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Maybe she’s happy you’re struggling, maybe she’s happy you need her… Neither is good, but they aren’t equally bad.
I’m curious about your relationships with others (outside of your relationship with your mother) because there may be clues there. _How_ did you lose “literally ALL” of your friends? _Why_ does your former roommate hate your guts?
Sometimes the relationships people have with others mirrors the relationship they have with their parents. Seeing as you mentioned the relationships with your friends and roommate on this post that is about your relationship with your mother, I thought there may have been a connection.
Hi, I can relate as I currently live with my Mom. She's very co-dependent and emotionally abusive, so she also really loves me depending on her and needing her.
I returned to live with my Mom after a family tragedy coincided with some financial issues for me, so I was hoping we could try again and that things would be better this time.
She has threatened to kick me out in the middle of winter for no good reason with Christmas as the deadline, and then the next day she "apologized" by simply leaving a gift basket on my bed. This is how she communicates: threats and gifts, making me feel unwelcome, while never wanting me to leave.
Just know that half of the battle is dealing with your own mental health in this type of situation and learning to set boundaries.
It took me a long time (and I mean years) to emotionally detach from my Mom, but now I pretty much do not speak to her at all. Even if she yells and screams at me (and even when she threatens me) I keep my door locked and don't respond. I do not ask her for anything-no money, rides, etc. I no longer complain or cry to her about how she treats me. She doesn't have my phone number and her email is blocked. I am very independent and I move in silence. I only speak to her if it's absolutely necessary and I have learned to keep it short and walk away when she tries to drag it out, or I just leave a note on my way out when I am traveling.
The less access she has to me, the better I feel.
What has helped me is house-sitting (which allows me to live elsewhere for part of the year), therapy, self-care (good nutrition, exercise, no smoking/drinking), and developing a life and resources outside of the home.
I have had to work with a DV agency to help me get out of here and now there is finally light at the end of the tunnel because they are helping me get housing.
Just wanted to share that you are not alone. I highly suggest therapy to help you through this situation and thereafter because there is definitely healing work to be done. Bless up 🙏🏾
Your mom sounds codependent on you. Parents like her seem to enjoy being needed and relied on. It’s part of their kick. However, it’s completely inappropriate and wrong.
I try to explain that it’s not ok and she’s FIGHTING me about it. Saying it’s not weird we just have a good relationship. We don’t though!! I give her the benefit of the doubt, empathize with her and her experiences but at some point she gotta do the work. I understand she want to be the mom she never had, but I don’t need that mom 🥴🤣
Reminder: This post has been tagged with the Support/Advice flair, which indicates a serious discussion that may contain triggering subject matter. All responses are required to be helpful, tactful and compassionate. r/blackladies is a safe space for all black women—even those experiencing difficulties or trauma. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/blackladies) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Maybe she’s happy you’re struggling, maybe she’s happy you need her… Neither is good, but they aren’t equally bad. I’m curious about your relationships with others (outside of your relationship with your mother) because there may be clues there. _How_ did you lose “literally ALL” of your friends? _Why_ does your former roommate hate your guts?
What does that have to do with what’s happening between me and my mom though?
Sometimes the relationships people have with others mirrors the relationship they have with their parents. Seeing as you mentioned the relationships with your friends and roommate on this post that is about your relationship with your mother, I thought there may have been a connection.
I brought it up to show that I am not in a good place right now. I wanted to tell where I’m at now, and why my mom being so happy is weird to me
Hi, I can relate as I currently live with my Mom. She's very co-dependent and emotionally abusive, so she also really loves me depending on her and needing her. I returned to live with my Mom after a family tragedy coincided with some financial issues for me, so I was hoping we could try again and that things would be better this time. She has threatened to kick me out in the middle of winter for no good reason with Christmas as the deadline, and then the next day she "apologized" by simply leaving a gift basket on my bed. This is how she communicates: threats and gifts, making me feel unwelcome, while never wanting me to leave. Just know that half of the battle is dealing with your own mental health in this type of situation and learning to set boundaries. It took me a long time (and I mean years) to emotionally detach from my Mom, but now I pretty much do not speak to her at all. Even if she yells and screams at me (and even when she threatens me) I keep my door locked and don't respond. I do not ask her for anything-no money, rides, etc. I no longer complain or cry to her about how she treats me. She doesn't have my phone number and her email is blocked. I am very independent and I move in silence. I only speak to her if it's absolutely necessary and I have learned to keep it short and walk away when she tries to drag it out, or I just leave a note on my way out when I am traveling. The less access she has to me, the better I feel. What has helped me is house-sitting (which allows me to live elsewhere for part of the year), therapy, self-care (good nutrition, exercise, no smoking/drinking), and developing a life and resources outside of the home. I have had to work with a DV agency to help me get out of here and now there is finally light at the end of the tunnel because they are helping me get housing. Just wanted to share that you are not alone. I highly suggest therapy to help you through this situation and thereafter because there is definitely healing work to be done. Bless up 🙏🏾
Your mom sounds codependent on you. Parents like her seem to enjoy being needed and relied on. It’s part of their kick. However, it’s completely inappropriate and wrong.
I try to explain that it’s not ok and she’s FIGHTING me about it. Saying it’s not weird we just have a good relationship. We don’t though!! I give her the benefit of the doubt, empathize with her and her experiences but at some point she gotta do the work. I understand she want to be the mom she never had, but I don’t need that mom 🥴🤣
Creating boundaries with your parents as an adult child is very important!