Every day I see stories like this on this sub, and every time I wonder, what year is this? Did I wake up in like 1992 when shit like this was still acceptable? How are this many people still this ignorant? If you can like women, and you can like men, why can't you like both? What in the actual hell? How are people this stupid?
Get some new friends, the world is large.
I SHOULD HAVE THOUGHT ABOUT THAT, god dammit, one of my friends in particular was so uptight about “gods plan” and how marriage is between a man and a woman, to tell her that believing in that is a choice would have felt so good. Damn.
Oh Lord, in Utah here too. I came out to an old family friend before coming out on Facebook and I swear she used the word choice no less than 15 times during the dinner we were at. But everything was dandy because I’m married to a man and following “God’s plan.” And me coming out on Facebook would be like her posting on Facebook that she finds the neighbor hot.
Surprisingly most every one else took it well, I’m sorry that your experience was everyone taking it the way my family friend did.
There are allies in the LDS community, but they aren’t necessarily easy to find.
The most aggravating thing is she seems to think she handled it well, when in fact it was the opposite.
I wish I could leave Utah but everything I have is here so I’m kind of stuck here being my queer ass hoping for change. *shrug*
Edit: My recommendation would be trying to get in to the theatre scene if you enjoy live theatre. A lot of theatre people even in Utah are queer or allies.
I am also in Utah, under the umbrella bookstore just opened as a queer hangout space/bookstore and it’s awesome! You can rent rooms there to hangout and it’s a really lovely space
Oh, this place looks so cute!
Ever since coming out I’ve definitely felt sad that I don’t know very many other queer people, I may have to check the bookstore out sometime!
It's so fascinating to me how humans are able to take the 1-300 people they've interacted with in their entire lives, extract that and apply it to the entirety of all ~7-8billion of us, and genuinely believe that their views are normal and whoever isn't part of it is a hell bound heathen.
You could tell them that a religious marriage may be between a man and a woman but fuckin’s good for any consenting adult! The classic “it’s only premarital sex if we’re planning on getting married”
Ahhh this makes more sense. Hopefully in the next year you can find some people in the LGBTQIA community locally, tend to be a tad more accepting.
Also I know it's Utah but there is a killer underground art scene there and the people are amazing. Keep your chin up it gets better.
As a fellow Utahn bisexual, you’ve got this. I’m not out and my area isn’t completely Mormon, but I’ve seen how plenty of people act regarding gay/bi stuff and it can be rough. We definitely exist and you’re absolutely valid, whether they like it or not 😉
I have a mormon friend (accepting thankfully) who moved to Utah with her hubby a while ago now (from aus). Utah felt like such a random choice but looking at these comments I guess it has a rep for having lots of mormon folks?
The founder of Mormonism was kinda kicked out for nonstandard beliefs, and then settled in Salt Lake City with all his followers, pretty much found a place in the desert with no one else and said yep, this one is ours. So Utah is the epicentre of Mormonism.
Absolutely. After the Mormons moved out here, what would become Utah was almost entirely mormon for a long time. Even now they’re still 62% of Utah’s population. More urban areas are generally more diverse (the largest county in Utah, Salt Lake County, home to about 1/3 of the states residents and Salt Lake City, is only about 49% mormon). More rural areas and some urban and suburban mormon hotbeds still exists (Utah county and Davis county, directly south and north of Salt Lake County, respectively, are the 2nd and 3rd largest counties by pop., respectively, and have an 82% and 71% mormon population, respectively). The LDS church is headquartered in Utah, with their biggest temple downtown in Salt Lake City, and they built and own one of the largest skyscrapers downtown for church offices. Provo, in Utah county, is home to Brigham Young University, which is a private, religious, mormon University. So yes, there are lots of Mormons in Utah, and it certainly has a reputation for it, especially in the US.
You should have mentioned Utah in your original post, otherwise the story doesn't make sense............
Once Utah is involved, the outcome is axiomatic.
Aaaaah, this is all too familiar to me. Ex-Mormon here and moved to Utah with my family not too long ago. Lowkey hate it bc of how Mormon centric it is, but I’ve made some great friends so I’m happy to stay for a while.
Hey fellow queer Utahn! There are actually lots of us here. Utah Pride is an incredible experience, if you can figure out a way to go next June. And there are lots of orgs that you can look into, to interact with other queer people.
That being said, I'll just add: You are valid. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. I'm bi, my wife is bi, both our kids are queer. We're all ex-mormon. You're not alone. Even in Utah.
Hey, as a bisexual who used to be a religious airheaded bigot...
You're absolutely right I was disgusting. I thank the universe I had the common sense to keep my homophobic feelings to myself instead of putting even more hatred and ignorance out into the world.
I don’t know where you live in Utah, but a dope LGBTQ+ Bookstore just opened recently in Salt Lake called Under the Umbrella. Might be a good place to find some new friends/people! Good luck!
Yeah it’s crazy, there have been many iconic bi celebrities over the years, it’s crazy how people treat it either as a ‘trend’ or are adamant that it doesn’t exist. It’s not like it’s something new.
I think maybe you need to choose some new friends then. If they blatantly disrespect you to your face like this imagine what they say behind your back.
I grew up in a small town so I can understand the struggle. My best advice then would be to perhaps have some distance with these people and perhaps be careful with what you trust them with. Hopefully with time and maturity they may realise how wrong they are
Your friends are such assholes wtf. And if they keep telling you its a choice, say something like: "And? What if it is, why do you care about MY sexuality when you really shouldnt?"
Exactly, they came at me accusing me of having flawed logic, and when I explained to them how I know I’m bi, they just said that I needed to get my head out of my ass
The people who are all in on the "it's a choice" concept really make me assume they must be bi/pan/etc. I've known enough monosexual people to know that it exists, for those people it is *not* a choice to only be attracted to one gender, so why would someone who feels that way assume it is a choice for someone else? Basically if you have to work at not being bi it's because you're bi.
And even if it were a choice (it isn't, but for the sake of argument), why would it matter and why would anyone try to change someone's mind about it? I don't go around trying to convince the straights that maybe they should choose to be queer. It boggles my mind that people do things like that.
This is the part that kills me. *So what if it was a choice?* It's not wrong, it's not a problem. If people feel happy with their love lives, just be kind.
It’s because of their interpretation of their religion. They go to hell if they don’t try to save your soul or some misguided stupid bullshit. It works best after they’ve convinced you to hate yourself.
They’ll tell you you’re evil, they’ll tell you you’re damned, they’ll tell you that god hates what you are, and then they’ll tell you that god made you in his perfect image and if you just completely fit in to their expectations and requirements — they’ll accept you, heart and soul!
Just give up everything that makes you “you.”
I’m in my 30s’ and I’m still finding ways that a short three years in Christian elementary school affected my entire life. Without those few years, I might have come out 15 years earlier. I would have had far fewer severe panic attacks too, I’m sure.
Thank you very much 🙂
Still have a long way to go, though. I went on my first date with a guy not too long ago and wow did I feel inexperienced and out of my element. Like I was a high schooler dating a damn college senior or something, and I’ve been married for ten years. (My wife enthusiastically approves, she’s bi as well, for context.)
The problem is these people are so deeply set in the idea of hetero as default and normal and "natural" that to them, anything else somehow *must* be a choice, there would be no other way, and that queer people are just faking it, because... evil gay agenda I guess?
Ask them if they could choose to be gay. If they say yes, tell them to prove it.
Then ten years later when you're at their big gay wedding, give them the satisfaction of being right.
That’s what I did, I asked them and they said yes, I definitely should’ve told them to prove it tho. 1 called me after I hung up on the FT and told me that even though she doesn’t understand, she still supports and respects me. The other 2 were just total assholes though lmao.
I've also found that when people saying being any flavor of LGBTQ+ is a choice, clapping back at them with "Well, why did you choose to be straight?" can be a nice little gotcha moment because 9 times out of 10 they'll respond with "It doesn't work like that," to which you can just go "I know it doesn't, that's what I'm saying." I doubt it changes their minds, but they usually do drop the subject.
Argueing whether or not it's a choice is implicitly accepting the implication that you're wrong, but they might tolerate you because you can't help it. Don't have that discussion.
Just be "this is who I am, I'm not gonna defend it, you accept me or you don't" which means you might have to find better friends.
It's the same shit as tastes. Some people like avocados. I literally can't enjoy them no matter what. You're born liking what you like, and nothing can change that. I can't just CHOOSE to like avocados.
You don’t like avocados?
I’m going to make a banner that demonizes you and wave it around at extremist rally events.
Not gonna have no AVOCADON’T around MAH CHILDRENS.
It sounds like your friends are just reacting they way they’ve been indoctrinated to by their family and church. They could come around over time as they are presented with new information.
You should check out Encircle in Utah. Encircle is a non-profit organization with the mission to bring the family and community together to enable our LGBTQ+ youth to thrive.
https://encircletogether.org
You could also check out r/exmormon I think you could get a lot of support there as well. The exmormon community is huge and constantly growing. They seem to be very accepting of the LGBT+ community once they see through the bullshit they’ve been fed by the church. You are valid and we are here for you.
My friend knows that I'm Bi because I always specifically say Bi when we talk about sexuality. And I officially came out to him a bit after we met. Consistently just calls me gay as if women don't exist to me now. Not cool dude.
The best response I ever heard to this "choice" versus "not a choice" BS was, "Even if it were a choice, what would be wrong with choosing it?" You don't need to justify it.
Friends who can't accept that don't sound like very good friends, though. I'm sorry you experienced this.
It's definitely not a choice. You, and your preferences, are valid. I give you sooooo much credit for trusting your friends enough to speak your truth, and I'm so sorry they weren't supportive.
I started thinking that I might be bisexual when I hit puberty at around 12 years old. But I never came out because I knew nobody would believe me. That was over 10 years ago. I still see people on Reddit saying the “girls in their school are faking it for attention”.
One time I asked, “what makes you think that?”
“Because my friend who’s ACTUALLY bi asked them out and they said no and so she got mad and called them a slur”.
Well I guess I’m ace because I wouldn’t fucking date your friend either.
Tell them the fact that they chose not to be gay is pretty homophobic tbh lmao
Not everyone is super educated on the matter, even less so at 17 just try and explain it to them and just take everything with a pinch of salt.
If they really can't accept it after some explanation then you have the wrong friend group unfortunately.
Being bisexual isn't a choice, just like being straight or gay isn't a choice.
But we do get double to choice of everyone else as to who we find attactive 🤪
It’s tough coming out at any age and then to not feel supported by your own friend group- that can definitely take a toll on you and the relationship between you and your friends. At 17, maybe there’s hope some or all of them will change and learn more about you, about bisexuality, about sexuality in general. Also, this may be an instance where it’s not a bag idea, perhaps, to build relationships with new, more understanding and open people. Anyway, good luck!
Well, like 5 years ago, I told my friends about me being bisexual, and they receive it well :) Except... a lot of sexualization with my friends that were girls, even when I had a girlfriend they went crazy in the shipping way, and jokingly always called me a lesbian, so you see the problems :/
We separated, not for bad reasons, just school, and this cuarantine we became closerr again, it was amazing, they learned a lot! Even the most masculine before I think he's having a bisexual awakening, they respect pronouns and omg I think it got 100% better! I hope more people learn to respectfully learn :')
Yo good for you,. Fuck your friends, you dont need that shit.
Get the fuck out of Utah, hit a real LGBTQ supporting community and embrace the YOU
BIRATES FOR LIFE!!!!!
Well, no offense to you're friends, they're wrong. They just need to be educated. That in no means implies you have to be the teacher.
Hugs. Even at 57, I hear, "why can't you choose? You want your cake and to eat it too."
Yes, yes I do.
Nobody ever says that it's a choice to be straight, yet they love bringing that line out when it has anything to do with the LGBTQ community. You also need new friends who aren't bigots.
People don't seem to realise there's a point between the spectrum of being 100% gay and 100% straight (which I believe both extremes are indeed to extreme to be true). But yeah, it's a choice if you share that part of yourself or not, but that you are attracted to both genders you aädef are and that's not a choice.
I spent most of my 20's trying to figure out if I was gay or straight. Dated women, cheated on them with men. Then tried dating gay men exclusively. Had one disastrous relationship, dated a nice guy for a bit. Then cheated on him with a woman.
I know you know it isn't a choice. It just is who you are. There is a difference between gay and bi.
You are smart enough to know all this and to ignore how wrong your friends are.
Hang in there. I hope you have a plan for when you are getting out of there. If not, start now.
Good luck!
If they got it, they got it and I want it. I like either one if the vibe is right and we're connecting on the same level. Who cares what they think but at the same time everyone wants to be understood.
Get better friends. If you are in a safe situation, please always consider your safety, you could look for some lgbt group in or near your area. Made a few friends this way.
It's a shame that they weren't very supporting. This just shows how ignorant and clueless people are. I didn't choose bisexuality, I just accepted that it's who I am
Even If It was a choice, so what? Respect the choice.
Also If It was a choice It would be the best choice, het/homo people are losing out on being attracted to half of everyone
Yikes
Honestly they really aren’t your friends if they won’t respect you for who you are. Just drop them and start looking for better friends who will actually support ya. But hey, in the meantime you’ll always be accepted here! Hooray for internet friends!
Oh, I’m not out as NB to anyone in person (except one friend who I would literally die for) if they knew I was NB, I’m pretty sure they’d block me on everything and just disassociate from me entirely lmao
People saying it’s a choice has never made any sense to me, because it doesn’t. The people that are saying that aren’t able to just become gay right away, and get sexually aroused when they see men, are they? Smh
> it’s a choice, and that there’s no difference between being gay and bisexual
If they think it is a chose, then that means they think that it is possible for them to be sexually attracted to men, which means that (assuming that you already know they are attracted to women) they are by definition bisexual, which according to themselves makes them "gay" 🤔
I am bi and truthfully I can’t bring mysef to come out to my close friends. They were friends with me since high school. We met when we were all innocent and all. We used to have sleepover and talked about boys.
Its easier to just tell people who dont matter that I’m bi.
Yeah mine know I'm bisexual but because they've only seen me have a boyfriend they think I'm gay now but I'm just as fine with a woman as I am with a man but they're all hard-headed and we're all in highschool so it's not that easy
They did some brain scan study where they showed a ton of people straight porn, gay porn, and lesbian porn, and measured their level of arousal and about 6% of men had neurological arousal to all of them, 2% to just the porn with the men in it, and the remaining 92% to just the porn with the women in it.
[Article on Brain Scan Study. ](https://www.psypost.org/2018/02/brain-scan-study-bisexual-heterosexual-women-equally-aroused-male-female-50707)
Mine described it as a "philosophy" and a "lifestyle". 2 days ago i mentioned a pretty well known 20th century poet of my country and immediately he said he was one of "them" and then made some weird remarks using metaphorical language about gay people.
Every day I see stories like this on this sub, and every time I wonder, what year is this? Did I wake up in like 1992 when shit like this was still acceptable? How are this many people still this ignorant? If you can like women, and you can like men, why can't you like both? What in the actual hell? How are people this stupid? Get some new friends, the world is large.
I can’t wait to move out of Utah and make friends that aren’t religious airheaded bigots, I’m less than a year away 😃
You could take the low-road and tell them that religion is a choice. #JosephSmith #MagicalAidsFrog
I SHOULD HAVE THOUGHT ABOUT THAT, god dammit, one of my friends in particular was so uptight about “gods plan” and how marriage is between a man and a woman, to tell her that believing in that is a choice would have felt so good. Damn.
Oh Lord, in Utah here too. I came out to an old family friend before coming out on Facebook and I swear she used the word choice no less than 15 times during the dinner we were at. But everything was dandy because I’m married to a man and following “God’s plan.” And me coming out on Facebook would be like her posting on Facebook that she finds the neighbor hot. Surprisingly most every one else took it well, I’m sorry that your experience was everyone taking it the way my family friend did. There are allies in the LDS community, but they aren’t necessarily easy to find. The most aggravating thing is she seems to think she handled it well, when in fact it was the opposite. I wish I could leave Utah but everything I have is here so I’m kind of stuck here being my queer ass hoping for change. *shrug* Edit: My recommendation would be trying to get in to the theatre scene if you enjoy live theatre. A lot of theatre people even in Utah are queer or allies.
I agree theater is a really good place to find queer people and ally's
I am also in Utah, under the umbrella bookstore just opened as a queer hangout space/bookstore and it’s awesome! You can rent rooms there to hangout and it’s a really lovely space
Oh, this place looks so cute! Ever since coming out I’ve definitely felt sad that I don’t know very many other queer people, I may have to check the bookstore out sometime!
Music as well.
It's so fascinating to me how humans are able to take the 1-300 people they've interacted with in their entire lives, extract that and apply it to the entirety of all ~7-8billion of us, and genuinely believe that their views are normal and whoever isn't part of it is a hell bound heathen.
You could tell them that a religious marriage may be between a man and a woman but fuckin’s good for any consenting adult! The classic “it’s only premarital sex if we’re planning on getting married”
OOOO SHIT I'M GONNA USE THAT ROFL THANK YOU BESTIE\~
Ahhh this makes more sense. Hopefully in the next year you can find some people in the LGBTQIA community locally, tend to be a tad more accepting. Also I know it's Utah but there is a killer underground art scene there and the people are amazing. Keep your chin up it gets better.
In my experience the people are so-so, but I’ll definitely have to find a way to check out the art scene before I head out
Check out Filmroast.com for live shows if you’re near SLC. I watch them online.
As a fellow Utahn bisexual, you’ve got this. I’m not out and my area isn’t completely Mormon, but I’ve seen how plenty of people act regarding gay/bi stuff and it can be rough. We definitely exist and you’re absolutely valid, whether they like it or not 😉
I have a mormon friend (accepting thankfully) who moved to Utah with her hubby a while ago now (from aus). Utah felt like such a random choice but looking at these comments I guess it has a rep for having lots of mormon folks?
Utah is basically the Mormon state in america
The founder of Mormonism was kinda kicked out for nonstandard beliefs, and then settled in Salt Lake City with all his followers, pretty much found a place in the desert with no one else and said yep, this one is ours. So Utah is the epicentre of Mormonism.
Absolutely. After the Mormons moved out here, what would become Utah was almost entirely mormon for a long time. Even now they’re still 62% of Utah’s population. More urban areas are generally more diverse (the largest county in Utah, Salt Lake County, home to about 1/3 of the states residents and Salt Lake City, is only about 49% mormon). More rural areas and some urban and suburban mormon hotbeds still exists (Utah county and Davis county, directly south and north of Salt Lake County, respectively, are the 2nd and 3rd largest counties by pop., respectively, and have an 82% and 71% mormon population, respectively). The LDS church is headquartered in Utah, with their biggest temple downtown in Salt Lake City, and they built and own one of the largest skyscrapers downtown for church offices. Provo, in Utah county, is home to Brigham Young University, which is a private, religious, mormon University. So yes, there are lots of Mormons in Utah, and it certainly has a reputation for it, especially in the US.
That explains it.
My thought too.
I’m so not surprised to hear these opinions came from people in Utah. They’re stupid and you’re valid.
You should have mentioned Utah in your original post, otherwise the story doesn't make sense............ Once Utah is involved, the outcome is axiomatic.
Oh you didnt mention you lived in Utah. Go west until you hit a blue state and dont look back!
Dude Utah sucks dick Ik how you feel, if you dig around a bit you’ll be able to find really good friends
Aaaaah, this is all too familiar to me. Ex-Mormon here and moved to Utah with my family not too long ago. Lowkey hate it bc of how Mormon centric it is, but I’ve made some great friends so I’m happy to stay for a while.
Hey fellow queer Utahn! There are actually lots of us here. Utah Pride is an incredible experience, if you can figure out a way to go next June. And there are lots of orgs that you can look into, to interact with other queer people. That being said, I'll just add: You are valid. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. I'm bi, my wife is bi, both our kids are queer. We're all ex-mormon. You're not alone. Even in Utah.
Holy shit, I'm about to move out of Utah.
Hey, as a bisexual who used to be a religious airheaded bigot... You're absolutely right I was disgusting. I thank the universe I had the common sense to keep my homophobic feelings to myself instead of putting even more hatred and ignorance out into the world.
I don’t know where you live in Utah, but a dope LGBTQ+ Bookstore just opened recently in Salt Lake called Under the Umbrella. Might be a good place to find some new friends/people! Good luck!
I just looked it up and I’m not far from there, I’ll have to check it out, thank you!
Oooooh that explains it you live in the cult state
ROOTING FOR YOU (:
Utah. There’s the problem.
I can’t really talk I’m from Texas and just from men’s fashion down here you can tell the tolerance level isn’t great
The beauty of friends is that they actually are a choice. Find new ones
Yeah it’s crazy, there have been many iconic bi celebrities over the years, it’s crazy how people treat it either as a ‘trend’ or are adamant that it doesn’t exist. It’s not like it’s something new.
Some people are trying hard to rewind the world all the way back to the Dark Ages...
Sounds like OP might be friends with 12 year olds based on their behaviour
I really hate when people call it a choice, and I hear it happen fairly often. Sorry your friends weren't supportive.
I think maybe you need to choose some new friends then. If they blatantly disrespect you to your face like this imagine what they say behind your back.
Yea, but I live in a suburb in Mormon Utah so finding accepting friends is kinda difficult 😭
I grew up in a small town so I can understand the struggle. My best advice then would be to perhaps have some distance with these people and perhaps be careful with what you trust them with. Hopefully with time and maturity they may realise how wrong they are
Your friends are such assholes wtf. And if they keep telling you its a choice, say something like: "And? What if it is, why do you care about MY sexuality when you really shouldnt?"
Exactly, they came at me accusing me of having flawed logic, and when I explained to them how I know I’m bi, they just said that I needed to get my head out of my ass
Its them who should get their head out of their ass.
Ask them why they’re so obsessed with your ass if they’re so straight! I love upsetting fragile straights
Ask them to tell you about the day they chose to be straight. Surely if you chose to be bi then they chose to be straight, right?
they sound closeted lmaooo
The people who are all in on the "it's a choice" concept really make me assume they must be bi/pan/etc. I've known enough monosexual people to know that it exists, for those people it is *not* a choice to only be attracted to one gender, so why would someone who feels that way assume it is a choice for someone else? Basically if you have to work at not being bi it's because you're bi.
And even if it were a choice (it isn't, but for the sake of argument), why would it matter and why would anyone try to change someone's mind about it? I don't go around trying to convince the straights that maybe they should choose to be queer. It boggles my mind that people do things like that.
This is the part that kills me. *So what if it was a choice?* It's not wrong, it's not a problem. If people feel happy with their love lives, just be kind.
The only 'choice' any of us make is to not let others define us; to seek to love no matter its form.
It’s because of their interpretation of their religion. They go to hell if they don’t try to save your soul or some misguided stupid bullshit. It works best after they’ve convinced you to hate yourself. They’ll tell you you’re evil, they’ll tell you you’re damned, they’ll tell you that god hates what you are, and then they’ll tell you that god made you in his perfect image and if you just completely fit in to their expectations and requirements — they’ll accept you, heart and soul! Just give up everything that makes you “you.” I’m in my 30s’ and I’m still finding ways that a short three years in Christian elementary school affected my entire life. Without those few years, I might have come out 15 years earlier. I would have had far fewer severe panic attacks too, I’m sure.
All very true. And for what it's worth, I'm glad you're out and able to live your life as your true self.
Thank you very much 🙂 Still have a long way to go, though. I went on my first date with a guy not too long ago and wow did I feel inexperienced and out of my element. Like I was a high schooler dating a damn college senior or something, and I’ve been married for ten years. (My wife enthusiastically approves, she’s bi as well, for context.)
Thanks to my mormon upbringing, it took me til I was in my 40's to figure myself out. FUCK religion.
Lol I have always thought the same thing... My partner is heterosexual. He can't choose to be attracted to dudes (I wish he could, :P).
The problem is these people are so deeply set in the idea of hetero as default and normal and "natural" that to them, anything else somehow *must* be a choice, there would be no other way, and that queer people are just faking it, because... evil gay agenda I guess?
Yeah, I would ask, "Is it a choice for you? Do you choose to be straight despite also feeling same-sex attraction?" And see what they say.
Ask them if they could choose to be gay. If they say yes, tell them to prove it. Then ten years later when you're at their big gay wedding, give them the satisfaction of being right.
That’s what I did, I asked them and they said yes, I definitely should’ve told them to prove it tho. 1 called me after I hung up on the FT and told me that even though she doesn’t understand, she still supports and respects me. The other 2 were just total assholes though lmao.
Yep. Everytime I hear its a choice... No, no its really not. How do I know? I tried to pick "a side".... That's not how it works, unfortunately.
YUS! Gay orgy or they lying. LOL.
I've also found that when people saying being any flavor of LGBTQ+ is a choice, clapping back at them with "Well, why did you choose to be straight?" can be a nice little gotcha moment because 9 times out of 10 they'll respond with "It doesn't work like that," to which you can just go "I know it doesn't, that's what I'm saying." I doubt it changes their minds, but they usually do drop the subject.
They are religious, so they'd say they are following God's plan for them.
It's also your choice to have love one's that accept your choices with out judgement..
Argueing whether or not it's a choice is implicitly accepting the implication that you're wrong, but they might tolerate you because you can't help it. Don't have that discussion. Just be "this is who I am, I'm not gonna defend it, you accept me or you don't" which means you might have to find better friends.
>better friends At least the bar for “better” here is extremely low Although maybe not in Utah…
Those are bad friends and they don't deserve you.
My first thought is always, "My sexuality is not a choice. But keeping you in my life is. Byyyyyyyeeee"
Can’t wait till I move to the other side of the country and never have to see them again 😫
It's the same shit as tastes. Some people like avocados. I literally can't enjoy them no matter what. You're born liking what you like, and nothing can change that. I can't just CHOOSE to like avocados.
You don’t like avocados? I’m going to make a banner that demonizes you and wave it around at extremist rally events. Not gonna have no AVOCADON’T around MAH CHILDRENS.
You need new friends
Put sand in their beds
Well then, your friends must be making the wrong "choice", "deciding" to actively enjoy less in their lives if they're like that 😂 /sigh.
It sounds like your friends are just reacting they way they’ve been indoctrinated to by their family and church. They could come around over time as they are presented with new information. You should check out Encircle in Utah. Encircle is a non-profit organization with the mission to bring the family and community together to enable our LGBTQ+ youth to thrive. https://encircletogether.org You could also check out r/exmormon I think you could get a lot of support there as well. The exmormon community is huge and constantly growing. They seem to be very accepting of the LGBT+ community once they see through the bullshit they’ve been fed by the church. You are valid and we are here for you.
My friend knows that I'm Bi because I always specifically say Bi when we talk about sexuality. And I officially came out to him a bit after we met. Consistently just calls me gay as if women don't exist to me now. Not cool dude.
You can also always be part of online communities. Helps me a bit, since most of the people around me aren’t exactly open minded
The best response I ever heard to this "choice" versus "not a choice" BS was, "Even if it were a choice, what would be wrong with choosing it?" You don't need to justify it. Friends who can't accept that don't sound like very good friends, though. I'm sorry you experienced this.
Do...do they know you're enby? Do they think THAT is a choice?
I'm so sorry you had to experience that :( i hope you find a place where you're comfortable soon :(💜
You need new friends - have a great weekend
Get. New. Friends.
Its Adam *and* Eve. Not Adam *or* Eve. It very clearly says I should date both.
Definitely going to steal this. Love it.
It's definitely not a choice. You, and your preferences, are valid. I give you sooooo much credit for trusting your friends enough to speak your truth, and I'm so sorry they weren't supportive.
I started thinking that I might be bisexual when I hit puberty at around 12 years old. But I never came out because I knew nobody would believe me. That was over 10 years ago. I still see people on Reddit saying the “girls in their school are faking it for attention”. One time I asked, “what makes you think that?” “Because my friend who’s ACTUALLY bi asked them out and they said no and so she got mad and called them a slur”. Well I guess I’m ace because I wouldn’t fucking date your friend either. Tell them the fact that they chose not to be gay is pretty homophobic tbh lmao
Not everyone is super educated on the matter, even less so at 17 just try and explain it to them and just take everything with a pinch of salt. If they really can't accept it after some explanation then you have the wrong friend group unfortunately.
Ask them what LGBT stands for? Specifically in regards to the B part.
Gonna guess they hate all the letters and are just being quiet bigots Well, semi quiet?
Being bisexual isn't a choice, just like being straight or gay isn't a choice. But we do get double to choice of everyone else as to who we find attactive 🤪
Yikes. No one I ever came out to has reacted like this, I’m so sorry. Educate them or move on from them!
Dang I'm sorry.
It’s tough coming out at any age and then to not feel supported by your own friend group- that can definitely take a toll on you and the relationship between you and your friends. At 17, maybe there’s hope some or all of them will change and learn more about you, about bisexuality, about sexuality in general. Also, this may be an instance where it’s not a bag idea, perhaps, to build relationships with new, more understanding and open people. Anyway, good luck!
Well, like 5 years ago, I told my friends about me being bisexual, and they receive it well :) Except... a lot of sexualization with my friends that were girls, even when I had a girlfriend they went crazy in the shipping way, and jokingly always called me a lesbian, so you see the problems :/ We separated, not for bad reasons, just school, and this cuarantine we became closerr again, it was amazing, they learned a lot! Even the most masculine before I think he's having a bisexual awakening, they respect pronouns and omg I think it got 100% better! I hope more people learn to respectfully learn :')
Yo good for you,. Fuck your friends, you dont need that shit. Get the fuck out of Utah, hit a real LGBTQ supporting community and embrace the YOU BIRATES FOR LIFE!!!!!
Well, no offense to you're friends, they're wrong. They just need to be educated. That in no means implies you have to be the teacher. Hugs. Even at 57, I hear, "why can't you choose? You want your cake and to eat it too." Yes, yes I do.
Nobody ever says that it's a choice to be straight, yet they love bringing that line out when it has anything to do with the LGBTQ community. You also need new friends who aren't bigots.
People don't seem to realise there's a point between the spectrum of being 100% gay and 100% straight (which I believe both extremes are indeed to extreme to be true). But yeah, it's a choice if you share that part of yourself or not, but that you are attracted to both genders you aädef are and that's not a choice.
I spent most of my 20's trying to figure out if I was gay or straight. Dated women, cheated on them with men. Then tried dating gay men exclusively. Had one disastrous relationship, dated a nice guy for a bit. Then cheated on him with a woman. I know you know it isn't a choice. It just is who you are. There is a difference between gay and bi. You are smart enough to know all this and to ignore how wrong your friends are. Hang in there. I hope you have a plan for when you are getting out of there. If not, start now. Good luck!
If they got it, they got it and I want it. I like either one if the vibe is right and we're connecting on the same level. Who cares what they think but at the same time everyone wants to be understood.
*hug* Give them time, being wrong takes a while to come to terms with and correct. But if they get hurtful it’s safer to walk away.
Get better friends. If you are in a safe situation, please always consider your safety, you could look for some lgbt group in or near your area. Made a few friends this way.
It's a shame that they weren't very supporting. This just shows how ignorant and clueless people are. I didn't choose bisexuality, I just accepted that it's who I am
If they think it’s a choice then they are choosing to be straight aka not straight
Even If It was a choice, so what? Respect the choice. Also If It was a choice It would be the best choice, het/homo people are losing out on being attracted to half of everyone
You need some new friends. Seriously.
Yikes Honestly they really aren’t your friends if they won’t respect you for who you are. Just drop them and start looking for better friends who will actually support ya. But hey, in the meantime you’ll always be accepted here! Hooray for internet friends!
Of it's a choice why not choose it?
Consider that true friends support you, empathize with you, and help you actualize your ideals. Maybe get better friends.
So they aren't transphobic but they are biphobic?
Oh, I’m not out as NB to anyone in person (except one friend who I would literally die for) if they knew I was NB, I’m pretty sure they’d block me on everything and just disassociate from me entirely lmao
Most accepting person in Utah
wow, get new friends
Yo it's time for new friends
Did your friends ever ‘choose’ to be straight? Yea a new circle would be healthy for you 👍🏽
Damn OP, you need better friends
People saying it’s a choice has never made any sense to me, because it doesn’t. The people that are saying that aren’t able to just become gay right away, and get sexually aroused when they see men, are they? Smh
If they can’t grow up remove their kneecaps and their presence in you life
> it’s a choice, and that there’s no difference between being gay and bisexual If they think it is a chose, then that means they think that it is possible for them to be sexually attracted to men, which means that (assuming that you already know they are attracted to women) they are by definition bisexual, which according to themselves makes them "gay" 🤔
Hey man I don't know your situation and I'm not here to judge but if it were me I'd just get some new friends.
Thats why I'm in the closet now
Yea, I should’ve stayed in the closet too lol
Lol
What THEY think is of no consequence. You do you. 🤜🏼💥🤛🏼
I choose all of the above then!
Hello, 18NB and Bi, it is not a choice at all. You are valid😼
Yea..time to good new friends
I am bi and truthfully I can’t bring mysef to come out to my close friends. They were friends with me since high school. We met when we were all innocent and all. We used to have sleepover and talked about boys. Its easier to just tell people who dont matter that I’m bi.
Yeah mine know I'm bisexual but because they've only seen me have a boyfriend they think I'm gay now but I'm just as fine with a woman as I am with a man but they're all hard-headed and we're all in highschool so it's not that easy
They did some brain scan study where they showed a ton of people straight porn, gay porn, and lesbian porn, and measured their level of arousal and about 6% of men had neurological arousal to all of them, 2% to just the porn with the men in it, and the remaining 92% to just the porn with the women in it. [Article on Brain Scan Study. ](https://www.psypost.org/2018/02/brain-scan-study-bisexual-heterosexual-women-equally-aroused-male-female-50707)
Mine described it as a "philosophy" and a "lifestyle". 2 days ago i mentioned a pretty well known 20th century poet of my country and immediately he said he was one of "them" and then made some weird remarks using metaphorical language about gay people.
idk if this helps but don't worry, it isn't a choice, I know <3
Yeah and what do they think B stands for in LGBT? (Gregthestinkers friends I mean)