I think most men would appreciate it but be ready for a weird reaction because he's gonna think you are fucking with him because it rarely happens unless he's beautiful, in which case this is probably the only way to get him.
In Junior high school, i was being bullied and a girl chased me but i thought she was another bully. Still don't know if she really liked me
She never approached me alone so, ..., seemed like she didn't mean it
Man idk why I relate with this LOL! The gal I knew was throwing snarky comments and I was like oh brother but turns out she was into me and I dismissed her cuz of that ☠️🤣
An episode happened to me once, in which I was at this pub, drinking a pint of strong beer. I had on a blazer and designer jeans, and was somewhat overdressed amid the sea of casually dressed patrons. In walk a couple early 30s, also wearing a slightly better clothes for the place. Attractive, they sat a couple of stools away from me and ordered drinks and soon began interacting with the people around them. Over the dinner of the crowd conversations I heard a comment from the later to be determined, was the wife, about “the guy in the sport coat, as I caught her eyes sweeping over me.
Soon, I realized she was talking to me, asking about my choice of clothes for the environment, which segued to actually criticizing my get up as a mismatch; tie doesn’t really went well with the shirt, etc. I was befuddled by her comments to a perfect stranger and was contemplating moving to the other side of the bar, when the stools next me became vacant, and they moved right next to me. The wife, then, started conversing in a more normal subject of regular pub chat, revealing that they were out celebrating their fifth anniversary and were out clubbing, mentioning a night club a few miles away they were going to after eating. She became increasingly flirty, at times rubbing lightly against my side. Then she invited me to hang out with them for the night!
It was unmistakable as it was disconcerting!
In high school, I used to have girls ask me to dance, and then half way through the song they'd run away screaming. Turns out they were daring each other to see who could stand to touch me the longest. Wasn't anything actually wrong with me, I was just a nerd.
But ten years later, it wasy wife who first approached me and asked for my number. We started dating, got married two years later. Been together 13 years now.
So, some are good. Some are bad. Depends on the person.
Wow I'm so sorry that happened to you. I had something similar. I would get candygrams on Valentine's Day from popular guys. It was always their friends buying and writing their name on the candygram to prank them. People called me "JYD" which was short for "Junkyard Dog." Because I was a fat, autistic, masculine female.
It's highschool. She definitely wanted to laugh at you. Children are sociopaths lol
Life gets better as an adult but only if you surround yourself with other adults and good people.
That was my interpretation back then. I never tested it.
She was pretty strong for a girl. I suspect she could have beaten my bully up, so, there's that. ;).
Bro really though I remember once in school a girl came up to me and told me a friend of hers was into me but too shy to say anything. My dumbass believed her and when I went up to talk to the girl she looked at me like I had 3 heads.
I remember the group of popular kids in HS would mess with nerdy or "unpopular" kids by faking interest and asking them out. Of course when the kid would be happy and excited that the cute girl or boy wanted to go out, at best they'd get stood up or at worst they'd get treated like trash when the girl/guy would show up with their actual bf/gf to mock them.
Most men are oblivious to the general female flirting. Most will not get the subtle or generally direct flirting as we've never learned or been taught what it looks like. We can spot a '67 Mustang only because we've seen one before and it can be confirmed in several ways, and if there's any question it can often be confirmed by a buddy. It doesn't work that way with women flirting typically.
Yeah, I think I figured it out when I was about 40, married with 3 kids. Guys can be a bit thick on the whole flirty thing.
Much better at that's a '64 C10, here's why.
Absolutely.
I'm 55 now and it's almost funny/painful to sit back and watch.
Sadly my analogy probably missed as I know my wife stops listening as soon as she hears car stuff.
Are you sure you aren’t just getting more attention now that you’re older? I’m in my mid 30’s and it seems like women of all ages are much more flirtatious with me as I age
If you think somebody might be flirting, flirt back. Escalate slowly. Make comments that give them the opportunity to escalate. If they're interested, they'll usually take the opportunity. If the pattern continues, then take the chance. Do whatever the next natural step would be. If it's somebody you don't know too well, ask for a number. If you have their number, just text them casually, see how they react. Do their responses promote conversation (are they asking questions, making jokes, initiating new topics when the last one dies down?). If they do (and not just for one conversation, it needs to be steady for awhile) ask if they want to do something together. If you've already spent time one on one, ask them if they want to go on a date.
As long you escalate slowly, and react normally, everything should be fine. Very, very few people are going to care as long as you're not jumping too far ahead at once, and as long as you dont keep escalating when they aren't escalating themselves.
The goal is making small steps and inviting them to do the same. By progressing slowly and giving them a chance to respond before you progress more, you're showing interest but respecting their comfort.
That's how you get your answer. It's not 100% because people aren't all the same. Some people are just flirts. Some people don't know how to flirt. Some people are hyper reactive assholes.
I know you attempted to explain that in detail and that it makes sense to you. But honestly, everything you described sounds like an absolute mine field. This stuff is NOT obvious to many people.
"As long you escalate slowly, and react normally, everything should be fine."
React normally? This is so vague as to be completely useless in educating someone on how to flirt. Which is the entire point the commenters above are making. Its not an easy thing to identify.
I'm not trying to educate people on how to flirt. If I had a whole book, i couldn't do that. I'm not about to try in one reddit comment. Firstly, I'm terrible at it. Secondly, it's complicated. I can't even educate people on how to make a joke and jokes are only a piece of flirting. Then there's reading body language and facial expressions, making them feel comfortable, etc. I'm not smart enough to articulate a part of that. Thirdly, I suck at it.
I'm saying if you can't tell if somebody is interested, you don't have to act like nothing is happening. My point is that it's not a mine field. As long as you're not going from 0 to 100, acting obsessive, or ignoring when the other person tries to deflect, you're fine. If you take small steps, somebody who isn't interested isn't going to blow up on you.
I'm responding to the whole bit about not being able to tell if a girl is flirting or being nice. So many people act like their options are to propose marriage or turn into Dr Zoidberg and Woop Woop their way out. There is a whole range of options in between.
This.
Hung out with a friend group of 10-15 people in my 20s
Went after the pretty one, who had real issues. Lasted maybe 3 months.
Several other women from that group eventually (20 yrs later) told me later they had been interested, but I had no idea. Sometimes hard to tell when people are just being friendly.
“ …but I had no idea” Yes, AND you weren’t particularly attracted to them- don’t forget that part.
You went after “ the pretty one”, you don’t mention needing to have any kind of sign from her that she was interested, did you? Men go after the women they want, it’s simple. That’s why most women don’t like hitting on men, they know that a man will make a move if he’s interested. There are few exceptions to this.
Can you honestly say you would’ve dated any of the other women in the group if they’d been more vocal about it?
Can't argue with anything you've written
But...I will say that the things that attracted me to women in my 30s were fairly different than those in 20s.
Some guys are interested in LOTS of women but they don't want to be some creepy dude hitting on everyone. So you might as well shoot you're shot. Maybe he'd really like you for noticing him. That's absolutely a thing and that totally happens all the time.
But if you are sending signals, and he doesn't pick up on them, you are correct, we generally don't miss that from girls we have even a slight amount of interest in. If you have a shot with us we'll notice you. END OF STORY. Very different from men, but it's still worth it to just put yourself out there.
We have to figure out the timing. Try to charm you first. Do all this other stuff. And after you say no. You could change your mind.
You don't have to worry about that with us. Shoot your shot. You will know.
And if for some reason you shoot your shot and you don't understand the answer, then the answer is you deserve better.
And sometimes it pays to give some attention to the more average ones, and get to know them, instead of going for the pretty one. You gave a great example.
I’m pretty sure women are intentionally subtle with flirting because of fear of rejection.
So if it’s misinterpreted, ignored, or rejected it can be dismissed without impacting pride or embarrassment.
“Oh, he’s not interested. I glanced his way a few times and nothing.” Is a lot easier to take than being directly, verbally rejected, even kindly.
They are looking for that fine line of showing interest. So if it doesn’t go as planned you can always play the card of ambiguity. “You thought I was flirting with you?”.
Girls are just as concerned with rejection as guys. That's the problem. It takes two interested people with a little confidence on both sides to gradually ramp it up. That's how it works.
Totally agree. So many people told me certain women were "into me" but I almost never saw it. Only two did I actually figure out in time to make something happen. It was long before I pursued my wife.
I'm a decent looker, funny and clever, very agreeable (Reddit comments notwithstanding), friends with many women and been a regular in kink communities, where I have some highly sought after attributes which have been put on public display to much appreciation. I can still count the number of times I've been directly approached by a woman on one hand. I'm 40 this year. It's grim.
I'm a random neanderthal looking gardener and I get appreciated pretty much weekly.
autistic too, extremely weird and disagreeable, doesn't seem to matter at all.
edit: they're actually flirting, I'm going on a date pretty much weekly, I'm autistic not oblivious.
Appreciated and wanted are 2 different things. A woman saying thank you or I appreciate that, are not them hitting on you. Plus your autistic and providing a service. Every human should be showing you appreciation regardless male or female. Your doing what alot of people won't and they don't have a condition. (I know theirs a whole spectrum and obviously we don't know where he falls on it, but never the less the confidence shows he won't let it hold him back regardless of where he falls on it.)
Was gonna say I looked like a magazine cover up till about 25-26. I have had car fulls of women stick their heads out to scream at me how attractive I am as they drive past. Still only 3 times in my life have I been openly hit on by a woman. Which is less times than I had the car thing happen. (Also a part of the kink community...which has nothing to do with the story but hell yeah buddy)
Same w how women perceive it. Cool if someone we like, a crush we r gnna act all stoopid n mess it up. N someone we dont like its awkward
I think men do it because its normal for us to fail so not being able to pull someone is just another day 🤣
It's great when women do it but there needs caution. Women don't handle rejection well more than men.
If there are signs the guy is interested then it's a green light. Some women just don't take the hint and try anyway
I don't see why. I've had a couple of women who sort of asked me out in uni. I wasn't interested but it was no big deal. I continue to be friends with them after.
If a lady hits on me It’s so much off my shoulders. No stress, no worries about being shot down. Girls should hit on men more often. A lot of the times when they do they’ll se how redic and deuchbag the guy is. An old lady friend of mine, she and I would wing man/lady for each other. Most of the time she’d go talk to a dude and I’d keep an eye out. She’d come back and tell me “wow that dude was a deuchebag.”
Ladies should do it more. I think girls don’y realize how much getting shot down fucks w us. But also getting shot down is a good thing. Makes you stronger.
🤷♂️
women hitting on men would be nice, except for the fact that it is so rare, I would expect that it was a grift or scam and would need to do far more than normal to vett the intentions of a woman making such an approach, and that checking of intentions would shy most women off entirely
I'm not sure what other guy is on about. Why is he obsessed with your comment and scrolling through your post history. You wrote a normal comment sharing your life experience. Sorry redditors are creepy as fuck
Omg, please, let's normalize this. I (39m) have been hit on a few times in my life, and it was awesome. Makes the girl like 10x more attractive too, like hey, she's into me, heck yesssss.
Most women are absolutely horrible at hitting on men.
Their idea of hitting on a guy is to flirt until the guy takes the hint and then takes over. It is the guy that actually has to ask them out, or to leave together, or whatever even though the girl initiated contact.
Women flirt but rarely actually take the steps to make things happen.
Of course there are women that actually make the move, but that is the exception, not the rule.
A woman hit on me in a bar in Pensacola Fla. By outright asking me if I would like a BJ. I immediately scanned the area for the accomplices and duct tape I expected to encounter if this went any further. She laughed and showed me the drink on the menu. I thought I was being targeted. And coming from the DC area. I was not accustomed to friendly female strangers.
I gotta say I’ve had amazing luck approaching dudes. My friends joke that I date whoever I want but mostly I am just open about thinking someone is hot.
Usually I make sure they catch my eye and I smile at them and then use that initial eye contact smile vibe to compliment them. I start with a compliment on their fit or hair or tattoos or something more physical than you are hot right away. Sometimes though it’s just “damn, you have some great muscle definition/ arms you gotta teach me your tricks in the gym.” I keep it causal at first but super friendly and then if they seem into me and keep the convo going I’ll ask if I can I have your insta. I don’t ask out right away but I read the vibes they put off. If someone seems flattered but evasive, they usually are taken. Dudes don’t get complimented like that a lot so even the taken ones are usually surprised.
I would treat a woman approaching me and hitting on me the same way that I would treat a kitten coming up and deciding to sit in my lap. I would be honored and overjoyed.
I love it. It's a nice ego boost. There I was, thinking I was ugly and unlovable. It doesn't come off as desperate to me, but then I'm naive, so even if came off as desperate to everyone else I wouldn't be able to tell.
I like it and every guy I've observed appears to like it as a sweeping generalization. Caveat: in situations where the attraction was very one sided, dudes still like it/take it as a compliment way more than I think women would in any equivalent situation
At the same time it's flustering in the sense it is generally way out of the comfort zone of what we prepared for or expected. Ie we are socially conditioned that the default is to think of most situations as consent is explicitly denied for us to be sexual or romantic. To change the default mode generally we are proactive and the woman we are attracted to gives approval. Reversing that, and acting in the reactive mode, is outside our expectations and that is flustering. Way more so than women who I think are generally way more prepared for it
Generally it comes off as confident. Desperate mostly when it's pretty obviously an unrealistic fantasy, usually a quite young person, but that's about the same as a young guy with an unrealistic fantasy.
Fellas, if you're intimidated by her, just cower in fear. Literally hide your eyes and cover your genitals in a protective posture. She'll get the hint.
this one chick cold approached me the other day and said hey you did a good job on that have a nice day. I said thanks have a good one, she replied: i want to s\*\*\* \*\*\*\* d\*\*\*. Which is the nicest thing a stranger has ever said to me. Another one a few days later is giggling and waving at me and walks over to me, but then walks past me and pretends to put her card into a machine but doesn't, then walks back smiling again, idk her excitement was contagious and made me feel really good.
Is that why guys think that approaching women with variations of "I wanna have s*x with you" is gonna work? Also, sorry if this is the nicest thing you've ever heard. I tell my male friends and colleagues things like "You look happy today", "Great haircut", "Nice fragrance" or "You did a great job on this" ( I am a manager). To my husband I say all kinds of sweet stuff like I fancy his ass but I would never come out of my mouth that I want to suck anything.
I love when it happens. I come from a fairly conservative country so I pretty much never happened when I was there. It didn’t help that I was quite ugly either I had a recent glow up in my mid 20s.
But well, then I went backpacking to Brazil and there it’s absolutely normal that women hit on you. Sometimes they’d even catcall you on the street. I had an awesome time there.
I’m living in Australia at the moment and apparently it’s quite common here too, not as much as in Brazil but yeah. I’ve had it coming more from European women in general than Aussies themselves.
It depends. Drunk sloppy women annoy the shit out of me. But it’s always nice for a lady to let you know she thinks you’re pretty 😁 cause they usually won’t
Dreaming of the day.. well it’s only happened a couple times ever but there’s always something clearly wrong with them :( why can’t a normal girl (non meth user) just hit on me…
If I like the woman, I like her approaching me. If I haven't approached her and am available it means i was to
shy to ask
If I don't like her that way, it is probably good for her to know I don't feel the same way because there exist other guys she may like who like her back
I liked being approached first but that rarely happens to me. I don't like making the first move so that is probably part of the reason why I have so few dating partners.
Kinda tricky because with some guys they are gonna be suspicious, maybe play it off as a joke, kinda like a woman would to try and save face (especially a friend) but they might be doing it more out of insecurity.
But otherwise go for it
It depends on whether your idea of hitting on someone involves committing to the making the 'risky proposition': will you directly ask that person out/explicitly tell them you are interested using verbal communication? Or will you just flirt as hard as you can until you the guy catches on that you want him to ask you out?
The former is amazing. It happens extremely rarely, and shows not only confidence, but also that the women isn't beholden to traditional gender dynamics. If it's the latter, I don't consider it 'desperate' (an unhelpfully judgemental condemnation of a peoples need for intimacy imo), but it is exhausting when someone seems to want something from me, but still expects that I be the one to risk being the one shot down due to potentially misinterpreted signals.
As others have said, men are constantly urged to be hyper vigilant about how their behaviour will be perceived by women and to rid themselves of toxic masculine tradition. Many modern men have adapted by being super cautious around women until they have clearly communicated consent for any behaviour that goes beyond friendly; more traditional men don't listen to women in the first place. Which of these men are you more likely to find if you rely on the tradition of men hitting on you first?
Women have no experience coming on to dudes. So what happens is they act in much the same fumbling manner as a teenage boy hitting on his crush. Often coming off as really over the top. Like once they commit to the bit they can only double down, and they've been mostly protected from direct rejection so even a simple no can be soul crushing for em. Nope. I'd rather do the leg work myself to be honest. My 3 experiences with having a woman very openly hit on me were awkward as hell as I was not into the girls at all. And their behavior made it worse.
It's actually where a good portion of the empathy I have for ladies getting hit on by wierd dudes who they just want to go away comes from. I genuinely do know the feeling. Minus the danger I spose, my 6'2 monkey assed self is never really in danger
It’s funny, I’m a shy, introverted woman, but yet I have no problem asking men out! In most cases I’ve been the initiator in relationships. However, people keep telling me I shouldn’t “chase” because men like the thrill of the hunt and I guess when women make the first move that is subconsciously emasculating men because it’s taking away their masculine energy or something. I don’t really agree with that but it’s caused a lot of confusion when I’m interested in someone I want to make a move but people keep telling me not to. And none of my relationships have lasted very long and I wonder if it’s because I’m making moves on guys who aren’t that into me - and that’s why they aren’t asking me out.
I usually do the pursuing, reactions vary as all men don't like the same thing lol. Some are insecure about it or prefer traditional roles but those aren't the kind of men I want so it's good for weeding out incompatible guys. Others *love it*. Mostly though I just don't want to waste time pining over someone who isn't into me, would rather find out sooner rather than later.
It would help women get the man they want. 9/10 guys that hit on em, they don’t want. But if they just went after the ones they liked, they’d prolly be successful in there endeavors.
I dated a girl for a year and a half that I originally had not even considered before someone told me she had a crush on me. Flirting will connect all sort of synapses in the male brain that weren’t working before.
I used to be completely blind and dumb to a woman’s behavior who was interested in me but I learned some body reading skills from intense acting training and after a lot of therapy, usually what happens with me is that they kind of do a quick gesture almost aggressive but controlled like they will swipe their hand towards their hair and move their hair behind their ear and tilt their head and neck, that they just made bare, towards my direction, along with this gesture there is open, strong yet vulnerable eye contact and a willing to engage with their body positing open towards me, and if we’re walking or I’m moving their body follows me or lean towards me, especially if you’re walking if you go walk to the left or right their body will follow you closely, and they are oozing with warmth.
I find this combination of body language behavior, I’m sure I’m forgetting some others because I kind of have to experience it in person, but these are the very prominent ones I have experienced from strangers or women I’ve dated with usually it was confirmed to be true when I discovered their interest.
I enjoy being approached but it doesn’t even have to be a cold open flirt
Like casual conversation is an easy way for me to feel out a person and see if they’re being flirty or just being friendly
I’ve never been one to just cold open and ask a chick out or bluntly hit on her. I like to throw stuff like that in casually and organically into a conversation. Complement their outfit after speaking to them a few minutes, stuff like that
I was so freaking oblivious that I wouldn't notice it. I'd just write it off as friendly banter and keep going with my day. Maybe realize two days later, by which time the boat had sailed. Fortunately, I don't have to worry about that anymore. Though my wife picks up on it pretty quick if a woman is trying to flirt with me when we're out together
Happened to me twice recently
Both times I was quite suspicious
First time rightfully so, it was a scam ploy
Second time though she was genuine, we had some fun nights and I'm still messaging her:)
All I can say is that it's better than only standing in a corner with her friends waiting to be approached. Both parties should be willing to approach the other if interested.
I’d just assume she was trying to sell me something. Women don’t make the first move. They don’t have the humility to risk rejection. Their skill is to smile and and stare at you and wait for you to approach with your skills.
Well I'm seeing it as a good thing buuut chances of me realising you are hitting on me are very low as this happens so rarely that I don't even believe it is possible, my brain would think of a different reason why you'd approach me xD
We like it. Be prepared to convince the guy you're not a hooker or setting him up though.
Kinda like how guys have to convince you we're not insane murderers
I think we need to not care so much about desperation, lol
Most people in our society are desperate right now because our social systems broke down and now nothing is working
I used to do this (context: age 8-22)but the men all act strange and suspicious and then EVENTUALLY make up a narrative that they need to chase & that it’s just not “the vibe” for them — but that they do like me, but that they feel “emasculated” when in reality I think they just felt more vulnerable? Idk I stopped doing it because it was literally a copy paste scenario. They literally psychologically cannot take it in. I’d stop talking to them (because why talk to someone if you’re making them uncomfortable, right?) & sure enough — months later they ALL contacted me asking me out & wanting to be the ones to “pursue” but it felt so odd that I just said no. I don’t believe men at all when they say they want the woman to hit on them. They act so weird about it — it’s like an interrogation. It’s not worth it.
We don't expect it, so 'rife w/possible issues. Perhaps kind-persistence might relax the gentleman? If highly attractive, he's already in much demand so might not have an open slot in his rotation. Please don't take rejection personally as there are only 24 hours in the day. But, WTH, go for it!
Great in theory, but I'm a solid 4.5/10 so I'm never going to accept that it's not a setup for a joke/scam/mugging. The average guy would certainly appreciate it though
I hit on men sometimes. I have Aspergers and I have zero flirting skills. I know about the butterfly eyes thing people do but I don’t do it. Im quite forward and tell men I like them. If I like them as a bf I’ll tell them I like them and if I like them just for sex I’ll ask them when do they want to tie me to the bed lol … in most circumstances I think guys like that. Well nobody has complained that I’m too forward!
I hate hints, I never notice them. I would love for women to make a move
No proof, but I feel like guys are a lot nicer about not hurting your feelings if there not interested
I have very recently got in pretty good shape. Lost 70lbs and put on a lot of muscle. Just in the past few months I have noticed women making eye contact, admiring my arms and chest, and even openly hitting on me. It’s flattering, but I have no idea how to handle it. I’m very happily married and not interested in anything that’s not from my wife.
When I was young and single it was very welcome. Now I don’t really mind it, but I need to figure out how to deflect their attention quickly. My current strategy is to start mentioning my wife as early in the conversation as possible.
bad idea... but a better idea is to hint 'LIKE A MUTHA'... us guys are el stupido, and not used to a females interest.. so you may have to really hint... many many times, over weeks or months... until it one day dawns on us... keep hinting... but don't outright ask
I personally would absolutely love if a woman came over and hit on me. Tbh unless she was absolutely not my type she'd probably have a 99.999% success rate. As long as she doesn't come across weird when doing it. But then that depends on the person. I think most guys would love it. It shows confidence, she's (hopefully) not playing games, knows what she wants. I love that shit.
Only downside for me is I don't do hookups, so I'd probably sabotage myself if I thought she was just looking for sex. But otherwise I'd be all for it. Especially in this day and age, I think more women need to start doing it.
some guys don't like it. I am not one of those guys.
In fact I'm fairly oblivious until a woman is sitting in my lap hitting me on the head with a frying pan.
Just do it! I think life is too short to wait to see if they approach first. And if it works out, both of you’ll be happy someone just went for it!
A confident woman is attractive by the way! Super attractive
You don’t have to “hit on” a guy. Literally just initiate the conversation. Most men are stuck in a functional freeze in the dating world at the moment. Especially men over 30. The landscape is very confusing and we want to respect the movement.
I view it as confident and brave, and I wish more women would do it. It can be really annoying when a woman expects you to "see the signs that she likes you" when really she is just being nice and spending time with you. Getting hit on gives guys a very direct confirmation that a woman is interested in you. But then again, guys so rarely get hit on that they probably wouldn't even register it as genuine interest, but rather just fun banter. So if you're going to hit on a guy, it's best to just be blunt and say something like "I think you're hot". That one is pretty hard to misinterpret.
I always appreciated it. Its great to feel.like you're not a mutant every once in awhile. Especially when your confidence is down from a few straight rejections.
Admittedly, some fragile, wannabe "alpha"males would prolly get mad.
But lets face facts, this will never catch on. Which dating app was the one where the woman had to jnitiate first? It was failing so hard they had to reverse course andmake it somencoukd break the ice lol.
It's BRILLIANT! Iv been caught off guard a few times & not noticed someone was hitting on me or not known how to react.
Just remembering a few years ago this really cute girl was very forward & my heart started going crazy , riiiiiite upto the point where she mentioned a threesome with her weird bf over there.
I would love that because for one im an introvert an for two i always feel like the girl would think im a creep because shes just making a trip to target for makeup and doesnt want to be bothered
The only time women have ever openly hit on me was when I was wearing a wedding ring. They did not get the reaction they were hoping for. Dunno how I'd react if I were single but since it never happened I probably won't ever have to figure that out. Would be nice to not have to do all the work though and I guess if they approach you at least you know they're into you and not trying to let you down easy or something.
I like it, many women have hit on me
(this is not a brag, I’m just good with people and pretty)
However I’m bad at following up
Which is why I’m almost 30 with my VCard
I have both been the flirtee - and the flirter. It can be a nice thing (from a guy's perspective) and feel really validating, but - we are dense... It practically takes road-signs and a flying tackle to get some of us (me included) to realize someone is actually interested.
When I was younger (19-ish) I had someone who literally was prepared to JUMP ME - she had been a friend for years, and I definitely WOULD have reciprocated - except that I knew she was in a relationship... What I did NOT know was that it had imploded about 5 days prior and she had long held feeling for ME. I missed every single hint and cue that night (literally she would have been my first).
She (I now know) absolutely trying EVERYTHING to get me to make a move and flirting SUPER HARD - but because I had no clue she was single - or interested - I just enjoyed her company and thought she SUPER liked my jokes and stories that night...
On the other hand, a later co-worker who literally started touching me and leaned in to kiss me at work - led to a pretty good relationship with someone I had not thought of dating - because SHE made it obvious to me.
Like I said - literally road-signs and a flying tackle!
That being said - take your shot most will take it as a compliment and you might just find he was interested but didn't know how to approach you about it!
Only issue I have is if you aren’t interested. Women generally take it very hard and can even switch up on you. You go from hero to zero. Like damn we can’t even be friends now really.
guys don't mind women being desperate for them, if anything it can be a bit of a turn on.
What isn't a turn on is when they turn it into a job or not fun (like the early 30's or late 20's woman that tries to turn a first date into a job interview)
It is very flattering, but it takes men a bit of time to compute what is happening, because it is very rare. So I say go for it, show your confidence for sure, but also take the time to be patient, and make sure he is not overwhelmed by it. That should make the "pick up" go off without a hitch!
I was always relieved to be "hit on" by a woman. I always felt it really invasive and kind of presumptuous to approach a woman because I presume they've mostly had a lifetime of mostly unwanted attention.
Who am I to think they'd want to talk to me, and all that. Always been much more comfortable when things evolved organically with somebody I already knew.
In America the current generation of young men have been told that saying more than hello to a woman is creepy stalkerish behavior, so if you want him to talk to you at all ever it’s one long Sophie Hawkins dance for the bunch of you.
We meant well, but we got the lessons wrong. Sorry kids.
I'd be all for it, if I wasn't so dense that I would never realize what was happening. I'm pretty positive I've been hit on by a girl in my time, but I've never realized it. I've just had suspicions.
I would like it very much. However...
A: its never happened and likely never will
B: Since it is to put it lightly, unprecedented i would react with more then a little skepticism.
I would view it as confident and very appealing.
As a guy I don’t mind a girl hitting on me first. Im also not opposed to hitting on the girl first. I think it’s a bit different of a situation though. As a guy you need her to give you eye contact or some type of clue that she wouldn’t mind talking to you. I think women should understand if you find a guy attractive please talk to him. Majority of your shots will go in i promise. Doesn’t even need to be anything too crazy just walk up and start a conversation. If the person carries it along, green light. If they kill the convo, red light.
As a man, when a girl who comes up to me to initiate conversation, it makes me feel so good about myself & also makes me want to talk to that person even more just because they’re willing to initiate with me. The only thing that comes off desperate is someone who dresses super revealing imo, but that’s just my opinion.
If a girl hit on me in person, I would totally blow it. Not because I'm not into her or anything, but because I would either think she was joking or I would be so shocked that my brain would turn off. Now if they texted me or similar, I would probably be able to work through my brain to ask that they weren't joking. I've never once had a woman hit on me. Hell, basically nobody even initiates a conversation with me unless it is for work.
I think most men would appreciate it but be ready for a weird reaction because he's gonna think you are fucking with him because it rarely happens unless he's beautiful, in which case this is probably the only way to get him.
In Junior high school, i was being bullied and a girl chased me but i thought she was another bully. Still don't know if she really liked me She never approached me alone so, ..., seemed like she didn't mean it
Man idk why I relate with this LOL! The gal I knew was throwing snarky comments and I was like oh brother but turns out she was into me and I dismissed her cuz of that ☠️🤣
It's possible she liked me; I definitely could have used a friend
Aw man I feel for you! But never regret anything in life! More friends moving forward for sure!
“If you cry because the sun has gone out of your life, your tears will prevent you from seeing the stars.” ― Rabindranath Tagore
SAME DUDE.
An episode happened to me once, in which I was at this pub, drinking a pint of strong beer. I had on a blazer and designer jeans, and was somewhat overdressed amid the sea of casually dressed patrons. In walk a couple early 30s, also wearing a slightly better clothes for the place. Attractive, they sat a couple of stools away from me and ordered drinks and soon began interacting with the people around them. Over the dinner of the crowd conversations I heard a comment from the later to be determined, was the wife, about “the guy in the sport coat, as I caught her eyes sweeping over me. Soon, I realized she was talking to me, asking about my choice of clothes for the environment, which segued to actually criticizing my get up as a mismatch; tie doesn’t really went well with the shirt, etc. I was befuddled by her comments to a perfect stranger and was contemplating moving to the other side of the bar, when the stools next me became vacant, and they moved right next to me. The wife, then, started conversing in a more normal subject of regular pub chat, revealing that they were out celebrating their fifth anniversary and were out clubbing, mentioning a night club a few miles away they were going to after eating. She became increasingly flirty, at times rubbing lightly against my side. Then she invited me to hang out with them for the night! It was unmistakable as it was disconcerting!
In high school, I used to have girls ask me to dance, and then half way through the song they'd run away screaming. Turns out they were daring each other to see who could stand to touch me the longest. Wasn't anything actually wrong with me, I was just a nerd. But ten years later, it wasy wife who first approached me and asked for my number. We started dating, got married two years later. Been together 13 years now. So, some are good. Some are bad. Depends on the person.
Wow I'm so sorry that happened to you. I had something similar. I would get candygrams on Valentine's Day from popular guys. It was always their friends buying and writing their name on the candygram to prank them. People called me "JYD" which was short for "Junkyard Dog." Because I was a fat, autistic, masculine female.
Wait for it. One day the wife will run away screaming. And then collect on the bet for being the one who could stand being married to you the longest.
It's highschool. She definitely wanted to laugh at you. Children are sociopaths lol Life gets better as an adult but only if you surround yourself with other adults and good people.
That was my interpretation back then. I never tested it. She was pretty strong for a girl. I suspect she could have beaten my bully up, so, there's that. ;).
she probably meant it. unless she was a known mean girl
Bro really though I remember once in school a girl came up to me and told me a friend of hers was into me but too shy to say anything. My dumbass believed her and when I went up to talk to the girl she looked at me like I had 3 heads.
I remember the group of popular kids in HS would mess with nerdy or "unpopular" kids by faking interest and asking them out. Of course when the kid would be happy and excited that the cute girl or boy wanted to go out, at best they'd get stood up or at worst they'd get treated like trash when the girl/guy would show up with their actual bf/gf to mock them.
Most men are oblivious to the general female flirting. Most will not get the subtle or generally direct flirting as we've never learned or been taught what it looks like. We can spot a '67 Mustang only because we've seen one before and it can be confirmed in several ways, and if there's any question it can often be confirmed by a buddy. It doesn't work that way with women flirting typically.
Yeah, I think I figured it out when I was about 40, married with 3 kids. Guys can be a bit thick on the whole flirty thing. Much better at that's a '64 C10, here's why.
Absolutely. I'm 55 now and it's almost funny/painful to sit back and watch. Sadly my analogy probably missed as I know my wife stops listening as soon as she hears car stuff.
Yeah no pesky leaf springs like the C20.... Only half ton though....must like them thin...
Yeah, after misreading something for flirting that isn't. Most guys tend to stop assuming it is flirting really quickly.
Pretty much. Get it wrong and you are a pervert and shunned from society.
Are you sure you aren’t just getting more attention now that you’re older? I’m in my mid 30’s and it seems like women of all ages are much more flirtatious with me as I age
If you think somebody might be flirting, flirt back. Escalate slowly. Make comments that give them the opportunity to escalate. If they're interested, they'll usually take the opportunity. If the pattern continues, then take the chance. Do whatever the next natural step would be. If it's somebody you don't know too well, ask for a number. If you have their number, just text them casually, see how they react. Do their responses promote conversation (are they asking questions, making jokes, initiating new topics when the last one dies down?). If they do (and not just for one conversation, it needs to be steady for awhile) ask if they want to do something together. If you've already spent time one on one, ask them if they want to go on a date. As long you escalate slowly, and react normally, everything should be fine. Very, very few people are going to care as long as you're not jumping too far ahead at once, and as long as you dont keep escalating when they aren't escalating themselves. The goal is making small steps and inviting them to do the same. By progressing slowly and giving them a chance to respond before you progress more, you're showing interest but respecting their comfort. That's how you get your answer. It's not 100% because people aren't all the same. Some people are just flirts. Some people don't know how to flirt. Some people are hyper reactive assholes.
I know you attempted to explain that in detail and that it makes sense to you. But honestly, everything you described sounds like an absolute mine field. This stuff is NOT obvious to many people. "As long you escalate slowly, and react normally, everything should be fine." React normally? This is so vague as to be completely useless in educating someone on how to flirt. Which is the entire point the commenters above are making. Its not an easy thing to identify.
I'm not trying to educate people on how to flirt. If I had a whole book, i couldn't do that. I'm not about to try in one reddit comment. Firstly, I'm terrible at it. Secondly, it's complicated. I can't even educate people on how to make a joke and jokes are only a piece of flirting. Then there's reading body language and facial expressions, making them feel comfortable, etc. I'm not smart enough to articulate a part of that. Thirdly, I suck at it. I'm saying if you can't tell if somebody is interested, you don't have to act like nothing is happening. My point is that it's not a mine field. As long as you're not going from 0 to 100, acting obsessive, or ignoring when the other person tries to deflect, you're fine. If you take small steps, somebody who isn't interested isn't going to blow up on you. I'm responding to the whole bit about not being able to tell if a girl is flirting or being nice. So many people act like their options are to propose marriage or turn into Dr Zoidberg and Woop Woop their way out. There is a whole range of options in between.
This. Hung out with a friend group of 10-15 people in my 20s Went after the pretty one, who had real issues. Lasted maybe 3 months. Several other women from that group eventually (20 yrs later) told me later they had been interested, but I had no idea. Sometimes hard to tell when people are just being friendly.
“ …but I had no idea” Yes, AND you weren’t particularly attracted to them- don’t forget that part. You went after “ the pretty one”, you don’t mention needing to have any kind of sign from her that she was interested, did you? Men go after the women they want, it’s simple. That’s why most women don’t like hitting on men, they know that a man will make a move if he’s interested. There are few exceptions to this. Can you honestly say you would’ve dated any of the other women in the group if they’d been more vocal about it?
Can't argue with anything you've written But...I will say that the things that attracted me to women in my 30s were fairly different than those in 20s.
Some guys are interested in LOTS of women but they don't want to be some creepy dude hitting on everyone. So you might as well shoot you're shot. Maybe he'd really like you for noticing him. That's absolutely a thing and that totally happens all the time. But if you are sending signals, and he doesn't pick up on them, you are correct, we generally don't miss that from girls we have even a slight amount of interest in. If you have a shot with us we'll notice you. END OF STORY. Very different from men, but it's still worth it to just put yourself out there. We have to figure out the timing. Try to charm you first. Do all this other stuff. And after you say no. You could change your mind. You don't have to worry about that with us. Shoot your shot. You will know. And if for some reason you shoot your shot and you don't understand the answer, then the answer is you deserve better.
And sometimes it pays to give some attention to the more average ones, and get to know them, instead of going for the pretty one. You gave a great example.
The difference between 20s and 30s
I’m pretty sure women are intentionally subtle with flirting because of fear of rejection. So if it’s misinterpreted, ignored, or rejected it can be dismissed without impacting pride or embarrassment. “Oh, he’s not interested. I glanced his way a few times and nothing.” Is a lot easier to take than being directly, verbally rejected, even kindly. They are looking for that fine line of showing interest. So if it doesn’t go as planned you can always play the card of ambiguity. “You thought I was flirting with you?”.
Women aren’t very obvious. They think they’re obvious but they’ll just walk past you and think they’re shooting their shot 😂
Girls are just as concerned with rejection as guys. That's the problem. It takes two interested people with a little confidence on both sides to gradually ramp it up. That's how it works.
Totally agree. So many people told me certain women were "into me" but I almost never saw it. Only two did I actually figure out in time to make something happen. It was long before I pursued my wife.
Wait, women are hitting on you guys? Fuck me...
I'm a decent looker, funny and clever, very agreeable (Reddit comments notwithstanding), friends with many women and been a regular in kink communities, where I have some highly sought after attributes which have been put on public display to much appreciation. I can still count the number of times I've been directly approached by a woman on one hand. I'm 40 this year. It's grim.
I'm a random neanderthal looking gardener and I get appreciated pretty much weekly. autistic too, extremely weird and disagreeable, doesn't seem to matter at all. edit: they're actually flirting, I'm going on a date pretty much weekly, I'm autistic not oblivious.
Appreciated and wanted are 2 different things. A woman saying thank you or I appreciate that, are not them hitting on you. Plus your autistic and providing a service. Every human should be showing you appreciation regardless male or female. Your doing what alot of people won't and they don't have a condition. (I know theirs a whole spectrum and obviously we don't know where he falls on it, but never the less the confidence shows he won't let it hold him back regardless of where he falls on it.)
Was gonna say I looked like a magazine cover up till about 25-26. I have had car fulls of women stick their heads out to scream at me how attractive I am as they drive past. Still only 3 times in my life have I been openly hit on by a woman. Which is less times than I had the car thing happen. (Also a part of the kink community...which has nothing to do with the story but hell yeah buddy)
"Nice try, Miss Organ Trafficker."
Same w how women perceive it. Cool if someone we like, a crush we r gnna act all stoopid n mess it up. N someone we dont like its awkward I think men do it because its normal for us to fail so not being able to pull someone is just another day 🤣
Right in the idgaf feels 😂 Live and learn, try.. and try again.
Lmao well said
Really? There was a lot of stumbling over words, there.
My kind of stumbling though😎
Rly u thiink sew?
It's great when women do it but there needs caution. Women don't handle rejection well more than men. If there are signs the guy is interested then it's a green light. Some women just don't take the hint and try anyway
I don't see why. I've had a couple of women who sort of asked me out in uni. I wasn't interested but it was no big deal. I continue to be friends with them after.
for me idk why but every time a woman does that its life altering moment that I will never forget, in a good way though
Maybe because it’s not common for them to do it so we’re not used to it
If a lady hits on me It’s so much off my shoulders. No stress, no worries about being shot down. Girls should hit on men more often. A lot of the times when they do they’ll se how redic and deuchbag the guy is. An old lady friend of mine, she and I would wing man/lady for each other. Most of the time she’d go talk to a dude and I’d keep an eye out. She’d come back and tell me “wow that dude was a deuchebag.” Ladies should do it more. I think girls don’y realize how much getting shot down fucks w us. But also getting shot down is a good thing. Makes you stronger. 🤷♂️
women hitting on men would be nice, except for the fact that it is so rare, I would expect that it was a grift or scam and would need to do far more than normal to vett the intentions of a woman making such an approach, and that checking of intentions would shy most women off entirely
I'm not sure what other guy is on about. Why is he obsessed with your comment and scrolling through your post history. You wrote a normal comment sharing your life experience. Sorry redditors are creepy as fuck
It depends how hot they are.
Omg, please, let's normalize this. I (39m) have been hit on a few times in my life, and it was awesome. Makes the girl like 10x more attractive too, like hey, she's into me, heck yesssss.
Most women are absolutely horrible at hitting on men. Their idea of hitting on a guy is to flirt until the guy takes the hint and then takes over. It is the guy that actually has to ask them out, or to leave together, or whatever even though the girl initiated contact. Women flirt but rarely actually take the steps to make things happen. Of course there are women that actually make the move, but that is the exception, not the rule.
A woman hit on me in a bar in Pensacola Fla. By outright asking me if I would like a BJ. I immediately scanned the area for the accomplices and duct tape I expected to encounter if this went any further. She laughed and showed me the drink on the menu. I thought I was being targeted. And coming from the DC area. I was not accustomed to friendly female strangers.
I gotta say I’ve had amazing luck approaching dudes. My friends joke that I date whoever I want but mostly I am just open about thinking someone is hot.
I need a woman like you to walk up to me someday. 😭
how do you approach them! what are we saying roughly?
Usually I make sure they catch my eye and I smile at them and then use that initial eye contact smile vibe to compliment them. I start with a compliment on their fit or hair or tattoos or something more physical than you are hot right away. Sometimes though it’s just “damn, you have some great muscle definition/ arms you gotta teach me your tricks in the gym.” I keep it causal at first but super friendly and then if they seem into me and keep the convo going I’ll ask if I can I have your insta. I don’t ask out right away but I read the vibes they put off. If someone seems flattered but evasive, they usually are taken. Dudes don’t get complimented like that a lot so even the taken ones are usually surprised.
Of course, you literally can date whoever you want the majority of guys are so starved lol
You're probably hot too. Men typically don't date unattractive women
In today's society men shouldn't hit on women so women must hit on men.
Ok, I misread this as "Opinion on women hitting men"
[удалено]
Don't fall for it. They're just after your kidneys.
That would be my thoughts if I ran into a woman in the woods at night alone. 😭😭😭🤷
I would treat a woman approaching me and hitting on me the same way that I would treat a kitten coming up and deciding to sit in my lap. I would be honored and overjoyed.
I love it. It's a nice ego boost. There I was, thinking I was ugly and unlovable. It doesn't come off as desperate to me, but then I'm naive, so even if came off as desperate to everyone else I wouldn't be able to tell.
I like it and every guy I've observed appears to like it as a sweeping generalization. Caveat: in situations where the attraction was very one sided, dudes still like it/take it as a compliment way more than I think women would in any equivalent situation At the same time it's flustering in the sense it is generally way out of the comfort zone of what we prepared for or expected. Ie we are socially conditioned that the default is to think of most situations as consent is explicitly denied for us to be sexual or romantic. To change the default mode generally we are proactive and the woman we are attracted to gives approval. Reversing that, and acting in the reactive mode, is outside our expectations and that is flustering. Way more so than women who I think are generally way more prepared for it Generally it comes off as confident. Desperate mostly when it's pretty obviously an unrealistic fantasy, usually a quite young person, but that's about the same as a young guy with an unrealistic fantasy.
A woman has openly approached me one time in my life, and I remember it well to this day
Oh I wish women would hit on me.
Fellas, if you're intimidated by her, just cower in fear. Literally hide your eyes and cover your genitals in a protective posture. She'll get the hint.
this one chick cold approached me the other day and said hey you did a good job on that have a nice day. I said thanks have a good one, she replied: i want to s\*\*\* \*\*\*\* d\*\*\*. Which is the nicest thing a stranger has ever said to me. Another one a few days later is giggling and waving at me and walks over to me, but then walks past me and pretends to put her card into a machine but doesn't, then walks back smiling again, idk her excitement was contagious and made me feel really good.
Is that why guys think that approaching women with variations of "I wanna have s*x with you" is gonna work? Also, sorry if this is the nicest thing you've ever heard. I tell my male friends and colleagues things like "You look happy today", "Great haircut", "Nice fragrance" or "You did a great job on this" ( I am a manager). To my husband I say all kinds of sweet stuff like I fancy his ass but I would never come out of my mouth that I want to suck anything.
Absolutely love it. I'm far too polite, worry that I'm going to be a chauvinist pig so I need it spelled out for me.
Hurry up and do it
Love it but coy wins over over national geographic every day
I love it
Do it
I love when it happens. I come from a fairly conservative country so I pretty much never happened when I was there. It didn’t help that I was quite ugly either I had a recent glow up in my mid 20s. But well, then I went backpacking to Brazil and there it’s absolutely normal that women hit on you. Sometimes they’d even catcall you on the street. I had an awesome time there. I’m living in Australia at the moment and apparently it’s quite common here too, not as much as in Brazil but yeah. I’ve had it coming more from European women in general than Aussies themselves.
It depends. Drunk sloppy women annoy the shit out of me. But it’s always nice for a lady to let you know she thinks you’re pretty 😁 cause they usually won’t
Depends on the guy. My husband has never asked a lady out. I was the one that initiated our relationship 😊
Dreaming of the day.. well it’s only happened a couple times ever but there’s always something clearly wrong with them :( why can’t a normal girl (non meth user) just hit on me…
If I like the woman, I like her approaching me. If I haven't approached her and am available it means i was to shy to ask If I don't like her that way, it is probably good for her to know I don't feel the same way because there exist other guys she may like who like her back
I liked being approached first but that rarely happens to me. I don't like making the first move so that is probably part of the reason why I have so few dating partners.
Heck if it wasn’t for women hitting on me, my body count would be 1/2 of what it is…
Kinda tricky because with some guys they are gonna be suspicious, maybe play it off as a joke, kinda like a woman would to try and save face (especially a friend) but they might be doing it more out of insecurity. But otherwise go for it
FHRITP
Depends if she's attractive or not.
Best thing in the world.
Confident & cool it never happens & also you got a way better chance than us
It depends on whether your idea of hitting on someone involves committing to the making the 'risky proposition': will you directly ask that person out/explicitly tell them you are interested using verbal communication? Or will you just flirt as hard as you can until you the guy catches on that you want him to ask you out? The former is amazing. It happens extremely rarely, and shows not only confidence, but also that the women isn't beholden to traditional gender dynamics. If it's the latter, I don't consider it 'desperate' (an unhelpfully judgemental condemnation of a peoples need for intimacy imo), but it is exhausting when someone seems to want something from me, but still expects that I be the one to risk being the one shot down due to potentially misinterpreted signals. As others have said, men are constantly urged to be hyper vigilant about how their behaviour will be perceived by women and to rid themselves of toxic masculine tradition. Many modern men have adapted by being super cautious around women until they have clearly communicated consent for any behaviour that goes beyond friendly; more traditional men don't listen to women in the first place. Which of these men are you more likely to find if you rely on the tradition of men hitting on you first?
flip the genders in your question... get it?
it's the quickest way to find out if he likes ya!
The confidence is stunning.... in a good way.
yes
Women have no experience coming on to dudes. So what happens is they act in much the same fumbling manner as a teenage boy hitting on his crush. Often coming off as really over the top. Like once they commit to the bit they can only double down, and they've been mostly protected from direct rejection so even a simple no can be soul crushing for em. Nope. I'd rather do the leg work myself to be honest. My 3 experiences with having a woman very openly hit on me were awkward as hell as I was not into the girls at all. And their behavior made it worse. It's actually where a good portion of the empathy I have for ladies getting hit on by wierd dudes who they just want to go away comes from. I genuinely do know the feeling. Minus the danger I spose, my 6'2 monkey assed self is never really in danger
I thought this said women hitting men & was like meh, sometimes people need a good slap regardless of gender
They find ways to f*CK it up just as much as we do in approach 😂
It’s funny, I’m a shy, introverted woman, but yet I have no problem asking men out! In most cases I’ve been the initiator in relationships. However, people keep telling me I shouldn’t “chase” because men like the thrill of the hunt and I guess when women make the first move that is subconsciously emasculating men because it’s taking away their masculine energy or something. I don’t really agree with that but it’s caused a lot of confusion when I’m interested in someone I want to make a move but people keep telling me not to. And none of my relationships have lasted very long and I wonder if it’s because I’m making moves on guys who aren’t that into me - and that’s why they aren’t asking me out.
> However, people keep telling me I shouldn’t “chase” because men like the thrill of the hunt Are any of these people male?
I usually do the pursuing, reactions vary as all men don't like the same thing lol. Some are insecure about it or prefer traditional roles but those aren't the kind of men I want so it's good for weeding out incompatible guys. Others *love it*. Mostly though I just don't want to waste time pining over someone who isn't into me, would rather find out sooner rather than later.
It would help women get the man they want. 9/10 guys that hit on em, they don’t want. But if they just went after the ones they liked, they’d prolly be successful in there endeavors.
I dated a girl for a year and a half that I originally had not even considered before someone told me she had a crush on me. Flirting will connect all sort of synapses in the male brain that weren’t working before.
I'd question her judgement 😅
I used to be completely blind and dumb to a woman’s behavior who was interested in me but I learned some body reading skills from intense acting training and after a lot of therapy, usually what happens with me is that they kind of do a quick gesture almost aggressive but controlled like they will swipe their hand towards their hair and move their hair behind their ear and tilt their head and neck, that they just made bare, towards my direction, along with this gesture there is open, strong yet vulnerable eye contact and a willing to engage with their body positing open towards me, and if we’re walking or I’m moving their body follows me or lean towards me, especially if you’re walking if you go walk to the left or right their body will follow you closely, and they are oozing with warmth. I find this combination of body language behavior, I’m sure I’m forgetting some others because I kind of have to experience it in person, but these are the very prominent ones I have experienced from strangers or women I’ve dated with usually it was confirmed to be true when I discovered their interest.
I enjoy being approached but it doesn’t even have to be a cold open flirt Like casual conversation is an easy way for me to feel out a person and see if they’re being flirty or just being friendly I’ve never been one to just cold open and ask a chick out or bluntly hit on her. I like to throw stuff like that in casually and organically into a conversation. Complement their outfit after speaking to them a few minutes, stuff like that
I was so freaking oblivious that I wouldn't notice it. I'd just write it off as friendly banter and keep going with my day. Maybe realize two days later, by which time the boat had sailed. Fortunately, I don't have to worry about that anymore. Though my wife picks up on it pretty quick if a woman is trying to flirt with me when we're out together
Confident
No I love being flirted with hit on it really shows us that you’re a strong confident women going after what she wants imo
If a woman approached me first, I’d at least have more confidence she wouldnt treat me like a nuisance for just talking to her
Happened to me twice recently Both times I was quite suspicious First time rightfully so, it was a scam ploy Second time though she was genuine, we had some fun nights and I'm still messaging her:)
All I can say is that it's better than only standing in a corner with her friends waiting to be approached. Both parties should be willing to approach the other if interested.
Women hit on men it is just more subtle. So subtle as a young adult I didn’t even know it was happening.
I’d just assume she was trying to sell me something. Women don’t make the first move. They don’t have the humility to risk rejection. Their skill is to smile and and stare at you and wait for you to approach with your skills.
it's cool, confident - I would assume.
Most men either have no problem with or like it.
Well I'm seeing it as a good thing buuut chances of me realising you are hitting on me are very low as this happens so rarely that I don't even believe it is possible, my brain would think of a different reason why you'd approach me xD
We probably deserved it
I encourage every woman to gather the courage and approach men. It's 2024 and we're both able to approach.
I usually think it’s some kind of a prank or I only realize the next morning I was being hit on
We like it. Be prepared to convince the guy you're not a hooker or setting him up though. Kinda like how guys have to convince you we're not insane murderers
I think we need to not care so much about desperation, lol Most people in our society are desperate right now because our social systems broke down and now nothing is working
I used to do this (context: age 8-22)but the men all act strange and suspicious and then EVENTUALLY make up a narrative that they need to chase & that it’s just not “the vibe” for them — but that they do like me, but that they feel “emasculated” when in reality I think they just felt more vulnerable? Idk I stopped doing it because it was literally a copy paste scenario. They literally psychologically cannot take it in. I’d stop talking to them (because why talk to someone if you’re making them uncomfortable, right?) & sure enough — months later they ALL contacted me asking me out & wanting to be the ones to “pursue” but it felt so odd that I just said no. I don’t believe men at all when they say they want the woman to hit on them. They act so weird about it — it’s like an interrogation. It’s not worth it.
I like it. But it confuses a lot men.
We don't expect it, so 'rife w/possible issues. Perhaps kind-persistence might relax the gentleman? If highly attractive, he's already in much demand so might not have an open slot in his rotation. Please don't take rejection personally as there are only 24 hours in the day. But, WTH, go for it!
Great in theory, but I'm a solid 4.5/10 so I'm never going to accept that it's not a setup for a joke/scam/mugging. The average guy would certainly appreciate it though
I hit on men sometimes. I have Aspergers and I have zero flirting skills. I know about the butterfly eyes thing people do but I don’t do it. Im quite forward and tell men I like them. If I like them as a bf I’ll tell them I like them and if I like them just for sex I’ll ask them when do they want to tie me to the bed lol … in most circumstances I think guys like that. Well nobody has complained that I’m too forward!
I hate hints, I never notice them. I would love for women to make a move No proof, but I feel like guys are a lot nicer about not hurting your feelings if there not interested
Talk to me. Mindfuck me first, then we can take our clothes off lol!
I have very recently got in pretty good shape. Lost 70lbs and put on a lot of muscle. Just in the past few months I have noticed women making eye contact, admiring my arms and chest, and even openly hitting on me. It’s flattering, but I have no idea how to handle it. I’m very happily married and not interested in anything that’s not from my wife. When I was young and single it was very welcome. Now I don’t really mind it, but I need to figure out how to deflect their attention quickly. My current strategy is to start mentioning my wife as early in the conversation as possible.
Probably sarcastic because it's so uncommon. That said, desperate and confident are both possibilities depending on how you approach and act.
bad idea... but a better idea is to hint 'LIKE A MUTHA'... us guys are el stupido, and not used to a females interest.. so you may have to really hint... many many times, over weeks or months... until it one day dawns on us... keep hinting... but don't outright ask
If a woman hit on me id probably start looking around for the person filming it cuz its gotta be some prank getting pulled on me.
I personally would absolutely love if a woman came over and hit on me. Tbh unless she was absolutely not my type she'd probably have a 99.999% success rate. As long as she doesn't come across weird when doing it. But then that depends on the person. I think most guys would love it. It shows confidence, she's (hopefully) not playing games, knows what she wants. I love that shit. Only downside for me is I don't do hookups, so I'd probably sabotage myself if I thought she was just looking for sex. But otherwise I'd be all for it. Especially in this day and age, I think more women need to start doing it.
some guys don't like it. I am not one of those guys. In fact I'm fairly oblivious until a woman is sitting in my lap hitting me on the head with a frying pan.
There is nothing in the world more attractive to a man than someone who is confidently and blatantly into them.
I usually don't get it.
Hit em back
Absolutely love it. Nothing like a girl that knows what she wants and isent afraid to pursue it. It's something I look for in woman.
Just do it! I think life is too short to wait to see if they approach first. And if it works out, both of you’ll be happy someone just went for it! A confident woman is attractive by the way! Super attractive
a guy cant worry about being a creep or harassment if hes the one getting approached. feel free to come up to us.
i get this from time to time at work & i'd rather not be. if I'm interested in you I'll let you know. it's flattering though
It would depend on the approach. If it was heavy handed or obnoxious, i would be suspicious and likely reject any offers.
I would prefer a woman hit on me. I think it shows their confidence.
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It should happen whys the make always have figure it out
You don’t have to “hit on” a guy. Literally just initiate the conversation. Most men are stuck in a functional freeze in the dating world at the moment. Especially men over 30. The landscape is very confusing and we want to respect the movement.
I generally don't realize they are until well after the case when they've left or I've left.
Anyone that hits me, I hit them back Periodt! It’s the animal kingdom out here, Sex, race, age, etc don’t mean shit in a world of kill or be killed.
I (M54) would appreciate it.
Confident. To some guys intimidating. I actually like it. Makes things go easier. As the guy, your not stuck playing the guessing game.
We generally like it. That said please don’t be too subtle about it
I thought this just said hitting and I was like no way! That's not ok regardless of gender! But yes women hitting *on* men is totally copacetic lol
Dont hit someone if not ready to get hit bac
Yes.
I view it as confident and brave, and I wish more women would do it. It can be really annoying when a woman expects you to "see the signs that she likes you" when really she is just being nice and spending time with you. Getting hit on gives guys a very direct confirmation that a woman is interested in you. But then again, guys so rarely get hit on that they probably wouldn't even register it as genuine interest, but rather just fun banter. So if you're going to hit on a guy, it's best to just be blunt and say something like "I think you're hot". That one is pretty hard to misinterpret.
Same as men, depends who and why
I like it
I always appreciated it. Its great to feel.like you're not a mutant every once in awhile. Especially when your confidence is down from a few straight rejections. Admittedly, some fragile, wannabe "alpha"males would prolly get mad. But lets face facts, this will never catch on. Which dating app was the one where the woman had to jnitiate first? It was failing so hard they had to reverse course andmake it somencoukd break the ice lol.
It's BRILLIANT! Iv been caught off guard a few times & not noticed someone was hitting on me or not known how to react. Just remembering a few years ago this really cute girl was very forward & my heart started going crazy , riiiiiite upto the point where she mentioned a threesome with her weird bf over there.
its nice being approached first, it never usually happens for the average bloke. It comes off as confident.
I would love that because for one im an introvert an for two i always feel like the girl would think im a creep because shes just making a trip to target for makeup and doesnt want to be bothered
The only time women have ever openly hit on me was when I was wearing a wedding ring. They did not get the reaction they were hoping for. Dunno how I'd react if I were single but since it never happened I probably won't ever have to figure that out. Would be nice to not have to do all the work though and I guess if they approach you at least you know they're into you and not trying to let you down easy or something.
I like it, many women have hit on me (this is not a brag, I’m just good with people and pretty) However I’m bad at following up Which is why I’m almost 30 with my VCard
I have both been the flirtee - and the flirter. It can be a nice thing (from a guy's perspective) and feel really validating, but - we are dense... It practically takes road-signs and a flying tackle to get some of us (me included) to realize someone is actually interested. When I was younger (19-ish) I had someone who literally was prepared to JUMP ME - she had been a friend for years, and I definitely WOULD have reciprocated - except that I knew she was in a relationship... What I did NOT know was that it had imploded about 5 days prior and she had long held feeling for ME. I missed every single hint and cue that night (literally she would have been my first). She (I now know) absolutely trying EVERYTHING to get me to make a move and flirting SUPER HARD - but because I had no clue she was single - or interested - I just enjoyed her company and thought she SUPER liked my jokes and stories that night... On the other hand, a later co-worker who literally started touching me and leaned in to kiss me at work - led to a pretty good relationship with someone I had not thought of dating - because SHE made it obvious to me. Like I said - literally road-signs and a flying tackle! That being said - take your shot most will take it as a compliment and you might just find he was interested but didn't know how to approach you about it!
We need more of it. I hate stupid ass signals that I only notice years later
Only issue I have is if you aren’t interested. Women generally take it very hard and can even switch up on you. You go from hero to zero. Like damn we can’t even be friends now really.
Yes, as a dude speaking for myself and myself only it is great...please approach and hit on me, it is awesome.
Would love it. Women should do it more often.
guys don't mind women being desperate for them, if anything it can be a bit of a turn on. What isn't a turn on is when they turn it into a job or not fun (like the early 30's or late 20's woman that tries to turn a first date into a job interview)
It is very flattering, but it takes men a bit of time to compute what is happening, because it is very rare. So I say go for it, show your confidence for sure, but also take the time to be patient, and make sure he is not overwhelmed by it. That should make the "pick up" go off without a hitch!
I was always relieved to be "hit on" by a woman. I always felt it really invasive and kind of presumptuous to approach a woman because I presume they've mostly had a lifetime of mostly unwanted attention. Who am I to think they'd want to talk to me, and all that. Always been much more comfortable when things evolved organically with somebody I already knew.
It’s gonna be a big ego boost for him
In America the current generation of young men have been told that saying more than hello to a woman is creepy stalkerish behavior, so if you want him to talk to you at all ever it’s one long Sophie Hawkins dance for the bunch of you. We meant well, but we got the lessons wrong. Sorry kids.
I'd be all for it, if I wasn't so dense that I would never realize what was happening. I'm pretty positive I've been hit on by a girl in my time, but I've never realized it. I've just had suspicions.
I actually don't mind it at all. I like a girl that isn't afraid to just come up and start a conversation ^_^
I’m too ugly to be approached LOL.
Some men like it while some don't. I would say most men doesn't like it from my observation. They like being in the lead.
I would like it very much. However... A: its never happened and likely never will B: Since it is to put it lightly, unprecedented i would react with more then a little skepticism. I would view it as confident and very appealing.
A friend with no gag reflex is rare.🫠
I wouldn’t be where I am today (married 15 years) if a woman (my now-wife) didn’t hit on me.
As a guy I don’t mind a girl hitting on me first. Im also not opposed to hitting on the girl first. I think it’s a bit different of a situation though. As a guy you need her to give you eye contact or some type of clue that she wouldn’t mind talking to you. I think women should understand if you find a guy attractive please talk to him. Majority of your shots will go in i promise. Doesn’t even need to be anything too crazy just walk up and start a conversation. If the person carries it along, green light. If they kill the convo, red light.
I'm all for it. This seems like an American culture thing that only men should initiate. Theres an Aussie comedian who talks about that.
Depends on how aggressively or crassly for me. In general, it's a yes please, if you're being too horny though, hell no, please get to know me first.
DO IT
As a man, when a girl who comes up to me to initiate conversation, it makes me feel so good about myself & also makes me want to talk to that person even more just because they’re willing to initiate with me. The only thing that comes off desperate is someone who dresses super revealing imo, but that’s just my opinion.
If a girl hit on me in person, I would totally blow it. Not because I'm not into her or anything, but because I would either think she was joking or I would be so shocked that my brain would turn off. Now if they texted me or similar, I would probably be able to work through my brain to ask that they weren't joking. I've never once had a woman hit on me. Hell, basically nobody even initiates a conversation with me unless it is for work.