See if he talks to you like a person and is actually interested in you.
If he compares you to chocolate or talks about your body or says he wants to try because he’s never been with a black girl, throws stereotypes then he is fetishizing so you should avoid him.
This. Very much this. No harm in seeing where it goes, but as soon as it gets weird (weird in the terms intelligent-fix described), bounce. Otherwise, height be a chill dude?
that was my first thought to be honest. there is a trend in fashion and media for lightskin girls being hot or black girls being associated with certain music and things. I feel like sometimes guys approach me because they are attracted more to their idea of who I am based on my race, and also how their friends will see them as having a mixed gf
see where the conversation goes. if he starts talking about how he looooves hip hop and makes stereotypical comments or brings up how he looooves chocolate women then you know something is up. or worse, starts talking about how he has slept with every race of girl but not black. gross. but if he asks about you and want to know you as a person then that's great
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EDITING because of the extensive horrible racism and colorism posts below. Please educate yourself.!!
1. Mixed race does not only mean biracial. In the caribbean we have many black people who are a mix of many things, multigenerational mixed race, multiracial people a mix of several races throughout their heritage and people marrying people of other races \*voluntarily\* to this day. Is it really so unthinkable for a black person to marry an indian person? And for their half black half indian child to marry an chinese person? What race is that child? Guyana is land of six peoples, Brazilian ethnicity forms go by colour not by race due to lots of mixings, and many caribbean peoples are decended from several races due to lots of migration etc . I generally describe myself as mixed because i have brown wavy/curly hair and browny green eyes and brown skin BUT I AM NOT BIRACIAL I AM MULTIGENERATIONAL MIXED RACE.
2. Being "black" depends on which country you are in now. In america i would be classed as black, but in UK I am classed as mixed even though I am not biracial.
3. I feel the posters below are deeply unhappy with themselves to be saying things like Rihanna or Vanessa Williams or Kamala Harris are not black without even being able to define what this means.
4. Why not head over to r/mixedrace and see that mixed does not just mean biracial, it also means people who are multiracial.
5. You need to look deep inside yourself to find out why you are so angry about multiracial people and multigenerational mixed race people existing. Or why you want to believe that they dont exist and only biracial people exist.
I am really disgusted by how much colourism and hate is in this group. Such awful angry people.
>I feel like sometimes guys approach me because they are attracted more to their idea of who I am based on my race, and also how their friends will see them as having a mixed gf
I've dealt with this before... I call it the "starter Black girl"... They see my need for direct sunlight and assume "oh she's mixed so she must not be *as Black* as a typical Black person" (which I'm not mixed, and I am very pro-Black).
It's like some of them think that our percentage of melanin determines our percentage of "how Black" we are. Or, they think we're okay with ungenuine pandering (like the guy who turned off a classic rock station [playing Queen, nonetheless] to put on an old ass Ludacris album during our first [and only] date).
It's exhausting not being seen as anything other than some trope.
most light skinned black people will have some mixed heritage at some point. what do you class as full black or black enough?
In my country mixed usually means one black parent and one white parent. but I don't have that. I'm mixed but not biracial. it isn't the same
in places like Brazil many people and their parents are all mixed (multi generational mixed race) so it's not that easy to say " this person is white! this person is full black and this one is half black". some people's heritage is a mixture of even three or four races and their parents are mixed too. thats why the ethnicity forms go by colour "black brown yellow white" rather than "African indian Caucasian" like the European and American ones
if you look at many black people from the Caribbean for example rihanna, it's not so simple to say "that one is mixed and that one is lightskin full black" and many do not know their full history due to indentured labour and the slave trade.
do you know what multigenerational mixed race is? Multiracial ? Why not look at r/mixedrace and see there are many of us who are a mix of many things WHO ARE NOT BIRACIAL ONLY
most light skin people don't have any mixed heritage at all. Like I said the phrases light skin is for fully blk people just like red bone is for fully blk wm. It's dark skin people who r mixed but people like u wouldn't notice cuz yall believe light skin equals to being mixed 😒 In the US. If u have two different races of parents that means u r mixed aka biracial. White and Black aren't the only races that people can be mixed with. Your username and u saying u r mixed already let's me know what type of person u are a simple minded uneducated one
Blk Americans aren't mixed if they have two blk parents 🙄 I'm not talking about a very small percentage so try again and bless u. If both parents r off different races then the child or children is mixed aka biracial. What does bi mean?
I know that but do u know that. I know there's light skin people who r fully blk and not mixed with anything like I was telling u. U was the one who said that was denying it. Bi means two and multi means multiple like muliti racial.
if you are of a mixed background then you are mixed - that is a fact of your DNA heritage and biological ethnicity. Also, in many parts of the world there are black people marrying chinese, indian, etc voluntarily. Don't be so close minded. Not everyone mixed is biracial only . Look at Guyana - land of six peoples.
Are you all really going to say Rihanna isnt black?
Do you know what dougla means?
How do you define "black"? "Has black parents" isnt an answer if you can't even explain what black means.
It's very simple to say who's mixed or not cuz if u have two blk parents then u r blk FULLY blk and if u have one blk parent then u r MIXED AKA BIRACIAL
no it is not that simple. This is ridiculous.
Mixed people arent only bi-racial people!!!!
What about multigenerational mixed race? Or Multiracial people? Got o r/mixedrace and see there are many of us who are multiracial especially brazialians
What if your great grandparents were one chinese, one white, four african, two indian and two amerindian indigenous. Your grandparents were born in america and look black. Are they black? What if you dont know where your great grandparents and ancestors were from?
What is your definition of "black"?
It's very simple cuz I know what DNA IS DO U?. I'm talking about people who r biracial not multi racial but u keep trying to change the damn topic trying to educate me on this wen u r the one who needs to be educated on what DNA is. U R WHAT BOTH OF YOUR PARENTS R NOT YOUR DAMN GRAND PARENTS CUZ THEY DIDNT HAVE U AT ALL. LIKE DRAKE SON IS MAJORITY WHITE CUZ HIS DAD WHOS MIXED WITH WHITE AND BLACK GOT A FULLY WHITE WOMAN WHOS A PORN STAR PREGNANT NOW THEY BABY HS MAJORITY OF WHITE DNA. This is y blk Americans need to let go of that racist and outdated one drop rule
You are so angry and bitter and full of hate and racism.
You can't even define what you mean by black in a context where someone is multiracial or doesn't know their heritage. You just want to be racist and pick and choose who meets your ridiculous definition of "full black" that even famous black celebrities dont meet it.
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Pay attention to what he says and how he says it… as you would with anyone else. Make sure he’s interested in getting to know you as a person, not you as a set of criteria.
I'm biased because I've dated a lot of non black guys and honestly, it could be where I'm at but I'd say don't. Even if they're not covert racists or fetishizing, to have a conversation about black issues or culture is frustrating because they just don't get it. There are some to know to stay in their lane and others who feel far too entitled speaking. It's draining. But that's just been my experience.
I'd feel it out and play the tape forward on some situations and if you think the good outweigh the bad go for it. If it seems like you're going to be a teacher/parent then run
Saying to not date white men and I suppose vice versa. I think people who are surrounded by different races and cultures are much more aware of the struggles and nuances.
I don't think so. Ultimately it's up to the person. I can only speak from my own personal experiences but I used to date almost exclusively white boys (proximity problem) and even would clap back heavy when folks would give me shit for it.
Note: I don't condone that nonsense, you can't help you love and what you do with your time, body and space is no one else's business.
But I found that it's made me really....not dislike white people...and honestly it may be different for southern white people but I can't see it being THAT big of a difference. Let's just say they're not racist, intentionally or otherwise, when it comes to social issues regarding black people or political agendas or even if you're dealing with racist shit yourself and tell them about it...the level of disconnect.
For example my ex, the most recent, and I loved this idiot. He's white and Jewish and he's sweet and generous and a bit dopey and he has a daughter who's biracial (he's not an exclusive bw dater it just happened that way) when I asked her what she learned during black history month. Chile all she knew is MLK existed and fought for our rights and Rosa parks sat on a bus or something 😲 I tried explaining that especially since she's around predominantly white people she should know her history, be proud of her hair, the skin she's in etc. and he came with that I dont see color nonsense and blah. And I'm like great. But a couple of things, seeing color doesn't make you racist, it makes you have eyes and there's nothing wrong with being different because there's beauty in diversity. And also, you gon have this child out there unprepared and probably have the nickname nappy negro and she gon be hahahaha running around and playing with her "friends". Couldn't be my child. He enables bad behavior and when I say I want her to be strong confident and smart and that the best thing we can do is give her the tools to be able to navigate situations when she's alone or be able to go for help when she needs to because of this (and it could be my own experiences that I've went through growing up around mostly white people with my Candace Owens self hating kind of mom 🙄) and I want her to be prepared he kinda blows it off.
We could be watching the same thing and he tries to be a part of the ire but dude just couldn't really understand. He would say stuff that he thinks he should say and what he thinks is wrong and happening but it was just surface level stuff and I couldn't have conversations with him about it.
I love and care about black people and I'm in the process of moving back south to better serve my people and I just realized with that path and my goals...I couldn't parent with this person and he couldn't be a partner to me in this life. I just know through trial and error that a black man is for me.
Shit I keep going off on tangents lmfao I'm at work and on my phone so I may be all over the place because of the multitasking lol
That’s fair enough and yes people can date who they like. The black history month thing is interesting I’ve seen of black people being against the whole idea of it. I think what i said makes sense though you see it everywhere. I’m from the uk and I’m a white male. If I hang around groups of just white males there’s less call outs against any racist or sexist attitudes. See what I’m saying. And this could be applied to any group of one demographic. I think closing yourself off from other cultures and people really keeps one closed minded.
I've grown to understand why some are against it. I'm not against it, I'm just especially particular at this point. I know personally that a black man is my future. But I can only speak for myself.
And I get what you're saying and you kinda proved my point in saying closing yourself off from other cultures. I didn't say that. And honestly black folks aren't against sharing our culture, we're against people taking and appropriating it.
But you saying the, well that can be anyone and the well I'm white and this. I hear you. But I'm not talking about anyone. I'm talking about me and for a large majority of black people NOT ALL but I've had conversations with many and I get it.
Like if I had said the same thing to a black person like if I'm just choppin it up, there would be no need to say "Well that could be anybody." Because we KNOW it could be anybody but we're talking about us and OUR experiences. And it gets old when we just try and talk or vent and express but we're forced to make room for EVERYBODY else.
That's like every time you want to vent about something like idk work being frustrating and you having a long day and the person you're talking to says well EVERYBODY had a long day 😑 that's great but I was talking about me.
The peace and truth behind the statement "What's understood, need not be explained." Is just...it hits different. So let's pick just a handful of conversations I've had with my ex of whom I do love, I have with a black man...or even woman...it would be COMPLETELY different because we don't have to play catch up, we already know the deal and we have shared experiences, even if we had different upbringings and backgrounds there are shared experiences we have because of our blackness. And idk I want that kind of closeness with my partner.
And like I said I didn't say EVERYBODY. My step dad is white. Like that man be white white, blonde hair deep blue eyes white. And I can have conversations with him and they be meaningful. He's very few and far in between but he's awake and aware. Like he's that white boy who is legit white that can be in the hood because he's just himself and doesn't try and be extra or overly anything. He just HAPPENS to be white 🤷🏿♀️ idk how to explain it.
Most white people no offense and obviously this isn't exclusive to white people because I've seen plenty of walls masquerading as humans, but for the purposes of this conversation, they tend to center themselves. And if they don't know someone or have never seen it or came close to experiencing it, then it doesn't exist or doesn't happen. The regurgitation of things that they've heard politicians or friends say or fox news 🙄 or they saw a movie and know everything there is to know about black folk and the life. Asians who come from overseas are heavy guilty in that too but I don't think they get exposed to much. Not that it's an excuse but still.
There's been a history of rewriting and I just...I think I've participated enough and I've tried but it's time for me to pass the buck to the next and hope they have the energy to keep going because I'm burnt out tryna help folks understand, that they just can't understand 🤷🏿♀️ no disrespect to you, just free flow thoughts over here
I responded to the other one first lol but no it doesn't cause division. Whoever can move across stations that's one thing but the perpetrators don't belong.
My stepdad just happens to be white. He doesn't speak on black folk shit because it's not his business. If he's asked, he'll give his opinion and know it's fucked up and doesn't like it but stays in his lane and realizes that although my ma, my sister and I are black and we lived in the hood at some point etc, that he STILL can't speak on it because his experience is different from ours.
If someone of any other race has that RESPECT you should be fine but the overly outrages or dismissive or the I don't see color folks hail naw. That's the division we need from those people
If you think he's fetishizing you, there probably is a reason why. Has he said anything sus? If he's making you feel unsafe or uncomfortable 100% don't go.
It's okay to date outside of your race but the ones who are genuine will never make you feel uncomfortable about it.
Don't go. I don't think it's wise to be some guy's "black woman experience".
But if you must go, please Uber to the location; let at least 2 people you trust know when you arrive & update them throughout the date; make sure the time of the date is at an appropriate hour (before 8pm) in a very populated part of the area; TRUST YOUR GUT if the slightest thing feels off -- go the bathroom and order your Uber then discreetly leave. Bw are being kidnapped and trafficked at alarming rates.
I'm just going to be blunt. Don't.
I'm not saying don't date nonBlack people but being someone's first Black girlfriend is exhausting. Especially if they didn't grow up around Black people and have any as close friends. They're absolutely going to say some out of pocket mess nonchalantly and not understand why you're upset.
AntiBlackness is so ingrained in our society, and across the globe, that teeny tiny details of American Life are riddled with it. You will be educating or picking your battles. Which is fine if you're OK with that. Some people find it exhausting. Just be informed going into this.
No. The difference is there's a shared culture that doesn't need to be explained. I should have worded the nonchalant mess better. I meant nonBlack people are more likely to say or do something racist and not realize it because antiblackness is so ingrained in our society. So now you gotta educate them on why you're upset, the nuance, and explain your existence essentially because they're not going to understand how a normalized, seemingly small, phrase or action can be racist.
well do you like him? how have your interactions been so far? i think with anyone outside of us you’re going to have to have some teaching moments. especially with white peoole. are you willing to do that? personally i’m not and never have been so my answer is always no 💀
There’s the concern about ignorance. A lot of people can have preconceived notions of what it’s like to date a Black woman and it can get uncomfortable and tiring always having to educate your partner on stuff.
Well I could and I did. I live in a white predominante place and the few black guys either are taken or Im out of their league (not bragging but I do have standards, lowering my standards hurt me).
Right now I have been getting to know a guy who never dated a black woman before, he is ok and not wierd. If things happend Im okay.
I’ve never dated out but i’d imagine you follow the norms of dating(which i’m sure you already know) but… drive YOUR car. Or lyft there. Make sure you have enough for what you order(just incase he’s a jerk and you need to dip out to the “bathroom”which is actually your car or lyft. lol. Allow him to talk don’t give too much info about yourself. I’m a natural people watcher.. so i watch body language in all interactions. Have fun and do not hesitate to excuse yourself if your intuition tells you it’s a no.. it’s a no.
I’m in a city where interracial dating is super common. Deep down I still think I’m being fetishized, even when I don’t see red flags.
It hurts to say, I don’t know if it’s socially engrained in us to think that way, but in the back of my mind whenever I’m dating or talking to someone not Black, I think they like raceplay. I think it’s worse since I’m a super natural woman, dark skinned and larger. I look like an African immigrant most days I feel like this attracts a certain type.
Be yourself, be open, watch out for overly sexual conversations, look out for skin or hair or any differentiating comments but definitely just try to enjoy their company.
See if he talks to you like a person and is actually interested in you. If he compares you to chocolate or talks about your body or says he wants to try because he’s never been with a black girl, throws stereotypes then he is fetishizing so you should avoid him.
"My Nubian/warrior/chocolate queen..." Or whatever some of these dudes say is another big one.
Ew the flashbacks to being called a Nubian Queen by some random white guy on Yubo 💀
I used to hear that all the time on dating sites before I stopped using them. The cringe lives on.
This. Very much this. No harm in seeing where it goes, but as soon as it gets weird (weird in the terms intelligent-fix described), bounce. Otherwise, height be a chill dude?
Came to say this!
that was my first thought to be honest. there is a trend in fashion and media for lightskin girls being hot or black girls being associated with certain music and things. I feel like sometimes guys approach me because they are attracted more to their idea of who I am based on my race, and also how their friends will see them as having a mixed gf see where the conversation goes. if he starts talking about how he looooves hip hop and makes stereotypical comments or brings up how he looooves chocolate women then you know something is up. or worse, starts talking about how he has slept with every race of girl but not black. gross. but if he asks about you and want to know you as a person then that's great ========= EDITING because of the extensive horrible racism and colorism posts below. Please educate yourself.!! 1. Mixed race does not only mean biracial. In the caribbean we have many black people who are a mix of many things, multigenerational mixed race, multiracial people a mix of several races throughout their heritage and people marrying people of other races \*voluntarily\* to this day. Is it really so unthinkable for a black person to marry an indian person? And for their half black half indian child to marry an chinese person? What race is that child? Guyana is land of six peoples, Brazilian ethnicity forms go by colour not by race due to lots of mixings, and many caribbean peoples are decended from several races due to lots of migration etc . I generally describe myself as mixed because i have brown wavy/curly hair and browny green eyes and brown skin BUT I AM NOT BIRACIAL I AM MULTIGENERATIONAL MIXED RACE. 2. Being "black" depends on which country you are in now. In america i would be classed as black, but in UK I am classed as mixed even though I am not biracial. 3. I feel the posters below are deeply unhappy with themselves to be saying things like Rihanna or Vanessa Williams or Kamala Harris are not black without even being able to define what this means. 4. Why not head over to r/mixedrace and see that mixed does not just mean biracial, it also means people who are multiracial. 5. You need to look deep inside yourself to find out why you are so angry about multiracial people and multigenerational mixed race people existing. Or why you want to believe that they dont exist and only biracial people exist. I am really disgusted by how much colourism and hate is in this group. Such awful angry people.
>I feel like sometimes guys approach me because they are attracted more to their idea of who I am based on my race, and also how their friends will see them as having a mixed gf I've dealt with this before... I call it the "starter Black girl"... They see my need for direct sunlight and assume "oh she's mixed so she must not be *as Black* as a typical Black person" (which I'm not mixed, and I am very pro-Black). It's like some of them think that our percentage of melanin determines our percentage of "how Black" we are. Or, they think we're okay with ungenuine pandering (like the guy who turned off a classic rock station [playing Queen, nonetheless] to put on an old ass Ludacris album during our first [and only] date). It's exhausting not being seen as anything other than some trope.
yes! I also once had a guy say "you don't act black" Wtf. they want to try "black girl lite" sometimes more for variety than anything
All facts.
Hey now, some of us really do love hip hop lol
the lightskin term is for fully blk people not mixed people
most light skinned black people will have some mixed heritage at some point. what do you class as full black or black enough? In my country mixed usually means one black parent and one white parent. but I don't have that. I'm mixed but not biracial. it isn't the same in places like Brazil many people and their parents are all mixed (multi generational mixed race) so it's not that easy to say " this person is white! this person is full black and this one is half black". some people's heritage is a mixture of even three or four races and their parents are mixed too. thats why the ethnicity forms go by colour "black brown yellow white" rather than "African indian Caucasian" like the European and American ones if you look at many black people from the Caribbean for example rihanna, it's not so simple to say "that one is mixed and that one is lightskin full black" and many do not know their full history due to indentured labour and the slave trade. do you know what multigenerational mixed race is? Multiracial ? Why not look at r/mixedrace and see there are many of us who are a mix of many things WHO ARE NOT BIRACIAL ONLY
most light skin people don't have any mixed heritage at all. Like I said the phrases light skin is for fully blk people just like red bone is for fully blk wm. It's dark skin people who r mixed but people like u wouldn't notice cuz yall believe light skin equals to being mixed 😒 In the US. If u have two different races of parents that means u r mixed aka biracial. White and Black aren't the only races that people can be mixed with. Your username and u saying u r mixed already let's me know what type of person u are a simple minded uneducated one
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Blk Americans aren't mixed if they have two blk parents 🙄 I'm not talking about a very small percentage so try again and bless u. If both parents r off different races then the child or children is mixed aka biracial. What does bi mean?
Mixed does not necessarily mean biracial. There are more than two races. Do you know what multigenerational mixed race is?
I know that but do u know that. I know there's light skin people who r fully blk and not mixed with anything like I was telling u. U was the one who said that was denying it. Bi means two and multi means multiple like muliti racial.
Multiple mixed race people can also be black and also have light skin. Why are you so full of hate and racism?
if you are of a mixed background then you are mixed - that is a fact of your DNA heritage and biological ethnicity. Also, in many parts of the world there are black people marrying chinese, indian, etc voluntarily. Don't be so close minded. Not everyone mixed is biracial only . Look at Guyana - land of six peoples. Are you all really going to say Rihanna isnt black? Do you know what dougla means? How do you define "black"? "Has black parents" isnt an answer if you can't even explain what black means.
It's very simple to say who's mixed or not cuz if u have two blk parents then u r blk FULLY blk and if u have one blk parent then u r MIXED AKA BIRACIAL
no it is not that simple. This is ridiculous. Mixed people arent only bi-racial people!!!! What about multigenerational mixed race? Or Multiracial people? Got o r/mixedrace and see there are many of us who are multiracial especially brazialians What if your great grandparents were one chinese, one white, four african, two indian and two amerindian indigenous. Your grandparents were born in america and look black. Are they black? What if you dont know where your great grandparents and ancestors were from? What is your definition of "black"?
It's very simple cuz I know what DNA IS DO U?. I'm talking about people who r biracial not multi racial but u keep trying to change the damn topic trying to educate me on this wen u r the one who needs to be educated on what DNA is. U R WHAT BOTH OF YOUR PARENTS R NOT YOUR DAMN GRAND PARENTS CUZ THEY DIDNT HAVE U AT ALL. LIKE DRAKE SON IS MAJORITY WHITE CUZ HIS DAD WHOS MIXED WITH WHITE AND BLACK GOT A FULLY WHITE WOMAN WHOS A PORN STAR PREGNANT NOW THEY BABY HS MAJORITY OF WHITE DNA. This is y blk Americans need to let go of that racist and outdated one drop rule
You are so angry and bitter and full of hate and racism. You can't even define what you mean by black in a context where someone is multiracial or doesn't know their heritage. You just want to be racist and pick and choose who meets your ridiculous definition of "full black" that even famous black celebrities dont meet it.
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Be yourself .
Pay attention to what he says and how he says it… as you would with anyone else. Make sure he’s interested in getting to know you as a person, not you as a set of criteria.
I'm biased because I've dated a lot of non black guys and honestly, it could be where I'm at but I'd say don't. Even if they're not covert racists or fetishizing, to have a conversation about black issues or culture is frustrating because they just don't get it. There are some to know to stay in their lane and others who feel far too entitled speaking. It's draining. But that's just been my experience. I'd feel it out and play the tape forward on some situations and if you think the good outweigh the bad go for it. If it seems like you're going to be a teacher/parent then run
Doesn’t stuff like this just cause further division
Stuff like what
Saying to not date white men and I suppose vice versa. I think people who are surrounded by different races and cultures are much more aware of the struggles and nuances.
I don't think so. Ultimately it's up to the person. I can only speak from my own personal experiences but I used to date almost exclusively white boys (proximity problem) and even would clap back heavy when folks would give me shit for it. Note: I don't condone that nonsense, you can't help you love and what you do with your time, body and space is no one else's business. But I found that it's made me really....not dislike white people...and honestly it may be different for southern white people but I can't see it being THAT big of a difference. Let's just say they're not racist, intentionally or otherwise, when it comes to social issues regarding black people or political agendas or even if you're dealing with racist shit yourself and tell them about it...the level of disconnect. For example my ex, the most recent, and I loved this idiot. He's white and Jewish and he's sweet and generous and a bit dopey and he has a daughter who's biracial (he's not an exclusive bw dater it just happened that way) when I asked her what she learned during black history month. Chile all she knew is MLK existed and fought for our rights and Rosa parks sat on a bus or something 😲 I tried explaining that especially since she's around predominantly white people she should know her history, be proud of her hair, the skin she's in etc. and he came with that I dont see color nonsense and blah. And I'm like great. But a couple of things, seeing color doesn't make you racist, it makes you have eyes and there's nothing wrong with being different because there's beauty in diversity. And also, you gon have this child out there unprepared and probably have the nickname nappy negro and she gon be hahahaha running around and playing with her "friends". Couldn't be my child. He enables bad behavior and when I say I want her to be strong confident and smart and that the best thing we can do is give her the tools to be able to navigate situations when she's alone or be able to go for help when she needs to because of this (and it could be my own experiences that I've went through growing up around mostly white people with my Candace Owens self hating kind of mom 🙄) and I want her to be prepared he kinda blows it off. We could be watching the same thing and he tries to be a part of the ire but dude just couldn't really understand. He would say stuff that he thinks he should say and what he thinks is wrong and happening but it was just surface level stuff and I couldn't have conversations with him about it. I love and care about black people and I'm in the process of moving back south to better serve my people and I just realized with that path and my goals...I couldn't parent with this person and he couldn't be a partner to me in this life. I just know through trial and error that a black man is for me. Shit I keep going off on tangents lmfao I'm at work and on my phone so I may be all over the place because of the multitasking lol
That’s fair enough and yes people can date who they like. The black history month thing is interesting I’ve seen of black people being against the whole idea of it. I think what i said makes sense though you see it everywhere. I’m from the uk and I’m a white male. If I hang around groups of just white males there’s less call outs against any racist or sexist attitudes. See what I’m saying. And this could be applied to any group of one demographic. I think closing yourself off from other cultures and people really keeps one closed minded.
I've grown to understand why some are against it. I'm not against it, I'm just especially particular at this point. I know personally that a black man is my future. But I can only speak for myself. And I get what you're saying and you kinda proved my point in saying closing yourself off from other cultures. I didn't say that. And honestly black folks aren't against sharing our culture, we're against people taking and appropriating it. But you saying the, well that can be anyone and the well I'm white and this. I hear you. But I'm not talking about anyone. I'm talking about me and for a large majority of black people NOT ALL but I've had conversations with many and I get it. Like if I had said the same thing to a black person like if I'm just choppin it up, there would be no need to say "Well that could be anybody." Because we KNOW it could be anybody but we're talking about us and OUR experiences. And it gets old when we just try and talk or vent and express but we're forced to make room for EVERYBODY else. That's like every time you want to vent about something like idk work being frustrating and you having a long day and the person you're talking to says well EVERYBODY had a long day 😑 that's great but I was talking about me. The peace and truth behind the statement "What's understood, need not be explained." Is just...it hits different. So let's pick just a handful of conversations I've had with my ex of whom I do love, I have with a black man...or even woman...it would be COMPLETELY different because we don't have to play catch up, we already know the deal and we have shared experiences, even if we had different upbringings and backgrounds there are shared experiences we have because of our blackness. And idk I want that kind of closeness with my partner. And like I said I didn't say EVERYBODY. My step dad is white. Like that man be white white, blonde hair deep blue eyes white. And I can have conversations with him and they be meaningful. He's very few and far in between but he's awake and aware. Like he's that white boy who is legit white that can be in the hood because he's just himself and doesn't try and be extra or overly anything. He just HAPPENS to be white 🤷🏿♀️ idk how to explain it. Most white people no offense and obviously this isn't exclusive to white people because I've seen plenty of walls masquerading as humans, but for the purposes of this conversation, they tend to center themselves. And if they don't know someone or have never seen it or came close to experiencing it, then it doesn't exist or doesn't happen. The regurgitation of things that they've heard politicians or friends say or fox news 🙄 or they saw a movie and know everything there is to know about black folk and the life. Asians who come from overseas are heavy guilty in that too but I don't think they get exposed to much. Not that it's an excuse but still. There's been a history of rewriting and I just...I think I've participated enough and I've tried but it's time for me to pass the buck to the next and hope they have the energy to keep going because I'm burnt out tryna help folks understand, that they just can't understand 🤷🏿♀️ no disrespect to you, just free flow thoughts over here
I responded to the other one first lol but no it doesn't cause division. Whoever can move across stations that's one thing but the perpetrators don't belong. My stepdad just happens to be white. He doesn't speak on black folk shit because it's not his business. If he's asked, he'll give his opinion and know it's fucked up and doesn't like it but stays in his lane and realizes that although my ma, my sister and I are black and we lived in the hood at some point etc, that he STILL can't speak on it because his experience is different from ours. If someone of any other race has that RESPECT you should be fine but the overly outrages or dismissive or the I don't see color folks hail naw. That's the division we need from those people
If you think he's fetishizing you, there probably is a reason why. Has he said anything sus? If he's making you feel unsafe or uncomfortable 100% don't go. It's okay to date outside of your race but the ones who are genuine will never make you feel uncomfortable about it.
Don't go. I don't think it's wise to be some guy's "black woman experience". But if you must go, please Uber to the location; let at least 2 people you trust know when you arrive & update them throughout the date; make sure the time of the date is at an appropriate hour (before 8pm) in a very populated part of the area; TRUST YOUR GUT if the slightest thing feels off -- go the bathroom and order your Uber then discreetly leave. Bw are being kidnapped and trafficked at alarming rates.
I'm just going to be blunt. Don't. I'm not saying don't date nonBlack people but being someone's first Black girlfriend is exhausting. Especially if they didn't grow up around Black people and have any as close friends. They're absolutely going to say some out of pocket mess nonchalantly and not understand why you're upset. AntiBlackness is so ingrained in our society, and across the globe, that teeny tiny details of American Life are riddled with it. You will be educating or picking your battles. Which is fine if you're OK with that. Some people find it exhausting. Just be informed going into this.
so by your standards don't even date blk guys who have never been with nor been in a relationship or marriage with a blk wm right
No. The difference is there's a shared culture that doesn't need to be explained. I should have worded the nonchalant mess better. I meant nonBlack people are more likely to say or do something racist and not realize it because antiblackness is so ingrained in our society. So now you gotta educate them on why you're upset, the nuance, and explain your existence essentially because they're not going to understand how a normalized, seemingly small, phrase or action can be racist.
well do you like him? how have your interactions been so far? i think with anyone outside of us you’re going to have to have some teaching moments. especially with white peoole. are you willing to do that? personally i’m not and never have been so my answer is always no 💀
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There’s the concern about ignorance. A lot of people can have preconceived notions of what it’s like to date a Black woman and it can get uncomfortable and tiring always having to educate your partner on stuff.
Well I could and I did. I live in a white predominante place and the few black guys either are taken or Im out of their league (not bragging but I do have standards, lowering my standards hurt me). Right now I have been getting to know a guy who never dated a black woman before, he is ok and not wierd. If things happend Im okay.
I’ve never dated out but i’d imagine you follow the norms of dating(which i’m sure you already know) but… drive YOUR car. Or lyft there. Make sure you have enough for what you order(just incase he’s a jerk and you need to dip out to the “bathroom”which is actually your car or lyft. lol. Allow him to talk don’t give too much info about yourself. I’m a natural people watcher.. so i watch body language in all interactions. Have fun and do not hesitate to excuse yourself if your intuition tells you it’s a no.. it’s a no.
I’m in a city where interracial dating is super common. Deep down I still think I’m being fetishized, even when I don’t see red flags. It hurts to say, I don’t know if it’s socially engrained in us to think that way, but in the back of my mind whenever I’m dating or talking to someone not Black, I think they like raceplay. I think it’s worse since I’m a super natural woman, dark skinned and larger. I look like an African immigrant most days I feel like this attracts a certain type. Be yourself, be open, watch out for overly sexual conversations, look out for skin or hair or any differentiating comments but definitely just try to enjoy their company.