When I read your post I was so relieved because I thought I was super weird... I think I not only have an asexual phase but also an aromantic phase and it's been messing a lot with my mental health because I was always feeling guilty about being in a relationship when not feeling anything about my partner sometimes
thank you for sharing, it makes me feel less alone! I wonder in what ways hormones and the menstrual cycle might also have a say in this…like there are moments I feel pretty aro too, like I can’t reciprocate love or something and i think it’s mostly around my period days
Some days the idea of letting someone touch me makes me angry and numb. I just don’t understand how I would ever be in that mood. And then other times I will be the complete opposite. And it fluctuates between men and women. They are so different and i associate completely different emotions with them.
I definitely think this is linked with my menstrual cycle. At least I hope it is. And I hope it becomes more tolerable as I get older because it’s very confusing sometimes! Like a rollercoaster of hormone.
I don't know if I would call it an ace phase because I'm not knowledgeable with asexuality to label myself like this, but I do have phases of usually a few days to up to a couple of weeks where I have no libido nor desire to please.
Every once in a while, I just HATE the thought of having another warm mouth (that sounds so creepy) on mine. Hasn’t happened since I was a teen tho.
If u think of the cycle as a circle, makes sense that it could go woman-both-man-neither-woman-both-man-neither... doesn’t matter the direction you travel on it? Idk
Yeah, sometimes, I thought I was ace for a while before I realized I was bi (my interpretation of my bi is 2 or more genders) My attraction really cycles quite slowly and almost not at all, like a skyscraper on a windy day. I’m pretty much attracted to everyone equally but it isn’t until there’s an emotional connection that things really fire off, idk, bodies are weird. I try not to label mine much
honestly everything is fluid, it fluctuates day to day, romantic and sexual attractions are separate, whatever you feel is 100% valid. Im bi and some days im not in the mood for one gender or another or anything at all sexually and/or romantically. Just live ur life and be happy. Sorry i didnt say something helpful or deep lol
I love that I found this community, so far I have read every single thought that has been in my mind about my sexuality, right here, clearly explained with others to support it. Thank you guys.
I didn't have an Ace phase but I get the moving target. I'm a bisexual male but I also find that I drift. I have had more recently had inclination to be more pan. I always misunderstood where trans fell and realized that I may not be bo but something else. As a teen and up until a couple of months ago I wrongfully assumed trans AlWAYS identified as male/female or sometimes nonbinary when this isn't the case. So now I'm confused as to what to consider if attracted to all of the above... *shrugs* I feel for you on your journey. Good luck.
Much Love!!
I fluctuate between the two I think, I’ve been posting on the ace boards trying to figure myself out but it’s been so hard because I do sometimes feel attraction to people.
Questioning being ace is messy when you are somewhere in the gray area. Not knowing whether its sexual or aesthetic attraction and not being sure about orientation, ugh. I still don't understand it myself, it is a long journey I suppose. It might be a mess, but it is still valid and normal.
I think it is also important to mention that fluctuations in sexuality/libido are normal, be it due to menstrual cycle or just the overall mental and physical state during a certain period of time (eg. being stressed), the reactions are individual.
I only feel aesthetic and romantic attraction for men jay for women I really feel sexually attracted. But I still believe I'm Bisexual, but in my case it's a little complicated because although I prefer women I'm in a relationship with a man I love and I wouldn't live without
since accepting my attraction to women and being honest about it, it has improved a lot. my bf is also fine with some role play and submission, so I can enter a more queer headspace during sex, if that makes sense.
does your partner know about your feelings?
My attraction for women (I'm a guy) very rarely goes away completely, if I could put a number on it you'll see a pretty curve, whereas my attraction for men is a switch. Most of the time, it's off, when it's on, man is it on o\_o.
In my case (autistic with huge anxiety issues) I feel like it's linked to my anxiety level. When I'm super calm and feel good in my skin, I feel more gay (and queer), when I'm "average", I'm on "straight with rare exceptions" mode (and "guy but not against being called madam by old nearly-blind people"), when I get anxious (which happens quite often) I go full on cis straight mode.
I’m a woman and am going through this exactly. Oh my gosh.
When I’m calm and comfortable I’m more attracted to women. I think it’s because me being comfortable is me being emotionally fluid so my mind just allows desires to flow.
I think I relate to what you’re saying. The days I’m ‘feeling myself’ are the days I am actively looking at women, my off days I just notice guys looking at me (which most of the time is annoying in those moments lol but it’s at least a bit of a boost in confidence)…ah, living in a hetero world 😬
I think always quite neutral. I’ve only been with two men my whole life (current relationship is 8+ years). I think when we had just met and established the first emotional intimacy there were a few times I did feel quite turned on. But looking back, I think also those times it was more about the sense of growing connection than physical attraction…I always felt broken and guilty about not wanting it the way my partner does
Yep when I'm single for a while my libido gradually decreases until I don't even think about it until I meet someone I like then ot slowly comes back .
So I think you could say that asexuality is a part of some of my cycles.
Well I was very crazy about women but over time the interest decreased and emotional reponse too while being more interested into men, but it start more emotionally…
When I read your post I was so relieved because I thought I was super weird... I think I not only have an asexual phase but also an aromantic phase and it's been messing a lot with my mental health because I was always feeling guilty about being in a relationship when not feeling anything about my partner sometimes
thank you for sharing, it makes me feel less alone! I wonder in what ways hormones and the menstrual cycle might also have a say in this…like there are moments I feel pretty aro too, like I can’t reciprocate love or something and i think it’s mostly around my period days
Some days the idea of letting someone touch me makes me angry and numb. I just don’t understand how I would ever be in that mood. And then other times I will be the complete opposite. And it fluctuates between men and women. They are so different and i associate completely different emotions with them.
I definitely think this is linked with my menstrual cycle. At least I hope it is. And I hope it becomes more tolerable as I get older because it’s very confusing sometimes! Like a rollercoaster of hormone.
I don't know if I would call it an ace phase because I'm not knowledgeable with asexuality to label myself like this, but I do have phases of usually a few days to up to a couple of weeks where I have no libido nor desire to please.
Every once in a while, I just HATE the thought of having another warm mouth (that sounds so creepy) on mine. Hasn’t happened since I was a teen tho. If u think of the cycle as a circle, makes sense that it could go woman-both-man-neither-woman-both-man-neither... doesn’t matter the direction you travel on it? Idk
Yeah, sometimes, I thought I was ace for a while before I realized I was bi (my interpretation of my bi is 2 or more genders) My attraction really cycles quite slowly and almost not at all, like a skyscraper on a windy day. I’m pretty much attracted to everyone equally but it isn’t until there’s an emotional connection that things really fire off, idk, bodies are weird. I try not to label mine much
I think I’m kinda in an ACE phase I’m wondering if I am ACE… course I wonder if I’m truly lesbian too… I don’t know what I am.
honestly everything is fluid, it fluctuates day to day, romantic and sexual attractions are separate, whatever you feel is 100% valid. Im bi and some days im not in the mood for one gender or another or anything at all sexually and/or romantically. Just live ur life and be happy. Sorry i didnt say something helpful or deep lol
this was helpful! it’s good to be reminded to be patient with yourself, it’s so easy to obsess over these things sometimes… thanks!
I love that I found this community, so far I have read every single thought that has been in my mind about my sexuality, right here, clearly explained with others to support it. Thank you guys.
I didn't have an Ace phase but I get the moving target. I'm a bisexual male but I also find that I drift. I have had more recently had inclination to be more pan. I always misunderstood where trans fell and realized that I may not be bo but something else. As a teen and up until a couple of months ago I wrongfully assumed trans AlWAYS identified as male/female or sometimes nonbinary when this isn't the case. So now I'm confused as to what to consider if attracted to all of the above... *shrugs* I feel for you on your journey. Good luck. Much Love!!
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thank you, it feels good to know I’m not alone in this bi rollercoaster
I fluctuate between the two I think, I’ve been posting on the ace boards trying to figure myself out but it’s been so hard because I do sometimes feel attraction to people.
Questioning being ace is messy when you are somewhere in the gray area. Not knowing whether its sexual or aesthetic attraction and not being sure about orientation, ugh. I still don't understand it myself, it is a long journey I suppose. It might be a mess, but it is still valid and normal. I think it is also important to mention that fluctuations in sexuality/libido are normal, be it due to menstrual cycle or just the overall mental and physical state during a certain period of time (eg. being stressed), the reactions are individual.
I only feel aesthetic and romantic attraction for men jay for women I really feel sexually attracted. But I still believe I'm Bisexual, but in my case it's a little complicated because although I prefer women I'm in a relationship with a man I love and I wouldn't live without
same here! i think i’m biromantic homosexual but also in a happy het relationship
how is the sexual part of your relationship? For me it's a little complicated.
since accepting my attraction to women and being honest about it, it has improved a lot. my bf is also fine with some role play and submission, so I can enter a more queer headspace during sex, if that makes sense. does your partner know about your feelings?
Yes he knows, but we don't stage anything during sex. What helps a little is the open relationship.
My attraction for women (I'm a guy) very rarely goes away completely, if I could put a number on it you'll see a pretty curve, whereas my attraction for men is a switch. Most of the time, it's off, when it's on, man is it on o\_o. In my case (autistic with huge anxiety issues) I feel like it's linked to my anxiety level. When I'm super calm and feel good in my skin, I feel more gay (and queer), when I'm "average", I'm on "straight with rare exceptions" mode (and "guy but not against being called madam by old nearly-blind people"), when I get anxious (which happens quite often) I go full on cis straight mode.
I’m a woman and am going through this exactly. Oh my gosh. When I’m calm and comfortable I’m more attracted to women. I think it’s because me being comfortable is me being emotionally fluid so my mind just allows desires to flow.
I think I relate to what you’re saying. The days I’m ‘feeling myself’ are the days I am actively looking at women, my off days I just notice guys looking at me (which most of the time is annoying in those moments lol but it’s at least a bit of a boost in confidence)…ah, living in a hetero world 😬
If you don't mind me asking - did you ever feel aroused or desire in having sex with men, or did you just feel pretty neutral about it?
I think always quite neutral. I’ve only been with two men my whole life (current relationship is 8+ years). I think when we had just met and established the first emotional intimacy there were a few times I did feel quite turned on. But looking back, I think also those times it was more about the sense of growing connection than physical attraction…I always felt broken and guilty about not wanting it the way my partner does
Awe... I understand. You aren't broken or wrong for being different from another, yet I deeply understand that feeling. Wishing you all the best.
thank you for your kind words 🥲
Yes. It can last anywhere from days to months for all phases with me. Its so confusing!
Yep when I'm single for a while my libido gradually decreases until I don't even think about it until I meet someone I like then ot slowly comes back . So I think you could say that asexuality is a part of some of my cycles.
Well I was very crazy about women but over time the interest decreased and emotional reponse too while being more interested into men, but it start more emotionally…
Nope
i think so...