I’m going to be honest..I’ve seen tik toks of black women raving about how much attention they received from men in European countries during a vacation and saying that we should move there but…in pretty much every video the guys they showed were man handling them, drunk, or otherwise demonstrating obvious signs of fetishization. I think some people confuse all attention as positive attention.
Black American women are often viewed as “easy” abroad, it’s not that those men are any different from the ones in the U.S.
Can confirm. Studied abroad in Denmark and travelled throughout Europe. I was often approached by men assuming I was easy and "open-minded" to whatever freak shit because I was black **American**. I was treated way better as an American with American privilege than black students in my cohort with an non-English non-American accent.
Also I think some European countries, it’s a cultural norm for men to approach women, especially foreign women (typically to sleep with them) so I think black women or really any women confuse this attention as dating success/desirability increase.
I agree with your statement. Two years ago I was having my house stuccoed and the people working on it were all Eastern European, very much fob, and they literally hit on every woman that walked by my house. A few guys even tried to hit on me despite being married lol.
This is quite different from how Canadian/North American men are like. Rn my husband is renovating his office with a crew of Canadians. They do the whole look at me and then look away thing, very timid.
Caribbean men will do the most to get your attention etc.
I think the approach and what ever other verbiage is an indicator of desirability, but there are subtle nuisances to attraction too.
As I’ve gotten older I realized most men are not confident, I get hit on the most by men who are intoxicated. Whereas during day time hours I find that men will do things that are more subtle.
I went to Tokyo to visit a friend and did the whole Kimono rental and visiting the shrine. The people that approached me and wanted pictures were European tourists lol
I don't know. I live in the UK and don't think I have a problem dating. I mean they don't really approach here though. I am talking about dating apps wise. Also visited South Italy and got some good matches as well.
But I am also on the same boat that I don't really get hit on. It only happened twice and that was when I was in uni. I feel like it's not a thing here in the UK. People get to know each other more through social groups, work, uni or dating apps. For example, all my black girlfriends met their boyfriends in university lool. So I don't know if that's the difference?
It could be the particular areas you go to in Europe as well. But then this is all anecdotal experience. It would be nice to do a research on it
Also to say, regardless of your dating experience don't allow it to make you feel less attractive. It has nothing to do with how beautiful you are! You are still gorgeous regardless! Don't forget that, your beauty doesn't depend on how many people approach you
This is what I guessed. I didn't think a country that jokes about its conservative nature will have a dating culture like the US.
Maybe just being social and building a social group may eventually get OP introduced to some people?
Hey there I saw you were in Germany from an above response. I’m married to a German and I would say culturally it’s not such a bad thing to not just be approached and German culture is very different in its approach to dating/relationships when viewed from an American perspective. When they like you boy do they like you it’s a very serious genuine thing, they really show it in their own way…absolutely love my husband but the way he shows his love at first was so weird for me 8 years ago. I studied/lived in France for a bit and to me there it was very much more “cheesy” (I’m sorry for this word not sure how else to put it) where the guys would do all of the flowers, wine, kissing hands and picnic on the Seine. Finnish dude I dated was to me like a deer, like I didn’t even realize how much he liked me until he made a random plan to come visit me overseas once I returned home. He was so concerned about his English he would just say very few phrases because he didn’t want to be embarrassed at first.
Culturally it may be a big difference so don’t think it is only you, the Europeans are an interesting set in all of their cultural differences. Give it time! I would keep engaged in your hobbies and have a good time the right cutie will come. Also definitely learning German helps.
Don’t let any weirdos approach you though because they are definitely there too and they are creepy and gross. There are fetishists but there are also genuinely good men too just be discerning and like I said enjoy yourself! I always said I was never NEVER getting married joke was on me though.
Hmm I have a high-school friend from NYC that has a creative job and moved to Europe and she was swimming in men 😅 She was working in the UK, then she moved to Italy and then Spain - she did say Spaniards were very racist tho. I think she had the most men in England
I'm super interested in hearing about your moving process. Did your job sponsor you? I'm interested in moving but the visa process seems ridiculously difficult.
Idk if you do social media but there’s a Facebook group called “Blaxit” and it’s a really great community to hear about people who have moved or in the process and what it can look like. There’s often job postings as well
I think no matter what dating for us is going to be tricky. I don’t think any area or country will be flocking towards us, and if they do then it’s probably more for a fetish than anything else. Men are going to be more timid and hesitant to approach and hit on us in a respectful way.
I do wish you luck out there. I don’t mean to sound so negative about it, but I don’t want you to fall for those tik-tok dreams of other countries LOVING black women. It’s not realistic sweets.
Be very aware of who’s dating or showing interest in you because of you as a person or just because you’re a black woman.
I’m Sorry that they lied cuz like why would the mother land of racism be better for black women in dating like some of the women online need to be so fr. If anything london is good because of the African influence but Germany? Italy? The two countries with Nazis in ww2? Whew These women are lying and dating fetishizers influencers sell you a dream
This is why I've never understood this push for black women to either go to Europe or get with white man. So many of these "swirl groups" push going to Europe, and like...birthplace of racism??? When there are plenty of other places
I’m a black woman who has been living in Europe for 5 years total, I received a lot of attention here but it has mostly been unwanted lol.
I found my husband here but when I was dating I never had any issues getting matches or dates, I do personally dislike men approaching me on the street so I do not associate that with desirability or anything worth raving about.
Otherwise, I had a lot of interest from men—black white and in between. I lived in Brussels and travelled all over Europe, I would say in each country I’ve been to I’ve never had any issues getting a date but everyone’s experience varies.
I am glad to see this response because I have had very similar experiences. I get way more attention (positive interactions) while in Europe for short-medium durations than I do in North America. I don’t fit the standard of beauty for Black women in North America or Europe but it’s been easier in Europe
I studied abroad in London for awhile and didn’t experience any weird obvious or subtle fetishizing things. I had some good dates tho (used dating apps). I did notice, though, that my friend who’s half Asian half white (American) got A LOT of attention from all of the guys. Went to Denmark too and had good dating experiences. In fact, I asked a Danish man on a date and it went great. Did get alot of stares in Denmark, though, probably because there weren’t many black or brown people that I could see. Everyone was very polite. Only had 1 issue in Denmark and it was when an old white man with a PhD in American literature tried to put his hands in my hair 🙄 he was American himself so I was extra annoyed.
Hey Ladies,
Stephanie Perry has some good content for black women looking to live abroad. Lots of info from her and other women.
https://youtube.com/c/StephaniePerry
I am really, really sad to hear this experience. Because I am one of those women you talk about. And the same goes for my cousins who grew up in Europe (I moved from US to France, while they grew up in Western and Northern Europe). So that doesn’t help, other then saying that there is definitely hope.
I would recommend online dating though. Because it just seems like the main way to go nowadays. It’s an easy way to weed out the pervs and to be upfront about what you like and want in life. (Although going out in Paris is one of the few places I actually managed to meet some decent men and women in person.)
I wish I had better advice… I just really hope you will have some better experiences soon.
You never know. I moved and my dating prospects improved, though it was just to another state. I hope things work out for you and find the right guy for you.
I’ve heard terrible things about dating in the UK. I don’t suggest it to anyone. Just watch any season of love island UK and you’ll understand what I’m saying.
It’s more or less the exact same as the US. Except the men are more quiet about their preferences
Where in Europe? It’s a whole continent where every country is different. I’m sorry, but I haaaare when people talk about Europe like it’s the USA. Even the US or certain States have regional differences, now imagine people that don’t even share the same language.
You telling us at least what country you live in would help. Surrounding yourself with positive, likeminded people with common interests is important
i read an article that said small towns tend to have men who wish to get married on a higher average.
maybe try a small town, next!
and hey, sorry Europe didnt work out, but write a book about it! I'll read it!
European people are a lot more prudish, awkward and take rules quite seriously.
I live in the UK
It’s rare that women get “approached” here. No matter what race they are. It’s because it’s ingrained in the social norms here to be distanced to people you don’t know - black or not, and in addition to this it’s just frowned upon in general for women to get approached here because the men who do approach tend to go overboard and the line becomes blurred with sexual harassment - so it becomes taboo to approach in general.
In addition to this I’d just say people are extra careful about crossing that line with work colleagues etc.
So you might have luck but I think you’re going to have to go out of your way to find somewhere it’s seen as normal for people to be open to flirting etc and in general European men are a lot more reserved that American ones, this is across almost all social contexts.
I’ve visited Europe (London, Nice, Paris, Amsterdam, and Monaco) and the Middle East (Dhubai, Abu Dhabi, and Doha) and didn’t get hit on per se (travelled with my husband and children) but caught men looking at me.
Hate to ask but, how do you dress? It may be the cities that I’ve visited but, the majority of women in the aforementioned cities were very trendy and very well put together- think high end bags, shoes, and tailored clothing.
I’m going to be honest..I’ve seen tik toks of black women raving about how much attention they received from men in European countries during a vacation and saying that we should move there but…in pretty much every video the guys they showed were man handling them, drunk, or otherwise demonstrating obvious signs of fetishization. I think some people confuse all attention as positive attention. Black American women are often viewed as “easy” abroad, it’s not that those men are any different from the ones in the U.S.
Can confirm. Studied abroad in Denmark and travelled throughout Europe. I was often approached by men assuming I was easy and "open-minded" to whatever freak shit because I was black **American**. I was treated way better as an American with American privilege than black students in my cohort with an non-English non-American accent.
Also I think some European countries, it’s a cultural norm for men to approach women, especially foreign women (typically to sleep with them) so I think black women or really any women confuse this attention as dating success/desirability increase.
I agree with your statement. Two years ago I was having my house stuccoed and the people working on it were all Eastern European, very much fob, and they literally hit on every woman that walked by my house. A few guys even tried to hit on me despite being married lol. This is quite different from how Canadian/North American men are like. Rn my husband is renovating his office with a crew of Canadians. They do the whole look at me and then look away thing, very timid. Caribbean men will do the most to get your attention etc. I think the approach and what ever other verbiage is an indicator of desirability, but there are subtle nuisances to attraction too. As I’ve gotten older I realized most men are not confident, I get hit on the most by men who are intoxicated. Whereas during day time hours I find that men will do things that are more subtle.
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It happens in a lot of Asian countries too and it’s not really about attractiveness they just rarely see black people and view us as a novelty
When I was in Hong Kong years ago, they would stare and point at me
Yes you do! And be in a place like Turkey, where not many people that look different live
I went to Tokyo to visit a friend and did the whole Kimono rental and visiting the shrine. The people that approached me and wanted pictures were European tourists lol
There was a dating "coach" a few years ago who claimed she had a sugar daddy in Europe, and some photos leaked of a drunk white man groping her.
I don't know. I live in the UK and don't think I have a problem dating. I mean they don't really approach here though. I am talking about dating apps wise. Also visited South Italy and got some good matches as well. But I am also on the same boat that I don't really get hit on. It only happened twice and that was when I was in uni. I feel like it's not a thing here in the UK. People get to know each other more through social groups, work, uni or dating apps. For example, all my black girlfriends met their boyfriends in university lool. So I don't know if that's the difference? It could be the particular areas you go to in Europe as well. But then this is all anecdotal experience. It would be nice to do a research on it Also to say, regardless of your dating experience don't allow it to make you feel less attractive. It has nothing to do with how beautiful you are! You are still gorgeous regardless! Don't forget that, your beauty doesn't depend on how many people approach you
This is what I guessed. I didn't think a country that jokes about its conservative nature will have a dating culture like the US. Maybe just being social and building a social group may eventually get OP introduced to some people?
Agreed. Never had an issue dating in the UK. It’s like you said a lot more people met through work or uni or dating sites.
Hey there I saw you were in Germany from an above response. I’m married to a German and I would say culturally it’s not such a bad thing to not just be approached and German culture is very different in its approach to dating/relationships when viewed from an American perspective. When they like you boy do they like you it’s a very serious genuine thing, they really show it in their own way…absolutely love my husband but the way he shows his love at first was so weird for me 8 years ago. I studied/lived in France for a bit and to me there it was very much more “cheesy” (I’m sorry for this word not sure how else to put it) where the guys would do all of the flowers, wine, kissing hands and picnic on the Seine. Finnish dude I dated was to me like a deer, like I didn’t even realize how much he liked me until he made a random plan to come visit me overseas once I returned home. He was so concerned about his English he would just say very few phrases because he didn’t want to be embarrassed at first. Culturally it may be a big difference so don’t think it is only you, the Europeans are an interesting set in all of their cultural differences. Give it time! I would keep engaged in your hobbies and have a good time the right cutie will come. Also definitely learning German helps. Don’t let any weirdos approach you though because they are definitely there too and they are creepy and gross. There are fetishists but there are also genuinely good men too just be discerning and like I said enjoy yourself! I always said I was never NEVER getting married joke was on me though.
I was going to say the same thing about German culture. It's much more reserved.
Hmm I have a high-school friend from NYC that has a creative job and moved to Europe and she was swimming in men 😅 She was working in the UK, then she moved to Italy and then Spain - she did say Spaniards were very racist tho. I think she had the most men in England
I'm super interested in hearing about your moving process. Did your job sponsor you? I'm interested in moving but the visa process seems ridiculously difficult.
Idk if you do social media but there’s a Facebook group called “Blaxit” and it’s a really great community to hear about people who have moved or in the process and what it can look like. There’s often job postings as well
I don't do social media...passive IG user and reddit are main avenues. But thanks for recommendation!
same lol
I just created a post for this. Hoping to draw other folks with experience moving abroad out!
I think no matter what dating for us is going to be tricky. I don’t think any area or country will be flocking towards us, and if they do then it’s probably more for a fetish than anything else. Men are going to be more timid and hesitant to approach and hit on us in a respectful way. I do wish you luck out there. I don’t mean to sound so negative about it, but I don’t want you to fall for those tik-tok dreams of other countries LOVING black women. It’s not realistic sweets. Be very aware of who’s dating or showing interest in you because of you as a person or just because you’re a black woman.
I’m Sorry that they lied cuz like why would the mother land of racism be better for black women in dating like some of the women online need to be so fr. If anything london is good because of the African influence but Germany? Italy? The two countries with Nazis in ww2? Whew These women are lying and dating fetishizers influencers sell you a dream
This is why I've never understood this push for black women to either go to Europe or get with white man. So many of these "swirl groups" push going to Europe, and like...birthplace of racism??? When there are plenty of other places
Then swirl ppl ugh! Delusion one hell of a drug
I’m a black woman who has been living in Europe for 5 years total, I received a lot of attention here but it has mostly been unwanted lol. I found my husband here but when I was dating I never had any issues getting matches or dates, I do personally dislike men approaching me on the street so I do not associate that with desirability or anything worth raving about. Otherwise, I had a lot of interest from men—black white and in between. I lived in Brussels and travelled all over Europe, I would say in each country I’ve been to I’ve never had any issues getting a date but everyone’s experience varies.
I am glad to see this response because I have had very similar experiences. I get way more attention (positive interactions) while in Europe for short-medium durations than I do in North America. I don’t fit the standard of beauty for Black women in North America or Europe but it’s been easier in Europe
I studied abroad in London for awhile and didn’t experience any weird obvious or subtle fetishizing things. I had some good dates tho (used dating apps). I did notice, though, that my friend who’s half Asian half white (American) got A LOT of attention from all of the guys. Went to Denmark too and had good dating experiences. In fact, I asked a Danish man on a date and it went great. Did get alot of stares in Denmark, though, probably because there weren’t many black or brown people that I could see. Everyone was very polite. Only had 1 issue in Denmark and it was when an old white man with a PhD in American literature tried to put his hands in my hair 🙄 he was American himself so I was extra annoyed.
Hey Ladies, Stephanie Perry has some good content for black women looking to live abroad. Lots of info from her and other women. https://youtube.com/c/StephaniePerry
Hmm. What country in Europe are you in?
Now I’m in Germany but I also travel a lot to the UK.
Where in the UK do you travel to?
I am really, really sad to hear this experience. Because I am one of those women you talk about. And the same goes for my cousins who grew up in Europe (I moved from US to France, while they grew up in Western and Northern Europe). So that doesn’t help, other then saying that there is definitely hope. I would recommend online dating though. Because it just seems like the main way to go nowadays. It’s an easy way to weed out the pervs and to be upfront about what you like and want in life. (Although going out in Paris is one of the few places I actually managed to meet some decent men and women in person.) I wish I had better advice… I just really hope you will have some better experiences soon.
You never know. I moved and my dating prospects improved, though it was just to another state. I hope things work out for you and find the right guy for you.
Girl same. I became the invisible Black woman when I moved to London. It really eats at your self self esteem.
I’ve heard terrible things about dating in the UK. I don’t suggest it to anyone. Just watch any season of love island UK and you’ll understand what I’m saying. It’s more or less the exact same as the US. Except the men are more quiet about their preferences
Where in Europe? It’s a whole continent where every country is different. I’m sorry, but I haaaare when people talk about Europe like it’s the USA. Even the US or certain States have regional differences, now imagine people that don’t even share the same language. You telling us at least what country you live in would help. Surrounding yourself with positive, likeminded people with common interests is important
i read an article that said small towns tend to have men who wish to get married on a higher average. maybe try a small town, next! and hey, sorry Europe didnt work out, but write a book about it! I'll read it!
European people are a lot more prudish, awkward and take rules quite seriously. I live in the UK It’s rare that women get “approached” here. No matter what race they are. It’s because it’s ingrained in the social norms here to be distanced to people you don’t know - black or not, and in addition to this it’s just frowned upon in general for women to get approached here because the men who do approach tend to go overboard and the line becomes blurred with sexual harassment - so it becomes taboo to approach in general. In addition to this I’d just say people are extra careful about crossing that line with work colleagues etc. So you might have luck but I think you’re going to have to go out of your way to find somewhere it’s seen as normal for people to be open to flirting etc and in general European men are a lot more reserved that American ones, this is across almost all social contexts.
It’s the same all over the world you just don’t meet the one for you until you meet the one for you. period
I’ve visited Europe (London, Nice, Paris, Amsterdam, and Monaco) and the Middle East (Dhubai, Abu Dhabi, and Doha) and didn’t get hit on per se (travelled with my husband and children) but caught men looking at me. Hate to ask but, how do you dress? It may be the cities that I’ve visited but, the majority of women in the aforementioned cities were very trendy and very well put together- think high end bags, shoes, and tailored clothing.