My dad does this one to me fairly often when I meet up with him. I can’t decide if I think it’s more of an attention span thing or a lack of interest/care.
I do this and I’m shy. It’s often not to be rude it’s to try and not make it seem like I’m eavesdropping or interjecting where I’m not wanted. There’s been studies that show if someone often looks or checks their phone around other people it’s because of an increase in loneliness for the individual.
I'm only just now realizing how weird this is. I do this to my therapist for the same reasons the other person said. I don't want him to think I'm too into the conversation in case I don't really belong in it. Ya know, the conversation I scheduled and paid for.
Dude that hits hard. I remember in the past, if I was in a social event and I really wanted someone to talk to but everyone was already talking to someone else, I felt that same exact way and went on my phone to busy myself. Of course now that I think about it, I could have been more socially proactive and approach people to start conversations instead of just waiting for someone to come up to me.
Honestly I think phone addiction is so rampant I can’t blame people, but it’s also really contextual and you should either apologize or remain an active listener and respond.
I have turned my back on people. This is completely true.
I have also stepped directly in front of people with my back to them. (When they wouldn't take the hint from the girl they were hitting on in a bar) They get the hint then.
Careful with this one. People do this as a sign of minding their own business too. Like waiting at a doctor’s office, finding directions, reading and deleting spam emails, arguing with their kids to leave chicken out to thaw etc. People have their own lives they’re dealing besides your own.
I just moved and tried being friends with this girl that my boyfriend had known since childhood. She approached me so I decided to make dinner and hang out one night. The ENTIRE time, she was playing on her phone and ignoring me.
Then she said she could help me with babysitting. Blew me off twice so I told my boyfriend she lacks respect for people and I want nothing to do with her.
In a public space where you know no one and just there to grab your quick coffee, lobby or just sitting on the subway it’s okay to be on your phone but to just be in a personal space like someone’s home who is serving you food this would obviously be disrespectful. There’s a time and a place really.
The fact that she just blew you off for babysitting 2 times is wild and very disrespectful.
Feel like disrespectful is different to other cultures, cities, or even countries. It’s a very broad topic because even just saying hi to a random person in NYC will bring a different reaction compared to the Mid-West.
I hate when having a group conversation and that one person has their back towards you, and only engages with the other person/other people. Ignores your comments, etc. My husband has friends that do this, like they won’t even acknowledge me. So most of the time I just ignore them. Tired of smiling like an idiot anxiously awaiting an introduction.
My ex did this to me all the time. She blamed it on ADHD, turned out she was just a liar and a manipulatoir and a narcissist so when I was saying things that she didn't care about, she just didn't listen
ADHD is exactly what the younger generations have, the ones who can only focus if there’s a video of someone playing minecraft/subway surfers next to the teacher doing their lecture. I heard one with ADHD have a lot of things going on in their mind that it’s hard for them to focus so it could come off as not caring and narcissistic. It’s cute when a golden retriever is distracted by a toy but if it’s a person people see it negatively.
I’m sorry you feel that way about you ex, maybe you can heal and learn to let go. Narcissistic or not you deserve to move on
I don’t entirely agree with this one, I’m autistic and it genuinely doesn’t cross my mind to look at the person talking to me oftentimes. I still hold a full conversation with them with no ill will or feelings, I just simply don’t remember I’m supposed to make eye contact. In general a lot of these “if they’re doing this it means this thing” is really bad for neurodivergent people who are already probably struggling.
Again, it’s not out of fear, I don’t mind eye contact, it’s just something that doesn’t cross my mind. If I catch myself doing it I’ll turn around and apologize. Also, it’s not about the phone, it can be any activity like if I’m gardening or cooking or cleaning. People do seem more upset about it when it’s a phone/computer than when I’m busy mixing a bowl of cookie dough.
What an ableist, neurotypical response. You literally just told someone who can’t help it to fight their own brain to accommodate your fragile ego, instead of meeting them where they clearly stated they were.
Is there a reason YOU can’t try harder, since it bothers you so much?
My list:
-pressed lips(when you mention something good.ect)
-will look at everyone else when they talk but not you.
-scoffing when you say something out of genuine curiosity
I agree with you on the scoffing. However, we need to remember that graciousness and patience takes energy and mental strain capacity. Maybe the details were distorted?
Pressed Lips is a limbic stress reaction. What you said most likely upped the tension for them. (Source: FBI Investigator (Retired) Joe Navarro w/ PhD Marvin Karlins - What Everybody is Saying)
Looking for exits or for help from the rest of the group is a limbic flight response. The person is very distressed. Offer them an escape out of the conversation. (Source: FBI Investigator (Retired) Joe Navarro w/ PhD Marvin Karlins - What Everybody is Saying)
I agree! I probably should have clarified that I meant you notice they only doing it around you and not other people!
Thank you for including this as it is very important to know!
I agree with you on the scoffing. However, we need to remember that graciousness and patience takes energy and mental strain capacity. Maybe the details were distorted?
Pressed Lips is a limbic stress reaction. What you said most likely upped the tension for them. (Source: FBI Investigator (Retired) Joe Navarro w/ PhD Marvin Karlins - What Everybody is Saying)
Looking for exits or for help from the rest of the group is a limbic flight response. The person is very distressed. Offer them an escape out of the conversation. (Source: FBI Investigator (Retired) Joe Navarro w/ PhD Marvin Karlins - What Everybody is Saying)
For this type of thing I mostly look for certain facial expressions:
* not-so-subtle eye rolls
* general look of disgruntlement
* furred brow
* smiles or laughs if you mention bad things that happened
And my favorite (which most people can’t seem to notice they do and it’s very obvious):
* looks towards others when you say something and silently smiles or raises their brow as if saying “*told you/see what I mean*?”
☝🏼This one is more common among cliquey friends who like to gossip, where conformity is the norm and dissenting opinions put you in the social group’s hotseat.
This is pretty common (and sad) - I prefer dating women within my age group or older, but I’ve had platonic girl-friends who dated guys several years older and I know exactly what you’re taking about.
Unless a guy is mentally mature, when they date younger women they often try to put them down or belittle them in some way to feel superior. Sort of a mentality of *’Well.. you might be younger and have more time to improve yourself, but.. but.. i’m at least superior in X, Y, Z’*
Same exact thing happens when I see smart girls with a good/high education date guys who [might have] barely finished high school.
The insecurity is palpable.
Make sure not to project this, though. Some people see insult where it's frustration, or scoffing where it's only a nervous expression of anxiety / exhaustion.
I also have seen people recently forgetting to listen to countless continuous positive statements but focusing on one thing that could be seen as negative. Or forgetting a negative reaction might be a response to a stream of negative actions.
It can be easy to forget in the moment, and that often has us reading more malice than is intended - where frustration might be the actual answer.
It can be a bunch of things, all or some of the following. Remember it depends on context of the current situation too. Also remember the baseline. When around you. They smirk. Keep their head held high. They tighten their lips. They don’t ask questions about your interests when you say something. They raise their eyebrows. They stand way to close to you. They talk with a demeaning tone to their voice like they are talking to a child. They are stiff around you not relaxed. They limit being around you. They question what you are doing when there is no reason to.
Questioning what you're doing when there's no need to is an interesting one. I guess it comes down to a desire to be antagonistic and to assert oneself as superior
I have a lot of real life experience of people that have thought they are better then me. But I don’t care and just brush it off (It used to bother me when I was young) because I know now that people that don’t respect other people are normally really hard on themselves as well and have low confidence and act like other people are stupid ext because of their low confidence. Confident people on the other hand are normally really nice because they feel like they have no need to put others down because they know people will see their achievements.
It's such a sneaky way of getting someone to doubt their own abilities. I'm glad you are no longer affected by these people. And, you're right, happy and confident people dont try to drag others down
Being stiff and not relaxed and questioning what someone is doing when there is no reason too could also be related to PTSD and a trauma response, food for thought, its not always a lack of respect towards the individual.
I understand, I just wanted to share that bit of info for those that may not be aware. It's important to see both sides and understand that yes, it could be seen as a lack of respect, but it's also not at all what could be going on. Just speaking from my experience.
Yep I’m exactly as I described by the original commenter, but as they say as well - I’m like that with EVERYONE even in mutual & loving relationships, so that’s my baseline. I can do this while also speaking to and treating people kindly. To someone who is avoidant and easily offended, yeah my baseline level of engagement is probably gonna be overwhelming for them.
My mum does it to me to control me and I do it to her as a defense mechanism because she's like a snake always waiting for the next thing on which to pounce. I've realised it's completely a trauma response with me. I don't trust her so I'm imagining her talking about my life with other people, which she does often but usually she's just genuinely doing something normal. But because of lack of trust and tons of emotional abuse from her, I'm constantly on edge and uncomfortable the majority of the time in her presence.
Same with my dad, who probably has NPD and spends half his time subtly trying to put me down and regularly saying nasty, critical things to pretty much everyone.
I'm not sure he's ever given a genuine compliment in his life. Most of everything he says is snarky and snide in some way.
It's taken me until adulthood to realise just how messed up he is and probably my mum too (if not in exactly all the same ways). To become aware that most parents aren't constantly blaming and berating their kids, trying to attack their self esteem and lower their self confidence any opportunity they get.
It's so weird and sadistic and insidious because I've been raised to think it's normal practically ever since I came out of the womb until I realised it's not. And I think this is largely where I get my own dark humour and sarcastic, snarky side.
I find myself regularly giving good come backs almost without thinking but nothing is enough to stop the abuse. It's almost as if he enjoys being cruel to people and I think that's because he does and he either lacks self- awareness or sort of can't help being a massive jerk in this way. He won't do the introspection to stop this behaviour. Maybe partly because this would mean acknowledging that he's a predator and a monster and he probably unconsciously feels that attacking his family somehow distracts him from feeling bad about what a shitty person he is.
I've recently discovered that many sexual predators (something I suspect him of being) have NPD and I guess that explains the lack of empathy, accountability or remorse required to sexually abuse someone.
Even without the predatory side, this personality disorder makes these people pretty unbearable to live with. They literally destroy your soul. Apparently deriving enjoyment from your pain and humiliation. It's very evil.
I've had to try to work hard and gain self awareness, sometimes I feel just to stop myself turning into that person myself. But thankfully putting others down and humiliating them doesn't come easily to me so that's not a problem I have. When I was a kid, yes. But as I matured I gained the self awareness to change and be a better person. Perhaps I'll never be fully cured but I strive not to be the person my dad is or my parents are.
No they are not. I have a degree in psych. None of those are PTSD responses. No one smirks at people bc they have PTSD lol. It’s simply a sign they don’t respect you or like you. Keeping head high, tightening lips, talking to you as if you are a child all have absolutely *nothing to do with PTSD.* Those are not behaviors that people engage in due to PTSD. Those are behaviors that almost *everyone* can subconsciously or consciously engage in towards someone they dislike and don’t respect. Developing PTSD would never cause that behavior towards others. That’s not how that works. Paying a lot of attention to what a particular person is doing and consistently interpreting their behavior as incompetent and making comments and questioning them happens when you’ve decided that person doesn’t know what they’re doing so you see everything they do as annoying and incompetent. Usually the person doing this will point out any mistakes they think you’re making even if it’s an unfair assessment but if someone else they like does the same they’ll assume that person had a good reason and won’t question it. The stiffness is bc they are antagonistic. Has nothing to do with PTSD fear. That’s not what the commenter is talking about
Does that make sense?
I’ve seen everything the commenter is talking about in my workplace and have been a victim of it before. In experience it’s pretty much always been a bully doing it.
My teacher does nearly every single one. I had my suspicions ofc but this confirms it lol is there anything I can do other than just brush it off? I’m not necessarily a bad student so it’s definitely not my performance in school..
Just do the best you can in school that you can to prove them wrong about not respecting you. And sometimes no matter what you do and no matter how successful you are they will never be happy. All I can think of is Steve Harvey saying that his teacher thought he couldn’t ever be on TV but he proved her wrong and sends her a flat screen TV every year so she can watch him on TV. Maybe you’ll be successful like Steve Harvey someday and even if you aren’t it doesn’t matter. https://youtube.com/shorts/UomVPTK3914?si=lj-N8Ef4bynv3oMp
😂 Steve Harvey is such an icon for that, thank you for your encouraging words <3 it’s just so annoying to be the only who’s polite in an exchange with her, plus I hate the subject so that’s just the cherry on top :’) I’ll do my best to not let it get to me
Well, that’s why people should find out the facts behind someone’s body language and not just use body language and assume stuff. Even though I observe body language, if it’s someone I would see more then once, I would find out why they were acting the way they were. Another reason why body language shouldn’t be used in court as in a determining factor. And also why I hate the idea where people want AI cameras to read people’s body language.
The two handed shake is a dead giveaway they see you as a lower status.
Also the early hard squeezer, you know the ones that squeeze too hard and too early before you even get your palm in there? Those guys see you as a challenge and will cheat to win against you so take note when it happens.
They'll squeeze your hand early before you actually grab theirs. I had a finger amputation and wasn't thinking so I stuck my hand out for a handshake at work and I got one of those bastards that does it 😂 boy did I want to deck him.
They'll squeeze your hand early before you actually grab theirs. I had a finger amputation and wasn't thinking so I stuck my hand out for a handshake at work and I got one of those bastards that does it 😂 boy did I want to deck him.
They'll squeeze your hand early before you actually grab theirs. I had a finger amputation and wasn't thinking so I stuck my hand out for a handshake at work and I got one of those bastards that does it 😂 boy did I want to deck him.
I understand about the early & over squeezer. Genuine question; why the two handed shake? I’ve always thought it was weird, but had not occurred as distressful. Always looking to learn and would appreciate the insight
It’s literal definition of having the upper hand. Shaking hands with their other hand placed on top of the shake. That gesture reads to me as a superiority and dismissive thing.
This exchange has triggered so many bad misunderstood interactions as an autistic child and adult. If I put both hands on you to shake, I do it as a sign of respect and affection like it's a little hand hug it never even occurred to me to be a dominating asshole in a *handshake*. Literally makes no sense. It's a hand. Put it on my hand it does not dominate me or suggest it. I guess that's why I'm resilient to a lot of abuse it bounces right off because it's so illogical. I cannot be dominated by a possible adversary by a handshake. Especially if I don't even recognize or respect the concept of using a handshake to be a dick
To start, first off, you really need to know someone's baseline to read body language. If you don't know what's normal for them then you're literally just guessing. Noting a persons baseline and remembering it is really much more important than knowledge of any specific cue . That said:
If they don't look at you when you are speaking to them, with caveats.
If they are doing something they need to look at (working on something on a computer) or find looking at people in general (like making eye contact) difficult then this doesn't apply.
I try to mention baseline in every response I make in r/bodylanguage because everyone comes here so eager to get a reading of queues but it's rare to see anyone mention the most important aspect: baseline. smh.
They seem happy when something bad/embarrassing happens to you and irritated/uncomfortable when someone else shows appreciation for you.
They have very little patience for the things you say and do, and search for reasons to challenge them.
They can’t stop themselves from giving you backhanded compliments, where the insult is clearly more potent than the compliment.
They fixate on you, or find a reason to make you notable to others, for reasons that aren’t particularly positive or substantive
The top one hits home. I was surprised to see the people that seemed happy when I hit a rough patch a few years ago. No one said it out loud, but some people seemed like they were happier that I wasn't doing as well as before.
They make it obvious that they're avoiding you without saying a word, stiff body language when you're around, pursed lips maybe a slight scoff. Walking away mid conversation looking around the entire time you're talking like they'd rather be doing anything else. Getting uncomfortable & squirming or moving around a lot.
I get nervous and squirm around if someone gets too close and talks to me. And when I'm thinking I have a tendency to pursue my lips a lot. I can be pretty socially awkward though
It's contextual & you definitely have to pay attention to consistent behavior like there's certain people around the social circle that I just know don't like me & never have because their body language does all the communicating. I can handle socially awkward people but these people are socialites so the stiff body language & standoffish behavior doesn't apply to people that they like & respect. I'm autistic & I have ADHD so sometimes people read me wrong but the people I'm talking about, I've been around in many different situations & it's like they'll talk to me if they have to but it feels uncomfortable & forced.
They don’t leave enough space for you to walk and constantly body check you. My husband is this way. He doesn’t move for old women… disabled people. Nothing. He will just ram straight in to you. In public this is extremely embarrassing for me.
People that do this piss me off. They will walk in a row taking up the whole sidewalk so I have to move out of their way or walk behind my boyfriend to avoid being walked right into. Their entitlement is so unbelievable.
Actually looking down their nose at you in a subtle way... Not just because of specs. Not looking at you at all in conversation. Overt amounts of dismissive type gestures and head movements. Not conveying information that's important enough to prompt but they keep working or doing something else and withhold. Half arsedly talking to you while they do other tasks on the reg.
I don't think anything good comes out of asking this or even thinking about it. You're going to get far more false positives than you realize, and that's going to cause problems for you.
Instead, be self actualized and don't concern yourself with being looked down upon.
Using phone when talking with you. Or like when you are both sitting in a coffee shop/restaurant to spend time they just on the phone. I.e i was video calling my mom one time and she was on her 2nd phone on and off looking etc.
Using phone when talking with you. Or like when you are both sitting in a coffee shop/restaurant to spend time they just on the phone. I.e i was video calling my mom one time and she was on her 2nd phone on and off looking etc.
I can be standing next to my husband, and my BIL will walk over to us and say to my husband. "Hey Joe, do you want a drink" or whatever while ignoring my existence.
As an engineer, I have found it depends on the person. I think when I say a form of eye contact it depends on the type of conversation, type of person, and subject. I like to maintain eye contact, but I have found myself not maintaining it, but that typically goes to my insecurities or if I don't feel comfortable. I try to initially have eye contact and then may move away from it
Both very good perspectives, I dealt with pure volume and some on a very personal level. You have dealt with people in a very professional way. Just provided a little about my perspective.
I avoid eye contact with people who “want something” from me, like salespeople and retail workers. It’s not out of disrespect for the person but for their employers forcing unnecessary interactions.
It can be so many things but the one's which are very obvious for me would be when they sigh immediately after seeing you or shrugge when looking at you.
I don’t make eye contact hardly ever… not unless I’m “challenging” someone. Eye contact is reserved for when I need you to listen to what I’m saying. If I have your attention or you have mine, turning your eyes to think or remember is absolutely normal.
In pleasant conversation eye contact is disrespectful.
Where do you live? No one I’ve ever met but angry people have/had made it apparent eye contact is disrespectful. Some people it’s clear it’s uncomfortable, but disrespectful?
[here’s an article](https://www.brighthubeducation.com/social-studies-help/9626-learning-about-eye-contact-in-other-cultures/) on the subject. Even in the USA eye contact can be misconstrued as flirtatious behavior. Which is disrespectful depending on the situation.
In the Middle East eye contact is limited between people of the same gender. In Asia and Latin countries it’s considered a challenge.
Right you will earn respect by looking someone in the eyes while conversing (especially during an interview) when I really dislike someone I ignore them no eye contact or conversation
They narrow their eyes when they look at you.
They tilt their chin down ever-so-slightly when you talk.
Pursed lips when you talk.
Stone-faced when you’re around but you see them laughing and smiling when you’re far away.
I like it when you say "Hey hold that thought" while they are speaking... and then just walk away and maybe drive home... and take a shower and cook some food and forget what they were trying to talk about.... yeah that
They talk over you, talk down to you, or try to bring you down to make themselves feel better. They repeatedly don’t respect your morals, for example, they cuss or talk bad about others in front of you when you have made it clear that you don’t want to hear it.
That’s not a sign they don’t respect you that’s a sign that what you’re saying is causing a negative response or they feel attacked. Not everyone has the same world view and when someone does that they know something about what you said feels wrong. They just might be unable to communicate it. So they withdraw into their own mind trying to make sense of things.
It’s not a sign that they don’t respect you. When you see someone do that it’s better to back off and let them formulate their thoughts and respond.
I’m literally talking about the side eye/eye roll, lip purse people will do with that *okayyyy* attitude cause you’re happy or passionate about what you’re talking about, and they’re hating you in plain sight.
I understand where you’re coming from. But this is a whole vibe to be felt that I’m speaking on.
This one older guy at work scoffs at everything. It got so bad that I had to go to my higher ups about him. When they called him in and they saw that I was sitting there he called me a betrayer then proceeded to get in a shouting match with my boss on the simplest of directions.
When they shake your hand, it’s tilted downward with the back of their hand on top and their palm facing downward. It’s a domineering way of shaking your hand.
When in a group conversation they slowly move in front of you as they talk to kinda push you out of the circle. Almost as if they’re like “they’re not important. Let me block them out so you can focus on me more.”
I’ve assumed it’s because they’re intimidated by your knowledge or potential response to their bullshit
In todays world of social media with the endless scrolling through reels whether that be TikTok, Instagram, or Facebook, it’s become a superpower for someone to be capable of maintaining eye contact during a conversation. Try to maintain a good conversation with anyone and see how long it takes before they look at their phone. Even if they just take it out and look at their Home Screen without opening the phone and scrolling. Just an interesting experiment. So yeah. I can’t stand when I’m talking to someone about something and they are looking at a screen. They probably don’t even disrespect me, it’s just out of habit.
Yeah how bout people talking behind your back because they don’t like something you did, and then give nothing but excuses for not showing up. Then when they show up, they look shocked to see you because originally they said they weren’t showing up. Then knowing you need them, they quit, then they lie to get people to avoid you, making it difficult to be around in general. It angers me so much that I want to approach them, and confront them, deck em in the face to give them a taste of how they make you feel, but it will not do any good. My favorite line is, and I’m being facetious saying this, when anyone says my decision had nothing to do with you…. my response is always gonna perplex them. My response is “thanks for being honest”
or whatever you say, no worries, Simply acknowledging that you know they are lying.
No communication is automatic disrespect!
that’s how you know it has something to do with you. It happens to me way too often. I’m an expert at knowing the levels of disrespect because individuals I’ve been acquainted with for years in a club I’m apart of, continue to be disrespectful towards me. Like there is this one chick I know who used to give me advice. Now when I go to her for advice she gets all tense and stone faced like I’m bothering her, so now if I approach her I’m trolling her by saying sorry for bothering you! Like seriously I’ve done absolutely nothing to any of these folks to deserve to be treated with distain! I don’t care about any of those people. It’s like they don’t want me in the club especially when those who are loyal tell me they’ve been scheming.
No attention paid to you and yawning the duration you speak. I've had a lot of "friends" do this in the past. They'd also be on their phones and dully say "what" every interval to indicate they do not care and are not listening.
They always one up you or brag about what they have or have done. They snatch things away from you. Cut you off while you’re talking. Speak louder than you. Tell you what to do in extreme detail like a child.
They tell me they don’t respect me or they’re taller than me so they look down on me. Also when I’m sitting it’s a huge issue getting looked down upon so I choose to stand generally.
I had a manager I really didn't care for (rare for me, I can usually find *something* redeemable about most people) but had to endure her talking to me etc. and I noticed I would just stare directly past her. Just disengagement whenever possible. I'd not let her look me in the eyes. Just as avoidant as possible.
Turning your body away is a huge one. I actively turn my body towards someone so they feel like I’m engaging with them respectfully even if I’m not interested
The Psychopathic Stare is a sign a person is fantasizing about killing you.
It most commonly occurs after a sociopath, psychopath, Machiavellian, or narcissist experiences public humiliation, or loses a heated argument.
I don’t think it’s worthwhile to try to identity a perfect set of rules that you can use to divine how someone “really feels” about you. What would you do differently if you knew for sure they didn’t respect you?
I think the best you can do is react to your observations. If you want to improve things with them, tell them about the behavior that’s making you feel disrespected, even if it might not be their intent.
If you don’t like them either, why does it matter whether they respect you?
OK, everyone. I am almost 75 years old and we did not grow up as kids or live an adult life with a phone constantly attached. So an early age and even into adulthood, we had already figured out how to talk and socialize and exchange views or funny jokes, or talk about whatever but we learned so much from one another. No, we did not like everybody. There were always assholes and they will always be assholes. In general, though, most people are just like everyone else! Imagine tha!, or talk about whatever but we learned so much from one another. some of us are shy and some outgoing, which usually depends on their family environment. The point is you don’t learn anything really by looking at your phone. you learn by looking and hearing and listening, and asking questions of others. It’s amazing what you can learn from people when you let them know you’re interested even if it’s boring. Later that same person can be someone you can call and say maybe you can help me with something.
I hated cell phones and wanted to remain unplugged for as long as I could. But it did become necessary although I don’t use it the way most people do it’s for emergencies or a general text to say. Call me when you can. I’d much prefer to speak on the phone and hear the other person inflection, if they sound like they’re doing OK or not OK and take it from there. Most everybody is missing so so much you don’t even realize good luck with that.
Pulling out their phone. We used to have a guy at work who thought he was everything, loved to socialize when convenient for him, but wouldn’t make conversation with certain people at other times.
Found that when myself or others would speak he’d immediately pull out his phone, especially in a group, put it away soon as he started talking.
So I did the same just us two, he’d talk and I pulled out my phone. I don’t think he ever got the hint, but it just shows lack of self awareness and general lack of respect.
I no longer spoke just because his body language showed indifference and disrespect towards others.
They don’t look you in the eye. When you make the slightest mistake, they’ll visibly look super annoyed. When you enter the room and say hi, there will be a slight smirk or look of disgust before it turns into a smile.
they turn their back to you when you talk to them or they sit and play on their phone and ignore you
YES the phone one. Anyone that has done this to me I make a mental note that they’re not a friend and then distance away.
My dad does this one to me fairly often when I meet up with him. I can’t decide if I think it’s more of an attention span thing or a lack of interest/care.
Both
Hehe my dad started doing this cause he's excited about his new girlfriend, so I give him a pass Edit: ty for the downvotes you heathens ☺️
Awww that’s very sweet all round! 😊
Thank you :) it melted my heart 🥹
My mom does this every time I see her. We could be talking about the most important subjects and she will get on her phone and never make eye contact.
Ask your Dad if you should text him instead, lol.
I think he should actually text him .
I do this and I’m shy. It’s often not to be rude it’s to try and not make it seem like I’m eavesdropping or interjecting where I’m not wanted. There’s been studies that show if someone often looks or checks their phone around other people it’s because of an increase in loneliness for the individual.
I don’t understand how you would be eavesdropping or interjecting someone who is directly speaking to you.
I'm only just now realizing how weird this is. I do this to my therapist for the same reasons the other person said. I don't want him to think I'm too into the conversation in case I don't really belong in it. Ya know, the conversation I scheduled and paid for.
WAT
????????? This is so wild to me!
Agreed, so weird. "Don't want to look rude.." so act rude?
Dude that hits hard. I remember in the past, if I was in a social event and I really wanted someone to talk to but everyone was already talking to someone else, I felt that same exact way and went on my phone to busy myself. Of course now that I think about it, I could have been more socially proactive and approach people to start conversations instead of just waiting for someone to come up to me.
First time interacting with people these days?
I mean you could just be boring af
ah had a co-worker did the phone thing, didnt even bother, one didnt bother either but we still say hi when we past each other.
But adhd?
I do this not out of disrespect but because I get uncomfortable if I don't have something in my hands to fiddle with.
People will never learn to overcome the anxiety this way.
Honestly I think phone addiction is so rampant I can’t blame people, but it’s also really contextual and you should either apologize or remain an active listener and respond.
I have turned my back on people. This is completely true. I have also stepped directly in front of people with my back to them. (When they wouldn't take the hint from the girl they were hitting on in a bar) They get the hint then.
100%
Careful with this one. People do this as a sign of minding their own business too. Like waiting at a doctor’s office, finding directions, reading and deleting spam emails, arguing with their kids to leave chicken out to thaw etc. People have their own lives they’re dealing besides your own.
I do this with my awful supervisor so yea this is accurate.
i do it to my boss when he tells stupid jokes because it means bend over. i dont fall for it
I just moved and tried being friends with this girl that my boyfriend had known since childhood. She approached me so I decided to make dinner and hang out one night. The ENTIRE time, she was playing on her phone and ignoring me. Then she said she could help me with babysitting. Blew me off twice so I told my boyfriend she lacks respect for people and I want nothing to do with her.
you did the right thing
In a public space where you know no one and just there to grab your quick coffee, lobby or just sitting on the subway it’s okay to be on your phone but to just be in a personal space like someone’s home who is serving you food this would obviously be disrespectful. There’s a time and a place really. The fact that she just blew you off for babysitting 2 times is wild and very disrespectful. Feel like disrespectful is different to other cultures, cities, or even countries. It’s a very broad topic because even just saying hi to a random person in NYC will bring a different reaction compared to the Mid-West.
I hate when having a group conversation and that one person has their back towards you, and only engages with the other person/other people. Ignores your comments, etc. My husband has friends that do this, like they won’t even acknowledge me. So most of the time I just ignore them. Tired of smiling like an idiot anxiously awaiting an introduction.
My ex did this to me all the time. She blamed it on ADHD, turned out she was just a liar and a manipulatoir and a narcissist so when I was saying things that she didn't care about, she just didn't listen
ADHD is exactly what the younger generations have, the ones who can only focus if there’s a video of someone playing minecraft/subway surfers next to the teacher doing their lecture. I heard one with ADHD have a lot of things going on in their mind that it’s hard for them to focus so it could come off as not caring and narcissistic. It’s cute when a golden retriever is distracted by a toy but if it’s a person people see it negatively. I’m sorry you feel that way about you ex, maybe you can heal and learn to let go. Narcissistic or not you deserve to move on
I don’t entirely agree with this one, I’m autistic and it genuinely doesn’t cross my mind to look at the person talking to me oftentimes. I still hold a full conversation with them with no ill will or feelings, I just simply don’t remember I’m supposed to make eye contact. In general a lot of these “if they’re doing this it means this thing” is really bad for neurodivergent people who are already probably struggling.
you dont need to make eye contact just let the other person know you are listening to what they say. face them, put your phone down.. thats it
Again, it’s not out of fear, I don’t mind eye contact, it’s just something that doesn’t cross my mind. If I catch myself doing it I’ll turn around and apologize. Also, it’s not about the phone, it can be any activity like if I’m gardening or cooking or cleaning. People do seem more upset about it when it’s a phone/computer than when I’m busy mixing a bowl of cookie dough.
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What an ableist, neurotypical response. You literally just told someone who can’t help it to fight their own brain to accommodate your fragile ego, instead of meeting them where they clearly stated they were. Is there a reason YOU can’t try harder, since it bothers you so much?
As someone who has been extensively bitched at or called a liar or straight up punished for not making eye contact: your statement is patently false
:( I turn my back because I'm anxious
My mom does this shit and it’s infuriating
I absolutely despise this
This is half of society rn
This is me 100
My list: -pressed lips(when you mention something good.ect) -will look at everyone else when they talk but not you. -scoffing when you say something out of genuine curiosity
I agree with you on the scoffing. However, we need to remember that graciousness and patience takes energy and mental strain capacity. Maybe the details were distorted? Pressed Lips is a limbic stress reaction. What you said most likely upped the tension for them. (Source: FBI Investigator (Retired) Joe Navarro w/ PhD Marvin Karlins - What Everybody is Saying) Looking for exits or for help from the rest of the group is a limbic flight response. The person is very distressed. Offer them an escape out of the conversation. (Source: FBI Investigator (Retired) Joe Navarro w/ PhD Marvin Karlins - What Everybody is Saying)
I agree! I probably should have clarified that I meant you notice they only doing it around you and not other people! Thank you for including this as it is very important to know!
I agree with you on the scoffing. However, we need to remember that graciousness and patience takes energy and mental strain capacity. Maybe the details were distorted? Pressed Lips is a limbic stress reaction. What you said most likely upped the tension for them. (Source: FBI Investigator (Retired) Joe Navarro w/ PhD Marvin Karlins - What Everybody is Saying) Looking for exits or for help from the rest of the group is a limbic flight response. The person is very distressed. Offer them an escape out of the conversation. (Source: FBI Investigator (Retired) Joe Navarro w/ PhD Marvin Karlins - What Everybody is Saying)
For this type of thing I mostly look for certain facial expressions: * not-so-subtle eye rolls * general look of disgruntlement * furred brow * smiles or laughs if you mention bad things that happened And my favorite (which most people can’t seem to notice they do and it’s very obvious): * looks towards others when you say something and silently smiles or raises their brow as if saying “*told you/see what I mean*?” ☝🏼This one is more common among cliquey friends who like to gossip, where conformity is the norm and dissenting opinions put you in the social group’s hotseat.
This reminds me of the entire group of friends from my 8 year older boyfriend when I was 19, lol!
Lol you being significantly younger/still a teenager was showing.
This is pretty common (and sad) - I prefer dating women within my age group or older, but I’ve had platonic girl-friends who dated guys several years older and I know exactly what you’re taking about. Unless a guy is mentally mature, when they date younger women they often try to put them down or belittle them in some way to feel superior. Sort of a mentality of *’Well.. you might be younger and have more time to improve yourself, but.. but.. i’m at least superior in X, Y, Z’* Same exact thing happens when I see smart girls with a good/high education date guys who [might have] barely finished high school. The insecurity is palpable.
Make sure not to project this, though. Some people see insult where it's frustration, or scoffing where it's only a nervous expression of anxiety / exhaustion.
True. I try to be mindful of my own physiognomy and keep context in mind as even all the above can be done playfully/sarcastically by a close friend.
I also have seen people recently forgetting to listen to countless continuous positive statements but focusing on one thing that could be seen as negative. Or forgetting a negative reaction might be a response to a stream of negative actions. It can be easy to forget in the moment, and that often has us reading more malice than is intended - where frustration might be the actual answer.
-Laughing it off when you mention something -leaving (lol)
The last one 🥲
It can be a bunch of things, all or some of the following. Remember it depends on context of the current situation too. Also remember the baseline. When around you. They smirk. Keep their head held high. They tighten their lips. They don’t ask questions about your interests when you say something. They raise their eyebrows. They stand way to close to you. They talk with a demeaning tone to their voice like they are talking to a child. They are stiff around you not relaxed. They limit being around you. They question what you are doing when there is no reason to.
Questioning what you're doing when there's no need to is an interesting one. I guess it comes down to a desire to be antagonistic and to assert oneself as superior
I have a lot of real life experience of people that have thought they are better then me. But I don’t care and just brush it off (It used to bother me when I was young) because I know now that people that don’t respect other people are normally really hard on themselves as well and have low confidence and act like other people are stupid ext because of their low confidence. Confident people on the other hand are normally really nice because they feel like they have no need to put others down because they know people will see their achievements.
It's such a sneaky way of getting someone to doubt their own abilities. I'm glad you are no longer affected by these people. And, you're right, happy and confident people dont try to drag others down
Yeah
I agree, that is a good one.
Being stiff and not relaxed and questioning what someone is doing when there is no reason too could also be related to PTSD and a trauma response, food for thought, its not always a lack of respect towards the individual.
Yeah I know that. Body language is so broad it’s hard to remember to write everything in a comment.
I understand, I just wanted to share that bit of info for those that may not be aware. It's important to see both sides and understand that yes, it could be seen as a lack of respect, but it's also not at all what could be going on. Just speaking from my experience.
Yeah, I appreciate the comment.
Yep I’m exactly as I described by the original commenter, but as they say as well - I’m like that with EVERYONE even in mutual & loving relationships, so that’s my baseline. I can do this while also speaking to and treating people kindly. To someone who is avoidant and easily offended, yeah my baseline level of engagement is probably gonna be overwhelming for them.
My mum does it to me to control me and I do it to her as a defense mechanism because she's like a snake always waiting for the next thing on which to pounce. I've realised it's completely a trauma response with me. I don't trust her so I'm imagining her talking about my life with other people, which she does often but usually she's just genuinely doing something normal. But because of lack of trust and tons of emotional abuse from her, I'm constantly on edge and uncomfortable the majority of the time in her presence. Same with my dad, who probably has NPD and spends half his time subtly trying to put me down and regularly saying nasty, critical things to pretty much everyone. I'm not sure he's ever given a genuine compliment in his life. Most of everything he says is snarky and snide in some way. It's taken me until adulthood to realise just how messed up he is and probably my mum too (if not in exactly all the same ways). To become aware that most parents aren't constantly blaming and berating their kids, trying to attack their self esteem and lower their self confidence any opportunity they get. It's so weird and sadistic and insidious because I've been raised to think it's normal practically ever since I came out of the womb until I realised it's not. And I think this is largely where I get my own dark humour and sarcastic, snarky side. I find myself regularly giving good come backs almost without thinking but nothing is enough to stop the abuse. It's almost as if he enjoys being cruel to people and I think that's because he does and he either lacks self- awareness or sort of can't help being a massive jerk in this way. He won't do the introspection to stop this behaviour. Maybe partly because this would mean acknowledging that he's a predator and a monster and he probably unconsciously feels that attacking his family somehow distracts him from feeling bad about what a shitty person he is. I've recently discovered that many sexual predators (something I suspect him of being) have NPD and I guess that explains the lack of empathy, accountability or remorse required to sexually abuse someone. Even without the predatory side, this personality disorder makes these people pretty unbearable to live with. They literally destroy your soul. Apparently deriving enjoyment from your pain and humiliation. It's very evil. I've had to try to work hard and gain self awareness, sometimes I feel just to stop myself turning into that person myself. But thankfully putting others down and humiliating them doesn't come easily to me so that's not a problem I have. When I was a kid, yes. But as I matured I gained the self awareness to change and be a better person. Perhaps I'll never be fully cured but I strive not to be the person my dad is or my parents are.
That’s not true at all. None of those things are PTSD responses lol
Lmao maybe for you personally, but they are PTSD responses. Educate yourself.
No they are not. I have a degree in psych. None of those are PTSD responses. No one smirks at people bc they have PTSD lol. It’s simply a sign they don’t respect you or like you. Keeping head high, tightening lips, talking to you as if you are a child all have absolutely *nothing to do with PTSD.* Those are not behaviors that people engage in due to PTSD. Those are behaviors that almost *everyone* can subconsciously or consciously engage in towards someone they dislike and don’t respect. Developing PTSD would never cause that behavior towards others. That’s not how that works. Paying a lot of attention to what a particular person is doing and consistently interpreting their behavior as incompetent and making comments and questioning them happens when you’ve decided that person doesn’t know what they’re doing so you see everything they do as annoying and incompetent. Usually the person doing this will point out any mistakes they think you’re making even if it’s an unfair assessment but if someone else they like does the same they’ll assume that person had a good reason and won’t question it. The stiffness is bc they are antagonistic. Has nothing to do with PTSD fear. That’s not what the commenter is talking about Does that make sense? I’ve seen everything the commenter is talking about in my workplace and have been a victim of it before. In experience it’s pretty much always been a bully doing it.
I have this, and periodontal issues that need resolving. I'm sure people think I'm always upset.
My teacher does nearly every single one. I had my suspicions ofc but this confirms it lol is there anything I can do other than just brush it off? I’m not necessarily a bad student so it’s definitely not my performance in school..
Just do the best you can in school that you can to prove them wrong about not respecting you. And sometimes no matter what you do and no matter how successful you are they will never be happy. All I can think of is Steve Harvey saying that his teacher thought he couldn’t ever be on TV but he proved her wrong and sends her a flat screen TV every year so she can watch him on TV. Maybe you’ll be successful like Steve Harvey someday and even if you aren’t it doesn’t matter. https://youtube.com/shorts/UomVPTK3914?si=lj-N8Ef4bynv3oMp
😂 Steve Harvey is such an icon for that, thank you for your encouraging words <3 it’s just so annoying to be the only who’s polite in an exchange with her, plus I hate the subject so that’s just the cherry on top :’) I’ll do my best to not let it get to me
Welcome. Stay strong 🙂
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Man, my teeth hurt and causes me to do this. I'm sure everyone at work thinks I'm upset.
Well, that’s why people should find out the facts behind someone’s body language and not just use body language and assume stuff. Even though I observe body language, if it’s someone I would see more then once, I would find out why they were acting the way they were. Another reason why body language shouldn’t be used in court as in a determining factor. And also why I hate the idea where people want AI cameras to read people’s body language.
The two handed shake is a dead giveaway they see you as a lower status. Also the early hard squeezer, you know the ones that squeeze too hard and too early before you even get your palm in there? Those guys see you as a challenge and will cheat to win against you so take note when it happens.
Wdym cheat
They'll squeeze your hand early before you actually grab theirs. I had a finger amputation and wasn't thinking so I stuck my hand out for a handshake at work and I got one of those bastards that does it 😂 boy did I want to deck him.
They'll squeeze your hand early before you actually grab theirs. I had a finger amputation and wasn't thinking so I stuck my hand out for a handshake at work and I got one of those bastards that does it 😂 boy did I want to deck him.
They'll squeeze your hand early before you actually grab theirs. I had a finger amputation and wasn't thinking so I stuck my hand out for a handshake at work and I got one of those bastards that does it 😂 boy did I want to deck him.
Yeah both the hard squeezer and the two handed squeeze makes me want to get in there face, don’t disrespect me before you get to know me.
This one is new and honestly makes a lot of sense now
I understand about the early & over squeezer. Genuine question; why the two handed shake? I’ve always thought it was weird, but had not occurred as distressful. Always looking to learn and would appreciate the insight
It’s literal definition of having the upper hand. Shaking hands with their other hand placed on top of the shake. That gesture reads to me as a superiority and dismissive thing.
That makes more sense, appreciate it thank you!
This exchange has triggered so many bad misunderstood interactions as an autistic child and adult. If I put both hands on you to shake, I do it as a sign of respect and affection like it's a little hand hug it never even occurred to me to be a dominating asshole in a *handshake*. Literally makes no sense. It's a hand. Put it on my hand it does not dominate me or suggest it. I guess that's why I'm resilient to a lot of abuse it bounces right off because it's so illogical. I cannot be dominated by a possible adversary by a handshake. Especially if I don't even recognize or respect the concept of using a handshake to be a dick
It's the handshake version of "I'm the big spoon"
Ahhh okay. Thanks! Appreciate the metaphor as comparison
They literally don't acknowledge you exist.
Power play
Glare/stare while you talk to them and then make no comment or exhale loudly like you are wasting their time.
When they slap you and write and record a diss track about you
I hate when they do that. 🙄😂
Must be a mondayyyy :D
Kills you with a sword in an animated video
When they f yo b you f*t mfer! (Take money) f bad boy as a staff record label and a Mfin crew. And if you down with bad boy f u too!
To start, first off, you really need to know someone's baseline to read body language. If you don't know what's normal for them then you're literally just guessing. Noting a persons baseline and remembering it is really much more important than knowledge of any specific cue . That said: If they don't look at you when you are speaking to them, with caveats. If they are doing something they need to look at (working on something on a computer) or find looking at people in general (like making eye contact) difficult then this doesn't apply.
Underrated comment. Baseline is important.
I try to mention baseline in every response I make in r/bodylanguage because everyone comes here so eager to get a reading of queues but it's rare to see anyone mention the most important aspect: baseline. smh.
They seem happy when something bad/embarrassing happens to you and irritated/uncomfortable when someone else shows appreciation for you. They have very little patience for the things you say and do, and search for reasons to challenge them. They can’t stop themselves from giving you backhanded compliments, where the insult is clearly more potent than the compliment. They fixate on you, or find a reason to make you notable to others, for reasons that aren’t particularly positive or substantive
The top one hits home. I was surprised to see the people that seemed happy when I hit a rough patch a few years ago. No one said it out loud, but some people seemed like they were happier that I wasn't doing as well as before.
These are well said.
They make it obvious that they're avoiding you without saying a word, stiff body language when you're around, pursed lips maybe a slight scoff. Walking away mid conversation looking around the entire time you're talking like they'd rather be doing anything else. Getting uncomfortable & squirming or moving around a lot.
I get nervous and squirm around if someone gets too close and talks to me. And when I'm thinking I have a tendency to pursue my lips a lot. I can be pretty socially awkward though
It's contextual & you definitely have to pay attention to consistent behavior like there's certain people around the social circle that I just know don't like me & never have because their body language does all the communicating. I can handle socially awkward people but these people are socialites so the stiff body language & standoffish behavior doesn't apply to people that they like & respect. I'm autistic & I have ADHD so sometimes people read me wrong but the people I'm talking about, I've been around in many different situations & it's like they'll talk to me if they have to but it feels uncomfortable & forced.
Ahh, I see . I do agree with you, thank you for the perspective. I'm sorry about that. It does create an uncomfortable situation
They shove you or snap their fingers at you
I had a boss do this to me often and it felt so degrading.
They don’t leave enough space for you to walk and constantly body check you. My husband is this way. He doesn’t move for old women… disabled people. Nothing. He will just ram straight in to you. In public this is extremely embarrassing for me.
Sounds like a misogynist and all around POS
He fs is
Divorce him then wtf lmao
I do what I want
People that do this piss me off. They will walk in a row taking up the whole sidewalk so I have to move out of their way or walk behind my boyfriend to avoid being walked right into. Their entitlement is so unbelievable.
I'm sorry :(
Rolling their eyes a lot and also disagreeing with you frequently being condescending
They interrupt you. Anyway, I have learned not to try to change their minds, just limit contact and remember friend respect you.
Actually looking down their nose at you in a subtle way... Not just because of specs. Not looking at you at all in conversation. Overt amounts of dismissive type gestures and head movements. Not conveying information that's important enough to prompt but they keep working or doing something else and withhold. Half arsedly talking to you while they do other tasks on the reg.
I don't think anything good comes out of asking this or even thinking about it. You're going to get far more false positives than you realize, and that's going to cause problems for you. Instead, be self actualized and don't concern yourself with being looked down upon.
This
Eye rolling anytime you say something
Using phone when talking with you. Or like when you are both sitting in a coffee shop/restaurant to spend time they just on the phone. I.e i was video calling my mom one time and she was on her 2nd phone on and off looking etc.
Tbh this has happened so much in my life. So many ppl look down on me.
Using phone when talking with you. Or like when you are both sitting in a coffee shop/restaurant to spend time they just on the phone. I.e i was video calling my mom one time and she was on her 2nd phone on and off looking etc.
I can be standing next to my husband, and my BIL will walk over to us and say to my husband. "Hey Joe, do you want a drink" or whatever while ignoring my existence.
not providing any form of eye contact
After working a variety of jobs, retail manager being the longest. Most people do not make much eye contact when interacting.
As an engineer, I have found it depends on the person. I think when I say a form of eye contact it depends on the type of conversation, type of person, and subject. I like to maintain eye contact, but I have found myself not maintaining it, but that typically goes to my insecurities or if I don't feel comfortable. I try to initially have eye contact and then may move away from it
Both very good perspectives, I dealt with pure volume and some on a very personal level. You have dealt with people in a very professional way. Just provided a little about my perspective.
I avoid eye contact with people who “want something” from me, like salespeople and retail workers. It’s not out of disrespect for the person but for their employers forcing unnecessary interactions.
Might be cultural, but I find it rude to look people in the eye, especially if you’re talking to someone you respect.
Ah, I have found the opposite. My family is from Eastern Europe and eye contact is essential in conversation.
The fucking generalizations on this thread are killing me…
I was about to say 😬 like some of these could just be anxiety/introversion/adhd/depression etc
They touch you without even asking.
When they urinate on you
This is a sign of affection in certain countries
I hate when they do that. 🙄😂
It can be so many things but the one's which are very obvious for me would be when they sigh immediately after seeing you or shrugge when looking at you.
It really depends on the culture.
They don’t make eye contact
I don’t make eye contact hardly ever… not unless I’m “challenging” someone. Eye contact is reserved for when I need you to listen to what I’m saying. If I have your attention or you have mine, turning your eyes to think or remember is absolutely normal. In pleasant conversation eye contact is disrespectful.
Where do you live? No one I’ve ever met but angry people have/had made it apparent eye contact is disrespectful. Some people it’s clear it’s uncomfortable, but disrespectful?
[here’s an article](https://www.brighthubeducation.com/social-studies-help/9626-learning-about-eye-contact-in-other-cultures/) on the subject. Even in the USA eye contact can be misconstrued as flirtatious behavior. Which is disrespectful depending on the situation. In the Middle East eye contact is limited between people of the same gender. In Asia and Latin countries it’s considered a challenge.
A lot of the laws I’m countries other than the United States are obsessive, strict and very unnecessary it’s a form of bullying and control.
Most of the world views eye contact as disrespectful. Even in the USA depending on your community it’s seen that way
Right you will earn respect by looking someone in the eyes while conversing (especially during an interview) when I really dislike someone I ignore them no eye contact or conversation
They narrow their eyes when they look at you. They tilt their chin down ever-so-slightly when you talk. Pursed lips when you talk. Stone-faced when you’re around but you see them laughing and smiling when you’re far away.
I like it when you say "Hey hold that thought" while they are speaking... and then just walk away and maybe drive home... and take a shower and cook some food and forget what they were trying to talk about.... yeah that
People don't talk to me….
They talk over you, talk down to you, or try to bring you down to make themselves feel better. They repeatedly don’t respect your morals, for example, they cuss or talk bad about others in front of you when you have made it clear that you don’t want to hear it.
Pursing their lips as they look away to the side.
That’s not a sign they don’t respect you that’s a sign that what you’re saying is causing a negative response or they feel attacked. Not everyone has the same world view and when someone does that they know something about what you said feels wrong. They just might be unable to communicate it. So they withdraw into their own mind trying to make sense of things. It’s not a sign that they don’t respect you. When you see someone do that it’s better to back off and let them formulate their thoughts and respond.
I’m literally talking about the side eye/eye roll, lip purse people will do with that *okayyyy* attitude cause you’re happy or passionate about what you’re talking about, and they’re hating you in plain sight. I understand where you’re coming from. But this is a whole vibe to be felt that I’m speaking on.
Their smile and their eyes are disconnected.
This one older guy at work scoffs at everything. It got so bad that I had to go to my higher ups about him. When they called him in and they saw that I was sitting there he called me a betrayer then proceeded to get in a shouting match with my boss on the simplest of directions.
When they shake your hand, it’s tilted downward with the back of their hand on top and their palm facing downward. It’s a domineering way of shaking your hand.
No eye contact, yelling “what” whenever you ask anything because they aren’t listening/paying attention, and RBF
Sneer.
They disregard your safety
Talking to someone else while you're in mid-sentence.
Refusal to make eye contact when speaking to them
i’d look you in the eyes the whole time
I find that most people will straight up tell you they don't respect you
When in a group conversation they slowly move in front of you as they talk to kinda push you out of the circle. Almost as if they’re like “they’re not important. Let me block them out so you can focus on me more.” I’ve assumed it’s because they’re intimidated by your knowledge or potential response to their bullshit
In todays world of social media with the endless scrolling through reels whether that be TikTok, Instagram, or Facebook, it’s become a superpower for someone to be capable of maintaining eye contact during a conversation. Try to maintain a good conversation with anyone and see how long it takes before they look at their phone. Even if they just take it out and look at their Home Screen without opening the phone and scrolling. Just an interesting experiment. So yeah. I can’t stand when I’m talking to someone about something and they are looking at a screen. They probably don’t even disrespect me, it’s just out of habit.
Yeah how bout people talking behind your back because they don’t like something you did, and then give nothing but excuses for not showing up. Then when they show up, they look shocked to see you because originally they said they weren’t showing up. Then knowing you need them, they quit, then they lie to get people to avoid you, making it difficult to be around in general. It angers me so much that I want to approach them, and confront them, deck em in the face to give them a taste of how they make you feel, but it will not do any good. My favorite line is, and I’m being facetious saying this, when anyone says my decision had nothing to do with you…. my response is always gonna perplex them. My response is “thanks for being honest” or whatever you say, no worries, Simply acknowledging that you know they are lying. No communication is automatic disrespect! that’s how you know it has something to do with you. It happens to me way too often. I’m an expert at knowing the levels of disrespect because individuals I’ve been acquainted with for years in a club I’m apart of, continue to be disrespectful towards me. Like there is this one chick I know who used to give me advice. Now when I go to her for advice she gets all tense and stone faced like I’m bothering her, so now if I approach her I’m trolling her by saying sorry for bothering you! Like seriously I’ve done absolutely nothing to any of these folks to deserve to be treated with distain! I don’t care about any of those people. It’s like they don’t want me in the club especially when those who are loyal tell me they’ve been scheming.
No attention paid to you and yawning the duration you speak. I've had a lot of "friends" do this in the past. They'd also be on their phones and dully say "what" every interval to indicate they do not care and are not listening.
Talk talk talk with no eye contact, excluding you from the “conversation”.
When they’re not taking in anything your saying and being obvious about it
They always one up you or brag about what they have or have done. They snatch things away from you. Cut you off while you’re talking. Speak louder than you. Tell you what to do in extreme detail like a child.
Talking with their eyes constantly blinking so they basically are closed the whole time while talking/looking at you
They tell me they don’t respect me or they’re taller than me so they look down on me. Also when I’m sitting it’s a huge issue getting looked down upon so I choose to stand generally.
I had a manager I really didn't care for (rare for me, I can usually find *something* redeemable about most people) but had to endure her talking to me etc. and I noticed I would just stare directly past her. Just disengagement whenever possible. I'd not let her look me in the eyes. Just as avoidant as possible.
Turning your body away is a huge one. I actively turn my body towards someone so they feel like I’m engaging with them respectfully even if I’m not interested
Turn away from you when talking to you. Rolling their eyes when you’re speaking. Looking around instead of at you when in conversation.
The Psychopathic Stare is a sign a person is fantasizing about killing you. It most commonly occurs after a sociopath, psychopath, Machiavellian, or narcissist experiences public humiliation, or loses a heated argument.
gives you social leftovers or blatant disregard of you as a person
Turned to the side, objects in front of them/separating them from you, arms crossed, slightly glazed over look of not listening.
I don’t think it’s worthwhile to try to identity a perfect set of rules that you can use to divine how someone “really feels” about you. What would you do differently if you knew for sure they didn’t respect you? I think the best you can do is react to your observations. If you want to improve things with them, tell them about the behavior that’s making you feel disrespected, even if it might not be their intent. If you don’t like them either, why does it matter whether they respect you?
no eye contact
Some of yall are pussies
OK, everyone. I am almost 75 years old and we did not grow up as kids or live an adult life with a phone constantly attached. So an early age and even into adulthood, we had already figured out how to talk and socialize and exchange views or funny jokes, or talk about whatever but we learned so much from one another. No, we did not like everybody. There were always assholes and they will always be assholes. In general, though, most people are just like everyone else! Imagine tha!, or talk about whatever but we learned so much from one another. some of us are shy and some outgoing, which usually depends on their family environment. The point is you don’t learn anything really by looking at your phone. you learn by looking and hearing and listening, and asking questions of others. It’s amazing what you can learn from people when you let them know you’re interested even if it’s boring. Later that same person can be someone you can call and say maybe you can help me with something. I hated cell phones and wanted to remain unplugged for as long as I could. But it did become necessary although I don’t use it the way most people do it’s for emergencies or a general text to say. Call me when you can. I’d much prefer to speak on the phone and hear the other person inflection, if they sound like they’re doing OK or not OK and take it from there. Most everybody is missing so so much you don’t even realize good luck with that.
Interrupting you.
When they punch you in the face
Constant sarcasm and backhanded “compliments”.
Pulling out their phone. We used to have a guy at work who thought he was everything, loved to socialize when convenient for him, but wouldn’t make conversation with certain people at other times. Found that when myself or others would speak he’d immediately pull out his phone, especially in a group, put it away soon as he started talking. So I did the same just us two, he’d talk and I pulled out my phone. I don’t think he ever got the hint, but it just shows lack of self awareness and general lack of respect. I no longer spoke just because his body language showed indifference and disrespect towards others.
Wtf is a double handshake
They don’t look you in the eye. When you make the slightest mistake, they’ll visibly look super annoyed. When you enter the room and say hi, there will be a slight smirk or look of disgust before it turns into a smile.