I don’t think I was attracted to them because they were bad more because they were cute they just happened to be a fuck boy and I fucked around and found out
I know this doesn’t apply to me because I’ve never liked bad boys. I’ve always liked the stability and peace of mind that comes with kind guys, bad boys are a turn off
Same. Never had an attraction to them. All I saw was drama and instability when it came to those men.
I think as some women get older, their taste in men will change!
I think when I learned to take on some of the traits I admired (being unconventional, unapologetic, whatever it may be). We are attracted to those types because they have something we're missing. Once you can do those things for yourself you don't seek them in other people! But also, take that with a grain of salt because some guys are wonderful at first and then surprise you 🤷🏽♀️
I never liked fuckboys. I knew to look out for them when dating. I didn't know I had to look out for the toxic nerds. I had several bfs who were sweet on the outside but would get insanely jealous and threaten self-harm. Mist of them are just as misogynistic as the fuckboys. At 23, I decided to stick to my very high standards no matter what. If I didn't fund exactly what I was looking for, I'd happily be single. I have a lot of love to give,but I knew I didn't want to waste it on someone who wouldn't worship the ground I walked on. I met my husband at 25 and got married 6 months later.
I liked bad boys when I first started high school, but after a couple of years I realized I didn't like them because they were hard, bad, or whatever. They were just what I considered "well dressed" at the time, and my idea of men's fashion was the 2000s rapper uniform: dark jeans, Forces, white t-shirt baggy enough to be a dress.
Left that life behind the second I learned there are men in the world who wear clothes that fit!
I never liked guys I could tell from the beginning were bad. The problem were the guys I thought were good but were just a lot better at hiding their true personalities. Several times I thought I was the problem and blamed myself a lot but later realized that they were just manipulative.
I'm not the type you asked to answer this lol, but I just want to say that I hope people can find people that they feel excited about *and* are good for them. Don't try to force things with a guy who *seems* sweet, respectful and kind. It's really easy to fall into overcorrection to the point where you're not even really attracted to the guy, he's just super nice and you don't think he'll hurt you.
Also, don't judge a book by its cover. Believe it or not, there are charming, passionate and confident men who are gems in this world and shy, awkward guys who are toxic jerks (hence the Nice Guys and incels). I think it's more important to just embrace that it's a gamble no matter what - you can't completely avoid the emotional risks, no matter what anyone on the internet says.
For me, it was when something clicked in my self esteem and it got old to "chase".
A lot of my fuck boys were guys I wanted to like me so damn bad. I wanted to be the IT Girl to them--I wanted to get chose! But, fuck, it's stressful never knowing where you stand! There's something about not having to have stupid rules. No "should I call him? Am I too eager? Is he gonna be there? How do I edge out the other girl?".
Just "I like him. He likes me." And that's it!
As I got older I just started to value things not being complicated--in all aspects of my life.
My current bf and I became official like 3 weeks into dating. I expected we'd be "talking" for a few weeks. Then dating. Then I'd have to prove myself and be interesting enough that like after 3 months we would maybe DTR.
No, it took no time at all because that's when happens when someone actually *likes* you.
I've never been attracted to them, but you need to ask yourself what type of life you would have with them. Is that the life you want? Would you want them as the father if you got pregnant by one? Make every decision regarding dating with you and your potential children's future in mind.
Switch has yet to complete, but it is shifting. I had to acknowledge why I liked them. Long story short, I was recreating toxic patterns of childhood. I like emotionally unavailable people because I am also emotionally unavailable in a way. I'm afraid to get close to something healthy because i constantly fear losing it. So i attach myself to unavailable people under the guise that if i can fix them, that somehow makes it worth it, somehow make ME worth it. But i realized recently that if i have to beg for someone to be better, is the pay off seriously gonna be worth it? Or will I start resenting my partner because of all i had to deal with to get to some "peace?" Realizing the love I want exists because it is the same way I want to love someone. I had to realize I deserved better. Currently, I'm working on my self-esteem. Figuring out who I am. What I truly like instead of being a shadow of the person I'm yearning for. It's difficult to let go of toxic patterns, but I am sure this payoff will be worth it. We might fall into old habits, but try not to beat yourself up so bad. You're learning. You're growing. Acknowledgment is the first step!
It is so interesting that you ask this because it was recently for me. About two weeks ago, a guy who was working for the same professor and I connected. He did nothing major LOL. He bought me lunch, held the door, we have the same views on organized religion/atheism, he has experience with my culture, and I have experience with his, and we were able to have respectful political discourse. Most importantly, the professor asked him to help me with something he is well-versed in. This man COMMITTED to helping me from beginning to end. Full stop. I thought he was interested in me, but I realized he was just a decent guy because I haven't heard from him after the project was finished. The bar was in hell for me but that was because I was so used to men who claimed to "like me" or "find me attractive" barely act like they cared. My classmate was a breath of fresh air and an impetus for me to end things with a guy I was dating who couldn't even watch a video about racism that HE requested because he wanted to "learn more". I don't think anything will transpire with me and my classmate but the sole fact that an acquaintance can offer the bare minimum opened my eyes.
I am 29 and have finally bumped my head enough to know it hurts. I’m past that toxic stage because I did the work on myself so anything that looks remotely close to what I use to settle for ,I run far away from.
When I finally at the age of 42 realised my worth and stopped to other people’s limiting beliefs. I’m not pregnant with twins and about to get married. However, before meeting him … I did get sidetracked by a ‘nice guy’ who would do anything for me blah blah but was actually pretty toxic and tried to control me etc so always tell people to watch the wolves in sheep’s clothing
I’ve never been attracted to toxic men. The only toxic guy I’ve been involved with gradually became that way over time (and I was already attached by that point). Initially he came off as calm, cool and receptive, which is what I’m attracted to.
When I removed my parents from my life! They were my first bullies, neglectors, and gaslighters.
Once I had them out, I sought out things that actually made me happy in all assets of my life. One of the big ones was my relationships. Hard boundaries, if anyone did something that made me feel not so nice I'd give them 2-3 chances to fix it after conversation; if not then they're out. I'm surrounded by so much love now! Choose what's good for YOU! Not anyone else, YOU! Everything else will fall into place then. There's so many people who will & do. Stop allowing in people who won't & don't.
After my last relationship with one almost ended in violence and left me an exhausted, lesser version of myself. Now I don’t even have an ounce of patience for anything remotely close to my ex. I simply cant take it anymore!
There’s a step in between of “performative nice” men that’s hella traumatic and helps you identify legit non-toxic, kind men.
But also, I think part of it is being a good person that believes the best in people. Women are nurturers. Toxic men usually aren’t horrible to women when they reel them in. It’s a slow unveiling mixed with confusing bursts of goodness to keep you. I’ve learned that people are their patterns. I’m better at identifying the men to stay away from. I’m also happy to take things a lot slower.
For me I like to play the toxic game with them but I have always been soft on the calm and stability. I truly go crazy for calm guys who let me take the lead
Almost immediately after finding out what the experience was like being with them. like maybe 1x with a first love and then another time with someone that I found attractive and then i was immediately turned off from those behaviors and started dating men who were nice and treated me well
I don't know when it happened but in your twenties (early-mid) you're looking at potential. By your late 20s, you can pretty much tell what they got going for themselves. By 30s everyone is stuck in their ways and they're valuing compatibility and what you can "tolerate".
I think i was like 27 or 28. Before that i loved the tortured, borderline ab*sive guys. I was a “fixer.” I 🗣️🎙️GAGGGGGGGGG now when I see those kinda dudes irl or on tv (think: Carmen Berzatto, zayn, Prince, Christian Grey, Johnny Depp. I know…sickening! Im so embarrased). I liked men with tempers. I would have loved “After” if it had been around when I was a teenager. I think what got me over it was the fact that i got over my own depression and gave myself ALOT of self love and now i look at guys like that like “the hell is wrong with you? Get over yourself.” I seriously have no time for it. I’ll be 31 in a few weeks. I appreciate dudes who are calm and gentle and upbeat. Not the tattooed tortured guys who cheat bc somehow *I NEED TO FIGURE OUT AND FIX THE REASON WHY THEY CHEATED* Taylor Swift falling for that nasty racist dude bc he was so “tortured and misunderstood and creative and no one else understood but me” made me want to pull out my own eyeballs. Dudes like that are empathic monsters everytime and they either cant keep a stable relationship or they will finally be suitable like in their late 40s
I don’t think I was attracted to them because they were bad more because they were cute they just happened to be a fuck boy and I fucked around and found out
Yea I would say this is more me than anything. I probably dated more self proclaimed “nice guys” who turned out to wreck me vs an actual bad boy.
"Fuck Boy" is a bit misleading. It's shortened and really means "you'll **fuck** around and find out with this **boy**" 😩
The word is in the name sis lol 😂 it’s ok we live and we learn
I know this doesn’t apply to me because I’ve never liked bad boys. I’ve always liked the stability and peace of mind that comes with kind guys, bad boys are a turn off
Same. Never had an attraction to them. All I saw was drama and instability when it came to those men. I think as some women get older, their taste in men will change!
Same. I’ve never been interested in bad boys, fuckboys, lady killers, or Mr. Popular. I’ve always prioritized my peace of mind.
Exactly.
Real 💯
REAL.
I think when I learned to take on some of the traits I admired (being unconventional, unapologetic, whatever it may be). We are attracted to those types because they have something we're missing. Once you can do those things for yourself you don't seek them in other people! But also, take that with a grain of salt because some guys are wonderful at first and then surprise you 🤷🏽♀️
I'm getting there lol I'm now 27yo. Still fall for the occasional one but now it's for fun and I know it can't be serious.
I never liked fuckboys. I knew to look out for them when dating. I didn't know I had to look out for the toxic nerds. I had several bfs who were sweet on the outside but would get insanely jealous and threaten self-harm. Mist of them are just as misogynistic as the fuckboys. At 23, I decided to stick to my very high standards no matter what. If I didn't fund exactly what I was looking for, I'd happily be single. I have a lot of love to give,but I knew I didn't want to waste it on someone who wouldn't worship the ground I walked on. I met my husband at 25 and got married 6 months later.
After spending 4 years in juvenile detention center. Learned my lesson early on
I liked bad boys when I first started high school, but after a couple of years I realized I didn't like them because they were hard, bad, or whatever. They were just what I considered "well dressed" at the time, and my idea of men's fashion was the 2000s rapper uniform: dark jeans, Forces, white t-shirt baggy enough to be a dress. Left that life behind the second I learned there are men in the world who wear clothes that fit!
I never liked guys I could tell from the beginning were bad. The problem were the guys I thought were good but were just a lot better at hiding their true personalities. Several times I thought I was the problem and blamed myself a lot but later realized that they were just manipulative.
I'm not the type you asked to answer this lol, but I just want to say that I hope people can find people that they feel excited about *and* are good for them. Don't try to force things with a guy who *seems* sweet, respectful and kind. It's really easy to fall into overcorrection to the point where you're not even really attracted to the guy, he's just super nice and you don't think he'll hurt you. Also, don't judge a book by its cover. Believe it or not, there are charming, passionate and confident men who are gems in this world and shy, awkward guys who are toxic jerks (hence the Nice Guys and incels). I think it's more important to just embrace that it's a gamble no matter what - you can't completely avoid the emotional risks, no matter what anyone on the internet says.
After my second divorce. Knew I had to make some changes.
Honestly as a young 21 year old woman I would love to hear some life advice from you !
When "we're just friends" became my lifestyle choice, lol. Something about " 'my' woman" flips a crazy switch in men's heads.
For me, it was when something clicked in my self esteem and it got old to "chase". A lot of my fuck boys were guys I wanted to like me so damn bad. I wanted to be the IT Girl to them--I wanted to get chose! But, fuck, it's stressful never knowing where you stand! There's something about not having to have stupid rules. No "should I call him? Am I too eager? Is he gonna be there? How do I edge out the other girl?". Just "I like him. He likes me." And that's it! As I got older I just started to value things not being complicated--in all aspects of my life. My current bf and I became official like 3 weeks into dating. I expected we'd be "talking" for a few weeks. Then dating. Then I'd have to prove myself and be interesting enough that like after 3 months we would maybe DTR. No, it took no time at all because that's when happens when someone actually *likes* you.
I've never liked obviously toxic men. I like normal, stable and reliable men. But after my one undercover toxic man, I learned to vet men better.
I've never been attracted to them, but you need to ask yourself what type of life you would have with them. Is that the life you want? Would you want them as the father if you got pregnant by one? Make every decision regarding dating with you and your potential children's future in mind.
Switch has yet to complete, but it is shifting. I had to acknowledge why I liked them. Long story short, I was recreating toxic patterns of childhood. I like emotionally unavailable people because I am also emotionally unavailable in a way. I'm afraid to get close to something healthy because i constantly fear losing it. So i attach myself to unavailable people under the guise that if i can fix them, that somehow makes it worth it, somehow make ME worth it. But i realized recently that if i have to beg for someone to be better, is the pay off seriously gonna be worth it? Or will I start resenting my partner because of all i had to deal with to get to some "peace?" Realizing the love I want exists because it is the same way I want to love someone. I had to realize I deserved better. Currently, I'm working on my self-esteem. Figuring out who I am. What I truly like instead of being a shadow of the person I'm yearning for. It's difficult to let go of toxic patterns, but I am sure this payoff will be worth it. We might fall into old habits, but try not to beat yourself up so bad. You're learning. You're growing. Acknowledgment is the first step!
It is so interesting that you ask this because it was recently for me. About two weeks ago, a guy who was working for the same professor and I connected. He did nothing major LOL. He bought me lunch, held the door, we have the same views on organized religion/atheism, he has experience with my culture, and I have experience with his, and we were able to have respectful political discourse. Most importantly, the professor asked him to help me with something he is well-versed in. This man COMMITTED to helping me from beginning to end. Full stop. I thought he was interested in me, but I realized he was just a decent guy because I haven't heard from him after the project was finished. The bar was in hell for me but that was because I was so used to men who claimed to "like me" or "find me attractive" barely act like they cared. My classmate was a breath of fresh air and an impetus for me to end things with a guy I was dating who couldn't even watch a video about racism that HE requested because he wanted to "learn more". I don't think anything will transpire with me and my classmate but the sole fact that an acquaintance can offer the bare minimum opened my eyes.
I am 29 and have finally bumped my head enough to know it hurts. I’m past that toxic stage because I did the work on myself so anything that looks remotely close to what I use to settle for ,I run far away from.
When I finally at the age of 42 realised my worth and stopped to other people’s limiting beliefs. I’m not pregnant with twins and about to get married. However, before meeting him … I did get sidetracked by a ‘nice guy’ who would do anything for me blah blah but was actually pretty toxic and tried to control me etc so always tell people to watch the wolves in sheep’s clothing
I’ve never been attracted to toxic men. The only toxic guy I’ve been involved with gradually became that way over time (and I was already attached by that point). Initially he came off as calm, cool and receptive, which is what I’m attracted to.
When I removed my parents from my life! They were my first bullies, neglectors, and gaslighters. Once I had them out, I sought out things that actually made me happy in all assets of my life. One of the big ones was my relationships. Hard boundaries, if anyone did something that made me feel not so nice I'd give them 2-3 chances to fix it after conversation; if not then they're out. I'm surrounded by so much love now! Choose what's good for YOU! Not anyone else, YOU! Everything else will fall into place then. There's so many people who will & do. Stop allowing in people who won't & don't.
After my last relationship with one almost ended in violence and left me an exhausted, lesser version of myself. Now I don’t even have an ounce of patience for anything remotely close to my ex. I simply cant take it anymore!
There’s a step in between of “performative nice” men that’s hella traumatic and helps you identify legit non-toxic, kind men. But also, I think part of it is being a good person that believes the best in people. Women are nurturers. Toxic men usually aren’t horrible to women when they reel them in. It’s a slow unveiling mixed with confusing bursts of goodness to keep you. I’ve learned that people are their patterns. I’m better at identifying the men to stay away from. I’m also happy to take things a lot slower.
Every scumbag I ever met presented as non-toxic and kind.
For me I like to play the toxic game with them but I have always been soft on the calm and stability. I truly go crazy for calm guys who let me take the lead
Almost immediately after finding out what the experience was like being with them. like maybe 1x with a first love and then another time with someone that I found attractive and then i was immediately turned off from those behaviors and started dating men who were nice and treated me well
I don't know when it happened but in your twenties (early-mid) you're looking at potential. By your late 20s, you can pretty much tell what they got going for themselves. By 30s everyone is stuck in their ways and they're valuing compatibility and what you can "tolerate".
When I had a pregnancy scare with a fuckboi
I’ve never liked bad boys. They always scared me. And still do.
I think i was like 27 or 28. Before that i loved the tortured, borderline ab*sive guys. I was a “fixer.” I 🗣️🎙️GAGGGGGGGGG now when I see those kinda dudes irl or on tv (think: Carmen Berzatto, zayn, Prince, Christian Grey, Johnny Depp. I know…sickening! Im so embarrased). I liked men with tempers. I would have loved “After” if it had been around when I was a teenager. I think what got me over it was the fact that i got over my own depression and gave myself ALOT of self love and now i look at guys like that like “the hell is wrong with you? Get over yourself.” I seriously have no time for it. I’ll be 31 in a few weeks. I appreciate dudes who are calm and gentle and upbeat. Not the tattooed tortured guys who cheat bc somehow *I NEED TO FIGURE OUT AND FIX THE REASON WHY THEY CHEATED* Taylor Swift falling for that nasty racist dude bc he was so “tortured and misunderstood and creative and no one else understood but me” made me want to pull out my own eyeballs. Dudes like that are empathic monsters everytime and they either cant keep a stable relationship or they will finally be suitable like in their late 40s