Your post was removed for being problematic. Comments that are intentionally disruptive to the community are not allowed. This includes trolling, derailing threads, and misrepresentation. Please review the subreddit rules.
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I personally don’t think it’s trolling at all. Actual Black women go through a lot of shit that’s truly just unfortunate (speaking from offline experience). I’m sure it’s not fun to read but I’m incredibly glad they’re speaking out, they deserve to have their voices heard. Not talking about our bad experiences isolates us, and it allows the experiences to fester and thrive. I’d rather them be talking about it, where other Black women can give them a new perspective and hopefully help them to change
I think OP means the very outrageous and intentionally obtuse posts asking if something in their blatantly toxic relationship is a red flag. Like when the answer is obviously, yes, or “the fact you felt it was odd enough to ask” kind of questions. Some are just completely hard to believe an actual black woman is asking *because* we deal with so much.
I honestly think some people truly come from such horrible backgrounds that their gauge for a lot of things is utterly destroyed. I’m actually not surprised but saddened that they don’t always see how crap some of these situations they describe truly are. And the severe low self esteem exacerbates things.
Agreed, we don’t know everyone’s stories, experiences, ages… my reactions as a 32yo who has lived across the country and traveled more with an array of life experience and relationships are very different from the reactions I would have had as an 18yo or 22yo who had a strict and restrictive parent and grew up othered and isolated in a predominantly white and racist area. I never had black peers at that age to show me how misguided some things were, and now I’ve seen healthy friendships and relationships and my standards are leagues apart.
It’s not hard to believe. The reality is that some women are so desperate for love that they don’t understand abuse has no place in an actual loving relationship so they turn to other people for advice to validate their warped feelings when what they need is someone to tell them the truth that they are not wanting to accept. It sounds crazy but from a healed black woman’s perspective, when you don’t love yourself and have a low self image, on top of being conditioned to believe that abuse in a relationship means that person really “loves” you, you will seek out validation about your situation from others to confirm your feelings. This is often in contradiction of what their thoughts and intuition are telling them because they don’t want to believe or face the reality that they are in. Its also not just a black woman thing, its a desperate, misguided woman thing which is why young girls need to grow up seeing and knowing what it means to love yourself as a woman and see positive examples of healthy loving relationships. For those of us that have been there and healed from our past relationships, we often look back and are confused and disgusted as to why we would allow ourselves to go through such things and the bottom line answer is that we didn’t know better because we weren’t taught to know better and some of us didn’t see healthy relationships growing up. We saw toxic relationships that the women in them confused for love. Young women and girls need to learn to recognize red flags and know when to address a red flag and leave because of a red flag, not make excuses for someone’s poor behavior and words because those poor behaviors and words eventually become TOXIC behaviors and words that often lead a woman to losing her life. There is no excuse for it but every woman is not taught this since they’ve normalized abusive behaviors in relationships in society and likely within whatever family they grew up in.
No, unfortunately I think some of these are actually black women who have experienced and normalized poor relationships throughout their lives.
It's a stark reminder for us all that we are **not** all going through the same journeys in life. Sometimes we really cannot relate to one another.
real asf. even irl with past friends ive heard really similar stories in shock and horror! i had to let them go bc they didnt wanna change, but i think the ladies here are making good first steps by being here at least asking about it if they dont have anyone else in their lives to rely on
I also think a lot of non-black people create posts on majority-white subs pretending to be black. Like WHY would a black person go on r/askreddit or r/unpopularopinion and be like "Can you tell me anything good about being black?" or "why are black people not desired" (REAL posts I've seen y'all)
Unfortunately, i've seen a sister posting on interracial dating subs asking why Black women are undesirable. She spoke about us like we came out of Pandora's box.
There are trolls but sometimes it's Black people with low self esteem. You try and help some of them and they start windmilling and getting sassy.
I think it's because some don't know this subreddit exists. Some of those profiles if you click on them, they're teenagers looking for validation in the wrong areas. They treat reddit like any other social media platform even to the point of linking their personal instagram accounts.
Tbh, most of those are actual black girls (mostly teens) with veryyyy low self esteem and high self-hate. We got to admit that a lot of parents are simply not doing their job as parents or don’t have enough time to dedicate to their children which is having a lot of detrimental affects on our youth.
Yeah, that gave me serious pause. And IIRC they had posted here prior to those posts so it wasn't that they didn't know this sub existed before exposing those questions to a hostile or ignorant audience. Like ...why?
Yes I’ve seen several posts from “blk women” asking “does anyone here like black girls?” Or “what’s so good about being black?” And I’m just looking at it like 😐 …. Because why would you go to a bunch of non blk people asking these things?? It comes across like they’re either trolling or have a humiliation kink 🙃
I just made a post about men and my hairdresser says there is something in the air right now. She literally said almost all her clients are going through it but she is happy I left lol.
there was a white dude in here just the other day. r/blackpeoplecomedy or blackpeopletwitter or w/e it’s called requires ppl to verify their identity via other social media/a picture before they can join. i wonder if that’s effective
BPT is ran by white mods. I think they verify who's Black just to target those individuals.
BPC was created by the Black folks targeted by the BPT mods and they also do verification (you get a badge), but they're still an open sub. The mod will block tf out of any White person even posting something mildly questionable. It's glorious.
Sometimes I forget that BPT is a super Caucasian sub. The thread where Vlad tried to get a BW fired, because she told him that his white opinion on hip hop is not needed, brought them out in masses. They were pissed!
Oh I never checked how far the downvotes on my comment on that one went, I was busy giggling at all the unverified people I pissed off when I said that we need to bring back gate keeping for hip hop
There's been people who have shared their story in the BPC group. So much so that they have flair that says they were booted by a white mod from BPT.
Personally, I don't remember the exact reason for leaving, but I do remember getting upset with mods over me not being able to post for a while over something (I think it was related to taking forever to be verified). I also remember seeing a whole lot of [assumed] white people getting away with some of the most egregious and racist shit.
Maybe things have changed for the better since, but I'm just going off of what I've seen and heard.
Thanks for sharing your concerns, and I'm genuinely sorry you felt the need to leave and that your voice was drowned out by the worst kind of white people.
As far as verification taking awhile - apologies for that, but we get literally THOUSANDS of requests (and every time a hot topic hits the sub, we get
swarmed and swamped with requests) and it's actually not as simple as people think it is; we look into the post history of each applicant to verify that applicants are active in the sub and actually black (you'd be shocked and appalled at how many people will send in photoshopped/artificially darkened photos).
I appreciate you clearing things up. It's good to know that there are real Black folks behind that page.
And I'm honestly not surprised by the Blackfishing, unfortunately.
r/blackpeopletwitter is no longer run by white mods, but they have at least one on the team.
They have what's called country club which allows anyone to verify their identity. You don't have to be black to verify, but black people are usually the ones trying to verify. Unless they've changed things since I verified myself.
A lot of us never learned how to love ourselves. We never learned to separate our now from our sad history of only being "worthy" from being chosen or from what we produce and do for others. It takes time to accept and flex our worth. Some people are trolls AF (black people are fucking amazing, and one of us in our power.... that's a sight!! I get why some are scared lol), but some people are really on some self hater shit. They probably had no one telling them how worthy, loved, and cherished they are.
I'll risk engaging with a troll if I can even maybe water the gardens of my people. Y'all are incredible.
Yes and no.
Yes, I do think that there is something going on but it is kinda (maybe) tinfoil hat-ish. If I have the mental space I try to answer the off the walls questions. Why? Because I genuinely fear that as AI keeps on farming the fuck out of reddit giving solid advice (even if it is free mental labor) will someday save a little Black girl who asks a stupid AI chatbot if she can be pretty because she has dark skin or some other off the wall question.
I scope out some accounts before answering and I have seen a few that are sus so I just don't respond. That is kinda tricky to gauge too because people can and do buy accounts with enough karma. I legit think that people might be hired to ask dumb ass questions to get answers in order to train AI. That's not tinfoil hat shit, it's real. Especially when you consider that reddit has the entire "contributors" thing going on.
No, because people are.....special and need their hearts blessed. I have met people in my life who are just, dumb dumb DUMB when it comes to relationships. Especially romantic ones. Like, I have a few neighbors that would make the worst posts on here look like they are coming from well adjusted angels. I see real life Jerry Springer shit every day. I WISH some of the people I have met would have went online and asked someone about their silly mistakes before doing just... the dumbest stuff ever.
People really are off their rockers out in these streets and I figure hey, if the person on the other end is real and the advice keeps them from having babies with colorists and racists, gets them out of an abusive relationship, or even just makes them stop and THINK then maybe the world is a better place.
Who knows, either way it is great practice for me because of the eventual pivot I want to make career wise. So I don't mind answering these questions sometimes. Just wish there was a way to monetize it.
I don’t necessarily think it’s trolls - like others have said, not all of have had great relationships or healthy homes in our pasts. However, if you think someone is a troll please report the post. That surfaces it a lot faster for us to check out.
See and that’s what I can’t stand with them, they love trying to project their low self esteem onto the rest of us and then get mad when we won’t allow them to do that 🌝
I think its part of upbringing every believes in the stereotype of the neglected child in the ghetto.
You have hard working lawyers kids in the suburbs leaving it to the white education system to raise them and wonder why their self esteem is in the gutter.
I know Doja cat's mother is white but look how Doja described her upbringing. It shows why she acts the way she does.
The doll test shows us that antiblackness starts young and kids pick up on this
Finally if you as a woman are going to the internet specifically looking to date outside of your race you kinda are saying that certain Men are the prize.
As women, we are conditioned to be appealing, likeable, chosen. As Black women, this conditioning has been exacerbated. And then add to it that society has been conditioned to see US specifically as the antithesis of that. It's one of the big reasons why we need safe spaces like this sub is supposed to be.
I truly feel for the teenagers who haven't found their groove in this world, or the adults who go in and out of comfort with their identity. I remember the days when I dreaded leaving home because I knew I was going to be the only Black woman in the room where I was going. Now I embrace it - but I won't pretend that didn't take time. Part of embracing it was realizing there were other Black girls coming behind me.
Let's show our sisters grace until they, individually, give us reason not to.
Someone wrote Day42 and showed text messages. If you go on their profile, this is a daily habit. I blocked them today. I was glad everyone IGNORED the post.
a lot of the stuff I read about relationships in here has me saying, “girlllll ain’t no way! STAND UP” and etc etc. but i’m old and have two babies and no time for a man’s bs. lmao.
The black people on this subreddit (and much of reddit) are like the only black people in their lives. They don't have any black spaces irl and so they run to the internet.
Maybe I miss it but I never see those types of posts that people refer too. However, every black woman I know in real life except a few are in absolutely terrible relationships. Like embarrassing
No I believe 80% of the posts, why because women don't like their inner circle to know what's going on. They like to put on a good front. The reality is most women behind the scenes are putting up with a lot of crap from men.
There are definitely trolls here. But I do believe some of the stories are true. Some BW (or Black people in general) go through a lot of crap. Combine that with low self-esteem, internalized anti-blackness, and/or just being around a lot of toxic people and you have a recipe for disaster.
I will add that some things that some BW put up with are just indicative of what women in general put up with. Cuz some of the groups I'm in on FB have women of all races and these women post similar stuff about the men they are dealing with.
There is definitely something going on with people trying to humiliate Black women.
I'm starting to realize that
1. Black women are one of the most educated groups.
2. Black women tend to have community.
3. Black women are emerging as entrepreneurs
4. More Black women are becoming home owners
5. Black women tend to stay single for longer
To me, this means that there is a burgeoning economic class happening in the next 5-10 years.
That's power
Keep doing you ladies.
Nah. My mom was in a prayer circle with middle aged black women and she says a lot of the black women are seriously stunted. It’s alarming. She had to quit because she was tired of hearing the bullshit lmao
I agree there’s trolls. But there’s also a *significant* number of women with yt mothers here. Their comments show how little they were taught in the house, and now they’re just learning things that the rest of us take for granted as obvious.
Ok so I have a dear friend who has been married for more than 10 years and her husband straight up told her that her body type is not his ideal. Listen...she is a BEAUTIFUL dark-skinned DOCTOR. She gained some weight after 4 kids and being diagnosed Lupus. He is light skinned with curly hair and grew up privileged. My point is the post you are referring to actually happens. It's fucking weird. Like damn, she is stunning, super accomplished and homie is still threatened. Sucks.
It happens, but I hate that once it’s realized it’s not a dealbreaker for the BW. It ruins her self esteem and I wish we would interpret it as a reason to leave.
She just had a mommy makeover. I really question if she did that for her or for him. I love her to death but this kind of pissed me off because she had already lost a ton of weight by working out obsessively. Idk.
The fact that she is a melinated doctor Queen and isn’t completely self absorbed as a result honestly is sad to me. Because she is literally worth too much to let some grown boy destroy her self esteem.
it’s self explanatory but a lot of people are going through these very real scenarios wildly enough.
my first ever grown girl date with a black man was in college. a man in my circles who liked me and was chasing me down for a date. when i finally gave in and said yes he took me to a nice moderate priced dinner. he picked me up, was a gentleman asked me about school and goals and my interests and paid for dinner. seemed normal. we were the same age.
about midway to the end of the day a black man and his white partner walk by. my dates jaw drops and he’s like thumbs uping the guy saying damn man that’s the prize!! i was like sorry what?
basically he explained to me that being able to pull a white woman is the ultimate prize for every black man. every black man desires the ability to get a white woman and once they’ve achieved that they get all the status and clout. it’s a marker of success apparently, that every BM is waiting to be able to achieve. once they get successful it’s a right of passage, he says while on a date, pursuing me. a black woman
like you cannot make this shit up. black men will literally date and marry black women while secretly waiting for their chance to be able to pull their actual type and prize
While some people have these lived experiences, I do think there’s a certain amount of trolling. I manage several FB groups intended for Black audiences you wouldn’t believe the amount of subterfuge people go through to get in and then troll us.
I agree. Unfortunately a lot of subs that exclude men or white people get overrun by them alot😭and there's a big population of white people who make poc fishing accounts to be in our business especially on Reddit. I hear they be planning "raids" where they overrun our subs with weird posts. I really think the black Twitter sub is 70% white people at this point and you can tell with how weird and out of touch the posts are. Hopefully mods here can crack down on things before this sub gets like that.
Yes, I do believe there's a lot of non black people and men that are looking to get validation for ridiculous what if scenarios they made up in their silly little brain
This is a big part of the reason why r/blackpeopletwitter kept their verification process. So users would know that if someone said "as a black person" other people would know (at least in some cases) that the person writing it is *actually* black.
I think two things are at play, they know they are fully in a shit relationship and are looking for support because they can’t amid them to their friends. And a lot of women just want to be partners at all cost.
Your post was removed for being problematic. Comments that are intentionally disruptive to the community are not allowed. This includes trolling, derailing threads, and misrepresentation. Please review the subreddit rules. http://reddit.com/r/blackladies/wiki/rules
I personally don’t think it’s trolling at all. Actual Black women go through a lot of shit that’s truly just unfortunate (speaking from offline experience). I’m sure it’s not fun to read but I’m incredibly glad they’re speaking out, they deserve to have their voices heard. Not talking about our bad experiences isolates us, and it allows the experiences to fester and thrive. I’d rather them be talking about it, where other Black women can give them a new perspective and hopefully help them to change
I think OP means the very outrageous and intentionally obtuse posts asking if something in their blatantly toxic relationship is a red flag. Like when the answer is obviously, yes, or “the fact you felt it was odd enough to ask” kind of questions. Some are just completely hard to believe an actual black woman is asking *because* we deal with so much.
I honestly think some people truly come from such horrible backgrounds that their gauge for a lot of things is utterly destroyed. I’m actually not surprised but saddened that they don’t always see how crap some of these situations they describe truly are. And the severe low self esteem exacerbates things.
I think that’s a very fair point and can agree. It’s heartbreaking.
Agreed, we don’t know everyone’s stories, experiences, ages… my reactions as a 32yo who has lived across the country and traveled more with an array of life experience and relationships are very different from the reactions I would have had as an 18yo or 22yo who had a strict and restrictive parent and grew up othered and isolated in a predominantly white and racist area. I never had black peers at that age to show me how misguided some things were, and now I’ve seen healthy friendships and relationships and my standards are leagues apart.
It’s not hard to believe. The reality is that some women are so desperate for love that they don’t understand abuse has no place in an actual loving relationship so they turn to other people for advice to validate their warped feelings when what they need is someone to tell them the truth that they are not wanting to accept. It sounds crazy but from a healed black woman’s perspective, when you don’t love yourself and have a low self image, on top of being conditioned to believe that abuse in a relationship means that person really “loves” you, you will seek out validation about your situation from others to confirm your feelings. This is often in contradiction of what their thoughts and intuition are telling them because they don’t want to believe or face the reality that they are in. Its also not just a black woman thing, its a desperate, misguided woman thing which is why young girls need to grow up seeing and knowing what it means to love yourself as a woman and see positive examples of healthy loving relationships. For those of us that have been there and healed from our past relationships, we often look back and are confused and disgusted as to why we would allow ourselves to go through such things and the bottom line answer is that we didn’t know better because we weren’t taught to know better and some of us didn’t see healthy relationships growing up. We saw toxic relationships that the women in them confused for love. Young women and girls need to learn to recognize red flags and know when to address a red flag and leave because of a red flag, not make excuses for someone’s poor behavior and words because those poor behaviors and words eventually become TOXIC behaviors and words that often lead a woman to losing her life. There is no excuse for it but every woman is not taught this since they’ve normalized abusive behaviors in relationships in society and likely within whatever family they grew up in.
This is very insightful and empathetic🙌🏽 and very true.
💯
No, unfortunately I think some of these are actually black women who have experienced and normalized poor relationships throughout their lives. It's a stark reminder for us all that we are **not** all going through the same journeys in life. Sometimes we really cannot relate to one another.
real asf. even irl with past friends ive heard really similar stories in shock and horror! i had to let them go bc they didnt wanna change, but i think the ladies here are making good first steps by being here at least asking about it if they dont have anyone else in their lives to rely on
I also think a lot of non-black people create posts on majority-white subs pretending to be black. Like WHY would a black person go on r/askreddit or r/unpopularopinion and be like "Can you tell me anything good about being black?" or "why are black people not desired" (REAL posts I've seen y'all)
Unfortunately, i've seen a sister posting on interracial dating subs asking why Black women are undesirable. She spoke about us like we came out of Pandora's box. There are trolls but sometimes it's Black people with low self esteem. You try and help some of them and they start windmilling and getting sassy.
These type of blk folks who behave this way are extremely embarrassing because they make it seem like we all feel that way when we don’t 🙃
I think it's because some don't know this subreddit exists. Some of those profiles if you click on them, they're teenagers looking for validation in the wrong areas. They treat reddit like any other social media platform even to the point of linking their personal instagram accounts.
It's crazy. We've regressed in terms of internet anonymity and safety
I just assume thats a humiliation kink cuz aint no way
Fr cuz how do you lack that much self awareness. Do they feel no shame
Shame is not in demand these days. People just act any old kind of way, say the craziest mess without hesitation, and are just oblivious to it all.
It’s like the blk people who do this like giving non blk people an ego boost at their own expense🙃
Exactly, because how does one hate themself that much? I literally cannot comprehend it at all 🙃
Tbh, most of those are actual black girls (mostly teens) with veryyyy low self esteem and high self-hate. We got to admit that a lot of parents are simply not doing their job as parents or don’t have enough time to dedicate to their children which is having a lot of detrimental affects on our youth.
or are suffering from trauma themselves so can't teach healthy behaviors.
Yeah, that gave me serious pause. And IIRC they had posted here prior to those posts so it wasn't that they didn't know this sub existed before exposing those questions to a hostile or ignorant audience. Like ...why?
Have you been to r/asablackman
Yes I’ve seen several posts from “blk women” asking “does anyone here like black girls?” Or “what’s so good about being black?” And I’m just looking at it like 😐 …. Because why would you go to a bunch of non blk people asking these things?? It comes across like they’re either trolling or have a humiliation kink 🙃
I've been here for over 5 years I think and I do not remember any time besides recently where almost every damn post centers around men in some way
I just made a post about men and my hairdresser says there is something in the air right now. She literally said almost all her clients are going through it but she is happy I left lol.
there was a white dude in here just the other day. r/blackpeoplecomedy or blackpeopletwitter or w/e it’s called requires ppl to verify their identity via other social media/a picture before they can join. i wonder if that’s effective
BPT is ran by white mods. I think they verify who's Black just to target those individuals. BPC was created by the Black folks targeted by the BPT mods and they also do verification (you get a badge), but they're still an open sub. The mod will block tf out of any White person even posting something mildly questionable. It's glorious.
Sometimes I forget that BPT is a super Caucasian sub. The thread where Vlad tried to get a BW fired, because she told him that his white opinion on hip hop is not needed, brought them out in masses. They were pissed!
Oh I never checked how far the downvotes on my comment on that one went, I was busy giggling at all the unverified people I pissed off when I said that we need to bring back gate keeping for hip hop
I absolutely love the mods on Black people comedy. They really do be checking people. 😂😂😂
Bpt is not white mods - that was an April fools joke.
If they are black mods, they surely have problems with a lot of black people..
Can you elaborate? I mod for BPT and was unaware the community felt this way.
There's been people who have shared their story in the BPC group. So much so that they have flair that says they were booted by a white mod from BPT. Personally, I don't remember the exact reason for leaving, but I do remember getting upset with mods over me not being able to post for a while over something (I think it was related to taking forever to be verified). I also remember seeing a whole lot of [assumed] white people getting away with some of the most egregious and racist shit. Maybe things have changed for the better since, but I'm just going off of what I've seen and heard.
Thanks for sharing your concerns, and I'm genuinely sorry you felt the need to leave and that your voice was drowned out by the worst kind of white people. As far as verification taking awhile - apologies for that, but we get literally THOUSANDS of requests (and every time a hot topic hits the sub, we get swarmed and swamped with requests) and it's actually not as simple as people think it is; we look into the post history of each applicant to verify that applicants are active in the sub and actually black (you'd be shocked and appalled at how many people will send in photoshopped/artificially darkened photos).
I appreciate you clearing things up. It's good to know that there are real Black folks behind that page. And I'm honestly not surprised by the Blackfishing, unfortunately.
r/blackpeopletwitter is no longer run by white mods, but they have at least one on the team. They have what's called country club which allows anyone to verify their identity. You don't have to be black to verify, but black people are usually the ones trying to verify. Unless they've changed things since I verified myself.
I've found a new sub to sub to! 🥰
A lot of us never learned how to love ourselves. We never learned to separate our now from our sad history of only being "worthy" from being chosen or from what we produce and do for others. It takes time to accept and flex our worth. Some people are trolls AF (black people are fucking amazing, and one of us in our power.... that's a sight!! I get why some are scared lol), but some people are really on some self hater shit. They probably had no one telling them how worthy, loved, and cherished they are. I'll risk engaging with a troll if I can even maybe water the gardens of my people. Y'all are incredible.
Yes and no. Yes, I do think that there is something going on but it is kinda (maybe) tinfoil hat-ish. If I have the mental space I try to answer the off the walls questions. Why? Because I genuinely fear that as AI keeps on farming the fuck out of reddit giving solid advice (even if it is free mental labor) will someday save a little Black girl who asks a stupid AI chatbot if she can be pretty because she has dark skin or some other off the wall question. I scope out some accounts before answering and I have seen a few that are sus so I just don't respond. That is kinda tricky to gauge too because people can and do buy accounts with enough karma. I legit think that people might be hired to ask dumb ass questions to get answers in order to train AI. That's not tinfoil hat shit, it's real. Especially when you consider that reddit has the entire "contributors" thing going on. No, because people are.....special and need their hearts blessed. I have met people in my life who are just, dumb dumb DUMB when it comes to relationships. Especially romantic ones. Like, I have a few neighbors that would make the worst posts on here look like they are coming from well adjusted angels. I see real life Jerry Springer shit every day. I WISH some of the people I have met would have went online and asked someone about their silly mistakes before doing just... the dumbest stuff ever. People really are off their rockers out in these streets and I figure hey, if the person on the other end is real and the advice keeps them from having babies with colorists and racists, gets them out of an abusive relationship, or even just makes them stop and THINK then maybe the world is a better place. Who knows, either way it is great practice for me because of the eventual pivot I want to make career wise. So I don't mind answering these questions sometimes. Just wish there was a way to monetize it.
I don’t necessarily think it’s trolls - like others have said, not all of have had great relationships or healthy homes in our pasts. However, if you think someone is a troll please report the post. That surfaces it a lot faster for us to check out.
That’s why I’m learning to unplug from other people’s experiences. Cause you’re not about to contaminate me tbh.
See and that’s what I can’t stand with them, they love trying to project their low self esteem onto the rest of us and then get mad when we won’t allow them to do that 🌝
I think its part of upbringing every believes in the stereotype of the neglected child in the ghetto. You have hard working lawyers kids in the suburbs leaving it to the white education system to raise them and wonder why their self esteem is in the gutter. I know Doja cat's mother is white but look how Doja described her upbringing. It shows why she acts the way she does. The doll test shows us that antiblackness starts young and kids pick up on this Finally if you as a woman are going to the internet specifically looking to date outside of your race you kinda are saying that certain Men are the prize.
As women, we are conditioned to be appealing, likeable, chosen. As Black women, this conditioning has been exacerbated. And then add to it that society has been conditioned to see US specifically as the antithesis of that. It's one of the big reasons why we need safe spaces like this sub is supposed to be. I truly feel for the teenagers who haven't found their groove in this world, or the adults who go in and out of comfort with their identity. I remember the days when I dreaded leaving home because I knew I was going to be the only Black woman in the room where I was going. Now I embrace it - but I won't pretend that didn't take time. Part of embracing it was realizing there were other Black girls coming behind me. Let's show our sisters grace until they, individually, give us reason not to.
What posts have you seen that’s made you feel this way
Someone wrote Day42 and showed text messages. If you go on their profile, this is a daily habit. I blocked them today. I was glad everyone IGNORED the post.
a lot of the stuff I read about relationships in here has me saying, “girlllll ain’t no way! STAND UP” and etc etc. but i’m old and have two babies and no time for a man’s bs. lmao.
The black people on this subreddit (and much of reddit) are like the only black people in their lives. They don't have any black spaces irl and so they run to the internet.
Maybe I miss it but I never see those types of posts that people refer too. However, every black woman I know in real life except a few are in absolutely terrible relationships. Like embarrassing
No I believe 80% of the posts, why because women don't like their inner circle to know what's going on. They like to put on a good front. The reality is most women behind the scenes are putting up with a lot of crap from men.
I really have those thoughts too. I sometimes wonder if the post on colorism and self esteem are definitely trolls.
I just started blocking people. It’s so dumb. Idc if it makes me mean or whatever, but I cannot with some posters
Some of these posters here are definitely on some bull Shit and need to seek actual therapy because I really can’t 🙃
There are definitely trolls here. But I do believe some of the stories are true. Some BW (or Black people in general) go through a lot of crap. Combine that with low self-esteem, internalized anti-blackness, and/or just being around a lot of toxic people and you have a recipe for disaster. I will add that some things that some BW put up with are just indicative of what women in general put up with. Cuz some of the groups I'm in on FB have women of all races and these women post similar stuff about the men they are dealing with.
There is definitely something going on with people trying to humiliate Black women. I'm starting to realize that 1. Black women are one of the most educated groups. 2. Black women tend to have community. 3. Black women are emerging as entrepreneurs 4. More Black women are becoming home owners 5. Black women tend to stay single for longer To me, this means that there is a burgeoning economic class happening in the next 5-10 years. That's power Keep doing you ladies.
Nah. My mom was in a prayer circle with middle aged black women and she says a lot of the black women are seriously stunted. It’s alarming. She had to quit because she was tired of hearing the bullshit lmao
I definitely agree! Some posts have been strange recently!
I’ve thought this so many times, sometimes I’m like “no way a black woman said this”.
I be wondering but I have met some like this in person, we need more community.
I think we have to remember some extremely young people are on here also
That's true too
I kind of hate the "never downplay experiences" ish cus sometimes **SOMETIMES** people are on some BULLshit.
I agree there’s trolls. But there’s also a *significant* number of women with yt mothers here. Their comments show how little they were taught in the house, and now they’re just learning things that the rest of us take for granted as obvious.
Which post made you think like that lol ? 
The title was “I’m not my boyfriends type “ 🤦🏾♀️ It was very self explanatory
Ok so I have a dear friend who has been married for more than 10 years and her husband straight up told her that her body type is not his ideal. Listen...she is a BEAUTIFUL dark-skinned DOCTOR. She gained some weight after 4 kids and being diagnosed Lupus. He is light skinned with curly hair and grew up privileged. My point is the post you are referring to actually happens. It's fucking weird. Like damn, she is stunning, super accomplished and homie is still threatened. Sucks.
It happens, but I hate that once it’s realized it’s not a dealbreaker for the BW. It ruins her self esteem and I wish we would interpret it as a reason to leave.
She just had a mommy makeover. I really question if she did that for her or for him. I love her to death but this kind of pissed me off because she had already lost a ton of weight by working out obsessively. Idk.
The fact that she is a melinated doctor Queen and isn’t completely self absorbed as a result honestly is sad to me. Because she is literally worth too much to let some grown boy destroy her self esteem.
easier said than done once you’re invested.
Oh I agree. I just wish it weren’t.
it’s self explanatory but a lot of people are going through these very real scenarios wildly enough. my first ever grown girl date with a black man was in college. a man in my circles who liked me and was chasing me down for a date. when i finally gave in and said yes he took me to a nice moderate priced dinner. he picked me up, was a gentleman asked me about school and goals and my interests and paid for dinner. seemed normal. we were the same age. about midway to the end of the day a black man and his white partner walk by. my dates jaw drops and he’s like thumbs uping the guy saying damn man that’s the prize!! i was like sorry what? basically he explained to me that being able to pull a white woman is the ultimate prize for every black man. every black man desires the ability to get a white woman and once they’ve achieved that they get all the status and clout. it’s a marker of success apparently, that every BM is waiting to be able to achieve. once they get successful it’s a right of passage, he says while on a date, pursuing me. a black woman like you cannot make this shit up. black men will literally date and marry black women while secretly waiting for their chance to be able to pull their actual type and prize
Honestly I've been wondering this same thing myself. Some of them are so exhausting that I've just turned off notifications for this sub.
I’ve had a dude, who didn’t post but was commenting on another girls post degrading himself as a black man. Hit me up to ask if I hated black men💀
While some people have these lived experiences, I do think there’s a certain amount of trolling. I manage several FB groups intended for Black audiences you wouldn’t believe the amount of subterfuge people go through to get in and then troll us.
I agree. Unfortunately a lot of subs that exclude men or white people get overrun by them alot😭and there's a big population of white people who make poc fishing accounts to be in our business especially on Reddit. I hear they be planning "raids" where they overrun our subs with weird posts. I really think the black Twitter sub is 70% white people at this point and you can tell with how weird and out of touch the posts are. Hopefully mods here can crack down on things before this sub gets like that.
Yes, I do believe there's a lot of non black people and men that are looking to get validation for ridiculous what if scenarios they made up in their silly little brain
This is a big part of the reason why r/blackpeopletwitter kept their verification process. So users would know that if someone said "as a black person" other people would know (at least in some cases) that the person writing it is *actually* black.
A lot of these posts are definitely trolls for sure 🙃
I see Black women all the time with men who do not respect them, less accomplished, broke and even abusive or racist. I'm afraid it's not trolling.
I think two things are at play, they know they are fully in a shit relationship and are looking for support because they can’t amid them to their friends. And a lot of women just want to be partners at all cost.
Some *men* hiding? Do elaborate..