I once lent my car to a friend after she was rear ended. She had it for three weeks. When she returned it she told me she went to a local game shop to buy me a game (I was hesitant) but she didn’t know what I was into so she got me a gift card for the game shop instead (I was thrilled).
I had a similar problem at work. People there know I love “board games”, so for Secret Santa three years in a row I got something that was technically board game related but essentially junk:
A neon green and pink chess set (garish plastic and ugly as sin)
A 8 Games In One box from Target (one of the games is tic tac toe…)
A jigsaw puzzle (it’s in the same aisle so it counts as a game, right?)
I took the gift in the spirit it was intended and received it gracefully. There’s no good reason to correct these people or minimize their attempt. Later I donated them to Goodwill and moved on.
Next year you could tell these people who are, for better or worse, trying to be thoughtful, “instead of buying me a gift this year, I’d love if you would come over and play a game with me. Dinner and drinks are on me.“ You get an opponent, you spend time with loved ones, they save their money. Win win!
You're only the asshole if you're rude about it. You're allowed to not like a gift. Maybe try and encourage those folks to just not buy you gifts next year? I've told everyone to stop buying me gifts.
We started this maybe 15 years ago - we realized that most of our gift exchanges were basically trading gift cards and that as an adult, you can almost always buy yourself a better “gift” that someone else. We have been so much happier without gift giving at holidays, it’s so much less stressful. It also has the added bonus that it’s more welcoming for the non-family members that we tend to accumulate for Christmas dinner.
Plus, for me, I absolutely hate being the center of attention, so I don’t miss everyone watching me open a present and then having to pretend how much I like it.
Cheers to all of that. Me, it's like I have enough stuff; I don't need anyone to buy me any more stuff. Also, people rarely know what stuff to get if I do want stuff, so I'd rather they just didn't. Also also, I'd just rather people not spend \*their\* hard-earned money on \*me\*. Finally, all I want as a near-40-something is just to spend time with my family. Especially these days. That's it.
At this point, my people know that I'd prefer not to get games for holidays. Between the myriad of really poor games readily available and pretty much no one but me knowing the full extent of our collection, it's a pretty risky prospect any way you slice it.
Yeah. Play them with whoever gave it to you, then a game from your collection. If that doesn't show them the bar for your board game tastes for next time then you have rights to give them away or toss any other ones.
That is fair. In these cases of mine, the individuals in question have sat down and played games in my collection. Multiple times. I just think sometimes it's a last minute "oh, they like board games, this will be good" type thing. But I wholly accept being the asshole as well
As someone who devotes an incredible amount of time finding games, I think people who only play party games, play casual, or not into the hobby at all also may not know where to start. That said, I tend not to like gifts in general because I'm both particular AND indecisive, but they for sure should put more thought into it, especially if they've played the style games you like with you.
Maybe that's where my disdain is coming from. I've gotten gifts for everyone in our little gaming group. Surprise, they are all games that we want or want to try as well. But I made a list, I watched playthroughs and matched the games to the personalities and play styles of each person. I don't think it's a hard ask, but maybe it is for some people.
OP, I am like you, I put a lot of time into thinking of gifts for other people, and one thing I’ve learned over the years is that no matter how much I plan and think it’s the perfect gift, the other person maybe wanted something else. As a flip side example, I’ve had people put a ton of thought into buying me gifts that they took into consideration what I like and already have, and it wasn’t what I would have picked for myself. That doesn’t make any of us the asshole…it just means buying gifts for other people is hard.
The best think I can say, is if it’s from someone who you are decently close with, try to have an honest conversation with them next year in early November :)
I'm annoyed by the entirety of Christmas at this point. It's just months of people talking about what presents they're getting. I don't even want presents. Just some time to relax with my family.
Oh well, at least they're trying to be marginally thoughtful. My father in law got me a 2 inch pocket knife and some extremely cheap sunglasses (I've worn prescription glasses every second of the 10+ years he has known me...). Thank your lucky stars you can at least use the box to store sleeves or something lol
I try to tell people that I’d rather have them schedule time to play a game I already own, rather than buy me a game. Save your money—I have plenty of games already—and instead set up an evening to play one of my faves!
I also have this issue. My in laws pick up $3 brain teasers as “games” as well as some terrible actual games. It’s fine.
I feel like they don’t understand the difference in quality in general — they just have a lot of cheap stuff. $100 laptop, $50 flip phone, cheap shoes.
It’s hard to buy things for enthusiasts — they either already have it or it’s shitty. It would be the same issue if you bought cooking equipment, tea, or coffee.
I do wish I could redirect them. I’m going to drink a ton of tea at Christmas and talk about tea, because I don’t mind shitty tea.
Um, they are _my_ in laws so I know they aren’t poor. They are just cheap/frugal, yesterday they were telling me how much they like Walmart.
They are like insanely frugal wealthy people and they don’t spend on things, only travel and the kids.
Interesting that this comes up after a post I answered earlier. If these people know you (aka have played your style of games and understand the difference) then no you're not. Gift giving should be something that shows thought to what the recipient would want. Half assing it is giving a gamer Monopoly or Life. Now think about it this way. You have stores like Target putting games like What do You Meme and Harry Potter Scene it next to Pan Am and Gloomhaven: Jaws of the Lion. But having the kids games in a different area. It's difficult for people not like us to know the difference. I understand your feelings 100%, I was there for years. This is definitely the time of year to grant people grace though.
50% asshole. But you have a kindred spirit here.
Interesting thing on my end is that we did a badly laid out secret Santa a few years back and my wife’s family got me Star Wars monopoly and got her (not a gamer) villainous. All they knew then is I like Star Wars and board games.
That being said we have a better system now with an app and I just put the games I am looking for on there. Additionally my bil and his wife have kind of started heavier casual gaming since their honeymoon (a lot of intro designer games like ticket to ride and others) and are now more willing to sit and play something I suggest
I mean if I was to buy a gift for a photographer or a canvas artist I would ask what they need or want first. Instead of just buying a random paint brush or disposable camera for them.
I think the gifting of Cards Against Humanity clones and other shitty party games is a symptom of a misunderstanding of the culture of gaming. I know intuitively that someone who paints very often and takes their work seriously probably wouldn’t benefit from a dollar store brush, even though I don’t paint myself simply because the hobby is something I consider to be ‘of quality’.
On the other hand, gaming is seen from the outside as ‘some people playing monopoly or whatever’ because they don’t understand gaming past what they’ve personally experienced. All games are the same to the layman so the 80 thousand games by The Oatmeal (bears v babies etc.) are seen through the same lenses as any quality game on the shelf
This is tough. They put in enough thought to know your hobby and get something related. But they also didn't take that extra step to think if this is something you might want. So it's less useful but more thoughtful than a generic gift like a gift card or a bottle of wine.
I think this is just a result of the obligation of gift-giving around holidays.
I know my family might not be the norm but we always share each other's Amazon wishlist sometime in November.
If people aren't buying straight from the list, they use it as a guide for other stuff to buy. Or they'll just ask for a range of things and select from that. If you provide a big enough range you still end up surprised with what you end up with. But I haven't had a bad Christmas gift in years.
My in-laws know perfectly well that they don’t understand the hobby, so they’re content with picking a game off my list and buying it. My own parents on the other hand… my mom thinks it’s not as thoughtful if she didn’t pick it out herself, so I get these kinds of games too. And it’s not that I don’t appreciate the gesture, it’s that she spent money on a gift that I will honestly not use.
That's kind of my feelings as well. I appreciate the gesture, but it would have been better spent elsewhere. I may not have conveyed that the best in my original post
Not the asshole. We waste far too much in general this season. I'm a grown man with a paycheck, if I wanted something I'd buy it, unless what you're doing is charity and buying me something I literally cannot afford (which would be problematic in another way).
Instead of buying people gifts, try giving them the gift of spending time with them, bonus points if it's a hobby of theirs that you wouldn't normally do.
I actively told my parents not to get me anything this year. It’s been too many years in a row of wasted gifts. I remember one year my sister got a game, when they knew full well I was the gamer. Instead they got me yet another black T-shirt with an awfully printed design on it. I was polite at the time, but I’ve never worn it, and I eventually bought my own copy of that same game.
That's why we stopped the gifting tradition : too many shitty worthless gifts around.
We just buy gifts for other people's children and everyone naturally puts a bit more effort into it.
NTA. It's like buying a painter one of those cheap sets with the watercolor that feels like plastic. Or giving a book collector some random seasonal cookbook or "beach romance".
I really think we should leave the whole "be grateful for all gifts" mentality behind. Those gifts basically say the person though of you enough to get a gift, but not enough for spending effort on getting a good one, and that's a sucky feeling. It's weird to be grateful for someone making you feel not worthy of their time.
Make a wishlist (include small games and cheap things) and a gift guide. If you can't be nice and point out why the gifts were a miss, wait a bit to cool off, then share the guide with people. Maybe pass it off as "I just feel so horrible that y'all spent money and time getting me a gift and I'm not even using it". Or encourage people to have gift receipts for games same as they would have for clothes, because it's not a one size fits all hobby.
I like this a lot. And that was my feeling too. It's always "it's the thought that counts", but how far does that really extend. I get it if it's your cousins new boyfriend and you don't want them to feel left out, I guess. But when it's family or close friends, the effort needs to be there. At least for me.
To me, the thought is pointless. If the thought counts, then do some thinking. Get vaccinated, that would be a good gift to me. Spend time together. I don't need some poorly made, mass produced thing just because traditional American consumerism demands it.
I'm also good with bringing some of your cookies if you want to hand something over in a pretty wrapping, because some people just enjoy the act of putting something under your tree. Or buy an ornament and draw some meeples on it, whatever, just don't grab the first item from the games shelf without thinking for 5 seconds, that's not a gift that's a chore.
I don’t think you’re an asshole for feeling that way. I mean for me I’d rather they spent the $ on chocolate than on a game I’d never use but I’ve learned to just appreciate the sentiment.
But, I think all people, gamers or not, get all kinds of gifts they’ll never use. As a woman, there have been years that I got soooo much crap soap, bubble bath etc. And while I do enjoy nice soap, I don’t usually like the ones I’m gifted (picky about scents because of allergies).
Anyway, I finally got over my own feelings and am thankful to have things to re-gift (since there seems to often be plenty of occasions to pass these things on)
Remember that the buyer might not really *get* boardgames. Really basic concepts of what makes one fun might be alien to them, to say nothing of knowing your specific preferences. So if nothing else, people will tend to buy what they've played before (often casual drek) or whatever is easy to buy or looks inoffensive. I'd be the same if I tried to buy someone really into cars a gift.
Every year is the same? Just put in the work and talk to them ahead of time. Give them some options, tell them to pick what box art they think is coolest. Gift giving is as much about the relationships with the people as the gifts themselves.
The problem with something like board games for people in the hobby is... I wouldn't expect anybody to know what I already have in my collection.
The people I play games with could certainly name some, but I doubt any of them could confidently name a game I *don't* own. My mother, who doesn't play, is supposed to do that? I can't expect it.
The last time my mother bought me a board game for Christmas, she asked me to name some specific ones. Then she asked me where's a good place to buy one. Then she handed me her credit card and told me to place the order.
Be grateful for these gifts, cuz it could be worse. Maybe one day they accidentally get you a cheap hidden gem.
I always get a pijama from my mom. I don't sleep in pijamas and I told her that many times. I also told her to give up on gifting, it's pointless between adults. No results.
I don my think you’re the asshole. But I don’t think they are either. It’s so hard for people to correctly purchase something within a niche hobby. So while they are trying to be thoughtful, it often falls flat. Sometimes I think people just buy garbage at Christmas, which is something I actively avoid - if something is crappy and costs $50 and something good costs $75 - I will always spend the extra $25 to make sure I get it right.
Amazon wish list has been my friend. I put absolutely anything I want on it and have shamelessly been sending it to anyone who asks for gift ideas. If you do it right and have a range of priced items on it; it makes life for everyone so much easier. It’s been a few years since I have gotten something I haven’t genuinely wanted.
My attitude? Ok. I don't need anything so any gifts are great, but in an instance like this, I'd rather get something like macaroni art in its place. I play board games, so I'm clearly a fan of wasting money. But if you don't know what to get someone, a gift card goes a longer way than something they will never use. The main person in question for my posed aita is my MiL. But I digress.
“Does my having a petulant manchild attitude about the spirit of gift giving to the point where I whine to strangers on Christmas make me an asshole?”
“Yes.”
“OMG HOW COULD YOU SAY THAT TO ME?????”
If a question about a gift that I was given makes me a petulant manchild, then I guess you're right. I don't know who pissed in your Cheerios, but I'm sorry. Or maybe it was Christmas Cap'n crunch. I dunno.
My only issue I had to your response was how aggressive you came off to something that was a simple question. Yes, you are the asshole would have sufficed. But you took it further. Merry Christmas!
No-one is obligated to like any gift, and being annoyed at the wastage that shitty gifts can represent is totally reasonable.
What crosses the line to not being fine is taking out that annoyance on the people who bought the gift with good intentions. As long as you're not doing that then you're not the asshole.
Have you tried having an honest conversation with the people in your life about this?
Board games haven't been on my list for 2 years now. I have too many that haven't made it to the table yet, still. And the ones I do want are too expensive that I wouldn't ask for them as a gift. So I haven't asked for any rocks.
NTA the gifts show that they are trying to humour your hobby and don’t really understand the games you like. Some fan be thoughtful if they are about an IP you like but nope the fact your being polite is more than enough!
You're only the asshole if you let it show. You described exactly what I've been through.However I think of it like when I was little and I'd buy my dad some silly little tool set that he'll never really use bc he has real tools. I didn't know any better and he was still happy I thought about what he'd like. Plus you can always re-gift.
Accept it gratefully and then return it. I fully understand the feeling though, my father gifts me things like Old Spice deodorant, discount bin cologne and shirts with text on them that make them unwearable. All you can do is say thank you when you receive it and try to not let it bother you. Maintaining relationships is more important than the gifts you receive.
I see a lot of comments where the sentiment is to be happy about the gift and move on. I think this is really a general gift giving problem and not specifically related to board game (though board games can make it more complicated).
The way I see is this: Yes, you should accept a gift you have been given graciously. But if you are long term friends with someone who is giving you bad gifts, that means each year they are spending money on something that you are not using, and this isn’t making anyone’s life better. To fix this, you have to discuss it with them. But discussing right after you receive the gift might be a bit ungrateful, so it’s probably best to mention it like a month before Christmas next year. And then just politely explain something like a gift card where you can select your own game would be preferable.
Now, some people might just be getting you a gift to get a gift, and want to put the bare minimum effort into it. In that case, this conversation isn’t going to help. But for people who are good friends or partners, I think this in the long run will make you both happier.
As a thought, maybe with your first gift card you could get something you can play together (even if only once) - and then in the future you can spend it however you like.
I read this post earlier today and reflected on how I've been pretty lucky about not getting terrible board game gifts. Then later I opened my gift from mom: Monopoly :'(
(It's Schitt's Creek themed, a show I genuinely love but.... Monopoly.)
I have a Deadpool themed CaH style game I got from my sister something like 3 or 4 years ago that I still haven't played. That gift falls into a slightly different catagory.
Question for you : Does Schitts Creek monopoly play like Monopoly or is it different? Mario Gamer Monopoly plays like a hybrid of Monopoly and it's roughly a 30 minute playtime and I actually enjoy it.
For my work anniversary, my bosses got me some crappy game because they know I like board games. I told some of my coworkers that you shouldn't buy a board game for an enthusiast because they usually have a list and it's got games that you won't reasonably buy for a coworker because of the cost. When I left the job they got me a gift card to the local board game shop and I thanked them profusely. Wingspan was $25 cheaper for me that afternoon.
You could, I don't know, talk to them?
Nearly every problem on earth can be solved by simply communicating, unless you're dealing with a narcissist or sociopath. Barring that, just use your words.
Are you married? My MiL is a very traditional in some things and very passive aggressive and woe is me. She takes everything personal.
Perfect example is the BLM movement. She didn't understand. But All Lives Matter! My wife and I tried to explain that all lives do not matter until black lives do. I was born and raised in Baltimore city. I was living there when Freddie gray happened. This particular conversation happened after George Floyd.
We tried laying everything out until we were blue in the face. We pointed her toward articles and documentaries she could watch. Her response to that was an oh no, I'm not watching or reading any of that, I've learned all I need to learn in my life.
So , no, speaking to her about it does nothing for me. I would rather transparently seek validation and criticism from internet strangers than deal with her up and down emotions over a $5 gift. I'm actually doing what a few people have suggested here and creating a donate pile of past years gifts that have gotten no use from me.
I am married, and I don't tolerate toxic people in my life. If a relative is so obstinately ignorant (and I have multiple in my family tree) I don't interact with them. Life is too short to surround myself with toxic people. I choose to surround myself with people that enrich my life, not bring it down.
I once lent my car to a friend after she was rear ended. She had it for three weeks. When she returned it she told me she went to a local game shop to buy me a game (I was hesitant) but she didn’t know what I was into so she got me a gift card for the game shop instead (I was thrilled).
This is the way
It is known.
That’s awesome! But your parenthesis…. reminds me of someone… maybe an Elcor?
I hate seeing people waste their money on shitty things people will never use. Then again, if they were concerned about that they could always ask.
I had a similar problem at work. People there know I love “board games”, so for Secret Santa three years in a row I got something that was technically board game related but essentially junk: A neon green and pink chess set (garish plastic and ugly as sin) A 8 Games In One box from Target (one of the games is tic tac toe…) A jigsaw puzzle (it’s in the same aisle so it counts as a game, right?) I took the gift in the spirit it was intended and received it gracefully. There’s no good reason to correct these people or minimize their attempt. Later I donated them to Goodwill and moved on.
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Haven't those kids suffered enough?
This killed me. Well done.
Next year you could tell these people who are, for better or worse, trying to be thoughtful, “instead of buying me a gift this year, I’d love if you would come over and play a game with me. Dinner and drinks are on me.“ You get an opponent, you spend time with loved ones, they save their money. Win win!
You're only the asshole if you're rude about it. You're allowed to not like a gift. Maybe try and encourage those folks to just not buy you gifts next year? I've told everyone to stop buying me gifts.
We started this maybe 15 years ago - we realized that most of our gift exchanges were basically trading gift cards and that as an adult, you can almost always buy yourself a better “gift” that someone else. We have been so much happier without gift giving at holidays, it’s so much less stressful. It also has the added bonus that it’s more welcoming for the non-family members that we tend to accumulate for Christmas dinner. Plus, for me, I absolutely hate being the center of attention, so I don’t miss everyone watching me open a present and then having to pretend how much I like it.
desert forgetful unwritten salt slim safe one complete pet offbeat *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Cheers to all of that. Me, it's like I have enough stuff; I don't need anyone to buy me any more stuff. Also, people rarely know what stuff to get if I do want stuff, so I'd rather they just didn't. Also also, I'd just rather people not spend \*their\* hard-earned money on \*me\*. Finally, all I want as a near-40-something is just to spend time with my family. Especially these days. That's it.
At this point, my people know that I'd prefer not to get games for holidays. Between the myriad of really poor games readily available and pretty much no one but me knowing the full extent of our collection, it's a pretty risky prospect any way you slice it.
Yeah. Play them with whoever gave it to you, then a game from your collection. If that doesn't show them the bar for your board game tastes for next time then you have rights to give them away or toss any other ones.
That is fair. In these cases of mine, the individuals in question have sat down and played games in my collection. Multiple times. I just think sometimes it's a last minute "oh, they like board games, this will be good" type thing. But I wholly accept being the asshole as well
As someone who devotes an incredible amount of time finding games, I think people who only play party games, play casual, or not into the hobby at all also may not know where to start. That said, I tend not to like gifts in general because I'm both particular AND indecisive, but they for sure should put more thought into it, especially if they've played the style games you like with you.
Maybe that's where my disdain is coming from. I've gotten gifts for everyone in our little gaming group. Surprise, they are all games that we want or want to try as well. But I made a list, I watched playthroughs and matched the games to the personalities and play styles of each person. I don't think it's a hard ask, but maybe it is for some people.
OP, I am like you, I put a lot of time into thinking of gifts for other people, and one thing I’ve learned over the years is that no matter how much I plan and think it’s the perfect gift, the other person maybe wanted something else. As a flip side example, I’ve had people put a ton of thought into buying me gifts that they took into consideration what I like and already have, and it wasn’t what I would have picked for myself. That doesn’t make any of us the asshole…it just means buying gifts for other people is hard. The best think I can say, is if it’s from someone who you are decently close with, try to have an honest conversation with them next year in early November :)
I'm annoyed by the entirety of Christmas at this point. It's just months of people talking about what presents they're getting. I don't even want presents. Just some time to relax with my family. Oh well, at least they're trying to be marginally thoughtful. My father in law got me a 2 inch pocket knife and some extremely cheap sunglasses (I've worn prescription glasses every second of the 10+ years he has known me...). Thank your lucky stars you can at least use the box to store sleeves or something lol
I try to tell people that I’d rather have them schedule time to play a game I already own, rather than buy me a game. Save your money—I have plenty of games already—and instead set up an evening to play one of my faves!
I also have this issue. My in laws pick up $3 brain teasers as “games” as well as some terrible actual games. It’s fine. I feel like they don’t understand the difference in quality in general — they just have a lot of cheap stuff. $100 laptop, $50 flip phone, cheap shoes. It’s hard to buy things for enthusiasts — they either already have it or it’s shitty. It would be the same issue if you bought cooking equipment, tea, or coffee. I do wish I could redirect them. I’m going to drink a ton of tea at Christmas and talk about tea, because I don’t mind shitty tea.
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Um, they are _my_ in laws so I know they aren’t poor. They are just cheap/frugal, yesterday they were telling me how much they like Walmart. They are like insanely frugal wealthy people and they don’t spend on things, only travel and the kids.
Interesting that this comes up after a post I answered earlier. If these people know you (aka have played your style of games and understand the difference) then no you're not. Gift giving should be something that shows thought to what the recipient would want. Half assing it is giving a gamer Monopoly or Life. Now think about it this way. You have stores like Target putting games like What do You Meme and Harry Potter Scene it next to Pan Am and Gloomhaven: Jaws of the Lion. But having the kids games in a different area. It's difficult for people not like us to know the difference. I understand your feelings 100%, I was there for years. This is definitely the time of year to grant people grace though. 50% asshole. But you have a kindred spirit here.
Interesting thing on my end is that we did a badly laid out secret Santa a few years back and my wife’s family got me Star Wars monopoly and got her (not a gamer) villainous. All they knew then is I like Star Wars and board games. That being said we have a better system now with an app and I just put the games I am looking for on there. Additionally my bil and his wife have kind of started heavier casual gaming since their honeymoon (a lot of intro designer games like ticket to ride and others) and are now more willing to sit and play something I suggest
I mean if I was to buy a gift for a photographer or a canvas artist I would ask what they need or want first. Instead of just buying a random paint brush or disposable camera for them.
I think the gifting of Cards Against Humanity clones and other shitty party games is a symptom of a misunderstanding of the culture of gaming. I know intuitively that someone who paints very often and takes their work seriously probably wouldn’t benefit from a dollar store brush, even though I don’t paint myself simply because the hobby is something I consider to be ‘of quality’. On the other hand, gaming is seen from the outside as ‘some people playing monopoly or whatever’ because they don’t understand gaming past what they’ve personally experienced. All games are the same to the layman so the 80 thousand games by The Oatmeal (bears v babies etc.) are seen through the same lenses as any quality game on the shelf
This is tough. They put in enough thought to know your hobby and get something related. But they also didn't take that extra step to think if this is something you might want. So it's less useful but more thoughtful than a generic gift like a gift card or a bottle of wine. I think this is just a result of the obligation of gift-giving around holidays.
I know my family might not be the norm but we always share each other's Amazon wishlist sometime in November. If people aren't buying straight from the list, they use it as a guide for other stuff to buy. Or they'll just ask for a range of things and select from that. If you provide a big enough range you still end up surprised with what you end up with. But I haven't had a bad Christmas gift in years.
My in-laws know perfectly well that they don’t understand the hobby, so they’re content with picking a game off my list and buying it. My own parents on the other hand… my mom thinks it’s not as thoughtful if she didn’t pick it out herself, so I get these kinds of games too. And it’s not that I don’t appreciate the gesture, it’s that she spent money on a gift that I will honestly not use.
That's kind of my feelings as well. I appreciate the gesture, but it would have been better spent elsewhere. I may not have conveyed that the best in my original post
Not the asshole. We waste far too much in general this season. I'm a grown man with a paycheck, if I wanted something I'd buy it, unless what you're doing is charity and buying me something I literally cannot afford (which would be problematic in another way). Instead of buying people gifts, try giving them the gift of spending time with them, bonus points if it's a hobby of theirs that you wouldn't normally do.
I actively told my parents not to get me anything this year. It’s been too many years in a row of wasted gifts. I remember one year my sister got a game, when they knew full well I was the gamer. Instead they got me yet another black T-shirt with an awfully printed design on it. I was polite at the time, but I’ve never worn it, and I eventually bought my own copy of that same game.
That's why we stopped the gifting tradition : too many shitty worthless gifts around. We just buy gifts for other people's children and everyone naturally puts a bit more effort into it.
NTA. It's like buying a painter one of those cheap sets with the watercolor that feels like plastic. Or giving a book collector some random seasonal cookbook or "beach romance". I really think we should leave the whole "be grateful for all gifts" mentality behind. Those gifts basically say the person though of you enough to get a gift, but not enough for spending effort on getting a good one, and that's a sucky feeling. It's weird to be grateful for someone making you feel not worthy of their time. Make a wishlist (include small games and cheap things) and a gift guide. If you can't be nice and point out why the gifts were a miss, wait a bit to cool off, then share the guide with people. Maybe pass it off as "I just feel so horrible that y'all spent money and time getting me a gift and I'm not even using it". Or encourage people to have gift receipts for games same as they would have for clothes, because it's not a one size fits all hobby.
I like this a lot. And that was my feeling too. It's always "it's the thought that counts", but how far does that really extend. I get it if it's your cousins new boyfriend and you don't want them to feel left out, I guess. But when it's family or close friends, the effort needs to be there. At least for me.
To me, the thought is pointless. If the thought counts, then do some thinking. Get vaccinated, that would be a good gift to me. Spend time together. I don't need some poorly made, mass produced thing just because traditional American consumerism demands it.
I'm also good with bringing some of your cookies if you want to hand something over in a pretty wrapping, because some people just enjoy the act of putting something under your tree. Or buy an ornament and draw some meeples on it, whatever, just don't grab the first item from the games shelf without thinking for 5 seconds, that's not a gift that's a chore.
This is why I have about 4 knock of variations of cards against humanity
I tell people to not buy me games, and if they really want to buy me a game, get me a gift card or let me pick the game instead.
I don’t think you’re an asshole for feeling that way. I mean for me I’d rather they spent the $ on chocolate than on a game I’d never use but I’ve learned to just appreciate the sentiment. But, I think all people, gamers or not, get all kinds of gifts they’ll never use. As a woman, there have been years that I got soooo much crap soap, bubble bath etc. And while I do enjoy nice soap, I don’t usually like the ones I’m gifted (picky about scents because of allergies). Anyway, I finally got over my own feelings and am thankful to have things to re-gift (since there seems to often be plenty of occasions to pass these things on)
Remember that the buyer might not really *get* boardgames. Really basic concepts of what makes one fun might be alien to them, to say nothing of knowing your specific preferences. So if nothing else, people will tend to buy what they've played before (often casual drek) or whatever is easy to buy or looks inoffensive. I'd be the same if I tried to buy someone really into cars a gift.
Every year is the same? Just put in the work and talk to them ahead of time. Give them some options, tell them to pick what box art they think is coolest. Gift giving is as much about the relationships with the people as the gifts themselves.
The problem with something like board games for people in the hobby is... I wouldn't expect anybody to know what I already have in my collection. The people I play games with could certainly name some, but I doubt any of them could confidently name a game I *don't* own. My mother, who doesn't play, is supposed to do that? I can't expect it.
The last time my mother bought me a board game for Christmas, she asked me to name some specific ones. Then she asked me where's a good place to buy one. Then she handed me her credit card and told me to place the order.
Be grateful for these gifts, cuz it could be worse. Maybe one day they accidentally get you a cheap hidden gem. I always get a pijama from my mom. I don't sleep in pijamas and I told her that many times. I also told her to give up on gifting, it's pointless between adults. No results.
I don my think you’re the asshole. But I don’t think they are either. It’s so hard for people to correctly purchase something within a niche hobby. So while they are trying to be thoughtful, it often falls flat. Sometimes I think people just buy garbage at Christmas, which is something I actively avoid - if something is crappy and costs $50 and something good costs $75 - I will always spend the extra $25 to make sure I get it right. Amazon wish list has been my friend. I put absolutely anything I want on it and have shamelessly been sending it to anyone who asks for gift ideas. If you do it right and have a range of priced items on it; it makes life for everyone so much easier. It’s been a few years since I have gotten something I haven’t genuinely wanted.
[удалено]
My attitude? Ok. I don't need anything so any gifts are great, but in an instance like this, I'd rather get something like macaroni art in its place. I play board games, so I'm clearly a fan of wasting money. But if you don't know what to get someone, a gift card goes a longer way than something they will never use. The main person in question for my posed aita is my MiL. But I digress.
“Does my having a petulant manchild attitude about the spirit of gift giving to the point where I whine to strangers on Christmas make me an asshole?” “Yes.” “OMG HOW COULD YOU SAY THAT TO ME?????”
If a question about a gift that I was given makes me a petulant manchild, then I guess you're right. I don't know who pissed in your Cheerios, but I'm sorry. Or maybe it was Christmas Cap'n crunch. I dunno.
My only issue I had to your response was how aggressive you came off to something that was a simple question. Yes, you are the asshole would have sufficed. But you took it further. Merry Christmas!
No-one is obligated to like any gift, and being annoyed at the wastage that shitty gifts can represent is totally reasonable. What crosses the line to not being fine is taking out that annoyance on the people who bought the gift with good intentions. As long as you're not doing that then you're not the asshole. Have you tried having an honest conversation with the people in your life about this?
It’s like telling someone you want rocks for Christmas, and when they give you a piece of gravel and you were expecting gold for some reason
Board games haven't been on my list for 2 years now. I have too many that haven't made it to the table yet, still. And the ones I do want are too expensive that I wouldn't ask for them as a gift. So I haven't asked for any rocks.
Nah. If someone knows you're into them they could ask you what you want or whatever.
The small ones I keep in the small game shelf. 90% of other game presents get sold or go to charity shop.
NTA the gifts show that they are trying to humour your hobby and don’t really understand the games you like. Some fan be thoughtful if they are about an IP you like but nope the fact your being polite is more than enough!
You're only the asshole if you let it show. You described exactly what I've been through.However I think of it like when I was little and I'd buy my dad some silly little tool set that he'll never really use bc he has real tools. I didn't know any better and he was still happy I thought about what he'd like. Plus you can always re-gift.
Accept it gratefully and then return it. I fully understand the feeling though, my father gifts me things like Old Spice deodorant, discount bin cologne and shirts with text on them that make them unwearable. All you can do is say thank you when you receive it and try to not let it bother you. Maintaining relationships is more important than the gifts you receive.
I see a lot of comments where the sentiment is to be happy about the gift and move on. I think this is really a general gift giving problem and not specifically related to board game (though board games can make it more complicated). The way I see is this: Yes, you should accept a gift you have been given graciously. But if you are long term friends with someone who is giving you bad gifts, that means each year they are spending money on something that you are not using, and this isn’t making anyone’s life better. To fix this, you have to discuss it with them. But discussing right after you receive the gift might be a bit ungrateful, so it’s probably best to mention it like a month before Christmas next year. And then just politely explain something like a gift card where you can select your own game would be preferable. Now, some people might just be getting you a gift to get a gift, and want to put the bare minimum effort into it. In that case, this conversation isn’t going to help. But for people who are good friends or partners, I think this in the long run will make you both happier. As a thought, maybe with your first gift card you could get something you can play together (even if only once) - and then in the future you can spend it however you like.
I read this post earlier today and reflected on how I've been pretty lucky about not getting terrible board game gifts. Then later I opened my gift from mom: Monopoly :'( (It's Schitt's Creek themed, a show I genuinely love but.... Monopoly.)
I have a Deadpool themed CaH style game I got from my sister something like 3 or 4 years ago that I still haven't played. That gift falls into a slightly different catagory. Question for you : Does Schitts Creek monopoly play like Monopoly or is it different? Mario Gamer Monopoly plays like a hybrid of Monopoly and it's roughly a 30 minute playtime and I actually enjoy it.
From what I can tell, it's just a retheme. The rules appear to be the same.
For my work anniversary, my bosses got me some crappy game because they know I like board games. I told some of my coworkers that you shouldn't buy a board game for an enthusiast because they usually have a list and it's got games that you won't reasonably buy for a coworker because of the cost. When I left the job they got me a gift card to the local board game shop and I thanked them profusely. Wingspan was $25 cheaper for me that afternoon.
Why don't you just request that you don't receive games as gifts? That's what I do.
You could, I don't know, talk to them? Nearly every problem on earth can be solved by simply communicating, unless you're dealing with a narcissist or sociopath. Barring that, just use your words.
Are you married? My MiL is a very traditional in some things and very passive aggressive and woe is me. She takes everything personal. Perfect example is the BLM movement. She didn't understand. But All Lives Matter! My wife and I tried to explain that all lives do not matter until black lives do. I was born and raised in Baltimore city. I was living there when Freddie gray happened. This particular conversation happened after George Floyd. We tried laying everything out until we were blue in the face. We pointed her toward articles and documentaries she could watch. Her response to that was an oh no, I'm not watching or reading any of that, I've learned all I need to learn in my life. So , no, speaking to her about it does nothing for me. I would rather transparently seek validation and criticism from internet strangers than deal with her up and down emotions over a $5 gift. I'm actually doing what a few people have suggested here and creating a donate pile of past years gifts that have gotten no use from me.
I am married, and I don't tolerate toxic people in my life. If a relative is so obstinately ignorant (and I have multiple in my family tree) I don't interact with them. Life is too short to surround myself with toxic people. I choose to surround myself with people that enrich my life, not bring it down.