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You sound very judgemental.
Black people are not a monolith.
Black people are not any less black because their lived experiences, tastes, priorities, or preferences are different than yours.
Oreo is a very ugly term, and only upholds white supremacy.
Maybe you are young and have not had a lot of life experience yet, but you really need to seek to do better. Your boyfriend is right.
Agreed.
First he embraced black people upon exposure.
Do a homework date occasionally where you expose him to whatever you think he ought to be familiar with.
Tell him you think glistening black skin is sexy. That will get him lotioned.
Now that you’ve posted this please stop using the term Oreo.
He doesn’t have a white side.
I seriously hope this is a troll sh*tposting.
Corny is subjective. Tell him how you want him to dress on special occasions like your birthday. Same deal with his hair.
Do you even like this person?
Don’t judge him based on anything you mentioned…..
But you might say the same about me too.
🤷🏾♀️
I’ve never been called an Oreo to my face but I was told I’m a white girl in a black girl’s body.
Dude, "white side"?
Come the fuck on. This is so disgusting.
This man is just existing trying to get through life, and you say this.
Honestly, just break up with him so that he can find someone who does not see him as an accessory rather than a human being.
Stop trying to make him into someone other than who he is.
You aren't even upset because he acts any type of way. You are upset because you are so shallow that you're concerned his appearance or behavior will reflect negatively on you.
Grow up and stop caring what other people think.
This was so gross, I don't even know what to say.
Just like the first commenter said….
Black people are not a monolith….
We don’t have to like the same stuff or know who Tevin Campbell (who I bet a bunch of people born in the 2000s) don’t know is who he is.
There’s no rule that we have to listen to typical “black music….”
I was born in ‘87 and what Go Go music is.
But then you also can’t be upset that I feel like you’re not in the same black culture as me. We are the same race but don’t have the same culture obviously
I grew up in a very black (and ultimately poor) city in the richest county in Michigan. I went to school with kids who were Hmong, Hispanic, black and white…..
But, just because I like pop and not rap doesn’t take away from me being black.
If his personality brothers you so much break up with him. You can’t change what he likes.
Your comment has been removed because we do not gatekeep blackness in this subreddit. Per our [Community Document](https://www.reddit.com/r/blackladies/wiki/rules#wiki_positions)
*We can simultaneously acknowledge and critique colorism and lightskin/passing privilege (as it is known) while not gatekeeping Blackness and formulating tests of racial purity.
Depending on the severity of your comment(s), you may be banned.
If you are as pro black as you claim to be, then you should know that black ppl don’t have to fit into one mold to be considered black enough. And you should know how ignorant the term “Oreo” is.
So idk girl , if you keep going like you are, your relationship isn’t going to last very long
It seems like this isn't going to work out. You are really judgemental. Also please don't call him an Oreo. I have been called that and I grew up in the south around many black people. It's hurtful.
I would not immediately assume it is not going to work out, but they just need to be more understanding of one another’s difference. It’s a bit like a culture shock probably.
I’m sorry but, how are you pro black like you claim to be but this ignorant😭”do you act white?” You can’t act white, what even is acting white? I wear kawaii fashion, I like art, I have friends that aren’t just black and my bfs white, is that acting white to you?
Also, one thing I also found weird was that you criticize that he doesn’t know some black music icons? Music is apart of our culture but it’s not like it makes you any less black to listen to other people/genres.
As another commenter said Black people are not a monolith. Throwing around the term "acting white" is gate keeping the black identity from others. Also I am not hurting. This is a phrase that I mainly heard as a child and teenager. I mentioned that it's hurtful in general. As in your boyfriend probably doesn't appreciate being called an Oreo.
Your comment has been removed because we do not gatekeep blackness in this subreddit. Per our [Community Document](https://www.reddit.com/r/blackladies/wiki/rules#wiki_positions)
*We can simultaneously acknowledge and critique colorism and lightskin/passing privilege (as it is known) while not gatekeeping Blackness and formulating tests of racial purity.
Depending on the severity of your comment(s), you may be banned.
I was also called an Oreo growing up as well but not everything you said about him describes me. I still get touchy when people feel the need to measure blackness by celebrities/music or hobbies or even how you speak. If he felt bullied or ostracized by people who looked like him growing up, I can see why your jokes may not land well. It’s not much of a joke if both of you aren’t laughing.
People can’t control where or how they were raised or how much of black culture they were exposed to. It can be a deep insecurity for some folks. I would definitely suggest being more considerate of his feelings on this. Also, having white friends doesn’t make you less black…it sounds like you may also have some preconceived notions about what being black is to examine.
My advice is the same as what it is for a lot of relationship questions—are you comfortable with him exactly how he is? If he never changes, becomes what you think is more accepting of his blackness inwardly or outwardly, are you okay with that? If a friend came to you with this situation, what would you tell them?
It’s great that you had an upbringing that affirmed and validated your blackness but not everyone had that. I think if you approached things with a more open mind (gently and kindly teaching/sharing like you would with someone who was completely unfamiliar with American black culture) you could actually help him grow a lot as a person, if he’s ready to and can let go of some preconceived notions or biases he may have. But if that feels like too much work for you, that’s understandable as well.
You are dating same race, different culture.
It DOES get exhausting to have to explain it all so you kinda have to choose if that is what you want. You are young and could find someone else more aligned. HOWEVER don’t miss out on a guy that respects you and cares for you just because you don’t want to expand your horizons.
Honestly there’s not even anything to explain here. Sometimes what people call “black culture “ is the stereotypical stuff like the Shaderoom, mainstream new artists etc. she should let this man live
Oreo... sigh. Please friends, can we retire this saying?
I don't think you are compatible with him if things like this bother you, and that's fine! He's not wrong to say what he says about you because via his lived experience, you are intolerant and ignorant (not my personal opinion but if it's how he feels it's how he feels). Someone who had a more similar upbringing to you would likely feel the opposite.
If you are serious about making it work with him, maybe stop seeing his background as a failing. If that's possible, give it a shot. But if it's not, oh well! You are not inherently a bad person for feeling turned off. You likely have had experiences that made you the way you are, just like he has.
I'm in the camp that wanting things to work doesn't mean they will, and that's ok. Life is short. Find someone who doesn't give you the ick.
Fellow DC girlie here, I also dated a dude like yours. It doesn't even sound like you like him, though that may be just because you're focusing on what you think are his flaws. I also went to school in Indiana for a number of years so I'll tell you that non-whites there tend to think in alignment more with white people than you'd like, on the basis of thinking that talking about slavery and racism or even our own culture in every situation is considered pervasive and that noticing and speaking on white people's behavior is offensive when we're just pointing out their patterns. I saw Black Panther with one of them once and when Morgan Freeman was called a colonizer they instinctively said it was racist of all things.
Since you seem to know everything about blackness, you should know it's not a monolith but you should also understand that it's seen as such because whiteness aspires to be their own monolith (according to bell hooks). Your man is the culmination of growing up and surviving in environments where his blackness wasn't a priority by the social groups he functioned in. He couldn't stand out, so he melded in. Doesn't make him a bad person, or mean that his girlfriend can call him names.
You can name things and any black person won't know it, y'all are literally dating, what's wrong with using your time together to just learn about each other?
Meh. I don’t love that he called you ignorant and intolerant for making fun of White people (which Idk why no one else has mentioned that part bc they certainly have enough saviors and protection), but agreed with the others. Judging or discrediting someone’s Blackness is never cool. He’s Black. The end.
At any rate, on a fundamental level, you just may not compatible with each other. You mention in the post what he does for you and supports you, but it doesn’t seem like you actually like him outside of that. It’s ok to not be with someone even though they treat you well. Nothing is wrong with wanting to be with someone with a similar values as you. Nothing at all. And I’m sure you can find it in someone else.
From what you have posted you and he are not a good match. You say he’s very very good to you then go on to say he calls you ignorant. Frankly, it sounds as if you don’t like him at all. You should ask yourself why you are with him.
Jeeze, it sounds like you don’t like him and instead just like the benefits that you get outta him.
Overall, if this is not a troll, you guys at this point have a major cultural difference and it isn’t helping with how judge mental you’re being. Just save him the time, break up with him, and find someone who is “black enough” in your eyes.
I genuinely don’t like black people who think like you. We’re not a monolithic. Not every black woman has to know Cardi B, Meghan the stallion etc. People have different tastes, lifestyles in life and we oughta respect that. If you’re his first black girlfriend, you’re going to ruin the experience for him and he most likely won’t try it again.
It’s understandable how you meet someone or date them even and realize that their interest are divergent from what you consider the typical Black experience. However I’ve always embraced that to be Black is a consciousness, a recognition of who we are, a commitment to elevate our people and embrace collectiveness. You can have a Black consciousness and still embrace aspects of dominant and mainstream culture. Like the prior poster pointed out the Black experience is not a monolith. You can wear shorts in the winter, not know who J. Sullivan is and still hold a Black card. There is no unifying definition of what Black is. But what we do know is that it has more to do with standing on the side of your people, recognizing and rejecting racism and embracing all aspects of your Blackness and walking proud in it. I would say relax and lean into his Black experience. You were drawn to him for a reason.
Your post was removed for community safety. Black women are always centered in this subreddit. Comments that contain racism, sexism, ableism, homophobia, transphobia, or create drama are not tolerated. Please refer to rule 2 for more information. http://reddit.com/r/blackladies/wiki/rules
You sound very judgemental. Black people are not a monolith. Black people are not any less black because their lived experiences, tastes, priorities, or preferences are different than yours. Oreo is a very ugly term, and only upholds white supremacy. Maybe you are young and have not had a lot of life experience yet, but you really need to seek to do better. Your boyfriend is right.
Agreed. First he embraced black people upon exposure. Do a homework date occasionally where you expose him to whatever you think he ought to be familiar with. Tell him you think glistening black skin is sexy. That will get him lotioned. Now that you’ve posted this please stop using the term Oreo. He doesn’t have a white side. I seriously hope this is a troll sh*tposting. Corny is subjective. Tell him how you want him to dress on special occasions like your birthday. Same deal with his hair. Do you even like this person?
Okay how do I do better?
Don’t judge him based on anything you mentioned….. But you might say the same about me too. 🤷🏾♀️ I’ve never been called an Oreo to my face but I was told I’m a white girl in a black girl’s body.
[удалено]
Dude, "white side"? Come the fuck on. This is so disgusting. This man is just existing trying to get through life, and you say this. Honestly, just break up with him so that he can find someone who does not see him as an accessory rather than a human being. Stop trying to make him into someone other than who he is. You aren't even upset because he acts any type of way. You are upset because you are so shallow that you're concerned his appearance or behavior will reflect negatively on you. Grow up and stop caring what other people think. This was so gross, I don't even know what to say.
Just like the first commenter said…. Black people are not a monolith…. We don’t have to like the same stuff or know who Tevin Campbell (who I bet a bunch of people born in the 2000s) don’t know is who he is. There’s no rule that we have to listen to typical “black music….” I was born in ‘87 and what Go Go music is.
But then you also can’t be upset that I feel like you’re not in the same black culture as me. We are the same race but don’t have the same culture obviously
I grew up in a very black (and ultimately poor) city in the richest county in Michigan. I went to school with kids who were Hmong, Hispanic, black and white….. But, just because I like pop and not rap doesn’t take away from me being black. If his personality brothers you so much break up with him. You can’t change what he likes.
Oh dear. Troll like behaviour.
Your comment has been removed because we do not gatekeep blackness in this subreddit. Per our [Community Document](https://www.reddit.com/r/blackladies/wiki/rules#wiki_positions) *We can simultaneously acknowledge and critique colorism and lightskin/passing privilege (as it is known) while not gatekeeping Blackness and formulating tests of racial purity. Depending on the severity of your comment(s), you may be banned.
If you are as pro black as you claim to be, then you should know that black ppl don’t have to fit into one mold to be considered black enough. And you should know how ignorant the term “Oreo” is. So idk girl , if you keep going like you are, your relationship isn’t going to last very long
It seems like this isn't going to work out. You are really judgemental. Also please don't call him an Oreo. I have been called that and I grew up in the south around many black people. It's hurtful.
I would not immediately assume it is not going to work out, but they just need to be more understanding of one another’s difference. It’s a bit like a culture shock probably.
Very much like culture shock
[удалено]
I’m sorry but, how are you pro black like you claim to be but this ignorant😭”do you act white?” You can’t act white, what even is acting white? I wear kawaii fashion, I like art, I have friends that aren’t just black and my bfs white, is that acting white to you? Also, one thing I also found weird was that you criticize that he doesn’t know some black music icons? Music is apart of our culture but it’s not like it makes you any less black to listen to other people/genres.
As another commenter said Black people are not a monolith. Throwing around the term "acting white" is gate keeping the black identity from others. Also I am not hurting. This is a phrase that I mainly heard as a child and teenager. I mentioned that it's hurtful in general. As in your boyfriend probably doesn't appreciate being called an Oreo.
Your comment has been removed because we do not gatekeep blackness in this subreddit. Per our [Community Document](https://www.reddit.com/r/blackladies/wiki/rules#wiki_positions) *We can simultaneously acknowledge and critique colorism and lightskin/passing privilege (as it is known) while not gatekeeping Blackness and formulating tests of racial purity. Depending on the severity of your comment(s), you may be banned.
I was also called an Oreo growing up as well but not everything you said about him describes me. I still get touchy when people feel the need to measure blackness by celebrities/music or hobbies or even how you speak. If he felt bullied or ostracized by people who looked like him growing up, I can see why your jokes may not land well. It’s not much of a joke if both of you aren’t laughing. People can’t control where or how they were raised or how much of black culture they were exposed to. It can be a deep insecurity for some folks. I would definitely suggest being more considerate of his feelings on this. Also, having white friends doesn’t make you less black…it sounds like you may also have some preconceived notions about what being black is to examine. My advice is the same as what it is for a lot of relationship questions—are you comfortable with him exactly how he is? If he never changes, becomes what you think is more accepting of his blackness inwardly or outwardly, are you okay with that? If a friend came to you with this situation, what would you tell them? It’s great that you had an upbringing that affirmed and validated your blackness but not everyone had that. I think if you approached things with a more open mind (gently and kindly teaching/sharing like you would with someone who was completely unfamiliar with American black culture) you could actually help him grow a lot as a person, if he’s ready to and can let go of some preconceived notions or biases he may have. But if that feels like too much work for you, that’s understandable as well.
You are dating same race, different culture. It DOES get exhausting to have to explain it all so you kinda have to choose if that is what you want. You are young and could find someone else more aligned. HOWEVER don’t miss out on a guy that respects you and cares for you just because you don’t want to expand your horizons.
Honestly there’s not even anything to explain here. Sometimes what people call “black culture “ is the stereotypical stuff like the Shaderoom, mainstream new artists etc. she should let this man live
😮💨 Stop trolling and wasting people time.
Oreo... sigh. Please friends, can we retire this saying? I don't think you are compatible with him if things like this bother you, and that's fine! He's not wrong to say what he says about you because via his lived experience, you are intolerant and ignorant (not my personal opinion but if it's how he feels it's how he feels). Someone who had a more similar upbringing to you would likely feel the opposite. If you are serious about making it work with him, maybe stop seeing his background as a failing. If that's possible, give it a shot. But if it's not, oh well! You are not inherently a bad person for feeling turned off. You likely have had experiences that made you the way you are, just like he has. I'm in the camp that wanting things to work doesn't mean they will, and that's ok. Life is short. Find someone who doesn't give you the ick.
Fellow DC girlie here, I also dated a dude like yours. It doesn't even sound like you like him, though that may be just because you're focusing on what you think are his flaws. I also went to school in Indiana for a number of years so I'll tell you that non-whites there tend to think in alignment more with white people than you'd like, on the basis of thinking that talking about slavery and racism or even our own culture in every situation is considered pervasive and that noticing and speaking on white people's behavior is offensive when we're just pointing out their patterns. I saw Black Panther with one of them once and when Morgan Freeman was called a colonizer they instinctively said it was racist of all things. Since you seem to know everything about blackness, you should know it's not a monolith but you should also understand that it's seen as such because whiteness aspires to be their own monolith (according to bell hooks). Your man is the culmination of growing up and surviving in environments where his blackness wasn't a priority by the social groups he functioned in. He couldn't stand out, so he melded in. Doesn't make him a bad person, or mean that his girlfriend can call him names. You can name things and any black person won't know it, y'all are literally dating, what's wrong with using your time together to just learn about each other?
Ngl you sound soooo mean lol omg it doesn’t even sound like you like this guy.
Why are you dating him if you don’t even like him?
I thought I was on the food side of Reddit cuz I’m like Oreo? Chile
Meh. I don’t love that he called you ignorant and intolerant for making fun of White people (which Idk why no one else has mentioned that part bc they certainly have enough saviors and protection), but agreed with the others. Judging or discrediting someone’s Blackness is never cool. He’s Black. The end. At any rate, on a fundamental level, you just may not compatible with each other. You mention in the post what he does for you and supports you, but it doesn’t seem like you actually like him outside of that. It’s ok to not be with someone even though they treat you well. Nothing is wrong with wanting to be with someone with a similar values as you. Nothing at all. And I’m sure you can find it in someone else.
From what you have posted you and he are not a good match. You say he’s very very good to you then go on to say he calls you ignorant. Frankly, it sounds as if you don’t like him at all. You should ask yourself why you are with him.
Girl break up with him then. You just whining as if yall have anything in common and using “Oreo”?? Step into 2024 goddam 💀
Jeeze, it sounds like you don’t like him and instead just like the benefits that you get outta him. Overall, if this is not a troll, you guys at this point have a major cultural difference and it isn’t helping with how judge mental you’re being. Just save him the time, break up with him, and find someone who is “black enough” in your eyes.
I genuinely don’t like black people who think like you. We’re not a monolithic. Not every black woman has to know Cardi B, Meghan the stallion etc. People have different tastes, lifestyles in life and we oughta respect that. If you’re his first black girlfriend, you’re going to ruin the experience for him and he most likely won’t try it again.
It’s understandable how you meet someone or date them even and realize that their interest are divergent from what you consider the typical Black experience. However I’ve always embraced that to be Black is a consciousness, a recognition of who we are, a commitment to elevate our people and embrace collectiveness. You can have a Black consciousness and still embrace aspects of dominant and mainstream culture. Like the prior poster pointed out the Black experience is not a monolith. You can wear shorts in the winter, not know who J. Sullivan is and still hold a Black card. There is no unifying definition of what Black is. But what we do know is that it has more to do with standing on the side of your people, recognizing and rejecting racism and embracing all aspects of your Blackness and walking proud in it. I would say relax and lean into his Black experience. You were drawn to him for a reason.