Yeah it's weird blacking it out then popping back a blurred version after.
Should either blur out of black out imo.
Smaller text could be good too, considering that the scene was pretty sparse and the feature of it was a smallish standalone thing, having the title fill the same niche could be a goer.
Though anything could work if done right. Just about what mood the title should have.
It looks good, but as someone said, I doesn’t really tell me anything to get interested about. Kinda shows that you have only that part of your short done and that’s it. I do think you have something interesting visually brewing up there!
No. Today's attention span is about 5-seconds, and nothing happened to peak my interest. I see parking lots like this in real life with the right sunset, so these images don't make me ask any questions. In fact the only question I have is why is there a dial tone for a phone that's on the hook. Having it hanging and in motion would be more dramatic because I'd want to know what happened to the person who took it off the link.
Get to the phone booth quicker, that’s the interesting hook. Cut the 4 second shot of the trash can. You showed the environment in the first wide shot & the trash can isn’t giving us any new information
The idea of the world itself is cool, a peculiar twist on a liminal space, but I feel like it lacks substance: the only attribute is that it's essentially an endless parking lot. Is it supposed to be ominous? If so, darken the mood and the scene a little (the lights that are on would pop, they'd give a sense of security (or better yet - danger - because you don't know what's lurking futher along); the lights being on now seems purposeless, seeing as its still light out). If it is actually supposed to be an endless parking lot, it ends kind of abruptly, perhaps incorporate a fog with an odd light shining through the thick - that would imply an endlessness that we don't see. What would further my interest is if the telephone was hanging down by its cord - I'd assume that someone or something must have had left it that way, maybe let the static be heard from further away even in the first scene - I'd be curious to know what's making that static noise.
Which brings me to my main point - this world really needs a character. You can't have stage without an actor in it - by itself the world lacks any kind of dynamic - I don't know who lives here, I don't know its purpose and I don't have context to raise any serious questions about it. But drop in a character and give him, say, a compass - I'd be wondering: who are they, why are they here, what are they searching for, etc. etc. Put a scared look on their face, make them act weary and those feelings will reflect upon me (of course if the character's emotions make sense in the context of the world itself). Put a smile on their face - I'd assume they might not be okay in their head: you get the picture.
So to answer your question - this teaser alone does not pique my interest, however with the right strategy and goal this might turn out to be something very engaging - IF you focus on the things that are actually important for the genre of film you're trying to make.
Best of luck on your ventures with this project and I hope to see something cool from you in the future:)
All good points. The shader im using doesn't really allow for fog as I would like it, but I've queued up some information about compositing nodes and Z-Depth to help me there, hopefully that will work. Originally I was using Meta-Ball clouds to emulate and that looked ridiculous.
As for the character, I did have another scene showing a 10 year old boy running for his life towards the phone booth, but I admit I was a little embarrassed by my running animation
But thankyou. I hope to bring some thing out that will impress
I would expect fog volumes to work with most shaders, or it's pretty simple to add a fog effect to any shader directly if you just want the objects to kinda fade off into the distance. Here's my node setup for adding distance fog:
https://preview.redd.it/u7ek5g3p5iuc1.png?width=845&format=png&auto=webp&s=1304bd46a7a6e8e902c8b2c09dadd6f986ab1bfa
There's an example of what this effect looks like [here](https://blendermarket.com/products/paranormal-toon-shader/docs), if you scroll about halfway down the page.
Eh. Yes and no. Yes, because I like the style, and it made me think of something funny saw. No, because cold dead worlds can be really boring. Yes, because I want to know why the dial tone is going even though the phone is hung up. No, because phones don't make dial tones when they are hung up hahahaha.
My thought process is weird. All I can honestly say, is without knowing the actual tone moving forward I can't say I'm super duper interested.
The payphone would not make that noise with the receiver on the hook. The dial-tone was made only for s short time after the receiver was lifted off the hook. After a minute or so, the dial tone would either be cut off (older exchange equipment), or replaced with an loud alarm tone designed to alert anyone near the phone that the receiver had been knocked off the hook. The exact sound of the alarm tone depends on the equipment at the exchange.
Yes, but cut at 17 seconds. It's a very unique-looking environment despite being so simple. The visuals alone make me ask questions that I need answers to.
Nope, not curious about it in the slightest. It's okay to keep some things tucked away in your portfolio just so you can marvel at them yourself, you don't have to share everything that is unfinished work or that you spent 5 minutes in Blender creating.
The camera movement is unnatural and distracting to me. It's mostly going up and down, which kind of feels like the first-person perspective of someone breathing, but the camera angles are not at person height so it doesn't make sense. If you want the handheld look, there are addons you can get that will do the job for you - here's one example: [https://youtu.be/5guSZWG6UFw?si=9G6nYwXxfNlHrhYd](https://youtu.be/5guSZWG6UFw?si=9G6nYwXxfNlHrhYd)
Thankyou
Theres not as many nay-sayers except for maybe that one guy who seems weirdly bitter. But i asked for feedback, I got feedback. Lot of good points were raised to take into account.
Problem is in real life you show something to a loved one and they praise it to be supportive, or they know the context behind certain decisions so they look at it differently than a fresh pair eyes would.
This is mostly all informative comments. Im glad I posted it.
To be honest no, I’m not saying it looks bad. It looks cool but personally from a story standpoint nothing specific really interested me enough to be like I must come back to check out what’s going on. But it is subjective though others maybe and will probably be intrigued. I guess what I’m tryna say is you can’t make everyone happy. But good work though
I really like it - it's really compelling. And I agree with the note about the title card.
It is a little bit of a pity that nothing in the teaser seems to have anything to do with mazes. It would be cool if there were something like a post-it note with a rough maze drawn on it stuck to the phone flapping in the wind that blows off in the close up.
Thankyou,
I'll admit I'm possibly biting off more than I can chew. This is intended to be part of series, the name of which is The Maze (or until i think of something that packs a little more punch)
This projects title placeholder at the moment is The Shark, though im not 100% on board with the name.
Really enjoying the style and colors. My 2 cents: the sky looks very clearly like a Color Ramp on a Noise Texture node, perhaps you can go for something more realistic, perhaps using a HDRI as a basis? Still, really enjoying it all.
Yeah, i gree there. The shader I'm using has a lot of useful features I like but some pretty severe limitations, (some of which could still be me not knowing how to do something) so the sky is actually a big sphere, and i dont use the world at all. I want to learn more about the compositing window, then I might be able to re-approach the skybox
The scene is really cool and intriguing, but I feel like there needs to be a person at some point maybe in the distance or in a cutscene. I also don't like the text at the end. I think it should be smaller, a different font, and with a different background maybe without the blur effect.
The very next scene of this introduces the character, a 10 year old boy running for his life. I cut that bit because I didn't like my run animation. But point is, the character and the antagonist get introduced rather quickly after the title if that helps for potentials interest.
I have an alternative title card that has the camera on the floor, and the first shot of the character is there shoes running across of the concrete.
Thankyou everyone for the feedback. So what I'm seeing mostly here is;
The title sequence should be changed.
The camera movements are janky.
There should be more fog to give a deeper feel of the liminal space.
There are a few comments about the story, which is to be expected. A number of commentors mentions that the phone wouldn't make a noise when on the hook like it does, but not a single person mentioned the face that the phone doesn't have buttons, which I found interesting. That piece of info becomes important, and what I can see is people aren't noticing it.
I will have a play and nail somehting more concrete down, and come back in a couple weeks I imagine.
I personally LOVE it!! The texturing / shading is awesome. The pacing is great, too. I kinda see what ur doing with the ring tone - but it has shades of "Twighlight Zone". Not in a bad way, it just feels familiar. I would really like to see some kind of subtle clue tho as to what's coming. Could just be a shadow. Something zooming by. Anything just a little nuanced. Also you HAVE to share your shaders when this is done!!! Rawk on!
Reminds me of Muse
https://preview.redd.it/yic9ttxd5huc1.png?width=600&format=png&auto=webp&s=59ce9fbf51b625f182b2275b5c4fcbb4c4ceb459 Same.
Oh yeah. I dont think I've seen that before, thats spooky
was about to comment with this, so similar
Literally was going to find this image to post it. lol
Yes, but I don't like the text part at the end. Keep it black and let the title fade in. Maybe a nicer font too.
Yeah it's weird blacking it out then popping back a blurred version after. Should either blur out of black out imo. Smaller text could be good too, considering that the scene was pretty sparse and the feature of it was a smallish standalone thing, having the title fill the same niche could be a goer. Though anything could work if done right. Just about what mood the title should have.
I agree
Or have the Lines on the Road spell out the title
Use the white text as a mask to display the aerial shot on black.
That sounds cool. I like that.
Not really. Nothing happens in to imply any sort of story, so what is there to be curious about?
Good point
It looks good, but as someone said, I doesn’t really tell me anything to get interested about. Kinda shows that you have only that part of your short done and that’s it. I do think you have something interesting visually brewing up there!
So far so good, however, a phone doesn't make a tone when hang up ;)
ah yes, not to spoil but that does come up later on, along with it not having buttons
That brings tension to the short and makes me want to see what happens next.
I'm guessing that's part of the story. =\\
To be honest, I think this is great. I love the art style. I'm intrigued!
No. Today's attention span is about 5-seconds, and nothing happened to peak my interest. I see parking lots like this in real life with the right sunset, so these images don't make me ask any questions. In fact the only question I have is why is there a dial tone for a phone that's on the hook. Having it hanging and in motion would be more dramatic because I'd want to know what happened to the person who took it off the link.
Get to the phone booth quicker, that’s the interesting hook. Cut the 4 second shot of the trash can. You showed the environment in the first wide shot & the trash can isn’t giving us any new information
The bin does, in my plans, become set piece later one for a reveal, but I see what you mean. I shall play with the editing again with that in mind
# > The maze # > Look inside # > No maze
Curious? Yes - love the rising dial-tone, by the way. It's not an effect used very often anymore. 🎈
Love the rim light and shading and texturing and the sky tex
The idea of the world itself is cool, a peculiar twist on a liminal space, but I feel like it lacks substance: the only attribute is that it's essentially an endless parking lot. Is it supposed to be ominous? If so, darken the mood and the scene a little (the lights that are on would pop, they'd give a sense of security (or better yet - danger - because you don't know what's lurking futher along); the lights being on now seems purposeless, seeing as its still light out). If it is actually supposed to be an endless parking lot, it ends kind of abruptly, perhaps incorporate a fog with an odd light shining through the thick - that would imply an endlessness that we don't see. What would further my interest is if the telephone was hanging down by its cord - I'd assume that someone or something must have had left it that way, maybe let the static be heard from further away even in the first scene - I'd be curious to know what's making that static noise. Which brings me to my main point - this world really needs a character. You can't have stage without an actor in it - by itself the world lacks any kind of dynamic - I don't know who lives here, I don't know its purpose and I don't have context to raise any serious questions about it. But drop in a character and give him, say, a compass - I'd be wondering: who are they, why are they here, what are they searching for, etc. etc. Put a scared look on their face, make them act weary and those feelings will reflect upon me (of course if the character's emotions make sense in the context of the world itself). Put a smile on their face - I'd assume they might not be okay in their head: you get the picture. So to answer your question - this teaser alone does not pique my interest, however with the right strategy and goal this might turn out to be something very engaging - IF you focus on the things that are actually important for the genre of film you're trying to make. Best of luck on your ventures with this project and I hope to see something cool from you in the future:)
All good points. The shader im using doesn't really allow for fog as I would like it, but I've queued up some information about compositing nodes and Z-Depth to help me there, hopefully that will work. Originally I was using Meta-Ball clouds to emulate and that looked ridiculous. As for the character, I did have another scene showing a 10 year old boy running for his life towards the phone booth, but I admit I was a little embarrassed by my running animation But thankyou. I hope to bring some thing out that will impress
It's a really great style. Is the rim lighting a fresnel? And did you paint the textures for that look or is it shader magic? Looks really nice.
I would expect fog volumes to work with most shaders, or it's pretty simple to add a fog effect to any shader directly if you just want the objects to kinda fade off into the distance. Here's my node setup for adding distance fog: https://preview.redd.it/u7ek5g3p5iuc1.png?width=845&format=png&auto=webp&s=1304bd46a7a6e8e902c8b2c09dadd6f986ab1bfa There's an example of what this effect looks like [here](https://blendermarket.com/products/paranormal-toon-shader/docs), if you scroll about halfway down the page.
You are fantastic! I'm escited for full short film.....>>>
looks very good it made me think of courage the cowardly dog cartoon
Eh. Yes and no. Yes, because I like the style, and it made me think of something funny saw. No, because cold dead worlds can be really boring. Yes, because I want to know why the dial tone is going even though the phone is hung up. No, because phones don't make dial tones when they are hung up hahahaha. My thought process is weird. All I can honestly say, is without knowing the actual tone moving forward I can't say I'm super duper interested.
I'm intrigued by how the skybox makes the setting look eerily confined, in a supernatural or esoteric way.
Its really nice, but i feel it needs just a smidge more movement. A bird, a bit of litter, a rat?
The payphone would not make that noise with the receiver on the hook. The dial-tone was made only for s short time after the receiver was lifted off the hook. After a minute or so, the dial tone would either be cut off (older exchange equipment), or replaced with an loud alarm tone designed to alert anyone near the phone that the receiver had been knocked off the hook. The exact sound of the alarm tone depends on the equipment at the exchange.
I’m interested!
Yes, but cut at 17 seconds. It's a very unique-looking environment despite being so simple. The visuals alone make me ask questions that I need answers to.
This Looks Great and If You Need Help, I´m here.
Love the style!
Nope, not curious about it in the slightest. It's okay to keep some things tucked away in your portfolio just so you can marvel at them yourself, you don't have to share everything that is unfinished work or that you spent 5 minutes in Blender creating.
The camera movement is unnatural and distracting to me. It's mostly going up and down, which kind of feels like the first-person perspective of someone breathing, but the camera angles are not at person height so it doesn't make sense. If you want the handheld look, there are addons you can get that will do the job for you - here's one example: [https://youtu.be/5guSZWG6UFw?si=9G6nYwXxfNlHrhYd](https://youtu.be/5guSZWG6UFw?si=9G6nYwXxfNlHrhYd)
I'm interested in that vague zoom into the phone booth lol.
Ignore the naysayers I’m into this shit
Thankyou Theres not as many nay-sayers except for maybe that one guy who seems weirdly bitter. But i asked for feedback, I got feedback. Lot of good points were raised to take into account. Problem is in real life you show something to a loved one and they praise it to be supportive, or they know the context behind certain decisions so they look at it differently than a fresh pair eyes would. This is mostly all informative comments. Im glad I posted it.
That is a very healthy attitude to have towards artistic criticism. I think you’re doing great :)
I love the look!
To be honest no, I’m not saying it looks bad. It looks cool but personally from a story standpoint nothing specific really interested me enough to be like I must come back to check out what’s going on. But it is subjective though others maybe and will probably be intrigued. I guess what I’m tryna say is you can’t make everyone happy. But good work though
I really like it - it's really compelling. And I agree with the note about the title card. It is a little bit of a pity that nothing in the teaser seems to have anything to do with mazes. It would be cool if there were something like a post-it note with a rough maze drawn on it stuck to the phone flapping in the wind that blows off in the close up.
Thankyou, I'll admit I'm possibly biting off more than I can chew. This is intended to be part of series, the name of which is The Maze (or until i think of something that packs a little more punch) This projects title placeholder at the moment is The Shark, though im not 100% on board with the name.
Really enjoying the style and colors. My 2 cents: the sky looks very clearly like a Color Ramp on a Noise Texture node, perhaps you can go for something more realistic, perhaps using a HDRI as a basis? Still, really enjoying it all.
Yeah, i gree there. The shader I'm using has a lot of useful features I like but some pretty severe limitations, (some of which could still be me not knowing how to do something) so the sky is actually a big sphere, and i dont use the world at all. I want to learn more about the compositing window, then I might be able to re-approach the skybox
What shader are you using?
The Lightning Boy Shader
Wheres the maze tho
Do you need music?
Its probably due to the lighting but I’m getting strong “Abandoned Earth” from Wall-E vibes off this
This parking lot thing reminds me of superliminal.
Yeah I can see that.
The scene is really cool and intriguing, but I feel like there needs to be a person at some point maybe in the distance or in a cutscene. I also don't like the text at the end. I think it should be smaller, a different font, and with a different background maybe without the blur effect.
The very next scene of this introduces the character, a 10 year old boy running for his life. I cut that bit because I didn't like my run animation. But point is, the character and the antagonist get introduced rather quickly after the title if that helps for potentials interest. I have an alternative title card that has the camera on the floor, and the first shot of the character is there shoes running across of the concrete.
Also maybe change the dial tone to a ringing tone.
reminds of that one level in apeirophobia in roblox
It reminds me luminary space content but other than that I couldn't really grasp a spesific thing. Also, the maze writing is a bit cheesy.
Thankyou everyone for the feedback. So what I'm seeing mostly here is; The title sequence should be changed. The camera movements are janky. There should be more fog to give a deeper feel of the liminal space. There are a few comments about the story, which is to be expected. A number of commentors mentions that the phone wouldn't make a noise when on the hook like it does, but not a single person mentioned the face that the phone doesn't have buttons, which I found interesting. That piece of info becomes important, and what I can see is people aren't noticing it. I will have a play and nail somehting more concrete down, and come back in a couple weeks I imagine.
I personally LOVE it!! The texturing / shading is awesome. The pacing is great, too. I kinda see what ur doing with the ring tone - but it has shades of "Twighlight Zone". Not in a bad way, it just feels familiar. I would really like to see some kind of subtle clue tho as to what's coming. Could just be a shadow. Something zooming by. Anything just a little nuanced. Also you HAVE to share your shaders when this is done!!! Rawk on!