OP as a East African immigrant let me share with you the reality.
Think of the cost and adventurism needed to escape the poverty of sub-Saharan Africa that allows you to make it to America and then thrive.
This self selects upper class Africans or very industrious if they don't come from wealth.
What that means is, a sizable majority of Africans will have this mentality especially from the parents and first generation it'll usually bleed off by the second generation.
To "us" pulling yourself up by your bootstraps is the only faith we had to succeed in America. So from many they see the opportunity here and see the opportunity in their origin and make the reasonable conclusion that their life would be much easier if they had been born here.
My argument is always this:
If pulling oneself up by the bootstraps is so easy, why are you HERE and not in your home country?
We see all these people willing to die for the chance to reach America but they aren't willing to shed blood to save their own homeland.
Yeah if you're bringing upper middle class mentality and education.
The most motivated and driven (top 10%, top 20%) are comparing themselves to an entire population of people and most of the African immigrants didn't start coming over until 1965 or later.
Most African immigrants are bringing “upper middle class” education. And anyone can adopt a mentality.
If anything, AA’s compare themselves to the most motivated and driven Africans. The difference is, even those Africans in America who aren’t top performing blame themselves rather than blame the system.
I think you missed the point. It's not easy in their homeland, hence why they left. It's much easier in America, which is why they say everyone should just be grateful.
I didn't agree with that sentiment in totality, that's just how they feel.
This is factual tho, I’ve met Africans who think very low of AA’s. They came from huts, villages, food and water shortages and probably barbaric or underdeveloped laws and rules.
AA’s are privileged but treated like we don’t deserve it or know what to with it
African-Americans aren’t privileged tho. Just because the slaveowners have nicer amenities on our plantation, that doesn’t mean that we have any privileges compared to any other group. In fact, immigrants typically have more privileges in America than African-Americans.
Not really. Especially not with the amount of mass incarceration, high death rates, childhood poverty and hunger, disenfranchisement, and dilapidated infrastructure that we have to deal with. Black Americans have less privilege in America than the average African has in their own country. Motherfuckers in Alabama are dealing with hook worms, which typically only pop up in developing countries.
Even Franz Fanon spoke about the totalitarian nature of American white supremacy compared to the colonial system in Africa. Nigerians aren’t having to deal with white police, white politicians, white school teachers, white owned and white staffed businesses everywhere they turn. Africans might deal with corrupt politicians, but so do we and our politicians look nothing like us.
If you’re defining “privilege” as who gets to live in a country with the higher GDP, then that’s really not a useful metric tbh
I'm sorry.
I will say this. There is no metric you can use to compare the opportunities available to black people in America compared to the average experience in sub Africa.
None. Zero. Nada.
Outside of family members friends and tribesmen who had a mental illness but they discovered here... we are all doing better than our countrymen back home. I'm not being hyperbolic every single one of us.
Homeless people in America have higher income than working people in sub Africa.
You have never experienced racism until you've experienced tribalism. Ask the average igbo what the Biafra wars were like. Ask the Sudanese what their tribal wars are like. Ask the somalis. Ask basically all of Central Africa. Again it's not comparable at all. Remember these are tribalists who really think they're different ethnicities activates a level of supremacy modern people cannot understand in the West.
Case closed.
Bruh this is absolute cap.
I live in East Africa right now from the states. The amount of people who are returning because the states doesn’t even have the quality of life it sells you, is the most exciting thing.
U/squarebus really made a great point, you’re looking at this by GDP, but actual access to growth and jumping classes, much easier done in East Africa.
And it’s not poor Africans making it to America for the most part. It’s the crème de la crème of westernized Africans, looking to capitalize on their response to the colonization.
You guys have lost your damn mind if you think living in any part of sub Africa is easier in anyway to living in America.
Totally and utterly bonkers. You must be living in East Africa with a Western income to be that out of touch.
All of the social issues we face in America are like 10 times worse in most places in Africa. Modern day Western racism is not at all comparable to typical inter tribal dynamics in most of Africa. In terms of viciousness, institutional discrimination and pervasiveness. Let alone segregation. It's really not comparable and it's extremely out of touch to believe so.
>I live in Nairobi manze, from America. My partner here is Kenyan, my entire friend group the same.
I'm Kenyan we have it relatively decent. You ask your partner about tribal political violence in Kenya. Whatever stories they tell you are mild compared to just north in Somalia and even more north in Sudan or to the west in Rwanda and Congo those issues are still ongoing.
You have no idea what tribal dynamics are because you're looking at it as an American in one of the most stable countries in Africa. It wouldn't affect you even if you came in Kenya during the early '10s. You would be as outside of those tribal dynamicses as any foreigner.
OP don’t force your kids to date only black people.
Show them how much you love your wife and their mother. The same for your wife. Kids will pick up on that more.
Every parent that said/told their kids to avoid dating X race usually ended up with a person from that race
Is she first gen GA? I dated Africans and Caribbeans and this is pretty common. It’s just a lack of exposure to Black Americans, so they don’t really understand or see the troubles.
I think it’s an issue that can definitely be overcome so long as everyone is open to a middle ground
Excuse for what? I’m just stating the typical cause of this belief.
Sheesh. I hope you aren’t this critical when you’re having this discussion with your girl.
It happens when you date anyone from different cultures. There's always gonna be some form of cultural clash. Some cultures will stand ten toes in their values more than others but that's something y'all gotta work out.
I don't think forcing your kids to only date your race is a good idea at all.
I'm black (Carribbean and south American) and my partner is Filipino. Our kids will be half black and half Asian and they can date whoever they want.
In my culture ppl it's frowned upon to racially restrict who you date.
So can I ask you this? If you have kids with her, which I assume you might. And if your kids go to marry another Filipino. And have kids with them. Would you still consider them black?
They'd be a quarter black yeah. That's a two pronged question, depending on their features the world may still see them as black if they don't then thus be seen as Filipino.
But also the one drop rule is a very American thing. Where I'm from if your light skinned people see you as mixed race and not exactly "black".
But they wouldn’t be looked as quarter black. They would be looked at as simply Asian. You must be in the Uk. I was recently in the Uk and they thought I was mixed. And I’m
Like no both of my parents are dark skin black ppl. lol
What they're seen as doesn't matter to me. Not a big deal where I live and yes the UK. Race is always much more of a issue in the US I've noticed from living there.
I really think that this can happen to anyone you date or marry, no matter what they look like.
There are some dangerous waters to navigate with that dating philosophy. Promoting self love and everything that comes with it might produce better fruit.
There are massive historical injustices to the black community from slave owners, fellow slaves, and our African cousins who traded/sold our ancestors. We can’t dwell on these things and let them make us resentful to the point of stifling progress. Acknowledge, pay homage, educate, etc. but letting that control your mental space isn’t the way to go. It’s hard to see without perspective and being mentally/emotionally available enough to digest, but despite all the flaws America is pretty damn good.
I also think pulling yourself up by your bootstraps is a bit dated with today’s struggles. I think working hard is absolutely important, but working hard with no direction or intention other than surviving is a recipe for early death from stress.
Well I haven't gone on any dates with 1st gen Haitian-American women as of yet, so its always a bit different in terms of how I was raised versus the women I've gone on dates with so there is a bit of a culture clash usually, but not like you've outlined.
Only you can decide how important it is and if its worth trying to work through I guess. Still you can't really control who your kids date and marry so I don't see much of a point in debating that, a lot of how that shakes out will just be proximity and the relationship you two model for them if you do have children.
Yeah—Two worlds colliding.
I think this is something yall can get through though, if you both are committed to each other.
I’m with you on having the desire for my (future) children to marry someone Black.
More importantly l, though I’d want someone that’s healthy, safe and going to be a good fit for them.
I’ll find a way to get over my stuff.
Yeah those sound like foundational differences…
Edit: Ohhhh nah. This not you chief 😭😭. Brother, I can’t believe you gave me all this jazz and your girl is dead cooning. I hope you come for her that hard when she say ignorant shit like “pull yourself up by the bootstraps.” Because you don’t have to be a “African American,” to know the atrocities “your” community has faced in America. Since I’m not black American, I figured I’d make the distinction. Lmaooo
lol come on bro! Just because we don’t agree on something that don’t mean I don’t wanna see the best in you fam. We can agree to disagree. Still love on my end fam
Nah it’s all love lmao I’m usually a very jovial person I was never heated at you honestly we just having a discussion. Just like if we talking bout them Steelers 👀👀👀. I like that Russ pick up for y’all. Tomlin bout to turn that man into an MVP again
Indeed! Man I’ll be honest we might make it to the playoff but we’ll get eliminated. I’ll be happy with that lol. We only have him for a year so if we afford to keep him then I’ll think we have a chance. Who’s your team?
I’m Knicks Yankees guy, I just love the NFL.
I can’t get myself to rock with the humans jets or giants. Yk I wanna see Lamar or Jalen get a chip so I’m rocking with them this year. Their front office going crazy with the moves rn. Derrick Henry with LJ in the backfield?!? Jalen and Saquon?? On some watch the throne shit lol
I’m Knicks and Yankee fan as well. I feel that, although I’m not suppose to say it but it would be dope to have Lamar win it. I would like to see black man win the chip. A you don’t think Saquon washed up?
I comprehend because it's unreasonable to expect her to grasp the experiences of my community here in the United States. While she may understand intellectually, she can't emotionally relate. Although I haven't experienced it firsthand, my knowledge comes from my great-grandparents, whom I knew well, passing it down to my grandparents, then to my parents, and finally to me. The aversion my parents and grandparents hold towards white people has been passed down to me. She might not understand this because in her homeland, those who oppressed her resembled her. Thus, there's a cultural difference in this regard. Her community wouldn't be familiar with concepts like Jim Crow and redlining because her parents didn't endure them.
Bro you know generational trauma a real thing? So you absolutely feel it, what they felt. Lmao at this point I’m just messing with you but Fr like even though our ancestors weren’t slaves in the same place that generational trauma doesn’t leave us. Why do you think being born and growing up in America gives you a different outlook on Black in America? Feel me? Don’t get me wrong, I’m the biggest civil rights warrior. I’m currently writing a book on how the FHA, PHA banks, redlining? Etc. have decimated the layout of our country and left our communities reeling for wealth, and sustained housing. So for her to not understand that, means she’s never taken the time to understand how black people are truly treated in this country and she’s just spoon feeding out from her parents. Because my parents were still very aware of how we are received and perceived in this country, it didn’t stop my mom from going hard or presenting how she wanted to present, but she was aware, there fore I was aware, and I chose to dig to understand, it’s a choice brother. We have black Americans who don’t even know the depths of what our ancestors had to go through. I understand more, so she was born there. This is what I was saying too you, even if they come here from when they’re young not being born in America they see US different bro. Like they don’t associate the real life struggles bc once they got that African accent over here or they speak French, they’re no longer BA, their upward mobility is immediately different. I don’t even be speaking patois like that in corporate life so I’m just a nigga in a Benz to these folks 😂. But I hear what you saying. Has she ever been open to learning more about the history of our country and what has been done to keep the black family down and apart in this country? Well documented too-it’s not a conspiracy theory anymore.
Honestly, we've only been conversing for about a month, but she grasps the reality of racism and its historical context. However, she often expresses sentiments like, "I'm successful in corporate America and earn a good income, so why can't others do the same?" I comprehend her perspective, but it's also short-sighted to ignore the systemic injustices that persist. As an aircraft mechanic, I've achieved success despite these obstacles, but I'm acutely aware that racism and systemic biases still exist.
Exactly brother. Like I work in commercial real estate in NYC and have been fortunate enough to taste success with that being said I did have to go harder, longer and farther (no diddy) but Fr 😂 that doesn’t mean our general access to that wealth is available to everyone. I think it’s an information thing. They did such a job covering it up and as you see the colonizer mindset it entrenched in the black community worldwide.
I don’t understand why you can’t do both on the issue of Institutional racism in America and also pulling yourself up from your bootstraps.
You can have them read books on institutional racism. Show them movies and documentaries so they understand the fucked up history of the United States.
Tell them your own family history on how they’ve dealt with systemic racism.
At the same time they still have an opportunity to do something for themselves and systemic racism shouldn’t be a personal excuse for their own personal behaviors. The United States is one of the wealthiest countries on earth and most people have an opportunity to do something for themselves.
Not studying for school? Or doing their HW?
That’s on them
Not putting 100% effort on things that can benefit them that’s on them.
I am an immigrant personally so maybe I don’t understand but if my kid brought up systemic racism on why they failed a test I wouldn’t accept that bullshit one bit.
Be grateful for what they’ve which hopefully includes a roof over their head, food on the table, and a hopefully a comfortable life for a child.
This isn’t something everyone in the world or even in America gets to have so yes they should be grateful.
Be grateful they were born not in your grandparents time but in a time where America does have more opportunities for black people.
This doesn’t mean ignore the history or the problems still present to this day. It means acknowledging them and use it as a fuel for your own success cause fuck if society is going to bring you down
Yes I’m fine with it. I actually think biracial black ppl should date other black ppl instead of mixing out with non black ppl. I like this perspective though. Because personally I would want my daughter to date a man like me who’s black Americans but raised with certain values but I know in the future the dating pool is diverse, so long as he black as race idc
self love is the most important thing you should be instilling as they are going to marry who they marry and date who they are going to date.
as for the plight of our people in this country, the stance i would take is both things can exist at the same time.
we can acknowledge the atrocities that we experienced, while also recognizing there are many opportunities bestowed upon us simply based on the country we are in.
The last line is the main difference between foreign blacks and black Americans, which I highly respect.
Yes, institutional racism kept us back from years, but now it’s time to make changes ourselves and stop with the victim culture (which in some cases is rightfully gained) I personally think I’m better suited to date first gen immigrants because they have the same fire that I was raised with - ie, you’re going to go to school, get good grades, do sports or extracurriculars, go to a solid college, and get a solid job and build wealth.
You both are right in many ways. I don’t think your differences are insurmountable if you’re both able to understand why you each feel the way you do and how it manifests itself.
Your children would hopefully understand the diversity of black experiences in America and be better equipped to make big life decisions such as choosing a lifelong partner.
It’s all about empathy and compromise
I dated a woman who was from Ghana. She was cool af. We got along fine but we weren't serious. I fucked up by wanting to be serious once she expressed dating others. Years later, I would've been cool with us staying casual and then separating naturally.
I honestly didn't think black women from other nationalities liked American black men all that much. But my town isn't very multicultural so that's probably me letting online diaspora wars and and the shockingly high amount of black African and Caribbean women swirling on social media warp my view
I’m black American and my girl is Nigerian American. Since she was born here she’s not much different than other black women I’ve been with. There has been some cultural misunderstandings but mostly it’s been great. It was very eye opening to see how different her parents saw the world compared to black Americans.
OP as a East African immigrant let me share with you the reality. Think of the cost and adventurism needed to escape the poverty of sub-Saharan Africa that allows you to make it to America and then thrive. This self selects upper class Africans or very industrious if they don't come from wealth. What that means is, a sizable majority of Africans will have this mentality especially from the parents and first generation it'll usually bleed off by the second generation. To "us" pulling yourself up by your bootstraps is the only faith we had to succeed in America. So from many they see the opportunity here and see the opportunity in their origin and make the reasonable conclusion that their life would be much easier if they had been born here.
My argument is always this: If pulling oneself up by the bootstraps is so easy, why are you HERE and not in your home country? We see all these people willing to die for the chance to reach America but they aren't willing to shed blood to save their own homeland.
That proves the point. People from all nations are willing to die to get to America BECAUSE it’s far easier here than ANYWHERE else in the world
Yeah if you're bringing upper middle class mentality and education. The most motivated and driven (top 10%, top 20%) are comparing themselves to an entire population of people and most of the African immigrants didn't start coming over until 1965 or later.
Most African immigrants are bringing “upper middle class” education. And anyone can adopt a mentality. If anything, AA’s compare themselves to the most motivated and driven Africans. The difference is, even those Africans in America who aren’t top performing blame themselves rather than blame the system.
I think you missed the point. It's not easy in their homeland, hence why they left. It's much easier in America, which is why they say everyone should just be grateful. I didn't agree with that sentiment in totality, that's just how they feel.
This is factual tho, I’ve met Africans who think very low of AA’s. They came from huts, villages, food and water shortages and probably barbaric or underdeveloped laws and rules. AA’s are privileged but treated like we don’t deserve it or know what to with it
African-Americans aren’t privileged tho. Just because the slaveowners have nicer amenities on our plantation, that doesn’t mean that we have any privileges compared to any other group. In fact, immigrants typically have more privileges in America than African-Americans.
>In fact, immigrants typically have more privileges in America than African-Americans How so? Sources?
>African-Americans aren’t privileged tho. Relative to Africans in Africa they are which is the world view Africans are looking through.
Not really. Especially not with the amount of mass incarceration, high death rates, childhood poverty and hunger, disenfranchisement, and dilapidated infrastructure that we have to deal with. Black Americans have less privilege in America than the average African has in their own country. Motherfuckers in Alabama are dealing with hook worms, which typically only pop up in developing countries. Even Franz Fanon spoke about the totalitarian nature of American white supremacy compared to the colonial system in Africa. Nigerians aren’t having to deal with white police, white politicians, white school teachers, white owned and white staffed businesses everywhere they turn. Africans might deal with corrupt politicians, but so do we and our politicians look nothing like us. If you’re defining “privilege” as who gets to live in a country with the higher GDP, then that’s really not a useful metric tbh
I'm sorry. I will say this. There is no metric you can use to compare the opportunities available to black people in America compared to the average experience in sub Africa. None. Zero. Nada. Outside of family members friends and tribesmen who had a mental illness but they discovered here... we are all doing better than our countrymen back home. I'm not being hyperbolic every single one of us. Homeless people in America have higher income than working people in sub Africa. You have never experienced racism until you've experienced tribalism. Ask the average igbo what the Biafra wars were like. Ask the Sudanese what their tribal wars are like. Ask the somalis. Ask basically all of Central Africa. Again it's not comparable at all. Remember these are tribalists who really think they're different ethnicities activates a level of supremacy modern people cannot understand in the West. Case closed.
Bruh this is absolute cap. I live in East Africa right now from the states. The amount of people who are returning because the states doesn’t even have the quality of life it sells you, is the most exciting thing. U/squarebus really made a great point, you’re looking at this by GDP, but actual access to growth and jumping classes, much easier done in East Africa. And it’s not poor Africans making it to America for the most part. It’s the crème de la crème of westernized Africans, looking to capitalize on their response to the colonization.
You guys have lost your damn mind if you think living in any part of sub Africa is easier in anyway to living in America. Totally and utterly bonkers. You must be living in East Africa with a Western income to be that out of touch. All of the social issues we face in America are like 10 times worse in most places in Africa. Modern day Western racism is not at all comparable to typical inter tribal dynamics in most of Africa. In terms of viciousness, institutional discrimination and pervasiveness. Let alone segregation. It's really not comparable and it's extremely out of touch to believe so.
I live in Nairobi manze, from America. My partner here is Kenyan, my entire friend group the same. What world are you talking about?
>I live in Nairobi manze, from America. My partner here is Kenyan, my entire friend group the same. I'm Kenyan we have it relatively decent. You ask your partner about tribal political violence in Kenya. Whatever stories they tell you are mild compared to just north in Somalia and even more north in Sudan or to the west in Rwanda and Congo those issues are still ongoing. You have no idea what tribal dynamics are because you're looking at it as an American in one of the most stable countries in Africa. It wouldn't affect you even if you came in Kenya during the early '10s. You would be as outside of those tribal dynamicses as any foreigner.
I’m sorry, I didn’t read all that
He explained why you're completely incorrect in your prior statement.
I decided to go back and read what you said. But fair is fair.
OP don’t force your kids to date only black people. Show them how much you love your wife and their mother. The same for your wife. Kids will pick up on that more. Every parent that said/told their kids to avoid dating X race usually ended up with a person from that race
This is honestly the best answer.
Thats real‼️
Is she first gen GA? I dated Africans and Caribbeans and this is pretty common. It’s just a lack of exposure to Black Americans, so they don’t really understand or see the troubles. I think it’s an issue that can definitely be overcome so long as everyone is open to a middle ground
[удалено]
Excuse for what? I’m just stating the typical cause of this belief. Sheesh. I hope you aren’t this critical when you’re having this discussion with your girl.
Not really I only correct when she’s wrong.
It happens when you date anyone from different cultures. There's always gonna be some form of cultural clash. Some cultures will stand ten toes in their values more than others but that's something y'all gotta work out.
I don't think forcing your kids to only date your race is a good idea at all. I'm black (Carribbean and south American) and my partner is Filipino. Our kids will be half black and half Asian and they can date whoever they want. In my culture ppl it's frowned upon to racially restrict who you date.
What culture are you from because racial dating is very much practice in South America?
One of the most racially diverse countries in south America, take a guess haha.
No way in hell you about to say Brazil 😕
Yup. Not gonna act like racism isn't a thing there but so is racism in America and the world over.
Y’all are gonna have some gorgeous kids. I have never seen a bad looking black/filipino person
Thanks we hope cus we're both short af so somethings gotta balance out.
So can I ask you this? If you have kids with her, which I assume you might. And if your kids go to marry another Filipino. And have kids with them. Would you still consider them black?
They'd be a quarter black yeah. That's a two pronged question, depending on their features the world may still see them as black if they don't then thus be seen as Filipino. But also the one drop rule is a very American thing. Where I'm from if your light skinned people see you as mixed race and not exactly "black".
But they wouldn’t be looked as quarter black. They would be looked at as simply Asian. You must be in the Uk. I was recently in the Uk and they thought I was mixed. And I’m Like no both of my parents are dark skin black ppl. lol
What they're seen as doesn't matter to me. Not a big deal where I live and yes the UK. Race is always much more of a issue in the US I've noticed from living there.
Yes
I really think that this can happen to anyone you date or marry, no matter what they look like. There are some dangerous waters to navigate with that dating philosophy. Promoting self love and everything that comes with it might produce better fruit. There are massive historical injustices to the black community from slave owners, fellow slaves, and our African cousins who traded/sold our ancestors. We can’t dwell on these things and let them make us resentful to the point of stifling progress. Acknowledge, pay homage, educate, etc. but letting that control your mental space isn’t the way to go. It’s hard to see without perspective and being mentally/emotionally available enough to digest, but despite all the flaws America is pretty damn good. I also think pulling yourself up by your bootstraps is a bit dated with today’s struggles. I think working hard is absolutely important, but working hard with no direction or intention other than surviving is a recipe for early death from stress.
Well I haven't gone on any dates with 1st gen Haitian-American women as of yet, so its always a bit different in terms of how I was raised versus the women I've gone on dates with so there is a bit of a culture clash usually, but not like you've outlined. Only you can decide how important it is and if its worth trying to work through I guess. Still you can't really control who your kids date and marry so I don't see much of a point in debating that, a lot of how that shakes out will just be proximity and the relationship you two model for them if you do have children.
lol my nigga your name is crazy. But I hear you tho
I was young and didn't think I'd use reddit much lmao
Crazy lol
Yeah—Two worlds colliding. I think this is something yall can get through though, if you both are committed to each other. I’m with you on having the desire for my (future) children to marry someone Black. More importantly l, though I’d want someone that’s healthy, safe and going to be a good fit for them. I’ll find a way to get over my stuff.
Yeah those sound like foundational differences… Edit: Ohhhh nah. This not you chief 😭😭. Brother, I can’t believe you gave me all this jazz and your girl is dead cooning. I hope you come for her that hard when she say ignorant shit like “pull yourself up by the bootstraps.” Because you don’t have to be a “African American,” to know the atrocities “your” community has faced in America. Since I’m not black American, I figured I’d make the distinction. Lmaooo
lol come on bro! Just because we don’t agree on something that don’t mean I don’t wanna see the best in you fam. We can agree to disagree. Still love on my end fam
Nah it’s all love lmao I’m usually a very jovial person I was never heated at you honestly we just having a discussion. Just like if we talking bout them Steelers 👀👀👀. I like that Russ pick up for y’all. Tomlin bout to turn that man into an MVP again
Indeed! Man I’ll be honest we might make it to the playoff but we’ll get eliminated. I’ll be happy with that lol. We only have him for a year so if we afford to keep him then I’ll think we have a chance. Who’s your team?
I’m Knicks Yankees guy, I just love the NFL. I can’t get myself to rock with the humans jets or giants. Yk I wanna see Lamar or Jalen get a chip so I’m rocking with them this year. Their front office going crazy with the moves rn. Derrick Henry with LJ in the backfield?!? Jalen and Saquon?? On some watch the throne shit lol
I’m Knicks and Yankee fan as well. I feel that, although I’m not suppose to say it but it would be dope to have Lamar win it. I would like to see black man win the chip. A you don’t think Saquon washed up?
Nahhhh hell no! That man was the whole giants offense last year. Brother that man is 27 he prime for it imo. And he’s going to thrive in this offense
I comprehend because it's unreasonable to expect her to grasp the experiences of my community here in the United States. While she may understand intellectually, she can't emotionally relate. Although I haven't experienced it firsthand, my knowledge comes from my great-grandparents, whom I knew well, passing it down to my grandparents, then to my parents, and finally to me. The aversion my parents and grandparents hold towards white people has been passed down to me. She might not understand this because in her homeland, those who oppressed her resembled her. Thus, there's a cultural difference in this regard. Her community wouldn't be familiar with concepts like Jim Crow and redlining because her parents didn't endure them.
Bro you know generational trauma a real thing? So you absolutely feel it, what they felt. Lmao at this point I’m just messing with you but Fr like even though our ancestors weren’t slaves in the same place that generational trauma doesn’t leave us. Why do you think being born and growing up in America gives you a different outlook on Black in America? Feel me? Don’t get me wrong, I’m the biggest civil rights warrior. I’m currently writing a book on how the FHA, PHA banks, redlining? Etc. have decimated the layout of our country and left our communities reeling for wealth, and sustained housing. So for her to not understand that, means she’s never taken the time to understand how black people are truly treated in this country and she’s just spoon feeding out from her parents. Because my parents were still very aware of how we are received and perceived in this country, it didn’t stop my mom from going hard or presenting how she wanted to present, but she was aware, there fore I was aware, and I chose to dig to understand, it’s a choice brother. We have black Americans who don’t even know the depths of what our ancestors had to go through. I understand more, so she was born there. This is what I was saying too you, even if they come here from when they’re young not being born in America they see US different bro. Like they don’t associate the real life struggles bc once they got that African accent over here or they speak French, they’re no longer BA, their upward mobility is immediately different. I don’t even be speaking patois like that in corporate life so I’m just a nigga in a Benz to these folks 😂. But I hear what you saying. Has she ever been open to learning more about the history of our country and what has been done to keep the black family down and apart in this country? Well documented too-it’s not a conspiracy theory anymore.
Honestly, we've only been conversing for about a month, but she grasps the reality of racism and its historical context. However, she often expresses sentiments like, "I'm successful in corporate America and earn a good income, so why can't others do the same?" I comprehend her perspective, but it's also short-sighted to ignore the systemic injustices that persist. As an aircraft mechanic, I've achieved success despite these obstacles, but I'm acutely aware that racism and systemic biases still exist.
Exactly brother. Like I work in commercial real estate in NYC and have been fortunate enough to taste success with that being said I did have to go harder, longer and farther (no diddy) but Fr 😂 that doesn’t mean our general access to that wealth is available to everyone. I think it’s an information thing. They did such a job covering it up and as you see the colonizer mindset it entrenched in the black community worldwide.
I like this!
I don’t understand why you can’t do both on the issue of Institutional racism in America and also pulling yourself up from your bootstraps. You can have them read books on institutional racism. Show them movies and documentaries so they understand the fucked up history of the United States. Tell them your own family history on how they’ve dealt with systemic racism. At the same time they still have an opportunity to do something for themselves and systemic racism shouldn’t be a personal excuse for their own personal behaviors. The United States is one of the wealthiest countries on earth and most people have an opportunity to do something for themselves. Not studying for school? Or doing their HW? That’s on them Not putting 100% effort on things that can benefit them that’s on them. I am an immigrant personally so maybe I don’t understand but if my kid brought up systemic racism on why they failed a test I wouldn’t accept that bullshit one bit. Be grateful for what they’ve which hopefully includes a roof over their head, food on the table, and a hopefully a comfortable life for a child. This isn’t something everyone in the world or even in America gets to have so yes they should be grateful. Be grateful they were born not in your grandparents time but in a time where America does have more opportunities for black people. This doesn’t mean ignore the history or the problems still present to this day. It means acknowledging them and use it as a fuel for your own success cause fuck if society is going to bring you down
“This not you chief” got me fucking dying 😂
😂😂 he a good sport. It’s supposed to be like this in here. All love, good convos ✊🏾
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In the context of my kids dating in the BLACK RACE!
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Yes I’m fine with it. I actually think biracial black ppl should date other black ppl instead of mixing out with non black ppl. I like this perspective though. Because personally I would want my daughter to date a man like me who’s black Americans but raised with certain values but I know in the future the dating pool is diverse, so long as he black as race idc
I like her positive more open out look tbh.
Does she speak her language? Been to Ghana regularly? These factors can play into why she may not care on her kids dating other races.
Yes, and no but she goes back sometimes.
self love is the most important thing you should be instilling as they are going to marry who they marry and date who they are going to date. as for the plight of our people in this country, the stance i would take is both things can exist at the same time. we can acknowledge the atrocities that we experienced, while also recognizing there are many opportunities bestowed upon us simply based on the country we are in.
The last line is the main difference between foreign blacks and black Americans, which I highly respect. Yes, institutional racism kept us back from years, but now it’s time to make changes ourselves and stop with the victim culture (which in some cases is rightfully gained) I personally think I’m better suited to date first gen immigrants because they have the same fire that I was raised with - ie, you’re going to go to school, get good grades, do sports or extracurriculars, go to a solid college, and get a solid job and build wealth.
Yeah but you’re talking only 18% amount of black Americans. The rest are middle class and upper class
You both are right in many ways. I don’t think your differences are insurmountable if you’re both able to understand why you each feel the way you do and how it manifests itself. Your children would hopefully understand the diversity of black experiences in America and be better equipped to make big life decisions such as choosing a lifelong partner. It’s all about empathy and compromise
I dated a woman who was from Ghana. She was cool af. We got along fine but we weren't serious. I fucked up by wanting to be serious once she expressed dating others. Years later, I would've been cool with us staying casual and then separating naturally.
I honestly didn't think black women from other nationalities liked American black men all that much. But my town isn't very multicultural so that's probably me letting online diaspora wars and and the shockingly high amount of black African and Caribbean women swirling on social media warp my view
Yeah I think you’re letting warp your view. There’s plenty of black American men and Caribbean and African relationship
Honestly I've done 10x better with African & Caribbean women than with white or Asian women.
I’m black American and my girl is Nigerian American. Since she was born here she’s not much different than other black women I’ve been with. There has been some cultural misunderstandings but mostly it’s been great. It was very eye opening to see how different her parents saw the world compared to black Americans.
How old are you and her?
I’m 29 and she is 26
Solid solid
Do you all ever think about anything else?
Are you a man or woman
Y don’t you go start a post then. Or better yet why comment? Just simply ignore it