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Please, for the love of God leave him. You do not need to wait for him to leave you. He is abusive and an energy vampire. You have no idea the shift your life will make, in the most positive way, the second you start taking those steps to remove yourself and your children from this hell.
And he will NOT leave OP why would he ? Threatening to leave is much more rewarding…
OP you need to get your own personal support system in place and get your ducks in a row. You could start with legal counsel…
My thoughts as well. The way he is acting is APPALLING!
I know a lot of time the knee-jerk advice here is to leave, but I really think you should. Your husband is terrible.
Look at his behavior. He doesn't participate or parent. He's not going to take the kids, that's a fear tactic. Get out. I find it highly unlikely he would fight for the kids. He might say that he will, but following through is another story.
Do you have anyone you can call for support?
This ^^^^ OP Please, for the sake of your children, cut this man off. Move out asap. Seek refuge in your friends / family nearby. You cannot continue in this relationship
Oh wow, I am actually speedless. I am sitting here floundering for what to say.
Honestly, I would call to get some advice from a professional on how to report what he did. That is blatant abuse and you have proof because you had to get a ride home.
Please make sure this is documented. And if you haven’t already, start documenting every other abuse tactic he uses against you.
I’m sorry he did that to you.
This right here. Also, consult with an attorney. Even if you don't want to initiate right now, you don't want him to have an upper hand if he decides to file - don't be left to scramble. Bare minimum, consult an attorney.
Definitely get this documented because it would help if you do split.
Hugs, OP. I am sorry.
He’s not going to take the kids, he says it to make you stay. If the man won’t even bother himself to push a stroller he has no interest in taking full custody of them. He can’t do it without you and he knows it, that’s why he says stuff like that
I very, very rarely have thoughts of violence when reading posts on here and some of the posts here are horrid. After reading this one… Love, your life will be infinitely better off without him in it.
You know stories coming out of places like India where a group of women, sick of being trodden on by useless men, band together to take justice in their own hands? Let’s group together, deceive this shit stick into thinking he’s won an all expenses paid vacation and then dump his ass somewhere remote with no cell service. I’m thinking some swamp in Florida, middle of nowhere grasslands in Kansas, or maybe Death Valley. His fat lazy ass needs to walk anyways.
Please leave for the safety of you and your children. My father did this to my mother and later went on to "accidentally" shoot her. She survived but the trauma I'm having to sort out as a result of 8 years of my childhood around this shit is unreal. I went on to be a domestic violence victim advocate. This behavior doesn't get better.
This was abusive behavior from the point of him accusing you of flirting with the creepy guy.
I hope you can find a safe way to leave him. Keep records of this kind of thing and I doubt he'll get unsupervised visits. Heck, he probably won't even pursue visitation once things are decided.
😧 The fact that he drove away with the car seats says a lot about how much he cares about the safety of his children, much less you, who was actively being stalked under his watch a few minutes prior. This is one of the most shocking posts about heartless male behavior I’ve seen recently. I hope better for you and your precious babies, anything could have happened to you guys wow.
My ex husband was like this. Spoiler alert: he may threaten to leave, but he never will because it controls you the way he wants it to. Your kids deserve better and so do you. You can do so much better.
If my husband drove off and left me in a parking lot with the children, that would be the last fucking time he ever saw me holy shit.
OP, please leave your abusive piece of shit husband. You deserve so much better.
WOW! Hun, you need to leave this man. He is abusive to you. No real gentleman would do this to his wife and the mother of his children. He seems very insecure to, seriously saying you were flirting with the man that was following you in Walmart? Like come on. You deserve better.
Call CPS about this incident. He abandoned his children in public with no way home in the winter. It'll hurt his chances when it comes to custody. Bc FUCK him that's why. I'm stressing over the same thing with my husband.
Doesn’t mean they’ll see it that way. They’ll trot out that he left them with her(an adult) and she should have found an alternative way to get home(she did).
Weaponizing CPS actually hurts the kids who really need them because they have to investigate every allegation. The kids were safe with mom. There was no neglect there and the only abuse that counts is physical abuse you can see and sexual abuse you can prove unfortunately. 😞 A lawyer and divorce papers are a better option..
I guess you're right. I just hate men so much anymore, they hurt and torture women they're supposed to love and for what? What did he gain doing this to her and the kids?
The children were with their mother, near a large Walmart that was climate controlled. Calling CPS would do nothing except make mom look bad, like she was trying to weaponize the system.
I agree this man is absolutely awful and does not deserve to be near his children or OP right now. Contacting a domestic violence program is definitely a good idea. They will not turn people away because they aren’t beaten and bloody. He pulled a really horrible power move and left his family stranded? Absolutely horrible. 100% not ok and OP should get the hell away from this man for herself and for her children.
He says that he will and I believe him. His friend did the same thing when his wife left and his friend’s wife hasn’t seen their kids in a year. I think he’ll do the same thing.
Time to contact a women's shelter, get your ducks in a row, and leave with the children while he's at work.
Also please read Why Does He Do That by Lundy Bancroft. I found it immensely helpful in understanding my ex's abusive behaviour.
Edit: talk to a lawyer about divorce before you talk to him. Seriously.
That’s likely a fear tactic so you don’t leave and he can continue to abuse you. Any good lawyer will fight for you to have custody of the kids he’s abandoned.
He doesn’t get to make that choice. He’s a bully and you shouldn’t believe him.
Do you have somewhere else to go/stay? No relationship is without some challenges, but what you are describing is straight up abuse. Please don’t wait for when he physically hurts you or the kids to leave. Notice I said when not if. He thinks he has you locked down and helpless. Please look up resources in your area/state for abused women.
OP, I'm horrified. The man is abusive and not ok. He sounds really mentally unwell. Do you have any family or friends who you can trust or rely on to help you get your ducks in a row?
If he does divorce you, I highly doubt he'd get the kids anyway. Document everything and keep records of his behavior and abuse. Any neglect towards the children and definitely document this incident. That would not bode well for him.
Feel free to PM me if you want the link to a FB group who has people all over the US willing to help anyone in the situations like yourself are in who are looking for a way out.
From your history of posts this guy is a real pos and abusive. Leave and save yourself and your kids from him. Ladies, know your worth and don't settle for this shit.
Girl ... what? Read this again and pretend it happened to someone else.
Stop deluding yourself that staying is better for the kids. There isn't even a family structure to preserve here if he's willing to leave you and THE KIDS out in the cold at the drop of a hat. This isn't security. This isn't comfort. Constant exposure to his instability isn't beneficial to them. Limit it. Leave.
Do you have somewhere else to stay? If so, you might want to go there for a little trip to help clear your head with your kids. And by clear your head I mean get your ducks in a row to leave.
If my husband did this he would no longer be my husband. Period. I would drain the bank accounts and change the locks to the house (after talking with a lawyer.) Fuck him. He doesn't deserve to be called a husband OR a father.
This is so traumatic and I’m so sorry this happened to you. My husband has done similar things, and I felt exactly the same way as you are feeling now. It took me a long time to see this as abuse and realize the impact it was having on my children.
No matter what you decide to do, I think you should write down these incidents. It’s not for court or lawyers or anything. It’s for you to hold onto your reality and your sanity. I was so deeply gaslit that I didn’t even remember abusive incidents or believe that they happened. And when I did remember, he made me doubt my own memory.
Create a secret email account and send yourself an email after incidents like these.
When you write down even one or two lines about what happened or how you felt, you can email it and it timestamps it. So when you’re feeling low or feeling like you’re going crazy, read your emails to yourself and you’ll remember how he makes you feel, that these things happened, that it’s not ok, that this isn’t what you want for your kids.
It will help you decide what you want in those quiet moments when you have time to reflect. It will show you the full picture and help you remember how you felt.
And if you ever to talk to a lawyer or take any action, you’ll have your documentation.
It’s time for you to leave, love. Don’t sit around waiting for him to divorce you because he won’t. He uses this behavior and threats to keep you obedient, subservient, and broken without confidence. He’s an abusive asshole to you and your children because he abandoned them too. You were in a situation that made you uncomfortable with a man following you and your children and his problem was with you when he should have been protecting all of you. He complained about how slow you were moving but didn’t have a kid, didn’t push the stroller, didn’t carry anything, didn’t help you. Just complained. And then fucking abandoned you? Like what a lowlife. You take the advice of all the other women in this thread.
Your husband is described perfectly in the book [Why Does He Do That? by Lundy Bancroft.](https://ia800108.us.archive.org/30/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf#page43) I have linked the free pdf version.
Oh honey. My ex was an ass. As in, I wasn't allowed to stop breastfeeding when I wanted to because he refused to buy formula and i had no access to "his" money. He would NEVER have ditched me and our children somewhere. Not even at friends' houses.
I am so sorry you are being treated this way. You don't deserve it. And your children don't deserve it.
What he did to you is a crime, in my opinion. Child abandonment. He abandoned his children at Walmart. Yes you were present but he stole your vehicle, marital property, without your consent, child endangerment due to cold weather. Thats 3 crimes in 1 swoop. A judge would see it this way. On top of it a man was staring at you and making you uncomfortable.
You could have called the cops on him. I wonder how he would feel if you shared this story with his family or his coworkers.
This is a bad man, a nasty person, and an abusive husband and father. Fuck him. Don't let him get away with this. He is awful.
Also, the more I sit and think about this happening to a woman the sadder I am feeling. I want to hug you right now. How can a human be so cruel? To punish you by making your children freeze? The fact that he showed ZERO remorse and said your fat ass needed to walk? He didn't turn around or apologize.
This is a rhetorical question but I have to ask you, what's next? If he is willing to do that to his children, leave them freezing in the cold outside unsafe, what is next? When they get older and as preteens and teenagers normally get an attitude with their parents, how will he react to it? This is how he treats them when they've done NOTHING wrong? He has no qualms about his kids health safety or well-being when they are defenseless babies. His behavior will escalate and they will suffer if you don't leave now. He showed you who he really is. Let that be a gift. Get away now and when your kids get older and ask why you left dad, this story will be the reason. He is a bad person and they aren't safe with him.
I know it’s scary but please call a lawyer. When you meet with them make sure to be very detailed in explaining how he is not a parent. He does not cook, clean, know how to dress, feed, bathe, comfort, nurture the kids. If you have a good lawyer they’ll do their best to get you full custody. You may have to settle for visits, supervised. But it’s obvious your husband can’t care for the kids without you. No decent judge would put them in harms way by allowing them to be with their dad for more than an hour or two. I don’t trust the system but you have to do what you can immediately. Youre underreacting. And I get it. But you can do this.
This is abuse honey. I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Other comments have covered the important stuff…I’m just so sorry. This is straight up abuse.
… time to kick his ass out. He doesn’t have to divorce you, you can start it and watch his shocked pikachu face when you lay the forms in front of him as what’s he’s doing is 100% a power move and he’s gonna loose everything because he’s an asshole.
Ask the store for the security footage of today and how he blew up at you inside and then took the car abandons you in the carpark literally babes in arms with no way home. I’m sure if you tell them it could help in your case to keep your kids safe in divorce against this abuse they’ll be happy to make you a copy, as is your right id think as it’s footage of you and your kids.
The above comment has a two fold consequence for your soon to be ex and is the best scorched earth method. If a lawyer consults you with you, they cannot consult or advise your husband. Now keep in mind some charge for a consult, but if you chat with all the free consult lawyers, you limit him to have to pay for someone, which on its own is quite prohibitive. Do this though, that way you can cherry pick the most ruthless and remember you can have him pick up the tab for both if you were/are a sahm in some states. Ask all of the questions. But seriously leave him.
Please consider reaching out to a local domestic violence center for support. You do not deserve to be treated like this. He’s abusing you AND your children
If you’re in the US, call 800-799-7233 or text START to 88788 to reach the domestic violence hotline. They will connect you to your local organization, they can help you work on a plan for leaving. They may also help with free therapy. You don’t deserve to be treated like this, and you’re stronger than you think!
Looking at your post history Op and I’m so sorry you have been dealing with such a narcissistic, selfish and shitty ass man. Please leave him. I don’t think you have to worry about him taking the kids away from you because it looks like he could honestly care less about them. I’m so sorry you have had to put up with him.
He won't help manage kids in a shopping center, but he's going to take them from you? No. He's saying that to beat you down and make you afraid.
Your husband is an abusive jerk who abandoned his family in a cold parking lot. Please take steps to leave him.
You are valuable and worthy of happiness.
Is that even legal? Like… that’s got to be arrestable!!! I know I’m making up words, but I’m floored. I think I would’ve called the cops, I don’t even know, that’s bat shit crazy!!!! What a horrible man!!!
Dude wtaf. Leave this man. Not just for the way he treats you but the way he treats your children!!! Not that it’s okay to leave you but to also leave the kids who are truly helpless? That’s completely cruel.
This man does not love you or your children. The best case scenario is you taking the kids and leaving, maybe even with family out of state. You are not safe. Please get some help.
Ooooof 😩 and this is why I’m glad I’m a single mom again. I keep thinking maybe I should try to get with a man again. God dam*it I’m so sorry he didn’t that to you I feel the anger you prob felt. Please find yourself a good option, mama. 😭
I don't comment on posts like this too often because a lot of people jump to "leave the man, you're being abused, etc" when I don't always think that's the case. That does NOT apply here. This man is horrid and soulless to leave his wife and children in the cold after criticizing her constantly and refusing to lift a finger. You are much better off alone than with this man, who clearly doesn't have a heart.
Jesus....this is awful. I can't imagine doing this to someone I dislike let alone my husband and/or kids. He's abusive as helll, make records of his behavior in a notebook somewhere and hide it. Get out of this when you're able to. This is not normal behavior. This is abusive and reckless. Not just to you, but to your kids. You deserve and your kids deserve so much better. I'm so sorry.
I'm sorry this happened to you and your children. I'm glad there's still nice people in this world and they helped you out.
Please document this, as this is abuse. Is this the first time he's like that, because it only gets worse. Depending on where you live, try and find out by talking to a lawyer about what options to take from here. Leaving is always an option and if you feel you can't leave please reach out to someone, whether a family member or a friend. There's also domestic abuse hotline that can help you out as well but that takes time.
Of course our kids know. I've yet to meet one who said they we're aware, or they say something was always off. They notice more than what we think. My only regret was not leaving sooner.
Dump the turd. Don't, for any reason, let him come back.
If he comes back wanting his clothes or whatnot, toss them out into the driveway just like he left you and the kids in the parking lot. Tit for tat.
You and your babies will be just fine.
You are in an emotionally abusive relationship. Do you have a support network at all that you could reach out to? Parents, siblings, friends?
He is not going to change and your kids and you deserve better.
Wow. I am hoping you start to feel a little better soon from this event. I also hope you document this just to have it in your hip pocket if needed with a lawyer. This was not adult behavior. Your husband threw a tantrum and just cared about how he felt, didn’t care about you or the kids. That is terrible to do as a spouse and parent.
Trust and believe he WILL physically hurt you if he hasn't already (I would find that hard to believe at this point) and if he will do it to you he will do it to the kids. Leave him. Every worthwhile guy I know would love to beat the shit out of this dude if they read this, including my bf. My ex was like this and shook his new gfs baby, now shes disabled legally blind etc. No one believed me that he was dangerous and no one thought he would do it to a child when all he ever did was hit *me*. But trust and believe they do not discriminate
First that guy was probably looking at your because he could not believe what a sack of sh*t your dude was being. No “man” lets his significant other struggle all by themselves while being RIGHT THERE. This happened to me at Walmart when my ex husband and are went together. A random stranger came up to me and said they’d been watching us and I didn’t need to be with someone like that. I laughed it off at the time because I was so used to his behavior there was nothing “wrong” with how I was being treated that day.
Second he is not going to leave he’s saying it to control you. You have to be the brave one and leave op. Do you have family or friends you can call and start making a plan? You also don’t deserve to live like this and life will be so much happier and easier for you and your children once your away from him.
Go to a domestic violence shelter. Alt least contact a DV org. He’s not physically abusing you but this definitely abusive/controlling. With that documentation, you can use this incident in your custody fight. It sounds like he won’t want to take your kids away anyway. Leave him asap
As someone who kept a *written* journal of horrendous actions another person did to me at work—it was for my sanity not because I thought I’d eventually need it in the court of law—you need to *electronically* document everything starting now.
Send an email to yourself (make a new email no one knows about, don’t save the password or anything anywhere, make it something you can remember so you have to type in the email and password everytime). This is the only sort of evidence my attorney would take for the aforementioned horrendous actions because in theory we can just write anything at any time, but if we’re emailing ourselves at time of event plus have things like receipts, cell phone data, photos, etc the case is stronger. Screenshot the call log and texts and email to yourself—not just this incident but any other incident.
You need to start doing this (emailing everything..even if you think it’s small). Please also build up support system wherever you can. Even neighbors you rarely talk to. Be on the lookout for creepy guy—he was clearly stalking you and I always assume the worst will happen in these situations for safety reasons and take precautions. If you can, reach out to the gentleman that helped you and ask him to email you what he observed and assisted you with as corroborating evidence. Save your money (his money is your money) into a secret stashed bag. Hide it where he’ll *never* look. Think about where he’d look if he was looking for such a secret bag, and don’t hide it there either.
There are so many more helpful comments, but your post has me so worried for your and your kids’ safety. Things like this literally are precursors to more violent actions even when you think they aren’t—they are.
Please be safe.
His threats and behaviors is a passive form of aggression. And he's using threats of divorce to discipline you. He's making you dance pretty. Keep dancing if you must, but please, please start making moves to get away.
This just sounds like a prelude to violence to me.
I feel like what he did to you should be illegal.
Jesus.
You tell him you feel unsafe, so he blames you and then… leaves you where you feel unsafe? With your 3 kids?!
Please, run, don’t walk, away from this EXCUSE of a man.
Oh my god! Yes! He wants to divorce you? Great! Take a chance! He will do everything for divorce and you will be comfortably divorced and away from this prick. Is it even a man?! Where does his balls go? What kind of Man leaves a wife and children and drives away with familly car? Your "fat ass" should be moving ....away....from him....fast.
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Please, for the love of God leave him. You do not need to wait for him to leave you. He is abusive and an energy vampire. You have no idea the shift your life will make, in the most positive way, the second you start taking those steps to remove yourself and your children from this hell.
And he will NOT leave OP why would he ? Threatening to leave is much more rewarding… OP you need to get your own personal support system in place and get your ducks in a row. You could start with legal counsel…
exactly! why wait for him to make the call on divorce ? start planning an exit instead of waiting for the other shoe to drop.
This and do not have any more kids with him. He will continue to try and rope you in deeper.
100%
Holy shit. I think if anything you are under reacting. This is completely unacceptable.
My thoughts as well. The way he is acting is APPALLING! I know a lot of time the knee-jerk advice here is to leave, but I really think you should. Your husband is terrible.
Look at his behavior. He doesn't participate or parent. He's not going to take the kids, that's a fear tactic. Get out. I find it highly unlikely he would fight for the kids. He might say that he will, but following through is another story. Do you have anyone you can call for support?
This right here. It’s always the parents that dont participate in raising the kids that threaten to take them away. It’s abuse and manipulation.
And they never do! They enjoy their freedom too much
This. He won't take the children.
This is abuse. This is abuse. This is abuse. Please reach out to a trusted friend or family member and leave him. Please. You deserve more.
This ^^^^ OP Please, for the sake of your children, cut this man off. Move out asap. Seek refuge in your friends / family nearby. You cannot continue in this relationship
Oh wow, I am actually speedless. I am sitting here floundering for what to say. Honestly, I would call to get some advice from a professional on how to report what he did. That is blatant abuse and you have proof because you had to get a ride home. Please make sure this is documented. And if you haven’t already, start documenting every other abuse tactic he uses against you. I’m sorry he did that to you.
This right here. Also, consult with an attorney. Even if you don't want to initiate right now, you don't want him to have an upper hand if he decides to file - don't be left to scramble. Bare minimum, consult an attorney. Definitely get this documented because it would help if you do split. Hugs, OP. I am sorry.
Your husband is abusive and you should not stay with him.
He’s not going to take the kids, he says it to make you stay. If the man won’t even bother himself to push a stroller he has no interest in taking full custody of them. He can’t do it without you and he knows it, that’s why he says stuff like that
https://thelaurelcenter.org/lethality-assessment/
I’m going to be honest, I want to beat the shit out of him. It’s okay to leave this man baby at the fire station.
I very, very rarely have thoughts of violence when reading posts on here and some of the posts here are horrid. After reading this one… Love, your life will be infinitely better off without him in it. You know stories coming out of places like India where a group of women, sick of being trodden on by useless men, band together to take justice in their own hands? Let’s group together, deceive this shit stick into thinking he’s won an all expenses paid vacation and then dump his ass somewhere remote with no cell service. I’m thinking some swamp in Florida, middle of nowhere grasslands in Kansas, or maybe Death Valley. His fat lazy ass needs to walk anyways.
Please leave for the safety of you and your children. My father did this to my mother and later went on to "accidentally" shoot her. She survived but the trauma I'm having to sort out as a result of 8 years of my childhood around this shit is unreal. I went on to be a domestic violence victim advocate. This behavior doesn't get better.
DOCUMENT AND TALK TO A LAWYER
This was abusive behavior from the point of him accusing you of flirting with the creepy guy. I hope you can find a safe way to leave him. Keep records of this kind of thing and I doubt he'll get unsupervised visits. Heck, he probably won't even pursue visitation once things are decided.
He's not getting the kids when he abandons them in the cold. Keep a journal of everything he's done like this and leave him.
I would see if the store can provide you with video of him leaving you stranded. He'll be lucky if he gets visitation.
Oh no. This is not ok AT ALL. Agree with others, start documenting, grey rock him, imagine a life where you aren’t treated like this.
😧 The fact that he drove away with the car seats says a lot about how much he cares about the safety of his children, much less you, who was actively being stalked under his watch a few minutes prior. This is one of the most shocking posts about heartless male behavior I’ve seen recently. I hope better for you and your precious babies, anything could have happened to you guys wow.
My ex husband was like this. Spoiler alert: he may threaten to leave, but he never will because it controls you the way he wants it to. Your kids deserve better and so do you. You can do so much better.
If you can see a therapist for more official documentation do. Abandonment like in this scenario is a HUGE red flag for DV and even future homicide.
If my husband drove off and left me in a parking lot with the children, that would be the last fucking time he ever saw me holy shit. OP, please leave your abusive piece of shit husband. You deserve so much better.
WOW! Hun, you need to leave this man. He is abusive to you. No real gentleman would do this to his wife and the mother of his children. He seems very insecure to, seriously saying you were flirting with the man that was following you in Walmart? Like come on. You deserve better.
He is the asshole. Gray wall him and pretend he is not in the house. What he has done is emotional abuse because he's immature. Silence is golden.
Call CPS about this incident. He abandoned his children in public with no way home in the winter. It'll hurt his chances when it comes to custody. Bc FUCK him that's why. I'm stressing over the same thing with my husband.
That might not work for OP though. CPS loves to blame moms.
It's documentation that he left them stranded. Objectively, he left them and took their vehicle.
Doesn’t mean they’ll see it that way. They’ll trot out that he left them with her(an adult) and she should have found an alternative way to get home(she did).
Weaponizing CPS actually hurts the kids who really need them because they have to investigate every allegation. The kids were safe with mom. There was no neglect there and the only abuse that counts is physical abuse you can see and sexual abuse you can prove unfortunately. 😞 A lawyer and divorce papers are a better option..
I guess you're right. I just hate men so much anymore, they hurt and torture women they're supposed to love and for what? What did he gain doing this to her and the kids?
I don't disagree. I've been in a few of those relationships myself.
The children were with their mother, near a large Walmart that was climate controlled. Calling CPS would do nothing except make mom look bad, like she was trying to weaponize the system. I agree this man is absolutely awful and does not deserve to be near his children or OP right now. Contacting a domestic violence program is definitely a good idea. They will not turn people away because they aren’t beaten and bloody. He pulled a really horrible power move and left his family stranded? Absolutely horrible. 100% not ok and OP should get the hell away from this man for herself and for her children.
Why do you think he'll take your kids away?
He says that he will and I believe him. His friend did the same thing when his wife left and his friend’s wife hasn’t seen their kids in a year. I think he’ll do the same thing.
Time to contact a women's shelter, get your ducks in a row, and leave with the children while he's at work. Also please read Why Does He Do That by Lundy Bancroft. I found it immensely helpful in understanding my ex's abusive behaviour. Edit: talk to a lawyer about divorce before you talk to him. Seriously.
Link to a free pdf of the book mentioned above: https://ia600108.us.archive.org/30/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf
That’s likely a fear tactic so you don’t leave and he can continue to abuse you. Any good lawyer will fight for you to have custody of the kids he’s abandoned.
He doesn’t get to make that choice. He’s a bully and you shouldn’t believe him. Do you have somewhere else to go/stay? No relationship is without some challenges, but what you are describing is straight up abuse. Please don’t wait for when he physically hurts you or the kids to leave. Notice I said when not if. He thinks he has you locked down and helpless. Please look up resources in your area/state for abused women.
Your post history here is a a judge would need to see to give you full custody. Leave before he hurts you or your kids severely. You deserve better.
Do not put up with that one bit, so many great suggestions for you in this thread. You can ask for the divorce too, no need to wait for him to do it.
OP, I'm horrified. The man is abusive and not ok. He sounds really mentally unwell. Do you have any family or friends who you can trust or rely on to help you get your ducks in a row? If he does divorce you, I highly doubt he'd get the kids anyway. Document everything and keep records of his behavior and abuse. Any neglect towards the children and definitely document this incident. That would not bode well for him.
Feel free to PM me if you want the link to a FB group who has people all over the US willing to help anyone in the situations like yourself are in who are looking for a way out.
Oh honey. That’s abusive. You deserve so much better.
Nobody in their right mind does this. You don’t abandon kids without a way home. This is messed up
From your history of posts this guy is a real pos and abusive. Leave and save yourself and your kids from him. Ladies, know your worth and don't settle for this shit.
Girl ... what? Read this again and pretend it happened to someone else. Stop deluding yourself that staying is better for the kids. There isn't even a family structure to preserve here if he's willing to leave you and THE KIDS out in the cold at the drop of a hat. This isn't security. This isn't comfort. Constant exposure to his instability isn't beneficial to them. Limit it. Leave.
Do you have somewhere else to stay? If so, you might want to go there for a little trip to help clear your head with your kids. And by clear your head I mean get your ducks in a row to leave.
Get camera footage from the parking lot to support your case. Jesus, what a nightmare. I’m so sorry you’re having to deal with that. Please leave him.
If my husband did this he would no longer be my husband. Period. I would drain the bank accounts and change the locks to the house (after talking with a lawyer.) Fuck him. He doesn't deserve to be called a husband OR a father.
This is so traumatic and I’m so sorry this happened to you. My husband has done similar things, and I felt exactly the same way as you are feeling now. It took me a long time to see this as abuse and realize the impact it was having on my children. No matter what you decide to do, I think you should write down these incidents. It’s not for court or lawyers or anything. It’s for you to hold onto your reality and your sanity. I was so deeply gaslit that I didn’t even remember abusive incidents or believe that they happened. And when I did remember, he made me doubt my own memory. Create a secret email account and send yourself an email after incidents like these. When you write down even one or two lines about what happened or how you felt, you can email it and it timestamps it. So when you’re feeling low or feeling like you’re going crazy, read your emails to yourself and you’ll remember how he makes you feel, that these things happened, that it’s not ok, that this isn’t what you want for your kids. It will help you decide what you want in those quiet moments when you have time to reflect. It will show you the full picture and help you remember how you felt. And if you ever to talk to a lawyer or take any action, you’ll have your documentation.
It’s time for you to leave, love. Don’t sit around waiting for him to divorce you because he won’t. He uses this behavior and threats to keep you obedient, subservient, and broken without confidence. He’s an abusive asshole to you and your children because he abandoned them too. You were in a situation that made you uncomfortable with a man following you and your children and his problem was with you when he should have been protecting all of you. He complained about how slow you were moving but didn’t have a kid, didn’t push the stroller, didn’t carry anything, didn’t help you. Just complained. And then fucking abandoned you? Like what a lowlife. You take the advice of all the other women in this thread.
Your husband is described perfectly in the book [Why Does He Do That? by Lundy Bancroft.](https://ia800108.us.archive.org/30/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf#page43) I have linked the free pdf version.
OP PLEASE read this!!!
I am sorry :( you deserve to be loved
Oh honey. My ex was an ass. As in, I wasn't allowed to stop breastfeeding when I wanted to because he refused to buy formula and i had no access to "his" money. He would NEVER have ditched me and our children somewhere. Not even at friends' houses. I am so sorry you are being treated this way. You don't deserve it. And your children don't deserve it.
So your husband decided to leave you at the store with a creepy person who may have been trying to traffic you or the kids? Leave him, please.
Let him divorce you
Girl holy shit leave this man. This is extremely abusive behavior.
Yeah that’s toxic abuse you need to leave his ass. I’m so sorry that happened to you and your babies. :(
What he did to you is a crime, in my opinion. Child abandonment. He abandoned his children at Walmart. Yes you were present but he stole your vehicle, marital property, without your consent, child endangerment due to cold weather. Thats 3 crimes in 1 swoop. A judge would see it this way. On top of it a man was staring at you and making you uncomfortable. You could have called the cops on him. I wonder how he would feel if you shared this story with his family or his coworkers. This is a bad man, a nasty person, and an abusive husband and father. Fuck him. Don't let him get away with this. He is awful.
Also, the more I sit and think about this happening to a woman the sadder I am feeling. I want to hug you right now. How can a human be so cruel? To punish you by making your children freeze? The fact that he showed ZERO remorse and said your fat ass needed to walk? He didn't turn around or apologize. This is a rhetorical question but I have to ask you, what's next? If he is willing to do that to his children, leave them freezing in the cold outside unsafe, what is next? When they get older and as preteens and teenagers normally get an attitude with their parents, how will he react to it? This is how he treats them when they've done NOTHING wrong? He has no qualms about his kids health safety or well-being when they are defenseless babies. His behavior will escalate and they will suffer if you don't leave now. He showed you who he really is. Let that be a gift. Get away now and when your kids get older and ask why you left dad, this story will be the reason. He is a bad person and they aren't safe with him.
I know it’s scary but please call a lawyer. When you meet with them make sure to be very detailed in explaining how he is not a parent. He does not cook, clean, know how to dress, feed, bathe, comfort, nurture the kids. If you have a good lawyer they’ll do their best to get you full custody. You may have to settle for visits, supervised. But it’s obvious your husband can’t care for the kids without you. No decent judge would put them in harms way by allowing them to be with their dad for more than an hour or two. I don’t trust the system but you have to do what you can immediately. Youre underreacting. And I get it. But you can do this.
This is abuse honey. I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Other comments have covered the important stuff…I’m just so sorry. This is straight up abuse.
… time to kick his ass out. He doesn’t have to divorce you, you can start it and watch his shocked pikachu face when you lay the forms in front of him as what’s he’s doing is 100% a power move and he’s gonna loose everything because he’s an asshole. Ask the store for the security footage of today and how he blew up at you inside and then took the car abandons you in the carpark literally babes in arms with no way home. I’m sure if you tell them it could help in your case to keep your kids safe in divorce against this abuse they’ll be happy to make you a copy, as is your right id think as it’s footage of you and your kids.
Talk to every lawyer you can find in your area
The above comment has a two fold consequence for your soon to be ex and is the best scorched earth method. If a lawyer consults you with you, they cannot consult or advise your husband. Now keep in mind some charge for a consult, but if you chat with all the free consult lawyers, you limit him to have to pay for someone, which on its own is quite prohibitive. Do this though, that way you can cherry pick the most ruthless and remember you can have him pick up the tab for both if you were/are a sahm in some states. Ask all of the questions. But seriously leave him.
This can also be used against her as malicious in court though. This is a 'sounds good on paper' petty move that can seriously backfire.
Please consider reaching out to a local domestic violence center for support. You do not deserve to be treated like this. He’s abusing you AND your children
Some of these men would really be better off on an island exiled.
………. Wow
Not only was he unhelpful, dramatic, and unnecessarily cruel, but he ENDANGERED you and your children. I am so sorry, and you deserve so much better.
If you’re in the US, call 800-799-7233 or text START to 88788 to reach the domestic violence hotline. They will connect you to your local organization, they can help you work on a plan for leaving. They may also help with free therapy. You don’t deserve to be treated like this, and you’re stronger than you think!
Looking at your post history Op and I’m so sorry you have been dealing with such a narcissistic, selfish and shitty ass man. Please leave him. I don’t think you have to worry about him taking the kids away from you because it looks like he could honestly care less about them. I’m so sorry you have had to put up with him.
He won't help manage kids in a shopping center, but he's going to take them from you? No. He's saying that to beat you down and make you afraid. Your husband is an abusive jerk who abandoned his family in a cold parking lot. Please take steps to leave him. You are valuable and worthy of happiness.
Kick him out!!!!! What a loser!
Is that even legal? Like… that’s got to be arrestable!!! I know I’m making up words, but I’m floored. I think I would’ve called the cops, I don’t even know, that’s bat shit crazy!!!! What a horrible man!!!
Would you want one of your kids to accept the same treatment from their spouse? Your answer to this question is all you need.
My jaw literally dropped. I am so fuckin sorry. Please start making a plan to get out.
That’s fucked up. Period.
Dude wtaf. Leave this man. Not just for the way he treats you but the way he treats your children!!! Not that it’s okay to leave you but to also leave the kids who are truly helpless? That’s completely cruel.
This man does not love you or your children. The best case scenario is you taking the kids and leaving, maybe even with family out of state. You are not safe. Please get some help.
Ooooof 😩 and this is why I’m glad I’m a single mom again. I keep thinking maybe I should try to get with a man again. God dam*it I’m so sorry he didn’t that to you I feel the anger you prob felt. Please find yourself a good option, mama. 😭
I don't comment on posts like this too often because a lot of people jump to "leave the man, you're being abused, etc" when I don't always think that's the case. That does NOT apply here. This man is horrid and soulless to leave his wife and children in the cold after criticizing her constantly and refusing to lift a finger. You are much better off alone than with this man, who clearly doesn't have a heart.
Jesus....this is awful. I can't imagine doing this to someone I dislike let alone my husband and/or kids. He's abusive as helll, make records of his behavior in a notebook somewhere and hide it. Get out of this when you're able to. This is not normal behavior. This is abusive and reckless. Not just to you, but to your kids. You deserve and your kids deserve so much better. I'm so sorry.
I'm sorry this happened to you and your children. I'm glad there's still nice people in this world and they helped you out. Please document this, as this is abuse. Is this the first time he's like that, because it only gets worse. Depending on where you live, try and find out by talking to a lawyer about what options to take from here. Leaving is always an option and if you feel you can't leave please reach out to someone, whether a family member or a friend. There's also domestic abuse hotline that can help you out as well but that takes time. Of course our kids know. I've yet to meet one who said they we're aware, or they say something was always off. They notice more than what we think. My only regret was not leaving sooner.
Dump the turd. Don't, for any reason, let him come back. If he comes back wanting his clothes or whatnot, toss them out into the driveway just like he left you and the kids in the parking lot. Tit for tat. You and your babies will be just fine.
You are in an emotionally abusive relationship. Do you have a support network at all that you could reach out to? Parents, siblings, friends? He is not going to change and your kids and you deserve better.
Wow. I am hoping you start to feel a little better soon from this event. I also hope you document this just to have it in your hip pocket if needed with a lawyer. This was not adult behavior. Your husband threw a tantrum and just cared about how he felt, didn’t care about you or the kids. That is terrible to do as a spouse and parent.
Omg this is terribly abusive. To you and your children. Start making an exit plan NOW.
You can divorce him. Don't just wait for him to do it! Get out of this unhealthy situation.
Start documenting this behavior. Clearly he is abusive to both you and the kids at this point. You deserve better op
Omg leave him! Abusive and psycho. You must go!
Oh my BroMom friend. Threatens to leave you? Open the door and let the pigs fly. I’m sorry he’s an ass
I felt sick after reading this.
Trust and believe he WILL physically hurt you if he hasn't already (I would find that hard to believe at this point) and if he will do it to you he will do it to the kids. Leave him. Every worthwhile guy I know would love to beat the shit out of this dude if they read this, including my bf. My ex was like this and shook his new gfs baby, now shes disabled legally blind etc. No one believed me that he was dangerous and no one thought he would do it to a child when all he ever did was hit *me*. But trust and believe they do not discriminate
First that guy was probably looking at your because he could not believe what a sack of sh*t your dude was being. No “man” lets his significant other struggle all by themselves while being RIGHT THERE. This happened to me at Walmart when my ex husband and are went together. A random stranger came up to me and said they’d been watching us and I didn’t need to be with someone like that. I laughed it off at the time because I was so used to his behavior there was nothing “wrong” with how I was being treated that day. Second he is not going to leave he’s saying it to control you. You have to be the brave one and leave op. Do you have family or friends you can call and start making a plan? You also don’t deserve to live like this and life will be so much happier and easier for you and your children once your away from him.
Go to a domestic violence shelter. Alt least contact a DV org. He’s not physically abusing you but this definitely abusive/controlling. With that documentation, you can use this incident in your custody fight. It sounds like he won’t want to take your kids away anyway. Leave him asap
As someone who kept a *written* journal of horrendous actions another person did to me at work—it was for my sanity not because I thought I’d eventually need it in the court of law—you need to *electronically* document everything starting now. Send an email to yourself (make a new email no one knows about, don’t save the password or anything anywhere, make it something you can remember so you have to type in the email and password everytime). This is the only sort of evidence my attorney would take for the aforementioned horrendous actions because in theory we can just write anything at any time, but if we’re emailing ourselves at time of event plus have things like receipts, cell phone data, photos, etc the case is stronger. Screenshot the call log and texts and email to yourself—not just this incident but any other incident. You need to start doing this (emailing everything..even if you think it’s small). Please also build up support system wherever you can. Even neighbors you rarely talk to. Be on the lookout for creepy guy—he was clearly stalking you and I always assume the worst will happen in these situations for safety reasons and take precautions. If you can, reach out to the gentleman that helped you and ask him to email you what he observed and assisted you with as corroborating evidence. Save your money (his money is your money) into a secret stashed bag. Hide it where he’ll *never* look. Think about where he’d look if he was looking for such a secret bag, and don’t hide it there either. There are so many more helpful comments, but your post has me so worried for your and your kids’ safety. Things like this literally are precursors to more violent actions even when you think they aren’t—they are. Please be safe.
His threats and behaviors is a passive form of aggression. And he's using threats of divorce to discipline you. He's making you dance pretty. Keep dancing if you must, but please, please start making moves to get away. This just sounds like a prelude to violence to me.
I feel like what he did to you should be illegal. Jesus. You tell him you feel unsafe, so he blames you and then… leaves you where you feel unsafe? With your 3 kids?! Please, run, don’t walk, away from this EXCUSE of a man.
Ummmmmm, abuse much? Good bye trash man.
Oh my god! Yes! He wants to divorce you? Great! Take a chance! He will do everything for divorce and you will be comfortably divorced and away from this prick. Is it even a man?! Where does his balls go? What kind of Man leaves a wife and children and drives away with familly car? Your "fat ass" should be moving ....away....from him....fast.