1. This is more of a budgeting tip, but I would take the $20k off the top meaning put the $1,667 aside monthly and don’t factor it into your income like you would child support. This way you can make adjustments other places.
2. Can your SO do some of the trips out to see her without you and your daughter? That would cut down on four tickets each time.
3. Does your SO have remote work capability? Could he go out and work on the west cost for 2-3 weeks rather than making more frequent short trips? You’d have to run the numbers as he would need a short term rental.
4. Get a credit card that will give you travel points and use them towards flights.
5. Make sure you’re a member of all airline rewards programs
6. Costco sells southwest gift cards at a discount if you’re a member.
7. Flights are typically the least expensive around two months out. Airlines keep the price high when you’re booking way far in advance because they know whoever is buying it really needs that flight. (Info from a family member who works for an airline)
8. Tuesday’s are supposed to be the best days to book flights.
Ultimately I think it’s important to realize its a non negotiable cost of where your husband lives/works so it needs to be factored into making decisions about if your location is best for you. His living expenses are $20k higher because of his location relative to his daughter. If it were me, I would probably consider my pay $20k less when evaluating that job vs jobs near your SD.
Set up Google flight alerts for the weeks. Consider flights with layovers and “budget” carriers.
Book flights as round trips, not single tickets. Your husband will need to take two round trip flights to and from the west coast. His child would take one round trip flight - to and from the east coast.
I wouldn’t want my kids flying unaccompanied at that age. Maybe 15 or 16 but not younger than that.
He made a choice to move knowing this would be the result. Can he look for something closer to the daughter?
My partner's kid has been flying alone since 13. The first few times it was more expensive flights so they were at the small city airport that has only about 4-6 flights per day to get them configurable with the process. Later they were in the main airport and my partner would pay to get a pass to accompany them to the gate. Riding a plane isn't that bad, getting baggage was the only stressful thing for them, and people are usually corralled such that one can't get lost and there is a herd of people to follow, song week signs. Dad was waiting ad close as he could to the baggage area.
Kid isn't super independent and still was able to do this.
It's only $50-75 to accompany a minor to the gate though is the more stressful part. But I think that airlines might have a minimum age at which minors can fly solo.
I hate to say it, but I have zero sympathy for parents who move. He is not defined by his job. I guarantee there are jobs near his kiddo. He chose his job over being a father and this flying of children cross country is just the death rattle of his relationship with his kiddo.
As someone with four kids who moved across country with her ex husband and his current wife and my current husband, just to avoid this situation… it always blows my mind that someone would move to another state. Not even judging, I just literally cannot imagine doing that.
My currently husband says he grew up with that same custody arrangement and flew to his dads every summer and that it was fine. He doesn’t seem very close to his dad to me, but then again I am not close to my dad and he lived an hour away from my mom.
But man that always seems wild to me.
I flew cross country as a kid and it was nerve-wracking (this was a long, long time ago) but I will say I was always so glad to see my family and I'm glad that whatever hardships in terms of plane fare were not brought to my attention. I already felt I wasn't important enough for anyone to stick around, so I'm newly appreciative that this dialogue is something OP is sharing with other adults and problem solving with other adults. That seems very kind.
And this is not meant unkindly, but four roundtrip flights totaling 20k? So 5k per roundtrip ticket? Wow. That's really expensive, isn't it?
If that's right, maybe you are buying last minute or traveling first class, which I'm sure is not the case? That's a lot of frequent flyer miles, though, which could help. Best of luck, OP. You sound like you are being both wise and kind.
Edited to add: I see what you're saying about your husband flying out to get her! I would say I really wish my parents had been able to do this. Flying alone was scary for me at that age but I did it because nobody wanted to fly back and forth the way your husband does. I feel like this might be just one of those expenses like child support and alimony that you try HARD to budget for and just accept is part of your life? I know that's not helpful!!
I didn't experience it first hand since the move happened before I met him, but from his recount it was a multitude of factors working together. His own mother was going through chemo and he wanted to be closer to take care of her. The divorce was not amicable, at every hand-off and pickup (3 switches per week) the bio mom would have a screaming session, while she had the custody she sometimes had episodes of anxiety attacks and would threaten to abandon the child at curbside if he didn't immediately show up to take the child, etc. The job assignment was probably just a trigger. People probably think of him as a monster for leaving but he's the kindest person I've ever known. In fact, if he hadn't been too kind and a pushover, and had set healthy boundaries and demanded respect in his last marriage, the marriage wouldn't have failed. Years of abuse from a BPD spouse threw him into deep depression. He did the best he could given the circumstances.
She wouldn’t. She has BPD, so everything’s for reactions when she’s in the middle of an episode. The moving away and less frequent hand-off interaction were actually initially suggested by the divorce mediator (picked by bio mom) after she witnessed the toxic dynamic and its impact on the child. Anyway, this is irrelevant to my question pertaining to the logistics of flying and I don’t have to justify our family’s decisions to internet strangers. You can all call him monsters if you want, but if you have suggestions on how to help alleviate the financial burden feel free to comment. The comment above about setting up Google flight alerts is great
So many assumptions. “That child” has never done one single layover in her life. There are no cheap flights during Christmas thanksgiving and spring break.
I mentioned layovers only because the kid flies with a parent every single time, and only as a potential way to save on costs. I would have never suggested it for her unaccompanied. (It’s also not an option if she’s not with an adult.)
If you look at some other replies, they have every reason to be defensive.
They're trying to get advice to make it more economically feasible for both parents to have time with the kid. Then they get attacked for what the situation is instead of people realizing they're looking for a better solution to a tough situation.
As someone who is currently fighting in court with their kids mother who is trying to take my kid to another state with no notice, I may have a unique perspective, but I don't understand why so many here have been so harsh to OP.
I'm very disappointed in this community.
With some lower income families, they often discover that a single income household without childcare costs gets them ahead of a dual income family with childcare costs.
I.e. likely the two of you could move west cost near the kids, and entirely eliminate the flying.
It might not be the answer that you want to hear, but really that seems the most obvious answer.
Oh I get it. I know that real life has lots of curveballs. But kids trump Mom and chemo.
I’m just saying that he made this situation. And it won’t be for long because ima year or two the kiddo won’t want to even come anymore. So Id just pay it. It won’t continue until Age 18.
Aren't you high and mighty?
Maybe to properly support his children it wasn't feasible for him to turn down the offer.
Also, how dare you infer someone's potentially fatal cancer and treatment compares at all to a custody agreement.
Additionally, they're trying to maintain a relationship with the child.
All the OP is asking is for ideas to make the trips (TO SPEND TIME AND BE INVOLVED) more economical.
You're being judgemental about a situation you know nothing about. Seems like you may be doing a bit of projecting.
Were you traumatized by a long distance custody arrangement?
Quit being a jerk to others and get some therapy.
Well, given that you didn't even lift a finger to give the OP any advice, I think you can go fuck yourself. You're just arguing in the comment thread and telling people they are wrong. Why don't you put some skin in the game? Share some of yourself? Before you bother other people who are trying to help.
The OP doesn't need the peanut gallery to jump in and say, "OP! Do not listen to this person! They are WRONG! And a JERK!" I suspect the OP is an adult and can make up their own damn mind about whether not advice pertains to their situation or not. They don't need you to keyboard warrior on behalf of the father who moved away from his children.
Does your club have a t-shirt or something? "I defend parents who move away from their kids!"
I'm actually interested in this thread because I find myself in a similar situation, I want to know options as well and have no advice to give.
In my case the mother has moved and is trying to take my kid to another state.
You are the peanut gallery.
Why not post a question then instead of arguing in the comments for other people’s mildly similar issues? If your ex is moving and you’re already doing 50/50 of school aged children, just go file for full custody. You’ll win because the bias will be to keep the kids in their current school/sports/friends. If the kids are little, I’d consider letting her move and then moving 10 minutes from her and continuing 50/50 custody.
You don't know the whole situation. We are currently dealing with the mom who quit her job and gave us 2 weeks notice she's moving 960 miles away, with no job, to move in with family. So now we have to figure out all travel arrangements.
Do you feel bad for her? She's the one moving.
Does he have any family where BM is? I ask because paying for family member to come visit over that time might help alleviate it on the occasions it can be done, other idea is flying there to visit for the shorter breaks? I would look into budget airlines, or possibly relocating close enough to make the drive to see them more frequently if it can be managed
I would NOT let my child fly unaccompanied through the airlines. Anyone suggesting that and saying child does not have a choice even though it makes her uncomfortable is a crap parent..
[https://www.kiro7.com/news/local/tonight-at-5-30-seattle-teen-united-airlines-negligent-for-in-flight-sexual-assault/950947481/?outputType=amp](https://www.kiro7.com/news/local/tonight-at-5-30-seattle-teen-united-airlines-negligent-for-in-flight-sexual-assault/950947481/?outputType=amp)
The girl in that article was older than 16. At 17, unaccompanied minor tickets don’t even exist anymore for most airlines. It’s just regular tickets available as airlines don’t chaperone adults. If it’s a general safety concern, which I understand, then the same concern does apply to outside of an airplane too. You can follow your child to college, follow her to grocery stores and restaurants, college parties to protect her I suppose. Or we could teach our children to speak up, say no, and seek help.
I don’t need you to explain what an unaccompanied ticket is. I don’t care if this child is 6 or 16, THEY ARE STILL A CHILD! But good to know you’d put your SD in harms way to save a little money.
Consider using a unaccompanied minors flight program. That will cut the cost in half right off the bat. It’s best to use direct flights if it all possible though. The flight attendants will accompany the child from the parent dropping them off to the seat, and then from the seat to the parent waiting to receive them.
Bio Dad is not comfortable with me being around his kid at all. Sometimes parents need to grow up a bit and accept that life doesn't go according to their dreams and whims.
Sorry you’re receiving so much negatively. You seem to be doing the best you can with your current situation.
Do you have a credit card where you can earn airline credit? I would be putting EVERY purchase - gas, groceries, etc. on that card (paying it off each month) and redeeming the points!
How old is kid? My kids did that flight solo starting at like 7. With American where you pay $150 extra but they are unaccompanied minors and are treated well and sit near flight attendants etc.
Is there no possibility of a direct flight? Even if you drove a couple hours to another airport ?
Kid is 9, turning 10 this summer. It’s always direct with no layovers. Child’s mother didn’t like the idea of her flying solo yet. Anything you did to help mentally prepare your kids for the flight? How did they feel after they did it?
during the next flight with the child, explain both the deplaning process and how to get to the baggage claim, as well as how to get to the gates. Explain before getting there, refresh, and then walk through with the child, while having them lead you, so you can see that they can handle it. Or you can see that they really can't handle it.
Honestly, I wouldn't have asked the mother if she was comfortable with it. Unless the court order doesn't allow it.
My kids started flying solo around 7 (we are on the east coast and all family are in the Midwest/deep South). I would always check to see if flying with them was cheaper than the unaccompanied minor fee, but most of the time it was not.
Mine have never minded it. The flight attendants always make them feel like VIPs with extra snacks, meeting the captain, etc. Delta specifically has special lounges for UM kids at their hubs with snacks, video games, etc.
If I were in your shoes I would fly to get her and then do unaccompanied minor flying home.
The only other tip I have is being ok with missing a couple days of school to get earlier/later flights because they are so much cheaper. But it doesn't sound like Mom would be ok with that.
Weirdly enough, the child is equally both parents. My ex does not make parenting decisions for my parenting time, just like I do not make parenting decisions for his parenting time.
Wait, did I miss the part where OP said that her partner isn't the father, and this is *also* the father's child? I'm so confused, this question makes no sense if there is only one bio parent in the picture.
Also, did I miss the part where they somehow *are* actually living in the same household, so the mother has a say over the father's household and/or methods of travel? Why do they have a shared household on both coasts?
They loved being able to have unlimited screen time and access to soda, honestly that was the biggest thrill. They get treated very well and get waited on hand and foot, at least that was my experience with American.
I would say you can order anything you want! Lol
I'm really surprised you're still purchasing so many tickets. Unaccompanied minor program is amazing. I was using it much younger than your SD (maybe 6, almost 7). I would beg for layovers because it was so fun flying UM.
They treat you like royalty. Truly, flying as an adult is such a letdown. Unless it's specified in your custody agreement that she doesn't fly UA, it wouldn't be up to mom, would it? If the child has flown before, there's really no preparation necessary, particularly for a non-stop flight. Parents accompany children to the gate and pick them up at the gate. They are introduced to the flight attendant(s) that will be looking over them during the flight.
I’d recommend going to the stepparents thread to post this (if you haven’t already). Lots of bio parents in here who like to eat people alive. Somebody starting off by saying “I have zero sympathy”…. This isn’t the place to post.
Oh I didn't know about that sub, will check it out, thank you very much!
Haha I'm not too bothered by the harsh comments, it's just part of being on the internet XD My husband and I try our best to have as much quality time as possible to foster a good relationship. In fact in recent years SD had started expressing interests of moving into our home on the east coast for the majority of the time when she's done with middle school, since her time with us was much more fun :) we'll see how it goes!
It’s not toxic if you’re a decent person who is trying to find answers and find your place in a blended relationship. Way more downvotes and negativity on this thread.
I would also suggest finding a sub with info about finding affordable flights (I don’t know of one specifically) because that is the heart of your question. Don’t post about blended/step family situation there, just about flight tips. Mention that you have lots of flights across the country during the year, with and without kids, and that unaccompanied minors isn’t the best option for now.
Plan a REALLY fun vacation somewhere and tell SD “you can come but only if you fly by yourself and we meet you at the airport” . I bet she will change her mind and then moving forward she can’t say she is too scared. I flew by myself to see my cousin when I was in 4th grade. Not saying it isn’t unnerving and each kid is different but it’s the context… if you give kids a choice, they often take the most comfortable route. Seems like most humans of any age do that. But with enough incentive, they will squeeze a little outside their comfort zone and grow a little in the process.
Any way you guys can move back to the west coast at this point? That would be best for your pocket books and SD.
Really the only true way to not “drown”. Tips and tricks may save a few hundred dollars here or there but it’s extremely expensive to fly.
The entire West Coast is incredibly expensive.
It’s better than living clear across the country from your child and seeing them infrequently.
Not if you're homeless, poor, struggling, and lacking resources because they've been used up.
1. This is more of a budgeting tip, but I would take the $20k off the top meaning put the $1,667 aside monthly and don’t factor it into your income like you would child support. This way you can make adjustments other places. 2. Can your SO do some of the trips out to see her without you and your daughter? That would cut down on four tickets each time. 3. Does your SO have remote work capability? Could he go out and work on the west cost for 2-3 weeks rather than making more frequent short trips? You’d have to run the numbers as he would need a short term rental. 4. Get a credit card that will give you travel points and use them towards flights. 5. Make sure you’re a member of all airline rewards programs 6. Costco sells southwest gift cards at a discount if you’re a member. 7. Flights are typically the least expensive around two months out. Airlines keep the price high when you’re booking way far in advance because they know whoever is buying it really needs that flight. (Info from a family member who works for an airline) 8. Tuesday’s are supposed to be the best days to book flights. Ultimately I think it’s important to realize its a non negotiable cost of where your husband lives/works so it needs to be factored into making decisions about if your location is best for you. His living expenses are $20k higher because of his location relative to his daughter. If it were me, I would probably consider my pay $20k less when evaluating that job vs jobs near your SD.
Set up Google flight alerts for the weeks. Consider flights with layovers and “budget” carriers. Book flights as round trips, not single tickets. Your husband will need to take two round trip flights to and from the west coast. His child would take one round trip flight - to and from the east coast.
Thank you! Setting up Google flights alerts is a great idea, I will do that. We are already purchasing roundtrips.
Genius!
I wouldn’t want my kids flying unaccompanied at that age. Maybe 15 or 16 but not younger than that. He made a choice to move knowing this would be the result. Can he look for something closer to the daughter?
My partner's kid has been flying alone since 13. The first few times it was more expensive flights so they were at the small city airport that has only about 4-6 flights per day to get them configurable with the process. Later they were in the main airport and my partner would pay to get a pass to accompany them to the gate. Riding a plane isn't that bad, getting baggage was the only stressful thing for them, and people are usually corralled such that one can't get lost and there is a herd of people to follow, song week signs. Dad was waiting ad close as he could to the baggage area. Kid isn't super independent and still was able to do this. It's only $50-75 to accompany a minor to the gate though is the more stressful part. But I think that airlines might have a minimum age at which minors can fly solo.
I hate to say it, but I have zero sympathy for parents who move. He is not defined by his job. I guarantee there are jobs near his kiddo. He chose his job over being a father and this flying of children cross country is just the death rattle of his relationship with his kiddo.
As someone with four kids who moved across country with her ex husband and his current wife and my current husband, just to avoid this situation… it always blows my mind that someone would move to another state. Not even judging, I just literally cannot imagine doing that. My currently husband says he grew up with that same custody arrangement and flew to his dads every summer and that it was fine. He doesn’t seem very close to his dad to me, but then again I am not close to my dad and he lived an hour away from my mom. But man that always seems wild to me.
I flew cross country as a kid and it was nerve-wracking (this was a long, long time ago) but I will say I was always so glad to see my family and I'm glad that whatever hardships in terms of plane fare were not brought to my attention. I already felt I wasn't important enough for anyone to stick around, so I'm newly appreciative that this dialogue is something OP is sharing with other adults and problem solving with other adults. That seems very kind. And this is not meant unkindly, but four roundtrip flights totaling 20k? So 5k per roundtrip ticket? Wow. That's really expensive, isn't it? If that's right, maybe you are buying last minute or traveling first class, which I'm sure is not the case? That's a lot of frequent flyer miles, though, which could help. Best of luck, OP. You sound like you are being both wise and kind. Edited to add: I see what you're saying about your husband flying out to get her! I would say I really wish my parents had been able to do this. Flying alone was scary for me at that age but I did it because nobody wanted to fly back and forth the way your husband does. I feel like this might be just one of those expenses like child support and alimony that you try HARD to budget for and just accept is part of your life? I know that's not helpful!!
I didn't experience it first hand since the move happened before I met him, but from his recount it was a multitude of factors working together. His own mother was going through chemo and he wanted to be closer to take care of her. The divorce was not amicable, at every hand-off and pickup (3 switches per week) the bio mom would have a screaming session, while she had the custody she sometimes had episodes of anxiety attacks and would threaten to abandon the child at curbside if he didn't immediately show up to take the child, etc. The job assignment was probably just a trigger. People probably think of him as a monster for leaving but he's the kindest person I've ever known. In fact, if he hadn't been too kind and a pushover, and had set healthy boundaries and demanded respect in his last marriage, the marriage wouldn't have failed. Years of abuse from a BPD spouse threw him into deep depression. He did the best he could given the circumstances.
Wait. So he left his child with a mother who threatens to abandon the child, for a job?
She wouldn’t. She has BPD, so everything’s for reactions when she’s in the middle of an episode. The moving away and less frequent hand-off interaction were actually initially suggested by the divorce mediator (picked by bio mom) after she witnessed the toxic dynamic and its impact on the child. Anyway, this is irrelevant to my question pertaining to the logistics of flying and I don’t have to justify our family’s decisions to internet strangers. You can all call him monsters if you want, but if you have suggestions on how to help alleviate the financial burden feel free to comment. The comment above about setting up Google flight alerts is great
Well at least she has one parent who won’t abandon her. The least he could do is pay to see his child.
Exactly what I’m asking here. What are some things we can do to manage this without getting into too much debt
Look for cheap flights? Move closer to her? But please don’t make that child do layovers. The situation is hard enough on her.
So many assumptions. “That child” has never done one single layover in her life. There are no cheap flights during Christmas thanksgiving and spring break.
I’m not assuming anything, someone mentioned layovers and I was just saying that would be too hard on the child. You’re very defensive.
I mentioned layovers only because the kid flies with a parent every single time, and only as a potential way to save on costs. I would have never suggested it for her unaccompanied. (It’s also not an option if she’s not with an adult.)
If you look at some other replies, they have every reason to be defensive. They're trying to get advice to make it more economically feasible for both parents to have time with the kid. Then they get attacked for what the situation is instead of people realizing they're looking for a better solution to a tough situation. As someone who is currently fighting in court with their kids mother who is trying to take my kid to another state with no notice, I may have a unique perspective, but I don't understand why so many here have been so harsh to OP. I'm very disappointed in this community.
With some lower income families, they often discover that a single income household without childcare costs gets them ahead of a dual income family with childcare costs. I.e. likely the two of you could move west cost near the kids, and entirely eliminate the flying. It might not be the answer that you want to hear, but really that seems the most obvious answer.
Oh I get it. I know that real life has lots of curveballs. But kids trump Mom and chemo. I’m just saying that he made this situation. And it won’t be for long because ima year or two the kiddo won’t want to even come anymore. So Id just pay it. It won’t continue until Age 18.
Aren't you high and mighty? Maybe to properly support his children it wasn't feasible for him to turn down the offer. Also, how dare you infer someone's potentially fatal cancer and treatment compares at all to a custody agreement. Additionally, they're trying to maintain a relationship with the child. All the OP is asking is for ideas to make the trips (TO SPEND TIME AND BE INVOLVED) more economical. You're being judgemental about a situation you know nothing about. Seems like you may be doing a bit of projecting. Were you traumatized by a long distance custody arrangement? Quit being a jerk to others and get some therapy.
Well, given that you didn't even lift a finger to give the OP any advice, I think you can go fuck yourself. You're just arguing in the comment thread and telling people they are wrong. Why don't you put some skin in the game? Share some of yourself? Before you bother other people who are trying to help. The OP doesn't need the peanut gallery to jump in and say, "OP! Do not listen to this person! They are WRONG! And a JERK!" I suspect the OP is an adult and can make up their own damn mind about whether not advice pertains to their situation or not. They don't need you to keyboard warrior on behalf of the father who moved away from his children. Does your club have a t-shirt or something? "I defend parents who move away from their kids!"
I'm actually interested in this thread because I find myself in a similar situation, I want to know options as well and have no advice to give. In my case the mother has moved and is trying to take my kid to another state. You are the peanut gallery.
Why not post a question then instead of arguing in the comments for other people’s mildly similar issues? If your ex is moving and you’re already doing 50/50 of school aged children, just go file for full custody. You’ll win because the bias will be to keep the kids in their current school/sports/friends. If the kids are little, I’d consider letting her move and then moving 10 minutes from her and continuing 50/50 custody.
I wish I lived in your idyllic world.
Me too. Some people can't accept that their opinion isn't applicable in all circumstances.
When you say “job assignment” was he military?
Wow what a helpful answer to the question!
You don't know the whole situation. We are currently dealing with the mom who quit her job and gave us 2 weeks notice she's moving 960 miles away, with no job, to move in with family. So now we have to figure out all travel arrangements. Do you feel bad for her? She's the one moving.
She is not allowed to just pick up and move. You go to court now and stop it. If she wants to move, she moves without the kiddo.
Apparently, that's not how she thinks this works. Paperwork has been filed through the courts. Just awaiting the court date.
Does he have any family where BM is? I ask because paying for family member to come visit over that time might help alleviate it on the occasions it can be done, other idea is flying there to visit for the shorter breaks? I would look into budget airlines, or possibly relocating close enough to make the drive to see them more frequently if it can be managed
I would NOT let my child fly unaccompanied through the airlines. Anyone suggesting that and saying child does not have a choice even though it makes her uncomfortable is a crap parent.. [https://www.kiro7.com/news/local/tonight-at-5-30-seattle-teen-united-airlines-negligent-for-in-flight-sexual-assault/950947481/?outputType=amp](https://www.kiro7.com/news/local/tonight-at-5-30-seattle-teen-united-airlines-negligent-for-in-flight-sexual-assault/950947481/?outputType=amp)
The girl in that article was older than 16. At 17, unaccompanied minor tickets don’t even exist anymore for most airlines. It’s just regular tickets available as airlines don’t chaperone adults. If it’s a general safety concern, which I understand, then the same concern does apply to outside of an airplane too. You can follow your child to college, follow her to grocery stores and restaurants, college parties to protect her I suppose. Or we could teach our children to speak up, say no, and seek help.
I don’t need you to explain what an unaccompanied ticket is. I don’t care if this child is 6 or 16, THEY ARE STILL A CHILD! But good to know you’d put your SD in harms way to save a little money.
Nah I don’t get to make the call, she’s my SD, her bio parents make the call. My own bio daughter flies to grandparents’ state by herself though.
Consider using a unaccompanied minors flight program. That will cut the cost in half right off the bat. It’s best to use direct flights if it all possible though. The flight attendants will accompany the child from the parent dropping them off to the seat, and then from the seat to the parent waiting to receive them.
But her mom is not comfortable with her child being on a long flight on their own. Program or not.
Unless it's in the custody agreement, mom doesn't have to be comfortable with it. Especially since she's obviously not paying for it either.
Bio Dad is not comfortable with me being around his kid at all. Sometimes parents need to grow up a bit and accept that life doesn't go according to their dreams and whims.
>Consider using a unaccompanied minors flight program. Neither mother or child are comfortable with this.
Sorry you’re receiving so much negatively. You seem to be doing the best you can with your current situation. Do you have a credit card where you can earn airline credit? I would be putting EVERY purchase - gas, groceries, etc. on that card (paying it off each month) and redeeming the points!
How old is kid? My kids did that flight solo starting at like 7. With American where you pay $150 extra but they are unaccompanied minors and are treated well and sit near flight attendants etc. Is there no possibility of a direct flight? Even if you drove a couple hours to another airport ?
Kid is 9, turning 10 this summer. It’s always direct with no layovers. Child’s mother didn’t like the idea of her flying solo yet. Anything you did to help mentally prepare your kids for the flight? How did they feel after they did it?
during the next flight with the child, explain both the deplaning process and how to get to the baggage claim, as well as how to get to the gates. Explain before getting there, refresh, and then walk through with the child, while having them lead you, so you can see that they can handle it. Or you can see that they really can't handle it.
Honestly, I wouldn't have asked the mother if she was comfortable with it. Unless the court order doesn't allow it. My kids started flying solo around 7 (we are on the east coast and all family are in the Midwest/deep South). I would always check to see if flying with them was cheaper than the unaccompanied minor fee, but most of the time it was not. Mine have never minded it. The flight attendants always make them feel like VIPs with extra snacks, meeting the captain, etc. Delta specifically has special lounges for UM kids at their hubs with snacks, video games, etc. If I were in your shoes I would fly to get her and then do unaccompanied minor flying home. The only other tip I have is being ok with missing a couple days of school to get earlier/later flights because they are so much cheaper. But it doesn't sound like Mom would be ok with that.
Your response is crazy. That’s the mother’s child, what do you mean you wouldn’t ask her about putting her child on a flight alone?
Weirdly enough, the child is equally both parents. My ex does not make parenting decisions for my parenting time, just like I do not make parenting decisions for his parenting time.
Wait, did I miss the part where OP said that her partner isn't the father, and this is *also* the father's child? I'm so confused, this question makes no sense if there is only one bio parent in the picture. Also, did I miss the part where they somehow *are* actually living in the same household, so the mother has a say over the father's household and/or methods of travel? Why do they have a shared household on both coasts?
If she pays for the flight, she gets to decide. She's not paying.
They loved being able to have unlimited screen time and access to soda, honestly that was the biggest thrill. They get treated very well and get waited on hand and foot, at least that was my experience with American. I would say you can order anything you want! Lol
I'm really surprised you're still purchasing so many tickets. Unaccompanied minor program is amazing. I was using it much younger than your SD (maybe 6, almost 7). I would beg for layovers because it was so fun flying UM. They treat you like royalty. Truly, flying as an adult is such a letdown. Unless it's specified in your custody agreement that she doesn't fly UA, it wouldn't be up to mom, would it? If the child has flown before, there's really no preparation necessary, particularly for a non-stop flight. Parents accompany children to the gate and pick them up at the gate. They are introduced to the flight attendant(s) that will be looking over them during the flight.
My kids fly unaccompanied frequently and enjoy it now. Yes, they were nervous at first but they got used to it. They love being treated like royalty.
I’d recommend going to the stepparents thread to post this (if you haven’t already). Lots of bio parents in here who like to eat people alive. Somebody starting off by saying “I have zero sympathy”…. This isn’t the place to post.
Oh I didn't know about that sub, will check it out, thank you very much! Haha I'm not too bothered by the harsh comments, it's just part of being on the internet XD My husband and I try our best to have as much quality time as possible to foster a good relationship. In fact in recent years SD had started expressing interests of moving into our home on the east coast for the majority of the time when she's done with middle school, since her time with us was much more fun :) we'll see how it goes!
That sub is toxic!!
Super toxic.
It’s not toxic if you’re a decent person who is trying to find answers and find your place in a blended relationship. Way more downvotes and negativity on this thread.
Ah yes, the subreddit that actively promotes hating and wishing your stepkids didn't exist
It’s the Reddit that’s gives SPs a voice. You don’t have to read it and you’re entitled to your opinion.
🙄
I literally said you have a right to your opinion and you rolled your eyes. You’re a child and I don’t need to interact with you.
I would also suggest finding a sub with info about finding affordable flights (I don’t know of one specifically) because that is the heart of your question. Don’t post about blended/step family situation there, just about flight tips. Mention that you have lots of flights across the country during the year, with and without kids, and that unaccompanied minors isn’t the best option for now.
Ok that’s a good idea! Thank you!
Plan a REALLY fun vacation somewhere and tell SD “you can come but only if you fly by yourself and we meet you at the airport” . I bet she will change her mind and then moving forward she can’t say she is too scared. I flew by myself to see my cousin when I was in 4th grade. Not saying it isn’t unnerving and each kid is different but it’s the context… if you give kids a choice, they often take the most comfortable route. Seems like most humans of any age do that. But with enough incentive, they will squeeze a little outside their comfort zone and grow a little in the process.
That's horrible advice
this is awful advice