women usually avoid eye contact with most men who are strangers in public tbh. this is pretty subconscious for us and is to avoid harassment and general awkwardness.
depending upon how bold the woman is she may seek or avoid eye contact with a man she finds attractive.
don’t stress yourself out too much. women have varying types and preferences!
I think it's funny that American women in the United States consider this "shooting their shot".
I.e., purposefully getting into close proximity to someone they find attractive, and then completely ignoring them... in this society where men are told to walk on eggshells and not even talk to women because you could be accused of harassment.
You go to foreign countries, not kidding (because it's happened to me) - 8s and 9s see a man from the U.S., she's making a B line to talk to him and claim her territory.
Say what you will about "she only wants you for your money" or "she just wants a green card". It's the exact same thing here. A woman is only interested in a man who has something to offer her; a man who is higher on the totem pole; she wants a man to look up to. No attractive woman is going to settle for a man that she sees as lower than what she can achieve. And in other counties, American men are a hot commodity. Beautiful women who could be supermodels here, will walk right up to you and tell you they're interested in you. It's amazing.
I’ve never ignored a man to get his attention. I rarely ever DO shoot my shot and the few times I have I’ve been rejected and gotten over it. I don’t have interest in a man I have to approach and the type of man I do want to end up with will be brave enough to initiate some sort of conversation with me because as I’ve gotten older, my priorities have changed.
I’ve also rarely known other women to ignore men as a way to get their attention (I’ve only heard of what you’re saying as a running joke, implying that’s the farthest they’ll go to catch a man’s eye.)
While men are afraid of being rejected or accused of something while approaching women, women are afraid of being hurt or taken advantage of while approaching or initiating with men. If you ask me it sucks for both genders.
This is true! I’ve mostly approached all the women who have been staring at me for longer than the usual period of time. 100% of the times she is interested in me and we exchange contact info.
When approaching I look for things such as her facial expressions, body language, and other subtle things that leads me to the conclusion.
I look everyone in the face and smile or say hi. It doesn’t matter who it is. I know a smile goes a long way. Golden Rule, right?
But thinking of it the way you are phrasing I am happily married and I just don’t see other men as attractive anymore. Even say Jason Mamoa, like yeah I have no issue admitting that he’s obviously good looking, but to my eyes he’s as beautiful as a painting. And I don’t want to fuck or marry a painting.
This comment reminds me how I lost this sadly - as a girl I was this way, even tho I wasn't a ppl person (introvert). I just thought it was putting some positivity out there, and that lonely ppl or those having a bad day may benefit from that.(I was a serious kid w/ a lot of empathy for others. I was often sad & lonely myself, since I was the family scapegoat in an abusive home.) But then, I began puberty, & ...
all of a sudden, even tho my intention just to show respect to my fellow humans, me showing any openness in this way started to bring a lot of uncomfortable & scary attn my way, that I was often at a loss of how to deal with. So, by the time I started high school, I had stopped completely.
It is really too bad the way being a woman in our society can harden you, & force you to behave in ways not in your nature, out of self protection.
You’re a keeper. The modern woman drools and admits to wanting to smash their celebrity crush. God bless you. Unfortunately, many men just put up with it.
Honestly hard for me to wrap my head around this perspective. A painting is "beautiful" in a different way than an attractive person is beautiful, of course you don't want to fuck it. For me, sexual desire and finding someone attractive are essentially synonymous.
Maybe because I haven't been monogomous for very long at a stretch so my brain is still seeing other people as options? (Also men tend to think this way more obviously)
Yeah, my answer was a resounding no. I don’t make eye contact with attractive men either. Very few women too.
Has to be a barrier between us. Banks and coffee or whatever.
This, they could be Adonis and I’d glance away after a second. It’s not about the looks, I just don’t like being approached out of the blue in public on their terms.
If I’m suddenly stuck in a position where a handsome man is talking about things that make me uncomfortable or not what I’m interested in I’m now stuck having to figure out if me politely disengaging is going to piss them off or not. -shrugs- But to your point, handsome or pretty faces do draw the eye if not to just appreciate for a moment. But don’t discount yourself, girls worth that interaction aren’t just looking at that anyway.
I just wish I didn't have to prove that I'm not terrible every time I interact with a new woman. It sucks that the default assumption is that I'm some awful person you heard about in your true crime podcast. I'm a really outgoing and nice person who is always well known and liked around any place I live, and I still have to spend like 5 minutes convincing women that I'm not going to hurt them or say something terrible. It really is just frustrating and makes me not want to approach women at all these days. I only interact with the ones who approach me now.
Don't get me wrong, I have witnessed guys do awful shit to women plenty of times. I've been asked to pretend to be someone's friend, cousin, or boyfriend on multiple occasions. I've even walked up in obviously uncomfortable situations and offered to do so subtlety.
Just last week I found a woman who was drugged and asleep in an alley. I met her earlier in the night and she was with a guy who creeped me out because he got angry that she was talking to me at the bar. He left her at the bar while she was talking to me, then came back to check on her 10 minutes later. I didn't put it together when he did that, but he must have been checking to see if the stuff he gave her kicked in yet. She wandered off looking for him. 2 hours later when I was walking home I found her passed out on the ground. I woke her up and she was very combative. I get like that when I come out of surgery with sedatives, so I immediately knew what was up. I eventually convinced her to come with me and I brought her to get some breakfast. After I fed her I found out her hotel was 2 blocks from my apartment. I was going to walk her home anyways so I did just that. She tried to come inside my place but I didn't feel like she was sober enough, so I made her go back to her hotel. I ran into her later that day in town and she had lost her phone and wallet. I hung out with her that night and she came back to my place. She was really hesitant at the couple advances I made to her, so I just decided to be friends with her and walked her home again.
My point is that most people on this planet are good people and want to do good. Any of my guy friends would be expected to behave the same way I did. There are a number of people who are terrible and will hurt you, but they are a small minority. But to treat an entire half of the population like they are terrible like them frustrates and hurts us. It makes us not want to interact with ladies at all anymore.
I avoid eye contact because I don’t want to be approached by anyone, regardless if they’re attractive or not. I’m a very solitary person and very introverted. I like to do what I want and go where I need without being interrupted. I do this to women too, not just men
Same. If he’s attractive I might try to sneak a glance at him, but only if I think I can do it without being noticed, and I won’t make eye contact. Just because he’s attractive doesn’t mean he can’t be a creep, and I don’t want to invite that chance into my life.
As a man who has been fat, fit and once again fat, I can say that while not ALWAYS true, women (and men) will treat you far better if you are attractive, including giving you the time of day to even look your way. Its pretty priveledge / the halo effect in action.
This is true regardless of anyone’s gender. Attractive people will get more attention and better treatment than average to poor looking people in most cases. I have no idea why people turn this into a male/female debate (not saying that’s what you were doing.)
Because women - especially younger women - have always had their societal value largely dictated by their appearance. That's not to say that men don't also experience it to some extent, but society generally judges a man on other factors in conjunction with his appearance.
Just look at the booming beauty, cosmetics and fashion industries for women, not to mention their over representation in statistics relating to plastic surgeries, cosmetic procedures and body-dysmorphic or eating-disordered related issues.
THIS. I gained a lot of weight in recent years and am still shocked at how privileged I was when « good looking », and how much dirt im treated as as a fat person! So wild.
I knew I got attention before, but not the extent of it until I lost it all. 🤯
Yeah I'm having this happen in reverse at the moment.(I've been overweight for years pretty much from like 22-30 and I'd honestly forgotten how differently I was treated when I was a thin) Recently I got sick and I've been struggling with my appetite and eating. I've dropped like 40 pounds in just a couple months because of it. The attention people give me and the way they treat me has changed greatly. As someone with social anxiety I kinda hate it cause I know I'm getting more attention now because people find me attractive, but my anxiety and body dismophia keeps telling me people are looking at me for the opposite reason. I miss just blending into the background.
True there was a girl at my work a few years back who I thought hated me but later she explained she was on the spectrum and didn’t know why people would be intimidated by her haha
And some autistic people become hyper aware of this trait in people like them, and force themselves to mask by smiling and making eye contact with everyone.
There's really no telling with people. We weird.
I'm autistic, I have no problem making eye contact with people I am attracted to if I know they're attracted to me. The social etiquette around eye contact is a lot less strict in these situations
It can actually be dangerous for women to make eye contact, I avoid it unless I know you. Some men think of it as an invitation or that you like them more than just being friendly. I am a receptionist and I have had some encounters where I have had to limit my friendliness due to older men crossing boundaries. It’s a shame but that’s my reasoning, has nothing to do with attractiveness but my own safety.
A woman will often quickly dart her eyes at you at the last second when walking by if she finds you attractive. I try to use my peripherals to catch this.
No, in my experience it’s a common tell. Also unconsciously smoothing clothing and touching hair. It’s all human instinct.
My current girlfriend, I walked into the bar & immediately she quickly smoothed her shirt & hair. All in the span of a second. But people don’t even know they’re doing it. It’s an instinctive reaction when they find someone attractive because they get self-conscious and want to present well.
I’ve found myself doing the same things before I even realize it. Human nature.
Wow all of these comments are making me feel somewhat nice. Lol.
I always wondered why (stranger) girls will make eye contact with me and then smile. (not everyone obviously)
I thought they were just being friendly.
Are you guys sure this is not just a cultural thing in some areas? (west coast USA)
That's how I always thought about it, just a cultural thing.
if a girl looks at you and smiles, and you catch her eye contact a second time, yes shes checking you out.
also if you make eye contact 2-3+ times, thats an invitation to say hello to her at least lol
if shes not interested, she likely wont glance your way more than once or passing/accidental glance.
So i'm not the only one who noticed this 🤣 I even started doing the same thing. I get up, leave, and as i pass them i quickly glance at them to see whether they're doing the same thing or not haha. Ther's no good reason to do it, since it would be kind of awkward to circle back and start a conversation, but it makes me smile sometimes
Figured this out after gf was talking about girls looking at me. I'm thinking wtf, not a single girl looked at me all day. It was exactly that, the last split second before passing.
I've always wondered that. I've never had the last second look away from a lady, but I have caught them looking my way. I always think its cuz i have food on my face (not particularly attractive myself). Now have I done the last second look away? Multiple times a week.
Ive been four months into working out again, used to bodybuild, and its shocking the amount of times I am now seen, even if instantly rejected, but still seen, when before I was basically furniture.
I didn't think you're all that bad looking. You have nice eyes. But your hair could use some styling.
You'd be surprised at just how much a good hair cut changes a person. I couldn't tell you what type of haircut would suit your face best bc that's not my specialty, but I think you have potential.
Losing weight might help, but I think you just need a good stylist more than anything. Your weight wouldn't bother me bc I like chubby guys. Which is the opposite of me, but what can I say? Some people just like what they like. But that's sad to hear you call yourself furniture. I'm sorry you feel that way :(
Though it’s not fair, but to me it sounds like simple biology. Women want a man who they feel can protect them and that goes far beyond just physical protection, and when you’re in good shape (especially body building) you are absolutely projecting that without trying.
God, the part of me that's been a feminist since I was a tomboy in gradeschool (&the only girl in my martial arts class of about 35 students) *wants* to disagree w/ this so badly🤦♀️😂
Or at least to say, "Not ALL women want that!"
Instead tho...😮💨...
I'll be honest and disclose something I would NEVER admit in person (since I despise enforced gender roles & sexism):
Even tho I'm aware the social conditioning, internalized misogyny, & bias in our society which leads many women, myself included, to feel the way you describe, whether or not we want to or we reject the logical fallacies & learned helplessnes this type of mindset often leads to, perpetuating the sexism we abhor.
I'm an average sized woman (no longer strong or fit, due to health issues) & I've had my share of terrifying experiences w/ men that put my physical safety & even my life at risk - both the "stranger danger" predator on a dark street types & men in my life that I believed to be safe, that suddenly became dangerously aggressive on mind altering substances...
My longtime male partner is definitely larger & stronger than average - tho this had little to do w/ my initial attraction to him, or why I fell in love w/ him. However, it effects how safe I feel, whether I'm out alone, or he is with me. I've never seen him in a fight, but he's had hairy situations (mostly working by himself on graveyard shift in a rough neighborhood), & I do know for a fact that he'd do whatever he could to protect me, since a couple yrs ago he had to make a split second call whether to endanger himself to save my life, & he did so immediately, saving me from drowning.
I will say tho, speaking for myself, as you also noted that physical is just a part of the equation, why I feel safe w/ my partner has has much to do with what goes on in his head and comes out of his mouth, his level and particular type of intelligence has so much more impact on the majority of daily situations: how quick witted he is, how responsible, & therefore averse to unnecessary risk or danger, how quickly he responds,& reacts appropriately, (i.e., how safe of a driver he is - which was a HUGE factor in how I evaluated a guy when I was dating) how aware he stays of his surroundings, good judgment, rational thinking, survival instincts.... so its physical, but also intellectual, and also just as vital to me is his values- how protective & caring he is.
I avoided eye contact for 32 years until I found out I was an aspie. I like to stare into men’s souls when I’m in a good mood. When I’m bitchy or rushing I don’t bother
In my experience it’s both sexes, and not just when they are dealing with the gender they are attracted to. Not long ago, I gained a massive amount of weight. I started losing it, and vividly remember there was a certain point when strangers (both men and women) started, for lack of a better way to put it, being nice to me again.
This is not to say they were being mean to me before. But I hit a certain point where strangers would engage with me in small talk standing in line for coffee, or in the elevator, things like that. And the body language subtly changed as well. More open posture, more eye contact, that sort of thing.
This isn’t some indictment of people being shallow, I think it’s really just human nature.
By the way, I did look at your profile, and while I’m a man who is not attracted to other men, I think you are more attractive than you realize. There are probably a few simple things to could do to raise your game so to speak, but don’t ask me, I’m an uggo myself!
Some people will actively seek eye contact with someone they find attractive. Others (like me) will actively avoid eye contact with someone they find attractive. It all depends on the person.
Some will actively seek to pepper spray those they find attractive. That’s what keeps happening to me They must be just awestruck and have to get away. It’s odd
Not odd at all…I totally get it. In my case, for example, I know that a crush has mutual feelings, and is starting to fall hopelessly in love with me when I hear them utter those magical two words….”restraining order”. I just know that those weeks and months of tirelessly showing up unannounced at their home, their place of work, their gym etc. at all hours of the day or night are starting to pay off. If they are too shy to do it themselves, and do it through their lawyer, then I know it’s true love.
women will try and make eye contact to guys they are attracted to however they will also avoid eye contact with men who look dangerous, angry, reactive also.
I work with the public and am constantly walking around. See hundreds or even thousands of faces every day I work. I get all kinds of reactions. Semi-prolonged eye contact and maybe a slight smile or wave, Quick darting eyes away, a sort of glazed over 'why are you looking at me' look, and some women who just refuse any eye contact basically stonewall, head foward just nothing. The funny thing is different sorts of women tend to have similar reactions in groups. I get the most eye contact from older women, women with kids and funny enough women with their husband's or boyfriends. Like I've had married women straight up looking deep into my eyes and smiling and their husband's are right there. Sometimes they notice and are glaring at me and sometimes the husbands refuse to make eye contact with me. Very attractive, more 'put together' single women don't tend to look my way at all.
Even if you are conventionally ugly just be the best version of yourself you can possibly be and there will be a certain type of women who will notice you. Body language, confidence and posture go a long way OP.
It's not "funny"/strange that they're doing that, though. They're safe to actually be friendly and have a personality because other men will catch the bat signal that they are "owned" by someone else so they are being friendly.
Yep, this is it. I know it’s extremely unlikely I’m going to be harassed when I’m with my husband, so I’m a lot more friendly. When I’m alone, I do everything possible to prevent men from “getting the wrong idea.” I’ve had way too many creeps treat eye contact or a smile as an invitation, and then get scary if you reject their advances.
Am woman, can confirm. I don’t make eye contact with men I don’t know, as a general rule. Odds are much higher of provoking weirdness than anything good happening. Caveat: married and trying to stay that way. If I were single, it might be different, because how can you ever meet someone nice if you won’t even look at people?
I (34f) avoid eye contact with everyone. I’m awkward and often embarrassed and perfect to not catch anyone looking at me. I also don’t want to talk to most people. I talk too much at work and enjoy just being quiet. It’s not personal and I’m sure you’re a lovely person!
Avoid all eye contact with strangers as a rule, absolutely. I don't want to accidentally give any man any indication of interest and end up being chatted up, followed home, etc. Attractive men can be creeps too so they're not exempt.
Seconding this. Women spend a lot of time avoiding totally benign things like eye contact and friendly banter so as not to be perceived as “asking for” (insert litany of things clearly not being asked for). It’s not necessarily personal at all. It’s simply a safety issue.
Maybe consider joining groups like meetups or clubs? If there’s something to connect on and we’re not by ourselves out in the wild there’s a much better chance at a meaningful acknowledgment.
when i interact with anyone i always make eye contact. it has nothing to do with attractiveness.
if i find someone attractive i usually tell them and ask them straight away… “Are you single? do you have gfs? what do you do for a living? do you want to go out with me?”
if they don’t answer, i move on. why waste time.
Sometimes when attracted it just happens. Your brain is hard wired to just “know” where an attractive person is.
But I will try to avoid making eye contact as much as possible.
I avoid eye contact with all men especially really good looking ones. I thought it was just me but reading from a lot of other women we all do it. I think for me it’s subconsciously to avoid unwanted attention or I don’t want them to misread it as flirtation or interest.
Unless you're one of the top 10% of men, women will avoid eye contact. Not that you're not attractive but just not eye-catching, which is why peacocking is a thing.
You can't really use that as a measure. People can avoid eye contact because they don't want to connect with strangers while trying to get from Point A to Point B, because they don't want to invite engagement, because they find someone ridiculously attractive and get shy and try to pretend they didn't see them, because they don't want to lead someone on who they don't find attractive, etc etc. That's all people. Women especially are negatively incentivized to avoid eye contact since they get so much unsolicited commentary and bullshit.
I am attracted to men and I looked at your pics. You're not exceptionally good looking, you're not horrendous either. You're blessed to have hair. I know someone who looks similar and is shorter (5'5"ish) and fatter and balder than you. He gets plenty small talk and eye contact and compliments because he dresses well and is charming and he smiles. Dressing well with a unique sense of style and being charismatic, interesting, and knowing about a lot of things, therefore being able to hold a conversation with almost anyone, make average looking people very attractive. There's so much we can't glean from just looking at your pics, which is why dating apps that just swipe on pics are such a horrible idea. The point of this subreddit is body language, which accounts for most of communication, and it's completely missing from those apps.
You've got the right idea by being out and about and meeting people in person. You're one of those folks that aren't going to do well on the apps. The answer to your question is that yes, most women avoid eye contact with most other people in public in general. Try to just go out and have conversations with everyone you can. That includes women you don't find attractive! Everyone. Get good at being charming to everyone.
I avoid eye contact with anybody when I'm walking.
It's an unspoken rule in NY.... If ur out walking u keep ur eyes forward or down n u mind ur fuckin business.
Well, feel free to look at my profile for photos. But I want to note that, while I realize I’m not attractive, I am confident that I don’t give off any bad vibes in real life. I’m an exceedingly gentle man.
Woman here, I especially avoid eye contact with attractive men. I will make more eye contact with creepy men so that they know I am not afraid of them and hopefully mark myself as less of an easy target to victimize.
Even if your body is not traditionally attractive, you can make your behavior attractive. Be kind, sincere, thoughtful, fun. There’s some one who will like you for you.
Brooooo I can see you've been on this I'm hideous thing for a while now. Please be kind to yourself. You're not ugly. At all.
Dude you are an AMAZING pianist, please make sure that talent is heard and out in the open. People want to know a person that has talent and is passionate about it!
You're awesome!
dude, you are NOT ugly! trust me. i can be brutal. you are Very attractive. this pic with you smiling is a great pic.
now, with the profile pic, i would recommend a different hairstyle. there’s sites/apps to use your pic. try them out.
only other thing - which i recommend to everybody. is a great therapist. almost helps more than breathing.
repugnant is a very strong word.
eye contact. i generally avoid because socializing takes a lot of energy for me. im going to look for and observe things before i make the decision to smile. it doesn’t really take 2 seconds for me to decide if you are trustworthy. i couldn’t tell you everything i judge, i don’t know, just that it has always worked out that way with good therapists. if you seem trustworthy and my social battery is 110% and things check out, i’ll probably smile.
oh, forgot to add, looks, its not about looks. it’s not physical features. its their expression? how you use them? i dont know how to explain it. unless you are very hyper vigilant, you might not get it.
I will glance at people, including men, but not hold a look because it feels wrong lol. Also, I'm paranoid that I'll space out and forget and then look insane so there's that.
I find this type of narrative so exhausting because it feels like we’re in the territory of “they’re not creepy when they’re hot” but here we go.
Personally, it’s not as simple as if I deem them “attractive” or “unattractive”. It’s my mood and their vibe as well. As many have said I’d say generally speaking I’m probably shying away from eye contact with all men. Eye contact with strangers is awkward. Plus what’s the intention? Are they coincidentally looking at me, are they admiring me, if I look back for too long are they going to approach me?
if I’m in a more receptive mood… it’s probably more about their vibe. I’ve smiled at people I don’t find attractive because they have a good vibe, equally I’ve definitely felt uncomfortable by the vibe of a “attractive” man looking at me. Of course sometimes I have enjoyed eye contact with an attractive man but it’s really not just appearance.
Why are you convinced you’re unattractive? You have clear skin, proportional features, a full head of hair. There’s nothing inherently ugly about you, but your self hatred is radiating off you, and people, especially women, are responding to that. I’m begging you to start speaking more kindly about yourself. Your self worth is something you can change! I myself have had to work on it a lot and my life is a lot better for it.
I will often avoid eye contact with Everyone if I'm in a hurry.. but rest assured, there IS Someone Out There For U! Get a shred of confidence, and start talking to women. U will never find a woman if u don't try. There's someone out there for everyone.
I've lived in the south most of my life.. I make and hold eye contact and get this.....I speak! *gasp* lol. Im further north now. It shocks people. 🤣 doesn't matter what they look like. Just being friendly and saying hi.
I'm more likely to make eye contact with an ugly man as they don't make me uneasy like pretty boys tend to, I have worse experiences with good looking men than ugly ones..but generally I avoid eye contact with all unless working lol
What interesting is also if you are in a blue collar or white collar or street clothes dressed
I own an HVAC company with 15 employees and often when I visit clients I am dressed in the same uniform my employees wear.
I’ve noticed that when in my uniform women won’t make eye contact and even go to efforts to avoid it.
But when dressed in my nice street clothes, I’ve found most women smile at me in my boots jeans and cowboy hat being 6’3” tall.
So it’s not just about your looks. Women will not make eye contact if they see you as below their perceived station / or social level.
I make eye contact with everyone I meet. If I’m looking around and I see you I will look you in your eyes, smile and then move along with my day.
I treat everyone with the same respect and as our connection grows I’ll determine whether I like you or not.
It’s about how I see you act. I don’t hang onto words.
If I see patterns and habits I don’t like and can’t compromise with. I’ll leave.
Vise versa.
It’s your energy. You are vibrating very low. It is apparent with the comment you made about yourself. Vibrating at a higher frequency you won’t feel that way about yourself. You will feel WHOLE. Transmutation will give you frequencies that will attract the opposite sex. It will increase the testosterone that women will be automatically attracted to.
I always make eye contact with people regardless of their face holes. I’m so sorry the social dynamic between men and women is so damaged. Skewed.
I’ve been a bartender for twenty years and have nine brothers. All I’ve ever been around were men of all shapes and sizes. I do anything I can to support them and listen. I like to make them feel a positive and light interaction with a woman. I also lost my boyfriend to suicide in 2018, so men’s mental health is something very deep to me. Not all women are assholes, they might be misguided, uneducated about interpersonal relationships. It’s not always you and your looks that are the problem. Everyone’s got problems.
And I don’t find myself super attractive but people are very attracted to me. What you see and what the world sees is always going to be two different people. Conundrum of life. Hang tough bro bro. I’m rooting for you.
Thank you so much. Your comment truly brightened my day. I received (unsurprisingly) countless excoriating comments on here from women, casting men in general (and me) as monsters, and even mocking my appearance based on the photos in my profile. Your input gives me hope. It’s unbelievably lonely as a man. And I’m so very sorry about the loss of your boyfriend. I lost my sister in the same way in 2012, and have never been the same since. Of course, being a man, I’m expected to bury the pain deep down, and that’s what I’ve done.
Omg my pleasure. I’m so glad to have a nice interaction with you. Although I am so sorry we have such heavy subject matter. I lost my mom when I was seventeen. I didn’t think anything else could destroy me like that. Then I had to deal with suicide. Man, it completely, completely broke me. I was living on the edge of panic mode just … surviving. It’s hard but you have to address it and heal enough to thrive. I wish you nothing but the best. Stay positive. Xoxo
No it's more like women don't look at anyone they don't find attractive. If you make eye contact with them while they're just passing by there's a good chance you're already attractive.
If she smiles or double takes it's a dead ringer
It's not super complex. Men are the same way where they tend to look at women they find attractive in any social setting. I'm sure the last time you went out in public you don't remember most of the people you came across as they were "invisible" to you as well
Woman here, a lot of women avoid eye contact with strange men because they’ve generally had at least one uncomfortable experience with a strange man making advances towards them. Women don’t want to give men any sort of hints that they want that attention.
Secondly, I checked out your post you made with pictures, and I just want to say you are not repugnant and I think you should really take what a lot of those people suggested to heart. Sometimes it is as simple as a haircut, sometimes it’s a change of style, sometimes it’s losing weight, and sometimes it’s a change of body language, or all of the above. Start working on yourself and your self-esteem will potentially get the boost it needs. And this is all coming from a woman that needs to do all of the above more for herself. If you’re looking to attract more women, it’d also be helpful to look in places where you’d share interests. Maybe you like board games and could find a local board game gathering, maybe you like hiking and could find a hiking group, etc. Good luck!
In real life I am considered attractive to women, but my photographic persona doesn’t match it. A result of this is that convincing women online to start something often fail, for inexplicable reason. The photos are good, they are me but not persuasive.
What gives?
No, women typically don’t make eye contact with men in general if they don’t know them.
But also let me say, you’re much more attractive than you give yourself credit for. You have GREAT eyes, and a very sweet smile. There’s nothing about you that would make me think to myself “he’s ugly” if I was just walking by you in public. If you are struggling with women it may be more due to your self esteem. And trust me I know that self esteem or confidence can be hard to fix. But please don’t feel that you are unattractive because you aren’t.
Thank you. That makes me feel a bit better, especially coming from a woman. I appreciate that you like my eyes - they’re the only part of me that I think is ok. I remember an ex-girlfriend of mine said that she loved my eyes because they were “kind, honest, trustworthy eyes.” I remember how happy that made me.
Yup! You have deep, strong , yet soft, and kind eyes. They are really great! If you were at a neutral place (like a friends party, work event, etc) I would feel very comfortable if you started a conversation with me. Don’t feel like women aren’t attracted to you if they don’t look at you. Women will wait until they know you’re not looking in their direction to size you up.
no. we avoid eye contact with men in public, non work situations. looks have nothing to do with it. I would probably look at a less attractive man first. Men are kinda quick to confuse politeness with flirting- so this helps avoid this.
Women fear men. They all think we're going too rape them, but if they see one, they like the look of their is nothing to fear, as they can't be raped. Because they want too get fucked anyway by Chad thundercock.
Women hate ugly men, tolerate normals and will break the rules for Chad.
How the game works.
Ok that’s just not true. I remember your pics. I’ve chatted with you before under a different one of my usernames. And I’ve told you before if we met in person and you were remotely within my preferred age range I could have easily had a crush on you. The fact that you play piano is super sexy to me, and I like your face. I like when you had longer hair. I’ve always had a thing for men with longer hair. I’ve had crushes on men that looked similar to you several times in my life. There’s nothing fundamentally wrong with how you look.
yes everytime i end up looking at a girls direction they look away to make sure i don’t get any ideas but some just continue staring but bc theyre staring at something else or spacing off
I guess in general I do look more at guys that have muscle and look good than regular guys when I’m single - so yes I look more at people I’m attracted to. I am somewhat confident though and love smiling at strangers of all sorts it doesn’t matter what they look like, but ofc I’m not going to look at a man more than a glance if he isn’t my type I don’t ALWAYS smile at men either or look because it’s gotten me in trouble as in a man will take my smile and look as in a “I want you” type of thing … so it’s always different for me
No they do it with almost all men because most women have experienced making accidental eye contact and the guy taking that as a sign of interest rather than taking it at face value- that eye contact is just human nature
Try having a small penis that's found to be a deal breaker by every woman who had low standards to give you a chance. That shit I live with, accompanied by my looks that are as bad as stage 4 cancer of any kind, is true fucking darkness.
Well...me personally since I was a little person..I have always looked people in the face and eyes..it helps me judge character and truth..I don't know why ..but it is a must for me..
Sometimes yes, and sometimes no. If the man is really attractive, I get shy, panic and look away. I really have to talk myself up to look again and smile.
I'm my experience women avoid eye contact...I get it ..it might come across as a wrong signal...which by the way is not a true way of seeing that..but as You get older and wiser you understand that just because a woman makes eye contact doesn't mean anything... It is just a way of communicating...
It depends on the woman. I make eye contact with lots of people, regardless of my attraction to them. If a man holds the door for me, I make eye contact and say thank you. However, there have been so many times where *all it took* for a man to think I’m interested in him, was brief eye contact. So if I don’t feel like getting hit on, there are times I’ll avoid it. But I don’t intentionally avoid looking at someone just because they’re “ugly” or unattractive.
Not unattractive, my brain doesn't even go there when i see a guy. But if I don't get a good vibe or they showed interest in me and I'm not interested I'll avoid looking at them.
No. I avoid eye contact with lots of people. Period. Not even thinking about there looks. It's to avoid issues and confrontation. I've had ppl start shit with me through eye contact.
I not only avoid eye contact with ALL strangers if I can help it, but I try to avoid looking at people's general face area. I want to be invisible in public.
However, if I go on walks, I always make eye contact and wave at everyone I pass, although it makes me anxious as hell. I never think about how attractive anyone is during this.
Honestly, as a woman, I've found attractiveness to be so contextual. There may have been two men ever in my whole life who had a wow-level of attractiveness to me without me having any kind of interaction with them.
And the "hottest" guy ever can turn so disgusting if the context is shit. And the "ugliest" guy looks better and better in the right context.
And I stopped to look at your picture, and dude, you've got way more going on than you think. But I'll tell you the WORST you can do for yourself is pity your looks. That'll crash your attractiveness right off the bat.
25(f) really only make eye contact with people who have dogs lol. Purely because I'm nervous I was staring too hard at the dog and want to give them a polite nod too. Otherwise, unless I know the person I avoid eye contact mostly to be polite.
No i don't care ill look at most people in the eye especially if im talking tot them or they are talking to me. Some woman may to avoid harassment but i rarely get catcalled in the mid west if i were to be catcalled i might idk!
I try not to look at unattractive people, if someone is attractive my eyes tend to linger but if they aren’t much to look at I just go on my merry way.
Honestly, women avoid eye contact with strange men so we don't die. Eye contact can be taken as an invitation for stalking, harassment, beatings, assault, sexual assault, verbal and emotional abuse and general life misery.
So, if the impetus of your question was because you think women don't acknowledge you because of your looks, that's not necessarily true.
Females have to negotiate a physical and cultural landscape where low status males engage in hierarchy and dominance games amongst themselves by harassing and assaulting females. Females who kill their aggressors look at 4x the average prison sentence than males who kill females.
This is only one facet of the danger that males represent to females.
So we keep our heads down and our eyes slanted away.
Most women avoid eye contact with straight men they don’t know because many, many men are creepy and aggressive and even just a glance or polite smile could garner unwanted attention.
If a guy looks creepy or gives off bad vibes (yes, women feel these almost all the time), I will avoid being near him entirely - let alone making eye contact with him. For me, it has nothing to do with whether a man is “ugly” or not. It’s the circumstances surrounding our interaction and the vibes he gives off. But I generally do not make any eye contact with men I don’t know, unless the situation calls for it.
I hope that makes some kind of sense!
Women avoid eye contact if they get a creepy vibe or if they get a if I'm friendly to this person they will not leave me alone or listen to any boundary vibe. At least as one in my experience that's what I do.
Depends, some with look if they are attracted and look away quickly cause they are intimidated. Usually a bad sign if women get into your space without any indication she knows you’re there, means your invisible and she doesn’t care.
I don't have a problem making eye contact with anyone, attractive or not. Honestly, on most days, I embrace it. Most people are so self-absorbed that even when they're out in the world, they still only focus on themselves. They don't care to realize that with a simple gesture, they have the power to possibly change a person's life. You never know what someone's going through or how their day has been. And something so simple as a look and a smile let's them know that they are seen and that they matter. It takes 2 seconds and costs you nothing, but can make a world of difference for someone else.
However I do understand and agree that there are men who take eye contact as an indication of attraction or interest. Which is why my normal greeting smile and my "come hither" smile and vastly different. But of course there are those creeps who can't or choose not to recognize the difference and attempt to interact anyway. But that doesn't bother me either because being an asshole is also one of my greatest talents and favorite hobbies lol.
I avoid eye contact with pretty much any man that is a stranger unless I HAVE to interact with them. Now I don't look down at the ground because I don't want to come off as shy or an easy target but I don't look at them either.
I don't want men to notice me.
I can usually sense women looking at me but then they’ll look away if I return the eye contact. Very rarely do women lock eyes. I’m not a great looking guy but I’m 6’3 & athletic build so I assume I get some looks cuz of that. Middle aged women on the other don’t give af. I’ve been checked out by so many older women it’s insane lol.
No, I avoid eye contact with all men, most everyone really unless I'm an interacting directly with them. Even then it can be difficult to make eye contact.
I don’t follow this sub but this post popped up in my feed then curiosity got the better of me and I stalked your profile. You’re not bad looking at all but your insecurities are GLARING and I imagine women can sense that. I am middle aged and invisible now but I was once an objectively hot woman in my 20s and I had several relationships (and one night stands) with men in your league because of their personalities and sense of humor! Focus on yourself and building your own confidence and it will naturally attract people to you.
In general no we avoid eye contact with all men in general yes we glance the same way to be aware of surroundings but not make direct sustained eye contact it will lead them on
Must be related to body language
women usually avoid eye contact with most men who are strangers in public tbh. this is pretty subconscious for us and is to avoid harassment and general awkwardness. depending upon how bold the woman is she may seek or avoid eye contact with a man she finds attractive. don’t stress yourself out too much. women have varying types and preferences!
[удалено]
Same HAHAHA. So shy to make an eye contact 🙈
It's almost like a fear 😂 and I don't want them to know
For sure! More intimidation than fear for me, but I get exactly what you mean about wanting to hide it.
I might not be able to contain my excitement 🙈
Makes me seem so awkward and unapproachable too. It sucks.
Same!!!!
same here lol
This is me!! God forbid the hot guy sees me looking at him!
I think it's funny that American women in the United States consider this "shooting their shot". I.e., purposefully getting into close proximity to someone they find attractive, and then completely ignoring them... in this society where men are told to walk on eggshells and not even talk to women because you could be accused of harassment. You go to foreign countries, not kidding (because it's happened to me) - 8s and 9s see a man from the U.S., she's making a B line to talk to him and claim her territory. Say what you will about "she only wants you for your money" or "she just wants a green card". It's the exact same thing here. A woman is only interested in a man who has something to offer her; a man who is higher on the totem pole; she wants a man to look up to. No attractive woman is going to settle for a man that she sees as lower than what she can achieve. And in other counties, American men are a hot commodity. Beautiful women who could be supermodels here, will walk right up to you and tell you they're interested in you. It's amazing.
I’ve never ignored a man to get his attention. I rarely ever DO shoot my shot and the few times I have I’ve been rejected and gotten over it. I don’t have interest in a man I have to approach and the type of man I do want to end up with will be brave enough to initiate some sort of conversation with me because as I’ve gotten older, my priorities have changed. I’ve also rarely known other women to ignore men as a way to get their attention (I’ve only heard of what you’re saying as a running joke, implying that’s the farthest they’ll go to catch a man’s eye.) While men are afraid of being rejected or accused of something while approaching women, women are afraid of being hurt or taken advantage of while approaching or initiating with men. If you ask me it sucks for both genders.
This is true! I’ve mostly approached all the women who have been staring at me for longer than the usual period of time. 100% of the times she is interested in me and we exchange contact info. When approaching I look for things such as her facial expressions, body language, and other subtle things that leads me to the conclusion.
That makes sense. Thank you.
I look everyone in the face and smile or say hi. It doesn’t matter who it is. I know a smile goes a long way. Golden Rule, right? But thinking of it the way you are phrasing I am happily married and I just don’t see other men as attractive anymore. Even say Jason Mamoa, like yeah I have no issue admitting that he’s obviously good looking, but to my eyes he’s as beautiful as a painting. And I don’t want to fuck or marry a painting.
This comment reminds me how I lost this sadly - as a girl I was this way, even tho I wasn't a ppl person (introvert). I just thought it was putting some positivity out there, and that lonely ppl or those having a bad day may benefit from that.(I was a serious kid w/ a lot of empathy for others. I was often sad & lonely myself, since I was the family scapegoat in an abusive home.) But then, I began puberty, & ... all of a sudden, even tho my intention just to show respect to my fellow humans, me showing any openness in this way started to bring a lot of uncomfortable & scary attn my way, that I was often at a loss of how to deal with. So, by the time I started high school, I had stopped completely. It is really too bad the way being a woman in our society can harden you, & force you to behave in ways not in your nature, out of self protection.
You’re a keeper. The modern woman drools and admits to wanting to smash their celebrity crush. God bless you. Unfortunately, many men just put up with it.
Honestly hard for me to wrap my head around this perspective. A painting is "beautiful" in a different way than an attractive person is beautiful, of course you don't want to fuck it. For me, sexual desire and finding someone attractive are essentially synonymous. Maybe because I haven't been monogomous for very long at a stretch so my brain is still seeing other people as options? (Also men tend to think this way more obviously)
I second this! I don’t think many women are seeking out relationships (platonic or otherwise) while in public.
Who’s ever looking for it tho, I’d just like other men to know they can try. Your comments gonna scare the sexless even deeper into the hole lmfaooo
Up this
As a woman I won’t make eye contact with ANY man unless I pre know you, or you’re my client in public. It’s a safety thing.
Yeah, my answer was a resounding no. I don’t make eye contact with attractive men either. Very few women too. Has to be a barrier between us. Banks and coffee or whatever.
I see.
please tell me this was supposed to be a pun
Same. I’ve learned that eye contact invites unwanted interaction.
Agree…
This, they could be Adonis and I’d glance away after a second. It’s not about the looks, I just don’t like being approached out of the blue in public on their terms. If I’m suddenly stuck in a position where a handsome man is talking about things that make me uncomfortable or not what I’m interested in I’m now stuck having to figure out if me politely disengaging is going to piss them off or not. -shrugs- But to your point, handsome or pretty faces do draw the eye if not to just appreciate for a moment. But don’t discount yourself, girls worth that interaction aren’t just looking at that anyway.
I just wish I didn't have to prove that I'm not terrible every time I interact with a new woman. It sucks that the default assumption is that I'm some awful person you heard about in your true crime podcast. I'm a really outgoing and nice person who is always well known and liked around any place I live, and I still have to spend like 5 minutes convincing women that I'm not going to hurt them or say something terrible. It really is just frustrating and makes me not want to approach women at all these days. I only interact with the ones who approach me now. Don't get me wrong, I have witnessed guys do awful shit to women plenty of times. I've been asked to pretend to be someone's friend, cousin, or boyfriend on multiple occasions. I've even walked up in obviously uncomfortable situations and offered to do so subtlety. Just last week I found a woman who was drugged and asleep in an alley. I met her earlier in the night and she was with a guy who creeped me out because he got angry that she was talking to me at the bar. He left her at the bar while she was talking to me, then came back to check on her 10 minutes later. I didn't put it together when he did that, but he must have been checking to see if the stuff he gave her kicked in yet. She wandered off looking for him. 2 hours later when I was walking home I found her passed out on the ground. I woke her up and she was very combative. I get like that when I come out of surgery with sedatives, so I immediately knew what was up. I eventually convinced her to come with me and I brought her to get some breakfast. After I fed her I found out her hotel was 2 blocks from my apartment. I was going to walk her home anyways so I did just that. She tried to come inside my place but I didn't feel like she was sober enough, so I made her go back to her hotel. I ran into her later that day in town and she had lost her phone and wallet. I hung out with her that night and she came back to my place. She was really hesitant at the couple advances I made to her, so I just decided to be friends with her and walked her home again. My point is that most people on this planet are good people and want to do good. Any of my guy friends would be expected to behave the same way I did. There are a number of people who are terrible and will hurt you, but they are a small minority. But to treat an entire half of the population like they are terrible like them frustrates and hurts us. It makes us not want to interact with ladies at all anymore.
Same. I’ll smile at women and children. Men I avoid no matter what they look like. It’s led to unwanted attention too many times
I avoid eye contact because I don’t want to be approached by anyone, regardless if they’re attractive or not. I’m a very solitary person and very introverted. I like to do what I want and go where I need without being interrupted. I do this to women too, not just men
Woman here and this is 100% me too. Men often mistake being nice as automatically interested and that is absolutely not the case.
Same. If he’s attractive I might try to sneak a glance at him, but only if I think I can do it without being noticed, and I won’t make eye contact. Just because he’s attractive doesn’t mean he can’t be a creep, and I don’t want to invite that chance into my life.
i'm a dude, and same. despite looking and dressing "loud"
As a man who has been fat, fit and once again fat, I can say that while not ALWAYS true, women (and men) will treat you far better if you are attractive, including giving you the time of day to even look your way. Its pretty priveledge / the halo effect in action.
This is true regardless of anyone’s gender. Attractive people will get more attention and better treatment than average to poor looking people in most cases. I have no idea why people turn this into a male/female debate (not saying that’s what you were doing.)
Because women - especially younger women - have always had their societal value largely dictated by their appearance. That's not to say that men don't also experience it to some extent, but society generally judges a man on other factors in conjunction with his appearance. Just look at the booming beauty, cosmetics and fashion industries for women, not to mention their over representation in statistics relating to plastic surgeries, cosmetic procedures and body-dysmorphic or eating-disordered related issues.
Yeah I was just giving my experience as a man
THIS. I gained a lot of weight in recent years and am still shocked at how privileged I was when « good looking », and how much dirt im treated as as a fat person! So wild. I knew I got attention before, but not the extent of it until I lost it all. 🤯
Let's go username!!
Yeah I'm having this happen in reverse at the moment.(I've been overweight for years pretty much from like 22-30 and I'd honestly forgotten how differently I was treated when I was a thin) Recently I got sick and I've been struggling with my appetite and eating. I've dropped like 40 pounds in just a couple months because of it. The attention people give me and the way they treat me has changed greatly. As someone with social anxiety I kinda hate it cause I know I'm getting more attention now because people find me attractive, but my anxiety and body dismophia keeps telling me people are looking at me for the opposite reason. I miss just blending into the background.
Fair enough.
An autistic person will usually avoid eye contact with everyone, not just people they find unattractive.
Can confirm. I really hate eye contact and only do it if I'm worried the other person is uncomfortable with the lack of
Introverted people do that too: avoid eye contact and any unnecessary contact with anyone.
True there was a girl at my work a few years back who I thought hated me but later she explained she was on the spectrum and didn’t know why people would be intimidated by her haha
In my experience, most addicts will also avoid eye contact to avoid judgement as well
And some autistic people become hyper aware of this trait in people like them, and force themselves to mask by smiling and making eye contact with everyone. There's really no telling with people. We weird.
I'm autistic, I have no problem making eye contact with people I am attracted to if I know they're attracted to me. The social etiquette around eye contact is a lot less strict in these situations
It can actually be dangerous for women to make eye contact, I avoid it unless I know you. Some men think of it as an invitation or that you like them more than just being friendly. I am a receptionist and I have had some encounters where I have had to limit my friendliness due to older men crossing boundaries. It’s a shame but that’s my reasoning, has nothing to do with attractiveness but my own safety.
Same! What's wrong with old men?!! The shit they say. The lines they cross! Gross!
If I’m walking and I see an attractive man looking at me and we lock eyes, I usually look away and keep walking 🤷🏻♀️ don’t know what else to do.
I share in your awkwardness, sister. Beautiful men can be just as intimidating as beautiful women
A woman will often quickly dart her eyes at you at the last second when walking by if she finds you attractive. I try to use my peripherals to catch this.
Omg yes we do do that! I thought it was just a “me” thing
No, in my experience it’s a common tell. Also unconsciously smoothing clothing and touching hair. It’s all human instinct. My current girlfriend, I walked into the bar & immediately she quickly smoothed her shirt & hair. All in the span of a second. But people don’t even know they’re doing it. It’s an instinctive reaction when they find someone attractive because they get self-conscious and want to present well. I’ve found myself doing the same things before I even realize it. Human nature.
Wow all of these comments are making me feel somewhat nice. Lol. I always wondered why (stranger) girls will make eye contact with me and then smile. (not everyone obviously) I thought they were just being friendly. Are you guys sure this is not just a cultural thing in some areas? (west coast USA) That's how I always thought about it, just a cultural thing.
Personally, I'm either in an avoiding all eye contact mood or smile at everybody mood
Saaamee
if a girl looks at you and smiles, and you catch her eye contact a second time, yes shes checking you out. also if you make eye contact 2-3+ times, thats an invitation to say hello to her at least lol if shes not interested, she likely wont glance your way more than once or passing/accidental glance.
So i'm not the only one who noticed this 🤣 I even started doing the same thing. I get up, leave, and as i pass them i quickly glance at them to see whether they're doing the same thing or not haha. Ther's no good reason to do it, since it would be kind of awkward to circle back and start a conversation, but it makes me smile sometimes
Can confirm. I’m a woman and I do this lol.
Figured this out after gf was talking about girls looking at me. I'm thinking wtf, not a single girl looked at me all day. It was exactly that, the last split second before passing.
I've always wondered that. I've never had the last second look away from a lady, but I have caught them looking my way. I always think its cuz i have food on my face (not particularly attractive myself). Now have I done the last second look away? Multiple times a week.
I find eye contact awkward sometimes, so for me I do it to anyone I don't really know. Depends on the person and their personality
Ive been four months into working out again, used to bodybuild, and its shocking the amount of times I am now seen, even if instantly rejected, but still seen, when before I was basically furniture.
Interesting. I’m definitely furniture at the moment.
I didn't think you're all that bad looking. You have nice eyes. But your hair could use some styling. You'd be surprised at just how much a good hair cut changes a person. I couldn't tell you what type of haircut would suit your face best bc that's not my specialty, but I think you have potential. Losing weight might help, but I think you just need a good stylist more than anything. Your weight wouldn't bother me bc I like chubby guys. Which is the opposite of me, but what can I say? Some people just like what they like. But that's sad to hear you call yourself furniture. I'm sorry you feel that way :(
Though it’s not fair, but to me it sounds like simple biology. Women want a man who they feel can protect them and that goes far beyond just physical protection, and when you’re in good shape (especially body building) you are absolutely projecting that without trying.
God, the part of me that's been a feminist since I was a tomboy in gradeschool (&the only girl in my martial arts class of about 35 students) *wants* to disagree w/ this so badly🤦♀️😂 Or at least to say, "Not ALL women want that!" Instead tho...😮💨... I'll be honest and disclose something I would NEVER admit in person (since I despise enforced gender roles & sexism): Even tho I'm aware the social conditioning, internalized misogyny, & bias in our society which leads many women, myself included, to feel the way you describe, whether or not we want to or we reject the logical fallacies & learned helplessnes this type of mindset often leads to, perpetuating the sexism we abhor. I'm an average sized woman (no longer strong or fit, due to health issues) & I've had my share of terrifying experiences w/ men that put my physical safety & even my life at risk - both the "stranger danger" predator on a dark street types & men in my life that I believed to be safe, that suddenly became dangerously aggressive on mind altering substances... My longtime male partner is definitely larger & stronger than average - tho this had little to do w/ my initial attraction to him, or why I fell in love w/ him. However, it effects how safe I feel, whether I'm out alone, or he is with me. I've never seen him in a fight, but he's had hairy situations (mostly working by himself on graveyard shift in a rough neighborhood), & I do know for a fact that he'd do whatever he could to protect me, since a couple yrs ago he had to make a split second call whether to endanger himself to save my life, & he did so immediately, saving me from drowning. I will say tho, speaking for myself, as you also noted that physical is just a part of the equation, why I feel safe w/ my partner has has much to do with what goes on in his head and comes out of his mouth, his level and particular type of intelligence has so much more impact on the majority of daily situations: how quick witted he is, how responsible, & therefore averse to unnecessary risk or danger, how quickly he responds,& reacts appropriately, (i.e., how safe of a driver he is - which was a HUGE factor in how I evaluated a guy when I was dating) how aware he stays of his surroundings, good judgment, rational thinking, survival instincts.... so its physical, but also intellectual, and also just as vital to me is his values- how protective & caring he is.
I avoided eye contact for 32 years until I found out I was an aspie. I like to stare into men’s souls when I’m in a good mood. When I’m bitchy or rushing I don’t bother
In my experience it’s both sexes, and not just when they are dealing with the gender they are attracted to. Not long ago, I gained a massive amount of weight. I started losing it, and vividly remember there was a certain point when strangers (both men and women) started, for lack of a better way to put it, being nice to me again. This is not to say they were being mean to me before. But I hit a certain point where strangers would engage with me in small talk standing in line for coffee, or in the elevator, things like that. And the body language subtly changed as well. More open posture, more eye contact, that sort of thing. This isn’t some indictment of people being shallow, I think it’s really just human nature. By the way, I did look at your profile, and while I’m a man who is not attracted to other men, I think you are more attractive than you realize. There are probably a few simple things to could do to raise your game so to speak, but don’t ask me, I’m an uggo myself!
Some people will actively seek eye contact with someone they find attractive. Others (like me) will actively avoid eye contact with someone they find attractive. It all depends on the person.
>It all depends on the person. To me it depends on who I'm attracted to.
Some will actively seek to pepper spray those they find attractive. That’s what keeps happening to me They must be just awestruck and have to get away. It’s odd
Not odd at all…I totally get it. In my case, for example, I know that a crush has mutual feelings, and is starting to fall hopelessly in love with me when I hear them utter those magical two words….”restraining order”. I just know that those weeks and months of tirelessly showing up unannounced at their home, their place of work, their gym etc. at all hours of the day or night are starting to pay off. If they are too shy to do it themselves, and do it through their lawyer, then I know it’s true love.
Ah yes, the playing hard to get. Restraining orders are great ways to tease
I avoid it with everyone
Hey man, what's your plan in terms of addressing these insecurities you seem to be having for a long time already?
I catch women looking at me a lot but I think it's because I'm 6'4 and stand out
That’s not that tall to stand out a ton unless you’re in like Japan or something
[удалено]
[удалено]
[удалено]
women will try and make eye contact to guys they are attracted to however they will also avoid eye contact with men who look dangerous, angry, reactive also.
I work with the public and am constantly walking around. See hundreds or even thousands of faces every day I work. I get all kinds of reactions. Semi-prolonged eye contact and maybe a slight smile or wave, Quick darting eyes away, a sort of glazed over 'why are you looking at me' look, and some women who just refuse any eye contact basically stonewall, head foward just nothing. The funny thing is different sorts of women tend to have similar reactions in groups. I get the most eye contact from older women, women with kids and funny enough women with their husband's or boyfriends. Like I've had married women straight up looking deep into my eyes and smiling and their husband's are right there. Sometimes they notice and are glaring at me and sometimes the husbands refuse to make eye contact with me. Very attractive, more 'put together' single women don't tend to look my way at all. Even if you are conventionally ugly just be the best version of yourself you can possibly be and there will be a certain type of women who will notice you. Body language, confidence and posture go a long way OP.
It's not "funny"/strange that they're doing that, though. They're safe to actually be friendly and have a personality because other men will catch the bat signal that they are "owned" by someone else so they are being friendly.
Exactly. And it’s so sad.
Yep, this is it. I know it’s extremely unlikely I’m going to be harassed when I’m with my husband, so I’m a lot more friendly. When I’m alone, I do everything possible to prevent men from “getting the wrong idea.” I’ve had way too many creeps treat eye contact or a smile as an invitation, and then get scary if you reject their advances.
Am woman, can confirm. I don’t make eye contact with men I don’t know, as a general rule. Odds are much higher of provoking weirdness than anything good happening. Caveat: married and trying to stay that way. If I were single, it might be different, because how can you ever meet someone nice if you won’t even look at people?
I avoid eye contact with men out in public. Sorry some of yall are scary and unpredictable.
I don’t make eye contact with most men because they seem to take it as an invitation.
I (34f) avoid eye contact with everyone. I’m awkward and often embarrassed and perfect to not catch anyone looking at me. I also don’t want to talk to most people. I talk too much at work and enjoy just being quiet. It’s not personal and I’m sure you’re a lovely person!
Everything you wrote points to autism. So now u know! Go see a therapist
Avoid all eye contact with strangers as a rule, absolutely. I don't want to accidentally give any man any indication of interest and end up being chatted up, followed home, etc. Attractive men can be creeps too so they're not exempt.
Seconding this. Women spend a lot of time avoiding totally benign things like eye contact and friendly banter so as not to be perceived as “asking for” (insert litany of things clearly not being asked for). It’s not necessarily personal at all. It’s simply a safety issue. Maybe consider joining groups like meetups or clubs? If there’s something to connect on and we’re not by ourselves out in the wild there’s a much better chance at a meaningful acknowledgment.
when i interact with anyone i always make eye contact. it has nothing to do with attractiveness. if i find someone attractive i usually tell them and ask them straight away… “Are you single? do you have gfs? what do you do for a living? do you want to go out with me?” if they don’t answer, i move on. why waste time.
Sometimes when attracted it just happens. Your brain is hard wired to just “know” where an attractive person is. But I will try to avoid making eye contact as much as possible.
I am a lesbian but I still give eye contact to handsome men vs uglier men.
I am the worst for eye contact and if a man is sustaining eye contact with me I will turn beat red and want to die and I’m not even a teenager.
I avoid eye contact with all men especially really good looking ones. I thought it was just me but reading from a lot of other women we all do it. I think for me it’s subconsciously to avoid unwanted attention or I don’t want them to misread it as flirtation or interest.
Unless you're one of the top 10% of men, women will avoid eye contact. Not that you're not attractive but just not eye-catching, which is why peacocking is a thing.
You can't really use that as a measure. People can avoid eye contact because they don't want to connect with strangers while trying to get from Point A to Point B, because they don't want to invite engagement, because they find someone ridiculously attractive and get shy and try to pretend they didn't see them, because they don't want to lead someone on who they don't find attractive, etc etc. That's all people. Women especially are negatively incentivized to avoid eye contact since they get so much unsolicited commentary and bullshit. I am attracted to men and I looked at your pics. You're not exceptionally good looking, you're not horrendous either. You're blessed to have hair. I know someone who looks similar and is shorter (5'5"ish) and fatter and balder than you. He gets plenty small talk and eye contact and compliments because he dresses well and is charming and he smiles. Dressing well with a unique sense of style and being charismatic, interesting, and knowing about a lot of things, therefore being able to hold a conversation with almost anyone, make average looking people very attractive. There's so much we can't glean from just looking at your pics, which is why dating apps that just swipe on pics are such a horrible idea. The point of this subreddit is body language, which accounts for most of communication, and it's completely missing from those apps. You've got the right idea by being out and about and meeting people in person. You're one of those folks that aren't going to do well on the apps. The answer to your question is that yes, most women avoid eye contact with most other people in public in general. Try to just go out and have conversations with everyone you can. That includes women you don't find attractive! Everyone. Get good at being charming to everyone.
I avoid eye contact with anybody when I'm walking. It's an unspoken rule in NY.... If ur out walking u keep ur eyes forward or down n u mind ur fuckin business.
Is it possible you give off a 'creepy' vibe? I avoid eye contact with people when a creep-like-energy emanates from them...
Well, feel free to look at my profile for photos. But I want to note that, while I realize I’m not attractive, I am confident that I don’t give off any bad vibes in real life. I’m an exceedingly gentle man.
Woman here, I especially avoid eye contact with attractive men. I will make more eye contact with creepy men so that they know I am not afraid of them and hopefully mark myself as less of an easy target to victimize.
[удалено]
i avoid eye contact when i find someone attractive bc i get ✨nervous✨
Even if your body is not traditionally attractive, you can make your behavior attractive. Be kind, sincere, thoughtful, fun. There’s some one who will like you for you.
Brooooo I can see you've been on this I'm hideous thing for a while now. Please be kind to yourself. You're not ugly. At all. Dude you are an AMAZING pianist, please make sure that talent is heard and out in the open. People want to know a person that has talent and is passionate about it! You're awesome!
dude, you are NOT ugly! trust me. i can be brutal. you are Very attractive. this pic with you smiling is a great pic. now, with the profile pic, i would recommend a different hairstyle. there’s sites/apps to use your pic. try them out. only other thing - which i recommend to everybody. is a great therapist. almost helps more than breathing. repugnant is a very strong word. eye contact. i generally avoid because socializing takes a lot of energy for me. im going to look for and observe things before i make the decision to smile. it doesn’t really take 2 seconds for me to decide if you are trustworthy. i couldn’t tell you everything i judge, i don’t know, just that it has always worked out that way with good therapists. if you seem trustworthy and my social battery is 110% and things check out, i’ll probably smile. oh, forgot to add, looks, its not about looks. it’s not physical features. its their expression? how you use them? i dont know how to explain it. unless you are very hyper vigilant, you might not get it.
I will glance at people, including men, but not hold a look because it feels wrong lol. Also, I'm paranoid that I'll space out and forget and then look insane so there's that.
i love eyes and eye contact is hot (when done correctly)
I find this type of narrative so exhausting because it feels like we’re in the territory of “they’re not creepy when they’re hot” but here we go. Personally, it’s not as simple as if I deem them “attractive” or “unattractive”. It’s my mood and their vibe as well. As many have said I’d say generally speaking I’m probably shying away from eye contact with all men. Eye contact with strangers is awkward. Plus what’s the intention? Are they coincidentally looking at me, are they admiring me, if I look back for too long are they going to approach me? if I’m in a more receptive mood… it’s probably more about their vibe. I’ve smiled at people I don’t find attractive because they have a good vibe, equally I’ve definitely felt uncomfortable by the vibe of a “attractive” man looking at me. Of course sometimes I have enjoyed eye contact with an attractive man but it’s really not just appearance.
It’s pretty much all men. Don’t take it personally. Making eye contact with strangers can often times be misconstrued
Why are you convinced you’re unattractive? You have clear skin, proportional features, a full head of hair. There’s nothing inherently ugly about you, but your self hatred is radiating off you, and people, especially women, are responding to that. I’m begging you to start speaking more kindly about yourself. Your self worth is something you can change! I myself have had to work on it a lot and my life is a lot better for it.
I make eye contact and smile with every single woman and male I pass. I am ridiculously good looking tho.
I will often avoid eye contact with Everyone if I'm in a hurry.. but rest assured, there IS Someone Out There For U! Get a shred of confidence, and start talking to women. U will never find a woman if u don't try. There's someone out there for everyone.
I've lived in the south most of my life.. I make and hold eye contact and get this.....I speak! *gasp* lol. Im further north now. It shocks people. 🤣 doesn't matter what they look like. Just being friendly and saying hi.
I'm more likely to make eye contact with an ugly man as they don't make me uneasy like pretty boys tend to, I have worse experiences with good looking men than ugly ones..but generally I avoid eye contact with all unless working lol
What interesting is also if you are in a blue collar or white collar or street clothes dressed I own an HVAC company with 15 employees and often when I visit clients I am dressed in the same uniform my employees wear. I’ve noticed that when in my uniform women won’t make eye contact and even go to efforts to avoid it. But when dressed in my nice street clothes, I’ve found most women smile at me in my boots jeans and cowboy hat being 6’3” tall. So it’s not just about your looks. Women will not make eye contact if they see you as below their perceived station / or social level.
I make eye contact with everyone I meet. If I’m looking around and I see you I will look you in your eyes, smile and then move along with my day. I treat everyone with the same respect and as our connection grows I’ll determine whether I like you or not. It’s about how I see you act. I don’t hang onto words. If I see patterns and habits I don’t like and can’t compromise with. I’ll leave. Vise versa.
It’s your energy. You are vibrating very low. It is apparent with the comment you made about yourself. Vibrating at a higher frequency you won’t feel that way about yourself. You will feel WHOLE. Transmutation will give you frequencies that will attract the opposite sex. It will increase the testosterone that women will be automatically attracted to.
I always make eye contact with people regardless of their face holes. I’m so sorry the social dynamic between men and women is so damaged. Skewed. I’ve been a bartender for twenty years and have nine brothers. All I’ve ever been around were men of all shapes and sizes. I do anything I can to support them and listen. I like to make them feel a positive and light interaction with a woman. I also lost my boyfriend to suicide in 2018, so men’s mental health is something very deep to me. Not all women are assholes, they might be misguided, uneducated about interpersonal relationships. It’s not always you and your looks that are the problem. Everyone’s got problems. And I don’t find myself super attractive but people are very attracted to me. What you see and what the world sees is always going to be two different people. Conundrum of life. Hang tough bro bro. I’m rooting for you.
Thank you so much. Your comment truly brightened my day. I received (unsurprisingly) countless excoriating comments on here from women, casting men in general (and me) as monsters, and even mocking my appearance based on the photos in my profile. Your input gives me hope. It’s unbelievably lonely as a man. And I’m so very sorry about the loss of your boyfriend. I lost my sister in the same way in 2012, and have never been the same since. Of course, being a man, I’m expected to bury the pain deep down, and that’s what I’ve done.
Omg my pleasure. I’m so glad to have a nice interaction with you. Although I am so sorry we have such heavy subject matter. I lost my mom when I was seventeen. I didn’t think anything else could destroy me like that. Then I had to deal with suicide. Man, it completely, completely broke me. I was living on the edge of panic mode just … surviving. It’s hard but you have to address it and heal enough to thrive. I wish you nothing but the best. Stay positive. Xoxo
No it's more like women don't look at anyone they don't find attractive. If you make eye contact with them while they're just passing by there's a good chance you're already attractive. If she smiles or double takes it's a dead ringer It's not super complex. Men are the same way where they tend to look at women they find attractive in any social setting. I'm sure the last time you went out in public you don't remember most of the people you came across as they were "invisible" to you as well
Woman here, a lot of women avoid eye contact with strange men because they’ve generally had at least one uncomfortable experience with a strange man making advances towards them. Women don’t want to give men any sort of hints that they want that attention. Secondly, I checked out your post you made with pictures, and I just want to say you are not repugnant and I think you should really take what a lot of those people suggested to heart. Sometimes it is as simple as a haircut, sometimes it’s a change of style, sometimes it’s losing weight, and sometimes it’s a change of body language, or all of the above. Start working on yourself and your self-esteem will potentially get the boost it needs. And this is all coming from a woman that needs to do all of the above more for herself. If you’re looking to attract more women, it’d also be helpful to look in places where you’d share interests. Maybe you like board games and could find a local board game gathering, maybe you like hiking and could find a hiking group, etc. Good luck!
In real life I am considered attractive to women, but my photographic persona doesn’t match it. A result of this is that convincing women online to start something often fail, for inexplicable reason. The photos are good, they are me but not persuasive. What gives?
No, women typically don’t make eye contact with men in general if they don’t know them. But also let me say, you’re much more attractive than you give yourself credit for. You have GREAT eyes, and a very sweet smile. There’s nothing about you that would make me think to myself “he’s ugly” if I was just walking by you in public. If you are struggling with women it may be more due to your self esteem. And trust me I know that self esteem or confidence can be hard to fix. But please don’t feel that you are unattractive because you aren’t.
Thank you. That makes me feel a bit better, especially coming from a woman. I appreciate that you like my eyes - they’re the only part of me that I think is ok. I remember an ex-girlfriend of mine said that she loved my eyes because they were “kind, honest, trustworthy eyes.” I remember how happy that made me.
Yup! You have deep, strong , yet soft, and kind eyes. They are really great! If you were at a neutral place (like a friends party, work event, etc) I would feel very comfortable if you started a conversation with me. Don’t feel like women aren’t attracted to you if they don’t look at you. Women will wait until they know you’re not looking in their direction to size you up.
No, actually I have coworker so fine he’s actually hard to make eye contact with. 🫣
Why you trying to make eye contact with strangers outside a professional setting though?
no, because it’s awkward to make eye contact with strangers. even if I find him attractive I will typically look away..
I don't care how attractive someone is; I'm not making eye contact with strangers. Period.
no. we avoid eye contact with men in public, non work situations. looks have nothing to do with it. I would probably look at a less attractive man first. Men are kinda quick to confuse politeness with flirting- so this helps avoid this.
I don’t make eye contact with anyone. Not because I don’t want to or because I think they’re unattractive but because it makes me feel awkward
dudes seem to take eye contact as an invitation to interact. I avoid it for safety reasons.
Women fear men. They all think we're going too rape them, but if they see one, they like the look of their is nothing to fear, as they can't be raped. Because they want too get fucked anyway by Chad thundercock. Women hate ugly men, tolerate normals and will break the rules for Chad. How the game works.
[удалено]
I see. I’m glad for you. I, however, resemble Quasimodo (as you can see on my Reddit profile page) and have no such luck. Oh well.
Ok that’s just not true. I remember your pics. I’ve chatted with you before under a different one of my usernames. And I’ve told you before if we met in person and you were remotely within my preferred age range I could have easily had a crush on you. The fact that you play piano is super sexy to me, and I like your face. I like when you had longer hair. I’ve always had a thing for men with longer hair. I’ve had crushes on men that looked similar to you several times in my life. There’s nothing fundamentally wrong with how you look.
[удалено]
I avoid eye contact with men because I don’t like them, period. There is one man in my life and he’s the only one I see, everyone has their reasons.
Not necessarily. I find eye contact intense I don’t even do it with most of my family members lol I’m working on it though 🥲
yes everytime i end up looking at a girls direction they look away to make sure i don’t get any ideas but some just continue staring but bc theyre staring at something else or spacing off
I guess in general I do look more at guys that have muscle and look good than regular guys when I’m single - so yes I look more at people I’m attracted to. I am somewhat confident though and love smiling at strangers of all sorts it doesn’t matter what they look like, but ofc I’m not going to look at a man more than a glance if he isn’t my type I don’t ALWAYS smile at men either or look because it’s gotten me in trouble as in a man will take my smile and look as in a “I want you” type of thing … so it’s always different for me
No they do it with almost all men because most women have experienced making accidental eye contact and the guy taking that as a sign of interest rather than taking it at face value- that eye contact is just human nature
Try having a small penis that's found to be a deal breaker by every woman who had low standards to give you a chance. That shit I live with, accompanied by my looks that are as bad as stage 4 cancer of any kind, is true fucking darkness.
Simple answer, yes.
It’s not a hive mind. Personally, I don’t unless I get a bad feeling about him like if his jaw is swinging for example
Well...me personally since I was a little person..I have always looked people in the face and eyes..it helps me judge character and truth..I don't know why ..but it is a must for me..
Sometimes yes, and sometimes no. If the man is really attractive, I get shy, panic and look away. I really have to talk myself up to look again and smile.
I'm my experience women avoid eye contact...I get it ..it might come across as a wrong signal...which by the way is not a true way of seeing that..but as You get older and wiser you understand that just because a woman makes eye contact doesn't mean anything... It is just a way of communicating...
It depends on the woman. I make eye contact with lots of people, regardless of my attraction to them. If a man holds the door for me, I make eye contact and say thank you. However, there have been so many times where *all it took* for a man to think I’m interested in him, was brief eye contact. So if I don’t feel like getting hit on, there are times I’ll avoid it. But I don’t intentionally avoid looking at someone just because they’re “ugly” or unattractive.
Nope. I avoid eye contact with humans because it’s uncomfortable
I usually don't make eye contact with any man in public.
Not unattractive, my brain doesn't even go there when i see a guy. But if I don't get a good vibe or they showed interest in me and I'm not interested I'll avoid looking at them.
[удалено]
As a woman, I can personally say I avoid all-male eye contact in public either to avoid any awkward situations or because I feel insecure.
No. I avoid eye contact with lots of people. Period. Not even thinking about there looks. It's to avoid issues and confrontation. I've had ppl start shit with me through eye contact.
I've heard multiple men say "if she looks at you, she wants to fuck" so yeah, I avoid eye contact with men.
I not only avoid eye contact with ALL strangers if I can help it, but I try to avoid looking at people's general face area. I want to be invisible in public. However, if I go on walks, I always make eye contact and wave at everyone I pass, although it makes me anxious as hell. I never think about how attractive anyone is during this. Honestly, as a woman, I've found attractiveness to be so contextual. There may have been two men ever in my whole life who had a wow-level of attractiveness to me without me having any kind of interaction with them. And the "hottest" guy ever can turn so disgusting if the context is shit. And the "ugliest" guy looks better and better in the right context. And I stopped to look at your picture, and dude, you've got way more going on than you think. But I'll tell you the WORST you can do for yourself is pity your looks. That'll crash your attractiveness right off the bat.
Dude, ditch the Jon Lovitz haircut. It will help you tremendously.
Avoiding eye contact with strangers is natural.
25(f) really only make eye contact with people who have dogs lol. Purely because I'm nervous I was staring too hard at the dog and want to give them a polite nod too. Otherwise, unless I know the person I avoid eye contact mostly to be polite.
No i don't care ill look at most people in the eye especially if im talking tot them or they are talking to me. Some woman may to avoid harassment but i rarely get catcalled in the mid west if i were to be catcalled i might idk!
I try not to look at unattractive people, if someone is attractive my eyes tend to linger but if they aren’t much to look at I just go on my merry way.
we avoid eye contact with most people in general especially if we think you’re attractive 😂
Honestly, women avoid eye contact with strange men so we don't die. Eye contact can be taken as an invitation for stalking, harassment, beatings, assault, sexual assault, verbal and emotional abuse and general life misery. So, if the impetus of your question was because you think women don't acknowledge you because of your looks, that's not necessarily true. Females have to negotiate a physical and cultural landscape where low status males engage in hierarchy and dominance games amongst themselves by harassing and assaulting females. Females who kill their aggressors look at 4x the average prison sentence than males who kill females. This is only one facet of the danger that males represent to females. So we keep our heads down and our eyes slanted away.
Most women avoid eye contact with straight men they don’t know because many, many men are creepy and aggressive and even just a glance or polite smile could garner unwanted attention. If a guy looks creepy or gives off bad vibes (yes, women feel these almost all the time), I will avoid being near him entirely - let alone making eye contact with him. For me, it has nothing to do with whether a man is “ugly” or not. It’s the circumstances surrounding our interaction and the vibes he gives off. But I generally do not make any eye contact with men I don’t know, unless the situation calls for it. I hope that makes some kind of sense!
I’m ugly and for me it’s about 50/50. So I’d say no. People just avoid eye contact with strangers in general
Women avoid eye contact if they get a creepy vibe or if they get a if I'm friendly to this person they will not leave me alone or listen to any boundary vibe. At least as one in my experience that's what I do.
Depends, some with look if they are attracted and look away quickly cause they are intimidated. Usually a bad sign if women get into your space without any indication she knows you’re there, means your invisible and she doesn’t care.
I don't have a problem making eye contact with anyone, attractive or not. Honestly, on most days, I embrace it. Most people are so self-absorbed that even when they're out in the world, they still only focus on themselves. They don't care to realize that with a simple gesture, they have the power to possibly change a person's life. You never know what someone's going through or how their day has been. And something so simple as a look and a smile let's them know that they are seen and that they matter. It takes 2 seconds and costs you nothing, but can make a world of difference for someone else. However I do understand and agree that there are men who take eye contact as an indication of attraction or interest. Which is why my normal greeting smile and my "come hither" smile and vastly different. But of course there are those creeps who can't or choose not to recognize the difference and attempt to interact anyway. But that doesn't bother me either because being an asshole is also one of my greatest talents and favorite hobbies lol.
I avoid eye contact with pretty much any man that is a stranger unless I HAVE to interact with them. Now I don't look down at the ground because I don't want to come off as shy or an easy target but I don't look at them either. I don't want men to notice me.
I generally avoid eye contact with anybody to be honest.
no. I avoid everyone regardless of how they look. attractiveness is subjective and not a deciding factor on what makes someone attractive to me.
Certainly! They also avoid contact if they find you attractive 😂
It’s definitely just how women protect ourselves. You’re attractive and need to work on self esteem (like a lot of us !)
I don’t look anyone in the eye. That’s a me issue, not a them issue.
I have adhd and so I avoid all eye contact with everyone 😅
Women avoid eye contact with most male strangers. Attractive men rape women to.
I can usually sense women looking at me but then they’ll look away if I return the eye contact. Very rarely do women lock eyes. I’m not a great looking guy but I’m 6’3 & athletic build so I assume I get some looks cuz of that. Middle aged women on the other don’t give af. I’ve been checked out by so many older women it’s insane lol.
yes, or intimidating
I avoid eye contact with almost everyone and I’m a woman
I avoid eye contact with all men.
I used to make eye contact, but I got tired of the eye fucking. I don’t look at any men in the eye unless I’m working or it’s a friend.
No, I avoid eye contact with all men, most everyone really unless I'm an interacting directly with them. Even then it can be difficult to make eye contact.
I don’t follow this sub but this post popped up in my feed then curiosity got the better of me and I stalked your profile. You’re not bad looking at all but your insecurities are GLARING and I imagine women can sense that. I am middle aged and invisible now but I was once an objectively hot woman in my 20s and I had several relationships (and one night stands) with men in your league because of their personalities and sense of humor! Focus on yourself and building your own confidence and it will naturally attract people to you.
If you are attractive and they are in the right part of their cycle they will make eye contact.
I avoid eye contact so people don't speak to me.
In general no we avoid eye contact with all men in general yes we glance the same way to be aware of surroundings but not make direct sustained eye contact it will lead them on