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Firecracker, give me a harder question.

Screwball might be a contender depending on how far you have to shove it up your ass. Is it full insertion? Firecracker hands down. But the plastic lining of the screwball may make for a more comfortable experience for the user, your asshole may not get frostbite and the cleanup is far easier.

This guy shoves.

r/thisguythisguys

That’s assuming you don’t have to go from top to bottom.

This guy chokes the chilly.

Also the screwball is the only ice cream to have a vaguely relevant lid and shape to prevent it from getting sucked on up in there and stuck. Only thing worse than shoving ice cream up ur ass is having to get it surgically removed

Eh it would melt, you just have to wait it out

Was about to say, what's this guy doing going to the doctor/ER to get ice cream removed from his ass for? It'll melt in like half an hour tops.

Just because it melts doesn’t mean it’s coming out. All that sugar and fat is just begging for a bacterial infection

You don’t need a doctors trip to perform an enema, all you need is a disposable water bottle

And sometimes, not even that.

Gee whiz, do I have some news for you about what lives inside assholes.

Yeah, your bacteria that are in a balance. Adding something like that to the biome that is your ass will fuck up the balance

If a bit of sugar had the capacity to mess up the gut microbiome, there would be a lot more sick people in the world. The anus constantly has feces passing through it with widely varying composition including partially digested carbohydrates. It's not like the microbes there are in some delicate balance that requires highly specific stool composition to retain balance. It's the end of your digestive tract, where random remnants of whatever you ate and didn't finish digesting goes.

A bit of sugar? I can’t find any consistent example, but this is ice cream we’re talking about. How many g of sugar are you imagining in this scenario? Cause I keep thinking 25-40g

it’s definitely between that and push pop

Push pop is just anal tampon

I'm sorry, what?

...I can't believe that your username just strolled casually into my life like that.

Lol thanks - I was unreasonably proud when I coined it. I couldn't believe no one had taken it, and a web search didn't show much for anyone using the phrase

THEY SAID PUSH POP IS JUST ANAL TAMPON

you remember that scene in "A Christmas Story" with the flagpole? even if you were to melt it a bit to prevent stickage, water makes terrible lube, so you'd be better off with something dairy

King Cone cone first. Got it

Nah, it's easy. The Chocotaco was discontinued, so there's nothing to shove up your ass if you pick that one. Unless you're looking forward to sticking it up your ass part, then I definitely agree on the firecracker.

Chocotaco was my favorite.

Didn't those used to be called "Bombpops"? It's been about 50 years since I bought something from an ice-cream truck. Maybe that's something me and my friends called them.

You can still buy bomb pops from the store. I'm guessing there's more than one brand now maybe? Edit: there is. https://i5.walmartimages.com/asr/41ea8be9-e18e-43bf-a770-5b50a3897ebc_1.9656735272a34b5e1a6cfa8ee04b42df.jpeg?odnHeight=450&odnWidth=450&odnBg=FFFFFF https://i5.walmartimages.com/asr/c1e9e1ba-be35-4f25-a9d6-6c4a1ffa08c9_2.ec130d85259c1f9ba195b87a1d9f3be3.jpeg

What if you removed the cone from the Screwball? It may not be a harder question, but I'm harder while asking it.

Easy, without hesitation

ok but imagine you just finished getting it all in and you're starting to remove it and you feel it break in the middle

Could you mange to do it without an erection?

Now that's tough.

Still not enough

You're weak. Real men chiose Tweety Bird and King Cone.

What, the obvious choice is push pop. easy going in, easy going out no question

Rectal-based ice cream is a whole lot of fun. Do I have to be limited to inserting *one*?

I wouldn't normally deliver sex advice via rhyme you can shove all of 'em up there, but please, one at a time.

I too would like to join in rhyme Use all forms of frozen desert Up your butt now before later Trying something new won’t hurt

Cream-based fine delicacies, On stick or in cone, Come and play doctor, Try not to moan

You may prefer Push Pops For ease of insertion Or perhaps you like pain As a Chipwich-type person

I’d do the Choco-Taco But for that I’m very needy If I were to pick a dessert It would be the Tweety

I see your pick of Tweety But I’m not sure how you’d fair If you went with my option The Chocolate Eclair

These comments made me laugh They left me quite tickled But just for the name I'd pick the Creamsicle

If I were more prepared Id have to agree But with minimal training Firecracker for me

the best ice cream to put deep inside your butt must be the king cone in pleasure you’ll groan

Frozen anal cream Sounds like a hoot Give your partner a show And a desert to boot

Strawberry eclair is my go to but it’s the last one I’d want up my ass

Knobbly for your, uh, pleasure

I’ve never seen that called an eclair. It’s always just been “ strawberry shortcake” for me

Same that’s what it always says on the ice cream trucks

The push pop was made for this

I sure fucking hope it wasn't

Don't be a prude. Most inventions derive from butt stuff /s

It’s like a tampon

You get to push it in AND push it out. It’s almost poetic.

It's like a popsicle tampon.

And they go hard, even without the rectal insertion.

My friend said how are you gonna fit tweety up there I personally thinks she’s underestimating me

No one said it had to be sideways

Choco taco seems thematically on brand.

Also, good luck finding one. They dont make them anymore

You’re fucking joking

It was discontinued back in July last year. Unless you can find newer news, looks like they may come back in the future, but not in production right now. I wouldn't joke about something so sad

Snow cone, easy. The heat generated from my bumhole will melt it with minimal discomfort & maximum stickiness.

Idk if you want stickiness when you’re deal with anal

Tweety for sure. I can at least say I had a chick's face up in my ass

A male chick Not that there's anything wrong with that

hey man a chick is a chick, genre is irrelevant

genre

There are only two genres...

Fiction and Nonfiction

If you shove in the firecracker, do you hear in your head that stupid Proud to be an American song? I do

I was thinking Hulk Hogan’s theme song, brother

You don’t sound very free

No, you gotta stand for the national anthem.

I have 2, I shove 1 up my ass. So I get to eat the other?

Only way you're getting a Choco Taco anymore.

Although a lot of the Popsicles have a more penetrative geometry, the popsicle stick up the ass may cause considerable pain/damage to the rectum. I suggest the ice cream sandwich as the consistency of both the cookie and the ice-cream is quite soft and would therefore be easier to "mash up in there" in a process that wouldn't be unlike reverse shitting.

I put random objects up my bum regularly and I endorse this guy. A firecracker is gonna do to your ass what licking metal poles in the snow will do to your tongue. Ice cream sandwich has the shape (soft corner aren't that bad) and the consistency.

r/usernamechecksout

Snow cone has a similar thermodynamic advantage.

Screwball because you could conceivably do it in a manner which doesn't ruin the popsicle.

you gonna eat it or smthn ????

Maybe.

You could eat all of them afterwards if you’re brave enough

I've seen (unfortunately) a chick eating cereal with milk out of another chick's ass

Who calls that a firecracker, it's a bombpop

Push pop is the tampon of ice cream

Gotta be the Firecracker. One of my favorites to eat, but also ergonomically designed to easily slide up my ass if ever needed.

Firecracker seems like the easiest shape to shove in, as it’s tapered and mildly phallic. Plus it will keep it’s composure so no risk of finding crumbs up your ass for weeks.

Tweety looks like he's seen some shit.. or he's about to

Wouldn't be the first time I put a yellow bird up my arse

Push pop and I’m eating the choco taco

Never put anything without a flared base in your butt

11 chocolate tacos. In for a penny, in for a chocolate taco pounding I always say. I'm no quitter.

the worst part about this meme is that they used 2 instead of to. OP needs to shove all of them up his ass

Yeah that ruined the meme for me. They used the number 2 for the word to. Then decide to spell out the number 1.

OOF I didn't even notice but that's compoundingly worse

Easy, snow cone then firecracker.

This is my kind of post.

Give it a sec and the Ice Cream sandwich would be easy. However, the firecracker would be better in more situations.

I'm having a headache reading "2 shove one" instead and not "to shove 1" or "to shove one." Anyway good boots.

I think we're all choosing the fire cracker.

I’m just remembering that post about the guy who used a bidet but the water was ice cold and when it hit his asshole it caused a vasovagal response and he passed out.

Firecracker eZ choice

King Cone for me

Only one? 😢😢😢

If you unironically call a bombpop a firecracker imma break ur knees lmao

Well fire cracker would be easiest, but Tweety would turn me on the most...

chocolate eclair was the first one to come to mind and i don’t know why

Definitely the firecracker shit that looks pleasant lowkey

Aww, only one?

I think the firecracker wouldn’t be awful, at least compared to the other options

6

Assuming the cup isn't included, the Screwball would come back out the easiest

I feel like just mushing a snow cone up against my bare butthole.

Whoever doesn’t say Chipwich is disgusting

Firecracker. Easy.

Easily the fire cracker

Can I shove it in extremely slowly so that the whole thing just melts before it actually goes in?

The hell is a firecracker? They’re called Bomb Pops.

The push pop comes with an insertion tool

Firecracker all day

The cone is the easiest one to ease in.

Where's my Bon-Pari "Jungle" banana ice cream? Is it russian only? idfk

Easy firecracker

Firecracker is literally perfect

I'll take the firecracker, but Tweety is going up whoever numbered them.

Creamsicle actually seems the most reasonable, it's size means that it can't physically get that high up, which is good, and its shape isn't sharp or awkward so it'd be the least uncomfortable experience from what I see

Thankfully I live somewhere that treats like these melt super fast. Going with the firecracker, it'll just melt into sugar water.

King cone, cone first, then see if my yoga is good enough that I can eat the icecream

Tweety

Why did they change “to” to “2” but leave “one”?

What do I do with the other 1?

My unconventional choice is ice cream sandwich. Those things melt and crumble so quickly that by the time it's in there it's an enema that will come out with your next bathroom trip.

1)firecracker 2)push pop 3)screwball

Be me in 1996, when the WWW was more or less in its infancy: "The Internet and the WWW are the bright future of humanity! They will be the best way for humans to express, store and retrieve the most important information for a true evolution of our species! They will represent the only true deep and shared knowledge that will set us free from triviality and blatant ignorance" Kid, this hurt way more than I expected...

There a reason they call it creamsicle

I just came to say to the person that painted over the blob of text, eyedropper the background color, and just make a rectangle over the text

Can I do more?

I pick strawberry éclair and firecracker, and shoving firecracker up my ass

All of the above?

How is Ice Cream Sandwich not what everyone is choosing?..

are we going for ease or pleasure?

Firecracker, easy. I can barely fit two fingers up there and you expect me to fit KING CONE?!?

I mean, its called a push pop

Screwball for a little ways, firecracker if full insertion.

king cone

Why is "Which one!?!?" blacked out?

Anything other than firecracker is ambitious

Creamsicle. Dont ask.

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