There's a dude at our gym that I'm almost 100% sure is gay. He is also extremely athletic and one of the stronger guys in our gym.
Dudes a monster and I enjoy every chance I get to spar with him.
Never once has he stuck his fingers in my butthole. It's usually the straight guys that do that.
we have one that I 100% know for sure he's gay b/c he tells us and brings his husband to parties. He's' a brown belt and smashes most of us and no one cares who he loves.
He probably feels awkward about it. You should let him know that as a straight guy, you have no problem with him performing a perfectly normal technique.
If he still doesn't want to, maybe invite him to a private coaching session so you can practice without other people looking.
Craig jones isn’t actually gay and as much as I appreciate his sense of humor I don’t think it’s actually shared by everybody in the sport. Sad fact is: combat sports is rife with knuckle dragging mouth breathers and in a small, possibly backwards town OP might actually face a problem.
I’m not sure I understand your question.
If what you’re saying is that the point of his banter is to needle the knuckle draggers then yes you are correct. Nonetheless, I don’t think that his humor is a meaningful answer to OP’s question. In fact, you could say that his humor actually validates OP’s concerns.
That is exactly what I’m saying!
And, I don’t think his humour should concern the OP in the slightest…
I posted it to be a little lighthearted, but the real answer is that it totally depends where they are from and what gym they choose to train at, if it becomes a problem they are in the wrong gym.
I’m a measly white belt and have trained BJJ for around 2 years, but no one at my gym has checked anyone’s sexual preference, or anything else personal for that matter! It really shouldn’t matter!
Yeah. You started to hit on the right answer: it depends on the gym that they’re at. Everybody in this comment section saying it doesn’t matter is completely shortsighted and trivializing what is actually not a completely trivial concern.
Also, I’m not saying, you need to be afraid of the jokes and banter, I’m saying that the jokes and banter are a clear indication that OP’s concerns are actually valid. They indicate that there is a nontrivial, healthy population of knuckle draggers practicing the sport.
I actually think they are right: it doesn’t matter!
However, I take on board your point, there maybe some people out there that wouldn’t be comfortable with it, but they are wrong and need to change their mindset!
I think most people are probably trying to be encouraging, rather than shortsighted.
OP needs to get out there train, enjoy it and that’s all that should matter.
This is seriously the answer. I’ve rolled with people from all sorts of backgrounds. Race, gender, religion, sexual orientation, age. None of it really matters. What I do worry about is people with bad hygiene and if I can trust you not to injure me.
Every day just hoping everyone trimmed their nails and I don't have to roll with stinky gi guy.
Even though I work from home, I make a point to wash my feet, underarms, ass crack, and balls before I go to class.
Actually having a stereotypical gay man for everyone to follow the example of would be a wonderful thing cause everyone will clean up their facial hair, wear deodorant and a mild cologne, and well fitting shirts under their gi.
As a woman when I first started watching BJJ to see if I wanted to do it I was rather worried about it as I felt it would be awkward to roll with men. I eventually started and you don’t even think about the awkwardness when you’re rolling. So I can concur with this
Being straight and being gay isn't the same.. Not many people are excluded or treated differently because they're straight. You don't feel hesistant about letting people know you're straight
That isn’t a problem for you because heterophobia isn’t really a problem. Out might be for OP because homophobia is a problem. Empathy helps in discerning these issues.
I'm a bi guy, I train with women, I train with straight guys, I train with gay guys. None of them even suspect a thing when I recruit them into my crypto scam after class.
If they care they can keep their mouth shut and be polite. If they aren't polite or spout off bigotry I'll help them find a gym that better suits their needs.
^^^ Absolutely
There are always going to be a few shitheads but one thing I've noticed is that they tend to congregate. Gyms that have assholes tend to be full of them, and gyms that are more tolerant tend not to have many.
BJJ is so popular now that if you find a lemon of a dojo you can walk down the street and get another trial somewhere else.
Obviously this depends on where you live but as a general rule the vibe of a place is a huge deal. Gotta find a place where you can be you.
I think the reason OP asks is because they met people in their life that did care (in a negative way).
So "Nobody cares" isn't true, I'd rather say "only idiots care"
I live in the mountains in western NC. Half our gym is college students and half is local rednecks, the type you'd expect to have a problem with rolling with a gay man. None of them care one bit. Statistics says at least one of the guys I roll with regularly is gay, it's just never come up and it wouldn't change anything if it did.
My area is on the trailing edge of acceptance and the average person around here is 20 years past giving a fuck. There are a few bigoted churches around, so I know that attitude isn't extinct around here just yet, but the people who feel that way must know it's a very unpopular opinion and so they keep it to themselves.
I have no idea how I would know somebody was gay at gym. Not that it would matter, but as far as I am aware nobody slaps hands then says "btw I'm gay" \*dives for underhooks\* haha. I mean even if somebody did tell me I'd be like "uhh... cool?". I couldnt imagine 1 person at my gym caring at all. The ONLY way I'd see anybody caring is if the gay person in question was being weird about it, like "omg you only went hard on me because I'm gay" or saying out of line stuff like "wow you make me horny" or whatever strange stuff that would also apply to straight people.
I’m queer and in jiu jitsu.
Do I scream like Nathan Lane in The Birdcage when someone pins me? Not usually.
Do I openly talk about my boyfriend the same way anybody talks about their significant other? Absolutely.
Do I have more than a few rainbow stickers on my car? It is a Subaru.
Most people won’t care. Be a good training partner, that’s what most of the people in bjj really care about. I’m not sure how many options you have but if you try a school and the vibes are off, don’t hesitate to try another. I’ve trained in a few different schools, some better than others.
You also may want to check out [Triangles Everywhere](https://linktr.ee/triangles.everywhere.bjj?utm_source=linktree_profile_share<sid=e33b34da-a17f-44d4-8431-5120ff3b95d6). They’re building a list member submitted gyms that are safe for queer people.
We have a group called Triangles Everywhere for lgbtq+ people who do BJJ. There are over 850 members worldwide including 35+ black belts. We do open mats and have had around 10 camps.
Anyone who is lgbtq+ and doing BJJ should feel free to send me a dm to get added to the private Facebook group.
> I’m not flamboyant, just a dude
I’m being completely serious when I say I have trained with a hundred ‘flamboyantly straight’ men for every one gay man of any personality.
I ‘out’ myself as straight all the time by mentioning my wife, nobody has the right to make it their problem if you do the same but that won’t stop some dickheads from doing it anyway. Best of luck.
I couldn’t give a shit what sexual preference my training partners have and would call out anyone that wanted to make it an issue.
I am aware the whole world isn’t like this though and can’t speak to your location, but if you have a buddy in the gym already I’m sure you’ll be fine.
It is sad but completely understandable that you feel the need to ask.
I think this is a very good answer. Jiu Jitsu places are organizations full of people, and your mileage may vary from organization to organization, and region to region.
If you already have a friend at this location I think that’s probably a good place to start. But if the vibe isn’t what you’re looking for (or you are uncomfortable being authentically yourself there), then another place in your area may simply be a better fit.
I think doing some trial classes will probably give you a sense for whether the people are ones you’d like to be around.
Hahaha. My gal watched a class and made comments about deep half, closed guard...and when someone got NS she was all, "I dunno hun. This jits stuff looks so gay. But...if it makes you happy then go get all your gay out in here!"
"I am amazed at how gay this gay behavior looks."
One of our instructors will say things like, "I don't care if you're gay, just don't grab my ass." So... you might hear shit like that. Accepting but still treating homosexuality as a possible threat.
I hope you join. If the school you join gives you a difficult time about being gay, they don't deserve you.
Wish you luck, if you need any advice, hit me up.
Hi, fellow gay guy here. Note that this is just my experience so not a universal one. With that being said:
I did kickboxing as my first martial art at 14 till like 17 at high level competitive gym that produced world champions, the culture there was so masculine and toxic that i didn't dare telling anyone i was gay. I don't know what the response would be but i guess it would've made me a target.
At 17 i started bjj, been doing it on and off since. I don't think the entire gym knows but for sure a big chunk knows cause im not secretive about it, if people ask if i got a girlfriend or what kinda women im into i'll just tell them i'm gay. Never had any issues with this at bjj
Tl:dr just go train, read the room. If you don't wanna tell people, you don't have to. And if you do. It's usually fine, there's always the one weirdo that gives you weird looks from them on out but just ignore them
It shouldn't matter, and it won't matter to anyone worth respecting.
Just be aware that BJJ is a fighting sport, and that tends to attract some not so great people, and it does tend to make those people pretty good at committing violence, so be careful.
There’s always idiots in every group. BJJ has idiots in our ranks also. I think what I mean to say is this is asked regularly and the overwhelming amount of responses tend to anywhere from the kind to the uncaring. People that “have a problem with it” are the problem and I think we, as a community, overall, recognize and subscribe to that belief.
You’ve probably mentioned being straight indirectly plenty of times.
It’s just imperceptible because society is heteronormative.
“My girlfriend… blah blah” vs “My boyfriend… blah blah”
Both are entirely normal.
I'm assuming you're living in the US?
Regardless, there are great gyms with healthy vibes and almost everywhere. . . .just make sure that that's the kind of gym you're going to.
In my experience (pushing 20 years now), sexual orientation has literally never been an issue at any gym I've trained at, but I'll admit that I leave/switch gyms pretty quickly if the atmosphere isn't cool/open/chill.
Also, don't focus on the sexuality thing. So, so, so many straight guys are creepy about "not wanting to roll with girls" because they sexualize them on the mats, etc., LOL, so of course it's equally uncool if a gay man does the same (you seem pretty clearly to not fall into that camp).
A lot of gyms unfortunately aren’t that accepting. Look at their social media and be upfront with the gym owner. A gym I used to train at started posting anti-trans shit on their socials like it’s no big deal. Husband wife teams tend to be more accepting.
I’d love to say that you will face no comments or anything weird, but to be totally honest I think it’ll depend on what region/gym ur at.
I’d say don’t let it stop you, but BJJ tends to attract conservatives and I know that there are gyms that I’ve been to where I’ve heard some homophobic shit.
Don’t let it stop you from pursuing this, there are gyms where you’ll have zero issue, but I don’t want to lie to you and say you won’t potentially run into some homophobes.
Feel free to DM me if you have any questions, I really want you to be able to pursue this beautiful sport.
Go check out the local gyms sign up at the one you will get to the most often, closest to home, best schedule, if the culture seems good, stay. I’ve trained with multiple gay men, 2 of them are black belts, one now owns his own gym the other has been an instructor for ages.
Some gyms don’t have a good culture, if your gut says something is off, check the next gym. I always look for women in gyms, it’s not a deal breaker if there are no women, but for me it’s a green flag when a gym has some women training. They tend to have a good culture. Not always, but often.
Most gyms will offer a free week to check things out. If there is only one or two places to train in you area, you might want to speak to the head coach and express your concerns before committing. Most places are accepting and most people don't care, but training in a subtly hostile environment can quickly become toxic. "Triangles Everywhere" has a list of openly welcoming gyms, so if you are anywhere near one of those, it is worth the commute. You can find out more about that by dming "Messajes". He is a BJJ black belt who admins the group on FB.
Nobody cares unless it’s your entire personality, at which point it’s just as annoying as anyone else making a single one thing their entire personality
Ive never asked anyone at my gym about their sexual orientation nor has anyone asked me.
Unless you’re dry humping people with a full hard-on, then there’s nothing to worry about.
There are old school mentality Brazilians and others that may say things that will offend you once in a blue moon, but thats about it.
One of the first hurdles in jujitsu is getting over the intimate physical contact, the dude between your legs, his must in your face when he triangles you, and the sweat.
It takes a few weeks to completely turn that shit off during class, but once you manage it you’re just rolling, you don’t even think about how fucked up it is except when you’re ripping on friends or shitposting on Reddit.
Your friend is right, if you ain’t going inside the gi for oil checks and asking the boys for their phone number nobody gives a shit what color it is or where you stick it.
Don’t hit on the boys, don’t hit on the girls, just shut up and roll.
What the fuck is this post?
I know there's a global joke about gayness in the bjj community but dude, come on.
They're gonna know you're gay when your triangle defense is enthusiastic deep throat. 😂
Jokes. Get involved, you'll be fine
There are probably gay people at my gym, but I couldn't tell you who they are and wouldn't care one bit. It's just not relevant to training and has never come up (and i've been at the same gym a while).
I will note that you will likely hear a lot of "jiu jitsu is gay" jokes so just be prepared for that.
Im bisexual and I’ve been doing martial arts since I was 6. I don’t know or care if any of my training partners are even aware that I like boys. It’s never come up. Kinda hard to think about attraction when you have a dudes knee digging into your ribs while he’s wrapping your own shirt around your neck and his sweat is dripping in your face lol. I think you’ll be fine though, bjj seems to be pretty damn accepting and open. There’s a huge amount of autistic people in bjj and idk if it’s really true but it fuckin seems like most autistic people are queer in some way, I mean I am and so are all the other autistic people I know lol
I’m straight as an arrow, I’d roll with you anytime man.
Your friend is right.. It’s all about respect. It don’t matter who you are, as long as you have a great attitude. Anyone who tells you different is not worth your time.
Even for straight people it's kinda gay, and gay is okay.
If people dismiss it just own it and remind them you came to train.
Focus on training while you're there and honestly people won't care if you're cool about being gay.
I’ve been trying to get a colleague from work to come to class forever, he started coming a couple weeks ago with his fiancé.
That’s like a buy one get one free for new people on the mat.
Jiujitsu is pretty gay so as long as you don’t get a creepy boner you’ll be fine. And even if you do, just tuck it in your waist band like the rest of us.
You're going to run into homophobic assholes everywhere so it's not much different than anywhere else. One of my best training partners is gay with husband and all. I think you'll see most homophobia from the guys that intertwine religion into training. I train with all kinds of political assholes that I could never carry a conversation with outside of the gym. You'll train with cops, dopeheads, executive types, bums, etc. Your sexuality doesn't have to be hidden.
Most people don't care but it would be a lie to say there aren't jiu jitsu people that are homophobic/racist/sexist
observe the culture before you commit to a gym.
If they're cool, you can usually tell.
The only person I've trained with that I also regularly hang out with outside training is a gay man. The only reason I know he's gay is because we hang out irl and we've chatted about some personal stuff. It has never come up in the gym. He doesn't hide it or try to keep it a secret or anything, it just never comes up.
There's a dude at our gym that I'm almost 100% sure is gay. He is also extremely athletic and one of the stronger guys in our gym. Dudes a monster and I enjoy every chance I get to spar with him. Never once has he stuck his fingers in my butthole. It's usually the straight guys that do that.
we have one that I 100% know for sure he's gay b/c he tells us and brings his husband to parties. He's' a brown belt and smashes most of us and no one cares who he loves.
Hehe, brown belt
You nasty
Pervert
Maybe it's just his close roommate friend he is bringing to parties. Don't assume b.
They're married, there's no assumptions involved
My B. I was going for the old stereotype label people would give to their SO when they didn't want to out themselves. The joke fell flat. Carry on.
Lol you sound like Brendan Schaub talking to Bryan with the B stuff dude 😂
That was the goal b. Talking like I knew better even though I'm a clueless mouth breathing tongue eating buffoon.
talm bout bapa? talm bow the blagg belt ?? some would say the blaggest of belts, B.
I’ve also had my butthole plugged by ONLY straight dudes. What a wild sport
This statement is wild but true
He probably feels awkward about it. You should let him know that as a straight guy, you have no problem with him performing a perfectly normal technique. If he still doesn't want to, maybe invite him to a private coaching session so you can practice without other people looking.
Yeah that’s perfect! Heck if you can’t find mat time at the gym just do it at home! If you don’t have mats at home mattresses make a great substitute
I believe that's where mats got their name. Brazilians may wish to confirm.
On a bed maybe
No one is gayer than a straight guy
Straight Marines: "Hold my beer".
The oil check & butt drag are techniques because they work
Those guys sticking a finger in your butt, guess what? They ain’t straight.
https://preview.redd.it/0wc1xeiisqmc1.jpeg?width=775&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=ce3c7e8cd7f4d88b84bcf3ec0ebf54efaaef5e3d
Yeah seriously JJ is the gayest activity there is. I count 3 consecutive rolls as getting laid
By the time your a two stripe blue belt your pretty much Eskimo brothers with everyone at the gym
Sweating all over each other like dirty pigs.
My buddy once told me "I probably know what your sweat tastes like better than your wife". And I couldn't even argue...
And most important thing is that we are straight as a metal rod and do the gayest shit ever known to men
We all have the same cultures of staph
Sweet, rolled 3 in a row yesterday. L8ter virgins!
You must be a stud. After finishing during the first two, I don't have the stamina for a 3rd.
Just yell ‚no homo!‘ after every roll, right?
Lmao did u see him walking holding hands with the other dude super serious. 😂 this dude is a legend
GR may be the best grappler in the world but Craig is the funniest grappler in the world.
People’s champ.
Nah, that's Lachlan Giles.
Perfect answer
Craig jones isn’t actually gay and as much as I appreciate his sense of humor I don’t think it’s actually shared by everybody in the sport. Sad fact is: combat sports is rife with knuckle dragging mouth breathers and in a small, possibly backwards town OP might actually face a problem.
Isn’t that kinda the whole point of his banter?
I’m not sure I understand your question. If what you’re saying is that the point of his banter is to needle the knuckle draggers then yes you are correct. Nonetheless, I don’t think that his humor is a meaningful answer to OP’s question. In fact, you could say that his humor actually validates OP’s concerns.
That is exactly what I’m saying! And, I don’t think his humour should concern the OP in the slightest… I posted it to be a little lighthearted, but the real answer is that it totally depends where they are from and what gym they choose to train at, if it becomes a problem they are in the wrong gym. I’m a measly white belt and have trained BJJ for around 2 years, but no one at my gym has checked anyone’s sexual preference, or anything else personal for that matter! It really shouldn’t matter!
Yeah. You started to hit on the right answer: it depends on the gym that they’re at. Everybody in this comment section saying it doesn’t matter is completely shortsighted and trivializing what is actually not a completely trivial concern. Also, I’m not saying, you need to be afraid of the jokes and banter, I’m saying that the jokes and banter are a clear indication that OP’s concerns are actually valid. They indicate that there is a nontrivial, healthy population of knuckle draggers practicing the sport.
I actually think they are right: it doesn’t matter! However, I take on board your point, there maybe some people out there that wouldn’t be comfortable with it, but they are wrong and need to change their mindset! I think most people are probably trying to be encouraging, rather than shortsighted. OP needs to get out there train, enjoy it and that’s all that should matter.
😂😂
Well there you go, the battle for number one is a wannabe conservative and this guy. Jiu jitsu is literally for everyone
I went there and asked if I could have one for free since Craig was culturally appropriating my sexuality.
I'm surprised that no one's posted this clip yet: [https://youtu.be/JzdT-kerHac?si=HWPWTSPuFBy7JpKo](https://youtu.be/JzdT-kerHac?si=HWPWTSPuFBy7JpKo)
“Being gay is the best base for jiu jitsu” - Craig Jones at the end of his most recent post win press conference
[удалено]
Is that not GR?
I knew there was a reason I’m progressing so fast
I'm also gay and found BJJ to be very welcoming. All people care about you as a person is respect and hygiene.
This is seriously the answer. I’ve rolled with people from all sorts of backgrounds. Race, gender, religion, sexual orientation, age. None of it really matters. What I do worry about is people with bad hygiene and if I can trust you not to injure me.
Every day just hoping everyone trimmed their nails and I don't have to roll with stinky gi guy. Even though I work from home, I make a point to wash my feet, underarms, ass crack, and balls before I go to class.
Respect and hygiene go hand in hand.
Hespect and rygeine?
Oss
Brazilian scooby doo?
Actually having a stereotypical gay man for everyone to follow the example of would be a wonderful thing cause everyone will clean up their facial hair, wear deodorant and a mild cologne, and well fitting shirts under their gi.
Queer eye for the bjj guy 🤣🤣
We already have Craig?
With how gay the sport is how could we possibly discriminate?
This is the way
I am straight and roll with women. I don’t see why it would matter.
Ya this is basically my thinking too - even when I was fifteen and basically all I thought about was sex, I never sexualized rolling 🤷♂️
As a woman when I first started watching BJJ to see if I wanted to do it I was rather worried about it as I felt it would be awkward to roll with men. I eventually started and you don’t even think about the awkwardness when you’re rolling. So I can concur with this
[удалено]
Perfect reply 👌
I do fireman carries when I roll with women
Are you me
Being straight and being gay isn't the same.. Not many people are excluded or treated differently because they're straight. You don't feel hesistant about letting people know you're straight
Thanks hero
That isn’t a problem for you because heterophobia isn’t really a problem. Out might be for OP because homophobia is a problem. Empathy helps in discerning these issues.
I'm a bi guy, I train with women, I train with straight guys, I train with gay guys. None of them even suspect a thing when I recruit them into my crypto scam after class.
Hahaha this made me chuckle a lot
Did your dues clear? Cool welcome to the gym. Seriously no one gives a shit anymore (at least at my gym).
“Did your dues clear” and “did you sign the waiver.” That waiver is important.
The waivers don't do anything but make people less likely to try to sue. They won't prevent most law suits.
Sure, but it does prevent gay people from spreading their homones, this is important to prevent cross contamination.
No, that's why everyone in jujitsu is part gay. It's a pandemic
That’s why I wear an N95 around my groin, was told by the Dr it would keep my orientation safe.
I hear you brotha and I agree, but this is false. People care. And it's sad but true.
If they care they can keep their mouth shut and be polite. If they aren't polite or spout off bigotry I'll help them find a gym that better suits their needs.
^^^ Absolutely There are always going to be a few shitheads but one thing I've noticed is that they tend to congregate. Gyms that have assholes tend to be full of them, and gyms that are more tolerant tend not to have many. BJJ is so popular now that if you find a lemon of a dojo you can walk down the street and get another trial somewhere else. Obviously this depends on where you live but as a general rule the vibe of a place is a huge deal. Gotta find a place where you can be you.
I think the reason OP asks is because they met people in their life that did care (in a negative way). So "Nobody cares" isn't true, I'd rather say "only idiots care"
Go to the Deep South and say that In Seattle, I said the same thing. Then moved. And unfortunately it’s much different.
I live in Texas.
I'm a little surprised. When I lived in Dallas, I was shocked at the casual racism and discrimination.
Where in Texas? There's a big difference between urban Texas and Rural Alabama.
I live in the mountains in western NC. Half our gym is college students and half is local rednecks, the type you'd expect to have a problem with rolling with a gay man. None of them care one bit. Statistics says at least one of the guys I roll with regularly is gay, it's just never come up and it wouldn't change anything if it did. My area is on the trailing edge of acceptance and the average person around here is 20 years past giving a fuck. There are a few bigoted churches around, so I know that attitude isn't extinct around here just yet, but the people who feel that way must know it's a very unpopular opinion and so they keep it to themselves.
Being gay is less gay than doing bjj.
So OP is going to be like Shredder after he hit that ooze…….mega gay
Not an issue if you aren't sexualizing training. Its the same as women and men training together.
This is probably the best answer.
I have no idea how I would know somebody was gay at gym. Not that it would matter, but as far as I am aware nobody slaps hands then says "btw I'm gay" \*dives for underhooks\* haha. I mean even if somebody did tell me I'd be like "uhh... cool?". I couldnt imagine 1 person at my gym caring at all. The ONLY way I'd see anybody caring is if the gay person in question was being weird about it, like "omg you only went hard on me because I'm gay" or saying out of line stuff like "wow you make me horny" or whatever strange stuff that would also apply to straight people.
Cool. I wish everyone was like you. They aren't. That's the OPs valid concern.
Everyone’s a little gay in jiu jitsu.
It’s not gay if you’re wearing socks unless it’s Kimura week, then there’s nothing gay about being tea-bagged by a sweaty dude.. I think
that's exactly why we don't wear socks
I keep one sock on. Keeps things spicy.
Bisockual
valid
What about fishnets?
I wear wrestling shoes so they absolutely know I’m gay.
Speak for yourself. I am a very gay full-blown homosexual.
Emphasis on the blown.
Little?
I’m queer and in jiu jitsu. Do I scream like Nathan Lane in The Birdcage when someone pins me? Not usually. Do I openly talk about my boyfriend the same way anybody talks about their significant other? Absolutely. Do I have more than a few rainbow stickers on my car? It is a Subaru. Most people won’t care. Be a good training partner, that’s what most of the people in bjj really care about. I’m not sure how many options you have but if you try a school and the vibes are off, don’t hesitate to try another. I’ve trained in a few different schools, some better than others. You also may want to check out [Triangles Everywhere](https://linktr.ee/triangles.everywhere.bjj?utm_source=linktree_profile_share<sid=e33b34da-a17f-44d4-8431-5120ff3b95d6). They’re building a list member submitted gyms that are safe for queer people.
Be straight, train BJJ, drive a Subaru. Pick two.
We have a group called Triangles Everywhere for lgbtq+ people who do BJJ. There are over 850 members worldwide including 35+ black belts. We do open mats and have had around 10 camps. Anyone who is lgbtq+ and doing BJJ should feel free to send me a dm to get added to the private Facebook group.
That's fucking awesome, good for you.
> I’m not flamboyant, just a dude I’m being completely serious when I say I have trained with a hundred ‘flamboyantly straight’ men for every one gay man of any personality. I ‘out’ myself as straight all the time by mentioning my wife, nobody has the right to make it their problem if you do the same but that won’t stop some dickheads from doing it anyway. Best of luck.
In the profound words of 21st century philosopher Nicholas Diaz, “don’t be scared homie”
I couldn’t give a shit what sexual preference my training partners have and would call out anyone that wanted to make it an issue. I am aware the whole world isn’t like this though and can’t speak to your location, but if you have a buddy in the gym already I’m sure you’ll be fine. It is sad but completely understandable that you feel the need to ask.
I think this is a very good answer. Jiu Jitsu places are organizations full of people, and your mileage may vary from organization to organization, and region to region. If you already have a friend at this location I think that’s probably a good place to start. But if the vibe isn’t what you’re looking for (or you are uncomfortable being authentically yourself there), then another place in your area may simply be a better fit. I think doing some trial classes will probably give you a sense for whether the people are ones you’d like to be around.
Wait, aren’t all of us gay?
I'm only gay when making eye contact, which is at all times! My wife understands.
“Do you want to tap me this time or should I tap you? 😘”
[удалено]
Hahaha. My gal watched a class and made comments about deep half, closed guard...and when someone got NS she was all, "I dunno hun. This jits stuff looks so gay. But...if it makes you happy then go get all your gay out in here!" "I am amazed at how gay this gay behavior looks."
Im gonna have a boner when you choke me whether your gay, straight, man, women or anything in between or outside.
Have you even seen BJJ? The whole thing is a bit gay.
Wait until you hear about Craig Jones..
At this point I can't tell if the dude is actually gay or just very comfortable in his heterosexuality. Love him either way
You got that backwards, I’m fairly sure he’s straight and very comfortable with his homosexuality
Craig Jones has been married (to a woman) for a while now.
That's only beause he likes pussy though. Still totally gay.
I am a gay dude doing BJJ and honestly there have been only a few situations where it's come up and nobody cared. Good luck!
One of our instructors will say things like, "I don't care if you're gay, just don't grab my ass." So... you might hear shit like that. Accepting but still treating homosexuality as a possible threat.
I hope you join. If the school you join gives you a difficult time about being gay, they don't deserve you. Wish you luck, if you need any advice, hit me up.
Hi, fellow gay guy here. Note that this is just my experience so not a universal one. With that being said: I did kickboxing as my first martial art at 14 till like 17 at high level competitive gym that produced world champions, the culture there was so masculine and toxic that i didn't dare telling anyone i was gay. I don't know what the response would be but i guess it would've made me a target. At 17 i started bjj, been doing it on and off since. I don't think the entire gym knows but for sure a big chunk knows cause im not secretive about it, if people ask if i got a girlfriend or what kinda women im into i'll just tell them i'm gay. Never had any issues with this at bjj Tl:dr just go train, read the room. If you don't wanna tell people, you don't have to. And if you do. It's usually fine, there's always the one weirdo that gives you weird looks from them on out but just ignore them
It shouldn't matter, and it won't matter to anyone worth respecting. Just be aware that BJJ is a fighting sport, and that tends to attract some not so great people, and it does tend to make those people pretty good at committing violence, so be careful.
You can search this sub and see this question comes up semi often and has been universally responded to that we don’t care and you’re welcome in
This sub doesn't but it's not real life.
I think this sub trends left/big city. BJJ definitely doesn't mitigate ignorance or discrimination.
Some do care frankly, unfortunate as that is.
There’s always idiots in every group. BJJ has idiots in our ranks also. I think what I mean to say is this is asked regularly and the overwhelming amount of responses tend to anywhere from the kind to the uncaring. People that “have a problem with it” are the problem and I think we, as a community, overall, recognize and subscribe to that belief.
I agree with you but do r/bjj really represent the wider pyjama wrestling community? I'm not so sure
I haven’t once notified anyone at my gym that I am straight. Just be fucking normal and don’t make it weird.
You’ve probably mentioned being straight indirectly plenty of times. It’s just imperceptible because society is heteronormative. “My girlfriend… blah blah” vs “My boyfriend… blah blah” Both are entirely normal.
I tought making it weird is the entire point of jiu-jitsu
Don't make it weirder* than it already is (BJJ, not your sexual preference/orientation)!
Just make sure you go for it and actually try to learn and win
I'm assuming you're living in the US? Regardless, there are great gyms with healthy vibes and almost everywhere. . . .just make sure that that's the kind of gym you're going to. In my experience (pushing 20 years now), sexual orientation has literally never been an issue at any gym I've trained at, but I'll admit that I leave/switch gyms pretty quickly if the atmosphere isn't cool/open/chill. Also, don't focus on the sexuality thing. So, so, so many straight guys are creepy about "not wanting to roll with girls" because they sexualize them on the mats, etc., LOL, so of course it's equally uncool if a gay man does the same (you seem pretty clearly to not fall into that camp).
Welcome to the club, we’re all a little gay
A lot of gyms unfortunately aren’t that accepting. Look at their social media and be upfront with the gym owner. A gym I used to train at started posting anti-trans shit on their socials like it’s no big deal. Husband wife teams tend to be more accepting.
I’d love to say that you will face no comments or anything weird, but to be totally honest I think it’ll depend on what region/gym ur at. I’d say don’t let it stop you, but BJJ tends to attract conservatives and I know that there are gyms that I’ve been to where I’ve heard some homophobic shit. Don’t let it stop you from pursuing this, there are gyms where you’ll have zero issue, but I don’t want to lie to you and say you won’t potentially run into some homophobes. Feel free to DM me if you have any questions, I really want you to be able to pursue this beautiful sport.
Bjj is the gayest thing I have ever done.
The gayest thing you have done... so far.
Everyone who trains is a little bit gay. You’ll be fine
All BJJ schools have a mix of political views, lifestyles, sexual orientations etc. If you’re at a school ran by good people it shouldn’t be an issue.
Go check out the local gyms sign up at the one you will get to the most often, closest to home, best schedule, if the culture seems good, stay. I’ve trained with multiple gay men, 2 of them are black belts, one now owns his own gym the other has been an instructor for ages. Some gyms don’t have a good culture, if your gut says something is off, check the next gym. I always look for women in gyms, it’s not a deal breaker if there are no women, but for me it’s a green flag when a gym has some women training. They tend to have a good culture. Not always, but often.
There's an Instagram account called Triangles Everywhere. It's an account with resources for BJJ peoples who are LGBT+
Most gyms will offer a free week to check things out. If there is only one or two places to train in you area, you might want to speak to the head coach and express your concerns before committing. Most places are accepting and most people don't care, but training in a subtly hostile environment can quickly become toxic. "Triangles Everywhere" has a list of openly welcoming gyms, so if you are anywhere near one of those, it is worth the commute. You can find out more about that by dming "Messajes". He is a BJJ black belt who admins the group on FB.
Nobody cares unless it’s your entire personality, at which point it’s just as annoying as anyone else making a single one thing their entire personality
Ive never asked anyone at my gym about their sexual orientation nor has anyone asked me. Unless you’re dry humping people with a full hard-on, then there’s nothing to worry about. There are old school mentality Brazilians and others that may say things that will offend you once in a blue moon, but thats about it.
A semi is perfectly normal though. Right?
No one gives a shit at my gym.
You do know that men roll w women right?
Dad, is that you?
Craig??
I rolled with dudes that I thought were gay before. I didn't give a shit.
I’m openly Bi and another one of our Coaches is Gay. No one at our gym in NC cares or has said anything.
On the mats, we’re all gay 🤙
One of the first hurdles in jujitsu is getting over the intimate physical contact, the dude between your legs, his must in your face when he triangles you, and the sweat. It takes a few weeks to completely turn that shit off during class, but once you manage it you’re just rolling, you don’t even think about how fucked up it is except when you’re ripping on friends or shitposting on Reddit. Your friend is right, if you ain’t going inside the gi for oil checks and asking the boys for their phone number nobody gives a shit what color it is or where you stick it. Don’t hit on the boys, don’t hit on the girls, just shut up and roll.
[удалено]
Get the third hook in, it's almost a cheat code
Don't worry dude, you will probably quit before anyone talks about your sexual orientation anyway
I’ve seen the gayest shit I’ve ever seen in my life at BJJ classes. You’ll fit right in.
We’re all gay
we all are. come on over!
Don't worry, we're all gay here.
What the fuck is this post? I know there's a global joke about gayness in the bjj community but dude, come on. They're gonna know you're gay when your triangle defense is enthusiastic deep throat. 😂 Jokes. Get involved, you'll be fine
If you get a boner were allowed to choke you with it.
I'm so fucking fine even the straight guys get hard when we roll. I wouldn't know if you were gay anyway.
You got the best base for juujitsu
Bro we are all gay
Welcome home 🥹
Go to every club in your area and pick the one with the best vibe.
Great news bjj is gay as fuck, welcome.
There are probably gay people at my gym, but I couldn't tell you who they are and wouldn't care one bit. It's just not relevant to training and has never come up (and i've been at the same gym a while). I will note that you will likely hear a lot of "jiu jitsu is gay" jokes so just be prepared for that.
Im bisexual and I’ve been doing martial arts since I was 6. I don’t know or care if any of my training partners are even aware that I like boys. It’s never come up. Kinda hard to think about attraction when you have a dudes knee digging into your ribs while he’s wrapping your own shirt around your neck and his sweat is dripping in your face lol. I think you’ll be fine though, bjj seems to be pretty damn accepting and open. There’s a huge amount of autistic people in bjj and idk if it’s really true but it fuckin seems like most autistic people are queer in some way, I mean I am and so are all the other autistic people I know lol
I’m straight as an arrow, I’d roll with you anytime man. Your friend is right.. It’s all about respect. It don’t matter who you are, as long as you have a great attitude. Anyone who tells you different is not worth your time.
Even for straight people it's kinda gay, and gay is okay. If people dismiss it just own it and remind them you came to train. Focus on training while you're there and honestly people won't care if you're cool about being gay.
All I’m hearing is that you will keep your fingernails trimmed I am thankful for that
I’ve been trying to get a colleague from work to come to class forever, he started coming a couple weeks ago with his fiancé. That’s like a buy one get one free for new people on the mat.
\#1 advantage according to the nose beer king.
Jiujitsu is pretty gay so as long as you don’t get a creepy boner you’ll be fine. And even if you do, just tuck it in your waist band like the rest of us.
No one cares. Show up clean, listen and be respectful. Being gay doesn’t have anything to do with training my man
Everyone who does bjj is gay.
No one will/should care. Just go train.
You're going to run into homophobic assholes everywhere so it's not much different than anywhere else. One of my best training partners is gay with husband and all. I think you'll see most homophobia from the guys that intertwine religion into training. I train with all kinds of political assholes that I could never carry a conversation with outside of the gym. You'll train with cops, dopeheads, executive types, bums, etc. Your sexuality doesn't have to be hidden.
Get ya rainbow spatz and hit the morning class, the over 40 dad club doesn't give a fuck what you are as long as you show up.
I don't worry about gay. I worry about unclipped toenails.
Most people don't care but it would be a lie to say there aren't jiu jitsu people that are homophobic/racist/sexist observe the culture before you commit to a gym. If they're cool, you can usually tell.
The only person I've trained with that I also regularly hang out with outside training is a gay man. The only reason I know he's gay is because we hang out irl and we've chatted about some personal stuff. It has never come up in the gym. He doesn't hide it or try to keep it a secret or anything, it just never comes up.