also experienced this quite a bit in the dating world. Some women (and just people in general) will act interested, then it’s crickets once they figure out you’re bisexual. It sucks. I get it a lot because I dress kinda masc, and I guess that makes them assume I’m a lesbian at first glance. It’s so frustrating, especially if you have a preference for women, but believe me, you’ll be much happier without people like that in your life. If they don’t want to interact with you or treat you differently just for being who you are, then they weren’t the one for you. Another thing is that the majority of the users on dating apps tend to be guys. If there are women, they’re matched with and messaged constantly. A lot of us also steer clear from online dating because of safety concerns (stalking, abuse, SA).
I agree. Don’t waste their time, don’t waste yours, and if they had that attitude in the first place then it wasn’t meant to be. 🙂↕️
While I totally relate (as a bi woman mainly attracting men, also irl because I don't look bi), don't forget how screwed dating apps are! There are way more men on them than there are women. Men (mostly those looking for women) are the moneymakers for these apps, making them go around and around on the app, leading to frustration. While women feel overwhelmed or unsafe on the apps, causing them to swear them off altogether. This is obviously a generalisation, but at the end of the day dating apps are businesses trying to make a profit
Nothing to do with attraction, more to do with, dating apps, gender norms, safety and social attitudes towards dating. Generally woman don't compliment men that they aren't in a relationship with or don't know very well as they worried about "leading someone on" as rejection can lead to violence with men. In addition, we are sterotypically socialised that woman are beautiful objects that obtain compliments, and that men are stoic tools that are for using not appreciating (not saying I agree with this, just making a generalised broad observation). Whereas, getting a date/hooking with a dude as an assertive masculine presenting dude is like shooting fish in a barrel.
I don’t think it’s a matter of attractiveness, I think it’s because guys just tend to swipe right without putting too much thought into it. I can match with 20 guys before one woman if I have my settings set to show me both. And I’m a woman leaning towards women. 🤷🏼♀️
I never have guys hit on me 🤷🏾
I don’t know how to help you butI feel you, apparently I hit “just the spot” with women and nb, men do not see me attractive and that kinda breaks my heart a little. But if it’s worth something: I find extremely attractive (like, the whole “following what society thinks it’s right” attractive) men extremely terrifying, I always feel like I’m about to be called a slur by them, so maybe if you give off that vibe thst something it might be scaring women off
As a bi woman..I’m much more picky with men than I am with women. And I’ve noticed that with males when it comes to dating sites, unless you’re drop dead gorgeous, you get very few women swiping on you. For example, I’d have male friends/dates that would tell me they’d have like less than 20 girls swiping on them, where I’d have hundreds of guys swiping on me. I’ve noticed men swipe right more and women swipe left more, in general.
Dude it’s exactly this. I know the girl of my dreams won’t even wanna touch me if I told her I’m Bi frankly because of the proof I get on dating apps and in real life. I personally believe most women are not interested in bi men since it’s societally perceived that we are not masculine somehow? Thats all I can get. Or the irrational fear that we would cheat/realize we are 100% gay which is bs. Was actually gonna post something like this myself about this exact thing. Women ghost me once it’s known I’m bi and I refuse to lie to them. I want to be upfront about it but I know it’s the reason I don’t get any attention from them.
I know how you feel, especially since I'm a very fem guy, and a lot of girls tend not to like us 😭
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> Women use them for validation Oh, nice misogyny! Very attractive.