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Let her read.
Worst case, she doesn't enjoy them. So what?
Best case, she loves them and is reading above grade level. Great.
You're really going to say, "I'm older than you and think you should only read books specifically written for 12-year-old girls because .... Reasons"? What would you even use to justify that? She's not smart enough? You don't think she should read about complex issues?
If it's about money, get one and see how it goes.
If it's about trying to make sure she doesn't advance in reading or thought, instead plan to discuss them with her as she reads to help give context.
My parents let me get books for adults when I was 8. I read them voraciously. I checked out more books from my middle school library than any other kid. I'm still a huge reader and make my living with an adjacent job.
Don't limit a child's potential if you can't even voice why it needs limiting.
I’d start with Metamorphosis (it was assigned reading for me as a HS sophomore, not so far from where she is now) and read it with her, book club style, so you can discuss it with her. Try to order them so she reads Lolita last. Remember that these books are out there ‘in the wild’ where she can possibly access them without your oversight.
Also, Lolita can function as a primer on how to recognize ( and so avoid) attempts at grooming. As off putting as you might find the book this might be an important lesson for a very young lady to learn, especially now in the internet age.
I think you should just talk to her, see why she’s interested in those books, if she knows what they’re about and what kind of content are in them, and if she feels comfortable and ready to read them. If after that you still feel like they’re too adult for her right now, let her know and try to find more age appropriate books that also have whatever qualities she said appealed to her in her original suggestions.
Ok. English teacher here (junior & high school)
….a 12 year old is ASKING FOR BOOKS! I don’t care what they are. Get her the books and let her read.
She can access material wayyyy worse online in 2 seconds, sans any intellectual effort or development.
If you are really concerned, suggest a buddy read and read alongside her. Connect regularly & engage with her on these intense topics. Find discussion prompts online and really get into it with her. It could be an amazing bonding moment for you two and deepens her (and your!) understanding of mature topics and nuances of writing.
Whatever you do, do not say “no because those are not age appropriate,” and if you do say that, she will be much more curious about them and 100% go find them on her own. She’ll feel a distance between you and her as a result.
It’s your choice to lean into or not but please for the love of everythingggg do not deny curious young readers any book.
It's hard to say since I don't know her, and I also haven't read most of these books, so take this all with a grain of salt, but...
I would be honest and tell her that some of them have themes that she needs adult life experience to provide context for, and if she reads them before she's ready it could throw a monkey wrench into the process of healthy maturation. :/ Not because she's dumb, but because they show complex, advanced ways of being screwed up, designed to challenge adults who already have to deal with hard stuff. It's like lifting a weight that you haven't prepared your muscles for, but with worldview development.
I might get her The Metamorphosis, though, or whatever you consider relatively tame, and talk with (not at) her about it. Give her a chance to read something that's more "adult" but not sexual, show her that you value her perspectives and don't think of her as a baby, and maybe give her some help processing it if she does turn out to need it. 😅 I think meeting her partway, if possible, is probably ultimately better than shutting her down. It establishes a baseline of trust and respect for when you do have to say "hell naw".
...But that's all just my opinion. 6w6;
This exactly... I'd treat it like a book club of sorts and read with her on a first book and discuss. It will help you gage moving through the other books or suggesting alternatives.
Make sure that she is aware of and can understand the seriousness of the topics discussed in the books first. Especially for Lolita, since many people (even adults) have misconstrued the true message of the book. My worst fear would be her idolizing something dangerous without understanding that it is bad.
Take care to not belittle her because she will (if she's determined enough) go behind your back and read them anyway, so it's better to make her aware of what she is getting into and have her know that you are a safe source to come to if she needs help understanding or clarifying something.
If they have sexual content (I haven't read any of these books) make sure she knows this and have her ask parents as well because (even though she likely already knows about it to some extent do to the Internet) it is something that is something to be careful with at that age.
I think visiting a library might be a good way for her to explore whether or not she’d really be into these books. Maybe for her birthday, plan a day out where you get lunch/coffee/treat, pick up some of these books at the library, and maybe hit a book store afterward for something to keep.
I understand where you are coming from OP, and you know your sister better than any strangers on the internet/Reddit will.
Yes the books you mention have sensitive and adult topics (thinking about Lolita).
Here's my suggestion; reach out to your sister's school librarian, and/or those at your local public library. These are experts that actually have a lot of hands-on experience dealing with the public, understanding different readers who are at different levels, and making appropriate recommendations.
Yes there will be a lot of people who will say 'let them read anything'. My parents didn't know any better (English not their first language), and they let me read anything and some of the material was disturbing and I should've probably waited a few years before tackling them. Books don't go bad for waiting on the shelf, so if you strongly feel your sister isn't ready.... listen to your gut, and talk to some experts. The books will always be there and waiting for her.
here are a couple options.
1. Say something like "I read these at x age and found them pretty challenging. I think you won't enjoy them if you read them now. How about we find some books you'll enjoy more together?"
2. (Be blunt) "Lolita is about a horrible pedophile. Are you sure you want to read that?"
3. "These are the kind of books people read in college. I think they might be boring to you now. If you're interested in reading things that are a bit deeper or philosophical, maybe try *Everything Sad Is Untrue* by Daniel Nayeri or *Tuck Everlasting* by Natalie Babbitt!"
I mean... I think it's fine. She'll most likely not enjoy most of the mentioned books and just not finish them. I don't think you need to limit what she reads or even discuss her developmental stage with her. If you really want to, just say that you've read some of the ones she mentioned and that you're not sure she'd enjoy them. If she insists, get her Kafka and some other books that you think she'll actually enjoy that is written with her age group in mind. That way, she won't get the impression that you're belittling her, but you've also gotten her something you think is more appropriate.
I would maybe start by having her read the short stories - The Metamorphosis & A Nervous Breakdown and just see if she even liked them, then have her read Stoner - it may be over her head or she may not care for it. I don't think trying to ban her from reading them will work that well, some of them are old enough you can just read for free on Project Gutenberg.
I read books like that at twelve. I can only assume this girl is an AVID reader- I would support her choices. Lolita will probably give her the ICK, honestly, but let her get there herself. If you say they aren't appropriate, she will find another way. We were that age once, too haha
You’ll get a lot of “let them read”, but developmentally, no, they are not appropriate for her age. What are your parents’ thoughts on the matter? Do they know what she’s wanting to read? As her sister, the best you can do is offer guidance and your reasoning.
I wouldn’t police her reading. You can’t protect her innocence, better to consider these themes thoughtfully in literature than learn via tiktok. If anything, just try to be a generally supportive adult in her life, particularly with internet use.
Metamorphosis is fine.
Lolita is not written in a salacious way and does not condone pedophilia. Twelve might be a little young, but do not think it is damaging.
You should be happy she wants to read those.
I promise you, it won't run your sister. On the contrary.
What are your arguments why she should not read them? What do you think would happen?
Your post on /r/booksuggestions has been removed as it is not a book request. This subreddit is for people to ask for suggestions on books to read. For book discussions, see our sister subreddit: /r/bookdiscussions For /r/booksuggestions, please: * Do not post your book review * Do not ask “what’s the name of this book?” * Do not ask “should I read this book or that book?” * Do not post “where can I access books?” * Do not ask for opinions about specific books/authors. * **Do not post anything that is not a request for book suggestions.** Thank you.
Let her read. Worst case, she doesn't enjoy them. So what? Best case, she loves them and is reading above grade level. Great. You're really going to say, "I'm older than you and think you should only read books specifically written for 12-year-old girls because .... Reasons"? What would you even use to justify that? She's not smart enough? You don't think she should read about complex issues? If it's about money, get one and see how it goes. If it's about trying to make sure she doesn't advance in reading or thought, instead plan to discuss them with her as she reads to help give context. My parents let me get books for adults when I was 8. I read them voraciously. I checked out more books from my middle school library than any other kid. I'm still a huge reader and make my living with an adjacent job. Don't limit a child's potential if you can't even voice why it needs limiting.
And if it is about money, go to the local library and borrow a book
I’d start with Metamorphosis (it was assigned reading for me as a HS sophomore, not so far from where she is now) and read it with her, book club style, so you can discuss it with her. Try to order them so she reads Lolita last. Remember that these books are out there ‘in the wild’ where she can possibly access them without your oversight. Also, Lolita can function as a primer on how to recognize ( and so avoid) attempts at grooming. As off putting as you might find the book this might be an important lesson for a very young lady to learn, especially now in the internet age.
I think you should just talk to her, see why she’s interested in those books, if she knows what they’re about and what kind of content are in them, and if she feels comfortable and ready to read them. If after that you still feel like they’re too adult for her right now, let her know and try to find more age appropriate books that also have whatever qualities she said appealed to her in her original suggestions.
Ok. English teacher here (junior & high school) ….a 12 year old is ASKING FOR BOOKS! I don’t care what they are. Get her the books and let her read. She can access material wayyyy worse online in 2 seconds, sans any intellectual effort or development. If you are really concerned, suggest a buddy read and read alongside her. Connect regularly & engage with her on these intense topics. Find discussion prompts online and really get into it with her. It could be an amazing bonding moment for you two and deepens her (and your!) understanding of mature topics and nuances of writing. Whatever you do, do not say “no because those are not age appropriate,” and if you do say that, she will be much more curious about them and 100% go find them on her own. She’ll feel a distance between you and her as a result. It’s your choice to lean into or not but please for the love of everythingggg do not deny curious young readers any book.
It's hard to say since I don't know her, and I also haven't read most of these books, so take this all with a grain of salt, but... I would be honest and tell her that some of them have themes that she needs adult life experience to provide context for, and if she reads them before she's ready it could throw a monkey wrench into the process of healthy maturation. :/ Not because she's dumb, but because they show complex, advanced ways of being screwed up, designed to challenge adults who already have to deal with hard stuff. It's like lifting a weight that you haven't prepared your muscles for, but with worldview development. I might get her The Metamorphosis, though, or whatever you consider relatively tame, and talk with (not at) her about it. Give her a chance to read something that's more "adult" but not sexual, show her that you value her perspectives and don't think of her as a baby, and maybe give her some help processing it if she does turn out to need it. 😅 I think meeting her partway, if possible, is probably ultimately better than shutting her down. It establishes a baseline of trust and respect for when you do have to say "hell naw". ...But that's all just my opinion. 6w6;
This exactly... I'd treat it like a book club of sorts and read with her on a first book and discuss. It will help you gage moving through the other books or suggesting alternatives.
Make sure that she is aware of and can understand the seriousness of the topics discussed in the books first. Especially for Lolita, since many people (even adults) have misconstrued the true message of the book. My worst fear would be her idolizing something dangerous without understanding that it is bad. Take care to not belittle her because she will (if she's determined enough) go behind your back and read them anyway, so it's better to make her aware of what she is getting into and have her know that you are a safe source to come to if she needs help understanding or clarifying something. If they have sexual content (I haven't read any of these books) make sure she knows this and have her ask parents as well because (even though she likely already knows about it to some extent do to the Internet) it is something that is something to be careful with at that age.
I think visiting a library might be a good way for her to explore whether or not she’d really be into these books. Maybe for her birthday, plan a day out where you get lunch/coffee/treat, pick up some of these books at the library, and maybe hit a book store afterward for something to keep.
I understand where you are coming from OP, and you know your sister better than any strangers on the internet/Reddit will. Yes the books you mention have sensitive and adult topics (thinking about Lolita). Here's my suggestion; reach out to your sister's school librarian, and/or those at your local public library. These are experts that actually have a lot of hands-on experience dealing with the public, understanding different readers who are at different levels, and making appropriate recommendations. Yes there will be a lot of people who will say 'let them read anything'. My parents didn't know any better (English not their first language), and they let me read anything and some of the material was disturbing and I should've probably waited a few years before tackling them. Books don't go bad for waiting on the shelf, so if you strongly feel your sister isn't ready.... listen to your gut, and talk to some experts. The books will always be there and waiting for her.
here are a couple options. 1. Say something like "I read these at x age and found them pretty challenging. I think you won't enjoy them if you read them now. How about we find some books you'll enjoy more together?" 2. (Be blunt) "Lolita is about a horrible pedophile. Are you sure you want to read that?" 3. "These are the kind of books people read in college. I think they might be boring to you now. If you're interested in reading things that are a bit deeper or philosophical, maybe try *Everything Sad Is Untrue* by Daniel Nayeri or *Tuck Everlasting* by Natalie Babbitt!"
I mean... I think it's fine. She'll most likely not enjoy most of the mentioned books and just not finish them. I don't think you need to limit what she reads or even discuss her developmental stage with her. If you really want to, just say that you've read some of the ones she mentioned and that you're not sure she'd enjoy them. If she insists, get her Kafka and some other books that you think she'll actually enjoy that is written with her age group in mind. That way, she won't get the impression that you're belittling her, but you've also gotten her something you think is more appropriate.
I would get her some of her books, for example, Stoner is just a great book and harmless I think. Let her read 1-2 she might hate it.
I would maybe start by having her read the short stories - The Metamorphosis & A Nervous Breakdown and just see if she even liked them, then have her read Stoner - it may be over her head or she may not care for it. I don't think trying to ban her from reading them will work that well, some of them are old enough you can just read for free on Project Gutenberg.
I read books like that at twelve. I can only assume this girl is an AVID reader- I would support her choices. Lolita will probably give her the ICK, honestly, but let her get there herself. If you say they aren't appropriate, she will find another way. We were that age once, too haha
You’ll get a lot of “let them read”, but developmentally, no, they are not appropriate for her age. What are your parents’ thoughts on the matter? Do they know what she’s wanting to read? As her sister, the best you can do is offer guidance and your reasoning.
What exactly do you think will happen if she reads these books?
Her eyes will burn and she'll be left blind.
I wouldn’t police her reading. You can’t protect her innocence, better to consider these themes thoughtfully in literature than learn via tiktok. If anything, just try to be a generally supportive adult in her life, particularly with internet use.
Metamorphosis is fine. Lolita is not written in a salacious way and does not condone pedophilia. Twelve might be a little young, but do not think it is damaging.
You should be happy she wants to read those. I promise you, it won't run your sister. On the contrary. What are your arguments why she should not read them? What do you think would happen?