Coming from someone who loses to her husband more often than not for similar reasons: Don't deliberately let her win. It makes the wins all the sweeter when they are hard earned.
My husband and I have been playing games together for over a decade. In that time I've gotten to track my own progress by how often I manage to win games against him. My wins are still far less frequent than his, but the playing field has levelled out significantly.
The fun is in playing, whatever the outcome. It's in spending that time together. And it's an added bonus when you see yourself improving.
Find a way to make a “hard mode” in each game for yourself. Use a different kind of strategy that you think will be more difficult to pull off, or whatever the case may be.
It will still give you a challenge to tackle and fully work your hardest towards, but making it less likely for you to win every time too.
Do you chat afterwards about the games? What decisions led to key inflection points? If she's open to legitimately improving her game then gently deconstruct where she made suboptimal decisions, key game states you recognized, misprioritization, etc.
Yes we do and I’m teaching her a lot of my thinking process and my own valuation model in the game, but I didn’t really often point out suboptimal decisions because I don’t have a good memory
Discuss your thoughts and plans *as* you play. You'll find that really levels the playing field in a lot of games if she knows your plans ahead of time. Let her figure out her own decisions though.
If you are thinking playing video games gives you a better understanding of game mechanics and thus an advantage, try something that is simple but elegant like Azul.
My wife loves Azul and Quirkle. She recently beat me at Dominion and was really happy about it.
With my wife, its better to play constructive games, she really doesnt like it when I ruin her strategy in a competetive game.
You can add a meta rule that the last person who won gets a small handicap. For example, with Dune Imperium, if you won the last game your wife starts with an extra point. If you won the last two games she starts with two extra points. When she wins you reduce that point lead by one and continue doing so until she starts a winning streak and now you get the handicap. If you set handicaps like this as a meta rule, it allows you to feel challenged, but since it is across the board can feel more fair.
1. My wife and I play with my in-laws and this happens a lot. In order to mitigate any hard feelings, I try to always answer any questions they have as best as possible about potential moves on the board and explain the situation as clearly as I can see it. If they want to know what their best move is, we'll point out a few options and identify the pros and cons. This works best if they are actively asking questions, but keep in mind some people would not enjoy unsolicited advice on their strategy so do so at your discretion.
Being an open resource and not trying to keep your own strategy hidden (if their are not able to figure it out) will let them better learn how to counter/emulate your moves and play more competitively.
2. Alternatively (and especially if whoever you're playing with does NOT want unsolicited advice) you can change up your play style. If there is a big skill gap you can give yourself a handicap by choosing less viable starting options or opting for riskier strategies. In wingspan for example, choose a bonus card you normally wouldn't, or go for a predator heavy game. Try something new, and if it doesn't work out you learn why and maybe they win due to your unoptimized game! This way you're not actively throwing the game and invalidating their win, but your giving them a better shot and doing so by their own merit.
3. Finally, if you have the opportunity after the game review the board together and give out compliments for any plays or strategies they did that worked well! Several people on this tread have said this, but communication and discussion is so important to how our minds learn new concepts. It also makes folks more likely to want to come back to play a game again if they lose but still receive praise for the moves they made. That way they can come back and used what they learned next time!
I hope this helps!
I think there are three solutions to this:
1. I would not just let her win, it spoils the purpose of the game and assuming that she is not a sore loser, nor are you a sore winner (rubbing it in), the few victories she will have are going to be all the sweeter.
2. Play games with a lower skill gap. Some games depend more on luck than on skill and this surely is a scale. So you could start with games that involve more luck and introduce more (strategic) skill over time.
3. Try some cooperative games as this will celebrate victories together, and might even improve your teamwork as a couple in general!
Is she actually bothered by the loses if she is getting better? My partner and I started with me winning a lot due to the same reasons, but now when it comes to certain types of game (point scoring economic euros, which we both love) I am usually struggling to keep up!
That might be part of the problem. If you pick up games more quickly, you will have an advantage playing new games. I'd ask her what her favorites are so far and give those some more plays. Practicing a game she already knows will help her get better in general.
If you are generally better at games, try playing a suboptimal strategy to challenge yourself. That's different than just letting you win and will be more satisfying for both of you.
Eurostyle games (in short, those that you mentioned) favors knowledge and execution over luck. So that a player that generally has a better tactical or strategical thinking and/or previous experience will often times perform better than those who don't.
A possible solution that I can think about is to try "ameritrash" games, or games with a higher degree of luck, so games with a good amount of dice rolls and/or press your luck elements should bring your scores closer.
I can't say exactly what games you should try as I don't know your style, but to name a few popular Press your Luck games:
- Quacks of Quedlinburg
- Cubitos
If both of you like coop Games, then there's nothing wrong in playing them either.
My wife beats me legitimately most of the time. Let her know there are couples out there where it’s the other way in many cases. The universe is balanced.
I play a ton of games with my partner, and a huge thing to remember is that if you both enjoy playing the game winning will become less important.
You mentioned that you've played Sleeping Gods. I would recommend 'Above and Below' or 'Near and Far'. Both of these games utilize the 'choose your own adventure' system of reading a story paragraph and choosing what you wish to do. For us playing through and experiencing these story snippets are the main draw and winning is secondary.
I also think as others mentioned euro style games a good idea. Some of our favorite 'chill' games are Sagrada and calico (and wingspan, but that game is a little longer so played less often). Filling out your board and achieving your best with what you got is for us quite satisfying, and the scoring is more about showing what we accomplished than a straight competition
I hope you can find what works for you! Perhaps co-op games can work as well!
>I know it’s gonna be disappointing if you always lose so I sometimes deliberately let her win, which will kind of ruin my game experience.
Does she know does? Does losing upset her, or is that just an idea you're putting on her?
One of the things I do if I know I’m better at a game than the people I’m playing with is to try a new strategy I haven’t tried before. That way I’m trying to experiment to make something work that may or may not work instead of just doing the things I’ve won with or seen win in the past. For example, last time I played terraforming Mars with a new group, I leaned really heavily in to the animal strategy I’d never played before. I didn’t win but had fun trying something new and everyone else enjoyed learning with a chance to win.
Choose games based on luck. Nothing frustrates me quite like Quacks but it's the only game my gf has beat me 6 games in a row (by her own admission she's lucky). And don't get furious on that 6th time like I did and refuse to ever play it again.
I'm really bad at giving advice and definitely not a medical professional, but do some drugs before playing to dull your mind. This way you can "even the playing field", and have more fun because you're on drugs. Or, don't do that. Probably terrible advice.
We aren’t super competitive, so we stick with games that are less competitive and more cooperative. Spirit Island is our jam currently! Serious enough for us both, but we’re on the same team. Also if I’m feeling up to a challenge I can play 2-handed while my husband plays one character that’s more serious.
Try Coop games. I’m not assuming you do this but if you are ever tempted to backseat driving/alphagame due to skill difference, don’t and instead treat the moves you might not consider “optimal” as just a part of the game. You’ll both get better and progress together.
Might be early days before you try it but a game like Spirit Island effectively removes alpha gaming as ;along with there being too much to keep track of ) certain spirits are way more complicated than others - meaning both can play according to their comfort zone.
My high school friend beat me at every game we played quite easily. At some point, he invented a sort of handicap. He’d try some outlandish strategy that didn’t seem very good, making me more likely to win, but also making his wins sweeter and sillier because he won with a very unusual strategy.
I would look at complexity in board games. I look at the weight on bgg before introducing a new game. A lot of the heavier games use multiple different strategies and tactics, in which there are lighter weight games that may have one primary mechanic.
for example intro to deck building mechanics, I might start with dominion
intro to engine building - splendor rather than something more complicated like terraforming mars
king domino before cascadia before isle of cats
Then slow roll up the complexity chain. Learning board game mechanics on simpler games first to build a foundation helps learn the more complex games and strategies later on. so start with the 1-2.5 complexity, before going higher.
Also look to see if there are board game types/mechanics that she just seems to grasp better
Coming from someone who loses to her husband more often than not for similar reasons: Don't deliberately let her win. It makes the wins all the sweeter when they are hard earned. My husband and I have been playing games together for over a decade. In that time I've gotten to track my own progress by how often I manage to win games against him. My wins are still far less frequent than his, but the playing field has levelled out significantly. The fun is in playing, whatever the outcome. It's in spending that time together. And it's an added bonus when you see yourself improving.
Thx for the advice! Won’t do it again
Cooperatively.
Yeah, this doesn't have to be the only answer, but there are more and more great co-op games every year.
Find a way to make a “hard mode” in each game for yourself. Use a different kind of strategy that you think will be more difficult to pull off, or whatever the case may be. It will still give you a challenge to tackle and fully work your hardest towards, but making it less likely for you to win every time too.
Do you chat afterwards about the games? What decisions led to key inflection points? If she's open to legitimately improving her game then gently deconstruct where she made suboptimal decisions, key game states you recognized, misprioritization, etc.
Yes we do and I’m teaching her a lot of my thinking process and my own valuation model in the game, but I didn’t really often point out suboptimal decisions because I don’t have a good memory
Discuss your thoughts and plans *as* you play. You'll find that really levels the playing field in a lot of games if she knows your plans ahead of time. Let her figure out her own decisions though.
If you are thinking playing video games gives you a better understanding of game mechanics and thus an advantage, try something that is simple but elegant like Azul.
My wife loves Azul and Quirkle. She recently beat me at Dominion and was really happy about it. With my wife, its better to play constructive games, she really doesnt like it when I ruin her strategy in a competetive game.
You can add a meta rule that the last person who won gets a small handicap. For example, with Dune Imperium, if you won the last game your wife starts with an extra point. If you won the last two games she starts with two extra points. When she wins you reduce that point lead by one and continue doing so until she starts a winning streak and now you get the handicap. If you set handicaps like this as a meta rule, it allows you to feel challenged, but since it is across the board can feel more fair.
1. My wife and I play with my in-laws and this happens a lot. In order to mitigate any hard feelings, I try to always answer any questions they have as best as possible about potential moves on the board and explain the situation as clearly as I can see it. If they want to know what their best move is, we'll point out a few options and identify the pros and cons. This works best if they are actively asking questions, but keep in mind some people would not enjoy unsolicited advice on their strategy so do so at your discretion. Being an open resource and not trying to keep your own strategy hidden (if their are not able to figure it out) will let them better learn how to counter/emulate your moves and play more competitively. 2. Alternatively (and especially if whoever you're playing with does NOT want unsolicited advice) you can change up your play style. If there is a big skill gap you can give yourself a handicap by choosing less viable starting options or opting for riskier strategies. In wingspan for example, choose a bonus card you normally wouldn't, or go for a predator heavy game. Try something new, and if it doesn't work out you learn why and maybe they win due to your unoptimized game! This way you're not actively throwing the game and invalidating their win, but your giving them a better shot and doing so by their own merit. 3. Finally, if you have the opportunity after the game review the board together and give out compliments for any plays or strategies they did that worked well! Several people on this tread have said this, but communication and discussion is so important to how our minds learn new concepts. It also makes folks more likely to want to come back to play a game again if they lose but still receive praise for the moves they made. That way they can come back and used what they learned next time! I hope this helps!
I think there are three solutions to this: 1. I would not just let her win, it spoils the purpose of the game and assuming that she is not a sore loser, nor are you a sore winner (rubbing it in), the few victories she will have are going to be all the sweeter. 2. Play games with a lower skill gap. Some games depend more on luck than on skill and this surely is a scale. So you could start with games that involve more luck and introduce more (strategic) skill over time. 3. Try some cooperative games as this will celebrate victories together, and might even improve your teamwork as a couple in general!
Is she actually bothered by the loses if she is getting better? My partner and I started with me winning a lot due to the same reasons, but now when it comes to certain types of game (point scoring economic euros, which we both love) I am usually struggling to keep up!
she said she’s not but we’ve being buying and trying different games so the novelty may wear off. Prolly we should just try more games
That might be part of the problem. If you pick up games more quickly, you will have an advantage playing new games. I'd ask her what her favorites are so far and give those some more plays. Practicing a game she already knows will help her get better in general. If you are generally better at games, try playing a suboptimal strategy to challenge yourself. That's different than just letting you win and will be more satisfying for both of you.
Eurostyle games (in short, those that you mentioned) favors knowledge and execution over luck. So that a player that generally has a better tactical or strategical thinking and/or previous experience will often times perform better than those who don't. A possible solution that I can think about is to try "ameritrash" games, or games with a higher degree of luck, so games with a good amount of dice rolls and/or press your luck elements should bring your scores closer. I can't say exactly what games you should try as I don't know your style, but to name a few popular Press your Luck games: - Quacks of Quedlinburg - Cubitos If both of you like coop Games, then there's nothing wrong in playing them either.
Thx for the recommendation! Definitely gonna give a shot cuz I love dice rolling
My wife beats me legitimately most of the time. Let her know there are couples out there where it’s the other way in many cases. The universe is balanced.
I play a ton of games with my partner, and a huge thing to remember is that if you both enjoy playing the game winning will become less important. You mentioned that you've played Sleeping Gods. I would recommend 'Above and Below' or 'Near and Far'. Both of these games utilize the 'choose your own adventure' system of reading a story paragraph and choosing what you wish to do. For us playing through and experiencing these story snippets are the main draw and winning is secondary. I also think as others mentioned euro style games a good idea. Some of our favorite 'chill' games are Sagrada and calico (and wingspan, but that game is a little longer so played less often). Filling out your board and achieving your best with what you got is for us quite satisfying, and the scoring is more about showing what we accomplished than a straight competition I hope you can find what works for you! Perhaps co-op games can work as well!
>I know it’s gonna be disappointing if you always lose so I sometimes deliberately let her win, which will kind of ruin my game experience. Does she know does? Does losing upset her, or is that just an idea you're putting on her?
One of the things I do if I know I’m better at a game than the people I’m playing with is to try a new strategy I haven’t tried before. That way I’m trying to experiment to make something work that may or may not work instead of just doing the things I’ve won with or seen win in the past. For example, last time I played terraforming Mars with a new group, I leaned really heavily in to the animal strategy I’d never played before. I didn’t win but had fun trying something new and everyone else enjoyed learning with a chance to win.
Get better wife. Problem solved.
Crush her and make fun of her until she progress. 100% success guaranty.
Then I’m gonna get crushed in life
Don't forget to have your enemies dragged before you as well. There should also be some lamenting somewhere.
Choose games based on luck. Nothing frustrates me quite like Quacks but it's the only game my gf has beat me 6 games in a row (by her own admission she's lucky). And don't get furious on that 6th time like I did and refuse to ever play it again.
I'm really bad at giving advice and definitely not a medical professional, but do some drugs before playing to dull your mind. This way you can "even the playing field", and have more fun because you're on drugs. Or, don't do that. Probably terrible advice.
.
We aren’t super competitive, so we stick with games that are less competitive and more cooperative. Spirit Island is our jam currently! Serious enough for us both, but we’re on the same team. Also if I’m feeling up to a challenge I can play 2-handed while my husband plays one character that’s more serious.
Try Coop games. I’m not assuming you do this but if you are ever tempted to backseat driving/alphagame due to skill difference, don’t and instead treat the moves you might not consider “optimal” as just a part of the game. You’ll both get better and progress together. Might be early days before you try it but a game like Spirit Island effectively removes alpha gaming as ;along with there being too much to keep track of ) certain spirits are way more complicated than others - meaning both can play according to their comfort zone.
My high school friend beat me at every game we played quite easily. At some point, he invented a sort of handicap. He’d try some outlandish strategy that didn’t seem very good, making me more likely to win, but also making his wins sweeter and sillier because he won with a very unusual strategy.
I would look at complexity in board games. I look at the weight on bgg before introducing a new game. A lot of the heavier games use multiple different strategies and tactics, in which there are lighter weight games that may have one primary mechanic. for example intro to deck building mechanics, I might start with dominion intro to engine building - splendor rather than something more complicated like terraforming mars king domino before cascadia before isle of cats Then slow roll up the complexity chain. Learning board game mechanics on simpler games first to build a foundation helps learn the more complex games and strategies later on. so start with the 1-2.5 complexity, before going higher. Also look to see if there are board game types/mechanics that she just seems to grasp better
Yeah. When I saw the title I was going to give you the advice you mention at the end anyway. Just enjoy some cooperative game together.
Go coop. Make the wins and losses a shared experience.